Friday, February 23, 2018

Spring Is In The Air.

I definitely had a taste of Spring yesterday. I don't know if it was biking again to work or what. I took Hope after work, and the sun was out. I saw the moon too. It was warm for February,  which means 40-something. I had a pep in my step. I ended up walking 13 miles yesterday just by living.

I went out, and got the fixins for lasagna. I even baked a pumpkin pie I had in the freezer. Our new stove comes Monday, so that is the last lasagna this stove will see. Our new stove comes with a self cleaning feature,  so when I am done baking it will clean up the kitchen for me.    ;)

Other than that not much. I went to bed. I woke up this morning as I always do. It is Friday. I got my new weekend schedule,  so I guess I am good.

Well, this is dumb. I really should delete this, but I like to publish sometimes just to be annoying.  :)

I gotta go. 

I'll cya.   :)

Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Backwater Ways

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I slept good, and I guess you know how I always feel when I wake up. It's been a bad year for biking in the winter. I don't know if I am lazy or the snow was bad for biking. The sidewalks were shit a good point of this winter. Not sure. I'll be able to bike today though.

Yesterday, I got a little bit done. I folded my laundry, and put it away. We picked up our truck from my stupid accident. She's good as new. $1400  later.

I don't know if I really thought of anything yesterday. I was tired I know, toward the end of the day.  We got some sandwiches from a new local sandwich shop. It was okay.

That was about it. I have no idea about today. What to do for dinner and stuff. That's about the extent of it.

I still haven't seen any Olympics. Are they over soon?  I may have seen 5 minutes while I was sitting in a bar, which was a while ago. It was memorable, because I don't even remember what sport they were playing.

In other words there is nothing really important going on with me. Day after day really. Another Day comes, and this one too will end. Typically with a meal,  and then sleep.

I don't really know what goes on in people's minds. I gather we expect our life is significant, and there are heroes out there. I wonder why the need for hero worship. I do get it i guess. Back early on at my most frightened I did want someone I could look up to. Someone here right now who could show me the ropes. Would it surprise you to know there is no one who deserves to be on a pedestal?  There are no heroes, even if the tv, or ourselves try to make them.

We all are in this World for some reason, and what's the purpose?  The World is a wasteland you won't make better. You won't cure people of their hate and anger. Propaganda makes heroes, and propaganda makes scapegoats.

Hate and mistrust is rampant. People think their side is right. This story is about you, and only you. Throw your side away. It is of no value.

It is you walking in this place. Of course you got yourself all webbed up in life. We all do. You can't go into the wild to escape you, and there is no reason to go,  to try and unweb whatever you made your life into.

This story is about invisible stuff. Your thoughts. The shit that pops up in your mind seemingly out of your power.

The story is really our quest to find a better version of us. Without help what we achieve is not that great. In the end with help, the impossible is possible. It isn't a short story though like the false teachers preach. It is something way different. The false teachers have no idea what they are doing. This predicament everyone gets born in is very real. Scary real, but there is only one person who took the proper steps, and became what he least wanted to be. Me. Like I said before I had no idea what I was getting into, I wanted the best version of me possible. I guess in choosing this way one accepts responsibilities. Who knew? 

I've had help all along though. Although I have lived in fear in the past I still had help. The fear is gone these days, and I keep going on.

Anyhoo,  today I'll have a day.

Should be a good one.

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.   :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.  :)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.    :)

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

A Surprising Day.

So, we had one of those days. You walk into work thinking we got a lot to do. Noon comes around, and everything is basically done. So, I went and saw a movie. It was the Black Panther. I didn't want to see it, and I never heard of the comic book,  but I thought what the heck. I had low expectations, and it wasn't bad. I was entertained for a couple hours. I didn't get home til 4:00. Started an easy dinner a little after 5:00, and the day was done.

This morning I woke up early thinking I'd get up, but I fell back asleep. Into a deep sleep. I had no idea for how long, but it could have been 2 hours,  but it was only a half hour.

As I told you yesterday though today is the same as most days. You wake up in the morning excited for a new day. Nothing pressing to worry about. I'll work,  and just by working,  and living I'll approach 10 miles of walking. It's like clock work. At least my fit bit says so. If it's accurate that's another thing. I assume the mileage is.

We have to pick up my truck from the body shop, and eat a dinner. I'll read today, cuz I won't see a movie.

In my World life is a pretty easy thing. I don't have to question  stuff, which is probably a pretty nice way to be.   In life I guess there are a lot of questions,  but most/all don't ask them. Parents lived a certain way, as did their parents. Society kinda gave us a blue print. I assume every society has fairy tales,  so we all kinda have some sort of vision of the good life. At some point complete happiness is unattainable. We get mad, and blame the powers that be, and politics,  and stuff.

Why does everyone always feel like something is missing?  I know we wanna show everyone how great things are, but I know one thing about your hearts. It isn't content. It may be filled with guilt, and striving, and arrogance, and anger, and all kindsa things.

The story for me is I do not make me the way I am. I tried to make me into the sort of person I wanted to be, but I couldn't.  There was always a flaw bringing me down. No matter what kind of sacrifice I made I couldn't make me the person I wanted to be.

That story has been told. I guess I had it pretty easy during the dead years, cuz once my energy returned I knew my future was in good hands, and I knew there was not a thing I could do to bring myself to the 3rd time. Little did I know I still had a 2nd time to go. That story has been done a while though. What I am saying though is one of the things you really want is an easy heart. One that says every day is okay. What you don't control is your heart. Me either. My heart is in another's hand, and even I marvel every day how easy things look.

I am happy with my lot in life. I know I am not totally done. I'll suffer more, but I'll be along for the ride kinda. I am sure I'll be afraid when the time comes,  but my heart will be strengthened. It's how this works. I cannot have done any of this on my own. There is no way. On my own I am pretty much worthless.

I know that,  and I am cool with it. This heart makes life pretty easy.

Anyways, I gotta go.

Should be a good one.

Luv Ya's.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

This Year The Tax Man Giveth.

So, I really wasn't sure how my taxes would look. I did have Health Insurance, which is nice, so I knew I wouldn't have that problem. I figured I withheld enough money from the sizeable capital gain I received from my Uncle, but I really had no idea what to expect. We paid in every year for a while. Turns out I gave the State, and Feds enough money off the top of the capital gain. Any amount not capital gain is totally free money.

So on top of all the free money I received in the past several months,  the tax man is going to send us another $4800. So we ordered our new range, which we planned on getting anyway. We looked at ranges, and they have improved a ton since we bought our last one. We went to the local appliance place, cuz that's where we buy our stuff. I have no idea what a $3000 range does,  but we got a black and stainless steel one with 5 burners on sale for under $1000. Our last range was like $300, and we bought it from a big box. I don't know if they make cheap models like that anymore. Ours comes with a nice cast iron flat skillet too.

At some point yesterday, I was thinking of all the books I need to read. I have started 3, not to mention what I listen to at my Saturday job. I think I decided to get those done.

I guess I do sometimes look over my shoulder. Should I do this, or should I do that?  Should I spend time on this or that?  It never really matters I guess, cuz in the end I don't really worry about it. A New day comes, and I pretty much feel the same about everything in the morning. It's all good, and I got nothing to worry about.   I figure I've been this way since the running blog days, but before the wait I worried plenty about any number of things after my update. While I was out trying to get pr's I had plenty of hidden stuff to worry about.

There was no future, cuz I knew I had one other thing to do. It is my job to overcome 3 times, but I guess I wasn't sure what number I was on. I didn't know  I wasn't on number 3. I didn't know til I overcame the 2nd time what number I was on. Then I knew. I looked down the hopeless path I was destined for,  and I gave up my life,  and said God's will. Once again my heart was strengthened to accept a horrible end. I did not try to save my own life,  but willingly gave up everything.

Like I said before the judges control your heart. They play God, and you believe. Why this story for  me?  I don't really know. I know in the end it will be a pretty exclusive story,  but nothing of me is special or better or anything.

In my path I was to battle invisible things that people don't even know is real. I suspect it is invisible as long as you are a product of this World. You are no threat in that capacity. Everything remains as those powers would like it. Blind and in the dark.

Anyway, after overcoming the 2nd time the worries were taken away. The trap set for me was turned into a trap against the trap setter. Until I go do my final thing the trap setter remains trapped. That won't remain the case when I go do that final thing though.

These things I know to be true, cuz while everyone was out mapping their lives, I went a different way. I let another map drawer map out my life, even when the whole World was before me. It was not exactly what I expected. I live ground hog day every day though.   I wake up without a worry most times,  and that is quite a good gift.  Every morning looks the same it seems.

I wasn't to be perfect,  cuz that I couldn't do. I was to be faithful,  and that isn't all it seems.

In the end we want security. It's why we strive for perfection,  and good deeds,  and stuff. The truth is very humbling,  cuz perfection is out of reach. Your good deeds amount to nothing, and your efforts really are just shit you do.

My path is strange. I saw a LOT of hidden stuff, cuz I am an enemy of this World. The one knows it, the World not yet.

So, I guess I'll finish my coffee.

Should be a good one. 

Cya.   :)

xxoo.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Monday, February 19, 2018

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me. I am fine. I slept a lot last night, so that's good. I haven't ordered a burger out in forever, and I had one for lunch yesterday. After work I was craving one for some reason. It wasn't anything special,  but it was soooo  good. I don't know why I don't eat burgers much anymore, I swear we used to eat them once / week.

Outside of work,  and lunch I didn't do much. Actually pretty much nothing. I am glad I flopped my Saturdays, and Sundays. No reason really.

So, I am just living out my days. I don't really have much to worry about. Some day this living thing ends, and all the activities matter no more. I won't worry about finances, and vacations. I won't look over my shoulder to make sure no one's life is better than mine. Actually I already live that way. In my story I overcame life I guess. My heart does not chase after wind. I don't try to manipulate the World or people to whatever way I want things.

I live the way I want. Work,  eat, sleep. Today there will be work,  and a meal. Spring seems to be on its way too,  so warmer weather = different outlook.

I know how I am, and maybe I know a little about you. You are a part of this World, and you haven't overcome life. In this World you want to matter, but we don't.

Eat drink and be merry. That is what my reward is, and it's all you really need. My heart is not like yours though, cuz I went a different path. I was made different than how I once was.

I don't totally understand how my less than perfect self is. I know eventually I'll get the perfect stuff, after much suffering of course. I am not afraid though, cuz I knew this final thing for decades. I've known all along what I must do,  I just didn't know how to make it happen. Still don't. It's why my blog is the wait. That is what I do.

Anyway, I'll talkatcha later.

Laterzzz.   ;)

xoxo.   ;)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.   :)

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Something Different.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I quickly realize that in my heart is still the wilderness. A messed up World we will not fix. We are incapable.

Personally, I am tired of being mad, so I guess I am not. Earlier I was thinking how lucky I am the World does not touch me. It can't bring me down,  cuz I am not really a part of it anymore. Bad things get done to innocent people. I don't know what triggers random killing. Maybe it's not random, but people suffer for it. Regardless, a person never is so far gone they cannot repent.  I realize a repentant heart is not so easy. We don't control our hearts or they surely would do different things for us. I cannot imagine all the thoughts that pop in our heads. That's cuz our hearts can take us down some strange avenues.

In the long haul you cannot run away from you. You cannot go into the wild to try and purify your thoughts. We cannot escape us. Whoever you are I guess you know your flaws. Thoughts you hide from everyone. Maybe you pretend they are not there,  I don't know. I know I am open. I allow me to be seen. I am not ashamed, and I have no guilt. I learned a long time ago the person I wanted to be was out of my reach. With help my eyes were open, so I could see my end. It was then I repented.

That led me on my way. Quickly I was to suffer after that to learn few come this way. The World was shattered, and I saw the story. So, this was a long time ago. I have since learned as unique as my route was, it didn't mean I was special. I was no better than anyone else. Hitler was bad,  cuz he was angry, but even he once was a kid. He went to war,  and came back angry. His dreams of being an architect long gone I guess. A little luck, and a little success,  and he probably thought providence was on his side. Even he was not so far he couldn't repent.

The story is about forgiveness,  not how great you are. It isn't about labor or sacrifice. It is about the truth. The truth being you need help to become a better version of you.  No matter how you spin things the truth is you are a flawed person where perfection is far away. That matters. In all your labor you have accumulated zero points. In all your sacrifices zero points have been accumulated.

The story is about our sad little truth. It is a story about humility, definitely not about trophies, and gold medals,  and whatever else people strive for.

You are far from that path though as far as I can tell. You still are a part of this World. The way out starts with a search of you. Try taking a day pondering all the shit that pops in your head. What do you think of that?  Try taking ownership of it too, cuz that is you. You cannot bury that shit in the ground, it will keep popping back up.

You cannot run away from you, so you better deal with it.

All right, I gotta go. Today was my sleep in day.

Laterzzz.    :)

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Warming Up At The Right Time

So we are in the middle of a warm up. Snow is melting, and 40° feels like 80° in the sun.  I had my meeting with the city, so we are ready to get everything going. The company just has to come up with the final price, we all sign a few papers,  things get ordered,  and work gets done.

It's a pretty sweet deal, and I am glad to get it done. Lisa had a relapse on her flu,  so she went to the doc. It's viral, so all she can do is battle the symptoms. I don't think it is as bad, cuz last night she was actually hungry. I thought for sure it was a chicken noodle night.

I kinda had to do some running around yesterday, so I guess I didn't get to enjoy the warmer weather much. I ended up walking over 10 miles again. I don't know if that is a lot compared to other people, but I figure it is. I know I am tired at the end of my days. I used to feel guilty about it, cuz I might not get a lot done after work,  but I gather all my days are full.

Typically each day I do not sit down, until I am done with work. My Saturday formally Sunday job does pay me to take a 1/2 hour break, so I do sit,  and eat a bite usually on those days.

Just regular life stuff. Life is busy still. You'd think I have all the time in the World to get things done, but I really don't. I got books I want to read, movies to see, tv shows to watch, and in my life those are on the low end of the totem pole for me. I rarely have time, or rarely make time for that. There are meals that need to be cooked, and sleep is something I do not cheat myself out of. 95% of the time or more I'll go to bed at a proper time.

Anyway, I am just jotting shit down. This week has been similar. I wake up in the middle of my night feeling refreshed, and I still have 3 to 4 hours of sleep left.

Not sure what I'll do today. Probably not much.

Laterzzz.     :)