Thursday, May 31, 2012

20 People Saw, and No One Said Anything...

Hold on, I hafta get some coffee... 

You ever hear that story about Some girl getting raped by a guy, and 20 people saw from their window, but no one did anything about it, because they were afraid??  Is that what life is really like??  Everyone just wants to Neville Chamberlain their way out of trouble??  I see nothing, I see nothing...

I showed you this blog, and you don't believe it do you??  The World I am making for myself is awesome, and just going to get better.  How do you feel inside most the time??  Is your life fulfilling??  Are you happy with the hate inside you toward people who you deem make your life not as awesome as it could be?? 

Are you proud of your fears??  Your lack of courage?? 

There is a path to take, and it is one of honesty, and openness, and courage, and truth, and all of these types of good things.  Life has a bunch of shit in it, so not all of being honest and truthful is "good" stuff. 

If you are afraid to be honest, and truthful, then why even fucking be???

You know??? 

The truth of you is fascinating.  The make believe whatever horseshit you wanna show people is fucking boring. 

I got a couple runs in yesterday.  The 2nd one was at the trails.  Jerry and I ran, and it is hard, and we had to climb a hill twice, and keep running, and I embraced it. 

Did you see what I wrote yesterday??  I embraced the hard stuff that makes me better.  Now if you take those words out of the context of training, and put it toward life, what does that mean??  Means you fuckers need some courage huh??   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Fuck You All!!!  :)   ooops,   was there a typo there???      ;)


Extras for Olga.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Holy Tired...

Holy cow was I tired yesterday.  I slept like crap two days  in a row for some reason.  The heat maybe??  Who knows.  I ... finally got out of bed Tuesday at 4:15 am.  Took a shower and went to work.  I had a pretty good day of work.  It really was the first day of the week for me, as I am not allowed to do my job on Holidays.  :)  If I work on the Holidays or weekends I have to work in a dept.  My position they don't want to pay premium pay, since it really is just a support position. 

So anyway like I said I was really tired.  I had to pick up a few groceries for lunches, and a dinner or two for the rest of the week.  I came home, did dishes and laundry, and then it was relax time.  :)  BTW I felt great after all was done.  It was a beautiful day, so I had some wine and listened to some music.  I made spaghetti, ate, and promptly fell asleep.  :)  That was absolutely perfect, and I will tell you why...

I really wanted to be well rested today, which I am.  I want to get a couple runs in today.  Hopefully one early, and then we are running on the trails later.  I'll tell you what else I am excited about.  Putting my name on the dotted line.  When I hit the trails on Monday, I embraced how hard the trails were.  Instead of stopping at the end of the hardest part to recover, I ran on to recover.  I did two loops, and stopped for some water, at a spot where I was already recovered.  (where my water bottle was)  I then did two more loops, and never stopped at the hard spot.  I kept going to get my recovery in on the run. 

Embracing the hard stuff, and you know I can always do work, but I embraced the hard part of the stuff that helps me improve.  That has been missing.  It isn't much, because I'd run the hard trails, but I have just a little bit more in me now.  Who knows where this comes from?? 

Oh well... time to get coffee.  :)

Have a good one all.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  White Sox on a roll.  Good pitching, and timely hitting.  Beat the hell out of the Indians by scoring a million runs, and go and win a 2-1 game.  I love that.  Have to be able to win all kindsa games.  Then are #5 beats TB's #1.  Wooooo!!!   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

And yes this sometimes seems weird to me.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya  xoxo   :D   :D  

Extras for Doreen too, just in case she needs 'em.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.    :D

Monday, May 28, 2012

And Then Life Happened...

So your going along doing your daily routine, which is a busy one.  You have a ton of energy, taking care of kids, and going through a what turns out to be ugly divorce, and that zaps you.  One of the strongest most confident people I know is getting beaten down with life.  Then the Father of your children dies...

You see when life takes over, there is very little that is important.  Making it to the spin class, or hitting up the treadmill or whatever, none of it matters.  Life stepped in a big way, and here you feel weak.  You don't know how you will survive the coming months.  What about the kids.  How much stuff will she be worrying about.  Her vision is good here.  She has a clear view of life, and it is different than what we think it should be. 

We think we should always be happy.  We think life should be fun dammit, and most of the time we should feel pretty good about things.  It doesn't always work out that way does it?  This friend of mine, who I will keep nameless although some of you will know her, her and I have a history.  We went to H.S. together, but really got to know each other the last couple years.  We had similar interests, and we are both blessed with a ton of energy, so we'd see each other up at weird times.   :) 

This is a time where she really needs support, because her World was just rocked.  It leaves me with a heavy heart, because I see a tough time ahead.  There are memories to sift through, and regardless of an ugly divorce there was a life together.  One where things at least for a little while were good. 

Life happens.  You won't escape it, and as you get older you deal with more.  You see how silly everything looks when your world gets turned upside down??  Not a lot that seems very important does it??  All the shit in the world is pretty stupid when life happens.  None of the shit we do really matters either.  That is a true vision, and as shitty as it may seem it is the truth. 

With that in mind I have run a lot this winter, and decided to put my name on the dotted line for the G.R. marathon.  Not that it means shit in comparison to things pertaining to life and death, but it is something to do.  I also remember a time where I did some hard running in the summer.  I think I can do that again.  Have to do more trails though. :)

Have a good one all.  :)


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Day Off...

I am not going into work today, and this blog is really weird to me now.  I have been doing this for a very long time, and for a very long time this one here "The Wait" went in a certain way.  Most days now it definitely is not going in that way.  The signature line is most days not there seemingly. 

Here is the thing, like I said I have been doing this a long time.  I don't put a lot of effort into it, but I wake up and write the stupid thing, whatever is on my mind. 

I don't know if it is nice, or mean, both probably, and when all is said and done, the one thing you have control of a bit, is to be honest.  To find honesty, and to find truth, I think I said, you have to weed through a bunch of crap.  You have to be willing to let everything go.  Say lenses of my upbringing I throw you away, and I wanna look at the world in an objective different way.  It is a way you are smart enough to look at too.  There is wisdom inside you, ya haven't even touched. 

It is an important thing to do too.  It is in this little thing you do where it is all very much about you.  Who you are and what you think, and what is your relation to the World, and what is life all about anyway?? 

Life is a thing where bad things happen.  Good things happen, but realize you are going to die.  No way around it.  That is important shit you really should think about.  It is your ending, and one you will not escape, and there are no rewards for being "Best in Society"  Life is a real thing you know, with real consequences, and an ending that will probably suck in some way. 

Not that my signature line shows up much btw, but I am adding Shruthi Reddy to everything Tia Kminek gets added to.  I don't know Shruthi a lot, but we went to H.S. together, and I knew who she was.  She is pretty.  :)   She does a lot, and seems very active with a lot of stuff, and I know she is great friends with Tia.  So xoxoxoxoxoxo   :)   to them both.   :)


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Dirty Laundry... GRRRRRRR!!!

Some things don't change with me.  I woke up in a bad mood today, and just from shit happening around this house.  I don't do lazy, and I am DONE DONE being a supporter of the lazy, and generally fucked up people. 

Lisa and I typically never fight, unless it is generally me being unhappy with shit in the house.  The stuff I am typically unhappy with is lazy people who fucking live here.  Lisa's Mom spent me of all my patience for those who are unwilling to at least try and help themselves.  So much so I would not let my brother Jim live with me AGAIN, and this was right prior to him having a massive coronary.  No I didn't know he was going to die, but I did get pieces from my Uncle Bob, how he FINALLY turned the corner.  Tried helping himself.  Riding a bike in the winter to trying to find a job, and shit like that. 

There is much more to the story, and it is hidden in this blog, and I am not going to re-hash, because it is weird, and some shit I had to deal with, and well we will leave it at that. 

Lisa's daughter met some dude ONLINE.  Fine.  Yeah he can stay here a couple nights or whatever.  I don't give a shit.  They have transportation issues, and Hailey doesn't do drugs and shit like that.  She has other issues though.  Here is the dilemma.  The dude is lazy.  he doesn't have a job.  He has a fucking kid.  A fucking kid???   He doesn't pay child support, and babysits on Demand, and that is the deal they worked out.  Well, a couple days of sleeping over actually in their fucking world turns into a living here.  A place I pay the bills for and I work to keep up.  Having Bullshit like that around my house does not keep me in a happy place. 

Lisa is a softie and she wants to be the "nice" person all the time, and like I learned from my brother Jim, you have to kick people in the ass sometimes.  A soon to be 21 year old and a 22 year old with a kid want to live together.  You get jobs, and find your own fucking place like the rest of the fucking world. 

Not that I am heartless.  Hailey has her best friend live here, because she really truly has a misearble home, and it really is an awful place for her to stay.  She pays rent, does her own food, and works, etc...  She has a car, and her own transportation etc...   I'll help these people out all day.  People who want things from life.  Those who want to live off others, and not help around the house unless Lisa puts a gun to her head... NOPE time to grow up.  Hailey wants a live in boyfriend, you need to make that shit happen.  It ain't happening under my roof.  I've seen too much Bullshit that leads nowhere. 

There getting that HORSESHIT off my fucking chest. 

Have a good one all.  I am going to drink my coffee, and go to work. 


There is other shit I am done with dealing with too.  See if you can guess that.  :)

HA HA.  

Friday, May 25, 2012

Nothing About Nothing...

Hold on I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :) 

Well, I sure haven't blogged much this week, and maybe you wonder why...  Mostly the only reason is I did not wake up in time to.  This thing I do when I wake up ready to go, and the last few days that hasn't happened.  I mean one day was really strange.  I woke up at 12:30, and in my mind I was going to blog, and run with the Hopester, and ride my bike to work, and it was going to be a kick ass day.  Then all of a sudden a huge tiredness hit, and I slept til 4:00 am.  So whatever... this blog goes if I wake up in time.  If not no biggie.  :)

I live by the seat of my pants.  There are only certain things in the day I must do.  That is work.  Hopefully I get some type of training in, but this week has been very little.  I did ride my bike to work and back yesterday, and that felt great.  I mean it was 68 degrees on the way to work, and that was fun.  It was hot on the way back, but there was a blustery south wind, and it was a great ride back, and I wondered how many people just get on their bike, and go out and enjoy the day like that.  It put me in a great mood.  I had not one thing planned yesterday, but to water my tomatoes, and that is pretty much all I did. 

Glam life at it's best. 

I don't have any heavy thoughts or anything like that.  I know this blog goes on, and I am not sure where we stand, or what direction it is going, but that is where I am patient.  I think I have said before your life, your journey, and it is all very much about you.  so consider yourself to be a Very Very Very important part of your life.  :)

So you know I will typically be there when you don't have all the answers, and you are not on top of your game.  It is how I am wired.  No one needs support when they are on top of the wave.  It is on the down days where we wanna feel we still matter.  You know??

Trust me too, we will have successes in life, but it is getting back off the ground when life throws shit at you that shows what you are made of.  :)

With that, I have time to get a run in before work.  Won't the Hopester be happy.   :)

Have a good one all.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!!    :)))

p.s.  Happy Friday all.  Have a Great weekend.  I'll be working.   :)    xoxoxoxo

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Monday, May 21, 2012

As It Turns Out...

Well, as it turns out yesterday was just about perfect.  I'll tell you all about it, once I get some coffee.  :) 

First off on a Sunday this time of year, you might think I would take my Bike out for however long 50 miles or so would take me.  On Friday night I think I slept with my head resting on my hand or something, so it felt like my wrist was broken.  On Saturday it hurt like hell, and I went to work with not really a lot to do, so I slid lumber.  There was plenty of that to do.  Not always fun with a sore wrist. 

I went to work on Sunday at 5:00 am too, and once again there wasn't much to do, so I stayed busy for 3.5 hours, and came home.  I got a shit load of stuff done around the house.  You know what??  Sometimes that feels pretty fricken good.  :)

This time of year is great.  It was like 80-something degrees, I sat out listened to music, and just chilled the rest of the day.  What makes yesterday so perfect perfect is I cut the grass, and it is raining all night.  :) 

On a day where nothing really was planned, except work it really was a pretty good fricken day.  The White Sox swept the Cubbies too, so that was nice. 

Wanna know what I thought of this morning??  This is just me too, everyone is different.  It was kinda nice getting a lot of shit done around the house on Sunday as opposed to going on a long bike ride.  I felt like I accomplished something you know. 

If at the end of the day you feel pretty good about your day, and what you did, then I guess that is all that counts.  :)

Have a good one all!!!   :)

xoxoxoxo   :D

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Bad Stuff Get Out...

Well before I get started lemme get some coffee.  :)   I really don't have much today.  One thing about me is if I am angry about stuff I have to let it out.  I think there is a natural tendency in people to think anger is bad.  It is mean, and we are supposed to be better people than that.  You know what???  Anger is true, and honest, and the hiding of it is leaving bad stuff inside you.  Leaving bad stuff inside you is not healthy. 

Quite a dilemma huh??  One of the things we have to re-teach our self is to be decent and excellent people we actually have to put on our jerk face.  That is our true face, and the other is what???  anyone anyone???  Fake...

Be courageous in life.  Hold onto truth and honesty, as the best crutch ever.  Know it steers you in the right direction.  Throw out all  (should be) type crap and hold onto truth and honesty.  Don't be afraid to throw your Bitch face or jerk face on.  People will love you for it.  :) 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I know 3 people doing IM Texas today.  zoiks.  sounds like a long day.  I think I'll just run to work and back.  :) 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Friday, May 18, 2012


Well, this thing has definitely become a bit strange.  One thing you could count on day after day was a certain way this thing will go, and it is different for sure.  I think of all the things that need to get done, and in my heart I kinda laugh, because everyone has their own life, and things will happen, and they will go through it, and I will just watch.  There is nothing I need to do.  I know everyone wants to show people how much they are worth, and I know the truth.  We ain't worth shit.  We are just another asshole walking the earth doing the stupid shit that is the stupid shit of the day.  Our shit today is different than Crusades shit people did, or WWII shit, or whatever.  Isn't money a pretty fucking fragile thing??  What kind of currency is Greece going to use soon??  Currencies come and go, but people spend a life trying to accumulate the shit, and that is like the biggest fucking waste of time there is.  A life unfulfilled...

I know I have an advantage over some.  My heart is generally happy.  My life is pretty settled.  We are at a good time of year where weather is nice.  It is nice sitting outside, and we will soon be buying annuals, and more perennials to dig up our yard.  I have floated in my mind about my running.  What are my goals.  I thought for a second to become disciplined, but I probably won't be.  We'll see.  Why the wishy washy'ness???  Because it don't mean shit.  I think running and exercise is important, but goals???  don't mean shit.  Solomon's little secret of life being one of the stupidest things ever, but the little secret he didn't know is you can have a happy heart, even when everything seems so Jospeh Heller stupid. 

I have some mean shit I can say on this blog, but I will keep it to myself.  I think your lives are more than you make it to be.  There is so much more to most people, and they have no idea, because they waste their time thinking about God knows what??  I don't know if people are really so life shallow, or are afraid to be open.  If you are afraid to let people see the real you then why do you even blog??? 

Who are you fucking protecting??  You only have so much time to be you, and if you hide you why???  You are going to fucking die for fucks sake.  Afraid of what some other asshole who is going to die too will think??  Afraid society in your own mind's eye would disapprove of you?? 

FUCK!!!   :)

Be the strong person you were meant to be.  Throw all the should have, and shit like that out, because it don't mean shit.  Anne Frank Anne Frank Anne Frank lived a better life than most of you.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  you all are a bunch of weak ass pussies.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

I enjoyed the two blogs I commented on yesterday.  They are pretty much the only two I read the last couple of days.  I have been not reading a lot of blogs.  :)

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


On this blog I have been talking a lot of things.  Let's talk of trust, and what that means.  I told you a long time ago Olga gave me the best compliment ever.  She said I trust you... trust me.  What is trust??  Trust is honesty, it is being open, it is also being able to look past flaws, and look at the bigger picture of the person.  Without trust, I would throw all of you to the curb.  I think people lie, they have no idea how to be honest.  They are weak, because they only want to show one side of themselves... the fabulous side. 

Well you know what??  We are human, and that means we are pretty much not fucking spectacular.  I don't know what the fuck girls think about, but guys are always checking out hot girls asses... well the straight ones.  Gay ones are probably checking out other guys asses and what not.  We all shit, which is pretty unfucking spectacular.  We get sick, we fart... Well I guess Lisa doesn't.   ;)   I mean please can we get past the part where we are just fucking people, and a lot of the stuff we do is just gross.

There is something in all of us, or has been there that wants to show everyone how "Great" our lives are.  Why I don't know.  Yeah our lives are great, but they suck too you know??  One side of a person the fabulous side is just a gray person.  Black and white.  BOOOORRRRIINNNNGGGGGGG!!  When you show all your sides then you show color. 

On this blog I say a lot of things.  I have guy bloggers I read, and girl bloggers.  If there are jealousy issues within couples, I am soooooo over that.  That is a hornet's nest, and one I stay out of.  I am interested in people's lives, and try and support.  I am not going to purposefully make my life any harder. 

Sometimes I read blogs and I am like...  Is this all to your life??  Surface deep thoughts, and fear of what others might think??  Being strong is being honest.  Being strong is facing your fears.  Facing "fears" on some type of race course doesn't mean shit when all is said and done.  Facing your fear of being open and honest means all.  That little thing takes fucking courage, and you need support with that.  Like I said before if you spill your guts, and your so called "friends" remain quite then you will just figure they hate you.  No shell, no protection, and you are vulnerable, and it is easy to think the worst of people, because mostly people are the worst.  :)

This fucking blog is about life.  The unfucking glamorous thing we do on this fucking Earth.  You know where most people live in poverty??  People blow themselves up to kill other people as acting out God's will?? 

This is a spiritual journey definitely not a religious one.  A spiritual journey is one where you are learning from life.  Things you cannot see, and things no man can teach. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day...  ( not really)    :)

Love You All!!!   :)   not really.   :)

p.s.  Sometimes I hate this fucking blog.  :)   really.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Olga is cute.   :) 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Things I Notice...

One thing I notice is if you are a casual drinker, which I am, and you stop for all but one day each week, you wonder what people who don't drink do for fun.  :)  I watched sitcoms yesterday.  That is subject to change, because the weather was 68 and humid when I ran to work, and I had a nice cool rain to run home after work.  The temps. dropped, and it wasn't a very nice day out as it turns out, although this week looks to be great. 

Also as a casual drinker who typically won't let a Saturday go to waste, might feel weird the first Saturday.  Have to get used to your new self type thing I guess.  Anyway, this morning I woke up in a bad mood.  Who doesn't feel anti-social sometimes??  I checked out the news, and saw how shitty the world was from Greece Political problems which definitely = Europe Debt crisis again.  The Golden Boy of J.P. Morgan Chase who runs such a BIG AND UNCONTROLLABLE Government backed company he had some dude from Europe lose like $2 Billion in a very short time. 

Let's not have any controls, or oversight.  Trust in the decency of people, because things like Enron don't happen.  People are all out for the greater good.  The motivation of people is not for profitable gain, it is just a by-product of the people trying to make the world a better place. 

PUUUUHHHHHLEEEAZZZZEEEE.   I threw a monster post out there I guess yesterday. 

Sometimes I get a clear vision though.  A clear vision of this blog, and yes it must be a bit strange.  There is nothing inherent in us to think that we as people do not stand on solid ground.  We feel we always do.  Dammit, I am a strong person.  I don't give a fuck about who doesn't like me.  I can stand on my own.  Our ground is only so solid on a human level as the strength of the society we live in.  Then you take all our thoughts and stuff... not the stuff we show... everything inside, even the stuff we wish we didn't think, and Bam.  Who the fuck are we??? 

We are imperfect people, and we want to believe in some type of solid truth we can hang our hat on.  If I do this...   If I work hard at this...  The strange thing about me is I give good effort to the things I want to give good effort to.  That does not include house projects.  A house is somewhere to live, and I could give a fuck what kind of non-HG TV way my house looks.  Lisa is different, but doesn't always have the bug.  She likes reading a lot, and watching HG TV.   :)   She also likes getting dirty with yard work. 

Anyway, I have nothing really today.  I am working today, because for 3 weeks we open at 5:00 am on Sundays.  Easy way for me to get some extra hours.  :) 

I am going to run though, so have a good day all.  :)


Saturday, May 12, 2012

A Different Friday...

Good Morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :)  Let me introduce you to myself.  My name is Steve.  Last name is kind of weird.  It is Czech, and well... we don't really know how to spell.  Pejchl.  I blog a lot, and wake up early to do it for some reason.  When you blog every day you have a tendency to say what is on your mind that day at that minute.  That can be anything.  So I have a feeling I piss people off sometimes on this thing, but what are you going to do??  I think being you is harder than you think, and maybe that is what I have been saying all along.  Whether you are a "religious" person or not you are still a person, made up of all kindsa things.  All kindsa chemicals go into you being who you are, and most of the stuff that makes up you, you don't even see. 

There is a lot of stuff to life, and we have to fill up the time someway.  Most people try to fill it up in some type of way that is fun for them.  Perhaps they try and find some kind of purpose for their life, and follow that path.  I would tend to steer clear of those paths that make you want to blow yourself up to kill other people.  That really isn't that great of a path.  The great sacrifice.  That is what we want to do huh??  We want to show the world how much we are willing to suffer, because that we can do.  There is a higher learning, and a higher wisdom, and a better way to be, and it is not within our power to make us that way.  That is a pretty naked feeling, because we want to show and prove our worth.  I am someone dammit.  I am important.  We all feel that way, and my path started many years ago led me on numerous occasions to a place where I saw, I am not worth all that much.  In the grand scheme of things I am nothing really.  I know that sounds sad and stuff, and you know my journey was kinda sad.  Everything in life leads to some type of sorrow.  Not meaning a lot isn't fun, but people die, get injured.  Remembering old times is always touched with a bit of sorrow. 

A lot of stuff to life.  We have insecurities many times.  You know even people you look up to are insecure.  None of us are always feeling on top.  So be in tune with who you are.  Accept all the different ways you are.  You are special for all the colorful angles of your personality.  Don't worry about not being perfect, cuz you are not, and you are not meant to be. 

Oh well, as to my Friday, I worked late, because Lisa closed, so I came home, and cooked some fish and zucchini on the grill.  I watched a little tv, and had some chocolate ice cream, and went to bed at 6:30.  :)  I have no regrets on anything, because This is my favorite time of day anyway, and I like doing this. 

As to my drinking only one night each week, it is just a keep the weight off thing.  Get rid of my little beer belly.  I should probably weigh myself sometime to get a starting point.  I haven't weighed myself in a year or two.  :)  I'd guess 180?? 185??  I should be running at 170 or lower.  I'll check it out soon. 

Anyway, time for me to do some push ups, and pull ups before my run to work.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  As it turns out, I have once again run several days in a row, so I think I may go for a long bike ride tomorrow, and be able to run on Monday.  Today to and from work = 24'ish for the week.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Friday, May 11, 2012

Questions About Me...

So on this new kick of me being focused sounds all great and dandy, but I have doubts and fears of me.  Life gets boring sometimes, and sometimes we run out of things to do, then what??  In life much of our time is free, and we need to fill it up with something.  Much of that time would be having cocktails listening to music, and pondering the stupid thing called life anyway, and now I have to fill the dead time with something else. 

So I guess I will battle my demons, and see what I come up with.  Nothing is really a big deal except drinking water on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  :)   even when hanging out.  :)  

So anyway that is that, and I'll worry about other stuff later. 

Time for me to get coffee, and see if I gots anything to actually blog about.  :)

Well yesterday I worked another 9 hour shift, and part of me being tired is I drove into work, so Lisa and I left at 2:00 or so, and I took Hope for a 4.25 mile run.  Thursday is my day for drink, but I already had a couple on Monday and Tuesday, so I was like hmmmm.  Lisa told me just have a couple.  That is what I did.  So there, til next Thursday.  :)

Weather is supposed to be really nice next week, so I plan on taking my bike out a lot.  A plus plus time filler.  :) 

You know what??  I really got nothing today, so I am going to cut it short.  I was up pretty early today, so I figured I might be able to get a little 2 mile run in before work.  I am biking to and back today, so I can add just a little run that wasn't planned.  Lisa is closing today too, so not much going on at all.  I may work late.  I will just need a little caffeine pick me up when I start getting a bit fatigued.  :)

For the shits and grins.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!  :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I do Twitter, but pretty much don't follow any new people that much, because not a big fan of the non-follow back.  Something about me.  Twitter is just one of them stupid things that I can say all kindsa crap that don't mean shit.  :)   A perfect outlet for me.  Sometimes when I am mad I unload on the damn thing too, because no one looks at that shit.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Beat This Morning...

Just had a day where I was absolutely beat waking up this morning.  I saw it was past 2:00 am, and I am like what??  UGH!!!   Saw it was 3:30 am, and figured guess I better get up.  Yesterday I was pretty busy I guess.  I worked like 9 hours, and biked to and from work.  Took Hope on a little 3 mile run, and cut the grass.  (trimmed too this time. )  Then I was tired.  I drank a lot of water too. 

Hold on, I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :)  For the record yesterday when it came time to waste time, because of being tired, and nothing to do.  Lisa and I watched 3 back to back shows of CSI.  :)  I may start watching more tv.  :) 

Well this blog of mine is pretty important to me I guess.  I do it a lot, and have been for a while.  It doesn't change much I don't think, although I added the signature line, and then it went away.  That is strange to me, but maybe I felt this thing I do here is actually something, and me being invisible to people is not an option.  Part of the communication thing you know??

Maybe it is something because all this time people thought they knew me, and boom, you get this??  Maybe I get to show what is in me, and people are not all used to that.  That is what writing is though kinda right??   What is inside us.  It isn't always what we do day to day, it is also the things that we care about, and the things that make us mad.  What drives us to be who we are, and what are some of our flaws that we see, and think other people can see too.  In what ways do we think people dislike us etc...  Life is full of all kindsa things, and it seems... I could be wrong... the clearer view you get of yourself you get more scared of it??  Isn't one of the things of life our lack of being perfect???  Maybe also when you realize covering yourself with a nice suit is not an option.  No hiding anything, because we are who we are, and that is an imperfect person who has lived an imperfect life and continues to do so. 

 Like I always say too the mirror when we point it in a wrong way just brings about anger for some reason.  Trust me people suck pretty bad, and it is easy to hate a lot of people.  A mirror pointed toward ourselves is humbling and scary.  Anger seems like a strength, and humbling and scary seems weak and vulnerable.  Ever try reading words in a mirror??  It is a backwards world, and it is when we are weak and vulnerable when we are actually strong.   Of course we don't feel strong when we feel weak and vulnerable, so it is there where we need help and support.  :)

BTW, I like that last paragraph. :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  White Sox lost the first 2 games to 1st place Cleveland, and came back to win the next 2.  WOOO!!   :)   xoxoxoxo

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen, Tia, and Christine McCarthy, because I needed that.   :)    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D  

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

From Within...

Oh, I got something on my mind now.  A couple secrets etc...  I will get some coffee, and brb.  It just hit me yesterday, and maybe those who read this have felt it a while.  I am uninspired.  I have been for a couple years to be honest.  You see I can put in some type of work anytime.  No big deal, but for me I have been missing an ingredient.  Inspiration, and you know none of you out there inspire me.  Not saying some of you are not my faves, but Inspiration comes from within.  It is a personal thing that says yes,  I want to be focused for x and x amount of time.  Being focused is good, but like I said it can not be all encompassing to who you are.  Life goes on.  Cannot block out life.  You know my best marathon actually came during a horrible time for me.  I was dealing with shit, I did not ask for, and it made me look a fool to be honest.  I still did what I did, and you know for me, I think I had a little luck my calves didn't cramp up, which is a problem for me. 

So yesterday it hit.  Let's do this shit again.  It clicked.  I had a spark kind of tracking a marathon this weekend.  Goals sought year after year are good things.  Even after failure getting back up and going after it again.  The spark didn't stick, because the missing ingredient for me, was for inspiration to come from within.  I had to get, and be on board.  Yesterday it hit.  Like I said before, "Let's do this" 

What does that entail??  More work, more cross training, and more of finding other things to fill up the dreaded time of the day.  I don't really do tv so much.  I like listening to music, but with a drink in hand.  So if I am not running after work, I will fill my time with other shit.  Central in my mind will be all to run a good marathon.  So sitting around having a couple drinks listening to music ain't going to do it. 

Time for bike rides, and yard work, and reading, and movies I guess. 

One other thing, is it feels pretty fucking good to throw the shit of me behind, and get refocused.  Let's see where this lands.  Also central to any kind of training is the sub: 22:00 5K.  Also to beat the 3:47 marathon. 

Have a great day everyone.   :)

Luv ya's!!!   :)   xoxo

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

On We Go...

Well, I guess this thing still goes on, even though on a day like today I have nothing to write... as usual.  Coffee is done though, so lemme go get some.  :)   Not really a lot on my mind to be honest, and yesterday was a total Monday's Monday.  I felt like I had a cloud over me the whole day.  I rode my bike home in the rain, and that was about the highlight of the day.  I had a couple beers, napped, ate dinner, and went to bed.  As uneventful and boring as you can get.  I read like 10 blogs and commented on 1.  Those who know me the ratio is usually opposite of that.  Why??  Not sure, I think because it was a Monday Monday.

Those who also read this, know I am not training for anything, but still trying to keep up a 20-25 mile base, just in case.  I almost thought of trying to be disciplined again, and maybe train for something.  I was motivated for just a brief time, but woke up yesterday unmotivated again.  I am not going to force something on myself though you know??  The drive isn't there right now, but that doesn't mean it won't come back, so I best stay active.  Maybe that is something about me too, is there is no need to force something on myself.  I think exercise is a good and smart thing to do, so I do it, and I like it, but if I am not into "training" then not going to force it on myself.  To be honest though today will be a great day, because I plan on running to work and back.  That gives me 7 miles of running in, and being done when I get home from my run home.  The bike/run commute is great, because there is something special about running or biking as transportation as opposed to just doing it.  Don't ask me why, but it gives you just a little something more. 

I am thinking marathon training for me is over.  I like the challenge, but I don't have enough faith in my ability to stay injury free.  I was thinking this morning I ran 5 marathons, and you know only one of them was really good.  I trained for like 9 of them too or something and like 4 I didn't even stay healthy for.  10% success rate??  So if I start training again, and if I do it will be when the weather makes me smile, it will definitely be something shorter. 

Guess that is it.  Hope everyone has a Great day.  :) 


Monday, May 7, 2012

Blog Title

... is subject to change, but that is what I got now.  Yep, you know if it is hard to come up with a title, there is not much to blog about.  Gonna get some coffee though, and see what happens.  brb.  :)

For the record I never ran yesterday.  I forgot we were going to see "The Avengers" which usually after a movie I am tired anyway, but it was raining when I got home too, so just relaxed, and I got home around 3:00 anyway.  I watched a little tv, ate dinner and went to bed. 

I think sometimes people try to "choose" their words "wisely" and you know that doesn't work.  There are two ways to be, one is to "choose wisely"  and the other is to be.  Choosing wisely you really just end up trying to please someone, and it isn't the real you.  The real you is the best person you can bring, but we have two sides to us maybe.  The side we want to show people.  You know you want everyone to think your life is fabulous type thing, and the real side, which is something different.  The one where we are not always on top of our game.  The side where life gets boring some of the time.  We are not happy all the time, stuff like that.  I don't know why there is this desire in all of us to tell people how great our lives are.  You know??

The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is weed through all the crap in us, that isn't the real stuff.  Trust me we have a lot of that, and get to the real you.  See it ain't that easy, because the world is busy.  We have a desire to want people to think we are fabulous.  That is probably just human tendency.  It is hard to get to this area, and really I think we are only given times where we get to this area.  Quiet times, when maybe the world for just a little bit is taken out of the equation.  We are complex people, and getting to know us is a journey, because we are given little pieces of the puzzle here and there.  This is the important stuff.  The other stuff we do is just the other stuff.  You know??

Remember "Good Will Hunting"  ??  When Robin Williams told Will "everything you tell me you read in a book, if you want to tell me about you, I am fascinated,  I am in."    Great line. 

I guess really what I am saying is be open that there is more to you than you even know.  You are more than your weekly schedule and routine, and as a matter of fact that really is nothing about you anyway really.

Well, guess I gotta run.  Day off running yesterday means I get to run today.  :)

Have a good one all.   :)   

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Well, I am up anyway...

Well today is a day I may take off blogging.  It is one of those days where I don't have anything particular to write, but that doesn't always stop me.  Also a day where I feel like maybe taking  a day off from blogging, but what the heck. 

Not much really going on.  I am at 21 miles for the week, which is where I wanna be.  I can take the Hopester on a little 3 miler after work today, and I'll be at 24 miles, and that is perfect for me. 

In other news one of my fave people started a new blog.  Olga.  :)  It is all in Polish mostly, so I have to use translate to get a general account of what she blogs about.  :)   Wow, life is something huh??  I don't even remember how many years I have known Olga.  I never met her, but she is the trust girl, and that goes a long way in my book you know?? 

So anyway it has been quite a week this week.  Probably a lot of things to think about.  You know one of the flaws of people??  And I think it is a flaw.  We look at celebrities as bigger than life.  I think people are people, and the hierarchy of people in our eyes is a false vision too.  Celebrities and famous people up here, and other people down lower.  The World is full of a caste system, and we don't even really mean to do it.  Boy we have a lot of flaws don't we?? 

Well guess that is about it.  :)

Have a good one all.  :)  xoxo

:D   :D

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Saturday Morning. :)

Good Morning all how goes it??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  OMG how weird this blog must be sometimes.  Me having no idea at all what goes on this thing, and many times not having a clue of what I will write, and stuff just comes out anyway, or maybe not. 

Today will be no different.  I am not sure what I will write, but I am going to get some coffee, and will brb.  :)

I think I see in which direction this thing is going, and maybe I have known it a while, but might have forgotten.  We think our lives are pretty big, and our world of us is huge, and it really is a false view, and one I saw on a long training run, several years ago.  A true vision of ourselves is direct opposite of how we would want to view our self.  Deep down we want to feel fabulous, and confident, and on top of the World.  We want to be all that, and it is there where we feel great, unfortunately the answers are found at the bottom of the wave.  During our hard times.  You know society is trying to build people up.  There are no losers in Football for kids.  In order to talk about Sports on T.V. you need to be wearing a suit.  You don't see anyone wearing jeans talking about football if they are on the T.V.  The whole world is some big make believe thing made up from imperfect people. 

Uniforms Uniforms Uniforms.  All who we are has nothing to do with the clothes you wear, it is all about what is inside of you.  Like I said before what good is it to be Junior Seau focused,  if you cannot deal with the real you.  It is a tough thing to do this person called us.  We all have shit to deal with, and honesty is fucking hard, because we get to see our true asshole self in all its glory.  We don't trust our asshole self, because we think society might not approve, and society when all is said and done don't mean shit.  Society won't be at your funeral.  People in suits will still be talking on the T.V. Kids will still not be losing football.  Graduations will go on with people wearing caps and gowns they normally would never wear in a million years.   Who the hell thought up the caps and gowns anyway??  How stupid is that??

A lot about life is really stupid, and I think we try to hide our real self by making sacrifices of some sort, and the sacrifices don't really mean shit anyway, because the one we try to please desires compassion and not sacrifice.  Sacrifice we can do, compassion... not so much.   We lose on just that one little thing there.  Embrace the inner you.  You suck, and so do we all.  :)


Friday, May 4, 2012

Morning All...

I don't really have anything to talk about, and not sure where this will lead, but things seem strange.  I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  Once again I guess I probably had a bit of a doozy out there.  Your life.  That thing you do.  Maybe the scariest thing of all is your life is you.  All that we do and all that we think, all we have hurt, and those who hurt us are things that make up our lives.  That is stuff that is fascinating, and maybe that is like the last thing you want to show people. 

I told this story before, but after Katrina and I broke up, I was working with this really drop dead gorgeous pretty blond girl.  I don't know if girls can relate, but guys can... the type of girl you feel is out of your league type girl.  Anyway we were talking about God knows what.  This would have been early 90's btw, so Lora and I were friends, and I was on my honesty kick.  I remember the #1 thing I would totally love to be to that hot blond was fabulous.  Ooooh,  that would have been cool to show her how awesome I was.  :)  I was fabulous.  You know what I did??  I told her my last girlfriend who I loved, I cheated... or would have if she didn't walk in on us.  Those damn parties at my place.  Where do these girls come from??   ;)  When all is said and done being honest is fabulous.  Being Tiger Woods fabulous don't mean shit.  Who can be the real fabulous??  Not very fucking easy.  Takes a lot of guts probably, because we want people to look at us in the mirror we show them.  We don't think they would like us in the true mirror,  the one where we open up and show them the true us. 

That is where you need trust.  Trust that honesty, and truth, and all that other shit is good, and leads in the right direction.  When we show our true selves we do not feel very confident, because we all do shit wrong, and In our mind's eye we have a view of what is right, and we sure don't live up to it.  We all walk that same path.  The path of I am not as good as I would like to be. 

Being focused like a Junior Seau is great, but when it is over than who are you??  You know???  Better figure out the fucking life thing.  I'll tell you what it is, it is not an easy path, because life's struggles help us become strong, as long as we deal with them and don't bury them. 

So as tough as you all probably think you are,  you ain't done shit yet. 

The race of life is all about you you and you.  You matter because there will be a day when YOU breath your last. 

Later.   :)

Thursday, May 3, 2012

No Boundaries...

Well first off I guess I should say I am pretty shocked at the turn this blog made.  One thing you could count on day after day was the signature.  Every day I blogged it was there.  I think it strange strange strange it left.  I think I know why though, because maybe you have been following along on this thing, trying to get answers etc...  Your journey in life is personal.  It is a solo affair in ways, even if you are married and whatever.  When you breath your last it is you who are dieing.  No one else, and it is your life, and you do things.  There are no excuses in life, like society led me to be this way or whatever.  Your life is all about you.  So I think in a way you have been set free to find your own answers, because that is what life is about anyway. 

You all have been searching for newer frontiers.  More art, more PR's at whatever race you run, and I think you should search the endless boundaries of yourself.  From what I read of blogs you don't know you, and maybe you don't really want to know you, because there is darkness in all of us, and maybe we don't want to know what that is, and maybe we don't want share, but it is one life.  Maybe some would say why would I??  I say why the hell would you not??  One life baby, let the hair down go crazy, and find out who you are.  You ain't even scratched the surface yet.  You have been pushing the distances in physically where you travel, and all the answers you search for are within yourself.  Courage is there, even if you don't feel it.  You will be given all you need. 

You will have to weed through your anger, and jealousies, and hatreds, and all that other junk that we are made up of, and under that is you.  In other words what you do in life is pointless.  Your careers etc.. don't mean squat.  I hope you like what you are doing, because that is a plus.  Not many have, but You will be traveling through Galaxies within yourself to find out who you are. 

Always trust trust trust, cuz I surely don't know your journey, and what it entails, but trust you are being led in a good way.  You know??  

Have a good one all.   :) 

I love Doreen too.   :)    LOL


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

An Entry About Nothing...

There is absolutely nothing on my mind right now, and I have no idea what I will be writing about, thus the title.  I guess my post yesterday was a bit of a doozy, and maybe I have been saying this a while.  Inside us is filled with a lot of busyness.  All kindsa crap that don't matter, really.  Also there is stuff inside us that is really good, but you don't get to it all the time.  Maybe you do hear it once in a while, but it is the last thing you would want to place on your blog.  Maybe some stuff you feel is so personally you, you wouldn't want to share.  That shit is the fascinating stuff though, and it is something that would set yourself apart.  It makes you different, and totally you.  This is the stuff you cannot control, and you cannot try.  Most of the other stuff we are is some type of person we are failing at trying to be. 

Food for thought.   Anyway, yesterday I got 7 miles in.  A run to work and back, and today I plan on running home from work, so that will get me over 10 miles on Wednesday, and I am on track for a good week. 

Later.  :)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Why Not???

So those of you who have read this blog know it has been pretty consistent for a while.  Offers support etc...  Throwing it all away.  Not the blog, but what you have seen before is no longer there.  Why??  Why not??

There is no need we need to box ourselves in a corner.  I remember in my last blog the Journey after coming off a pretty hard time, it was really hard to get back up and start the Journey.  I did though, and I remember being absolutely sick and tired of feeling judged.  It is the worst fucking thing you can do to people, especially if they are open.  I remember I wanted to be right, but that was not the way, I was to be faithful, and really that is not following my plan, but living, and shit gets done through me not of my knowing, and not even knowing how.  I finished the Journey, and then followed up with this one here, and I knew my shit was basically all but done.

Now I have known of this one last thing I have to do, and I thought it was going to be a couple Thanksgivings ago, because that is when I was led to believe it was going to happen.  Remember my dream??  I won the race.  I was like a sperm into an egg.  A winner out of many racers.  The first one in.  In the dream I was taken somewhere where no one else can go.  I was alone though, and I was not happy about that, because I was not supposed to be alone.  So back to the old drawing board, and another year passed, and now even another.

There is a lot of stuff that needs to be done, and I don't even know the half of it.  There is so much to people, and I don't even think they scratch the surface of who they are.  Don't you want to know who you are, and more so don't you want people to know who you are??  Your hobbies and your work, and professions really are not who you are.  You are someone else.  You are a person with a silent voice.  A voice that is deep down.  It is one that is hard to hear, because the world is pretty crazy busy, but I think you should find this voice, and listen to it.  This voice has some good stuff to say, and it is the best part of you.  It is one who you will feel pretty good about yourself if you get to know it, and you let people get to know it too.  The voice is sad, because he/she is ensnared in this body that is enslaved to society, but the voice is free, and you are enslaved.

Throw away all your dogma, because that holds us back.  To throw away your dogma takes trust, and you have to have trust your life is being led in a good way.  It takes courage, because you pleasure/pain want people to see you, but don't too.  It takes courage, and trust, that this shit is good.  It is good for you, and trust trust trust.  :)

There is no signature line, because all along you didn't really need it.  You all are strong enough to stand on your own two feet.  :)

I am going to be a free person, and I think my last post just brought it home.  I am going to have fun, but if you need support I will be there, and if you show us who you are, I think that would be about the most interesting and fascinating fricken thing you could absolutely do.

Not to be a jerk, but I could give a fuck what you people eat.  :)

Later all.  :)

Luv Ya's.