It Was A Day Anyway.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I didn't sleep for shit last night. I don't know why. Yesterday was a pretty awesome lazy ass day. I watched the  Ted Bundy 4 part documentary,  and binge watched a show called The Sinner. It's with Jessica Biel.  It was just a murder mystery type program. The reason I watched it cuz I thought it was Jennifer Beals of Flashdance.  :)

It was okay. I was entertained. The only thing I did other than sit on my ass watching tv, was prep the pot roast for the slow cooker, and ran the snowblower again. I'll probably have to do it again today after work,  and maybe again tomorrow.

It was okay binge watching tv. I realize I never do it. Last time I did it was when I was sick during Thanksgiving. I guess I am pretty busy doing shit. I never really think about how busy I am. I always have shit to do. Maybe I should try to watch more shows. It's kinda fun. Not a huge priority obviously.

I did catch a glimpse of me, and how I must seem here. Kinda odd in a way I guess. I found Ted Bundy to be an interesting character. Can't imagine why he felt the need to kill all those girls. How can you even come to terms with it?  He always put on a brave and confident face, but looking inside himself what did he see?  What overpowered his common decency to be like that? 

I know some stuff about him that he may have never learned about himself. I know things that overpowered him to not be as good of a person as he'd like. How he justified himself I have no clue.

We all have shit inside us that makes us less than Saints. I learned that long ago. Being alive is having all kindsa shit to be guilty about. I am sure we all have things about us we are ashamed of.

I have a huge list of not nice shit I've done. I never killed anyone or anything, but I ain't perfect. That's for sure. I did go out , actually was led in a direction to learn about me. What made me less than I wanted?  I learned who I really wanted to be is beyond my power. I found my path to be transformed into what I want. It's my story. I just have no say when it is. I tried going a long time ago, but the timing wasn't up to me. I thought several Thanksgivings ago was my time, but it wasn't.

I've been ready, but my blog is the wait, and I think I have to wait for others to be ready. Everyone is scattered so, I have no clue of much.

In the meantime I live my life. It's pretty simple. I don't have anything to worry about really,  except this snow, and the 3 days of 40°+ rainy days coming up.  It's gonna be wet. Hopefully not in my basement.

Other than that not much. Ted Bundy was not so far to ask for forgiveness. The scary thing for us is the light I think. We don't want our shitty  secrets known. God knows what people think about. Also people don't know what makes up their darkness.

You can't fake your way to sainthood. You ain't there either. You and I both have that in common. I know this truth about us. I suspect you probably don't.

The Ted Bundys make it easy on us to judge others, while taking the more difficult job of just judging ourself off the table.

In life we have to do hard introspection. You ain't gonna like everything you see either.

Anyhoo.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeee.     :)))

It's Nasty Out There.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. We have two days of cold. We are West of the Big Lake, so we won't be as bad as those areas East of the Big Lake, but we get the snow. Every morning these days you look outside, and the cars are covered in snow again. I have my 3rd day off in 4 today too.   :)  I don't really have a lot to do today. Some minor cleaning,  and that's about it. I'll work out too,  but only my home stuff. No need to go out if you don't have to.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Nothing too exciting. I don't really know what one should do with an extra day off,  so I kept my schedule normal. I just slept in a bit. Got another 7-1/2 hours of sleep.

I may watch Netflix a bit this morning. That's the only difference really. This cold spell is fine. I don't feel any different. Life still is the same, I feel the same. I wake up like this most days.  Not really worried about much. These days off won't affect my finances much. It's a nice little break.  I feel fine going to work though also.

I guess I just normally feel fine about stuff. A day off really doesn't make me feel much different than a day on. Days on probably just keep me busy longer. Plus I end up with about 20,000 more steps when I work.

Yep, that's about it. That is me these days. Nothing really on my mind. Nothing important to say.

I am fine. I feel good. Life is easy for me, and I have no anxiety about the future. I know why I am the way I am, so I know you are not like this. I wonder what it's like to be like you again. I don't wanna know.  This is too easy, and I couldn't ask for more.

Anyways, I spose.

Til next time.  

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeeee.    :)))

Another Thing Learned From My Phone Mishap

My alarms aren't set anymore. Luckily I typically wake up anyway close to when my alarms go off. So, I am up close to my early alarm.

Yesterday was okay. Nothing crazy. I had to snowblow a couple times. I picked up my Garmin for the car. I love it already. It's basically what we had in the rental car in SA. Pretty sweet. I also got the new shelf thingy put together for the bathroom.

My work out place was open. Pretty empty for a Monday. I totally forgot to do the home part of the workout.  :)   oops.

So, I have McAfee,  and Comcast internet, but still my Wi-Fi was compromised. The Garmin people actually fixed it for me, and added a firewall. I thought McAfee and Comcast would have their own. I don't know how that shit works, but I got rid of rundll.32 exe files. Those are bad. We had a lot.

A lot of stuff uses Wi-Fi. Computers, games, smart tv's,  phones, dvds.  Who knows?  I feel we are pretty safe now.   Not that I'd know. I rarely use the computer. I use my phone, and that's about it.

Other than that not much. Today is,a work day, and that is about it. Tomorrow is going to be cold as heck. We warm up this weekend though. We are close to February, which means we are closer to March.

Basically I got nothing going on. I think I'll take Hope after a cup of coffee.

This is like I thought the other day. I got nothing on my mind, and nothing important to say.

Haha.  I don't care though. I am fine with me. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeee.    :)))

Starting The Week Out Right.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine yesterday I had an unexpected snow day. No work. I got the call when I had everything done too. I went shopping for groceries,  and made dinner. It was exciting at first to be off work,  but I really didn't have anything exciting to do. I did sleep for 7-1/2 hours last night so my title.

Today I can clean,  and organize the tool area in the basement. Gotta build a bathroom thingy for the wife, and work out. Doing lunch with my brother, but I'll probably skip the beer part. Get something light too,  cuz I am making a pot roast for dinner. Oh I gotta stop by Best Buy too. I bought a Garmin map thingy. Our rental car in San Antonio had it, and we liked it. Not that we travel much, but when we do. I have a map thing on my phone, but it sucks up juice like no ones business.

So, that is my day planned. Nothing really exciting.  My life is pretty insignificant,  and I like it that way. I don't think anything would change how I live. I don't want to do anything else. I don't want a summer home, or any kinda toys. If I had all the money in the World it would be wasted on me. I wouldn't spend it. I don't like cars, or toys. I am not really into traveling much. When the grass is greener in your head than anywhere else, you don't need anything.

That I suspect is hard for you to comprehend. From what I gather people typically like to work less. For me, I am at a good balance. Like I've said before,  I am happy with my life. It is simple.

I know there still is a purpose for my life,  but it really seems insignificant doesn't It?   I guess when the time comes it may be a bigger deal.

I don't really have much else. A simple day planned for a pretty simple week I suspect.

Gotta run. Oh, it isn't even going to hit 1° on Wednesday.   :)  fun fun.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

byeeeee.    :)))

Strange Things.

So yesterday was kinda odd. For one thing I slept 9-1/2 hours.  :)  that was last night. At work though my phone automatically reset itself. Deleted everything, and restored it, except you have to download all the apps again,  and it doesn't remember all your usernames and stuff. Also I have no contacts anymore. 

The contact thing may seem like a big deal, but I don't really text much. Eventually, I'll get them back. You know you'll get a text,  ask who is this? Etc...  

I saw a bad movie. The favourite, or my favourite. It's up for Oscars probably,  so they played it here. I just wasn't interested  in the storyline,  and the ending was awful.  Don't even know what it was supposed to mean. The acting was good in it. Work went fine.  That was my day. It's cold outside so for dinner I had leftover pizza. Another day I may have gone out, but who wants to go out to eat when it is so cold. You have cocktails,  and you just get colder.

I've been thinking lately there isn't much on my mind. I got nothing really important to say. January is almost done, and then March is just around the corner.

Really Winter is just January and February. 2 months really. December is fine, and March is the beginning of longer days and temps. will probably start creeping up. I love the change of seasons. Everything looks different.

I've done this thing a while,  and I guess one could get to know me pretty good with this thing.  There isn't much to me is there?  Kinda a pretty normal'ish person. No redeeming quality really. My life I live is simple. Not a lot to worry about. What is kinda nice is there is not a lot of people I need to be in contact with. You know, my phone can be off, and it is no biggie. You sometimes see where people want to spend less time on their phone. Just something I thought of. I am not very important, so it isn't vital if I am accessible. It doesn't matter.

That is a quiet lifestyle I suspect. I like it. Today is Sunday,  which is one of my favorite days. I get stuff done, and then work, and have a day off. Starting my Sunday with 9-1/2 hours of sleep is pretty nice.

I have a pretty quiet life. One in which I don't really matter. I mean that in a positive way. It's free you know?  I like working so I do. I stay busy. Most work days are heavy step amount days, and I work 6 days/week. I like that too.

Everything about my life I feel pretty positive about. I've been led to a pretty easy life. Also my heart is such a way I enjoy it.

Can't ask for more than that.

Anyways, I spose.  

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeee.     :)))

Strange.

Well,  I feel well rested for a Friday. I only slept around 6 hours too.  Usually by the end of the week it's hard to get up at my early alarm. I felt I was going to have one drink too many too, but most of it was still in the glass this morning.

If I drink I typically want to have less than a pint. Usually I am pretty good at that,  but this week I seem to be getting closer to the pint. Probably from starting too early. If I don't have shit to do, I may start too early. It's why I like projects.  I'll have drinks til dinner than I am done.  I feel well rested and fine today though like I said.

We are in a pretty wintery stretch now. Below freezing as far as the eye can see. What makes it real bad is right prior to the freeze we had wet and heavy slush. So now basically ice on the sidewalks. I didn't take Hope yesterday because of it. I didn't ride my bike for the same reason.   I can hear the wind howling too.

Yesterday after work,  I aired up the tires in the truck. My '94 Ranger never had low tire pressure sensors.  :)  it's annoying. Come on people ignorance is bliss.   :)

So anyway not much going on with me. Work, eat, sleep. Today is a workout day. I am not tired so I suspect it will be a 4 set day. I'll probably attempt to take Hope after this too. I did think this morning there really is no reason I can't run commute. Work is only like 1-1/4 miles away. Not on my workout days though. I tried it at the old place of 4 miles away, but got injured, and never did it again.  Today I most assuredly will have to drive. I'll know for sure when I take Hope.

Nothing really crazy on my mind. I know politics is pretty crazy for people. Lisa watches msnbc,  so that is all I'll see except for social media stuff. I have no thoughts on it really. Oh one thing is the 60 threshold. You need 60 to overcome a filibuster. I would make people filibuster on stuff. Just cuz you don't hit 60 doesn't mean people give a shit enough to filibuster. Especially if the govt. is shut down,  and people are working with no pay. Seems easy to me.

What do I know though?  At the end of the day it's my life here. It is simple. I am fine with it. I am comfortable in my own skin. I got no worries. I work today. I have no desire to shop for anything. I can buy me whatever I want, and I want nothing.

So, today will be a day. It shouldn't be anything crazy. Omg it is only 3:12 AM.   :) 

I guess I'll make a coffee. My super power of feeling like running in single digit temps at 4:00 AM kicked in.

Yay.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.     :)))

Some Days You Run Into Stuff To Do.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept in a bit today, so I'll have to take Hope after work. Yesterday I lucked out having stuff to do. I got out of work early, got my workout in, but had nothing to do. I could have treated myself to anything by shopping,  but I realized I didn't want anything.

So, I was tired and bored. Luckily the driveway needed to be plowed, I had to do dishes,  I brought some tools downstairs,  so basically there was some stuff to keep me busy. Then I chilled,  ordered a pizza and crashed. I got the home part of my workout in too.

I consider it a successful day. Hold on, I am going to see how much I slept last night. Almost 7 hours. All week I've been waking up at midnight, and not sleeping much after. Last night I woke up too,  but I felt like I crashed after. So, I'll be awake today. I haven't made coffee yet,  I was planning on skipping, but I'll make one after this. Basically I had a simple day, and I stayed busy.

The Bulls lost to one of the worst teams last night at home. Got crushed. As I felt a couple days ago this is not looking like a team that can be good. They should at least show the ability to be competitive.

So that's what I think about early morning. Today is not a workout day. So not sure what I'll do after. Maybe I can think of something I'd like to buy, and go shopping. I do have plenty of clothes though. A lot of tools. All the electronics I need. I should organize the tools downstairs. We will see.

As you can see my life is pretty normal. I like to keep busy to keep my one vice to a minimum.  :)  I don't have any challenges before me.  I really am glad I workout though. It gives me something else to do. 3 times each week, and it doesn't take me long. I ain't looking to do more stuff, but just stay busy basically.

There isn't anything I need to accomplish. Just do my day to day.

That's all she wrote. I pretty much got nothing.

That's okay too.

Til next time. 

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.     :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Some Days.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay. I was busy. I ran, and biked, worked,  cooked dinner, and that was about it. Last I checked my watch I was over 28,000 steps, so that's good. Today is a workout day, but I am driving. I think the weather is supposed to be shit today. I have no idea what it is like now. We had some freezing rain last night. It could be messy.

I was making my cup of coffee, and kinda looking inside myself. Anything to worry about? No. What am I going to write about?  Who knows?  Why do I do this?  That's a good question. I just wake up, and do it. Typically there isn't a lot on my mind throughout the day. Maybe I am like you in that way.

I know I am at peace. Not worried about anything really. I'll have a day today,  and it will be fine. I'll have dinner, and some down time. I'll sleep,  and wake up like I do most days.

Not much to life is there?  You live out your days doing whatever that is. None of us survive this thing unblemished. We do things we are guilty of. We are definitely selfish much of the time. Geez every day we probably fail at something. Just watching tv when you got other shit to do can be one. Eating unhealthy. Drinking too much. Doing nothing. Not spending enough time with kids. Ha!!  Welcome to the failure known as life.

There is plenty of shit to worry about. A lot of stuff fills our day. Life is noisy and loud. Don't you want things to be quieter and slower?  I don't know if my life is slower,  but it is easy. I have no baggage, and no guilt. I've gone through my imperfect life. It remains  imperfect. That little thing is currently out of reach. I am okay though. It's good for me to be active so I am. It's good for me to work so I do. If I don't get everything done one day, I don't worry about it. Tomorrow is another day, and I don't have any guilt.

I am kinda in the matrix zone. You can throw all of life's worries at me, and they don't touch me. Nothing penetrates me. I am untouchable kinda.

I don't feel like I am angry. I definitely don't have much to worry about. I don't owe anybody anything. I am free I guess. My life was led in a direction where I can be like I am now. I would rather be me than you. My questions have been answered. My worries have been carried away. I have an invisible shield that protects me kinda.

It makes my life pretty easy.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til tomorrow maybe. 

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Back To The Grind.

Not really. I don't feel life is a grind at all. For me it is pretty simple.  Wake up, do your thing,  run Hope?, get ready for work, work, come home. Some downtime before dinner. Dinner.

I know people watch tv at night, but I guess I am not too good at that. Rarely in my downtime do I watch t.v.  Having said that, yesterday I watched the Bulls play the Cavaliers. There was an early game due to the holiday.  I wanted to see why the Bulls were so bad. For one thing they have a lot of players who are fringe NBA players. Another is their young core just may not be as good as people thought. Jabari Parker who earlier got banished to the bench seems like a NBA player. Maybe he isn't great at Defense, but I don't think the NBA wastes too much effort on Defense. Zach Lavine is a bona fide All Star. Dunn, Markkanen,  Portis, etc... maybe only average. Nothing special,  which makes the Bulls bad for a while still. It's one game I watched. Probably first and last of the year. I am not impressed. 

Yesterday was pretty normal. I didn't go out to lunch. I worked out, got groceries, took a shower, almost dozed for a bit, took Hope,  and made dinner. Oh, I ran the robot vacuum too. Nothing too crazy. I think I am over burger and a beer  for lunch on my day off. If I eat a big lunch,  my appetite won't be big for dinner. Yesterday I are cottage cheese for lunch, so my appetite was good for dinner.  There you go. A day.

Don't think I thought of much yesterday. Nope,  don't have much on my mind now either. Just a simple day planned. I guess it must be strange. Me being content in life. I don't need anything to be better. Also me knowing you don't feel that way. You want something more out of life than  what you currently have. Also you have plenty of stuff to worry about. That is how life is, and that is how human hearts are.

We are powerless to make us feel content in stuff. That is a problem too. All avenues, and all forks in the road do not lead to the destination you seek. All really are dead ends. The goal is to be happy and content. I assume your hearts put in your mind stuff you think  will make you feel that way. Your hearts mislead you.

The path I took is pretty impossible. I couldn't in a million years make me as I am now. When it came time for me to make a decision as to what to do with my life,  I made the right one. The World did not entice me. I had no use for it. If there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.

So that's my story. So, it's been a long story. One I had no idea it would be like. I didn't take myself in the wilderness. My path was hard for a reason. Not my reason.  I am not the author of my path. My vision is no good for such stuff. I definitely got more than I bargained for. I am not anything special,  so the part I play is much bigger than I would have expected.

It's okay though. My heart is correct to handle such stuff.

Anyway, I think it's like stupid degrees outside,  but I think I'll take Hope anyway. 

Til next time. 

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.      :)

Byeee.    :)))

A Well Deserved Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I had a pretty productive Sunday. I got my laundry cleaned,  folded,  and put away. Dishes all cleaned,  and put away. Installed a new mailbox, got salt for the water softener, numbers for the mailbox. Then I worked. It reminds me when I worked 2nd shift in the late 80s early 90s I could get a lot done before work. 2nd shift sucks,  but I think I am good at it. Mostly cuz I don't sleep in. I'd be up, and still have 6 or 7 hours before work.

I do like working Sundays. When I get off, I have the next day off. It works for me.

Today, I just have to work out. A pretty simple day. A Day off that goes with it. Not much else really on my mind.

I did think of something yesterday. Howard Stern was interviewing Billy Joel. It was a helluva interview. Billy Joel is interesting. Anyway they were talking about age, and happiness and stuff like that. Howard Stern,  and Billy Joel have accomplished as much as anyone in their life. As respected as anyone. They have not found what I have though. Contentment.

Not that they are depressed or anything like that,  but a life here doesn't always leave you feeling "on"  There is no secret food, or exercise, diet,  labor or anything that leads you to the consistent good feeling of being content. Content I guess meaning today is a good day, I don't need anything in the future to be better. Also for me it's groundhog day typically. Tomorrow will be just as good.

I am lucky to have this feeling. My story is years in the making. My journey will most undoubtedly be longer than yours. Like maybe I had an extra step, or two. My extra labor does give me a title of honor I suppose. My heart is such a way I am disinterested in titles of honor,  and such stuff. I am more than happy being content. It is pretty much all one needs. I walk in the garden of Eden without a care in the World. I am not ashamed, although I can be seen. I am Adam before the fall. Reconciled.  Adam is not my final destination though. Understanding is my final destination, and that is an extra step.

I am willing. I am not fearful, although my spirit may be troubled as the time approaches. I am not sure. I know very well how it is to live with a troubled spirit. The wilderness,  pretty much everyday during heimleblog days, and even during the journey days. Those 6 days also way back when, I didn't even know I was mostly spirit.

You have no comprehension of what I talk about. You can't as you are. I am a vessel being used to help others along. How that works I have no clue anymore.

I suspect people still come back here.

I am a crazy loon most of the time, but I still do this early morning thing a lot. What it does I don't know, but I suspect it is settling maybe to read it.

I don't know.

Anyhoo,  I spose.

Til next time. 

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Here I Am.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I've been up a while playing solitaire. I saw movies the last two days after work. Yesterday after the movie I came home and watched 3 more. Just a lazy day. Work was short, just cuz I finished up my jobs, and it was not enough time to start another. We had a pretty long meeting too, so I didn't really get a lot done.

Today I have to get shit done around the house. I work this afternoon. Tomorrow I have a day off, and it should be okay. Not a lot to do. There isn't a lot on my mind. I know I was thinking while I was walking at work it was nice to be up early. Nice walking without a care really. 

I started listening to another book. I've listened to like 5 books from the same author. Stand alone books. Not a series or anything. My latest one isn't all that great, but whatever. I may go for another series after this one. Not sure which one though. I'll look.  I like mystery, and suspense type ones the best.

Other than that, not much going on.  I guess I just do my day to day. I know myself pretty good. Very good I guess. I know the reasons I am not perfect. I know I am probably pretty normal'ish for my gender I guess. It was not good enough for me. Now I have this crazy sounding true story I have to live. I realize I cannot even really explain it too great to you, cuz you and I are different. I am not the same entity who was born here. I am different. You are the same entity that was born here. I've been made open. Able to be seen. Everything inside me. All my thoughts don't scare me. I am not ashamed, and I don't hide. It is how one is when they are accepted.

Others cannot even really do anything to me. I will still be accepted, and still be open. My strength comes from somewhere else. It isn't tied to one person. The World is not the source of my strength that is for sure. The World I have no use for. Rules and unwritten rules I see through. Laws are made to be broken, and it isn't the bad guys breaking the most damaging laws. The World is not fair. It is not a pillar of justice. It is a pillar of lies,  and deceit. It doesn't like the light, cuz the light brings one to repentance. Where the truth is finally known.

The World does not teach the truth, and I don't know if it is fear that keeps one from the truth, arrogance, or what.

I just grabbed the truth way back when. Clung to that as my support,  even if I was to be shamed, embarrassed,  even when I told that pretty blond what a pig I was, even though I would have liked to impress her.

While others were out making their lives, I was learning about life. While you were making a closet of secrets, I was open, and knew all my flaws.

I wanted security,  and I thought perfection would give me that. I told you that before though. I got security before perfection. I guess I'll give up security for the last thing I'll do, and probably all I'll have is trust. I don't really know how that will go to be honest. I am not scared, but I may be later on. Not sure.

Anyway, I spose.

Today should be okay.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.   :)))

Another Sleep In.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept in again today. I also plan on driving too. Just for the heck of it. Driving once in a while gives you more flexibility after work to do errands and stuff.

Yesterday was okay. Nothing too crazy,  but I did stuff after work. I was productive after work. In that regard I feel i am way better than say two years ago.  I still got shit to do. Most important is get my tools organized. Once again they are all over the place. Winter visits again soon, so some stuff we just have to wait til Spring. Clean the garage and stuff. Donate shit to wherever. Stuff like that.

Yesterday was just a simple day. Work, do shit,  make a simple meal. I took Hope. Ran my robot vacuum. As much stuff as it picks up, our floors had to be horrendous for years.

Today I got nothing major planned. If I get out of work early, which I should,  I may see a movie. I do have to work out though, so we'll see. I could always work out Saturday after work, as I give myself two days off in the weekend, but Friday is better. I don't want to put it off. We'll see.

So I found out the cranberries lead singer died a year ago. She had a dirty little secret. A friend of her family sexually abused her when she was like 12 or 14. How many dirty little secrets are out there?  I know my college girlfriend had a dirty little secret.

Life is  pretty ugly. Everybody is "supposed " to think and act about sex in a certain way, and that is all fucked up. No one thinks about that shit "correctly"  guys are pretty disgusting creatues as far as that goes. Girls I don't know.

Then we cover everything in a white sheet. Pretend we are all just normal saints.  Arguing over the newsworthy topics of the day without ever wondering why we are so fucked up. We are "supposed" to be a certain way, but we fall short. That was my dilemma way back when. The type of person I'd like to be, compared to who I was. That shit probably matters more than your very knowledgeable arguments of the newsworthy things of the day.

It isn't just sex and shit either. The mirror is to help you show you vs. you. Your knowledgeable arguments of the day play zero part in this equation. They are of no consequence,  and you will score zero points.

You may score some points if you can look in the mirror honestly. You may not like all you see, and that is the point.

Anyhoo, I spose.

I think I got time for a game of solitaire.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

What Happened?

Yesterday for some odd reason I got pretty tired by the end of the day. More tired than I would assume I'd be. I got home, sat and lounged. May have dozed a bit. Fell asleep before dinner. I didn't even finish my workout. Pull ups,  and push ups. I do those at home. It was an active day, but not out of my norm. I even fell asleep again for an hour after my early alarm. Just seemed strange to me. On the bright side I am really well rested. I think I only slept 5-1/2 hours the night before. I woke up with a ton of things I wanted to do. I ended with a 3 set workout.

That's okay though.  I've been pretty consistent lately drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. You know sometimes I go periods without. Some days I don't feel like it. My Reeses creamer is awesome.   :) I've been misspelling that the last couple times. I think Winter will finally arrive this weekend, and stay for a bit. I've only used my snow blower once this year. I used it a million times last year. 

Just little life stuff I guess.  I have no idea what this year will look like. I have a few things to do outside. Clean up and stuff. It won't be crazy. Not like last year. I did a lot last year. I guess I am not anxious or excited about this new year. It will be okay.  :)  Remember last year I thought I might buy a video game console,  cuz what would I do in February?  I don't feel that way this year. I still have stuff to do. Things in my mind I want to get done, but time slips away.

I work out now 3 times per week. I started that in the summer. That's new for this January. I do see results too. My core feels stronger. I am in no danger of getting a 6 pack,  but I am solid. I drink too much probably to worry about 6 packs. It actually was pretty easy to get in a routine. Even yesterday when I was tired it was nothing to get a 3 set workout in. Several,  most of my exercises I probably am ready to up the weight again.

Other than that not much. Life goes on. I am at ease with things. Today I am well rested. I'll have to take Hope after work. If I hurried I could take her now, but it ain't nothing to do it after.

So I guess I'll have a day. I'll do my push ups and pull ups this morning, so all will be good.

Pretty simple.

Anyway I spose.

Til next time.

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

The Tributaries Of Sparta.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday I had a day. I had a $50 Lowes card,  so I went shopping. I worked,  took Hope for a walk. Ate tacos for dinner. Ran my robot vacuum cleaner. Nothing really crazy at all. I got over 28,000 steps in too. Just a day I guess.

I look back at it, and there was nothing to it. Just a day. I suspect today will be just as eventful. My life is pretty easy. That's for sure. I can kinda look in myself to see if there is anything to worry about, and there isn't.

There surely isn't much on my mind. If I could change one thing about my life I guess I wouldn't. When you have an easy life why would you? I guess I've been this way a while I don't even remember what it is to struggle.

A human is here to struggle too, because hearts just aren't always happy. The grass is definitely greener in other places. That is where I am lucky. The grass is nowhere greener than in my head. How I feel day in day out.

Me being this way I know people struggle with stuff, cuz I am not the product of what I've done. I am a product of a gift. A happy and content heart we cannot make. No labor, sacrifice or anything will create it. Your heart cannot be content as it is. Your heart isn't perfect either.

I guess people struggle with the truth. Somehow we have to be right, right?  We are better than others because of such and such.

What we want out of life is to be happy. That path is nothing like you think. I look back at me,  and I would have never guessed my life would be as it was. It is impossible to be as I am now. We cannot create it.

So what do I do?  Just live out my days. Nothing really to worry about. I guess we wait to see how the story unfolds. A setting where I am fine. Not a worry, and we don't really know your struggles, and we don't know yet how you come to terms with the truth.

I kinda see the mirror. I know it's there,  but I don't think people are looking at it. Argue against what it shows you.

I have no interest in false arguments either.

Anyway, I spose.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Quite The Day.

I somehow had a lot of errands yesterday. My Dad pays me $45/ week to live here to help pay for meals, and stuff. Anyway he pays me in travelers checks for some reason. He gets them free, and he thinks he's brilliant for doing it this way. I have to cash them though,  and I do it like once/month. So I had around $220 worth of them.  A $325 check for my attendance bonus. Yearly,  and quarterly. Also our change jar was almost $100. So I was sitting on A good chunk of money. I deposited and cashed that stuff.  I bought two pair of reading glasses. Got the oil changed in the car, bought new underwear. I wear boxers so bought two 3 packs of my favorite kind.  HANES.  Bought a couple steaks for dinner, and stuff for other meals. Took my car through the wash. Took myself out to lunch too. Oh did a 4 set workout too. It was a pretty busy day, but a good busy.

I bought a fifth of Dewars too, and had a couple drinks. It was so smooth the other night. It's okay, but I won't buy it a lot. So that was basically my day.

I feel pretty well rested so that's good. Today will be another day. Nothing too crazy I doubt.

There isn't much on my mind. Not much I've been thinking about. I am not thinking anything political. That's for sure. Such a waste of time and energy. Life definitely is about other stuff.  For me life is just day to day. I am not living in a concentration camp or anything. I wonder how that would be. I am not at war trying to kill people who had the nerve of being born behind another border.

I am just here living. Doing my day to day. It's an easy life, and it is pretty sweet waking up most days in a pretty okay mood. It's nice not having much to worry about. I know why I am the way I am. I can kinda see other people's frustrations,  cuz you cannot be like me. There always is shit to worry about, and you cannot consistently wake up feeling like I do most mornings.

Lives are busy filled with things that don't always go the way we'd like.  Some people try to manipulate events to go a certain way. Manipulate responses so we get the so called desired effect. I am free to be who I am. I have no desired effect. I am not out looking for more out of life.   This is good enough.

One day it ends, and I am fine with that.  My story is written. It will be done at some point. I don't have to worry about the future, cuz I know me, and how it goes. As crazy as I may sound on this thing it don't matter. I am 2/3rds done, and it ain't a bad position.

Out of life I need nothing more, and I haven't even received the best thing yet. That comes after #3. I am pretty indifferent, but there is a promise I won't be disappointed. I already am not disappointed. I am content. 

Anyhoo, I guess I'll start my day.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.     :)))

Monday Is My Funday

Good morning. How's it going?  I am doing good. I am starting off my day off with a cup of coffee. First off I see the White Sox made an offer for Manny Machado. Somewhere in the vicinity of 8 years 250 million bucks. I assume he'd be our 3b. Interesting. I don't pay attention to baseball as much as I did in the past, but I figured the Sox were still a couple years away. He would hit a ton of HRs at US Cellular or whatever the home field is called now.

Yesterday was pretty okay. I got all my typical Sunday stuff done. I took Hope for a walk, and I was actually excited about going to work. I definitely like working on Sundays for some reason.

I got to leave early again too. Everything was packed up, and they were just waiting for bread to bake.

Today I have a few things to do. Cash some checks,  work out. I have a lot of change to change out too. That's about it. Lisa's going out with friends for dinner, so not sure what I'll do. 

I still kinda wonder how last week I lost my spark for a bit. Weird. Maybe tired,  maybe under the weather.

It seems long  ago now. I am excited about my day today, and this week should be pretty good. Not that anything crazy is going to happen.

I just found something out yesterday. When I first started blogging way back when, I read 4 bloggers pretty much,  and later spread out a bit. One blogged every day, and quit when she got pregnant. I think I saw on Twitter yesterday her kid is 8 years old. Holy crap. So I've been doing this at least a decade.

Not that it really matters. It was just interesting to me. Life just keeps moving on. I am better today than I was back then in ways. Totally assured,  and confident. This morning I was thinking about how I must have come across. Some strange guy who paid a lot of attention to 4 girls blogs. This day and age I guess there are warnings about that  type of stuff. Strange guy giving a lot of attention to girls. I just figured a lot of people may have considered me a creep.

I guess I blogged though, and people would... or could know what I was thinking. These days I barely pay attention to anyone like that,  cuz no one really blogs.  At least in my list.

I do though for whatever reason. Blogging is a good way for letting people know how you think. How else can you let people know? 

That is interesting huh?  No one really knows you. I know husbands don't know wives, and visa versa. Everybody is tangled in their day to day,  and your quiet voice is being hidden by all the noise.  I assume there are insecurities,  and things that most people worry about. I feel life's busyness hides that,  but also I am pretty positive that is the stuff you really would like to look at most.

I was thinking maybe blogging is a thing of the past, but I don't know how else you'd let people know you. Maybe just maybe you are afraid to let people know you. Our anger and insecurities... our weakness is probably our most interesting stuff, but I guess that is scary stuff too. What would people think if they knew we really aren't all that?

Me, I surely ain't very great,  but I am strong. I am confident,  cuz it don't matter what you think of me. I am already accepted.  Not cuz of me being a Saint, cuz it was always something different that would lead me to being accepted. For me it was the turn,  and following that path wherever it led. I was obedient. I was thrown into terrifying ordeals.

I am here now. Being more confident and assured than you can possibly know.

Anyhoo.    I spose. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

How The West Was Won.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. The last two days were okay. I remember blogging Friday morning feeling like a spark was gone for some reason. I had a good 4 set workout, cleaned the kitchen, and decided to make fried pork chops for dinner. I felt pretty good about stuff Friday night. Like the spark was back. Sarurday I worked,  I was going to see a movie, but decided against it. I finished my latest book, and chilled before a work Holiday party. I drank last night a little bit more than normal. I got a $300 attendance bonus,  so I bought a couple top shelf Dewars drinks. It's pretty good stuff.

That cleaning company I work for does pretty good. They aren't looking to expand,  but they still do. I guess that's a good problem.

Other than that not much. I am glad my spark is back. I must have been tired. Not much else on my mind I don't think. Just doing my day to day.  Much better with my customary spark.

Today I have to work. Sunday is pretty laid back. Just do the work type thing. Both my jobs are like that.  Just do the work.

Wow.  I guess I got nothing.   :)   lol.

I'll publish for the heck of it.

Have fun.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.      :)))

A Day Of Rest... Sorta

Good morning. How's it going?  Me. I am okay. I decided early on to sleep in today. Not as late as I could, but pretty late. I also decided to not run this morning. I am driving to work too.   Now that's a day of rest. I still have to work out today after work,  but that's it.

I was tired when I got home yesterday so I just laid on the couch for a while. I then did a couple electrical jobs I've been putting off. Put in a 20 amp gfi in the kitchen, and put in a new switch in the bathroom. One that fit Lisa's cover plate she wanted to use. Different style switch.   That was about it. Struggled again with what to do for dinner.

I basically just sat and thought of stuff. I didn't feel like watching tv or anything. I think I was tired maybe. I still feel like I am missing that spark I usually have. It makes you wonder how I got all the things done this Summer.

Maybe I am going through a recharge. A down week or two to get my batteries fully charged. Already in my mind I got more things I want to get done. Life keeps moving,  and we continue to have shit to do.

I am sitting debt free, with just utilities as bills,  and people living here paying rent. I have way more cash on hand then I need. You would think that would be pretty exciting, but it isn't. Life still is the same. I assume people stress about bills and stuff,  but I don't think I ever did too much. Even when we were poor'ish.

I am assured of my future. I have a job to do, and that doesn't change. I didn't really care if I was poor or rich when I did it, cuz those things don't matter one bit. Money does not come into the equation at all. Irrelevant.

The World is such a way that people spend a good percentage of their time thinking about money, and scheming ways to get it. I doubt as you are you can change it either. A person of this World will definitely have that problem.

Having a lot of money is just as boring as not having money.  :)  I have a lot for me. Meaning I could take a trip anytime anywhere,  and not worry about finances. I don't really feel like it though. As I write this today I feel better. I got some projects to work on over the next couple weeks. Maybe this day of rest is just what I needed.

Til next time. 

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.     :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.      :)))

Another Day Down.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I got my workout in, did dishes etc...  I got a little run in. Nothing crazy. Weirdest thing yesterday was my appetite. I used to always be excited for dinner, and these days I can't think of anything I want to eat.  Kinda strange. Maybe not too. Maybe I was this way last year too. I wasn't working out last year though.

Another thing though is I ran, and biked to work,  and didn't get my crazy hunger thing I usually do. Especially since I was at 10,000 steps by 8:00 AM.

Today I am having coffee with reeces creamer. Pretty good.   :)  so there you have it. My day in a nutshell, and some stuff I thought about.

There isn't too much stuff going on in my life at all. I tried looking up places to go like in late March, but I have no idea. Maybe I won't even do a getaway. Not really sure. Can't say there really is any place I want to see.  

Sooo, anyways besides that nothing at all is going on. Seems kinda boring huh?  that's my day to day. Not a lot goes into it. Lisa had the news on, and there was almost no talk on the wall. So funny. Some dude trying to declare a national emergency,  and no one speaks about it.

That's basically about it. I don't have much on my mind. Nothing I am too terribly concerned about. Nothing really I am worried about.

So this totally is a post I normally wouldn't publish, but I will today. It's dumb, but I don't care.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.      :)))

Last Night I Was Out.

Good morning. I had to check how much I slept last night cuz I was out. Well over 7 hours. I was still in a deep sleep when my early alarm went off. I fell back asleep, and was dreaming. I woke up again to see what time it was having no idea. A half hour later. I slept for less than 4 hours the night before. That was a good sleep.

Other than that yesterday was just another day. Nothing too crazy. I did run the vacuum again.   ;)  I stopped,  and went shopping for dinner,  and a few things. I checked my blood pressure which was like 142/83 I think or thereabouts.  I should check it more often. I feel good though. I stopped for a couple beers too. Mostly cuz I was tired I think. I just felt like it. I ate dinner and crashed. Crashed hard too.

I didn't think of anything too important yesterday. Just doing my day to day. I have to work out today, and I am sore. Pretty sure most exercises will be only 3 sets. Pretty sure I can bike to work today too.

Not much else besides that. Not a lot on my mind at all. Nothing to worry about. No stress that has me anxious. Today is a day of work,  and it is how I like to spend most my days. Having something to do. That's about it.

Other people I don't really know. It sure feels good when I look inside myself I have nothing to worry about. I know my path is good. Being assured is a good feeling. I guess I've always been assured, but I live in no fear anymore.  

Sheesh I really don't have anything today. I kept going cuz I thought something might pop up.

Thought wrong is what I did. I'll still hit publish though. Why not. 

Anyhoo

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeee.    :)))

Today Is Not A Day Off.

Thankfully. I don't know what I'd do with another day off. Yesterday was a day off, and I am over them.   :)  Today it's supposed to rain, so I can drive, run some errands, and pick up something to make for dinner. I didn't get a ton of sleep last night, but I slept over 9 hours a couple days ago so no biggie.

Lisa had the news on yesterday, and it is so ridiculous. Talking points about the wall are so silly. The funny thing if people weren't blinded by partisanship this would never be an issue.  Why even waste time. Anger makes people do some weird shit. Politics brings out the worst in people. Clouds their vision about real life really.

Anyway, I don't want to waste anymore time with that. As far as days go I guess yesterday was fine. I got a little run in, and a 4 set workout day. Met my brother for lunch,  and made a pot roast too. I also ran the vacuum.   ;)  (I have a bot,  so I just press a button on my smart phone) 

Life goes on. Another day down,  and today is a work day. It shouldn't be too crazy.

I do realize some of the things I put on here you cannot comprehend. Right now I am mostly empty. Poor in spirit as it goes. I will be full, but that is after my final thing I must do. That's what I mean by new insides. I know you still don't know what that means, cuz you don't know what poor in spirit/mostly empty means. You also have no idea how much fear I lived in while being this way  before.

So you and I are different. Once again I don't really know the purpose why. I know where I stand now is a good place. I am where no one else can go really. What that means for you i don't know.  Remember when we were doing this you guys were supposed to follow,  but you couldn't hang. Your life was too important to you,  and you didn't trust. You couldn't overcome you. So now we are years down the road. I haven't done the final thing the current version of me has to do yet.  Surprisingly to me. That's not a bad thing, cuz my life is easy. Progress for you has not been made. You haven't become better people. You haven't carved out happily ever after, and that you will not find anyway.

You are on a crash course with finding out the truth of life. Really this is about being on the right side of right.  Your struggle. It is impossible to get on the right side of right if you think you are already there. That is the World's greatest lie, and many false teachers help propagate it. Is that the right word? 

One doesn't look for truth if they think they already have it. Arrogance is the downfall of many. Few overcome it I suspect. I was just able to see me compared to who I'd like to be, and I found out this person here is not on the right side of right. So decades later I am. After overcoming the 2nd time.  Also I am what I wanted least, a teacher. Not a false one either. I don't get paid for what I do either. Freely I received so freely I give I suspect. I just do what's in my heart,  and that I didn't make,  and control.

Outside of this i just do my day to day. It is pretty dumb, but I mostly am happy. This story is about you now, and that story is nowhere to be seen.

I don't worry though,  cuz I can do what I can do. Not much. You have to find a way to be reconciled,  and you are standing with negative points probably.  I am not sure, but you are not on the right side of right. Gonna be hard if you never learn that truth. 

Anyways, I spose.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeee.    :)))

It's Monday.

It's Monday, so it's kinda like a normal person's Sunday. I have today off,  and I am not sure what I'll do. I have to work out, do a little cleaning,  and that's about it. I have to run the vacuum too at some point.   ;)

I got out of work early last night, so that was cool. I finished off another book too. Not much else besides that.

The author of my books I am listening to is Kathryn Croft. I recommend them if you like suspense. The Bears lost. I checked on my phone during the game. It's just a game. Once it's over its over.  That is the nature of sportsing.  I don't know how it ever changed from its true nature. Sportsing is fun to play, and fun to watch. People play the games, and not some bigger than life characters.  Trophies collected do not go with you to the grave. Actually nothing goes with you to the grave, so what's so important? 

History books make people larger than life too, although they don't escape being 6' under when they die.

I don't really understand what a normal person strives for. What do they lack?  I know the usual people want more money, and whatnot, but I mean inside. Maybe people want to be special,  but our end is 6' under so that isn't a real special ending. One of the things about me is I am known. I can be seen. Everything about me can be seen, and is known. That doesn't scare me even though I am not perfect. Perfection as I am now is out of reach. Do people have sadness that is unaccounted for?  Buried deep inside.  Played the stoic, and your sadness turned to anger? 

Insecure?  Inside you feel you don't really stand up, but you play the part anyway.

I don't know a person's struggles, but I suspect they have them. I don't really have struggles I don't think.  I am content in my little life.  I am secure in who I am.  I am assured of my route. I know on some days I open up to some of my hard days way long ago, and I know it sounds crazy. The truth is on my side though. Also I am open and can be seen. Me living in the light like that has always been a source of strength.  

My story was hidden for a long time. I couldn't tell people the craziness of it. It was a solo journey, and still is honestly. It was a Spiritual journey. I dealt with hidden things others still don't know is possible.

Me being mostly spirit is hard to make humans understand.  Others are still a part of this World. Going through the eye of the needle is how it looks to be reborn. It's not my end though.  I am a Spiritual creature not yet perfect. I have to do one more thing, and I am not sure what it will look like. I need a new wine skin as it goes to carry what will be my new insides. That will be when I will be the best a person can be.

As my story is quite long, and took a number of years.  Heck even the wait is going on a number of years. I don't know what that means for you. You are still the same today as you were before. Maybe a bit more knowledgeable in the fact you really aren't that great. You've had a number of years to improve yourself,  and perhaps your true nature is coming closer to the surface.

I don't really know. I don't know exactly what my story is supposed to accomplish.  I am not the author. I don't mind.  Trust I have. Not in me, but the one who strengthens me to be able to overcome. I still ain't worth much as a person. I have a name, and a story,  but I am not special in any way.

I stand as a person who doesn't overvalue  themself. I have no anger,  I am not afraid. I am secure, and strong.

I suspect most people never really felt as assured as I am. I have no anxiety toward the future. No anxiety of what people think of me.

On the outside I am just a person. The inside you can see here.  

Anyways, I spose.

Til next time.

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.    :)))

Titles Are Like Impossible.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept over 9 hours last night. Typically only 1-2 days per week I'll get over 8, so that was a lot of sleep. Yesterday was pretty normal. I worked like 8-1/2 hours or so. I didn't see a movie,  cuz I had to pick up an impact driver for my air compressor. I have a job to do on my truck, and that is the easiest way to take off these two bolts. Just adding a step thingy to get into the bed of the truck easier.

I finished listening to another book, and got another from the same author. They are good stories. She reminds me of Gillian Flynn. Those type, maybe not quite as dark.

Today is Sunday so I have my normal routine before work. Get shit done so I don't have to do anything on Monday. I like working Sundays. We are busy, we do a lot,  but there isn't a ton of pressure. I guess there isn't a ton of pressure at any time I work. Just do your job. You may have to work a little extra or leave a little early. No biggie, just do your job. Is there any pressure in any job? Besides being a surgeon or something. 

I don't find life to be very stressful at all actually. I enjoy life better when I am busy. When I have stuff to do. Too much down time seems like a waste to me. It's not good for me. What in life is there to worry about? Eventually we'll die,  so health scares are real. There are questions of what one is to do with their lives, and I have my answer already. No second guesses,  no looking over my shoulder. I am confident, secure, and all those things.

I know the true nature of me. I know why I am the way I am now. I know why I wasn't perfect before,  and why it is out of my   power now. I am not angry. If anyone has wronged me, it don't matter. Not one person in this World has any say in who I am. You are zero% of the equation that is me. I owe no one anything. No one owes me anything either. If I do any good it isn't because of some noble thing about me. I am just a vessel being used in this story.

I guess it took a lot for me to realize how powerless I was to make me the person I wanted. I learned decades ago what must be done. The final thing I must do. I was willing, and wanted that more than anything. I survived the wilderness. Scared every second of every day. So I wanted security.

I have that now. I was in the Spiritual wilderness too. My fear was inside. I was through the eye of the needle already,  so I knew of the bad and scary spiritual stuff out there. I've already endured 6 days of being persecuted by the worst of the worst.  He was inside me. Not possessed as those things go, but he had control to judge me, and tell me I was evil.

You haven't experienced these things, and you don't know about this type of stuff. Those 6 days weren't even one of the 3 times I must overcome. That is why I didn't know my number. Those 6 days were as bad as any I've ever had, but it wasn't one of the 3.

I am a vessel asked to do something I couldn't do on my own.

It seems to me we went into the earthly wilderness with you. So you can see the World as it is, cuz you still have to overcome you.  One has to be broken kinda to do that. To see the sad state of our existence.  We ain't doing anything special here. 

Anyway, I spose.

Til next time. 

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

Time For A Quickie.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay. I got my 26,000 + steps, I got a little run in. After work I didn't have much to do. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner, and that was about it. Luckily I had a plumbing issue that needed tackling so my plumber had time yesterday. Just a new cartridge for my shower faucet.

We ended up going out to eat, just for simplicity. It's a pizza place that also is a bar by my house. I think when it was warm out I may go sit at the bar once every 2-3 weeks. When it's cold I  bet I go once/week, and have a couple beers. We just had dinner last night so I did my typical drink a half of beer.

Oh also my house got vacuumed again yesterday with my robot. That thing is a great invention.  It feels good having the floors cleaned every day.

That's about it. Today will be busy. I have work,  then I have to work out. It's a middle alarm day so I have to take Hope after work too, plus push ups,  and pull ups. My floors will have to be vacuumed again, but I just need to push a button on my smart phone for that.  ;)

So there you have it. Another day finished, and another day planned. Pretty simple stuff. If you look at yesterday's post you'll see me equating flawed with garbage basically. That is how we get our true worth too. A flawed me = not one in a billion, but rather one coin out of trillions. No better or worse than others. How does one take one measly coin that isn't worth much, and make it worth more.

Most go out in the World trying to make their name in whatever, but they do not increase the value of the coin. Plus we are still flawed too, so that must be dealt with.

What we are asked to do is simply impossible. Then we also have typical hang ups,  by our personalities being somewhat jacked. So we never really find happiness and contentment.

Writing this down makes me realize how hard this all is.  I've known stuff for a long time. I knew my place,  and my job, just not when it takes place. I knew things started up with the running blog days, but I didn't know what # I stood at of the 3 times I must overcome, I just knew what happens after 3. So I found out when my 2nd time was. I just knew. You can tell too, cuz I deleted my blog,  so it was a hard time. Scary really. I knew something was up, and it wasn't good. You can tell I knew good was done right away from my first entry here. I finally stood on solid ground.

That was my journey. All done except for the final suffering. What does that mean for you?  I have no clue anymore.

I am just this guy doing my day to day. Not really a care in the World. Mostly cuz the World does not concern me. I have no use for it.

I just do my day to day, and my heart is happy with my labors,  which too is a gift, cuz what kind of crazy is most happy just work, work,  work?  This kinda crazy that's who.   :)

Anyway I spose.

Til.next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Yesterday Was A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was pretty good as far as days go. I worked. Had to bike in the snow to work out. Did my push ups,  and pull ups at home. Push ups were easy. Pull ups I was nervous,  cuz I was still sore. I seemed to remember working through a little soreness is okay. I took Hope for a walk too. I was over 26,000 steps last check, so that's okay.

I remember feeling pretty good being busy,  and having stuff to do. Not really much besides that. I guess I felt pretty good all day. The secret to me being me has very little to do with the person born here. My upbringing I threw away early in the 90s. I knew all that shit was flawed. My country I threw away for the same reason. There are no excuses for us, so I was not going to cling to flawed things. There must be something better.

These days I assume people try to find a way to feel good inside. Not angry, not lonely. What is the secret to that?  Part of the problem is you are flawed. You don't feel the same day in day out. I guess people believe they are in control of how they feel, but that isn't true at all. If it were so you definitely would feel better than you do normally in your day to day.

I am at this place too where nothing really affects me. I've blogged a long time, pulling people as it were, and it didn't really do anything. I seem to be free of it. Nothing really is my concern. I can wake up as I do. I can do my normal day to day, and it is fine. No worries you know?  This whole thing is not my concern.

I know people will continue to struggle to find their happily ever after. It doesn't come from outside activities. Marriage doesn't lead one to happily ever after. There are zero habits that lead to happily ever after.  You won't work yourself there,  read yourself there, or anything. The key is your  heart and something you have yet to accept is that is out of your control. Wouldn't we all be much better people if we did control it? 

Personally I am kinda in limbo. I am happy and content as I am. A gift basically. A gift that took hold a couple decades after my start,  but I still am far from perfect. That isn't in my power. I suspect people try to work toward being graded pretty well on the curve amongst others,  but grades on the curve don't mean shit.  Still flawed.

You accepted that as your outcome, cuz anything else seems impossible. Your life, and this World is flawed. If you have heroes they are flawed. Your hearts are flawed.  You accepted that outcome, and I took ownership I guess.

This person here isn't all that,  and there are penalties for such stuff. I grabbed the truth, which btw is pretty darn scary. It isn't exactly the easiest thing to deal with.

It's worth it though. I've lived in great fear, but not anymore.

Now I just wake up, and do my thing. Hopefully with not many days off. One
/week is fine.

Anyways.  I spose. 

Laterzzz.    :)

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

2 Days Off Is A Lot.

I sure slept good last night. I thought I'd get up at my early alarm, but surprisingly fell into a deep sleep again. I knew I was done sleeping after my middle alarm, but still sat in bed.  :) 

I am back in my routine. No 2 days off in a while, and that is good for me. Last week on my two days off I totaled like 8000 steps. I surpass that by 8:00 AM all other days. So days off seem like a good idea, but one per week is enough for me.

We went out to lunch yesterday, and I made chicken cacciatore for dinner. It's an easy slow cooker meal that tastes good. It's been a while too. Other than that not much. I did watch 2 Netflix movies. The hateful eight, and the Big Lebowski.   So a good day, but too many days off.   :)

I think I may add the push ups,  and pull ups to my routine. They use some muscles I don't use that much.  The ones that are sore now. 

I did think back a bit about this blogs past. It seems strange to me, that nothing really remains. Remember how I used to give a shit about right hand sides?  Lol. Now I don't give a shit about anything. Twitter feed used to post my blog a lot, and now it doesn't. I don't care, I could easily share this thing if I cared, but I don't. Think of all the people I once knew through this thing. Now they are scattered across everywhere. I have no clue.

I assume I pissed some people off, but I don't know how, and once again I am still here doing my thing, and it doesn't matter. I am not mad at anything, and maybe more telling none of the past really matters to me. I am cold hearted kinda or maybe just strong. No one really has any say in my life, and my heart cannot be broken by anyone. I am strong and content on my own. Unwritten rules have no say in how I am.

It makes me not a good friend as those things go. I seemingly can't be sad, and I'd say I don't reminisce with any sadness.  I knew a long time ago I was here alone. Learning things few others have. I sorta knew I had an important job, but also I was not on my own of any value. 

The tables may have turned kinda. Maybe I am just strong. I used to hold bloggers in high esteem, and now I spose I don't. I don't hold myself in high esteem either. If people are how I once was than maybe they think of me  higher than they should, which is fine. We cannot control how we feel. There also is the possibility people hate me for some reason, that too is fine. It is also possible no one even gives me one thought,  and that too is fine.

I am cool with it all, and I dont really need to get to know no one you know?  I am strong, and that too is a gift I am happy for.

Anyhoo,  I spose that's good.

Have fun.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.  :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Byeee.     :)))

Feeling Good For My 2nd Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am pretty good. It's my 2nd day off, and I feel pretty good. I saw Aquaman yesterday. I thought it was good. My workout place was closed,  do I did pushups, and pull ups at home. I was pleasantly surprised by my progress. I do a bench thing, and a lat pull down thing, which most resembles those two,  and obviously they work. Otherwise I wouldn't do push ups, and pull ups regularly.

I could, but I still feel a little sore after my work outs. Not a ton, but a little. I can do more, but I don't really have to.

What else?  I went to lunch,  stopped by work for a little gathering. Nothing crazy, but I had a couple stiff drinks when I got home,  and got pretty buzzed. As always not enough to get hungover, cuz I quit drinking, cuz I magically just fall asleep.  I was always that guy who was bad at partying til the weeee hours.

Today I think I'll have a coffee, and check out a movie on Netflix or something. Then we'll see. I definitely feel pretty good  about me. I feel good about life. I am getting old. I am really really prematurely gray. So I am that guy who feels young but looks old. I can do whatever I want today, but I am not sure what that is yet. I may take Hope for a run. We will see.

I guess I don't have much. As a guy looking out I can see a view of anyone's life, and I am glad of mine. The grass is definitely the greenest in the life I have. Not a worry,  and not much of anything to worry about. If the World took a shit, and things went nuts I feel like I would still be fine. I am that type of secure. My security does not come from money, or anything. That too is something we cannot create on our own. As a person of this World you cannot comprehend such stuff. Your security has to come from things of this World,  cuz it is all you have seen,  and all you have felt. In this way it is so very very good to be me. I guess my heart is right, and I didn't control it. After overcoming the 2nd time fear disappeared. Life became easy, cuz my way is assured, and I am content. My labor is done, except for the last thing. My heart was tested, and I came out on the right side, cuz my heart was controlled by something better than me. Now I just feel good. Not yet the best a person can be, but my heart still is happy.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Luv Ya's.     :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.       :)))