Tuesday, July 18, 2017

X Off Another Day.

I just marked another x off on the calendar. That puts me one step closer to my goal. Oh wait, I don't have any goals. Shoot, but if I did...

Anyway, yesterday was a day. It was okay as far as days go. I got everything done at work I wanted besides one thing we were short on ingredients. It comes in today though. I made zuchinni bread when I got home. I fudged the recipe a bit, cuz I didn't have baking powder, but the flavor was good. It still rised a bit too. I underbaked it a bit, but it has good flavor. I added some pumpkin pie spice and cinnamon too to give it a bit of that flavor. I have stuff to do with extra zucchini besides grilling it. I can make muffins too. Wanna know something about that?  It is fun. Even the cat liked it, cuz there are a bunch of chunks off the top of it this morning.  :)

Anyhoo,  other than that not much going on. Lisa's brother took us out for dinner. We did bogo,  and Lisa had nachos. We had a couple beers. He closed on his house in Hawaii last week, so his life is settled down. He just wants to find a way to have his money make money. He wants to be retired at 44 or however old he is.

I don't have much on my plate today outside of work. I should clean the kitchen when I get home, water the garden. I'll probably listen to my book, and we'll have a meal.

I guess my life is uncomplicated. I don't look back at anything. There are no miscalculations I made. The grass doesn't look greener anywhere, except in my own life. I have no desire to be anyone else, but me.

I can look at anyone's life, and it doesn't matter who. I'd rather be me than you, cuz I've already done most of my stuff. Who I am today is not who I would be if I haven't done what I did.

A story started long ago, where in a way I am in another dead year area. We aren't doing much really, and the serious stuff that can pop up anytime isn't really here now.

We all wait kinda, but I am not sure for what. I assume people will be pulled from life, but I can't say for sure.

All I know is I have one final thing to do. It is what I wanted decades ago, although I know it won't  be pleasant.

Life goes on though,  and it would be interesting maybe to see it through your eyes, but maybe not too.

I know too much which is a problem. I know hearts deceive, and people do too. Everyone probably  thinks they are special in some way. Unique in a way that sets them apart.

We aren't though. One of the trillions who walked a short time in this place.  Not really doing anything,  but living day to day. Everyone at some point has been deceived at their own seeming importance is my guess.

We are all we know. Our minds don't really graduate past our human understanding, unless we go down a very unique path. The road less traveled as it were. The one we are not the author of.

I suspect some think they've gone down that path,  but nothing could be further from the truth. You are a product of this World, society,  upbringing, and you. You haven't graduated past the multitudes. You are a part of them.

Anyway, I guess that is it.

Today will be a day.


Monday, July 17, 2017

Things Seem Different To Me.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had a pretty normal weekend. I was pretty unplugged which I find myself doing more and more. I actually got an email from FB saying a lot has happened since you last logged in. That never happened before,  so I still haven't logged in. I didn't log into the other one either this weekend.

No reason really, except I wasn't really interested in seeing anything. On Friday I binge watched a show on Netflix. Gypsy I think it was called. A Netflix original. One season 11 episodes. It is about a shrink who gets involved in her clients lives. Totally unethical, and her life starts getting tied up in lies.  It spirals out of control. I don't know if it was a good show or bad,  but I liked it. I finished listening to my 30 hour book finally.  The Goldfinch. I liked that. Got another book to listen to. I have to read my other one too. Started arrested development. Checked my garden yesterday and watered it. I have like a foot long zuchinni. Oops.  :)  it is wider than my arm. Our car got fixed too. Not sure what to do with it.

A pretty good weekend I guess. I stay entertained. I saw a movie yesterday too. Baby Driver with Kevin Spacey.

Why are things different now?  Remember how I say I get interested in less and less stuff. I am interested in real life I guess. You get that from books and movies. Maybe that is why I have zero interest in logging into social networking. You can pretty much guess what you'll see before you even look.

Life is pretty fucked up for all really. You don't control your heart so that thing can take you down any number of roads. You aren't perfect,  and either is anyone else you are acquainted with. Nothing you can do about it. Lives are busy. One day you wake up, and you realize a week has passed in a blur. Next thing you know you are 40. 50 comes next and so on.

Life is about loss and imperfection. Along the way people die, and you will too. Your end you will not escape. What I cannot tell about people is how they feel now. Life grinds on, and it is a pretty silly thing. We all our working toward the weekend and retirement I guess, but that is supposed to be the fun stuff I guess. I work weekends, cuz I don't really need a day off. I don't really like vacations either.

So what am I working toward?  Nothing. I am here for the day to day.  I don't like hanging out at beaches or anything. I like being at home. I am boring, and really we all are, cuz we aren't doing anything real exciting in life, cuz there isn't much exciting about it.

Anyway, this was a dumb entry.  I don't care though.


Friday, July 14, 2017

A Moment Of Clarity.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Actually I feel pretty darn good. I am not sure why really.  Our white Chrysler has been sitting for a year,  and we are getting it fixed this weekend. When we took it to a garage 1-1/2 years ago they wanted over $1000 to fix it. Our mechanic is going to charge us $420. We knew we could get a deal fixing it, but we bought the new for us car from the widower,  and didn't really need it. We still don't need it, but we'll have it anyway. That way I can split between the car and truck where my 3000 miles of driving/year go. Actually not really sure what we are going to do. We may just sell it.

Other than that I totally am having a normal week. Perhaps a bit more productive outside of work than normal.

The house is clean,  and nothing terribly pressing that needs to get done. Sometimes I take a step outside myself and look in, and it is pretty good. I know I can be an asshole probably,  and cold. All of us are part asshole, but I carry confidence and assurance too.

I know more things than all too. Not e=mc2 shit, but hidden parts of life shit. I guess we all suspect we have the answers, but I actually do. You actually don't. I went out and found them/they actually got thrown in my face. In a time I anxiously seeked security I found there was no reason for me to feel secure. At a time when I just wanted to be good I found out there is nothing of value in me.

So anyway I ran the gauntlet of fear. I stared condemnation in the face and accepted it. Not with a strength of my own mind you. My whole route was successful not cause of me.  I was just a normal person who once was an insecure kid. I've been given gifts you cannot really measure in bank account statements. I've walked this Earth here and learned many things very few have. I mean seriously a minuscule percentage. Not cuz I am smart or anything, but it was part of my walk. To learn things. Given things most will never know til it's too late.

I don't have understanding yet, and that is something very few have ever received. I remember long ago before my days in the wilderness I tried being a teacher, when I thought everything was easy. I was full, and pretty sure I was the best a person can be. I was reproved at some point, cuz I was showing people they really were naked. We all are Adam in the long run, but like him all are ashamed of their nakedness.

I think it is safe to say now you are like the emperor with no clothes. You have nothing to show for your time here on Earth that stands up to scrutiny.

Society may give you a pass,  but life was always about just a little more. For the courageous who don't mind looking at it. Facing your fears so to speak.

In the end we wear no clothes cuz we ain't all that.

I kinda wonder if I even remember this next part. I always typed it out each day.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. what to do today after work...   hmmm

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's    xoxoxoxoxo

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo    :)

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D   :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.    :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxx ooooooooooo.  :)

I think that's it.  It's been a while. :)

Have fun.  

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Fitting A Square Peg In A Round Hole.

Sometimes I think that is what life is like. The Day by day goes so fast, and I am pretty sure no one ever gets all the things done.

I was thinking about just a few years ago where I was working 3rd shift, and every weekend. Now I work 1st shift and every weekend. That fits me much better.

Before getting up I was thinking about what I put in here. It probably seems depressing,  and I guess it is. Lives mean nothing. There are no points for you walking this Earth. There are no points for your day to day stuff you do. Sacrifices are of no value. Basically you are here accomplishing nothing of value, although I doubt you accept that.

I have gathered points in my journey, and none of it was my plan. None of it was in my 5 and 10 year plans, cuz I was completely blind where points were concerned.

Even now I know my story. I know some of the things that must happen,  but as to how and when I have no clue.

So we are here in the wilderness. You are saddled with nothing of value, cuz this place is desolate. All the things you ever believed in have been thrown to the side,  cuz you weren't born right in this place. Life is a thing  you would have been better off not doing. Only problem is you are, and it wasn't your choice. Some even brought more people here, cuz that is what people do.

In following the masses you assumed all this shit was right. If you ask the question what if everything is wrong? You have to be prepared to accept the answer.

Remember years ago I told you the hardest thing you ever do will be the truth. The truth is a nasty sort of business. It goes against the grain of all life and all teaching.

Few reach the truth. I did kinda accidentally sort of.  It wasn't my plan. I was led on the direction I went. Life pulled. I felt a bit of the wilderness,  cuz life looked stupid.

Metaphorically I told you years ago you have to drink the kool aid,  cuz you have to lose your life to find it.

It is a hard thing to tell people these things, cuz they dont really accept it. Only problem is though you have no other route available of any worth. How will you impress people with any activity in the wilderness? 

Here we collect no points,  and those who cling to things not true, well...   who has time for them?  Surely not me. I have way too many more unimportant things to do.

I'll cya. 

:)   lol.  Welcome to my blog.  Sorry,  not sorry.     :)


Monday, July 10, 2017

I'd rather read my book.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I worked, and pretty much just listened to my book during and after work.

We had our party on Friday. It was fun, but I am pretty sure we'll never have one again. Too much work,  and too much clean up. Not that I really did much, but it seems like a lot of effort. 

For some silly reason I was doing shots with one of Lisa's work mates. Silly. Pretty fun though. I got about as hungover as I get, which is basically a little tired. I slept almost all the way til I had to go to work. We had a ton of beer left over. Still do. I gave a case to Lisa's friend.

Life goes on I guess. Not much major going on with me. Trying to get through my books I guess, and watering my stuff. Life is pretty busy really. It seems there are more things to get done than time to do it. My life is easy too. I sometimes wonder of people with kids, and how much they must mess up every day of their lives.

Social functions to attend, work,  cleaning,  Bill paying,  whatever. Life seems like an avenue of complete failure,  which we wrap in a nice clean sheet, and show the World we are blameless   say the right things, wear the right clothes.

These days I don't really look at much.  There isn't much to see, and I tend to think people are afraid to show their most honest self.

People judge so who can stand up to It?  After our party I kept thinking of how all these people shared in just a bit of my life.  Kinda random and stuff, but we all still live separate lives.

The perfect life, and the perfect life situation is out of grasp. Our hearts always yearn, until you can realize and accept the truth. You are here for a while, and then you will pass. As far as I am concerned the days are filled with work, eat, sleep,  but that is what my heart is content with,  cuz when I pass none of it even mattered in the long run.

Anyway I am going to read my book.

I'll cya later.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

I Ate Beans From The Garden.

So one of my bean plants had like a billion beans on it, so I made green beans to go with my tacos last night. Lisa had to do a million errands yesterday, so I figured tacos. I was sorta planning on getting blood work done today,  then I sorta planned not to. Didn't feel like not eating past 5:00 last night so I'll do it Tuesday.

Eventually I am going to have to juice or can tomatoes,  because I will have more than even I can eat. First I have to learn how to do it.

On any given day I can have too much I wanna get done. Cut grass, clean kitchen, trim grass, water grass, water garden, read my two books,  listen to my other etc...

I love my down time too. Where I don't do shit. Then I ate a meal. I also worked 8 hours.

I went to bed at a normal time, and woke up early. I like waking up early. It gives me down time,  and I can walk Hope. After this week, I kept thinking things will get to normal, but I have too much stuff I want to do, and a lot of lazy I like to be. Lisa has had a busy week, so she will want to rest from her week off. Her daughter is getting married, and we are having a little party at our house. So she's been busy. Luckily I tractor watered our front yard this year, so it has never looked better. I like to look at it.

Other than that things are pretty normal. I work,  eat, sleep. I have a meal at the end of my day.

I had a couple days off this week, and I pretty much would rather work. That is my normal. That is my balance I guess. You do what makes you feel the best.

I think I have been that way forever. As long as I am working I feel mostly pretty good. I never was truly excited after a weekend off, it was only after returning to work I would feel better. In my younger years I think doing nothing made me not feel so great. Guilty I think.

Just a weird thing about me. Maybe if you read this thing you've known that about me for a while.

Anyway, in your quest to find out the truth of life,  do you wonder why your heart is never content?  Every day we probably lose a battle with ourself,  and maybe the gray clouds pop up on a bright sunny day.

At the end of the day you want your heart to always be happy, but you are really not sure how to go about it.

I am going to take Hope now and listen to my book.

Thank you for taking time to read this update about nothing.  :)

So glad I could make it long for you.  :)

Later.  :)

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

No Clue About A Title.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I slept in today. I did wake up at 3:00 AM, but was able to fall asleep for another 4 hours. This is my 2nd day off in 3 days. I wasn't totally stoked about the first one, but today is good.

It is Summertime now. A great time of year. We don't have horrible humidity.

There is nothing major going on with me as is the case most of the time. I go for my colonoscopy in Sept. Can't wait.  ;)  j/k.

My cucumbers are coming in. My tomato plants are great. A couple already have little tomatoes starting. Squash will be coming pretty quick. Beans too.

Other than that just doing day to day. Nothing too exciting, and nothing too crazy.

Life is kinda a crazy thing. We don't master it, and we don't beat it. Death eventually overtakes us all.

Somehow I imagine we all want to be special. Unique. Something about us that singles us out from others. I learned my truth long ago, and unfortunately everyone else's too. We are so not special. We are nothing significant,  although we think we are. We think our life is. If we were one of the people who got bombed in Dresden we'd be remembered as much as them. People would think about you as much as you think of them. Life is random. It is a dangerous place this World,  but really death wins no matter what.

Life is filled with time. From day of birth til death, and most important decisions are based on that final thing. You don't escape the end line.

It us up to you to make the wisest decisions based on your certain death. You may not be able to see the finish line, cuz if life hasn't beaten you down my guess is you cannot and will not overcome yourself. If that is the case you are wasting your time coming here. Conversely you are a waste of my time too, cuz I am doing what I do. Not what I asked,  and not what I mapped out.

In the wilderness no one is special either so there is that too.

Anyway. Today will be a day. Going to a cook out at Hawaii Brian's,  and tomorriw we start the work thing again.

Til next time. Not sure when that will be, because it feels like this blog is running out of things to say.

You never know though.