I Sometimes Wonder About People.

I really haven't been a big comedian fan. Back in the day probably more than currently. Anyway there is some comedy stuff on Sirius,  which I started listening to. Now all of a sudden I wonder what a comedians life is like. What's in their day to day?  I know George Carlin drank, smoked weed, was hooked on vicodin for a while. He had two heart attacks before he had his final one. I know he at least dabbled in cocaine use. Maybe more than dabbled. Anyway he was funny, and in the later years maybe angry. 

I watched a couple HBO specials with Ellen DeGeneres. She had a funny segment on Sirius so I thought I'd check her out. I guess comedians look at the absurdity of life. I love its always sunny in Philly,  cuz its absurd. 

Comedians seem in control, cuz all eyes are on them. They really are like you and I however. We all have our own demons I guess you'd say. I don't really know what people struggle with. So many avenues to failure. Eat the right shit, exercise the right amount, drink the right shit, spend the correct amount of  time with whoever. Have enough alone time. Have fun. Make sure your house is clean,  laundry done, socks sorted. Have the right hobbies. Cook more,  don't eat out a lot, save money, don't buy too much shit. Fuck, you better have a car people esteem. 

I have no idea what people may struggle with. How much time is spent worrying about finances?  George Carlin had some run ins with the IRS, I know that. This week I've been angry with my dad. I am over it, but anger is fucking poison. How do you control that shit when it's just an internal thing?  I have a friend at work who struggles currently with anxiety. You cannot control that shit. It's an internal.  

As I am writing this I can tell you my internals are pretty good.  I am not struggling with much. I even changed my BP prescription as my other one caused a cough. It was a side effect, and I should have changed it a while ago. 

Anyway, I am doing good. I don't really need any kind of escape. I like my routine.  I guess if you could seek for one good thing that would be it. Hopefully you all like to labor,  cuz idleness is not a good day to day. It's a stress increaser.  I learned that a long time ago. 

Anyway I don't think a comedian has a real busy day to day. Ellen probably does,  cuz I think she has a talk show. A talk show means you always have to be "on"  

Then I think of Johnny Carson, and I wonder how much the typical person drinks?  How often do people overconsume to the point of a hangover?  What makes a Robin William's commit suicide?  

My life pretty much is a walk in the park kinda. I am not sad, lonely, or depressed. I am usually fine each day. The poison pill of anger was in me for a bit, and now it's gone. I think it was dumb I was angry. My Dad is just increasing stress to his life. If he asks for help I can do it, but he figures he is in control of his situation. I'll let him go down his path. In the end we have to. I tried to step in, but it didn't work, so you gotta let them be. 

I still have my day to day, but you know what I really have. An internal feeling of contentment. If someone tried to emulate the exterior appearance of what I do it doesn't lead to contentment. The feeling of contentment is what we want. It's why people drink, do drugs, and whatever. 

Nothing leads to that feeling. Church don't take you there. Books won't lead you. Exercise won't either. Everyone is missing contentment, and they have no clue how to get it. 

So you are lost, and maybe you don't even know it. Life is busy, and probably so you never have time to ponder those things. 

Chase after that next thing you need to live the good life. The next great thing is contentment. An internal. Just like anger, and anxiety,  a thing you don't control. 

Cocaine may make you feel content for a bit. That's a lot of dopamine. you build a tolerance though. 

Life's a mess. Comedians make us laugh so they must be happy right?  Like you they don't have contentment. So their struggles are your struggles. 

Anyhoo, today is a day. It should be okay I think. Lisa leaves tomorrow, so I got a lot to do next week. Hopefully I don't come home tired next week after work like I did yesterday. It can be a fun week, if I do as planned. It will be fine too if I don't, but I wanna. Next week will be different, so I should do different productive stuff. 

Anyway gotta go. 

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Rid Myself Of The Poison.

Needless to say I was irritated with my dad's shenanigans. I felt bad yesterday like I went overboard. I talked to my dad yesterday, and cleared the air. I asked him if he had any ideas where his money went?  He had the same bs he's been peddling. There was glare on the ATM,  and I couldn't see, so I walked away, and maybe someone else kept going on with the transaction after I left taking my money.  I didn't ask if it was 5 times in 5 months that happened?  

So he doesn't answer the question. I figure if he can get a credit card, then he has a pretty good idea of what he's doing. No longer my problem. It's out of me too. No longer stressed about it. He's a lonely man I suspect,  and maybe that makes people do strange things. Maybe he's afraid to face his mortality too. I know he's tried shoveling, important to him, accomplishments to others.  He can't do it to me, cuz I think his life is stupid.  Mine ain't any different. The difference between him and I is I know the truth of life, and he doesn't. He may very well have to pay money for a friendship with a Heroin addict. I tried helping him. Bailed him out, spoke reason, but his heart has taken him in another direction.  

Anyway the poison of anger is out of my system. Anger can make one say hateful things.  Yikes. I checked my blood pressure this morning, and it was 123/76, so obviously I am not stressing about anything. Lisa is going away on Saturday, so today I need to contemplate my activities. I am excited about getting things done. A surprise you know?  

Also,  I have all my tax stuff basically. My non IRA account did sell some stocks in December, so I do have a small capital gain or loss to report. I'll probably get it this week. We can do our taxes when Lisa gets back. We can do our wills too. Our old one is a bit outdated. My brother Jim was named executor,  and money was to be set aside for Hailey's college education.  She's like 27 now or something.  I still think we are paying for like another year or so term policies. After that runs out, I am not sure what we will do. Maybe a little term to pay funeral expenses.  Not sure. I don't know what people normally do. 

Probably all things being equal Lisa and I have a good healthy 25 years left. We would probably save a good portion in that time. I imagine Lisa would take early retirement, and me a late one. It's actually time we start thinking of those things kinda. Strange huh?  Life doesn't stop for anyone. 

How lucky is it to be me?  I am fine with work,  eat, sleep. I like my routine. Typically my worst day of the week is my day off.   :)

I look inside me, and I am fine. The poison is out. Today is a day,  and it should be fine. I'll do some stuff around the house, and make tacos. I am going to make my own refried beans. I think it is better that way, than what you buy in a can.  

Anyway, I spose.   

Laterzzzzzzzzz.         :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

I See How Others Live.

A peaceful life starts at home I guess. Typically I wake up, and everything seems pretty easy. My homelife is typically so stress free its ridiculous. I wake up typically happy to start another day. Then my Dad's stupidity enters in. If for some miracle of a reason $1700 is not enough for him to live on every month, how is going into debt going to help?  He is full of bad decision after bad decision. 

Anyway me dealing with that BS wonders how other households are. This stupid shit adds stress to my life, cuz it is under my roof. Every household probably has members in it making bad decisions. It is such an annoying thing to watch people go down a self destructing path. I have not handled it too well. I forgave the stupidity,  and bailed him out, but now he is going on 5 months straight. I get it, I am totally like what in the fuck?  

Imagine the households filled with gamblers,  and alcoholics,  lazy people. There is probably quite a significant percentage of people who make life worse for others. 

Some shit cannot be helped I guess. Someone addicted to heroin is fucked. Those addicted to cigarettes are kinda fucked too. Everyone knows it's bad, and pretty close to impossible to quit without wrecking your life and outlook for a bit. 

Gambling is the same way too. People may be addicted to a sedentary lifestyle. What percentage in the US of people are considered obese?  What percentage eat fast food several times per week?  

Chances are the majority of households have someone making bad decisions. Those decisions make lives worse,  cuz it is infuriating to see people do self destructive things. 

I've cut way back on drinking, cuz too much is self destructive. I'd like to cut back more, but sometimes when the day is done, I am like what the heck. My days always start out busy. I got shit to do, Hope to walk or run, work,  shit around the house.  Ponder legal recourse for the elephant in the room my dad.  

It's either power of attorney to me where I cut off the Heroin addict, or he's got to go. I am not made to survive on $1700/month while doing nothing. My Dad has always been the type willing to be lazy, and do nothing. He wanted to be esteemed in people's eyes, but never really did anything of any consequence so he's the "appearance" guy. Wear a suit everywhere you go, so you look "successful" even though you are far from it. Come to think of it, I don't think anyone in Holland wears suits hardly. That age has passed. 

I guess in life it is hard to see truthfully how people live. Why do people feel the need to keep up appearances?  Maybe I should just show off my less than perfect side. I have rage sometimes toward my dad's stupidity. I brought him here to make his final years easy, and he fails every day. such a schemer.  

I drink alcohol. I want to quit just cuz, but at the end of the day I may partake for the same reason. Just cuz. 

I've done stupid things for sure. Broken any number of unwritten rules. I don't have a filter for my anger, cuz all for good takes the filter away. I don't think I get angry a lot,  although recently may be different, cuz of shit my dad does in this household. 

I am indifferent as fuck. I am not attached to anyone really. I am married yeah, so I have that. What i mean though is i don't have to go to any weddings, funerals, birthday parties,  or gatherings.  I don't have to do shit for holidays. I don't have to be sociable. i don't have to spend money for entertainment purposes. I am fine staying at home, and eating a meal. I am not worried about anyone's homework, and people's futures don't occupy any of my thoughts.  When my dad dies he dies. I'll dispose of the body as cheap as possible. I won't have any ceremony, cuz I owe no one anything, and I am indifferent as fuck. 

Doubt I have any sad thoughts about him going, cuz I learned the last couple years that he isn't someone deserving of such things. 

So I am solo in these ways. Not looking to make my life harder, and not looking to hook my future to people. There is freedom in not having to do shit.  As far as being sociable.  

I work,  eat, sleep. If society typically adds other burdens to life in the form of unwritten rules, they aren't my rules,  and I have no use for them.  

See?  Life is easy peasy,  when you are free to do as you choose. Luckily my heart is made up of work, eat, sleep. Also, I navigated my rage away to where my life is simple still. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Monday Comes.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. Monday typically is just way better of a day than Sunday it seems. Kinda strange I love Monday the start of the work week better than Sunday my day off. 

Yesterday was a pretty big step day. Taking Hope helps with that. I think I was at 19,000 steps by 10:30 AM. I am going to see a lawyer about my Dad. We talked to a banker who had a family member with the same type of problem,  and basically took over guardianship of the person's money. I have no desire to, but if he's too stupid to give his money to a junky what can you do?  It's either that or I kick him out for being too dumb. 

A bank gave him a credit card with a $5000 limit, and up to $800 cash he can take out each day. I've heard him yelling on the phone to this bank, cuz he is a complete asshole all the time. So naturally i was curious when he got mail from this bank, and it felt like there was a card in it. There was. I am not in the habit of opening mail, but i did here,  and ripped all that shit up. What are interest rates for cash advances?  29% interest or something?  

Anyway he  was gone yesterday from like 9:30 AM til midnight. I don't give a shit what he does,  it would be the polite thing to get arrested for something or another, and get thrown in jail or something. I think I need to find a nursing home for him. I can't handle him being here anymore. 

It would be something if he was a productive member of society. Just by getting friends his own age. Being active. Shit like that. Instead of financing junkies, which I don't feel is the best thing one can do. 

If I knew then what I know now, I would have let him rot in Chicago. What a loser.  Can you imagine a hearing about his competency?  Thrown out of bars for being a creepy ass old guy. Bank statements that have multiple ATM withdrawals in one day, all toward the beginning of each month. Chase calling the State to investigate this guy, cuz he calls them all the time. He found out he could get cash back while they investigated his complaints. Then they'd take the money right back, when they found out, yep you took the cash out at an ATM. 

Ya kinda have to accept your circumstances.  If you are 84 years old, then realize not many people are interested in you. Old people will listen to you, cuz they are old too. On Sunday at the bar there was an older gentleman. Normal looking. He ordered a shot,  and a beer. Then he kept gambling. Keno, and these stupid lottery ticket type things. He won a pretty good chunk on something, and then just pissed it all away on more lottery tickets. What in the Fuck?  

It's like the old guy with Parkinson's last year playing the same goddamn things. Hands shaking everywhere checking to see if he won. What do they want to win?  It's not like they could travel anywhere. 

People I guess go through life, and have no clue what it's about. Chase after money I guess, even when it wouldn't do them any good. Eventually you get too old to do "fun" stuff. Especially if you are sedentary like my dad is. You lose the ability to be mobile. 

I am happy with work, eat, sleep. I don't need to chase after money, cuz I know it doesn't really lead anywhere great. If you get too rich you may want to fly off in your helicopter,  and what can go wrong there?  

I don't want to sit at a beach. I don't want to travel to exotic places. I just want full days that lead me tired at the end. A meal, maybe a tv show,  and early bed. 

This is me living my best life,  cuz I know the truth, and I accepted it. My heart was made strong enough. Now I am happy with how my life has shaped up. My Dad just doesn't have any idea of his folly. A simple minded man who never graduated beyond an 8th grade education. Even if he has a paper saying he has a B.A. or  B S. In whatever. Probably BS, cuz he is proficient in that.   :)

Anyway, today,  I'll go see a lawyer today. Maybe stop by a nursing home or something. He should be someone else's problem. Also, I am free. Secure, and assured. It is not my responsibility to visit a man I don't like. If it comes to that. He made his own bed. Not my problem.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

Not Horrible I Guess For A Sunday.

So, I really got a pretty good amount done the last few days. All the laundry put away and folded. Dishes all done,  kitchen cleaned. Everything vacuumed, like stairs,  and breezeway. We even bought little white blocks for our tv stand to sit on, so our robot vacuums under that. It already fits under our bed, and couch. Like that lady said when we walked out of Best Buy we were going to love that thing. Especially since we have pets. I cannot imagine how dirty our floors were always before we had that thing. 

I did run out of things to do yesterday. So for the first time in several months I went to a local pizza place and sat at the bar, and had a couple beers. They were playing on my tv an abbreviated Saturday night game between the Lakers,  and the Sixers. One moment Lebron passed Kobe for 3rd place on the all time scoring list. They show congratulations tweets from Kobe, and right before I left I see he died. I definitely did a double check there. Pretty surprising to say the least. 

My watch says I slept poor last night, but i feel like a million bucks. Stupid watch, what do you know. I am really looking forward to today. My routine. Work,  workout,  take Hope before work, and dinner. Plus we get to watch the new outsider episode tonight. It played last night at 9:00, but I don't stay up that late. 

Yesterday was really good I'd say. I even took blankets to the laundromat for cleaning,  plus my regular shopping. I made pulled pork too in the instapot.  I used Hawaiian buns too, and it was really good. I haven't done pulled pork in forever. 

Lisa will be gone next week, which will be kinda trippy. I think I am going to do some extra projects. Maybe some trim, and painting. Clean everything really good. This year is starting out to be one of my best, productivity wise I'd say. Not sure why that is, but it is definitely good. It's good to have that spark. Also my knee felt really good yesterday during my run. I think I am just going to stick to my short runs. No more races for me, which is fine. I just want to be active,  and I am able to do that. 

Outside that not much. My Dad went out to his heroin addict friends house. He is driving without insurance,  and I don't really care. He'll soon be driving without legal license plate tabs too, if he continues to drive. Soooooo dumb. Such stupid decisions. He could have got his insurance for $200/month, but he didn't pay it. So, his $1700 went to who knows where. So dumb. He's as responsible as a 12 year old boy. 

There is a man that no one likes except a Heroin addict. I don't like him that is for sure. I never realized how little of any redeeming quality he has. He actually has none. Selfish and mean his whole life. Lazy too. 

Anyway, such is life. You can't pick your family,  so. 

Anyway onto better stuff. I have my regular Monday today. It should be okay. I'll be busy, and active. I should try and contemplate some projects to do if I find myself with freetime. I guess I should finish my book. 

Anyway, I guess I'll start my day.  

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Stewing, And Venting.

I've been kinda stewing, thinking about my Dad's stupidity. Every month he gets a check for ~$1700. After a week or so it's gone, most of it to someone addicted to heroin. I bailed him out a couple times from his stupidity, but now we are going on 5 months straight. Before that he was getting kicked out of bars, from being an ass. Police have called me letting me know, and the State has contacted me, asking if he has dementia. His bank got sick of him complaining to them where his money went. When he gets money he goes to an ATM several times in one day. An ATM that charges even though his bank is one  block away. 

He didn't renew his insurance, and his license plate has to be renewed by March 2. I vented yesterday...again.  Told him I am disappointed you  are my Father.  A lifetime of bad decisions. He no longer can drive legally. If he tries to once his plates expire he will get a ticket. Well two. He has no insurance either. All because he can't stop giving a heroin addict money. 

He could have joined where I go to workout. He could meet people,  have cheap breakfast and lunch. Play billiards,  work out, do woodworking,  take classes,  whatever. Why, cuz he thought he needed to play handball. He didn't accept his age and limitations. He thought girl bartenders of 35-40 years old would be interested in his 84 year ass. Ummmm, no. Bartenders are nice cuz its their job. They eventually called the police. 

Other than that things are going okay. I got out of work on Friday early,  and did a lot of housework. I went to work early yesterday, and left early,  so I didn't see a movie. I did some more house stuff. Most of my Sunday stuff is done. I do have to go shopping,  and a few other things,  but I am happy to be productive at other times than normal. I got my 3 workouts in too last week. Mileage was down significantly. Let me check. 64 miles. yikes. 

Outside of my dad being stupid beyond measure, everything else is fine. I think as a challenge to myself. I want to give my house a deep clean,  when Lisa is gone in two weeks. Wouldn't that be cool to come home to?   I'll think of some shit to do. I have a few things I can do today. I definitely don't want to run out of things too early. Sundays can be my worst days if that happens.  

I think I'll have one more cup of coffee,  and then take Hope. I gotta weigh myself too. Hopefully it isn't too bad. Now that I am weighing myself every week,  I'll probably turn into a weight ninnie. dammit.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Hey, It's Friday.

Man, I am really getting old. I am about as unexciting a person as there is. If you want a friend to woop it up with. Go out for a night on the town, and get fucked up, geesh,  that is no longer me. 

Friday night is a big night. The start of the weekend, but it is an early to bed night for me. I work Saturdays. You know what is kinda nice about working early Saturday?   A lot, for one I won't be spending a ton of money on Friday night activities. Saturday will not be a lazy day. Typically I'll be close to 20,000 steps by noon. I will be tired Saturday after work. Typically I'll see a movie, and all that is left is dinner. Typically I won't be spending a lot of money on Saturday night activities. Also I like it when the Saturday paycheck shows up. It is  good supplementary income. 

I am excited about living my boring stupid life. It probably is one of the good things about aging. Boring isn't expensive. The need to spend money dwindles quite a bit. At least in my experience. 

In this way it is good to be me. Being content in things. Our W2's are starting to roll in. I made almost $600 last year in interest for my Discover accounts. Not too shabby. It's not a lot of money, but left in a regular savings you'd be looking at maybe $1 of income. It's why the stock market is so high. It's hard to make money with interest, and the money has to go somewhere. People put money in housing stuff too. 

If the stock market is a bubble,  and housing is a bubble,  then what?  Low interest rates cannot fix it, cuz the rates are already low. That would be something huh?  Worse than 2007, cuz there are no band aids left in the closet. Worst case scenario happens you will want to be debt free. 

I don't know what percentage of people  carry a credit card balance.  That is a high interest people pay. Also I don't know how many people cashed out equity in their home. In my younger years a lump sum of cash = fun. Buy toys,  take trips,  whatever. My old self now likes to just do as I do. I am contemplating checking out a city for a few days sometime. Maybe like a Philadelphia or something. In the Spring. Maybe catch a baseball game along the way. 

As to the impeachment thing, I am not really paying attention. I see the right does not see any problem at all with what's transpired. That is the state of our politics too. Eyes wide shut. You picked your side, and that's that. If the sides were reversed I can't say the same wouldn't take place. The left would keep their eyes wide shut. 

Objectivity is a casualty in today's World. Our heart holds on to hate,  and eyes cannot be open when hate is so prevalent in hearts. The heart wins control in that battle, and reason is no longer possible. 

So, what I am going to do is continue my day to day. My heart lacks yearning,  so I don't have that hassle of wanting all the things. I stay busy, and that helps me stay healthy. I am going to take Hope for a short run. 2 days in a row. 

Oh, and I am pretty positive our adjusted gross income will be less than $50,000. That I believe is the lowest tax rate. I may get a pretty good return. That would be pretty sweet. 

You see we don't make a ton of money, but we are pretty rich, all things considered. 

Anyway, I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

Change Of Routine Kinda.

I'd say this week my routine kinda got changed. Having Lisa sick, I drove all week, just in case I had to pick something up on the way home. I did go to a grocery store 3 times in the last two days for this and that. Pudding, applesauce, soup, and stuff. I did do the dishes, but the rest of the house is trashed. She has been sleeping on the couch, but she is back in her bed now. 

I remember from last year, coming back from being sick is brutal. You are wiped out, and it takes a bit to get the energy back. Outside a cough I've been pretty good this year. I think my cough is from my blood pressure medicine,  but i continually think I'll lick that side effect. I may change it too. We'll see. I feel fine in all things. Energy is fine, and energy is kinda a big deal. 

Work is super easy now. We are pretty much leaving work early every day. It seems odd, but before you know it, we won't be probably. Oh, another thing is I haven't taken Hope this week at all, well I did after work Monday I guess. Monday was just incredibly productive. As much as Sunday sucked, Monday was great. I did get my workouts in too Monday and yesterday. 

Life moves on. I am 54 I think, and things are going good. I am settled in my life. I don't think I have any real hobbies. I do stay busy with my life,  and that I like. Age 54 is the money making years I guess. If you had kids they are gone, or close to it. 54, no they should be gone, unless you had them late. Your house is probably paid for, or close to it. Unless you refinanced. my house is paid for, cuz of an inheritance,  but I was down to a small mortgage anyway, and owed way less than half the value. 

I give $100/week to my investment people, and $6000 each year in a 2nd IRA account. My original $5000 in the non IRA account is now approaching $10,000. That shit starts to add up. Figure 15 years all things being equal, should be pretty good. 

Now, I just do my day to day. My drinking is like 50% days off, as opposed to 100% days on. Last night I had two light drinks. I made a 3rd stiff one,  but didn't drink it. Monday and Tuesday I didn't drink. I love my nonexistent heart rate when I don't drink. Monday I had so much to do, I was just busy busy busy. Tuesday Lisa was sick,  and I happily got sucked into tv shows. Yesterday I was bored. I didn't really have much to do, so I had a couple drinks. I love the relaxing feel of a couple drinks. Even still my resting heart rate stays elevated, and I hate that. I did sleep good last night. Being tired, and a couple drinks equals a good sleep. 

I guess I wish I could always be entertained with activity, or reading,  and watching tv, that I wouldn't drink. That isn't always the case though. If I am bored I'll probably have a couple, as I am now. Also if the weather is shit there isn't much to do anyway. We are having a mild winter though. 

Oh another thing is I am almost starting to up my coffee to two cups it seems.  I typically don't drink any on Saturday, but one cup can easily turn into two this week. It could just be a product of drinking less. Like I said if I drink my heart rate stays elevated, so I typically wouldn't need that jump start. That's probably why I didn't drink coffee a lot in the past. Coffee is like blogging. Only something I do in the early morning. Rarely/never do I drink coffee after my morning cup. It's free where I work too. I suck down water with squeezed lemon in it. One of those things I love, and also happens to probably be good for me. 

So today I'll take Hope. I'll try to do the run thing too. It should be okay. Work should be pretty low key. I don't have a lot of mixing to do, so I can help out in other areas. I think today should be okay.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

The 10 Secrets Of The Super Wealthy.

Haha.  Just kidding. Sorry I missed you yesterday. I was blogging, but I had to go to the drugstore across town for Lisa who was up puking, and shitting all night. She's doing better now, but I am sure her body is beat to shit. I think she had about 6 bouts of emptying her innards, so her core is toast I am sure. 

I took advantage yesterday. I napped after work, picked up some soup, and stuff then watched tv. I am caught up on the outsider.  HBO show from a Stephen King book, and finished season 2 of big little lies. I saw an interview, well more likely a blurb from Nicole Kidman, season 3 will be tough to make, cuz those girls are pretty busy with other projects. I saw Lisa has the book, so I might start reading it. 

Of course the house is trashed, so I'll have plenty to do today, plus it's a workout day, plus I didn't kill it sleeping wise. I couldn't stop watching big little lies so I stayed up late like an idiot. 

I think it is a week from Saturday or Sunday Lisa will be leaving for her trip. It's almost like I get a hall pass, but I've always got a hall pass,  and I never want to use it anymore. It's been that way a while I guess. I'll probably just do the same stuff, but dinners will be different I guess. Maybe I'll make more fish or something. It will be kinda different, but time flies anyway. 

Other than that not much. My life is simple, and that's the way I like it. I am definitely not looking over my shoulder for a better life. The one I got is fine. It's basically got everything i need. Whatever all that is. I just don't feel I am lacking anything. I don't lack attention, or probably don't seek it out. I don't lack confidence or self esteem. I am fine financially. I live comfortably. If the World took a shit, I'd still internally feel very confident and secure. The things that make up the World- cars, homes, money, etc... are not the source of my confidence. Also I don't really have a yearning heart. I don't particularly want the next greatest thing whatever that is. 

I don't want a great computer or tablet, cuz I rarely use them. My phone was like $100-150 new, so its not the greatest, but I can't imagine what I'd need the greatest for. This one is more than fine. 

My cars are fine, etc...  I am pretty lucky to be like this, cuz it is all we seek. Our hearts don't comprehend it though, cuz a human heart always yearns. Its wind the human heart seeks, so it is always chasing. You cannot overcome your own human heart. It's too powerful for someone like you. 

Come to think of it a turn is not something one does with overwhelming strength, but probably just the opposite. 

I think people still think they are just a step away from Sainthood still. Just one or 2 good deeds away.   :)   or something.  

I have a day today. I feel pretty relaxed, and confident about it. Piece of cake.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.          :)))

Sundays Are The Worst.

There just isn't enough to do on a Sunday. Especially with horrible weather. I shoveled/ran the snowblower 4 times yesterday. That wasn't so bad, cuz I actually did okay stepwise for a Sunday. I was up way too early, so I was all out of whack. I usually shop at Meiers and Sam's Club. I showed up at Sam's a half hour before they were open, so I didn't even go. I didn't feel like waiting. Come to think of it I should have stopped at Walmart to look around. I think I've only been in a Walmart once in my life. Couldn't hurt to look around. 

Anyway I ran out of shit to do. I watched football for a while. I must have fallen asleep during the first game. Saw some of the end, and a bit of the 2nd game. Of the 4 teams in, I was rooting for the Chiefs, so they are still in it. I think the only thing that can stop them is a team with a good running game. It didn't work yesterday. Looking at the stats of the niners game though,  we may see in a couple weeks. No defense can stop them when they are fully healthy,  which they are, and they are playing good too. Plus it looks like they learned from last year. 

Anyway, I just didn't have anything else to do really. Hold on, I'm gonna see what time I fell asleep yesterday. Ahhhhhh, I see 4:40-5:53. Then at 8:40 or so. All in all almost 7-1/2 hours. Today should be fine. Back to normal. I got plenty of sleep,  and I got plenty to do. Work, and work out for one thing. Plus I should pick up some stuff I forgot to yesterday. I'm gonna check out a new *for me* Mexican store some time this week too. My old one doesn't sell meat anymore. Luckily though like I said I got plenty to do. Sundays aren't bad, but when the weather is shit what can you do?  

Lisa is taking my dad to the bank today, so we  can see what he does with his money. He just pisses through it like a drunken sailor in a whore's house.  There probably is a fine line between stupidity and dementia, and he's straddling it pretty good. He seems fully functional when you talk to him, but he's just an idiot about everything else. I mean if you work zero out of 24 hours every day, how hard is it to have your shit together?  How hard is it to get cash out of your bank instead of a fee charging atm that is one block away. Why do you get cash so often too. See what I mean?  Just dumb. 

He can't cook a meal to save his life. It seems life just skipped that generation, at least about learning practical things. I guess being a batchelor for an extended time might do that... maybe. I'd still make food I wanted to eat I think.  Just less of it. I will not be able to understand his life I guess. He's so annoying I don't even care. 

Other than that I got my stuff that keeps me okay. Work,  eat, sleep. I am thankful I don't have another day off. That would be the worst. 

Anyway I spose. I think I'll relax for a bit before I get ready.  

Laterzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeee.       :)))

I Am Up At Stupid 'O' Clock.

So, it's my one day off this week, and I got up before my weekly early alarm. I lost a half pound last week, aka stayed the same. In the past I didn't weigh myself much, but it appears I am a165-175 weight person with the majority being where I am now. 168 or thereabouts.  

This week ended up being 71 miles. Friday being less than normal, and Saturday being more. I didn't work out Friday. I went to see a movie instead. 3 days 3 movies.  :)  this week was just another week really. Nothing too exciting at all. 

I can probably start running again. It's my day off, but it is a feels like 4°.  My running partner Hope tweaked her paw. It snowed last night too, so nothing is plowed. I may run later. We will see. I do have some stuff to do. Normal Sunday stuff, but that is later too. I think I'll read my book after this.  

Can't say I've had any important thoughts about anything. Just doing the life thing. One day at a time. I just live out my life, and the days are simple. I guess it is good to be busy. There always is more people can do, but you know in my case there really isn't. I pretty much am just going, and then it is time to eat and sleep. 

Yesterday I couldn't keep my eyes open. Hold on. It says I fell asleep around 7:21. Pretty normal time. 4-1/2 hours a little less sleep than normal. I was wide awake early though, and I know I was done sleeping. So, I am up. I don't have any major goals currently tugging at my heart. 

That may be the lack of sleep. You know how I typically am go go go when I wake up?  Course it could be there isn't much for me to do right now. It isn't even 3:00AM. I think I'll shovel. I cleared the driveway yesterday, but we got some more today. 

That's settled. I will clear the driveway again. Get ahead of the neighbors.   :)  if they didn't clear their driveway yesterday, they have a thick sheet of ice. Not me.  

I think this week should be okay. I have no pain in any areas so tomorrow's workout should be good. Honestly too for a day off shoveling isn't a bad start. Also I got some of my Sunday shit done yesterday after the movie. I should seek out a cleaning/organizing project.   Maybe the go go go is actually starting to hit now.   :)

I spose.   

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeee.     :)))

The Body Knows, I Guess

Good  morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I woke up before my early alarm feeling like a million bucks. I mean ridiculously so. I was contemplating how lucky I am to feel like this. I fell back asleep, and when the early alarm went off, I was dead to the World.  I slept til my middle alarm, and don't feel as good as before my early alarm. Go figure. For the good news I got 7 hours and 49 minutes of sleep. That will pay dividends in some form. 

Yesterday was okay. I got out a little early, so I was able to see a movie. "Underwater"  it was fine for a Thursday afternoon movie. I wouldn't necessarily pay money to see it, but I don't really pay money to see certain movies. I pay $20/month to see any movie anytime. 

I came home, and cleaned the kitchen, and made dinner. Really it was just a good day all around. Today will be busy. It's a workout day, and I'll have to take Hope after. Not sure what to do for dinner. I have to make my cucumber sauce for gyros sometime. 

Outside of all that not much is going on. There isn't anything too terribly important going on in my life as usual. I think I have my  typical day to day, and it makes up my normal. Then I try to squeeze more stuff with the time left over. Yesterday I saw a movie, and cleaned the kitchen. I felt pretty good about yesterday. Now that the coffee is hitting, I am excited for today. It will be busy today, but we are way ahead with work,  so I will get out early. 

So hey. I'll have a day today. It should be okay. Tomorrow is work,  and hopefully a movie. I think as a goal I should try to finish my Agatha Christie book by tomorrow sometime. If I do it that way I'll be more disciplined in reading probably. It's a good book, but I am always thinking I should do something else besides read. For some reason it doesn't get prioritized. 

Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeee.     :)))

So Little Time.

I think it just occured to me how little time there is in a day. For me to add a lot of veggies to my diet,  I decided to make salads loaded with the veggies. It takes a lot of time to prep. My days have only so many hours. I try to walk or maybe run Hope if my knee allows 6 days/week. At least walk. I work out 3 days per week. Let's say an hour. I take the bike after work away from my house, workout,  and bike home. We cook dinner most nights. Various cleaning needs to be done during the week. I work two jobs, 6 days/ week, say 44-52 hours depending on the week. 

This time of year I may be closer to the 44 hours, so I figured I'd have more time. The days move swiftly. I try to keep good habits, from eating good. Recently I added good stuff to my diet,  salads, fruit, and nuts. Took bad stuff out. I don't eat pigs in a blanket, bacon, or french fries as much as I used to. I stay active, and that is more important than even I suspected. I also cut down on drinking alcohol. Yesterday I had a couple. Just cuz it was that kinda day. Also because I am over the addiction, which I am pretty sure I was. My day can be just as fine without alcohol. 

It *can* be a sad state how busy we are. Is this the extent of life?  I talked to someone yesterday who is battling with anxiety, depression,  and panic attacks. I was like a deer in headlights. Anxiety and depression couldn't be further from me. I've had a panic attack once, and that's brutal. Your heart just takes off for no reason. Mine we are pretty sure was due to pain pills after back surgery. So I did without, and I was fine. I guess life is a struggle for some, but it isn't for me. At all. I just do my work,  eat, sleep. I stay busy. I am active so my blood brings oxygen to my cells more than most people my age. That is a pretty safe assumption. I am pretty consistent, as my days don't fluctuate much. Let's say for 6 days I'll have 60-72 miles in, probably mostly like 65-66. Sunday will be like 5 miles say. I workout 3 days/week too, so I use my muscles a good amount. I added stretching too, and I am glad of it. 

I don't know what I am trying to say, but my life is full, active, and my body uses a pretty good portion of its muscles. I am mentally doing good,  as I have very little stress. I am supremely confident, and assured in my future. I am doing good I guess you would say. I would have no idea how to help anyone else feel like I do. I couldn't do it.  I couldn't give you the steps.  I live as I do, cuz it is a product of how I feel internally. I don't feel good internally, due to living how I do. Emulating me does not help a person feel what I feel. That comes from elsewhere. A power unbeknownst to you. 

In this way it is good to be me. You have no idea. 

Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Another Day Done.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday ended up being pretty busy all around. I had to take the dogs for a walk after work,  cuz I slept late. Same as  today. I cleaned the kitchen, cuz it was a mess again, made my salad,  which takes a crazy amount of time. For those who don't know, I add a ton of raw veggies, and make enough for 4-5 days. It takes a while. Also I made Chinese for dinner, so add more veggie prep to the day. So after work there was walk, clean,  prep, cook, eat, watch a couple episodes of show, and sleep. 

The sad state of our days is enough to make anyone drink huh?   :)  I didn't drink yesterday. It was easy not to, and I was beat again at my usual pass out time. It seems to me both states gather momentum. At least in my case. You drink one night, and next thing you know you got 5 days of drinking in. I currently didn't drink for two days, and currently have no desire for today. I am fine with the boring state of our existence. I am fine doing it sober too. 

Prepping my salad, and cooking a dinner does not seem too exciting to me as an outsider looking in. Can't say anything else really is any more exciting. A lot of what I do shows up here, and who cares?  It all seems boring to me. Just my day to day. 

I can't really sugar coat it to show how exciting it is, cuz it isn't. I can't show you how great of a saint I am, cuz I am not. I am fine with my existence, cuz I dont expect anything too exciting in this current state. 

I expect others think life is some significant thing. Great things are supposed to be done. We are such a small piece to the universe, and internally we think our life is pretty huge. Our life is kinda a big deal, and so are we. Of course that has no basis in fact, and I imagine how sandy, slippery,  and shaky that puts our foundation on. Believing one thing when the truth is something different will do that. 

The truth isn't self-evident. People have always gone on doing life without thinking of the meaning of it. Perhaps they are the product of society,  and upbringing,  so they think they know the truth, and stop there.  Actually all fall short in that manner. 

Me too I guess until I found out wow, there is no point this existence. My life was before me, but what was I to do if none of this mattered. The only thing I could do. 

When it came time for me to give up my coin, I was able to do it. Cuz my coin/life was of no consequence. To those whose coin is so supremely significant and important,  I guess they want to show everyone how shiny, and great they can make their coin. So they made their choice. An act of trust,  or no thank you, I would rather show everyone how great I am. 

Now where do you stand?  You and I are in different spots. I tried leading you in the path I took, but none would follow. Yet here I am the one who is content. Content with my insignificance,  while others are still lacking. 

Anyway today will be another busy day. Workout, and my walk has not been done either. I need to stretch, and do dinner too. Watch a couple more episodes of the blacklist too. Nothing too exciting huh?

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

You Can Always Just Start Over.

So yesterday was another day. Just a typical Monday pretty much. I got my workout in. I did all the exercises at the gym. The pullups are either harder or just different enough to make me sore today. Not big time sore, but a little. 

I didn't drink yesterday,  and that was easy. I relaxed yesterday pretty good. I had two cups of tea when I got home. It's my new thing. I started reading a book. I made a simple dinner, and started watching Blacklist. I didn't make my salad, and I didn't do any cleaning. So basically I was able to start everything over. I had a good amount of steps in, and I didn't drink. Relaxing without alcohol appears to be something I can do. Also for the life of me, I cannot remember how I got off track. It seems I drank one day, and next thing you know it was like 5 days. Each less than my previous norm,  except Sunday, which kinda was my previous norm. 

Our internals can always lead you astray I guess. I am sure everyone has that battle on a regular basis. Not drinking vs. not drinking per se, but how I am thinking vs. how a decent person thinks. That battle. You know your inner asshole who has a good amount of control over you. Also the one that leads you to do things you'd rather not do. 

Whatever though,  I already know why those things are the way they are. I've known it a while,  and it just isn't even exciting. I guess most people think they are normal in some way, but normal compared to what I have no idea. I am nothing like anyone else, but I am not special in any way. Not better, not more deserving of whatever. 

I am just a person who took a different route long ago. It seems like nothing now, although I definitely had terrifying moments. Now I just do my day to day, which is easy. My life is not hard. Getting rid of my drinking thing is just something I do. It isn't always easy, but it won't change me any. 

Gosh I thought my answer concerning that was to be busy busy busy. Make a sacrifice toward more activity. Really I just need to learn how to relax another way. For the record reading, or watching shows is not some better activity. There is no purpose to it, but it keeps poisons out of your body. 

Life is an endless string of insignificant days. We can choose the insignificant things we do with our time. I guess I accept I cannot just busy myself with activity til it is time to sleep. I have to find something else to do with my downtime. You cannot run away from having downtime. Maybe that's how I got off track. I stayed busy doing this and that,  but when I was done I grabbed for a drink to chill. 

I'll have downtime,  and I just have to choose something besides alcohol. I think downtime is probably a pretty important part of the day. 

Anyway, a work in progress I am kinda. This guy here ain't ever gonna be perfect as I am now. I have to do something completely different to be that. I can't labor myself to perfection you know?  Although eventually that is where I am headed. This current version of me will be no more at that point. That will be very different too. So different I cannot even really imagine it, although I've had a glimpse a long time ago. 

Anyway, here's to another day with downtime. A thing I accept my day to have. I cannot run away from it. My body needs it. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.          :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.     :)))

Time To Get Back On Track.

Geesh, it's so easy to get off track. I started wanting to not drink this year. it was going fine, and then it wasn't.  It don't take much to get off track. Yesterday I got all my stuff done. Dinner was in the instapot. My shelving project was done. Kitchen cleaned,  last batch in the dryer. I went and got alcohol. I really didn't need to, but I did. I could have watched the stupid football games without drinking,  but I didn't. I had 3 drinks too. So today starts day 1 again. I know I know, I am such a weak idiot.   Drinking is just such a good time filler. 

Today is another day, and this week is another week. I do have a lot to do today. I never did make my salad, so I have to do that. Plus some other shit. It's a workout day too. I probably have to drive too, cuz more freezing rain I  think. 

Anyway its a new week,  and I gotta get back on track. That's really about all that is in my mind. Just the desire to get back on track. It's so easy to get in a bad groove. Kinda crazy. 

I guess there really isn't much on my mind besides that. Life goes on. Looking inside me, I don't really have much to worry about. I have work, and other activities to keep me busy. I just have to start reading again or something once the drinking hour hits. 

Really it isn't the worst thing in  the World if I drink, cuz its not like I haven't done anything once that point hits. I definitely want to quit though, just for the health benefits. I have to find something to keep me busy during the drinking hours.  Really a way to relax. That is what drinking is. How I relax. Maybe that's how I have to look at it. I keep thinking stay busy busy busy, but I really need to find a way to relax without drinking. It seems easy I know. It mostly is, but it's easy to fail too. 

Anyway I spose.  Time to start day 1 again. 

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

Easy Like Sunday Morning.

Actually, Sunday mornings really aren't that easy.  I have a certain amount of things I like to get done, so I really have to plan.  This Sunday is easier than most, cuz the kitchen is already clean, and I did some laundry aleady this week, so I don't have a lot.  I do have to go grocery shopping sometime.  I should anyway, but I guess it isn't vital.  I have to make my salad too.  Figure out something to do for dinner.  I weighed myself already to get it out of the way.  I felt fat for me, but I lost 3 of the 6 lbs. I somehow gained in a week.   168.9, and I always go for the marathon P.R. weight of 167 as a baseline, so not so bad, but I feel fat still.   :)

I've been sore this week, and I think it is mostly from stretching.   Who knew??   Also doing pull ups at my workout place has me feeling a bit sore.   Like maybe my arms go out a bit wider or something.   That really shouldn't happen, cuz I have been doing pullups.   Come to think of it, I was a little sore after my workouts this week.  I did get all 3 in this week.   Also I ended up with 71 miles.  Crazy how I was starting Saturday work with 72 miles already in the bank.  Part of that is running obviously as you can run a farther distance than walk in the same amount of time.   Remember I've stayed pretty busy too after work getting my 71 miles.  

One thing I noticed about me is I don't give myself free time to start my day off.   Say you want to just chill.  Read a book or see a movie, I don't afford myself that luxury.  Mostly an internal thing as I want to get shit done.  I can't say that has always been with me.  A nice winter morning, I should just chill right?   My internals have me feeling I'd rather get shit done.  Just mentioning that, cuz it wasn't always the case.   

Yesterday I saw a movie after work.  It was good.  "Just Mercy" I think.  A true story about a black guy on death row in Alabama.  It was a really really good movie.  We had our Christmas party at work last night.  The bakery job. Saturday's job was last week.  It was fine.  Different as there are two locations so not everyone knows everyone like in years past.  I had a couple beers, and I watched a bit of football when I got home, and crashed at some point.  I did get over 6 hours of sleep, so that is good.  

What else?   Not much really.  Another day in the life starts now.  It should be pretty low key.  Do a couple things, make something for dinner, etc...   Tomorrow starts a new week, so let's see what that has in store.   What I really want is to stay active after work.  I may see a movie or two after work too, if I have to drive.  I definitely want to get my 3 workouts in.  I am really kind of excited about those.   I think in the past it could be a grind, but now I am excited to do it.   I have a $50 gift card at Lowes.  I think I might use it today.  There is a shelving project I think I want to do downstairs.  It is a simple thing.  Everything is pretty much built already, I just need the correct sizes of 1x whatever to make it not so jumbled together.   It has been like that since we moved in.   I don't know why we never thought to make the easy fix.  

That too is a difference in me.  Thinking to do projects.  Feeling satisfaction, and accomplishment for getting little things like that done.   Where did that come from?   It definitely was missing for a while.   I am excited about my days, because I can get stuff done.   I don't know what it means, but I like it.  The only thing I am missing is a run, or some kind of exercise to get my sweat going you know?  I'd hate to get an exercise bike for the winter.  I wonder if I should look at them.   I wouldn't need the peleton one, cuz it doesn't need to be a big investment.  I know I could do it at my workout place, but then I would have to bring a change of clothes, and I usually ride my bike there anyway, so it would be a pain.  If I am still riding outside, why do I need one for inside?   Usually outside riding you don't sweat.  Inside riding you do.   Does sweating really matter??   Running is so much easier.   :)  

Anyway, I guess I'll take Hope, and start my day.   I am pretty excited for it, and mostly cuz I got shit to do.   Is that strange too?   I think people love a lot of down time, and I love busy time.  I like it when I have stuff to do.   I don't want to sit and relax to read, or watch a movie, even though it is very early on my day off this week.   I want to get shit done.   That wasn't always the case.   

Anyway, I spose.

Laterzzzzzzzzzz    :)

xoxo         :)

xxoo        :)

Byeeeeeeeee         :)))

Up And At 'Em. In Adam?

Come to bv think of it, I have no idea what that saying is supposed to say. I am up to start another day though. Yesterday was okay. I didn't work late, but probably my full shift. It seemed I worked late, cuz everyone was done and gone. A busy mixing day for me. I did get some stuff done when I got home. I ran the robot again too. 

I did have a couple drinks the last few nights. Not cuz of some overpowering craving, but really cuz I wanted to. It equated to basically one stiff drink less than my previous norm. Where that leads from here I am not sure. 

We will see. I won't run up any excuses or justifications right now. Theoretically I am okay with quitting. In practice it's a bit different I guess. I mean when you start quitting drinking its pretty exciting. Excitement doesn't last forever I guess. 

There comes a time at night where a decision is made. Drink or not drink. I guess I should say I limit myself to just 2 drinks. We'll call it basically a half pint. It's easy for me to decide yes. It also is pretty easy NOW for me to quit at 2 drinks. Regardless of all that I did get a good amount done at home. Dishes cleaned,  bedding washed,  winter clothes put in the right spot, dinner made. I stretched yesterday morning, not sure if I did some more last night. It seems I was busy the whole afternoon. We did tacos for dinner. Watched one episode of season 2 big little lies, and I went to bed around 7:00. 

I slept over 6 hours, and today is another day. I looked in the mirror yesterday, and to me I looked like I gained weight. Like maybe I did gain 5 lbs. the week before. I don't know how. I can't say I am eating more. I guess we will see what the scale says on Sunday. 

I totally am a product of how I feel. I am active, so I pretty much have to eat. I can't diet at all, and diets are brutal anyway. If a diet doesn't turn into a sustainable lifestyle change it will fail. You can change what you eat. Add veggies,  and cut out some sweets. I could be wrong,  but you need carbs pretty much to feel full I am thinking. For the inactive though carbs are probably a killer. So definitely add activity for those lacking that. 

I don't go to a real person gym,  so I see old people. Good for them I guess. A lot I assume were not at the gym when they were my age,  so all of a sudden the mortality thing is hitting. Anyway what I wanted to say is a fat person going to the gym several times/week is something all people will respect. Getting out there doing something. No one starts out looking great if it was a lifetime of doing basically nothing. There is satisfaction working toward that goal. Switching your lifestyle starts definitely with moving. Work your muscles too. Make small changes too with the diet. A lot of people want to reinvent the wheel when it comes to eating. Add something healthy every day, and take something unhealthy out every day. Move too. 

Anyway for me today is a workout day. I am looking forward to it. I've been adding to my daily routine. I feel I am staying busier than in the past, especially after work. I'd have to go back to other January posts to see. 

You always think of just adding something a bit more. I can't run right now. I could always take the 2nd walk after work. Is that sustainable?  Maybe a walk on Tuesday,  and Thursday after work. My non workout days. 

That's maybe our weakness too. Good ideas are fine, and exciting. What happens when excitement leaves? 

Anyway I spose. Today is another day. I'll be busy, I'll get a workout. What to do for dinner?  

Today will be a day in the life. It should be fine. Really looking forward to how I feel right after my workout. I gotta stretch too. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Been On A Pretty Good Stretch.

For whatever reason I have been on a pretty good stretch for getting up at my early alarm. I am not getting a ton of sleep. A lot of 5-1/2 hour nights, but I still feel like it's time to get up, and not sleep. One thing I noticed about me yesterday was me saying I feel accomplishment when I do things around the house. That's new. That has been missing for a while. 

Yesterday the times lined up. I got out of work early. I  had time to get my workout in, and time to see a movie. "The Grudge"  it was a low budget horror film. Fine for a Wednesday afternoon. I stooped at Sam's Club,  and picked up a frozen lasagna for dinner. It was $3 more than the Stouffers brand, and it was pretty darn good. I'll get it again. Easy meal. 

I went through my stretches too, which I've been neglecting. It's so important too. I can just tell how tight I am when I stretch. I renewed the book at the library, I may just check Amazon and buy it. I can go through all the stretches in probably less than an hour. I'd like to memorize it, but it may be handy just to have it. I am a little sore again from my workout. I missed it before, but I can do pullups at my workout place. Kinda nice to get everything done there. In a pinch I can do them at home too. Pushups you can do anywhere. I am happy I got my first two workouts in this week. I am oddly excited about doing it too. 

So, I ate dinner. We watched the last episode of big little lies, and went to bed. I ran the robot too for the 3rd day in a row. It seems like such an easy thing, but you sometimes just forget. Maybe the house is messy, and you dont feel like picking shit up. Everything looks so much better when you run it though. 

A day was had. Nothing too exciting about it, but I feel good about the day. It was fine. I found out my left knee isn't bending all that great,  so Hope and I are just walking. I am fine with that too. I am getting close to just calling it a chronic thing. Not sure what you can do for a knee. I suspect you would need to see a specialist. They would probably do a range of motion test. Not sure how much you can find out without an MRI. Maybe some physical therapy can help. Do you need a referral to see a specialist? 

If it's something I can fix on my own with physical therapy or something that would be cool. Some kind of surgery seems dumb, since it isn't debilitating. It just stops me from running. Stairs are kinda a pain too if it is acting up. Honestly too, I am just not that worried about it. 

I got my fitbit annual numbers in my email yesterday. 3400 miles is what I ended up with. Biggest day was 37,000 steps. I averaged 9.31 miles per day. Actually more too, since I didn't always have the thing on. It had some stupid stat my miles equated to climbing the Eiffel tower 18,000 times.   :)   or walking 64,000 city blocks.  Obviously my knee still let's me get around. 

Not much planned today. I have a bit of cleaning to do when I get home. Work will be busy. Thursday it always is. I am going to do tacos for dinner. Its early enough I can do a lot of stretches probably after I take Hope. It is still cold out, but warms up pretty quickly. We are approaching the middle of January. We have no snow still. I am cool with that. The worst months in MI can be January,  and February.  So far so good. 

Laterzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Life Goes On.

Good Morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine.  Yesterday was an okay day.  I got a lot done around the house after work.  I did laundry, and dishes, made dinner, folded laundry, and put it away.  Even sorted socks.  I also cleaned out our freezer chest.   Sometimes you end up with shit in there for years.  We had some stuff we got from a food bank way long ago.  It wasn't that many years ago we were poor enough, that Lisa grabbed some free stuff from a food bank.  We were excited about it too.  I do know how the poor live, as I guess I was that once, although I don't seem to feel any different.   I don't feel my outlook appears to be any different.   I don't even remember having more money being one of the things I yearned for.  

Now I have a good amount of money, as compared to my past.   I can pretty much buy whatever I want.   I could probably buy a house to rent out, and make money.  I have freedom to do any number of things, but I don't want to.  Me not having a mortgage feels better than carrying one as an investment.  I find having money isn't really all that exciting.   I was excited about buying my sweats the other day for under $10.  I would have felt the same way poor.  Money sure isn't the key to happiness.   In the World of social networking, I know I know, everyone has the perfect marriage, and their parents were the best ones ever, and kids are damn near angels everywhere you look.  

Someone at work was talking about Alexa, and how much do Who know?  Paranoid about hearing family stuff, and whatnot.  I don't have an Alexa smart thingy, but it wouldn't worry me.   I don't really have anything to hide.  My life is boring.  Any Government could spy on me, and there wouldn't be much to see.   If you read this blog you can see this to be true.  Internally I feel my life is fine.  I am secure, and most of all content.  My heart feels good about stuff.  My life is simple, and that is good enough for me.  I felt good yesterday getting all the things done I did.  A feeling of accomplishment.  I am not out looking for the next chapter of my life, cuz this here is the final one.   Work, eat, sleep, and eventually another chapter does come along.  I don't worry about the whens.   It is out of my hands, and it isn't my concern.   I guess mostly cuz internally I have everything I really really wanted when my journey was the hardest.   Security, and contentment.   As you know I didn't know I could have those without being the best a person can be.   Also without being full in spirit too.   I was full for a while, and that was pretty darn secure too, but it wasn't the final full I will eventually have.  For all these years I have been very poor in spirit, because that was part of my walk to be so.   I learned to trust other things.   I definitely had some hard lessons to learn.   

I spent a good portion in the wilderness, and to this date you have no idea what that is.   Ive spent decades being poor in spirit, and you have no idea what that is.   I actually spent decades being mostly spirit, and you have no idea what that is either.   Not that it means anything anymore.  If this thing was supposed to serve a purpose, I don't feel it does really anymore.  Its just a simple look into my day to day life.   One that has me active, and maybe it seems weird to wake up way before I have to just to do this, but I've done it so long, it is just second nature.  

I don't find much in life to be too significant.   We all are just living out our days.  My days I feel pretty good about too, and I guess that is what we all want.   We are just not sure what makes that possible.  Is it money?  The way I feel you cannot make.  How I feel is a gift for my labor.   A labor unseen by the seeing eye, but a labor done all the same.  How my labor bares fruit I have no idea, but it does somehow.  We don't see how the sun, and rain, and bees, and butterflies all work together to make the fruit on the tree grow.  We don't see it grow the fruit, yet we see it when it is starting to happen.   

Much of who we are is unseen to the seeing eye.  I suspect many are afraid of that too maybe.   Its why one would be paranoid about an Alexa thingy.  I don't have one btw, and have no intention of getting one, but I wouldn't be afraid of it.   I am not afraid of the stuff about me that cannot be seen by seeing eyes.   Security does that doncha know.   That too I have.  

It is definitely good to be me.  

Anyways, I spose.  I am driving today, cuz it is cold.   Not really cold for January, since in years past we could be below freezing for a month or so straight.   Today will be like 22 degrees, and tomorrow 44.   :)        Maybe I'll see a movie.  I have to workout too, which I am looking forward to.  My life is open to do new stuff, just not sure what yet.   

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzz      :)

xoxo         :)

xxoo        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee      :)))                                                                                                                                

A Different Kind Of Day

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday seemed to be a bit different. I don't know if it was cuz it was such a sunny day or what.  I got my workout in, and honestly I am a little sore. The holidays,  plus me skipping Friday has my workouts being inconsistent. My place is closed on the holidays. It's not just a workout place, it's more like an old people community center. There is a library, and billiards tables,  a big wood working area, a spot for pickleball, a pool, a cafeteria, so there always are staff on. So closed on the holidays. 

Anyway, it feels good to get my workout in. It was so nice outside I decided to ride my bike to the library, and get a couple books. I got an Agatha Christie book, and a book on short story mysteries. 

A change has definitely happened. It was no biggie to start reading my book. Also it was no biggie to not drink. It is just what i do now... not drink. I did drink Sunday, so maybe I still will drink one day/week, but I don't feel like I have to exercise drinking demons. They don't seem to be there. That too is a change. Maybe that is just a natural progression. From the failing of sober October to now is soooooo much different. 

I also tackled my little project. Clean out a thing we use for towels, cleaning supplies and medicine. I also made dinner. It seems to me a life of me drinking is a waste. A heart does what it wants, and I guess we learn our lessons in our own time. 

I got my new running shoes in the mail. I got them for 50% less than if I went to the running shoe store. I ordered them from Amazon. So, I am that guy. I don't feel I owe that running store any loyalty however. They serve a purpose,  but I don't know. I don't feel it is my job to pay full price to keep them in business. 

Anyway other than that not much going on I don't think. I watched more murder she wrote, and went to bed really tired. For some reason instead of going into REM sleep, I've been waking up for a brief second. I don't remember this, but that's what the app says. I wonder if my body is adjusting to the change. I guess it is possible if not probable. 

I wonder if I'll forget the sober October failure,  and just think quitting drinking was just the easiest thing. I was kinda addicted to it, and all of a sudden the desire was purged out of me. I guess I'll start viewing the chronic drinker as just being very very close to being cured of it. 

There are differences in people. Now I get a feeling of accomplishment by not drinking, and accomplishment in the things I do in its place. Reading, sorting,  organizing, etc...  it's better than sucking them back. Still I go go bed just as tired. I did go above 30,000 steps yesterday so that will tire you out. 

Today is a day, and my days start off looking different. My mind thinks of drinking, and it gives me a negative feeling towards it. Like that would be something I would not want to do. Yuck. 

See what I mean. See how different things are for me now?  

Anyway I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.         :)))

Finally The Holidays Are Over.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was not your typical Sunday. I didn't have to do laundry, cuz I did it on Wednesday I think. I did go grocery shopping. Picked up a few things from Sam's Club. I made a pot roast for dinner. I had cocktails and watched football. My first drinks of the year. I didn't really care who won  the games. Seems like I should have done something different, but I didn't really sleep a lot the night before. 

Today will be busy, cuz I have to workout,  and cook dinner. My scale says I inexplicably gained 5 lbs. last week. Don't ask me how. I didn't eat a ton,  i didn't drink at all, I was almost at my summertime goal of 72 miles,  so who knows? Yesterday I ate a lot of chocolate for some stupid reason so I might have gained another 5 lbs.   ;)

I am sure it  will go back  to normal next week. I was probably retaining water or something. I am not really worried about it. I am too active to actually gain weight, and for dinner I don't eat huge portions. My lifestyle just doesn't lead me to gain weight. 

Other than that not much. Sundays I think of all kindsa things to do in my off time. It is kinda a fun exercise. The World really is open for me to do anything. I am switching my former past time from drinking to other things. Maybe my body has to get used to it. I probably gained 5 lbs. cuz my body is pooping differently. Digesting stuff differently. I am not really sure. I figure I'll find a "normal" or my body will I mean. 

Yesterday was okay, although spending a day watching football is a total waste of time. There is no productivity being a spectator. No productivity in me drinking either. I don't feel guilty,  I just think its dumb. a dumb use of my time. Of course so is me watching murder she wrote. 

I guess the best day for me is today. I'll take Hope for a walk. My knee isn't ready for running again. I'll work,  work out. Maybe tackle a project I was contemplating yesterday. I'll eat dinner,  probably watch a murder she wrote,  and crash. A busy day with little downtime. Its how I would draw up my day. It also is how my day looks like it is lining up. 

I don't dread Mondays. I would if I had Saturday AND Sunday off. Just cuz 2 days off is too much for me. I enjoy one day off/week. I know I am in the minority there. I assume most would do nothing if it were up to them. 

My dad does nothing, and that seems like about the worst thing for me. He doesn't read, or cook. That generation never learned how to live. After WWII everyone thought it was normal to do a 9-5:00. Have kids, and mom stays home. 

Things I don't know are the percentage of people who drink. At my Christmas party there weren't a ton of people drinking. I wondered about that. Also I wonder how many people never would just cook a roast for themselves. I did that in College.  I think that's when I started learning to cook. Lisa and I had some lean years. We still ate pretty good. Spaghetti and meatballs.  Hamburger helper with ground Turkey. Kielbasa and knorr noodles. Frozen pizza. 

We did live a life of the poor. I don't feel we were less happy. We still worked,  and had a meal at the end of the day. It's all I really want now too. Be busy,  and have a meal. We aren't poor now, and we aren't rich. We have a house that is paid for,  and that is pretty huge I guess. I stick money away. That is good too. We also spend money too. Yesterday at Sam's I bought a pair of champion sweat pants. Not your old fashioned cotton ones that no one wears, but the modern version. They are warm, and I got them for a discontinued price for less than $10. Also I bought a dish drainer,  which is way better than the one we had. Lisa buys shit on a whim like that too. It doesn't make our lives better. Our lives are good,  cuz we are active, and we have a meal at the end of the day. 

One we typically cook. People like my Dad who never learned how to make a meal missed out on life. There is no accomplishment by eating out. It's just spending money. Wasting it really. I don't even remember the last time I ate out at a restaurant. It's been a while.  

Anyway, today is a day. I'll start it out by listening to music, while I take Hope.  When I ride my bike to work out, I switch to a book. 

Today is a day like I said. It should be good. Work,  eat, sleep,  and no alcohol either.   This year is pretty exciting for me. My life has made a subtle change. I'll still have a meal at the end of the day. 

I took time out of my day to get my dad hooked up at the library. Free books to read to your hearts content. I showed him a cheap place to workout,  and meet people his own age. None of that took. He wasted what could have been a good thing. His is a wasted life. A life of learning nothing useful. 

Anyway, I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

A New Day.

So, I went to a Christmas party, and I didn't drink. It wasn't really a big deal. One thing I noticed from not drinking is I still get tired at my normal time. You would think I'd stay up later right?  My sore throat is going away. That is nice. I ended up with 69 miles last week, and now we are back to regular schedules. 

There isn't much on my mind right now. Today is a day off, but I don't feel I slept enough to feel excited about it. My resting heart rate is down,  and my BP read 120/77. It might have been 118 too. It was a good reading. The not drinking is going to make me healthier, along with the salad I eat every day that is loaded with raw veggies. 

Starting tomorrow, I can get back on my regular workout schedule. Having more time may mean I will want to do more. I didn't work Friday, cuz the sore throat was bugging me, so I came home and napped for a while. One thing that has happened from not drinking is I haven't slept as well. I don't have that alcohol sleeping pill, so I tend to wake up more. A lot is cuz the sore throat too. My body battled back. I can tell, cuz yesterday my heart rate was elevated a bit during sleep,  even though I didn't drink. Today it was down,  and my sore throat is mostly gone. 

One of the things I've always equated with drinking is fun, and feeling good. Not drinking I still feel good. Probably better. The ever present good feeling about having a couple cocktails later in the day is no longer there. Currently the thought of drinking for me does not paint a rosy picture. Currently staying sober paints a rosier picture in my mind. 

From a complete failure at sober October, to almost quitting at the end of the year to now is quite an internal change. From the every day drinker to the feeling it doesn't seem like its it's my  thing is a pretty big change. I can't explain it, but I am glad for it. I am glad I am making healthy changes. Kinda sucked trying to make myself healthier, but feeling the vice was keeping me down. Also there is the positive feeling of how much better will my days be? The wasteful downtime of drinking will no longer be there.  Gives me opportunity to add activity. Open new avenues. Remember I wanted to write a book?  That type of thing. My day to day doesn't have to be written in stone. It can change a bit. 

Outside of that not much. The White Sox have improved,  they will be competitive. Maybe dominant. For a good stretch too. It is nice they have a couple older pitchers, who aren't aces, but probably have a better shot of staying healthy, while being solid. They have the upside guys too. Lineup will not be easy to get through. Barring injury, and all that. 

The US started some crap in Iran. As of now that doesn't affect me. I still have my work,  eat, sleep. People in Iran live in a different culture. If you were born there you would be very much like them. If they were born here they would be very much like you. A tool of society. None have overcome that yet. At one point that was what this was about. Showing a path away from what you were born in, but we don't talk of such things anymore. That fell on deaf ears for whatever reason. This failed in doing that,  and you failed in moving on, cuz your life was too important to you. You had to go out and show the World how great you were. Also you didn't believe me, although I wasn't speaking my message. 

None of this was my plan. I didn't seek out this labor so to speak. I just wanted to do whatever it was i was supposed to. The reason I am here,  I wanted to do that instead of anything else. I had no idea how my story would shape up. 

It's all fine though. I am still on my same path. Confident and assured. I don't beat the drums of war, cuz foolishness is far from me. I don't seek honor in killing others cuz foolishness is far from me. I don't labor to make this World a better place, cuz foolishness is far from me. I just do my thing here. My life comes down to work,  eat, sleep. The story to be told is not of my concern. I am not the author so...   I am I  good hands though. Strong, confident,  and assured is a good thing. I got all this,  cuz I turned away from the story of me. In the end it is such a way better coin, but it takes trust for sure, cuz the truth is we aren't special,  but your heart desires the opposite to be true. 

Foolishness is far from me, so I have no desire to show you how great I am, cuz I am not. Nothing special,  and nothing unique. I just went a unique path, and that changed the shape of my whole life. 

As of now none of you have taken the one unique path, although I think many/all think you have. 

Anyway, I spose. 

What to do on my day off. 

Hmmmm

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Blogging On A Saturday?

I know crazy. I was up early, so I thought I'd have a coffee. Since I am having a coffee I  thought I may as well do this thing. So far the not drinking thing isn't an issue. I haven't had any cravings. Being at home doing normal shit is fine. Not really any urge to drink either. In fact the opposite really. My internals paint a picture of drinking leading to time wasting, and maybe not feeling as good as you can. I don't know, I am just turned off by it,  but as we all know the internals can change, and so can my thoughts toward it. 

Yesterday I didn't run,  cuz my knee hurt when it hit the pavement. So, I walked Hope,  and my knee didn't bug me after a while. I jogged down my block after the walk, and my knee felt fine. It felt fine at work too. I think I am going to buy a new pair of running shoes,  and use my still good other pair for work. 

Obviously I get a lot of steps on concrete during work, so I should use good shoes. I felt my old running shoes I currently use for work, don't give me proper support anymore. Its worth a shot anyway. 

Other than that not much. I've been battling a bit of a sore throat, which is annoying. I've been watching season 1 of Murder She Wrote. So quirky. Tonight for the first time in a while I'll be going to a function where one would consider drinking, and i won't be. So I gather I'll have that odd viewpoint of how the sober person sees the drunk person. 

As we age I think alcohol takes a little more of a toll on us. Just like everything I assume. Not so much in hangovers and stuff,  but it definitely has a negative effect on our vitals. Blood pressure,  and stuff. 

For me it was basically a $5/day habit. Not something to break the bank, but if you are a beer drinker that can be expensive. A 6 pack of a microbrew is like $10. Now all of a sudden you are looking at $3500/ year. More if you ever go out, and buy beer and drinks. It can add up. 

Anyway, I guess it's time to get ready for work. Oh yeah, I'll be able to see a movie after too. Almost forgot about that.  

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :) 

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Another Day Down.

Yesterday was 2 for 2 as far as not drinking. It was easy again. I just don't always trust it to be easy. Maybe it will be, who knows?  The only time I guess it would be hard is if there is nothing I really want to do, and having a couple drinks sounds like a good idea. That point in time when your internals stray from how you want to be. I think now I can just say no, because everything is a little better sober. 

The days aren't much different. I came home, and chilled a bit, cleaned the kitchen, baked my sourdough bread, and made my salad for like 4 days. Prepping all those veggies takes time. Actually a good amount of time. Cucumber, lettuce, tomatoes,  onions, celery,  yellow pepper,  radishes, carrots. it takes a while. It does make for a good salad. The bread came out good.  

Today is a workout day, so that is good. It also is a run day, but my knee was kinda bugging me yesterday, so I may be walking. Walking is fine, and it may be what I do from now on. Maybe it was just a weird thing too. I am going to wear different shoes at work today though. See if that's the problem.  I have been using old running shoes. 

Another thing about last night is I was tired around 7:00 PM again. Like pass out tired,  but I didn't drink. I did approach 30,000 steps again, and maybe that just takes its toll. I am not sleeping as long as if I had a couple drinks, but I assume that will change. My heart rate stays low, so that is good. I haven't been taking my blood pressure every day, but when I do the numbers look good. Always less than 130, and usually low 120s or below. Always below 80 too. Kinda where you want it to be. 

One other thing is it's been noted I had a crazy appetite last time I wasn't drinking, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I didn't eat a huge dinner. I only ate one of my sandwiches at work. I did eat a donut, which I rarely do though. For the heck of it. 

Life does look good in the morning, when there were no drinks the night before. I was always worried life would be boring without drinks, and maybe that was the case a while ago. Now I feel it's just an opportunity to do other stuff. 

Anyway things are good. I am excited for this year. I think it will be a productive one. I think we will be able to save a good chunk of money, cuz there isn't anything we really need. Kinda excited to see what my blood work looks like in July too.  I am making positive changes to me. It is going good too I think. 

Here's to another day. I have a work party tomorrow for my Saturday job. The thought of having a drink doesn't tempt me right now, in fact the opposite. Let's hope that stays the case. Regardless I don't plan on drinking. I've tried this thing a few times lately, so I know the pitfalls. 

Anyways, I spose.  

Laterzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

It Is January Now.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. So far I am drinkless in January.  I really never even wanted a drink yesterday. The day was fine. I got my run in, and it went good. I made pancakes, and saw the 10:00 AM viewing of Star Wars. I cleaned the kitchen, made dinner etc...  I watched the MI football game. MI played better than I thought. If their QB could throw accurately downfield they might have won. Harbaugh gets a bad rap for not winning any big games really, but he does have this team finally to be perennially a pretty tough team. I think next year the QB situation will be better, and obviously he has players everywhere else. They will be a good team next year. 

I did have the day go on, and got bored, but I never felt like having a drink. I can't always count on that though, so I may have some struggles at times. I do like how my resting heart rate just plummets when I don't drink. 

I like watching and reading about murder mysteries, so I started watching Murder She Wrote. its cheesy,  but it's a whodunnit type show, so I think I can watch that and be entertained. 

I guess a day off was had. I don't know what I would do  today with a day off. I know that is different from other people. Others I guess would rather take days off, and do whatever it is they do. My internals feel better when I stay active, and there just aren't enough things in a day to keep one busy. The internals get bored. 

One thing I liked about yesterday is I was tired when I went to bed. I didn't drink, but I was ready to fall asleep pretty early. 

A couple things to think about for me. One is if the not drinking turns into a struggle, I should do AA. I have a time spot 4:00 every day, that would be easy to get to. Also, maybe do yoga. I know there is one by my house that takes beginners. 

The drinking thing is if the craving comes,  cuz I am bored,  how do people overcome that? Right now I'd like not to drink. I love the health benefits, but I can talk myself into it during the afternoon when the downtime hits. I'd like to know how people cope with that. Just stomach it I guess. Part of the problem is I know I won't go down a slippery slope. I am not going to go on some bender. Drink for 12 hours. Down a 5th, and be hungover for two days. I'll drink enough to get a buzz. Fall asleep,  and feel fine the next morning, but my heart rate will be elevated. I would like to be at zero days. If all days were like yesterday it would be easy. I know my internals are not consistent when the downtime comes. Sometimes I do want to drink. 

Pretty brutal huh?  

Anyway I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))