How To Do This.

I don't really have anything to write about, but I'll give it a whirl. Yesterday was a pretty normal day, and by normal I mean it was a good day. I don't really have a ton of stuff to do around the house being it's winter and all, so I went for a run after work. It made me think of getting in running shape, but I break down, so I hold no hopes,  but I can give it another try I guess. Even if a long run only turns into 6 or 8 miles.  It might be all this body can handle.

Other than that not much. I made a very easy meal, and went to bed shortly after dinner.  It's my normal. Bed early hopefully = waking up early. Tuesday through Saturday I work early, so I try to wake up a few hours before work,  except for Saturday. I work at 5:00 AM on Saturday, so I get up get ready, and go.

Sooooo what else?  Not much I guess. I guess life is easy, and I am at peace. Not a lot for me to worry about, and not a lot of stress.

I just live out my days really.  I seek out nothing in this life. I just am, and just live. I know a life is typically filled with a good amount of stress,  and a good amount of striving, but that is removed from me. This heart has not much to be concerned with. What does this blog do?  Maybe nothing,  I don't even know. Maybe people like to read another person's thoughts about life,  and stuff. I don't know.  Maybe not either. It could just be a total waste of time too, but I am not concerned.

I've been doing this a while, so it ain't no thing usually to write some shit.  I guess life in the end can be boring. We aren't doing anything special. We aren't collecting any points for deeds we assume to be good.

We are born here having the World always always always trying to elevate our worth, and the truth goes in the opposite direction. We are numbered like the blades of grass. We dont go around looking at what the prettiest blades are.  :)  most of you anyway.  

The truth tells us of our sad existence I guess, but I hold the trump card.  A heart that is fine with my lot in life.

If you try to make your blade shine the prettiest green, and be the healthiest blade, you battle against the truth, and your labor is in vain. 

The truth is pretty brutal when looked at directly. It's why it will be the toughest thing you do. Those who are willing anyway. I suspect many/most will continue to shine their blade, cuz they want to be perceived as special,  and unique.

I guess in the end I will be, but it won't be by any unique special gifts I created. It will be cuz I was willing to go this path. 

Anyways, I guess that's good. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

A Day.

So yesterday I slept as late as I could. It was the right call too, cuz I ended up having a ton of energy. I came home, and took Hope for a walk. I then went to Best Buy to pick up one of my Cyber Monday purchases. I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things... $120   later.   ;)

I came home, listened to music,  we ate a meal,  and I crashed. It's nice ending the day with no worries at all. It's also kinda nice knowing tomorrow will be about the same.  I'll have a day. There will be some labor,  and a meal to finish it off. Then there will be sleep.

I can't really make sense of the World. I don't know anything about it really. I had a strange thing happen. I don't know if people keep track of their credit ratings at all. Mine was over 700 forever, and it dropped like 80 points a week or so ago. I think other numbers too have been dropping in my credit rating. I don't really care so much cuz I ain't taking out loans, but it seemed strange. I have absolutely no debt, except I use Discover sometimes,  an Amazon card, and Best Buy. They automatically pay the balance from my checking the day they are due. I use them for rewards, and cash back etc... 

I don't know if it is cuz I don't have a mortgage, or any installment loans of any kind, so basically not using any credit. It seemed strange to me though. Strange like when we got our house appraised before the housing bust. We added a bedroom, and bathroom, and our house appraised for what we originally bought it for a decade earlier. It doesn't pass the smell test you know?  Like maybe something is up, but I don't know what.

It's not really something I have to worry about though. Money coming in greatly exceeds money going out. I live pretty simply. I don't even eat out a lot, we typically make our own meals. Our cars are new'ish,  and paid for, and we don't put a lot of miles on them.

I don't have any financial strain I guess, and I like working the jobs I work. I am content in who I am. I am definitely secure in my own skin. I like my life I guess. It's nice knowing I'll wake up tomorrow pretty much the same as today.

Anyhoo, just getting some stuff down. Guess I got time to take Hope.

Til next time.

Laterzzz.    :)

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.   :)))

Hello There.

Haven't done this in a while. No reason really. Weird work schedule, staying up to watch the Bears on Sunday Night, getting sick, shit like that. I don't really recall if I ever had the flu before,  but I got it. I felt fine. I woke up 11:00 one night. Felt pretty good, and I could sleep for a few more hours. I had a drink of tomato juice, and my stomach started turning. After I puked the 2nd time I called into work. Lisa had it the day before,  and it wasn't pretty. I ended up puking, and ass pissing around 7 times each. I was good enough after that one day.  That was a new experience.

I watched football yesterday. My team didn't win. I looked at my life,  and stuff. My team losing does not affect my life in any way. It is just entertainment. No significance other than that. Sportsing in the end is basically not important at all. Just fun to play,  and fun to watch.

On any given day I can see anger in people for whatever reason. I thought about that some. I see some/a lot of anger being misplaced. Probably very very little/no people are out to make your life worse. Mostly people are out just trying to make their way. All probably cling to some stupid ideology created by people not smarter than you. Lines are drawn, and fights occur. Our team vs. Your team, and it's a goddamn football game mentality.

In the end you really want answers to life. Why life? What's the point of this?  All really are a product of your upbringing and society. People have been doing this and this since forever,  so I guess I better too.

I don't even know if people question anything. I know they don't question themselves. Just following your life wherever it may go.

I decided to try to not be angry and stuff. Just yesterday I found out the OSU coach has some type of cyst in his head, so he gets a lot of headaches and stuff. As his team was clobbering my team, I felt bad for him living like that. I've gone years since I've had a headache,  but I can't imagine it would be fun to probably always having a headache. All the money in the World won't make that life better.

As it goes on, my life still is simple. Better when I get plenty of sleep. Better also if I don't get the flu.

Still it's okay. Not a lot for me to worry about. Money goes out, but money is coming in too. Yesterday for fun I watched football. I didn't spend any money really, except for some Coors Light. I don't usually drink that, but since I drank during the game that started at noon, I didn't want to get all fucked up by 3:00PM. It worked. Coors Light is just shitty enough beer, you can only drink like 6 or 7. You pee around 1000 times, and you cannot stomach drinking another.   :)

Pretty funny. 

Anyway, I spose. 

Have fun.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Plop Plop Fizz Fizz.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I drove to work, cuz I had errands. I napped in my car for like 15 minutes, before working out too. I think when I ride my bike it wakes me if I am tired. It was a 3 set day too. I also watched There's Something About Mary. That movie had some really funny parts. I also got a haircut.

There wasn't much on my mind yesterday, and there isn't much on my mind today. I am going to see a concert tonight. Tonia Tucker. I googled her to see if she was dead yet, and found out she was very much alive,  and performing at a near venue by us. A place I haven't been to in forever. I typically don't do concerts. Lisa does, but not me. Too damn expensive for one thing.

That's about it. Nothing to see here you know?  The weather seems to have changed for good. I am not doing any outside stuff really. So, what will I do this winter?  I got nothing really. I have a few things to do, but not much. Last year I toyed with getting one of those game things to play video games. I doubt I do that,  cuz I know I get bored with that.

I could try, and get in great shape,  but I think I'd just get injured. In this great big World with me being able to do just about anything I feel I don't want to do much. There is no value in the wilderness,  so no points in anything.  Just doing stuff.

In a life where something must mean something the truth = it doesn't. All your clubs,  and hobbies,  and things you do to fill time doesn't really mean anything.

I wonder what people think about that?  One is maybe they don't believe it, but your heart will eventually see this to be true. I suspect you've hardened your heart a lot when reading stuff that may show up here. The truth is hard to accept I guess. The truth is bitter and brutal actually.  That probably is what I wonder most. When do people actually decide to take the way of the truth over the way of the World? 

You can't do both. One or the other. The truth leads in the best way,  but you lose all control. In your infinite wisdom, and omniscient eyesight you kid yourself of having in the World, you lose it all. You become a lone person with no security. One leads to being content, and one leads you always lacking something.  Something to strive for always.  Disappointment will always be your companion,  and anger overcomes you.

I.know seemingly all are unwilling to go with the truth, cuz you feel secure in the World. How do you really feel about stuff though? 

Anyway, winter approaches. Not sure what I'll do to fill my time.  We'll see I guess. 

Guess I better go. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

No Clue Where This Goes.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I was just checking the calendar. I always thought Thanksgiving was the last Thursday in November. It isn't this year, so I have no idea why Thanksgiving is on some random Thursday in November.  I just checked the calendar. It must be the 4th Thursday in November.

Now I remember Christopher Columbus's diary. "On this 4th Thursday of November we broke bread with the local Indians, and then we killed them."   Just kidding.

So yesterday was a day. Pretty typical. It was cold. Mostly due to the wind I believe. I was cold on my bike. I wondered if it was not being used to the temps, but me, and my neighbor agreed it was just cold. I took Hope for a walk, and she was fine.

Other than that not much. I forgot to put my watch on after my shower,  so I don't know how many steps. I worked late though, so I assume between 25,000-30,000. I never had that information before, but I am glad I have it now for whatever reason.

This has been a good year for leaves in most of ours are down, and I stayed on top of it, so I have very little left. A tree in our back yard typically doesn't fall til after Christmas, but it is mostly down, and to the front for the City to pick up. A lot of times we have to wait for those leaves in Spring,  cuz of snow, and stuff, and this tree has huge leaves,  and covers our whole back yard.

Today is a work out day, and I like doing that. Basically I do my circuit of 7 machines I think. I do either 3 sets or 4 of 10. The weights I use are getting a bit easier, but still a good work out. Nothing crazy hard core,  but using muscles I might not otherwise use.

There are just these simple little things to my life. There really isn't much challenging here. I work,  I eat, and I sleep. Not a ton of stress here for me. I have more money coming in than out. No huge expenses in the foreseeable future. I am healthy so that helps.

Unknown to me in this area of my life everything becomes pretty simple. My heart is at peace. I am sorta disinterested in stuff perhaps,  but it is pretty sweet waking up like this, and having the majority of my day planned. I never look over my shoulder like should I do this or that.

My heart is fine with my little life, and that makes all the difference. In this way I do not know you. I don't really know the stress of this World, but I do know people want little stress. A care free life really, and I gotta tell you it is the best thing one can get.

For me it was a long time coming, and it wasn't what I really wanted. I wanted to suffer. Do my final thing so I could be the best a person can be, and be secure. Well, I got security before being the best a person can be. Who knew that was possible?  Surely not I. I seeked suffering so I could get security. Suffering I still will do, but my heart I guess is courageous enough. I am willing to do my final thing, cuz this always was about understanding anyway. With understanding all tools will be at my disposal. Course I have no idea what these days will look like. Probably not very good days as far as this World goes. I don't know what they will look like though.

Still, I am not concerned. The weight of the World is not on me. The burdens of the World do not affect me. That too is a pretty excellent thing.

The life I now lead is simple pimple. Not a thing to worry about really.

Pretty crazy. 

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.   :)))

Life Goes On.

Good morning. I had one of those mornings where I thought I'd get up, and I thought maybe I would sleep. I met halfway. I got up early, but not that early. I thought about stuff though.

I thought of things I know to be true,  but no one really went down that path with me, so no one else really knows this stuff. For me to even go on that path life had to be a struggle. I had to look at the World. It was ugly. I had to look at myself. No Saint here, although I would have liked to be. I thought of things I thought were true, and why do I believe this stuff. I thought of my life, and what's the purpose? 

It turns out everything about me was wrong. I believed shit this World taught for no good reason at all. Then I went on my little journey which ended in me overcoming the first time. During this time I learned the bitter truth of the World.

A Saint I was not, and security I didn't have. I did live a little life during the dead years. I was free to do as I chose, cuz I knew I had more to do, but I couldn't make it happen.  Time was not in my hands. When things started up again, I did live in fear again. I did not have security. What I wanted most. Living in fear is hard. Maybe my type of fear too hard, unless you've been through the eye of the needle. I suspect that to be true.

Overcoming the 2nd time I do have security. Still I am not a Saint, and I didn't know you could have one without the other.

Anyway this morning I thought of other people. There is no way you can know what I learned prior to overcoming the first time. It was my time in the wilderness. The bitter truth was taught to me.

I am no good. I am undeserving of anything good. As to my ability to make myself a Saint, that is impossible. As for good deeds I can do there are none of any value.

Me overcoming the first time was me accepting what I deserved even though I didn't want it. I could save myself at the expense of others,  and that was a lie. I accepted my lot, and was saved by this. In so doing i helped others. I thought I was on my way to death, and then the worst end. I was very very shocked I woke up the next day.

I was broken. I haven't told you this in a while, but I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I knew this not to be true, but what could I tell the people in charge? 

I stopped taking meds right away. They put you on animal tranquilizers or some shit. Horrible stuff. I lived for about a year with no energy. Life is horrible that way.  I didn't know why I had to be like that, but I remembered saying during this time if I am destined for Hell let me accept it as that which I deserve.

When I overcome the 3rd time it is where I will go. My heart has to be right, and that is why I was empty for a year. To make sure when the time comes my heart will be right. I didn't even know I didn't overcome the 2nd time at this point. I had no clue what my journey would look like. I knew the final thing I must do though. Knew that even before overcoming the first time.

What's it mean for you?   I don't know. I know my job, and what I am doing. I just see no success in the job I am doing. That is fine. I have no agenda you see. I just write my early morning stuff. How you fit in, and how it changes your life I have no clue.

The job I am doing I have no clue how it works. Eventually I suspect it will cuz it is not my story, and not my work. I guess even still I continue to see how insignificant I am.

It is fine with me. I am secure, and content with my life. There isn't much to it.

Anyhoo, I hoped you enjoyed reading it. 

Have fun. 

Til next time.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

Bye.    :)))

So, I Paid Attention For A Day.

Good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine. So I stayed up late watching election results the other day. I actually voted too, which I don't always do. Maybe 4 or 5 times in my life. Personally I was never going to vote, but I didn't like W. I read some books and stuff too, and my natural right leaning ways went hard left. A lot about this Country and it's History I didn't know I guess.

Anyway, so I am a left leaning mostly uninterested citizen. I think I mostly voted the other day, cuz I didn't want an old white guy for our Governor. The girl clobbered him.

Maybe that is cuz of Trump. Maybe cuz of weed too, I don't know. Weed is legal,  and I don't know how popular it is really.

For me, I don't really smoke it ever. Just not my thing, but like most people I could give one fuck what people do. It's fine by me.

I watched a little t.v. yesterday,  and I am over it. Sessions was fired, and yadda yadda yadda. What you need to know is Michigan has a Democratic Governor for the first time in 12 years, and she won it handily. Trump won in Michigan just two years ago. Doubt that stays the same.

White people who like angry people will still vote for him is my guess,  but I guess that isn't a majority makeup of Michigan's electoral. I'd like to think the right has a majority of angry people,  but I guess both sides have their anger issues.

Politics is very adversarial these days. Maybe it's always been this way, or maybe Fox news changed the landscape, I don't know. If you turn politics into a football game atmosphere, I guess people will get interested. If people get interested, and turnout then the right will be a minority party. Educated people side with the left,  women side with the left, and any non white people probably side with the left. The slow moving way of people's thinking is more progressive.

It's why women can vote now, and you don't have to own land, and blacks are considered equal under the law. 40 hour work weeks and stuff. Of course change typically doesn't come without the shedding of blood. Humans are, and always have been some of the worst people around.    :)

What's it mean to me?  Nothing. People are not to be held in high esteem. More a product of the World really. The World is wrong, people deep down look for scapegoats I guess, cuz shouldn't we all be happier?  Shouldn't this one life, just be the best thing ever? 

The truth of the matter is life is one of the stupidest things ever. It is very hard, or really impossible I guess to no longer be a product of the World. I think people deep down want to not be a part of the World.   Wouldn't it be nice if none of this stupid crap held any importance? 

I cannot imagine the typical day to day stress people live with. I have my work,  eat, sleep to worry about, and I don't.   :)

Anyhoo,  I spose. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh.

So anyway yesterday was just one of those days. We switched from satellite to cable a few months ago. Maybe longer. We kept getting a credit bill basically saying Direct TV owed us like $150. I swear I was just thinking about it yesterday or the day before. Also I had a statement from some retirement account from the grocery store. I think they automatically put some money from my paycheck, and maybe matched. I remember sorta getting letters, and me sorta ignoring them like I do most mail. Anyway, even though I basically worked 1-2 days/week. Usually less than 10 hours/week, I still had some $500 + in the account.  They took out taxes, and sent me a check. I was wondering when that would happen. I got that letter a few months ago.  They both came yesterday. Direct TV sent me a gift card. Basically a visa. I could transfer it to cash in my account, but what fun is that?  After dinner instead of sleeping we went to Lowe's. I just bought some tools, my 20 amp gfi I needed, a bag to put all my electrical tools in, so they stay together.  Stupid shit like that.

That was pretty fun. Getting an extra $500 for no real reason is kinda fun too, but I'll just cash that for having cash at the house.

We used to struggle a bit financially, and to have stupid money pop up out of nowhere just seems funny.

That was the highlight of my day.  I did help my bil put in a tongue and groove ceiling. Maybe 4 hours worth give or take.  Climbing up and down the scaffolding. My watch said only 4000 steps. Basically nothing compared to my work day. I found that interesting. I did stuff  yesterday, but I didn't move anywhere near what I usually do during a work day.

Basically another day in the life. Today is vote day. I think it's kinda a referendum on our current President.  I hope he gets wholloped. He's such an angry dude it would be funny. Why are old white guys always seemingly angry about shit? 

Personally I am not a fan of angry people.  I have my stupid life to live, and I don't have time for them. 

That's about it for today. 

Laterzzz.     :)

Have fun.      :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Bye.     :)))

Still With The Title.

Well once again I have no clue about the title, so I probably have nothing to write about. Yesterday was pretty normal. I did sleep in pretty late. Almost as late as I could. No reason, just figured I'd sleep.

I had a lot I wanted to do after work, and didn't feel like doing any of it. I sat, and chilled. Listened to my Juice Newton Pandora. All of a sudden I am obsessed with her.   :)  I think just her voice or something. She isn't attractive really. Not unattractive, but somewhere in between. Still it is weird I guess I find myself interested in this person I really know nothing about, except I like a lot of her songs. Definitely not her awkward late 70s early 80s quasi Country look.

Anyway, so after a bit I thought I'd do one little thing. Just put a round electrical cover on a box we no longer have power to. That took two minutes. I decided to switch out a kitchen gfi I've been meaning to do forever. I had a 15 amp outlet, and I found out it was on a 20 amp breaker. I did have a spare new 20 amp gfi from somewhere. I finally got that to work. Most of the electricity in our house does not have a ground wire. I thought our kitchen did, but it doesn't. It's right next to a switch so I switched that out too,  and put in a brand new white cover plate. A little annoying thing done I've been procrastinating with forever.

I have one more switch, and one more gfi to replace,  and the kitchen electrical is done. Oh yeah 2 of the wires to the gfi, and one to the switch was stranded wire. Just stuff that's harder to work with.

That was my day. Glad to get the little done I did. I am not sure what I'll do today. I have to work out after work, and I think that's it.

So what else?  Not much. Getting ready for winter I guess. My furnace so far never turns on. The house stays too warm. I even turned the heat way up,  and the furnace turned on. Just wanted to make sure it did that. I think the insulation they added last Spring is really going to help. It's like r60 now.  :)

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I took Hope for a walk after work,  which I enjoyed. Another day, and 25,000 steps. I basically move close to a half marathon every day I work. Something significantly less on the days I don't. One of the things I pleasantly learned this year.

Goals I have = none. I run a little. Bike a bit to work and back. I am glad I started working out. I like using muscles in ways I might not normally. It may seem weird to have no goals,  but goals are for accomplishing something in the hopes it makes you feel good. I already feel good, so I skip the middle man.

I have plenty of time to waste, which I am very good at. These days I work  around 45-50 hours/week.

I guess it's obvious.  Everything is fine and boring here. I have days that are uneventful. I guess I am active just cuz. I sometimes do stuff after work too.

I hope you didn't have to read this whole update.  How dumb it is. 

Anyhoo

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.      :)

Bye.    :)))