Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Back To Normal'ish

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. I am back home, and going back to work today.  I think having people you know die is always a strange and sad thing.

I am not always very family oriented. Part of the reason I never wanted kids. I am selfish. Also another reason is new borns are a pain in the ass,  and kids are  not my thing. The writing on the wall was clear at an early age.

Bob was always a part of our family,  and maybe mostly cuz it seemed most times either John or Jim lived with him. I did enjoy getting to know him a bit. It was always good to visit,  although I didn't much the last couple of years. Our vehicles weren't always reliable. Our finances were not the best, and I work a lot. I will never get awards for family member of the year. Life goes on, but memories always come around after these types of things.

This is a part of life though,  and we all go through it. So, I go back to the grind. I don't really grind, cuz I work,  eat, sleep. Eventually I eat a meal to end my day. Life really isn't this terribly exciting thing we do. It is day after day of what we do. People in different countries do different things. I guess one of the keys to happiness is the truth, but the truth of life is the last thing we expect it is.

I guess we think somewhere life has to be this magical thing somehow, but it isn't. There are unwritten rules for being organized, but once you die your files are useless. They are garbage. There are no rewards for a lifetime of good filing techniques.

If that is the case then what is important?  No matter what you do in life you don't escape death. That must mean something. That is a truth of life,  and death is always something that happens to other people. We have plenty of time to polish up our filing techniques, and buy shit other people will eventually have to do something with. 

Life is strange. No doubt about it.  Our heroes in the long run are not any better than us. I guess that means in a big World there are no heroes.

So today, this month, whatever, I am sure I will personally reflect on stuff, cuz that's what we do during these times. As time goes on it seems death becomes more natural. We get older we kinda expect it more, cuz we deal with it more.

Last week I got a text from my brother to give him a call. I knew it was bad news. Either my Dad or Bob. My little family I grew up with got just a little bit smaller.

Death makes life even stranger than it already is.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

It Is Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. We had the funeral for my Uncle yesterday. I traveled to Chicago on Sunday, and the last two days were a lot of things.

Just two weeks ago my Uncle had files for prescriptions,  stuff dealing with Healthcare,  and financial papers,  Medical History,  and whatnot. Upon his death all these papers automatically get turned into garbage. Useless. I find that strange. The returned checks he has dating back to 1963 were probably garbage AT LEAST 5 or 50 years ago.

There were pictures, and the ones I find most strange were him, his sister (My step mom), and grandma and grandpa. That family of 4 are all passed now. A nuclear family only alive in memories.

I looked around his house to see the things he has, mostly out of strange curiosity. When we pass, the things we accumulate through out the years turn into other people's problem.

I tried to picture this last year of his, and I am afraid it is probably a pretty sad story. His health was deteriorating quickly. He was suffering from something real similar to Lou Gehrigs disease. I think in his mind he was at mile 20 of the Chicago Marathon,  and if he just gutted it out for 6 more miles things would be fine. Unfortunately that is not how things really work.

It was a good service. My brother honored him well with a Great speech. Pictures of him and my mom in their younger years are crazy. Young kids laughing,  and having a good time. To have them gone now is strange.

It's also strange to think my mom died 27 years ago. We all are getting older. Time stops for no one.

Death is the saddest part of life, and also the strangest in its own way. Times like this it seems humans screwed up somewhere. We probably shouldn't kill other people. Death will come to us all soon enough.

Anyway  just some things I thought of.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Saturday, October 14, 2017

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was another day. I worked,  saw a movie, came home sat on the couch,  ate pizza, and went to bed around 8:00 pm. Lisa went with her friend to a bonfire.  Just Another day really.

Today there will be work,  and a meal. I guess the strangest seeming thing about yesterday was me just sitting on the couch. I thought about renting some movies, but I had to pee, so I thought I'd watch something on Netflix. I didn't even turn on the tv. That is me to a tee. I can just sit on the couch without the tv on. Sometimes I just can't get into it. I get the same feeling with coffee too. Just not feeling it. I am comfortable in my own head.

There is plenty to think about too. My Uncle's assets are considerable. Really life changing considerable,  although it won't change my life much.

I guess I can be open about this. I don't know how this all works,  but his assets will be tied up in probate for 6 mos. Against his Lawyers recommendation he had it set up this way, although I guess he was thinking of switching it over. Anyway it amounts to some Lawyer fees, and probably 6 months before it gets all cleared up. It depends on the State, and I assume Illinois to be around 6 months, but it should be simple. The will is clear,  and there aren't any debts outside the town house. The pay off is set up in a non probate asset, and we'll get that in a few weeks or something.

So yeah one day you are living your life,  and the next day you win the lottery. Pretty crazy. I guess maybe I suspected we'd get some money, and I knew his town house is worth a good amount, but I didn't really know how all that would work out.

I guess it could be a life changer, cuz after I pay off my house there will still be a considerable amount of money left over. So you think about your life. You can change it really,  what would you do?  Lisa and I just pretty much figured we would do the same stuff. I like my life. I like working as I do, and enjoying a nice meal at the end of the day.

We will look for property I guess, cuz in our later years we want to live in a tiny house,  so we can plan that. I want to live where I do now for a good while,  cuz my commute in March will be one mile.  :)

The new bakery will be open. We will finish our house to max out our resale. We may eventually just rent it out too. All things being equal renting in Holland, MI is a lucrative prospect. 5 to 10 years who knows?

Anyway, as you can imagine that is pretty nutty. At the end of the day I like my life, even before all this. I like it so much, money won't change it. Perhaps it makes it a bit more easy, cuz there will not be a lot of financial stress all things being equal.

I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Friday, October 13, 2017

To Another Day.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was another day, and I think it was okay. I am the type of person who can't really shut their mouth. It turns out my brother and I are the sole beneficiary of Uncle Bob's assets. He's been retired since forever,  and now I wonder just what he did with his time?  

A man who really lived a simple life. So I'll get a bit of money. Enough where I could quit my 2 part time jobs if I wanted, but I don't. I could have quit one or two a bit ago probably,  but I don't have much to fill up my day. It's nice having money coming in, and it's good to finish a day with some labor attached to it. Work, eat, sleep. Really I work, cuz I think left to my own devices I might just get lazy. These days I have stuff to do each day.

I know the balance is out of whack, cuz there is stuff to do around the house. Projects and whatnot.  It's hard to really nail every aspect of life huh?

So, finding that out was pretty crazy. We went out to dinner last night, cuz we had to shop for miscellaneous stuff. Paper towels, Kleenex, cleaning stuff, and whatnot. Oh yeah my Sunday job just contacted me, and told me to take Sunday off. I am going to Chicago for a couple days. I am leaving Sunday. I told them I can still work like 5 hours, but it looks like I get a day off. 3 in a row actually. There is a funeral though so you know.

I wonder what his final years were like really. I was Mia,  and lives are pretty busy. He was kinda alone at the end really. My brother was planning on moving in with him in a couple weeks just to have someone around. I guess with his disability the last couple years he learned how his sister lived, while help raising 3 boys.

You cannot really get in his head. I think I had some insight to some secrets he kept to himself. Unconfirmed,  but one time we went yo the Y, while I was visiting. I was swimming at the time so I did some laps. We just worked out, and did the sauna, and stuff.

Anyway lives are strange. We don't really get to know people too much on the inside, and Bob fits that. I fear our insides aren't filled with things that one would equate with Sainthood. I know it, and I assume we all kinda deal with that now.

There is no perfect life,  but I find mine to be pretty content. Work,  eat, sleep is my motto, so I think I'll stick with it.

Anyway I am driving today,  cuz I want to see the Jackie Chan movie after work.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s. I wonder if I can do this thing totally correctly still.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo.   :)

xoxo ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.    :)

Xxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.    :)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

A Strange Thing Happened Yesterday.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. Yesterday was pretty normal, and my strange thing isn't totally strange. It rained like cats and dogs yesterday so I drove. I planned on probably getting a haircut, cuz I drove. Maybe stop by the Mexican store to make steak fajitas for dinner.

Unexpectedly I got really tired at work. I left work, and drove straight home. I sat on the couch, and woke up sometime later. I basically passed out. I don't nap much, but I did yesterday. I made a stupid easy meal too. You know those boxed au gratin potatoes by Betty Crocker?  You know those kielbasa sausages by whatever company makes those?  Eckrich. Anyway that was my main meal, and a can of green beans. It was sooooo good. So easy to make, and it tasted really good. It might not be good for you, but it was delish. 

Anyhoo, that was pretty much my day.  I guess you would call it work,  eat, sleep. Today I am having a cup of coffee to start my day.

I don't see anything terribly crazy going on today. I'll have to check the weather to see about biking.

You know what?  I got nothing really today. I may cya here tomorrow.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

A Little Of This, And A Little Of That

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am okay. I've been sleeping in this week, and it feels pretty good. Lately I haven't been drinking coffee much either. I don't know why. Today I have time to make it, but I don't want any. Coffee is strange with me. Sometimes I just know it won't do anything for me.

Yesterday I got all my clothes folded,  and put away. I have a little area I hang up all my jackets too. Getting ready for colder weather. I still bike most days in the winter if able, so definitely bundle up. I am driving today,  as it is raining.

I haven't been back to Chicago in forever. I thought about that,  and part of that is I work a lot. I thought back to the last few years,  and there was a period I guess we struggled financially. These days we do pretty good,  but I never really felt the pull to go back.

I've seen my Dad, and brother,  and his daughter, cuz they came  to Michigan.  I'll be going back soon. My Uncle died yesterday. His life was probably pretty tough the last few years. He couldn't walk so great with a MS  type disease or something. He never really did a ton of stuff. He traveled some. I know both my brothers lived with him for a good amount of time in his various houses. He was the one who found Jim dead.

It is the natural order of events. One day we all end up like him. We will breathe our last. Our story is what happens from birth to death. It took a lot for me to see the true nature of things. What is my story I guess I asked at an early age. I didn't see one to make. I was not a very good author, so I couldn't author myself to a good story.  I didn't know what an ideal life was. I stepped out of my upbringing just like I said I would. Threw everything away. I was a product of my upbringing, and society. Like that I could not see the World objectively. When I  did see, I didn't like it.

The World was dirty. Imperfection was everywhere. What is a clean path? 

In the end there was no perfect path. My story I guess was one of learning. I know the nature of all people, cuz I learned of my true nature. Left to our own devices we all can make some pretty shitty stories I guess.

We are selfish. Creatures of imperfection who hide things, and try to show off our "good enough" side. I went a step further, or many steps further, and found out the source of my imperfection. In a World where I wanted to make me the best person ever it was out of reach.

It was not in my power to make me perfect. It was not in my power to give me a great heart.

My turn done decades ago brought me down a path I did not expect. It was not easy in the least. I did make it to the other  side so to speak.

There is a story I guess. It isn't very sexy really. I guess it is one man's quest to find the truth. It just so happens the truth was more than I bargained for.

As people we just are not that great. Settling for "good enough" is just that... settling.

Anyway life goes on. I'll be back for the funeral and stuff. My Uncle or mom's brother is the last part of that family we really had ties with. If I ever went to Chicago I had a place to stay.  If we ever flew out of Ohare we had a drive to and from the airport.

I'll think about my Uncle I guess. We never really got to know him on the inside. He probably had secrets. He was nice, and a big help to my brothers. I can't help but think his life was kinda sad.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Just Another Day.

Hello,  and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am doing good. I do this a  lot. Today I was thinking what happened yesterday I should write about. 

Ha!!  Nothing very important. There was work,  I ate stuff, and I slept. I paid some bills. I had a few beers. That's about it.

That pretty much sums up all my days I guess I don't see any huge changes today either.  I'd say I am on a schedule, and I know how most my days will be. I don't feel guilty about anything.

Maybe I am selfish, cuz I just do what I want. It just so happens there isn't terribly  much I want to do. I don't have enough time to read the books I want. Check out the shows I want. Do all the things I want to do with the house.

I plug along I guess. I cook meals a lot. It's a simple life. I am not lonely, and I am not bored.

What other people do I don't really care I don't think. People come, and people go. Whatever. I don't miss anyone. I don't see lives being all that interesting, so really people do not bring much to the table. We are not here to impress people, cuz we won't.

Nothing really great we are doing here. I guess at some point I wanted a life that mattered. I went down that path. In the end I found out the truth. My life does not matter.  I am cool with that, because I am on the right side of being right.

For those in the know being on the wrong side of being right is a scary thing. That is useless information for you though, cuz you never walked down that avenue. You never dealt with the terror of knowing what was at stake.

Hearts aren't made that way. Hearts are a part of the World,  so are only concerned with Worldly things.

The secret to life is to be happy,  and be content. It's also to not worry what others are doing. I'd go so far to say to not even care really what others are doing.

A perfect heart you cannot make,  although it isn't impossible to get one. None have one now.  Me either.

A perfect life you will never make,  and that is one of the things you have to deal with.

I think everyone wants to exit life with bonus points for the great deeds we have done. So far you are being shut out, cuz points come from something different than you think or can even imagine.

I have points, and it was cuz I was led like a sheep to endure harsh truths with no help in sight.

I had help though. Unseen trials no one could see. My trials were done in private, and so were my rewards I guess. A story that really started in like 1990, and I didn't really feel secure til whenever the wait started.

We have done this so long, and have we really even done anything? 

Not really.  That's pretty funny.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Something I Noticed.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday I had a pretty okay day. I felt like a million bucks. Work went good,  and I had a plan for the night. I was just going to make spaghetti with fresh baked bread. I made brownies from scratch too. It was fun, and it was good.

What I noticed however is there is not enough time. I have a book I want to read. I have some cleaning to do. Any shows on tv?  I had time to cook, bake, eat, and bedtime was not far away. I thought man we always have too much to do. Even a life as simple as mine runs out of hours.

I am sure I thought of that before,  but maybe I thought I was past that. There always is stuff to do, or stuff we should do.

Am I going to stress about it?  NOT AT ALL. I am not sure if I stress about much or anything.

At the age of 51 I guess it is a good thing to be cool with life. I know what it is about.  I don't worry about current events, cuz that is just more time wasted thinking about stupid shit. More time to get angry, more time to stress about shit.

Maybe people worry about external events cuz they want to make a difference or something. It's like that Michael Jackson song about the man in the mirror. He couldn't do much about the man in the mirror,  and you can't either. I guess it is safe to say you should worry about that person in the mirror prior to going out changing the World. It will make a good amount of difference,  cuz you'll see how silly you've been acting.

Ridiculous really.

Anyway, I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.   :)

Cya.    :)


Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Back At It I Guess.

Hello, and good morning.  How's it Going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. I got up early, I worked,  I came home, and got some shit done. I had a lot of tomatoes again yesterday. Enough to can two more quarts. That makes 11. I will start using them soon. To be honest I felt pretty good getting that done. Prior to that I did the dishes. We let them go the last couple days. Lisa was sick,  and I was lazy. I may have been sick too, or under the weather. Usually I may not know, cuz I don't feel terribly different day in day out, unless I am tired I guess.

Anyway, I feel that is a good start to the week. Normally when famous people die I don't think twice. It's not like any of us will escape that end. That being said I think it sucks TP died. I won't mourn him,  cuz I didn't know him, but it still sucks.

Actually it may be a true statement to say there wouldn't be many people I would mourn at this stage. We all are going to die, and really none of us are any great thing that we should be mourned.

What are our virtues above and beyond nothing?  I feel you would be hard pressed to add from zero to that question. Is it actually worth anything if you are for or against gun control?  Who cares? People kill people. People are angry at shit. You ain't gonna change that.  You can't even change you.

This World is strange kinda. The truth suggests it is a virtueless World,  and everyone is proclaiming just the opposite of themselves.

In the end where you stood on either side of an argument doesn't mean shit. Life in the end is just about you. You'd  be silly to think what you do doesn't matter.

I would hope at this stage you'd be able to see as far as virtues go you, and I are lacking. I know this about myself,  but I suspect most/all others are getting fitted for their halos. 

We ain't that fucking great. Our lives don't mean shit.  Here today,  and gone tomorrow. In the end it was the truth that was hidden,  cuz we all live a lie.  We are born blind. It takes a lot to be able to see. Maybe a blog that goes on and on can help.

I suspect that is part of what I do.

Anyway, I guess that's good. 

Cya.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Monday, October 2, 2017

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing fine. I am back on my regular schedule, and am ready. I actually worked for a bit on Saturday, but had to take Lisa to Prime care. She got sick, and was having problems breathing. The beginnings of bronchitis, plus asthma issues.

I did work yesterday too. I think I was feeling a bit under the weather too. I feel better today.  We did not get as much done  as we wanted, but today is another day. This week is another week. It is good to step away for a bit. Get a new perspective. I actually binge watched seasons 3, and 5 of American Horror Story. I am not a good binge watcher,  but I was on Friday and Saturday. Lazy, and maybe not feeling too great. Yesterday I finished listening to my 25 hour book or whatever.  I tried downloading the 2nd book in the series, but I am on a wait list.  I have book #15 In my bounty hunter series, so I'll continue with that.

Other than that we'll see what this week holds. All I know is I will work, eat, sleep. Other than that hopefully plug along with stuff around the house. I have to can more tomatoes today I think.  :)

Oops, I guess I got nothing. I did hear back on my Colonoscopy. It took me 51 years to get one little polyp. I assume that is some type of growth. It was benign, so next Colonoscopy is 10 years from now. That is good news. As I figured I am healthy there.

Anyway I'd normally delete this cuz it's dumb, but I don't really care.


Thursday, September 28, 2017

Try #2

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing fine. I tried this once already,  and deleted it, cuz it was dumb. This one may be dumb too.

I am keeping busy, so actually I am enjoying my days off. In the future I may have to quit one of my jobs to get more of these. Maybe not too. I like the extra money coming in, and I am out of work early afternoon every day. We will see. For the foreseeable future I'll keep all jobs,  cuz I am happy doing them.

Anyhoo, not much going on with me. Living day after day. My life is not real important. It's just something I got thrown into. It wasn't in my 5 year plan to be born, and maybe an important truth can be learned from that simple FACT. Not a lot of truths or facts out there,  but that is one. We all have that in common.

I am not into heroes, cuz that is make believe.  I am not into INTELLIGENT people,  cuz we aren't. We are not that fucking smart, contrary to what everyone thinks.

As a matter of fact I think just being born here means you will accumulate a lot of worthless tidbits of information.

Everyone is out to change the World, and failing miserably. We are just one of the gazillions of people living out our days. Plan your schedules in your databases. Whatever. Work, eat, sleep  is your lot in life. I figure you cannot be 100% happy in this. Only reason I say this is I don't know how I would be if my heart was in my own hands.

I can live in the wilderness so to speak,  and be perfectly fine. There is nothing important and significant to my life. Just something I got thrown into. My story is long,  but I did take the right steps. In a big World with a lot of people,  that makes only one of us.

What you are doing=who knows?  At some point you will have to figure this stuff out, cuz everything else is pointless.

I guess that's good.

Cya.   :)

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Got That Done With.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing fine. I had my Colonoscopy yesterday, so I got that done.  I am not one who puts a lot of thought to my Health. I had my first physical in forever this year. I am at that age too where Doctors recommend shoving cameras up my butt, so I did it. Prostrate Cancer is pretty common for men,  as far as Cancers go. I didn't really feel I'd be a big risk,  as I don't smoke. Cancer doesn't really run in my family. I am at a Healthy weight if that matters.

I am a good sleeper,  and a very regular pooper. By the time I started taking my Ass pissing solution my solids were already out. I clean myself out pretty regularly I think from being active is my guess.

Anyway I had one small polyp. They'll check it out. If it is one that can turn into cancer I'll do this again in 5 years. If not 10 years. I didn't realize the importance of the colonoscopy. If they see something they take it out, so that one small thing is out, and my butt is clean.

Outside of being on a liquid diet for 36 hours, it is a pretty easy thing to do.  It will be less stressful next time. The nurse figured I'd be a low risk guy, cuz I was healthy. I thought it strange at first, cuz my blood pressure is high, and my cholesterol is too. I figured afterwards you never know who they get in these things. I weigh 159 lbs.  I assume that is pretty ideal for my height, and body type. I cannot imagine the % of people they see who may not be that way.

Anyway, that is about it. I am on vacation now, so we have some projects to do.  We have another vanity to put in, so I have more plumbing to do. I hate plumbing. I guess I'll just get it done to get that over. Some new ceiling fans to put in, and shit. I gotta start cleaning the basement too, so we can get that fixed up.

Other than that not much. Glad I did the colonoscopy. I have no idea the percentage of people who actually get that done at the correct time. I wouldn't if I didn't have insurance.

I see football is about flags and songs or some other stupid shit.  REALLY?  Do people put significance in such stuff still? 


DEUTSCHLAND DEUTSCHLAND ÜBER ALLES is my song, and I'm sticking with it.

Laterzzz.    :)

Xo.   :)

xxoo.     :)

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Another Week In The Books.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Not too much changes with me. Day in, and day out.

Yesterday was okay as far as days go. Work was busy, but we got out on time. Maybe a little late. I saw the Kingsmen movie. It was good. We then just picked up pizza for dinner. Today I will whoop it up a bit I guess, since I cannot eat anything tomorrow at all. Broth will be my meals, and water.

I don't know if you really call it "progress" where we can shove cameras up people's butts. 2000 years from now they'll laugh. Not that the World will be here. I don't know what the future looks like. I know it won't look like this.

Really not much going on with me. Work, eat, sleep. I'll be on vacation next week, and I plan on getting shit done with the house. Our schedules kinda run different. I'd probably get up early, and have everything done by noon. Lisa will sleep in. She will read a bit, eat lunch at noon, digest, and then want to do shit.

As far as I can tell no one really is living exciting lives. Plugging along day after day. None of us are doing important shit. Just living out our days really.  We aren't making any mark really, cuz really no one does.

History is made up of fairy taled stories. Heroes are born out of the written word. What is the purpose of us living our lives?  Why am I even here? 

In the end I think people want to be good. We are selfish at times though. Sometimes our hearts lead us down strange paths.  Geesh, I am far from perfect,  but my path is lit. My story in the end will be perfection,  but the most important stuff was believing when spoken to, and being obedient.

I was tested for sure. Made to play the fool really. Actually I really think it was the promotion. This was back in 1990 probably so a long time ago. I had my degree,  and I wanted a promotion. I would be a supervisor in the housekeeping dept. of the hospital.

It totally was I want I want I want. I'd make a lot more money than I'd need, and life would be easy. I'd be set. There was a pull though.  I want I want I want, but I denied myself. Your will though. I wanted, but I was willing to deny myself.

I was told to take my name out of the running. My only  prayer was to give me courage in the morning to do it. Don't let me think this did not happen.

So I went in, and played the fool. I was shaky, and nervous, and I did not speak with a confident voice.

The promise I was given during I think the wilderness days was I'd be rescued out of every predicament I found myself in. I asked why, and you know the answer?

Cuz I denied myself that one night. I call that overcoming yourself really. I overcame two times besides that, and that was me forfeiting my life.  It always came down to not my will.

Accept the worst ending for myself if that is the will.

In hindsight hearts are pretty treacherous,  and we will not achieve perfection. We really probably fuck up a lot of shit.

My story was one of fear,  cuz I could not boast righteousness or anything. I was out alone doing battle with spirits who were crafty with the sword. The sword is used to judge, not to save. Hence those who live by the sword...

I am afraid the story is about something else. Ya kinda gotta go on the journey to find out about the real you. There are two sides to you. The one who really wants to be on the right side of being right, and the other who lies to you. Your stronger side of you gives you a false sense of security. Your major downfall is that voice in your head that believes in heroes.

It takes pretty good eyesight to see the real World. It takes good ears to listen. Mostly it takes a soft heart. A hard heart I am afraid will be the downfall of many. A hard heart cannot listen. If it hears while being soft you have two choices. Listen, believe, or harden so as not to believe, and pretend you didn't hear.

I don't know your story. I am not sure what will be said to you, and when. You may be tested like I was, I don't know.

I will tell you this,  obedience was instilled in me. I was let known in no uncertain terms the consequences of disobedience. So I have been obedient, but there was only some things before,  and during the wilderness years to my recollection.

After overcoming #2, I was finally able to live with security, and no fear. I knew I couldn't be perfect,  but it didn't matter. I was accepted. I just have that one thing to do,  and I've known that since shortly before overcoming the first time.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have fun, and cya later.   :)

xo.   :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Yesterday Was Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I haven't blogged in a couple days. Mostly, cuz I ran out of time. Today I woke up well before my early alarm. Mon, and Tuesday I felt like still sleeping. Yesterday I thought I'd sleep as late as I could, but got up early anyway. Not sure what I did.

Yesterday I found myself getting irritated at times. The day went pretty good, and last night I got irritated. For no reason really.  We still made a good meal, and had a good dinner. I think I just unplugged,  and that made all the difference.  The dinner was really good, I mean really good,  and I went to bed early.

Maybe I am better off being unplugged. I have plenty of things to occupy my time with.  You know my main pet peeve?  People who use social networking for making political statements, and sharing stupid news updates. Who gives a Fuck? I say if you want to do that start a fucking blog no one reads. I've been writing a stupid blog for years, and I may be the only one who reads it.   :)

Seriously though I'll wake up early,  and my FB will have like 30 goddamn posts from the same person about something or other. Hillary cheated. Bernie should have won. Bernie is 150 years old. Who cares?  Trump won, and he is pretty crazy.   I looked at my life, and nothing has changed. Do these people even matter? 

I'll get home from work, and it is more of the same. I only do online stuff with my phone. I hate the tablet. Our desktop we moved a while ago, and never plugged it in. Before that we never even used our desktop. I guess I am pretty unplugged anyway. If it isn't in front of my eyes I don't see it, and I am not looking.

What does that mean?  What  I said before in one of my blogs. This year is the year of being disinterested. Perhaps it has been moving in that direction this whole time.

I mean really our lives are not important. This life on Earth is not important, anything contrary to that is just a lie. We are here for a bit, and than we die.

Humans are NOT some remarkable creature. I was thinking dogs sniff butts, and I thought why do guys always look at asses?  That is not remarkable in my book. It is stupid. Even if we know it is dumb guys will still look at girls butts.

People wearing suits in whatever capacity will not change it. Humans in all their splendor think they are so fucking smart,  but we are not. We are slaves to society.

Theoretically there are better ways to live,  but people deep down don't really like people. Everyone is trying to screw the system.

You are here with your life. A life you didn't ask to live. You have no idea how life started. You have no clue. Whatever you believe is a pretty fucked up belief. Not logical in the least. Out of nothing is something, and you cannot create that. It is out of your power.

What do you control?  The day of your death?  Your ability to not look at asses?  When you pee?  Yesterday I couldn't even control not being annoyed.

Wanna know what else I don't control?  My ability to wake up early, and be well rested.

I don't control that.  I didn't control my story that currently has my life remarkably easy. I do control not watching the news, I just can't control not seeing it on social networking. I scroll down,  and ignore, but some people are WAY to plugged in.

Anyway, I thought I'd get something down. 

See ya.   :)

xo.   :)

Saturday, September 16, 2017

The End Of The Week.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had a pretty good Friday. We stayed pretty ahead all week at work,  so I was able to skate out a little early from work, and catch a matinee.

I bought a couple baking books from the book store. I am buying a Kitchen Aid from my bil he has no use for. It comes with a hook and paddle,  so I think it will be fun to make different shit. Bread and stuff. Cookies too. Bringing my work home with me so to speak.

Other than that I watched a movie when I got home. Lisa went out to a concert so I made myself salmon for dinner. A pretty easy day. It is not terrible living my life. Much easier than you is my guess.   :)

All in a day really. Work, eat, sleep. Life keeps moving, and I keep doing what I do.  I think people mostly would like to live a stress free life, but life is typically pretty tangled. Tangled in things with stress. Some cuz that is the way of the World. Some people bring it on themself.

The best part of life we can't grab for ourself. Our hearts don't operate the way we'd like. What is one to do?  Show a lie?  Escape? 

I know how I am now I did not produce. I didn't make me me. I know very much about me,  and you know very little about you. The truth about you is a scary deal really, but you eventually have to face it.

The truth suggests you are not "Good enough"  can you face that? 

There is soooo much outside of your power. Do you realize that?  As far as life goes you stand in the same shoes as everyone. Including me. As far as life goes you didn't nail it.

I can say I nailed my journey. A flawed person through, and through. When spoken to I believed, cuz my ears were open, and I didn't harden my heart. The truth of the matter though is my story goes farther than that. So I am not done, although all I do is wait.

What do you do in the meantime?  That I guess we'll see. There are no endeavors in this World that will help you take the next step. All labors in that regard are fruitless.

In the end our stories end up being hard,  with a lot of fear.  I'd be afraid for those who have no fear. It is a good clue, you are not on the right path.

A thing to ponder.

Anyway, time to start my day. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!     :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. kinda excited to make some shit today after work.

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.  :)

xxoo.    :)))

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D   :D

Laterzzz.   Gaterzzz.    :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxx. Ooooooooooo.  :)

I think I got 'er  down that time. 

Cya.    :)

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Same Thing Different Day.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I feel like I got a good night sleep. I have a cup of coffee, so I am ready to start my day.

Yesterday was pretty uneventful aka just a normal day. I was tired after work, so I didn't do much. Took Hope for a walk, and had tacos for dinner. Today I am thinking of just doing spaghetti.

So my day is planned out. Work, eat, sleep.

It is pretty strange being me. Having lived and endured a lot of the hidden stuff of life you have no clue about. Over a quarter of a century ago I had the worst of the worst in me. Persecuting me til I only wanted a way where I was never born. That was my prayer. That or make two giant cement pillars fall on me to kill me, so I won't be evil.

Anyway I don't think I ate those 6 days. Not much anyway. Death would have been my friend, cuz I was scared. Mostly of the punishment I would receive for being the evil person I was told I would become. I would be the worst of the worst's pawn. No way out if I were to believe every word being shot at me 24/7.

Eventually I was picked up for a little bit. I was made to feel special. I was full in spirit,  and I thought I was the best a person can be for a short time.

Then I wasn't full in spirit anymore. I was terrified again, cuz I could not survive the torment again. I learned the worst of the worst has no power over my help. As a matter of fact my help has all power over him.

I was still poor in spirit. One day I was asked to go solo in the wilderness. I had a choice. My decision was obedience. In the wilderness I go. I learn the very little value this person here holds. I am nothing. 99% of this time I did not think my help was my help. I was a poser, and most likely the enemy. As a matter of fact a person is at odds with the truth. The light is very far, and we are very dark inside.

You cannot see within your soul. You have no idea what makes you the way you are. You have no idea how to be perfect,  and it isn't in your power.

Our labor means nothing,  cuz you really are just doing stuff.

People will seek out accolades in some endeavor. The truth remains still so far away.

So it was my job to do what I do. Something I never asked for, and something I surely did not have courage for.

My turn was if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else, cuz life did not mean anything to me, and this World looked very dirty, as did life.

So I guess I am doing what I asked to do, I just had no idea. I was looking for something small you know? 

So I freely do what I do. Unseen by any eyes I turned my one coin into 5+5. The coins are all scattered. It was after the 3rd time I hit the alligator on the head I hug Katrina. 2 of 3 are done.   The final one is the real deal. I follow willingly as others have done,  but you won't read it in any book.

Back 25+ years ago I was trying to be a fisherman,  but the fish were bad. Maybe I was being told I would be a fisherman, but not right now, cuz currently the fish are bad. So I was to wait some 20 something years til the time was right.

Things did start up again. Once again fear  was my partner. Every day I was scared, but every day I woke up strong.

Those were the running days. P.R. days, and stuff. Fear disappeared after overcoming the 2nd time. Finally I felt my help was my help. I am not perfect,  as currently it is impossible,  but like Adam before the fall I can live in the light. Unafraid of my imperfection. Being poor in spirit is pretty much being naked. So the light is my friend. I am not ashamed of little old me.

That's my story. Yours hasn't even started. The World is your friend, and society is your security blanket.

It is weird being me when you and I are so different. The gap is supposed to be closed, but I can't do it, and perhaps you are unwilling to take the proper steps.

Strange I tell you.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  hey I still got it.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxx

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D      :D

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.    :)

xxoo.     :)))

xo.   ;)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxx ooooooooooo.   :)

Okay I forget the order.   :)

Have a good one.   Xoxo.    :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

All In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Not much going on with me as usual. Yesterday was pretty much work, eat, sleep.

I used to think every year there was kinda a theme to this thing. One year strength, one year trust, and I don't really remember  after that. This thing has gone on for a number of years. If I took a guess I'd say this year is indifferent. Seems fitting since we went in the wilderness at some point. Where we find out we don't matter. I am not even sure if we are in it anymore.  With help I've been shielded from the sad part of life I guess. In the end life is pretty sad, because the truth shows us we don't matter. All our efforts and labors will still leave us 6' under.

I also think indifferent too, because what you do doesn't affect me in the least. With help once again I stand solo. It doesn't matter what people do. I am indifferent cuz no one has any part of the equation that is me. My story goes on with it without you. Indifferent too cuz I don't care either way.

So maybe that is the theme this year. Outside of me,  blogging has been pretty light. I don't comment much either. Once in a while to let people know I am still around.

I don't know if that matters or not. It doesn't matter to me.

I am strong, and with help my life is tied to nothing, but my help really, because that is how the story was going be anyway. It is how it was when I was asked to go solo in the wilderness. I survived the wilderness. Endured  it really.   Judged right after, and overcame the first time. The physical depression came right after.

A little something about this time is somewhere during the physical depression I read IT for the 2nd time. I may read it again, cuz that was over 25 years ago. I have no clue what happens when they are adults. I remember the lead character has to ride the bike at the end. So many books to read.

Anyway, just getting stuff down to let you know what I am thinking this morning. I wonder if my battle with Pennywise happens 26 or 27 years later too. It isn't really, cuz I overcame the 2nd time right before the wait started up. Years ago, but less than 10.

Guess that's good.

I'll cya maybe tomorrow.   :)

xxoo.   :)))

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xxxx.  :)

xoxo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xo.   ;)

Cya.    :)

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Catching Up On Sleep.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I caught up on sleep. I know I am usually good at the sleep thing, but I stayed up Saturday watching football. I still went to work at 5:00 AM on Sunday, and that kinda threw me. We saw IT, which was good. I slept in as late as I could yesterday. I drove yesterday cause we had the car appointment at 3:00, I don't always know when I'll get out of work.

I already decided if we upgrade one of our vehicles I won't do it til Spring. I am going to put a little more money into the car, and let the truck sit for the Winter. The sales girl called in sick yesterday so that made it easy. I told Lisa the girl's name was Sydney,  and she told me she was the cutey patewtey girl. Would have liked to seen her again.   :)

Anyway life goes on. Nothing much going on with me. My feet are itchy. Oh I forgot to tell you I did get 2 more quarts of tomatoes canned. There was a bit left over so I let it sit in the fridge over night. I added some salt,  celery salt,  and pepper. It tasted good. That is what I canned,  so I am excited for chilli and stuff. Actually the colder nights have me kinda excited for Fall. Just eating different food,  and cooking and stuff.

I really don't have much today. Glad my life is easy. I don't think myself more important than I should. I don't consider my life to be all that significant. Memories wash away. You can't keep them alive forever. We heal.

After we heal it is time to move on. Your over it, now live your life.

That is about it for today.

Anyhoo, maybe I'll have something more tomorrow.

Have fun.  :)

I don't even remember what I am putting here anymore.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxxx.   :)

xo ;)

Think that's it for now. 

Laterzzz.   :)

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Finished My Phone Golf Tournament. I Guess I Can Blog Now.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. Had a pretty normal day yesterday. A little more laid back night, as I didn't have to wake up early today. I had some fun, and some laughs.  A good dinner and whatnot. I still got up early today, so that's good. I love sleep though. Luckily my body only wants so much. I typically get up when I am done sleeping. Usually earlier than I need to.

Nothing major going on with me. More work, eat, sleep really. I'll can some more tomatoes after work today. Not sure what to do for dinner. Usually I pick up something at the grocery store when I am done working. Probably be the case today.

I got nothing.  Today will be a day. It is starting off pretty good.

I'll cya.   :)

xxoo.    :)))

xoxo.  :)

xxxx.    :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xo.   ;)

Laterzzz.     :)

Friday, September 8, 2017

Here We Are Again.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. Seems I can almost say the same as always. Not too much changes with me. You can ask what is the purpose of me doing this, and that would be a good question. At this stage I've been doing it so long it is part of my routine I guess.

You can also ask what does this accomplish?  I don't know. I suspect people typically want to feel good on the inside,  but how does one go about it?  You have no idea how I feel, which normally is pretty good. I guess I know how you feel sometimes,  and that is probably inconsistent. Not the same day in day out. It is part of the way you learn about you. Why can't you always feel like a million bucks on the inside? 

It's part of who you are. There is more in play within you than you know. Things you don't know. Things you can't see. Things you cannot comprehend.  You think you are just this one person living a life, but there is more to you.

The World overpowers you. It makes you hide. You are enslaved to unwritten rules, and norms,  and regulations. People want to feel happy, and secure,  and things like that,  but everything about life is out of our control. Maybe not everything, but a lot. 

You don't control the economy, you don't control how your kids will be when they wake up. Will you sleep good?  Will you have a plan of disciplined consistency,  yet still feel the dark boring nature such a plan turns into? 

Is your life well balanced?  What does that even mean?  Wars start, hurricanes hit, rains come,  snow comes. I was walking Hope yesterday, and I saw a wooden electric pole holding the wires like 30' in the air. It was cracked majorly. Without a replacement that sucker splits right down the middle. How many poles are like that? In a game of chance who does that fall on.  

I see things throughout the day that makes me wonder. I wonder the percentage of things people hide. The way of the World has us all wanting to feel special. The truth goes against the grain of the World. We never were special. We didn't carve out a special life for ourselves, cuz there isn't such a thing. Here today,  gone tomorrow. We won't on our own make ourselves perfect, and we won't on our own make anyone else.

In a World where it is probably suggested there is nothing you can't do,  I bring you the truth. There is little you can do.

For those willing to face such things.

Anyway, I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.   :)

xxoo.    :)))



Laterzzz.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xo.  ;)

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Marked Another Day Off The Calendar.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday wasn't too crazy. I took my truck to the dump to unload a bunch of crap. Pretty handy that is. Lisa went out to dinner with friends, so I had leftovers. 

I pretty much just sat on the couch. I can do that, and stay entertained. I am fine in my own head. I find more and more I don't even watch tv too much. I try to get into different shows, but maybe I just like being in my own head. It isn't boring being me.

Today I will have another day. I suspect it will be much like yesterday. Not sure what I'll do for dinner yet. I have to check the weather. I had to bundle up a bit on my bike to work. It was pretty darn chilly. For some  stupid reason I sang a stupid song on my way to work yesterday.

Hello muddah. Hello faddah. Here I am, at camp Granada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun when it stops raining.

No clue why that song was in my head. It was pretty annoying I tell you. The crazy things we do.

Anyway, I don't really have anything. Today will be a day.  Yay.  :)

Have a good one.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

xoxo.  :)

xxxx.  :)

MWAH.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xo.   ;)

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Some Days You Just Don't Know.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday I had a day. It was pretty normal. Nothing too crazy. Very little outside of work, eat, sleep.  I guess that is the way I like it.

Hold on, I am going to get my cup of coffee. Brb.

Okay, I am back. So life moves on. We keep going in the direction life moves. Day after day. Year after year. I don't know what people want out of life. Maybe to live stress free?  Be financially secure?  To matter? 

How would one go about living a stress free life?  Go live at Walden Pond?  I think Thoreau was a bit angry, so not sure that really worked. Perhaps he was right though. Living simpler probably decreases stress. I find many/most follow society down the direction it suggests, and that doesn't really simplify life. Get married,  have kids, get a house, career etc...  Life at 25 looks different than 35. You want to think you made the right decisions,  but hearts at 35 are not the same as 25.

Being financially secure I believe is impossible for the human heart. One simply always wants more. That so much of life is centered around the currency of the day is crazy in its own right really.  It is something people trust, although History repeats itself frequently in the flawed nature of currency. I suspect improvements have been made, but spending makes an Economy seem robust, and saving hurts it.

One only look where I live to see there is a tremendous amount of spending going on. A lot of new houses, and new condos,  repaired roads,  and repaired buildings. All places are looking to hire too it seems. Typically populations will adjust. Where there are jobs people typically follow.

Anyway, I know some things of life, although from what I can tell that does you no good. For better or worse you are trapped in your life. Does happiness reside there?  Not really,  cuz the human heart is not a content heart.

You cannot be completely financially secure, as it is not the way people operate. You cannot be stress free, cuz all avenues lead to stress anyway, and you are walking blind anyway. Hearts don't remain the same. The best thing in your mind today, typically isn't the same 10 years later.

We are a bundle of failure really, but we try and package things nice. Do you wonder why you are the way you are?  Do you wonder why you think a certain way sometimes?  Do you wonder where anger comes from?  Do you wonder what makes you you? 

I know the source of our flaws. I learned that long ago. It also is the source of our own perceived strength. People want to labor their way to perfection,  but the little David in you has to beat the Goliath. One is stronger than the other. An impossible task, and it was always this way. You didn't enter life any different than anyone else. I too walked your steps, but my David beat my Goliath, cuz life broke me. My eyes were open, and I could see clearly I surely wasn't all that.

It was the truth I looked at. There were no heroes before me. I had no peers to look up to. You are alone in this World,  but it seems more secure to not deal with that.

Anyway, I think  today I'll have a day.  I am planning on a little work, eat, sleep.

The secret to my success is I dealt with the failure, and flawed person I was. That was long ago though.

Anyway, I guess I'll cya.

Have fun.

xxoo.   :)))

xo.   ;)

MWAH!!!    :)

Haha haha.   :)

I make myself laugh sometimes. 

xoxoxo.   :)

xxxxxx.  :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Here We Are.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I feel pretty well rested, and ready to start my day.

Yesterday was okay. I got a few things done,  watched a couple movies. Lisa's family, and best friend came over for dinner. We made a couple Mexican dishes. Burritos, and taquitos. Simple to make, and good to eat.

I am already leaning toward not upgrading my vehicle. I probably confused you. We have 3 vehicles. My old truck, and the white Sebring are the two we'd use for trade in, and Lisa would keep her car. We will see.

Really not much going on. I guess Fall is here, but my life doesn't change too much with the season. Really the menu for dinners may change, but that's about it. I don't do Lasagna in the Summer, or Pot Roast, or Chicken Noodle soup. Mexican food is year round. :)  We really don't even grill that much. We rarely do burgers, and we haven't even done brats too much.

So life is back to my normal. Work, eat, sleep. It is good waking up like I do. It is good not having unrealistic expectations of life. I don't know where you and I are. I know at some point we went in the wilderness, and I don't know if we are still there or not. I feel pretty good about things. 

This was always going to be a waiting game, and there is no playbook.  There is no manual to follow. I've been given the outline, but I have no idea how the pages fill up. We will just see I guess.

Anyway, I'll try and keep doing this. It seems I don't really have much to say. I think one thing people make a mistake in is momentous life occasions. There really aren't any. No day is really special outside any other. They all are just days. An endless string of these things, and there are no points for the 30th year of such and such.  So I place zero importance in such nonsense.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

xo.   ;)

Laterzzz.     :)

Monday, September 4, 2017

A Day Yesterday, A Day Today.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me I am okay. I slept good. I woke up a few times. One time I was thinking how on Earth do I get up so early?  I was tired. 3:00 AM rolled around, and I was ready to get up. Ahhh, that's how I do it.  :)

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. We got a little bit done, but not a lot. Lisa actually did get a lot done. She cleaned the garage. We also loaded up the truck to bring a bunch of shit to the dump. We can do that for free a few times/year.

I don't really have much planned today. Just clean,  and get ready for the week. It is nice to sleep in on a Monday.  :)

I woke up today feeling like I do most days. That is pretty darn good. In that regard it is pretty nice to be me.

Anyway, I am just touching base. I don't really have much. Today is a day. I think I'll have fun.

Laterzzz.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

xo. ;)

Byeee.   :)

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Sleeping In And Stuff.

Good morning. I slept in a bit, but I was laying in bed playing my stupid golf game on my phone. Countless hours I play that stupid game. :)

Anyway yesterday I worked 5.5 hours. I switched out two displays. I came home, and watched the U of M game, made dinner, and drank wine. Enough to get a good buzz,  but not enough to get any kind of hangover.

A pretty normal day really. Today I plan on being lazy. Early in the week I thought about whooping it up in Saugatuck, but we are poor this week. House payment, and paid off Discover, so I don't need to be buying rum runners. I may read, watch movies, do laundry,  pick tomatoes,  and typical stuff like that. I may even can more tomatoes. I see I have a bunch more. I am going to go for two cups of coffee too.

Anyways, life is just pretty fun. I mostly always feel pretty good on the inside. I typically am good at sleeping, and I am lucky to always be in a good mood. I'd tell you all of my secrets,  but the story  is pretty crazy.

Anyhoo, I think I'll get another cup of coffee. 

Have fun.

xxoo.   :)))

xo.  ;)

Laterzzz.   :)

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Then The Summer Was Over.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. It is Labor day weekend, and the end of Summer.

A Holiday weekend for a bakery is busy, but us first shifters it was pretty easy, I worked under 40 hours for one of the few times. 39+.  I am afraid the night bakers probably had it tougher. I do remember laughing a lot. About stupid shit. Just being ridiculous. I'd be at home sitting in bed laughing at the stupid shit I found funny this week. I guess it was a good week.

I canned 7 quarts of tomatoes.   It is a pretty time consuming task. From planting the garden to watering to canning is unbelievable. This was my best garden to date. I watered almost every day, and used miracle gro a few times. Canning tomatoes though. So much work.

Get the skin off,  and get the core out of 100 tomatoes or so. Boil it down, and can, and boil for 45 minutes. The downside is any form of tomatoes you buy at the grocery store is pretty cheap. For my labor I probably made 1 cent/hour for the money I saved.

The upside is you made it. It is all you, and you can make whatever you want with it. In that regard it is pretty cool. I'll probably use some for chili, some for spaghetti sauce. Maybe try my hand at salsa, so that's cool.

Also I work for a bit today, and have the next couple days off. It will be like a weekend. A few weeks after that I'll take a vacation. The first part of my vacation I get cameras shoved up my butt. So excited.  :)  then we will do shit around the house. We have a lot to do. It will be a good month. Also on Tuesday we are going to talk to a lady at at the Kia dealership. See about trading in our two vehicles for a new(er) one. We are in a position of it isn't necessary, but we'll check it out. I don't even drive my truck for 2000 miles/ year, so pretty much not necessary. We'll talk though. Soon my commute will be ~1 mile each way instead of 4 miles each way. That makes it less necessary,  but we'll talk like I said. They were really nice. Goes to show you customer service does pay off.

Probably we won't do anything, and maybe revisit in the Spring.

That is about it. The year flew by, and I'd say it's been a good one. We are fine. Our lives are easy. We like our jobs,  and the people we work with. We make more money than we pay out too.

That's a wrap.

Have fun. I may even see you here tomorrow.

xxoo.   :)))

Laterzzz.    :)

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Some More Of The Same.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am good. I slept good last night, and once again feel like a million bucks. I was tired after work again yesterday, so I sat down, and rested a bit before I cut the front grass. I wanted steak fajitas last night, so I stopped by the Mexican store for the 2nd day in a row. They are closed on Mondays. Who knew?  Yesterday their cooler or something was down,  and they had no meat. Sheesh.

I went to the local market right by my house to get supplies. Lisa has errands to  run,  so I ended not making them. I had meatballs left over I wanted to make into a sub sometime, not sure when. I had it last night with tortillas,  cuz that was all I had. I loaded it up with stuff, and it was good. I do like meatballs.

Anyway that is about it. I kinda wondered why I am tired after work, and then I did the math. I wake up at 3:00 AM a lot. I walk the dog,  bike to work and back most days. At work we are on our feet the whole day. 2:00 PM is the equivalent of 7:00 PM if a person wakes up at 8:00 AM. I should be fatigued a bit then I spose. I just wish I wasn't.

Today I am canning tomatoes for the first time. I am kinda excited, I was dreading it for a bit. I have a lot of tomatoes.

So, that is about it for me. Another day done,  and another day started. Should be a good one. Steak fajitas for dinner, and canning  tomatoes. I need to get gas sometime so I can cut the back grass.

On just a weird thought before I got up, I was thinking about people who use to blog. Over the years many were kinda a part of this, and now almost none are. Weird huh? 

So many people who basically disappeared. It's one of those things too where I don't really care. No one has any say over who I am. No one has any affect over me, cuz my story is not about you really. At least now it isn't. I am not tied to anyone, and I guess that is the way it is supposed to be. I imagine others are probably tied in various ways to their lives, or whatever. I just thought about the people. There have been a lot. They don't matter either.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have fun.  :)

xxoo   :)))


Tuesday, August 29, 2017

It Don't Take Much.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I had a strange weekend. I woke up Saturday feeling like I got hit by a truck. I think it stemmed from me being tired last week. I wasn't tired when I woke up, but I was every day I got home from work. Saturday I didn't sleep for shit, if at all. I went in to work at 4:30 AM, and got my stuff done. I didn't do shit the rest of the day.

I woke up early Monday I think feeling better. I tried doing this thing, but it was dumb. I got some shit done after work, so I guess I am back to normal. I am up before my early alarm today, so I guess all is good.

We are approaching Labor Day, so a day or two off for me. Plus I have vacation coming up. I think my last day off was July 4th.

Am I missing out on anything?  It's just life. We will not get out alive, so I guess we should stay busy. There is no such thing as a perfect life any of us will make, so at least I always have money coming in. I always have bills coming in too,  but whatever. I figure if you are making money than you have less time to spend it.

I guess what I am saying is I choose to live this way. I can always make a change later if I want, but right now it's good enough.

I don't know how I would dream up a perfect life. This is good enough. I have some expectations of stuff coming up eventually, but I am comfortable now too.  Even though I have not even had a taste of the best that is yet to come.

So life goes on. What I think about me is the grass is pretty green where I live. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I wouldn't want anyone else's life. Too many questions. So much unfinished business. Too much work for you to do. Those who have kids I cannot even imagine the amount of work.  

Wanna know what I think of me when I was a kid?  I don't care. I have no memories that are important to me. I've gone through my life. It has all been dealt with, so I carry no baggage.

My life amounts to not too much. I was never really very important, and either was my life. I am cool with that,  cuz some way knowing this makes it good.  

Perhaps unfulfilled expectations are baggage everyone carries. Life can only be good if your heart is content, and that is out of our power.

On with the school year, and Fall approaches. Bring it on I say,  cuz I can live many many days like this with my heart upbeat, and content.

Anyways, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xxoo.   :)))

Laterzzz.   :)

Friday, August 25, 2017

Why Stop At 1?

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am already on coffee #2. That is rare territory these days. One cup is relatively pretty normal. Zero a not too distant 2nd. Two almost unheard of. It is unseasonably cold this morning, so it seems like a good idea.

Had one of those crazy days at work yesterday.  You start out getting things done. Knocking off items on your list. You start thinking maybe you can get extra done, and KAZAAM. You realize you'll never get out on time.  That is not infrequent, and I don't know where the time disappears to.

Other than that not too much yesterday. I was pretty lazy when I got home. Didn't do much the rest of the day. Paid bills, and that's about it.

Today will be more of the same. Nothing too crazy. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow. Of course I am up early today. I still could sleep a couple hours if I wanted.

So that is a bunch of nothing. A look into my day to day.  My days are pretty easy I guess. Not a ton of stuff to stress about. I don't go out of my way to make my life harder that's for sure.

There isn't a lot of stuff that makes me mad. Maybe it seems like I want to live a sheltered life. Out of view of Worldly events. I guess that's true to an extent. I just feel there is a lot of shit you can fill your head with. There are 2 sides to every argument,  and both sides are full of shit.

Your life really is about you. You aren't changing the World,  and you aren't making this place any better. If you seek out information that just makes you mad, that is dumb. If you try to share the stupid info to make others mad, well that is a special kind of dumb.

Anger is a cancer, and I bet a lot of people live with it. The better part of life is forgiveness I guess. Let bygones be bygones. Of course as I stand I am not angry. More disinterested I guess. No one had a say in who I am. No one was a part of my story, so what does that make people?  Not much? 

My story in the end was not about family,  friends, acquaintances or anything.

My story was about me finding my way. A solo journey accomplished with much help, but not by anyone walking this Earth. At the end of the day I owe no one anything.

Life is about becoming entangled. Being caught in the web it is impossible to not get tangled in. It takes a lot to overcome the natural tendency of life.

It is a good way though,  cuz like I said, you owe no one anything.

I freely give stuff, but people don't owe me anything either.

Strange huh? 

Okee dokee. I am out.

Have fun.   :)

xxoo.   :)))

Bye.   :)

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Another Song From The Underworld

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I feel like I got a good night sleep,  and I feel pretty okay I guess. It seems I wake up like this a lot.

Anyway, not much on my mind, and not much going on. Yesterday was pretty typical. Work, eat, sleep. I thought Lisa was going to pick up pizza for dinner last night. She did,  but neglected to bring any home for me,  so I ate a salad.

She assumed I was going to make something for myself, since I don't like Little Caesar's.

So I am hungry this morning, but first things first.

I think something of myself is I am tired of news pushers. I don't give a fuck, and I hate the news. I think it mostly a pile of shit. People in suits peddling their side of horseshit.

Trying to make heroes, and scapegoats,  and geniuses out of regular humans who are none of these things. Looking for the remarkable where there is none.

Life is tiring if you have to look at that shit. It is that kind of crap that probably makes people more and more angry. If you can only watch the news, or only read the news you are a lost cause. You definitely are not as smart as you THINK you are. Personally I probably like you less and less too.

Rant over.

I guess that's good. 

Cya.   :)

xxoo.  :)))

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

A Song From The Underworld.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I got a good night sleep, and I feel pretty good this morning. Yesterday was pretty busy at work,  as we are covering a vaca. Labor day is coming up, school is starting so things will mellow out til Thanksgiving,  and Christmas. I ran an 8K turkey trot last year, and I think I'll try it again this year. Something to shoot for. I don't remember my time, but I think I was ~8:30/mile pace. That shouldn't be too hard to beat, but who knows?  Maybe it is.

Other than that not much going on. We have like 6 little houses built about a mile from our house, and they had an open house last night. We walked through them,  and it definitely is something Lisa and I will probably do when we get older. We don't need anything more,  and talk about easy to keep clean. She would just have to throw away a bunch of crap.  I would too I guess, but I am not attached to anything really so no biggie.

I made meatloaf for dinner. My secret recipe is crushed flavored croutons instead of bread crumbs. I chop up celery, and onions real small too.

So I guess a day was had yesterday. Nothing too crazy, I suspect today will be more of the same.

I don't know what anything really means to you, but I suspect my life is quite a bit easier than yours. I don't really have much to worry about I don't think.

Not really much in this update I know, but that happens.

Anyway, til next time.

Cya.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

What Does One Do On A Monday?

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am doing good I'd say. I slept good last night I think. I was tired when I got home yesterday. I did what I wanted. I finished listening to the book I started on Sunday. It was a book I got just for the heck of it, and it sucked me right in. One of those murder mysteries where you are not sure who did it. You think you know, then you don't, and then you think you know again. Pretty entertaining. We made some Chinese for dinner, and I picked like 20 more tomatoes.

All in all it was a day. Not unlike most others.   I assume today won't be much different either.

Now is the time I struggle. I really got nothing to say I don't think, so I would delete here, but we'll see I guess.

I know you and I are different. I see things through a different lens than you. My eyesight is not what I was born with and yours is what you were born with.

I am guilty of murder mystery thinking too. I think things are going a certain way, and maybe I made assumptions.  It is kinda typical with the style of lens I have now. Hope all things,  and believe all things.

Now I hold onto my story. I know some things still,  I just don't really know about anyone else.  I don't know your place in this mystery. I assumed at some point many would play a part,  and now I am happy to just let the story play out.

If you have a part that is for you to figure out. I don't have any burdens anymore really. Maybe that is another gift too. The knowing that I can really do nothing. This story is one that will play out, but I am not the director.

I've been willing to play my part for decades. It's taken me down many avenues, and in the end it still is just a waiting game.

Fine with me, cuz at my stage life is easy. I have nothing to prove really. I just sit here waiting for the story to play out.

Another difference between you and I. You are the director of your own story in your mind. For years I steered you in another way, and for years it's fallen on deaf ears.

It's why I make no assumptions anymore... to my knowledge. I accept the possibility that maybe none of you are part of this story, and that is kinda freeing for me.

My heart is elsewhere. Like I said yesterday none of you have any power over who I am. My strength comes from elsewhere. I win in this story, cuz of my help. On my own I am not worth much.

I am just this person not unlike you, but I was able to turn my one coin into 10, so I guess I know the 10. 5 made decades ago, and 5 more sometime between heimle blog and the wait.

I don't really know what others are doing, and it doesn't matter. Your life is not for me to figure out. I am not the director of my life, so I surely am not of yours either.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

Bye.  :)

Monday, August 21, 2017

Monday Is My Fonday.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am doing okay. I had a pretty good Sunday I'd say. I worked my 8 hours, and met up with some friends from work. I did  industry night, which lets  us have drinks half off. I had a couple beers, and a couple Jameson on the rocks. Best $20 or so I ever spent. I don't always take advantage of industry night. It is 2 miles from my house,  and like yesterday I rode my bike there.

Riding my bike there I noticed my surroundings quite a bit. Things I may have never seen before even though that route incorporates 90% of the runs I have ever done. Pretty crazy.

Speaking of running I do plan to get back at it soon. I'll buy a new pair of shoes. I have taken a lot of time off, and I feel pretty healthy. I am trim too. I ran into one of the guys I ran with. You may remember him from years back. He was the 67 year old who helped pace me at 7:30 minute miles on the track one night I had a rough night. Way back during the heimle blog days. He remarked how skinny I look, and how young. I am the only one who can lose weight while not running I guess. I blame work, and me just being pretty busy.

You also may remember that guy, cuz he paced me at 7:30 miles one year while 67, and 4 years later he was only 64. A weird reverse ager.   ;)

Anyhoo that is that. I am doing pretty good. I like my work, eat, sleep life. Today will be more of the same. I mostly enjoy my days, and I think if I died today it was a good life. Nothing I missed out on. Isn't that what it is all about. Being fulfilled.  

Hearts are crazy though. Not really ever content,  unless you get help. Like that night I gave up. I am not who I am today, without the help I received.

What does that mean for you?  I don't know. I know I am cool with me. And how I am is not dependent on anything you do.  I am strong on my own. If you are with me cool. If not cool too, cuz my whole being is not tied up with anyone walking this Earth. I am not dependent on anyone. It says don't be a surety to a stranger, and I surely am not. Me being solo was a weakness kinda for a long time. Then I overcame the 2nd time, and now it is a strength.

Anyhoo, back to my coffee.

Have a good one.  :)

xxoo.    :)))

Laterzzz.  :)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

I Guess Before I Take Hope.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. Yesterday was okay I guess as far as days go. Nothing too exciting to report. It really was work, eat, sleep. I really didn't do much. Not really much on my mind, and I don't think I thought of much.

Today the biggest thing on my mind is what to make for dinner after work. I like to usually do a good meal on Saturday if able. Not sure what yet.

I really am not stressed about too much, cuz life is pretty easy really. My future is planned out so to speak. You want to find that one thing that makes you feel good most of the time,  and I guess I have.

There is so much to my story,  and so many things,  I really cannot even tell you.  The dead years have been gone for a while so this is my new norm. Of course the dead years were not altogether dead, cuz even then I still was poor in spirit, and felt it, and knew it. Of course you have no idea what that is, or what it means. I know you don't know what it feels like cuz you can't as you are now.

There is a lot to my story that makes me the way I am now.  My blog is the wait, and I think it fitting, cuz there is more to this story,  but when it happens I don't know. Who belongs with this story I don't know really. I've made many assumptions in the past,  and maybe foolish ones. Many people have stumbled onto this thing, and many have disappeared. Perhaps that is the way it was always going to be.

Choosing this over you is probably hard. I stumbled into this long ago when the World was ugly. I saw through all the World tries to hide. It takes life for our eyes to be opened. I suspect many have had life happen, but hard hearts make you deny the pull. We hear with our hearts, but we also harden our hearts if we don't want to believe.

So your eyes have to be opened as well as your ears. Maybe they both work together. I fear if you harden your hearts as to close your ears you really are making a choice. Me, and my life over whatever this other thing is.

In the end you will be guilty of the things you've done to steer yourselves away from the message trying to be told to you.

I am a blessing for you really,  and a curse. I am trying to bring you to greener pastures, but it is hard for you to see, cuz all you've ever known was this World. How can someone as you follow as a blind sheep into whatever, when the World "appears" to be more secure.

In the end trust may be your downfall. You trust you and the World, and are afraid of the unknown other.

Yeah, this thing isn't easy. All you have is me, and I did this all solo from what you can see.

There is much that separates us. No amount of pictures or achievements will gloss over the true nature of you, and the true nature of your life.

I know where we all stand kinda. Less than what we'd like. That is for sure. The truth is tough like that. Who knew in the end we aren't all that. In the end we cannot through our own power become all that.

It is hard to tell a human the true nature of things, because our hearts were never right in the first place.

Anyway, on we go. Today is  a day,  and already I am wondering what to do for dinner.

Should be a good one.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Friday, August 18, 2017

There Was A Time...

There was a time not too long ago where I was not drinking coffee hardly. These days I mostly am having a cup before work. Not every day, but most days. It helps I have a flavored creamer. I may go for two today.

I tried visiting here yesterday, and it was dumb, and I deleted. It was surprising to me too, cuz I woke up feeling like a million bucks.  No biggie really. If able I do try and visit this thing here. 

Anyway,  I took Hope, and somewhere along the way I realized we have not had tacos yet this week. Day seized,  day made.  :)

I load my tacos with so much stuff it is ridiculous.

So the World is going on. It moves without us even commanding it. Don't you think in life most/all have the universe kind of out of whack?  It seems to me we are kind of born that way, or grow up to be that way. At the center of the universe is us, and the sun, stars, and moon operate outside our sphere of dominance.

I had a thought the other day. If you go to a grocery store, just a local one in your hometown you'll find a lot of pickles. Full size, cut up ones, pickle relish. There will be cucumbers for sale. A lot of jars, and a lot of fresh cucumbers. You expand that to every grocery store in just the U.S.   who the Hell picks all these cucumbers?  How did we get so many? 

I've never seen a cucumber farm. Then you have olives and grapes,  and all the bottles of wine. I think if you look closely at the produce industry it may not be all it's cracked up to be.

To each their own really, but some people don't eat meat, because of the way animals are treated. Who is picking your pickles? 

In the end life is just a tad bit uglier than you think. I have a ton of dog hair under my couch that needs to be vacuumed. I should probably vacuum every day. I don't.

Life is full of too much stuff. I don't think I could ever keep my house perfect, unless I hired a cucumber picker,  and changed his or her occupation.

I think at this stage we should be able to see the World is just a little uglier than we'd like. The perfect avenue seems to be missing, and altogether impossible.

We all our full of weird shit in our minds. What if in actuality this World,  and our life are just a tad bit ugly?  I'd say we all grew up with a false vision. We thought this thing life on average was okay, and we also thought the scales were  balanced pretty favorably in our direction.  The truth was always far away since day 1. Parents are to blame,  and so are our parent's parents. That makes some of you guilty. You have become a false teacher just by having a kid.

Your blessing is now found to be a curse,  cuz you stand guilty. Not to worry though. We are all guilty of some shit, meaning we are not perfect.

Society has been handed down through generations. Progress seems to be coming slowly,  but no one figured out how to change our treacherous human heart. Don't know how to make that better.

Anyway, today is Friday, and I plan on having a day.

At some point during this thing your eyes will become wide open. I don't think this thing will always be easy for you, but it leads in a good way.  I have help.

I'd type all that stuff,  cuz I feel good today, but just a tad too lazy.

Later.   :)

xoxo.  :)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Nothing About Nothing.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I think I slept okay. I woke up a little before my alarm. A little tired maybe, but I have coffee. I could sleep longer too if I want, but I am good.

Yesterday was just a pretty normal day. Nothing too crazy. My brother stopped by from Chicago just to get away for a day. I think he goes back to work soon. He looked good, and down around 20 lbs. or so.

I think he got scared into a more active lifestyle. Walks around 4 miles/day.

That was pretty much about it. Nothing really significant happened at all. I need to make zuchinni bread. I got a lot. My tomatoes are starting to get ripe, so I will be bombarded soon. Time to get my canning supplies.

Life sure can be pretty uneventful. Day after day of just stuff. TV, movies, and books. Work, eat, sleep.

I hear some stuff happened in Charlottesville.  I don't pay attention to the news, but there are angry people angry at something I guess.

Do people feel cheated?  It seems people think they were promised the American Dream somewhere down the line, and it was snatched from their arms. People get angry, and seek the scapegoat.

If you find yourself mad like that why not seek the real cause.  You are fucked up,  cuz you believe in shit that isn't real.

There is no happily ever after. No such thing. There isn't a perfect match for you or anyone. Life will tend to disappoint,  and a lot is cuz we aren't the same year after year.

In your effort to seek out the perfect life you failed. You didn't do it. You won't either.

People would be much better off being realistic about things. Accept your imperfect lot in life. No matter your labors perfection will be out of reach. No matter what you think your heart is lacking.

Inside people is anger, and jealousy, and any number of things. I can tell you why we all fall short, but you might not like it, and I know you probably won't believe it.

There is nothing about you at all that can make you the best a person can be. You'll find no asset about you that raises you above others. We all are imperfect vessels, and our insides lack the good stuff we need to make us better people.

The truth is pretty harsh really.  I suggest not going out to try to save the World, cuz you will fail. Don't focus on the bad of other people, cuz there is plenty of that everywhere. A lot of people get snagged up in shitty propaganda. Try focusing on you. Why aren't you better as a person?  Change you, and then you can go after others.

For now everything is just about you.  The journey of us is hard enough. Don't worry about others. They play no part in you finding out about you.

Anyway, today will be a day. Don't think anything too crazy will happen.

Cya next time.  :)

Bye.  :)

Monday, August 14, 2017

Woah!! Again?

I just got up a bit ago, and look. It seems we are starting yet another week. Yesterday after work, I just relaxed. I started another book. I decided to start listening to my bounty hunter books on Sunday, and started reading my Medical Examiner forensic crime solver series. I have like 13 bounty hunter books give or take left in my series, and there are 20+ Medical Examiner books in the series. That will keep me busy a while.

I stayed up later than I wanted on Saturday, but did get up when I wanted on Sunday. I was tired though so took an easy day.

Monday is typically a pretty easy day at work, so today should go smooth. I don't really have any plans today after work. Maybe do a little cleaning,  and dinner.

Weekends can be crazy for people so Monday can be a switch back to the Clark Kent version of yourself. I pretty much remain Clark Kent all the time. My life is pretty much a vacation every day I'd say.  I like my days so to speak.  Monday is as good as any other.

Others I don't know. I know it is good for me to work so I do. I'd hate to be a person who had a job last week,  only to wake up Monday unemployed. I know a guy like that. Has a problem with booze. That's a tough Monday,  and a big fucking problem too.

Life can be tough for people I guess. Probably the thing that makes it the toughest is the damn fairy tales we all grow up with. Life is supposed to be fun. Everyone is full of some type of B.S.  Life disappoints a lot cuz our expectations aren't from reality. We grow up with a flawed idea of how our life is "supposed" to be. 

In truth we are in this World, and you really have no idea how your life should be. Everyone is kinda just shoved into society, and the multitudes follow that to their end. A reality which is made up of B.S. History books, and flawed systems, and flawed people.

You can never really get out of it, unless you question it. What if life in society doesn't really matter?  What if the points you think you are collecting within the framework of society are not actually points? 

Life is something most don't get to the bottom of. Been that way since forever.

Anyway, today I'll have a day. It shouldn't be too hard.

I'll cya later.   :)

Bye.  :)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

I Am Up Anyway.

Good morning. How's it going?   I am doing okay. I've been up a while not really doing anything. Laying in bed pretty much, so I got up and made coffee. I may have two cups today.

We had friends over last night. I think we figured if we can throw a party we can have people over. We almost never have people over, cuz Hope is an ass,  but she seems to be chilling as she ages. That's cool. I like cooking,  so we'll do that again. I stayed up past 10:00 pm. :)

I actually stayed up a couple nights this week, and I don't remember sleeping in too much so I feel a bit tired.

I'll work a little longer than normal today, as I'll do extra stuff. We will have dinner, and hopefully an early night sleep for me. Like to get up early on Sunday.

Anyway that is about it. Through work and stuff you meet a lot of people. I don't know the percentage,  but a higher proportion of people have drama in their lives than you would think.

If you live in our society you have to work. You need money to live, and working takes some responsibility. You kinda have to be dependable.

I don't know if people want to go all into the wild or something. Maybe people have dreams of being special. Find our unique niche in life.

You only have one life,  so you better make it special right?  That's the problem. Your life isn't special. None of ours is. Trillions and Gazillions have done this thing,  and all will have some kind of shitty end. I mean Churchill is going to have a movie made of him during the WWII days I believe. He is as colorful a character as anyone who lived.

He died though, and who gives a Fuck about him. That is our eventual ending too. At most we just turn into a memory. That will be all that's left, and even that disappears.

I don't care if people write books about you, and you make it into some type of Hall Of Fame. I will not travel to any Hall Of Fame, cuz I don't give a fuck about that either.

Today is work, eat, sleep. Not much more to it. Maybe watch some tv? 

Life is NOT some epic journey around the sun. It's just this thing that has been done to death since the beginning of time.

Solomon knew people would have been better off not being born,  but we were, so that means you got work to do, sorta.

It's your job to figure out why you are here. What's the purpose, and you start out not knowing, which is exactly where you find yourself now. Not any closer than the day you were born. In that regard you are no better than an infant.

Anyway, I ramble on. I wasn't even going to blog,  cuz not sure I had anything, but I got a little down.

I'll cya probably Monday. I assume my time til then will consist of little drama. The drama filled people just make their life harder.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.   :)

Have fun.  :)