Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Trailers For Sale Or Rent.

Good morning. How's it going?   I am fine. Yesterday was pretty busy. I had more to do at work than usual for a Monday, but I got out on time. We tried finishing our pickets replacement,  but it doesn't line up. It is Hope proof right now,  but we will have to adjust ~20 of them this weekend. I wanted it to be done. Oh well.

Our roof guy came over,  and we paid him off. In the end we are $6000 poorer, but we will never have to deal with that roof again. We bought good 30 year shingles,  and it looks good. We also got all our old ruined pickets in the roof dumpster. Lisa can take the not horrible ones and donate it to her work. As Spring is upon us we already got a lot done.

Not sure what I will do today after work. It will be nice out so I'll probably sit outside. Probably do tacos for dinner. I have a lot of things on my mind I guess. A lot of things I want to get done. Busy busy I guess you'd say, but I still have plenty of time to just relax. Every day still ends with dinner you know?  

Who really knows how people think. I feel I am pretty far removed. Did you do enough?  Did you sleep too much?  Did you worry too much?  Did the burdens of life drag you down?  

I suspect people seek out the perfect balance to life. The balance comes from your heart though, and that we don't really control. We can make rockets and stuff, and blow people up. Stay busy doing things in this World,  but we cannot control our heart.

Weird huh?  We seek out ways in the World to make our mark, and we never really question why our hearts fail us.

Anyway. A lot of questions to life,  and perhaps the right questions never get asked.

Why am I not better?

Guess that's it. Gonna take Hope this morning,  and hopefully have time to do the dishes.

Cya.  :)


Monday, April 17, 2017

In The End It Was A Pretty Lazy Day.

We did do some cleaning,  and laundry,  cooked a ham and stuff, but my first day off in 4 months was a pretty lazy one. Why not right?  I think that will be the case on future days off. Good to be lazy once in a while.

Like I said before though I am done with work early afternoon all days, so I still have all my days. I gotta check the weather today, cuz I was thinking there might be rain. Other than that today will be pretty normal. Nothing huge planned.

Nothing really on my mind right now. I did think of something earlier. A way I am different than you. I am this imperfect entity. I know it, and I know my personal route to perfection.  It iswhat I set out to do long ago, but the timing isn't up to me. Anyway I am not afraid of imperfection. I was during the journey, but I am accepted now. Secure in who I am. Even when I was scared I still was open. Have been since things started up during the running blog days, but fear is long gone.

There is a story being played out and I am powerless to make this story happen, although I will play a part.

How this all ties in to the end days I am not sure. Let him who hath understanding, and that is what I am after. That which is trapped in me gets let loose, and who knows?

I asked for the mirror several years ago, and the mirror is for people to look at them self. A mirror turned brings hate and anger, and I wondered if the whole World has the mirror and uses it incorrectly than the World is pretty ugly.

I don't know these things though. If people are mad I don't see it, cuz I am not mad.

I just do this life thing, and my story will be played out. I have no worries of that. When I spent my time in the wilderness I knew what was at stake. I knew the end I was desperate to escape. Fear was my crutch, cuz I knew too much to be secure. By knowing too much I knew where I stood.

In a World of Saints I knew I wasn't one. I also knew the World wasn't full of Saints. Maybe that is where we see things different.


Gotta go.

Cya.   :)

Xoxo.  :)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Something Different

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I got a good night sleep,  and I have all of today off. It is weird waking up in the middle of the night, and realize you don't have to worry how many hours til you gotta be at work. It's been a while.

Today I don't have any real big plans. Do some cleaning,  finish the last 50 pickets of our back fence. Nothing too crazy. I'll just be doing it not after working 8 hours.

Oh my gosh that is pretty much all that is on my mind. Yesterday got up to 77° according to my phone. It felt good to be in that weather again. It feels good we got a shit ton done with our house so far this year. New kitchen, sink, faucet, garage door,  opener,  roof,  fence. I have some windows to replace, and the house needs to be painted still, but that is all doable. We have to finish up our basement still, but that can be this Fall.

One can never read the future, but all things being equal we would sell our house in 5-10 years and live in a tiny house. A big house doesn't really fit our lifestyle. It is just more space. Space we don't need.  Of course things never really stay equal, and this World is probably on a crash course.

Are people still mad at stuff?   Do wars still happen?   Are people still killing each other?   That seems pretty silly and dumb. I cannot fathom that. I think everything is pretty wrong in this World, and I don't see a way to fix it. People are the ones who need to be fixed,  but people are all right and correct in their eyes.

I think everyone thinks they question stuff, but maybe they don't. If you still believe in Country and flags and stuff you haven't questioned anything. In the end you have to question it all. That means everything must be thrown away. That includes religion,  and the opposite of that.

It is a hard thing asked of you, because in these steps you learn fear, and doubt, and what it is like to be alone in the World. People have to help themselves first before they can help others. In doing that you'll realize there is very little you can do,  but with help the sky is the limit.

Then I guess you realize on our own we sure aren't worth much.


I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)


Friday, April 14, 2017

The Tacos Put Me In A Food Coma.

That was my day yesterday pretty much. Buzz around work for 9 hours getting as much stuff done as I could,  ride my bike to the library to get book #2, start book, eat tacos, crash. The Tacos hit the spot though. Perfect call for dinner.

There you have a day. Seems silly I blog so often cuz really what is going to happen to me in one day?  Not much. Today is Friday. Tomorrow I get to sleep in, work a few hours, and have all of Sunday off. Not sure what I'll do, but I'll have a day off.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I just had a day. I didn't seek out trying to change the World. Of course I never do.

I guess the most significant thing I saw was a picture on Twitter. It is someone I follow,  but I don't know. It was the day she got her leg blown off while in Afghanistan or something. I don't know her like I said. I followed her, cuz for some reason her stuff popped up in my feed.

She got like a bronze medal at the paralympics in triathlon,  but I guess I was more interested in seeing her face after her leg was blown off. It wasn't negative,  and it wasn't bitter. It may have been a drug induced high,  but from what I can tell she doesn't seem bitter or angry today either. I did think of that.

I am not gonna put her up for Sainthood,  cuz no one belongs on that pedestal,  but I like her demeanor I guess.

So then you start thinking here is someone I sorta know, but don't know. How many other people in cyberland are acquaintances like that. A lot,  but really not many I guess.

Who knows?   Who cares? 

Today I'll have a day. It won't be much different from many others. I have no idea what to do for dinner.

Gonna be a wild one today.   :)

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

XOXO. :)

Thursday, April 13, 2017

A Talisman For A Reindeer Is Always Gluten Free.

I read that on the Internet somewhere, and it mildly shocked me. I never knew that.

Anyway How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Nothing too crazy. I finished my book I started, so now I gotta go back to the library today to get book 2 in the series.

Our shingles got delivered so our roof will be done soon. Not exactly sure when their planning to do it. We'll have a couple nice days,  and then rain. Pretty excited though. Our roof will look good. We are kinda the black sheep on the block now with our ugly roof.

So there, that is the extent of my day. I made an easy meal, and tonight we will do tacos.

Simple pimple really. Crossing off day after day. Eventually we all reach the finish line. No one escapes that part. Not really sure if a lot of thought goes into it for people. Here for a bit. We do some stuff,  and exit. None of what we do makes any difference.

We have fun days, and we have hard days. We toil for paychecks and what not. In the end you don't end up perfect. Everyone else is the same as you. If your a parent your kid won't end up perfect either. It doesn't matter how much you labor, perfection is out of your power.

Does that matter?  I say it is important, but I am the only one. Everyone else lives in the land of "good enough".  That is the land people really need to graduate out of,   and I guess there only is one way. Hearts aren't able on their own to graduate out of this land, and people's vision cannot see beyond it.

So we really we just run in place,  cuz nothing of value is done in chutes and ladders land.

Anyway, I think I'll finish my coffee,  and take Hope.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

XOXO. :)

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

A Cold Day = A Different Outcome.

Hello and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday wasn't horrible as far as days go I guess. I rode my bike to work. Somehow it got a flat, although I changed the tube a little over a week ago. It rained all last week so I didn't bike hardly. There is a bike shop across the street from work, so I took it there. I wanted them to check and make sure there wasn't anything in the tire. I checked last time, and didn't see anything. Sure enough they found a little piece of metal. Also they fixed a couple other things too. It was a smooth ride home.

Authors these days are writing series of books. For no reason at all I Googled a popular writer and started her series of a girl down on her luck turned bounty hunter. Evanovich is the author and Plum is the main character. It is an easy read and book #1 is going down good. There are like 20 in the series. I know 1 and 2, and many others are at the library.

So I read when I got home. Kinna can't wait to get back to the book either.

Had a little meal before bed, and that was the extent of my day. Glad my bike is in good shape. I may buy another in a couple weeks. Nothing expensive,  and more like a commute bike. I do all my business at the shop across from the bakery,  even before I worked there. I'll get it from there. Not looking for anything extravagant. Century rides are not my thing, so I'd like to keep the price close to $300 or so. It doesn't need to be high tech, and I am thinking more mountain bike frame with more commute type tires.

Other than that not much. Getting ready for another day. My life is not quite as exciting as a bounty hunter, but one does what one can. 

Stupid update I know.  :)

Stupid life too.   :)


Have a good one.  :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

XOXO.    :)

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

This Feels Normal

Good morning all. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am up, awake,  and this is more like it. Last week I slept in a lot for some reason.

Anyway I repeat myself a lot probably. I probably say a lot of shit here I may say elsewhere. Anyway we got our fence up. Replaced a lot of pickets. Actually we bought our final 50 last night. Our back fence will be done this week.

As some of you know I work 3 jobs. Not really cuz I need the money, but cuz I want to. I don't get many days off. This Sunday I'll get a day off cuz of Easter. It will be my first day off since Jan. 1. No big plans or anything, but it will be nice to have a day off. Ftr with my jobs I still am always out by 1 or 2 in the afteenoon, so I still get all my days. That is a good thing.

Other than that not much going on. Just doing this life thing. Day after day. I pretty much keep it simple,  cuz that is how my life is. Simple.

I am not out to change a World that won't change. I place no allegiance to flag,  or Country or anything. In a World where we want something to matter I am content knowing the truth. Nothing matters. Our time here is insignificant. Your labors to somehow make a difference end up in failure. You don't.

It is a sad existence, unless your heart is happy and content with the truth. That is one of my gifts. I am cool with this little life here.

I am cool with my day to day. I am realistic about the importance of my day to day. I am cool with the truth.

So, I guess today I'll have another day. It will involve work, eat, sleep, as seemingly all others do. Fine by me.   :)

Have a good one.  Xoxo.  :)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Well, That Was Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I haven't blogged in a while cuz I slept in every day. Even if I woke up at a blogging time wide awake, I fell back asleep. Strange.

Even today I slept in again, but I don't work til later. Yesterday I did finish getting all my poles in for the fence. The final 3 were not as easy as the first 6, but they aree in. We'll put the panels on Sunday. Then our yard will be enclosed again, but not with a wobbly fence. It will look a lot better too. We'll eventually replace all the pickets one panel at a time. Maybe one panel each week.  ~15 pickets.

This Spring is different. I actually want to get stuff done. This week was cold rain every day so I didn't get shit done. Today it is supposed to be nice so I'll get the little amount of leaves we have out to the road.

So today I have a little work,  and I'll make a nice meal. Tomorrow I'll work,  and finish our fence. I bet our roof gets done this week too. Also we have a new garage door,  and opener installed.

Slowly we are getting our shit done we wanted. So now I'll finish my coffee and take Hope.

Maybe it is a good thing I didn't blog this week hardly,  cuz today was just day to day BS

Oh well. 


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Life Moves On...

I could tell you I had a crazy weekend, but I didn't. Outside of work we did a lot of work on our fence. We are doing the back fence. It is the most important. Our right side is fine. It's our neighbors. The left side we'll do next year probably. Our other neighbors have a fence already. Our fence that came with the house had posts that were not cemented. We put in new ones and cemented them. We also our raising the height maybe 1-1/2'. 

So really the weekend was normal in all areas, except we worked on the fence. I also stayed up later,  and slept later. It is supposed to rain all week so we probably won't finish it til this weekend.

Other than that time moves on. Another day here and another day there. I don't really know what people do or what people think.  These days I probably don't care. In a World  where most place importance in things that aren't does it even matter what people think? 

In a World of lives unimportant people try to show and prove the opposite is true. Who has time to pay attention to that?  

I have to work,  eat, and sleep. I am alive so I try to have fun doing it. I think I am mostly successful. I don't have any secrets,  except a heart that knows and accepts the truth. I guess until you reach that point you will always be lacking something.

Anyways, as usual just getting something down. I did pick the men's NCAA winner this year.

Cya.  :)

Saturday, April 1, 2017

If I Could Draw It Up.

I'd draw out my Friday as it went. Work went smooth. We finished off a pretty easy week. We had a stretch where the weeks were challenging,  and out of the blue a pretty easy week.

After work I went out to the local lumberyard I used to work at to pick up the supplies I needed. Also I like to go there so I can forget a few supplies I intended to get. Why make one trip when 2 is way more efficient?   I saw a couple people I used to work with. I didn't say hi, cuz I didn't want to. Also I realized I didn't even remember their names.

Anyway I did that. Unloaded the truck. Had some time so I went out for a couple beers. Ran into Hawaii Greg so I hung out for a couple hours. I came home, Lisa brought home dinner, and I went to bed early. I now am up early, and that is how I like it. That's how I'd  draw up a perfect day.

Other than that not much going on. We have a fence to put up when I get home from work. I have plenty of time to take Hope. Plenty of time for 2 cups of coffee too I bet.

Funny thing about life is we figure something has to mean something right?  The fuck we doing here?

You'll find everyone has ideas as to the perfect life or whatever,  but no one is living the perfect life. You haven't nailed life by any stretch.

The truth doesn't stop at that seems good. The truth is absolute. No one's thoughts are perfect. Yours sure aren't. Mine either. I am accepted though. I don't stand as a righteous person. I stand as a faithful person. The truth took me here. The story doesn't stop,  because perfection is the end game. Understanding.

Everything else is just life. The thing that means nothing,  contrary to what you think. In a life that really comes down to getting points you are shut out. The other team is way stronger than you.

If it weren't for me you would have no clue. I came with the truth,  and no one wants to deal with that.

Where the truth is ABSOLUTE, where do you think you stand? 

In life we all are actors. It's all we can do, cuz we just ain't that great. Contrary to what you think.


I am out.

Later.  :)

Friday, March 31, 2017

Some Days You Don't Have A Title

For the life of me I cannot think of a title. One would think if that's the case maybe I shouldn't blog. I will though.

We are starting our back yard fence reconstruction this weekend. We will use 4x4x10' instead of 8'  we will also cement the poles in. Good to do it in the Spring after a rain. Should be easy to dig out the holes some more. It will then be Hope proof. One of our projects we wanted to undertake for awhile. To be honest I am glad to get that started. Besides work that will be my weekend.

Other than that not much going on I guess. Yesterday I just listened to my book, and made an easy dinner. I slept good. Woke up at 12:30 wide awake. Ready to get up, but fell asleep again to a little before my early alarm.

Today will be another day. You know what  my days entail. Not much. Work,  eat, sleep.

Now I think I'll eat breakfast.

Maybe I shouldn't have blogged.

Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

Cya.  :)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Some Days.

You never know what will happen in a day. Yesterday I got pretty silly. Just having fun. You pretty much want to enjoy your lives. Be silly,  have fun. Live without a care in the World.

How can you?  You as a person are supposed to do this and that. Socially accepted norms mean you must do this and that.  You want to do this and that though. You want to be silly, have fun. You also want to feel good, have a lot of energy, and wake up rested.

I could give you the secret to life,  but I can't. I am not the author of my story. So many days of mine were hard. My path was one of learning. I learned a lot. I guess what I learned is how helpless I am.

All the avenues of me is pure and simple folly. That is where you are now I guess. You want to pave your stairway to heaven with good works, and also you want to show people your paved road you have started.  

It means nothing. Everything we have done doesn't mean anything. I currently am sitting with points while all others are being shut out. The road I made I didn't. I was led along blindly. You don't know the suffering I've endured to get points, but one does. For some reason it is pleasing to him my path is solo. Hidden from all. Also it is how it's always been where one gets the message. Delivers it cuz that is their purpose. Their job if you will. It is ingrained in their heart. Their labor is not from them,  like mine is not from me.

Our message we bring from elsewhere does not get received. Hearts turn hard, cuz they want their life. They want to show people their greatness. You want to show people your stairway to heaven.

Also is it possible to bring happiness and contentment out of nothing?  The World was made out of what was once nothing. What great deeds will you do? 

We are pretty insignificant huh? 

Okee doke. Just getting something down.

I think it's raining.


Tuesday, March 28, 2017

A Difference In A Week.

Some things remained the same as I had stuff to do after work on Monday. That is 3-4 weeks straight. Typically I have nothing to do after work. We got our taxes done,  and set up our roof.

First off I wanted to say I have been bundled with energy this past weekend, and beginning of this week. Last week I was tired I definitely will take the energy and the part of feeling great.

As to our roof running a roofing business is not easy. He has to pull permits,  set up delivery of supplies, do the estimate, hire employees,  payroll and whatnot. You never really think of that shit.

Anyway we are  all set up. Good to go as it were. Taxes are done. Fine for no HC is close to $700 this year. Next year will be closer to $1000. That fine really is a tax on the poor. I doubt rich people go without HC. In my opinion the problem is insurance in general. Very inefficient.

People with insurance with low co pays probably go to the Dr. for every little thing.   I haven't been to a Dr. in forever. I am healthy. Insurance = incentive for waste.  You show me someone working in the insurance industry, and I'll show you someone who spends a good deal of time in a cubicle. Looking at computer screens,  and talking on phones. Maybe eating donuts by the water thingy.

I think higher education is a waste now too. You going to go in house size debt to get a cubicle job?   That's dumb. The system is broke. You ain't gonna fix it. You want an education?  Read Catch-22. Laugh, but get mad.

Get a job where you are on your feet. Don't go into high debt. Enjoy your years if you are able. I suspect that enjoy part is out if your hands. A good heart is a good thing to come by, but probably out of our hands. I know the steps I made, and I don't know how I'd be if I didn't do what I did. I suspect not as happy.

The World goes on in its shitty way. People who think they are smart continue to do stupid shit. Rich people who were born that way typically are the stupidest people in the World. They do the most damage too.

Arrogance is an awful thing misplaced. When the arrogant think they are smart when really they are dumb, that is a bad thing.

The World is full of these people. Many times money is what makes the difference in classes. It makes up our hierarchy, and money may be the dumbest thing of all.

Your World though. I have no use for it. I have my day to day. I'll think I'll stay on this route.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Psyche.    ;)

Cya.   :)

Saturday, March 25, 2017

The Day Is Before Me.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am good. It is my sleep in day, so I slept in. Kinda. Not sure what today will hold. We got our garage door up. Another thing off the list. Lisa got her new glasses too. Another one off.

Not sure about today.  I looked up movies. I guess that's a possibility,  although leaning against it. I do have a couple things I want to get done. I guess in my mind I have a big list. I should get it down so I can see it. Cross shit off.

Not really sure what to do for dinner. I feel we should try something new. We went out for dinner last night. A day starts with all kindsa possibilities. Rarely if ever do I accomplish what I set out in the morning. You can imagine how I am in the morning. Ready to go, but I am active every day. I don't sit down til I am done with work. I do eventually lose steam.

I will say this. I like the direction our house is going. We are getting shit done,  and Spring is upon us. So that's good.

Other than that I guess I'll drink my coffee. Take Hope for a walk,  and have a day. There will be dinner at the end of it.

Cya later.  :)

Friday, March 24, 2017

I Think Spring Is Here

The 10 day has one high of 48°, and the rest in the 50°s or higher. We are close to getting everything done we wanted help with. Garage door goes in today. Our roof guy comes out to look at our roof. We have to do some fence repair in back. Hope is an ass. He's trying to eat his way out. Really we just need to make it taller. 10' posts instead of 8'  it will make our fence 7' high. She can't jump that high. We'll cement them too. The original owner didn't.  We also want to paint our house. Change out a couple windows. Finish up the basement. A lot to do still.

The basement is all framed and insulated. We never finished the walls. I did the ceiling, but don't like it, so we took it down. I'll be busy, and I like to be lazy. 

It is Springtime though. Everything is new again. The season has changed, and once again everything looks different.  That is what Midwest living is.

Anyhoo,  enough about me. Not really though. Am I to talk of you?  I don't even know you. I know me. I know this World. I know my little life here. I know it has an end. In the end I did have a purpose. The reason I am here is what I will finish. My job will be done.

It wasn't what I expected, and it wasn't what I planned.   Left to my own devices from way back when who knows?  I know  I wasn't perfect,  and my life would have been pretty Fucked up.

My life still isn't perfect cuz I am not. Not yet. I know the human experience though having been one. I was taken abruptly out of the World long ago, and I saw it for what it is. I saw people's lives all dressed up. I know people's inside thoughts though,  and we don't want to show that.

Why?  Cuz we all are Fucked up, and we only want to show a dressed up version of ourself. The World overpowers in that way. People judge. The World judges, and none are strong enough to stand up to it.

If you knew now the folly of life you would wish you did something different. Was on a different route. You were always going to be tangled into your life. No one escapes that. Only way out of your dilemma is a turn. The turn is blind. A blind turn eventually helps you see. Through the eye of the needle the log gets removed. This is out of your power.

A strong person needs no help. A strong person is foolish.

Anyway. Today will be a good day. We are getting shit done.

Cya.   :)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The Things That Are On My Mind.

That title is kinda a joke, cuz not much is on my mind. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. I worked,  and had dinner. There really isn't anything of real importance I thought about. Just doing my day to day. The days come. I typically don't get everything done I want after work,  but I have dinner, and I sleep.

Pretty simple really. Yet my days are never perfect. When you live in my head there isn't much of anything that is so grand it is very important. Life is a big thing in our mind, but it's not important.  It's just something we do cuz for some reason we are here.

We didn't choose to be born. We didn't choose which Country we would be born in. Most, probably all, besides me never threw everything away. Country,  upbringing, teaching we've been taught from the World. Why are you here? 

In a World that offers nothing I guess that is a good place to start. I am going to have a day today. I am sure people will post stuff they think is significant to make it seem their life matters. It doesn't.

We've been preceded by trillions. We aren't better, and we aren't smarter. I am the only one who knows this though. Everyone else thinks they are better and are smarter.

We're just humans. Gross really. We all have a bunch of shit that pops up in our head. If we wanted a head that had perfect thoughts it isn't in our power. You are a slave to all the shit that pops up in your head.

In a World where you think you are master you are not. We are just humans living an imperfect life. No life was better way back when. We aren't better either.

This World is a crazy and insignificant thing. Those of this World can't see it. You have to step out to look at it objectively. You cannot be a part of it if you want to see it.


I'll cya.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

It Don't Take Much To Disappear

Good morning How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I kinda disappeared from this thing for a bit. It mostly had to do with sleeping in. From staying up too late to not sleeping as good as normal, I slept in.

Even today I was sleeping pretty hard, and having crazy dreams, and my early alarm went off. My first thought was to maybe sleep in again,  but I was done sleeping.

You would think for not blogging in a while I'd have a lot to say. You'd be wrong. :)  You know my crazy life.

We are pretty busy though, and that may be a reason for me sleeping in. Last week I had stuff to do all week. Got my truck fixed. My brake line was bad, and it needed replacing. Then my brake lights didn't work. One side was just the bulb,  and the other the wire. I did replace the socket, but it didn't work. My mechanic came over, and replaced the wire.

I thought he charged me too little last time so I gave him an extra $40. He thought I was too generous so he didn't charge me for redoing the wire.  :)  We have another big job coming up for him on our white car.

I got a flat on the way home yesterday too on my bike so I have to replace the tube.

See my life is pretty interesting. Also Friday we are getting a new garage door put on,  and we are going to get a new roof soon. We have a lot to do this year.

So,  life goes on. I ain't doing anything real important in my day to day. The day to days keep coming though.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Later.  :)

Thursday, March 16, 2017

It Is Rarely, Perhaps Never Light Out At 3:00 AM

As long as I've been doing this I don't recall it ever being light out at 3:00 AM. I am getting old though so not sure how much I would count on my memory.

Anyway. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. We got our new fridge yesterday so that's cool. Ours was done. Toast as it were. Nice to have a good functional one for the next 8-12 years. Our other one lasted probably a decade give or take.  It feels good to get that done.

Not much else going on with me. Just day to day things that occupy my time. It is like I do work. A couple things here and there. Dinner at some time and then sleep.

I have a feeling most people put some type of value in our day to day labor. It's just shit we do. We have to make money, and live somewhere. It's the way of the World. You have to be a part of the World to live in it. It just so happens no points come from your labor you do in the World.  No matter how hard you try. It matters to you in a way, but in the end it doesn't.

Life is full of hard truths few find out about. I found out about them. My life was set apart to learn these things. Then I was supposed to teach these things. What I've done has fallen on deaf ears so we went in the wilderness. In the wilderness hearts are cold. No one really cares. There is no meaning anywhere really. Nowhere to get a foot hold. In the wilderness I become very much indifferent to a lot. Especially when people place value where there is none. All our guilty.

I was too. Don't worry. We all are guilty thinking we and our lives are important. It is just time we are putting on this Earth. People rack up their trophies, and diolomas, and accepted things we gather from other people. Compliments and smiles.

Life is a hard hard thing cuz we were born here wrong. It takes much to make us right and better. It also is out of our power to do it too.

Perhaps the worst curse is being born in this World,  cuz it takes much to overcome our lot. I have overcome my trials with help. I would not have made it on my own. Others haven't even done anything. Once again I cannot help you at all. You have to make the right steps, and I know your tough position.

If everything is wrong than you have a pretty doozy of a Web. That is known. Everything is possible,  but not left to your own devices. Then pretty much nothing is in the important things.

You have to take the trip. You have to be willing even if your heart is scared and unsure.

I am glad I did my shit early and long ago. Where you stand now is hard. That much I know.

Anyway. Today will be another day.

Should be fun.

Cya.   :)

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Why Is Thing So Hard?

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I had no idea for a title so this may be another nothing post.

Yesterday was okay. Work went good. I came home, and hooked up our new desktop. I had to pick up the cord. I bought a couple new pair of jeans. It's been a few years, and a couple have worn out. I have lost weight over those few years, cuz I probably could have dropped a size or two in the waist. Oh well I have a belt.

The new desktop is new for us. Lisa's daughter has one laying around collecting dust, do we bought it for  $150. I am not sure how much we'll use it. Lisa uses the tablet,  and I pretty much just use the phone,  but we will have it. Screen is much bigger than the phone. :)

Lisa went out with friends so I made salmon for myself. I slept early again too. I slept good too like the night before. I know I sleep good if I wake up at 11:00, and feel it may be time to get up. But I potentially have several more hours to sleep. Oh course today I didn't use all those hours. I got up early.

So I guess yesterday was a day. Today will be one too. We get our new fridge delivered today. A lot of shit to do after work this week. That kinda sucks. Now I know how the rest of you live.  :)  horrible. :)

Okee doke

I'm out.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

A Good Night Sleep.

The weekend my sleep kinda got out of whack. I lost an hour on Sunday, and I go in at 5:00 AM. We were working on my truck til it was getting dark. It gets darker later. All of a sudden it is 9:00, and I haven't eaten dinner. Then I didn't sleep that great. Last night however I slept great. I went to bed early, and I feel great today.

I have to run a couple errands today, so I'll drive. That's about it. Not much else going on.

I find more and more my life is less and less important. I keep doing my daily thing which has to bore you to tears. That may sound bad or something I don't know, but I am cool. I am fine with my simple and boring day to day.

When I was younger I kinda seeked for a purpose to my life,  and in the end I found it. So I will do things of some importance, but the simple truth is I am not important. These days my life is pretty simple.

I know how I am, and I know kinda how you are. Some anyway. Hearts don't really lie, but we don't like to look at the truth our hearts tell us. They aren't perfect. Some are filled with anger, and lust, jealousy,  and more.

You cannot take the imperfection out of your heart. So you block it out of your sight, and dress it up in accepted societal norms.

The heart is the key,  but you are afraid to look,  let alone show.

The tough things you have no desire to do. I get it kinda. I think. Who knows?  I did my stuff long ago.

What I found is if there is a good person it wasn't me. I looked in the mirror,  and I wasn't as good as I would have liked. That too is your story for those willing to face the truth.

Look around at your friends. They are in the same boat as you. Your family too. Ya gotta fix yourself before you can help others. This would have been easier solo,  but life is a tangled mess for everyone.

The route is possible for all. It also is not easy for all too.  There you are in the same boat as everyone else too.

Anyway. In my bracket this year I think I had NC winning it all. I may have someone else if I do another. MI I had in the sweet 16 and dropping out,  but they could be a sleeper maybe.

Anyway, I gotta go.

Have fun.  :)

Cya.   :)

Monday, March 13, 2017

Some Days I Have No Title.

Usually if that is the case I think I should have no blog either,  but you know me. I still can give it a whirl. To keep your spreadsheets accurate yesterday I didn't have coffee,  but today I am. I'll wait a minute if you want to update your spreadsheets now.

Okay, now where were we?  Ahhh yes. The blog. Yesterday I had a day. I worked my 8 hour shift. Our mechanic came out and replaced our brake line, but we still need to bleed the front brakes today. The ABS light came on, and he feels it's still not right. The mechanic is thorough, and reasonably priced. A quote for the work he does is an avg of what most shops would charge divided by two. He's cheap, and a nice guy.

Anyway that was about the extent of my day. I finished 3 more Pendergast books this week, and started a 4th. Those will be done soon, so I have to go back to the Game Of Thrones books. There are 17 Pendergast novels. The characters in those books are great.

Other than that not much. Today will be another day, and that's that.

I should have not given it a whirl. This one is dumb. 

Oh well.

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Just Like That It Is 3 In A Row

Good morning. How's it going?   I am fine. I am just sitting here drinking a cup of coffee for the 3rd day in a row. Yesterday we got our big for us check, and we bought a new fridge. They'll deliver, install, and take the old one away. It will have an ice maker like our previous one. Our old one is old, and is running out of juice. I think the defrost is messed up. It collects moisture, and water freezes on the bottom. It's time.

Other than that not much going on. You know me and my life. Nothing too exciting. Today will be work,  do some stuff around the house,  and make lasagna for dinner. It's been a while since we've done lasagna. Tomorrow will be work also. Our mechanic is coming out to fix our brakes on the truck. I think it is a main cylinder or something. The brakes just don't stop any more. It happened all of a sudden. He said it shouldn't be too expensive. I'll also schedule him to fix our white car. That we will sell, keep, not sure.

All our bills are up to date, and our next house payment is May 1.  I just have my bakery job money go into my mortgage bank. They'll take out my payment every first of the month. As a side note I make a good amount more at my bakery job than what my mortgage payment is, so it will be a savings account. Our other accounts are the same. We make a good amount more than what needs to be paid out. We live pretty simply so that shouldn't change. We don't travel a lot, cuz that is expensive.

I am happy in my own house. I don't need to go somewhere else to try and relax and be content. Also, I don't really find the World all that interesting. It's just the World. Big deal.

So today will be a day, and tomorrow will be a day. Nothing too crazy.

Anyway, I gotta take Hope. I may have another cup of coffee after too.

Also we went out for dinner. I brought a doggie bag home. I probably ate half my meal. I swear I used to always devour the meal I had last night.

Weird right?  It reminds me of that guy who ate that huge chicken sandwich. No way I could,  and he was going to have dinner some 4-5 hours later. I can't eat that much.


That's it.

I probably won't see you here tomorrow. I lose an hour of sleep.

Cya.  :)

Friday, March 10, 2017

I Am Going To Do The Coffee Thing Again.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I decided to have another cup of coffee today. One thing I realize of coffee is it doesn't really give me a jolt. It doesn't really increase my energy at all so I drink it just to drink it. That is probably why I don't drink it every day.

Yesterday was another day. I pretty much just listened to my book after work. I'll probably finish it today. I like listening to books. It means you don't have to just lay down and read. You can actually do other stuff.

I realize I don't write anything of any importance here it seems. There really isn't anything of any importance. We are here for a short time,  and one day it will end. So what is so important? 

In my heart is the wilderness,  and I don't really care. I see life for what it is. The important people are doing things they deem important. Did you ask the tough question?

What if it isn't important?  Then what?  You should deal with that cuz the answer is it isn't.

Anyway, life I have boiled down to work eat sleep. I feel it best if you can do it with a happy heart. I can, and I do. I have nothing but time to do things I want. I don't need any more free time, cuz I have a ton of it.

I had absolutely no idea what life was about in my early years. I had no clue what life would be like today.

I know people are different than me. I kinda wonder what is in your heart. I know it isn't content, and I wonder why and how. I wonder what you feel you are missing.

People are actors. The stuff inside us that isn't content we don't show really. I can sometimes just imagine people's frustration.

Life is a dead end except for one path,  few are willing to take that path. I guess cuz life has so much to offer seemingly.

Anyway. Just jotting stuff down. I'll finish my coffee,  and take the Hopester.

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

Cya.  :)

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Oh Wait. I Haven't Had Coffee In A While

I was doing my normal wake up thing, pass the kitchen to the family room when it hit me. I haven't had coffee in a while. Last week maybe?  So I made myself a cup. Ahhh. Pretty good right?  

Anyway yesterday was a pretty good day. I did get some stuff done when I got home. I also listened to my book for a good bit. We made dinner, and I slept. Canadia is going to bring some of her cold weather down to us for a bit,  but it warms up next week.

I don't remember the timing of things. Maybe midnight tonight. We have a 3 day window to cancel our refi so when that passes our house loan, and home equity disappear, and we'll just have the house loan. I am pretty excited to see how that looks on my bank app. This week we get paid from all our jobs,  and tomorrow we pick up our big for us check. We won't be short of money.

I am pretty excited for this Spring. We have a lot we want to do with the house. I guess I kinda want to get started.

Other than that not much going on. Life you know is a never ending set of days. It goes on forever except one day we die, and they stop. I talked to my Dad yesterday. He turned 82. He still works around 25 hours/week. He still told me about two competitive handball games he had last week. In Chicago the old timers still do that. Not sure if anyone else plays handball.

Anyway yesterday was a day. I woke up early to tell you about my stupid day. Today will be another.  :)

Have a good one.   :)

xo     :)

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Yesterday Was Another day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Worked a full day. I drove to work yesterday so on a whim I stopped and had a couple beers at the bar next door. I was the only one there so I had a conversation with the bartender. She knew some of the people I worked with. She's been there awhile cuz sometimes in previous years we would eat there on a Saturday after seeing a movie,  and I remember her working. She seems nice, and I think she probably has a partying side to her. I am guessing she is starting to approach 30. Not really sure what she wants of life. I may stop in there on Tuesdays. Why not right? 

Other than that I came home, and didn't do much. I made dinner,  and slept. I'll come home today and do some stuff. I gotta listen to my book too. It was a book I read before, but it was several years ago. Today may be an easy day at work too. I may actually get out early.

There will be a dinner, and I am not sure what. Right now I think I'll have some breakfast.

Fun fun.  :)

Okee dokee.

Til next time.

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. If I were to look at the weather I'd probably ride my bike to work. It is supposed to be warm with little chance of rain. It is pouring outside now so I guess I'll drive.

We finished our refi yesterday so that's good. We'll get a pretty big for us check on Friday. I can't believe how easy this makes our life.

After the housing bust I really didn't give a fuck about this house. I thought buying a house was stupid. Thanks to a really strong Economic recovery in West Michigan the house is pretty sweet. We currently are in the best financial position we've ever been in.

I'll pay off our 0% credit card, and we'll have our house payment. We also have a car payment. It is pretty ridiculous. $100/month. I guess we'll pay that off early. Just not right away. We have to do our roof first. We'll have a rainy day fund I guess. Chances are it grows at a nice clip too.

So really I'll continue to work,  eat, sleep. Just continue to do my thing. Life will go on. There isn't a lot of stress in my life. It is pretty easy I guess. Yesterday my only stress was to finish my work so I could make it to my 3:00 appt. Done and done.

It was a good day I'd say. This should be a pretty good Spring,  Summer,  and Fall.

Now I think I'll eat a little breakfast.

These days this blog many times can be about nothing.

Today is one of those days for sure.

Okee dokee.

Cya next time.  :)

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Up Early Enough To Do This.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I don't really plan on doing this early Sunday morning, but I am done sleeping.  Yesterday was okay as far as days go. I took Hope for a walk, I had time to chill before work. I worked,  and saw the Get Out movie after work. It was good.

I came home, and started laundry, we each made our pizzas, and that was about it. Lisa watched a movie,  and I fell asleep through it. Today isn't going to be a crazy day. I'll work,  and then we'll see.

It is a pretty simple life I lead. I don't have any huge plans, but I do typically count on waking up early every morning,  and I count on feeling pretty good too.

I really know myself I guess,  and I know my life. There is so much I know about me,  and i guess that is a spot where you and I differ. While I was out learning about imperfect me I learned about others. I learned why we aren't perfect,  and I know why on our own it isn't even a possibility. I also learned that matters.

These days I cannot really say anything, cuz it's all been said. I just do my day to day, and I guess others do to. Another slight change is I am cool with my day to day. I don't expect anything else out of life. I guess I know the worth of the path of this World. I went a different way.

Due to being pulled,  and wanting to matter,  and stuff like that. I guess the funny thing is I learned I don't matter. I wasn't worth anything really. I had to learn that hard lesson. In the end I guess I wanted a good ending for myself. That comes from overcoming 3 times. I have one time left. A little secret too is I am not strong enough to overcome. I am taken over and made to say the right things. These days I know I have the best help. The one who overcame will do the same again using this vessel.

I will have worth,  but none of it will be from this guy who was a kid born to this World.  My worth will be given. Earned in a way as I had to endure my trials,  but really given, cuz I am overtaken to be able to overcome.

I know you cannot understand these things. I am different. Having been through the eye of the needle makes me different than a person born in this World.

I can't help you understand that either.

Okee dokee.

I have to check out another Pendergast book. I will finish my current one sometime during work.

Have fun.

Cya.   :)

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Sleep In Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me. I am fine. Today is my sleep in day,  and I used it. Slept til 5:30 with no wake ups I remember. I didn't really do much yesterday. I did buy a new set of headphones for my Sunday job. They cancel out external noise so it will be easy to listen to my books I like to do on my Sunday job.

I do have some stuff to do around the house today. Gonna make homemade pizza for dinner.  A pretty easy day planned. I am liking my schedule more and more. We have 2 accounts. One pays the house payment,  and one the rest of our bills. Each account has a good amount of money coming in over what it needs to pay. I guess that's how you want to set it up of you are able.

At anytime we'll be able to go out and do something fun if we want. Not that we do anything crazy. The most we do is go out for a meal.

Today I woke up as I normally do. Without a care in the World really.

I guess you would want to set up your life that way as well. That kinda is what this blog is about. Your life vs. What I write here. How you feel on the inside compared to what actually is possible.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that.

Til next time.

Cya.  :)

Friday, March 3, 2017

Another Day Down.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. We signed our final papers for our refi, so we are ready to close on Monday. We were planning on taking out a little money to redo our roof. It ends up we are getting $2200 more than we expected. That is fine with us. We got plenty of things to do. Also our next house payment isn't til May 1.  Like I said our life just got a lot easier.

Anyhoo other than that not much going on. Just continue to do the work, eat, sleep thing. Yesterday I took out $20 in cash using my debit card in a store. Turns out I had $40 in my wallet already. It's like free money. I decided to stop and have a beer. I ran into Hawaii Greg again. He actually is going back out to Hawaii in a week or so. Visiting Lisa's brother.

On another note we are actually going to go on a little vacation this Fall. When we used to travel a bit we thought we'd check out different cities. For no reason at all San Antonio was on that list. So we will go for 3-4 days to check it out. Do something different.

I don't really like doing anything more than 3-4 days. You kinda run out of things to do. At least I do. I like my routine, and I don't really want to be too far removed from it. I guess I am strange that way.

Today is Friday. The end of the week, and the start of the weekend.

As you can tell not much going on with me.

Til next time. 

Cya.  :)

Thursday, March 2, 2017

A Coffee, and A Blog.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had some pretty vivid dreams last night. I remembered them too. Nothing really too crazy.

Some guy from a NJ radio station came to, or traveling back from MI looked me up to interview me about baseball for his radio show. I did the interview. I thought he was nice, but a little later I thought he may be a serial killer. Also a bunch of us were stuck outdide, the weather turned, and several funnel clouds were touching down near us.  Some other things like that.

Yesterday was pretty much the same as most days. After work I listened to my Pendergast book, made dinner. I napped after dinner, than watched some TV.

A pretty boring life when looking from the outside huh?  This is what our life is like. Day after day of nothing really glamorous.

Today will be another day. There will be a dinner at the end.

Not much else to report. I can write this shit every day. I should delete this shit when I write it.

I won't today though. I'll make you read it.

Cya.  :)

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Yesterday Was Another Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was pretty good as far as days go. Next door to the bakery is a restaurant/bar. I rarely stop there, but yesterday I stopped to have a couple beers. No reason really,  I drove cuz it was raining before work. If I bike I won't stop for beers. I thought what the heck.

I saw someone who may have been like me in my earlier years. He wasn't obese really, but he definitely carried a good extra 40 pounds or so. He ordered a chicken sandwich that was a big sandwich. He dipped it in a honey mustard sauce. He had fries with it. I think when I was 36 I could have eaten that sandwich pretty easy. These days I bet I could only eat half.

I have no idea what I weigh, but I am probably close to an ideal weight. Somehow over the years my appetite is smaller. That is why I probably stay at my pr  running weight even though 40-50 miles of running/week is a thing of the past.

What made me think of these things is I made a Dr. appointment for a routine physical. It made me think of my health. I am not overweight. Cancer doesn't run in my family. High blood pressure maybe. It made me think I am probably healthy. I haven't been to a Dr. in forever. I had a slight cold a year and a half ago. I haven't had even a headache in forever.

I rarely drink pop. Alcohol is my only vice, but I don't think I over do it, regardless of what my wife may think. Who knows what my cholesterol looks like?  I guess we'll find out. Regardless I think it strange I can eat only a fraction of what I used to be able to. Going to bed early probably helps. We eat dinner usually around 6:00 or so. I am asleep typically around 8:00. There are no late night snacks for me. That probably helps me.

I guess through having a good schedule my lifestyle is relatively healthy. I don't take on too many things, so I am not pressed for time. This life is unstressful as much as one can be I guess.

I am lucky to be able to wake up most days feeling at peace. I know you don't know what this feels like, and I cannot explain it. 

Anyway, I guess that is good.

Have a good one.  :)

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Seal Ate My Golf Club.

Some days you can see a title, and it should be quite obvious someone; not mentioning any names, has nothing on his or her mind.

So we had a weekend. I don't think anything really major happened. I finished another Pendergast book,  and started another. The prior one I just finished, I read several years ago. When I started listening to books I just figured it would be something I do at work on Sundays, but I actually like it a lot. I am getting through 2-3 books/week. Otherwise I wouldn't read much. I can just sit and think of things to entertain myself. My
mind does not bore me.

The first two days of work this week should be pretty busy. Tomorrow is fat Tuesday so I'll be working both sides of the table. All hands will be on deck 3rd shift tonight cuz they have to make a million packzis. I don't really know why those go with fat Tuesday really. They are basically a Polish jelly filled donut. A local company ordered like 800 for tomorrow not to mention all the other orders. They made a million last year, and sold out by like 8:00 AM. So it is definitely a big day.

Not sure what I'll be doing after. I was kinda thinking of BOGO. We'll see.  The days turn over. One after another,  and we don't really know how much time we have. Are we healthy?   When will our end come?   You don't really know. People kinda assume you'll just keep going. I know from from personal experience one day I turned 40, and a couple weeks later I was 50. Next week I'll probably turn 60, and a few days after that if I am still alive I'll be 100. :)

Time Moves on. Chances are you have no idea what this life thing is about. I don't have such worries. I don't really worry about much I guess. I am not angry at anything really. I don't pay any attention to the news. I feel if people are so divided you can't trust what anyone says. Without trust there is no need to pay attention. Without trust you lost me.

I don't consider my days to be significant, although I know what the outcome of my story is. I don't think of it much, but I did yesterday, and it seemed a bit crazy.

My heart stays humble, cuz it knows the truth. That is a pretty good feeling I tell you. It puts me at peace I guess.

I know this of myself, and I can't not wonder about you. How much tension is in your life?  

As a product of an imperfect society no matter where you were born and raised,  you cannot be at peace. It isn't possible.

There isn't much you can do to improve that either. Your life kinda sucks, but you don't think there is anything better.

The gap between you and I is real, but you cannot comprehend. It isn't possible. You are lost, and you don't know it.

Anyway in this World there are no heroes, but you want them. I don't need them. My path helped me be strong on my own,  cuz I have help you don't even know is possible.

Anyway, I have a big day of work. I'll rest up a bit.

Have a good one.  :)

Saturday, February 25, 2017

It Is Saturday.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am up earlier than I need to, but that typically is the case with me anyway.

I found out yesterday we close on our refi a week from Monday. That is pretty sweet. We took out a little extra money to do our roof,  but we still are only taking out what we originally intended. So all we will have is the house payment,  and the car,  which is only  $100/month. Our lives just got easier.  Sorta easier, we do plan on doing a lot with the house this Summer. I actually feel motivated too, which hasn't been the case for a while.

Other than that not too much going on. I saw a movie yesterday, and I may see one today. I got a text yesterday too to try and skate out early from work today,  cuz it's been a slow week.

I guess yesterday was just about perfect really. Good news. We had a good meal. I slept good,  and I am in a good mood.

I have nothing really serious on my mind. I did think of one thing this morning. The fact I don't really know people. People may tell you some of their day to day, but what else? 

There are probably any number of things to worry about in the World,  and in our lives,  but I am not really concerned with too much.

As long as I've been doing this you would think you know me,  but really you can't. You cannot walk in my shoes in the least. You have no idea.

I guess in a way you don't have any idea what kind of shoes you are walking in. I sorta know,  but am decades removed so not really. I cannot bridge the gap between you and I.

One thing you can say is I am known,  and I am seen. Every little part of me can be seen. My thoughts and all. That gives me strength,  but still you can have no way to know of what I am talking about.

There is a gap between you and I. The truth of this gap is I stand in the better position.

Anyway. I doubt I show up here tomorrow,  but you never know.

Cya.  :)

Friday, February 24, 2017

Today Is A New Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Today is another day. Yesterday was a day. Nothing too crazy happened. I worked. I was tired after work, but biking home woke me up. I cleaned up the kitchen, relaxed, and made an easy dinner.

The refinancing of our house is in the final stages. I knew the market was good in West Michigan, but our house appraised for much more than we thought. It's fake money, and we aren't taking any extra out, but it is nice. Especially since we are going to redo, and finish our basement bedroom and bath.  We will also redo our roof. It will be a busy Summer, but I am looking forward to it.

Other than that not much going on. I may go see a movie after work. I have to check times. We will then have a dinner, and chill. The days don't really change too much. I am on a schedule I am used to. I do what is expected of me,  and I am dependable. I am no great person,  and I am not really significant on my own,  but my story is in different hands, so my value isn't really about this person here. It's entirely something different.

I cannot imagine what it is like being you, while having someone like me around. I was not afforded that luxury. When it came time to find the answers to life I was all alone.

It wasn't what I thought, and I had no idea I'd have these days. At first I thought once I was changed that life was going to be good and easy. Then I saw life was bad and horrible. Nothing for a while. Things started up probably a decade or so again, and now we are onto these days.

Did not foresee any of this, but things are easy now. It is easy for me now. You just have to deal with the tough parts of life.

I guess that is what I wait for among other things.


Happy 1800.  :)

Cya later.   :)

Thursday, February 23, 2017

1799, and Counting.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I slept in yesterday so I didn't blog. I napped,  which screwed me up. I stayed up late,  so just slept in.

I am approaching 1800 updates. I used to approach 300 updates/year. Haven't really been that frequent, but if I did, that would be six solid years of blogging. The wait goes on.

There have been different years, and different themes. At some point we went in the wilderness. In the wilderness life just doesn't seem as great as we thought it would be. Like I said before you don't beat the wilderness, you just get let out eventually. I was let out when I overcame the first time, but I went in different than you. I already knew the scary parts of life,  having endured tribulations already.

As this blog has kinda always been we hit unseen waters. I don't know your story from here on out. I have no clue what your life does from here.

I think a lot of people have disappeared from blogging. You kinda wonder why. Is it cuz of me in some small part?  I don't know. I once was called a troll. I had no idea what that meant at the time.

Whatever. I am me. Doing what I do. As I am approaching 1800 entries I guess this thing is still alive. Many people have fallen away for various reasons unbeknownst to me, but it had little to no effect to me. I am too strong.

I think I remember people should jump on board early, cuz it gets harder as time goes on. That was just one of those things I felt in my heart, although I probably didn't know why.

In this area is me. Something you can see, and read. Outside here I am work,  eat, sleep. I have a silly sense of humor that laughs at all things inappropriate.

Like I said before I am not out to change the World, cuz it ain't changing. I guess in a way I am out to tell people the way to be changed. For the better. The wilderness helps in that,  because it helps you see life for what it is. A never ending succession of days that ends in your death.

No matter what you do, how you fill your days will not lead you to Sainthood. To go that route is something entirely different.  In this area your day to day means absolutely nothing. It is why life has lost its luster for some of you.

You've been building your stairway to heaven, and really you are just an old man with a bundle of sticks on your back.

Your labor has been in vain. The story is about something else entirely different. In the real story we don't even matter. A coin among many others. Not special in any way. Now if you take the right steps your one coin can be turned into 5, but it won't be because your special. I overcame the first time,  and I was the lowest person alive. Not worth a weed in a field.

It wasn't by my greatness or anything. It was cuz I took the proper steps, and was obedient. Nothing special about me at all, and I am cool with that.

Cuz the heart given me is good. I am different today than I would have been left to my own devices. Not perfect yet, but I can still be used as I am.

That too is part of the story. Part of my trail. I was gonna have to do it this way. I just didn't really know how this all played out. I learn as I go.

Okee doke

I'll cya later.

Next one is 1800, not that it matters.

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Some Days I Have No Idea.

Some days I...  scratch that. Many days I have no idea what will show up on here. Today is one of them. Maybe even more so, cuz I almost am not even going to do it. Not for any reason really,  except nothing really on my mind.

Yesterday was pretty okay. Lisa had a spot on her breast. They wanted to do another look. She had her mammogram last week, and they called her back. So she had that to worry about for a week. It's benign. Just a cyst that may just go away. They'll look at it again next year to see if it is still there.

I remember thinking early last week, we've been together for a long while. Her parents died 2 years ago. We worked for many years at various places, and someday it will end. We are not guaranteed some type of fairy tale end. I saw the totality of our lives,  and it seemed pretty dumb.

Years and years of pointless day to day stuff that ends with someone dying. So I see this, and if other people claim what they do and what they think is important,  I'm calling Bullshit.

If you think you are important I am calling Bullshit too,  cuz I know your end. I just don't know if important people will go before you or you before them. People will be sad. It may be you for them,  or them for you.

I guess that is the turn. You just are doing day to day shit like everyone else. It doesn't matter, cuz someone's gonna die. We just don't know who.

Anyway I guess I am glad I am me, cuz I learned what I needed to learn. I took the right steps. Now I just do life. Sometimes people will try to appear important with their ideas, and thoughts or whatever, but I can ignore mostly, cuz I see the end of the road.

No one really is very smart, cuz they cannot see the finish line. I guess in that way I am smart, but people take me as a fool. That is their mistake. Not mine.


This blog is weird I think, cuz just a couple minutes ago I wasn't even going to blog.

Crazy huh?

Okee dokee. I may see you tomorrow.

Bye.   :)

Monday, February 20, 2017

Spring In February.

Good morning. How's it going?  I can't tell if I am tired or not. I woke up a bit more than usual last night.

The weather is crazy for February. I saw  fishing boats on Lake Mac yesterday. I sat outside with Hope. It is going to be 61° today and 64° on Wednesday. It will throw things out of whack,  but I am not totally sure how. It was a few years ago in March like 90% of Lake Michigan was frozen.

Anyway,  yesterday was a normal day. I worked, finished listening to another Pendergast book, and started another. I am skipping the first two books, cuz one was Relic. They made a movie out of it. I think they did the 2nd one too.  I was thinking earlier why didn't they make movies out of the Pendergast books, and now I realize they did.

For dinner I made an oriental meal in our wok. I eventually fell asleep,  and eventually woke up a lot. A lot of Mondays I go get BOGO burritos and have some beers. I am skipping today,  just cuz. I think because I am tired.

Really I have nothing really planned today. I'll come home, and pretty much just wait to do dinner. I'll probably listen to my book.

Omg this update is so dumb. I don't have anything, and this is going nowhere. I could delete it, but whatever.

I'll cya later. Maybe tomorrow.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Up Early For a Sunday

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I am up early for a Sunday so I guess I'll try this. I don't really have much on my mind though as usual.

Yesterday was okay. I cleaned the kitchen, and did laundry. We made tacos for dinner. I slept good too, since I am up early. We'll have good weather again today so it should be a good day. I'll get out of work around 1:00. We also have any number of things we can do for dinner. The day is set. Just not sure what we will do from after work til dinner time.

My life is pretty simple. There are probably things I could do different, but I think I am going okay.

In other news there is no other news. There is nothing really to my little life here. I am 50 years old, and I guess I am in my golden years kinda. Not really much to worry about. Typically life goes and ties people up, but it did the opposite for me. There is a reason for that,  and that is my story.

Such a simple statement the truth will set you free. Sounds good too, but in actuality you have to brace yourself for the truth, cuz it isn't what you think.

It is pretty impossible for a human to come to the truth, cuz our whole lives we learned other things. The World always lied. It's what it does,  cuz it doesn't know the truth.

I find it pretty impossible for me to help you get close to the truth, and maybe cuz you battle against it. Maybe we try, and try, and try, and eventually we break. Meaning you just cannot be who you really want to be.

I guess I was that way. When I found myself alone in the World,  and the World was before me, I tried to make me the best person I can be. It turns out I wasn't too good at that. That helped me see the truth. It helped make my heart right for what it needed to do. That is where you need to go.

For those willing anyway. So far I count zero willing, but I don't really know. Who knows what goes on with people?  Surely not I.

Anyhoo,  I guess that's it.

Have fun.  :)

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

Saturday, February 18, 2017

James Garner Found The Files I Left In Rockford.

Never thought those would be found. Pretty crazy stuff in those files. Geesh, they could probably make a TV show with them.

Anyway, good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Not much going on with me. Nothing I haven't done too much differently in a long while. I finally saw the John Wick movie. It was good for a shoot shoot bang bang movie. I picked up some stuff for dinner. We did potato skins again. 3rd time this week. Basically just relaxed.

Anyway it appears this blog here is getting to be more and more about nothing. Today I am blogging just cuz I slept in yesterday, and didn't.

Now I should just delete it, cuz it isn't going anywhere.

I won't though. I'll end it here though.  Hahaha

Hope you didn't read it to the end.

That would suck. :)

Cya.   :)

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Unchartered Waters.

Looking at the forecast after today the next 8 days will have highs ranging from 48°-59°  since we are approaching late Feb. can winter pop back down?   It would seem Canadia would have to send a good amount of their wind toward us. Is Winter done already?  

If so I guess that's good. The lake is unfrozen,  so July might be hot.  Tulip time will also be a stem fest.

Doesn't really matter I guess. I'll take the good weather now,  deal with the rest later.

I got some stuff done yesterday after work. Picked up my duct fitting to finish the dryer,  cleaned the kitchen,  cleaned the stairs. I also finished listening to another Pendergast book, and started another. I watched the movie I fell asleep through the night before. We also made potato skins again. We got that down. Ours are better than any restaurant I've had.

I guess that is a pretty good day. I was thinking about life a bit. You do all this shit. People die and stuff, and one day you view your end. It all seems dumb when you can see your end. All hearts get broken at some time. People deal with loss,  we fill our time doing whatever. If you are in the rat race I can't think of a worse life. Busy, busy, busy.

I guess every day I have 4-5 hours to do what I want after work. I also have an hour or two before work. That is a lot of free time. I am not saying I am always productive during this time, but I am sometimes.

It is an unbusy, and uncomplicated life. Everyday is a day off sorta,  cuz all the free time. I like my jobs too, cuz everyday I do something you know? 

It is just a good position to be me I guess. I am not lonely, and everyday is a new day to do stuff. There is no guilt, and no remorse. I haven't failed anyone really. I don't know I guess life is easy.

As to other people who knows?   I know they are not like me. Maybe cuz people are always searching for the better version of themselves. Problem is every day is another day. Our moods don't always start the same every day. Mine pretty much does.  I don't seek out a better version of myself, cuz that comes at the end of my story. I found the better version of myself,  but the timing is not mine. The ability to create this is not mine either.

What I get is a content heart. It is what makes me wake up every day mostly with the same outlook. Another day of work,  eat, sleep, with free time added.

You cannot be like me as I am now,  cuz that is part of my story. This too is a gift. The timing of other stuff I just wait and see.

Anyways, I think I'll finish my coffee,  and take Hope.  I may check movies too. I may see one after work. The John Wick one is what I want to see.

Okay, I'll cya.

Have a good one.  :)

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Just Sitting Here.

I am just sitting here thinking of a title. Nothing really comes to mind. As far as this entry goes,  who knows?   I did make myself a coffee. Not because I wanted one, but just cuz it is a new package. It doesn't taste any different than older ones. This time I bought a dark roast McCafe one. It doesn't taste as good as one you'd get from McDonalds. Maybe that is why people spend money on store bought cups. I am not really an officianado on coffee so I pay a fraction what others do who buy store bought cups. Also I don't drink coffee every day.

Anyhoo, that is that. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Our house got appraised. We'll see how that goes. Also the other day we cleaned out our dryer duct. That collects lint I tell you. I replaced a couple sections. I always joked about my wife's fears of dryer fires, but after looking at our ducts I see that is a thing.

Other things happened yesterday too. I rented a movie I fell asleep too. Not uncommon. Lisa gets mad when I do. I am listening to a good book. One of the Pendergast novels.  Authors Lincoln Preston,  and Lee Child. I think there are like 19 Pendergast novels.

So, that is about my day. Today starts another. It won't be much different than others. Life goes on.

How I am every day is kinda like a weekend.  After work there is nothing stressful really for me to worry about. Nothing too stressful at work,  unless I make a mistake. I do new stuff so it happens. I try and work ahead a lot if possible. It's February though, so I should be patient.

Anyway, That is about it. Nothing too important going on with me. As usual.

Cya later.   :)

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The Wake Up.

You can always tell the start of a good day when you are pretty much awake about an hour before the early alarm, aka 3 hours before you need to be up.

I didn't do much with that hour. Looked at my phone for a bit, and just laid there. I don't really have much on my mind. Yesterday was pretty okay. I did the work thing. I worked both sides of the table,  but it wasn't too crazy. A full day I guess you could say. I came home, and went out for beers and burritos. It was fun. I usually always see Hawaii Greg there, but I met a few other people there too. Not a bad way to do Monday.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. A lot of days I'll write stuff down in my blog. I don't really have any idea how it will go. Usually I start my blog with, I have nothing on my mind.

A lot of times stuff will come out anyway. I am getting to the point that I think this thing does very little.  I still do it cuz now it is just a part of me you know. Wake up. If it is early blog about something. Take Hope if there is time. Go to work,  eventually eat, and eventually sleep.

I guess it is a simple life. I have no idea what my life would look like if I did it any other way. All along I guess life pulled me in a certain direction. Through fun times,  and hard times I guess I learned about myself. A kid growing up is not really easy. A lot of questions. Eventually you realize you have to work. You have to live somewhere. I went to school cuz that is what people do.

Eventually I guess I started growing up. Fun is fun, but you gotta do shit too right? 

Really what I did is I went crazy for a bit. It's fun, but it leads nowhere. I corrected my ship, and got through school. Death visits me, and questions of what to do.

In the end I made a right choice. I was lifted up briefly, and then brought down real low. The time before the dead years was pretty brutal. It is where I learned a lot. I also learned where everyone stands.  I learned the World has been a mess for a long time. The message has been lost for centuries too.

I did not ask the question am I the only one,  cuz I didn't need to know. I know the answer now.

I am put in a position where I guess my job is important. I am secure in myself, and that is a miracle.

A lot to my life,  and a lot to me. In the end my life is about my story,  and not me. I am not who I am without me making right choices of overcoming myself and being obedient.

My foundation is strong. It is kinda trippy I guess. As someone who really is of little value, I have been given value. It stems from my story. My help is my strength,  and it cannot be shaken.

My story is invisible besides the words you see here. In the end my story calls many people. How that all unfolds I don't know. I just know the final thing the current version of me has to do. As to others not really sure.

Why me is a good question. It doesn't matter though. I am too far along. I am too strong now to wonder about any of this. The story will play out. I am a vessel used in this story, just not the author.

I guess in the long run through me kinda you get to learn about the author. Maybe. Not sure.

It's a strange story for sure, and I'll keep some of the zany stuff to myself.

I guess that's it.

Later.   :)

Monday, February 13, 2017

The Start Of Another Week.

Here is something new. I wake up, there is nothing really on my mind, yet I am trying to do this. I know, crazy.

Yesterday I seemed a bit tired.  Must not have been real tired,  cuz I made it to work before 5:00 AM. I came home, and watched a movie,  and then we went downstairs,  and did some cleaning in the basement. We really need a plan of action for our basement. I am going to redo the ceiling, and we need to do some flooring. The ceiling was a plank style ceiling tile. I am going to switch to pallet wood I think. The floor I think we will just buy a box or two of something every week or so.  That's how I did our kitchen, and dining room.

So much to do, and the 10 day makes it look like Spring shows up in February this year. So we will have outside stuff to do too.

I can start worrying about that tomorrow. I got plans for BOGO burritos,  and a few beers today. That is pretty much about it.

Nothing too crazy about my life. Days pile up on each other. Nothing changes too drastically I don't think.  I am just sitting here getting older. I am not trying to make the World a better place, cuz that isn't happening. The World is not that great a place. People are not all that great either. Do you ever think about all the things you think about each day. How much can you not say, cuz it is not a "proper" thing to think? 

I did think about that yesterday. Maybe last night during sleep. We all carry a filter. Why?  Why do we think unacceptable things?  Why is there so much division in life?   Part of division is everyone thinks someone is receiving better treatment. That is probably true too, cuz people aren't exactly fair.

I guess what I am saying is no one is a Saint. Look at your network of friends.  They are not in any better position than anyone else. You look at flawed people. The question is does that matter?  Does it matter if you are not perfect?  

What I've learned is yes it does matter. So I was told to go out solo and find my way. The route I need to take. I found my route in the wilderness, because in the wilderness I found out I am worth very little. In my life I don't deserve anything. I haven't suffered so much that I deserve this or that. Maybe that is what you need to learn. Instead of thinking about your Sainthood,  maybe you should look at the truth.

That will make all the difference.

Okay cya.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Wow. It Is Nice To Sleep In

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I got a really good night sleep last night. I woke up, and had no idea what time it was. Also I had no alarms to go off. So, I slept a little past 5:00 AM.

I guess really if I wanted to I could sleep that late every day. I don't though. Anyway, yesterday was another day. Work went good. There are a couple days that can be really interesting. Monday and Friday. I probably have to work both sides of the table in some capacity. My normal stuff I've been doing for close to 2 years, and I may have to help or do stuff on the mixing side. My side I always know what needs to be done. The other side has some stuff that needs to get done,  and a lot that can vary. It is interesting to say the least.

Other than that not much. Lisa went out to get another tattoo. I am sure she told me, but I forgot.  I ate left over pizza. We watched some cooking shows on tv, and then I fell asleep.  Pretty good day, but nothing really crazy. Kinda typical really.

Let's see. What else?  Not much. I am having a coffee. I'll take Hope in a bit. I'll read before work,  and maybe play mahjong for a bit. I'll clean when I get home. Lisa is picking up something for dinner. It should be an easy day. Maybe all my days are. I think that is the case. All my days are pretty easy.

Anyway, I got nothing. Just this jibberish, so I'll leave it at that.  Try not blowing your brains out from boredom from reading this.  :)


Friday, February 10, 2017

Let's See If We Have Anything Today.

I doubt it, but you never know. Yesterday was okay. Nothing major to report. I didn't do anything particularly exciting. Maybe it will be our last really cold day. You never know.

There really is nothing on my mind at all. I am not particularly worried about anything in the future. I hope our refinancing goes quickly. We are at the appraisal stage now. I have no idea how much more they have to do after that. It seems to me they do more than they used to, cuz of the whole mess up before. I am not sure though. It's been several years since we've done this. 15 or so is my guess.

Really I just plug along with my routine. I am just sitting here watching life go by. People tend to place importance in all kindsa stuff. Our hearts lead our thoughts,  and our hearts we don't control. If we have anger than we figure we are right. Others are wrong.

A lot of issues to concern one self with. I think it must be tiresome. It is for me I think. It's why I don't really like to see too much. There is a spot you truly stand at, and the one you think you do. I gather you are secure in your own intellect,  and everything about you, but you really are blind to the truth.

I see this stuff squarely. I did my life where I thought I was smart. I tried to be good,  but that was out of reach. I was led so far along where I saw how small, and how little I really mattered. As far as good deeds I see it was out of my reach. I saw where all avenues end.

I can't take you down that path. As long as you are a product of this World you will never be much different than now. I can't take you through the eye of the needle,  and I couldn't take myself.

So anyway. Yesterday was a day. Today will be one too.


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Time Moves On.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I did have to stop by the bank again yesterday. Lisa had to sign something,  but she forgot it at home. Turns out we had something else to sign too. I believe that is it for a while.

Yesterday I actually did get a few things done around the house, and I made dinner. I slept pretty good til midnight, couldn't sleep for a while, and then I'd sleep very deep for like a half hour with weird dreams. I'd wake up, and fall into another deep dream filled sleep. I am good at sleep. I know I hit the deep sleep a lot.

So you have the outline of my day. Work,  eat, sleep. Other than that not much on my mind. I have a day set before me, and it shouldn't be much different than others. Minor differences here and there I guess.

Whoever may read this can see my life is pretty uninteresting. I am more than cool with that, and I suspect others lives are much the same. As I've done this a number of years you may have sensed a theme. Maybe many,  but what I think you'll see is from any number of things being important, in the wilderness nothing is.

It's time we put on this Earth, and at our end we will wish we probably did good. I guess that is what I wanted well before my end. What I learned is to be good,  and do good things is not so easy. For one it is out of our hands. Another we don't even know what good is. The best any human can come up with is some Worldly pursuit or something.

Your story if you choose to accept it is not of your making. All your dreams, which in all honesty, you probably never dreamt are of no use here. Remember the hard little truth, at the end of the day SB champs are = to 3rd World prostitutes. Filthy rich Education Secretaries are = to a poor kid in Lebanon who grew up with bombs falling.

Life in the end is pretty much nothing about this World.  Yet we are born here, and are a product of this World.

How do we get from point A to point B. If only someone would have taught us how.

What we do now is go through the motions of life.  Day after day. In the wilderness you'll see we are all equal. One coin among many. Diplomas,  and trophies,  and any other thing you can imagine are worth nothing here. 

So, what is your next step? 

Mine will be to have another day. I've already did a lot of hard stuff to get here.

Anyway, I Spose.

Cya.  :)

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

A Day.

Okay, I have no idea what to do for a title,  and as to what follows next, probably less of an idea. Anyway yesterday was a day. It was pretty good. I did my errands, and just chilled. There are some things I could have done,  but I didn't.

Do I feel bad about that?   Nah, not really. I ended my day with a dinner, and sleep. I wake up feeling refreshed ready to start another day. So that is pretty much what you want from days right?   You want to feel good when you wake up, and I do.

As to significant things I do in my day to day, nope. I don't do significant things. This is life. It ends in one spot. The rich and the poor all end in the same spot. Superbowl MVPs are equal to poor prostitutes in 3rd World countries. No one really knows that,  but I know it.

I am not really a part of this World. I was set aside to learn other things. I did learn other things. Hidden things. Things I probably  cannot even tell you.  Anyway these days I like to have fun. I do what is expected of me during the day. In my free time I unwind.

I am not really interested in a ton of things.

Anyway, I am just getting something down. That's what I did.

Cya maybe tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Let's Try This Again.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I tried blogging yesterday, and it was dumb, so I deleted it. I was going to get some stuff done yesterday, but stopped for beers after work instead. Lisa went out shopping so I figured what the heck.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I may have been tired for staying up late,  but I definitely feel well rested today. Today I have to bring more shit to the bank. Copies of more pay stubs. I sent them 5 from my phone,  but they can't read it. Just when you thought technology makes things easier you still have to go old school. Either that or the people don't know how to expand the picture. Not sure.

Whatever though,  no big deal. My life is going on. It is sometimes kinda neat to sit at restaurant bar. You get to do some people watching. Some people gamble on various things. I don't know, you get a brief glimpse of people,  and I guess it's okay. Really life is kinda boring,  and I can't imagine how people suffer through it.

How much do people rationalize stuff?  People assume a lot to be important, but one of those questions that need to be asked,  is it?  Am I?  Do you want to ask those questions?   Are you afraid of the answer? 

I think you should be, cuz everybody starts off on the wrong path. The path of the World. The truth is something different entirely. It isn't this World is beautiful, and the stars are shiny, and nature is this majestic thing. It's more like this life is pretty much dumb when viewed from the World. When viewed from the truth it is pretty much just work, eat, sleep. Hopefully you are lucky like me, and your heart is cool with this simple truth, but I figure you probably aren't like me. Just cuz it took me a while to get where I am now. Also my help makes me the way I am.

So anyway. Something I learned from my brother Jim is all people are liars. Always want to show everyone how great their lives are, cuz they don't know to deal with a heart uncontent. You are missing something,  but you are not sure what.

Anyhoo, just getting something down. Today I plan on having a day. Since I feel rested I think it will be a pretty good one.

Have fun at work today,  and doing all the things responsible people do. School, bills, budgets, staring at phones,  staring at computer screens, sending emails, reading emails for those who do that kinda stuff.  :)

Later.    :)

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Another Week Down.

It's been a week since I last blogged on a Saturday, so that's another week. Today is my short day of work. Usually only 4 hours. Lately I've been doing some house clean up stuff when I get home. It seems to work out well. We'll have a dinner, and that's about it.

I did do some thinking before I got up. Just thought of some of the disappeared people. I wonder what happens to them. I have no clue. Gone I guess. Live out their days doing whatever it is they do. It probably isn't good to be one of the disappeared people, but I can't do anything for them. Don't particularly want to anyway, cuz my work is done, and I just wait for my final thing. Whenever that takes place. Not really sure what has to happen before that either.

People will need help, and it won't be directed by me. In the wilderness you'll find nothing matters, and no one cares. The wilderness is what makes you see the false pageantry of the World.

The truth of this life is we matter very little. We lived a life believing in our importance,  but some day you will die, and you'll see there wasn't much really to life. We all had some fun. We liked some people,  disliked others. People never really reach contentment. Need this. And need that. Must do this, and that, then one day you are on your death bed.

What did any of it matter? 

Anyhoo, just getting something down. Now that I think of it I kinda have always been this way since the start of this whole thing.

People, and things may have been important to me at one time, but if they disappear no biggie. I can quit anything too like a hobby no biggie.

A turn I can always make. I am confident,  and secure in whatever I do. That probably is the best thing about the blessing I received. I didn't care at the time, cuz my life was in the balance, and shortly after I waited for my death. Chained up in a bed in a hospital. Strapped maybe. I woke up the next morning to my surprise. With a strength not mine I said the right words,  and overcame for the first time.

Overcoming is giving up your life for your friends. Not just this one, but accepting Hell as your final destination willingly.

I've done it twice,  and the final one will be the real deal. I will be the enemy of the World at this time, and some of you will know me then.

The disappeared I have no clue. I don't think they were strong enough.

Anyway. I guess that's it.