Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Back To Normal'ish

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. I am back home, and going back to work today.  I think having people you know die is always a strange and sad thing.

I am not always very family oriented. Part of the reason I never wanted kids. I am selfish. Also another reason is new borns are a pain in the ass,  and kids are  not my thing. The writing on the wall was clear at an early age.

Bob was always a part of our family,  and maybe mostly cuz it seemed most times either John or Jim lived with him. I did enjoy getting to know him a bit. It was always good to visit,  although I didn't much the last couple of years. Our vehicles weren't always reliable. Our finances were not the best, and I work a lot. I will never get awards for family member of the year. Life goes on, but memories always come around after these types of things.

This is a part of life though,  and we all go through it. So, I go back to the grind. I don't really grind, cuz I work,  eat, sleep. Eventually I eat a meal to end my day. Life really isn't this terribly exciting thing we do. It is day after day of what we do. People in different countries do different things. I guess one of the keys to happiness is the truth, but the truth of life is the last thing we expect it is.

I guess we think somewhere life has to be this magical thing somehow, but it isn't. There are unwritten rules for being organized, but once you die your files are useless. They are garbage. There are no rewards for a lifetime of good filing techniques.

If that is the case then what is important?  No matter what you do in life you don't escape death. That must mean something. That is a truth of life,  and death is always something that happens to other people. We have plenty of time to polish up our filing techniques, and buy shit other people will eventually have to do something with. 

Life is strange. No doubt about it.  Our heroes in the long run are not any better than us. I guess that means in a big World there are no heroes.

So today, this month, whatever, I am sure I will personally reflect on stuff, cuz that's what we do during these times. As time goes on it seems death becomes more natural. We get older we kinda expect it more, cuz we deal with it more.

Last week I got a text from my brother to give him a call. I knew it was bad news. Either my Dad or Bob. My little family I grew up with got just a little bit smaller.

Death makes life even stranger than it already is.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

It Is Strange.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. We had the funeral for my Uncle yesterday. I traveled to Chicago on Sunday, and the last two days were a lot of things.

Just two weeks ago my Uncle had files for prescriptions,  stuff dealing with Healthcare,  and financial papers,  Medical History,  and whatnot. Upon his death all these papers automatically get turned into garbage. Useless. I find that strange. The returned checks he has dating back to 1963 were probably garbage AT LEAST 5 or 50 years ago.

There were pictures, and the ones I find most strange were him, his sister (My step mom), and grandma and grandpa. That family of 4 are all passed now. A nuclear family only alive in memories.

I looked around his house to see the things he has, mostly out of strange curiosity. When we pass, the things we accumulate through out the years turn into other people's problem.

I tried to picture this last year of his, and I am afraid it is probably a pretty sad story. His health was deteriorating quickly. He was suffering from something real similar to Lou Gehrigs disease. I think in his mind he was at mile 20 of the Chicago Marathon,  and if he just gutted it out for 6 more miles things would be fine. Unfortunately that is not how things really work.

It was a good service. My brother honored him well with a Great speech. Pictures of him and my mom in their younger years are crazy. Young kids laughing,  and having a good time. To have them gone now is strange.

It's also strange to think my mom died 27 years ago. We all are getting older. Time stops for no one.

Death is the saddest part of life, and also the strangest in its own way. Times like this it seems humans screwed up somewhere. We probably shouldn't kill other people. Death will come to us all soon enough.

Anyway  just some things I thought of.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Saturday, October 14, 2017

I Spose.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was another day. I worked,  saw a movie, came home sat on the couch,  ate pizza, and went to bed around 8:00 pm. Lisa went with her friend to a bonfire.  Just Another day really.

Today there will be work,  and a meal. I guess the strangest seeming thing about yesterday was me just sitting on the couch. I thought about renting some movies, but I had to pee, so I thought I'd watch something on Netflix. I didn't even turn on the tv. That is me to a tee. I can just sit on the couch without the tv on. Sometimes I just can't get into it. I get the same feeling with coffee too. Just not feeling it. I am comfortable in my own head.

There is plenty to think about too. My Uncle's assets are considerable. Really life changing considerable,  although it won't change my life much.

I guess I can be open about this. I don't know how this all works,  but his assets will be tied up in probate for 6 mos. Against his Lawyers recommendation he had it set up this way, although I guess he was thinking of switching it over. Anyway it amounts to some Lawyer fees, and probably 6 months before it gets all cleared up. It depends on the State, and I assume Illinois to be around 6 months, but it should be simple. The will is clear,  and there aren't any debts outside the town house. The pay off is set up in a non probate asset, and we'll get that in a few weeks or something.

So yeah one day you are living your life,  and the next day you win the lottery. Pretty crazy. I guess maybe I suspected we'd get some money, and I knew his town house is worth a good amount, but I didn't really know how all that would work out.

I guess it could be a life changer, cuz after I pay off my house there will still be a considerable amount of money left over. So you think about your life. You can change it really,  what would you do?  Lisa and I just pretty much figured we would do the same stuff. I like my life. I like working as I do, and enjoying a nice meal at the end of the day.

We will look for property I guess, cuz in our later years we want to live in a tiny house,  so we can plan that. I want to live where I do now for a good while,  cuz my commute in March will be one mile.  :)

The new bakery will be open. We will finish our house to max out our resale. We may eventually just rent it out too. All things being equal renting in Holland, MI is a lucrative prospect. 5 to 10 years who knows?

Anyway, as you can imagine that is pretty nutty. At the end of the day I like my life, even before all this. I like it so much, money won't change it. Perhaps it makes it a bit more easy, cuz there will not be a lot of financial stress all things being equal.

I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

Friday, October 13, 2017

To Another Day.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday was another day, and I think it was okay. I am the type of person who can't really shut their mouth. It turns out my brother and I are the sole beneficiary of Uncle Bob's assets. He's been retired since forever,  and now I wonder just what he did with his time?  

A man who really lived a simple life. So I'll get a bit of money. Enough where I could quit my 2 part time jobs if I wanted, but I don't. I could have quit one or two a bit ago probably,  but I don't have much to fill up my day. It's nice having money coming in, and it's good to finish a day with some labor attached to it. Work, eat, sleep. Really I work, cuz I think left to my own devices I might just get lazy. These days I have stuff to do each day.

I know the balance is out of whack, cuz there is stuff to do around the house. Projects and whatnot.  It's hard to really nail every aspect of life huh?

So, finding that out was pretty crazy. We went out to dinner last night, cuz we had to shop for miscellaneous stuff. Paper towels, Kleenex, cleaning stuff, and whatnot. Oh yeah my Sunday job just contacted me, and told me to take Sunday off. I am going to Chicago for a couple days. I am leaving Sunday. I told them I can still work like 5 hours, but it looks like I get a day off. 3 in a row actually. There is a funeral though so you know.

I wonder what his final years were like really. I was Mia,  and lives are pretty busy. He was kinda alone at the end really. My brother was planning on moving in with him in a couple weeks just to have someone around. I guess with his disability the last couple years he learned how his sister lived, while help raising 3 boys.

You cannot really get in his head. I think I had some insight to some secrets he kept to himself. Unconfirmed,  but one time we went yo the Y, while I was visiting. I was swimming at the time so I did some laps. We just worked out, and did the sauna, and stuff.

Anyway lives are strange. We don't really get to know people too much on the inside, and Bob fits that. I fear our insides aren't filled with things that one would equate with Sainthood. I know it, and I assume we all kinda deal with that now.

There is no perfect life,  but I find mine to be pretty content. Work,  eat, sleep is my motto, so I think I'll stick with it.

Anyway I am driving today,  cuz I want to see the Jackie Chan movie after work.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s. I wonder if I can do this thing totally correctly still.   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxx

Luv Ya's.   :)

MWAH.   :)))

xxoo.   :)

xoxo ;)

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D

Laterzzz Gaterzzz.  :)

Aloha.    :)

Xxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.    :)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

A Strange Thing Happened Yesterday.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am okay. Yesterday was pretty normal, and my strange thing isn't totally strange. It rained like cats and dogs yesterday so I drove. I planned on probably getting a haircut, cuz I drove. Maybe stop by the Mexican store to make steak fajitas for dinner.

Unexpectedly I got really tired at work. I left work, and drove straight home. I sat on the couch, and woke up sometime later. I basically passed out. I don't nap much, but I did yesterday. I made a stupid easy meal too. You know those boxed au gratin potatoes by Betty Crocker?  You know those kielbasa sausages by whatever company makes those?  Eckrich. Anyway that was my main meal, and a can of green beans. It was sooooo good. So easy to make, and it tasted really good. It might not be good for you, but it was delish. 

Anyhoo, that was pretty much my day.  I guess you would call it work,  eat, sleep. Today I am having a cup of coffee to start my day.

I don't see anything terribly crazy going on today. I'll have to check the weather to see about biking.

You know what?  I got nothing really today. I may cya here tomorrow.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

A Little Of This, And A Little Of That

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am okay. I've been sleeping in this week, and it feels pretty good. Lately I haven't been drinking coffee much either. I don't know why. Today I have time to make it, but I don't want any. Coffee is strange with me. Sometimes I just know it won't do anything for me.

Yesterday I got all my clothes folded,  and put away. I have a little area I hang up all my jackets too. Getting ready for colder weather. I still bike most days in the winter if able, so definitely bundle up. I am driving today,  as it is raining.

I haven't been back to Chicago in forever. I thought about that,  and part of that is I work a lot. I thought back to the last few years,  and there was a period I guess we struggled financially. These days we do pretty good,  but I never really felt the pull to go back.

I've seen my Dad, and brother,  and his daughter, cuz they came  to Michigan.  I'll be going back soon. My Uncle died yesterday. His life was probably pretty tough the last few years. He couldn't walk so great with a MS  type disease or something. He never really did a ton of stuff. He traveled some. I know both my brothers lived with him for a good amount of time in his various houses. He was the one who found Jim dead.

It is the natural order of events. One day we all end up like him. We will breathe our last. Our story is what happens from birth to death. It took a lot for me to see the true nature of things. What is my story I guess I asked at an early age. I didn't see one to make. I was not a very good author, so I couldn't author myself to a good story.  I didn't know what an ideal life was. I stepped out of my upbringing just like I said I would. Threw everything away. I was a product of my upbringing, and society. Like that I could not see the World objectively. When I  did see, I didn't like it.

The World was dirty. Imperfection was everywhere. What is a clean path? 

In the end there was no perfect path. My story I guess was one of learning. I know the nature of all people, cuz I learned of my true nature. Left to our own devices we all can make some pretty shitty stories I guess.

We are selfish. Creatures of imperfection who hide things, and try to show off our "good enough" side. I went a step further, or many steps further, and found out the source of my imperfection. In a World where I wanted to make me the best person ever it was out of reach.

It was not in my power to make me perfect. It was not in my power to give me a great heart.

My turn done decades ago brought me down a path I did not expect. It was not easy in the least. I did make it to the other  side so to speak.

There is a story I guess. It isn't very sexy really. I guess it is one man's quest to find the truth. It just so happens the truth was more than I bargained for.

As people we just are not that great. Settling for "good enough" is just that... settling.

Anyway life goes on. I'll be back for the funeral and stuff. My Uncle or mom's brother is the last part of that family we really had ties with. If I ever went to Chicago I had a place to stay.  If we ever flew out of Ohare we had a drive to and from the airport.

I'll think about my Uncle I guess. We never really got to know him on the inside. He probably had secrets. He was nice, and a big help to my brothers. I can't help but think his life was kinda sad.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Just Another Day.

Hello,  and good morning. How's it going? Me, I am doing good. I do this a  lot. Today I was thinking what happened yesterday I should write about. 

Ha!!  Nothing very important. There was work,  I ate stuff, and I slept. I paid some bills. I had a few beers. That's about it.

That pretty much sums up all my days I guess I don't see any huge changes today either.  I'd say I am on a schedule, and I know how most my days will be. I don't feel guilty about anything.

Maybe I am selfish, cuz I just do what I want. It just so happens there isn't terribly  much I want to do. I don't have enough time to read the books I want. Check out the shows I want. Do all the things I want to do with the house.

I plug along I guess. I cook meals a lot. It's a simple life. I am not lonely, and I am not bored.

What other people do I don't really care I don't think. People come, and people go. Whatever. I don't miss anyone. I don't see lives being all that interesting, so really people do not bring much to the table. We are not here to impress people, cuz we won't.

Nothing really great we are doing here. I guess at some point I wanted a life that mattered. I went down that path. In the end I found out the truth. My life does not matter.  I am cool with that, because I am on the right side of being right.

For those in the know being on the wrong side of being right is a scary thing. That is useless information for you though, cuz you never walked down that avenue. You never dealt with the terror of knowing what was at stake.

Hearts aren't made that way. Hearts are a part of the World,  so are only concerned with Worldly things.

The secret to life is to be happy,  and be content. It's also to not worry what others are doing. I'd go so far to say to not even care really what others are doing.

A perfect heart you cannot make,  although it isn't impossible to get one. None have one now.  Me either.

A perfect life you will never make,  and that is one of the things you have to deal with.

I think everyone wants to exit life with bonus points for the great deeds we have done. So far you are being shut out, cuz points come from something different than you think or can even imagine.

I have points, and it was cuz I was led like a sheep to endure harsh truths with no help in sight.

I had help though. Unseen trials no one could see. My trials were done in private, and so were my rewards I guess. A story that really started in like 1990, and I didn't really feel secure til whenever the wait started.

We have done this so long, and have we really even done anything? 

Not really.  That's pretty funny.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.   :)