Friday, August 30, 2013

Everything Matters...

Good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  This thing gets sloppy sometimes.  There isn't a lot of thought I put into this.  I go with the flow.  With whatever is on my mind at that point in time. 

I still can get little attacks.  No one cares.  No one has time to read this etc...  I have time to write it though.  :) 

Anyway there are some tough things you will find in here once in a while.  No way around it.  I can not even begin to explain about me to make you understand, and I know a lot of things about you, that you cannot even imagine.  That is where we stand.   I know what makes up a person.  I know what makes us fall short.  I know the things you have to overcome, and I know exactly where you stand.  You don't. 

So that makes it hard for me, because I want you to figure this stuff out on your own.   I want you to ask the questions you are afraid to.  I am different, and I am able to accept a Heck-uv-a lot more than you. 

The story of you is not a bad story.  It is interesting, and you have a lot of stuff to find out about you.  Everything matters in Life, and there is only so many things you want to show am I right?? 

You live inside you.  I don't.  You have to see why you are the way you are.   Why you are not strong enough to overpower yourself.  We all stand in the same spot.  Not quite who we think we should be.  I know I know we seek out the fabulous stuff within us all, but it is the other stuff you have to get to know.   Who are these demons in me I continually fight and lose to?? 

Now is a time where our fabulous side means nothing.  Throw all that away, and look at all that is real about you.  Why ??   Why??   Why?? 

Anyway, I am up way too early.   We worked late last night as someone went home sick, and we had a crap load to do.  I wake up when I wake up though, so I will get my bike ride in, and hopefully nap before work tonight. 

I actually even stepped on our scale yesterday, and it is broken, unless I really weight 240 lbs. and not 180.    :)   It was down in our damp basement for a couple years, and I think it is all screwy now.   I texted Lisa to pick up a new one.   If she reads her text before she leaves work that is.   Maybe I should sext her like a Politician.   Nahhh,  she'd have a heart attack.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  got nothing.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D      :D   

Thursday, August 29, 2013

What Do You Do When You Cannot Run??

Well, you ride your bike.   Life throws  a lot of stuff at you, and a lot of times it is easy to get down and stuff.  I was thinking of looking at other options.   My start with getting in shape was an exercise bike.  I thought, well I can maybe stomach the trainer for an hour a day.   It might not be fun, but I think I can do it.   Then this morning I thought well why don't I just ride my bike.  I have a route that should take me just a bit more than an hour, and maybe I will start doing that.  Actually, I am going to start doing that.  A done deal.   As soon as it gets light out. 

I also thought of maybe swimming again, but I fear my back thing still bugs me when I use that motion.  So biking it is.  I haven't stepped on a scale in a couple years, so I have no idea what I weigh.  I'd say somewhere around 180 probably, and I am probably best at 170.  Biking helps me with that, because I can workout for more time than just running.  Also I can always do long stuff anytime on the bike too. 

I have a heel issue with my foot that will not let me run.  It happened last Thursday.  I was on about mile 9 of a 9-1/2 mile run, and I felt something.   I didn't think anything of it.  I ran two days later, and felt it at around mile 3 of my run.  It was not a good thing.  I took some time off, and yesterday I ran, and felt it at mile 1.  It hurts, and it doesn't loosen up.  I don't know what it is, but it definitely is something I should not be running on. 

So that is that.  I made Burritos for dinner last night, and they were good.   Really good.   Don't know why we haven't done that before.  

Life sometimes gets a little stale at times I would think.  It is always good to switch gears once in a while.  I am running injured, so I will make a little turn that in the long run will make me better. 

In the World there are a lot of problems, and we will not fix them.  People get rigid in their thinking.  They grab one or two things, and pound them into people to death.   It simplifies things kinda, and people want simple answers.  People want scapegoats and they want blame to fall somewhere. 

We all have stuff inside us.  Anger and what not.   Don't look for the scape goat.   Look inside you.  What is the stuff that makes you angry?  Say you wanted to be a nice and smiley person who is nice to people.  What is it that makes you not be that person?? 

Anyway I don't have a real lot today, and I am kinda bored blogging. 


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A Day Off Today...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I have the day off of work today.  I didn't work last night, and I don't work tonight.  So I can do whatever I want.   I imagine a bit of a run.  Hope the heel cooperates.  Get some stuff done around the house, and maybe watch a movie or two.  I was thinking of making burritos for dinner tonight.   You know what??  We have never made those before.  I think it would be neat to try. 

Other than that not much going on.  I am kinda tired, and that is surprising to me, because I slept good last night.   Oh well, maybe not enough sleep the last couple days. 

Anyway, I think I have given people a lot to think about.  This blog isn't easy,  well it mostly is easy to me, but probably not easy to read. 

Today I have a day off, and I think I will take a day off from this blog. 

So til tomorrow.   :)

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   :)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

All In A Day...

Well, yesterday was a pretty good day, AND then...

I saw a post to the Letter to the Editor in our local newspaper.  Typical stuff.  Rich people treating poorer people horribly.  How dare people who don't have enough money to live on Lake Michigan want to see the Lake from the South Side of Holland.  That is off limits.  We are an exclusive community here.   Yep, if those people wanted to go to see Lake Michigan they would have to drive the 10 miles to get to the other side of Lake Macatawa.  Holland is a city built by Angry White Men who came from Europe.  Parts of them still are alive, and only a small misguided amount try to carry on their ancestors traditions of hate, and misguided arrogance. 

Anyhoo, that is the reason I don't read the newspaper, or watch the news.   I see nothing but hate, and crap out there.  Now I see we may be going down a scary path the Syria way.    One where Syria has friends in powerful places.  

The World is full of anger, and man killing is the way of the World.  Always has been.  What sense can you make of it??  Why must we kill people?? 

I know where the anger comes from.   Bad teaching, and bad beliefs, and life just not being what I expected.  I mean Hitler found a scape goat for his anger and misery, and was able to transform that to a bad time for the World. 

You want to escape it all, but there really are no answers to living with the plants and nature and stuff.  So what do you do??   You keep your eyes open, and you keep your heart open.  There are answers and meaning to your life, but you gotta be open.   Don't close yourself, and don't be afraid to doubt everything you have ever been taught.  

You know what that life really seems to be about Centuries ago.  You know what he came to really do it seems.   Unteach the World everything it ever knew.  Remember how I said God had a dark side??  Well if we do too, and we get angry and are filled with hate toward people, then Noah and the Ark makes sense right??

I mean even he said "Jacob I loved, and Esau I hated right?"  One came who had no darkness, and he was all light.  He had understanding, and he could see the people's end.  The totality of their life.  He brought along some disciples, and they held onto nothing.  Followed him to see where it leads. 

It led to a death, and a victory over darkness.  All the darkness will go away.   After death did they stop??   The little secret that is hidden.  Nope they followed along after.  They had their own journeys to go, and we don't know much about that do we?? 

I too am asked to follow along.  How much of my journey was based on fear??  A lot.  I don't know why I had to go on such a long and horribly scary journey of me.  Can you imagine going on and on with the understanding of being doomed to Hades every day.  Thinking about it every second of every day.  Being judged every second of every day, and knowing you are a pile of dung.  Worthless.  You are nothing of value, and what kept me going?? 

Hope, that, well I am still alive.  At this point in time realize I was trapped in the jaws of life.  There was no way out.  No one to help me.  I couldn't talk to anyone, because I was led on a journey of craziness.  It was part of the plan.  My stuff all had to be solo.   I had no support whatsoever.  None.   I couldn't wake up, and say I matter, because of this.  

Maybe that is what my blog does.  Maybe sometimes people feel so low, and so bad, and there is nowhere to turn, but you can read this, and know you are important.   There may be nothing good in this World, and our lives sure are pretty dumb, but you are important here huh?? 

So this is a crazy thing we do here.   I am sorry I have to bring such hard news to you, but I have lived it the better part of 23 years give or take.  I really don't do anything of value either mind you.  I have no sense of where what I write goes.  It must be part of the plan, and you read into it what you need.  

I don't know it seems this blog is yin and yang to me.  Good and bad, good and bad, and the only reason it is of some value is from what I received right prior to going into the hospital.   We cannot do anything without a blessing, and without love you get no points, and the greatest gift is love.

Life has so much to it, and you never know when the World may make a turn.   A turn where all Hell breaks loose, and you wonder if you'll end like Anne Frank.   You never know.  We are not to make Heaven on Earth here.  We are to seek answers, and open our hearts, because they need to be filled with the good stuff.   Whenever we close ourselves we make ourselves worse people.

So stay strong as always.  Trust in your Journey, and trust trust trust.  Many fall away, because their life is too important and they are too important, but  keep going. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Kinda been dealing with a heel injury, so I will probably try to run tomorrow.   Go figure huh??    :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Have a fab one all.    :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   MWAH!!    :))

Monday, August 26, 2013

Always A Curve Ball...

Good Afternoon All.  How's it going??   I say all, but I am having a people don't read this thing too often feeling.  The death of this blog. 

Anyhoodles, what is going on with me??   The closing of oneself is a way to a not so healthy existence.  Society is made in such a way where there is real pressure to conform.  Somehow stay within the confines of the so called "normalcy" Society has dictated.   I am not saying Society is a person, but there is real pressure within Society.   Pressure to not be us, and pressure to conform to the norm. 

I give you a brief glimpse inside me with this thing, and I forget about the big sword that makes up my whole being.  I have the ultimate good and the ultimate bad all trapped into this person who I still am too.   a very confusing thing for you to understand for sure, but I have a great sword.  I have had it for a long time, and I try to keep it under wraps kinda.  What I know, and what I see is probably scary shit, and probably not something people really want to think about. 

You don't even want to know the negative crap I can throw on here.  Life has a lot of negative stuff, and I am with the knowledge of a lot of it.   I'd like to make things easier for people, but this thing is hard we do. 

Life was never supposed to be easy for you.  I have a way for you to worry about the important stuff, and throw away the garbage that just ties you down.   Hasn't it always depended on trust and strength??  The story of my blog all of last year right.   Doreen and Olga, Doreen and Olga.  

Anyway, life is full of tough stuff.   I sometimes forget it is hard to look at what is inside me.  Yesterday's post was a doozy, and I never ever have any idea when those will hit. 

Anyway.  It is all good.   The things that kinda bugged me before about this blog are pretty much gone.  I am not upset about anything or angry, and I am cool.   Life has moved on, and so have I.  

I ask some pretty tough stuff of people, but I have had my fair share of hard moments.   I have been through things where I put my trust in who knows me best, and who knows my journey, and who knows my path. 

I forget how much life and stuff just ties us down.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  ehhh, somedays you just have to throw this up for a  p.s. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Oh, and btw part of life's journey is accepting the fact that deep down we all will be perceived by Society to be a little bonkers.   The truth is stranger than fiction.   Just another one of those things to make things kinda hard to open up.  

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Now What??

Hello, and Good Afternoon.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.  Do you wonder how I write the way I do so often??  No??  Yes?? 

I mean it seems to me I go on and on about life and kinda how stupid it is right??  Does it seem like my heart is always kinda happy, and I have a smiling heart??  Does that make sense to you?? 

I have been that way a while huh??  I definitely hit the dark days for whatever reason.  It seems sometimes I have to deal with shit.  Mostly the outlook is pretty okay I'd say.   Then I think of some people I know, and you have those acquaintances who are in a bad mood like 95% of the time??  I honestly don't even like those people.   How much of our angered outlook can be changed by just having a more realistic outlook of life. 

Does it take the reading of 1000 History books to get a real picture of life??  I mean if you can get past the sugar coating Biographical Nature of most History books.  Remember when I used to harp on the Howard Zinn/Joseph Heller days all the time?? 

Howard Zinn was a real eye opener for me.  Talk about taking the rose colored lining from my eyes.   Joseph Heller was soooo important too, because in life you need to laugh.  You need to look hopefully with humor a lot at just how stupid this life is.  I mean what parts of Society can you really take seriously?? 

Before I Graduated College I wrote that mandatory paper, and I said I was stepping out of my upbringing.  Everything I was taught, I am throwing it away, and looking at life objectively.  That was one of those points in time where can I really lay credit to that thought??  That was part of me, and my journey.   See how so much of me is tied up to what I was going to do all along anyway?? 

There was a plan.   I listened.  I went through the tough times to have my eyes and ears opened, so I could look at things differently.   If you remember after me Graduating College Shit really just started happening.  Death, Breakups, and me all alone in this World.   Looking for meaning.  Can this life matter??

Who knew??  For so long much of what I went through remained hidden.   I knew I was going to do something.  I waited all those years waiting for what must happen.  Remember that vision of me hitting the Alligator on the head 3 times.   You know 2 times were major things.   Me going up to the judges.  I had no control of doing this.  I was just led that way.   How does one go up to the judges??   In my case they overtake me, and my thoughts.  It is always save yourself, or some version of it.  I was to be given the strength to not save myself.  As I prayed so many many years ago, if I am destined to go to Hell, let me accept it for that which I deserve.   That prayer was a necessary step. 

Up against the Judges you cannot win.  They are stronger than you, and you need help.  You need to be given strength at the right time, and you need in your heart the ability to accept.

After the 2nd time I knew almost right away I did right.  What a day that was.   Then good things for a long long time.  When my brother Jim died that was a tough one, because in my mind I had plans for him.  Who knew he was just going to be the thief.   You may think wow that is lucky.  His work is done and this sure ain't easy.   His life was pretty much shit though.   I mean he laughed a lot, but he was Fucked up, and could never overcome this shit part of life.   The horrible truth of life.   Isn't there something good out there??   Is there a perfect life for us out there??  No.   That is shit you have to come to terms with.   This place sucks.  Men and woman have created as good of a World as they can.  With all the poison that comes with unperfect leaven.  There is no right.  There is no good direction you can come up with on your own. 

Harsh truths, and harsh realities.   Then you think you are going to find that one perfect person right?  Don't all the fairy tales say that??  We all are not perfect, so you can damn well bet your family, and spouses, and kids and all that crap sure are not either.  Looking for that perfect life.  How can I be and feel better about myself?

There really are no good answers out there, and there really is not a great life.  I mean I have been blessed with a good path.   A path that leads to me being right.   Not just reckoned as being right, but I will be right.  The step I was asked, and I was willing to take so many years ago. 

It will be a horrible horrible time for me.   I don't have fear in my heart, and a lot of times I wish it was over.  Can we get it done with??   There is a plan though, and it has to do with you people. 

You have to come to terms with you, your life,  and everything.   Just follow along the yellow brick road of truth.  It is all you are asked.   Brace yourself though, because the truth sounds great, and noble, and all that right?? 

Brace yourself for the brutal hard answers the truth brings.  It will take courage to do this.  It will take courage to throw away all the crap in life you hold onto too.   This isn't some great noble thing we are doing here living this life.  It is a selfish World we live in, and you are trapped.   There is only one way out, and it isn't all that easy. 

So have courage, and be strong.   I have been asking this of you for a while anyway right??

Good luck and best wishes.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  A lot of life's journey would be better off being solo.   Everything we get ourselves tied up into makes everything harder.  All things are possible, but you still have to be strong.   Not right,  strong. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Coffee, Run, What Else on This Saturday??

Good Morning All.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is Saturday, so I will take the Hopester for a run in a bit.   I'd normally go run with Jerry and Jim on Saturday, but Jerry's Dad passed this week, and I assume he has funerals and stuff. 

I've been meaning to talk to my Dad for a while, and keep forgetting to call.  I called him yesterday, and we talked a bit.   I told him about my job situation, and stuff.   His first thought was sue, and get a settlement.   HA!!   :)  I am like, not really my thing.   I said my piece, and that is all I wanted right?? 

Throughout the History of the World people have been searching for the meaning of life.  Why am I here??  What is this about??  etc.. etc... etc...

Well, what is the meaning of life??  To make money??  To be financially secure??    If that were the case wouldn't more people have achieved that??  Money is like a big old trap of sorts.   We want more and more and more.   We don't want to stress about it.  I get it, life is full of financial stress.   We all think the good life is with the amount of money we have, but those people typically find their glory in the appearance of who they are. 

Remember Saddam Hussein??  He had everything he ever wanted.  Stalin too for that matter.  The Security of their whole Society under their power.  As with all people you take away their shell.  (shell being all the things we put value in) and they are scared people who can die. 

Should we make the World better??  How??  You going to take the hate out of people somehow??   You going to make them stop judging??  You going to make them believe in something more important than Country and Society??   You going to make them have good hearts??

No, not really huh??  We are all pretty powerless to do much of anything.   I mean if we had the power and strength to do great deeds, wouldn't we make ourselves much better people?? 

You have a view inside your heart.   You see the totality of what life here has to offer.   You see the World for how it is, and yeah,   you picked the wrong Galaxy to be born in.  What were you thinking?? 

I have put a lot of tough things on this blog, and I have asked you to accept a lot of stuff, because it takes the pressure off.   You cannot change the crappiness of life and this World.   I have offered a Journey of you and you alone.   A journey for insight of you, and a way to change you.   All to be done here on this Earth.  Not in some future place or future setting, but right here.  

Don't you want to be that good person?? 

I know I do.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I do Twitter and FB.  I tell you, but I don't think I am all that fascinating.   I have lots and lots of nothing to say.   :)  Isn't that what Social Networking is about?? 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen again.   I have been thinking about her, and like I said I think she needs 'em.   That is 4 days in a row.   :)   Yay.    :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Have a good one all.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   MWAH!!!    :)

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Friday, August 23, 2013

Friday Blogging...

Good Afternoon All.   How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.  I just got up.  As you can probably tell I worked last night. 

So What is going on with me??  Nothing at all.   What are some of the things I am thinking about today??  Nothing.  

I can dig up stuff from my past.  Where am I now??  Where have I been??  What have I been asked to do??  Why is this so weird??

One of the things about me is I think sometimes Me??  really me??  How can I do this?  There is so much that needs to be done, and me doing what I am doing makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE to me sometimes. 

As this thing has been going on and on, and it seems like I am me.  I am free to be crazy, and nutty, and whacky.  I can be as undisciplined, (within reason) as I like, because What you see here is not the finished product.  

I found a little motivation to get in shape for a turkey trot, and even still I wonder in the back of my mind about this Thanksgiving.  Is it the one?? 

You have been asked to believe some crazy stuff, and I get that it is hard.   Kinda nutty I did my really bad Summer so long ago, and it was closed off inside me for a long time.   Then it was opened.  I think there was a post in the Journey where I said WOW,  everything is open now.   I can explain everything. 

I have done that.  I cannot make sense of the thing we are doing.   I can only go on how I feel, and I don't know the steps at all hardly.   I think things will go a certain way, and you know what??   In my mind this should have been done long ago.  My blog is the Wait though, and things have to be right for me to do my final thing.  That means the wait is for you.   You have a Journey of your own.  A Journey to find strength, and a Journey to find the meaning in your life, I have to assume you so desperately want. 

Me being the way I am it is really hard/impossible to take this World very serious.   As I am now, and have been for Decades I have seen much stuff you cannot see.  I know stuff that perhaps you wouldn't be able to comprehend.  I didn't know it at the time, but it was the eye of the needle thing. 

A lot of my whole life after, I still had to learn my place.   You get shown a lot and you see a lot perhaps you end up thinking you are important.  I don't know, but I did everything asked, which is really just some steps of obedience, and everything else was done for me. 

I have done a lot, although I don't really know what??   Like I said a lot of times if I do stuff I don't know it.  

Even still there is an internal battle inside me that mostly is easy, but things have to go good on the other side too.  I put a lot of trust in people, and it has to go good on your end. 

That means being strong in a World that will judge you.  We eventually have to go up against judgement.  Our own, and stare at that face to face.   I saw that vision a long time ago.  I saw a person's final thought, and I also saw a lot of sadness.  A sadness that is our true self, although it is hidden from our view.   I guess that is what the mirror is all about. 

I said a long time ago when we turn the mirror it brings hatred and anger and stuff like that.   Remember when I wondered if the whole World has the mirror, but the majority will use it the wrong way??  That brings a lot of Hate in the World. 

We think life is supposed to have an important meaning, and maybe it should be good and stuff, but the History of the World suggests otherwise.  It was never really much more than a video game in its importance.  We were always supposed to seek out answers, and Society has always stopped us from doing that.   Then we think we find the answers from smooth talkers and what not, and we stop seeking.  I was guilty of that back in the day, and I was pulled aside via life stuff to search deeper. 

I found what I was looking for, because that was the plan anyway.   You don't know what a loser I would have been if I didn't have help all those years ago.  I had to battle myself to get some answers, and I went through some hard times, and then the hard times came in rapid succession. 

I was always lifted up, even when I didn't know what I was doing.  Like a Sheep being led to his slaughter huh??  A life of suffering, and a life of answers. 

Now a life of me helping, in however way I help.  :) 

So this is your journey now.  Your steps need to be taken, and you need to do what you are supposed to.  What if everything I believe is wrong?? 

Do you have the courage and faith to ask that question of yourself??  The truth will be found??  It is there for you to find.  That is a step in trust too huh??   Give up all you believe to find the true answers??

Not easy, but it was the steps I have been through, and it was the steps I made a long time ago.   I have given you some answers, and so far you really haven't believed have you??  Can it be??   Is he right?? 

This is not my idea to do this blog really.  I am kinda made with a desire mostly to do it.   It isn't to make some kind of great name for myself or anything, it is just How I am. 

All my life leads to this little blog here.  A little blog to help. 

Anyways, that is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  what to do today what to do???  I have today off.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Extras again for Doreen, because this time I feel in my heart she needs 'em.   xoxoxoxoxoxo

Have a good one all.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxco

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D   

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Flowers For Doreen!! :)

Good Morning all.   I know sometimes it is hard to ALWAYS be a man of our word, or women, but today is a success.   I am up early, I feel like blogging, and I am going to blog, and as promised, for today's post I am adding flowers for Doreen's Birthday.   I can not do much, but I can do little things like this.   :)

You'll love the flowers too.   I was lazy yesterday and didn't take pics.  I just stole them off the internets.   :)   I like them though.   :)

So here they are for Doreen's Birthday.  

I told you you'd like them.   :)   Pretty ones huh?? 

Anyhoodles what is going on with me??  Not too much.  I ran yesterday, and it felt pretty good.  I am running today too.   I am meeting Ken to run a 6.5 miler, and I will take the Hopester for a few miles beforehand.  I will get my long run in today.  I have to get used to 3rd shift, and running, and stuff.   I am finally getting the sleep thing down pretty well.   I am actually sleeping almost til 2:00 PM, and napping before work too, so I am getting enough sleep. 

So, I guess there isn't really a lot going on with me.   I do have some coffee ready, and I am going to get me some of that.  

So there really is a lot of stuff that needs to get done.   I cannot do any of it.  You cannot do any of it.   There is a path and a way we go.  I am not in charge, you are not in charge, and we will see how it goes.   I know there will be some tough times, and our whole outlook of us has to change.   It seems like we should be able to work our way to a better us doesn't it??  Wouldn't that be easy??  

But on today it is Doreen's Birthday, and I just want to send her some flowers.   I'll probably give her a few extra xoxoxoxoxoxo's  too.    :)   

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   I am a wasted P.R. fanatic.  I don't really like doing races if I am going to suck.   Soooooo,   next up.  Turkey Trot 5K.   I will start doing push ups and pull ups again.   I want to get good again.   Well,  good for me.   A fast turkey trot = a good kick off to Winter training.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen on her birfday.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

And more extras for Doreen.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Coffee And A Blog...

Well, good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I have the day off today.   I am up early, I have a couple things to do, and I am going to see a matinee.  I'll check shows and times later.  Also after this I am going to take the Hopester for a run. 

I haven't totally decided on shutting down my year or not.  I mean as of yesterday or two days ago I was totally decided, but today is a new day.   If I had a dark cloud over me it seems it has lifted. 

Want to know some things about me??   I feel I am an important person.   I feel I have been led in a way where I will do some important things.  Now being a guy and blogging is kinda a sucky thing, because, well guys get the shaft.

That is okay, but sometimes I feel I am not thought of as being important.  It is in those moments where I can turn and walk.  One thing about me is I hold onto nothing here as if it is mine.  I will always feel assured of my direction, and the way I go.  I am more confident of me in the ways I go than I am in you.  

I do know the direction you are going.  It is leading to a hard spot.  You are really powerless to stop this train too.  We are going in a direction that is scary.  Many lessons will be learned, and there will be much you need to learn about yourself. 

I can look from where I am and tell you perhaps (or most definitely) all the things you place the most value in, may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things.  There was a life lived long ago, and it was an important one.  It was a life that told a story, and those stories are hidden from the eyesight of people.  People cannot understand. 

In our life we try to understand.   Get a grasp with our limited ability to understand.   We seek for the higher truths, and we fall short with our understanding.   Then we box things up.  Try to understand that way.  Simplify things, but even that doesn't work.  

I know we seek out our nobler selves kinda, and ignore, or turn a blind eye to the demons inside us.  If only you knew what I know.   Our stories are really not all that great.   It is the direction we go too to get a look at us compared to who we think we should be. 

You were never going to get by without being judged.  It just so happens we have to do it here, because it is better now than later.  Now there is hope, later not so much.  

So like I said today is a pretty good day.  I feel pretty good.   The dark cloud has lifted.  Tomorrow is Doreen's Birfday too, so I will have to find some pics. of flowers.   I believe that will put her in pretty unique company on this blog.   Very few people get flowers on my blog, and Doreen will be the one with the most times.  :)   YAY for her.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  I am pretty excited for today!!    :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really  cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

WOAH!! 2 days in a row???

Good Afternoon all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good.  Well, let's reminisce shall we? 

Where have we come, and where are we now??  I am different today than when I first started reading blogs.   None of this was my plan really.  If you remember back in the day my only #1 thing I wanted was to get in better and better shape.  That drive left me.  It is not as important to me as it was before. 

Why is that??   One of those many questions I sure cannot answer.  The often confusing (I am sure) reality of me.  If I were to pick my own path, I would have done things way different.  My whole being is tied up in so much of my past though, and the story is long.   I've told it many times.  I'd like to lay claim to being able to do so much more in ways, but that path has long since been buried.  I knew I had the energy and desire to do great things.   I was going to be the best ever at whatever, but I cannot lay credit to who I am at all. 

Who am I??   Who am I because of the things I have done??   My whole being is a very confusing thing.  You cannot make sense of it, and either can I.   So I am on this crazy journey called life.   I have been given a lot, although I really have nothing either.   That this life is able to help in some ways is pretty crazy.  As luck would have it if I help I don't know it.   I don't feel it.   The only thing I have is a promise.  "All for good".   That doesn't mean everything I do will be good.   No far from it, but everything will be used for good. 

I know the outcome of things.  I know the outcome of me, but I don't know the road map.  I am blind toward that so I don't stress too much about it.   I am not in control, but I know the path is watched over a protective eye, and I have been given the blessing which is really all that promise is. 

I'll give you a little saying from the Bible.   Faith believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.  

I have been living the #1 part for a long time.  Believes all things.   You know what that means for me??   Every little silly thought that comes into my head I believe that can happen.  I believe that may be my path.   Faith makes everything harder I'll tell you that.   :) 

I guess I have hope a lot, but I don't feel it.   Maybe hope is tied up into my assurance of my future. 

The desires I have in this World really are very few.   I have been blessed with a good heart.  It leaves me wanting little.   Gives me a realistic outlook too, and vision of life. 

Oh well, I am a big old confusing person.  One with a past.  It is hard to make sense of us in the best of times, and you know what??  You are no different.  There is a lot to you.  There is no box for any of us.  I guess we should all just accept the dynamic nature of us being alive.  I won't tell you the journey takes us to anywhere different than what Solomon saw, but Solomon wasn't the end.  The journey went on, and there was another tiny tale that needed to be lived, and told.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  Lisa is doing dinner with friends tonight.  I think I will make myself homemade pizza.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, August 19, 2013

Haven't Done This In A While...

Good Afternoon all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good I'd say.  I haven't blogged in a while, and boy time away gives you some perspective. 

Some things about me, is I don't worry at all about stuff too much.  There is a plan.  It will work out, and it isn't up to me.  Like I have said before, I can do soooo very very little.  Really almost nothing I'd say.  There is freedom in that.  Takes the importance out of me and what I do. 

You take some time away too and you really notice how unimportant this little thing I do here is.  Once again there is freedom in that too.   I know I have said the battle is between the fabulous us and the real us.  There are so many things in our life that confuse us.   Just the ability to control how we feel on any given day is not in our power really. 

Good mood, bad mood.   Who can control those things not to mention just getting a cold or something, and illnesses.  We have absolutely no control over our 50 year plans at all.  

I have put some heavy stuff on here at times.  I get the feeling not everyone has time to read it all the time if very much at all. 

What keeps me going??   My life has gone down a long and narrow path.   It was not a path led by me, or even thought up by me.  It isn't easy, and as a matter of fact it is hard.  It is the path where points are won.  

It doesn't lead to the "good" life by any stretch, because here in this place that was never the plan.   It is a fulfilling life though in ways, and I guess as hard as it is, it is way more better than all the other crap life has to offer. 

What does that mean for you??   I don't know.   All walks are personal, and all walks are solo, even if you are married and stuff, because your spouse doesn't know you like you want to be known really.   Visa versa too.  

So anyway, I am just touching base.   I don't know the frequency of my blogs from here on out.  As always I can take it or leave it.   I don't miss it when I don't do it.  In ways I hold onto nothing here as if it is mine.   The ultimate turn I made has led me down a path of strength.  There are many lessons and examples showing that.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Due to a huge motivation decline I have cut short my running "season"   (if you can call it that)   Some time off, and maybe get ready for the Spring.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Well Yesterday Was A Big Old Blah!!

Good Morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I  really cannot tell.  Yesterday was a big ole downer for me.  No reason really, I was just off.  I didn't sleep enough.  I didn't feel like doing anything.  Nothing I did was worth a crap in making me feel better.   Watch tv.  Have a couple drinks.   Food didn't even taste good, and I guess at the end of the day I was thankful it was time to go to bed, and turn this day off. 

Why??  Who knows.  These days really suck, because life is more boring than usual, and so are people.   :)   Actually it is just an internal thing.   Internally blah makes the whole world blah.  I am not even a big fan of the World on my best days anyway.  :)

Today is a run day though.  My week of running wasn't all that great.   I did do a track workout, and it sucked.  I was not very strong.  As it turns out I did have the sniffles pretty bad that night at work, so maybe I was coming down with something, but all the symptoms are gone now. 

So what are some of the things I am thinking about now?  Do you want to know??  Probably not.  I keep thinking what a waste a life is.  What a cruel and unusual thing we must put up with.  People protect themselves by putting a shell on.  The shell is all the things we do, and all the things we think about, and all the things we are willing to show people that justifies us actually being worth anything. 

Remember what Solomon said??   "All is Folly"    None of what we do actually matters.  I actually went a step further too, because I told you life is a game of points, and we do not have the ability to score/gather any points. 

So an honest look at the World leads to only one view.  It is what I saw many many years ago.   There really isn't anything too good on this Earth is there??   No avenue we can take that leads to anywhere of great importance at all. 

Your bucket lists are just that.   Does anyone even care??  

So on this day I realize just how much of a waste of time life on this Earth is.  Nothing really of any value at all.   Where would one figure out how to score these so called points I talk about??   It all has to be done for you.   You have to be led down a hard and scary, and crazy path.  One that teaches you the truth about you, and your place in this World etc...  

It is a humbling path.  One where you realize no matter what you never were, and never can be really that great in anything of lasting significance.   Oh there is a way to get to a good point, but it sure isn't due to anything you do or have done.  

Life is a a crazy thing, and it is the lucky ones who get to go on the journey of self-awareness.  It isn't what you think, and life is nothing at all what you think.  The purpose of us walking on this Earth is really none.  Just born to this World to live the dumb life we were born into. 

The battle is the fabulous us vs. the crappy truth.  

We want to search for the fabulous us, because the other doesn't seem to have a good ending, or anything.  It does though.  The good ending is on the truth side, but it seems like a shitty ending for the little we can see.   That is why you need to trust the one who has the best vision and can see.   You are basically blind as far as that goes.  

Throw away the fabulous.   It is worthless, and pointless, and a silly avenue to choose.  In a way the fabulous you really alienates people, because people can see through it.   The truth no matter how shitty is pretty fascinating.  It is where the strong people live, and where they search. 

Those who already have all the answers don't search.  Their life and search is done.   They are still miserable though.   So that is your final answer huh??   This is the best thing out there??   This life??


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  A lot of life is accepting the shitty parts. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Friday, August 9, 2013

Walking Blindly...

Good Afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.  Life is so very very complicated huh??   We are doing this and doing that.   Making the best person we can be, and let's take a look in the mirror.  We are not who we really want to be are we??  There has to be a way to hide us from us right??   Bury our heads in the sand type stuff. 

All people are pretty guilty of that huh??  All our dark little secrets.  

I titled today's blog, because you know I know the direction we are going.   I have no idea how we get there.  We are walking blindly.  We have no idea what steps will be taken.   Like I said yesterday I keep waiting for a break through, but it seems people want their life.   They want it to be how it always was. 

Well, Anne Frank did too.   There is no going back to a place that really wasn't all that great anyway.   Can you believe how long this thing has gone on??  I get frustrated sometimes because I want more.  I want more of people, and sometimes it is just the same stuff all over. 

I try to help, but you have to help yourself too.   You have to open your eyes.  be open to what your heart is saying.   You cannot hide your life and your feelings behind whatever.  That is what you are doing too. 

It is hard to get to the rough parts of our life.   So much about us we don't want people to know.  I have brought a big ole can of woop ass light though huh??   All is known about you.  All your thoughts, and all the things Society keeps telling you to try and hide. 

This is the best way, and it is the only way.   You can look at yourself and you know you are not strong enough for this.  You know you need help, because this is hard. 

It is all there though.   I know I know life is like some big old comic book.   Fairy tales abound, and how did this Earth and galaxy ever come into being?? 

No one has the answers to that.  People believe such and such, and people put their faith in that.   Everyone has barked up the wrong tree.   We were born into this trap.  There is a way out of this though, and it sure ain't easy.  You probably will be asked some stuff to show your obedience.  I know I was, and I came away looking like a fool.  

My life is one big old up and down up and down.  It is soooo hard, and we have so very far to go.   Be true to yourself.   Don't deny what your heart is trying to tell you.  Don't hide from it.  That leads to nowhere.  

A long road to go.  Are you willing to take the hard steps?? 

We will see. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)  

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I work tonight, and I am kinda excited.   The manager is off, and I hope we kick ass.   That is what it is all about huh??   Kicking ass.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D      :D  

Thursday, August 8, 2013

No Excuses...

Hello all, and good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am doing pretty good I guess.   I woke up way too early, and now I will have to nap sometime today, because I work tonight.   I work the next two days so that is good. 

Anyway in life there are no excuses.   No yeah buts or anything.   I probably put some tough stuff on here, and maybe this thing was always headed to some VERY REAL, and VERY HARD STUFF for you.   Maybe it was always going to add a bit of stress, because stuff needs to get done.   There is no way around it.  NO EXCUSES. 

I know I know you want to hold onto everything in your life.  Maybe I can make the best life for myself, but you know the stories.  You know the steps made by those 12 people long ago.  They believed and were obedient.  There were some who believed and weren't obedient, because they tried holding on to their life.  When one tries to hold onto their life what do they lack?? 

Anyone??  Anyone??   Trust. 

How important has trust been in what I have been writing the last couple of years??  How much of this are you ALL lacking?? 

So can this thing we are doing have been made easier if you had trust way back when??   Perhaps.   That is neither here nor there.  We are right here right now.  We are moving forward.   I am asking you to open your mind to what life really has to offer. 

I am asking you to follow along the steps I have taken.  Try and throw away your concerns of what will be asked.  I don't know.   I told Olga a long time ago, just go on and do what you are doing.  You may be asked to  give up something later on that seems like a BIG deal, but in the scheme of all things it so very very little. 

I know there is Security in the World and Society, and we can make a pretty good'ish name for ourselves kinda.

I am asking you to do tougher and more fulfilling stuff than where your life is leading right now. 

This is my job.  This is what I am supposed to do.  It definitely has been harder than it needs to be.  I have told the truth, and I have seeked the truth.  I have found answers, and I don't know if it falls on deaf ears or maybe we trust ourselves too much.  You should know yourself better than that I think. 

I keep hoping for a breakthrough, but this stuff isn't done on my time.  I know I have been pulling on this thing for a long time, and now you are being pulled.  You have fear in you.  What will people think of me?   Am I to look the fool??   I don't know.  I have been humbled many times in life, and I knew I was doing right and good stuff.  The end of all this is a strength given to me.

I am absolutely nothing at all in the grand scheme of things, but I am being used for a purpose.  What I have mustered on my own = absolutely nothing.   All that I am, and all that I have been through, and all the gifts given me have made me who I am.

Equation-- me = nothing.   My obedience, and faithfulness = everything.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I am waiting for it to get light out, so I can get a track workout done today.

Love You All    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

All Is Quiet On The Western Front...

Good Morning all.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good.  I got all my stuff done already I needed to get done.  Only thing is waiting for laundry to dry, and fold and put away.  Other than that everything is done.  I could tinker with a few things here or there, but we'll see. 

Anyhoo not much really going on with me.  I work tonight, and I usually look forward to going in.  Every day is something different.  You don't know how much there will be to do.  Lately there has been too much to do with the amount of people working.  We never leave on time.  I like a job that keeps me busy, and that for sure is the case here. 

I still have to run, and I don't really feel like it right now.   I haven't had enough sleep yet, so I may wait for later.  I am hoping to nap at some point in time.  I didn't sleep a lot last night, and I woke up at 6:30 AM.  I don't want to stay up for over 24 hours.  :)   Not really my thing. 

So like I said not much going on.  I wasn't really going to blog, but I know how everyone just loves to read this thing.  ;)    j/k.  

Anyway here is a picture of my first tomatoes of the year.  :)

I love tomatoes.  wif salt.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I don't know what the Hell I am going to do all day now.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, August 5, 2013

What Is It You Want??

Good Afternoon/evening everyone.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.  I am a bit tired, and I'd like to sleep some more, but I guess I can always do this thing a bit.   As some of you know I do like to talk about myself on this thing.  Is that what a blog really is??  Us talking about ourselves?? 

Anyway, I was just thinking about my time when I decided to make the turn.  A lot of shit just went down in my life, and I was definitely seeing my life with some pretty clear vision.  What did I want??   I don't know.  I wanted to matter.  I wanted my life to mean something.  I didn't really have a plan, and I thought if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else. 

I had no idea what that meant.  What it meant I would do, or anything.  I had absolutely no idea I would have to do what I have done.  Remember when I told you about that 90+ year old lady who told me I must have the patience of Job?? 

That was right before I suffered for 6 days at the hands of the worst of the worst.  This is scary/ weird, but he lived inside me those 6 days, and spent all his time telling me how evil I was.  I am the antichrist, and I am doomed etc...   Non-stop for 6 days.  I knew who he was, and I believed everything he said.  He doesn't play the evil guy you see on t.v. and movies.  He plays God.  Perches himself up high.  He lives in a religious setting, not an evil setting. 

Anyway my journey was one of learning and suffering, and maybe with great suffering comes great learning.   Maybe the two have to go hand in hand.  My burden is very hard, because I have been living in the Spiritual World for a long long time, and everyone else lives in the real World. 

It is in this way that I am different, and I can function well in both.  Why did I have to be different, and why for so long??  Probably no reason. 

I am really not too afraid to write my stuff down here.  Let it all be seen, and even sign my name to it.  Now enough about me though, what do you want??  I imagine most people feel they want more out of life.   You have got to be missing out on something right??  There must be something more?? 

There isn't.  There is no end of the rainbow, golden years, anything.   What you see now is what you get.   Oh you will age, and stuff like that, but the feeling of fulfillment is not yours to create.   A meaningful life is not the burden you must find and create for yourself. 

The turn is so simple and easy, and it takes all the stress away, because it takes you and the life you must create out of the equation.  What does it mean with family and friends and kids etc...   It means nothing.  All that you are, and all that you know, and all that you think, and all that you need is known.  You want someone to know you and understand you??   Done and done. 

All that you need you already have.  It seems silly huh??  The turn is simple, and it takes all the questioning out of your life.  If you are asked to do some hard stuff all the courage needed will be given.  That is the step huh??   What if I am asked to do this and that?  I cannot do it.  I don't have the courage.  All that will be given.   Isn't that what my 2 times of overcoming was all about??  At the right time I was given all I needed.   I didn't plan anything, and I was in no control over anything.  I was delivered up to the judges twice, and twice like the thief I accepted that which he did. 

I have done a lot and I suffered a lot, and yet I still did not deserve anything different than what the thief felt he deserved.  It will take a miracle of huge proportions to save you.  You don't have the strength or the ability just like me. 

You know how I feel at times down, but I can close my eyes, and know that all of me is seen, and that gives me strength.  My final thing I must do that will disappear.   I will go and be judged.  This time I will go where the worst of the worst is unwilling to go.   My only shred of hope is the one who overcame centuries ago.  I will share in his death in order to share in his life.  I will know him for all he did, and all he does.  This will be a big major thing in the sum of all things.  The thing I was willing to do for a long time, but the thing I must wait for.  Why wait??  There were/are many steps along the way.  None of my plan.  None of it I knew. 

All this stuff is written, and those who have eyes can see it.  If you have the eyes for it that is.  Not sure if any do or not. 

For a long time I have accepted who I am.  Maybe it seems like a big deal to people, but I know the equation of all.  I am to be someone important, but it isn't because of anything I did.  It was all done for me. 

It is a tipsy topsy World.  Our understanding of it all is whack.  It is not within our power to understand the ways of things, and how they must go, but we feel we are something, and we feel we are important, and smart.  If only we knew.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Now what the Hell am I going to do for the rest of the day.  I have tonight off. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

I Just Woke Up!! :)

Good Afternoon.  Welcome to 3rd shift.  I don't really know all the time what to make of this blog.  What I mean is I don't know how others perceive it.  I do know what is inside me though, and it is some good stuff.  Some of this good stuff is negative kinda, because the World is a negative place, but that is the truth, so whatever is true is good in my book.   Even if it sucks. 

Anyway one thing I know that is in me is 'can do'.  Just like a stupid thing at work, if I have a challenge facing me I always think I can do it.  I realize people don't always have that.  Maybe that is experience??  I don't know, but not everyone has it though.  Some people have a lot of things to get through in their life. 

You hear phrases like, "they don't pay me enough to do that"  etc...  I think for a long time I was willing to do whatever.  Pride before the fall and all that, I am glad I don't have much pride.   That too is an honest look.  I am nothing that great.  Where does pride come from?? 

I always feel pretty good about myself if I put in an honest days labor, but I don't think I am all that because I did it.  Maybe another honest look is I don't think the World owes me anything.  I don't owe it anything either.  It doesn't hold me in it's grasp. 

I think in my heart is to be a decent'ish person.  There really is only one good, and that is the darndest thing of this whole blog I bet.  We are people.  We are smart, and we can achieve things.   The very one thing I have been harping on forever is on this blog what you need to do you cannot do.   You are not used to hearing this. 

We are brought up taught to feel we are special etc...  Another honest look.  We aren't.  We are taught that hard work pays off, and in ways it does kinda, but our understanding is whack.   In our mind we try to find the best stuff out there, and put our effort in that.    Guess what??  You go on doing this and that and this and that, and the next thing you know you are pushing 50 years old.  Oh, and btw I come along and tell you as of now you haven't done anything yet.  You can try and justify things, but we all end up severely lacking.  We fall short. 

An honest look is hard.  People have families and stuff, and that makes things harder.   I am sorry to say, but there is no white picket fence and live happily ever after.   There are some real things in life that have to be dealt with.   I don't know everyone's journey, and where it takes you, but you have to do the tough stuff.  The real hard look at life and the real hard look at us. 

Why??   Because all that we try to accomplish in this World = zero points.   All the sacrifices you make = zero points.  It is said I desire compassion and not sacrifice.  Another one of those little things.  Compassionate hearts come from above.  Usually it seems to me it coincides with hard times, but even in my case it wasn't always that was it??   I mean there were several examples, like the dude who lost his wife of a bazillion years.  I didn't know him.  Also the night of the "Iz" song, and there were many more.  There were a lot, and you know my journey was one of learning.  I was used to do a lot.  I have had to deal with a lot of other people's stuff.  I know the reasons, but it all comes down to that one day many summers ago.   Actually a few days.  I could not go back to my Summer of Discontent, and I gave up.  I cursed God for ever making me born.   I felt that was the cruelest thing he ever did.  Make me live this stupid life, and to bring me back to that place. 

My heart was taken that night, and I really haven't looked back.  The lesson of that night though is  I am not strong enough to do what needs to be done, but I can be used to do stuff.   I needed to know my place.  I am nothing special, but I can be used for a purpose.  At the end of the day, I have been faithful, and that is what he reckons to be right.  We try to be right, because it is scary to be on the other side of right, but as I learned from Steve's Journey it isn't up to me.  I was so scared coming back out with Steve's Journey. 

To be honest I think Heimleblog was harder for me than Steve's Journey, although neither was easy. I did wake up most morning strong.  I'd blog, and many times suffer with what I wrote.   That led me to the knowledge of support and blogs.  It is important to support when people share the hard stuff.   This here is mostly easy'ish, but the people cannot understand.  They don't believe, or they trust in themselves.   The hardest parts are the way things go, and the way I think they should go.   Our little understanding leaves us wanting more huh??

Oh well,  This is long.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I know I know I know, this blog is weird.   You know so very little bit about me though.  If you knew it all.  HAHAHA.   You don't know weird.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D      :D   

Saturday, August 3, 2013

I've Been Blah...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me,  I am doing okay I guess.  Today is a run day.  I am up early, and I can run some miles before the miles, and run some hills etc...  I haven't blogged in a while, and been pretty quiet in other areas too. 

Why???   Every time I think of something it seems stupid to me, and boring, and why bother??  Actually I think much of life is boring, and I really am only really really interested in getting to know people, and people are afraid of that.  To get to know someone they actually have to throw themselves out there.  It is in that area where people will judge.  Society will judge, and we will just feel miserable about stuff. 

I mean in many aspects of our life if people knew us we'd think they would hate us.  We suck pretty bad, and that Shit is scary.  We are all flawed.  We all judge, and we hate some people, and like the people who are most like us. 

I have a ton of ugly and bad news inside me.  Bad stuff about the World, and life, and all kindsa things like that.  I hate sharing it, because Goddammit if everyone isn't trying to burnish their own lives... at least what we show. 

Our lives we feel we must show our best foot.  Put on our best suit, or best dress in public.  We'd never show ourselves in our ugly self, because it is not really accepted.  We try to show ourselves to be special in some way, but we aren't.  There is no redeeming quality in us that makes us better than others.  Nothing that says we are unique 'here' so that makes me better than most??  

Life is full of ugly stuff.  We are full of ugly stuff.  Life has a lot of ugly crap that just needs to be accepted.  A flawed World made up of a bunch of flawed Societies, and us trying to make our way in this flawed World.   Everywhere you look there is pressure to show our good side.  Our life is good, because yadda, yadda, yadda.

I have said this a ton of times, but there is a lot to do.  Not much if anything has actually been done.  We plan for the future as if we can control the majority of variables.  We really can't.   A lot of the dangers out there are invisible.  Who plans a train wreck, or an airplane crash, car wreck etc...  Most of the planned deaths are done by the people in power wherever from.  Most countries are guilty.  All Countries place an honor on their own people they send out to kill.  Some do it for God as if he needs the help.

Anyway life is frustrating at times.  Especially with what I have to do, and how it goes.  We all are messed up in ways, because we are pulled in all kindsa directions.   I should be like this, or I should show this.  Life is a big ole jumbled mess, and who can makes sense of it??

I am writing this, and I do this to help.  You all have a ton of tough crap to do, and it is going to be hard, and what you understand now to be important may not be in the long run.  Actually I can guarantee you it isn't.

There will be a victory here somehow someway, and it sure isn't because of me.   I am a vessel used to help along the way, but I am worthless, and weak, and able to do very little.  Kinda crazy little ole me can be used huh??  Even when I really am nothing.   I think so too.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   There is nothing easy to be done here going forward.  If you have a good day take it, but expect a lot bad ones probably.  The truth of life sucks.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D