Thursday, January 30, 2014

This Blog Fall Down And Go Boom??

Hello, and good morning all.   I know I know I haven't blogged in a while.   I still read blogs, but really haven't commented much,  I know people try and show themselves, and open up, and I see it.   We all have our lives, and they go on.   We are important to us, and we try to make the most out of our lives.   No one really is any different.   We all want to feel good about ourselves, and get some type of acceptance from the people we respect, and like.  

We are not always confident though are we??   We don't always feel the best about ourselves do we??  What do people think of me??  What do I think of you??  

My life goes in a certain direction, although I am free to do as I choose.   Nothing really ties me down.   I don't have to do this, and I don't have to do that.  My deeds have gone noticed.   My path has been accepted.   I was led in the way I must go, and I have come out the other side where I was supposed to.   Not all things remain easy, and life is never really a picnic. 

I have said things on here, and they have been read but not acted upon.   Your deeds have gone noticed, but they have not been accepted yet, because many if not all are still on the path of you. 

You seek freedom.   You seek contentment.   Everywhere you turn you are trapped in your own little World.  I must do this, and I must do that.   People expect this from me, and I should really appear to be like this.  

Where is it said we are to hide our insecurities inside??   Where does it say always show our "tough" side??  Life is a losing proposition.   No one wins in the game of life, because none of it really matters.   I think you know it deep down, but you wanna believe in something.   You want to hold onto something that says this here is significant.   What I do here matters. 

What are we doing??  We are all little insects, and we are being flushed down the toilet.   There is nothing to hang onto to save us, but we keep trying to grab for something.   There is only one strong enough to stand up to the flushing toilet.   The toilet has no power over it, and it is that we must hold onto.   Let our life go down, because life still exists outside of our "comfort zone".   You think if you let everything you ever believed in go then nothing good is on the other side, or you have failed in faith, and stuff, but you fail if you hold on. 

Hold onto the strong.   You have me here who has been through it all.   I can stand up against the World, because I have help.   I have been made a certain way now, because this is my story.  

Life is a strange thing, and people make it all the stranger by thinking this and that is like the most important thing in the World.   There is nothing important in this World, and nothing important about our lives.  

If you can do one thing I would say don't say you have the answers.   Don't tell me you can work your way to make you the best person ever, because I know better.   I know the outcome of all the avenues you can think to take.   I know the outcome of your life, and I know how you feel inside a lot of the times.   You cannot fool me, because I know too much, and I know the truth of life.  

Strength is about letting go, not holding on.

Oh well.   About all I have for today.   cya.   

Saturday, January 25, 2014

What's In A Life??

Hello, and good morning.  I have a big day planned with stuff to do.   The bank I clean isn't open on Saturdays so I can clean Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.   I will do it today, and doubt I'll ever do it  on Friday.   So I have to clean the bank.  Get the oil changed in the car.  Get a haircut, and buy something for dinner.  That is basically it.  Not much more than that. 

Anyway as to my title, what is in a life??  I know most people hold onto some type of significance to the things we do.   This matters right??  This life??   There has to be some type of significance to it.  I mean why bother?? 

Well, as to our understanding it is the silliest game in the World.   That is our understanding though.  There is significance, but we cannot fathom.   There are important things, but we don't really get it.   All the things we do here in this place in the World mean nothing.  

Would your life have been easier if you didn't have kids??   Doesn't it even say so??   Would it have been easier if you didn't get married??   In a way yeah.  The 12 did none of those things.  You see this World here is not a good place.   There are no great things to do, and no great events to become involved in.  It is a trap laid by the worst of the worst and we all fall in.   There only ever was one way out, and even the people in all their infinite stupidity could not fathom what it meant.   Eyes need to be opened to see the word for how it is.   Unfortunately my eyes have been opened for a long time.   Sometime in the Early 90's.  I saw the sword for what it was.   So I knew all these things, and still couldn't put it to use, because the sword is worthless without understanding.  I have been able to use the sword, but only from the help I have had. 

There is a journey going on here.   A journey to the truth of life.   People still hold on like they are going to do something significant.   Like their life matters.   We are one of the billions and billions who have walked the Earth.   Here for a while, and our deeds go on unnoticed forever.  

We are born wrong.   Born thinking we are important.   Born thinking we matter.   Some of us even think we may make a difference.   Nope.  We are as insignificant as a piece of sand.   Big in our own eyes, but really we aren't. 

That is my life in a nutshell.   Go on and on and on, until you learn through hard trials and tribulations the insignificance of me.   Oh I have done things, and these things matter, but I didn't lead the way.   I didn't light the steps I walked.   I was just some poor soul who was taken aside to be rescued.   Some things I did.  I was given a pretty strong heart to follow the hints given.   To walk in the way intended, even if it meant me look foolish.   I was strong to overcome the judgements bestowed upon me.   Looked the other way when wrongs were done to me.  

Here I stand.   Strong, and with trust in who I am, and the way I go.   I stand alone in this World without needing anything.  

I accepted the truth when I learned it.  

I told people a lot, and I told them the way they should go, and here we stand.   Me all alone on this journey that no one wants to go on.  

Oh well.   I have a big day planned.   It should be a good one.   Oh, and I work this week at my old grocery store, and next Sunday I start at the new store.  The new store is in biking distance from my house, and running distance, and driving distance too.   I was told I probably will get 5 days most weeks, and the Assistant Store Manager said he'd bump me up to full time ASAP.  

I like the old store.  I had it pretty good there.  We definitely work hard for our money, and I like that.   :)

Later folks.   Where we are and where we are heading is really all up to you I guess.   I am on the right path.   I have taken the right steps, and I was led in the right ways.   It all comes down to ...   well I think you know. 

Later all.  

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Been Away From The Internets A Bit...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  First time I have been on a computer in a while.  I have my phone, but don't blog on it.   I can check stuff out if I want, but haven't been in the mood really.  I don't care what you people are doing that much. 

I don't care about your plans.  I don't care how great everything is.  I don't care how you "nailed" life, etc...  My blog will reflect that too.  

As my life settles down into middle age, I get glimpses of my life.  Not your life, my life.   I see Lisa and I are aging.  We do our work thing, and stuff at home.  We are not looking to change the World, or do these great things, because there are no great things to be done.   History has sugar coated the lives of people, but if you could get a glimpse of the hidden stuff you realize they were just humans too.  Selfish, angry, spiteful, jealous, creepy people thinking creepy things, and still enslaved to the environment of the day. 

I see life for what it is, and for what there is to do, and others don't.   All these great plans that, I don't know I guess people seek honor, and acceptance for what they have done.   Decisions they have made.   Things they are going to do.   Your head can't grasp it yet, but life is very silly.   There is no great meaning to this thing, and there is death, and disease, and all kindsa shit to deal with, and this is the very last thing people want to deal with. 

I am different today, then just last year.   This is a new year, and a new me in a way. 

I don't care too much, and maybe that is a secret of life.   We get into these relationships, and they are new and exciting, but we never get to the truth of these people until later.   You get to know a person, and see how they are, and you know???   None of us are all that exciting are we??   None of us really offer any great insights to anything, and as people get to know us they get to see how boring we are. I am as boring as they come.   My life is a comfortable boring, but I am never really that bored, because I'll do something. 

People seek for acceptance, and respect in some of the strangest places.   It isn't how great you are, but showing how ungreat you are that is the good stuff.  But yeah, people may judge you, but who cares about people??  The judgers are the fabulous ones, and we all know their story.   Their story is hidden, and it will never see the light of day if they have anything to do about it, because they are not strong enough. 

Anyhoooo, just thought I'd get something down.   I haven't run in a while, and there is like a foot of snow we got on the ground, so ain't running today.   I shoveled the drive before Lisa left for work though.  

I had a funny strange dream last night.  I was going to tell it, but this blog totally went in a different direction than I thought it would, so now I am not going to tell it. 

Oh well.


Thursday, January 16, 2014

Taking My Sweet Time To Get Around To This...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.   I didn't work last night, and woke up too early this morning.  I was just putzing around, but I guess I'll get something down here. 

I did get a little run in this morning.   2nd one this week.  This one was kinda hard too.  Harder than the first one.  Maybe cuz the snow on the ground.   It is my 2nd run in a month so it isn't like I am in any great shape as it is. 

Anyhooo anything else going on with me??  Nope not really.   I work both jobs tonight.  I should get some stuff done around the house, but don't feel like it.   I did a bit yesterday.  Lisa has a bit of a cold, and stayed home from work.  She slept a lot though, so I am sure she will be fine. 

Other than that, I guess I don't have too too much on my mind.  No insights to anything.  No great revelations.  Nothing too exciting going on.  Today I will just putz, work my 2 jobs, and eat.  :)

I didn't sleep late enough for having to work tonight, but sometimes it is kinda cool to work yourself to exhaustion.   You come home, and you feel pretty good.   You gave it your all type of thing.  

So there.   My stupid little update. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I saw a lady last night, and she looked stressed.   Life was getting the best of her.   I thought about that.   I like to know people's rough spots kinda I think.   It helps me get to know 'em.  

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

LOL,  this blog must be a trip.  :))

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Two Views I Have...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  I think that is a bad title now that I think of it, but there are different views of different people I get.   One is the all growed up version.  Confident seeming, answer knowing, The shell of a person really.   The other is the little kid.  The one without the answers.  The one who is on this Earth.   Doing society type things, but wondering.   Why??   Why this life.  Why do I feel the way I do.   How do I want to always feel, but what is the reality of what I feel. 

When I see the little kid in you, that is the person I really like.   Many times we only show the always good mood person, or the I don't know, I don't always feel people show their true self.  I have stressed in the past the things you think about in the wee hours.  So many pressures.  We have to be a certain way kinda to be accepted by society, and we can only show so much, because Big Brother is watching, and Big Brother doesn't want you to go too crazy, or be too real for that matter I guess. 

So many things in life to deal with.  Have you ever thought of all the things you are "supposed" to do today.  Whether it is family stuff, society stuff, internal activities you have deemed important.   Our hearts are always striving, and if they aren't then we just give up, and hide in our comfort whatever.   Food, drink, drugs, reading, movies.  

This life is hard.   I come along and make it harder by saying the things I do.  This blog will probably break you down if you let it.   If you trust this and what I have been saying you will be broken down.   We were made to be broken.  It is like that one saying.  Whoever falls on this rock will be broken to pieces, and whoever it falls on will be smashed to pieces or something like that.  

This path hits low spots before the high spots.   You have to let go, and trust, and all those things, and accept the hard times ahead.  

The World is not fair.   You are not going to make it fair.   This life is not fair, and you are not going to make it that way.  You know the end of my journey, which coincides with the end of my blog "Steve's Journey"  Acceptance.   I accept the hard path I had.   I accept all the things I have done, and the summer of discontent, and my whole life.  

That truly is what we really want.   Oh, I know I will get a whole slew of other gifts after my final thing I must do, but I am living the life I am now, not because of those, but from the strength of one.   My heart is in good hands, and as always the strength of people keep things pretty easy.  

For me and the way I am now Heads I win and tails you lose.   I can do no wrong, because it isn't my rightness that is deemed right.   It is my faith, and trust, and strength, and my journey was always about making those things stronger.   Put in positions of suffering to strengthen these things.  

My plan??   My story I created??  

Nope.  A small little turn during a hard time in my life.   I was all alone with just me, and I saw how I was.   Man I wanted me to be the best person ever, but as this story suggests, I didn't really know how to get there.  

Now my questions have been answered.   I am not yet who I will be, but that comes later.   First you have to do the things you have to do.  I wish I could help you, but it is you vs. you.   I hope the little kid wins, because that is who is supposed to.   You have your own David and Goliath story going on within you.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   I miss Olga.   Barely a peep from her anymore.  booooooooo.   :( 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Nothing In My Noggin Today...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I don't have much on my mind at all, so this should be awesome. 

Anyway, let's see what is going on with me.  Not much.  I have today and tomorrow off, except for the bank.  I will go and do the bank in a couple of hours.  My transfer got approved so I guess I will start working at the store nearer to me soon.  It is good cuz it is close, but I hate to leave the other place too.   Unfinished challenges I guess you can say.   We have an opportunity to make some improvements there, and I will run out of time to be able to help too too much.

For me work is full of challenges.   I do have a fire inside me that makes me want to do good at my jobs.  I always want to put forth good effort, and try my best.   Always kinda want to try and exceed expectations I guess.  It is your job, and your name you put on it right??

You know as far as running goes I don't really have that same fire.  Maybe having dealt with injury after injury, you just hope to put together a few months of good running, and then see where you stand.  Let's face it too building a healthy base is not doing speed work.

Other than that not too too much going on in my life.  I am definitely on a different wave length with most people.  I know the direction of my life.   I know where I am headed.   I know the answers to my questions.   I know the end of my path, and what will happen.  Known it a while.   With this thing I try and help people along, but I don't do it very successfully, and it isn't really my fault.

People's hearts are not right, and they try and hold onto some virtue they feel they have.  I am good if I do this type of stuff.  With our actions we try and paint a picture of us, but the only picture that matters is the picture you can paint with your heart.  Maybe that is the picture we don't want people to see.

Our true nature.   Selfish, and angry, and jealous, and arrogant, and all kindsa things are in our heart.  All this about us is known, and we try and hide it.  Maybe this is what we try to escape from too.

The higher and nobler deeds that need to be done are not in our power.   To be the best us that is possible is not in our power.   To get to the right point does not take the greatest sacrifice.   It takes the greatest trust.   It isn't our energy that creates a good path, and it isn't our sacrifice that creates a good path, it is our trust.   Our willingness to give up us... our coin if you will... and exchange it for a better path.

Your mind will no matter what will not be able to come up with the best path for you.  You think the path of you will lead to happiness, but it doesn't.   A little test.   The thing you cannot see, and the thing you cannot feel right now, you have to trust will be given.   Exchange your one coin for a better coin if you will.  

That is your walk, and the thing you have to work out.  Doesn't seem to be going too well the way I see it, but I keep plugging along.   Waiting and watching, and hoping for breakthroughs from people.  
 A person who truly trusts themselves as their own master is not the best a person can be.

You have a lot to learn, but you actually have to be meek enough to accept your shortcomings and want to learn.  

I wonder about people sometimes.

Oh well...

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. Now to rest up a bit before I go to work at the bank.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D     

Monday, January 13, 2014

Well, Not A Damn Thing On My Mind Right Now...

So this is how the rest of you live. ;)   j/k.

Anyway, I have absolutely nothing on my mind right now, but I'll try to get something down.   Actually here is something about me I was thinking of yesterday.   (while running even)  Nah, that is boring.  Nothing really new about me.  

If you have read this or any of my previous blogs you know me pretty well.  There is nothing really new to me.   I have a story.  A story of a shy kid, who was kinda insecure.  Definitely afraid of rejection, so much so it was a major part of me, and my personality.   I have gone on and lived a life.   I learned about me, and my weaknesses, and was led on a route to one where I was made strong. 

I have used the word strong a lot huh??  It means a lot to me, and it is what I like about people.   Strong is truth, and honesty.  Strong is on one side of one spectrum, and fabulous is on the other.   When I read about people who are going to overcome all obstacles, because they believe in themselves, and yadda yadda yadda, well you have not even done one thing really. 

There are powers and obstacles out there which will totally overpower you.   Heck you overpower you.   Just look at your personality, and how you would like to be, and stuff like that.   How much do we feel we are lacking in certain attributes???  The old who you want to be, and who you are equation. 

Now I know people have goals and stuff like that, and many things they do they can show improvement, and get better, etc...   This blog is about other stuff though huh??  This blog is about life, and the truth of life, and our place in the World, and why we are here, and what are we supposed to be doing. 

All the answers are here too, but...   That I am not really sure.   I am a certain way, and I think about things a certain way, and seems many times me and people do not really connect.  

Maybe people are still seeking out the better virtues in mankind, and I am telling you they are not there.   There are no heroes here.   No one we should really look up to. 

Maybe that was my story for the day too.   While running yesterday I was thinking about a time me and some friends visited Eastern Illinois for a weekend of partying.   I have no idea who we were visiting.   Friends Mike Polizzi and Mike Scully for sure were there.   Quarters, bars??  maybe,  a lot of drinking and partying.   Anyway there was a pretty hot girl, and somehow someway she took a liking to me.   I was coming down from my high, because I had to stop drinking.  I was going to get sick, but we totally could have hooked up, but I was not so daring.  I remember she was an aerobics instructor, and I thought Holy Shit.   Way over my head.   I am not in her league.   I know we slept in the same bed, but little else. 

Now that is the story of me huh??   Back then I was just still the shy guy, insecure, and stuff like that.   A hot girl took a liking to me, but I didn't have the courage, because she was better than me. 

Now after college I went through my things, and did what I had to do.   Went on my personal journey of Life really.   Now no one is out of my league.   No one is better than me, because I am built with a strength that one does not build themselves.  

Maybe that is the disconnect too.   People are trying to show their worth, and my worth is tied up in other hands.   That one time I could not overcome, I still was lifted up.   I was lacking faith, and strength, and everything, but one remains faithful.   "I will lift you out of everything you get yourself into."  How why??   Every avenue is us walking blindly.   Obstacles get put in our way all the time, but I was given the promise, because I made the turn.  My eyes don't see very well, but I have put my trust in the one with the best vision, and many if not all still trust your own vision. 

Soooo, very little inspires me.   Very little impresses me.   Strength is a great thing, because it helps you step out of everything, and just be yourself.   Let the World see me, and let it judge.   I have the strength of the one who overcame.    Something none of us in our wildest dreams could ever do. 

So much to do, and so far to go. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I bought 5 boxes of Cinnamon Life this morning at the local grocery store.   It was a special sale if you buy 5.   I don't eat a ton of cereal, but I do like Cinnamon Life.   Also a 10% discount just popped up for me as I have worked 6 months.  I get 10% off on all non-sale items.   I had no idea.   How cool is that?? 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Where Do We Hide??

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, ehhh...  not horrible.  I really have nothing to write about today, and this is probably not going to be great or very important either.  Then again what is important?? 

You want to know what I was thinking about before starting this blog??  Well, besides should I even do this stupid thing.  What do I want from people?? 

Not an easy question to answer.  I want a lot from people.   You know what I want from them??  I want all the hidden and buried stuff.  The more I think about it this stuff is not easily accessible.   Probably impossible to get to.  Remember how so much of my story is tied up to the stuff that happened long ago.   I never could tell anyone about it, or even know how to, until these blogs started. 

My whole being was buried, and hidden.  For me it was for a reason.  My story is a story that needed to be told, but I had to wait for this time here, ( and the previous 5 years or so)


Is everything about you hidden??  You are getting older.   Life keeps moving on.  We seek the important things in life, and what is important?? 

What are the things we do in life that matter in the grand scheme of things??  That is why there are bucket lists and things like that, because most of us just stay hidden in our cubicle of life.  There really is nothing too too important about us or our life.  We don't know it and we don't understand it, but those 12 could drop everything, because that is our truth. 

Life is a trap though, so today none of us could walk away from our car payments  (if you have them)  credit card payments  (if you have them)  Obligations.   We all have them.  Holidays were just here,  didn't people do a bunch of stupid shit as an obligation??  Cards here, gifts here, phone calls there. 

Life is a big spider web just getting you more and more tangled.   The truth will set you free, but how to get to the truth when all who we are is buried and hidden??

You have been ensnared in the ultimate trap.   There is no way out but one.  The best part of you is still inside you, and you can't get to it I bet.  

Life comes down to one simple thing, but it really isn't so simple.   Why??  It is a test.   Can you deny yourself, and take up your cross??

It is a silly test in a way, because when denying ourselves we think we give up a lot, but from the other end of the spectrum, you really didn't give up anything at all.  

Oh those 12 had lives.   I think 3 of them were slated for the next Olympics.  :)   j/k.   They were able to walk away from their car payments, and jury duty, and I think one of them his Aunt Gertrude was to have her 70th Birthday just the next day.   He never made the phone call.   ;)  

So many things we are supposed to do.   Get married, have kids, get a house, get a job.  Wear the proper clothes.   Don't inhale the bad things.   :)  

A lot of rules, and many of them we just make up ourselves.   No wonder we want to escape.   Living inside us is a horrible horrible existence.   If only I could just feel good about me.  

Yeah yeah,  I hear you. 

Oh well, you know the answers, but do you trust it will take you where you want to be??  You should. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I found my chap stick yesterday.   That was lucky.  I am pretty sure I would have died without it.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D      :D 

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Wow, That Was Some Sleep...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I slept til 3:00 PM today.  Usually I hope to sleep til like 1:00 PM.  I was surprised.  I thought I looked at the clock and it said 12:30, and then like 6 minutes later it was 3:00 PM.

That bids well for being not tired tonight. 

Sooooo, what else is going on??   Not too much.  Just living my life, and doing this thing here.  People search for improvements, and ways to better themselves.  Going to work your way to a better you huh??   Listen to what some guy/girl says who happens to have the right qualifications.   The right diplomas and papers hanging in their office.   We people are pretty weak in that way huh??   We put our faith and trust in the people who have the acceptance of Society.  They are published, and they have this degree or that degree, so they know.  We really are put on this Earth to follow people to our own peril. 

People never were really able to listen to reason, when A different message was being told.   Why do you think??  Society is our master.   It is what we know, it is what we can reason, and it is in our power to be able to make sense of things... sorta... even though mostly that shit sucks. 

So we are on this Earth.   Totally putting our faith in ourselves, and I have come along with a different message I guess huh??  A message that says faith is a heckuva lot more than what you think.   It is believing when spoken too.   It is being obedient unto death.   It is believing the lessons taught all those centuries ago, when they are told to you in the here and now. 

Soooo what does that say about us??  It says we all are on the wrong side of being right.   Disobedient, unbelieving, and having really very very very little faith. 

Why??   We understand work.   Work we can do.   If I tweak this and tweak that wouldn't I be able to make me the best person ever??   Well, go ahead and try.  See what happens.    Look at how good of a person you are able to make yourself.   I went that route.   Ohhhhh, I was going to be the best person ever.   I know the route, and I know that destination.  

Hmmmmm,  I really cannot make myself that good of a person can I?? 

The worst part, or probably the most unforgivable part of any person is if they think they are good enough. 

I hope none of you are in that position.  That is probably the worst position you can put yourself in. 

Anyhooooo,  I do have a message.   I do have a story to tell, and it involves me going on a long and hard life's journey of finding my way to being on the right side of being right.   It is a journey you are asked to make too.  If you are good enough, you probably will never go on it.   If you are seeking for a better life, and a better you, then chances are you can find this route.   If your head is in the sand not being able to see any of the big picture, well time to take our heads out of the sand huh??

Life is a real thing with real consequences.  There really is only one way to tackle life.   Head on.   Life really takes a lot out of us, and we kinda like to escape it. 

I write and write though, and really have very little to show for it. 

The message is really a simple one.  A simple one that will help you do all the things you need to do.   The totality of the message is very complicated, and very hard, and that is why it needs to be done for us.   The things we are asked to do, we cannot do. 

It is you and your life, and all the things you "think" you want out of it, or it is you and a coin, giving up what never really was yours to keep in the first place.   The message in a nutshell.   :)

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   In that final sentence the "think" is totally a step of trust huh??   "think" is important to us, but I am here to say the "think" part from my end now sure looks pretty silly.

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D      :D   

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A Coffee, A Blog, and A Shitload of Stuff to Do Around the House...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I didn't sleep enough yet for having picked up an extra shift tonight so I will have to nap before work.  I have a lot to do first though.  I have to shovel again, and do dishes, and start some laundry, etc...   It shouldn't take too terribly long to do that stuff though, so I will do that when I am done with this, and then think about the nap thing. 

What else is going on??  Oh not too much.  My life is my life.  The things I do in my life are seemingly different than the other parts of my life.   Who I am is so much more than what I do.  Maybe that is another divide between understanding me how I am, and also relating to how you are.   Our lives are definitely tied up in what we do huh??  Isn't that how we value us??   Via jobs, and activities, and many other things.   In this World there really is nothing of value, but we all place our whole worth on what we are doing in this World.  

What is the worth of me??   My worth is whatever it is said to be when I am all done doing what I do.  My worth is probably not too shabby, because of the blessing I received way back when.  I could explain a lot of things like that, but I don't feel it is my job, or my place, or that I have enough understanding to do it correctly.   Stuff like that. 

So what are we doing here??   Geesh, I really don't know anymore.   Seems we are at a crossroads of sorts maybe??  Some will come, and some won't??   I know I have a strength inside me to do as I choose.  Many times I am willing to help people, but some people you just figure they have all the answers, or can do stuff on their own.  That is cool if people are strong and don't think they need help I guess, but not my kinda cool.   Not my kinda people.   I let the strong go their own way and do their own thing.   Let's face it too,  I am not interested in too too many things, but I can listen to those with questions, doubts, and fears, and insecurities and stuff.   Those with all the answers I don't need to pay attention to, because they have all the answers.   They show only their shell, and I don't give a rat's ass of any shell anyone wears.   Saddam Hussein had a shell.  It was as strong of a shell as anyone could have.   The acceptance of his Society, and the respect, and fear that comes along with being a Dictator.   He never lacked for anything, but when the shell was removed he was a broken man. 

Many of you wear a shell.   Why??   Who do you need to impress??   Is it because you care too much what people think??   Those who wear a shell hide a lot of stuff they don't have the courage to show.   A shell makes them feel strong, but really it shows ME, you are weak.  

Wear a shell, I couldn't care less.   Take it off, and I am there, because I can support the ones who need it.   Those who wear a shell are those who use a shell as protection.   The World is your master, and you are afraid of the World's judgement.   Is that strength or weakness??  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.   Isn't it kinda crazy this blog goes on and on??   Or not??   I don't know.   I still do it though.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I Stayed Up After Work Today...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I'd say.  I stayed up after work today, so I woke up later than normal. I came home and had a couple of drinks at 9:00 AM to celebrate my day off.   :)   It never is really worth it, because I fell asleep right away.   I thought what the heck though. 

So what is going on with me??  Oh you know, the excitement in this life is never ending.  :)  Actually things are not too bad.   I picked up an extra day of work tomorrow, so I will be working both jobs.   I get my first paycheck from my bank job this week.   That ain't too shabby.  The thing about my jobs I like is I stay busy.   The bank I do my job until I am done, and then I leave.  At the Grocery store, we are always staying past our scheduled time.   Usually by an hour or so.  There is always stuff to do.  The job is never done there.  I tell you what too, the people who stock your local grocery stores work hard.  It isn't easy.  It isn't hard as in rocket science, but it is physical, and you are on your feet, and crouching, and stressed for time.  It is a shame these people don't make too too much money, but you know they deserve every penny they get.  At least the ones who give a shit enough to do a good job.  As in all things some people just try and skate by.  The people I work with now are all good workers, and give a shit.  Some could be faster, and that would help, but I think they try. 

Anyway, I am sure you are tired of hearing about me.  What do I do here?? What am I bringing to the table??  Let me step out, and take a look in at me. 

I am a guy who lived a pretty normal life, although there is no normal, so it is fucked up in ways probably.  I was a pretty normal person though, going through this thing of life.   I have had my share of heartbreaks, and hard routes, and things which made me ponder.   I had to overcome my weaker parts that once made me up.  I have done a lot of things, and this blog has done a lot of things, and probably made many turns.  

Why the turns??  Good question, but isn't that what I am about anyway??   Just when you thought you could box me in.   Here is this Steve person, and here is what he is about, well I may just change a bit huh??  You may think I am a schemer, or something, but I always just do as I feel.   I write whatever is in my heart on any given day.   You don't know if I will be happy or sad, or what.  I have a view of life that is different than yours, and well my view is correct. 

That is a troubling area for you I would imagine.  As you go on with your life you have some preconceived notions  of what a life is about, and what a person is "supposed" to be like, but you must be pulled in a different direction.   We've all done what we were "supposed" to do, or at least tried.   Wasn't life supposed to be some version of some of the books we read when we were younger??  Life is different than you imagined, because in our dreams life is supposed to be viewed through rose colored lenses, and our true vision shows us life being quite a bit different than that.  

What are we supposed to do about this life that surely does not live up to our highest expectations??

Well, I could give you a story.  A story that will make absolutely no sense to you, because it defies logic.  A story about a young boy living his life.   Making a big turn at one of his hardest times in his life at that point.   A turn that brought about many many many many many more hard times.  A story so crazy this kid now...   Well you know what?? You know this story.   I know who I am, and what I am about, and what I am capable of, and where I am going.  

My plans have been laid.   Been put on good footing.   Trust, and turns, and steps, etc...   My path was a path to where I would trust.   A path that has made me strong.   It wasn't my plans that did this.   It wasn't my analysis of every situation that did it.  It was my walk.   It was my way.   There are many things about me, and you know what??  Many days I just feel like this, and I know you don't.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I do have to say the story of me is one where truth is stranger than fiction.   How does the truth of life look to you??

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, January 6, 2014

So Some New Things...

Hello, and good afternoon.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I wished I slept later today, but that is okay.  I'll try to lie down for a bit after this.  I work both jobs tonight, but that is fine.  I only work the bank job on Tuesday and Wednesday.  

So what is going on with me??  Not much.  I shoveled like 4 times in the last 48 + hours to keep up with it.  I am not sure how much snow we got over the past few days, but probably close to 2 feet.  It is cold today, but tomorrow it should be past single digits, and steadily increasing to 36-37 by Friday and Saturday.  Those days actually coincide with the days I plan on starting running again too.  :) 

Anyhoodles I put in a transfer from my store I work at now to the one that is really close to my house.   I am talking run to work, bike to work close.  :)  Maybe not while there is 2 feet of snow on the ground, but planning for the future you know.  I hate to leave where I am at, but the store I am going to looks like I will be able to jump up to full time pretty quick, and work an extra day there frequently until then.  Gotta look out for me right??  So with that and the bank job that should be pretty sweet. 

Lisa is doing her thing at work.   She has been working 5:30 - 2:00 M-F.  Almost like my old shift.   She didn't sleep good last night, so she is tired now.  That is a Monday thing though.  If you sleep in on Sunday which she did, you may not sleep all too well that night which she didn't. 

Other than that not much going on.   Just little changes, and little tweaks.   I know I know I probably seem a bit different than the past few years and such, but that is life.  I kinda wonder the what and why of it, but like I said before, I am not worried.  I am the way I am, and I am okay with me.  

Are you okay with you??   Something in life missing for you??  Do you feel there should be more??   More meaning in this thing??  

There isn't a lot of meaning to life.   All the plans we make, there really isn't a lot of meaning.   All the activities, holy cow there is so much to do, but still none of it is worth any points.  

The race of life is a thing to be won, and it isn't at all what you think.   We all think there must be some way for us to prove our worth.  Show how we are special.   That was my whole life though huh, and my whole journey.   We are not special.   We are not worth very much.  Just that one coin like I said, and we have to travel from our enlarged view of our worth to the true but smaller view of our worth. 

I think you all will get it... eventually.  I mean there has to be something better than this right??  


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :))

p.s.  welp, time to see if I can sleep for a bit more.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Saturday, January 4, 2014

And A Fine Saturday Morning It Is...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is a Saturday morning.  I woke up at stupid 'o' clock for some reason.  Like 3:00 AM even though I went to bed at like 11:00.  That is pretty okay though, because I work tonight, so I will be able to take a nice long nap before work.  I am thinking of making an early dinner of something, and then falling asleep.  Maybe around 5-or something.   The makings of a pretty good day for me.

I was thinking of me this morning and how I am right now.  I thought about it, and analyzed it.  I wondered should I be different??  What is a normal person like, and then I looked in my heart, and thought.   hmmmm...   I'm good.  Not worried how I am.   Totally trust how I am. 

How you are and how you feel is your worries and stuff.   I am not too too concerned about other people.   I know my path is correct, so all is good here.   I totally let people go their own way and do their own thing.  People are going out I guess and trying to make their mark in the World in whatever way they can.  I have nothing in this World I care about.   I couldn't care less about whatever kind of mark people want to make.  I know the outcome of all avenues.  So it makes me wise enough not to mess with stupid shit.   So much of who I am is really tied down to that one night many summers ago.   The time I gave up.   I could not do anymore, and really it seems since then everything has been done for me. 

Oh there were some hard nights like the Iz night and stuff like that, but I know the reasons.  Why those types of nights take me so low I am not really sure.   Maybe I am done with those too.   Maybe it is time for other people to go through their own things, but first you have to see what is in this World huh??  See what you can do, and what kind of name you can make for yourself. 

LOL.  So my name of the blog is the wait, and yet I wait some more.  Just know I am interested in very very little.   Even less as time goes on.  I have my life.  It is pretty simple.  Little stresses here and there, but we all have that.   I am married.  We have a pretty good life.   Left lacking for nothing.  Content in who I am and how we are.  Do simple things to pass the time, and I am even less than one week out from running.  I am kind of excited about starting running where a 3 mile run may feel like the hardest thing I have ever done.   Those challenges are some of the good things in life huh??

Therein lies the divide.   I am content.   Left wanting nothing, but your hearts cannot be that way.   There is always something out there huh??   That damn wind never stops blowing, and you always gotta be chasing it huh??  Been there done that.   I didn't change me although I was changed.   Part of my little story to know what I am capable of.  (Not much)   Also to know what is possible.  (All)   Also to know the story of who and what makes all possible.  

LOL, you have so much to learn.   First I guess you have to go out and make your mistakes.   I will probably be there to help pick up the pieces, but I wont be along for the other part of your ride.   I can watch t.v. to watch people do stupid stuff.   :)


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I got quite a bit to do today.  I'll finish my coffee first though.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Well You Never Know...

Hello, and good afternoon.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay.  I still am pretty distant.     Uninterested really.  The outcome of all our lives really.  You get in a group of some sort, and you have common interests then you really are blinded huh??   All these people are doing all these fabulous things in your eyes, but really they aren't.

We have to stay busy doing things, because we want to feel good about stuff.   I felt a lot better today after working 12 hours at both jobs yesterday.  I came home tired, and I felt good.  I still look at my phone, and see the FB buttons, and Twitter buttons, and I am like meh!!   Not interested.   Instagram??   Haven't opened that up in like a week.

You see what I mean??  I am different.  I cannot tell how I will always be.   I cannot tell what I will think is important.   I am glad I am working, because that gives me a feeling of doing something.   I only work the bank job tonight, so really have the night off,  after that.  My schedule is normal next week.   I was excited to see the normal schedule.  Holidays are over, and life gets back to normal.   I realized last night the Holidays are stupid.  Year after year doing the same stupid crap that is really really fucking pointless.   The Holidays mean nothing to me.

As I go on and on and as this blog goes on and on there is littler and littler of my life that is important in any way.   I am the lucky one too, because I know the truth of me, and the truth of life, and I cannot imagine what other people are thinking and doing.  

I know they have to be torn.  Wanting to be happy and wanting to be worth stuff, but inside your heart has to be telling you different.  Your eyes have to be seeing stuff in the World that has you perplexed, and I have to imagine you wish you were different as a person.   There is no way you are in this position right now not feeling that.   Can you look inside your heart??  Can you see inside your heart??

Life is a Bitch.

I think I feel sorry for most of you.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   Time to make some coffee.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D   

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A New Year, and A New Start??


It is still this blog.  It hasn't changed.   I would like to apologize for my attitude and behavior the last few days or so.   I really have been in a bad mood.  Kinda depressed I think.  I am not sure why, but I bet if I was running things would be better.   :)

Funny how that is huh??

Anyway let me give you some things I am thankful for.  Nothing really important, but things I have been thinking about the last couple days. 

I am married to Lisa.  We hang out.   Yesterday was our date day, as we both had off.  Wanna know what we did??  Lisa slept late.   I had trouble sleeping when I got home from work, so I ended up sleeping til like 5:00 PM.  Date day/night was us ordering Burritos, and watching t.v.  She has to go to work in a few hours, and I work tonight.   I can fall asleep from noon-7:00 and still be okay, so not too worried. 

That is my life.  Nothing more nothing less, and what is wrong with that??  I have a wife.  We both do okay.  I mean we aren't going to break any records in anything, or be fabulous in anything, but yesterday we didn't do jack, and I was cool with it.  She was too.   Life doesn't have too much more than that really.   We are always seeking for what we are missing huh??  We are missing stuff, but it isn't some paradise in the World we  need.   We need to find the paradise in us.   That comes from something different thing than what you can muster. 

I know people have their philosophies about stuff, but I have stressed the lessons of Noah before right??  Here is one thing I have been thinking of.   People are going out trying to make the correct decisions for their future.  The decisions about their life that would put them in the best place.   So they can do the best things, and try and be good, etc...  

When the ark was being built people did the same things.   Planning their lives, and not heeding warnings, and not listening to the messages.   Nahhhhh, cannot be.   I have a life, and I have to live it.  

Very few could make the turn in the days of Noah huh??  

I know this is hard stuff, but I have a message.   A message created from the life I lived, and the things I have had to go through.   My job is to tell of this message, and it is your job to LISTEN and READ this message. 

I don't do this for honor or glory, or anything.   I do it because it is in my heart to do this.   I am the way I am, because that is how it is to be.  

This year will be the year of strength.   This year will be the year you really should try to come out of hiding.   This is the good stuff in life.  

You know A childhood friend of mine died yesterday I guess.   I don't really remember him all too well, but I know we were pretty good friends I think for maybe a summer or a month or something like that.   You know how life is.  One of his organs failed.  Guy was my age.   You know I was once a kid??   Shy, but still a kid.   I grew up, and some day I will die, just like all of you.  

Fucking sad to think we are getting older and people are dying huh??

I think so too. 

Oh well.   Another year, and another blog entry.  :)   yay.   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  life is sad and depressing sometimes huh??  to think of how little we can do to help each other out.   wahhh.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D