Thursday, June 22, 2017

It's A Better Year.

This year I seem to be doing more stuff. I water my tomatoes every day there is no rain. Zucchini,  beans, and cilantro, and cucumbers too. It really is all about the tomatoes. I water the front grass too.

I dont remember anything about last year, but I remember not doing that. It's almost July, and I was happy to get the lawn mowed. It's always a chore,  but it is good to get done.

Looking around though it seems I end up getting more and more things on the list of things to get done. Life is busier in the Summer, cuz in the winter outside of shoveling there isn't anything to worry about outside. I never thought of that.

Not for everyone. You can walk around any neighborhood,  and for some people winter is the season all year around. People don't spend a lot if time in their yards it seems to me. I could be wrong. Maybe everyone is at the beach. I wouldn't know, cuz I never go there.

To each their own I guess. We still want to paint our house. We need mulch. Plants still have to be watered, and grass too.

If I were to place a scale in front of me, and enter in the formula the amount of time ideally I'd like to spend on each activity that makes up my day to day you know what I would enter? 

Nothing. It doesn't matter. I am cool with whatever makes up my day.  I always end it with some down time. I don't have any regrets. I don't have any failure, cuz it doesn't matter.

Some days I get a good amount done outside of work, and some days not. I hold no guilt or anything,  cuz the pressures of the World do not affect me much.

Big fucking deal. It's just life. There are no trophies for "Best in day to day activities"  actually there are no trophies you keep. Plaques, and stuff don't mean shit when the worms are eating your remains.

Life eventually just breaks people. Too much guilt in stuff. No one has enough energy for perfection. If you look at stuff online you'd think life is just perfect for all in their Instagram framed life.
I wouldn't know cuz I don't do Instagram,  but I assume it is a World filled with pics.

I'd like to see a pic of your thoughts. How life breaks you down. How you want everything to look perfect,  but it is far away.

At this stage I do know one thing. Life isn't perfect. Frustration is probably something inside you. You don't control your heart, and I know how you must be feeling now. I know you aren't feeling perfect,  because right now life has to look ugly, because you have to want something better than what you are now.

You have to want more of life than what makes it up now. You want to feel content, but it is far away.

You are a mess, cuz that is how it has to be now. You are powerless to make yourself your best life. You might not know it yet,  but you will eventually.

Eventually we all have to learn how very little we control things. In life, and in our thoughts. In everything.

Anyway.

I am out.

Later.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Gotta Try To Do This.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I've been away a while. No reason really. I started to blog on Monday,  but it was dumb so I deleted. I slept in yesterday, even Saturday I slept too late. That is my sleep in day too.

No biggie. You aren't missing much not having my blog to read. Not much going on with me. I biked home yesterday in a cold rain. Like 60° cold. I know in November or March that is a warm rain, but not approaching July. Especially if we had the air on for a week. I wore long pajamas yesterday after work, and a long sleeve shirt.

I know that is just some pointless shit I am saying, but what do you think life is?  This isn't some remarkable thing we are doing living out our years. Truth be told you find yourself smack dab in your life, and you didn't ask for any if it. One day you came out crying, and the rest is history.

This blog kinda told you in the long run your life is not your own. It is one life out of a billion trillion gazillion. Happiness and contentment,  comes from a path not of your own making. Eventually all learn about this stuff, but it is important to learn it before you die. Hearts get pulled. Eventually all will look at their life and realize you did not matter one bit.

All have little short stories. All have family, and these stories are probably important to the few in your small circle.

I learned the full truth in the wilderness. I was out on my own,  and not one good thing was inside me. Little did I know I had to overcome the first time to get out of that area.

What I learned,  and knew all this time is I am not important. My life means little. Perhaps I had to relearn it a few times. The wilderness is brutal, but it does not lie. We are not important. Our time here means nothing. If you want a purpose you will be surprised. I cannot even explain.

Anyway life is kinda a trip. Especially when you know the truth, and none can accept it. If you cannot accept it then you have to somehow prove another truth, but there is none. You are in a dead end. Not one thing you can do to disprove a truth, except some musings of the foolish. There is nothing left.

How I am is pretty remarkable, cuz the wilderness has no power over my heart. I am too far along. 

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Cya.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Another Day Another Entry.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Knock another day off of the days that fill my life.

I was thinking yesterday. Someone said they would not want to live forever,  cuz why would you even get out of bed?  You can put off for tomorrow everything.

All things being equal if I were to live forever I would do exactly as I am now. I wouldn't change anything.

I wouldn't go out and try new bucket list things, cuz there is nothing in my bucket list. I would not go out and learn all the things,  cuz the learning I want is blocked. It is a gift I will get eventually, but it isn't in my power to grab it.

Everything out of life I already get. A content heart. That too was not in my power to have.

The things I wish for today is good tomato plants, and my other stuff. You know a day of labor,  hang out a bit, and a good meal followed by a good night sleep. Typically I get this most of the time.

As far as other people I know they lack stuff I currently have. A content heart is pretty sweet. A promise all for good is too. Living fully open has been a strength of mine forever. To be seen. To live in the light you have no idea. It is a spiritual thing. Something felt not seen. Invisible to the eyes, but definitely something you feel. Kinda like something sore like a pulled muscle or something. You don't see it, but you do feel it.

You do not have that,  because that is post eye of the needle stuff. You are still as you were born here. A human with whatever flaws. You were born not perfect,  and you didn't somehow achieve it. People grade on their own scale. X and y do this,  and I do this. You should try grading you with no scale. Take x and y out of your equation,  cuz that does not matter one bit as far as you are concerned. Now all that stands here is you. That's all.

I know how those grades come out for everyone. Maybe you should think about that. If I wasn't here doing this. If I didn't go my separate way to be singled out to learn these things you would never know.

You would just continue doing your life thing blind to the truth. Much as you are doing now.   :)

There are questions to life, and in the end you would do better to question stuff instead of relying on your flawed understanding.

I know this cuz understanding is what I wanted all along. I think really what I wanted was security, and I figured understanding would give me that. I knew the path to understanding, and I knew after I would be the best a person can be. What I learned is security comes before understanding.

You can see I walked pretty blind. My mind didn't know my route. There are no 5 and 10 year plans on my journey.

Anyway. I'll cya.

Have fun. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Time Marches On.

That was the title of a country song. Tracey Lawrence I think or something like that. Time does march on though. Day after day turns into year after year. I don't know people really. I mean at all really. A good portion of their life I assume people think they and their life are important. You are the center of your universe. No one is more important than you.

Anyway days go on non stop. Someday you will be old, and your days will be reaching their end.

Wanna know what I did yesterday?  I worked,  we ran some errands, stopped and had a few beers with Hawaii Brian. He lives in Holland again. I fertilized the front yard, and watered it. We ordered a pizza. There is something about finishing the day with a meal. That content feeling of being full. Then the food induced coma afterward. It mostly is the beer and food induced coma.  They work together beautifully.

A day, a good night sleep, and now another day. I already am thinking of stopping by the Mexican store on the way home to pick up stuff for steak fajitas. Already it seems like it will be a good day.

There will be work,  and weather. It will be warm. Outside of work I can do what I like without a care in the World. Luckily my heart doesn't yearn for weird things. You people and your farm animals. You people are gross. There are laws against that you know.

Anyway, just getting something down.

Today will be a day. Time will march on. I will do what I do.

Laterzzz.   :)

Monday, June 12, 2017

Monday Monday.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I had a typical weekend. I worked, and hung out. Didn't do much really. Watered my stuff. Looking around the neighborhood a lot of people have brown grass. Glad I am taking care of our front yard this year.

The people across the street from us bought their house with underground sprinkling. They don't use it. I never see them outside. They are on the large side, always no sun,  and their grass is brown. I don't think he wants to cut the grass. I sometimes wonder what they do couped up in their house.

In Michigan there is plenty of time to be in the house in the winter time. You kinda wonder what people do to occupy their time.

Not that I do any great things,  but I still wonder. I mean really there are no great things to be done. To each their own I guess.  What do people feel they get out of life compared to what they expect?  I assume disappointment a lot, cuz life does do that.

No matter what you sometime expected great things of your time here,  and you really won't find that. It is a big World,  and everywhere you look you'll see flaws. People are flawed,  dirt and grime are everywhere. Try cleaning just your house,  and keeping up with it.

Somehow we thought this thing would be magical, and it isn't. Violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, wars, murder, rape. You name it this World has it. Not only will life disappoint you, but you will disappoint others.

I think in everyone's anger is a hidden sadness. I come to the conclusion many will not get to that. Anger is consuming, and it takes much to get to the causes.

Anyway, life goes on. Today I'll have a day. It won't be much to it, but I'll look at things,  and think of things. I'll have a meal,  and do my watering. I like to look at my plants everyday. Pretty fun.  :)

I also have to finish my book.

Anyway. I'll cya.

Bye.  :)

Saturday, June 10, 2017

What The Heck.

Good morning. There is absolutely no reason for me to blog,  but I am up, and this is what I do. Yesterday went pretty okay. I thought I might be able to sneak out early yesterday, but the day filled up. Funny how that happens. I stopped for a couple beers after work with the guys, and got a ride home. I had tools and shit I picked up to fix the duct work for the coffee roaster. I wouldn't have been able to carry them home.

I watered the grass, and had sghetti for dinner. Then I slept. A pretty uneventful day really. I guess they all are. Today I  work,  water, and eat. I'll take Hope in a bit. I already had my coffee. I may have another.

All in all I feel pretty good. It is good to be me. Waking up how I do I wonder how others are. I am so long removed from how people normally are. I still was different during the dead years so that wasn't even the same.

It don't really matter. I don't know you, and you really have no idea about me. We are different. Neither of us are perfect. We have that in common.

Perfect is something that comes later. I guess you can strive for it if you want, but you will fail. It will help you see the truth. You ain't all that. I learned the truth the hard way. I learned it in the wilderness. I learned we are not much better off than the beasts of the field. If you think about it is true. What we eat. Sex is sex. Not exactly a glamorous thing people do. Having babies is pretty gross. We all toil in imperfection. A sword was made. It is used to judge. Prophets were all imperfect people save one as the story goes.

The story is a long one. No quick fixes on this route. Why?  I don't know. False teachers preach quick fixes as they dress in their garments.

I has no idea any of this.  I had no idea what I was getting into. For little old me to learn all this stuff is a pretty crazy story. For me to learn the whole World is wrong is pretty crazy.

I knew my story decades ago. I had to wait for the right time for my labors to begin again. A time not of my choosing, but I pretty much knew things were happening. Really I overcame the 2nd of 3 times, and the wait started right up. I looked at the bleakest possible future for myself. The judges told me that is your lot. I will be the antichrist, and I will have the worst end. With a strength not of my own I said I'll do it it is God's will. The judges control your heart too, so you believe everything they say. It was pretty soon after that I knew good was done. Pretty much the blessing I received prior to overcoming the first time took hold. Some 25 years later give or take.

So I am confident,  and assured.  People can do nothing to me. Now we are in a spot where nothing really is being done.  Just day after day. Eventually stuff will have to happen again, and I presume it will have to be your doing. My blog is the wait. I am just waiting for number 3 to happen. I will have to suffer much during that time, but I am not afraid. I have the courage of the one who went before me, because without help who knows what would have happened to me.

Left to my own devices who knows?  So I did my stuff. My story is decades in the making, and after all is said and done I can enjoy my days. As Solomon saw the pointlessness of life I do too. I am just able to enjoy my days,  cuz my heart is different than I would otherwise be.

So, today will be another day.

I'll cya.   :)

Friday, June 9, 2017

Since I Am Up.

Good morning. I feel if I can get up early I should try and do this. A lot of days I don't have much on my mind. Today is like that.

Yesterday was pretty normal. I was busy at work. I was tired when I got home. I did my watering routine. It is kinda relaxing.  Dinner got kinda screwy cuz Lisa had a funeral, and didn't get home til late. I would have gone with her, cuz I thought it was at 3:00, but it was at 2:00. I didn't plan for the 2:00 time. It was the wife of an uncle on the Dads side. I kinda felt bad for him, cuz he just lost 2 brothers recently,  and now his wife. It wasn't a surprise. She was sick.

Her ending was the thief's ending. She knew her days were coming to an end. I thought about that yesterday. I wonder what that was like.

What did she do as a kid?  She got married and had kids. It's what people do. I am not sure her schooling. Her first kiss, her first crush, her first heart break?  Who knows what she thought about? 

If I were to view my end as the thief's end now, I guess I am doing what I want. I watered my veggies yesterday. I did some labor, had,a meal, and slept good. My end there is no shoulda,  woulda, coulda, cuz in the end  I am doing what I am here to do.

My life is different now than the one I was born into.  A turn done decades ago brought me down a different path. It has been hidden for so long too. I told my story when it was time. It was no longer blocked in my heart.

Right at the beginning It was Lisa's Aunt from her dad's side who lost her husband. I was blogging then. My first of 3 blogs. At the visitation I remember people were talking about who had jobs, and I thought of the dead guy. A lot of people I saw there have now passed.

Anyway, my life goes on. I have no questions about my purpose. I don't look back at anything. I am strong too. Strong, content,  and secure.

I Blogged cuz I was up. Someday you'll be like that lady who passed. You will see your final days. Currently I know where you stand. I don't have any idea now how you go from point A to point B. My story currently stands in the failure zone,  and it wasn't my fault. It will not always remain so, but I have no idea how that works. We will see.

Many will fall away or already have. I am strong too, so it isn't a major concern. People have pretty much zero affect on who I am, and how I feel.

I feel pretty good too. I am glad I get to water my plants and my yard. A life well lived I guess you can say. No false truths float in my head. I was changed away from that. Few will make that little step.  You are still a slave to country,  religion,  society, or whatever. Worse off is you are still a slave to you.

In the end you still gotta give up you to find a better way. It is hard. Especially since you are older and more entrenched in your life.

Seems impossible huh?  Yep, that it is  

Anyway. I'll cya.

Laterzzz. 

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

If I Blogged About My Day To Day.

Good morning. There is nothing to see here. Just a guy and his blog. Just doing the day to day thing,  and putting here whatever enters my head.

Spoiler alert:  my day to day is pretty boring.

Yesterday for the highlight we got one of those tractor sprinklers. Somehow the tractor follows the path of your hose, and waters the whole lawn. We are lazy, and the idea of moving the sprinkler a few times every day will never happen. Now we just set up hose and tractor, and the lawn gets sprinkled.

It seems like rocket science how those things work,  but that little do hickie  has been around for decades. So 1960 rocket science probably.

Other than that not much. I slept all the way to my early alarm almost. A good night sleep. The day before I was up at midnight. Life is the best with a good night sleep. My veggies and garden got watered. I picked up another plant. Green zucchini. I have yellow and green. One of our grill favorites.

It looks like I will be working more hours on Saturdays. Fine with me,  cuz I dont really do much after work on Saturday. Just kinda wait for dinner.

My day to day seems pretty dumb, but my life is different than yours. You are as you have always been. You were once a kid who threw tantrums, and now you are more civilized. The imperfect you are still trapped in the same imperfect kid you once were. You have the ability to be more socially accepted,  but the fundamental version of you hasn't changed.

It basically means your heart cannot be content. A human heart yearns to chase after wind. My heart is much different. I am no longer the same kid who was shy, but still threw tantrums I am sure. I am not perfect,  but my heart has no use for wind. My heart stops me from even wanting to chase after it.

In that way I am cool with my day to day. I have no need for making a name for myself. No use matching myself vs. others to see how I stack up.

In the end we don't stack up against the World. That matters. Everything else doesn't. You cannot teach a creature of this World that however. Too much wind out there needs chasing.

Anyway.

Cya.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Starting Another Week.

Good morning. I am up early for no reason really. I just had another weekend. It was pretty uneventful. I worked,  did some stuff, watered my veggies,  and I think that is about it. Nothing too important happening in my life. Just living out these days. Someday it will all end, and my time here will be over.

You hope you grab everything out of life you can. It seems to me life is the promise of the upcoming day, and there will be a meal. There will be sleep too.

It seems something important should happen right?  Something significant?  Nope. You looked at the World, and there are a lot of bells and whistles. You figured in yourself there must be something special, something unique.

The bells and whistles don't mean anything, and that is where you place value in yourself. Based on the promise of bells and whistles.

In the end life is filled with your days. Your days have labor, meals,  and sleep. The key to enjoying life is dependent on your heart's happiness. Being content I guess in our little life. Truth plays a part. Accepting the truth of our little life. Not pretending it is grander than it really is.

Anyway, one thing about me is there is nothing special of me. I haven't suffered so much I deserve anything. My heart isn't so special I am better than others.  The same can be said of you.

I know my truth. Not sure if you know yours. Who knows? 

Today I'll have a day.  I will grab out of it what is available. Labor, a meal, and sleep. There isn't anything more available in a day. That is all she wrote.

I am cool with that,  and I don't need a trophy to live my little life.

Cya.  :)

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Even This Gets Boring.

Good morning. I am fine. I'd ask how you are doing, but I don't care.  :)  I haven't done this in a bit. Slept a little late,  or didn't feel like it. Not sure.

I can tell you something I thought about yesterday. After work I took Hope for a walk. I was looking at the nice houses on South Shore. Big decks, access to water, etc...  what do you do with that?   No one was on their deck. Is boating even that fun?  The best you can hope for is to have a couple beers with friends. Maybe you have a basketball court in your house. You still only need a modest place to live. A place to enjoy the outside,  or to watch a movie,  tv, or read. A place to sleep, and a place to make a meal.

If people are enslaved to bigger and better that kinda sucks. You can have just as much fun in a modest house, and less rooms to clean. I decided I hated the lives lived by the people on South Shore. You gotta make a lot of money for those houses, and that is a slavery issue. One never has enough money.

Anyway. I thought of that. I fertilized my veggies,  and watered my seeds. Had a meal. Now I'll have another cup of coffee,  and take Hope.

Should be a day today.

Cya.  :)

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Just Start I Guess.

Today,  I have no idea about a title, so I guess I'll just start. I pretty much have no idea what to blog about either,  but whatever. I have coffee, my morning. I have a day before me,  and not a care in the World really. It's pretty nice to wake up this way. Nothing really dragging me down.

I don't know how a typical person feels when they wake up. I don't know if life is a grind. Gotta do this and that. I know many, most,  all people get tied up in responsibilities. Gotta do this and that. Gotta be a certain way cuz it's expected. Have to act a certain way. Have to smile, and make nice.

Not all people. Some people are just angry. I don't know what makes a person like that. I don't really have to worry about people though. I have my life. I have my days. The morning is always filled with promise,  and I rarely live up to what I expect to accomplish each day. I also rarely give a shit. I live a life with a clean slate. All the burdens one accumulates in life have been wiped free.

As a person I haven't been perfect. I am strong enough,  probably the only one, who doesn't accept "good enough".  I traveled the path where I learned of me. I know the shortcomings we all face. I know this though. There is so much a person has to learn,  but that path is blocked save one way. You can read all the books, eat all the veggies, stay current in all current events yet the learning is still blocked.

We were born destined to think a lot higher of ourselves than we should. Me too. No doubt about it. I learned the truth. Learning the truth of me I I know the truth of you. Me knowing this doesn't help you any. I cannot do for me what eventually will be done. I cannot help you in what you must do. You are alone in this World although people are around. Your thoughts are yours. I wonder what percentage of these we hide? 

A Saint none of us are. There is no grading on a curve as far as these things go.  Life is a pass/fail class. Instead of living like you have the pass nailed,  maybe you should look at the truth. See why it is you are on the route of fail.

That would help you the most.

Anyway. Today is another day.

Guess I'll start mine.

Cya.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Back To Normal

Good morning. I thought about sleeping in today,  but as I thought about it, I wasn't tired. I just woke up having bizarre dreams. Not scary, just weird. I feel in high spirits today. I think I may be allergic to days off.  Yesterday I had a day off,  and I wasn't sure what to do.

I got the things I wanted to get done, done. As I looked around there is so much more that needs to get done, but I wasn't feeling it yesterday. Sometimes I am amazed at how much stuff we should really do. Just typical cleaning stuff, and minor repairs. There are only so many hours in the day.

Anyway. Enough of that. I think now that we are really close to June that Summer is here. Jackets will be a thing of the past. Shoes and socks will be the first things removed when we get home. Longer days I guess, but I still go to bed early. I may be staying up a little longer.

We have some stuff to do, but I also like looking around our yard. We spend some money every year on perennials so new stuff is always coming up. Even annuals do start to go crazy.

I guess I am a homebody these days. Maybe it's an age thing. A day of work. Some time doing whatever. A meal to end the day, and maybe reading or watching something on the TV.

I cannot imagine being 70, and wanting to be President. I think the orange hair guy is probably close to that. Talk about missing out on life. People in elevated positions are pretty whack too. They think they make a difference.

They may make some sort of difference, but rarely good in the long term. A house divided cannot stand, well the same with the World right? 

The World hides itself in robes, and suits,  makeup. Parades, and pageantry. It's all bull shit. This World is just one big lie. Covering it's ugly insides.

I don't have to worry about that though. The World is not my master. As a matter of fact I am the enemy of the World. It may know it, but currently it is powerless to do anything to me. The weapon of choice for such things currently is trapped within me. Unable to do anything at all.

Anyhoo. Just getting something down. I cannot imagine how people do 3 day weekends. I can't think of anything worse.   :)

You people are crazy. 

Gotta run. I may do another coffee. Gonna read my book too.

Cya.   :)

Monday, May 29, 2017

Just Some Stuff About Nothing.

I am up at my normal time for a Monday. I just don't have to work today. I have a lot of stuff to do though. It seems like a lot I guess, but I can be done in a couple hours. So much we can do, and so much time we waste. At least in day to day stuff. In the big picture there is nothing we can do. It's all relative.

Yesterday was pretty normal. I worked my Sunday job. I got out a bit early. Planted the rest of my garden. Gardening takes a little tlc. I've been pretty lazy in years past. This year I water things every day. I'll have to fertilize it too soon,  and pretty regularly thereafter.

Life goes on. Day after day. Plug along living out these days. Seems there should be a grand finale huh?  A culmination of these days leads to... our death. No one escapes it.

The terrible part of being me is I know what life stands for. I know what it means. I don't know a lot of stuff, but I know enough that all the noise in the World doesn't mean anything. People place importance in any number of things and it isn't. Collecting money won't help you escape death. You are on a crash course with your end. You will not escape it.

You'll find if you look that nothing really matters, but people are born a creature of this World. It takes a lot for you to not be. It takes a lot for you to not be a slave to it. It isn't in your power either to change you.

The World is made of fluff. It doesn't matter either. The World means nothing.

I don't know. I go on and on though. Apparently for no real reason. So I guess I'll do all I can. I'll go have a day.

Cya.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Just cuz.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Nothing major going on with me at all. I got some stuff done yesterday after work. Cut the grass, water the tomatoes,  cucumbers, beans, and zucchini. Threw some straw around the plants to act as mulch. I had some Coors Lites,  then tacos,  then sleep.

What do I want from a day?  I want my meal to be as good as those tacos were last night.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I think the most important thing on my mind was to get the grass cut. I didn't want that weighing on my mind. Also to take care of the veggies. Oops, cilantro too. Almost forgot about that.

Today I work, and have to transplant a tree. Probably do ribs for dinner. That should be about it. I'll take Hope this morning, and read my book.

I can always dig a bit I guess to try to make my entry not a complete waste of time. I kinda live out my days. There is nothing epic about me or any part of my life. There is nothing epic I need to accomplish. The funny thing is I am still fulfilled. I expect the human experience is to seek for meaning. The funny truth of this is at the end you'll realize there was no meaning. You and I don't matter one bit. It may take your end to see this,  but I've already faced my end. Accepted the worst outcome if that is my lot.

Anyway what I am guessing is you don't know your own insignificance. I know mine. I know I don't matter. If you were to face your end this fact will make you sad. Me enduring two trials I am content with my little life of insignificance. I am not sad about it at all.

You, I am guessing are seeking the epic in life. There is no such thing. None of this really matters. The best you can hope for is a great meal at the end of the day. Watch your veggies grow every day. See the green trees go crazy this time of year.  I'd say have a happy heart, but I know that is not in our power. You have never stood in these shoes I wear.

You don't know what you are missing. Also it makes everything else seem silly kinda.

Anyway. Another cup of coffee,  and my book.

Cya.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

To Blog Or Read My Book?

I don't have anything to blog about, so I should just read my book, but I guess I'll try. The most important thing yesterday is I got my garden in. I may throw in some carrots, and more beans, but it is pretty much done. I thought it was going to rain more last night and today,  but the weather changed. I'll have to water it the next couple days.

I find myself needing less sleep. I am staying up later yet still able to get up early. I got stuff for meals for the rest of the weekend,  and really for all of next week too. I have a day off Monday too.

All in all not too shabby. Our last big expense is done too. I saved, and upgraded my dental package. That was an extra $1000, but saved is the operative word. No financing. June is 5 weeks, and Lisa gets paid 3 times,  so we'll be able to save pretty quickly again.

Pretty good when the day to day goes pretty good.

Other than that not much going on. I don't have much to say. Outside of here I think I remain pretty quiet. Maybe I am just not interested in much. I see myself reading more. That might say something. That is more interesting than anything else?  

I got a show on Netflix I like a lot. We watch an episode or two or three. It is why I stay up late I think. Let's watch just one more, and one more after that. I still find myself getting up before my alarm. I think with stiff drinks you need more sleep. Who knew?     ;)

Well this update is dumb. It happens. Now off to my book. 

Cya.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Direction From Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I slept good last night. I slept in a bit today kinda. Still up early enough to go to work if I had to, so not really sleeping in crazy. I was going to blog,  then not. Grabbed a 2nd cup of coffee, so I decided why not.

So where do we go from here?  I don't know. I am just going to do my thing. I don't place too much importance in me, cuz I am just one person living a life. Like you all really. We are different though. I know what my life is about,  and I know the importance of it,  or lack there of.

I don't really have anything to prove to you. Unlike you I have no need to strive after wind. All our sacrifices = $0. You can't know that or understand it, cuz you have to travel down far along my path to get there. You seek for points,  and they aren't yours to take. You falsely tally up your points too, because unknown to you zero is the amount you have collected.

No amount of sacrifice will help you. The truth will help you,  but the truth comes with fear. If you have no fear, than your heart is really bad.

The World goes on. You don't make sense of it, cuz it just isn't that great. The World is divided cuz it will always be. People kill as a way to falsely think they collect points.

People falsely teach in weird outfits, and nice suits. They have great make up people to make them look flawless on the outside. They make you feel secure saying they have the answer and the way. Many are under their power. It takes a lot to overcome all the bad leaven you've collected over the years. Everyone is a false teacher too, cuz it is impossible for you not to be. You yourself unknowingly try to lead many astray.

The path of you is a very bad route. You have no idea. It keeps the truth away. Your 10.0 instagram fantabulous Olympic score doesn't mean anything.

In the end we don't mean anything. Somewhere along the way you have to deal with you. Instagram won't help. Make up won't help. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms won't help. You have no idea how lost we are just being born here.

A tough message. I know that. I lived it. Accepted,  and kept moving on. I did not go astray even though my future looked bleak. I was smart to be obedient,  even though I was mad.

Anyhoo. Today I have a day off. I have a split appointment. 9:00 for an impression, and the afternoon to get my final thing. Pretty exciting.

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Another Post.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I am up way earlier than need be, but I feel I am done sleeping so.

Not much happened this past weekend. I read some books and listened to some books. I worked,  and stayed up later than normal. I tried blogging yesterday,  but it was dumb. I was tired yesterday too,  cuz I stayed up too late. Today,  I am up way earlier than I need to be.

Other than that not much going on. There is a holiday this weekend so I'll get a day off. I have a day off tomorrow,  but for an appointment.

If you want news of my drinking one day a week, that ain't happening. Instead of 3-4 stiff drinks though, I may have 3-4 coors lights. That makes a difference. It is basically like drinking water. You don't really get buzzed, and you don't want to drink much more of that. It gives you the relaxing feeling without the stiff drink stupidity. You don't end up stupid.

Other than that I read a lot. I have a meal, and I've been watching a show on Netflix. We do some cleaning and whatnot and we have some projects.

A boring life for sure, but aren't they all. Everybody in their mind is doing so much important stuff, but you aren't. There isn't anything really lasting and significant to do. You don't know that,  cuz you are a creature of this place. You can't see past uniforms,  and suits,  and clothes. You look on the outside,  and all the important stuff is inside.

Your World is pictures, and the most interesting thing about people is what's on the inside. What is in your inside isn't perfect. Even if you score a 10.0 in your instagram fantabulous Olympic score.

The thing I know about all people is you didn't do it all right. You carved out some little niche in life. It isn't totally what you expected, cuz you today are different than you yesterday. 5 and 10 year plans got jumbled,  cuz you thought you would always be the same. Maybe you are in the same life, but things sure look different than you thought they would.

Wanna know why. Your heart deceives you. It doesn't stay the same. You may try to force it to act in such a way... to keep a high score in your instagram Olympic score, but you don't control it.

You don't control you. Your mind has thoughts you'd like to block out. Things that may be inappropriate if others knew.

We can dress ourselves in acceptable clothes, but what can you do about the inside you? 

Why do you not have any control over you?  I know why.

Hint:  it is a pretty dark secret. The truth is pretty ugly. Some things I cannot really teach you while you are still a creature of this World.

End note:  I just used Instagram as an example. Do NOT follow me on instagram. I don't use it. I once had an account, but I don't use it anymore. I am not the type of person who really cares about pictures. Obviously.

Anyhoo. I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.  :)

Friday, May 19, 2017

The Nameless People.

So anyway I live pretty close to the Heinz factory. Many days you can tell it must be pickle day, cuz you smell the vinegar. I pass it regularly as I bike to work. I probably pass it around 5:20 AM give or take. I often see people walking up to enter the building and start their shift. These are the nameless people. What is their life about?  Many of these people are Hispanic. I wonder what they do for dinner? 

Another Heinz employee is a neighbor of mine. I know this, cuz when I was driving to work on a Sunday around 5:30 AM a whole ago, he was driving too. He parked at the Heinz factory. Yesterday I saw him walking his 2 dogs. He had the blank stare on his face of a nameless person.

I took Hope to the park yesterday. I shot the basketball, and threw a ball for Hope. I think she enjoyed sprinting after it. I came home and relaxed out front. I had a few beers. No one was outside. It was probably the nicest days we had, and no one was outside. What do people do? 

I thought of that this morning before I got up I guess. I had another wake up early day. During and after dinner last night we watched a couple more "How to get away with murder" shows.

A day happened yesterday. I didn't do anything real significant. It was such a nice day out I knew I was going to the park. It's always empty. I knew I wanted to make burgers, cuz we haven't done 'em in forever.

I woke up early today, once again to the surprise of my wife. Where has she been all these years?   Whenever I am a first shifter I typically wake up early.

Today is before me, and I have no idea what little pointless things will make it up. I need to buy tomato plants. It is kinda a pain,  cuz I bike to work. I could always drive, but I hate that. Biking is what I'd rather do. It's just fun in the morning. Driving is a chore. Biking is just fun. A good start I guess.

Anyway, enough of this dumb blog.

Til tomorrow probably.

Have fun.   :)

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Most Significant Thing Yesterday.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am good. I got a good night sleep last night. I think I stayed up later than normal the night before,  cuz I was tired after work.

I remember thinking of sleeping in, and I did. Then I thought maybe I'd over sleep. I worried about that. Instead of sleeping for an extra 3 hours like I thought I just did,  I slept an extra half hour. :)  then I was up.

Anyway yesterday when I was up I kinda just sat there and thought of how I felt I guess. I had a feeling of peace inside. I had nothing to worry about at all. I had the same thought later too. Just doing my thing at work. The work day will end, and my life is filled with very little to no 'have to' 

Hard to explain I guess just very little stress I guess cuz that is how my days are. I think of how other people are, and I know people very little. It is hard for me to step in your shoes cuz all people take your route except me. I went a different way. Everyone starts on the same route. Me too. It is a route of society,  and propaganda. Family pressures to do this and that. Societal pressures to be an upstanding citizen. Perhaps religious pressures. We all at one time are a slave to something.

People strive, join a group. Our group is right. I put forth effort in this. I am a Saint cuz I worked harder than such and such. I'm a Saint cuz I fought for a Country. I'm a Saint cuz I killed for God. Everyone knows the story of Noah. In that regard people who kill for God are dumb. He doesn't need help in that area.

Anyway people are born to be one of the multitudes. To seek a different way you have to throw everything out. Upbringing, society,  religion,  lack of religion. Reason being is it all may be wrong. Why should you be a product of anything else?  You are alone in this World. Accountable for your actions. In the end you'll find nothing was really that important. The important thing is the truth, but the World hides the truth. It is hidden behind centuries and centuries of a bad History. The World colors history in pretty colors.

The World and life is ugly. Our insides are kinda dark. Perfection is not near us. Perfection is the thing most people gloss over. It's not possible so why worry?

Who says it's not possible?   Just cuz you can't do it then it can't be done?

Are you sure?   You gonna bet everything on that,  cuz that is the path you are on. Like everyone else,  except me.

Anyway the most significant thing for me yesterday was I had nothing to worry about. It is a gift from my labor that started somewhere in the early '90s. Probably '90 or '91.

The story isn't done, but my labor is kinda. I know my story,  and these days I have no clue of yours. I don't know what part you play,  and I accept maybe none.

Accepting stuff is easy for me, cuz I had to accept a lot of stuff. Harsh stuff. Faith is perfected through trials and tribulations, and those just made me strong. Not perfect yet, just strong.

Strong enough to stand on my own. I will be weak again when I do my final thing, cuz after that this person will be no more. I will be different. The stuff inside me now that makes perfection impossible has to leave me,  and I have to have the perfect stuff come inside me.

Only one way that happens,  and that story has been hidden for a long time.

Anyway. It is raining, so I'll make another coffee,  and read my book.

Later.   :)

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I Didn't Get Tired.

So yesterday went pretty well. Work was fine. I got my next 2 books at the library. I came home,  and cut the grass. I also got my 15-17 year old gas powered trimmer running. Last week I couldn't. I switched out the gas,  and let it idle for a while. It worked like a charm. That thing makes trimming very easy. I also got my garden ready to go.

Being active and getting things done gives you hope that just maybe we can get all the things done. I cooked some chops on the grill, and that was the day pretty much. I finished book 6 in my series, and went to bed. I also have an idea of what I'll be doing today. A project in mind outside. Maybe the change of seasons gives you another look, and more energy.

That is about it for me. Not much else going on. Not much real significant going on with me. Staying active. A 50 year old just living life. At the age of 50 you figure your days are about  2/3 done.

The thing about my life is my memories are all washed away. I had a story,  and I lived it. None of it even seems important anymore. I guess when you eventually process your life that is what happens. It no longer is of real consequence.

I stand on my own 2 feet too. Secure in my route, and who I am. I know there is another thing to do, but I don't know when. In previous times I think I had an idea how this blog was supposed to go, and others too. As to mine it just goes on. As to others I have no idea the significance, if any.

I think in some way I was supposed to get to know people. These days I don't think you really do. If people were courageous before of letting others in, I don't see it so much anymore.

People have a view of how their life is "supposed" to be. It's your life. You call the shots. You are the master of your 5 and 10 year plans. You will manipulate all events to make your plans come true. 

You've been in that spot for years now. Not much has changed really. People are just older,  and life has moved on. If possible people know you less.

What does that mean?  I am not really sure. I think I just thought this was supposed to go some place. Many have disappeared. So now I have no clue.

It doesn't matter though,  cuz my heart is content. This story is not mine to worry about. I am not calling the shots. I am just waiting for the thing I know I must do. The hidden answer. I have no clue anymore about you really.

I do know today I have work. I got stuff I want to get done today after. I can start book 7 now in my series. I guess in a life full of 'have to' I have very little of that. That is a weight many would probably like to lose.

Here is a hint about that. Lack of 'have to' has to do with a heart lacking that. Content and happy as far as those things go. I wonder how you struggle with that?   Without help much of life is a grind. A lot to do, and only so much time.

Anyway. Off I go to my book.

Cya.   :)

Monday, May 15, 2017

The Weekend Just Flew By.

It is already Monday. Nothing major happened this weekend. I worked a bit. I walked in a parade. I listened to a book, and read some of my other. I sat outside,  cuz it was sunny. I cooked on Saturday, and grilled on Sunday. Today I have to work,  and cut the grass. I probably should go to the library too to get a couple more books in my series. I am flying through them. Also we started watching 'How to get away with murder'

So life goes on. I think we will be close to 80° a lot this week. I have a lot of stuff to do I will never accomplish. Life comes at you at many angles. Should I read or clean?   Should I have two cups of coffee?     What should I have for dinner?  

Life is pretty crazy and pretty busy. I think it is good to have stuff to do though. I never really have a weekend so Monday never really feels like Monday. I get out at 2:00 PM at the latest anyway so I have time. Like today I was up before 3:00 AM so I don't just wake up and go to work.

I guess I just live my life. Nothing really important going on, and not much to stress about. I guess we all wish money would come in faster, and the bills slower,  but whatever.

Omg this update is so dumb. I guess I got nothing today.

If I cared more I'd probably delete this entry,  but I don't really give a fuck how dumb this is.

Anyway, I think I'll get my 2nd cup of coffee and read.

Cya.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

You Never Know.

So my first week of drinking one time/week was not perfect. My sleeping is different,  and my eating too. I did have a couple cheat drinks on Tuesday and Wednesday. Friday was my drink day, and I might not have used it, but I was tired. Tired mostly cuz I was woken up at 11:00 PM from loud talking,  and had problems falling back asleep.

A WIP.  Other than that I stay busy. Work is busy, I have more stuff to do than I can finish probably. I think 50 is a good year. You don't have to stay up with the latest  fashions, of course I may have been like that for deades. You probably have little to no debt, cuz you don't need things. Kids if you had any are grown up, and doing their own life thing.

My life I had no kids. Lisa had one from a previous marriage. Kids are a lot of work,  and kids aren't perfect. They back talk, and get in trouble. They don't clean,  and they make a mess. They probably don't want to go to bed on time, and all that.

I thought about a lot of things this week. I meant to blog,  but I slept or read my book instead. I am on book #6 in my series.

I know things in life. I know where this all leads. I know the route all take,  and many try to think they are taking a different route than they are.

There are only 2 routes. A perfect route,  and the thief's route. Many/all think they are on the perfect route, when all actually should be on the other route. It takes a lot of life,  and good eyesight to see where you are. The busyness of life clouds your vision,  as does the true nature of you. We weren't born with good eyesight as to where we stand.

Life is a story about you.  It isn't about heroes,  and sportsing people or suit wearers, or people in other uniforms. Throw the decorations and fashion out,  and it is just you and your life.

Family doesn't mean anything. No points for having one cuz everyone does. The 12 walked away from everything, and you are not strong enough for that.

If you were asked you couldn't. False teachers teach the wrong stuff. You have no idea what you were born into here. It isn't what you think.

There is a better spot outside the wilderness,  but you won't find much good while in it. It's kinda an endure thing, but I really don't even know what people are even thinking anyway.

You and I are different,  and I know the path I chose. I know about this life here. I know people's imperfection,  cuz I know mine.

I also am not afraid to be the thief, cuz I have help, and the truth no longer scares me.

Anyway. Today should be a day.

Cya.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

All In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I got something in the mail the other day. A special car event. Heavily advertised. $2100 off the price of the used car + no matter what it looks like I get $75 just for showing up. I would want a truck. The trucks were way too nice for someone who drives 3000 miles or less each year. We looked and did a test drive. I don't want a car payment,  but would be willing to get into a $100-150 car payment. That was not going to happen. Instead of $75 I got  $5 for showing up.

Lisa still likes modes of transportation, and I could give a fuck. They advertised to the poor. $59 down,  and this is your monthly payment. You never knew what the price of the car was til way later. The car payments were ridiculous seeming to me. Do people still make $300-400 payments?

I drive less than 3000 miles per year, so that is not the norm.  As far as car salesman go, I am the worst guy. I wasn't in the market for a vehicle,  but I checked it out for what I thought would be $75. I got  $5.

I looked at the job of those traveling car salespeople. I think they travel around the country for liquidation events.  Advertise heavily,  set up tents, and do their spiel.

Everything out of their mouth was total BS I bet. Kinda like the BS phone solicitors peddle.

Anyway, we picked up some groceries,  and made an easy meal. I watched a movie,  and read a bit of my book.

I don't know what I'll do today after work.

I'll tell you something of me. I did drink alcohol frequently. Pretty much every day. Not a crazy amount. I never got hung over, and I never got a headache. If you could drink alcohol without any of the physical consequences why not do it?  1 drink always turns into 3 or 4 though. I'd get a good buzz and fall asleep. You never know what kinda stupid shit you think of with a pretty good buzz. So finally I got talked into tuning it down.

For me personally I don't believe in alcoholism. A made up word in my view. You got shit to do then do it. At the end of the day do what you want. You still gotta get up the next day though. You still gotta work. I never woke up wanting a vodka drink first thing in the morning. Is that real?  I never once in my life drank a fifth of something in one day.

Anyway. I do like the alcohol buzz. I decided to do it one day /week now. Seems easy, and it is mostly. On my way home or after work though my heart kinda gets excited thinking of having a drink. Pretty weird. Don't know where that comes from. Maybe bodies crave sugar, and that is the sugar I consumed most of my years.

Who knows?   I did drink cuz why not. In life I have already won,  and really there are no consequences for me. I still eventually will do my final thing. Regardless of anything. That being said my turn helps me look at things different.

I like it. Life still is crazy busy, and there is not enough time to get all the things done. I just gotta plug along I guess.

Anyhoo.

Another day older,  and I doubt we ever get wiser. We just live out our days.

I do like a good turn, and I think this is a good one for me.

Okee dokee.  Cya.   :)

Monday, May 8, 2017

Some Different Things.

Yesterday I did some different things. Nothing crazy. I did work 8 hours,  and listened to my book. When I got home I took Hope for a long walk. I forget you see things when you walk. Normally I walk Hope in the wee hours,  cuz she is such an ass, but I am going to walk her more during the day.

I walked past a cemetery I've run past a million times. I looked at the gravestones.   There was a couple both born in 1924. They were married for 71 years. Guy is still alive, and the lady died a year or two back. I wonder what their life was like. Got married during WWII. Lived through the post war boom. Probably bought a house. He worked, she took care of the house. It doesn't say if they had kids. Living in Holland they probably spent most Sundays in some type of Church.

The milk man delivered milk. They were my age in 1974. The guy is in his 90's. I doubt he takes dogs for a walk. Probably hasn't worked in forever. Who knows if he is mentally all there. I don't have many thoughts about their life. They probably thought it was important at some time, but like you I see them as just some old people with no story. I made up their story,  and there isn't much to it.

I also saw a lot of people born in the 1800s, and many lived long lives. Like 80 years. That surprised me. I also looked at houses and stuff. I always look at roofs. Ours just got redone,  and I am actually pretty surprised how many people have nice roofs. Like mine.  :)

Some yards were nice, and some not. I feel I have a lot of work to do with mine. I noticed trees coming into bloom. Different colors of leaves. It wasn't a waste of time really.

I did have a couple drinks after, cuz I had some stuff sitting there for a couple days.

As far as days go I guess it was okay. Those people who were married for 71 years, their lives mean nothing. Being married for 71 years means nothing. It is just life. We live out our years with no story,  and no significance.

We spent time on this Earth, and these days a good percentage of people never had milk delivered to their house. You didn't miss out on anything terribly exciting. Well, the moms may have.  ;)

So you walk on a chilly sunny day. A good wind. You see the short story of nameless people. You see roofs, and trees, and lawns,  and flowers.

My days will come to an end. I don't know why people have to kill each other. I don't know why people pay attention to politics. You are in the middle of your short story. You end up a nameless person. The memory of us does not live forever in this place.

Hopefully you die before you get dumb and feeble. Hopefully you die before all you do is watch tv.

Anyway. That is what was different yesterday.

Cya.   :)

Oh, doing different shit today too.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Starting Another Day.

I am starting Another day. Yesterday was a bit different cuz usually I pick up a bottle of wine after work on Saturdays. It's the night I drink wine. Not anymore as Saturday will not be a drink night. Thursday or Friday will be my drink night.

Last night I cooked dinner, and got a good start in book 5 of my series. I also watched the movie one for the money, which was made from the first book in the series. I seem to be getting more and more hooked. Getting into the characters more and more. Also today I finally have the last of my Pendergast novels to listen to. I was on a wait list, but no more.

Having been down this road before I am pretty excited to be back on it. I save money, and I have more productive time. We will definitely get our house painted once the weather fully cooperates.

In a life full of turns I just made another. My whole routine thrown away to find a different one. Check it out. Kinda like the change in seasons, you don't want to look at the same shit all the time.

I don't know where it will lead me. Probably more distant. In life I suspect most of you want to matter,  and most want to be important.

The truth suggests you and I are in the same boat. We aren't. You aren't special,  and you are not some remarkable human being. Just one of the multitudes. All our stories are different though. Most/all are hidden though,  cuz no one wants the World to see the real them. Too scary. You are too flawed. Too imperfect. Who wants to show themselves if they can't wear Saint's clothes?   Too many judges and we aren't perfect.

You think that doesn't matter, but I KNOW it does.

Whatever. I am me doing my life thing. One man in a World on his own. Comfortable with me,  and not really concerned about much.

I'll finish my coffee, and get ready for work.

Cya.   :)

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Been A While.

I haven't been updating much lately,  and it feels pretty good. This may be my new norm. I don't really have anything important to blog about. Nothing particularly important happening in my life.

I am thinking of not drinking mostly. Maybe one day a week like I did before. It would be really easy, except when the day winds down I do think a drink would be nice. I mostly would plan to do housework,  and yard work. Probably read more too. I am going through the books where Stephanie Plum is the main character. A normal girl from Jersey turned bounty hunter.

Her character is a good one. Flawed like everyone. It's a girl though,  and the author is female. Mostly I'd read books where guys are the main character. You kinda get a females perspective.

I haven't been running, and currently I have no running shoes. I already turned my running shoes into work shoes. I will go to the running store soon, and walk for them to get a good pair for me.

I am in no hurry,  cuz I don't expect my knee to hold up to any crazy training. If I don't run or spend a crazy amount of time in some hobby I wonder what else I'll do? 

Nothing really comes to mind, but I will continue to do the house stuff and reading. I still have 16 more Stephanie Plum books to read, and then I'll start something else. I do have my jobs too, so I have stuff every day.

My whole life from before I've gone through. Every part of us has to be dealt with. All our failures and hurts and shit. Probably the most important thing in your life to do. I already did that shit. It is behind me and no longer of any consequence.

This blog is of no consequence. Me, and my life either. I am way cool with that. I don't care.

So til next time. There is always a possibility there will be no next time. Maybe tomorrow I'll have one or 3 weeks from now. I don't know.

Blogging is probably dumb. I don't know. My life is.   :)

Haha. 

Cya.  Have a good one.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

This Kid Is Alive.

Good morning. I am doing okay. I don't know why the last two days I've been waking up, and the previous week I was sleeping in.

I am alive. My insides are charged. How I feel on the inside is different than you. You I don't know. I don't know what life feels like to someone like you. On the flip side you don't know me. You have no idea how it feels to be me.

There is a great divide between you and I. There are so many important things in life,  except there aren't. The time we spend doing stuff is valuable,  except it isn't. The sacrifices we make are very valuable,  except they aren't.

Life is a time filled story that trillions have done. All end up 6' under. How is it we place so much importance in our life, which obviously isn't important?   A look at the numbers tells us the truth.

So we go on and on showing everyone how important we are, and our great deeds, but it is just life. We get thrown into this World. As kids we cry at the stupidest shit for hours on end. Across the street yesterday the neighbor lady had a kid yelling and crying mommy mommy mommy mommy. Who the fuck wants to deal with that?  

How is that loud mother fucker  going to miraculously turn perfect once he stops masturbating  47 times each day after HS?  It won't happen before HS ends that's for sure.

Life is ugly,  and all of us are flawed. Unable to be perfect. As a matter of fact we don't even know what perfect is. You may have some weird idea to it, but you really have no clue. Me either really. I know it is different than what I am now.

Maybe that is where you and I differ. I know where I stand as far as these things go.

Anyway, another blog. This is kinda boring to do I think.

Blah.

Cya.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Think It Has Been A Week.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I've been sleeping in a lot so no blog. I liked it too. Secretly I wanted to always sleep in and never blog again, but I am up.

Not much been going on. Kinda decided to work on the house this year. No running or anything. I still bike to work most days, and that will mostly be the extent of what I do. Things pile up. Yard work, grass, garden, organize, clean. We have a lot we can do. Last night I spent an hour or two planting grass, and edging. On nice days I'd like to follow that plan,  and maybe read my books on rainy days, or do shit inside.

Our big plans huh?  I am sure I'll fuck that up often,  but in theory it sounds good. As easy as life can be it still is pretty fucking busy.

Really not much else going on. Living a simple boring life,  and I think the more boring the better. My life is pretty dumb, and you'd be a fool to want to read about it, just as I am a fool to write about it.

This thing is/was about so much more though,  but you and I are different. I am a piece of shit imperfect person telling you my truth, and also kinda being a mirror to your truth. I didn't know everyone was a Saint though,  so what a waste of time.

No biggie though cuz time I have. Also in the wilderness I don't give a fuck.

Cya

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Trailers For Sale Or Rent.

Good morning. How's it going?   I am fine. Yesterday was pretty busy. I had more to do at work than usual for a Monday, but I got out on time. We tried finishing our pickets replacement,  but it doesn't line up. It is Hope proof right now,  but we will have to adjust ~20 of them this weekend. I wanted it to be done. Oh well.

Our roof guy came over,  and we paid him off. In the end we are $6000 poorer, but we will never have to deal with that roof again. We bought good 30 year shingles,  and it looks good. We also got all our old ruined pickets in the roof dumpster. Lisa can take the not horrible ones and donate it to her work. As Spring is upon us we already got a lot done.

Not sure what I will do today after work. It will be nice out so I'll probably sit outside. Probably do tacos for dinner. I have a lot of things on my mind I guess. A lot of things I want to get done. Busy busy I guess you'd say, but I still have plenty of time to just relax. Every day still ends with dinner you know?  

Who really knows how people think. I feel I am pretty far removed. Did you do enough?  Did you sleep too much?  Did you worry too much?  Did the burdens of life drag you down?  

I suspect people seek out the perfect balance to life. The balance comes from your heart though, and that we don't really control. We can make rockets and stuff, and blow people up. Stay busy doing things in this World,  but we cannot control our heart.

Weird huh?  We seek out ways in the World to make our mark, and we never really question why our hearts fail us.

Anyway. A lot of questions to life,  and perhaps the right questions never get asked.

Why am I not better?

Guess that's it. Gonna take Hope this morning,  and hopefully have time to do the dishes.

Cya.  :)

Xoxo

Monday, April 17, 2017

In The End It Was A Pretty Lazy Day.

We did do some cleaning,  and laundry,  cooked a ham and stuff, but my first day off in 4 months was a pretty lazy one. Why not right?  I think that will be the case on future days off. Good to be lazy once in a while.

Like I said before though I am done with work early afternoon all days, so I still have all my days. I gotta check the weather today, cuz I was thinking there might be rain. Other than that today will be pretty normal. Nothing huge planned.

Nothing really on my mind right now. I did think of something earlier. A way I am different than you. I am this imperfect entity. I know it, and I know my personal route to perfection.  It iswhat I set out to do long ago, but the timing isn't up to me. Anyway I am not afraid of imperfection. I was during the journey, but I am accepted now. Secure in who I am. Even when I was scared I still was open. Have been since things started up during the running blog days, but fear is long gone.

There is a story being played out and I am powerless to make this story happen, although I will play a part.

How this all ties in to the end days I am not sure. Let him who hath understanding, and that is what I am after. That which is trapped in me gets let loose, and who knows?

I asked for the mirror several years ago, and the mirror is for people to look at them self. A mirror turned brings hate and anger, and I wondered if the whole World has the mirror and uses it incorrectly than the World is pretty ugly.

I don't know these things though. If people are mad I don't see it, cuz I am not mad.

I just do this life thing, and my story will be played out. I have no worries of that. When I spent my time in the wilderness I knew what was at stake. I knew the end I was desperate to escape. Fear was my crutch, cuz I knew too much to be secure. By knowing too much I knew where I stood.

In a World of Saints I knew I wasn't one. I also knew the World wasn't full of Saints. Maybe that is where we see things different.

Anyhoo.

Gotta go.

Cya.   :)

Xoxo.  :)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Something Different

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I got a good night sleep,  and I have all of today off. It is weird waking up in the middle of the night, and realize you don't have to worry how many hours til you gotta be at work. It's been a while.

Today I don't have any real big plans. Do some cleaning,  finish the last 50 pickets of our back fence. Nothing too crazy. I'll just be doing it not after working 8 hours.

Oh my gosh that is pretty much all that is on my mind. Yesterday got up to 77° according to my phone. It felt good to be in that weather again. It feels good we got a shit ton done with our house so far this year. New kitchen, sink, faucet, garage door,  opener,  roof,  fence. I have some windows to replace, and the house needs to be painted still, but that is all doable. We have to finish up our basement still, but that can be this Fall.

One can never read the future, but all things being equal we would sell our house in 5-10 years and live in a tiny house. A big house doesn't really fit our lifestyle. It is just more space. Space we don't need.  Of course things never really stay equal, and this World is probably on a crash course.

Are people still mad at stuff?   Do wars still happen?   Are people still killing each other?   That seems pretty silly and dumb. I cannot fathom that. I think everything is pretty wrong in this World, and I don't see a way to fix it. People are the ones who need to be fixed,  but people are all right and correct in their eyes.

I think everyone thinks they question stuff, but maybe they don't. If you still believe in Country and flags and stuff you haven't questioned anything. In the end you have to question it all. That means everything must be thrown away. That includes religion,  and the opposite of that.

It is a hard thing asked of you, because in these steps you learn fear, and doubt, and what it is like to be alone in the World. People have to help themselves first before they can help others. In doing that you'll realize there is very little you can do,  but with help the sky is the limit.

Then I guess you realize on our own we sure aren't worth much.

Anyhoo

I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

Xoxo

Friday, April 14, 2017

The Tacos Put Me In A Food Coma.

That was my day yesterday pretty much. Buzz around work for 9 hours getting as much stuff done as I could,  ride my bike to the library to get book #2, start book, eat tacos, crash. The Tacos hit the spot though. Perfect call for dinner.

There you have a day. Seems silly I blog so often cuz really what is going to happen to me in one day?  Not much. Today is Friday. Tomorrow I get to sleep in, work a few hours, and have all of Sunday off. Not sure what I'll do, but I'll have a day off.

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I just had a day. I didn't seek out trying to change the World. Of course I never do.

I guess the most significant thing I saw was a picture on Twitter. It is someone I follow,  but I don't know. It was the day she got her leg blown off while in Afghanistan or something. I don't know her like I said. I followed her, cuz for some reason her stuff popped up in my feed.

She got like a bronze medal at the paralympics in triathlon,  but I guess I was more interested in seeing her face after her leg was blown off. It wasn't negative,  and it wasn't bitter. It may have been a drug induced high,  but from what I can tell she doesn't seem bitter or angry today either. I did think of that.

I am not gonna put her up for Sainthood,  cuz no one belongs on that pedestal,  but I like her demeanor I guess.

So then you start thinking here is someone I sorta know, but don't know. How many other people in cyberland are acquaintances like that. A lot,  but really not many I guess.

Who knows?   Who cares? 

Today I'll have a day. It won't be much different from many others. I have no idea what to do for dinner.

Gonna be a wild one today.   :)

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

XOXO. :)

Thursday, April 13, 2017

A Talisman For A Reindeer Is Always Gluten Free.

I read that on the Internet somewhere, and it mildly shocked me. I never knew that.

Anyway How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Nothing too crazy. I finished my book I started, so now I gotta go back to the library today to get book 2 in the series.

Our shingles got delivered so our roof will be done soon. Not exactly sure when their planning to do it. We'll have a couple nice days,  and then rain. Pretty excited though. Our roof will look good. We are kinda the black sheep on the block now with our ugly roof.

So there, that is the extent of my day. I made an easy meal, and tonight we will do tacos.

Simple pimple really. Crossing off day after day. Eventually we all reach the finish line. No one escapes that part. Not really sure if a lot of thought goes into it for people. Here for a bit. We do some stuff,  and exit. None of what we do makes any difference.

We have fun days, and we have hard days. We toil for paychecks and what not. In the end you don't end up perfect. Everyone else is the same as you. If your a parent your kid won't end up perfect either. It doesn't matter how much you labor, perfection is out of your power.

Does that matter?  I say it is important, but I am the only one. Everyone else lives in the land of "good enough".  That is the land people really need to graduate out of,   and I guess there only is one way. Hearts aren't able on their own to graduate out of this land, and people's vision cannot see beyond it.

So we really we just run in place,  cuz nothing of value is done in chutes and ladders land.

Anyway, I think I'll finish my coffee,  and take Hope.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

XOXO. :)

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

A Cold Day = A Different Outcome.

Hello and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday wasn't horrible as far as days go I guess. I rode my bike to work. Somehow it got a flat, although I changed the tube a little over a week ago. It rained all last week so I didn't bike hardly. There is a bike shop across the street from work, so I took it there. I wanted them to check and make sure there wasn't anything in the tire. I checked last time, and didn't see anything. Sure enough they found a little piece of metal. Also they fixed a couple other things too. It was a smooth ride home.

Authors these days are writing series of books. For no reason at all I Googled a popular writer and started her series of a girl down on her luck turned bounty hunter. Evanovich is the author and Plum is the main character. It is an easy read and book #1 is going down good. There are like 20 in the series. I know 1 and 2, and many others are at the library.

So I read when I got home. Kinna can't wait to get back to the book either.

Had a little meal before bed, and that was the extent of my day. Glad my bike is in good shape. I may buy another in a couple weeks. Nothing expensive,  and more like a commute bike. I do all my business at the shop across from the bakery,  even before I worked there. I'll get it from there. Not looking for anything extravagant. Century rides are not my thing, so I'd like to keep the price close to $300 or so. It doesn't need to be high tech, and I am thinking more mountain bike frame with more commute type tires.

Other than that not much. Getting ready for another day. My life is not quite as exciting as a bounty hunter, but one does what one can. 

Stupid update I know.  :)

Stupid life too.   :)

LOL

Have a good one.  :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

XOXO.    :)

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

This Feels Normal

Good morning all. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am up, awake,  and this is more like it. Last week I slept in a lot for some reason.

Anyway I repeat myself a lot probably. I probably say a lot of shit here I may say elsewhere. Anyway we got our fence up. Replaced a lot of pickets. Actually we bought our final 50 last night. Our back fence will be done this week.

As some of you know I work 3 jobs. Not really cuz I need the money, but cuz I want to. I don't get many days off. This Sunday I'll get a day off cuz of Easter. It will be my first day off since Jan. 1. No big plans or anything, but it will be nice to have a day off. Ftr with my jobs I still am always out by 1 or 2 in the afteenoon, so I still get all my days. That is a good thing.

Other than that not much going on. Just doing this life thing. Day after day. I pretty much keep it simple,  cuz that is how my life is. Simple.

I am not out to change a World that won't change. I place no allegiance to flag,  or Country or anything. In a World where we want something to matter I am content knowing the truth. Nothing matters. Our time here is insignificant. Your labors to somehow make a difference end up in failure. You don't.

It is a sad existence, unless your heart is happy and content with the truth. That is one of my gifts. I am cool with this little life here.

I am cool with my day to day. I am realistic about the importance of my day to day. I am cool with the truth.

So, I guess today I'll have another day. It will involve work, eat, sleep, as seemingly all others do. Fine by me.   :)

Have a good one.  Xoxo.  :)

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Well, That Was Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. I haven't blogged in a while cuz I slept in every day. Even if I woke up at a blogging time wide awake, I fell back asleep. Strange.

Even today I slept in again, but I don't work til later. Yesterday I did finish getting all my poles in for the fence. The final 3 were not as easy as the first 6, but they aree in. We'll put the panels on Sunday. Then our yard will be enclosed again, but not with a wobbly fence. It will look a lot better too. We'll eventually replace all the pickets one panel at a time. Maybe one panel each week.  ~15 pickets.

This Spring is different. I actually want to get stuff done. This week was cold rain every day so I didn't get shit done. Today it is supposed to be nice so I'll get the little amount of leaves we have out to the road.

So today I have a little work,  and I'll make a nice meal. Tomorrow I'll work,  and finish our fence. I bet our roof gets done this week too. Also we have a new garage door,  and opener installed.

Slowly we are getting our shit done we wanted. So now I'll finish my coffee and take Hope.

Maybe it is a good thing I didn't blog this week hardly,  cuz today was just day to day BS

Oh well. 

Cya.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Life Moves On...

I could tell you I had a crazy weekend, but I didn't. Outside of work we did a lot of work on our fence. We are doing the back fence. It is the most important. Our right side is fine. It's our neighbors. The left side we'll do next year probably. Our other neighbors have a fence already. Our fence that came with the house had posts that were not cemented. We put in new ones and cemented them. We also our raising the height maybe 1-1/2'. 

So really the weekend was normal in all areas, except we worked on the fence. I also stayed up later,  and slept later. It is supposed to rain all week so we probably won't finish it til this weekend.

Other than that time moves on. Another day here and another day there. I don't really know what people do or what people think.  These days I probably don't care. In a World  where most place importance in things that aren't does it even matter what people think? 

In a World of lives unimportant people try to show and prove the opposite is true. Who has time to pay attention to that?  

I have to work,  eat, and sleep. I am alive so I try to have fun doing it. I think I am mostly successful. I don't have any secrets,  except a heart that knows and accepts the truth. I guess until you reach that point you will always be lacking something.

Anyways, as usual just getting something down. I did pick the men's NCAA winner this year.

Cya.  :)

Saturday, April 1, 2017

If I Could Draw It Up.

I'd draw out my Friday as it went. Work went smooth. We finished off a pretty easy week. We had a stretch where the weeks were challenging,  and out of the blue a pretty easy week.

After work I went out to the local lumberyard I used to work at to pick up the supplies I needed. Also I like to go there so I can forget a few supplies I intended to get. Why make one trip when 2 is way more efficient?   I saw a couple people I used to work with. I didn't say hi, cuz I didn't want to. Also I realized I didn't even remember their names.

Anyway I did that. Unloaded the truck. Had some time so I went out for a couple beers. Ran into Hawaii Greg so I hung out for a couple hours. I came home, Lisa brought home dinner, and I went to bed early. I now am up early, and that is how I like it. That's how I'd  draw up a perfect day.

Other than that not much going on. We have a fence to put up when I get home from work. I have plenty of time to take Hope. Plenty of time for 2 cups of coffee too I bet.

Funny thing about life is we figure something has to mean something right?  The fuck we doing here?

You'll find everyone has ideas as to the perfect life or whatever,  but no one is living the perfect life. You haven't nailed life by any stretch.

The truth doesn't stop at that seems good. The truth is absolute. No one's thoughts are perfect. Yours sure aren't. Mine either. I am accepted though. I don't stand as a righteous person. I stand as a faithful person. The truth took me here. The story doesn't stop,  because perfection is the end game. Understanding.

Everything else is just life. The thing that means nothing,  contrary to what you think. In a life that really comes down to getting points you are shut out. The other team is way stronger than you.

If it weren't for me you would have no clue. I came with the truth,  and no one wants to deal with that.

Where the truth is ABSOLUTE, where do you think you stand? 

In life we all are actors. It's all we can do, cuz we just ain't that great. Contrary to what you think.

Anyway.

I am out.

Later.  :)

Friday, March 31, 2017

Some Days You Don't Have A Title

For the life of me I cannot think of a title. One would think if that's the case maybe I shouldn't blog. I will though.

We are starting our back yard fence reconstruction this weekend. We will use 4x4x10' instead of 8'  we will also cement the poles in. Good to do it in the Spring after a rain. Should be easy to dig out the holes some more. It will then be Hope proof. One of our projects we wanted to undertake for awhile. To be honest I am glad to get that started. Besides work that will be my weekend.

Other than that not much going on I guess. Yesterday I just listened to my book, and made an easy dinner. I slept good. Woke up at 12:30 wide awake. Ready to get up, but fell asleep again to a little before my early alarm.

Today will be another day. You know what  my days entail. Not much. Work,  eat, sleep.

Now I think I'll eat breakfast.

Maybe I shouldn't have blogged.

Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

Cya.  :)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Some Days.

You never know what will happen in a day. Yesterday I got pretty silly. Just having fun. You pretty much want to enjoy your lives. Be silly,  have fun. Live without a care in the World.

How can you?  You as a person are supposed to do this and that. Socially accepted norms mean you must do this and that.  You want to do this and that though. You want to be silly, have fun. You also want to feel good, have a lot of energy, and wake up rested.

I could give you the secret to life,  but I can't. I am not the author of my story. So many days of mine were hard. My path was one of learning. I learned a lot. I guess what I learned is how helpless I am.

All the avenues of me is pure and simple folly. That is where you are now I guess. You want to pave your stairway to heaven with good works, and also you want to show people your paved road you have started.  

It means nothing. Everything we have done doesn't mean anything. I currently am sitting with points while all others are being shut out. The road I made I didn't. I was led along blindly. You don't know the suffering I've endured to get points, but one does. For some reason it is pleasing to him my path is solo. Hidden from all. Also it is how it's always been where one gets the message. Delivers it cuz that is their purpose. Their job if you will. It is ingrained in their heart. Their labor is not from them,  like mine is not from me.

Our message we bring from elsewhere does not get received. Hearts turn hard, cuz they want their life. They want to show people their greatness. You want to show people your stairway to heaven.

Also is it possible to bring happiness and contentment out of nothing?  The World was made out of what was once nothing. What great deeds will you do? 

We are pretty insignificant huh? 

Okee doke. Just getting something down.

I think it's raining.

Cya.  

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

A Difference In A Week.

Some things remained the same as I had stuff to do after work on Monday. That is 3-4 weeks straight. Typically I have nothing to do after work. We got our taxes done,  and set up our roof.

First off I wanted to say I have been bundled with energy this past weekend, and beginning of this week. Last week I was tired I definitely will take the energy and the part of feeling great.

As to our roof running a roofing business is not easy. He has to pull permits,  set up delivery of supplies, do the estimate, hire employees,  payroll and whatnot. You never really think of that shit.

Anyway we are  all set up. Good to go as it were. Taxes are done. Fine for no HC is close to $700 this year. Next year will be closer to $1000. That fine really is a tax on the poor. I doubt rich people go without HC. In my opinion the problem is insurance in general. Very inefficient.

People with insurance with low co pays probably go to the Dr. for every little thing.   I haven't been to a Dr. in forever. I am healthy. Insurance = incentive for waste.  You show me someone working in the insurance industry, and I'll show you someone who spends a good deal of time in a cubicle. Looking at computer screens,  and talking on phones. Maybe eating donuts by the water thingy.

I think higher education is a waste now too. You going to go in house size debt to get a cubicle job?   That's dumb. The system is broke. You ain't gonna fix it. You want an education?  Read Catch-22. Laugh, but get mad.

Get a job where you are on your feet. Don't go into high debt. Enjoy your years if you are able. I suspect that enjoy part is out if your hands. A good heart is a good thing to come by, but probably out of our hands. I know the steps I made, and I don't know how I'd be if I didn't do what I did. I suspect not as happy.

The World goes on in its shitty way. People who think they are smart continue to do stupid shit. Rich people who were born that way typically are the stupidest people in the World. They do the most damage too.

Arrogance is an awful thing misplaced. When the arrogant think they are smart when really they are dumb, that is a bad thing.

The World is full of these people. Many times money is what makes the difference in classes. It makes up our hierarchy, and money may be the dumbest thing of all.

Your World though. I have no use for it. I have my day to day. I'll think I'll stay on this route.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Psyche.    ;)

Cya.   :)

Saturday, March 25, 2017

The Day Is Before Me.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am good. It is my sleep in day, so I slept in. Kinda. Not sure what today will hold. We got our garage door up. Another thing off the list. Lisa got her new glasses too. Another one off.

Not sure about today.  I looked up movies. I guess that's a possibility,  although leaning against it. I do have a couple things I want to get done. I guess in my mind I have a big list. I should get it down so I can see it. Cross shit off.

Not really sure what to do for dinner. I feel we should try something new. We went out for dinner last night. A day starts with all kindsa possibilities. Rarely if ever do I accomplish what I set out in the morning. You can imagine how I am in the morning. Ready to go, but I am active every day. I don't sit down til I am done with work. I do eventually lose steam.

I will say this. I like the direction our house is going. We are getting shit done,  and Spring is upon us. So that's good.

Other than that I guess I'll drink my coffee. Take Hope for a walk,  and have a day. There will be dinner at the end of it.

Cya later.  :)

Friday, March 24, 2017

I Think Spring Is Here

The 10 day has one high of 48°, and the rest in the 50°s or higher. We are close to getting everything done we wanted help with. Garage door goes in today. Our roof guy comes out to look at our roof. We have to do some fence repair in back. Hope is an ass. He's trying to eat his way out. Really we just need to make it taller. 10' posts instead of 8'  it will make our fence 7' high. She can't jump that high. We'll cement them too. The original owner didn't.  We also want to paint our house. Change out a couple windows. Finish up the basement. A lot to do still.

The basement is all framed and insulated. We never finished the walls. I did the ceiling, but don't like it, so we took it down. I'll be busy, and I like to be lazy. 

It is Springtime though. Everything is new again. The season has changed, and once again everything looks different.  That is what Midwest living is.

Anyhoo,  enough about me. Not really though. Am I to talk of you?  I don't even know you. I know me. I know this World. I know my little life here. I know it has an end. In the end I did have a purpose. The reason I am here is what I will finish. My job will be done.

It wasn't what I expected, and it wasn't what I planned.   Left to my own devices from way back when who knows?  I know  I wasn't perfect,  and my life would have been pretty Fucked up.

My life still isn't perfect cuz I am not. Not yet. I know the human experience though having been one. I was taken abruptly out of the World long ago, and I saw it for what it is. I saw people's lives all dressed up. I know people's inside thoughts though,  and we don't want to show that.

Why?  Cuz we all are Fucked up, and we only want to show a dressed up version of ourself. The World overpowers in that way. People judge. The World judges, and none are strong enough to stand up to it.

If you knew now the folly of life you would wish you did something different. Was on a different route. You were always going to be tangled into your life. No one escapes that. Only way out of your dilemma is a turn. The turn is blind. A blind turn eventually helps you see. Through the eye of the needle the log gets removed. This is out of your power.

A strong person needs no help. A strong person is foolish.

Anyway. Today will be a good day. We are getting shit done.

Cya.   :)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The Things That Are On My Mind.

That title is kinda a joke, cuz not much is on my mind. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. I worked,  and had dinner. There really isn't anything of real importance I thought about. Just doing my day to day. The days come. I typically don't get everything done I want after work,  but I have dinner, and I sleep.

Pretty simple really. Yet my days are never perfect. When you live in my head there isn't much of anything that is so grand it is very important. Life is a big thing in our mind, but it's not important.  It's just something we do cuz for some reason we are here.

We didn't choose to be born. We didn't choose which Country we would be born in. Most, probably all, besides me never threw everything away. Country,  upbringing, teaching we've been taught from the World. Why are you here? 

In a World that offers nothing I guess that is a good place to start. I am going to have a day today. I am sure people will post stuff they think is significant to make it seem their life matters. It doesn't.

We've been preceded by trillions. We aren't better, and we aren't smarter. I am the only one who knows this though. Everyone else thinks they are better and are smarter.

We're just humans. Gross really. We all have a bunch of shit that pops up in our head. If we wanted a head that had perfect thoughts it isn't in our power. You are a slave to all the shit that pops up in your head.

In a World where you think you are master you are not. We are just humans living an imperfect life. No life was better way back when. We aren't better either.

This World is a crazy and insignificant thing. Those of this World can't see it. You have to step out to look at it objectively. You cannot be a part of it if you want to see it.

Anyway.

I'll cya.