An Unintended Sleep In.

Let's try this again. I somehow deleted my first try at an entry. Anyway I woke up before my early alarm, and promptly fell asleep once it went off.  :)  my sleep is 6 hours and 38 minutes instead of under 5 hours. So that's good. My legs were fatigued yesterday too, so I should take the day off from running. 

Yesterday was fine. It was a big step day, and I got a good workout in. I made a meal, but didn't clean. Today,  I am cleaning. I'll have to drive, and I don't have to workout. Plenty of time. Plus my extra sleep suggests I won't be tired. Tomorrow is Friday, so it will be nice to have the house clean starting the weekend. I finished listening to my book, so I can start my 27 hour one. 

What else?  Not much. You know me. Yesterday was a pretty simple day I guess. Aren't they all. I don't have any remorse about maybe not getting all the things done. It was a big step day, and I got a good workout in. We worked a full day too, so I was busy. 

There isn't a lot on my mind at all. Today will be another day. It should be fine. Most of them are. I had time to relax yesterday, which is always nice. My life is kinda busy, but not too busy you know?  My heart is fine with how my life goes. 

I am not lonely,  I haven't spread myself too thin. Have you noticed I don't even go to a bar anymore to have a couple beers. It's not my thing anymore for whatever reason. Do you outgrow that shit?  Also my new norm seems to be drink two drinks slowly, pour a 3rd,  but don't finish it. Maybe I am cutting back even more. That would be good,  cuz I wanted too anyway. 

I've also been eating more smart. That actually is easy for me. With food i don't really crave anything, so a simple decision to eat better is pretty simple. Just eat less bad stuff. I don't eat chips,  which is easy for me. I am cutting back on stuff with bad fats. As much as possible anyway. I am not a food weenie, so i don't look at ingredients. You kinda know though. 

For some reason i want to be healthier. Maybe it's an age thing. The older you get the more you think of that shit. I regularly use a good portion of my muscles. I think that is important. 

As to others i don't know. I am fine with me, and fine with my life. Its simple. That is really what we want. Of course we don't create simple lives. Our hearts have to be made content with things. We don't comprehend how that is made though. We think it's about money, and all kindsa other stuff. Really it's just an internal feeling about stuff. One we cannot make. Ya kinda gotta be changed into it. 

Anyway  I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.            :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Was Just Waiting For My Computer To Update.

So I never use my laptop hardly, but I forgot to charge my phone yesterday, or fell asleep or whatever.  My laptop had to do updates, and clean up, and whatnot.   Man, that takes forever.  My phone is probably at 60% already.  I've already had a cup of coffee, and took a shit.  I did sleep good last night.  Yesterday was busy.  Approaching 30,000 steps busy.  It is how I want my days, especially if I slept good the night before.  I drove yesterday, cuz of rain, and I finally got my haircut.  Hair is so annoying that way.  One day you wake up, and your hair looks like shit.  I really shouldn't concern myself too much about that, because I am not a very good looking man.  I am in good shape for my age I guess, but just not a looker.  Not that I worry about that too much.

Anyway, my increase in vegetables is going good.  Eating a salad in the afternoon helps.  I don't know what it will do in the long run, but you put good stuff in, it can't be bad.  God knows we all put enough bad stuff in I am guessing.  I am watching that too.

Other than that not much.  Just doing my normal day to day.  Yesterday, I didn't get as much done as I wanted when I got home.  I did do some shopping after my haircut though.  I made dinner too, but that was about it.  Home is pretty comfortable.  I generally sleep pretty good.  I'd say on average what I want to get done in my mind before work, I am not real successful after work.  I wake up kinda rah rah rah, and the day typically wears you down.  Plus today is a workout day, which takes some time.  Tuesday is a good day to get stuff done, but I got a haircut, and bought a couple things.  We worked a full day too.

If there was something I could change about my life, I guess there isn't much.  It is busy, but pretty easy.  I don't have a lot of stress.  I don't have much to worry about.  I don't second guess myself at all.  I just do my day in day out stuff.  Sometimes people put pictures of kids on social networking, and I think God, what a busy horrible stressful life that is.  Hi, I want to always be tired.  I want to always feel guilty, cuz there is no way you'll raise a perfect kid.  No way you will be perfect in that whole thing.  You just made life harder.  Also you think you are doing the right thing, because that is what we are "supposed" to do.  Who says???  

The pictures are portraying how great your life is, when I just see how hard it is.  Also I know the inside scoop of imperfection rearing its ugly head in every facet of life.  I learned some harsh lessons early in life.  Mostly how ugly life is, and how the World is a big lie.  Those were the wilderness days, and the wilderness still is here, but my heart has no concern for that.  I just do my day to day.  Its pretty simple really.  Work, eat, sleep.   I can come home, and do what I want, and be fine with it.  I carry no baggage, cuz I just don't have any.  My responsibilities are few.  

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud so to speak.  Not that it matters at all.  I say my piece to no one in particular.  On to another day, of my day to day.   :)

Laterzzzzzzzz         :)

xoxo           :)

xxoo       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeeee       :)))

Out.

So I definitely slept good last night. 8 hours and 10 minutes. I went to bed early enough to get up at my early alarm, but I woke up in a deep sleep, so I slept for another hour. I won't have time to take Hope this morning, so I'll go after work. 

I got my full workout in yesterday. I also tried maxing out pull ups,  and pushups. Pull ups were 13, and push ups were 30. I thought I'd be better. Not that it matters in any way. Just a gauge I guess. I maxed out after 4 sets, but a lot of rest between. To me it seemed from scratch,  cuz pull ups,  and push ups don't make my muscles fatigued. Anyway just info for me. 

Life is definitely better with a good sleep. A lot of sportsing going on these days, and Chicago teams are all underperforming. The Hawks I wasn't sure about, Bulls I thought for sure would be better, and the Bears. Personally I'd give the Bears one more year after this year. Take your growing pains. Recover,  learn, come back hungry. Finish this year strong. It is amazing how sportsing makes people lose their minds. it's a game.   :)

I don't think the Bears are bad. They played bad a couple weeks, but I think they can be better. I'd be patient with them. 

Outside that not much going on with me. I put a hold on the 4th gunslinger book. It came two weeks early,  so I have to listen to books this week. I have to finish the one I am currently listening to, cuz the 4th gunslinger book is 27 hours.  I only have two weeks. I do audible, but I get a lot of free ones from the library. It is supposed to rain some this week, so I'll probably have to drive a couple weeks. My hair is atrocious so I need a haircut bad. 

I guess life goes on. My days fill up. I am not doing anything real important. Just living out my days. As it turns out, I will have time to take Hope this morning. 

That's all I got. Not much going on with me obviously.  

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeees.      :)))

Ahhhhh... My Day Off

Good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine.  Yesterday was a pretty normal day.  I worked, and saw a movie, watched football, and ate a really easy meal.  I slept good, and now I have a day off.  I'll get my regular Sunday stuff done, do some shopping.  We were going to do some work outside, but it is raining a bit still.  Last week I had 76 miles on my feet too.  I have dropped to around 66 give or take, so it was a nice jump.  Means I was busy.

Just thinking back, I like busy weeks.  Being active, getting stuff done.  Going to bed tired, etc...   I guess just my norm.   I got my 3 workouts in.  Added weight on the 5th set.  So I upped sets from 4-5 in a try to do more I guess.  Friday was a good workout.  I felt it was hard at times where usually it isn't.  I felt pretty good about it.  I cannot remember, but I think I ran 6 times last week too.   No at most 5.  I remember on Sunday I just walked a little longer than normal.  My runs still aren't long.

Also this week, I started taking a more proactive interest in my diet.  Adding more veggies.  I think the afternoon salad is the key.  I love salads, and I love raw veggies.  You can add a lot of veggies to the salad.  Also I need to find a way to sweat more.  A more strenuous workout.  Now that my blood pressure is good again, I was thinking if I sweat out more salt, than that is good for my system.

Through me you can kinda see the aging process.  Once you are in to your 50's, it seems you may care more about that shit.  When you are younger you don't really worry about that shit so much.  In my opinion anyway.

Anyway, I feel positive about stuff.   A lot for me to be pretty excited about.  Being healthy, trying to get healthier.  Being busy, and being active.  Sleeping good, and waking up as I usually do.  Feeling pretty good.  The days are all pretty fun.  Financially I am doing pretty good.  I don't have any loans, except 2 credit cards.  One is my Discover, and one is my Amazon.  They automatically get the balance paid though.  So, I am sitting on no debt.  It seems like it would be pretty exciting I guess, but it isn't.  Finances are a weird thing.  Money will never have us feeling content.  Some crazy thing, about there never being enough.

Me being content comes from other things.  It is an internal thing.  I know my internals.  I know why I am the way I am.  Others I guess I don't really know.  Life has stress, and mine seems to be very little.  Mostly cuz I feel good about stuff.  I feel good about life.  I feel good about my disposition.   Like I said earlier as far as depression goes it is far from me.  It is good to be me, and it is easy to be me.   I like it.   :)

Anyway, I spose.

Laterzzzzzzzz   :)

xoxo         :)

xxoo        :)

Byeeeeeee           :)))

You Never Really Know I Guess.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day, except after work I was really tired. I guess you never really know when that might happen. It wasn't a work out day, so I didn't have to power through one. I sat, and relaxed. Almost dozed. After a bit I turned on the tv. I watched the news for a bit, and switched to  the food network. That's my go to-to just chill and watch tv. Lisa picked up something for dinner,  and that was it. My watch says I fell asleep at 6:37 PM.  :)

Honestly that is fine with me. I don't know if family life is even typical anywhere. When I grew up you had school, sports,  dinner around 5:00. Homework, maybe some tv, talk to the girlfriend on the landline.   :)   I don't know what people do now. Is life harder now?  Is it more busy?  

I don't remember a time when I didn't do just what I wanted. I would work obviously, and who knows what?  

There are probably a lot of things about life I don't understand. Seeming like one is always tired I don't get. Depression is far away from me. Bored is one that doesn't trouble me. Wanting more free time? No thanks.   :)

Stress about raising kids?  Not something I struggle with. Raising parents on the other hand.  ;)

I wake up early, and I am ready to work. Happy to do it too. People going through the motions at work I don't get. You have a job to do, you do it quickly and efficiently. Quicker you get shit done the quicker you don't worry about it. 

I am not particularly interested in getting in one's head. I am fine in my own. If it is strange for people to wonder how I can do this day in day out I cannot imagine it being weird. This is what I do. I don't really care what people think about it I guess, it is just what I do. I may be the only one who reads it, and that is fine. It is just what I do you know?  I like doing it so I do. Obviously I don't really get anything out of it. 

If it's odd I don't see it. No comprende. Anyway I was just figuring if people struggle with life, I feel life's struggles are far removed from me. I no comprende. You know?  

Anyhoo, I guess I'll take Hope. Oh one thing I did yesterday was made a salad. With celery,  carrots, lettuce, raw onion. What an easy way to get veggies in the system. We have red wine vinegar,  and olive oil at work. Perfect snack. I love that shit. So easy, not sure why I never thought to do that before. 

Ok I guess. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

It's just Me Out Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing pretty good. Yesterday was okay. I finally got all the weeds in the garden pulled, and into the yard bin. I had a good workout. I seemed to have a good amount of energy yesterday. 

Something clicked in me. I really am being careful of what I eat. Try to limit bad stuff. I am pretty active, so I don't worry about weight so much. Plus I sleep early, so I have no late night snacks. Just trying to put more good stuff in me, and limit bad stuff. Obviously I have a couple drinks of alcohol,  which is bad, but in everything else. Speaking of alcohol, I am drinking slower, and in so doing i drink less. It seems I still pore a 3rd drink, but it seems to never be finished. 

It seems you go to the doctor once per year.  You hope for good numbers, so I am just trying to make mine good. Better I guess. Being active helps, be more active. Eating better helps, eat better. I don't find I crave many foods if any. It is no sacrifice for me to cut out things that aren't good. I work at a bakery so there is no shortage of sweet things to eat, but I never really craved things like that. It's so easy to grab a couple fries here and there,  and I stopped that. I did make a BLT yesterday with a fresh bun out of the oven. That was pretty darn good. I could eat bacon, and sausage patties every day too, but I don't. I do eat pickles,  and tomatoes. For dinner I had spinach. That is what I really want to do next. Bigger portions of veggies. 

I still have my cough, and I am pretty sure it's a side effect of my BP medicine. I'll probably have to switch it out. I am due for a refill anyway. I think I'll see how things look on Monday. Decide then. 

Outside that not much. I am pretty excited about the Bears game this weekend. If they stink it up again, I won't be able to tune out the score.   :)  I like a good Bears team. A underperforming/bad team is even more fun though.   :)  LOL

Anyhoo, I spose.  

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeee.        :)))

A Day Played Out.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday was okay, mostly cuz I got shit done after work. Dishes, ran the robot, stopped by the grocery store to get stuff for spaghetti. We chilled a bit, ate, had ice cream, and crashed. If I could draw up a day that is how it would go. I don't need much to have a good day. A little labor, a little meal, and sleep. 

What more does one need?  I guess what you really need is just to feel good on the inside. That I have,  and that's pretty much what we always wanted. Just to feel good. What none of us knew, me included,  is how to go about making that possible. 

I remember in my early years, I always wanted to be in a good mood. I played the part too. You can't always be in a good mood though. Life happens. I know when it came time to make life's decisions, I wasn't sure what I wanted. Well this is it. To feel secure. To feel good about myself. Accepting wholeheartedly the complete truth of our existence. 

Having a strong heart to be able to embrace the truth. I am dependent on no one for how I feel. I have no one I look up to. I am not impressed with anyone. None have gone my path so none know the truth. I didn't make my life's plan. I had one coin, and I didn't see much good one could do in the World with one coin. I gave it up in hopes of getting something better. I did too. I am sure it doesn't look fabulous, cuz I ain't nothing special. I do feel pretty good about me though. No remorse,  no regrets, and just an easy day to day. 

Not a lot for me to worry about in my day to day. Work, eat, sleep. Today should be another easy day. Not sure what to do for dinner though. I'll figure that out later. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.         :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

Caught Up On Sleep.

Well, I slept over 8 hours. My Sunday night I didn't get a ton of sleep. I still was able to get my workout in, so that's good. Got a run in too, so not a bad day as far as those things go. I just got tired as the day went on. I think today I'll be fine. 

I listened to the score when I got home. Chicago Sports talk. When chicago sportsing goes bad its fun to listen to.  The Bears are sporting probably the worst offense, and a defense that got manhandled two weeks in a row. Expectations were maybe the Superbowl this year.  :)

Other than that not much really. I cancelled my ISU trip. Mostly cuz it's a 4 hour drive each way for me. 2 hours from those in Chicago. Work 8 hours, drive 4 hours, fuck around til the weee  hours, and drive 4 hours back just didn't seem like the best use of my time. Lisa felt bad I wasn't going, cuz I never do anything fun, but an easy life is fun for me. 

I know I know I am boring as Hell, but work, eat, sleep works for me. As you know I am not going to go out and make my life harder. More and more commitments are not my thing. I guess year over year I have less commitments.  I am not out trying to show people how special I am, cuz I am not. Not in the least, and I am cool with that. 

I am accepted,  and I accept myself. I am not the best a person can be. It's not in my power. I can be strong like this, because I am accepted. I know what's in my power,  and what's not. What's in my power is the wait. Knowing my story, and waiting for it to happen. I am content and secure as I do this too. It's easy for me, and all that is really good stuff. You have no idea. 

Anyway, today is a day I'll take the Hopester before work. 

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.          :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

Just Like That It Is Monday

Good morning. How's it going?  I am okay. I stayed up late Saturday night, watching football. I can't do that again. What a waste. I definitely like going to bed early better I took Hope for a long walk yesterday just to get rid of the cobwebs. I was excited to watch the Bears yesterday. A bye week after an embarrassing loss. QB comes back from injury I had no idea the Bears would be so bad. on a positive I don't really have to pay attention to football anymore. I'll still check scores,  but I think I've seen enough. 

I was going to go to ISU next Saturday. We used to go once/year to whoop it up. I think I'm gonna cancel. Too long of a drive for one night. You figure I'll be working 8 hours beforehand too. No thanks. I'm too old and boring now. 

The truth of the matter is I like my routine. Work on Saturday, see a movie, and go to bed early. I really am boring.   Am I old, and grumpy? Or maybe just comfortable in my life. I don't do anything important. I don't owe anyone anything. I'm not talking about money, but time. Outside of work no one has a stake to my time. You know?  I don't need to have a million friends cuz, I am fine with my simple life 

I don't miss the old times or anything like that. These times are fine. They are easy. I don't think I am mad. I was mad at my dad, but we cleared it up. There is a difference between stupid and old. Old people may need help once in a while. I think he has dead spots where he just loses track. He's bored and lonely I suppose. We watched football this weekend,  so that was better. I just needed to see him as old. 

Anyway, life goes on. My life is fine. Pretty simple. Today I will work, and workout. Maybe see a movie, but I doubt I get out of work in time for that. 

So today will be a day. It should be fine. I'm gonna take Hope for a run,  so that will be a good start.  

I spose.    

Laterzzzzzzzz.   :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeeee.        :)))

The Weekend Is Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am still battling my cough, but my BP was normal last night. I slept til my middle alarm, just cuz my stupid wake up at midnight, and not get tired til a half hour before my early alarm. I really wanted to run, cuz yesterday's run was pretty great. I felt like a million dollars the whole day. I decided to sleep in though. It's a workout day, and work should be pretty busy, and I have a wedding to go to tonight. I'll be up a little later than normal. I should still be in bed by 9:00 PM I think. Can't stay up that late. Gotta be back at my other job at 5:00 AM. 

Anyway, I'd say i feel pretty good. I made another dinner last night out of stuff we forgot we had. We did that Monday through Thursday. Cleaning up our freezer. You forget the stuff you buy.  We have a chest freezer too, so things easily get buried. I'll take a look again later, and see how much else we can get rid of. I don't think there is a ton in there though. 

I do feel really good this morning for some reason. Oh, I rode my winter bike to work yesterday. It was fun. It's a big tire cruiser, so you sit upright. It's kinda amazing how switching out bikes is fun huh?  I am excited about today's workout too for some reason. I feel better today, and yesterday than I have in a while. I wonder why that is. Maybe I did have a bug. I know I've been thinking a lot about my stupid cough and BP. I don't know, but I feel pretty good for some reason.  

What else?  Football starts getting interesting. Games mean just a bit more. The cream should start rising to the top. If Houston closes out the Yankees there will be some serious pitching in the WS. I won't watch any games, but I'll check the outcomes in the morning. Basketball starts next week. I imagine College basketball can't be too far behind. Hockey is going. It's a good time of year for sportsing. I pretty much only watch football. 

Outside that I guess not much. Another day on it's way. Like I said I feel strangely really good. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

My Phone Is Charging

Good Morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine.  I need to get a new charger cord for my phone.  You know how those get loose once in a while??  Yeah, mine doesn't always want to charge.  I am on the computer, which I rarely use.  My computer does tell me how many updates I've had on my blog.  2368.  :)  What in the World?  

Anyway it seems my cough is going away, as I go through a coughing fit.  I don't cough at all at night, and not so much anymore at work.  It's  been a bugger.  Yesterday was okay.  I picked up my winter bike, got my full workout in, got a few things so we could make tacos.  I didn't run the robot, but it was a pretty relaxing day.  I've been stressing about my blood pressure, but I think it is under control.  I'll check it again next week.

Other than that not much going on.  I am trying to focus on the kind of foods I put in my body.  Kinda think what is in this stuff type stuff.  No one can ever be perfect, but its a good idea to think about it.  Obviously fast food tastes awesome, but you cannot eat that every day.  I don't know how often I eat it.  It probably fluctuates, but maybe 5-10 per year.  It really is the fries I think you gotta watch.  Bad fat and sodium in most cases.  fries I can pretty much do without for the most part.  One place we sometimes go, we can get cottage cheese instead of fries.  Cottage cheese is probably bad in some part, but its pretty natural too so.

Everything in moderation I guess, unless you want to eat tree leaves all your life.   What else??  Not much really.  Not a lot on my mind.  I was consistently thinking about blood pressure yesterday, but I think it is fine.  I changed my workout a bit.  I did 1 set low, as like a warm up.  1 set a little higher, and then 2 at my normal weight.  I didn't do anything to failure, and I didn't go up anymore this time, but just getting a feel.  I liked how it felt.  I feel I can concentrate on my form more too.   I guess lighter weight is good for that type of thing.  Make sure your range of motion is the way you want it, and duplicate at the heavy weights.  Didn't put much thought into it before, but with the lighter weight it came to mind.  Probably cuz the weight is so easier.  It also made the heavier weight seem a bit harder too for some reason.  Obviously still doable, since that is the weight I've been doing all along anyway.  The one thing you still gotta do is workout though.  After work, when you may be a bit tired.  I've been doing it long enough though, so typically I can still work out, even if tired.

Outside that not really much.  Life goes on.  My life still is relatively easy I spose.  Yesterday when I got home, I didn't want to watch tv.  I just sat there, til it was time to get dinner ready.  I kept thinking it says something about me, but probably I am comfortable in my own head.  Not bored.  Sleep is an asset in one's life, so probably a good idea to be good at it if possible.  I like sleep.  I like having energy, which I am typically pretty good at.  My life is pretty simple, but I guess even I can worry about stuff, like if my BP acts weird.

Anyway I spose.   Not much up with me obviously.

Laterzzzzzzzzz     :)

xoxo        :)

xxoo       :)

Byeeeeeeeee        :)))

my phone is already up to 28% already.  

cya.    :)

WOAH!! Blogger Must Have Updated.

Good morning.  How's it going?  I am fine. My blood pressure is reading a bit high still. It was going so good. I am just going to start from scratch I guess. Basically watch what I eat more. I have been taking some liberties. Adding salt to my tomatoes. At work I've been snagging a French fry here and there. Every day. I really gotta watch out for bad fats too. 

I typically do okay with fruit in my diet, I'd like to add veggies though. I'll eat tomatoes anytime, and pickles,  but really I only eat veggies with dinner. I do have lettuce on my sandwiches. It probably doesn't help that my dad has stressed me out. 

I haven't been running much, cuz I figured with a cough why bother. I think I can go today. I did do a run/walk on Monday. Also,  I am going to switch up my workout. Add weight on last sets to a couple exercises, and go to failure. I feel like I never get sore from working out. It seems I should tear stuff once in a while to rebuild. On the bright side,  I do know blood does get pumped in the muscles. I do forget about that. 

I got my winter bike all fixed. I'll pick it up today. The chain was so rusty from snow, and me being bad at maintenance. I'll try to do better this year. It seems year over year I get a little better at stuff. Slowly getting rid of habits that might not be the best. 

One thing I have never really thought a ton about is what I eat. I figured I typically don't eat horrible, but it can be surprising what is in food. Obviously alcohol is terrible,  and I drink that.  I've cut back, but cutting even more would be ideal. In the morning it seems easy. It's just the down time at night that I do it. 

Just last night after dinner I just went to bed. I didn't want to do anything. I watched a bit of baseball, and couldn't watch anymore. I like baseball, but I got sick of pitches that looked like strikes get called as balls. I didn't want to watch anything on tv either. Didn't feel like reading. Just wanted to go to bed. 

I did clean after work. Did dishes, ran the robot, made dinner. I had salmon, and Lisa had popcorn shrimp. Plus a veggie, and these potato things. Forgot the name. 2 pieces of cheesecake too.  ;)   oh pierogies.  

So, a day was had. Too bad I am stressing about my blood pressure. That probably makes it worse.   :)

Actually maybe life isn't horrible with health stress. It melts a lot of unimportant stuff down the drain. 

Anyway, I'm gonna take Hope.  

Laterzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

I Definitely Slept Good Last Night.

I went to bed early last night as Lisa was going out shopping. It's easy for me to go to bed early,  cuz usually I don't want to watch tv. I had my, what is becoming normal, wake up around midnight, but I fell asleep again hard. It felt so good,  I decided to sleep til my middle alarm. A good night sleep really is quite a thing.

Yesterday was a pretty easy, and normal day.  My bike ride was cold on my way home, but I did get my full workout in. I ran the robot,  and made one of our easy meals of the week. So, work,  chill, eat, sleep.

I've been keeping an eye on my blood pressure. Right now it said 132/87. When I was at the doctor they didn't want me crossing my legs when they took my blood pressure. I can't say for sure if I crossed my legs or not when taking my blood pressure. Maybe my perfect readings weren't accurate. Not sure. Either way it is running a little high. Not bad high, but I wouldn't mind perfect. Of course I am battling this stupid cough.

The cough does not settle in my lungs. It doesn't prevent me from sleeping, it doesn't mess with my energy. It's just there. It may be a side effect of my blood pressure medicine I found out. How annoying that would be. I do somehow think it will run its course.

You definitely take your health for granted when your healthy. I even made a non-physical doctors appointment to check it out. First one of those since I think I was 30 or something. Maybe 20 something. I don't remember. Remember last year I had like a one day flu before Thanksgiving. Also a couple weeks ago I threw up out of the blue. The one who never gets sick is starting to get sick sometimes.

Anyway, life goes on. Today is another day. I think its gonna rain, so I am driving. Good excuse to take my winter bike in for a tune up. Maybe see a movie too depending on times. We'll see.

Anyway, not much really going on obviously. Except it might be hard for me to find time to take Hope.  The price of sleeping til the late alarm. If I can't see a movie it won't be a big deal. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

So, It's Monday

What am I going to do today?  I have to work, and workout. Eat dinner, and sleep. Sometime before Thursday,  I have to pick the rest of the weeds in my garden. Get that in the yard bin. Outside that not much. Not very exciting is it?  I am almost done with the 2nd gunslinger book. The 2nd one is good. Before the reader started reading the 2nd book, he spent a couple minutes giving a brief overview of the first book. I was always wondering how a 6 book series could be done in one movie. Book 1 only needs five minutes in the movie. I think they can get book 2 done pretty quickly too. So now I know.

I did get most of my Sunday stuff done. Laundry,  kitchen, Hope,  shopping.  I did end up watching football with the sound down while listening to my book. Football is pretty crazy. NFL anyway. A team's momentum can switch pretty quickly. Weird how that works.

Outside that not much. Just doing life I guess. Getting older along the way. We are just gonna do simple meals this week. Use up stuff we forgot we had.

I decided to take fish oil pills. Mostly, because I don't have enough fish in my diet.  It can help with good cholesterol,  and the other stuff that is bad in me. I forget the name. It's supposed to decrease that. My bad cholesterol is really low, and basically everything in my blood work is good.

So as you can see life goes on. My life mostly is just this non-eventful day to day. It's not really too difficult. I guess we all want that. An easy life, but challenging I guess. Fulfilling. Maybe people want to matter. I guess I have what I want. I am at peace with me, and my life. My dad is a trip,  and he is the only disappointing thing in my life. If only the people who made up his life could see him now. Haha. Maybe then he'd be embarrassed.

Whatever. Anyway, I am going to take my blood pressure, and then take Hope. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

Back To Normal'ish

Okay, sorry for my rant last time it's not the first time. I've been exasperated how my Dad could blow through his money for months. So he had to keep borrowing money from me. I found out his money goes to a junkie for some reason. He thinks he's in love so I told him I'd bail him out. Whatever, it is what it is. Except when he's supposed to pay me back a portion he doesn't have enough, cuz he's giving money to a junkie still. I fucking lost it. I've been losing it a lot when it comes to him.

I'll tell you something, old people are not interesting. My dad is dumb on top of it. An 84 year old should know their 84, and act accordingly. I'll make him a deal though. The day you get your check, is the day you give me cash. What he does after that I don't care. People can do their own stupid shit. Whatever. It ain't coming at my expense though. Fair is fair. If you are going to fuck anyone over it will be you. Not me. He can move out too if he wants. I don't care either way. That's another thing, I don't really even like him that much. Like I said old people are boring.  At least stupid ones.

Outside that yesterday was normal. Work, see a movie, and watch football. Friday I went to the doctor to check on my cough. My lungs were clear, so it should go away. I feel like I am doing better. He gave me a prescription for it. My BP was sky high at his office. I was shocked. I just checked it in the morning. When I got home I checked it on my machine. It was sky high on my machine too. We figured those stupid Vicks Ice cough lozenges cannot be eaten like candy. I totally was doing that. Later on my blood pressure was normal after that shit was out of the system. Next morning too. I'll check it again,  but I am sure it's fine. I was shocked for a bit. I was just dumb.

Anyway, that is about it. Today is Sunday,  which is kinda a fun day for me. I get a lot done, do some shopping. The Bears don't play so not sure if I'll watch football. Typically I don't care who wins or not. Not really vested in the sport. Not really vested in any sport I spose. Who really cares?  I will say one thing. It appears to me this Wisconsin team may be a generational team. As of now they seem remarkable. They still have to play OSU, PSU, and Iowa too I think, but they appear to be something special. Just what I've noticed. I could be wrong,  but I don't think I am right now.

Outside that not much. I realize if I get angry it is explosive. Good thing I don't get angry much. Life's too short. I don't make others lives harder, I expect the same in return I spose.

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

You Never Know.

So, yesterday was a pretty good day for me, except for one thing, I'll tell you later. After work,  I did the dishes-- filled the dishwasher,  and turned it on. I ran the vacuum, and the robot twice. I haven't been doing it cuz a stupid dog keeps bringing branches in the house. Didn't feel like picking up the twigs, so I didn't run the robot. I'll try and stay on top that shit. It's dumb not to.

My dad continues to be an imbecile.   Let's go through it. He got kicked out of one bar, cuz a 40 year old bartender thought he was creepy. Got kicked out of another one for the same reason. Cops called me to let me know. They thought he may be losing it. Showing pictures and stuff of how "significant" his life is. Now he's going on 3 months I think of not paying the shitty little rent I charge him. He's hemorrhaging money, cuz a black girl who almost od'd on heroin next door, they are friends. She was friends with the neighbor girl who went into rehab. The house has been in and out of foreclosure. I have no idea what has happened with the 3 kids. A lot of drama there.

Anyway, going through $1600  in like 5 days last month, he kept needing to borrow money from me. I told him pay me back $500, next month,  and $300 the following to catch up. That's after forgiving the previous 2 months rent.

He gets ~ $1600/ month. I charge him $200 to live here. If he wants dinner he can have it. He can eat whatever is in the fridge for breakfast and lunch, or fend for himself. Whatever. No bills besides my $200/month he's not paying.

So I told him to plan on getting the fuck out. I have no remorse, or anything. I'm just flatly not dealing with that stupid shit. I've been paying his car insurance too. That's over $3000 so far. No more.

I don't know what makes a person so stupid. People don't give money to heroin addicts. That's just fucking stupid. That's all I need. Junkies who need money by my house. Him being an imbecile has potentially put me at risk.

Not anymore. I told him to find another place to live. I am not putting up with that shit. I brought him here to make his life easier, not mine harder. If I wanted a harder life I would have had children. 

You know that song cats in the cradle with a silver spoon I think its called. That's not my story. I knew early on my Dad is someone I had no desire to be like.

I want my life to be easy. I'm willing to help people out, but if you become a burden that's all of a sudden your problem. I'm not sacrificing the value of my life for a stupid piece of shit.  

I'm probably going to have to call the doctor about my stupid cough that doesn't go away.  How annoying.

Anyway, yesterday besides my dad's never ending idiotic drama, was pretty okay. Mostly cuz I got shit done after work. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

On We Go.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was okay. I got my full workout in. It's a little thing that makes a difference. I used to feel stronger when I did my workout,  now it's just something I do. If I am tired it can be challenging at times, but it definitely is a sustainable workout I do. Consistency,  and sustainable go hand in hand. You gotta be able to do it when tired, and when you don't want to. I've upped weight, and sets, so my workout these days are much harder than when I started. It's been over a year too.

I did make tacos for dinner. Chilled out for a bit. Overall it was an okay day. I got a shit load done at work too.

Today I don't have any major plans. These days I do feel like getting a little bit done when I get home. Not a ton, but just some upkeep. I have a simple meal planned tonight. Today should be fine. I don't have to workout so I'll have extra time. What to do, what to do.

My life is relatively easy. I probably say that a lot. I stay busy. I don't really think of others too often. Just kinda do my own thing. Yesterday I thought of this thing. Like why would anyone read it?  I don't know. This is just a thing I do. A lot of times I don't see the purpose to it. This is just part of my routine. Can you imagine if someone read this blog like 4 years ago, stopped for 4 years, and stumbled back onto it?  Lol, that would be funny.

My heart used to be taken down any Avenue. I trusted people. Eventually we went in the wilderness,  and now I don't really care. I am fine with me. It seems all my stupid foolish shit is past me. A lot has changed as far as this thing goes,  but I gotta say I feel great. I am confident, strong. No one really sparks my interest anymore. You ain't doing anything fabulous,  and I know it. For what it's worth, I ain't either.

These things I know, and maybe you don't. Maybe we all want to feel special. Like we matter. I do not spend any time on such falsehood. Life I guess can be considered brutal, but the truth of life cannot sting me. I am strong and more than content with this little thing I do here.  Life.

It ain't no thing. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

What To Do Today?

I got everything done yesterday I wanted. The Great Pruning Project is finally all cleaned up.  We ended up going to Sam's Club. We loaded up on some stuff, and looked around. It was fun looking around. We used to go there like 10 years ago. I haven't been there in a while.

Today, I have no big plans. I have to work out, but that's about it. We grabbed a quick bite last night, so I'll do tacos today.

Yesterday was okay as far as days go. My day was busy, and I slept easy. I listened to my book some. Sat outside some too. Come Saturday everything turns to a high in the 50's for a while. Like turn on the furnace season is getting close. Leaves are already falling.

I was thinking yesterday October will be done in a blink. Seemingly one week later it will be Thanksgiving. A month long of Christmas, and then January. Time moves quick. Winter really is just January, and February. Life is just too busy before that.

I don't think I have any major plans this Autumn, and Winter. Nothing much on my radar. Remember last year, we painted the house, and trim. This year we got the driveway poured. We did the windows,  and insulation the year before. Our basement is clean now.

I have no goals before me. I'll still workout, and still take Hope. My life is easy, but still active. I should check my blood pressure again. It's been a while.

As i am just sitting here thinking what i want from life, this is it. My projects are done. Its upkeep from here on out. No major expenses coming up. No bills.   I imagine that's kinda a neat concept for most people. It isn't that exciting. You still spend money, and your accounts don't grow as fast as you like.

Really though,  no bills,  and no major projects. Isn't that what we shoot for in the long run?  One thing I don't shoot for is a bunch of downtime.  I like to stay busy. My normal day to day is like that thankfully. That too is what we shoot for, but I think hearts have to be such a way to like it. What else you going to do? 

Anyway, I guess things are pretty easy for me. The World continues to move. I catch a bit of the news here and there. That shit is still pretty ridiculous. Bizarre really right now. That is no concern of mine though. I have a life. I don't surround myself with propaganda. I have a day to day. I will be successful in not being great. I probably will do okay,  in being okay with life too.

It's just a little thing we do for a while. It will end one day, and we'll find out most of this stuff makes no difference. It don't matter. You didn't make this place any better. You were just busy in your life no one really cares about. We have our own life to worry about,  and maybe that too is what we shoot for. A life we aren't worried about.

Anyway, I'll take Hope this morning. Get this day started.

Til next time.

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

The Day Is Set.

This morning didn't go as planned. My early morning alarm went off, and I thought I'd just chill for a half hour. It was around 2:57. 3 more minutes, and I'll get up. I fell asleep. Hard. I woke up twice dead tired, and slept past my middle alarm. I'll take Hope tonight after work. It was surprising,  just cuz I was ready to get up at 2:57. Then I was out.

My day is planned today though. I don't have to work out today, which is pretty sweet. Yesterday I worked out, and the next thing you know it is 4:00 PM already. Time to think about getting dinner ready.   Anyway today I can fill up the yard bin. Tomato plants, and the rest of our great tree pruning project. I think I filled the yard bin 3 times with the great pruning project already.

I failed sober October, but I learned something I already knew I guess. I love the couple hour chill time before dinner with a couple drinks. I don't want a drink at anytime, but my chill time.

Today the day is planned though. Work,  Hope,  yard bin, and tacos. Discover made me an offer I couldn't refuse. They'll give me$25 to join Sam's club,  so maybe we can go there tonight. I am oddly excited about that for some reason. Discover has been good to me. I have a savings account that pays 2%  I just opened an 18 month CD that pays even more than that. For every $45 cash back, I get a $50 Lowes card. I never paid one cent of interest either.

Yesterday was an okay day I guess. I was tired when I got home,  but I did my full workout. I always feel good when I do that. I made a simple meal. Basically chicken and noodles. You know those Knorr flavored noodle things you get for $1 per package?  That was my meal. 2 of those.  Some leftover chicken I shredded, and croissants. I forgot to do a vegetable, but I think there were real strawberries in the strawberry cheesecake icecream I had for dessert.    ;)

Oh I started listening to my gunslinger book I am reading,  and retaining. I think I was just too hyper on Sunday. My mind going a million miles per hour, cuz I had a lot I wanted to get done.

All is fine. I got a day ahead of me, and I look forward to it. I think that extra sleep will keep me from being tired when I get home. Kinda staying ahead of the Fall yard work I spose.

Everything I guess is okay. Super duper kinda. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

How We Draw Up A Sunday.

Sunday is my only day off. I actually like to get a lot done on Sunday. I'd call Saturday my chill out day. After work, typically I'll see a movie, then I'll come home, probably watch football, and eat a meal. I won't stay up late, cuz I just don't.

I don't think I want all my stuff done on my day off, cuz what would I do?  Yesterday I got a lot done, and still had plenty of time to do whatever. I watched a football game yesterday I didn't even care about. Packers, and Cowboys. That's kind of a waste of time. Watching a game I don't care about. I did make chilli in the crock pot for the first time this Fall. Got enough shit for meals this week too. Simple meals. I don't know how I spent $150 on groceries though.

I did all the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, including the stove, planted grass, hmmmmmm...  I think that's it. I tried listening to the first book in the gunslinger series, but I was losing concentration. I am good at audio books, but just not yesterday. Not sure if it is me or the reader. I'll start over again. If I have the same problem, I'll read the books, and find something else to listen to.

Today is a workout day. Glad to be back in my norm. My Friday workout was surprisingly strong. I felt as strong as ever for some reason.

I have a couple things I want to get done today after work, and my workout. I should try and watch the 4th Harry Potter movie. I was thinking earlier it is pretty remarkable the amount of people who know what a muggle is, and Hogwarts.

I was looking at the dark earlier before I got up. You know the little dot-like things that make up our vision in the dark?  Almost prehallucinate like. Then I thought of hidden things that are there,  but we don't see. Having experienced a lot of the hidden things,  I then wondered what normal people were like. Do they have stress about the day to day? 

My only worries today are I hope I am not too tired after work. I got things I want to do. I am not even really worried about it actually. Today is a day that has me in my routine. I like my routine.

Anyway, I spose. I have a day planned. It should be okay I think.

Laterzzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Not A Full Month.

I guess I failed. Saturday, I had a few drinks. I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I failed I guess you could say, but I made a conscience decision to drink yesterday. My desire to drink yesterday was greater than my desire to last a whole month. Am I weak?  Fuck yes. I don't intend to give up on sober October, but I think I'll drink one day per week. Get the demons out so to speak. It's my goal as a person anyway. Drink one day per week.

As to my weakness, it's the triggers. Out of the blue it seems like a good idea to have a couple drinks. They are real. It is those one has to overcome, not sure if it would get easier either. I didn't binge last night. I had a few drinks. Less than a pint,  and I fell asleep. I find not drinking for a month is much harder than I thought. I am addicted to it. No doubt. Just the trigger addiction. Now I know how smokers are. Can you imagine how often a smoker gets pelted with a trigger?  I'm glad I don't smoke. I think it would be very hard for me to quit.

I guess guilt can come into play. I don't feel guilty when I drink. Luckily I have a stopping point. I don't binge. If I were a binge drinker that would probably be as hard to quit. Binge drinking brings guilt however. Missing work,  and shit like that. Smoking brings guilt,  just cuz it is accepted universally as being bad. I don't feel guilty when drinking, cuz I don't have a body that keeps going so to speak. I have my share, and I am done.

I just see the weakness of our human bodies. If I went a whole month of not drinking, I wouldn't win any plaques or anything. Just a shout out to yourself that you are the master of you. Clearly I am not the master of me, or I choose not to be. I am not up for that sacrifice. I still would like to drink just once per week, if I can. I have no guilt if I can't though. There are no harsh repercussions if I don't. I accept me regardless I'd say.

Anyway, to those who struggle with real addiction. Like cigarettes,  and heroin.   Yikes.  I would not want to be in those shoes. I don't know if I could overcome.  It would be brutal I guess. I am not that strong.  Luckily I am not in that predicament. My one vice has enough control over me. It's something I like to do. I would like to be healthier,  by cutting down to one day per week. One day to purge the demons. I think I could do that.

I am learning about myself though. I am unimpressive. I am cool with the truth of me though. I am accepted, which brings it's own strength. I accept me too. I feel it is a good thing to know oneself. Just for the basic fact there are no superheroes out there. There are no geniuses to look up to. We all have our own demons. They help bring us down. The World keeps everything in the dark too, because we'd feel ashamed if we were in the light. I live in the light. I can be seen. I am Adam before the fall. Unashamed. I have to go one step further though. I'll tell you what though. Adam before the fall ain't shabby at all. Going one step further does bring about great suffering. I know that. I know I am not strong enough to overcome on my own, but I will walk that path. The path of understanding,  cuz only then will I know what was done. The current part of me will be no more. I will then be the best a person can be.

I've survived all the traps laid before me...my help did it, and I became the trap for my enemies. The worst of the worst will be free once I go do my final thing. That won't be a good thing.

These things I don't worry about though. My heart is in good hands. Its good to be me, as I've said a lot.

Anyhoo, today is a non drinking day.   :)  just like yesterday.    ;)

Laterzzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

Day 3.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was fine. I worked a full day, ran a couple errands, cooked dinner which I didn't eat. I did eat mashed potatoes. I just wasn't that hungry, although I was hungry all day. I don't remember what else I did. I did take Hope for a walk when I got home. I watched the 2nd Harry Potter movie too. My goal in listening to all the books was to watch all the movies too. I'm a bit behind in the movies compared to where I am in the books.

I did have my usual few moments of thinking it would be cool to have a couple cocktails.   :)  Once again the day filled up, even though I didn't do much, and I was tired at the end. Probably around 11 miles  of steps. Still getting over an annoying cough. Good thing I'm not drinking. That wouldn't help things I'm sure.  My resting heart rate dropped another 3 bpm. Pretty much what I figured. Hold on, I'm gonna check my blood pressure.  128/81, which isn't too different than what it has been reading.

Outside of my cough I am healthy. Getting healthier too. It wasn't too long ago 146/96 might be what it read. Although I've always been active, I think working out helps. Moving blood into muscles regularly helps. That is what resistance training does. I limit my salt intake, and I eat more fruit too I'd say. Plus medication.  Can you imagine what my lipid count would be less alcohol?  My cholesterol is already really good.

Anyway outside that not much is going on. There isn't a lot for me to worry about as usual. I don't find not drinking to be unusually hard. Those cravings after work at whatever time are pretty real though. As adults we can do whatever we want, and that just happens to be something I want to do. The hours go on, and I don't feel really bad for not drinking. The thoughts just go away. I still am tired at the end of the day.

Not much on my mind besides that. Today at work should be pretty easy. I am ahead of the game, so not much for me to do. I have to workout, and change the oil in the truck. Do a dinner and whatnot. I'll have time to take Hope this morning. I'm gonna go for coffee #2 too.

Hockey has started. I have no idea how the Hawks will be. Who can tell?  Never heard of half the people on the roster. Bulls I think will be good. That will start pretty soon. The Bears, I think their Defense is better than last year. I've seen enough of them already. Khalil Mack is a monster. They were without two of their best players last week on D, and looked as good as ever.

Sportsing goes on. I have Sirius XM now, so I can listen to games if I choose. I may.

Not really much else. The weekend is here. I'll find stuff to keep me busy. I'll work,  probably see a movie. Do a bit of yard work. Basically fill up my yard bin with the rest of the branches we cut down, and start with tomato plants.

My life is filled with simple stuff. My day to day is as plain Jane as anything.  I like it. I just need to get rid of the cough.

Laterzzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

What To Do For An Encore.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had to work out yesterday. It's been since vacation, so I was really glad to get it in. I also took our change to the bank. $98 thank you very much. I bought steaks for dinner. I remember passing a bar on my way to the bank thinking having a beer wouldn't be horrible,  but that's about it as cravings go I think. I took Hope for a walk when I got home, and listened to a lot of the final Harry Potter book. Once again I was tired at the end of the day. Without a couple cocktails too. The last two days were around 13 miles too. I drink so often I guess I didn't know my days do wear me out. Good to know.

My resting heart rate is down another couple ticks today. The weather has been rainy, and now starting to turn chilly. I am fine with it. I like change. Whether it's the season or the $98 dollar type that feels like free money.    ;)  I have a bit of a cough that's annoying. It would have been really hard for me to get up at my early alarm. It could be for any number of reasons 2 days in. I do wonder if drinks + an early sleep give you a false wake up effect. You are done sleeping due to alcohol in you saying so. Alcohol makes you fall asleep, but it also gives you an ability to wake up early. I guess this month we will find out. I did stay up til 8:00 listening to my book.

A change has come over me in just the last year. Last year I couldn't even picture a sober October. My nightly cocktails were just a fun part of life. This year it was something I wanted to do. Hopefully even incorporating a little more sobriety into my life. I don't know how other people are on the inside, but it is impossible for me to be what one considers an alcoholic. Like that one year I smoked after college.  I could never in a million years down a pack of cigarettes in a day. Also I just cannot drink enough alcohol. It puts me to sleep. It doesn't have me wanting more at 3:00 AM, putting work into question. It's not something I crave in the morning. It's always been an end of day thing.

If people have weird cravings right when they wake up,  I cannot relate. That being said, my resting heart rate going lower isn't a bad thing. Also if during any given day I drank a whole pint, it is too much for me. I won't be hung over the next day, but I won't be at my best. I cannot drink more than a pint. Sleep comes before I ever made it much farther.

Here's hoping October goes without a hitch. The first two days weren't bad. It's just something that's off the table. I kinda think of other things to do. Can you imagine if I just get a ton more shit done instead of drinking?  That would be pretty awesome. Regardless, I am fine with how my life has gone,  and I am fine with where it's at. No complaints. No worries. Definitely no second guesses, and no what ifs.  It's an easy thing being me.

Today is a day. Not sure what I'll do. If we get out early I may see a movie.

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Day 1.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was day 1 of not drinking. I got home, and cut the grass, ran the weed eater, and filled our yard waste bin. I felt pretty good about all that so I wanted to chill with a couple cocktails.   :)  I almost thought about saying screw it not even one day in.   :)  I went shopping to make stuff for tacos,  and vacuumed, and ran the robot. Cleaned the kitchen,  and ran the dishwasher too. That's kinda a lot with 8 hours of work on top of everything.

I slept for almost 9 hours the night before, but I was exhausted by 7:00 PM still. I didn't expect that. I watched a comedy thing on Netflix,  which wasn't funny, and drifted through it. I ended up with almost 7 hours of sleep last night, and my resting heart rate is down a bit.

I didn't even tell you, on Monday we loaded up our truck, and used our 2nd free dump pass. We are sitting pretty good. Basement is clean. A ton of shit to the dump. I feel pretty good about stuff as far as that goes.

Not much else besides that. I am kinda coming to terms with getting older. It's not a real glamorous part of life. I learn a lot of how I don't want to be from my Dad as always. I grew up thinking this is not who I want to be like. Nothing has changed on that front. His problem now is he knows he's 84, but he tries to pretend he's 54 or something. He thinks 40 year old girls will be attracted to him or something. Pretty disgusting.

Just seeing him be an idiot, makes me feel sick about being a disgusting 50 something white guy. How gross. Life I guess is kinda disgusting. Sex is gross when you think of it. How anyone can call the animal instinct of sex, "making love" is beyond me. For guys it's kinda a way to purge our demons. Get the lust and shit out of our heads.

Sex is for the young. Once you hit 50 you should give that shit up. 50 year olds having sex is gross.   :)  way too much jelly rolling at that point.   :)

Anyway, I guess the comedian was talking about sex a lot. From a girl's perspective. She made it seem as dumb as I think it is.

So if we throw sex out as being dumb, which makes all things improving sex appeal out, what's left?  What percentage of our time is spent thinking about that shit?  How much money is spent trying to improve how we look?  I do spend $25/month to work out, but not to be sexy. I am not really a great looking man in the first place, but I do it for health. To consistently use a good percentage of my muscles regularly.

It's nice not being overweight, but I don't feel I am sexy in anyway. I am shrinking. I am like 5'7 now, maybe even 5'6. Gray hair. A face that's older. I find white old guys disgusting too. So as far as confidence in my sex appeal I have none. No use for it either. Sex is dumb remember?  Gross too.   :)

I do feel pretty good today. Better than if I drank, and that's the whole point. It's just in the afternoon when I finish my stuff, I do crave chilling with a couple cocktails,  like I craved yesterday. This morning I crave feeling like this all mornings.

Anyway I spose. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeee.      :)))