Sunday, May 31, 2015


Holy Crap did I sleep. I stayed up and watched the hockey game last night, which surprised me. I figured I would sleep through it, and I slept til after 9:00 am. Sheesh.

Anyway I have a couple things to do today. I have to get a haircut and pick up some pop for Jackie's thing, and get a haircut. My hair is completely ridiculous right now. Heck, I am completely ridiculous.  I am going to take Hope right after this, and then do my errands.

So that is my little things going on today. I was thinking about some things today before getting up. I have a pretty harsh message don't I??  It seems so easy written on paper, but really it is just the truth. Something as simple as that. It wouldn't be such a big deal if the whole World wasn't one big lie. If we didn't grow up thinking we were good enough. The message is simple. Be sorry. That is it. You cannot even do that because the more life you live the more layers of crap you accumulate, and the more crap you have to get rid of.

Life is a hard thing period. On your own you cannot win. It is a losing endeavor, and few find their way. Like I said it isn't that hard, but it is. It is very hard, because just for us to get to know we are wrong is hard.

The truth of us is a Horrible story.   Really we are not much better than the beasts of the field, but we think we are better and stronger than everything.

The truth I found is brutal, but I have been given a strong heart to be able to do this, and accept my path.

Piece of cake. The end of me will be my final suffering, and then I will be the best a person can be. It is as it is written, but much remains hidden.

Anyway that is my story. It has been decades in the making. Your story starts with one step that has yet to be taken.

We'll see if you do. Yes as you learn more you will wish you did things WAY differently, or just paid attention to what I had to say. That is how it is though. All you can do right now is make one step or not.

That is up to you.

All right.  I am out.


Saturday, May 30, 2015

Guess I Got Time For A Quickie...

Blog post!!!  Keep your minds out of the gutter you sick perverts.  ;)

I got almost 8 hours of sleep last night. Last night was my last night at my current job. There isn't a lot on my Friday schedule, as it is a night I typically may do projects. Last night was even a little crazier, because the new person starts Sunday night, she'll be working S-Tr. What I do on Friday she will do on Sunday, and no one works between those times. I just ended up doing stuff on my schedule, and once/month stuff, so she won't have to fuck with it this month. I only worked like 4 hours, and was able to sleep right away.

So I'll be back to 1st shift. I assume I'll be asleep by 8:00 pm all the time. I may set my phone alarm for the first week since it's been a couple years. I worked at 5:00 am for several years though, and never used an alarm, so it probably won't be a big deal.

I am REALLY excited about going back to first shift. I told the guys last night I'll never be tired again.  :)

Today I get to switch out the dairy display for the upcoming ad too. That is actually pretty fun. I have no idea what it will feel like working on 8 hours of sleep on a Saturday. Usually I was lucky to get 3 hours.

Anyways, I guess I don't really have too too much. I'd say if I were to say something different about me and you I'd say I know the truth of life. I accept it with strength, and the ability to stand on my own 2 feet. You are out to try and prove EVERYTHING, but what I say is true.

One person is right, and I gamble nothing on my end. You just don't know that my side can be good, and WAY better, cuz you don't get to my side without trust, and all you have to go on is me.

I'll give you this though. Every person in your life is imperfect. Nothing you do is going to change it. All fall short. You gotta do your own shit, before you can help another. I currently am the only one who has done the shit. I have no idea if anyone else will.

They are supposed to though.

That's all I'll say on that.

Time to finish my coffee and get ready for work. I did sleep too late to get a run in though. Had a pretty muggy one yesterday. Temps are perfect now. :)   Oh well.

I'll sees yous laterzzzz.


Friday, May 29, 2015

I Hazzz Blog, But Nothing To Write About...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. We ended up having a pretty good day yesterday. Long story short. We always thought Jackie had her funeral stuff already taken care of. We found out a couple weeks ago she doesn't, and then she died. We just got caught up mostly, and wham this happens. So anyway this was going to be a challenge financially, and it would set us back. Kevin helped us out some, and Marge of all people. Lisa's other brother must be a Sociology Major or something, cuz he tallied everything up, and came up with the "fairest" amount he could think up. Instead of what can I do to help since I don't, what is the least I can get away without looking like a 100% selfish ass.  Sociology Major right??

Anyway the people at Lisa's  work came over and gave us $1000 check from the business to help pay. It is habitat for humanity restore where she works, so the whole business is based on helping people. Ummmm, that helps. Crazy.

Also I start my new job on Monday. It is a 1st shift job 6-2:00 M-F. I start off .50/hour more than my current job, so it is a raise too. Should be fun.

Anyway that is the shit going on in my little life. I look throughout the years of people who I have gotten to know doing this thing, and I realize all our lives are small. Not too much to us is there??

Try to live a decent'ish life without being a total ass. Some people do better than others I guess.  :)

There you have it though. A day in the life. Death, stress, society bullshit always trying to take away the fun of life.

Lisa has her mom die, and instead of dealing with that she has to do all kindsa bullshit. It is all working out.

Anyhooodles I guess that is it.


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Today Is A New Day.

Welp I don't really have a title obviously, or anything to write about, but I have been on a roll of late. I have to go into work for a bit, and that is about it til working tonight. Lisa is off all week to take care of all the crap one has to when one dies. Yikes.

Other than that not much. I thought about my post yesterday, and I was like zoiks. Not an easy job for me is it??  Not many will have the courage to follow this guy, but as I've been doing this long enough, and you have been doing your life thing long enough you can see the pickle you are in.

You know you aren't perfect, and you know your heart is far from perfect. I know where I stand, and accepted that part of my life decades ago.

My whole journey was to get to know me. To know the value of me, and also to learn I don't deserve shit.

That is the difference between me and you. For a good portion of my younger years I fell short in my learning. I guess it took a lot of life , for me to want to look further. I found the answers, and man oh man to have to do what I do??  No thanks. I would have never asked for this. Can't I do simpler stuff??   :)

It doesn't really matter, because I have been given all the tools to be able to do what I have to. Just a vessel to help.

I am not really anything or anybody. Just some dude who is aging, and probably living a modest life. You'll find all the appearances we have really don't mean anything.  The only really useful thing I did was overcome myself. It is a step you have to make , and I am not sure if any will.

Everything else was done for me, and even my life had to be brought to a crossroad where I would have to overcome myself to go on. I didn't know it then. As a matter of fact it took a lot of stuff just for me to learn I don't deserve shit. It is good to be me cuz I know where I stand, and I have tools unseen that really help me a lot. I guess they probably maybe help you in some little way.

Who knows??

Anyway just getting something down. Time to get ready for work. I'll probably only work an hour or two is my guess.  Just helping out with a couple things to fill in for a vacation.

All righties. Laterzzzzzzz.  :)


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

The weekend is over, and time to start the short work week.  I look at this thing. This blog, and you never know how it will go year after year. This year I guess I decided to take the place that is mine. People come, and people go, and it is their prerogative.  I guess at some point during the past several years I thought this thing would do a lot. It will help a lot, and bring several people along. Obviously I am powerless to do anything, but help in my limited way.

If last year I was frustrated, I'd say this year I am accepting. I accept the very little this thing does.  I also am done horsing around too I'd say. I have known a lot of  harsh truths for decades now.  With help I've overcome much. I have pointed people in the correct direction, because that was in my heart to do it.

I realize people have problems with it, because it would mean they are wrong. Welcome to life 101. The World is wrong. There is false teaching every way you look. People seek for heroes where there are none. The story of our lives is brutal, and sad.  Most in their learning stop short. It is the way of the World. The desire of the World, and the powers in charge are for you to take your place as a vessel of the World.

The naked, and brutal truth stands on its own. It battles Society, Religion, Country, and everything. No one really wants to find the truth, because it is at odds with everything we were taught was right.

So the choice is yours. You right here, and right now. Do you trust to seek the scarier route. You have nothing to go on, but what I have said. A blind step to find a better way, and a better you.

Nothing is easy is it??  Lucky for you is you have what I didn't. Me.

Anyway, I guess that is it.  I may run again for a short one. It will be 5 short ones in a row. I am glad I cut the grass yesterday, as I think there is chances of rain this week.

Anyways I'll see you.


Laterzzzzzzzzz.   :)

Monday, May 25, 2015

Our Stories Really All End The Same...

The only difference you can make is can you go further than what the World teaches you. If you never get past I do such and such, and they do that you will never get very far. If you cling to the World, and Society, and all that stuff I cannot help you.

I'll give you a story. Lisa's mom finally died last night. For those who may have been around a while you know she drove me crazy while she lived with us. She helped us out some, but at that stage I was done with lazy people. Jackie broke me, and it was at this point my brother Jim lost his last piece to his life. Me. In a World of shit, and a shit life Jim lost it all. It is I reckon how he found his way.

Jackie's end I have no idea. If you want the truth we all deserve the same end. Few will graduate away from that. The World is their security, and they have no problem with the hate, vengeance, and killing that is in their heart. I guess that is good stuff. Another avenue people take is to hide all this bad shit via some other less than truthful way.

We are less than perfect. Our hearts judge more than anything else. There is a path to a better you, but I gather people would rather take the easier gamble they are good enough.

Unfortunately I know the truth.  I know the folly of our musings, and the silliness of our lives. You can't prove to me this World is good, and Society is the highest ideal, because it simply isn't true. The World  is full of selfish people who most probably won't get any further than the silly things they hold onto now for their security.

The teaching of the World falls way short.  I am afraid most people don't even know they have demons to overcome. It is where your hateful and vengeful nature comes from.

The truth ain't no joke, and only the strong will have the courage to look at it. I gather that is few if any.

Anyway, that is it.


Sunday, May 24, 2015

The Big Gamble

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay. I am up, I have coffee, I will have run, then work for a few hours, and then cook something on the grill. I have all of tomorrow off.

I could say a lot of things on here, and really go in any direction, but trying to steer people in the right direction is a thankless, and mostly unfruitful job.

The biggest gamble you make is you are right. Somehow someway you are the best a person can be, and you have nothing to overcome. You nailed life. In my life I seeked the truth. I had the mirror way long ago, and I was nowhere near who I wanted to be. Maybe the best thing about my younger years was I had a pretty courageous heart that accepted the truth. I was not that great of a person. I looked at life, and I looked at the World. Life I was like why???  The World I was like gross!!!

There was nothing here for me. So I made the turn having no idea it meant anything, because there was no teacher for me to ask questions to, although my path was singled out for learning. It was singled out for suffering to, and that was to learn more I guess.

The sword is harsh, and the truth is harsh. Things are very difficult before they get easy.

Courage is needed, because gambling with your life isn't very smart when the truth is readily available.

I'll give you this though. The render unto Caesar sentence. One demands the currency of the day, and one asks for a different coin. Those who mistake that do so in vain.

Okay, I am out.


Saturday, May 23, 2015

Maybe It Is The PB&J??

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me I am doing great. I got home early last night, and slept like a champ. Almost 5 square hours, so that has me totally ready to start my day. I have coffee, I will have run, I then will have work, and then I will have burgers on the grill. I think I slept so good, because of the PB&J sammwich I had before falling asleep. It must be it. That is how things work in this galaxy. If we were on Zaphron 14-.3 it would be a sardine sandwich toasted on rye bread you would need.

Anyhoodles now that you have that info I guess we can move on. Now where we??  Oh yeah probably talking about life and stuff. I say a lot of things on here.  Are you scared of you??   Are you afraid of what people would think if they knew the stuff you think about??  What makes you tick. I have equated this blog with a mirror. I imagine the purpose is to break you down. Break down your defenses, because you to get to know you more is at first not to like you that much.

Imperfect people with no way at all to turn us into an ideal person.

You are powerless to make you into the ideal person you would want to be. So many bad things in us.  So many weaknesses we wish we had control of.

Life is a crazy story huh??  We grow up being taught we are all that. Seek affirmation after affirmation, and the truth is way different. The truth we cannot hide from. We can try via different routes of escape, or by painting pretty pictures of us that people will accept, but when it comes to you vs. the mirror the mirror knows all. It sees all, and maybe that shit we'd assume keep in the dark.

Staying in the dark is one avenue, but the light is where it is at. To get to know us. To deal with the pain of our life, and our shortcomings so we can be cleaned out of all the stuff that holds us down.

I know people want to think their value is more than one coin.  To be human is to error.

You want to be the best you; you can be, then you have to deal with you.

Trust me I know enough that maybe it is scary. Maybe the fleeing acceptance in some form or another is all you seek. It is all you want, but to not go the right direction just makes you a worse person.

A human's life is a slippery slope of the Earth taking us down a path to misery, because there will always be something missing.

It is why you are the way you are now. So you will question things. If this is the best life has to offer than it sure kinda sucks huh??  :)


Okay, time for me to get going.



Friday, May 22, 2015

Not Exactly Ideal...

Gahhhhh, wouldn't you know it??  My night ended at work early last night, so I was able to come home, get to bed, be well rested as I am working both jobs today. Didn't sleep worth crap even though I was tired. My sleep has been pretty whack this week.  I could have worked yesterday, but I stayed up, and only slept a few hours, so I would have been worthless.

Today I also go meet up, and do a walk through of my new job, so it will be a busy day. Weekend is shaping up nicely however as I work a few hours on Saturday, and 4-5 on Sunday, and have all of Monday off. So today will finish up my last full week at my current ft job. Next week is short, and next Wed. after that is my last day.

So a lot of changes, and that is always exciting. I look at my post yesterday, and I have a tough message. This is hard. It isn't easy, and you know it surely wasn't always easy for me. If you could look inside my head way back when you could see a young man with questions. Eventually life shrank so much it was just me. I had a desire to be a good person. I really was a loser at this point. Everyone was getting careers and getting married, and doing stuff like that, and I was walking aimlessly. I couldn't see anything of my life. So I just worked.  I lived a simple life, but my goal of being a good person wasn't getting nearer. In my mind I had an idea of how I wanted to be, but I was a failure. Too many human shortcomings.

I didn't know that was how it was though. The closer we get to the truth the less we may like ourself. The ideal person we want to be is far away.

I would have liked someone to help me at this point in time. There was no one like me though. My solo journey is how it was supposed to be.  Along with it comes a title, and I talked of that before.

So anyway, like I said today my day is whack. I am having my first cup of coffee since Monday though. I don't drink it every day. Especially if my sleep is whack. I'll take Hope for a run too, also first time since Monday.

I am not the best a person can be, but I will be. Whether you come along is up to you. That is your battle. It isn't you vs. the World. It is just you vs. you.

Regardless it isn't easy.

All right I am out.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Just Scratching The Surface...

Hello, and good morning. This has been quite a week really. Really people just scratch the surface of life.  For all the posturing to make their mark it seems people miss the whole point.

Why are you here??  If you go with an idea to throw everything out like I told you probably several years ago you can learn some things.  It isn't that hard.  Whatever is good and right will come back. Whatever is garbage stays thrown out. That is a strange logic of this World.

What is so great about society you want to base your whole being on it. Oh I know the difficult question you have to ask. Lucky for me I questioned things right after College. I wasn't really holding anything, but some stupid diploma, and I still had my job I did during college.

Here is a question for you though.  What happens if everything you do. All your activities, and everything you built your life on, what happens if that = zero points??

You are in your ant colony of a World. You think you are special, and your life really matters. You are an important one. What if it turns out you aren't??

Many people walked the Earth. Doing all sorts of stuff. They all die though. Soon to be forgotten, and who gives a crap about halls of fame, and stupid crap like that. When you are dead you don't think once about that kinda stuff.

I'll give you one hint though.  When you are dead you will wish you did EVERYTHING in your power to be on the right side of right. In the eye of the needle parable the one with tears knew the end, and the other didn't.

I know the end, and I know it in two ways. It is what clothes me that brief time I was full in spirit. I tasted a glimpse of the people's end. It was temporary, because I had to go down a path where I walked in fear. I trusted being full in spirit, but I was to trust something else. I was secure being full in spirit, and without it I wasn't. As a matter of fact it wasn't until after #2 I did feel secure. Although the blogging before that you'll remember I woke up strong every morning to start the day again.

I will be clothed fully again. Full in spirit, and full of understanding. It won't be a taste of the end, it will be the real deal. I will know the multitudes end, having lived it.

So I learned a lot, and lived a lot of things making the turn way back when. Throwing out society as my savior, and that kind of stuff. I am who I was meant to be. If there is some reason I am here, I am doing it.  I've been tested with acts of obedience where I had no vision, but I did what was asked. I played the fool.

However the one good thing I did do was make the turn. I asked when I was told I would be rescued out of every web I got tangled in why??  I thought it was because I suffered this or suffered that.   The answer was overcoming me was a big deal.

I had nothing to gain, and it was me just giving. I have this picture in my mind of my future, but I lay it down. Your will, not mine.

It ended up being a quid pro quo really, except I didn't know it. I gave up my coin having no idea it meant anything. I received a much better one in return, although I had no idea I would.

No path is easy. We trust blindly, but you have me to help, because that is why I am here.

This blog was about trust and strength for a long time. You'll still need it. Your strength you will find in your weakness and fear. Your "greatness" is just some stupid crap society gives medals to.

You are still at the fork. The choice isn't the path less traveled really.  We'll call it the path rarely traveled.  You know where you stand.

This is long so I cannot correct typos.  :)


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Out Of Nothing

I may have used that title before, but not really sure. I had a pretty good day yesterday. I got a lot done, and really don't have much to do today. Weed whack the yard,  fold laundry, maybe a couple dishes.

Out of nothing is today's post. I don't have much on my mind. Yesterday's post was okay I thought. It is the story of me. Live a life, have my life explode with death, break-ups, my short comings, and wanting answers.

So what happened to me is I made necessary steps that helped remove the paver that blocked my sight.  This is pushing 30 years ago like 28 or something. I then went through some things, and lived a life where all was hidden, except for me, and one other.

So here I come out starting with heimleblog, but probably before that too. I had a story, and it is well told.

The problem is the paver being lifted is such a small part of me, and it was so long ago. We are born in this any colony with the paver blocking our view. It is one of the things you lack. Most people never graduate out of the ant colony.  It has been tried, but the message falls on deaf ears.

You will find in life at some point where you went wrong. You will see the hurt you have caused people. It is good to do this now, because like I said you don't have all the time in the World.

There is a lot to do, and you have much to do. Life as you know it with all our posturing to show everyone how great we are, and how great our life is, that should be over.

As you see I can only do so much. I can point you in the right direction, but you actually have to look at yourself.

Are you happy??  Is this life thing really all that??  Why am I so fricken busy all the time doing who knows what??

I know the tale of a life under the paver. It is lonely, and empty, and under the paver no one knows you.

It is sad really. Then we look for heroes, and there are none. Not one is strong enough to save us from our blind life under the paver, save one.

It is a sad existence under the paver. A life closed out from the World.


Anyway I guess that is it.

We'll see what today brings.


Monday, May 18, 2015

The Reward For My Lack Of Sleep.

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I spent a lot of my Sunday sleeping, but my reward is I am up early Monday to start my day. I am rested, and have coffee and feel good. I'll take it.  :)

Anyway I was thinking about some things, and actually I was thinking about me, and my job. What I am here to do. It is my job to go into a colony of ants (people in the World) and tell them what they are doing doesn't matter. There is a bigger plan, and more important work that needs to be done.  You've been singled out to do it, you just have to be willing.

The only problem with it is everyone is content doing their ant duties, and quite frankly many think they are the Queen is my guess.

So I have labored several years so far. It seems some ants may be curious here and there, but the message gets lost.  An ant's life is a busy life you know. A lot of important things that need to be done. I mean yeah there are risks that some big human may come along, and lift up our paver block of security and crush our World, but that shit only happens in fictional books, and silly stories like Noah, and all those other ones.

The story of the Bible is a messenger telling his take to a colony of ants. Success is limited, because the ants don't see past their paver block security walls.


What a horrible job I have.  :)

You ants are the worst.  :)   Haha



MWAH!!!    :)))

I get to take the hopester for a run after my coffee.  Fun fun.  :)

p.s.  I don't kill ants.  I figure they serve a purpose, and I am cool with them.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Midnight Walk.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay, but I haven't slept yet. I cannot fall asleep. I went on a 3:00am walk with hope, and read, and played stupid games with my phone. Still no sleep. I am half tempted to go get a bottle, and make a stiff drink to knock me out, but that doesn't sound tempting at all.

So I thought I'd tell you some things I thought about. One being I don't walk much. I run all the time, and never walk. Nothing wrong with a walk. I am also amazed at how all the trees and plants exploded over the last week or two.   A 3:00 am walk is kinda nice really.

Unfortunately I did see life though. In my mind as I walked past all the dark houses I saw glimpses of life. Kids with messy bedrooms, playing video games, and doing what kids do. Nothing useful unless you have a gun to their head. Dad's drunk, and wife maybe too.  A lot of tv, and Monday morning jobs.

To be honest it all seemed pretty gross. Arguments, and unhappiness, and all I thought was how do people dress this up as good??  What is so great about growing up so you can become a slave to the 4 walls of your house, and the mortgage payment?

You better tackle life with humor, because life is gross, and dangerous, and silly, and all that stuff. I thought how many smiling pics of some stupid life, while we bury our skeletons in shame.

I thought what a weird thing life is , and why do we feel the need to dress it up. I think in the truth you will find happiness, because everything that is a lie brings misery.  Misery makes us mad, and makes us hate whatever or whoever the scapegoat of the day is.

I think of the totality of life, and the World, and I count zero activities that are worth a damn. That actually mean anything.

Anyway that is what I thought of.

I'll remember the 3:00 am walk was okay.

Friday, May 15, 2015


Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay. I would have liked to have slept more, but whatever. Hope, and I have a run date, and not much else. I have a project I want to do, but may wait til Sunday.

My title is because I have nothing today, and maybe even less than nothing.  If that is possible. As I was working last night I guess I wished my heart was in life a bit more, but I know it isn't and probably won't be. It helps you drink the kool-aid probably. No one is so very far away except those who are the most arrogant probably. The most all knowing.  The curse of being human. We are wrong, but we think we are right.

Our heart pulls, but we hide that in the activities we do, and that we place a disproportionate amount of importance in as compared to the real importance of these activities.

The weak and broken are so much more closer, because that is where help lies. Help lies in your meekness, not your greatness.

I guess my blog has gone a certain way for a long time. I expected some things to remain forever. I guess last night I realized it may not be the case.  Fewer and fewer and fewer people are willing, if any.

I totally am willing to give up all the things in this blog, because my priorities were always what my heart wanted to do. I am good you know??  I try to help, and I gather unsuccessfully, but that is okay too, because I have done what was asked, and I did my job. Just happens no one else is willing.

That isn't my fault. I know I have some gifts that help me do more than you, but I didn't ask you to walk in any steps I haven't previously. I just needed you to have the courage to listen to your heart, because your mind tells you horrible stuff.

The truth is a scary thing, because it means everything up to this point is wrong. You are wrong. I have become what I wanted back in the journey days. I have become right. I can walk with a confident heart.

I am not perfect yet like I have said, but you know all things considered 2 out of 3 is not a horrible way to live. The goal was always the gifts from when #3 was done.

I guess it will be with less people than I imagined.

You don't have all the time in the World, and that is a scary thing.

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. You have no idea the bad decisions you make.

I can only help so much though. It was always going to come down to you vs. you, and I am not in that equation. My heart though is strong, and I will let you people do as you wish, and I have to stay true to me. I will follow the path before me. With or without you.

I tried, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I got no problem with that either.

Okay, I gotta run.  Cya.


Thursday, May 14, 2015

I Am Not Totally Unreasonable!!! :)))

Good Morning.  How's it going??  Me, I woke up too early, I have nothing important on my mind, but I guess I'll try and throw a blog down. This week is going pretty good I'd say. Maybe a hiccup or two along the way, but WAY better than last week. Last week was horrible.

As I was just openly thinking yesterday, yeah I do other things than this, I realize my story is crazy'ish. I lose people here and there maybe more frequently than I know, but I am OK.  You'll find none are so important that I am not willing to let them go their merry own way.

I don't know what people think half the time. I probably have quite less of a filter than you, but if social talk is locker room talk, than I have no problem bringing the locker room here. A filter I have no use for.

Anne Frank once had a filter, and it got her nowhere. That is what this World is. You think I don't know what goes on behind the filters??  Maybe I am the naive one, but I doubt it. Life is one big web of hang ups, and if you think about some of them and ask why, you'd probably come to the conclusion, cuz I am "supposed" to act this way. You tell me who the messed up one is.  :)

Haha!!  Dotting the i's and crossing the t's is just a way to say the World is stronger than me. You get no points from societal acceptance, although it appears it is what people cling to for their security.

I get it. I know how life is, and I get all the hang-ups.

Anyway, I have nothing today, I got shit to do, and I just wanted the title really. What I read was good.  :)))

Laterzzzzz. Xoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

I Gather You Want To Kill The Messenger.

Makes sense. Life goes on, and people get help, but the vision is clouded by what is "supposed" to be the right thing. False teachers bombard us.  Our hearts betray us. Our minds are not willing to question what is before us, because this World, and society, and commercials, and fairy tales have us under their spell.

I told you in my heart is this great Sword, and I told you the sword ain't no joke. I help guide you in the correct way, because this is what is in my heart to do, and my heart is guided not by me.  Why else would I do this??

Why do I do it in the first place??  I am just a vessel being used for a purpose. It isn't my story, and it isn't my purpose, because I gave up me a long time ago, and it turns out by doing so I received a much better one. It isn't perfect YET, but that is my path.  As much as you don't want to believe.

You believe in this World.  I know you see it clearly enough to know what I say is true, but fear must be your biggest weakness now.  The security you feel while you are in charge. Your life your decisions, even though you must know your vision is not the best.

When life pulls it will probably go against all you believe, or want to be true. You want life to be this good thing. You want to believe people who dress up in robes, even though they have been warned.  You want to believe this World is good, and we as people are mostly "good enough". If all is possible then the answer sure as Hell is good enough is not good enough.

Also the best things men and women can think up surely are not the best things.

You value your coin too much.  You place way too much value on you, and your importance in the grand scheme of things, and your heroes are as flawed as you.

I get it. You want to kill the messenger, but I already took the proper steps so I could be broken. I took the proper steps so I could know my true worth.

It was in my courage I guess, that I was able to play the fool.

Only problem is I am the one who is right, while you remain with the poor foundation that good enough is good enough.

You people are nuts.  :)

Crazy fuckers.

xoxoxo xoxoxo.

Laterzzzzzz.  MWAH!!!   :)

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Some Days You Just Gotta Wing It.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I woke up tired. I am going to have a coffee, and then go cut the grass. I should have cut it twice by now, but today will be my first time. It is way too high, and it is going to be a pain in the ass.

I have pretty much nothing on my mind, so  the title of winging it and stuff. Life is a crazy little thing huh??  You are young and stupid,  and probably a pain in the ass for the better part of your kid life. Then at some point in time we realize we learned all we need to know, usually somewhere around puberty is my guess. Puberty is horrible for guys. Being a 15-16 year old guy is the worst. Anyway eventually I guess we begin to like our parents again, probably sometime after high school.

There is a big World out there. Seems we should make our mark somehow I guess. Especially those who consider themselves above average intelligence. I felt that way before. All alone in the World with my brains to carry the way I guess.

Little did I know I wasn't that smart. Little did I know my life wasn't mine to keep. It took many years for my story to unfold. If you remember last year I was kinda ticked how horrible this blog was. What a waste.  Now I am like whatever. Not to be arrogant or anything, but I am right. People have to seek their own answers, but if this blog pulled in a very highly unsuccessful way, then you can bet your life is going to pull. It is what works best.  People are aging, and the key really is your heart.

Why isn't it better??  What is all this crap in it, and why.  I know you want a better one. One that just does stuff better.  Gives a fuck a bit more.  Our whole life we seek out time to do fun stuff. Put our head to the grindstone for a payoff later down the road.

We are our worst teacher. We teach ourself horrible stuff. A lot of us comes from the crap we learn in the World.  No matter who you are you are poisoned by various fairy tales, and advertising, and just how fake this whole World is. The World doesn't want to show the truth, because it wants to keep everything in the dark. How many stories of physical abuse end up with a marriage two weeks down the road??  One should question their own anger.  Why?  Why??

The answer will surprise some or probably all. You cannot be the good person you want to be. As great as we are with our use of thumbs and walking upright, and not eating bugs out of each other's hair we are pretty weak, and pathetic people. Powerless to make ourselves who we want to be.

One thing I've learned is you cannot even teach people that. In a big World we often seek alone time. Maybe others are so afraid of their alone time they run to any gathering just so they aren't alone with their thoughts.

Some of you I get.  That burning desire to become a serial killer, and eat your victims brains.  Come on man.  Don't you know that is fucked up??   Sheesh.  You sick fucks.  Ha!!!   J/k

Anyway I guess I should cut the grass.

Have fun.  :)


Monday, May 11, 2015

Guess I'll Get Up.

I decided to get up since I was just laying in bed farting and burping anyway. I made myself some coffee, so guess I can start my day. I actually have a lot to do today anyway. I bought a dark roast something or other coffee, and it may be one of the e best ive ever had. It was only $4.99/ bag too, and probably makes 30 cups of coffee or something.

Anyway what to blog about today. Do you want to know what was on my mind this morning besides farts and burps??   :)

I'll give you my story, and how it is exactly your story too. I don't deserve shit.  I am not a special person who deserves anything. I am not the best person who walked this Earth, and am not the worst. I think back to my time long ago, and it is hard to see how you think really. I was younger, and very much alone in this World. I didn't mind being alone, cuz at a certain point in time the only thing I cared about was being a good person. I was tested I don't know several times I guess. I definitely needed help and training to overcome much. Pretty sure I did have to overcome myself, because that was the one thing I was told I did good.

Still I suffered much, and still I had to learn I don't deserve shit. If that one day long ago where I gave up taught me anything it is all my worth will not be because of me.

I ain't worth shit on my own. This World is at odds with the truth, because the truth is the hardest and scariest thing in the World.

The truth is our lives are not of any importance.  All the activities under the sun = zero points.  Your life = zero points, and no matter what good you think you do, you fall short. The truth is a beast I tell you. It is here to break you, so you can be worked with. Arrogance and pride are not things that can be worked with.

Humility is something that can be worked with, and that is why you need to be broken. This is your journey. Your solo journey, and your personal relationships are important to you it is still you and you alone.

Throw away your ledger of all the great activities you have done, and how wonderful all your personal relationships are, cuz they mean nothing. All that means anything is you stand alone.  You face your judgement alone, and you will be naked of all the "great" things you have done, because what you think is important probably isn't in the eyes that matter most.

This shit ain't easy, because it goes against the grain of the World, and you are very much a part of this World.

Guess that is it.


MWAH!!!   :)

Sunday, May 10, 2015

It Has Been Almost One Week.

Hello, and good morning all. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. Today I have my first day off in like 3 weeks. We are going to see the Avengers. You may wonder why such a frequent blogger as myself would take a full week off.

I had nothing good to say. There was nothing in my heart, but yuck. I am the type of person who is what they read. It is why I need to trust people. I am not looking for Saints.  Here are a few truths I can give you. If you try to prove me wrong then you are barking up the wrong tree.

  1. You are not a Saint. 
  2. You are not the best a person can be. 
  3. This blog is to help you come to terms with your shortcomings. 
  4. This blog is to help you show the way to becoming the best a person can be. 
  5. Showing off your fake Sainthood by showing stupid shit that doesn't matter is stupid. 
So there.  I got that off my chest. We as people are wrong, and we are born that way. It seems life is a big test. Are you strong enough to be able to face the truth??  Strong means coming to terms with your imperfect self in this shitty World.  Overcome all the advertising, and these days social media horseshit that says everyone is great. 

No one is great. We are all weak, and imperfect people, and your lives "should" be one tough journey of you dealing with the shitty truth. 

This blog isn't for the weak. You'll never make it. This blog isn't for the Saints, cuz they are full of SHIT. This blog isn't for those who are NOT willing to go farther than such and such does this horrible stuff, and I do this SEEMINGLY important stuff. Nope. 

This blog is for those who have the courage to go the whole way. The FULL truth of YOU. 

Not easy, but worth everything. 

Cya.  :)


Sunday, May 3, 2015

Now This Is A Sunday

Hello, and good morning all. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I am up early, I have coffee, I will get a bit of a run in, and I work today. We are working at 7:00am this morning. I went to bed early last night, cuz I wanted to be up early, and I didn't want to be tired. So it worked. I am not tired, and I am ready to start my day. I was tired yesterday, since I worked Friday night, and again at 9:00 am Saturday morning. I had no big plans though so no biggie.

Anyways what is going on with me??  Not much at all. As always just doing this life thing, and this blog thing. As we set out in our adult years I know we all have a lot of the same plans. Marriage, job/career, house, kids maybe. We have a picture in our mind if what life is "supposed" to look like. That sure as Hell looks like the road to happily ever after. The one thing we don't know is what do we look like on the inside??  The commercials all show smiling happy people.

No one is taking drugs, and no one gets failing grades, they all sit at the dinner table. There are no kids with the crushingly horrible scary prospect of coming out of the closet to a World that judges.

Nope you won't see that about life. Parents are perfect. Always give a shit, never have off days/months/years where they don't want to be mommy and daddy.

So you go out and get that white picket fence. You did all the "right" things, but still something is missing huh??

Our view of life is poison really. We were brought up in the age of commercials. We know something isn't 100% right, cuz life should feel different right??  So we go out, and grab a bucket, and make a list, and throw it in the bucket. Start scratching shit off. There is one thing you do not control though.

Oh you can think up shit, and read books, and study various things, but you will never learn all the things. I once had a time where I would have liked to read every History book ever. :)  maybe even some textbooks of things that interested me at the time.

Anyway I got off track, the one thing you don't control is your heart. You cannot make yourself a better person in that regard. You cannot make it so you are always happy, and your heart is the key to everything. The whole World out there, and none have learned the one thing we need is a better heart.

There are no exercises to improve that, and there are no races to train for that improve that part of us. It all stems from there. How does one go about improving and making their heart better, so their life/coin is much improved??

Luckily you know the answer to that.

The rest doesn't even matter really.

Anywayzzzz, I guess that is it.

Have fun!!!   :)

Xoxoxo xoxoxo

MWAH!!!    :)))

Friday, May 1, 2015

Best Start This Day.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing pretty good. Drinking coffee, laying in bed, and phone blogging. It's the latest craze. All the hippies and cool kids are doing it, or will be once it catches on. ;)

Anyhoodles, I guess I know some things, and sometimes I catch glimpses of how nutty it must be. Probability speaking it is probably a crazy thing to fathom, but life unfortunately is made up of a lot of highly improbable things, and me being me is one. Me doing what I have to do is one, although if you were with me after my turn through the Summer of Discontent, and the early 90s  you would know exactly the bitter truth of life on our own.

It occurs to me you may want to know the whys of you having to do what you have to do. I cannot explain really the whys of why we have to do this really, but your heart needs to be moulded into something that can be worked with. It is the turn that will do this, because then your heart will be changed from a hard one that is unbelieving, and disobedient into one that can be changed to do the courageous things you must do, and you WILL NOT be able to do as you are now.

The path you are on is leading nowhere. Like us all just simply headed to the grave chasing wind in whatever form, or hiding behind various forms of escape.

There is nothing of significance to accomplish in this World. People are all born in a tough spot. Destined for trouble, and with very little hope of finding answers. So many false teachers, and teachings.

So I come along, and am turned into what I'd least wanted. A teacher. You may Ask why I wanted this so little. It is because my biggest fear was the final judging. A teacher gets judged to a higher standard, and that is the last thing I wanted what with having already living through it.

So here I am doing my job, and it is not my idea, and not my choice, and not what I asked for. Having overcoming  2 of 3 times with help of course, although overcoming me way back when was a big deal too, I have much courage, and little fear. I have a promise, and a blessing that makes everything good for me.

Me being who I am is worth more than anything you might think is on the other side of the wind.

It is you vs. you though. That is between you, and I am not a part of that. Everything is a journey of one, and it doesn't matter what kind of certificate of marriage you have, or what accredited pieces of paper you have or desire.

It is just you, and there is nothing to cling to. No groups no nothing.

You, and your choice, and stuff.

Anywayzzzzz, I guess that is it.

Have fun.  :)


MWAH!!!     :)))

Time to get ready for job #1 for the day.