The First Day.

I guess we can call yesterday the first day of Sober October. I got sick I think, or maybe I've been a bit dragged down. On vacation I was more tired than normal. Thursday night I puked twice. I was making chicken noodle soup,  and my stomach turned.  As someone who never pukes that was surprising. I slept for a bit, and felt better.

I was tired after work,  so Friday I just read my book, and slept. Can't say I felt really energetic at work Saturday.  I watched football,  and eventually had a couple drinks.  Ate a very small meal. Sunday, I slept a lot for me, after waking up for a while at stupid o clock. I was able to fall back asleep. I got my Sunday shit done, and ass pissed all day.

My appetite is back, I was starving at dinner. I feel fine this morning. My sleeping heart rate dropped 3 points from my norm. Probably,  cuz my body has no alcohol in it. Also I weigh 164.4 to start Sober October. I never hardly weigh myself so I decided I better before I forget. I wanna see what my weight does in October with no drinking. 167 is my marathon P.R. weight, so I am not heavy at all.

Outside of that I am going through books. I am on the last Harry Potter book. I have to finish it in a week, cuz the last one I got from the library. After that I am going to do the Dark Tower by Stephen King. I read the first 3 a million years ago, but never went any further, since he didn't write the 4th one til 20 years later or whatever. Also I am almost done reading the golden compass trilogy.

That's about all I got. Sick, sober, football,  and books I guess. Lisa spent the whole weekend cleaning the basement, which is awesome. It's a big project I knew we had to tackle. She did it with help from her daughter. We are going to the dump today too, so that will be done. Sober October is starting out pretty good, and it isn't even October. Outside the ass pissing and stuff.

Outside of that not much. When you don't think your healthy you think of healthy people. Also you think of those who aren't healthy very often. I am always healthy,  so it's pretty major if I am not, just cuz it, basically is uncharted waters.

I live an okay lifestyle. I am pretty active all things considered. I am giving up my one vice for a month. Maybe longer too, who knows?  As someone who has been down that road before,  a sober person thinks a drunk person is ridiculous. A drunk person has no idea how dumb they are

A drunk person wants to feel good. That is what I am shooting for being sober. To feel even better than I do normally. Like this morning I can tell I didn't drink, just how I feel on the inside. It's different.

Anyway, that is it for me. Obviously not much going on with me. Just a start of something new and different, for a month or so.

Laterzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

Back.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I am back from my little trip. The trip was fine, but I gotta say I like being home better. It's just more comfortable for me to be home. Maybe that is just how I am. Maybe when you feel you aren't missing out on anything in life, then you have no need to see all the things. Also if you are happy and content at home, then you really don't need to travel.

I may want to check out another place late Winter, early Spring,  but I am fine at home. The weather has been pretty good. I haven't worn socks since I last worked. Almost a week ago. I way overpacked.  Ridiculously so. Anyway we saw all the things. Our last full day we sat on the beach for a while. It was like 75°, and sunny.

We ate food obviously,  but who can eat the full portions we get for our meals?  In the end we definitely throw a lot of food away.

Sober October is coming up. I am looking forward to it. I am not sure if drinking is still fun. It will be different I guess to do other stuff.

I didn't really think of much while I was away. We ate lunch at a place. The guy says he drives 45 minutes to work each way. He was a server. It's such a touristy place I am sure he makes good money, but the drive. I don't particularly like driving so much. Michigan in general is pretty much not developed. A ton of forest land, and so much property doing nothing. I think that's good. A lot of fresh water. A lot of forest, and MI is just a big State. The majority of it I'd say is scarcely populated.

There are two pretty big islands off the coast by the sleeping Bear dunes. North and south Manitou islands. Unpopulated except for a ranger station. Can you imagine?  2 islands on Lake MI not being used for anything.

Beer making took over Traverse City. Also wine making. It also is the cherry capital of the World to my knowledge. Plenty of fruit obviously. Grapes, peaches,  etc... 

You have to pretty much drive everywhere in Traverse City. The main street next to the water was very trafficy. We went to the downtown shopping,  and restaurant district. I never go to downtown Holland hardly. I never go in the shops, and I assume locals are the same in Traverse City. I am curious now though. I wanna go to one of the hotels, and see what the pamphlets say as to what to see in Holland.

I guess when you travel you are supposed to try and see all the shit the locals don't care about is my guess.

Anyways I guess I'll take the monster Hope. She's been shooting me some silent but deadlies.    Stinkies. 

Til next time. 

I guess one more thing. I've said it before, but as to life. I'd rather have mine than anyone else's.  Everyone else seems like it would be hard. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

One More Day.

So after today I am officially on vacation for 5 days. I am kinda excited about it. Typically I am pretty relaxed in my day to day. I enjoy my routine. My life is a vacation, but all the same I think it will be fun. I'll get back from vacation, pretty soon it will be the weekend already,  and then sober October. Fun fun.  :) 

Yesterday was just a normal day. I didn't do anything crazy. It was warm in the afternoon again. I am spending time outside as much as possible. Of course it ain't no thing for me to be outdoors in the Fall either. Life is good in any season. For me anyway.

My routine always stays with me, and I like it. My house is comfortable. My life is easy, and yadda yadda yadda. I know people think the grass looks greener elsewhere a lot, but for me the grass is greenest in my life. I look at others and pity others really. You ain't got what I got. You went out to try and make your best life,  while I was given the best life. I could have gone your direction, but life pulled me toward a turn. I did it not knowing where it would lead me. It led me to live my best life. By taking all the falseness of the World away from me. No fairy tales for me. No heroes, or false truths.  My heart was strengthened to accept harsh truths.

Everything is just easy. I don't waste time on  empty pursuits. My day to day is pretty full. I am going on vacation to recharge from my vacation'ish day to day.   :)  I regularly feel recharged every week, or every day. I do pretty good in the mornings. I typically am a good sleeper.

Pretty sweet huh? 

Anyway I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

I Think I Got Time To Rush One Up.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept in this morning. I was more tired at 2:30 AM than 11:30 PM. (Random wake up time)  I've run 4 days in a row anyway. I don't run long at all, so I can do that. I don't have to workout today,  so I'll have time after. I felt sluggish yesterday, and better today. I did get my full workout in yesterday, which is always awesome. I sat outside in 80 degree weather too. Oh, I ran the robot too, and we made tacos. That's a good day as far as I am concerned.

2 more days of work then vacation. I didn't think of too much yesterday. Nothing really on the mind.  Life is just this thing I am doing. Nothing really for me to stress about. People can make their own mistakes, and it isn't my concern. I am not held accountable for what others do. That's their issue. I don't feel I have a job to do as people go.  I don't worry about other's lives at all. I have my own life. It's simple. 

I don't carry around any slogans. I just am, and that's good enough. I have no heroes before me. I have the best life. I am secure, content,  and strong. These are the best things one can feel on the inside. It's what you need to live your best life.

You don't need recognition, millions of dollars, a mansion, or whatever. What I have is what you want. These things come from the heart. I had to do my story to finally get these things. My life is like Job's in his final years. It's just my story isn't over. I didn't know I could be like Job, before I did my final thing.

Remember I told you, probably in a previous blog, but back in the early 90s, I was cleaning an old person's room, at the old people's home. The lady told me I needed to have the patience of Job to do my job. It was a double meaning. Cleaning poop off the floor, and a foreshadow of what was to come.

Shortly after that I suffered like Job for 6 straight days. The worst of the worst persecuted me relentlessly.  I couldn't sleep,  I had no desire to eat. I lived the hidden part of life. I was picked up after those 6 days. Made full for a short while, and shortly after that the wilderness.

The wilderness led me to overcoming for the first time. I was living the last night of my life, and going to Hell. The judge said I could save myself at the expense of my friends. I said "Let God's will be done" thereby assuring my place in Hell. The judges play God. I was judged. I woke up the next morning though.

Anyhoo, I don't think of those things often, but I did have to have the patience of Job to live like him in his final years. I have to go the final step though. To be the best a person can be.

Also at that point the World will know me, and I will be it's enemy. These things I've known a while. The timing ... not so much.

Now I just live my life. At some point I'll have to overcome the 3rd time. I don't really worry about that though. It'll happen eventually. When the story teller decides it's time. That ain't me. 

Anyway, I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

A Day.

That's pretty much what yesterday was. I did my typical thing. After work I got a few things done. Did the dishes, filled up the yard bin with more branches and stuff, picked tomatoes, and ran the robot. Little things like that actually mean a lot to me. Just getting stuff done. I had a couple drinks,  and Lisa just picked up dinner. I was too tired to cook.

I slept early, and woke up early. I toyed with sleeping til 5:00, but I was done sleeping, so i figured I'd get up. The benefits of running Hope now are better than laying in bed for no reason. It's a workout day too, so I am not coming home straight from work.  Outside of my workout I don't think I have much to do. After yesterday I guess I decided to clean the house in October. Organize, get rid of shit. We still have another dump pass we can get.

I am so looking forward to October for some reason. I don't know why. I think not drinking for a month will be easy. I never really ever wanted to quit before to my knowledge. I've wanted to drink less I guess, but I really now want to take a month off. The stars just aligned right for a try at Sober October. Alcohol is probably one of the easiest drugs to quit is my guess. It seems to me anyway. It's the only drug I take. Some have to give up alcohol and marijuana. I think those who consistently take marijuana will struggle more. Alcohol will be easy to quit. Marijuana maybe not so much. I'm just going by what others have told me. I've probably smoked marijuana maybe 5 times in the last 30 years. Just not my thing.

Anyway, not much else. I have vacation coming up. One that's my speed. 4 nights away. I don't like long vacations as you know. I pretty much like my routine a lot. It will be nice to get away for a bit. We will just do some sightseeing, and eat, shop some. Shit like that. I do wanna check out any local bakeries while I am there. See what they have and stuff.

One thing I like about vacation is an early morning run, coffee, and read. Probably running coming last, as better to run during daylight in an unfamiliar town. Pretty soon after that it will be October. October is no drinking, and then November. Thanksgiving and Christmas to soon follow. All of a sudden it will be January. Then February. It's not too far away is it. 

What will my life look like then?  What challenges can I have before me?  I will worry about October first I guess. I am so excited for it in a strange way.

Outside that not much. It's hard to find challenges for a 53 year old guy huh?  We are past our prime. My legs no longer stay healthy for running goals. I don't have the desire to be a huge workout guy. Good thing I like my routine. At the end of the day I like my life.  I have nothing to escape from. I can handle life head on, because my life is easy. I have no fear or anxiety toward the future.

I've been given the winning ticket in life. It isn't grand accomplishments,  or big time popularity. I am just cool with stuff. I am not really very sociable I guess outside of work. I don't need to be. I am fine at home doing my own thing. I am never really bored. I am busy with stuff, and I generally feel pretty good.

Anyway, another update about nothing. 

I am sure it's a fun read.    :)

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

A Day Was Had.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am going watchless for a while, as I lost my charger. It should show up sometime or I'll buy a new one. I am going to not use my watch til after vacation. Gotta clear up a yeast spot I am sure. My hands are in yeasty doughs pretty much 5 days/week, so I am going to get rid of those stupid spots the doughs stick to the watch band, and if you are not careful that can happen. Lesson learned.

Yesterday was okay. I got my full workout in, and I ran the robot. It's no big thing to run the robot, but you can forget some days. Afterwards the floors look so clean. Without it we would vacuum our house once/week if lucky. Never under the beds either or couches and stuff. If you have the means I recommend one. Especially if you have pets.

Yesterday was fine. I wasn't super duper productive after work, but I did get some shit done. I did finish the 5th Harry Potter book. 2 more to go.

Not much really going on with me. Going about doing my day to day. I really need to come up with a plan for October. Some special activity or challenge. Maybe I should take up fishing or something. Super duper clean up the house?  I am still pondering. It's like my whole life can open up to something new, and I am not sure what that new thing will be. I want to do something useful though. Not learn to play the guitar or anything like that. I guess I should take fishing off the list too. That's dumb.

What else?  Ermmm, not much. Life continues to move forward. Obviously I don't have a lot to stress me out. My life is pretty simple. I am active which is simple. I regularly use a lot of my muscles, so that is a positive thing. I don't have some great time consuming workout routine. Maybe 3 hours of running/week, and 3 hours resistance training. Roughly 10 miles of walking/day besides Sunday which is usually less. Its simple. I make no great sacrifice to be the way I am. Going to bed early isn't a sacrifice, and either is waking up early. Just my norm. Biking to work isn't a sacrifice, and either is running. Perhaps the only thing considered a sacrifice is biking away from home to work out 3 days per week. The positives totally outweigh the sacrifice. In life I am super lucky. My work keeps me active. It's easy. Also my heart is pretty cool with how my life is.

I don't yearn for better things. I guess my life is fun. I like it. I really wouldn't change a thing. I am lucky to have my heart as it is. I know it's different than if I went my own way. I know you aren't as I am, and sometimes I think... well I am not sure. I don't know how you are. I just know you aren't like me. You missed something along the way huh? 

Life is hard unless it is made easy for you. My life has been made easy, but my path wasn't. Its so long ago though I don't  even remember how hard it was. Someone dies eventually you don't think of them. Same with the hard parts of my journey. Its History. Don't care anymore.

That's our legacy too. We'll be in the ground for a while,  and no one gives a fuck after a certain point.

Fine by me. I feel I have the best part of life. An accepting,  and content heart. I don't yearn for stuff. Not much for me to worry about either.

Anyways. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

It's Monday.

That's all I have to say about that. I am up early so that's good. I slept for 5 hours and 43 minutes. Not great, not horrible. Yesterday was okay as far as getting my Sunday shit done. All my laundry is folded and put away. I bought tide pods which were on sale. I've always wanted to try them. I use a similar thing in my dishwasher so.

I was done early as expected. I watched football too. The games were pretty exciting. Personally I think there are football teams, and then there is another team with Patrick Maholmes as QB.

I was thinking about October coming up, since I am not drinking I should also add another goal or activity. I am not sure what though. Obviously nothing to do with running. I'll keep my short runs with Hope. I'll think about it.

This morning there is very little on my mind. I got ready to do this thing, and I knew it was going to be a struggle. Yesterday was pretty okay actually. I really got a lot done before noon. I didn't read my book, but did listen to a lot of my Harry Potter book. Only 1-1/2 hours left.

I have to workout today, and not sure what to do after. I am thinking read, or watch my show, but what I feel this morning does not always mean I'll feel the same when I get home. I don't really have anything pressing to do. I feel pretty relaxed about stuff. I'll get a good little run in soon, which is always a good start to the day. I used to think with running more is better, but now I think running short is fine. You don't need a million miles/week to get good benefits from it. I don't time my workout sessions, but I bet all parts take less than an hour. So maybe I exercise like 6 hours/week. I don't really consider bike commuting exercise, but I guess you can count that. I've been doing it so long, I just consider it standard transportation. That too does start off the day in a good way.

I guess what it means is you can do healthy shit, and it won't take you all day long to do it. I am lucky I'll typically have 10 miles in without exercise. Just by living. I guess in my life everything is simple. I don't have to reinvent the wheel or anything. More accept my limitations I guess. Also don't add too much stuff you'll burn out. Keep things at a sustainable level. I ain't going to the Olympics,  which seems horrible when you think of it.

I guess in the end my life is pretty simple. I don't have much to worry about. I am healthy, going to get healthier. I stay active, cuz my life is that way. Every morning I got shit to do, which is great for me. My day is filled no matter what pretty much. I like it that way too.

The only thing left is what to do in October. I'll think on that. Hopefully something comes to mind.

I really got nothing like I said. Maybe this year is pretty much about nothing. I don't feel we are in the wilderness anymore, but more in an in between place. Not the wilderness,  but not where we are going. Of course maybe we still are in the wilderness, but it doesn't affect me at all. One thing I know is this blog is pretty much my day to day/nothing.

I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Partying It Up On A Saturday Night.

Ermmmn, not really. My watch says I fell asleep at 6:14 PM, and was awake at 3:00-something AM. I did get 8 hours of sleep. It's kinda normal for me to get up early. To go to bed at 10:00PM, you'd have to sleep til 7:00 AM to get 8 hours of sleep. Assuming one hour of non sleeping. Most days I probably have 10,000 steps in by 7:00 AM. Most days I have 2-3 hours of sleep in by 10:00 PM.  :)

I got my passport yesterday which is oddly exciting. It is even spelled correctly this time. I have no plans to visit another country,  but at least I have it. Maybe I will plan something in a year or two. Maybe a trip to Syria, Pakistan,  and Afghanistan.  Those all seem like safe vacation destinations.    ;)

Yesterday was pretty normal. I didn't see a movie. There were none I wanted to see. Our truck is getting cosmetic repairs,  so I went to Applebees for lunch,  football,  and beer. It's by Lisa's work,  and I had to pick her up. There were no big time matchups. There may have been a couple minor upsets,  but nothing crazy. Not sure about next week. Theoretically Michigan/Wisconsin looks like a good matchup,  but after two weeks I'd say Wisconsin wins say 34-10.

NFL is today,  and I don't really care. I guess if the Bears lose today,  I'll have to start listening to Chicago Sports radio again.   :)  nothing better than listening  to disgruntled Bears fans when their team stinks.   :)

Oh, I added another night to our stay in Traverse City. 4 nights. Should be fun, and relaxing. It would be a cool place to visit if you are into wine tasting, and beer drinking, which I am not. Tons of that shit to do there. Lisa has been searching for shit to do. It will mostly be relaxing. It's a nice hotel too. Swimming pools, free breakfast, whirlpool. It's on the Lake, so it should be a good time. It's only a couple hours away too. Like going to Chicago, but no traffic and tolls.

Today, I have a lot to do. Our house is a mess, so my typical Sunday shit will take a while. I have to take Hope,  and maybe finish reading my book.  Less than 100 pages left.  I only have like 5 hours left of the 5th Harry Potter book. This is the one I never got through. It's long. 24 hours long or so. The first part is slow,  and that's why I couldn't get through it. It picks up though. She does come up with good villains.

I got my Friday workout in. I forgot to do the home part though.  Oops.  Life goes on. Nothing too important going on with me. Nothing for me to really stress about.  I have to go grocery shopping today too. I figure I take Hope,  get the dishes done, start laundry, go grocery shopping,  and finish laundry,  and vacuum. I'll be pretty close to done then.  Like maybe 10:00 AM. Then what?  That's the question.

I have some outside shit to do, but I'll finish my stuff early. That is typically when I start having cocktails. Watch football and drink. I can do that today no problem. Not a biggie,  but I can't in October.   :)  I may not today either. I have my FBI profiling show I can watch.

What would be optimal would be to take up Tennis or racquetball or something. I don't even know if there is an indoor tennis place around. It's probably expensive I bet.  I used to play outside with some guys from the local lumberyard. I don't think I ever lost. I wasn't good,  but none of us were. I did play some as a kid.

Okay,  I guess I better start my day. Shouldn't be horrible.

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeee.      :)))

I Did As I Said.

So, yesterday was a non drink day, and that is what I did. I don't find i was terribly productive, cuz I read my book. The kitchen should have been cleaned, but I didn't. My book is good, but like many things reading is a time suck. I am reading instead of a ton of shit I should be doing.

I did make a super simple dinner. I brought some scrap croissant dough home, and made pizza croissants.  It came out good. Then I watched a couple episodes of my show. The FBI profiling one.

It says I slept only 5 hours, but I did sleep good. I did drink a ton of water last night for some reason. I just took my blood pressure. 126/82.

For October I was given a good idea. Check my weight before. I should check vitals too. I have this blood pressure machine. I should use that more often. 

I am curious about my resting heart rate too I got some new firmware updates on my watch, and my resting heart rate has been reading high. Currently just sitting here my heart rate is 4 bpm less than my resting heart rate. My blood pressure machine has it 9 bpm less.  Also I was a little under 30,000 steps yesterday. Even though I read after work.

One would be hard pressed to feel perfection in their day huh?  You can't ever really get everything done. You prioritized something instead of something else. I guess if you are retired like my Dad your whole day is a time suck. He's got nothing to do.

I know people look forward to retirement,  but I barely enjoy one day off, let alone the rest of your life. I don't think I am wired that way. My labor can be anything too I think. I just like a section of my day being part of a schedule. I got somewhere to be, and shit to do kinda thing.

Anyway. I guess I am thinking out loud. Oh today is a workout day. I am kinda looking forward to it. Just to get those exercises in, and get my muscles used.

I guess that's my day to day. A lot of simple stupid shit to think about. I do think I thought I'd feel better by not drinking, but I don't really. Almost the same. The only thing different is my internals feel a bit different. When I wake up after a night of a couple cocktails its different in a way. Like maybe my heart isn't so much at ease. Like maybe my resting heart rate will plummet in October.

Outside of that not much. Not much on my mind. Nothing terribly pressing I thought about. As usual nothing much for me to worry about.

Today will be a day. Not sure about drinking or not. Yesterday was easy not drinking. Didn't struggle at all. Just something perhaps I just choose to do, as opposed to a higher need. Just shit to do. Still, I guess I'll find out I won't find some magical formula that has me doing the best things one can do. There is no such thing. We aren't doing anything important in life. No matter what we spend our time on. It's just shit we do. In the end of no consequence.

Good thing my heart is cool with this. I imagine otherwise it would be depressing. I guess I make the most of my life, cuz my heart is cool with it.

Anyways, I spose.

Sorry about the dumb update. Oh, btw today's update has me one more than my total updates from last year.  I'd like you to read all of last years, and all of this years today, and tell me which year you liked better.   ;)

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

I Got Everything Done I Wanted.

Don't say anything about my title. It took me 10 minutes to think of one. I was thinking about something else while writing it, so i figured I would just keep it.

I did get everything done I wanted yesterday. My full workout, which felt good. I think it was my 2nd workout in 2 weeks. It was harder than normal. You lose a bit just in that time. I bet Friday is easier.

I filled up our yard bin with weeds and shit we pulled. Probably in October we can start taking stuff to the road,  cuz the city will pick it up. Good to get a lot in the bin though. I also ran the robot. It wasn't a lot,  but it's what I wanted done. We also had hot dogs for dinner. There is a place downtown. I rarely ever eat downtown for whatever reason, and we had hot dogs there 3 times in a short period.

So that was my day. Nothing too exciting about it. It was warm out which was nice. Hope, and I sat outside and chilled for a bit. I remember toward the end of work I realized afterwards I can do whatever I want. I just had a feeling there was nothing too pressing for me to worry about. In that way I guess my day was easy.

Outside of that not much. I did have a couple drinks, which I won't be able to do in October. Doesn't seem like it will be a big deal, except it's been a while for me to do that.

Tryna think of anything else. I guess I do look at some people, and realize there are a lot of unhealthy people. I drink too regularly probably,  but I am not overweight. Inactive lifestyles I am guessing are pretty brutal. For one people will gain weight. No way around it. I bet people eat more too, because when you are active you tend to drink more water. Maybe I drink a ton of water,  because I drink regularly,  so I am regularly dehydrated.

I go to bed after dinner. If you eat say at 5:00 or so, and stay up til midnight, you'll eat again. Hold on. 28,000 steps yesterday. Just under 13 miles. Just by living. I am lucky to work the jobs I do. Even if I don't run, I will still be around 20,000 steps or more. Yesterday I ran short, so it ups my totals. Cubicle/sit down jobs gotta be brutal.

Part of the reason I started working out was to use my upper body muscles, and core. You don't use your muscles you lose them. I am stronger. I can usually notice it in little ways throughout the day. I don't feel any different about myself though. I may have more muscles, but I feel as always I don't have a perfect body.  I do use a good amount of my muscles regularly, and I think that's good.

I guess in life it's better to be busy/active. It would be nice to have little stress. In that way I am way lucky. All in all life is hard. It's hard not to be angry about stuff. It's hard not to be judgey. People would be wise to stay active. It makes everything in the long run easier.

It would be better for me if i wasn't such a consistent drinker. I am hoping October will help switch that. Actually today I won't drink. For the heck if it.

Anyway I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Where Do We Go From Here?

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday was pretty normal all things considered. I worked,  sat outside, had a couple drinks, picked pretty close to my final tomatoes,  did dishes, made dinner, watched one episode of my show, and fell asleep. It was a good sleep. I woke up at 10:00 PM, and had no idea who I was basically.  :)  just the wake up from a deep sleep thing. I was sad to see I only slept 6 hours and something instead of 8 hours. Oh well.

Not much really happening to me. Life goes on. Day after day. Not much for me to be concerned with. Life is not filled with a lot of decisions for me. I don't plot out my next course so to speak. There isn't much if any anxiety. I know other people are different than me, but I don't really know how. I cannot walk in your shoes.  I am so far removed. I've been in mine too long I guess.

I pretty much just live out my days. I don't think I particularly care what others think of me. I know I am unexceptional,  and I expect others to see me the same way. My heart is fine with things as they are. Unexceptional is fine by me. I stay active, but I can always do more. I don't go to bed with any guilt, and don't wake up with any. Typically I wake up,  and I have another day ahead of me.

I guess we think our lives should be exceptional, but they aren't. Even if you are considered by a lot exceptional you probably don't feel that way. I guess we think in order to be happy we need to be all you can be, when really it's all about learning who you are.

Who are you?  Someone unexceptional. You didn't pave the way to a content heart. You haven't mapped out a perfect life. Currently you are not the best a person can be, and like me you don't know exactly what that is. Like me you know you aren't it.

In my life I turned one coin into 5+5. Wasn't my story so I surely had no idea I was doing it. These days I have no idea what I do either. Is there a purpose to my day to day?  I don't think so. Is there a purpose to this blog?  That is a good question. I can't really answer that.

As you go through your life. If you were to look at it from your final moments like a thief on the cross you'll see there wasn't much purpose. You weren't perfect. Your heart wasn't always filled with the best stuff.

I can give you my story as I know it. At some point I was alone. Not a person to worry about but me. I was going to turn me into the best person I can be. Work, come home read the bible, turn myself into a saint.

That was impossible. Instead of becoming a saint I turned into a repentant  person. I wasn't a terribly good person. As a matter of fact I could see enough to judge myself. I knew what I deserved.

I was scared, cuz I surely didn't want a bad end. Overcoming twice I accepted my bad end if that's the plan. 3rd time I follow along as others have done before. Afterwards I become the best a person can be.

It's a story that hasn't been done in a while. I imagine we would have known. The story may sound crazy, and trust me I've played the fool. I know.

It is my story. Created with a turn. A turn from the great life I could make myself to do whatever I am here to do. If there is a reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else.

I had help. I was kinda broken in a way. I was alone, the world looked ugly, and I didn't see a point to life.

I had good vision back then you see, although the days were hard. They soon would be much harder. I lived in terror everyday in the wilderness,  cuz I knew what was at stake. I was on the wrong side too, and I didn't want to be.

Here I stand now. I am fine. I have security as you know,  and I still am not the best a person can be. As you know I didn't know that possible.

I speak of avenues you cannot see. These shoes of mine you cannot walk in. This story is so long I can barely remember what yours are like. This story was always about more than a day to day.

Currently I just live out my day to day. Everything is easy now.

Anyway, I guess I'll take Hope.

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeee.       :)))

What To Think About In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I slept the last two nights without a little alcohol induced exhaustion. I'll have to get used to that I guess. Especially with Sober October coming up. I felt I slept restless. Two nights in a row. I did watch more criminal minds. I love that show. I think I am on my 22nd episode of probably 300 or something. Those shows that go for a while really take up a lot of time.

I don't think I thought of anything too much yesterday. I was lazy, and didn't work out. I didn't take Hope either. I still was just under 23,000 steps,  so still active.

There wasn't much for me to be concerned about yesterday. I worked,  and watched my show, I ate, and I went to bed. It's a simple life. Nothing I really need to escape from. I got some shit to do at home today. Nothing too crazy, just some stuff. Get it done,  and I can watch more criminal minds.   :)

What else??  Hmmmm, not much. I ain't doing anything important. Just doing the day to day thing. Life isn't really boring. I  typically have stuff to do. Nothing too pressing on my mind. I have to work out tomorrow, and that's about it.

As far as goals, I guess I got sober October  coming up. When is the last time I went a month without drinking?  Been a couple decades I bet. Alcohol has definitely been a part of my life. If there are people who have gone through withdrawals from lack of alcohol I've never experienced it. I am not a good heavy drinker. I don't think I've ever been. I am a good heavy sleeper once I get a buzz. Throw me some dinner,  and I am out. If there are people who can't stop, and they drink til 3:00 AM, I've never experienced that. I cannot step in those shoes if that's a thing.

I kinda want sober October to turn life into something different. Maybe a different outlook. Like I have something else to do before dinner besides have a couple drinks. Typically 3 stiff drinks is probably my norm. A half pint plus a drink, or less than a pint. Then I  am out and asleep. If I drink a pint I feel it the next day. Not really hungover, but not 100%  I never get a headache or anything. Just not 100% energized typically.

That's my vice. It never controlled me. I never missed work cuz I was too hungover. I'd really kinda like to get rid of it maybe. What to do in its place?  What takes place of those couple hours of relaxing? 

I don't play video games. Thank God for criminal minds. A show I think is a good thing to watch. Read more, do more shit around the house?  Can't really run a ton without injury. Don't really need to work out more.

You know one thing I don't know about probably everyone?  What they do in  their downtime. What frustrates people about their day to day? What stresses stay on their mind? How busy is one's life compared to how busy you'd like it? 

My life is fine. I just maybe wanna get rid of a vice, and it will maybe have to turn into another. Maybe find another hobby. But what?  I guess first we will see if I can get rid of the vice, or turn it into one night/week.

Just thinking out loud. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

What To Do On A Sunday.

So, on the first Sunday of the NFL I watched almost all of Season 1 of "Criminal Minds" on Netflix. I couldn't fall asleep very early either, so I was up til midnight, and didn't sleep great after. It's actually a really good show. Right up my alley. I kinda felt I wanted a lazy day so I had one. 

Not much really on my mind. I'll have a day today. It shouldn't be horrible. I hope I am not too tired to work out. I'll have to figure something out for dinner.

A day in the life. I spose in life most of us do what we want. Maybe a lot want to do something productive, but their hearts lead them in unproductive ways. I know I can be unproductive when I want the opposite. I don't carry any guilt however.

Today seems to be a different day. Maybe life has just made a little turn. I want to come home and watch Criminal Minds. I looked at the NFL scores yesterday, and I didn't care. I didn't watch one play. I don't really care too much at all about football.  As of today anyway. Its really not that important. It's a game where a lot of money is spent to spectate. I don't have to pay to watch it. I don't even have to watch it.

Professional sports can give athletes a higher opinion of themselves than is good. Too much importance is placed on the meaning of the games when all is said and done. I guess its that way in everything. News people think they are important, people in politics etc...  

As a matter of fact that may be the human downfall. We feel we are too important. I know I am not. I ain't out changing anyone's life. I know we tried going in a direction, but i was the only one willing to go. Having already done it. I find the problem being if you went in the direction I was pulling you would have interesting stuff to talk about. You weren't so you don't. You are the same as before. Just older, and still not happy.

Life doesn't lead one in happy and content ways. To feel content you have to be able to accept the bitter truth. Actually you need help in a lot of different things. I went that direction. I was helped when I overcame twice. My heart was given strength and courage. No longer do I feel anything is in my hands. There is a story that will play out, and I am not the story teller. It isn't my story,  and I have no power to help it come about.

I know the hidden part of life can be terrifying, but we are kinda hidden from it now. It isn't always far from me, cuz of how I am. I've already gone through the eye of the needle, which makes me different than you.

I know of things out there when all you know is the World. A place you may try and make a mark, but there are no marks to make. Sportsing isn't even important in those things, but you cannot see it. Too much is hidden from you. Your heart places importance in things which aren't. Like almost everything. A coin is just a coin no matter what.

You were supposed to do something with your coin, but you were unwilling.  You had too much stuff to accomplish, and in the end it didn't even matter. You couldn't take the blind step, cuz you had your greatness to pursue. 

I am the one with the mop, and the content heart. You?  I don't even know you, and my guess is you don't either.  That would have been one of the things you learn about. Among others. 

Anyway I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

What A Week.

Okay this week was a tough week, and not for the right reasons. My BIL was at our house. His was being air bnb'd out if that's a word. Anyway it was fun. I drank more than I should have. I even stayed up to watch the first half of the Bears game. So I slept in a lot. I didn't take Hope everyday. Only 60 miles too instead of 72.

I was talking to a friend at work,  and decided to do a Sober October.  I think it would be a good thing for me to do. Remember I almost toyed with quitting a while ago. I am actually excited for it. Of course it is before I do it, and not 12 days in.  :)

Other than that things are going good. Our house is already mostly clean. My typical Sunday stuff is already mostly done. I'll take Hope in a bit. Hope has actually been pretty good with other dogs in the house. That is pretty cool. I saw IT yesterday. I'll just say they switched it up a little in part 2. A little different from the book. We got a new chair for our family room,  which is super comfortable. Got rid of a horrible leather one. So we have a recliner chair. Which is the new one. Like a long 7' couch, and a super poofy chair. All comfortable, and all you would have no problem sitting in. Just in time for sober October. I assume I'll watch more tv.

So what else?  No really much. Just living my life. Staying busy and active for the most part. I am already pretty much done with football for the year. Michigan probably sucks. The Bears too, so that's a lot of time back. I no longer do any kind of fantasy stuff. I don't really have much to drain my time.

There is nothing really I need to accomplish. There are no bucket list items. I don't miss out on anything in life. I win in life. I have nothing to prove really. My heart is fine with my life.

I'd say pride has been washed out of me. I am not too good. I don't have to dress up. I don't spend money on clothes hardly. You'll mostly see me in jeans or shorts, and a t-shirt of some sort. I am a gray haired man who isn't really that attractive. Nobody would turn their head to look at me. I am not tall. Actually shrinking year after year. On my Saturday job it is not uncommon, and actually it is very common to see me with a mop, and bucket, and vacuum. As Blue collar as you can get I spose. Fine by me.

I live an easy life, cuz of my heart.  Like i said pride is far away. Fairy tales have no place in my life. Actually all I have is the brutal truth, and it ain't no thing. Easy peasy, cuz of my heart.

I really don't have a ton of interests. Pretty much be busy, and active,  and we will see how life looks in sober October.

My future is bright, although I'll still have to suffer down the road. My heart is courageous though.

Anyway, I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

Back At My Norm.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I had to sleep in yesterday so no blog. I woke up at 11:00 PM, and had troubles falling back asleep. So I used the 2-1/2 extra hours for sleep, and I took Hope after work.

So I definitely have that antimmune thing that stops patches of your face from growing hair. So I'll have to shave more often probably. I wonder if I've had it a while, because I have very little hair on my arms and legs. It's not really a big deal to me. I am 53. I am getting older,  and I cannot imagine anything more disgusting than an old white man. That's my future.   :)

I do feel good today for whatever reason. I woke up around midnight, and I kept waking myself up, cuz I thought my early alarm would be going off soon. Did it not even go off?  So from midnight to 2:30 AM felt like 4 or 5 hours. That is an ideal problem.  Mentally I think I slept 4 hours in just 2-1/2 hours. Speed sleeping. I'll probably start an infomercial selling the way in which you can have this ability too. Money guaranteed. It works.  I'll even have actors excitedly selling my new sleep invention.

We got out of work an hour early yesterday. I've missed that. I didn't do much, but I picked up a prescription. Got stuff for a couple meals etc...  it's not always ideal to leave early, cuz you don't want to get home too early. It's nice once in a while though.

I dont have much going on this week. Work, eat, sleep basically. IT comes out Friday. I am pretty excited. Remember I really enjoyed reading it for the 3rd time.

Yeah, not a lot on my mind. Football starts tomorrow. I wonder how the Bears will be. They are supposed to be good,  but they are the Bears so. It's not a team you ever feel confident in. Barring injuries I assume they'll be one of the better teams.

The Bajamas thing is just brutal. A major hurricane approaches,  and just camps out for a couple days. There were 30 mph winds yesterday when I walked Hope. The trees were swaying pretty good. 200 mph winds?  Wtf. I saw some footage,  and I don't even know how you start the cleanup,  and the rebuild. We are safe in MI.

I really got nothing. I'll take Hope, I have to work out today, and we are buying a chair for our family room. I hate this stupid uncomfortable leather one we have. Wanted to get rid of it forever.

That's about it. Probably go out to dinner. Today should be okay I think.

Dumb update I know.

Can't be helped if I got nothing on my mind. 

Laterzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

I Am Already Dreading Another Day Off.

What the heck am I going to do today? I did a lot yesterday, which was pretty awesome. All laundry, all dishes, I vacuumed AND ran the robot TWICE. Now what?  I could do some shit outside I guess. Yeah I guess that is what I should do. Clean the garage, cut the grass, pick weeds. That would be best.

I was thinking of going without coffee today, but I think I'll make one. Hold on. 

Okay I am back. Sorry to keep you waiting.   ;)  I don't really have much on my mind. I'll probably take Hope after this, and go to the grocery store. Not sure what to do for dinner. Its Labor Day, so I guess we should cook out. I kinda want to read my book too. I guess I got stuff to do, but I was really dreading today a while ago.

I know normal people really like days off, but I struggle with too many. You gotta fill the hours of the day somehow. I don't have enough interests.

There is a purpose to labor, and not really any to leisure. My heart struggles with leisure. What do you do? 

I don't find the World all that remarkable,  so a hike in the woods = big deal. Obviously I never had kids, so I surely wouldn't want to hang out with any. Labor is best, but on a day off I don't always feel like it.

I do feel better now. I think I woke up tired, so the dread. I have a lot I can do today, so I guess I will.

There is a big ass hurricane bearing down on the East coast. No thanks to living on the East coast. I live probably in the safest area as far as natural disasters go. We dont get any tornadoes,  no volcanos, no hurricanes obviously. It is a remarkable area just for how alive it is during Spring to Fall, and how dead it is in the Winter.

I like winter. I like making winter meals, and layering up. I like our cozy breezeway with our vent free heater. There are dog days of summer,  like when you are sick of warm weather all the time. We aren't even close to being stupid Houston, or New Orleans hot. We are like October in San Antonio hot, which is actually pretty nice.

Fall days are awesome. My yearly battle with the leaves is kinda fun. I love the change in seasons.  I get to change my lifestyle kinda. You eat different stuff. You can still run and bike. You know what?  We dont even have bad traffic.  There are no traffic jams in Holland, MI.

All in all I live in a pretty good place. Our property values are doubled plus since the bust too. It ain't cheap to live here if you are looking to buy a house. We've been in my house for 20 years, so I pay only $2000 property taxes. If I sold the house it would double.

All in all I am doing pretty good huh?  Today I just have to get more stuff done outside. Nothing wrong with that.

Oh one other thing. I've worn a goatee for a long time. I just had part of my moustache lose hair. Like maybe it can't grow hair there anymore. So I am clean shaven. Also my lips seemed to have cracked on the side of my mouth. So it makes me look like I have a permanent frown.

I am fucking ugly.   :)  

I'll take a pic sometime. Brad Pitt, or Bon Jovi I ain't.  Dammit.   :)

Laterzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.        :)))

The Start Of 2 Days Off.

I got over 8 hours of sleep last night. I saw a movie after work. "Ready Or Not" It was actually pretty good. The blonde girl really did a good job. Andie McDowell was in it. I had a crush on her back in the day. Anyway like I said it was surprisingly good. I am on the 5th Harry Potter book. Order of the Phoenix. Only like 23 hours left in that one.

I really didn't do much after work. I had a couple drinks, and watched football. I fell asleep during the Michigan game. I think my watch said I fell asleep around 7:50, so I didn't even make the first quarter.   :)

Fine with me. I'd rather be up early,  and refreshed. It's how I am. I am going to take Hope for a run, and do my normal Sunday thing. Football starts for real next week. I'll miss the Bears Thursday night game. I don't know how much football I'll watch this year. I'll still see movies Saturday after work, and we'll see about Sunday.

It sure is easy being me. I was kinda thinking of things I should be stressed about, and there is nothing. I have no big expenses to worry about. I have plenty of money. I don't spend a ton of money however. I never go to a bar anymore. I used to like to go once per week, but it isn't really my thing anymore. I am fine having a couple drinks at home.

I have no wishes for the future. My life now is fine. It doesn't need to be better. I saw there was another shooting in Texas.   What in the world is going on?  What's everybody so mad at? 

Anger overpowers people to an extent they just kill?  I know they can't think what they are doing is right. Can they? 

People are losing control of themselves. It seems like a power overtakes them. Anger is a beast. I see it control people in ways. Anger makes people unpleasant.  If you cannot find the source of your anger than that is bad for you. Next thing you'll be watching the news, and blame everything on what someone tells you. You won't learn about the inside of you by watching the news that's for sure.

I don't even recall when I was angry. I guess I was angry at stuff. I am not now. I was trapped in this World for a while. Had the same stresses. Money,  bills,  etc...   I think all that ended with heimleblog. When things started up again. Then I didn't care about bills. There was no future so who cares?  I thought I was much closer to doing the final thing I must do.  Little did I know.

I lost my lumberyard job, and worked 3rd shift grocery stocking for minimum wage started the cleaning thing. We turned things around. We were doing pretty good. More money coming in than going out. My uncle died, and he left us a lot of money. A lot for me anyway. Now I have utilities,  and credit cards that get paid off each month. One is for Amazon Prime. One is my Discover.

Anyway my life is even easier. I still work two jobs cuz why not?  Just putting money away. I have no wishes though. This life is fine. I don't want toys.

Probably a good chance I won't kill multiple people with a gun. I've never even shot a gun. Don't think I ever touched one.

To be the shooter is not a good thing. Pretty bad. To be shot is not a good thing either.  Lose lose all the way around. Guns obviously should be made harder to get. You need a birth certificate to get an enhanced driver's license.

What goes through the shooter's mind?  What brought him to that point?  Why is this happening at such an alarming rate? 

Welp, I spose.  I have my day to day.

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))