Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Day Can Change...

Well, yesterday I hinted at something that surprised me.  I woke up yesterday on top of the world, which happens.  My thoughts at work at the end of Thursday were going to a place, I haven't been in a while.  Out of nowhere thinking of someone and me having a heavy heart about it.  Been there done that before, but it sure has been a while.  Why??  Why does this happen??  Because life gets busy.  Yesterday was kind of a big one, and I didn't really expect it.  Why now???  I need explanations kinda huh??  I think for things to happen in a clean way there has to be trust.  I have been doing this so long, that maybe some are finally starting to trust me.  Maybe you can realize I just want to help.  I guess I have been a dick enough and selfish enough you realize if you don't want help, fine.  I can change on a dime, and not give a fuck I guess

I guess I do this freely.  I know when I could have used support in the past I pretty much got a lot of anti-support.  My Journey was solo.  I was judged after heimleblog, and I was judged after the Journey.  I have to be judged one more time, and this happened a long time ago.  Why I didn't know, but when I was going through my empty empty physical depression.  I was told not to watch tv for a while.  I didn't know why until later.  I ended up reading a lot, but you know it was really hard to work.  The empty physical depression was a life drainer.  It wasn't until later I realized why I was told to do that.  Someday after that I don't know how long, I prayed, If I am destined for Hell, please let me accept it as that which I deserve. 

That was a necessary step, because of the only one unforgivable sin.  I had a preview of my final thing remember??  It happened at work a long time ago.  The worst of the worst left me, and he is unwilling to go where I am willing.  There is only one who was strong enough, and good enough to handle the final judgement.  So with that you can bet I'll need help, because I am not strong enough for that.  No one is, but this is where my journey leads.  I knew it all along.  Like I asked when I listened to the life giving reproof... why???  Anyone remember the answer??? 

A plan is being done.  How many of you people did I not even know back in the early 90's??? 

So anyway a little about me.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I know I know you don't want to talk baseball.    ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for trusting me enough to let me help yesterday.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

Friday, June 29, 2012

Well...

You wanna know how my days go, at least as far as blogging goes??  I wake up, and in a split second a decision is made.  Get up, and blog??  Go to sleep.  Most times I get up, and the last two days I was tired, and went back to bed.  I don't put much thought into it.  Some days I think I just wake up pissed off, and just don't blog at all. 

I don't have a lot on my mind, but I guess I will get some coffee, and see what happens.  I will brb.   :)

Well there isn't a lot on my mind I'd have to say.  Some things have been on my mind the last couple days, but not gonna tell you what.  Just been thinking a lot about someone, and to be honest I am surprised.  Story for another day perhaps. 

Let's switch gears.  I have decided to do my own speed work, because waiting around til 6:30 is hard for me, when I am off of work at 1 or 2:00.  I do like hanging with my wife, and if I can get speed work in on my own beforehand, then that gives us time to cook out, and hang, and what not.  So anyway, I was running the trails at Sanctuary Woods on Wednesday.  It is a challenging course.  It takes me 7 minutes typically to do one loop.  I consider it a half mile loop, because it is challenging, but it is probably a bit longer.  I don't run 14 minute miles.  I had the intention of doing 6, and hope I wasn't a big pussy, and stop at 3 or 4.  I felt great the whole time.  I did 8 loops.  A break through of sorts.  Man I felt like a million bucks.  We ran the Church trails last night in the heat, and I don't feel the heat really bogged me down.  I felt we had a good pace the whole time, and we still added the extra hilly stuff at the end too.  I feel like my running is starting to pay dividends.  It isn't even July yet, and I don't plan on tough tough training til August anyway.   I think the trails keep my legs happy too, and help prevent injury.  :)  

Things are going pretty good right now.  I wake up in a good mood.  I am never really concerned with too much.  Shit gets weird, I just see where it goes.  I am not concerned about me.  No worries you know??  People have issues, and I think they hold onto baggage, because to deal with baggage you have to be open about it.  The shit that bogs you down personally you cannot hold onto.  As fabulous as we think we all are, we are really not that strong.  We all need help in areas, and we all need support.  Our lives are all fucked up in some ways.  We have to deal with good and bad parts of upbringing.  We have to deal with all the bullshit fairy tales society has taught us.  We have to deal with grass is greener type bullshit.  We also have to deal with the day to day bull shit of living life.  We have to deal with getting older.  A lot to life, and maybe our journey to the truth is learning really just what is important in life. 

Can you just picture it??  We are living this life.  Perhaps we collect stuff, and we work, and we learn, and we play, and we drink. Whatever we do in life, and whatever we have done, we will not give one rat's ass when we are 6' under.  All this is temporary.  All our accomplishments no one will remember, and no one will care about. 

Life is like a real drag kinda, except man I wake up in a pretty good mood every day.  A smiling heart so to speak.  It is definitely good to be me.  :)  

Have a good one all.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)   

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   LOL    sorry bout your stinking Yankees booger butts!!!!    :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D     xoxo    :)


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Coffee Update...

yeah this is a total coffee update, meaning I have no idea what I am going to write about, so I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb...

As this blog goes on perhaps you get an idea it is more about life.  It isn't about races, or training so much, but really everything else.  I was thinking earlier about life there are no mulligans.  You can not wipe away a mistake and say let me start over.  Everything we have done we have done.  I have let you in on a lot of my mistakes. A lot of my less than perfections. Our life is us.  It is stuff we have done, and stuff we do. 

I laid down a path to take, and it is necessary.  I think back to my time when I was finally alone.  I was going to read the Bible every day when I got home from work, because there was a certain type of person I wanted to be.  I was a College graduate working in a hospital cleaning floors.  Khien Pham was my Supervisor, and I was more than happy trying to be the best in the World at my humble little job.  I remember going to a wedding one weekend.  I was going back to Chicago, and I told a friend my plan.  You know in my mind and on my own it sounded neat.  When I went back to Chicago the land of $$$ = Success, I guess I felt embarrassed.   Here I am telling a respected H.S. friend Chris Waltman I think his name was I wanted to be the best in the world at what I was doing.  Stripping and waxing floors.  I have no idea what he did, I think he was working in the C.B.O.T. at the time.  He said something Diplomatic, but who knows what he meant.  Maybe he thought later too, maybe there is more to life than the jobs we do.  Who knows??   I felt pretty embarrassed like I said, but when I got back to my home, and my life, I felt more than comfortable. 

For the record too, I never ever wanted to go back to Chicago to live.  I was always a bit surprised the percentage of people who went back there.  When I started at the local lumberyard, I walked to work, because I didn't have a car, but I could do that.  I can do that today too.  I like that about my life.  I also like I have a crappy old truck that I have had for 10 years or so.  It is 17 years old, and just went over 100,000 miles. 

Anyway what I noticed on my time alone, where I was going to make me the best person ever.  As a floor cleaner too remember I already made the turn.  I was waiting though... figured something would pop up.  I was not getting better as a person I don't think.  As a matter of fact I was seeing myself with better and better vision, and not liking what I saw.  I guess I stopped looking at my filtered self, and was looking at the real me.  Remember being friends with honest Lora and all that stuff.  A lot of stuff went on during this time, and I find it funny I remember.  All this led up remember to some hard times and hard days.  Can you imagine???  I knew something would happen in the future after my suffering.  I never knew when.  I knew pretty much when it started up, that day of reading blogs in the winter.  As with the Summer of my Discontent I was searching for my final thing I must do.  Now remember I thought the last two Thanksgivings were the time.  Now I have no idea.  There is so much that needs to be done, and I don't know the time, although I am guessing I will know pretty close to when it happens.  All I know is what I have to do, and what I have been willing to do since the early 90's.  This ain't my story, this is just a story being made. 

What you do, and what you have to do is your story, and how your life goes.  Our path is not one of success.  Our path is one of failure.  It is Jim Pejchl's story, and it is Steve Rose's story.  When you stand naked and alone in all your failures is there someone who would still accept you?? 

The answer is yes.  Your path is not one of arrogance, and not one of I am better than Sandusky.  The path is of you.  The unfiltered you.  The part of you perhaps you want no one to know, but deep down you really do want people to know.  The picture of you is not done with a camera, because the picture of you is what is inside.  Your thoughts and who you are. 

A lot to life.  Be open to it.  Life gets pretty busy. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  I can really get a little nutty on this thing.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :D   :D

Yes, it is all about trust, and honesty, and strength.  This shit ain't easy.  I have been pretty faithful though with this blog.  Been pretty honest too I think.  :)   xoxoxoxo

Laterzzzz   Gaterzzzzzz.   :)

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Happy Saturday!! :)

Hey all how's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  Fridays are pretty lame days I'd say.  You finish the week of work.  Perhaps a bit tired.  It is a day off of running for me, and I didn't run yesterday.  After work I had a couple beers, and napped, woke up for a bit and went to bed.  Rock and Roll baby.  You know me.   ;)

The good thing about sleeping early though is being ready for Saturday. 

Geesh, not much on my mind today.  It has been kind of a weird week I'd say.  I don't know what to make of it.  Silence on so many levels.  I guess that could mean anything.  As people we are pretty bad communicators I'd say.  How we are, and how we should be is at odds huh??  Can you imagine yourself if you never had a filter, and always spoke what is on your mind??  Some people put so much importance on some really stupid shit. 

How you are with the filter is not how you really are though.  Yourself without the filter is who you are.  Do you ever look at your unfiltered thoughts and wonder why??  I see shit every day, and think geesh.  what an idiot.  :) 

That kinda is a dilemma huh??  Your filter allows you to appear to others how you think you "should" be, and the unfiltered part of you is who and how you really are.  See what I mean, we all can be jerks.  If you wanted to make your unfiltered self nice how would you go about it??  Can't do it can you??  We are made a judging machine for some reason.  That which we should not do we are powerless to not do.  We all are guilty.  Some are filled with such bad info they think killing people is the answer.  Pretty sure that is not the path to peace.  You sow in anger, and killing, and bombs etc... you don't miraculously reap in love. 

I guess I have been saying sow in what you have control of.  Honesty.  The hard but right way.  You know there probably is a certain logic to why countries think the way they do.  What if level headed people spoke truthfully.  Our country hates your country because of this.  Well we did this because of this.  etc...  Couldn't people find a common ground eventually??   Break down the walls that make communication impossible. 

Hate and anger is a great motivator and an easy thing to hold onto.  What if all your hate and all your anger is wrong?   You hold onto it, and there is security in having it, but what if it is wrong??   Wouldn't you want to find a better way?? 

Oh well, today was a real struggle getting stuff down, and I am not sure why.  Maybe because the week has been silent, and weird'ish. 

It is early though, so I am going to get my run in.   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  We need rain...

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Friday, June 22, 2012

Time Moves On...

Happy Friday all.  How's it goin??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I need to gets me some coffee, so I will brb. 

I had just about the best Thursday ever.  I got a lot of shit done around the house.  Laundry, and cut the grass type shit.  We got a nice run in.  It is a challenging run in parts.  On the trail the run is great, and then you climb the hill.  The hill is brutal.  It is steep, and there is an incline just to get to the hill, so trust me there is no way to not be totally gassed at the top, and then you still have to run another 100 yds or so to stop and drink water.  I am never thirsty at this point, but it is nice to stop.   ;)  Actually in all honesty, I am getting used to the hill so I can probably keep running.  I already feel myself recovering when I get to the water stop.  We do the loop twice, and then tack on some extra hilly stuff at the end.

You know running.  You feel great at the end, and couple that with a productive day, well you feel pretty good about life. I know I did.  I had pizza for dinner, and a couple drinks.  We hung for a bit, and I went to bed.  You know my life.  Non-stop glam day in day out.   ;)

Ooops, I have a title saying time moves on.  Why did I put that there??    No reason really.  Life is hard to predict though isn't it??  From Heimleblog, Journey, to this, I have been through a lot, and so have the people I know, and whose blogs I read.  Life is unpredictable, so if someone ever asks you where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years, you know they are intellectually challenged.  You don't know what can happen.  We are not guaranteed sunset years of retirement.  If I am healthy, I hope I would run, and that is my answer. 

Remember all our dreams when we were younger??  We wanted to make a name for ourselves somehow.  How does one do that??  Well I have some thoughts on life I guess, and I guess they are plastered all over this blog huh??  Is everything about me been written??  My thoughts during H.S.  The tough times through College, the tough times after Graduation.  A horrible Summer where I was left to search.  Receiving a Blessing when I really wanted something else.  Lost all hope and around me was nothing but despair.  I waited my ending.  Sleep came, and I woke up in the hospital.  My search for truth was hard, but I was led on this way to suffer for some reason.  Maybe in our suffering do we really see what is important.  After that I went through that horrible physical depression, where I wished life never were for like a year.  I became friends with Natalie.  She broke my heart when she went to Denmark and wrote 1 letter to every one of my 10 or something stupid.  I guess I have a tendency to write a lot.   ;)   Exercise bike,  running, and bam, the energy returned, and I led a Joseph Heller type life.  I was still naive thinking the world was fair.  Hard work pays off and stuff, but I have grown in my wisdom I guess to say the world is fake, false, and society is not what you should put your faith in.  Trust in your life.  Trust in what you see.  The magical path is not anything you do, but be open to what you see.  When the time comes do not harden your heart.  Believe, and trust, because it is easy to follow your hardened heart, and I bet many fall there.  Anger is big, one of the lessons of Noah.  Believing when spoken too is big, it is the only thing. 

The story is one of love, and compassion, and forgiveness, and humility.  Our journey really is one where we are humbled I guess.  The truth of us is one of humility I guess huh??  We really ain't that fucking great, but if we have the courage to be honest, and truthful, then that I think is pretty fucking great.  :)

Oh well, guess that is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Since I blew off Wednesdays run, I am thinking of getting a little one in today.  For the heck of it. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh, and a little shout out to Colleen Kingery.  She follows my blog, and I follow hers.  Same with Twitter, and we do FB too.  I hardly even know her either.  :)  She is going away for the weekend, and made her husband chocolate chip cookies though, so she cannot be all bad.   :P  

Have a great one all.  :)

xoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Quick Update...

Yeah, I don't know why I am giving a quick update.  It isn't like my life is all fascinating or anything.  I blew off speed work last night, and I couldn't really tell you why.  Lisa doesn't close all week, so I thought it would be a good day to hang.  That is my favorite past time btw.  Hanging out around the house.  I guess one could probably tell that though huh?? 

I don't plan on skipping speed work much, but you know if it is 90+ and windy as hell that would be the day to do it huh??    ;)

I got most of my shit done for the week at work, and that means I can start projects early.  :)  

Wanna know something about me??  I think people are pretty interesting... well some people.  Life is this thing we all do, and some people get steered in different directions with their interests and stuff, but I guess I like how unique and different people are. 

I guess I am pretty lucky with how easy my life is.  Work, run, hang.  We cook most of our meals, and go out I'd say twice/week.  More for lunch too.  This weekend we are going to see another movie.  I have a vacation coming up, and I am finally going to read that damn Ayn Rand book.  Sometimes my blog entries are about what I read, whether it be a blog or a book, and sometimes it is just what pops in my mind.  I have a feeling the Ayn Rand book will make for a couple entries about Economics perhaps.  We'll see.

Blogging I guess is kinda hard if you feel like no one reads.  I feel that way sometimes too, that no one reads, but I am a pretty good Energizer bunny I guess.  I continue to write this crap down anyway.   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I guess I like blogging.  I did Heimleblog, and sometimes imagined 1 million people read it, and sometimes figured no one did.  :)   Strange huh??  I am happy with the amount of good times life has to offer.  I am happy about Summer, and happy about next year too.  I am happy about winter coming up, and dreading February.  Still always ready though to do what I must...  I have been given a strong and courageous heart I guess huh??  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Diplomacy...

Do you ever have the Diplomacy issue??  Now Diplomats you can just picture wearing nice suits, and nicely tailored uniforms.  They have to say the right thing.  Diplomacy is just an act of not being open, and perhaps not being honest. A Diplomat has stresses to look right.  He/She needs to look the part, and a lot of pressure to not say the wrong thing.  As a person I think full out honesty, and full out truthfulness works better, than our view of how we want to manipulate events.  Diplomats and World Leaders are just manipulators of events.  They go in the direction of their best intentions.  Sometimes it is of A Nixon/Kissinger- 2 man Foreign Policy, where Nixon didn't care how many of those little Asians he killed in bombing.  

Countries are all full of a lot of bad information.  As I get older and I look at things differently I think in my youth I was dumb.  Not that I am smart mind you, but I think of all the things in life I did that now I think was stupid.  Ever buying a new car was dumb.  I have had my ugly ass white truck for like 10 years or so.  It is a piece of shit, but gets me from point A to point B.  I bought it for like $2100.  In my youth I believed hard work pays off.  I did the College thing, I worked hard, and went through my crap I went through, and found a good job.  I was not going to let anyone out work me.  I was going to put a lot of effort, and watch all the money roll in.  The illusion left after 10 years.  Job start getting harder and harder, and the little piece of the pie I get for being profitable was getting smaller and smaller.  So much to an extent I would have a significantly more profitable dept. and the bonus would be significantly smaller.  That is an incentive kill.  My first trip to Hawaii I came in at a whopping 217 lbs. and that Summer I was down to 167 or so. I realized there is more to life, and I was unhappy in my job, so I stepped down.  It crushed us financially, because we had a lot of debt, because we needed all the gadgets, and I didn't worry about debt at first, because my bonuses were going to be huge....  ooops.  We eventually learned our lessons  Even though we had financial difficulties it didn't put danger on the marriage at all.  Between Lisa and I we just dealt with it.  We still went to dinners and had fun. 

Mostly Lisa and my disagreements happened with flare ups with people living here.  Lisa and I have worked together since we have been together.  I don't get people who want to do nothing with their lives.  What the Hell is that??? 

Well anyway we ran 6.5+ miles last night with Jerry and Ken.  It was gross, and hot, and nasty, and we walked some.  Ken is the oldest, and was not enjoying himself.  Jerry and I are coming off a couple weeks of 35 miles or so, I was o.k. at the end.  Our bodies have to acclimate to this junk.  Last night helped.  Tonight will be ugly again.  :) 

Afterwards we sat outside.  Lisa cooked dinner on the grill.  I had a couple drinks, and that was pretty o.k.  A little run, and little dinner, and some chill time.  I'll take it.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))   

p.s.  I hafta get ready for work.  laterzzzzz.    :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Highlander Grog...

Hold on I am going to gets me some coffee.  brb.  Oh, and I will be drinking Higlander Grog today too.  :)  errrrr, that is the name of the coffee, not some ale made in the land of Hobbits and Dwarves...

I really do not have much to talk about, but man I am in a pretty good mood.  I swear for the last week, I feel I have turned a corner somehow.  Everything seems to be good.  I had a fun day yesterday.  Lisa is off on Mondays, and she had a case of the lazys, which I did too when I got home.  We just sat around, and putzed around.  We are making plans in our head of our house.  Summer bedroom downstairs, and winter bedroom upstairs type plans.  Thinking of buying a new bed for next year.  Also assuming Jasmine will pass on.  She is old, and not in the best of health, and she sleeps in our bed, and she cannot go downstairs.  She is a good puppy though.  :)  I love labs, and will always have a lab.  :)    Hope can go blow.  She is an ass face.  :)

Tonight starts my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday runs.  I am excited about that.  Tonight will be challenging too, because it is going to be above 90 degrees, and we will be running just under 7 miles.  In cool weather I can run, and barely drink any water.  On this run, I will have to drop water somewhere, because I don't think my water bottle will suffice.  Weather...

Sometimes life is so busy we miss the best parts, and I don't think we are missing them.  Now that is a pretty good gift I'd say. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has  a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  well I thought for like 5 minutes, and I gots no ps.  booooooooooooooo.  

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are tbe best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 


Monday, June 18, 2012

Struggle...

Okay this blog entry may be a struggle, becuz I gots nothing on my mind really.  I am going to gets me a coffee though, and I will brb.  :)

Well, I am a runner training for a marathon, so I guess I can give you my plan of attack.  When training for a marathon you definitely want to show up on race day healthy.  I have had struggles with that lately so I am building conservatively.  I was always in such a hurry to get my long runs up to 15+ miles, and I realize there is no need.  I am planning on not hitting the 15+ mile target until August.  That gives me from now through July to just run 10-13 milers as my long run.  That will give me a good base, the jump in August won't be a big deal, and then the other jump in September shouldn't be either.  I am also placing a lot of importance on my Tues, Wed, Thursday night runs.  It is a big stretch of run days after work, with a good amount of miles.  I consider those 3 days to be a long run in themselves so to speak. 

My peak running weeks in September will probably only be around 50 miles, but always add like another 25 miles of walking on concrete.  So there, that is the plan. 

In other news there is no news.  Today is a Monday, and I am taking a day off of running.  Once again, I feel okay to run, but taking the day off to be ready for my next Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday stretch.  I like my plan, and I bought into it so to speak.  Monday is my grocery shop day, which I do after work.  Lisa already bought stuff for meals I think, so I just have to pick up some fruit and lunch stuff, and maybe stuff for tacos tonight.  :)

Every day is something new, so let's see what happens today. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I am not talking about baseball today.   :)  fricken SOX

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 


Sunday, June 17, 2012

Long Run Sunday...

I like the ring of it.  Long runs make me tired, and when I did my long run Saturdays, I was beat all of Saturday.  Now I can be tired on Sunday, and that makes sense to me.  Lisa and I are going to see a movie this afternoon anyway, and maybe go out to lunch. 

I was looking around our house yesterday, and man it seems so fricken big.  What do people do with mansions??   and why???   Lisa and I cannot possibly use all this space.  It is a small house too.  We have some dude who built a 9 million room house down the street from us, and it is just a summer home.  He did nothing to get all his money, but him and his wife's parents were rich.  So this dude was rich, and he thought he was smart, and he tried to be our Governor.  Ummm, everyone realized at the debates he was dumb, and got killed.  Lost to the incumbent in a bad Economy.  She was from Canada too I think.  :)  Wealth don't make you smart, and really many times it is just dumb luck. 

So anyway, not a lot on my mind.  I think I will get some coffee, and maybe something will come up.  Hold on.  :) 

Well something I was thinking about is this blog has been going on a while, and I have been blogging a while.  It isn't hard to get to know me I guess huh??  I show a lot of myself I think.  Anger, happiness, sillyness, sadness, whatever pops up.  I remember in my College days always thinking I had to appear happy, and be the fun guy.  I don't really have anything holding me to that anymore do I??  Like I am all growed up.  :)  

I have been through a lot of things, and I have showed you a lot of things, and not all things were visible to the eye.  This thing even gets a bit whacky too.  Remember how things happen, and I am like what???   What the heck was that, and then I can figure it out later.  Some of those weird things. 

Anyway, I guess what I do with this thing is build up trust and confidence, because that is what we need.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  yahoo sports has run differential on their Baseball standings.  Sox up 35 or so.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

A Quickie...

Blog update... you crazy people.  :)  Not a lot on my mind, and I have to run to work.  I wanna try to get there at 5:00 am, and I have to take a shower.  First things first though... gonna get some coffee.  I will brb.  :)

I decided Friday is kinda a free day.  I was definitely ready for a day off from running.  My legs were dead.  I can always tell how they are when I am walking at work.  Ummm, they were dead.  :)   Saturday is also a free day.  Nothing structured.  I just have to get some type of run in.  Today will be a run to work and back, and somedays it might just be a 3 miler or so. 

So all I did on this Friday, was have a Friday = Friday.  I cooked myself a nice meal.  Forgot to eat my potato.  :)   I went to bed/ passed out really early.  Lisa worked til close.  It is hot, and going to be hot this weekend, so I put the room air conditioner on.  Oh, and our house now is just to Lisa and I.  :)  Hailey's friend Christy??  sp??   moved out, her brother helped.  So yeah, I guess we are going through changes here too.  All good.  :)

Not really much to this blog entry I know, and sometimes that is fine anyway right??   I think so. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I am not talking about baseball.  Damn SOX!!!   >: /

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Friday, June 15, 2012

Morning All. :)

Hello, how are we all doing??  Good I hope.  I feel a bit tired, and God only knows what I am doing up at this hour, but I am going to get a cup of coffee, and I will brb.  :)

I got this new coffee I purchased at the Local Lumberyard called Highlander Grog.  It is good.  :)  It was on sale this week for $4.99/ bag.  I also bought some other kind, but this is the one I tried first.  It must have a little chocolate flavor to it or something, becuz, it is really good.  :D 

I am on my 2nd week of running Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night.  This 3 day stretch ended up being around 19 miles, and I feel like I am in a good mental state for training.  Like it hasn't been there in a while.  Where does that go??  I think it has been a couple years where I have had this fire.  I couldn't even tell you why it was missing.  I am not going to re-read this dumb ass blog to figure it out either.  I tell you that.   :)

I do this a lot, this blogging thing, and I don't always know how what I write will be taken.  I tell you though, I think yesterday was one of my favorite posts ever.  I had a feeling the whole day it was a good one.  Like no one would misinterpret it.  I didn't have any part of the day where I was thinking oh do people Hate me because I wrote this... etc...  Part of the scary part of doing this.  I have always had it too, although you might not realize it.  I write this stuff early, and feel pretty good about it, and boom.  As the day goes on I think well, what if people think this, or that, etc...  Or THIS??   Oh God, everyone hates me.   :)   That is how this shit goes believe it or not.  That is why I support bloggers a lot I guess, because feedback let's people know, yeah I get you, and what you said makes sense, and all that kinda stuff. 

Like I said before if you take your shell off, and let people see the real you, then your defenses are gone.  Without support, you'll just think people hate you.  As we keep doing this thing called life, I have a feeling we all are getting a little better at being more understanding, and a little less judgeful. 

As we all become less judgeful, we become better people, and people become more confident at taking our shell off.  All that is a Journey.  It takes time, and the path has to be set, because it takes confidence to take off our shell, and it takes trust, and maybe that is what we have been building for a while, and we didn't even know it.  :)   Life has a way of leading us.  Like I said before the puller of the strings of life knows what he is doing.  :)

Seems things are going pretty good.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Got nothing for a p.s.  Oh well, guess I can always put one of these.  xoxo   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Thursday, June 14, 2012

More Changes...

Hold on, I am going to get me some coffee...  Well, as you may know, I had a little problem with the living arrangements here.  Hailey, had boyfriend.  Hailey wanted boyfriend to live here I guess.  Boyfriend doesn't show any initiative to get a job, Ughhhh, not in this house.  So she made a decision to go live with the other side of her family.  The Dad's side.  I view it as a plus plus.  They both need to grow up, and start doing life stuff you know??  Cannot cling to Mom forever.  At 21 and 22, you have to act older than 12.  At 12 I know we all knew everything, or were pretty close.  By 21-22 people should be asking questions, and doing stuff you would think.  Can't do nothing your whole life right??

So they are gone.  Living in poor living arrangements to find their way on this thing called life.  At some point in time you have to let people make their own mistakes.  We've all done it.  Hit their own bottoms you know??   to find your way out.  Also a plus on Hailey being over there is there is health problems on 3 people there.  One will be dying of Cancer pretty quickly, and the Grandmother and her husband are having really bad Diabetes issues.  Foot sore issues and stuff, so you know the circulation is real bad.  I always have faith in the direction people go, because I feel life has a way of teaching you, and of guiding you.  There are hard days, and hard sections of life, but I feel, (know) they can be used for good and for a reason.  Like I said in many ways our Journeys are solo.  The scales of justice don't have Hitler on one side to make you look favorable.  The scales of justice are just about you.  Throughout life we all fail. 

As this goes on, Lisa and I are pretty excited though.  This house seems so fricken big now.  :)  4 bedrooms, and Lisa and I sleep in one.  :)   Hailey's friend might be moving back home too, because the problem brother I guess has decided he should probably grow up, and do the j-o-b thing, and quit being an ass to his family.  You know even the roughest seeming characters have feelings, and probably wish they weren't always a burden and an ass. 

So life goes on.  It isn't always peaches and cream.  No matter all your plans and all your schemes, shit happens, and ugly crap pops up here and there.  I mean we cannot pretend there aren't wars, and bank fees, and late charges, and taxes, and bailouts, and crimes are committed, and on and on and on.  Life goes on, and stuff happens.  Even Khien had to learn some things of life so he could escape his jail, while imprisoned by the North Vietnamese.  He then came to a little town in Illinois.  Bloomington/Normal.  He taught me there is honor in being the best in the world at just stripping and waxing floors.  :)

We should not strive to be the richest, but maybe strive to be the best... at whatever we do. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  Gave it my all on speed work last night.  My last up, my quads had no pick up at all.  They could not go any faster.  Spent.  With warm ups and cool downs it would have been 9 miles give or take, but I walked the last mile.  Legs spent.   Running again tonight.  :)   Embracing the hard stuff.  :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

One Thing I Know...

So yesterday was just another day.  Not much going on.  I had to work.  I biked to work and back.  I was running that evening, and I was pretty excited about it.  Mentally I feel I am in a better spot than where I have been in a while.  You know my blog is called the wait, so maybe it is a good thing to keep going.  Do you sometimes just think you have woken up from a period of time with a cleaner, clearer view of life??  That is how I feel.

Now yesterday was a gorgeous day, and I doubt there will be many any better.  Not too hot,  a nice breeze, and full sun.  Some guy who has run with our group here and there, and is my speed many times.  During speed work he'd run with whoever else I was running with, he lost his Dad yesterday morning.   The one thing I know is he could not enjoy that day.  No run was going to help him feel better, and now I know he has at least one full year of some hard times ahead.  There will be times where a song will hit him, and the memories will come flowing.  I thought about that at break at work...  Doesn't it suck that life is full of that crap??

I was thinking too on my ride home, that this is just a great day, and he won't enjoy it.  I think that is one of the things of life.  We get all giddy over ourselves from all these best laid plans we make, and you know life still happens.  You've done everything right in your own mind.  You think you have created this great life, and what happens if one day you wake up, and your world just crumbled.  How do you deal then??  Some people are so private, and it drives me bonkers sometimes.  Like God forbid if someone didn't think I am as fabulous as I think they think I am.

Even our view of how we think people think we are is flawed.  Like I have said before, we ain't that fucking great.  If you are in some kind of idol worship thing then that is flawed too.  We all have the same ending, and no matter how high you rise in society you will end in the same place as the fabulous.  In that way life is very much about us. 

Oh well, just some thoughts about stuff.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  I am fricken hungry.  When I run, I eat like a fricken rabbit after for some reason.  When I bike I can't eat enough.  I suspect most are like that.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Taco Monday!!

We had tacos last night.  :)  I love tacos.  Mondays are Mondays, and sometimes they suck.  Yesterday wasn't bad, because I slept in, worked my 8 hours.  I felt like I did a lot at work, so that is good.  Some Mondays I feel like I go through the motion, and yesterday, I felt I did a lot, so that was good. 

Lisa has Mondays off, and I plan on no running on Monday.  My legs felt good yesterday, and I could have run, but I have a plan of running Tues, Wed, and Thursday, and Saturday and Sunday.  I know myself well enough that when I am healthy, and beginning to train, I can run more than 5 days, but playing it safe this time.  I also am not going to do as much biking as I may have done in the past.  Only reason is my big biking day was always Sunday, and now my long run is Sunday.  I decided to continue working Saturdays, because the money is good.  :) 

Not a lot going on with me, and I am excited to start training again.  I feel like I am mentally prepared to train too.  Embrace the hard stuff is my new mantra.  Maybe that is how we should all be with life.  Life has a lot of hard stuff, and it is shit we have to deal with.  There are no escapes.  You can't sleep, eat, drug away stress.  You cannot exercise away stress either, so life is life.  We all have shit to deal with here and there, and when your time comes to deal with shit don't pretend it isn't there.  You have to be strong to do that shit, because for some fucking reason we want everyone to think we got our shit together, and we don't always.  One thing about life you can guarantee is shit will happen. 

So with that I say,  I am on the path to getting in shape.  As part of marathon training comes some races along the way too, and I am excited about those. 

Here is to a good summer.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  It feels good to be back in the game.   :D

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for me.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I Get Easily Irritated I Think...

I think I get easily irritated, and I am not sure why.  Maybe it is because I let people see all of me, or as much as possible...  Maybe that is it.  I am a bit wild, and a bit free. and without a ton of stress.  I am not a big fan of rules.  You know one of the things that pisses people off is "HAVE TO"  You have to do this, or that or that.  That being said there are some things people have to do.  In order to be as confident, and happy etc.. you have to be active.  A video gamer, or do nothinger will never be happy.  A person who does nothing in his/her free time will just be a jaded, and depressed person. 

I'll give you a little learning thing I had a long time ago.  This was maybe my last year of College.  I went a little longer than most of my friends.   ;)   I was living in my Dad's house he rented out to College kids, and all of a sudden all my close friends were gone.  Living in Chicago, or elsewhere.  I was living with basically strangers.  At this time I was a slob.  One of the new dudes told me this house is a mess, and he wasn't going to pay rent in this messy house.  I was like o.k.  I never felt so alone.  I am living with strangers, and this dude is making rules???  So I sulked at my loneliness for a bit, and cleaned the kitchen etc...  I mean it was spotless.  A spark was lit.  It gave me confidence, and I felt good I did that, and it gave me a sense of accomplishment.  From then on, I cleaned the place every day.  Dishes, vacuuming, cleaned the bathroom etc.. 

I guess there is where my work ethic was born.  I then finished up school, etc... always kept that work ethic, although I don't clean as much as I used to.  At that stage of the game I had no idea what my life would look like, but things happened pretty quickly after that.  I graduated college, and you know the rest.  Well some of you do...

I am a certain way, and this is me.  I do not listen to rules of I should be this way or that way, because I am an open and free spirit, and if you got shit to hide, that is your issue.  Funny how our natural tendency is to hide shit.  We don't want people to see us, although the path to happiness is allowing people to see us, but it is hard, because to let people see you you have to let your guard down, and actually be vulnerable.  It is in our weakness where we show strength, and you know what, it ain't fucking easy.  I think we want to always feel strong.  Like we are with it etc... and none of us always feel that way.  If we expose our vulnerable side it brings confidence, and healing etc...  If we hide our vulnerable side it brings anger, and other bull shit like that.  For us to be better we have to accept we really are not that strong.  It is part of our truth that goes against our natural tendency.  We have to show people we are not strong, when we "think" we really want everyone to think we are. 

some days this last part flows, and sometimes not. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  time to get me some coffee.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Friday, June 8, 2012

Have Blog... Must Write...

Surprisingly I am up.  I went to bed a little later than normal.  I also haven't blogged in a couple or few days either.  Weird for me...  My blog has made a few changes too, which is weird for me too, but one thing is pretty constant.  No matter how I feel about anything, I can always shrink into the strength of me.  If I tend to get to feeling like people don't like me etc... I can walk away from damn near anything.  I throw myself out there, and I let you know how I think, and many times how just an average guy thinks, and if I feel judged or anything, I can shrink back into the strength that is me.  One that says, I know what I have been through, and I know who I am, and I'll take my damn shell off from time to time, to show you the less than perfect me, and if you don't trust me after I have been doing this so long,  Buhhhh Byyeeeee.   Without trust you got nothing, and like I said before I don't have to do this.

In some ways you can look at me as one of us all.  A less than perfect being.  I am one with flaws etc...  We all have them.  I am pretty in tune with the flaws of a typical male.  ( straight or gay, cuz I got friends that are both).  Women I don't totally understand... but what you should never underestimate is I always come back strong.  Strong as in honest,  strong as I can support those that want/need it, but if you don't trust me, when I have showed you everything, than I can walk away from anyone.  Don't ever doubt that.  In other words we all have issues.  Worry about your own fucking issues not mine.  I'll let you know mine when they come out, if there are any.

So anyway, I guess I have been going through a bit of one of those times where I was like screw this dumb ass blog, and screw the damn bloggers.  I don't need 'em.   :)

Life goes on though, and I am having a pretty good running week, and it looks like I have a new schedule.  Tuesday trail + hilly run.  Wednesday speed work, and Thursday the 6.55 mile route.  That leaves my Thursday = Friday as a non do.  :(  I do want to run long on Sunday this year though.  I like working the Saturday hours.  I am hoping Ganzi's group still does that.  I can run to and from work on Saturday, or something,  and do my long one on Sunday.  That will work best for me I think.

Not much else to talk about really.  I made the points I wanted to make.  Without trust you got nothing.  As the truth of all of us comes to the surface... accept it.  Accept your weaknesses, and the imperfections you cannot change.  It is all part of our own truth, and one we will have to be strong to accept, although it may make us feel not so great.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :) 

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  MWAH!!!    :)    xoxo

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 
Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen, Jules, and Brandy.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  They my fave.   :)

Extras for Olga toooooo.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   She my fave tooo.   :D   :D 

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D   :D

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I Must Be A Homebody...

As time goes on and on, I think I am somebody who likes to be at home.  At the end of my workday I am always pretty excited about just being home, and relaxing.  I guess it is where I am most comfortable.  Although, I have always felt comfortable sitting at a bar too.  :) 

You know how some people can just sit at a beach and do nothing all day??  That is not me.  Lisa can do that, but that is not my makeup at all.  As time goes on I realize I like my routine.  I am not a big fan of vacations, because I tend to get lazy.  :)  I love waking up really early like today.  I love getting a workout in before work if I am able.  I was going to go do a beer run thing tonight, but already I am planning on running 6 mile before work, and when work is done, I am done... except for a few errands.  I have to get inserts for my running shoes.  Time to break open my other new pair.  It is about time.  Also need a haircut, and maybe stop for something for dinner.  Lisa will be closing.  That is nice though...  workout, work, and then done for the rest of the day.  Oh, and btw I leave work usually about 1 or 2 in the afternoon.  Kinda nice huh???   specially in the Summer.  :)

You know what I think people's hang ups are??  I think they are afraid of their dark stuff, and you know what.  Our dark stuff really isn't that dark.  In our own minds we think it is dark, but that is because we are afraid of what people might think.  Look at what Tiger Woods went through.  Remember how great everyone thought he was, and then what was he guilty of??  Having sex with hot girls.  Guys probably do that in their minds several times each week.  He cheated on his wife, and he isn't the first or last person to do that.  It is shit we probably know is "wrong" but people still do it anyway. 

Just yesterday at work there was a pretty girl who had a great figure, and I was WOAH!!!   I was in an aisle where she was standing, and kept glancing over at her.  I mean she was really attractive.  She knew it too.  As she was walking away she glanced back at me to see if I was watching her...  nope.  :)   I lucked out.  :)   Life is made up of that type of shit.  Lisa knows I look at that stuff, and she does the same fucking thing.  Pretty girls probably like to be looked at is my guess.  God knows they spend enough time clothes shopping.   :) 

Have a good one all.  I think sometimes people take life way too seriously.  Life has some serious stuff, but only because people make it so.  Life really is just this stupid ass thing we do, while everyone else pretends it is important to wear suits. 

Later... 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Just Glamming The Hell Out of Another Saturday.

Yeah, there is not much to me, and another Saturday.  There were no great things I did yesterday.  I never did take Hope for a run.  I worked for like 6.5 hours.  I then treated myself to lunch, and that was for a couple reasons.  First, I had nothing to do, and nothing I wanted to do, and I was hungry.  :)  Also Lisa was working til like 2:00, and then she was traveling after to a Big nursery Northeast of us.  So it was going to be a solo day anyway. 

Perhaps the most important part of the day... (maybe not important)...  I was sitting in our breeze way, enjoying a drink and listening to music, and watching the wind blow the leaves on the trees.  It made me think of my life, and stuff in my life, and stuff no longer in my life.  You see, I have a life, and it goes on.  It isn't anything fabulous or remotely fabulous, but it is a little something.  We all have this thing called life.  It is things that have happened to us, and that happen to us.  It isn't perfect, and we have had shit happen to us, and you know what??  You cannot be perfect, and you cannot pretend to be perfect without seeming fake.  Something we all have in common. 

So we have been reading books, and being taught by teachers etc... that we are good.  We need to be confident in ourselves, and have good self esteem, and you know what the really first step of good self esteem is??  I suck.  All that is true and all that is honest is the step to making us better people.  Strength in a person comes not from what you want to show people, but daring to take a look inside.  You know we all have secrets and shit.  What is the percentage of guys who check out porn on the internets??  I have no idea, but I bet it is high.  We are pretty gross.   :)  I don't know what girls secrets are, besides they talk about some stupid stupid shit.  :)  

We all have impure thoughts, and stuff we pretend isn't there, but it is.  All that shit is real, and all that stuff is about us.  The realest part of us, is the stuff that is inside us.  I have a feeling it takes courage to look at, and I am sure you don't want many people to know your secrets.  The thing about all our lives is we have, and continue to fuck all kindsa things up, 

I guess what I think is important is to embrace your inner asshole.  We poop, just like babies do, and all kindsa other gross shit.  We can have nice clothes, but that is just masking who we really are. 

Later.  :)

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Well I Am Up...

I really have nothing to write, and I am not sure what direction this blog update will go in.  Like the title says though I am up, and I guess I will write something down.  You want to know what irritates me??  When people put on their blog, oh there are no pictures, so this will be a bad blog entry.  Ummm,  there were no pictures when I read "Catcher in The Rye"  I considered that to be one of the best blogs.  Also, Anne Frank was a blog too, and it was one without a lot of  pictures, and that was better than a lot of the stuff I read anyway. 

I don't mind pictures, and if you really feel a blog is bad because of no pictures fine,  that is your prerogative.  If you truthfully don't give a shit, than don't say a fucking thing.  Real and true is real and true.  Even if it isn't the popular thing to say.  See what that picture blog thing is??  It is just fucking propaganda someone started, and everyone for some reason jumped on board.  When you write from your heart you will find truth, and sometimes pictures are just staged stoppages in time.  Since I read a lot of blogs that are tri related for some fucking reason.  I think tri outfits look dumb.  So if you feel the need to take pictures with you in those... why???   OMG.    :)    HA HA HA  

So anyway a little something... very very minor about my life.  The weather was shitty the last two days.  There was no hanging outside, or really anything to do, so I worked a little later both days than normal, because outside of work I was  not going to do anything exciting.  One of the best things about my job is there is always stuff to do.  It ain't rocket science, but for some really fucked up and lucky reason I like doing what I do.  I joke around with a couple people at work when they see me doing one of my "special" projects.  I say, "It takes a special kind of fucked up to like what I do."   :)

So anyway work is going good, and I am doing my long run tomorrow, and am working today.  I think I will take the Hopester for a quick little run before work, and not much planned today.

A day in the life of me is pretty boring really... kinda like a blog without pictures.  :)  

Later all.  :)

Luv ya's.   :)   xoxoxo


Friday, June 1, 2012

Some Things I Know...

One of the things I know is my coffee is done, and I am going to get some.  brb.  :)

Anyway some of the things I know is what is inside us.  Imperfection is what is inside us all, and we want to be good and decent people, but we fail more often than we succeed probably.  We are selfish people, and we are weak too.  Weak in the sense we only want to show people what we think is our good side.  Who are the strong and courageous ones who will show you their less than good side??  Not many huh??  When a bright light comes, and opens up your eyes to who you are guess what??  You will not like everything about you. 

Wanna know why??  You have some weird and fucked up conception of what a good and decent person is, and you fail to live up to that.  Your conception is ever changing too. Oh look, there is a person on a diet of eating pine needles and drinking rain water.  They seem like a real nice person, and they can run fast, I think I wanna try that.  Look how skinny they are??  Who knows what kind of shit we have seen, that we try to emulate. 

I said before the world is backwards, and so are we.  We are meant to be truthful and honest people, and the only way to do that is to look inside ourselves.  Your life isn't Hitler did this so I am good.  Nope your life is you.  That is it, you...  Are you uncomfortable yet?? 

If you are going about trying to be a perfect person, and trying to show only your good side you are wasting everyone's time including your own.  Life and truth, and all those good things are a bitch.  Wanna know why??  Because we all are imperfect, and we all are awesomely great at being pretty shitty people at times. 

Being strong and honest is fucking hard, because you are showing and letting people know,  yeah...  I suck.  I mean we are human, so we shit,  straight guys are staring at girls asses, and who knows what else? 

Being strong is having the ability to let people see the real you.  That is not something that is very easy, and you definitely need help with that, and also you need support with that too, because what if you showed the whole world how miserable and horrible you are in parts, and no one said anything?? 

The true shit about life is not a spectator sport, it is something to be active in. 

Let your hair down and show people hey,  I am not fucking perfect, but I have the courage to show, and let you know. 

Later all.  :)