Thursday, May 29, 2014

WOAH!! What The Heck Is This Thing On My Computer??

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I had a good day off yesterday.  I got a lot of sleep last night/ this morning.  I am who I am, and feeling how I normally do, which is pretty good. 

I am still not running, because my knee still bugs me a bit, but not as bad as after my last run.   It doesn't matter.   Running isn't what defines me, and as a matter of fact I don't know exactly what does define me.   Maybe this blog??  My day to day crap I used to write on here?? 

Perhaps, I guess what does define me is my life.   You know my life, and you know me.  I am not afraid of me, and I am not afraid to show you me.  

So what are some of the things going through my mind since the last time I wrote anything down.   I learned my brother Jim, and my step-mom died about the same age as what I am now.   That seems pretty crazy, because I am still young feeling.  I still have energy, and I feel relatively pretty good most times. 

I am excited for the future, because I know big things will be happening.   A lot of interesting things will be happening in people's lives, and it isn't about great career choices, or any of the crap you feel is so important now.  The World changes, and life changes, and that is pretty much what will happen. 

A lot of people out in the World, and a lot of them are mad.   Why can't the people just think like me??  I have the answers right??   Isn't that where a lot of anger comes from??  Other things too are we grow up thinking life is supposed to be a certain way.   We have fairy tales ingrained in us from the time we were kids, and fairy tales aren't real.  

There are no perfect parents, and perfect kids, and perfect lives, and we don't always feel like very good people do we?? 

For me and my life it helps me a lot to know I did the right things.   It doesn't mean I am right, but I have no worries at all about the direction my life goes.   I am in good hands, and I feel very confident, and very assured, and all those kinds of things. 

My life is very very much about me, and how I feel, and that is pretty good.   I think I am an important person in what I know, and how I am.  

All that being said I still know what my life is worth.  I know what this blog is worth, and I know how insignificant I am.  I am totally cool with that too.  My life is pretty simple.  I stand here on this Earth, and I am not tied down. 

People are always seeking for that paradise.   That thing that makes us feel good, and that is probably the best gift I have been given.  I don't have to seek anymore.   I am not looking, and striving.  I have done all I need to do, and my life will go in the direction that was planned. 

Whatever I do the path is lighted.  No doubts, and no striving after wind.   I have nothing to prove to anyone, and paradise is very very much how you feel on the inside.   People will travel the World to find the place or area that makes them feel good. 

That is a source of your anger too, because we all want to feel good, but we don't always.  

So anyway, that is all I have today. 

Not anything important, and maybe nothing too interesting, but I don't care. 

I gots nothing to prove.   :)

Love You All!!    :)   xoxoxoxo

MWAH!!!    :))

Thursday, May 22, 2014

I Cannot Take You From Point A To Point B...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing so so.  As you may have noticed I don't blog too much anymore, because I don't have anything to say.  I have said it all.  You have everything you ever need, except maybe some courage.   I can't help you with that. 

The weak and those who are not strong will hold onto this World.  They will believe they have some type of redeeming quality.  The ability to work to make themselves better people.   They hold onto all kinds of false truths because it is all they know.  There is a path to a better you, but it isn't by holding onto you,. this World, and your life etc...  

Do you see how little trust you have??  You want to hold onto the World, and currencies, and Society, because it is all you see, and it is all you know.  Did you ever stop and consider all the things you have learned that you hold onto as being a truth was taught to you by someone not better than you, and perhaps even worse than you??  Your beliefs and values are that shallow.   They are so ingrained into you.   Do you see how tight a grip propaganda has on you?? 

To get to point B from point A you know how to do.   You can't hold on though.   You can't hold on to all the shallow little things this World has to offer, because don't you see how stupid it all is??  Right?? 

Choice is a life trying to obtain some selfish goals you "think" are so important, although they will not fulfill you, and a life where you get to see the truth of all, and everything is explained to you.   Do you want a fulfilling life??  or do you want to do the cowardly thing the multitudes have done forever and ever and ever?? 

It is a choice.   Not half of one and half of the other.   It is a game of poker. 

Are you willing to go "ALL IN"?? 

Remember back in the day I had a blog about trust and strength??  Do you have those??  

You need courage too folks, and that is about strength, and when you let everything go that sure is a step of trust.  

You have all you need.   Have had it for a while.   Your life does not matter more than one little coin, no matter how much you pretend.   You have no redeeming quality no matter how much you pretend.   There is a way you are supposed to go, you just have to do it, and quit being stupid.   :)


Have a good one all.   :)   xoxo

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Some Days I Am Surprised...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I was really tired yesterday, so I did not do much.  Sleep, wake up, do nothing, and then I thought I am a worthless piece of crap today, so I went out and had a couple beers, came home had a couple more, and went to bed.  :)   Lisa was out putzing around, and man was I beat. 

So this week I am starting my new schedule, and my weekends are going to be busy busy with work.  Instead of doing the bank job 5 days out of the week for around 10 hours or so I will be working 10-12 hours on the weekend, also at a higher pay, plus I will be working my other job Friday, Saturday, and Sunday most weeks with an occasional Saturday off.  My weekends are going to be crazy busy for a bit, but it leaves my weekdays open, and most of my days off are on Monday and Wednesday.  I will definitely like that better.   I was thinking when I woke up yesterday tired I would in previous weeks have to go in and do the bank.  Blah.   Also today I would too.  Much much better. 

Financially Lisa and I are making the same we did at our previous jobs, if not perhaps more.  Also we are on the low end of the pay raise pole, not the maxed out version we were at for like the last 10 years or whatever.  Yep, no raise in like a decade at the previous place.  Much better.  A friend even mentioned to me I seem happier.  Hmmmm,  I don't really really pay too much attention.  I think I go both ways.  Some days a good mood, and some days a bad mood.  Mostly pretty upbeat I think, but who can tell. 

As to my future goals??  HA!!   I don't have any.  :)  There is nothing here I have to accomplish.  My bucket list is empty.   There is nothing in this World I feel I am missing out on.   The strange thing about me and you.   I am different though, and have been for a long time.   I guess this feeling I have of contentment came from overcoming the 2nd time.   I mean I was done.  All my struggles and all my work was done, and that is why I called my blog the wait, because none of you are done.   You still have miles to travel, and you taking the first step is like impossible, because because because because... because of the fabulous things you "think" you will miss out on. 

So here I am on this other side waiting, and it is hard for me to be in your shoes, because my life has been long, and I have been different long.  I suffered many things in the past to get where I am at now, and I don't see how the World can be so enticing to you.  I mean even during the dead time after my energy came back, and the start up of heimleblog my life didn't mean anything.   I knew I had stuff to do, but I was living the life, and waiting.  I knew during all this time I had more stuff to do, but I just waited. 

Then the original of my 3 blogs started, and I went through many things.   A lot of hard days, and as a matter of fact I think most days were pretty hard.  So my life went on and on, and I suffered through many hidden things, and now I guess I am wondering how things will turn out for you. 

I have given you tough things to think about, and I know it makes sense, and I can guarantee you what I say is true, because this is what my job was.   From the time at the garbage room at bromenn Healthcare there was a purpose.   To bring more people along.  What does it say, "when I return will I find faith on Earth?"  The dreaded numbers game.  

What does it say also when God spoke to Abraham "and Abraham believed him and it was reckoned as righteousness." 

So it isn't what you believe it is believing when spoken to that you were spoken to.   You don't harden your heart and pretend you didn't hear.   The multitudes are guilty of that.  

So anyway, those are some of my thoughts.   I don't have an easy message, and I don't give you easy answers, or easy paths to follow.   Just the hardest thing you will ever do.   The truth. 

Many always believe such and such a thing and try working their way to building their stairway to heaven, and the path is so much different than you can ever imagine.   It is a humble first step that is for sure.  

So I think I will make a second cup of coffee, and maybe take the Hopester for a walk. 

BTW I would like to thank my brother John for coming from Chicago to go to my friend Dan's funeral thing.   Little things like that mean a lot to people, and I am sure Dan appreciates that stuff, and like Lois put on her thing before Steve R's thing.   Something about going to the house of sorrow is better than the house of parties and such.   Something like that.  

That shit is a big deal to people, and it means a lot.  

So anyway, I didn't really have much to blog about, but threw some stuff down anyway.  

Have a good one all.   :)   xoxo

Sunday, May 11, 2014

General Thoughts And Observations...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I had a way way too busy day yesterday with a lot of hours of work, and not enough hours of sleep.  I had a funeral type thing to go too, and that was sandwiched between one job, the little sleep I could squeeze in, and starting my 2nd job.

2nd job went okay, but I was on my own, with a little training, and a lot to remember to do some general cleaning in 3 different buildings.   I called my supervisor several times yesterday. :)   Where is this, where is that.  What is the lab??  etc... 

Anyhooo, as to the title of my blog I went to a funeral type thing.   Reason it isn't a regular regular funeral is because the deceased donated his body to science, and so there was no body.  The Science people have them.

So anyway I don't know if any of you know the story here, but due to various reasons there were 3 people who were living pretty unhealthily.  Picking up the middle age weight at alarming rates type thing, and you know that is when I got the marathon bug.  I wanted to get in shape after my first trip to Hawaii.   It all started with an exercise bike.  I think when all was said and done I lost 50 lbs. total, and I had a couple friends who lost 100 each I think.  We still keep active as we can, and one even did 2 Ironmans, but those two now still do most of their work on the Hockey rink.

So that is the quick version of our History.   Dan is the guy who lost his Dad, and I have known him since probably the Winter of '95-'96. When someone loses a family member, or an important life event happens, you get to thinking quite a bit.  One of the things I thought about is although knowing Dan for several years, I don't really know him all too well.  It appears he keeps a lot of personal stuff to himself.  I didn't know if he was close to his Dad or not, and Lisa told me well I think he probably got his love of sailing from his Dad.   True.  He has a 4 aunts and uncles which I didn't know.  I know his one brother, but totally forgot he even had another one.  

My best memories of me and Dan are not great parties, or cookouts, or euchre tournaments or weddings, it was those Tuesday evenings driving up to Grand Haven to run 5-mile Hill for an hour or so.  Every Tuesday pretty much without fail for two years.   You know me too, I don't drive to run if I can help it, especially 20 miles unless it is a special route.  5-Mile Hill is not a hill that goes on for 5 miles, but when you get to the top you can see for 5 miles.  It is as steep and nasty of a climb you could ever ask.  We used to run the church trails too, and he for a little while was taking care of those church trails.   Dan is the type of guy who used to want to get his hands in everything.   Wanted to do everything, and know everything, and be in charge of everything.   Often overextending himself.   There are only 24 hours in the day, and he would volunteer 48 of those hours away type thing.  

As with age comes wisdom, and probably the burning desire to not burn yourself out.  I was guilty of that too. 

Anyway funny the funeral happened between my last post and this one.   My last post talked of the turn, and Dan's Dads last wishes while here on earth were the reason anyone would want to do the turn.

He was asked basically in a way if you were all better, what would you want to do first??  His answer.  "I would like to do good."

BAM!!   I could not have said it any better.  when Dad's Dad was looking at the end of  his days, he was able to put EVERYTHING in perspective.   More than anything I just want to be good.

Isn't that my story??  Isn't that what happened to me after my mom died, and Katrina and I broke up, and my Grandpa died, and all that stuff.   Life hit me full force, and the only thing I desired was to be good, and to do good.   Didn't really know how to go about it.

Now I do.  To be good, and to do good is not in our power.  You should be able to see that in yourself.  So steps need to be made, and this blog has gone on and on about that.  

Harsh strings have to be pulled, because it helps make our vision better.   The World is very enticing, and without major things to make us see better the World wins out.   Although we all have a desire to do good, the World drowns that out, because there is seemingly so many great things to do.  

So you see the choice boils down to do good, or choose the World, and all you can accomplish.  

To do good is not at all what you think.  It isn't anything you have done yet.

It is all about learning who we are, and our relationship with the World, and our inner demons, and sooo much hidden stuff.

It is a battle within you.  That still small voice in you that can easily get crowded out by all the weeds in the World.  

Anyway, those are my general thoughts and observations on the things yesterday.  Dan and I will go out and have a beer sometime, and talk about old times, and things like that.

One of the things I thought about this blog is I do give you my general thoughts and observations about you.   These have always been things people have mostly kept to themselves though huh??

There are so many gifts out there, and most have to do with strength, and honesty, and courage, and all kindsa things like that.   I am not who I would have been had I not done the things I have done.   I am not yet who I am going to be yet either.   That is for another time.   Somehow has to do when you are ready.

So anyway I am well rested.   I have to work my 2nd job, and I will go in around 8:00AM or so.   I also work tonight too, but have all of Monday off.   :)  WOOOO   HOOOOOOOOO

Have a good one all.   Love you all.   :))  


Friday, May 9, 2014

I Really Cannot Help You...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me,  I am doing okay.  As to my title my blog is such a way.  It has gone on and on for quite a long time, and for me to tell you how things really are seems such a waste of time, because if the truth (which I have told you to brace yourself for) hit you square in the jaw, you would deny it.  

"Nah, can't be"

I lived a normal life, and then my life went way not normal.   I then lived a hidden life which I was able to learn a lot of the hidden things we don't know while just living here.  How is someone supposed to help others along when all they want to do is "HOLD ON" to the safety and security of what they THINK life should be, and only the things they have learned from what they can see??  

Yeah, not an easy job, and really if strings weren't being pulled over the last several years, I am sure I would have lost all of you way long ago, and really I feel two ways about this. 

Part of me just says screw them.  They are helpless, you cannot help them.  Nah, come to think of it that is mostly what I think.  Screw them.   :)   HAHA 

I've told you before your whole life up to this point you have gotten zero points so far.  You haven't done one thing.  Yet you go on and on, and life goes on and on, and shouldn't there be more??  I mean seriously throw all the horseshit fairy tales in your mind out, and what is life supposed to be?? 

What are we really supposed to be doing??  I know I know you have all the answers, and you know your own direction, and you know you are making a "BIG DIFFERENCE"  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know you are important, and against the World you stack up like no other, and you have done all the right things, and you are building your own stairway to heaven with all the great deeds, and great things you have done. 

Unfortunately I know the truth of life.   I know what it means, and I have been given the information of the hidden path that is HIDDEN from this World.   It works too, as long as people when at the crux of the moment of choice make the right choice.  

That you cannot do, because you don't know what is to be asked.   sooooo much security in the things you do, and all your plans, and all your efforts.  One of the things I know about you though is if life is going on this way, and you have your future painted by your own hands, how come you don't feel better as a person??  Why must you always be striving after the wind?  Isn't it said striving after the wind is for fools??

If you had a chance to make a decision you knew would be 100% right would you do it?? 

The turn = if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else. 

A simple formula.  

It isn't anything different than the rich dude who was asked to follow, but couldn't because his life was all about the material possessions he acquired. 

When those 12 made the turn they weren't right, and they weren't who they were going to be, but they were strong enough to make the 100% correct decision.   Not much is known about them after.  I know some things about them though.  I know the path they had to go on. 

Anyway that is how I feel today. 

BTW I am not running for those keeping track.  My knee still is fucked, and riding my bike to work may be making it worse, but whatevs. 

Take what life throws at you.  Not a biggie to me.  


Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Story Of My Life...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I haven't blogged in a while, and I haven't really felt like it.   If that isn't the story of my life I don't know what is.   Just when you thought I was tied down somewhere.   Doing something that was perceived as being very important to me.  Something you knew you would find consistency in me doing.   Putting time in etc... I walk.  My path is that way.  Nothing ties me down.   Look at you and your life.   Can you name something right now you could not walk away from right now, like say those 12??

Yeah, I know.  Trapped in this World and in this life, and there is no way out.   Life is a great big web, and we live it and we get trapped.   That isn't freedom.  Life isn't freedom.  Even going all "Into the Wild" doesn't bring about freedom. 

There were words out there "the truth will set you free"  What does that mean for me??  I looked at life, I saw all there was out there to do, and there was nothing.   My vision was a certain way after being pulled via various life things happening in a very short amount of time. 

I have to like this blog, and I have to think it does something, but it is a waste sometimes, because of the weakness of people.   Your path is known.  The web you live in is known.   It is known the way in which you should go, but life is full of justifications, and self delusions, and things like that.   I know life.   I know the way I go.  I know what's best for me, and really you don't. 

The path one should go is the path that makes them better people.   One that doesn't lead to any trophies, or medals, or certificates of achievment.  We people are pretty limited in our eyesight.  Our hearts are pretty fucked up, because we want stuff now.   We want acceptance from our peers, and respect etc...   We want people to think we got life nailed down etc...   We don't   No one nails life.   Life is a continuous string of fuck ups, and if we ain't fucking up, then we are just soooooo busy getting our hate on. 

A never ending tale of running in circles.   A rat running on that damn wheel on and on and on, yet going nowhere.   Man, I bet the rat doesn't even know he/she is in a cage like your whole life is. 

Anyway I can take or leave this.   Not a biggie to me.  It is the story of my life.  

I gotta kind of feel like doing it, and that ain't up to me. 

Ya'All are lost, and your path well... what is that one parable??   The seed gets tied up in the weeds etc...   I forget it all, but that is you.   All tied up into the weeds and this World, because there is sooooo much fabulous Shit you need to do.   So much chasing after the wind that needs to be done. 

Yeah,  I know.  I get it sorta, but when an opportunity for me came to either chase after the wind, or go another direction, I listened to life.   I turned, because there was nothing else out there.  

Perhaps I was wise beyond my years, or maybe I was just stronger.   Maybe my life wasn't so tangled, but I did this a long time ago.   I am 47 now, and back then I was like probably 24 or something.  

I guess the day you don't have the answers anymore is the day you probably start getting to be better people and making wiser decisions. 

Oh well.  

That is all she wrote.

Later all.   :)   xoxo