Saturday, September 23, 2017

Another Week In The Books.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Not too much changes with me. Day in, and day out.

Yesterday was okay as far as days go. Work was busy, but we got out on time. Maybe a little late. I saw the Kingsmen movie. It was good. We then just picked up pizza for dinner. Today I will whoop it up a bit I guess, since I cannot eat anything tomorrow at all. Broth will be my meals, and water.

I don't know if you really call it "progress" where we can shove cameras up people's butts. 2000 years from now they'll laugh. Not that the World will be here. I don't know what the future looks like. I know it won't look like this.

Really not much going on with me. Work, eat, sleep. I'll be on vacation next week, and I plan on getting shit done with the house. Our schedules kinda run different. I'd probably get up early, and have everything done by noon. Lisa will sleep in. She will read a bit, eat lunch at noon, digest, and then want to do shit.

As far as I can tell no one really is living exciting lives. Plugging along day after day. None of us are doing important shit. Just living out our days really.  We aren't making any mark really, cuz really no one does.

History is made up of fairy taled stories. Heroes are born out of the written word. What is the purpose of us living our lives?  Why am I even here? 

In the end I think people want to be good. We are selfish at times though. Sometimes our hearts lead us down strange paths.  Geesh, I am far from perfect,  but my path is lit. My story in the end will be perfection,  but the most important stuff was believing when spoken to, and being obedient.

I was tested for sure. Made to play the fool really. Actually I really think it was the promotion. This was back in 1990 probably so a long time ago. I had my degree,  and I wanted a promotion. I would be a supervisor in the housekeeping dept. of the hospital.

It totally was I want I want I want. I'd make a lot more money than I'd need, and life would be easy. I'd be set. There was a pull though.  I want I want I want, but I denied myself. Your will though. I wanted, but I was willing to deny myself.

I was told to take my name out of the running. My only  prayer was to give me courage in the morning to do it. Don't let me think this did not happen.

So I went in, and played the fool. I was shaky, and nervous, and I did not speak with a confident voice.

The promise I was given during I think the wilderness days was I'd be rescued out of every predicament I found myself in. I asked why, and you know the answer?

Cuz I denied myself that one night. I call that overcoming yourself really. I overcame two times besides that, and that was me forfeiting my life.  It always came down to not my will.

Accept the worst ending for myself if that is the will.

In hindsight hearts are pretty treacherous,  and we will not achieve perfection. We really probably fuck up a lot of shit.

My story was one of fear,  cuz I could not boast righteousness or anything. I was out alone doing battle with spirits who were crafty with the sword. The sword is used to judge, not to save. Hence those who live by the sword...

I am afraid the story is about something else. Ya kinda gotta go on the journey to find out about the real you. There are two sides to you. The one who really wants to be on the right side of being right, and the other who lies to you. Your stronger side of you gives you a false sense of security. Your major downfall is that voice in your head that believes in heroes.

It takes pretty good eyesight to see the real World. It takes good ears to listen. Mostly it takes a soft heart. A hard heart I am afraid will be the downfall of many. A hard heart cannot listen. If it hears while being soft you have two choices. Listen, believe, or harden so as not to believe, and pretend you didn't hear.

I don't know your story. I am not sure what will be said to you, and when. You may be tested like I was, I don't know.

I will tell you this,  obedience was instilled in me. I was let known in no uncertain terms the consequences of disobedience. So I have been obedient, but there was only some things before,  and during the wilderness years to my recollection.

After overcoming #2, I was finally able to live with security, and no fear. I knew I couldn't be perfect,  but it didn't matter. I was accepted. I just have that one thing to do,  and I've known that since shortly before overcoming the first time.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have fun, and cya later.   :)

xo.   :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Yesterday Was Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I haven't blogged in a couple days. Mostly, cuz I ran out of time. Today I woke up well before my early alarm. Mon, and Tuesday I felt like still sleeping. Yesterday I thought I'd sleep as late as I could, but got up early anyway. Not sure what I did.

Yesterday I found myself getting irritated at times. The day went pretty good, and last night I got irritated. For no reason really.  We still made a good meal, and had a good dinner. I think I just unplugged,  and that made all the difference.  The dinner was really good, I mean really good,  and I went to bed early.

Maybe I am better off being unplugged. I have plenty of things to occupy my time with.  You know my main pet peeve?  People who use social networking for making political statements, and sharing stupid news updates. Who gives a Fuck? I say if you want to do that start a fucking blog no one reads. I've been writing a stupid blog for years, and I may be the only one who reads it.   :)

Seriously though I'll wake up early,  and my FB will have like 30 goddamn posts from the same person about something or other. Hillary cheated. Bernie should have won. Bernie is 150 years old. Who cares?  Trump won, and he is pretty crazy.   I looked at my life, and nothing has changed. Do these people even matter? 

I'll get home from work, and it is more of the same. I only do online stuff with my phone. I hate the tablet. Our desktop we moved a while ago, and never plugged it in. Before that we never even used our desktop. I guess I am pretty unplugged anyway. If it isn't in front of my eyes I don't see it, and I am not looking.

What does that mean?  What  I said before in one of my blogs. This year is the year of being disinterested. Perhaps it has been moving in that direction this whole time.

I mean really our lives are not important. This life on Earth is not important, anything contrary to that is just a lie. We are here for a bit, and than we die.

Humans are NOT some remarkable creature. I was thinking dogs sniff butts, and I thought why do guys always look at asses?  That is not remarkable in my book. It is stupid. Even if we know it is dumb guys will still look at girls butts.

People wearing suits in whatever capacity will not change it. Humans in all their splendor think they are so fucking smart,  but we are not. We are slaves to society.

Theoretically there are better ways to live,  but people deep down don't really like people. Everyone is trying to screw the system.

You are here with your life. A life you didn't ask to live. You have no idea how life started. You have no clue. Whatever you believe is a pretty fucked up belief. Not logical in the least. Out of nothing is something, and you cannot create that. It is out of your power.

What do you control?  The day of your death?  Your ability to not look at asses?  When you pee?  Yesterday I couldn't even control not being annoyed.

Wanna know what else I don't control?  My ability to wake up early, and be well rested.

I don't control that.  I didn't control my story that currently has my life remarkably easy. I do control not watching the news, I just can't control not seeing it on social networking. I scroll down,  and ignore, but some people are WAY to plugged in.

Anyway, I thought I'd get something down. 

See ya.   :)

xo.   :)



Saturday, September 16, 2017

The End Of The Week.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had a pretty good Friday. We stayed pretty ahead all week at work,  so I was able to skate out a little early from work, and catch a matinee.

I bought a couple baking books from the book store. I am buying a Kitchen Aid from my bil he has no use for. It comes with a hook and paddle,  so I think it will be fun to make different shit. Bread and stuff. Cookies too. Bringing my work home with me so to speak.

Other than that I watched a movie when I got home. Lisa went out to a concert so I made myself salmon for dinner. A pretty easy day. It is not terrible living my life. Much easier than you is my guess.   :)

All in a day really. Work, eat, sleep. Life keeps moving, and I keep doing what I do.  I think people mostly would like to live a stress free life, but life is typically pretty tangled. Tangled in things with stress. Some cuz that is the way of the World. Some people bring it on themself.

The best part of life we can't grab for ourself. Our hearts don't operate the way we'd like. What is one to do?  Show a lie?  Escape? 

I know how I am now I did not produce. I didn't make me me. I know very much about me,  and you know very little about you. The truth about you is a scary deal really, but you eventually have to face it.

The truth suggests you are not "Good enough"  can you face that? 

There is soooo much outside of your power. Do you realize that?  As far as life goes you stand in the same shoes as everyone. Including me. As far as life goes you didn't nail it.

I can say I nailed my journey. A flawed person through, and through. When spoken to I believed, cuz my ears were open, and I didn't harden my heart. The truth of the matter though is my story goes farther than that. So I am not done, although all I do is wait.

What do you do in the meantime?  That I guess we'll see. There are no endeavors in this World that will help you take the next step. All labors in that regard are fruitless.

In the end our stories end up being hard,  with a lot of fear.  I'd be afraid for those who have no fear. It is a good clue, you are not on the right path.

A thing to ponder.

Anyway, time to start my day. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!     :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. kinda excited to make some shit today after work.

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.  :)

xxoo.    :)))

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D   :D

Laterzzz.   Gaterzzz.    :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxx. Ooooooooooo.  :)

I think I got 'er  down that time. 

Cya.    :)


Thursday, September 14, 2017

Same Thing Different Day.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I feel like I got a good night sleep. I have a cup of coffee, so I am ready to start my day.

Yesterday was pretty uneventful aka just a normal day. I was tired after work, so I didn't do much. Took Hope for a walk, and had tacos for dinner. Today I am thinking of just doing spaghetti.

So my day is planned out. Work, eat, sleep.

It is pretty strange being me. Having lived and endured a lot of the hidden stuff of life you have no clue about. Over a quarter of a century ago I had the worst of the worst in me. Persecuting me til I only wanted a way where I was never born. That was my prayer. That or make two giant cement pillars fall on me to kill me, so I won't be evil.

Anyway I don't think I ate those 6 days. Not much anyway. Death would have been my friend, cuz I was scared. Mostly of the punishment I would receive for being the evil person I was told I would become. I would be the worst of the worst's pawn. No way out if I were to believe every word being shot at me 24/7.

Eventually I was picked up for a little bit. I was made to feel special. I was full in spirit,  and I thought I was the best a person can be for a short time.

Then I wasn't full in spirit anymore. I was terrified again, cuz I could not survive the torment again. I learned the worst of the worst has no power over my help. As a matter of fact my help has all power over him.

I was still poor in spirit. One day I was asked to go solo in the wilderness. I had a choice. My decision was obedience. In the wilderness I go. I learn the very little value this person here holds. I am nothing. 99% of this time I did not think my help was my help. I was a poser, and most likely the enemy. As a matter of fact a person is at odds with the truth. The light is very far, and we are very dark inside.

You cannot see within your soul. You have no idea what makes you the way you are. You have no idea how to be perfect,  and it isn't in your power.

Our labor means nothing,  cuz you really are just doing stuff.

People will seek out accolades in some endeavor. The truth remains still so far away.

So it was my job to do what I do. Something I never asked for, and something I surely did not have courage for.

My turn was if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else, cuz life did not mean anything to me, and this World looked very dirty, as did life.

So I guess I am doing what I asked to do, I just had no idea. I was looking for something small you know? 

So I freely do what I do. Unseen by any eyes I turned my one coin into 5+5. The coins are all scattered. It was after the 3rd time I hit the alligator on the head I hug Katrina. 2 of 3 are done.   The final one is the real deal. I follow willingly as others have done,  but you won't read it in any book.

Back 25+ years ago I was trying to be a fisherman,  but the fish were bad. Maybe I was being told I would be a fisherman, but not right now, cuz currently the fish are bad. So I was to wait some 20 something years til the time was right.

Things did start up again. Once again fear  was my partner. Every day I was scared, but every day I woke up strong.

Those were the running days. P.R. days, and stuff. Fear disappeared after overcoming the 2nd time. Finally I felt my help was my help. I am not perfect,  as currently it is impossible,  but like Adam before the fall I can live in the light. Unafraid of my imperfection. Being poor in spirit is pretty much being naked. So the light is my friend. I am not ashamed of little old me.

That's my story. Yours hasn't even started. The World is your friend, and society is your security blanket.

It is weird being me when you and I are so different. The gap is supposed to be closed, but I can't do it, and perhaps you are unwilling to take the proper steps.

Strange I tell you.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  hey I still got it.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxx

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D      :D

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.    :)

xxoo.     :)))

xo.   ;)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxx ooooooooooo.   :)

Okay I forget the order.   :)

Have a good one.   Xoxo.    :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

All In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Not much going on with me as usual. Yesterday was pretty much work, eat, sleep.

I used to think every year there was kinda a theme to this thing. One year strength, one year trust, and I don't really remember  after that. This thing has gone on for a number of years. If I took a guess I'd say this year is indifferent. Seems fitting since we went in the wilderness at some point. Where we find out we don't matter. I am not even sure if we are in it anymore.  With help I've been shielded from the sad part of life I guess. In the end life is pretty sad, because the truth shows us we don't matter. All our efforts and labors will still leave us 6' under.

I also think indifferent too, because what you do doesn't affect me in the least. With help once again I stand solo. It doesn't matter what people do. I am indifferent cuz no one has any part of the equation that is me. My story goes on with it without you. Indifferent too cuz I don't care either way.

So maybe that is the theme this year. Outside of me,  blogging has been pretty light. I don't comment much either. Once in a while to let people know I am still around.

I don't know if that matters or not. It doesn't matter to me.

I am strong, and with help my life is tied to nothing, but my help really, because that is how the story was going be anyway. It is how it was when I was asked to go solo in the wilderness. I survived the wilderness. Endured  it really.   Judged right after, and overcame the first time. The physical depression came right after.

A little something about this time is somewhere during the physical depression I read IT for the 2nd time. I may read it again, cuz that was over 25 years ago. I have no clue what happens when they are adults. I remember the lead character has to ride the bike at the end. So many books to read.

Anyway, just getting stuff down to let you know what I am thinking this morning. I wonder if my battle with Pennywise happens 26 or 27 years later too. It isn't really, cuz I overcame the 2nd time right before the wait started up. Years ago, but less than 10.

Guess that's good.

I'll cya maybe tomorrow.   :)

xxoo.   :)))

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xxxx.  :)

xoxo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xo.   ;)

Cya.    :)

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Catching Up On Sleep.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I caught up on sleep. I know I am usually good at the sleep thing, but I stayed up Saturday watching football. I still went to work at 5:00 AM on Sunday, and that kinda threw me. We saw IT, which was good. I slept in as late as I could yesterday. I drove yesterday cause we had the car appointment at 3:00, I don't always know when I'll get out of work.

I already decided if we upgrade one of our vehicles I won't do it til Spring. I am going to put a little more money into the car, and let the truck sit for the Winter. The sales girl called in sick yesterday so that made it easy. I told Lisa the girl's name was Sydney,  and she told me she was the cutey patewtey girl. Would have liked to seen her again.   :)

Anyway life goes on. Nothing much going on with me. My feet are itchy. Oh I forgot to tell you I did get 2 more quarts of tomatoes canned. There was a bit left over so I let it sit in the fridge over night. I added some salt,  celery salt,  and pepper. It tasted good. That is what I canned,  so I am excited for chilli and stuff. Actually the colder nights have me kinda excited for Fall. Just eating different food,  and cooking and stuff.

I really don't have much today. Glad my life is easy. I don't think myself more important than I should. I don't consider my life to be all that significant. Memories wash away. You can't keep them alive forever. We heal.

After we heal it is time to move on. Your over it, now live your life.

That is about it for today.

Anyhoo, maybe I'll have something more tomorrow.

Have fun.  :)

I don't even remember what I am putting here anymore.  :)

xxoo.   :)))

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxxx.   :)

xo ;)

Think that's it for now. 

Laterzzz.   :)

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Finished My Phone Golf Tournament. I Guess I Can Blog Now.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. Had a pretty normal day yesterday. A little more laid back night, as I didn't have to wake up early today. I had some fun, and some laughs.  A good dinner and whatnot. I still got up early today, so that's good. I love sleep though. Luckily my body only wants so much. I typically get up when I am done sleeping. Usually earlier than I need to.

Nothing major going on with me. More work, eat, sleep really. I'll can some more tomatoes after work today. Not sure what to do for dinner. Usually I pick up something at the grocery store when I am done working. Probably be the case today.

I got nothing.  Today will be a day. It is starting off pretty good.

I'll cya.   :)

xxoo.    :)))

xoxo.  :)

xxxx.    :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)

xo.   ;)

Laterzzz.     :)