Friday, May 22, 2015

Not Exactly Ideal...

Gahhhhh, wouldn't you know it??  My night ended at work early last night, so I was able to come home, get to bed, be well rested as I am working both jobs today. Didn't sleep worth crap even though I was tired. My sleep has been pretty whack this week.  I could have worked yesterday, but I stayed up, and only slept a few hours, so I would have been worthless.

Today I also go meet up, and do a walk through of my new job, so it will be a busy day. Weekend is shaping up nicely however as I work a few hours on Saturday, and 4-5 on Sunday, and have all of Monday off. So today will finish up my last full week at my current ft job. Next week is short, and next Wed. after that is my last day.

So a lot of changes, and that is always exciting. I look at my post yesterday, and I have a tough message. This is hard. It isn't easy, and you know it surely wasn't always easy for me. If you could look inside my head way back when you could see a young man with questions. Eventually life shrank so much it was just me. I had a desire to be a good person. I really was a loser at this point. Everyone was getting careers and getting married, and doing stuff like that, and I was walking aimlessly. I couldn't see anything of my life. So I just worked.  I lived a simple life, but my goal of being a good person wasn't getting nearer. In my mind I had an idea of how I wanted to be, but I was a failure. Too many human shortcomings.

I didn't know that was how it was though. The closer we get to the truth the less we may like ourself. The ideal person we want to be is far away.

I would have liked someone to help me at this point in time. There was no one like me though. My solo journey is how it was supposed to be.  Along with it comes a title, and I talked of that before.

So anyway, like I said today my day is whack. I am having my first cup of coffee since Monday though. I don't drink it every day. Especially if my sleep is whack. I'll take Hope for a run too, also first time since Monday.

I am not the best a person can be, but I will be. Whether you come along is up to you. That is your battle. It isn't you vs. the World. It is just you vs. you.

Regardless it isn't easy.

All right I am out.


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