Let's Start Over.

This is entry 270 for the year. Tomorrow we start at 1. Like I said before I don't remember anything of significance this year. This upcoming year will be different just from a drinking perspective. There will be less of that. How much less is a work in progress. 

Other than that I see more of the same. My life doesn't change that much. I have tomorrow off, and I have no clue what I'll do. Nothing crazy on my list. We had a bit of a snowstorm last night, so I am going to run tomorrow instead of today. This week was going to have a 2 day off anyway, due to a run day falling on Saturday. 

In a pinch I could run on a treadmill at my old peoples work out place. The snow last night wasn't that bad. It is really windy though. 

So as for goals this year I have none that come to mind. I know I'll drink less, but I don't have a firm number yet. Zero, one,  two days per week of drinking?  I'd like to be at zero, but drinking is a good time filler. That's my struggle. What do I do when there is nothing I want to do?  

I guess I need a new hobby. What though?  I guess that's why I wanted to write a book, and take classes. Time has to be filled.  We are enslaved to our internals at that point. When we have downtime we tend to do what we want. If we have vices...well...  

I'd say people with kids probably don't get a lot of downtime. Of course they spend a good portion of their time being with kids. For me anything more than 3 seconds with kids is too much.   :)  Kids are kids though so you have to deal with all the stupid kid shit. Tantrums. Gibberish,  having to tell a kid to brush their teeth, and eat their vegetables. 

I guess a perfect life for me would be my days filled with stuff, and no bored time. That is unachievable I think. A real perfect life has more to do with a perfect heart as opposed to our activities. A perfect heart none of us have. I suspect we judge people on their activities, when all of us are running around with these less than perfect hearts. How do we make better hearts?  More of a give a fuck heart?  

I know the direction for that. I am on that path. Been on it for decades. I knew what I had to do to get what I wanted. There were trials and tribulations to get as far as I am now. One more trial too. One where I accept what I deserve. My heart had to be made to be like that. To my own devices I wouldn't think I deserved to go, where I eventually will go. I go to a place of suffering, and no hope. I will be strong enough to overcome, cuz of my help. 

The person that is me is of such little usefulness. As far as being the best a person can be. I am far away from it. It is not in my power to be such a thing, but yet I will be such a thing. 

In a World where people see greatness in any number of areas, I KNOW there is no such thing. Heroes are made up out of whatever. People with less than perfect hearts are made heroes. I guess the key is our heart. I assume by now you have vision good enough to see your heart. How would you improve that?  If you think you need no improvement,  I'd say yikes.  

Anyway, today is 270.  Yay.  :)    Tomorrow is one. I wonder what next year brings. 

I guess we will see. All things being equal, I  spose I'll still be blogging?  Can I get back to 300?  I guess we will see. Hopefully next year is filled with a bunch of nothing so I'll have plenty to write about.   ;)

Laterzzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

1 For The Money.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay. I got a good amount done. I did my shopping,  I clipped electronic coupons too for stuff I wanted or needed to buy. Why not right?  It's my Sunday routine to shop, so might as well take a couple extra minutes to go through that. I filled up the tank with gas with the 10 cent/gallon coupon I clipped. I wasn't going to get gas, cuz I had a half of tank, but I topped it off. 

We cleaned out the garage. The kids are moving out in late January, so they can stage their stuff. I made dinner with green bean casserole, cuz people should make that a lot. Also stove top stuffing with gravy, cuz people should have that a lot too. 

I got my run in yesterday in the rain. Hope,  and I got soaked. my clothes were like 30 lbs. after my run. So far so good on that front. I got garbage bags, and soap at Sam's Club. also later on I got salt at the local lumberyard for the water softener. 

So a pretty good day. I'd say around 3:00 I had nothing to do. That is the drinking hour right there. When you have nothing else to do. Sometimes you don't want to watch tv. Football is dumb this time of year if your team isn't in the playoffs. 

Anyway my dinner came out really good. Hit the spot. I cooked a Turkey breast in the slow cooker. It's like a big old Turkey, but just the breast. The slow cooker makes it come out really moist. My slow cooker is an insta-pot really. The other night I made red beans and rice with the rice function. That came out good. First time I made red beans and rice. I bought rice and beans to do it again. 

Other than that not much going on. This is update 269. One more to go. This should be a good week. It will be nice to have an extra day off. A second day off would suck. One extra day off should be fine. Not sure what I'll do yet. The thought of watching football all day sounds horrible. I think MI will get killed. Alabama is as good or close to the top 4 teams. MI not so much. So, I am not sure what I'll do. 

I can't imagine how people fill their time if they don't work. I would not enjoy that at all. I know people do that,  and they would rather do that. Those people are definitely different than me. I like the simplicity of my life. I stay busy, and that keeps the vices at bay, for the most part. 

Today will be a busy day. I have work, workout,  and dinner to cook. I may see a movie,  cuz it is raining,  and I have to drive. All in all it's a good life. Simple pimple. I don't really have anything to worry about. There always is little shit I guess, but my life really isn't bogged down with stress. 

I have some more books to listen too. Murder mysteries. I found a new author,  so i tried him out. The first book was good. I listened to an interview of his, and he mentioned Ellery Queen. I grabbed one from Audible to check it out. Only problem,  is I can't get any Ellery Queen audible books from the library, so I would have to use a credit, or buy them. They are all like 9-13 hour books, which I like as a size. Pretty excited to get those going. 

Anyway, as you see not much going on with me. More work, eat, sleep today as always.  There really isn't anything very special about life is there?  Just time filled with stuff. No happily ever after here that's for sure. No such thing. We just have our little time to spend here. 

I spose. I get to spend my time in a simple way. I just enjoy my little simple life. I have a good disposition I guess you'd say. Oh, one other thing. I gained 1.3 lbs. last week, but lost a small percentage of body fat. 62 miles only last week too. 82 the previous week. This week I am guessing around the 72 mile mark. We will see. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

A Regular Day Off.

Today is a regular day off. I think it should be okay, cuz I got stuff to do. The kitchen is already clean. I cleaned it yesterday. I even cleaned the outside of the appliances, which I never do, but can now easily add it to things I do. I was able to get my haircut yesterday at my regular place. 

I get to run this morning,  and do a bit of laundry. I only have Wednesday off this week thankfully. I don't know how I'd fare with another 2 days off. We are approaching January, and a new year. I don't have any resolutuons. I guess I started quitting drinking. This week unfortunately its been an every other day thing. I feel its easier to do with my normal schedule. Maybe a good lesson. Don't make any drastic changes during the holidays. Schedules get messed up. Even still, I have probably already taken more days off drinking, than I would have all next year, if I didn't change. 

Personally too, I like not drinking, but if I run out of things to do, I may do a what the heck type of thing. Already I know not drinking is way better for me. I love it. I like my schedule,  and I like my routine. Sometimes, because I am obviously neurotic, I think about getting another car for myself. Not for really any reason, except I can. How ridiculous is that?  I don't even drive a lot,  also I am not a real car guy. You know the guy who would enjoy a fast or cool car for fun. Not me. 

I don't know why that stupid thought crosses my mind. Truth be told I'd enjoy watching my bank balances go up more. 

I guess its the problem of a person who has enough money, but doesn't really have anything to spend it on. I have enough clothes,  I don't really enjoy traveling too much. I am turning into a non drinker, so I never go out for beers. I could have yesterday,  but didn't want to, as usual. 

I honestly, am perfectly content in my routine. The small changes I want to make is to be a more thorough cleaner. you know dusting, and vacuuming, and organizing. I want to see if I can get in running shape again, so I am trying to get a stretching routine, and run 3-4 times/week. I plan on running every other day. If a run is supposed to be on a Saturday, then I'll take two days off. Saturday I work earlier than normal,  and I see a movie a lot after. It's just not a good day for me to run. You can tell too, its the day I normally take off from blogging. 

So no new resolutions, but this year will be different for me. More time = more productivity. Also not drinking will kick into full gear. I may go see about those AA meetings. I think I can learn from these people. The people with struggles. It's all pretty easy, until you find yourself with downtime. Then what?  I may do that starting today. Lisa said she would go with me just so I wouldn't have to go by myself. At least til I feel comfortable,  but honestly I wouldn't be nervous. It's hard to tell if the downtime is making me struggle, cuz of the holidays, or if it's just an ongoing battle. I should go. If not today,  then tomorrow. 

Anyway, like I said I think this year will be good. I am not drinking today. I have a lot, well some stuff to do. 

Run, start laundry, weigh myself, and go shopping.  I have a dinner for the crock pot. Then I'll think of some cleaning/organizing projects. Monday will be a work day with no drinking the day before. Those aren't so shabby. I like life better that way. 

Anyway, like I said, an exciting year ahead for me. 

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

The Countdown.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. This is update 267. Saturday I probably won't update,  but I will have to the final 3 days of the year to hit 270. Sunday, not a problem. Monday, and Tuesday shouldn't either,  but I do have to get up at my regular early time to do it. Typically that's not a problem,  but you never know. 

Last night I had a couple drinks. Rather afternoon I guess. I don't know how people consistently can handle taking 2 days off in a row. What do they do?  Everytime I do it, it's a nightmare. I walked for like 6000 some odd steps yesterday. The whole day. I'll be ~ 10,000 by 7:30 AM give or take today. One day off is perfect. Recharge, grocery shop, laundry, clean. 2 days off is horrible. You just run out of shit to do. I do anyway. I get lazy. 

Today, I am back to my normal routine. Work,  eat, sleep. I don't have to worry about having nothing to do. My day will be full. Not drinking should be easy. I should have gone grocery shopping yesterday, but I forgot. I was binge watching "Succession" on HBO, and didn't even think about it. I don't know how people feel about binge watching tv, but for me it's not the greatest thing. I don't feel fulfilled,  I feel lethargic. It zaps out the best part of me. The energy. I guess that's why I am not a good tv watcher. I started a new show after, and just shut off the tv. I was done. I walked outside a bit, did dishes,  took my truck to get clean,  went to see about a haircut. Too busy. I need to find a new place. I have an actual barber less than a mile from me. I think I'll try him today after my workout. 

I don't know what to do about dinner. Maybe I should drive, and shop after my workout. What would be good for dinner?  That's a tough one today. No clue. 

Anyway, what else?  Not much. I am actually pretty excited about having a busy day. Yesterday was a junk day. The work part was missing. My #1 day filler. I binge watched tv too, so I became lethargic. Inactivity is poison to the soul. At least mine. 

I am going to run in a bit. I'll just do my new 2 mile loop. It should be fun. I'll have to make a quick salad for work. I should have done that yesterday. I don't have all my stuff, but I have celery,  onions,  cucumbers, and tomatoes. I can make that real quick. I think I'll ride my bike today. I can pick up something easy at a little grocery store by my house. You know what I should do?  Stop by the Mexican store. I used to go there a lot when my work was at the other place. It was on my way home. Totally forgot about that. Steak fajitas it is. 

Anyway the year is dwindling down. I'd say last year was a year about nothing. Hopefully 270 updates about nothing. I think all things being equal, I can hit 300 next year. Obviously I am in a pretty good groove of writing about nothing. Remember when I wanted to write a book a few weeks ago?  Haha.  After next week my life does change a bit. I'll say on average I may have say maybe 5 hours extra during the week, plus the not drinking thing, which will be easy I think with a regular schedule. Holidays are the worst. 

Anyway, today is a day. It should be full. I am guessing around 65 miles this week will be my total. Maybe less too. I am at 40 now with 2 days left. Next week will be screwy too, cuz of the holiday. Another day off. I hope not two. That would be horrible, unless I plan on doing something. A project of some sort. I don't know how others cope with time off. It's a real struggle for me. 

Anyways, I gotta run. 

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.           :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Day Off #2.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday wasn't too bad. I got my run in the morning. It was 2 miles plus Hope,  and I extended it with a longer walk after. It was fine, my knee didn't bug me. I decided I should run every other day. Walking is fine on days I don't run. Plus I think my runs should mean something. No more junk miles.  I stretched too, which actually feels good. 

I fucked around with my bread for seems like forever. My final dough is sitting for 12-15 hours. Its approaching 12 hours now. I then divide it, cuz the recipe calls for 2 loaves. It proofs for 4-5 hours, and then I bake it. I got this book last year cuz I was all gung ho about making my own sour dough. There are a lot of 1 day bread recipes. the sour dough one is time consuming. 

Anyway, I didn't drink yesterday as I mentioned I would do. It still is surprising how easy that is. A day in the past I would not take off drinking I easily did. I finished my sleeping book. It was interesting. I took a little test in the book, which was kind of a sleeping test. As expected I am considered a good sleeper. I go to bed the same time pretty much every day. My bedroom is for sleep, I don't bring work papers in there to work on. I've never ever had work papers in my life anyway.  :)   I don't bring in my laptop to answer emails and stuff. I'm lucky if I  even look at 20% of my emails anyway. I am way so not important. I am not overweight,  so that helps my sleep. I am not under much/any stress so  that helps. 

Alcohol was a no no before bed, but that part has changed. The test basically told me my life is structured where I give myself a pretty good chance of sleeping good. Typically I do too. Last night I slept 5-1/2 hours. My resting heart rate is way down,  due to no alcohol. 

I did finish up the laundry. I did make a simple white bread from scratch yesterday,  cuz I wanted fresh bread, after laboring for 36 hours yesterday on the stupid sour dough for today. 

Everything is fine. I really did marvel,  and was pretty excited yesterday I went to bed sober when I have today off. I love that. I still know I'll probably still get cravings here and there. It's why I think I'll still drink one day a week. To purge the demons so to speak. Unless the cravings stop, then maybe I won't drink. We will just have to see about that. I really love non-drinking days though. You feel good about yourself at night before bed, and you feel good about it when you wake up. 

It's just sometimes those cravings get hard, and take you to the dark side. It's probably just a weekend trigger,  or close to the weekend that will trigger it. We'll see. Maybe the triggers are slowly dissipating too, I don't know. 

Anyway today is a day off, and a lot of people have to work. Not me. 

I spose.   

Laterzzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

And So This Is Christmas.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. For the record I had some drinks last night. It was fun, and I enjoyed it. It's why I ever drank in the first place. I have two days off in a row. I worked a short day yesterday too, so a lot of time off. I am predicting I'll be way less than my 80 mile norm this week. Maybe less than 72, and maybe way less than 72. I am going to start running today. I didn't stretch much yesterday, but I feel today is my starting day. I have no intentions of drinking today. Yesterday was fun, but today I want to have different fun. 

I did get most of the laundry done yesterday,  and dishes. We got some more dirty dishes. I am also going to make a sourdough bread. At work I refresh a sour dough sponge twice a week. This one has probably been going for 3 years give or take. We never use it, it's just an emergency sponge. I refreshed it on Monday, and took the extra home to make my own bread. This way is easier than keeping my own sponge refreshed. I found that to actually be like work. I didn't enjoy it so much either.  

I will start that soon. I have to refresh this sponge. Make my dough, and have it sit overnight. Then do some shit tomorrow. It's a long drawn out horrible process.  :)  I can make a white bread in like an hour or something stupid.  Between mix, and proof. 

Anyway, not much else going on with me. I got what I wanted for Christmas. An electric razor. I got Lisa a North Face winter jacket. It's too small, so she'll have to get the next size. She likes it. Who wouldn't?  It's warm, and it may eventually get cold here. Not in 10 days though.   We had one of my favorite meals. Stuffed shells. When we first started dating she made it a little more often. Definitely more than once every decade as now seems the case.   :)  Lisa doesn't like cooking. I like cooking. Most meals aren't horribly hard. I am in no way a culinary expert though, so I have no knowledge of making super duper fancy meals.  

Not sure what else I'll do today. It's probably the optimum day to read and binge watch tv. Everything is closed. In past years it would be an optimum day to drink, but that sounds horrible to me right now. Yesterday was fun. Today I have no interest. 

These days off are not the best things in the World. I am excited to have today off, and tomorrow,  but i know I'll run out of stuff to do. A work day shortens the day. Easier to fill it that way. 

Anyway I spose.  I got shit to do, and that's how I like to start my days.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

I Recovered From The V8 Fiasco.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. My stomach was a little yucky yesterday for a while. The chocolate binge followed by the V8 drinks was not good. 

Other than that Monday was not too bad. I blew off my workout yesterday. I came home and read my books. First one was kinda about food, but other stuff too. Basically looking at stuff that is bad for you,  and pointing out in ways the opposite is true. Alcohol isn't all bad,  actually good for you in very moderate doses. That's where some struggle. Who doesn't continue to have 3-4 more drinks after they pass the moderation part?  

Let's say not drinking puts you at 20. Low number being good. As you start to drink moderately your good number switches to single digits. Once you pass the moderate stage you quickly rise to 80. 

There were things on food. Nicotine isn't all bad for you, but not if it comes in  the form of a ciggarette. Video games aren't all bad either. Like maybe 1 hour a day, not every free moment. 

In most things its the dose that counts.  Also I read through my book on stretches, and tried a bunch. I want to do it every day til I gather a good routine. I do like stretching. Things I wasn't expecting too, like neck, and shoulders and  stuff. It feels good. 

Also I kinda marvel at how good it is to not come home, and have a few drinks. It wasn't too long ago, that was unheard of. My thought was a day without drinking is a wasted day. I could drink too without any repercussions. no headache, and no hangover. I have since learned blood pressure is something one should worry about. Alcohol does affect us in unseen ways. At my age now I like a day without drinking. I still get those cravings once in a while. Weekends, and if I am really really tired where I know I got nothing in the tank. 

I have two days off in a row now too, so maybe the cravings will hit here. I almost never get two days off on a row. A work in progress still. 

Other than that not much. Christmas is upon us. So marks the end of the year. I don't recall anything too crazy this year. My life is in a pretty good routine. I have a plan for the future, which basically is work,  eat, sleep. I dont go out hardly ever. I really am trying to be more active. Get rid of bad habits, and do better stuff. I think it will be easy to add stretching to my daily schedule. I consider this to be very important actually. I wish I would have started sooner. 

I save money. All things being equal, I have a nice nest now. It's small, but you add 15 years of saving, and it gets big. My house is paid for as is everything else,  but the credit card balances, which automatically get paid every month. 

My life is not sexy at all. My life really is how I feel on the inside. I feel pretty good. I am not really stressed about much. I have a plan to my days. I am happy with it, and it just is fine with me. I don't need to travel a lot. I am fine at home. 

Maybe I mess people up a bit. You won't feel as good as I do, because I am so much more than what you see on the outside. My inside is what makes me, and my inside is quite different than if I went my own route. I am not the finished product yet, but that I cannot make. Also I can't go on that path. I am willing, but the timing is not up to me.  

Anyways, another day. Let's see if we have the alcohol cravings the next couple days. It feels so nice to not drink.  

Laterzzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.           :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.         :)))

Maybe V8 Isn't The Best Thing To Drink In The Middle Of The Night.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, my stomach feels not so great. I think the V8 last night is the culprit. Plus I ate a ton of chocolate before bed for some reason. My body is definitely not used to a big chocolate binge that is for sure. 

I ended up working a full shift yesterday. I do have Wednesday and Thursday off this week though. Not sure what I'll do. Wednesday is Christmas so definitely just sit at home. I guess I'll read my books. I got 3 from the library yesterday. One on sleep,  one on food, and one on stretching. The stretching I really am pretty serious about. I want to start a routine. So I guess I will have stuff to do. 

Anyways what else?  Not much really. Yesterday was pretty weird as it was a day off that wasn't a day off. Weird being out of that routine. What do you do after work?  I could have treated it like a regular day, but Football was on, and it seemed like it wasn't a regular work day. Anyway...

I weighed myself yesterday, and I was under 165 lbs.  I lost another pound. My body fat fell under 22%.  I am not really trying to lose weight,  but I just assume it will happen. I will consume less calories just by not drinking so much. I don't feel I really add any calories either,  except last night I had a weird chocolate binge.  My stomach still feels weird, but I think taking Hope for a walk will help. 

I just looked at the calendar, and barring anything weird I'll almost definitely hit 270 updates for the year. As long as I've been doing this, I can't imagine what people think of me. I look back, and I see me being different now. Like time brings clarity. So many people have fallen away, and that is how life is really. In the end we will have very few friends. Most people I meet seem to be cool with that. Outside of work, i am not real sociable.  For one I don't go to bars anymore, so the casual beer I no longer do. Just not even interested anymore. 

I just have my little life. Work,  eat, sleep. Getting over the drinking routine, and trying to add a little more productivity. Whether it being physical activity or learning or both. 

I kinda think what I want out of life. My life is fine. I don't really need anything else. There is some future event that will see the end of the current version of me. My heart has known it, and for years I made no plans on account of it. The blog is the wait, and I have done that. Currently I am all patience as far as that goes. Ready today,  or willing to wait too. It doesn't matter. My heart is fine either way. My heart is kinda a trip. Really easy going. 

Its definitely not of this World,  cuz it isn't too concerned with normal things most people are concerned with. I don't feel it is anyway. Too easy going or something. Too chill maybe. I just know it is different now since it was taken after I gave up. 

Remember how hard I said my path was way back when?  I am so far removed, and so chill it seems like nothing. Of course that final thing wont be pleasant, but I am fine. Weary a bit of that final thing though. 

I better get going. 

Laterzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

The Final Days Of Christmas.

Is a pretty exciting thing when you work at a busy bakery. The off season begins. I don't think anything gets too crazy, til you start seeing paczkis again. The weather is pretty mild 10 days out. We are  working today, cuz tomorrow will be like a Saturday, and the day after will be like a double Saturday. I am going to try to get in at 6:00 AM or a bit after. I went to bed early last night. 

I had nothing I wanted to do. I saw Jumanji after work. my receipt says I've seen 37 movies so far. I think since ive been an A-list member. I have been entertained by most of them. I am not a movie critique in the least. I just like to be entertained. 

Not much really going on with me. I don't have my  typical Sunday things to do, but I do have Wednesday off. Plus I probably won't be working a full day today. 

The New Year is coming up. I think my life will be much different than in the past. I am guessing I'll drink one day a week. Maybe none, but I'd say probably one. I want to be busier this year. It already started too. When I don't have those couple hours of drinking I get shit done. 

I like full work days, cuz it shortens up the time I may be idle. Idle time for me is not the best thing always. 

I ended up with only 82 miles last week. It seems like such a little amount now. I do remember being really horribly tired one day last week. Just wasn't sleeping good enough. Maybe just not enough period. Last night I woke up after 4 hours, then 6 hours, and then 7 hours. 4 hours is not good. Glad I fell back asleep. 

I did think of maybe doing the unthinkable. Training for the riverbank 25K. Just the eternal optimist in me I guess. There is no reason to think I can stay healthy for such a thing, but that is where my mind went. 

I think it wouldn't be a horrible thing to get into a stretching routine. My leg muscles are often tight. Probably,  because every day they get worked. If I worked on flexibility maybe it would help keep me healthy. I've tried everything else, well not really,  but I haven't tried stretching. 

I think I'll go to the library today after work. Maybe Barnes and Noble too if I don't find anything. A book on nutrition,  and stretching. When to stretch is the question. Ideally after I take Hope I spose.  I don't always have time. If I get my lunch ready the night before that would be good. Maybe after work too. I think I'd like to take Hope after work too if able. Also,  I think I can start running again too. 

Anyway a lot of plans. This year will totally be different. I don't know about the running thing, but I can give it a try. Not drinking every day has opened up my life even more. The thing I recognize about me is I am not looking for more free time. Just using more time to do productive stuff. Kill off the dead drinking time I use to have. Do something different in its place. It's kinda a nice feeling actually. Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

The 260 Number.

Yesterday I hit 260 in updates for the year. Looks like I got a good shot at 270. I did have a couple drinks yesterday. I was 14 miles in. Dead tired. My hammies were bugging me as the day went on. I did not do anything when I got home.  I did have my couple drinks, and went to bed at 6:00 PM. I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before,  and 6 hours before that. I can survive on lack of sleep, but I like a good amount of sleep regardless. Also I'd rather not be tired. I got over 7 hours last night. It seems to me the drinks were my way of taking a sleeping pill basically. I didn't drink to get crazy, and whoop it up. I just wanted to relax, and then sleep. I worked til 3:00, and was in bed at 6:00. 

As far as Christmas goes we have today, Sunday,  and Monday. I think yesterday was the hardest day. A lot of day baking went on, and a lot of packing. Some really big orders to fill. I don't think there is anything too ridiculous from here on out. Just fill the store at both locations every day.  

Outside that not much. I am super stoked we cheated Winter. It will be a green Christmas, and it hasn't really gotten horribly cold. We had a winter storm in November, and that's about it. Not much besides that. We closed our eyes for a brief second, and all of a sudden January is around the corner. Everyone knows winter is January and February. March doesn't count, cuz we start looking toward Spring.   If we hit January after a mild December,  then we cheated Winter. 

I definitely got pretty tired as this week went on. I was pumped and juiced, and definitely was running out of gas. I think last night helped. After this week my life will change a bit, as in I'll have time. I'll fill it in other ways than I did in the past. I am not sure how yet. There is learning, and physical activity to do. What shape and sizes those take is anyone's guess. 

I think life consists of 3 things perhaps. Learning, physical activity,  and labor. If your life has none of these 3 that perhaps is a problem. I don't consider learning the best way to beat a video game learning. So it lacks learning, physical activity, and labor. 

I just thought that shit out of the blue, but it seems to make sense. One should beware of what they read too I guess. Reading does not involve physical activity or labor. I guess maybe my job is ideal, as it potentially encompasses all 3. Physical activity, and labor for sure, and one can always learn stuff in the baking World. 

I think in life we marvel at the super stars. They have so much money, and can do whatever they want. I argue if you are lacking those 3, then you are not living your best life. Hollywood is overpopulated with lives that "seemed" perfect,  but are and  were far from it. 

Unfortunately,  labor,  and physical activity are important parts to life. A good one anyway.   If your labor lacks physical activity, then I assume you must make up for it somehow. 

I guess you can learn things in many avenues,  but if you learn something, and don't use it then what of it?  Let's say we learn physical activity is good for us, but we don't do it then what?  

For me I learned long ago, I get a good feeling with labor. I've been lazy in my past, but labor feels better than lazy. It gives one a good internal feeling. I am battling the drinking serves no useful purpose, unless like yesterday I needed a good sleeping pill. Living my best life is me learning,  and laboring, and having physical activity in a good amount. Alcohol is basically video games as far as those 3 are concerned. 

One needs down time I assume. The time when you do whatever. Movies,  shows,  video games, and books. That probably shouldn't be a significant part of your day. Not if you want to maximize the feel good internally part of life. 

Anyway, I guess I better take the Hopester.   I'll pass easily my summertime goal of 72 miles today, with all of tomorrow to go. Too much physical activity without recovery takes away learning time. So a balance is needed,  and us humans are not good in finding balance in things. 

You want to maximize good,  but without a balance we fail. Luckily my balance in life is my heart. My heart typically has a pretty good outlook. Confident, and secure. 

Anyway, gotta go. 

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

It Is Christmas Time. Every Day Is Busy.

I was actually over 15 miles yesterday. Really I need 6-15s, and a 10 to get 100 miles in. Considering I rarely, maybe never, hit 15 miles should tell you AND I the 100 mile week is pretty tough. Especially if I am not running. Goal #1 for the week passed. I got my workout in yesterday. It's a busy week, and I want to overcome fatigue to get my workouts in. I did yesterday,  although I felt like taking a little nap after each set.   :)

Thank God for cold weather. A nice cold bike ride home can kinda wake you. I got my home part of the workout done too. I've hit another level of discipline. Desire, and motivation are firing on all cylinders.  Alcohol dulls things. I was able to function well enough, but not to my fullest ability. Internally I am different. The day looks different when I get home. I don't have the 3-3-1/2 stiff drinks to change my outlook. 

I know the impeachment thing happened yesterday. It was on our TV for a second,  and I indefinitely didn't want to listen to that. My political thought yesterday was from me riding my bike home after my workout. I was driving down a street with small older homes. It isn't a bad part of town,  cuz there really aren't many of those in Holland, MI. It surely wasn't a wealthy area, although big expensive houses are never far from anyone. 

Anyway one house in general caught my attention. It wasn't well kept by any stretch. The old barn/garage needed a paint job, and maybe boards replaced. It had one of those shitty half driveways that I used to have. Some not so great car parked too. I assume a blue collar family for sure. To my amazed astonishment was the big TRUMP flag hanging in the front. There are no Presidential political things anywhere else in my travels, which aren't all encompassing,  but I get around. 

What really astonishes me is that house of obviously limited means, and maybe limited motivation to clean shit up, should never ever vote for Trump. That is a vote against their best interest. That is the Republican base too. I find the state of politics is absurd. 

The people testifying in the hearings were answering questions in a somewhat professional manner. Then they let the dogs/politicians have their day yesterday, and that is complete lunacy land. 

The right stayed with the right yesterday, and the left with the left. The right picked up their sword,  and they may be using it to commit political seppuku. The impeachment is a real thing. Serious questions to consider, but you cannot reason with blind fanaticism. It just cannot be done,  so all will fall, or none. Bad people can be popular for a while,  but the truth eventually leaks out. 

If illicit sex acts with people you aren't married to were really such a big deal,  the current President would not be in the position he is in now. Yet he is popular with his base. The guy with the run down house.  That guy I don't even want to know. I can only imagine his day to day. Of course that is me judging someone I don't know. 

Anyway, today is a day. It will be busy. I don't have to work out today. 

Our house needed to have some upgrades. We let it go. Of course there was a good amount of time where I wasn't concerned with such things, cuz the final thing I must do. Even still I never would have had that flag. Also I inexplicably came into money,  so I am a bit hypocritical to say the least. 

I do still work two jobs however. Not to make ends meet, but I find it to be a good use of my time. I still have more than enough time. I quit drinking for 6 of every 7 days minimum too, so I have even more time. 

Anyways I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

I Was Pass Out Tired Last Night.

I still am surprised how tired I get at night. I watched The Italian, and couldn't keep my eyes open til the end. It was a full day of work,  I made dinner, and I think that's about it besides tackling that 3-1/2 hour movie. It was kinda like a mob history lesson. Also we all heard of Jimmy Hoffa, but I for one didn't know the dynamics behind him. Interesting story, with weird CGI stuff to make older guys look younger. Also a look into our older age. When no one gives a fuck about us anymore. 

Yesterday was a non drinking day. An easy one. I may have thought at some time about having some drinks, and the fun involved,  but not seriously entertained. You know how sometimes you are walking down the street thinking impure thoughts about farm animals?  It's kinda like that. Shit just pops into your head for no reason.    ;)

I am on 8 of 9 days for not drinking. If there was an addiction, which I believe there was, it is slowly being suffocated to death.  My resting heart rate last night was 13 bpm less than my high 2 weeks ago. 

Anyway I did scan courses at nearby colleges. Part of the problem you have when the World and life is not dulled down. You know me, the last thing I want to do is spend money for the heck of it. I have an inkling to learn. I saw an online class about nutrition. It's been several years since I read a book on nutrition. It sparked an interest. I thought I might go to the library to check on books on nutrition. A free way to learn. I was going to go yesterday,  but it is Christmas,  so we got out an hour late. I have to work out today too, but something for this weekend or later next week. I can see if there is any more subjects to spark my interest too. 

I feel really good about not drinking. At first it was hard to quit for some reason. i don't think i hit a rock bottom,  but the angry drunk person that could show up I didn't like. I threatened myself with AA, and it's been pretty easy. Just the Saturday and Sunday craving was hard. I wonder if it will show up this weekend. If I purge the drinking demons once per week I am fine with it. If I don't have them anymore at all even better. Life seems even more optimistic without drinking. To me anyway. 

What else?  Not much. Still pretty much a work,  eat, sleep life. I was over 30,000 steps yesterday. I didn't check the numbers closely. 13 + miles I am sure. My appetite wasn't ridiculous like last week. Maybe we are approaching an equilibrium. Shock has worn off so my body has adjusted. I still am super duper excited for not drinking. 6 months ago that would have been the last thing I wanted to do. 

Anyway today is a day. It will be busy. The rest of the week will be stupid busy. My goals are just to get my workout in. I'll have to just do it. I assume I'll be tired after the long days of work. 

Then we just have Monday. Tuesday will be weird. I don't even know if the bakery is open the day after Christmas. So, 4 crazy days. For me anyway. I wonder if others are working Saturday?  

Anyway, I guess I'll take Hope. Still walking, but that is fine.  I've been taking a closer look at my bare chest. Instead of thoughts about looking good for my age, I see room for improvement. Muscles can be more defined. I don't know if I need to change my workout routine a lot. A desire to stay busy and active is helpful. I think a month or two of not drinking will give me answers.  Especially if everything stays the same, except alcohol being the one variable.  

Anyhoo, I gotta go.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

A Day In The Books.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty good Monday. I never had any of those cravings I got on Saturday and Sunday. I was very glad, having a couple drinks was about the last thing I  wanted. I worked,  worked out, finished putting the rest of my laundry away, cleaned the kitchen. I was kinda having a very good feeling being productive. Not kinda, I felt great. It was very nice having no desire for a drink. 

I wonder if those cravings will totally disappear. My mind knows they lie anyway. My drinks on Sunday were not as enjoyable as I thought they'd be. There is no doubt however not drinking, and being productive is a high on it's own. Just to not have that being a part of my day is kinda nice. Different. Not something I really strived for til this year. 

If I drink once per week I have no problem with it, but if I don't, I think I'd want that more. I am glad my last drinks were kinda a disappointment. 

Anyway, I am still thinking of things to do to fill my time. 100 mile weeks seems a little much if I cannot really run long. I never did look up College courses yet. I should. I think that could be fun. 

The World is open to me. I can do whatever I want. I am 54, and I am in about the best position a person can be. I have no debt, and no mortgage. I have no car payments. I am saving money for the future. I am healthy,  and am sitting pretty good as far as getting rid of my one vice. 

I have goals to get in better shape. More well rounded shape. More muscle than fat. I am not at a bad weight, but I do see room to firm areas up. If I lost 15 lbs. I don't think it would be horrible on me. I don't think I'd be too skinny. We will see how that plays out. I do wonder if I'd crave sugar things, as alcohol is basically sugar. So far I haven't, but I know others increased their dessert eating when quitting. 

You know what I feel again?  Empowered.  Drinking is fine, and it can be fun. Now I am on the other side, and this seems pretty great. I never really worried about my drinking, cuz I never get headaches, and I never get sick. The closest I'd ever get to a hangover is the less than 100% I'd feel if I had that one extra drink. I couldn't drink more than that one extra drink either. Alcohol tastes like crap after that. I didn't like it. Anyway, I am glad that part of my life is over,  cuz I get to live a new life now. I can reinvent myself so to speak.  

As you can see my senses are not dulled down like they were from Sundays drinking. Today should be pretty good.  

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.           :)))

A Cheat Day.

So the cravings got to me yesterday. I was busy. I took Hope for a long walk, and I did my Sunday routine of chores. Made a new meal for the crock pot,  and I was out of things to do. The cravings were bad, so I thought I'd mitigate them by having a cheat day. I can't say they totally scratched that itch meaning it didn't miraculously cure those cravings like I thought. I thought it would be a magic euphoric cure, which it wasn't. My body was sending me false signals.  You will not only get rid of  those cravings, but the euphoria after will be unbelievable.  The cravings I guess I didn't have anymore. The great euphoria not so much. 

Me drinking yesterday was not so much impulse as more get rid of those cravings. Honestly if I drank one day/week I'd be fine with it. I start another week today. No drinks or AA meetings. As I feel now it seems simple. I have no desire to drink. It doesn't mean the cravings won't start after work though. As I feel now I don't think they'll be bad if I get them. I have too much to do, and I feel my drinks last night purged the demons. 

Also last night I didn't drink more,  cuz I took a week off. I do not have a headache, and I am not hungover. If I drink again,  it won't be til next weekend. 

Yesterday was disappointing in steps. I did all my stuff, and just cracked 12,000 steps by 1:00PM. During the week I am somehow at 20,000 steps typically by 1:00PM.  100 miles seems almost impossible. It will be very hard for Sunday to be a big step day. I'll need like 94 miles now to get 100. That seems impossible. Especially since I am typically tired by the end of the day. 

On a side note, the scale says I lost 3 lbs. last week. Even though I felt I ate a ton as the week went on. Too many variables to read much into it, but I'll make a note of it. 

I have one week of Christmas left plus a couple days. Work days will be shorter on average after Christmas. Now I have to find something to fill my time. My drinking yesterday has dulled my dreams of all the magical things I'll do with my time. Another price of alcohol. One I guess I was learning while quitting. One that has turned into fact, after I had drinks last night. The things you learn. 

Anyway today is a workout day. I am looking forward to it, because I think working out gets rid of fat more than cardio.  Cardio people don't really get muscle tone in my opinion or rather in my observations.  My knee didn't hurt much this morning when I climbed the steps to bring laundry up, so I'll be able to run soon. 

Anyway today is a day. I am kinda excited I don't have to worry about alcohol today. It's not in my plans, so it gives me some freedom. It's not on the timescale of activities that will be done today, so I have extra time. 

As to drinking, I am not sure if I want the one day per week or not. It's no biggie really,  cuz one day/week = big deal. It's how I originally lost 47 lbs. Along with an hour on the exercise bike 6 days/week. I don't know how many steps I used to walk on those days. That must have been before I started riding my bike to work too. That's a long time ago. Like 2004 or 5. I was still a manager at the old Menards building. I didn't step down yet,  but close. 

Anyway I spose.  I'll let you know how today goes with cravings and whatnot. The weekdays are busy,  so I don't think the cravings have time to sneak in. As of right now I have no interest anyway. Too much to do. Too much of life to experience. No need to dull it down you know?  I'm at the stage too where alcohol does nothing for me. I learned yesterday it doesn't create a magical euphoria. One has to get in touch with their cravings to learn it. It just wasn't that great. 

Of course smokers with lung cancer probably think the same thing as they take a drag on the thing that's slowly  killed them. 

Addiction is a brutal thing. The things we learn.  

Anyhoo, gotta run... ermmmm. I mean walk. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

Gonna Use My Tablet

I want to use my tablet, cuz my keyboard wasn't working, and I fixed it.  Yesterday was okay.  I worked, as predicted I got out a little too late to see a movie.  Yesterday was tougher as far as drinking triggers go.  I definitely felt I wanted to drink... many times.   I thought about the 1 day a week thing, which would be fine, but I did worry about the slippery slope.  I did take the dogs for a walk after work, which never happens on a Saturday.  I forgot to do my home workout part on Friday, so I did it yesterday, and that never happens.   I listened to like 13 hours of a 20 hour book I just started yesterday.  It was really good.   Although I wanted to drink at various times, I did have an inkling to look at different things to do.  See if there was a play or something to see.   Things like that.  There really wasn't, but that avenue was open.   I thought about seeing a 6:00 PM movie too, which never happens.   

In the end I just listened to my book.  I got tired, and was trying to sleep.  Lisa came home, the dogs went nuts, and I streamed the Bulls game on Yahoo Sports.   I wanted to see how they play.  There is some good, and some bad.  A work in progress sorta.  I think they are still finding their rhthym in the new system.  Originally, I didn't like the coach.  Now that I watched them play, I don't give him a thumbs up.   I don't give him a thumbs down either.   I give him a wait and see, and optimism it can work.   They can make the playoffs, but it will be with a less than .500 record.  Maybe 3 seeds in the East get in under .500.

I still woke up at dumb o clock today for whatever reason.  I really don't think I got the optimum sleep yet this week.   The highest my resting heart rate was last week, it was down 11 bpm from that today.   I took my blood pressure yesterday, and it was 118/70.  I am 6 days in for not drinking.  All of a sudden I turned to a healthier lifestyle.  I ended up with 87 miles last week.   I don't know what a normal person does.  This non drinking me wants to push to do more.  Not sure what that entails.  I have more time to do something else.   

I bought Lisa's Christmas present yesterday.  A North Face Winter jacket.   I got it for $100 less than regular price.   I feel it was a good deal.   Also I think it is a nice jacket to have.   It is the color of her car, which is maroonish.   I've been spending money this week like a drunken sailor, which is funny, since it is the first week in years I haven't had a drink.   :)  Yesterday at work, I stretched out my legs, and they were toast.  Hammies horrible, quads tight, and calves too.   I should stretch out more.   I continue to think I want to do more and more.  Unfortunately, I won't be doing a ton of running, cuz of my knee.  It affects me riding a bike too.  I thought yesterday, I probably will not be sweating a lot.   In my mind's eye, I want to see me putting a good effort toward something, but what??            

Last week was 87 miles of steps, maybe my new goal is 100 miles each week.  Consider I have roughly 3 hours of non drinking time to use up every day.   That would help me get to a goal of 15% body fat, as my scale reads.   It seems hard, cuz I started yesterday over my previous weeks goal, and still needed a marathon to reach 100 miles.  I ended up with 87 miles.   Next week is a new week.  I won't be getting drunk today, so I won't be googling AA meetings tomorrow.   :)   It is a new week to start from scratch.   I am already seeing myself push myself in a physical way, instead of a sitting on my ass in a writing way.  I don't need to write a book, I have one here.   I don't need to tell a story, cuz one has already been told here.   I am not adverse to learning, so I may check out local colleges to continue my education.   Not to make more money, but really just to learn.   You know??   Make myself more knowledgeable about stuff.          

I am already glad I got that book writing shit out of me.   I honestly have no idea how to write like that.   I don't really want to learn either.   On here my grammar can be totally fucked, and who cares?   I don't want to spend a bunch of time on tedious shit like grammar.   Also all things considered I don't want to spend a bunch of time in front of a computer.   I don't know what the Hell I was thinking.   

Anyway, today is a day.   It starts today.  See if I can push myself toward 100 miles each week.   My Sundays just have to be a bit more active.   It isn't a problem really, cuz my Sundays were quite the drinking days.  It definitely tended to be a day in which I may have that extra drink.   I did think of addictions again yesterday.   There sure are a lot of them.   We tend to put them on drugs, and alcohol, but there is gambling, ciggarettes, video games.   I think there can be addiction to television, and fast food maybe, candy.   You name it.  Eating disorders are an addiction of sorts too.   We all are filled with these addictions.   The ones that make us worse are the bad ones.  Drugs, alcohol, eating, lazy disorders like tv watching, and video games.  They all fill some need, or maybe just keep us entertained.  

We all may judge people toward their less than healthy things they do, but I suspect we all have something.   I know no one wants to share theirs, cuz society would have us all keep everything in the dark.  I don't have darkness in me.   I can be seen.  I am open, cuz I went through the eye of the needle.   I don't even know others hardly anymore.   

Anyway, I spose.   I have a lot to do.   I should check for a recipe.   

Laterzzzzzzz         :)

xoxo         :)

xxoo         :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee           :)))                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

270?

So I checked the math. If I picked up a Saturday, and blogged the rest of the non Saturday days, I'd have 270 updates this year 270 seems like a pretty decent number of blog updates. More of how I used to do it. Yesterday was day 5 of not drinking, so maybe it can be done. I have my norms, and I feel me approaching 300 updates in a year is a decent effort. In years past I felt my blog had something to say. Not so much this year for sure. No theme for me this year,  but secretly I would be pleased with 270. Even if I write about nothing. 

Anyway yesterday I listened to a Great Courses on addiction. Great Courses are basically audible lectures from College Professors. It explained how our bodies get addicted. More accurately is probably our minds. I found it interesting. Remember when I quit drinking, or tried, it was hard cuz of all these triggers. He talked about that, and why we have them. Listening to the course was like listening to me struggle during sober October. 

I was definitely addicted to alcohol. I don't know what an alcoholic is. I don't recall ever calling in sick cuz of drinking. It's been years since I've been sick from drinking too much alcohol. My body could get a buzz, and fall asleep. I struggled to quit. The triggers were kinda brutal. Once I threatened myself with AA the triggers lost their power. They still can come somewhat. I was going to beat it I guess, and my body gave up. I don't know what you call me with my alcohol consumption, but I am 5 days with no drink. Today will be 6. 

What I've noticed is I am starting to pick up sober triggers. Waking up to a different World trigger. A new outlook. I had another day yesterday of uncontrollable hunger. I don't know what that is about. May be just activity. During the Summer months my goal was 72 miles per week of steps, which included running obviously. I don't run huge miles at all. Hope for a couple miles each day basically, so it was mostly walking miles. working miles. anyway I start my last work day this week with 74 miles of a 72 goal. Add another 10 at least to that,  so maybe my body is just hungry. Not sure. Too many new variables to say for sure. 

I got my scale, and I am 22% body fat. At the high end really of where I should be. I put myself a goal of 15%.  These things can be off by a bit, but I really wanted to see the change over the next months.  I think there will be some.  Especially if I don't drink anymore. 

It is a new day today. I got a cup of coffee in me, and I have no lingering effects of drinking alcohol last night. I don't sleep as long so far,  and that might start being normal. I have my energy which is still here, and sleep may be something I need less of without the alcohol consumption. We will see as time goes on. 

I will tell you this. After 3 days in a row of ~14.5 miles in, I had no troubles sleeping the last few nights. Like I had 3 stiff drinks tired. 

Anyway here is to another day. A day where I didn't drink the day before, and I don't plan on drinking today. I know others will have the Saturday alcohol consuming feeling. Not drinking is a feeling of empowerment. A drinker won't understand.  One who was a drinker who no longer is will. It is a changed life really.  A whole new World opened up.  This type of stuff is the sober trigger. Alcohol can trigger us after work, but sobriety triggers our day. So far anyway. 

One more thing. I am contemplating this book writing thing. The more I think about it the crazier it becomes. Who am I to think I can write a book? About what?  

Does it seem as silly to you as it does me?  I know in the past bloggers seemed to be bigger than life. How I don't know. Maybe it was just me too, I felt that way. Do some people think higher of me because I blog?  I used to think that way of others.  Put them on a pedestal type thing. They were a public entity I guess. 

I don't know what people think of me, which doesn't really matter. I am strong and confident regardless, cuz of my help. My internal feeling. I don't wonder often, but because I do this public thing, do some think higher of me than they should?  I have thought that way of others in the past. Writing gives them a personality we can see. 

No stoic lives here you know?  

Anyway I gotta get ready for work. Movie times are bad unless I get out early. I have no problem working late though. It's not like I have alcohol to come home to.   :)

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Regarding Henry.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. This week has been busy. I'll definitely pass 80 miles again. My busy summertime goal was 72, and I've been crushing that. This week I think I only ran once. My knee is giving me problems again when I run. 

Yesterday was a non drinking day again. I somehow find not drinking, not a challenge. Only 4 days in, and no weekend yet. Weekend drinking in the past was not much different than weekday drinking. Sometimes I'd drink that extra drink though. You still have to have something to occupy your time. 

I don't know how regular drinkers are. If one were to be considered a "drunk" I probably wouldn't fit the bill. I drank only at the end of my day. I haven't been sick from drinking in years. My hangovers were probably none basically. If for some reason if I drank a full pint in one day I'd feel it. It's just a feeling I had that one extra drink. I never ever got headaches from drinking. 

My blood pressure ran high probably,  almost assuredly, from drinking EVERY day. my resting heart rate ran high from drinking every day. Sometimes if I had that extra drink, and I was tired to start the day,  I could be a jerk. The alcohol angry person. 

Me not drinking, I am a better person. For health reasons me not drinking is a win win too.  It's easy not drinking when you wake up in the morning. I only wanted to drink after my day. Drinking definitely makes you feel good, but you can also feel good not drinking. Being more productive is a plus. The morning after with your resting heart rate being low is a plus. Steady hands first thing in the morning is too. I did typically drink enough to get shaky hands. 

Anyway,  that definitely is a change in me. I don't really know how the switch got flipped. I think Sunday when I had enough to be the angry drunk person got me. I don't want him around. 

Just recently is the first time I tried to quit drinking in forever. It was harder than I thought.  Breaking a routine or hobby. As different as a couch to 5k'er in ways. You got something dragging you down in negative ways, and you do something about it. For me it was really hard until I found out this negative thing had a good bit of control over me. Once I threatened myself with AA meetings, all of a sudden no problem.  I was going to go every day at 4:00 PM. In a way I was kinda looking forward to going just to hear the stories. So far it hasn't been a struggle. 

A non drinking me is kinda like a different high too. It helps I track my blood pressure, and resting heart rate and stuff. I see results instantly. 

So, eventually I will have extra time on my hands. After the holidays. I know I've expressed arrogance in writing a book. I don't know if I have it in me. I don't even really know how to write that way, but the hour or two every day working on it has some appeal. Of course it doesn't have to be writing really. I have a couple hours every day of extra productivity stuff. Just not sure what I'll fill it with. It is kinda exciting though huh?  My life has changed enough, I can add a thing to do. What that will be I don't know yet

My scale comes today. That should be fun. I am excited to see how my fat percentage changes from now til say a month down the road from not drinking. I will say yesterday, I was hungry all day. I don't know if it's cuz the lack of dead calories not consumed the night before, or just one of those days you sometimes have. 

4 days done of not drinking. I like it. Also I probably feel better today than those who have drunk. Then again, I never really felt bad if I did drink. I am just at that age where I guess i should change. 

Anyhoo, I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.           :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Day 3.

So, that was easy. There was never an urge to have a drink. I mean that door is closed, so my mind never really went there. After my workout there were just these little productive things I did. Dishes, put more gorilla tape on my handle bars, so my light stays more secure. It needed to be a bit tighter. Folded the rest of my laundry,  organized my socks,  hung all my jackets, and pants for riding in a more organized way. 

I ended just doing a bunch of shit I wouldn't have if I was drinking.  Yesterday I didn't miss drinking, and I sure didn't crave it. It may be just the day, or maybe my mind closed that door too. I want a better me really. One without the vice. Did it just take me to accept my weakness, and lack of power to overcome it?  Once I committed to going to AA if I struggled, the struggle disappeared. Granted it's only day 3, but day 3 in Sober October, I remember getting these pulls to drink. I know I know. It's only a small sample of days, but that's how day 3 went for me.  

Also the little extra pocket of productivity added more steps.  Less down time. 

I ordered a scale yesterday. 1 I was sick of mine, cuz I always had to  take  the battery out, and put it back in to work it. It wouldn't work unless I did that. I even put in new batteries. I think we had it in the basement sometime, and it got humid. Anyway, I bought one that goes with my fitbit. It measures fat percentage,  and other shit too, and links up with my app. It was over $100, which is ridiculous. I figured the lack of dead calories from not drinking may change me. A lot of extra fat not coming in my system. I wonder how it will transform my body. I am curious, so now I'll know. 

I know the door has to stay closed, but I am pretty sure it will. It's my desire. I don't know. It seems there is a change in me internally. 2 weeks maximum of not drinking buys my scale. My drinking cost me roughly $6/ day. 

I made a fruit smooth yesterday. It had some frozen raspberries,  an apple, banana,  and Greek yogurt. It was really good. I didn't add veggies, cuz I made gyros, and that has cucumber sauce, tomatoes,  onions,  and I use avocado too. That fruit smoothy was ridiculously good. 

My resting heart rate is down 10 bpm, from what a regular resting heart rate would be with drinking. My blood pressure is low too. Like 120/70 low. I know drinking causes that to be high. I may be able to go off my prescriptions next year. My bad cholesterol is already really low. I changed my diet for the better. Adding veggies, and fruits. Also if I quit drinking my guess is that is why my blood pressure was high in the first place. My triglycerides will probably lower significantly.  Obviously I'd consult with my doctor, before I did any of that. 

I feel pretty good about my changes. Health is an important thing. Added productivity is not a bad thing. I haven't added coffee or anything to take place of alcohol. Just productivity past my normal is all. I am still not sure what happens after the holidays. Do I sit down,  and try to write a book? Take up another hobby?  The change suggests I can add something else. Just not sure what that will be yet. 

Anyway I guess a lot for me to be excited about. 

Guess I better get going.  

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.           :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.         :)))

I Guess I Drew The Line In The Sand.

I guess that's what I did. Yesterday was day 2, and actually I just want to quit. If I struggle I am willing to go to AA meetings for support. Be among people trying to do  the same thing. I am thinking it may be like quitting smoking. The more time away from your last drink the better. Yesterday was easy. That door has been shut. I did get a few things done around the house. I made dinner. For some reason I wanted shake~n~bake porkchops again. I had boxed au gratin potatoes with them, and a veggie. The potatoes had a cheese sauce with them. Now that's living your best life.  :)  Earlier I did have a tomato, cucumber, apple smoothie.  How many years have I wasted not being better at nutrition?  

I guess I never thought myself horrible, cuz I dont eat fast food hardly ever. We make our own meals a lot etc...   just the simple adding of veggies to my daily routine I think is helpful. A salad with multiple raw veggies is really one of my favorite things to eat anyway. A smoothie I can add a ton of variety to what I eat too. 

I am really excited about not drinking. On day 2 my resting heart rate went way down. I've been excited before too. I've been drinking consistently so long I didn't know it's not as easy as just quitting.  I haven't tried quitting ever probably. I've cut back from previous norms,  but I think just quitting is best. I guess I am at that age. At 40 you run a marathon. 54 seems like a good time to reinvent yourself again. Maybe just maybe no drinking will help me stay running healthy.  Those things I dont know. Running doesn't have to define me anyway. 

I guess maybe I am looking for another challenge perhaps.  What that will be I don't know.  I said maybe writing, and maybe that can be a thing. I don't feel I know how to write in any other way besides blog way,  which probably isn't real writing.  Can you add smiley faces in a book?    ;)

I doubt it will be writing, but maybe. My guess is it will be more of a physical thing. Really I don't know. 54 is a good age for a new me.  What that will be, I am not really sure. I'll add more hours to my day. Drinking is unproductive hours.  

Today is day 3. Everything seems easy in the morning. Maybe when I get home the pull to drink appears.  It is different this time.  The door has been shut. The line drawn. That part of me is over. If I can't hack it, I'll go be with people with the same urge. 

I am pretty excited for the new me, whoever it turns into.  

Anyways, I guess I better take the Hopester.  I better bundle up, supposed to be cold today.   

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Day 1 Again.

So, in my serious quest to just give up drinking,  I got 1 day in. I did not go to an AA meeting, but I called up one local place here. They have meetings at 4:00 PM, so I could show up if I have problems with this thing. I do have a problem with this thing. It's hard for me to quit. Drinking is all fun and games til you feel like maybe you don't want to do it anymore. Then wow, all of a sudden you realize it has a little more control over you then you thought. Maybe you already know this about me, but now I do too. Anyway day 1 is in the books. 

Day 1 was pretty easy, because I didn't want to drink. I actually was pretty productive for a Monday. I got my workout in. Made a cucumber,  tomato,  and apple juice thing. A salad, and a juice. If I keep this up, and the not drinking,  my blood work next year will be pretty darn good. It already isn't bad. 

I did the dishes, and made my salad for the week. It's quite the chore.  :)  Onions,  celery,  cucumber, carrots,  beets, beet greens, lettuce, etc...  it takes a while. The salads are colorful. Especially the weeks I use beets. 

As to writing a book that is just me thinking aloud. I don't really know how to write like that. I don't know how to develop characters,  and write conversations. It seems like a lot of work. I don't really know how I'd go about doing it, but when this not drinking thing kicks in, I may find myself with even more time. Also where would I work?  I don't have a desk or anything. I rarely use a computer. I usually do this in the breezeway with a cup of coffee. All things to figure out if I actually tackle that project. 

Outside that not much going on. I did think maybe I can take dogs on two walks. One in the morning, and one when I get home. Drinking is definitely a time filler. You give up that time, you still need to fill it. I may look at local colleges to maybe take some kind of baking course. If they are out there. It can't hurt since it's my job.  I never run the oven though. I used to be a production guy. Coffee cakes, pastry,  cinnamon rolls, muffins etc...  now I am the mixing guy. I make croissant dough, Danish dough, cinnamon roll dough, cookies, bars etc...  

Just following recipes really. You do have to stay sharp though. When you do something long enough, you can go by memory. It's easy to fuck things up with just one mistake. I tend to always double check my work. Just yesterday I almost forgot butter in a cookie I made. 

Anyway not drinking is exciting.  Until I guess it isn't,  cuz then I'd probably want to drink.   :)  Maybe not too, we will see. If I am willing to go to AA meetings, that says to me I am taking it serious. It also says to me, I don't know. An acceptance I am weak?  Something anyway. 

To me I finally think life can be fun too without drinking.  Better actually,  and that's just a recent change. Like maybe sometime this year. That could be an age thing. Drinking is a young person's sport,  and I am transitioning away from being young. 

Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

French Toast Creamer

Is not the worst thing in the World. Pretty damn good actually. Yesterday went okay. Not perfect. I got a lot done, just not everything. We went out to lunch, I had two beers. I came home, and had a couple drinks so productivity ended. I did weigh myself. 168.6. I think I was 169.4 the week before. I feel that's a good weight. I could lose some, cuz I  do not have 6 pack abs. It's not really a goal of mine,  but I wouldn't complain if I got them.  :)

They would be a waste on me. I am not taking photos of myself, I rarely/never go to the beach. I am not impressing anyone in anyway,  so pretty much a waste. I do want to be healthy however. Use my muscles a lot. I am successful at that. Lifting my body weight is something I can do regularly,  and without strain. A goal of mine would be to use a lot of muscles regularly, and I do that. 

Another goal would be for me to drink less regularly,  and so far that I ain't so great at. Mostly cuz I got nothing better to do. That should be another goal of mine. Find something more to fill my time. A hobby of some sort that is a good hobby to have. I am not sure what that would be yet. I am pretty busy as it is, and whether I drink or not I still am sleepy at the end of my day. 

Maybe I should go to AA meetings. To find out about other people's lives. To have a daily goal. That might not be a bad idea. Running groups help you be better runner. A group with a similar goal. Maybe AA could do that for me. I don't consider myself a problem drinker. Just a consistent one. The consistency is hard for me to break. I may do that starting today. There are always meetings nearby everywhere I believe. I know Stephen King goes. I believe he got smashed almost every night. Plus cigarettes,  and dope too I believe. There, something to fill my time that will keep me from drinking. Also to be able to learn about other people's struggles. 

Also since I do this I thought what about writing a book. Obviously I can write pretty consistently. Maybe I could come up with a plan for a book. I dont know what it would be about. Also writing a blog does not necessarily translate to writing a book. It would be something to do. An exercise for my brain, a time filler. Obviously if no one read it I wouldn't care. 

Wow this morning has been productive already,  and I  haven't really done anything. I will do a search for AA meetings. I like that idea. 

Anyway I spose. 2 more weeks of Christmas, plus a few more days. I'll let you know how the AA meeting goes. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

A Week Was Had.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had 80 miles last week. It's definitely one of my higher weeks. I looked in my past, and I've had a couple 80s, and 83. I had a 95 one too.  :) I dont remember that one. 

I don't feel much is going on with me. I worked yesterday, and saw a movie like usual. I finished the dark tower series I think it ends up being 145 hours give or take. Maybe I should do GOT next. I think I read the first two,  and we didn't have a copy of the 3rd. Right now I'll finish the first Jack Reacher book. Between my library and audible I listen to a lot of books. I can't imagine how many 100s I've breezed through. 26 in just the female bounty hunter series. That was a long time ago too. Sheesh. 

Anyway I bought a ninja machine for juicing. Add that to my daily salad, and I will remain pretty healthy. Making a conscience effort. I bought a book too so I can learn good things to put in. I think it will be a good thing for me. Looks like I'll be shopping more at our health food market. 

Today is Sunday, so I got my normal shit to do. Have to go shopping and make my salad for the week. I am excited for today as I am most Sundays.  The Bears played Thursday so I don't have to watch football. Last Sunday I walked under 3 miles. I must not have taken Hope. It means the next 6 days I averaged 13 miles each day.  I was tired by the end of the week. So tired I skipped my workout Friday. Not cuz I couldn't squeeze it in, but all because I thought I needed to rest. I'll be good tomorrow. 

I gotta say I guess I feel pretty good. I am glad I got two jobs to keep me busy. Guess I am glad I get Sunday off each week. Remember when I worked 3 jobs, and only had some Holidays as a day off? That was fine too, but I like my day off now. 

I feel like we spend more money now than in the past. I don't know how. Maybe just Lisa does. She eats out a lot. I bring my lunch to work. I could always have a sandwich too for free at the bakery. For some reason I never get sick of Turkey or ham, mayonnaise,  salami, cheese, and lettuce. it probably isn't the healthiest thing to eat, but I also have my salad. Adds veggies to my diet. You figure there is no fast food either. I typically cook meals at night too. I feel I eat out less now. Lisa probably more. Eating out is a big expense if you do it a lot. That might be a generational thing too. I don't know. Some people would cook no meals if given the chance. I don't get that. Life got away from them I guess. Never learned to do the survival thing. Cooking is probably one of the most important things to learn. 

My dad can cook a pot pie in the microwave.  That's his culinary expertise.  I am not a good cook in the least, but I can put a meal on the table. I make my own red sauce, which I like better than any from a bottle. I can make my own gyro sauce, which is awesome. I feel you get a good feel when you cook a meal. Like it feels good.  A productive thing was done. 

Anyway, I guess I am thinking out loud. I should probably take Hope, and start my day. I guess one feel good thing about me is I am glad I am me. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I am confident and assured. I don't really need any affirmation either. Over the years I just got stronger and more confident. That definitely is a feel good thing.  

Anyway, I gotta big day planned.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeee.       :)))

Wowzers

I definitely had to sleep til my middle alarm. 8 hour and 9 minutes of sleep. Yesterday was approaching 14 miles. I ran the lawnmower while on fumes. I've been having problems this year. The leaves have been so dry, so instead of getting sucked up in the bag they blow around before it gets in the bag. I don't recall that ever happening before, and each time this year it's been like that. 

I am probably done for the year. All the leaves are down, and everything is at the road. After today we have 2 full weeks of Christmas. A frantic short week, and we will be done. 

Oh geez look at the time. I am way behind schedule. Oh I saw the Bears won. Now they are 7-6. They can easily lose the next 3 games, but they still have a shot. Football is a game of momentum, and they are playing their best ball of the season. They beat bad teams recently,  but Dallas statistically is a pretty good team. As hard as the Bear fans were on sports talk radio, Dallas would be fun to listen to. The Cowboys team is like everything to those fans. 

The Bears still have a shot. They have to beat 3 really good teams. 2 on the road to have any hope though. Anyway, I think I am driving today. The wind is howling. I may want to do some shopping after I work out. We'll see. Not much else going on with me. Another day down that had me wiped out. Once I ate dinner... good night. 

I spose. Obviously not a lot on my mind. Not sure if i ever had over 13 miles 4 days in a row, just by living. I know i was pretty wiped yesterday. That is being pretty active. I think it would be easier to run 13 miles. More consistent movement. No bending, lifting, turning etc...   That could be bullshit too. I just felt wrecked though after the 3rd and 4th day. 

Anyway, i better go. I have another day planned. Glad I got 8 hours of sleep.  

Laterzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.          :)))

That Was Definitely A Day.

Yesterday sure was busy. First off we worked a bit late. I had to workout after work, plus pick up a prescription. I get my prescriptions from the grocery store I typically shop at, so I picked up some groceries too. The store sends us coupons of stuff we typically buy a lot of, so i picked up those things with coupons. I had to do the home part of the workout, and make dinner. I watched most of the 2nd half of my program I fell asleep to the night before. I fell asleep again. I had to stay awake for a half hour,  and couldn't do it. I ended up close to 15 miles yesterday. You know it's a day when after dinner your awake time is really dwindling. 

I am up this morning. I'd say mostly recharged. I didn't run the lawnmower yesterday, cuz I didn't have time. I didn't get home til like 4:30 or something, and I still had the home part of my workout, and dinner to do. It was eerily already dark out too it seemed. Not to mention I was already pretty wrecked. I was worried about rain, but it isn't going to rain today, and it's a non workout day so today should be a breeze. I don't really plan on any short work days til after Christmas anyway. 

Then what will I do?  Will my steps drop radically?  I don't really know actually. We will cross that bridge when it comes. Spring and Sumner will be here, and I have no clue how 30,000 steps everyday will not be just my normal, not my goal. It's not just work, but outside work too. 

Anyway I am busy, and I like it this way. I don't want to work work work. I love my downtime. Yesterday when I got home I just sat in my chair with the tv off. Just chilling. Not really thinking of a ton, but I do enjoy that.   I put $100 each week in an account I have people invest for me. I started with $5000, and that total is starting to accumulate. I gave them $6000 the last 2 years for my annual IRA contribution. It's fun watching it. You figure I have 15 years of that stuff all things being equal. I don't plan on drawing social security til I am like 70. I can save a lot of money. You figure I got my Discover accounts too which actually pay interest. 

Its good saving like that,  except you don't feel like it is your money anymore, since you never want to touch it.   :)

Anyway I guess things are going good. I am busy, active, and my days end with me not being able to stay awake. I do my workouts, and I am glad about that. I feel strong you know?  Able to lift my body weight pretty easily. My blood pressure is good. This morning I think it said 126/78. Yesterday I think 120/78. I check it while my coffee is brewing. I think the salad each day helps that. Putting good stuff in me you know?  

I had someone say of me I was consistent. I guess I am that huh?  The days are all pretty good. 

Anyway today is a day. It should be okay. I'll be busy. Let's see if I can stay up, and watch a full show today. I do like a day that ends with me not being able to stay awake.  

Time to take the Hopester. 

Laterzzzzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

The Day Went Pretty Good.

Yesterday went as planned pretty much. I cleaned the kitchen, made tacos, watched most of the next episode. I think I slept at the end. The refrigerator repair guy came out a few days early. Our fridge gets a lot of water build up. He finally figured the problem. Our door isn't sealing properly, due to a bad part not keeping the door level. So he'll order it, and we will get it early next week. The time of our regularly scheduled visit. 

Both days have been over 30,000 steps, and over 13 miles. Yesterday wasn't a workout day, but we got the order in for the week, so I had to put away a bunch of 50 lb. Bags of flour, and margarine,  and oil. It isn't hard, and it's not exactly a workout,  but it is activity,  that expends energy etc...

I want to run the lawnmower one more time. I am hoping for today. I am driving anyway, cuz I have to pick up a prescription. I'll pick up a few things too. I have an easy meal planned,  so hopefully. It would be easy for me to do, but I really am tired when I get out of work. Plus I have to workout, which includes the home part of the workout. My days are surely busy. 

Let's see. Anything else?  Not really. Its the morning, so currently my mind is planning all the things I want to do. I am ready to go go go, but I can't read all the books, can't watch all the shows,  can't do all the projects. I will succumb to fatigue. I'll sleep, and be ready to do it again tomorrow.  Fail at most the stuff my mind thinks it wants to do in the morning.   :)

This is just me too. Are all lives this way? So much to do, but so little time. I know when I take days off all of a sudden I have hardly anything to do. Guess I like being busy. It's more funner. :)  

Anyhoo, it's just me here. I feel pretty good about stuff. I am really solo kinda though. I am on my path. No one is with me on my trail. I dont think I am particularly interested in other trails. In that you and I are disconnected.  How was it supposed to be?  Who even knows anymore. 

The World is full of look here. This here is important. See it, like it, comment on it.   :)

Lol. It isn't though. Nothing in this World is important. All our deeds are just shit we do. God only knows ones motives. Those typically aren't the things saints are made of. Our motives. 

Anyway, today I'll have a day. It shouldn't be horrible.  

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeeeee.         :)))

Tuesday Is Like A Vacation Day.

Not really, but it's not a workout day so, I have extra time. Glad I got back working out yesterday. Geesh even my run went good. Easier than it's been for some reason. I feel my workout yesterday after taking a week off, which actually is 9 days off. 

I had a strange thing happen. Our Electric bill got paid through a 3rd party. I'd get it taken out of my account on the date due.  I found out they no longer use that 3rd party, so I had 2 months to pay, and it wasn't going out automatically. First I had to figure out what was going on. When your bills get automatically deducted you don't really think about them. Glad I caught it. It will be automatically deducted again, just not the same 3rd party. 

I do have a lot to do today. Kitchen is trashed, I am making tacos. Gotta watch the next episode of his dark materials. That's about it, but it will take up time. 

I didn't buy anything for cyber Monday. I did look at stuff, but I don't really need anything. I sometimes think of getting a game consul, but I know that would be dumb. I don't particularly like playing video games, and I surely don't have time. Maybe January and February, but last time I had one I got bored with it after a month. 

I know I know a 54 year old person shouldn't be considering these childish things, but once in a while the thought pops in my head. Video games are pretty much wrecking lives as far as I can tell. 

You can see the younger generations in the middle of summer having a January tan, and you know. 

I get it though. We all want to have fun. Fun for me is waking up in the morning knowing I have a full day ahead. I'll be busy, and there will be dinner. What is the path to a fun life?  First off you have to be fulfilled. Feel good about stuff you know?  Video games don't create that. Money won't help you reach that end, but you gotta pay bills. 

People are far away from the truth. It isn't really evident. You cannot create the real you, you want. I can't help you either. I am of no value in that regard. as far as I can tell anyway. You know what too?  I am fine. I have my little life that is pretty simple. Not seeking for anything, cuz it has already been found. 

Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.   :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.        :)))