I Took A Little Break

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept like 11 hours on Sunday. My fit bit keeps track of that. Monday was 4-1/2, and Tuesday 5-1/2.

There have been some things running through my mind. It is pretty surprising how much stuff we don't even know about ourselves. So many questions to my story really, and I cannot say for sure if I'll know everything about me.

I have the wilderness in my heart, and I wonder really what that is about. My time in the wilderness was the worst of my life. Now it ain't a big deal, cuz my heart doesn't worry about it. My heart is protected. Shielded if you will. Out of touch, so the wilderness is no big thing anymore.

So if it is in me,  but it doesn't affect me what does it do for you?  Your heart isn't protected. Things like that. Also if I overcame the 2nd time,  saying I was willing to be the worst of the worst if that was the plan. Also accepting the worst possible outcome for myself, then am I?  Is that the message?  I don't really know why the wilderness. I know it won't make you feel good. My story is the coin though, and the insignificance of me.

All I know is no matter what, no one is so far away from help. Hitler wasn't,  either is anyone else. A story about forgiveness to a people who kill. A story about a better way to a people who believe in flags, and Country über Alles.

There is no reason that won't fall on deaf ears. A story about our meekness to a people more interested in showing how great they are. Ribbons, and medals, and plaques and things are the things we collect, and none will be in our coffin at our end. What's the point?

Anyways, we've been busy. Our new stove is in. Our windows were remeasured for accuracy. We were supposed to get our dishwasher put in yesterday, but I have to first attach the countertop to the cabinet. Just shim, and screw them in. Our house is scheduled to be done March 26th. We will be as energy efficient as we can be, and that's pretty neat.

I swear I have all the time in the World sometimes. I almost thought of buying a game console. You know like Xbox or whatever. I know myself though. I lose interest quickly. I finished the killing on Netflix yesterday, and I have a backlog if books to listen to, and read. Also, Spring and Summer are around the corner, so I won't have time for games. Maybe next Winter if I get the bug. We won't have any projects next Winter.

Oh, I hurt my back. Not sure how. It's one of those pain things I never felt before. I was like is it kidneys, passing a stone,  something bad?  It was in my power back though, not near any organs to my knowledge. It seems to mostly have passed last night though. Weird.

Anyway, I guess that's it.  I think today should be okay. I am in a mad dash to listen to two more books before I finish the stand. From the library I just got two in my series I was on a wait list for.

Busy busy.   :)

Anyways have a good one.   :)

xxoo.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Laterzzz.   :)

What's In A Day

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday went pretty good. I got a good night sleep. I woke up early, and punched in to work a bit early.  We got everything done we wanted. It's a tight schedule though. At work I walked over 10 miles. I do basically everyday, which I had no idea.

I was listening to the stand, and in the book he went on about all these random people who did not die of the flu,  but other ways. Each death ended with the phrase no big deal, or no big loss. That hit the nail on the head. Our lives amount to no big deal, and when we pass it is no big loss, except to maybe a few people.

I sat at a bar for a few beers, just cuz I had nothing to do. For one thing has everyone been divorced?  Guys to the right, girls to the left. I thought now these lives will be no big loss. Some blow hard talking to the girls starting every sentence,  and there were like a million of them. "Now here's the thing"  I wanted to tell him to shut the f up.

A view into people's lives, and they were no big deal. I saw a black guy, and a blond  girl, the black guy was good looking,  and the blond I couldn't tell. They ordered way too much food. I think the blond was mildly attractive. I took about 100-200 looks to be able to judge accurately.  ;)

We went out to dinner. Grabbed Mexican food. It was really good. It hit the spot.

So now I am going to drink coffee before work.  That book hit the nail on the head though. Our lives are no big deal. People die random deaths all the time. That blow hard in his mind had all the answers. Won't he be surprised at the end.

The multitudes will be surprised at the end, unless they deal with the truth before hand. The truth you have no idea about as you stand. Not a clue.

I do, and it isn't all that great, until... well I guess until you are as far along as me. As we stand now, I think I must have gone an extra step. This takes way too long, and you don't have the time. There is a title I will earn for going this path, I just don't know your story. You won't earn my title, so I don't know how your story goes at all.

Anyway,  I am out. I like my new weekend schedule a lot. I like the Saturday Sunday flip.

All right, I'll cya.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Spring Is In The Air.

I definitely had a taste of Spring yesterday. I don't know if it was biking again to work or what. I took Hope after work, and the sun was out. I saw the moon too. It was warm for February,  which means 40-something. I had a pep in my step. I ended up walking 13 miles yesterday just by living.

I went out, and got the fixins for lasagna. I even baked a pumpkin pie I had in the freezer. Our new stove comes Monday, so that is the last lasagna this stove will see. Our new stove comes with a self cleaning feature,  so when I am done baking it will clean up the kitchen for me.    ;)

Other than that not much. I went to bed. I woke up this morning as I always do. It is Friday. I got my new weekend schedule,  so I guess I am good.

Well, this is dumb. I really should delete this, but I like to publish sometimes just to be annoying.  :)

I gotta go. 

I'll cya.   :)

The Backwater Ways

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I slept good, and I guess you know how I always feel when I wake up. It's been a bad year for biking in the winter. I don't know if I am lazy or the snow was bad for biking. The sidewalks were shit a good point of this winter. Not sure. I'll be able to bike today though.

Yesterday, I got a little bit done. I folded my laundry, and put it away. We picked up our truck from my stupid accident. She's good as new. $1400  later.

I don't know if I really thought of anything yesterday. I was tired I know, toward the end of the day.  We got some sandwiches from a new local sandwich shop. It was okay.

That was about it. I have no idea about today. What to do for dinner and stuff. That's about the extent of it.

I still haven't seen any Olympics. Are they over soon?  I may have seen 5 minutes while I was sitting in a bar, which was a while ago. It was memorable, because I don't even remember what sport they were playing.

In other words there is nothing really important going on with me. Day after day really. Another Day comes, and this one too will end. Typically with a meal,  and then sleep.

I don't really know what goes on in people's minds. I gather we expect our life is significant, and there are heroes out there. I wonder why the need for hero worship. I do get it i guess. Back early on at my most frightened I did want someone I could look up to. Someone here right now who could show me the ropes. Would it surprise you to know there is no one who deserves to be on a pedestal?  There are no heroes, even if the tv, or ourselves try to make them.

We all are in this World for some reason, and what's the purpose?  The World is a wasteland you won't make better. You won't cure people of their hate and anger. Propaganda makes heroes, and propaganda makes scapegoats.

Hate and mistrust is rampant. People think their side is right. This story is about you, and only you. Throw your side away. It is of no value.

It is you walking in this place. Of course you got yourself all webbed up in life. We all do. You can't go into the wild to escape you, and there is no reason to go,  to try and unweb whatever you made your life into.

This story is about invisible stuff. Your thoughts. The shit that pops up in your mind seemingly out of your power.

The story is really our quest to find a better version of us. Without help what we achieve is not that great. In the end with help, the impossible is possible. It isn't a short story though like the false teachers preach. It is something way different. The false teachers have no idea what they are doing. This predicament everyone gets born in is very real. Scary real, but there is only one person who took the proper steps, and became what he least wanted to be. Me. Like I said before I had no idea what I was getting into, I wanted the best version of me possible. I guess in choosing this way one accepts responsibilities. Who knew? 

I've had help all along though. Although I have lived in fear in the past I still had help. The fear is gone these days, and I keep going on.

Anyhoo,  today I'll have a day.

Should be a good one.

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.   :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.  :)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.    :)

A Surprising Day.

So, we had one of those days. You walk into work thinking we got a lot to do. Noon comes around, and everything is basically done. So, I went and saw a movie. It was the Black Panther. I didn't want to see it, and I never heard of the comic book,  but I thought what the heck. I had low expectations, and it wasn't bad. I was entertained for a couple hours. I didn't get home til 4:00. Started an easy dinner a little after 5:00, and the day was done.

This morning I woke up early thinking I'd get up, but I fell back asleep. Into a deep sleep. I had no idea for how long, but it could have been 2 hours,  but it was only a half hour.

As I told you yesterday though today is the same as most days. You wake up in the morning excited for a new day. Nothing pressing to worry about. I'll work,  and just by working,  and living I'll approach 10 miles of walking. It's like clock work. At least my fit bit says so. If it's accurate that's another thing. I assume the mileage is.

We have to pick up my truck from the body shop, and eat a dinner. I'll read today, cuz I won't see a movie.

In my World life is a pretty easy thing. I don't have to question  stuff, which is probably a pretty nice way to be.   In life I guess there are a lot of questions,  but most/all don't ask them. Parents lived a certain way, as did their parents. Society kinda gave us a blue print. I assume every society has fairy tales,  so we all kinda have some sort of vision of the good life. At some point complete happiness is unattainable. We get mad, and blame the powers that be, and politics,  and stuff.

Why does everyone always feel like something is missing?  I know we wanna show everyone how great things are, but I know one thing about your hearts. It isn't content. It may be filled with guilt, and striving, and arrogance, and anger, and all kindsa things.

The story for me is I do not make me the way I am. I tried to make me into the sort of person I wanted to be, but I couldn't.  There was always a flaw bringing me down. No matter what kind of sacrifice I made I couldn't make me the person I wanted to be.

That story has been told. I guess I had it pretty easy during the dead years, cuz once my energy returned I knew my future was in good hands, and I knew there was not a thing I could do to bring myself to the 3rd time. Little did I know I still had a 2nd time to go. That story has been done a while though. What I am saying though is one of the things you really want is an easy heart. One that says every day is okay. What you don't control is your heart. Me either. My heart is in another's hand, and even I marvel every day how easy things look.

I am happy with my lot in life. I know I am not totally done. I'll suffer more, but I'll be along for the ride kinda. I am sure I'll be afraid when the time comes,  but my heart will be strengthened. It's how this works. I cannot have done any of this on my own. There is no way. On my own I am pretty much worthless.

I know that,  and I am cool with it. This heart makes life pretty easy.

Anyways, I gotta go.

Should be a good one.

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

This Year The Tax Man Giveth.

So, I really wasn't sure how my taxes would look. I did have Health Insurance, which is nice, so I knew I wouldn't have that problem. I figured I withheld enough money from the sizeable capital gain I received from my Uncle, but I really had no idea what to expect. We paid in every year for a while. Turns out I gave the State, and Feds enough money off the top of the capital gain. Any amount not capital gain is totally free money.

So on top of all the free money I received in the past several months,  the tax man is going to send us another $4800. So we ordered our new range, which we planned on getting anyway. We looked at ranges, and they have improved a ton since we bought our last one. We went to the local appliance place, cuz that's where we buy our stuff. I have no idea what a $3000 range does,  but we got a black and stainless steel one with 5 burners on sale for under $1000. Our last range was like $300, and we bought it from a big box. I don't know if they make cheap models like that anymore. Ours comes with a nice cast iron flat skillet too.

At some point yesterday, I was thinking of all the books I need to read. I have started 3, not to mention what I listen to at my Saturday job. I think I decided to get those done.

I guess I do sometimes look over my shoulder. Should I do this, or should I do that?  Should I spend time on this or that?  It never really matters I guess, cuz in the end I don't really worry about it. A New day comes, and I pretty much feel the same about everything in the morning. It's all good, and I got nothing to worry about.   I figure I've been this way since the running blog days, but before the wait I worried plenty about any number of things after my update. While I was out trying to get pr's I had plenty of hidden stuff to worry about.

There was no future, cuz I knew I had one other thing to do. It is my job to overcome 3 times, but I guess I wasn't sure what number I was on. I didn't know  I wasn't on number 3. I didn't know til I overcame the 2nd time what number I was on. Then I knew. I looked down the hopeless path I was destined for,  and I gave up my life,  and said God's will. Once again my heart was strengthened to accept a horrible end. I did not try to save my own life,  but willingly gave up everything.

Like I said before the judges control your heart. They play God, and you believe. Why this story for  me?  I don't really know. I know in the end it will be a pretty exclusive story,  but nothing of me is special or better or anything.

In my path I was to battle invisible things that people don't even know is real. I suspect it is invisible as long as you are a product of this World. You are no threat in that capacity. Everything remains as those powers would like it. Blind and in the dark.

Anyway, after overcoming the 2nd time the worries were taken away. The trap set for me was turned into a trap against the trap setter. Until I go do my final thing the trap setter remains trapped. That won't remain the case when I go do that final thing though.

These things I know to be true, cuz while everyone was out mapping their lives, I went a different way. I let another map drawer map out my life, even when the whole World was before me. It was not exactly what I expected. I live ground hog day every day though.   I wake up without a worry most times,  and that is quite a good gift.  Every morning looks the same it seems.

I wasn't to be perfect,  cuz that I couldn't do. I was to be faithful,  and that isn't all it seems.

In the end we want security. It's why we strive for perfection,  and good deeds,  and stuff. The truth is very humbling,  cuz perfection is out of reach. Your good deeds amount to nothing, and your efforts really are just shit you do.

My path is strange. I saw a LOT of hidden stuff, cuz I am an enemy of this World. The one knows it, the World not yet.

So, I guess I'll finish my coffee.

Should be a good one. 

Cya.   :)

xxoo.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me. I am fine. I slept a lot last night, so that's good. I haven't ordered a burger out in forever, and I had one for lunch yesterday. After work I was craving one for some reason. It wasn't anything special,  but it was soooo  good. I don't know why I don't eat burgers much anymore, I swear we used to eat them once / week.

Outside of work,  and lunch I didn't do much. Actually pretty much nothing. I am glad I flopped my Saturdays, and Sundays. No reason really.

So, I am just living out my days. I don't really have much to worry about. Some day this living thing ends, and all the activities matter no more. I won't worry about finances, and vacations. I won't look over my shoulder to make sure no one's life is better than mine. Actually I already live that way. In my story I overcame life I guess. My heart does not chase after wind. I don't try to manipulate the World or people to whatever way I want things.

I live the way I want. Work,  eat, sleep. Today there will be work,  and a meal. Spring seems to be on its way too,  so warmer weather = different outlook.

I know how I am, and maybe I know a little about you. You are a part of this World, and you haven't overcome life. In this World you want to matter, but we don't.

Eat drink and be merry. That is what my reward is, and it's all you really need. My heart is not like yours though, cuz I went a different path. I was made different than how I once was.

I don't totally understand how my less than perfect self is. I know eventually I'll get the perfect stuff, after much suffering of course. I am not afraid though, cuz I knew this final thing for decades. I've known all along what I must do,  I just didn't know how to make it happen. Still don't. It's why my blog is the wait. That is what I do.

Anyway, I'll talkatcha later.

Laterzzz.   ;)

xoxo.   ;)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.   :)

Something Different.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I quickly realize that in my heart is still the wilderness. A messed up World we will not fix. We are incapable.

Personally, I am tired of being mad, so I guess I am not. Earlier I was thinking how lucky I am the World does not touch me. It can't bring me down,  cuz I am not really a part of it anymore. Bad things get done to innocent people. I don't know what triggers random killing. Maybe it's not random, but people suffer for it. Regardless, a person never is so far gone they cannot repent.  I realize a repentant heart is not so easy. We don't control our hearts or they surely would do different things for us. I cannot imagine all the thoughts that pop in our heads. That's cuz our hearts can take us down some strange avenues.

In the long haul you cannot run away from you. You cannot go into the wild to try and purify your thoughts. We cannot escape us. Whoever you are I guess you know your flaws. Thoughts you hide from everyone. Maybe you pretend they are not there,  I don't know. I know I am open. I allow me to be seen. I am not ashamed, and I have no guilt. I learned a long time ago the person I wanted to be was out of my reach. With help my eyes were open, so I could see my end. It was then I repented.

That led me on my way. Quickly I was to suffer after that to learn few come this way. The World was shattered, and I saw the story. So, this was a long time ago. I have since learned as unique as my route was, it didn't mean I was special. I was no better than anyone else. Hitler was bad,  cuz he was angry, but even he once was a kid. He went to war,  and came back angry. His dreams of being an architect long gone I guess. A little luck, and a little success,  and he probably thought providence was on his side. Even he was not so far he couldn't repent.

The story is about forgiveness,  not how great you are. It isn't about labor or sacrifice. It is about the truth. The truth being you need help to become a better version of you.  No matter how you spin things the truth is you are a flawed person where perfection is far away. That matters. In all your labor you have accumulated zero points. In all your sacrifices zero points have been accumulated.

The story is about our sad little truth. It is a story about humility, definitely not about trophies, and gold medals,  and whatever else people strive for.

You are far from that path though as far as I can tell. You still are a part of this World. The way out starts with a search of you. Try taking a day pondering all the shit that pops in your head. What do you think of that?  Try taking ownership of it too, cuz that is you. You cannot bury that shit in the ground, it will keep popping back up.

You cannot run away from you, so you better deal with it.

All right, I gotta go. Today was my sleep in day.

Laterzzz.    :)

Warming Up At The Right Time

So we are in the middle of a warm up. Snow is melting, and 40° feels like 80° in the sun.  I had my meeting with the city, so we are ready to get everything going. The company just has to come up with the final price, we all sign a few papers,  things get ordered,  and work gets done.

It's a pretty sweet deal, and I am glad to get it done. Lisa had a relapse on her flu,  so she went to the doc. It's viral, so all she can do is battle the symptoms. I don't think it is as bad, cuz last night she was actually hungry. I thought for sure it was a chicken noodle night.

I kinda had to do some running around yesterday, so I guess I didn't get to enjoy the warmer weather much. I ended up walking over 10 miles again. I don't know if that is a lot compared to other people, but I figure it is. I know I am tired at the end of my days. I used to feel guilty about it, cuz I might not get a lot done after work,  but I gather all my days are full.

Typically each day I do not sit down, until I am done with work. My Saturday formally Sunday job does pay me to take a 1/2 hour break, so I do sit,  and eat a bite usually on those days.

Just regular life stuff. Life is busy still. You'd think I have all the time in the World to get things done, but I really don't. I got books I want to read, movies to see, tv shows to watch, and in my life those are on the low end of the totem pole for me. I rarely have time, or rarely make time for that. There are meals that need to be cooked, and sleep is something I do not cheat myself out of. 95% of the time or more I'll go to bed at a proper time.

Anyway, I am just jotting shit down. This week has been similar. I wake up in the middle of my night feeling refreshed, and I still have 3 to 4 hours of sleep left.

Not sure what I'll do today. Probably not much.

Laterzzz.     :)

Replacement Level

The highlight of yesterday was the tacos. I made tacos last night, and it hit the spot. I ate a perfect amount that sent me into a food coma. In between sleeping  I thought of some things. One being in the end my value as a person is replacement level. If I died today whatever I do someone can be picked up off the street and replace me.

That shit is always kinda tough on family for a bit, but the years heal that wound.   I think it was a lesson I was to learn long ago. I suffered much at a point. Things I knew no one had gone through currently living. I learned things that were hidden from all eyes. I still was to be obedient,  cuz even as far as those things go I was not anymore than replacement level.

I think in the end it is a lesson I had to learn many times. It seems anyway. I am fine with this knowledge. It's cool, and it is always good for me to know my true worth. One coin really. I've turned one coin into 5 +5, as that was the job I unknowingly accepted to take. It was a job necessary. One that started with me wanting a purpose,  and one that ended up being done cuz of fear perhaps terror.

A lot of stuff was done long ago,  but heimleblog, and journey had some stuff too. It wasn't until after the journey I got what I really wanted all along. Acceptance and security. Even still I have not done anything special. Til this day I am replacement level. I am not someone special at all. I've blogged for a number of years, and there probably is some important stuff here,  but I've had help all along. One thing I've had that you lack is clear vision. The log has been out of me for a long time, so I don't walk blindly as to what is inside me.

I cannot take you on the journey that made me the way I am. I think I've led you in that direction,  but what I have to say falls on deaf ears. I think one lesson I tried teaching was the one coin lesson. We all are replacement level, but we don't know it. We think we are far too important than we are. That is the way of human existence. That won't change just by following the World,  and my path I did not do that.

I am today a product of obedience,  and the turn. I am not what I would be without that.

The World promises security in our hearts and minds, and as time goes on, and we get older that gets harder to overcome. I overcame a long time ago. I was broken, and not near as good a person as I wanted to be. That was out of my power.

To be the best a person can be was my goal,  but I had to learn the lesson that no matter what that is a gift. I am no more than replacement level. In that regard obedience was my brother,  cuz without that I would have lost long ago.

So I willingly played the fool. Not with courage mind you, but with fear. Not with strength either,  but as a little boy afraid. In the end I played my cards right, but I still am just replacement level. 

Anyway, I guess I'll cya next time.   :)

xxoo.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

The Difference In A Week.

I slept in a lot last week, and so far I am getting up early this week. Still getting over my sickness last week I guess. Sometimes you don't know til after the fact I guess. I knew something was different last night. I woke up ready to get up, but it was only 11:00 pm.

I smacked my truck yesterday. Dinged up the front. I was trying to get out of a driveway. Driving like an asshole. It was unplowed. My car just took off going forward with a mind of it's own, and ran into my bil' s jeep. It hit his back spare tire, and did nothing. My truck got banged up a bit. A guy she used to work with works at a body shop, so he'll take a look at it today. It's one of those things that doesn't look like much, but you know it'll cost a bit. I figure around $1000. I am so stupid.

I do have my appointment with the city, and I am pretty excited about that. In the end it will cost me around $15,000, but I feel it is worth it. It is where we live,  and I save a good amount of money every week  just with the upgraded furnace. Add better windows and insulation, and that's a big deal.

I think last week recovering from illness the days looked gray kinda, and I am better. My average work day walking still ended up being over 8 miles at my regular job. So every week I walk over 50 miles. Just normal work routine and stuff.

Other than that not much. I didn't see a movie yesterday, cuz I finished work between times, so hopefully today.

It should be an okay day. I am healthy again, and I have coffee.

I guess that's good.

I'll cya.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.  

A New Week.

So, we are off to start a new week. Probably the final full week at my current work location. My commute starting sometime next week will be like a mile. It's been a pretty regular Winter I'd say. Everyday we wake up, and there is new freshly fallen snow. I haven't bike commuted in a while.

I wore the fit bit thingy to my Sunday job, and I ended up walking 9.5 miles,  or 20,000 steps.  Just walking while working. Not thinking about it. I knew I walked a lot, but I guess it's good to have a number.

I got all the paper work ready for the city,  so we can get that rolling. It will be nice to get all that done. You have projects in mind for your house, but time is an issue,  and so is money. We are finally getting everything done at once. Professionally too. It's nice to do stuff yourself, but better to have people who do that shit all the time. I can probably kick a field goal from 20 yards out, but no one wants me doing it during the Super Bowl. Bad analogy,  but you get the point.

I don't really have much going on. I may see a movie after work. I'll check times. I finished listening to my latest book, so now I will be listening to "The Stand"  I read it like 30 years ago, so I thought I'd listen to it. I loved it as a kid, but I never reread it. In my mind I remember it being one of my favorite King novels. In an interview he said it wasn't one of his favorites, although it was one of his most popular ones. I found that interesting.

Also this weekend we stopped at a gas station. Lisa needed some water,  and snacks. I saw people pull in. An older couple pulled next to me. They were smoking, and looked like they were going to turn in lottery tickets. What did their lives amount to?  What would they do if they won like $500?  It seemed ridiculous,  and the coffin seemed to be pretty near.

Do people just continuously live their life giving no thought to anything,  until one day you realise your days are about over?

It is important to ponder the sad state of affairs, cuz you do have to make sense of it. Try not tallying up your points you think you are making, cuz you are wrong. You are being shut out. Points are not yours to make,  points are more like yours to endure. You are far from that though.

Most people I guess are like that old smoking couple. Doing stupid shit as the grave comes near. They could have been the other couple too. The guy was annoyed as he got out of the truck. A Saturday going unplanned? 

I watched people shopping too. Buying stupid shit for no reason.

Anyway so far I've watched zero seconds of  the Olympics.  It's about as much importance as I put in it. In the end sportsing equates to zero points. Regardless of what you believe.  A lot I'd time is spent with sportsing activities,  and in the end it is just shit people do.

Life is full of tough stuff, and mostly because we think things to be true that aren't. You assumed things, but your heart lies to you. It doesn't know the truth.

Anyway, I'll cya.

There Went The Week.

I sure slept in a lot this week. I am not really sure why, but I'll take it I guess. This is the last week of how my weeks have looked. From now on my Sunday job will be done on Saturday. I don't know exactly how that will change things, but I like change.

We had our energy thing done this week. We decided to have the city of Holland help us pay to make us more energy efficient. We are going to have our bad windows replaced with triple pane windows. They also are going to crawl up in our attic to add baffles,  to our eves, and other stuff. It will be expensive,  but our house will be as good as it can get. They also are going to blow more insulation in our attic to get up to r60.

The good thing  about having the city help us is it will be on record. That will help resale value.  We keep getting good things done to our house, and we continue to make money. Our gas company will kick money back to us too, like they did with our furnace.

Not much going on besides that. Just living out my days as always. When you get to the point where I guess you'd call it self actualized, you finally have nothing to accomplish. When that is the case all that's left is to live out your days. The only thing stopping you is you. You falsely think you have something to accomplish. It's how we are born. It's not the easiest thing to overcome. If you can't overcome you, you will never get any further.

We all are shut out of life, until we overcome us. That is a non known truth I guess. Most/all are under the false pretense that our lives matter. It's why we chase after wind. Our hearts are made that way.

These days I have no idea what would need to change with you. I don't know people's stories,  and mostly cuz they haven't even started.

If for some reason you are in this strange place you don't know why, and you don't know your purpose. It is your fault you sit in this position too. You have no one to blame, but you.

Trust is the downfall. In my story,  I trusted, cuz there was no other reason for me to even live. This life was pointless.

To make me, I had to be broken. That story in the end played out a few times. It has to play out once more too.

I got this cuz of help. On my own no way. I would never be strong enough.

Today, I'll have a day. It will be a good one,  cuz I only have to live out my days. I have nothing to prove.

Cya.   :)

So, I Got The Bug.

So, I definitely got sick. Fever, and everything. It's been so long. We talked about it last night, and the last time I got sick,  where it actually affected me might have been 15 years ago. I didn't miss any work this time, but I was nowhere near 100%  on Monday I felt so bad I decided to sleep it off. I came home from work,  showered,  and went to bed. I woke up, ate some noodles,  and went back to bed. I didn't know if I was over it,  until yesterday. I did sweat out the last of my fever Monday. After work yesterday I ran the snow blower. Inside afterwards I sat on the couch with just a short sleeve shirt on. I knew I was fine then. When I was sick I put on shirts, and hoodies,  usually after a long hot shower.

I have been lucky in a sense to rarely get sick,  but out of practice though too. Luckily there is shit going around wiping people out, so I had respect for this sucker. My wife has it now, and she is miserable.  Stuff usually hits her way harder than me.

The only good thing about being sick is you appreciate how it feels to be healthy again. I am having a cup of coffee this morning, so I'll be firing on all cylinders.

Other than that not much going on. I am pretty stoked to switch my Sunday job to Saturday. That gives me like an extra $180 give or take every two weeks. 

Where I live,  and how we live that's some nice extra cash.  In the end your life is the time you spend between birth, and death. Everyone seeks out happiness I suspect,  but the only teachers, and the only lessons are from this World. So you really seek out things perhaps improved upon since cavemen. Progress I guess you would call it from Society have given you other things to look at.

It would be good to be the King right?  That isn't in our future. It would be good to be content,  and that is tricky,  cuz our hearts we don't control. If we did we'd make it so our hearts were content.  If you did control your hearts what you believed as a kid would be done. On your way to happily ever after.

Only problem with that is Anne Frank was born just like you. She wanted happily ever after just like anyone.

The truth to life does not come from this World or from Society.  We all are born to this World,  and thrown into society. The truth will show you some horrible truths, for those who have the courage to look. The others will remain a part of this World,  and their collective society. Forever searching,  and forever failing to find that happily ever after.

Anyway, I'll cya.

Laterzzz.  

You Go Too Long You May Feel Invincible.

I for sure have a cold now. Nothing too crazy, just snot, a little cough sometimes, and maybe a low grade fever. So I will just chill after work, and drink fluids. For the record I did try blogging yesterday, but it was dumb so I deleted.

I sort of have a new updated schedule. My Sunday job is now Saturday,  and my Saturday job I'll do Sunday morning. I won't have any real sleep in days anymore, except when I have Mondays off, which may be a lot of times. More money coming in is always good. I have a crap ton more money in my accounts than I ever expected,  but for me it is still good to work. I do feel good afterwards. If I have a lazy day I don't feel great. One of those things.

I know everyone wants to find that balance where everything is fun, and good. One thing I know is it isn't in our power. Life will always grind you down in the end.

People a lot of times will give lip service to how great their lives are,  but I know things you are missing. Things you don't know, cuz you never had it. A feeling of peace that never goes away. Life in the end will surely disappoint. It is your job to find a way that fulfills. I suspect it is hard for you to believe in such an ideal you cannot see. I get that,  but where are you now in this game of life?  Is it everything you hoped it would be?

For me, I guess I am not sure what I wanted. I wanted a life that mattered I guess. I was obedient,  and went on the path before me. What I got is contentment, and that ain't too shabby. Who knew?

Anyway I had $45 of free money from best buy. Instead of taking 0% financing, I took cash back for the lap top we bought. Sometime next week I'll have a fit bit,  to see what that is all about.

Anyway,  I guess that's good.

Cya.    :)