Monday, August 21, 2017

Monday Is My Fonday.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am doing okay. I had a pretty good Sunday I'd say. I worked my 8 hours, and met up with some friends from work. I did  industry night, which lets  us have drinks half off. I had a couple beers, and a couple Jameson on the rocks. Best $20 or so I ever spent. I don't always take advantage of industry night. It is 2 miles from my house,  and like yesterday I rode my bike there.

Riding my bike there I noticed my surroundings quite a bit. Things I may have never seen before even though that route incorporates 90% of the runs I have ever done. Pretty crazy.

Speaking of running I do plan to get back at it soon. I'll buy a new pair of shoes. I have taken a lot of time off, and I feel pretty healthy. I am trim too. I ran into one of the guys I ran with. You may remember him from years back. He was the 67 year old who helped pace me at 7:30 minute miles on the track one night I had a rough night. Way back during the heimle blog days. He remarked how skinny I look, and how young. I am the only one who can lose weight while not running I guess. I blame work, and me just being pretty busy.

You also may remember that guy, cuz he paced me at 7:30 miles one year while 67, and 4 years later he was only 64. A weird reverse ager.   ;)

Anyhoo that is that. I am doing pretty good. I like my work, eat, sleep life. Today will be more of the same. I mostly enjoy my days, and I think if I died today it was a good life. Nothing I missed out on. Isn't that what it is all about. Being fulfilled.  

Hearts are crazy though. Not really ever content,  unless you get help. Like that night I gave up. I am not who I am today, without the help I received.

What does that mean for you?  I don't know. I know I am cool with me. And how I am is not dependent on anything you do.  I am strong on my own. If you are with me cool. If not cool too, cuz my whole being is not tied up with anyone walking this Earth. I am not dependent on anyone. It says don't be a surety to a stranger, and I surely am not. Me being solo was a weakness kinda for a long time. Then I overcame the 2nd time, and now it is a strength.

Anyhoo, back to my coffee.

Have a good one.  :)

xxoo.    :)))

Laterzzz.  :)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

I Guess Before I Take Hope.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. Yesterday was okay I guess as far as days go. Nothing too exciting to report. It really was work, eat, sleep. I really didn't do much. Not really much on my mind, and I don't think I thought of much.

Today the biggest thing on my mind is what to make for dinner after work. I like to usually do a good meal on Saturday if able. Not sure what yet.

I really am not stressed about too much, cuz life is pretty easy really. My future is planned out so to speak. You want to find that one thing that makes you feel good most of the time,  and I guess I have.

There is so much to my story,  and so many things,  I really cannot even tell you.  The dead years have been gone for a while so this is my new norm. Of course the dead years were not altogether dead, cuz even then I still was poor in spirit, and felt it, and knew it. Of course you have no idea what that is, or what it means. I know you don't know what it feels like cuz you can't as you are now.

There is a lot to my story that makes me the way I am now.  My blog is the wait, and I think it fitting, cuz there is more to this story,  but when it happens I don't know. Who belongs with this story I don't know really. I've made many assumptions in the past,  and maybe foolish ones. Many people have stumbled onto this thing, and many have disappeared. Perhaps that is the way it was always going to be.

Choosing this over you is probably hard. I stumbled into this long ago when the World was ugly. I saw through all the World tries to hide. It takes life for our eyes to be opened. I suspect many have had life happen, but hard hearts make you deny the pull. We hear with our hearts, but we also harden our hearts if we don't want to believe.

So your eyes have to be opened as well as your ears. Maybe they both work together. I fear if you harden your hearts as to close your ears you really are making a choice. Me, and my life over whatever this other thing is.

In the end you will be guilty of the things you've done to steer yourselves away from the message trying to be told to you.

I am a blessing for you really,  and a curse. I am trying to bring you to greener pastures, but it is hard for you to see, cuz all you've ever known was this World. How can someone as you follow as a blind sheep into whatever, when the World "appears" to be more secure.

In the end trust may be your downfall. You trust you and the World, and are afraid of the unknown other.

Yeah, this thing isn't easy. All you have is me, and I did this all solo from what you can see.

There is much that separates us. No amount of pictures or achievements will gloss over the true nature of you, and the true nature of your life.

I know where we all stand kinda. Less than what we'd like. That is for sure. The truth is tough like that. Who knew in the end we aren't all that. In the end we cannot through our own power become all that.

It is hard to tell a human the true nature of things, because our hearts were never right in the first place.

Anyway, on we go. Today is  a day,  and already I am wondering what to do for dinner.

Should be a good one.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Friday, August 18, 2017

There Was A Time...

There was a time not too long ago where I was not drinking coffee hardly. These days I mostly am having a cup before work. Not every day, but most days. It helps I have a flavored creamer. I may go for two today.

I tried visiting here yesterday, and it was dumb, and I deleted. It was surprising to me too, cuz I woke up feeling like a million bucks.  No biggie really. If able I do try and visit this thing here. 

Anyway,  I took Hope, and somewhere along the way I realized we have not had tacos yet this week. Day seized,  day made.  :)

I load my tacos with so much stuff it is ridiculous.

So the World is going on. It moves without us even commanding it. Don't you think in life most/all have the universe kind of out of whack?  It seems to me we are kind of born that way, or grow up to be that way. At the center of the universe is us, and the sun, stars, and moon operate outside our sphere of dominance.

I had a thought the other day. If you go to a grocery store, just a local one in your hometown you'll find a lot of pickles. Full size, cut up ones, pickle relish. There will be cucumbers for sale. A lot of jars, and a lot of fresh cucumbers. You expand that to every grocery store in just the U.S.   who the Hell picks all these cucumbers?  How did we get so many? 

I've never seen a cucumber farm. Then you have olives and grapes,  and all the bottles of wine. I think if you look closely at the produce industry it may not be all it's cracked up to be.

To each their own really, but some people don't eat meat, because of the way animals are treated. Who is picking your pickles? 

In the end life is just a tad bit uglier than you think. I have a ton of dog hair under my couch that needs to be vacuumed. I should probably vacuum every day. I don't.

Life is full of too much stuff. I don't think I could ever keep my house perfect, unless I hired a cucumber picker,  and changed his or her occupation.

I think at this stage we should be able to see the World is just a little uglier than we'd like. The perfect avenue seems to be missing, and altogether impossible.

We all our full of weird shit in our minds. What if in actuality this World,  and our life are just a tad bit ugly?  I'd say we all grew up with a false vision. We thought this thing life on average was okay, and we also thought the scales were  balanced pretty favorably in our direction.  The truth was always far away since day 1. Parents are to blame,  and so are our parent's parents. That makes some of you guilty. You have become a false teacher just by having a kid.

Your blessing is now found to be a curse,  cuz you stand guilty. Not to worry though. We are all guilty of some shit, meaning we are not perfect.

Society has been handed down through generations. Progress seems to be coming slowly,  but no one figured out how to change our treacherous human heart. Don't know how to make that better.

Anyway, today is Friday, and I plan on having a day.

At some point during this thing your eyes will become wide open. I don't think this thing will always be easy for you, but it leads in a good way.  I have help.

I'd type all that stuff,  cuz I feel good today, but just a tad too lazy.

Later.   :)

xoxo.  :)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Nothing About Nothing.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing okay. I think I slept okay. I woke up a little before my alarm. A little tired maybe, but I have coffee. I could sleep longer too if I want, but I am good.

Yesterday was just a pretty normal day. Nothing too crazy. My brother stopped by from Chicago just to get away for a day. I think he goes back to work soon. He looked good, and down around 20 lbs. or so.

I think he got scared into a more active lifestyle. Walks around 4 miles/day.

That was pretty much about it. Nothing really significant happened at all. I need to make zuchinni bread. I got a lot. My tomatoes are starting to get ripe, so I will be bombarded soon. Time to get my canning supplies.

Life sure can be pretty uneventful. Day after day of just stuff. TV, movies, and books. Work, eat, sleep.

I hear some stuff happened in Charlottesville.  I don't pay attention to the news, but there are angry people angry at something I guess.

Do people feel cheated?  It seems people think they were promised the American Dream somewhere down the line, and it was snatched from their arms. People get angry, and seek the scapegoat.

If you find yourself mad like that why not seek the real cause.  You are fucked up,  cuz you believe in shit that isn't real.

There is no happily ever after. No such thing. There isn't a perfect match for you or anyone. Life will tend to disappoint,  and a lot is cuz we aren't the same year after year.

In your effort to seek out the perfect life you failed. You didn't do it. You won't either.

People would be much better off being realistic about things. Accept your imperfect lot in life. No matter your labors perfection will be out of reach. No matter what you think your heart is lacking.

Inside people is anger, and jealousy, and any number of things. I can tell you why we all fall short, but you might not like it, and I know you probably won't believe it.

There is nothing about you at all that can make you the best a person can be. You'll find no asset about you that raises you above others. We all are imperfect vessels, and our insides lack the good stuff we need to make us better people.

The truth is pretty harsh really.  I suggest not going out to try to save the World, cuz you will fail. Don't focus on the bad of other people, cuz there is plenty of that everywhere. A lot of people get snagged up in shitty propaganda. Try focusing on you. Why aren't you better as a person?  Change you, and then you can go after others.

For now everything is just about you.  The journey of us is hard enough. Don't worry about others. They play no part in you finding out about you.

Anyway, today will be a day. Don't think anything too crazy will happen.

Cya next time.  :)

Bye.  :)

Monday, August 14, 2017

Woah!! Again?

I just got up a bit ago, and look. It seems we are starting yet another week. Yesterday after work, I just relaxed. I started another book. I decided to start listening to my bounty hunter books on Sunday, and started reading my Medical Examiner forensic crime solver series. I have like 13 bounty hunter books give or take left in my series, and there are 20+ Medical Examiner books in the series. That will keep me busy a while.

I stayed up later than I wanted on Saturday, but did get up when I wanted on Sunday. I was tired though so took an easy day.

Monday is typically a pretty easy day at work, so today should go smooth. I don't really have any plans today after work. Maybe do a little cleaning,  and dinner.

Weekends can be crazy for people so Monday can be a switch back to the Clark Kent version of yourself. I pretty much remain Clark Kent all the time. My life is pretty much a vacation every day I'd say.  I like my days so to speak.  Monday is as good as any other.

Others I don't know. I know it is good for me to work so I do. I'd hate to be a person who had a job last week,  only to wake up Monday unemployed. I know a guy like that. Has a problem with booze. That's a tough Monday,  and a big fucking problem too.

Life can be tough for people I guess. Probably the thing that makes it the toughest is the damn fairy tales we all grow up with. Life is supposed to be fun. Everyone is full of some type of B.S.  Life disappoints a lot cuz our expectations aren't from reality. We grow up with a flawed idea of how our life is "supposed" to be. 

In truth we are in this World, and you really have no idea how your life should be. Everyone is kinda just shoved into society, and the multitudes follow that to their end. A reality which is made up of B.S. History books, and flawed systems, and flawed people.

You can never really get out of it, unless you question it. What if life in society doesn't really matter?  What if the points you think you are collecting within the framework of society are not actually points? 

Life is something most don't get to the bottom of. Been that way since forever.

Anyway, today I'll have a day. It shouldn't be too hard.

I'll cya later.   :)

Bye.  :)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

I Am Up Anyway.

Good morning. How's it going?   I am doing okay. I've been up a while not really doing anything. Laying in bed pretty much, so I got up and made coffee. I may have two cups today.

We had friends over last night. I think we figured if we can throw a party we can have people over. We almost never have people over, cuz Hope is an ass,  but she seems to be chilling as she ages. That's cool. I like cooking,  so we'll do that again. I stayed up past 10:00 pm. :)

I actually stayed up a couple nights this week, and I don't remember sleeping in too much so I feel a bit tired.

I'll work a little longer than normal today, as I'll do extra stuff. We will have dinner, and hopefully an early night sleep for me. Like to get up early on Sunday.

Anyway that is about it. Through work and stuff you meet a lot of people. I don't know the percentage,  but a higher proportion of people have drama in their lives than you would think.

If you live in our society you have to work. You need money to live, and working takes some responsibility. You kinda have to be dependable.

I don't know if people want to go all into the wild or something. Maybe people have dreams of being special. Find our unique niche in life.

You only have one life,  so you better make it special right?  That's the problem. Your life isn't special. None of ours is. Trillions and Gazillions have done this thing,  and all will have some kind of shitty end. I mean Churchill is going to have a movie made of him during the WWII days I believe. He is as colorful a character as anyone who lived.

He died though, and who gives a Fuck about him. That is our eventual ending too. At most we just turn into a memory. That will be all that's left, and even that disappears.

I don't care if people write books about you, and you make it into some type of Hall Of Fame. I will not travel to any Hall Of Fame, cuz I don't give a fuck about that either.

Today is work, eat, sleep. Not much more to it. Maybe watch some tv? 

Life is NOT some epic journey around the sun. It's just this thing that has been done to death since the beginning of time.

Solomon knew people would have been better off not being born,  but we were, so that means you got work to do, sorta.

It's your job to figure out why you are here. What's the purpose, and you start out not knowing, which is exactly where you find yourself now. Not any closer than the day you were born. In that regard you are no better than an infant.

Anyway, I ramble on. I wasn't even going to blog,  cuz not sure I had anything, but I got a little down.

I'll cya probably Monday. I assume my time til then will consist of little drama. The drama filled people just make their life harder.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.   :)

Have fun.  :)

Friday, August 11, 2017

The Day Turned Out Well

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday went pretty good. I didn't fuck up anything at work,  and I had a pretty good day. I had to run some errands yesterday so I drove. I worked an hour later than normal,  but we got a lot done. I think we are set up for a pretty easy Friday. I came home and relaxed for a bit,  and made dinner.

In life all you need is cumin, and just some random pork thawed out from the freezer, and you have a meal. Refried beans, avocado, tomatoes, onions, a couple garlic cloves. And tortilla shells, and you have fajitas. Simple pimple,  and a good meal makes one happy. I had a few glasses of wine too.

That was the extent of my day. Tonight we are having friends over, so it will be steaks tonight on the grill.

My life is simple. Mapped out with a turn really. Who knew this was so easy? 

No looking back, and no worries.  There are secrets here in this blog, but pretty much hidden in however many updates I've had. I don't even remember everything in this blog.

I know at some point we went in the wilderness, so everything looked stupid. Just us and our dumb lives. Not sure what's going on now. Our lives didn't get any better or more important, but it seems mine is just plain easy.

I have no clue about you,  and does anyone even really care?   Here today, and gone tomorrow. What does our life mean?  

I think back when it came time for me to make life's decisions I wanted a life that mattered. In a way mine does,  but inside me I don't think it really does, and I am cool with it.

The truth sets you free, and eventually makes you happy, but it is totally Catch-22. The truth is ridiculous, but in a way Joseph Heller days are all that remain, cuz of a happy heart. The Howard Zinn days don't matter anymore, cuz at the end none of it really mattered anyway. Gotta deal with all the B.S. first,  and then it doesn't matter.

I think people don't deal. Remember those people that bloody Mary day. They didn't have enough liquor in them to deal with their own B.S.  shit is hard before it is easy.

You'd have to be around a while to know what that means. 

Anyway, 

That is it for today!!!   :)

And all that other stuff.   :)

Laterzzz.   :)