Monday, December 11, 2017

Catching Up On Sleep.

I had about as lame a Saturday night as one could get. Chicken Noodle soup for dinner, and watching movies. It was pretty great really, except I didn't sleep good. I went to bed I thought tired,  but just didn't fall asleep. I work at 5:00 AM on Sundays, so I needed to catch up on sleep last night. I did, so that's good.

As I was sitting pondering things, I am glad I work on the weekends. It isn't good for me to put in a lazy day I don't think. I watched football yesterday so it was lazy, but after working 8 hours. For me that is good.  Just a weird thing about me. I don't like vacations either. Maybe it isn't weird. Maybe it is better for us to do stuff,  to keep active.

Then again some people don't like work. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Today after work we are putting in a new counter top.  Lisa's experiment with wood flooring didn't really work. We couldn't seal the grooves,  so back to a traditional one. Our old one needed to be replaced anyway. She'll use the wood floor one for a table we'll use in the garage. Scrap the rest I guess. She didn't spend a lot of money on it.

So today will be a day. I feel I am starting out my Monday on a good note. I worked yesterday,  and I am not coming off what could be an unproductive weekend. Those are never good for me.

I do love sleep. I do like working, cuz no matter what my day will not be unproductive. These are good things for me.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time.

Laterzzz.    :)

Saturday, December 9, 2017

The Weekend.

Good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a good day as far as days go. Work was fine, I found my wallet,  which is always nice. Couldn't find it in the morning. We took Brian out to dinner at a restaurant near us. It is expensive,  but good. I had a nightcap, and listened to music. Lisa read.

I got a Christmas gift from a HS friend. Not even sure if we knew each other in HS, but we definitely have a past. I know a lot about her,  and her life, and she knows stuff about me. I remember her having a tough time several years ago. We were exchanging messages, and this might have been pre the wait times. Her life today looks different now.

Anyhoo, it was just a good day. Looks like we got enough snow too to use my snow blower.  Fun fun.   :)

Not a lot going on with me. Some things remain the same. Work, eat, sleep. Also this crazy way I wake up in a good mood every day. I have no sacrifices I need. I am not going 100 days of such and such to prove my worth in whatever area. That is what I mean about that. Just work,  eat, sleep, and let the chips fall where they may.

I think that is probably the best gift, and why I am in a good mood every day. My future is certain. I don't really know how the days will look, but I am in good hands,  and nothing can change that.

No one has any say or any power over that. As far as that goes you have no part to play in that. My route was solo,  and currently I am strong on my own.

It is really good to be me, and that is all from the gifts given to me,  cuz when life was set before me, I didn't see any good avenues in this dirty World, so the only option I saw was if there is a reason for me being here, let me do that instead.

It is the turn. You read this so you know. You cannot run away from what you know. Your heart will help you, although you won't be confident,  and most likely you'll be scared. Your coin given up for a better coin, although you don't know what it will look like.

You have me saying it is good,  and you may have to play the fool. I know I did, but that doesn't mean the same for you.

You are not the rich person with many coins. You are the poor old lady with only one. It's yours to play the right way. If you are willing. It basically is overcoming yourself, which in its own way is overcoming the World. As far as you can anyway.

Anyhoo,  have a good one. :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Thursday, December 7, 2017

A Wrinkle In Time.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. Ready to start another day. Yesterday we got our ducts cleaned. You probably should do that every couple years, and we've never done it. We've always had pets too. My snow blower got delivered too. Pretty exciting.

That pretty much is everything.  Besides us finishing up the downstairs we are done. Everything for downstairs is already purchased, but the flooring. I decided to pay off the car too. I can't make 4% interest so why pay it is what I thought.  I only owed $2000 anyway.

Currently, I have a house payment, and utilities. At least once I pay off current balance on credit cards. There are only 2, and I pay them off each month anyway. I sometimes use Discover for the cash back thingy. A built in discount. I used the Best Buy one for the laptop,  for the 5% cash back.

So, I guess it's been a good year financially. It started with us refinancing our house,  and getting a new roof,  and my Uncle left us a lot of money. We haven't even received the Lion's share yet. I know crazy. With that the house will be paid off,  and I'll still have more than what I just got left over.  Probably double what I just got a bit ago or so. Really ridiculous.

I know I tell you all my stuff. I can't help it. It's like a diary, except I let people read it if they are so inclined. It's probably boring though. Maybe that is why few people blog. This shit is too boring to read. Imagine someone like me publishing as much as I do.

I still do it though,  cuz I've done it for a long time. I wake up well before I have to go to work. I bet I've done this for 10 years now.

It started with running blogs, and shortly after that a death. That was a couple blogs ago. My life has changed some. New jobs. I am older. I still bike to work most days. I haven't run in a while,  and I may start that again.

I know when I first started blogging I figured the end of my story was sooner rather than later,  so I didn't have any long range plans. I still don't really. It is kinda like I have insider trading knowledge of the future.

I guess I always was just waiting for my final suffering that must take place. Everything kinda changed when the wait started up. Everything for good was the promise. I knew I wasn't perfect, and that was out of reach. I was accepted though,  and able to be used. For a purpose I guess, but my heart still remains meek in things, cuz this guy here shouldn't be anything but. I am not special. I am not some great person who was destined for greatness. When life pulled I listened. When I just wanted to be the best a person can be, I found out my impossible desire.

It turns out it isn't impossible,  but left to my own devices it is. I am not left to my own devices though. I have to carry forward with the plan for me. My heart is in good hands. I wouldn't have made it this far if my heart wasn't strengthened at the proper times.

So now everything is easy. 

Anyhoo, today will be a day. It will end in a meal.  Should be a good one. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Some Days This Seems Silly.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Just living my silly little life. Yesterday I guess was okay. Nothing too crazy. It was cold and windy on my way home. My first wintry bike ride this year.

I took Hope for a walk when I got home,  and had to run to the bank. My stuff is getting close to done. Outside of stuff we will do ourselves there isn't much to do.

I don't really need much. We'll be hunkered down for the Winter so to speak. Next year promises to be exciting too, with work expanding, and all the questions that raises.

There really isn't a lot on my mind I don't think. I just do my day to day, and I feel I have a pretty good routine.

There isn't much important about my life.  If I look for any significance I see none. That I am cool with, cuz it is the truth of things. It doesn't make me sad, and as a matter of fact I accept this truth positively.

How others will receive it I don't know. I am different. So much of me is not who I would have been if I lived the same life as anyone.

I like living my simple life. I am not out to make a name for myself,  cuz it isn't a priority. Not much is  a priority I guess. Just continue to work, eat, sleep. If you found a simple way to live your life that keeps you mostly in a good mood it would be wise continuing to do that.

In the end my life was simple. I just had to learn a lot to get to this point. Suffer hidden terror too. Suffer on my own with no one to tell.

I think a funny thing of life is I know the dark hidden secrets. I think the scariest thing for all people is to let your sheet down. Your sheet covers all your flaws. The things you don't want people to see.

No one is perfect,  and no one nails life. That is important I think. I don't think anyone has time to think of that though.  I feel many times people want to count their so called feathers in their cap instead.

Life mostly is hard I think,  but it isn't for me now.  Hasn't been in a long time. I can't take credit for that though.  I received something right prior to overcoming the first time, and entering the hospital. It is the story of Jacob played over again kinda. I didnt really care about the blessing when I got it. I was in the wilderness for a long time at this point suffering every moment of every day.  I wanted security, and it seemed so far away.

Right now with that gift I received I have security. The story isn't over. I guess I thought others may eventually play a part,  but I cannot see that at all. As long as I've done this i don't really know what people do.

They got older,  and I suspect they have done as the multitudes.  Authored their own life to wherever that is. Things probably seemed exciting when they first started out.  It would be interesting to see how their heart thinks about stuff now.

I surely don't know. 

Anyway, I am out.

I am on the not drinking coffee thing again. No reason why, just not feeling it.

Cya.   :)

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Starting Off The Week Right.

Monday came,  and Monday went. I think it went pretty good. I got a lot done at work, I have a new furnace mount humidifier in. My furnace guy actually did most of my heat  run thingy I wanted done. He has just a little bit more. I also bought a new snow blower. I went to a friend's business instead of a big box store. He'll deliver it, fill it with gas, and have it ready to run. I'll get one free tune  up next year too.

Wanna know what I was thinking about yesterday?  I will soon have an abundance of cash on hand, and nothing to do with it. You are supposed to make money with money, but where is that avenue? 

You make nothing in interest. The stock market is as high as it's ever been, and maybe too high. Everything is a risk, but cash isn't. The least risky anyway. I feel interest rates can only go up. I will be in a position of no debt, a lot of cash. Cash coming in with work,  and just utilities for bills . I can sack money away for 15 years all things being equal, with little to worry about.  Make a big nest egg.

If the economy tanks I'll have cash, and a house. Anyway that is the shit that goes through my mind. I guess what I am thinking is money is supposed to make money, but if you think Economically things can only go down,  then it will be good to have cash. So when I get money it will make very little for me in the short term, but I still work,  and my wife does too.

I cannot outsmart the World,  but I can outwait it.

So anyway, I started off the week productive. I did laundry,  and made lasagna for dinner too. It is the kind of day I want. I don't have much to do today,  but tomorrow my ducts get sucked clean.

So my life goes on. There isn't much exciting to it, just the little plans that run in our heads.

I have nothing really significant to write about. Today will be a day, and it is best to start with a good attitude. I am pretty lucky in that way. I wake up in a pretty good mood each day.

Okee dokee.

Cya.   :)

Monday, December 4, 2017

What Is One To Say

This weekend was just a little messy I guess you'd say. It started off normal enough. I worked on Saturday, I had time to take Hope for a walk before the movie. I got some good news in the inheritance. I wasn't sure the tax consequences,  but really you are only liable for any capital gains. John is transferring all assets to the estate, so that automatically moves our cost basis to the day of the  death. So basically minimal tax exposure. I had no idea.

So that just is ridiculous. Plans run through your mind, like what will you do?  We did go out and look at a property someone told Lisa about. It is 2 acres on a wooded lot. There is a driveway,  septic, and well already. Ready to build so to speak,  but we sure aren't. I looked at properties around here, and some have been on  the market for a while.

I am not sure if we are up for that sort of thing. I am new to that game, and pretty much know nothing. Not sure if I even want to do that stuff. It won't be soon.

My best course of action is work,  eat, sleep. We can take a look at that stuff further down the road. What you can know is I will shortly have my mortgage paid off. That is ~ $150,000 In assets.

This weekend was a mess though. I stayed up fucking around too late on Saturday. I made it to work at 5:00 AM. I wasn't tired,  but I'd rather get my regular sleep. After we checked out the property I took Hope. A dog got loose,  and came after us. The owners were really slow getting that stupid dog of theirs. Hope would have killed that little fucker. I would have let her too if that dog tried to bite Hope. I kept Hope on the chain, but I let Hope face that fucker to defend herself. The dog was smart enough to keep her distance. She was just loud and annoying. If I had my wits I would have yelled at the owners to get their fucking dog ffs. They were slow, and stupid about it.

So, anyway my adrenaline was up. I ended up not cooking dinner, and we just picked up KFC.

The weekend was kinda a mess. Today is Monday, so back to my normal routine. I have a lot to do this week, so here is to me being productive.

As of now I have no plans for the future.  Just work,  eat, sleep. Everything is much easier that way. It helps you not to have to read the tea leaves of how the future will play out.  I suspect that is a good source of stress in life.

Anyway, here is to getting back to my regular scheduled program. Keep life easy.

Later.    :)

Saturday, December 2, 2017

A Saturday Matinee

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I stayed up late Thursday,  so slept in yesterday. Lisa needed a new tablet,  so we went tablet shopping.  We ended up getting a lap top instead.  It was on sale for $200 off or something like that. They were running a 5% cash back or 18 month 0% financing, so I took the 5% cash back.

I pretty much only use my phone. Not sure if I'll use it, but Lisa will for sure. Kinda amazing how handy phones are.

Other than that not much going on. Excited to get the humidifier put in, and also our air ducts sucked clean. It should be a good week. Everything is coming together I'd say. There were certain things we wanted to get done,  and that is happening. I still eat a banana every day. Try and eat more veggies,  and I take Hope almost every day after work. Today probably not, cuz I am going to a movie after work. Murder On The Orient Express. 

A pretty easy day planned. Not sure what to do for dinner. We made homemade pizza last night. I got my deep dish pizza down.  It was perfect.

Other than that not too much. One day after another,  I find life to be pretty easy. More of the way I feel inside I guess. Not a lot to worry about. I am free I guess. I owe no one anything. No one really has any say in who I am. I am me, and happy to be so. I have no idea how others are really. There definitely are things I have that others don't. Just this feeling inside. I pretty much wake up every day the same.

Life can be pretty busy I guess, but mine isn't. I guess that is why it is easy. I don't need to escape the stress of every day life, cuz I don't think I really have any.  To my knowledge anyway. I wish I did more stuff throughout the day I guess, but I am not losing sleep over anything.

Anyway,  just getting something down.

Have a good one.   :)


Thursday, November 30, 2017

A Simple Enough Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was just your typical day. I put in a day of work. I took Hope for a walk.  I saw they were picking up leaves,  do I decided to mow up my leaves one last time. For the ones the wind blew back, but they already picked ours up. Leaf season is officially over. The stragglers we will get next Spring.

All my plans for dinner blew up. Mexican store had no meat,  so no fajitas. I looked around the fridge, and freezer, and nothing jumped out. I thought I'd get a rotisserie chicken from the local grocer down the road,  and those were sold out. So I made chicken fajitas.

After dinner I crashed. A pretty simple day all things considered. I find my life to be like that a lot. Pretty simple.

Today I got nothing crazy planned. I may just go out to dinner. Make a night of it.  Around the house here I have a furnace mounted humidifier scheduled for an install, and a duct cleaning scheduled too. Just stuff that makes the indoor environment better.

Talked to my brother yesterday, and it seems the estate will be settled sooner rather than later. Like before New Years sooner.  He's talking to a tax accountant soon to see how we should handle it. It is about as much money as I figured give or take. Quite a bit more than I ever figured I'd walk into.

It's not a retirement sum, but at the age of 51, I'll be sitting pretty good. I have 15 years of just making money, and paying utilities. Also with a good jump start of cash in hand.

All things being equal of course, but I do not count on that AT ALL. As a matter of fact I count on things being very much not equal in this World, cuz that is the story anyway. None of that is up to me though, so I will just continue to live this simple life, til the time comes for whatever.

Nothing I need to worry about.

It is good having an easy life. Not a lot to worry about you know?  Plus I am more than happy with work, eat, sleep.

It is good to be me.   :)

Okay, I'll cya.   :)

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Some Days You Got It.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

After our meeting I stopped and had two beers. For no reason really. I had to go to the auto place to get a tire gauge, so I thought what the heck.

Wanna know what I saw?  2 guys who were big, and talking big. Alcohol let them privy to all the answers of the World. Future investments, future plans it seems like what they were talking. One guy made the switch back to Bacardi and coke after his 2nd Miller Lite. Then I think they were off to downtown Holland to keep the show going.

I saw an old couple playing lottery, drinking beers, and eating an early dinner. I saw another guy my age. Pretty big boy. I know he drinks pretty heavy on the weekends as his truck stays overnight a lot. He was playing lottery too, and I wondered if he knew his time is running short. At his size health is not a thing for the long haul.

It's a bar I go go once in a while. They have pretty much zero turnover in the bar staff. At least pre-dinner time, when I might be there.

Anyway, I came home, made a baked potato, and salmon, and ate a salad. Eventually went to bed. Lisa was in a Christmas parade downtown with work.

So a day I had. It was fine as most days are I guess. Nothing too crazy you know? 

My title is about some days having no clue what to blog about. That is how today started,  but mostly I come up with something.

If I were to say something I might be happy about, it is I seek out nothing really.   I am not out looking for answers or meaning. I don't need a rush. I am good I guess. The normal day to day all us go through I am cool with. A day starts,  I work,  I do some stuff, eat, and fall asleep. Before you know it, I am back at it the next day.

I am not out to find some needle in the hay stack that makes me special, or better, or smarter than all the others who lived. It's not there. We are in a place where I suspect most make heroes out of something, and I have none.  I know people's end.

Anyhoo,  I guess that's good. 

Cya.   :)

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Tales From The West.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. It took me a bit to wake up this morning. Not sure why. Yesterday was pretty normal. I got some shit done after work, and made an easy meal.

The wind is howling pretty crazy outside. I planned on driving to work anyway. Last I checked there was a good chance of rain,  and we have a Health Insurance meeting after work. Probably to tell us how much more we will pay. It is good insurance though. Low deductible, and good co pays,  and free annual check up.

I really do not have anything on my mind. I guess I could think about any number of people,  and it might be interesting if you could get to the real them. I don't think it is an easy thing to get to. A human is a spin doctor. The truth is something you may see in your alone time,  when no one is around.   I suspect there is sadness in that truth. Loneliness,  insecurity, etc...   what we show the public is a lot of times spin, cuz why would we want to show people we are fucked up kinda.

Mostly we want to show the public our confident appearing side that makes it look like we have done it right.

Unfortunately no one has done it right. That is out of our power. To pretend otherwise is spin.

To get to the interesting side of people would probably take a lot.  My guess is it is more than you can handle.

Life isn't this great thing. It is something you were born in to fail. Everyone has a job to deal with this truth. Unfortunately the World is very busy.  Has been since forever. It has always grabbed people, and kept them in its clutches.  At a time when they were supposed to ask questions they didn't. Society led them elsewhere.

People were born here to be lost, and all still remain so. It should mean something to you that you currently are not the best a person can be. Kinda makes you wonder how you can change that too huh? 

It ain't easy, I've been after it for decades, and still fall short.   It just happens though I am on the correct path. I am not a product of the World. I am a product of the turn. Made currently different than what we were all born into. Just not the finished product.

The multitudes will not escape the clutches of the World,  cuz the World is stronger than you. No amount of labor or sacrifice will change that.

I doubt anyone currently has the strength to show us their dark side,  cuz you are way too tangled in your life.  It's how the World works.  It took a lot for me to question stuff way back when, but I did.

When I set out to make me the best a person can be, I found out it was impossible. When I saw where the current version of me will end up, I was scared, and repented.

Until one can overcome themselves,  their heart will remain hard.  A hard heart doesn't repent.

In the end that is the answer to the questions. You cannot succeed. You cannot cling to the World. Happiness does not come from Worldly endeavors. Happiness comes from being accepted, flaws and all. It comes when your heart no longer desires the allure the World offers.

I guess happiness comes with help. To be able to accept your little lot in life. We dont do grand things you know? 

We live our few short years, and it is best when one takes the proper steps. 

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Cya.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Monday, November 27, 2017

All Things Consudered...

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I was kinda excited about having a day off, but I think all things considered I'd rather work. I did get laundry done, and read a lot of my book,  we saw Justice League,  but I didn't have that satisfaction you get from putting in an honest days labor. Just something strange about me I guess.

On the otherside though people who aren't like that I find strange too. I don't know how they do it. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Not much going on with me. Yesterday we did buy a shop vac. We almost bought one at Lowe's. It was powerful at 6HP, and would have been $89.00.  I checked the Menards website,  and they had a 6HP one for $69.00 on sale. $20 saved.

I then watched football,  and we had chili for dinner. A simple enough day I guess. It is Monday now,  and I am happy to get back to work.

I really got nothing. 

Sorry for hitting publish.  :)


Saturday, November 25, 2017

Seems It's Been A Good Blogging Year.

Good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept good last night, and slept in. I have tomorrow off from work. Bil is cooking a turkey today, so should be a fun day.

I should check my blogging totals for the year. I don't think I'll hit 300, but I think it's been a pretty good year blogging all the same. There is no theme this year I don't think. The drought years are gone it seems. My life is pretty darn easy. I feel I am mostly in a good mood. I love my routine. I still hope to do more stuff too.  Doing the doctor visit this year, I wanna do healthy stuff. I am not running blind anymore, and I do have a motivation to be active.

If there is a theme to this year it may be you don't matter.  You do not affect my life at all. I work, eat, sleep, and I am very happy to do so. People, at least in my list,  rarely blog anymore, and it doesn't really matter. In the end we don't really have much to say anyway. We live our lives,  and any number of things take precedence in importance during our day to day. Eventually we'll face our last days, and realize the stuff we worried about was not important at all. It didn't save you from your inescapable end. Plaques, and rewards you may have strived for lose their shine.

In the middle of our day to day we have no vision toward these things. You miss out on life if you don't view what this is all about.

I don't think any of you have good vision.  I've done my stuff though,  so it doesn't really matter to me. I am on the right path,  and surely you will not take me off it.  You just aren't that important.

Soooo,  anyway.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Friday, November 24, 2017

A Pretty Good Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty great day. We got our leaves done, which is nice.

~late in November some of the most fiercest battles take place vs. 2 worthy opponents.  The competition is fierce in the Midwest during this time.  Yesterday in this time honored rivalry between man vs. leaves, MAN WUNNN.   :)~

(Spoken in the best Possible NFL sportscaster voice.)

So that was nice. I went through the car wash with my truck. A truck of mine hasn't seen a car wash in 15 years before yesterday.  :)

We went to Myrna's for thanksgiving dinner.  That was actually pretty fun. Food was good,  we had a couple drinks.  I don't think I ever met Cathy's family before,  but they are really nice. Her daughter is already a cancer survivor,  and I doubt she is even 10. She is a cute girl, and Charley, Cathy's husband,  let me know kinda what that is like to go through.  Wouldn't even want to imagine.

I had fun.  :)

I had to leave at an early time, cuz some of us work on Friday.

Other than that not too much. Today it is supposed to be ~50° I think, so should be a good day. Can't really get any better than yesterday though. That was a fun day. 

Anyhoo,  I really don't have much else. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Thursday, November 23, 2017

The Days Of Future Passed.

Whatever the heck that means.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was pretty okay. We got our furnace in, and it seems to run a lot. Not sure if that is normal or not. I think the guy said when your furnace runs, you want it to run for a longer time.  I think it does that. Whatever. I have him coming back to put in a humidifier,  and reroute a heat run. Next year I'll put in an air conditioner.

So,  anyway. Not much going on with me. Yesterday was a pretty easy day. I met up at a local place, and had a couple beers.  Lisa, and I went out to dinner,  and then I crashed. I slept in today too.

There really wasn't much on my mind yesterday. I basically have two months, and all of a sudden work will be like one mile away from me.  Having a Southside location can potentially make our jobs much harder. The population base on the Southside is much larger. Not to mention the excitement of a new established business opening up a whole new base of  operations always adds a buzz of excitement. I am not sure how the schedules will go, but I might have to get rid of one or two part time jobs.

Today I'll be able to finish the leaves,  and take Hope. I work tomorrow morning. I also have Sunday off too, so that will be nice.

Really life just goes on. Nothing too crazy goes on with me. I am confident, strong assured, and all those things. I don't really have a worry I don't think.  In the game of life I win. I won it. When seeking out a purpose I was led in such a way that led me to where I am. It just so happens the place I currently am at you are not.

Your life is whatever you created.  It just so happens all our self created paths are not built with perfect vision. It's just stuff you do.  Back during the journey I really wanted perfection, cuz I was tired of being scared. I hated being judged.

Perfection ultimately is the end of this story.  Faith is believing when spoken to, and being obedient.  I've done that. Faith is not being perfect, but the end of my story is where Faith and perfection meet. It just so happens my path was filled with a lot of judgement. Prior to overcoming the 2nd time that bugged me. Judging people makes them not want to be open and honest. Eating the Apple brought judgement into the World, and that is why we all want to hide our flaws.

I never hid anything from my help, cuz that was my strength. People could judge me, but I still was always open. Able to be seen. Now it appears I cannot be touched. Unaffected anymore by anything. As I finish up this current version of me, I just get stronger and stronger. That's what it seems like anyway.

I remember earlier saying people should jump on board sooner rather than later, cuz it is going to get harder. Just one of those things I felt, and it seems to be true.

Part of the problem is as time goes on I realize how very little I can do. I've played the fool a lot, but I wasn't the foolish one.

To be strong, assured, and content is a good thing. Especially since I have no hidden agenda. I seek out no profit in what I do. I just live out my days doing this. I do probably have quite a bit of profit stored up is my guess, but that is elsewhere,  and out of my hands. It doesn't even matter though,  cuz the important part is just feeling as I do now.

What more could one want? 

Anyhoo,  I guess that's good. 

Have fun.  :)

Kill an Indian.   :)


xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2017


Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. Pretty similar to most others. Worked, got a few things done, ate dinner,  and went to bed.

By the time I get home our new furnace will be in. I don't think our old one was too bad, cuz our gas prices never got too crazy as some have, but it is an older one, and new high efficiency beats that.

For Thanksgiving we are going to Lisa's side of the family. They are dying off at a pretty good clip,  so I think Myrna wanted to have a gathering. I suspect it seemed like a good idea at the time, but closer to the day she is probably wondering why even?  Too much goddamn work.

Early on in heimleblog this whole thing started out with a death for those who may have been around. Myrna' s husband.  A good amount of the people I was acquainted with have since passed.  Ones who were there I mean. Blogging wasn't always about P.R's back then. I guess it surely isn't now either.

I asked if I should even go to the thing,  cuz things got weird way back then. Whatever made me what I was back then slowly is draining out of me.  There was probably quite a bit more give a shit back then,  even when I, out of the blue,  would take on people's sadness and horseshit.  Baggage I guess you'd say. 

I thought if there is any significance to any of this,  and I don't think so. It will just be another day. You may remember there were four bloggers +1, and the +1 will not be there.  I don't even really know too much about the 4. Becky I see some stuff on Twitter. Beth blogs like once a year. I think I am friends with Barb on FB, but I never see anything, so she may have defriended me. Maybe not too. There was an Audrey too, and no clue about her. I don't even know if she blogs anymore.  Probably not.

What does that all mean? Nothing too much. Those people once were pretty important, and we all lost touch kinda. If they wanted they could probably catch up on my day to day. Not sure why they would. I like doing this, and obviously I still do it. It mostly is fun for me, but that doesn't mean it is interesting for others.

I don't mind either.  I am happy and pretty lucky.  I seem to stay the same day after day year after year. I don't have really any anger in me.  No regrets. I don't feel like life screwed me over in any way.

It is good to be me so to speak. I'd rather be me than you that's for sure.   :)

Anyway, just some stuff.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Here We Are Again.

Good morning.  How's it going?  I am fine. I feel this is kinda my normal. I don't really think I have anything to blog about, but I've done this a while. This probably has run its course, but this is a thing I do.

Yesterday was a pretty okay day. I biked to the bank after work to deposit my check. It was against a pretty stiff wind. I biked just to get that little bit more exercise. I took Hope for a long walk too. You kinda feel good when you do right shit sometimes. Healthy stuff anyway. Our vehicle situation is finally getting under control. The truck we'll sell on Craigslist. The one junker we'll scrap, and Lisa's brother can use the white car. 3 drivers for 3 vehicles.

All in all things are going good. We have 2 good vehicles,  a new roof, and soon a new furnace. We are finishing up the basement too this week. Maybe by next week. We bought the shit for the walls, and ceiling. Everything was cheaper than we expected.

It still is life though. Nothing too crazy. We all know someday we will view our last days on Earth. I know people are missing out on stuff,  cuz that is how life is. In life you have questions,  and we all lack answers. As long as this thing goes I feel those with less questions are the ones who are more lost. Those who "know" they have the answers are farther away. Those who try and wear Saints clothes are in trouble.

I can't help anyone either. It's your road,  and you are the one who has to find the answers. I tried leading you in the right way for years, but that fell on deaf ears. Your hearts are hard, and that blocks your hearing.  You cannot feel words like me. I cannot walk in your shoes anymore, cuz I am too far removed.

You are just a person born into this World, and that ain't such a great thing. What everyone says is a blessing is probably more like a curse. Life is the real deal. A pretty significant thing you were born in. You didn't do it perfect just like anyone, but you still have to deal with that.

If you have the courage. There is help for the meek. The arrogant are very far away.  The Saints are very far away. Those already with the answers are very far away. We are brought up to find ourselves very far away. Just cuz the World is wrong, and it teaches us to lie. The World has no use for the truth.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.    :)

Monday, November 20, 2017

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. I have a cup of coffee, and I am ready to start my day. Yesterday was a pretty okay day. Work went smooth. I met up with my brother who was in town visiting friends. I recommended meeting at an Irish pub for the heck of it.  They have Bodington on tap, and that's what I felt like. He's doing good,  and debt free. His life is pretty easy I'd say, kinda like mine.

Lisa and I did a little shopping. I bought a new pair of work/walk Hope shoes.  My old running shoes are toast. She had a credit of $37 or something at Shoe Carnival, so my new shoes and inserts cost like $26 or something.

We also bought new sheets, and pillows for our bed. We needed new pillows, and got sheets too. Our bill was just over $100, and our savings was like $180. Pretty sweet.

We did a few things around the house, and then relaxed. Just a pretty good day. I made a foccaccia bread, and it came out good. It is amazing basically adding tomatoes to fresh baked bread is soooo good. I used stewed tomatoes with Italian seasoning. I added more spices,  and a bit of shredded stinky cheese. It was good, and easy to make. I did it by making a sponge,  and have it sit overnight in the fridge. I let it sit out a couple hours at room temp before prepping.

Other than that not too much. Furnace guy comes tomorrow to prep everything. Wednesday he installs. My brother gave me a check for $2000 in extra cash he found. We split it, and we each gave my dad $1000.  That extra $2000 pays for my furnace,  even though I didn't need it. Crazy right? 

Today will be a day of work,  eat, sleep. Not sure what to do for dinner.

Not really sure why I'll hit publish.   :)

Anyway, have a good one.  :)

xoxo.    :)

Saturday, November 18, 2017

If You Have A Day To Sleep In.

Good morning. I slept almost to 7:00 this morning. Making use of my sleep in day I guess. I never really feel tired during the week, but maybe sometimes I have to play a little catch up. Not really sure.

There was one thing I thought of yesterday. We have enough money we could do whatever we wanted last night. I used my canned tomatoes,  and made home made spaghetti. We watched tv. That is all I wanted to do.

The Mexican Italian baker made this awesome bread yesterday. A Foccaccia bread with tomatoes,  spices,  and olive oil. It was so good. It looks pretty easy to make, so I'll pick up some yeast,  make a batch, and let it sit overnight,  and bake it tomorrow. I mean it is ridiculously good. I think you can make like a pizza bread out of it.  Add cheese, and pepperoni.

I took Hope for a  long walk yesterday. I didn't see anything too interesting I don't think,  but I still like walks.

All in all I think yesterday was probably a boring day looking from the outside,  but I wasn't bored. I pretty much did exactly what I wanted. That may be the difference between me. There isn't much I want to do, and I am content.

I guess the questions one has of life, for me have been answered. Anxiety about the future I don't have.

None of that I did myself. I know you cannot walk in my shoes,  cuz this has been a pretty long story in the making. While others /All were out making their story,  I endured the story intended for me.  It wasn't my story, but it was mine to live if I was willing. I was.

I learned at an early age everything else didn't matter.  I was given a good set of eyes,  and it helped lead my way.

I didn't look to dreams, I just looked at the unadulterated bitter truth.

One is better than the other.  I'll let you be the judge of that.  If you are so willing. 

Ok,  I gotta go.

Cya.    :)

Friday, November 17, 2017

Slept In A Bit Today.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept in a bit this morning, so gotta rush one up. I do realize I have had nothing of interest to put up here this week, but I hit publish anyway. My day to day has to be pretty boring to read. I am cool with it though. I am fine with my day to day.

I don't think about too much during the day I don't think. Not a lot on my mind. Yesterday I came home, sat down,  and basically started getting dinner ready. I had a couple drinks for the heck of it. Dinner was good,  and I feel great today.

I am probably about as interested in people's lives as they are in mine. The end of the day all this still will seem insignificant. As you face your final days you will wish you did different things. Funny thing about the turn is you are not sure what. No clue,  you will wish you did things better. Facing our end us inevitably sad. A lot of sad history really.

I am not too concerned about too much tbh. I've done what was asked of me. It didn't go as I think it was planned, but it wasn't my fault. I still wait patiently for the end of this current story. If others seek out the significance of their lives I can lead you to a short cut.  It isn't.

People are such a way they can't really face the truth. I didn't know that. My path was totally blind. I was broken, and this life meant nothing as far as I could see. Turns out that was the correct vision. I seeked out meaning where there was none, and you still think there is some.

The end of the day when it was my turn to labor, I was led down that path. I had no sight,  and it pretty much was a path of suffering so I could see the truth. I was accepted as an imperfect creature when I overcame the 2nd time. When I saw how this story would go, it was always about #3. That is what I wanted. Mostly for security, but I have security now. I had no clue that was possible.  I've been pretty blind the whole way. I know the end of this story,  but I don't know how the days look before this happens.

I guess it's why I am so cool with work, eat, sleep. I have help with how I am.   My heart is not the same as the one I was born with.  Pretty much nothing is.  I am a strange creature past what I was born into, but not yet who I will ultimately be.

There is no manual for how my path was, but I made it anyway.  I was blindly led, and I blindly followed. I was way ignorant in how my story would play out.

With help it all worked out anyway.

Anyhoo,  I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Thanksgiving Is Next Week.

Time Sure Keeps Moving. We got Thanksgiving then a month of Christmas. So it will definitely be a busy time for me. I do have Thanksgiving off, and the Sunday after. Christmas will be a couple days off too. Next thing you know it will be January.

Anyway I got the furnace quote. $2200 installed. It will be 95% efficient, and ducts out with pvc.  He'll put a chimney liner in for the water heater, and I have him adding a tee, and shutoff. We'll probably put a vent free heater in the basement bedroom . I can do that whenever. Those are like 99% efficient, and cheap.

Slowly but surely we are getting all our shit done.  I don't think there is anything real pressing going on. We went out to dinner at the local steak house last night, and I had grilled Norwegian salmon. Why they import it from way over there I have no idea. It was good though, and they gave me a salad, a ton of steamed veggies,  among other things, but not limited to a daiquiri.   ;)

I guess a pretty normal day. I got the oil changed in our new for us truck. To get a starting point. The dealer said they don't change the oil if it looks clean. There was no sticker so. The oil change guy said our vehicle looks real clean,  and nice. We got a 2010 Ford F150.  It is a huge truck that drives like a small car. At least in 2WD. You think your going 30mph, and it says 45mph. Crazy vehicle. We like it though. It dwarfs my old white truck.

Today is another day. Nothing too crazy planned. I have an easy meal already planned. Last night we watched another episode of the new Netflix season of American Horror Story, afterwards I started reading "IT" for the 3rd time, but first in like 27 years or something.  About the same time frame that Pennywise keeps coming back.

All in all I guess it is a pretty good time of year. It helps having a good chunk of change you don't need to spend on anything, and we still have money coming in each week too.

Other than that not too much. Live each day as it comes.  Mostly work,  eat, sleep. Really the only variables are what's for dinner, and what do I do after work. That's pretty much it.

Simple pimple.

Anyway, I am out. 

Have fun.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

All In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was pretty okay. Got a lot done at work. The guy I was frustrated with on Monday helped out a ton. He still has a short memory, but still learning. Repetition works with him, communication maybe not so much. Strange guy. One of those guys who talks, and believes where he came from they did everything the best way. I come from Chicago, and I hate Chicago, besides food, and sports teams. I don't think the Italian mafia necessarily make the best bread, or have a market cornered on some production secret. Immature as far as that goes. You know those people who boast that how they do things is always the best?  It's just different. To think otherwise is naive, and shuts your mind to further learning.

Anyway, we did get a lot done yesterday. I have a furnace guy coming today after work. We are going to get a new one put in. Ours is fine, but I am sure it is over 2-3 decades old. I got extra money, so might as well get a new upgrade. It will only be around 2 grand give or take.

I took Hope for a long walk like I do everyday now. We had tamales cooked with black beans and enchilada sauce for dinner. I had some for breakfast too. That shit is so good.

Other than that just another day. Today will be one not totally unlike yesterday.

That's all I got.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

A Coffee Kinda Morning.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I got a good night sleep. I had a couple drinks of Jameson. That is what I upgraded to. :)  naturally I fell asleep early, like I always do. I was tired a bit yesterday, so glad to get a good night sleep.

We brought one of our vehicles in to a shop we go to. Something is wrong.  We haven't driven it in like 2 years or something, but we wanna fix it up so the other bil can drive it. Then we will get rid of 2 vehicles we have no use for. Truck, and the one he currently drives. Just going to junk yard them. 

We were for a long time 3 drivers with 4 vehicles. Now we are 3 with 5.  It's like a goddamn shitty used car lot around here.   :)

Other than that not too much. I was tired yesterday a bit so it was kinda annoying working with someone who doesn't do English well. Explain 4 times, he nods like he understands. He asks 5 more times what to do, and he still doesn't know what I explained. It was frustrating.

At the end of the shift he was talking Spanish 800 mph, and saying 700 words every 5 seconds to some other Spanish speaking guy.  God only knows what he was saying.   Maybe he is a one trick pony. He learned how to make bread from a mafia backed bakery. (They paid him cash)  slow and dumb in everything else.

Anyway, I don't know what that says about living in the Country for 20+years, maybe get good at the language.  US arrogance on my part I am sure.

On the bright side I feel good.  I slept good.  Today is another day, and I look forward to it. Lisa's daughter and husband need cash so she made them rake our leaves in back. A Little work off my back. It's a weird year anyway.  Everything is falling late. We'll have a shit ton to clean up this Spring.

You get a little money, and it sure is surprising how much more shit you gotta do.   That's annoying too.  :)

Anyway, just another day. 

Laterzzz.   :)

Monday, November 13, 2017

I Am Up So I Guess I Should Try This.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I had a pretty normal weekend. I worked,  watch football,  got the leaves in the front done. I may try to tackle the back today. We have to sell the truck to the junkyard today too.

Saturday, and Sunday were just basic days I guess you can say. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

I am on book #21 in my bounty hunter series. There are only 23, but a 24th comes out this Fall I believe.

That is pretty much the extent of what is going on with me. I don't think I've thought about anything particularly interesting. Nothing too pressing on my mind. It is just life, and the days fall one after another.

Geesh, I really got nothing.

I was up and I tried.

Sorry for hitting publish.   :)

Saturday, November 11, 2017

A Good Night Sleep.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I knocked the sleeping out of the park yesterday. A real good sleep. I wasn't tired this week at all, but I slept a lot last night. It is my sleep in day so that's good.

Earlier in the week we got in cash pretty much what we gross the whole year in income. Naturally that is more money than  we've ever had at one time. Got rid of our little non house debt, and bought a new for us truck. My previous one I used for 17-1/2 years. It only has 118,000 miles on it, but a lot of rust underneath. I bought it for cash $2100. Needless to say I simply don't drive a lot. Thank you gas for going up to $2/gallon. That is when I started riding my bike. 15 years ago or something.

Anyway,  other than that not much going on. Work, eat, sleep is what I continue to do. There are a few things to buy for the house, and that is about it. When the rest of my Uncle's estate gets settled than it will just be ridiculous. In a good way though.

It's nice to live very comfortable before then I'd say. I've been taking Hope for a long walk every day. For no reason I eat a banana every morning. I swear I feel better. It may be a placebo effect,  but obviously my potassium levels are good. My blood pressure medication made me feel dizzy,  and it doesn't any more. As someone who can go years without taking an aspirin,  I take a baby aspirin every day. Doc's orders. I don't even know how many years it's been since I've had a headache.

I feel good I guess, and I want to stay healthy. Live healthy and all that.

There really isn't much more going on.

Wirk today,  and do some shit around the house.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. I am drinking gas station coffee.

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo.   :)

xo.  ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya cya cya cya      :D        :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxx  oooooooooo.  :)

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

What A Person Thinks Each Day.

For better or worse this thing tells you what I think about on any given day. Yesterday I got my check. I'll leave work for a few to deposit it. I will have more money than I've ever had before.   We will spend some. Get rid of our little non house debt. Basically we will continue to make more money than we spend,  and keep that trend going.

There are no kid expenses.  We aren't saving up for someone's pretty worthless outrageously expensive 4 year cubicle career degree. Life just got easier when all is said and done.  I've lived not rich my whole life kinda, and I find myself rich 4 me.

Other than that not much going on. Hope got a long walk. We made an easy meal. Waited forever for the mail person to come.  We must have a new driver cuz it's been 2 days in a row she or he came after 5:00. The only 2 days I give a shit about the mail.

I don't think I really think too much about others. On people go with their lives, and don't think it affects me much. My life is simply just easy. Not much drama. Not a ton of stress. I don't believe I am out to try and make a mark in anyway. I have no heroes before me. No star worship. The smartest people in the World don't impress me, cuz I know their end. The richest people don't impress me, cuz I would hate to live in those huge houses. What's the point? 

I don't have time for the angry,  cuz that is an awful way to live. I am not insecure so I have no use for the Jones. I don't need to keep up with them.

At the age of 51 I know myself. I know the World offers me nothing really. It is just a big place dressed up in pageantry. I don't hold onto anything, because chances are you cling to a non truth.  I don't believe the people from the past did things better and smarter. I don't think people now do things better and smarter.

It's a little life we all have. The World has dressed it up in your minds to be this big colorful magical thing.  The World sold you a fairy tale,  and all of us at one point bought in.  I live in the land of truth. The land of the wilderness.


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s. I already ate my banana, and I am still out of coffee.

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo.   :)

xo.    ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D        :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxx.  Ooooooooooooo.   :)

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Pharmaceutical Safe Havens, And Other Things Started From This Galaxy.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. We didn't get our check yesterday, but we did get the financials from it. The check comes separately. Most likely today. I withheld almost $8000 for the Feds,  and $2000 for the State.  Most likely more than I needed, but I'd rather be safe. The check will be most likely more than needed, and it is just a small part of what is to come. 

You'd think I'd celebrate something like that. It is exciting in a way I guess. There are a couple wish list items I'll purchase, but nothing extravagant, and I'll probably just hold onto a good percentage.  I don't see our lives changing much. Maybe go out to eat one more time each week?  When it is cold outside it is nice to stay warm in the house,  and make your own meal.

I think I will buy a higher shelf of booze from now on. That will be my biggest change I think.  Not ultra expensive shit, but a higher quality. Also I've been scolded by my bil to always have craft beer in the fridge,  since he lives a 2 minute walk from my house.

Other than that not too much going on. Work went good. The baker from Brooklyn  did a good job yesterday. He is two weeks in, and has a pretty good idea of his job now. When the new bakery opens all our jobs will be different, and none of us are sure how. From owners to employees is my guess. We will bake a month at the new place, before the new place opens. To get an idea.

I guess it is kinda exciting times for me, but really it still is just life. Nothing to get too excited about. The days still end, as our lives will. I still don't have coffee,  but I do have bananas. I'll eat one this morning. I woke up hungry this morning, and ate leftovers already.  Wanna know what we had for dinner? 

Stupid easy, and really good. I cubed up some ham steaks. Cooked them with Betty Crocker Julianne potatoes, and served them with broccoli. So stupid simple,  and Sooooo good.  :)

Hope went on two walks yesterday too. 

I guess it was a pretty okay day. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love you all!!!     :)

p.s. nothing crazy planned today, except depositing a big for me check. 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo.   :)

xo.   ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D        :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxx. Ooooooooooo.  :)

Monday, November 6, 2017

Not Much On My Mind, But I'll Give It A Shot.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me,  I am doing good. Yesterday was a pretty normal day.  Work was fine. I took Hope for an extra long walk. Part of my being healthy thing. I am actually thinking of what I eat, and what I do throughout the day.

Walking during the day is interesting. You can see houses that look nice, and ones that need work. I looked at cars driving too, since we will be getting a new for us one. We dont drive much so we just want a medium mileage truck. My current truck, well I put like 2000 miles on it this year.   I'll probably drive less next year, with my work being one mile from my house. I drive to work on Saturday, cuz I grocery shop after. I drive on Sunday, cuz it's like 10 miles away or something.

That really is about it. I started eating a banana every morning. I guess if you want to lose weight you constantly think of what you eat, and what you do. I just want to be healthy,  so the same thing. I don't need to lose weight,  but living healthier is nice.

Oh, I actually went through my clothes. Threw some out,  and giving some to good will. I have more hanging in the closet I can get rid of. For someone who never shops for clothes I sure have a lot. A lot of shit I never wear too.

I think I want to simplify things. Downsize you know?  Less clothes  = less things to never get organized.   :)  We don't have extra plates,  and stuff in the kitchen. Tools, I could probably go through. That shit needs to be organized. We have more shit downstairs to throw out too.

I think I'll focus on that for a while. I am going to get a new bike too. Nothing crazy expensive,  but more of a commute bike. I've just been using the fat tire bike, so more of a commuter would be fun. I don't need a bike to ride 70 miles or whatever. I don't do that anymore, but I do like a good bike for commuting. I can get good mileage out of those.

That is about it I guess. As you can see nothing too crazy going on with me. I did forget to buy coffee,  so I am thinking of maybe having a cup at work.

Til next time.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Saturday, November 4, 2017

A Start To My Saturday.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept really good last night. I was tired I guess you can say. Work was fine. They hired a Mexican baker who worked at an Italian bakery in Brooklyn for 20 years or so. He showed us what he can do yesterday. Pretty good stuff. He'll make a great addition when the new bakery opens in a couple months. He now is learning what I did the first two years. Puff pastry, and coffee cakes, cinnamon rolls, and muffins.  Bread is his passion no doubt,  but the other stuff is important too. 

I thought a lot about my health yesterday, and this morning. It is important to me, and I've taken it for granted probably since forever. I think I want to be more proactive in my health. Maybe stretch more, eat a banana each day. Stuff like that. Bike more, walk more, drink less.  I'll pick up some running shoes,  and get back to running too. Not sure of races, and goals, but just get started again. It is a good time.

I was walking through Meier the other day, I was picking up my prescription. I walked through the store thinking if I had all the money I wanted what would I buy?  Sadly there really wasn't anything that sparked my interest. Conversely sometime next week I actually will have all the money I would want. I'll get my check probably Tuesday or Wednesday. It actually is $7,000 more than I calculated. I guess they took my percentage from the amount that is taxable, not from the gross. I wasn't sure how they would do that.

So by the end of next week all I'll have on my books is my house. $95,000. Also I'll have all the cash I could want, and that is just the start too. Ridiculous I know.

Today I will take Hope, I have to work,  and we will see the Thor movie today or tomorrow. It should be a pretty normal weekend.

I don't really have too much else. I think I'll finish my coffee, and we will see you next time.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s. I really thought about my own mortality yesterday. It is interesting to say the least how much things we would have changed as we get a glimpse of our last days. The rich dude who trusted in his riches would have done things different. The Sword is spiritual though,  so it really is trusting in being full of spirit. The correct path I was to take was to be poor in spirit. If I was full at the time of my reproof, I probably would have trusted in my fullness. That is why I was made poor in spirit. One of the Beatitudes, and one of the blessing statements.

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.    :)))

xxoo.   :)

xo.  ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D      :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxx.  Oooooooooooo.   :)

Friday, November 3, 2017

Time Keeps Moving.

Good morning. How is it going?   Me, I am fine.  My blood pressure ran high when I checked it at the grocery store, so I guess I am concerned a bit about that. I checked how to lower blood pressure,  and it appears I really shouldn't be a high risk. Maybe I could eat better, but I don't believe I eat horribly. I don't do fast food a lot,  and we don't eat out a lot. I don't carry extra weight. I tried lowering salt intake. I use garlic instead of garlic salt. I don't add salt to anything, but fruit. Genetically I just don't think I have the greatest heart out there.

Anyway, other than that not too much going on. It is Friday, so I guess I get to sleep in tomorrow. I slept in yesterday.   :)

Not really too much on my mind. I was thinking yesterday, remember at some point I said we went into the wilderness. The area where the whole World and life is just stupid. I guess we always are in the wilderness, but something is different now.

Maybe I am 51, and I know I will die sometime. As I get older I assume I'll see more and more death. It's how it works. We are selfish our whole lives.  (Me anyway)  just doing stuff for ourselves. Everyone has their burdens I guess. You want to live perfectly it isn't going to happen. I guess the best you can do is grade yourself on the curve, and get a passing grade.

Our bad babits are hard to break. Maybe life has us all whipping around. We are grading ourselves on the curve. We come up with passing grades, but there are others in our view who are not passing. We judge them.  I do at times. It is good to have a sense of humor I think.

Realistically though I think we all have a failing grade. We dont do all the things right. Our hearts don't always feel how we think they are "supppsed" to. We hide a lot of shit. Societal norms written into laws suggest any number of things.  Mostly handing failing grades out to us even more.

In life we fail. In life we dress it up as success somehow.

As to being in the wilderness, something has changed I think.

Like maybe I can find value in people,  even though the wilderness is a waste land. Something like that anyway. 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!     :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  I think there was one blog that updated this week. I thought back to how long I read this person's blog.  Sheesh.  It's been a while. I think kindly of her. 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.    :)))

xxoo.    :)

xo   ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.   :)

Aloha.     :)

Xxxxxxxxxx Ooooooooooo.    :)

I think I got it down.  

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Some Stuff Remains The Same

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was a pretty okay day. I was worried about getting tired, but I didn't. I woke up ridiculously early,  and couldn't fall back asleep. I slept really good though before I woke up, so I guess it was enough sleep.

As long as I've been doing this things still remain the same. I go back, and reread later in the day to try and get some understanding as to what I wrote.

Understanding to me is knowing how people feel about things just cuz. Understanding runs deeper than all, because you can know how people feel even when they don't.

What people feel is blocked a lot by the World. Your deepest fears, cares, and insecurities are blocked just by being you.   I guess I've had understanding at times. Whenever I had to take someone's sadness. It was blocked from them, cuz our true shit is blocked by Worldly shit, and human flaws.

Remember when I took that dudes sadness when he lost his wife of 1000 years. I didn't know that guy or his wife, but I felt all of his pain that was blocked to him.  That is the shit we all need to deal with, but can't.  You need help to see that shit, cuz the World blocks it.  Your just being human blocks it.

That is why there is so much don't give a shit in this World, cuz as humans we don't really give a shit.  The stuff we are supposed to feel is blocked, and if it remains blocked too long we just get angry and cold.

The most important stuff we are supposed to experience is inside us. You don't need to travel anywhere to experience it,  but you need help to actually get there.  Your heart needs eyes, but there is a shroud blocking it. You cannot see. You are blind toward these things.  It's part of being human.  You have to graduate out of what you were born into.

Without me doing this kinda stuff you wouldn't even know. This is my job.  I asked for just whatever really,  but was given a task quite a bit more than I bargained for.  This guy who once was a kid in no way could do this job, but I've had a ton of help.  I am not the same person who was born in this World. That is a difference between you and I.

The similarities we have is neither of us are perfect. 


That is it for today!!!    :)

And all that other stuff.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxxx.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Already A Change.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   I am doing good. As some of you know my Uncle died just recently. My brother and I are the beneficiaries of the estate. Most of that will be tied up in probate for 6 months,  but we will receive ~1/6-1/7th in an annuity he has. I got the papers fed ex'd to me yesterday. I signed it in front of a notary, and sent it on its way. After the taxes I took out this little part of the estate will give me around $10,000 more in cash than I will make all year between my 3 jobs. That's kinda a big deal. The rest is just ludacris.

I'll get that in a week or two. I owe ~$95,000 on my house,  and between car and credit card maybe $5,000.  I guess I'll pay off the car early, even though the interest rate is ridiculously low. Credit card is 0% too, so I guess I'll pay that off too. Other than that no major trips or anything dumb like that. A New furnace, just cuz ours is old. A New for me truck too I guess.

I have 3 jobs, which I will keep, cuz it is nice having money come in. I'll have more money coming in than I will spend, cuz I don't really spend a lot. I am at a good age I guess to come into money, cuz I will not try to outsmart the World,  and make a gazillion dollars. I have no need to go on extravagant trips. I will sit on cash,  and invest conservatively. Still though, it is pretty crazy.

At the age of 51 I am pretty well set. Mostly cuz I have few interests. I am happy with work, eat, sleep. I don't need anything else.  I am wise enough to know I am not missing out on anything.

The World kinda pictures our minds with all kindsa dreams. It turns our mind into a coloring book, and we can imagine how great it will all end. It's life. You'll end up like my Uncle. There are things to learn in life,  but most never get there.

Anyway, it still is pretty crazy seeming to me.

Still though just another day in the life. Today will be another one.

Til next time.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxxx.     :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Monday, October 30, 2017

The Difference In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I don't know why, but it is always easier for me to get up on Monday , than it is Sunday. This Sunday I got up in time to get to work at 5:00 AM, but I relaxed, and went in at 6:00, actually a little after.

I'd say big deal,  but that seems to be the case a lot. Maybe cuz I sleep in on Saturday. I don't know. Work went good yesterday. It was my longer Sunday, but I finished in just under 8 hours. I thought I might have a little longer day.

Not much really going on. I made Italian beef for dinner last night. I had giardinieri too. So yummy.  Also I am on book 19 of my Janet Evanovich-stephanie Plum series. They are entertaining. I find myself lol'ing a lot when I listen to them.

What else?  Hmmmm...  not much. I never really have a plan with these things, but I figure if I am up, I should do this. I am somewhat surprised when I have nothing like today. It seems I should always be able to come up with something.

Life goes on though. I don't know what today will be like. I assume it will be similar to most other days. I think there is a good chance of rain this whole week,  so I'll see about biking to work.

That's about it.  Sorry about publishing this.   :)

Cya.   :)

xxxx.       :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.   :)


Saturday, October 28, 2017

Titles... who needs 'em

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I have my coffee, and ready to start the day. Yesterday was pretty normal, except Lisa got a flat tire so I had to go change it. I just priced out 4 new fires, so I'll get that done. Luckily the cheapest place is right by her work. Belle tires is cheaper than Wal-Mart. Who knew?

Other than that I made lasagna using a home made sauce from my canned tomatoes. It was pretty good. Better than Prego, which is what I usually buy. It just had a little more tang,  and I can add my own seasonings.

That was pretty much it. I did sleep in today. I almost was wide awake at like 1:30AM, but did fall back asleep.

I think back to yesterday's post, and I realize it is pretty impossible for you to know what I am talking about. When I went through the eye of the needle way back when it made me different. I remember I felt like a kid was my thought.   I didn't know what it meant til later.

I learned much through suffering actually. 6 days with the worst of the worst living in me, persecuting me. I was lifted up, and made full in spirit. All of a sudden I knew a lot of things most/all did not know. Being full in spirit for that short while made me think I was the best a person can be.

I had to be taken down quite a ways to learn there was much more. I was made poor in spirit, and all of a sudden I was vulnerable to what I just endured. It was taught to me who has control,  and what I endured was allowed to happen for a reason.

So anyway at this stage I was made to feel like the enemy of who I didn't want to be an enemy of. Night and day fear was my companion. It led me to overcoming the first time,  and the hospital.

I definitely played the fool. The real World thought I was crazy, and who could blame them. None walked my steps, and I couldn't tell anyone, cuz it was sheer lunacy.

So my ride was solo. No teacher I could talk to, and no one who could help me on my way. I eventually was given a certain amount of freedom.  My energy was given back, and I knew I had a story. I knew I wasn't the author of the story,  so time I couldn't control. As far as my story goes there was nothing I could do. So on went the dead years. The early 90's were my secret. My secret to keep, cuz who could I tell?

Eventually I told my story. I think maybe in heimleblog,  and probably the journey. The story that was locked inside me opened up.

We've come a long way kinda. Met a lot of people with this thing. Most are scattered here and there. I have no idea with a lot of people,  and I neither have the time or desire to figure out what people are doing.

My story as of now is done save for that final thing. Nothing else for me to do. As long as I felt kinda an enemy, during the dead years I didn't,  and after overcoming the 2nd time I finally felt on the right side of right.  Finally secure, and assured.

Being full in spirit one feels secure, and assured. I was to learn I should trust in something more than those things. Til this day I am poor in spirit, and I feel what I wanted all along. I am accepted,  so I feel these things,  and confident.

I trust in what I was intended to. My story was hard, and I questioned why back long ago. To save more lives was the answer.

I don't know how all that works. I am a vessel being used for a purpose. As imperfect as all the other prophets save one.

I have to follow the path of the perfect one, and then my story ends, and a new one begins. I am afraid that is when some of you will be able to walk in my shoes. You'll know my story,  and you will get a taste of what I endured. For those it will not be a pleasant experience. I think it is the 2nd 5 who will be those people, but I don't know these things for sure.

Anyways, more stuff you cannot understand.   :)

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxxx.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Friday, October 27, 2017

2nd And 10.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Yesterday I had to get cat food after work so I drove. Lisa had a work function so I was solo for dinner. I picked up a porterhouse for half price.  Yum. I do something special for myself if I eat solo. Many times it is just salmon, cuz Lisa doesn't like salmon. Just did that recently though.

That was pretty much the extent of the day. When I got home I did nothing really. I did laundry,  sat on my butt with the t.v. off and just hung out in my mind. I am not bored there.

I didn't read anything or watch anything. Just sat and thought of stuff.  Nothing too important either. I wasn't dreaming of future plans or anything cuz I don't do that. I sorta took stock of my life and realized I am as free as can be.

Life entangles, and life enslaves. It is hard to tell what does it more. Life in general or just us. Plans are always made by people that leave less freedom.

Unknown to me I guess the path I took left much of the entanglement away. When it came time for me to drop everything, and go in the wilderness I did. If it is hard for a rich man to enter I surely wasn't that.

Of course those words are spiritual in nature. A rich person is full in spirit,  and without fear. One of the beatitudes is those who are poor in spirit. I was that. Instead of the richness of being full in spirit, I was left with the consuming fear of being poor in spirit.

The sword is spiritual,  and none can understand it. It is a dead end. I am mostly spirit on the inside so I see the sword for as it is. In my final state I will have understanding, and the sword will be something I can use. Right now it does me no good.

Anyway, I've been this way for approaching 3 decades. Somewhere in maybe '91 or '92 I knew the end of my story. The end of my current story,  and the beginning of the new one. I didn't know when it would take place.  I still don't,  but the numbers suggest sooner rather than later.

Stuff has to happen first is my guess, and I assume that too will happen sooner rather than later.

Wanna know the theme to my story?  Deny myself, and God's will. What does that mean? 

I left myself for dead. I gave up everything for the worst ending for myself. With no hope I laid myself bare, and if the worst possible ending for myself was in the cards I accepted it.

In so denying myself I actually found victory. In this story victory was not up to me.  It wasn't my deeds, work ethic, character,  you name it.

It was just a scared person drained of all hope who was given the courage to overcome. A heart strengthened with a strength not of my own.

Having known my whole story for quite a while I guess it makes me disinterested in stuff. Knowing the full truth of all people I can not really be faked.

Knowing my outcome totally is not of my doing makes me realize there is very little anyone can do. There are no trophies in my journey. Just being assured. Being able to be solo. Having confidence, and not being a surety to someone who may be a stranger.

My trophy is strength I guess. Something inside me. Something you cannot see. Just a gift I was given for my struggles I guess. My route was hard and scary. Scary cuz I knew the consequences. It wasn't up to me to be able to be on the right side.

My heart did not comprehend, but when I overcame myself way back in the early 90's that sealed my fate for good. I still had to walk my scary path.  A path where my bad ending was all I could see.

These days I just wait. Not much for me to worry about. Just living out my days til it is my time to finish this story.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxxx.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)

xxoo.     :)

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

OMG What An Epic Day.

Just kidding.  It was another day, and really not unlike others. I did make a new for me cookie at home. It was a chocolate cookie with chocolate mint chips in it. I am not one to eat cookies, but those were pretty ridiculous.

For fear of overbaking them I underbaked them, so they were soft and gooey. We had taco salad for dinner, and I had a huge plate. I fell asleep at some point, and woke up not knowing what day it was. I had no idea what century it was, or what galaxy I was on.

I did sleep good though,  cuz I woke up 2 hours before my alarm, and felt well rested. Been a good week sleep wise. Really the only bad thing about the last two days is the cold and shitty rain. Other than that pretty okay I'd say.

Nothing major going on in my life. No huge plans. Nothing epic in the foreseeable future. Most pressing thing on my mind is what to do for dinner.

This is pretty much the extent of my life. Work, eat, sleep. You know that though. There really isn't a ton to worry about. There really isn't a ton to blog about either.

I'll still publish this garbage though,  cuz then someone may have to read it.  :)

Have a good day.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

A New Week.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was pretty okay. Work was busy. It rained, so I drove,  and got a haircut. I stopped at a local place, and had a couple beers for the heck of it. We made dinner, I went to bed.  I slept good too. I was wide awake one hour before my early alarm, and well rested.

So now starts another day. I am well rested so it starts off good. A ton of rain again today,  so I'll drive again. Really there isn't much going on.  I remember saying I don't have much going on, so not much to blog about. Hasn't that been the case all along?  Do any of us really have a lot going on? 

Not really. It is just life.  Day after day of whatever it is we do. I guess I am glad about my life. It is easy. I can look at pretty much anyone's life, and be glad I have mine.

I guess mainly cuz there isn't anything pressing about mine. No worries of should I do this and that?  I am not lonely,  I don't really get bored. I am missing out on nothing in life. Also I thought of all the acquaintances in my life. Under debts to people on my life's balance sheet, I find my accounts to be zero.  I owe no one anything.  People come, and people go, and I don't care.

I am strong on my own, and content. Under wishes I have for life,  nothing really. Just live out my days with a content heart.  Of course I wait for that final thing the current version of me has to do, but I have absolutely no idea when that is.  Not a clue. This blog is called the wait, and that is all I do now.

I just wait for that final thing, and whatever it is others are supposed to do, I have no idea. Maybe we are still in the wilderness. I can't tell, cuz I don't care either way. I am in the matrix zone so to speak,  so nothing really affects me.

Isn't that the wilderness anyway?  Literally and figuratively.  In the wilderness the World does not matter one bit.  In the wilderness either do we. That is a brutal truth to life for those who can accept it.

We are not important,  and our lives surely aren't special. I guess deep down we want to matter. Be considered smart and what not, but the accumulation of Worldly information doesn't matter, cuz the World doesn't matter in the wilderness.  We toil in vain.

If only there was a way to do it with a happy and content heart. I guess that's my story huh?  That is where this all led. With help even the wilderness does not even affect me one bit.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Cya.   :)

Saturday, October 21, 2017

A Day Was Had.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing fine. Yesterday was a pretty okay day. Work went good. It got up to like 77° outside. Hope, and I sat outside for a bit after I walked her.

Afterwards I cleaned up the kitchen, started laundry, and made dinner. With dinner I made double baked potatoes,  and it might have been my best batch yet.

So there you have it. A day was had. I paid some bills too. Our financial situation seems to be a bit better than I thought too. Basically means we have more money compared to bills than I thought. Always a good thing.

Other than that not much going on. At this point my life is not so strangely easy. Been this way a while you know?  I don't know if it is possible, but it seems like I like my normal more and more. My life is even going to get easier. Work is moving closer and stuff.

My story has been long in the making. Whether it was that old lady telling me I must have the patience of Job as I was doing some cleaning in her room at the old people's place place to the years that have piled up since.

At some point I guess I wanted to matter,  but not knowing,  I think I just wanted to live like this. In my story that just doesn't happen. There are building blocks, lessons, steps,  harsh truths that need to be learned.

In the end I had to be made this way. I had to go through trials and stuff. I cannot be who I am now if my heart were in my own hands.

We all seek out the easy life, and I have one. You cannot know how I am however,  cuz you are who you have always been. You still seek out answers.

I don't think I really have them for you, cuz all journeys are personal. Your own story, and I don't make stories.  I surely didn't make mine. I wanted a good story I guess, and that is what I really wanted all along.

It isn't much I know, but I like it.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Friday, October 20, 2017

I Promise You Nothing On This One.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I tried to blog yesterday, but deleted. Didn't really have anything. Today may be more of the same. I am back into my working routine. It is my normal, and I guess I like normal.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I remember laughing a lot at work over stupid stuff. I feel we got a lot done too. We did a tour of the new bakery after. In just a few months we will be working out of there. Maybe a mile from my house. Closer to all of us really. Most of us are Southsiders  aka coolsiders.    ;)

We went out to dinner at the old people's restaurant. I didnt really have anything for dinner to cook, but I took something out of the freezer for tonight.

So there you have a day. Nothing too exciting about it. Nothing terribly pressing on my mind. This is pretty much why I have nothing to blog about.

This also is pretty much why I deleted yesterday. Today I'll publish so you have to read it.  I am nice like that.

I may see you here tomorrow. Maybe not too. Not a lot in my life to write about.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.  :)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Back To Normal'ish

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. I am back home, and going back to work today.  I think having people you know die is always a strange and sad thing.

I am not always very family oriented. Part of the reason I never wanted kids. I am selfish. Also another reason is new borns are a pain in the ass,  and kids are  not my thing. The writing on the wall was clear at an early age.

Bob was always a part of our family,  and maybe mostly cuz it seemed most times either John or Jim lived with him. I did enjoy getting to know him a bit. It was always good to visit,  although I didn't much the last couple of years. Our vehicles weren't always reliable. Our finances were not the best, and I work a lot. I will never get awards for family member of the year. Life goes on, but memories always come around after these types of things.

This is a part of life though,  and we all go through it. So, I go back to the grind. I don't really grind, cuz I work,  eat, sleep. Eventually I eat a meal to end my day. Life really isn't this terribly exciting thing we do. It is day after day of what we do. People in different countries do different things. I guess one of the keys to happiness is the truth, but the truth of life is the last thing we expect it is.

I guess we think somewhere life has to be this magical thing somehow, but it isn't. There are unwritten rules for being organized, but once you die your files are useless. They are garbage. There are no rewards for a lifetime of good filing techniques.

If that is the case then what is important?  No matter what you do in life you don't escape death. That must mean something. That is a truth of life,  and death is always something that happens to other people. We have plenty of time to polish up our filing techniques, and buy shit other people will eventually have to do something with. 

Life is strange. No doubt about it.  Our heroes in the long run are not any better than us. I guess that means in a big World there are no heroes.

So today, this month, whatever, I am sure I will personally reflect on stuff, cuz that's what we do during these times. As time goes on it seems death becomes more natural. We get older we kinda expect it more, cuz we deal with it more.

Last week I got a text from my brother to give him a call. I knew it was bad news. Either my Dad or Bob. My little family I grew up with got just a little bit smaller.

Death makes life even stranger than it already is.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

It Is Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. We had the funeral for my Uncle yesterday. I traveled to Chicago on Sunday, and the last two days were a lot of things.

Just two weeks ago my Uncle had files for prescriptions,  stuff dealing with Healthcare,  and financial papers,  Medical History,  and whatnot. Upon his death all these papers automatically get turned into garbage. Useless. I find that strange. The returned checks he has dating back to 1963 were probably garbage AT LEAST 5 or 50 years ago.

There were pictures, and the ones I find most strange were him, his sister (My step mom), and grandma and grandpa. That family of 4 are all passed now. A nuclear family only alive in memories.

I looked around his house to see the things he has, mostly out of strange curiosity. When we pass, the things we accumulate through out the years turn into other people's problem.

I tried to picture this last year of his, and I am afraid it is probably a pretty sad story. His health was deteriorating quickly. He was suffering from something real similar to Lou Gehrigs disease. I think in his mind he was at mile 20 of the Chicago Marathon,  and if he just gutted it out for 6 more miles things would be fine. Unfortunately that is not how things really work.

It was a good service. My brother honored him well with a Great speech. Pictures of him and my mom in their younger years are crazy. Young kids laughing,  and having a good time. To have them gone now is strange.

It's also strange to think my mom died 27 years ago. We all are getting older. Time stops for no one.

Death is the saddest part of life, and also the strangest in its own way. Times like this it seems humans screwed up somewhere. We probably shouldn't kill other people. Death will come to us all soon enough.

Anyway  just some things I thought of.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)