Sunday, June 29, 2014

This Will Be The Worst Post Ever...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, ehhh.   I am not even sure if I will publish this, because I have a feeling it will suck.  I don't keep a journal either, so if I don't publish, I delete. 

I have no notebooks or anything of shit I have written, because why have shit you will never look at again??  Speaking of, I should probably throw away all my vcr tapes I have.   ;) 

Anyway, what is going on with me??  Not a damn thing.   This year is way way different than in years past, because I don't blog much anymore.   It is always if I feel like doing it when I wake up. 

Today is different, because I don't particularly feel like blogging, but I was planning on going to work around 10:00 anyway so I got time.   I do write shit in other areas for the public to see, (if they want). 

I seem to complain a lot about the World these days.  In my formative years of who I am now I looked at the World.   I threw away everything I learned to that point, to look at it objectively.  I had a job, and no debt, besides College debt at the time, and I was searching what to do. 

I didn't grab some part of the World, and hold on, and say this is what I will be about.   Was I happy?  No.   The one thing I wanted at this time was to be the best person ever.  I was going to work for it.   I kinda started a life of living solo.  No girlfriends, and not a lot of close friends around either.   Just me, and this person who I WAS GOING TO MAKE into the best person ever.   What ever that means.

In my  mind I guess I had a little idea of what that means.  Someway a turn was made, and I had no idea the significance of it.  I must have been through the eye of the needle already before I was made aware of the significance of my turn, because in my zest for learning, out of the blue I have to suffer for 6 days. 

Inside me lived the worst of the worst.  Persecuted for 6 days straight, telling me I was to be the Anti-Christ and shit like that.  Seeing the worst of human nature very clearly, because when you view your shitty end, you see things more clear.   I was definitely different at this point, and some of the things people may wish for I lived.   Probably like 6 hours of sleep for 6 days, and if I ate, it was just because.  All the things you think you need to live I didn't need at that time. 

It wasn't fun at all.  It was horrible, and the way my heart was during this time I realize I was helped along this way.  I was a better person at this point than if I were on my own.  To recover from this took some more help, and I had it. 

I was clothed (spiritually speaking) for a brief while.   Full to the brim where nothing can hurt me.   I could do no wrong, and that was taken all away.   That was scary too, because I could not go back to those 6 days.   I was taught those 6 days were for a reason.   The worst of the worst came back for a split second, only to be cast out.  Ohhhh, now I see who is in charge. 

A narrow path for me for sure.   I had to be obedient.   I learned the consequences of disobedience, and although my heart is rebellious for sure, I was obedient.   When life puts you in a corner (outside the garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare) I did what I was supposed to do.   I was pissed, but I knew the right thing to do, and I did it.   So started my horrible Summer. 

You know this story, and it is easy for me to talk about, and easy for me to remember. 

I did ask that one question "why did you let me get so far away"?  To save more lives.  Not that I do that in any way mind you, but I am here for a purpose.   It isn't to do some worthless shit on this Earth, but to do other things.  When my path was brightened I said I was willing to follow.   Is there any other choice?? 

When my road was closed, and it came time to try and hold onto my life and save it I said "Your will"

A heart strengthened not of my own doing.  Following a path not of my own making.  To have a life for a purpose.   Having the dead years between the promise, and the start up again.   Remember my explanation of that. 

All of this has been done for a purpose, and it sure wasn't my purpose.   I didn't write this story, and I am not the manipulator of events to make certain outcomes of this life. 

Those who hold onto their life are lacking trust.   I spent a whole year stressing trust.   Those who try to hold onto some type of fake "good life" in this horrible world lack strength.  I also stressed that for a whole year or more.   Those who listen to reason, but believe only in themselves, and some cartoon form of life they want to create are afraid of the truth. 

I told you this shit was hard.   It is hard, because faith is perfected through what??   There is a point where not only is faith perfected, but faith and perfection meet, but that will be a story for another day.   Gotta go to Hell before you get the good stuff sorta.   I have been given a lot though, and I have given you a lot.   It seems like so very little, and really it is very little, because I don't need a lot to do what I am supposed to. 

My path led me to strength and trust.  A heart that was placed in good hands.   Not to be perfect, but to be real.  

Like I said perfection comes after one more step. 

All this I have said before, and I have shown you the way.   The only way, but people still hold on.   If only we could work our way to a better us.   That would be so much easier huh??   Then we would have some sort of control.   We would be the light of our path, instead of placing our path in the hands of another. 

I see the story of this life.  How it has gone on since forever, and All are guilty really.   In the age of Noah only a few believed that crack pot.   He was a silly man with a silly story.   You know what side you would be on right??   as of now anyway...

Why that way??  If my path was so narrow, how could you still have hope??

The story is about forgiveness.   The lesson you have to learn.   My path was much tougher, because I wasn't afforded your luxury.  The only hope I had was I was still alive, so I guess there is hope.  

There was no one around to teach me these things either.   A solo journey, not of my own choosing, and not of my own making.   I will have a title of honor placed upon me, and actually it already was.  It is what keeps you staying/coming back to me.  

Anyhooo, I guess I will publish it.

Later all. :) 

Gotsta work.   I did most of my extra stuff yesterday, so today should be a piece of cake. 

Have a good one.   :)


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Comfort In Numbers??

I don't know if I have anything to write about, but maybe I do.  My title came to my mind, because I think people try to live that.  Comfort in numbers.  I have a group of similar minded individuals.   We believe many of the same things, and are interested in many of the same things, so we are good. 

Only problem with numbers is our end, none of them will be around.  Your life is only you.  No one else.   I don't care if you are married and have kids or anything like that, your life is all about you.  Throw the numbers away. 

You cannot say, yeah I was a part of this group.  Means nothing.   Your life, your actions your deeds.  Now it is time to answer to them.   Throw whatever group shit you think is important, because when all the light shines directly on you, what do you have to say?? 

I know I know, you want to say, well we did this and that.   Throw your whole life away actually.   All the time you spend doing whatever you do.  None of it matters, and there are no points.  Points come from things unseen, and things you don't control.   This life was not yours to keep.  It wasn't for you to hold onto.  There are no justifications, and things like that, there is only you. 

You have been given good information that came at a price.   A life I had to live to get to this point, but you hold onto you.   You hold onto your life with zero points, because it is all you know, and all you trust. 

I think a life looked at from your eyes.  Your thoughts, and your actions, what does it say??  What have you done??  You don't make this World a better place, because that ain't happening.   You don't make people's lives any better, because you are too selfish.   You haven't scored any points where life is all about the points scored.   You are on a path to continue being shut out in the game of life too. 

Don't you think this stuff is important to think about??   You belong to no group, and no Country, and no community in reality, because you answer for you.   No one else, and groups and Country etc... don't even show up on the last day.  They have no bearing on anything at all. 

You live in the dark, because you are afraid.  Rightfully afraid too, because the World will judge you.   We will judge you, but if you did the Right things, and made the right turn, you will be given everything you need.  

Right now you have nothing of what you need, because you hold onto you, your group, your life, and this World.   All of which mean and stand for nothing. 

A tough message here I have to tell you about yes.   Only the strong survive, and all of you are too weak.  You use the World as your crutch, and it is the World you have to overcome.   Only one was strong enough for that.  It ain't you either.   I can fucking guarantee you that.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a pretty shitty day.   :)


Thursday, June 19, 2014

Who Cares About Post Titles? My Coffee is Done, and I Am Going To Get It... So there!

Hello, and good morning all How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I got a lot of sleep last night, I don't have to work til late.  I'll take the Hopester for a little run in a bit, so what is one to complain about?? 

Well, I do have a blog, and have had one for a number of years.   Geesh, I don't even know why I started one in the first place.  I think I did that Sunday after spending a whole day reading the running blogs.  Having no idea where that was headed, I blogged almost every day.   I had no idea if anyone read it, and some must have, because I would wake up every day to blog.  I would write whatever, and it probably wasn't a horrible blog. 

If I could tell you now why I did heimleblog I couldn't tell you.  It ended horribly, and with a deletion, and also with a Marathon PR, if I remember correctly.  I remember seeing a little bit of people's lives that summer.  Friends coming over, and telling of their lives in the younger years.   Anyway I deleted that blog, because I was being judged.  That blog did get weird, and I was a bit of a different person back then.   Every day would get bad at times during the day.   The sad music at work would damn near kill me.   I mourned a death twice that Summer, and I was pretty sure that damn near could have killed me.  I saw glimpses of the inside of everyone's soul at one time.   What all the people felt deep down. 

It isn't what you think either.  It isn't this fire to accomplish goals, and all the other superficial crap you think your worth is tied up in.  Inside everyone's soul is a thief on the cross.   Once you get to the point where you view your life like the thief on the cross did there is nothing but sadness in you. 

The World hides all that from you, because the World is full of Disney cartoons, and coloring books, and all the other crap this fake and horrible World is made up of. 

So how do you get to the point where you stop depending on all the unreal bullshit in the World, and start seeing the truth of life, and more importantly the truth of YOU, and your life?? 

If only someone would have given up their coin long ago to follow a different path.  If only they would follow a path of suffering, but also a path of learning, and was willing to take time out of his day to point you in the right direction??  Wouldn't that make things so much easier??

Well, no I guess it doesn't.  I didn't know everyone was Saints already.  I didn't know they did no wrong.   I didn't know more interesting, and fulfilling to them was a path of zero points, and superficial goals, and the truth of life is the last thing you want to see.

I didn't know you want to hide in your protected small World.  Hide in your shell, because to show our less than perfect self is the last thing you want to do. 

I've invested years in this stupid thing here, and it hasn't done a damn thing.   Isn't that crazy??

The best part of all though is I still get to wake up like this every morning.   What you do does not affect me, but I bet if I stopped doing this it would affect you. 

Is that confidence, arrogance, or being assured. 

Well, if one were to take a look at the previous years, from the end of the journey on I would say confidence and being assured. 

Why??  I gave up my coin.  My path led me to spots where I had the strength to say "Your will be done".   Even if it was to my own detriment.   A strength given me, that you can never in a million years no matter what you do, come up with on your own. 

That is why your lives are lived in quiet desperation.  It is because they mean nothing, and you know as well as I do, everyone at some point can be put on a pedestal, but there is only one way to go from there. 

Pedestals aren't real.   My path only leads to the real, and the truth, and that my friends I cannot take credit for.   I gave up my one coin, and that was for a better coin.   I have been given a lot, although on the outside it probably looks like nothing.  

That is how I am winning.  

That is how it is good to be me.   :)

Laterzzzzzzzzzzz all.   xoxoxoxo     xxxxx

MWAH!!   :))

LOL.   Have a good one.   :)

Friday, June 13, 2014

A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good, except it is still morning so I didn't get enough sleep.   Especially since I work a zillion hours this weekend between both jobs. 

Anyway not too too much going on with me.  I'll go to bed after dinner, which I will start prepping after this here update.  I will try and fall asleep somewhere between 5 and 6:00.  Big goal is work tonight, and if tired get some sleep, go to 2nd job, and hopefully get some more sleep when I get home, before I go back to job #1.  It is a glam life no doubt, but days are days, and a long weekend of working probably isn't the worst thing for me.  On the weekends we tend to spend more money than during the week.  Also I am a lazy worthless piece of crap anyway on the weekends a lot if I am not working. 

Now in years past I would run on the weekends, but I have been battling injuries for the last couple years, so that isn't the case.  Having said that though, I did run 3 times this week so far.  Just short little 2 milers, and everything seems okay.   I don't know what that means for my future with running, but I know you folks want to keep up to date on this type of stuff.   ;) 

So as life is going on I see there is a mess happening in Iraq.  I don't watch the news, and most of my news comes from bits of social networking whichever way that is leaning, or Google news.  I'll check Google news every day or two. 

I think Iraq is a big deal.  It is a hornets nest.  Kurds are making a piece for their territory.  I hear Iran wants to get involved, and what do you make of it.   A country in a state of Anarchy one would imagine. 

We got there in the first place with the warning you break it you own it.  Unless of course it is too expensive to own then you leave it in a worse spot than what it was. 

What is your view of the World??   A going concern??  Something that will be around for Generations??  Is there soooo much hate in the World the people need a good blood letting?? 

You have All the Religions preaching the wrong things, and teaching the wrong things.  This is the best we can do as people though.   A paradise in this World we cannot make, because hate and anger is a good motivator, and our hearts are really not able to do much else.  

It is a bad World out there, and people are angry.  Just in our Country the Left hate the right, and the right hate the left, because of ideological differences.  Both ideologies are flawed, and imperfect, and do not make a better state of affairs for anyone anyway. 

We pick sides though, because that is all we know.  If a house divided cannot stand what would the logic formula be for a World divided?? 

Good information is hard to come by.  All the stuff we read, and view on the t.v. is biased in a certain viewpoint.  I've said step out of all we learned, and look at things objectively.  Throw all the crap you learned out, and be courageous to look at every thing with your own eyes.  Not they eyes of someone else.

The proud and arrogant never ever believe they ever do a wrong thing, and they believe in their powers of deduction etc...  Why would you want to follow someone like that??

You show me someone who has been humbled, and I bet he or she has learned a lot.

It is the old Khien Pham story, and the Doctor who fucked up my step-mom's medicine.  Khien had the learning of life, and the Doctor had the learning of books.   The puller of the strings of life is the better teacher for those who have eyes, and those who have ears, but you gotta use 'em.

Remember that?  Well strings have been pulled for you.   You've been given good information, but as far as I can tell it has gone of deaf ears, and what can I do??

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I don't know if people read this every day, but thanks for the feedback Hal, Dan, and John for my last post.   I thought it was pretty good.   Better than this one.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D     

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Olives, Bluebirds, Canadia, And Other Things You Probably Think Are Real. ;)

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   It is another rainy day out.  I am off.  I don't have anything planned, so I may read some, and maybe watch a movie.  I bought the 2nd part of the insurgent, Divergent books.  First one was pretty good.  Author isn't the best, but a good story.  I may go see if that movie is out in video. 

I also got stuff for dinner.  Just an easy ravioli meal with italian sausage, and sauce, and garlic bread.  Takes nothing to make, and I can have it done by the time Lisa gets home from work. 

So that is another day in my life done.   Just as pointless as the day before.  :)  I ran yesterday, and so far so good.  I noticed at work last night I may be getting better.  

Picture a couple things.   Sitting Indian Native American style.  Don't want to offend anyone you know.  Well before my knees were not bending that way.  It wasn't going to happen.  Now picture sitting with your butt on your heels.   That wasn't happening either.  I swear last night I was close to doing that without any effects.  So that was kind of crazy.  Didn't expect that.  The pain I felt wasn't a tight muscle pain or anything like that, it was oh, this is like an injury pain.  So anyway, maybe getting better. 

So, what are you up to.   Geesh, this blog goes against the wind.   Against the current, and I'd imagine it puts people in a pretty difficult spot. 

Questions like what does make a person a better person?  How does one go about doing that??   Many will try and out work some, and out sacrifice some, but how does that give you a better heart.  It just makes you busy.  Like a mouse running on his wheel.

Life is such a busy busy thing, and probably getting busier.   Kids, and marriages, and jobs, and Mondays, and futures.   Aren't you friggen tired??  I mean I know how you think.  Life, WIIFM??

The answer is nothing.   There is nothing here for you.  Oh, I know many people are just little kids still.  I want, I want, and I want.  I asked what is the best direction, and it is a simple answer.   Simple pimple, but people are hard of hearing, and hard of seeing.   The truth is right in front of you, but you just gotta see huh??  

People put their faith in people.   Follow along blindly the things that have been handed down from Generation to Generation.  People mostly have good intentions to do good, but you know you split an atom, and maybe someone goes and blows up a city.

The World is divided.  Country vs. Country.  Bad information is everywhere, and I don't care what country you live in.  Good information is only the truth, and the truth is this World is a bad place.   People do shit they wish they didn't.   They are selfish a lot more than they would wish.   People get angry, and get mean, and we all just want to feel good about ourselves, and like we are heading in the right direction.

WIIFM is the wrong direction, but our hearts are made that way.

To find the path that takes us to a better version of ourselves.  Does anything else matter??  Trophies, papers of accreditation, plaques, Awards for Employee of the whatever??

No it doesn't, but our minds are poisoned from all the crap we learned our whole life.  Our hearts are poisoned, because humans were never really that good.  We are selfish people.

To get past the WIIFM part you know how to do.   Ya kinda got to get over yourself though.

Remember the dying man's last wishes.  Once you are better what will you do first??

"I want to do good"

It is everyone's path as their life is viewed via the thief on the cross.   I wish I was better.   That is why you have to get over yourself, because you will not be any different.   It is a very good thing you learn these things now too.   Before it is too late.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  You know sometimes rainy days are pretty cool.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Big Plans For The Day...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing good.  I have big plans for the day which means basically I have a bunch of crap to do around the house, and also I have nothing really on my mind. 

So anyway life kinda is a strange thing.  Does anything even matter??  If I take a look back at my life, and even maybe just a look back at this blog.  Does it do anything??  Isn't my life just a story of just going along, and boom something major happens, and everything up to that point doesn't matter.  On a number of occasion my life was brought to a point where I actually had to suffer to a point where it sure would have been better if I was never born.  Endured some scary stuff, and was even made different.

What does it matter, and what have I accomplished??  What would I be today if I didn't do the things I have done??  I have no idea. 

I have said a lot of things on this blog, and does that even matter??  There really isn't much to me at all, and maybe that is the final journey to the truth.  Our lives, and ourselves become so small as to be almost invisible.  Our lives end up being empty, because that is actually what we bring with us when we die.  Nothing. 

I don't mean that in a horrible way, because I don't feel horrible about it.  We all hold onto stuff though right??  Maybe try and shrink our lives down so we feel some type of control.  If I could just be a good spouse, parent.  Be good at my job.  If I can pay my bills on time.  Whatever, we hold onto all kindsa things and they don't matter in the long run. 

We've been taught certain things about life, and even taught to put significance in certain things, but is it the truth??  Who taught us these things, and who taught them these things?? 

I would think if you could boil life down to one thing, wouldn't it be to be the best person you can be??  If that is the case how would you go about doing it??  Well as humans all we know is some type of sacrifice.  I will show the World my worth by doing this.  The truth of all of us is inside us.   What do you see when you look inside yourself??  Is it less than what you would want??  Do you wish you were better?? 

Life is two things really.  All the things we show the World, and all the things that go on inside us.  All the things you show the World don't really matter much, because the most important stuff is what we are thinking inside.  

I bet a lot of times it isn't what we would want.  

If there were a way to make you a better person would you drop everything to follow that road?? 

The proverbial fork in the road, and you all thought you would take the path less traveled huh??  Well that takes a certain amount of strength and trust, and probably what you lack most.  

But hey what the heck.  

Anyway, today I am going to take the Hopester for another little 2 mile run.  I have no great thoughts of getting in great shape, because I am not certain of not having to shut things down again for a month or whatever, so I will just plug along and see what happens. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I work tonight, and have tomorrow off again.  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

A Taste Of Reality...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   Now yesterday after finishing job #2 I was tired.  I mean ready to pass out tired, but I didn't want to go to bed at 2:00 PM, so I stayed up.  I have no idea how late, maybe 5:00 or so. 

So anyway I was looking at my numbers of blog posts.  Last 3 years were in this order.  280,290,300.  So far through May I am at 50 entries.  So I thought about that a bit.  Sometimes when I start thinking my blog sucks, I go back and read a post or two, and then I think it isn't horrible.  Yesterday I went back and read a post or two, and it seemed horrible.  :)  HAHA  So it is a sucky blog, and many times before I thought it was an okay blog, or I was just really tired. 

Who knows and who cares??  I don't really know what to make of my blog to be honest.  It must be different in some ways, as I am different.  I thought about some of the difficult times in my life, and everything was always hidden.  I know what I was going through, but no one else did.  After the final thing I do, nothing will remain hidden.  The World will know me at that point, and I will be the World's enemy. 

I know these things in my head, but sometimes I think people hate me anyway, and I probably have good reason some of the time. 

So that is what I am thinking, and where do I and this blog go from here??   Good question.  I've lost my blog mojo, so I definitely don't post too much.  I know some things of how life is heading, and the direction we are going, but you cannot see it.  Maybe you cannot even feel it. 

Anyway my life has a purpose, although as I am now I can do soooooo very little.  I have a message that says we aren't as important as we think.  We don't do much of value, because what is valued after we are dead?? 

Of all the things accumulated, and accomplished which of these things will you bring with you??  After you are dead you are naked of all things.  As you judged so will you be judged.   If you lived by the sword however failingly you also will die by the sword. 

Like it says the Garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and there only is one way in.  If it were possible to work your way into it I would have done it. 

That is a lesson of my life too.  I suffered a lot to get to the point where I was at in life.   Been through a lot of things I wouldn't wish on anyone.  A hard path for sure, so you would think I deserve something huh??  What I learned when overcoming the 2nd time is nope.   All I've done up to that point meant nothing.   If I wasn't given the strength needed in my heart to do the right thing at the right time, I am toast. 

Also the only way I can accept this with a happy heart is because of what was done that night several years ago after I gave up.   Also another lesson, I cannot be, and cannot do what I am supposed to if I didn't have help. 

What does that mean for you??  Maybe what I have been saying all along kinda.  No matter which way you dice it up, and gussy it up, and all that, we just are not all that.  Life is not all that either, but we got to put the real glasses on, and maybe that is what my blog helps with.   Swimming against the current slowly we take off the rose pedaled glasses for ones that gives us better vision, and we fight screaming and kicking the whole way, because everything looks so much better with the rose colored glasses. 

That kinda is a choice huh??  You want truth or you want fantasy?? 

Oh well til next time whenever that is.  :)

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  it is raining a bit, but I am going to try and run a little 2 mile run.   Hope I can bend at work tonight.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D  

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Well, I Guess I Better Blog...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am blogging for the heck of it.  I don't really have anything important to say, or maybe I do.  I know some important things about life, but no one really wants to hear about that. 

I have no idea which direction this post will go, but I will look inside my heart, and see what is there.  For the record, I am not angry.  My heart is clear.  I am clear, and as always I can feel my being is lit up.  It is seen, I am seen, and I feel it.   Like Adam before the fall I hide nothing. 

In a World full of judging you may wonder where I have the courage to show my less than perfect self without fear.  That is the story too huh??  From my scared self who got kicked to the ground after heimleblog who was able to stand back up with help with the Journey.  I was scared though wasn't I??  I just wanted to be right, and I did not want to ever be judged again.  The evil World won, and it beat me down, and Friends and Family judged me. 

The Journey is really a little story of me coming to terms with one more piece of my life.   I thought I did all that way long ago, but probably for a very good reason one little thing was held back so I could finish it all while being viewed during these times, and with the people who would look at it besides me.  Back in my younger years in the early 90's only I knew what I was thinking, and what I dealt with.  My Journey blog was to show others.  So one little piece remained of my life I had to go through. 

So anyway that is all done, and that was a long time ago, and this here blog started up.   Journey over and the Wait starts up, and I am done.   I overcame the 2nd time, and my work was done.  I still have one more thing to do, and have to overcome one more time, but it isn't me who does the work, and it will be the one who overcame all those centuries ago overcoming again, because that was the story.   It was hidden, and it was not known, and who knows why? 

Oh I know I know the crazyness of it.   This kid here being raised up to learn these things, and to teach these things, and I tell you what, the last thing I ever wanted was to teach these things, because teachers get judged to a higher standing, but I have help.  I have a message that is the truth, and it is the right message, and I have confidence, and faith, and am assured, because I am done.   My work has been accepted, and I have been accepted. 

You may wonder why those teachers may get judged to a higher standard, and it is because they teach the wrong message.   Their message falls short, and many many fall into that trap.   They stop the search, because they got the answer, but in reality they don't have the answer, and the teacher taught them false truths. 

As one who lived a life of being judged for whatever reason the last thing I wanted was to be judged harsher, and wouldn't you know it I have the confidence and am assured to the degree I am now. 

That is my story, and you know my story.

My message is a hard one.  I told you the truth is a Bitch, and it goes against everything we were taught, but in your heart you know it is right, as long as you don't shut your heart off.  Harden it so to speak.  Your heart is used to listen, and out of fear we will harden it so we don't have to listen to the harsh truths. 

Things like our life doesn't matter.   All our energy used in whatever activities matter not one bit in the scheme of things.   You get no points for the life you lived up to this point.   We all are imperfect humans with a less than perfect story.  My path I took brought me to a place where I came to terms with who I am.   I came to terms with my life.   I sought the truth, and it found me.   I sought for answers and they came to me.  

I offer you a hard journey.  Nothing easy about it.   It is one of fear, and you know mostly probably fear.   Life is a harsh thing, and harsh things are done in life, and The way of Society is not the way of higher learning. 

I have a blog.  It has a story, and it has a message.   It may not always be what you want to hear, but I warned you many many times it isn't going to be easy. 

My path was hard, and it was horrible, but I stand where I do now, because this was the story laid out for me.   This was my path.   Not my story, and not my will was done in any of this, because I am way too far short-sighted to know what the heck I am supposed to do.  I am too scared to be able to stand with the confidence I do now, but I have help.   I am like a little kid again, because I can do no wrong.  

It doesn't mean everything I do is right mind you, but all is seen, and all is known, and I have no problem walking in the light.   That my friends is confidence, and that came along with other things.  

I am not who I am now without the help I had along the way.  With a happy heart I accept the uselessness of my life, but with a happy heart I continue to do what I do in any way I can. 

So that is that, and that is my blog today, and it is raining.   I hazzz some coffee ready so I guess I will drink that.  

about those damn dishes.   When did I become so lazy about doing dishes??  I am in a bad rut there.   Oh well.  

cya laterzzz