Saturday, December 31, 2016

Some Things You Don't Expect.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am fine. Today is New Years Eve. Typically I give myself a 5% chance of staying up til midnight on these days. I never stay up til midnight. I may wake up for the day at midnight, but not the other way around. Last night??  I stayed up til midnight watching the football game.

Throw all the rules out.  :)  I kept thinking one more drive, and I am going to bed. It didn't look good for MI, but they made a game of it, and it was exciting.

So that's that. Today I have to work a bit. There is a little shin dig at the bakery I may stop by. Depends how I feel after work. That's about it. I have all of tomorrow off, and back to my routine. Next day off for me probably is Memorial Day.

Also I don't really find time to do a lot of reading, so I've been doing audio books. I got the 2nd Game Of Thrones checked out. I think they have most  of those to listen to for free from our library.

That's about it for me. Nothing too exciting going on here. I guess tomorrow we start a New Year, and on Monday I'll be in my full routine.

What will this year have??  Probably not much. It is just life you know. We pile up the days in our little lives.  One after another. One day they all end though. The truth of life is more apparent if we look to the end. Not the day to day of whatever it is we fill our time with.

Anyways I woke up early enough so I wrote a little.

Nothing too terribly important. Maybe that is what this year will be like.  My stupid little life.  I think all the prior ones were too.  :)

I'm gonna call it a day. 

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Thursday, December 29, 2016

For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Why in the World would anyone use that as a title for their book??  I read that book. It was okay. That guy was always drinking wine if I remember. I think it was a sad ending, but don't really remember. I believe it was a time where I wanted to read every book in the World. All the classics, and every History book. I did achieve that goal BTW. ;)

Today I slept in a bit. Midway after my early alarm, but before my late alarm. It is why I am doing this even though I got nothing really on my mind.

Yesterday was pretty okay. I wasn't tired when i got home,  and I cleaned up the kitchen. I also made dinner. Steak fajitas. I haven't been to the Mexican store in a while. It was a day not unlike many others. I have a cup of coffee,  and I feel pretty good.

As far as blogging goes, for the people I see I am the only one who really does it. Like most people I have nothing important or exciting to blog about. I know that to be the case though. It doesn't bug me. I can trust what will come out of my heart I guess.

It seems there is less and less of me. Eventually all this runs out I guess. Not sure how all that plays out. It seems blogging was a part of this story,  but no one does it really,  so maybe not. Either way not a big deal.

It isn't my story. What does it say, faith believes all things,  hopes all things,  and endures all things.

You'll find believes all things can take you down many roads. Probably bad ones too if the voices aren't good ones. I didn't exactly have a good voice in me during my bad Summer. A Summer of learning. To think I'll never have to do that again.

What is your story??   We don't know. We don't know you. As a person you've been poisoned by the World,   you do this and that because. Not yet facing the tough questions. We all are born into this World. We do whatever our society kinda leads us to do.

I threw everything out decades ago. Why should my future be tied to anyone else?  I decided to stand alone. I kinda went into the wild sorta,  without the travel. I think I looked for a meaning to life,  and at some point realized there was none. Nothing really important to do. Nothing real significant. I had a life before me, and i saw my end.

The answer for me was if there is some reason I am here, let me do that instead of anything else. (The turn) 

You'll find my purpose was not a job or a career. My life's purpose is my story. I eventually achieve stuff although not much can be seen currently. My story was to learn. I was to suffer to see the truth of life. My story is different than any other,  but I follow the path others before me have. That part is hidden kinda. Hidden,  because the path is impossible. It isn't ours to make. The path is written,  but none believe it. Why??  In a World we control,  in a life we are the decision makers,  the truth suggests you are not in control.  The decisions you make don't take you on a better path.

In a World we are all powerful,  the truth suggests you are not. In a World where you are close to omniscient you aren't.

In a World where you are arrogant you should be far from that. In your World your heart isn't right. It is out of your power to change it either.


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I think I'll drive to work, and maybe see the Star Wars movie after.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D      :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.   :)

The end.  :)

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Finishing Up This Year.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  I guess I am fine. I didn't really feel like getting up to blog,  but I realized before my alarm went off I was done sleeping.

So I guess I'll try to do this. Yesterday I was back to work,  and back to my routine. I'd have to say I like my routine better than taking days off. Monday was okay, cuz I got all the laundry done,  folded, and put away. All the dishes done too. The house was clean,  but the kitchen is already trashed this morning.

Yesterday was pretty normal. Nothing significant or exciting happened at all. Kinda like this blog really.

I guess life continues to go on. People continue to die. Been that way forever. I guess our generation is the first to have social networking so now people realize it more, cuz they see it more. People pretend to care more too. Surprised this stuff happens.

We were talking about people getting older last week. You talk about people who were famous in the late 70s and 80's,  and they have aged. I thought about that a while,  and realized I am 50. Closer and closer to the end line.

What are the important and significant things I've done in my life. Perhaps a list :


That's it. Another easy list for me.  :)

We all are in the same boat there. Not sure if anyone knows it. Perhaps not. Perhaps this shit actually means something to people. More likely they think it does.

Solomon did all kindsa shit. His bucket list was overflowing with all the things he did. He found out later how dumb that was. When your hearts are right your life will boil down to eat, drink, and be merry. For me it is work,  eat, sleep.

In the end you won't need to accomplish anything,  cuz there is nothing to accomplish.

There will still be holidays and birthdays,  engagements,  and anniversaries. Eventually you'll place no more importance in them,  because they are just another day in your life.

A life fulfilled is different than you think. It comes from how your heart is,  and we are not born with a proper one. It actually is something that is out of reach.

I've been given the impossible task to help people along that route. I guess as my whole life past the turn is impossible,  so is my job.

Like I learned way long ago, it is out of my hands. I am kinda on the sidelines seeing how it plays out. I also am interested in less and less things.

I do get to work today. There will be a dinner. I slept good last night too, so today is shaping up already. :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. I think I'll take the Hopester. I am going to return movies. I bet it is around 2 miles there and back.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.   :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

The end.   :)

Monday, December 26, 2016

The Year In Review.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I had a really lazy day yesterday. I just watched movies on Netflix all day. We ate a dinner. I don't really get to do that ever. It will be nice to have a normal day today. It too is a day off.

I thought I'd do a little year in review,  because not much really happened this year. Not much of a review.

In this blog it appears the wilderness came out. The area of life where people don't matter. We serve no purpose here, and in the end we don't matter. 

All along we were taught we are important. Our lives matter. That is the World's teaching though. That goes against the truth.

That's about it as far as this year goes. I have a pretty set schedule that will see me working most days this upcoming year. That is fine with me. Yesterday I had a day off and didn't do shit.

This blog has gone on for several years. This year was okay I'd say. If I woke up on time I tried to blog. Some days I had absolutely nothing come out.

I stayed active biking and running. Even at the end of the year actually tried to get better. Fast for me as they say.

That's about it in a nutshell. Nothing is too terribly important to me. I work,  eat, sleep. Hope to have a good day every day. My dinner is important,  and my sleep is important. Working gives my life structure, cuz otherwise I can be a lazy ass.

For a long time I've known my last thing I must do as the current version of me. I've known that part for probably approaching 3 decades. It hasn't changed. 3 times I must overcome,  and 2 times its been done. Since the start of this blog here, which is approaching 1800 entries. I didn't know your purpose though.

Now I think your purpose is to go through the wilderness to see the truth of life. We are here a few years, and we die. We didn't live a perfect life. Any of us. Most people attach themselves to a group,  and call themselves good enough. You bet the whole farm on that.

In the wilderness nothing really matters. You get no points for having a family. Everyone does. You get no points for having kids, cuz that has been done forever. Points come from hard things. Points come from dealing with the truth. The wilderness helps you see it.

I have no idea what this upcoming year will be like. A lot of people hide and try to disappear. That is your choice. I still do what I do.

So I guess that's it. 

I don't feel like typing call that other stuff.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Have a good one.   :)

Saturday, December 24, 2016

A Break.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. It's been a busy week. Every holiday in the bakery business is busy. Christmas is ridiculous. You just cannot make enough stuff. You never realize how much work goes into baking. I am approaching 2 years now,  so getting to know it more. Personally what I do every day I had a ton of help this week. Typically my job is a one man job,  but the brothers stepped in and helped me a ton.

It will be a good holiday for their business, and still you can't help but  think we could have made more. Pretty crazy.

Anyhoo I have not run since Tuesday. I pretty much decided to wait til this week was over. My hours were getting longer,  and I started sleeping later and later. I work today,  and I have the next two days off.

Also I do not really sacrifice any days. I always expect to have a good dinner, and a few hours of downtime to just chill. So this week had prime rib, lasagna, we got some take out one night. I don't remember what else,  but every day was still good. Still fun.

That's kinda what you want of life. Do the labor required of you, and have fun for a bit after. If lucky the labor you do is fun, and you feel like you accomplished something.

To win life your heart has to be right. I won life. It is quite a long story. I don't need to rehash it. I know I have some things you don't have. I've been how I am quite a long time, and that puts a disconnect between you and I.

I don't know what that means for you. For me, I am not worried about me. My future is certain. I know my path. I can live out my days as I do now forever. This shit is easy for me.

Maybe eventually what I do is wear you down. You keep seeing me, and maybe you wonder if you are missing something.

You are,  but you cannot know what. Reason for that is you cannot know how I am. The shoes I walk in you cannot know.  The path I took is blocked,  save one turn.

Been that way a while.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. today should be a good day.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya       :D        :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.   :)

The end.  :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

A Little Luck.

So, I biked to work and back yesterday. The temps were going to warm up finally. Hit 30°+ probably,  so I thought it might be a nice ride home. I didn't count on the  1000 MPH winds, and the drifting on the sidewalks. The ride home was not easy.

I was hoping I'd get a text cancelling the run. I could easily have blown it off. It never came,  so I relaxed/napped for an hour. I was running late, cuz I had to get gas in the truck.

Anyway, I made it to the run. I was in the store looking for the short plumber, and I didn't see him. I was basically at a run with a bunch of people I didn't know. They were just waiting. Some were going to run a route, and others the snow melt. I just took off.

I had a route I thought of last week, and I ran it. It wasn't a particularly fast run, but it was the distance I predicted it would be. Normally I would have run a loop on the snow melt to get the total distance I wanted, but I was glad I got the run in. I didn't want to on my way home from work,  so that's a win.

Other than that not much going on. Being in the wilderness is pretty trippy from where I stand. You can list out all the things you can possibly see,  and pretty much check off {doesn't matter} on everything.

I work,  eat, sleep for zero points. Just living my life before me. People want to sometimes show significant things in their life, but they aren't. We just spend a little time above ground. Carving out our little lives. We do this imperfectly. Many have an idea of what a good and decent person does,  so they try to do that.

Check it all off. It doesn't matter. Your deeds do nothing. I don't know if you can see it or accept it.

Your hearts betray you,  cuz they aren't perfect. The timeline of your life isn't perfect. Every turn you made took you down another path of imperfection.

The question you must ask is does it matter?   My answer to you is yes it does. Does it matter you are not the best a person can be? 

Yes that does matter. Your truth falls well short of the absolute truth. That too is a danger.

On your perceived road to Sainthood, you ended up somewhere way different. Now you find yourself in the wilderness, and trapped.

There is nothing of value in the wilderness, and you just run in place.

You are here in your life,  and in the end we don't even matter.

Now I've been through the wilderness. With the full force of condemnation laying over my head. I knew I was there though. I knew what was at stake.

If I tried thinking of some redeeming quality I might have had, it didn't make me feel better.

I just carried my truth. As far as creatures go, I am as ridiculous as the beasts in the field. Alive for no real reason really.

I ended up with a purpose,  but I still am nothing significant. Just a vessel being used. Being used while being imperfect,  cuz it has to be this way. Faithful with unrighteous mammon and all, so I can eventually get the good stuff.

Anyways. I guess that's good.

I may go for a short run since I got time.

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Some Days...

Some days you wake up with nothing on your mind. That is me today.

Yesterday was pretty okay. Work went fine. Not a terribly long day like I feared. I drove to work,  so I picked up a prime rib to make for dinner. It is always pretty cheap around Christmas time. We also put up a wall mount microwave range hood thingy. They aren't really easy to put in. Lisa figured most of the technical stuff of how to do it, and it is in.

I suck at wanting to do house shit. I can do stuff, I just don't like to.  Add another day down. Another one just starting.

So, what are my plans??  To work,  eat, sleep. Tonight is a run night. I plan on being mostly happy. Mostly upbeat,  cuz I can.

Maybe something strange about me is if I look back on my life I am cool with it. No need for me to strive after wind. Nothing I am chasing. I live my days fulfilled I guess. I wake up most/every morning with a lot of energy.

I am not perfect,  but we all can say that. I know my life, and what it's about. I dealt with me though. I know me through and through. That is where you and I differ. You don't know yourself too well. You are not sure what is inside you that makes you less of what you want to be.

You also don't know why every day isn't groundhogs day for you. Why do you not wake up every day feeling the same way? Well rested with a lot of energy to start the day.

I know relationships aren't perfect. They never are. As we are a bundled up mess of imperfection with mood changes, so is everyone else. Some people may not give a fuck about what you think is so important.

It is life. The World tries to dress it up as this great thing. Life is dirty though. Filled with anger, lust, judging. It is filled with people who think their minds are these great things, and that is the biggest obstacle probably.

The truth of life is hidden from you. Impossible for you to see. It isn't given to those who don't take the right steps. You just remain the creature you were born as.

That matters. You don't want to stay on the path of the multitudes. They have no idea what they are doing.

You don't either,  but you can. It is all right in front of you. To learn about yourself is to learn about others. We all fail. So much is out of our control. I imagine most think much is in our control.

Anyway. I guess that's good.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Monday, December 19, 2016

There Is A Weekend.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me,  I am doing good. I just had another weekend. Not really much happened. We went shopping on Saturday. Had lunch,  came home and did nothing. I had some drinks, went to bed early, and woke up early to go to work.

They are working extra at my Sunday job, so we can't get into all the areas. I guess that is to go on for a couple months.

I listened to another book,  and checked another one out. There is a 4th story to the girl with the dragon tattoo series. I didn't know that so I checked it out. The author is dead so another author used the notes to write it.

This week should be busy cuz of the holidays. I will have days off the next two Sundays too.

My life goes on. There ain't much to it. I think the best thing about a Monday is it is a new start.  A new week.

You know what??  I pretty much got nothing. Normally I'd delete,  but it don't matter.

The more you get to know yourself though the more I would think people would want walls. If we showed people our less than perfect side what would happen??

None of us carved out a perfect life, cuz it isn't possible. How do you feel about that?   No amount of manipulation will change it either.

I know my ridiculous self. I suppose you are the same,  cuz we all are pretty ridiculous. We dress up our lives though,  because?? 

To be human is to be pretty ridiculous. We break unwritten rules in our heart all the time.

I Spose I'll relax a bit before work.

Add all those things I usually write at the end.  :)

Laterzzzzzz.  :)

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Good Thing It Is Only December

My long run this week looks like it will be scratched. We got a good amount of snow last night, and the roads, and sidewalks won't be plowed. I'll run, but probably not terribly long. It might be quite the effort to get a 3 miler in. We'll see.   Lisa and I have plans after work, so I can't run then. I may pick up a run Sunday or Monday. I can easily add miles Tuesday too, cuz I wait around to run. Also it is only December so not the end of the World.

I could run on the snow melt, but Hope wants a run I am sure. I neglect her when it is in the teens with high winds. I like to come home,  and stay warm.

Yesterday was pretty normal. Work,  eat, sleep. I didn't ride my bike to work just cuz. I picked up some groceries after.

I did fall asleep really early last night. I am up early today though,  and that is the way I like it anyway.

Yesterday was probably one of those doozy ones. The funny thing of life is you have no idea what you got yourself into.

At work people are always talking about stories of the Ark. How did they fit all the animals in?  Was the  Earth repopulate by incest?? 

I don't know all these things. One thing I know is no one fights Wars for God. He doesn't need a human's help. Those who think they fight and kill for him will be in for a shock.

The question for the atheist is how did the World get populated?   What makes us smarter than the dust and ashes we turn into?? 

I wouldn't argue about time frames, because a day is as a 1000 years. On the 7th day he rested, and that day has not come yet. We're still on day 6 I guess.

I was thinking earlier a sword is just a view of what is right,  and what is wrong. We all carry one of those. We do it poorly too. There is the other sword that is pretty much useless without understanding. Those who live by the sword die by the sword,  so those who go to Church are taught wrong things. Bible studies are useless. They won't save you, and they won't make you better.

Churches kick people out with their bad teaching. Everyone is allowed in the fold. No one is perfect. Gay people are welcome, murderers, adulterers, thiefs. You name it.

The religious will have the toughest time, cuz they think they are right. Judgers too, because they have themselves placed on a pedestal.

The way is for the humble. The ones who know they might not be the best person,  but they'd like to be. The ones who seek for a purpose to their existence.

To be human is to be wrong. It is to fall short. It is to be arrogant in ways. We believe we are smart, but our understanding is very low. Our hearts give people a hierarchy,  so we have heroes. We falsely believe life is about such and such,  because our hearts are wrong.

Remember way back when people are always trying to show their worth,  and the story is really someone is willing to increase yours as a person. You have to come to him though,  and that is pretty frightening really.

I've been accepted though. My fear is no longer, cuz I am exposed. I can be seen. Inside me is light, because I am mostly spirit.

The log that blocks everyone's vision has been removed. A long time ago. It is how I know it is very dark in you. Hard to see inside.

Anyhoooo, Hope and I have to run. It will be slow,  and probably short,  but it will be a good workout though. It should be fun.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. Nothing again.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D        :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo. :)

The end.   :)

Friday, December 16, 2016

This Thing Can Be Hard.

I really don't have too much to put on this thing. Yesterday I deleted,  and tried to sleep more.

What's to say??  I am just living my little life here. I work, I eat, and I sleep. My heart really doesn't want too much of life, because there really isn't much here.

What is there to accomplish in life?  Yesterday I ran. When the temps are in the teens it is nice to have someone to run with. Jerry and I got out for around 4-1/2 miles. I gauge how fast I am by my easy pace. I am still not fast, but my easy pace is going in the right direction.  It is a long process of run run run, and hopefully stay healthy.

Sometimes in this World you'll see people want to change it. Be anti war and shit like that. A view to this World is pretty ugly. When you put a bunch of imperfect people in a World with many Countries things don't come out perfect.

You seek out a voice of reason, and there are none. Everyone's mind is clouded with imperfection. Our upbringing isn't perfect. Our Country isn't perfect. Our learning isn't perfect. You can read a ton of books. But that is shit coming from people just like you.

The sword won't make you perfect either. The story is one of reconciliation really. Us dealing with our lives. Everybody has some kind of silly sword they carry. I am married. I had kids. I do this,  and that.

In the end I think fear is important. We are imperfect people,  and that matters. If we look at our life in a mirror maybe we don't want people to see everything.

I know very few people. I know most/all think they are on good ground. All have baggage. The religions of the World teach some garbage. The World teaches garbage.

Everyone is out to prove they are good enough kinda. You can be better, but you need help.

I have reconciled myself as this imperfect person who cannot be perfect on my own.

The story is about acceptance. It also goes past that. Currently I stand like Adam before the fall. One came though, and taught a way that went further. In the end few will make that whole path. The World is powerful. False messages are plentiful.

The people's biggest mistake is they think they are all that. There is a powerful arrogant side to all. There also is a humble little kid too inside us all. The little kid has to win.

The David inside you has to beat your Goliath. How do you propose that happens?? 

The sword blocks the way. That won't save you. Your sacrifices won't save you. Your labors won't save you. How do you propose to make a better heart for you?

It is through forgiveness and reconciliation,  but Goliath isn't scared. He is arrogant,  and puts his faith in his might.

You are screwed. No way out.

You ain't getting any better either. We are in the wilderness now too, and I don't give a fuck about much.

Well see what today brings. I'll have a day, and it should be good. Work, and then a nice meal.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. Nothing.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D      :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Running And Biking.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going???  My first sentence is me being polite. I really don't give a fuck if you have a good morning or not. As a matter of fact if people have a bad morning and bitch about it I might find that funny.

Amyway, as we in MI have found ourselves in the midst of some nice winter weather I'd  like to tell you about the difference between biking and running. Not that I have it nailed or anything. When biking wind is the death of you when it's cold. Bundle up. I bundled up on my way to work,  and overheated.

Last night I ran in teen degree weather with a good wind. My running in cold temps is two wicking shirts, and a running jacket. Also biking shorts under my pants so my penis doesn't freeze. That actually happened once. Horrible. I was drenched after my run last night. Running generates a ton of heat.   I even took off my jersey gloves a couple times while running cuz my hands were too warm.

On a day where I thought it was too cold to do shit, I was plenty warm to do shit. Ya kinda have to acclimate to winter, and then you can get along.

Also I always bring a change of shirt and jacket if I drive to a run. I sweat a lot, and I'd freeze if I stayed in my sweaty wet clothes. Being active in the winter is a pretty fun thing.

I stay up late too if I run at night. That's fine, but I may get tired at some point today.

I guess yesterday was another day. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. got nothing.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya       :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.   :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.   :)

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

This May Be Nothing.

Good morning. I am up. Gonna try to do this, but I have nothing really on my mind. It may get deleted.

Yesterday I had a day. It was like others before it. Nothing really crazy happened. Worked a long day, which is pretty normal this time of year. I wasn't sure what to do for dinner, so I made chicken noodle soup. I slept good last night. I needed it. Thought about sleeping in, but I got up.

I didn't really think of anything too important yesterday. Nothing particularly interesting either. It seems at any point in time I can look inside myself and think... life, I got this...

It really isn't me in all honesty. My internals were changed long ago. It wasn't always as it is now. That Summer way back when my internals were nothing but fear. Terror really. I was poor in spirit and basically at the mercy of all. I knew some true shit about life. I was shown it. I knew it, cuz I lived it.

Even when I first started blogging I had hard fear filled days. A lot of internal persecution not done by me. When I overcame the 2nd time everything was done. The blessing I received way back when finally took hold. I was secure, and I was confident. No one can do anything to me.

I can care,  or be indifferent. That depends on the person too.

I was under the impression stuff was still going to get done,  but it was your stuff. You'd have to go on your own personal journey. One you can't see, and one you cannot do without help.

As far as I can tell you didn't want to. You mapped out your own 5 and 10 year plans. You set out to make your mark in this World. Greatness was yours in the waiting.

Or something...  I don't really know. I know where I stand, and I know my story. I thought maybe we might get to know yours. I guess not. So where does that put us??

Like I said I know where I stand. You I don't. I know my story. How it is to play out. Yours we don't know.

The World is a pretty busy place. Without help we will never get to your story, cuz your eyes will be blind to it. All avenues lead to more busyness. None of the avenues lead to perfection save one. The rest everyone labors in vain. All avenues are a dead end.

Life should have come with a manual huh?   The garden of eden is surrounded by 4 great swords. None is smart enough to beat the swords. I entered by overcoming the 2nd time. It was the race of life. I won that race, and it was the author who did it for me.

I am a vessel along for the ride. It was a hard and scary ride, but it's done,  save that last thing.

Anyway. Have fun decorating stuff for Christmas, and shopping, and whatever else you folks do this time of year.  I have another day I am going to have. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  starting my new plan of mandatory runs on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH. :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D        :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo. :)

Monday, December 12, 2016

To Be Reckless

Hello, and good morning. I am up early,  cuz I have to shovel. We got a good amount of snow yesterday.

I was thinking about being reckless before I got up. Just living life with no worries. I don't try to manipulate events and people to some type of end. Who can??  I sorta fly by the seat of my pants,  and don't worry about anything.

Being a person in this big World is a hard thing. For one thing ingrained in us all is some type of idea of how we are "supposed" to be. That is different for everyone. Different Country different "supposed" to be. Our ideas are all flawed anyway.

In this way I am different than you. I don't worry about my future. I don't worry about anything really. My future is mapped out, and that must seem crazy. Yep, pretty much no way to make you understand that at all.

You are a product of your upbringing. A product of society. A product of your less than perfect self. I too am imperfect, but I am a product currently of other things. The World is your master, and it isn't mine.

Your life is hard. You being you is horrible. I don't know why you would want to do it.

At this stage I cannot imagine what you think about. You want to manipulate events toward your perfect life? 

It ain't happening. You are a little person in this shitty World. You try and find meaning I guess, but there isn't any.

Those who have kids, you made your life harder. Not easier, or better. Harder. It "seems" that is what we all were supposed to do though huh? 

What we all were supposed to actually do is hidden. It always was. The answer did come,  but the message got lost. I was raised up from nothing to bring it back.

Just a messenger. I ain't anything special. I know where I stand, and what my story is.

My path was for me. I was in it for myself. As it so happens my hardest trials were me sacrificing myself for others. Laying down my life for my friends as it were.

I am imperfect though so I still am in it for me. My final trial will be much the same as the others. I just go where perfection is made. A sword perfected by fire.

Then my sword will be good to use too. The World will be pretty crazy then. For one I will have understanding. Also the one trapped in me will no longer be trapped in me. So he will do bad things I reckon. I don't know how those days will look. I will be the best a person can be though. The World will hate me too. I'll be it's enemy. I already am, but it doesn't know it yet.

Anyway, I guess I better shovel.

Have a good one. :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. not sure how the roads are. I'll probably have to drive.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

Saturday, December 10, 2016

So Many Things To Talk About.

Just kidding.  :)

I did try to blog yesterday. I got a paragraph done, and it was dumb. Dumber than usual. It was going nowhere either, so I deleted it and relaxed.

Winter came this week. The temps aren't horrible yet, but the wind is a bear. I had running gloves on biking home one day, and my hands froze. The cold kinda psyched me out. I drove the next day, and yesterday I figured I better put on my big boy pants and acclimate myself to this. I bundled up, and rode. I didn't run Thursday,  so I had to run last night. I am not worried about doubling up on runs now, cuz we are running on snow.

We went out to a local pizza place for dinner. I had their veggie sandwich. I've said it before,  but it is great. I am not a vegetarian at all, but I'll order that thing in a second. Lisa had nachos. The two bartenders remembered us. I rarely sit at a bar anymore,  but I used to go there once in a while. If I want to sit and have drinks, I am happy to do it at home.

That is about it. Nothing exciting going on in my life. Nothing exciting going on in anyone else's either. This is what life is.

Here is something. My run was a struggle yesterday. I was just making myself do it. You know some days you just want to run?  It's not work,  it is play really.

Why isn't our mind always feeling like it is play?  

Why can't we control our minds so our days are always done in the most positive light?  Why do we not control ourselves? 

Say you do things for years and years. You may think it is right and worth a lot cuz you've done it for years and years. What if in the long run it really doesn't mean shit? 

When life's decisions were being made my life was just about to start. Free to do as I choose,  and every direction open.

Life pulled. I wanted to matter yes. I wanted to make a difference too. In my search for a meaningful life I found there wasn't any. The only recourse I had was a turn.

So there. My life to that point really meant nothing. Society brought me up, as it is known to do, but in my turn I found another teacher. I was raised up, only to be broken. My path was hard. A hard solo journey. I made it though. I made it to the other side. Only one thing left which is out of my control. Dates and times are not mine to make.

Many of you on the other hand have lived a life. Several years of such and such. Can you ask the tough question?  

What if my life and all my deeds mean nothing?  

Then what?

Afraid of the truth?? 

Good,  cuz it sure isn't any joke.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I am kinda cheating today. I am using yesterday and today as my long run, so not going horribly long today.  :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D       :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.   :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo. :)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Reflecting Back

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I am up,  so I thought I'd do this. I was kinda thinking what to write, and I have no idea.

Yesterday was a pretty uneventful day. I worked,  got some stuff done around the house. Prepped tonight's dinner for the slow cooker. I met up for my Tuesday night run. I guess are local running store does a Tuesday run. We did that. I ran with Jerry. I ended up with 4 miles. Mile 1 was just me alone. 2-4 were at 9:05-9:06 pace. That didn't budge at all. That surprised me.

It is faster than I normally run now,  and I could tell. My legs wanted to go at that pace though. My lungs have to catch up. Ideally I'd like to see 8:40'ish be my easy pace.

Well see. I pretty much plan on running Tuesday and Thursday nights now. It will be with company so that's good. Saturday long runs will be with Hope.  I'll have to pick up a speed day, but that will be after the holidays.  I still don't know where this leads. Hopefully some races this year.

Other than that not much on my mind at all. I am having a coffee,  and I may take Hope now. If not I'll take her later. Maybe take her twice. Undecided.

As you can see I pretty much got nothing today. Like us all I guess.

If we take a true fact. None of us are the best a person can be. What do you do about it??

What steps correct that?   How much is it worth for you to correct it?? 

If the most important thing in life is to deal with our little problem we all have. What does anything else matter?

We have to live so we work,  eat, sleep. There still is the elephant in the room though.

I've dealt with that little problem, and took the right steps to correct it. On my side it will be done. The rest of you have to deal with you.

It is why everything is pretty silly,  cuz the most important thing no one deals with.

That is kinda crazy no??

Anyway, I am planning on having another day.

Have fun.  :)

xoxo. :)

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Let Go

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I thought I'd sleep in again today,  but I guess I am up.

Not much really going on with me. Yesterday was a pretty good day. My Monday was longer than normal,  but Christmas is coming up, so all days can be longer. I am doing my part to finally win this long,  drawn out War, on X-mas.  ;)

Anyway my title is let go, cuz that is kinda what I thought about yesterday at work. I was having a day. Not a concern on my mind at all. Just a nice path laid before me. I can do as I choose,  and good will come from it.

I don't have to outsmart the World. I don't have to manipulate people to make ends come out the way I want them. Who is that smart anyway? 

As to questions of me I am not perfect. An imperfect vessel that has no fear of my imperfections. Throughout the decades we all have lived a life. An imperfect life. I at a young age went a different way. What seems so hard back then,  seems so easy now.

I didn't know the future. I didn't know my story that was being made. When I thought I was the best a person can be, I was going to do so many good things.

I found out relatively quickly I wasn't the best a person can be. Now I know I can do nothing. It all has to be done for me. Points were not mine to make, but I needed points.

All sacrifices, and labor are done in vain. To be alive is to feel invincible kinda. To labor is to feel like you are doing something. Our hearts we cannot control,  and they aren't great.

Life is about so much more than what we can do. The truth of our existence is there is nothing of value we can do. We do stuff within this World. The deeds we must do you don't even know.

As long as I've been doing this we were supposed to make progress. We haven't yet. I think part of the problem is people want to show their greatness. We aren't. Life is here to break the few. Many can get the message,  but few will act.

The wilderness is here to set the record straight.

No one really cares. I assume nothing these days, cuz that too is just a strength of me.

This story will be played out. Not by me manipulating events. I can't do that. In the end I am just a messenger. Speaking a message that isn't mine. This isn't my story. I went after a different coin decades ago.

Like I said it seemed so hard all this time. These days it's easy. 


Have a good one.  :)

xoxoxoxoxo.  :)

Saturday, December 3, 2016

The Freedom Of Winter.

One thing you can say about winter is if you have to do a long run it don't matter when you do it. I was tired last night, and every time I woke up I was worried about time. Do I have enough time before work?  I'd fall back asleep,  and now I am just going to run after work. Weather is always probably best in the early afternoon anyway.

That is an easy decision. Pretty sure that was about it on my mind besides some work stuff. We are about to hit a pretty crazy busy time. It should be fun kinda. Plus I've done it one year already too,  so I know what to expect.

Anyway we know this person. Everyone can see his life is about to fall over a cliff. This person is selfish kinda cuz people who count on him are the ones who suffer the most.

When life turns to shit you still have to work right??  What good is it to be homeless??  There is a new born involved too.

In life sometimes you find people who take take take. Maybe those lives need to fall over a cliff to find a better smarter way.

You see potential sorta,  but you lose trust. Eventually you were acquainted at one time with someone you cannot count on.

Their life is about to go over a cliff. I have no idea where that tragic story ends.  Probably not good. You just let it go.  They make their own mistakes, and they live with the consequences.

It seems in this case you view as an objective viewer, and at some point when you lose trust, when you see in the long run they will just screw people you let them go.

You lose no sleep over it, cuz you really can't save people from their own mistakes. Especially when you cannot really trust their honesty.

Anyways that's a story about a guy at work. A girl he got knocked up, and a baby with a bleak future. A bleak future for them all really.

What gets me most is I have a good job. The people treat me great. He has a good job too, and the people treat him great, and he threw it all away... Probably.

I didn't want to talk about it on here cuz some may read it, but it is true shit about life.

We will not save people from their actions, and really we cannot see enough of the future to know where their path leads anyway.

As for me,  I am not worried about my future. It is in good hands. I worry about my running a bit, cuz I am switching from my plan a bit. I saw a guy at the race I used to run with. They run on Tuesdays, and I am going to start doing that with them. I worry about jumping up to more than 3 days. I am worried about speed work. I didn't do it this week. My legs were kinda tight. It rained a lot last week. My legs felt great yesterday on my short run, so I expect a good run today.

Anyways life goes on. I continue to work,  I continue to eat, and I continue to sleep. I continue to run too.

Now I am finishing my coffee. I think I'll take Hope for a little walk, even though she will get a 10 mile run in this afternoon.

Have a good one.  :)

Friday, December 2, 2016

A Different Week.

This week has been different. I drove to work a lot. Monday I was tired. Yesterday I slept as late as I could. Our house is a mess. Life can get crazy sometimes.

You can plan all you want, but shit will always get messed up. Say you always want to have the dishes done, but you are tired, and you don't give a fuck.

That is one thing you cannot plan on. Those times when your plans say you should be doing such and such, but inside you don't give a fuck about that today.

I should have done dishes when I got home yesterday,  but I didn't give a fuck about them. Maybe I should do dishes now,  but I am doing this. I am going to run next. Maybe after that.

Other than that not much going on. My running  has been all Fucked up this week too. I should have done speed work yesterday,  but I didn't. I sat on my ass, and listened to an audio book. I check them out online through our library for free. I like that. Maybe I'll get sick of it sometime.

That is something about me though. When I get home,  and just feel like sitting on my ass. 99/100 times I won't turn on the TV. I'll just sit there and think of things. Nothing really,  and maybe everything.

It is kinda a strange place we are at kinda. I am just living out my days, and happy to do it. I work,  eat, sleep.

My life is pretty simple I guess. In life I miss out on nothing. My bucket is full kinda, so there is no bucket list.

I am happy with work,  eat, sleep.

I do this thing too which more and more seems dumb. Life is dumb kinda. My mind thinks so much shit is dumb, but us people place importance in things that have none really.

To single us out as special is what we wanna do I guess.

I don't know. Thinking out loud I guess, with this dumb blog.   :)

Tomorrow is Saturday.  Cool.

I am out.

Later.   :)

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Very Little Matters.

What will be will be. You ever get the feeling the World is going along. In whatever direction who knows. Some people think they will make some type of difference, but they won't. It seems we should be important in some way right?  We aren't. Really we all are just living out our days. We tend to figure there must be something important and significant tied to that right?  What if you faced the truth and realized there isn't?  What then?   Many would probably be able to throw out a bunch of garbage they cling to.

Holidays would be a good time to throw out garbage too I bet. What if you don't want to do all the shit you have to do??  You'll do it anyway, cuz it's always been done that way. It's what you do.

Anyway, we will eventually have a new President. He'll be different than anyone else. What will be will be. I have no clue what it will be.

I think just the fact he will be the President says something about people. I am not sure what, but something. It's hard to generalize people cuz everyone is different. Everyone has a story,  but I don't even know if people know their own story. I bet not.

Anyway, I guess I am thinking out loud. Making no conclusions either. Yesterday I got my "Monday" run in. My legs never really loosened up. I just went for 6 miles,  and it felt like it was on tired legs,  so I guess that is what I wanted. Running is way better when your legs aren't tired though.  :)

Today will be another day. I plan on nothing really significant happening again. There will be work. There will be a meal. There will also be sleep.

That's about it. 

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program.

Talk about having a Monday. Sunday I went to bed early. I like to get my sleep. I slept good too for a few hours , and then I was up. Hour after hour. I had some broken sleep eventually,  but I stayed in bed til the last minute. I still was tired yesterday, and feeling every bit of Monday.

Last night I slept good,  and long. I have a coffee, so this will be a pretty good day. Other than that not much going on. I've been having weird dreams the last two nights. Nothing significant. Just weird.

I run 3 times per week. One of them I can do after two days off. I decided early yesterday to turn my Monday run into a Tuesday run. Mostly cuz my Saturday run accomplished what my Monday run is supposed to. A long run on tired legs. So I thought I better grab my extra day now. It also helps it is supposed to be like 56° today,  and yesterday was rainy and gross.

Another day in the life. Another day where I really am not accomplishing anything. Work,  eat, sleep. Today I'll do it with good rest.

I suppose that is about it. I really should delete this  cuz holy dumb and boring.

I haven't been doing that though.


Sunday, November 27, 2016

This Is An Unfortunate Time.

I have today off. I did not really plan on waking up at 2:00 AM, sit in bed for an hour,  and then get up. If I was working that would be perfect. I am not working though.

Anyway yesterday I had a day. It started with a run. The run was not easy. I ran hard at the turkey trot for 4.97 miles,  and my legs were sore.  I planned on just running 8 miles for my step down week. My quads were not too happy. Of course I had to poo around 4 miles in. I wiped with dry leaves,  which gave me a nice diaper rash feeling all the way home. I stopped running at 7.6 miles,  cuz my legs were wanting to run less and less. The quads were toast. It was a challenging run. I came home showered off my diaper rash which hurt like Hell. Running is very glamorous.

I worked. They didn't get a frozen load I don't think on Thanksgiving so I couldn't change much on the  endcaps. I worked as much overstock as I could.

I watched sportsing,  and made lasagna. Sportsing is pretty dumb. I don't even know why I watch. The game I watched the losing coach was a sore loser,  and the winning coach danced on the field like a 5 year old girl. Pretty dumb.

Things coaches and players don't know is there are no points for these activities. There are no points for me running. There are no points for all the activities done under the sun. It all is filed under shit people do.

There are no points for TV watching,  no points for whatever career you decide to do. Even if your career is collecting money on Sundays to make people think they are washing their sins away. As a matter of fact there are negative points in that career choice, cuz those people are false teachers.

I've said all that before. The path I took actually there are points attached to it. None really you can see here and now,  but my points are collected elsewhere. Held in safe keeping where no one can take them.

I've done this thing here to try and lead people along. Very unsuccessfully too. A failure really,  but that is how it was going to be. I didn't know that.

As this has gone on though I owe people less and less. In the wilderness nothing really matters. My deeds have been accepted,  and I am free to do as I choose.

Many are at the mercy of my heart I guess, and my heart is in the wilderness. You'll have to be strong to remain on this path,  but I feel most/all have fallen away already.

That is fine too,  cuz what people do has no bearing on me.

I am just a person whose life went in a different direction than just the normal day to day.  The search for truth helped me find there are no Saints. That is probably what people can't accept. There is a gap between who we are now, and what is possible. The best a person can be. You'll never bridge that gap if you think you already achieved it. You'll never bridge that gap if you think your life is important. You'll never bridge that gap if you believe fairy tales happen in life.

People don't want the truth.  They hide from it.  You'll have to be strong to remain in this game, cuz I am done with the BS.

Anyway today I'll take Hope,  do the leaves,  see a movie and have dinner.

Cya later.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Today Is Different.

So today I work for like maybe 5 hours, and then I have tomorrow off. I just had two days off too. Pretty sweet. I'll be pretty busy til Christmas, and some days off, and New Years, and some days off. After that there won't be many days off, but things will be slow til Spring.

Today will just be a run, work, and dinner. Pretty simple. Yesterday we just went out to supper. That also was pretty simple.

Other than that anything on my mind??  Nope,  not really. I feel I am in a pretty good mood. I don't have a terribly long-run planned today, since it is a step down week. I'll miss the MI game, but that's fine. It is just sportsing. No predictions about that game. Both teams can look good,  and both average. OSU is at home so maybe the edge to them.

More importantly what to make for dinner. I can always go with Lasagna. You can never go wrong there. I have plenty of stuff for meals the rest of the week.

I think tomorrow I'll do another round of leaves. They still haven't done the 2nd round of pick ups by our house,  so that is lucky. That is my weekend planned.

As to other people  I really don't know them. We are just living this life. A lot of questions about life if you think about it. In my story during a time of being pulled I went a different direction. What I learned along the way is everyone and everything is wrong. There is safety in following the multitudes. Many have done it. There isn't much safety going solo really, cuz it is just you. Yeah people get tied up in life.  That is normal. It doesn't mean you still don't have to find your way. Why is life so hard, and the answers so difficult?   I don't know. They are though. There is security in clinging to the World,  but it doesn't last.

From where we are now to where we have to go, I have no idea how that will happen. Seems pretty impossible at this late stage.

There will be more holidays in the future, and more pictures. None really have changed any really. None surely have gotten any better.

Anyway I jot some things down cuz that is what I do.

I have a run to do, and work. Then I have a dinner to make.

Cya later.   :)

xoxo.  :)

Friday, November 25, 2016

So I Turkey Trotted.

It's been a while since I made it to a starting line. This wasn't particularly important to me. I stayed warm in my car til about 5 minutes to start. Went to the back middle of the crowd,  stretched a little,  and got ready.

This was a speed work day. Instead of multiple intervals it was just one interval. My one speed work prior to this race that might tell how fast I would run put me at ~8:30/mile. My chip time was 8:26. Mile 4 approached 8:50, and mile 5 was under 8:00. I didn't shut off my app right away when I hit the finish line. I fumbled with my phone.

There was a hill on mile 4 that blew me up. I knew I had to recover or it was suffer fest to the end. A slow suffer fest. It worked. The girl who passed me on the hill I passed later on. She caught up to me again at the final turn, but there was only 150M give or take, and I had plenty of kick left.

So there. I got work to do. For one I am not particularly fast for me at all. Not horrible,  but not fast. Also I should never blow up on hills. That *should* be a strength  of mine. Speed work done.  Mission accomplished.

The rest of the day I had effort induced fatigue. I watched football,  and we ate a turkey dinner. A pretty good day.

Today I work, I have long run Saturday tomorrow,  and I am off on Sunday. We are going to see a movie on Sunday. So it looks like today will be another day. It looks like it is shaping up to be two more after that too.  :)

Fun fun.  :)

I really got nothing,  so I'll end it there.

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.  :)

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Why Not??

Decisions get made in weird ways. If I did my speed work really early yesterday, like 2:00 AM, there probably wouldn't be any rain. I slept later, and there was rain. I really didn't feel like running in 35° rain. Pretty much decided to do my speed work on Thursday. Then I thought turkey trot. I looked around, and found an 8K one just the town over. So I'll do that in a while. No clue my time.  It won't be very fast for me at all, but it will count as speed work so.

Other than that yesterday I had another day. Got everything done I wanted, which was a surprise. Days off are kinda nice for things like that. I went to bed early cuz I wanted to get up early,  but also I was annoyed. My wife has been working retail too much or something. Sometimes she gets kinda short,  which I don't deal with very well. I made a little mess and she blew up. Fine I was in the wrong,  but nothing to get crazy about.

I folded all her fucking laundry,  and did her a favor by running an errand for her like an hour before. I don't deal with Bullshit anger very well, so I went to bed.

I woke up today early. I'll take Hope. I am having a coffee, so hopefully I'll get all the poo out of me too before I run.

We are gonna have a turkey, and other stuff. I might rent a movie or two after my race if they are open. I don't think I wanna watch football. I really don't care who wins either game.

That is about it I guess. Not a lot to life is there?   Hearts cannot be controlled,  and I wonder what people feel inside. We are in the wilderness of life. Nothing really matters, and no matter what, we are just filling up time. It doesn't matter how important you *think* anything is.

There are no points in the wilderness, and everything is just folly really. Does that make you sad, mad,  scared??

I don't really know. You are not the best a person can be. Either am I. I know my path though. Your path is of this World. It leads to the grave. That matters. Does it to you?? 

None of your deeds matter. As important as you think your life is it hasn't been. Either has anything you've accomplished. You hurt people, and treated people unfairly. We all have. You judged people,  and you only judge yourself comparing to others.

In your personal journey you still haven't done anything. It is why we are in the wilderness of life. To help you. Even though it sucks.

Later all.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Woah Nellie

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing good. I slept a lot last night. I woke up around 1:00 AM, and I thought I was up. I was planning my day. I have my speed work day. I got some stuff to do around the house. I figured that may be tough to do at like 3:00 AM. There actually is a lot I want to do today. More than I'll probably have time for. Anyway my eyes got heavy surprisingly,  and I slept til 6:30. That is pretty shocking.

Last night we went out for a nice dinner. It's been a while. We saw some people we knew. It was fun.

That was about it for yesterday. This update seems to be going down the I should just delete this update,  but I haven't been deleting.

So what else??  Have you seen people getting some kinda US medal for something or another?  Famous people. Most people consider that significant. Medals don't travel with you when you are dead. There are no lasting treasures you will receive in this place. You have a life. Your life is filled with days, and all people die. Even famous ones.

The World is silly like that. You look at the people with medals, and we all think neat. Heroes for us to look at. These people aren't perfect. Their deeds fall short just like yours. It doesn't even matter what kinda clothes they wear.

In the wilderness there is no glamor worth anything. It is just us with our lives.

I am cool with it. I am cool being in the wilderness too, cuz my heart is different than if this life was just me solo.

You cannot be like I am, and you cannot know how. My story cannot be seen with your eyes. My story was in private. I kinda know how you are. Your vision into life is short,  and the vision into you is not really all that good. In your World there are heroes I suspect.

This story is about you. You vs. You. No points come from how you think you stack up against others.

This life is hard, and this journey is not even remotely possible. You are helpless and you probably don't know it. Where you are now is not good enough.

How do you propose to go from point A to point B?  Especially as you stand now,  that isn't even possible.

Anyway, That is good for today.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Things You Do When You Wake Up Early

Good morning. I am up early, and not sure why. I went to bed at my normal time.

Yesterday was kinda a strange day. I stayed up later on Sunday. I thought I'd sleep in, but I didn't. I wasn't exactly tired yesterday, but I wasn't really looking forward to running after work. I just ran a 4 mile run after work,  which helps give me a step down week. I've been wanting one anyway.

We ordered a pizza. Lisa went to a movie,  and I listened to an audio book I checked out from our library. I decided to listen to those while I work 8 hours on  Sundays.

There was my day. Today I work,  and then I have 2 days off in a row. I also have Sunday off. It is like a vacation for me,  as my last day off was Labor day.

No big plans for my 2 days off.  They will be two more days in my life. Just ones I won't be working on.

There you have it. A run down of what is going on with me.

Tryna think if there is anything else on my mind.  Hmmm...  nope.   :)

I know I know I should delete this rubbish,  but who cares?  

Not me.   :)

Cya next time.   :)

Monday, November 21, 2016

My Mind Is Empty.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday went okay. Another typical day. Not much to report. I worked, watched football,  ate dinner, stayed up later than normal, and slept.

My life isn't particularly interesting, but it's mine. I do as I choose, cuz I am able.

Nothing real significant happens in my day to day, cuz it is just life. One day I'll die, and that will probably be significant,  but I am not afraid of that day. It will happen, and I am cool with it.

Here in the wilderness there isn't much that is important. I can take or leave anything. Maybe in the wilderness I am selfish. People can do what people do, and I don't care.

Maybe I am both selfish and uncaring. I live my days pretty simply,  cuz there really isn't much to life. I am impressed by nothing, cuz in the wilderness nothing matters.

So there is life. I am cool with mine. There isn't anything to it. All the falseness of life is nowhere near me. Just living out my days.  It just so happens currently we are in the wilderness. I suspect the reason is so you can see the truth of life, cuz you've lived yours with the poison of false promises and stories.

This ain't no great thing we are doing here, and there are no points in Worldly accolades.

So I think I'll rest a whole before I get ready for work. 


Sunday, November 20, 2016

A Day Dreams Are Made Of.

Just kidding.  :)

How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday I got a run in. Runs are filled with stuff. Most of it not important, but I'll tell you about mine. I woke up really early, and I think maybe cuz I am running with purpose. Not sure though. I checked the weather, and it appears I had the best window for running. Higher winds, but probably less precipitation.

Driving to work I am not so sure. Winds were high all day, and the amount of precipitation I got seemed to be the most we got all day.

Anyway in my mind I had a 10 mile run mapped out even though it was only a 9 mile route. Really strange. My first 4 miles out were against a stiff wind. 25 MPH sustained. Gusts, who knows?   I remember thinking I was putting in a higher effort just to keep up a pace my legs wanted to run.  

I had to go a block down 66th to add to my run. 1 block = 1/2 mile out,  and eventually you add another 1/2 Mile coming back. There are several roads to choose.

Anyway for some reason I thought I was adding 2 miles,  but was only adding 1 mile. It took me about 10 minutes of math doing to figure out my mistake. I was like what in the world?   Why does this not add up,  and then I figured it out. There was always an opportunity to add. The run was challenging  though. I assume my 4 miles out. At mile 9 I had to poop though. So, decision made.  :) 

I brought toilet paper with me, cuz I know I probably would have to poop. Didn't think it would be at the end of my route.

So there. A lot of words about my run.

My runs are interesting to me,  so I write about it. 

Rest of the day was nap a bit. I was done ridiculously early with my run. I then worked,  watched football,  and cooked a meal. Then I slept.

Day done,  and today starts another. I am going in to work at 5:00 AM.
That's that.   :)

Have fun.  

Laterzzzzzz.  :)


Saturday, November 19, 2016

Assume Nothing.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  I am doing good. Today is my long run, and I am up early. A good start. I don't remember why I wanted to maybe step down this week, but I am not. I am going to go up to 10 miles on my long run. I may step down one week coming up, but I need to get up to the 12-14 mile range in December.   The weeks start flying by, so I want to be prepared.

I was thinking before I got up who is my audience with this thing?  Everybody,  and no one. Things are tough in the wilderness, so I just write. People can see or not. It don't matter.

I do what I do, and that's about it.

Anyways yesterday was just a pretty plain day. I got outside to enjoy the remaining nice weather. It probably will stay below 60° from here on out.

I don't really have anything to say I guess. Nothing on my mind.

In my new who gives a crap attutude, instead of deleting this gibberish,  I'll publish.  :)

Haha. Such a dumb update.


Friday, November 18, 2016

A Day Was Had.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I am up early,  well rested, and I feel good. It is Friday,  so tomorrow I can sleep in. Of course I am up 2 hours before I need to be today.

Yesterday I had one goal. Get the leaves from the back yard out to the road. This year's epic battle of man vs. leaves started later than normal due to the mild weather. Yesterday in case you are wondering...  man won.  :)  yay.

That was about it. We went out to a local place for dinner. So I had a meal, and I slept. Day started. Day completed. Today starts another one.

Sorta a weird position we are in now. You must be at a point where you think you are right. The decisions you made about life have put you on the right path. Perhaps you think none of it matters.  I don't know.

It doesn't really matter. People are people. Doing what they do. I am along for the ride doing my day to day.

This update is dumb. This is where I delete it.

That doesn't even matter.

Who cares??

Delete,  publish. It is just words, and really above all who even cares??

Not me.

The end.

Til next time.


Thursday, November 17, 2016

Oh Boy.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I got a good night sleep, and I am up early. I have a coffee, and time so I thought I'd do this. I have absolutely nothing on on my mind though.

I had my hard run yesterday. I didn't worry about paces just effort. My paces were all jumbled with the warm up,  hard runs, and recovery. My hard paces were hard, and that's what I want. I kept thinking this process just beats the slow out of you. It is pretty ideal for me to do my hard run on Wednesday. I have Thursday and Friday off before my long run. Then I have another day off before my long'ish run on Monday.

Other than that not much. Lisa met some friends for dinner, and I ate spaghetti. A day in the life.

Soooo that is about it for me. Not much else.

I could delete this,  but it doesn't matter. What matters to me is I woke up in a good mood. I'll take Hope,  and today will be another day.

So, I guess I'll have one.

Cya next time.   :)


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

An Ideal Start

Hello, and good morning. Either Wednesday or Thursday I have to do my hard run of the week. I'd really like to do it on fresh legs before work. I am up early today,  so I guess I can do that today. I don't know how often I'll wake up before 3:00 AM though, so I probably can't always count on it.

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I am the type of person who has all these ideas of what I am going to do after work,  and when I get home after work I don't feel like doing it. I kinda had that feeling yesterday,  but I wanted to get shit done too, and I did. Mostly outside shit, but I had to pick up a few groceries too. So that's good.

Other than that not much. I have changed kinda in how I look at things. Nothing matters really. I work, I eat, and I sleep. I don't have a lot of outside pressure on me. Maybe none. I don't look over my shoulder. Am I doing this right or that. Part of my whole story is the weight of the World is practically lifted from me.

I know how I am now,  I am a unique individual. Even so, that Summer way back when, I was unique too. I know I was singled out, and made different. I've seen things endured things, and felt things I am positive was way different than anyone I knew.

That Summer I learned I wasn't special. I learned the humbling fact of our existence. I learned that lesson another time like 7 years back too.

It is pretty ridiculous too, because in some way our lives have to be important right??  Life is just this thing that goes on. In the end it doesn't really matter.

I don't know how to express myself really except life is pretty ridiculous,  and people think it is significant in some way. In the wilderness nothing is significant. In the wilderness we are not smart. In the wilderness we aren't even above the apes really,  except for what is at stake.

I think I knew a while ago we were coming here. I didn't want to, but now I know the necessity of it. It is why I don't lead my path. I wouldn't have done any of it if it was up to me. How would I even know anything??  How could I lead myself?? 

Anyway, I am up early. I can get my hard run in. It basically will be a warm up. 4 hard ups ~a half mile, and 4 recover downs.

It is nice being at the beginning of training. Easier hard days.  :)


Til next time.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Wasn't My Plan To Do This Today.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  I was kinda planning on sleeping in today,  but I am done sleeping so I guess I'll do this.

Warning:  I have absolutely nothing on my mind.

Yesterday was pretty good. We got all the dishes done, and most of the laundry. Outside of work productivity = Yay. I watched a little football. We got the Packers game, and not the Bears, so I really didn't give a crap about football. The Bears are horrible. I may listen to the score today (Chicago Sportsing radio)  there is a guy on the station who is so arrogant and annoying I may not though. I can't stomach him, but I love to hear the angry callers. Dilemma.

Hope,  and I have to get a run in today. I am kinda sticking to running 3 days/week. I think it helps me stay healthy. Later on I'll see if I can add a day or two.

That's really about it. A look inside my boring life.  :)  oooh,  we're doing steak fajitas tonight too.

I got nothing real significant going on in my life. It kinda is how life is. I wake up pretty excited each day. More so now since I am thinking about my next run a lot. Busy doing what I do, which isn't much. My day ends with a good dinner, typically a pretty happy heart, and a good night sleep.

The next day I wake up, and start out a pretty similar day from the one before.

I could tell you how I am the way I am, but you cannot feel like I do. I have no idea how you feel. Too many years removed.

All I know is I have a day that is about to start. Already has I guess, and I feel pretty good about it.

Dumb update I know, but what are you gonna do at 3:40 AM while drinking coffee? 

Guess that's it.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

This Is Silly.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. I stayed up later than normal,  but I am up early anyway.

No biggie. I feel fine, and I just gotta work today. Yesterday was just a normal day. What new?  I got a pretty good run in. I didn't quite make it to 80 minutes, cuz if I didn't start walking home at 76:34 I would have pooped my pants. I felt fine though,  and it is pretty crazy how you can flip the switch from running to running to get better. I don't even remember why that happened.

Anyway I worked,  and cooked a meal. I kinda like doing this thing this way.

Yesterday I thought was a pretty good update,  and today is pretty dumb so far.  :)

I really don't have anything, but I can tell you how I feel. I feel good. I am at peace with myself,  and life. I am free really cuz these days I owe no one anything. Just living my life,  and people really have no bearing on it really.

Whatever happens on any given day I still wake up the next, and pretty much don't care about the previous. I guess I am not too worried about the day coming up either, cuz it will be much like the one before it.

I've done this thing a while,  and now I pretty much am solo with it. I used to read some blogs,  but I don't think anyone does it too much anymore. Some here and there maybe, but I still plug along doing what I do. I am the only one who writes this, and quite frankly the only one who reads it too maybe. :)

That is fine too,  cuz it don't matter. My life goes on. Day after day. It's all good in my book.

People are probably a lot like me today. Got nothing to say.  :)

Welp, I gotta get ready for work.

Til next time.


Saturday, November 12, 2016

Making Enemies. As One Does...

Just kidding. That title is such Bullshit, cuz it suggests what I do has any bearing on anything at all. Obviously I don't.

It doesn't matter really. People are out doing what people do. Mostly pretending their lives matter in some fashion. It is pretty weird standing where I do.  Life in the end equals death.

Where I stand now I battle people no different than me when I was just a young College grad. I was an imperfect person. I wanted to have fun. I didn't want to hurt people,  but I did.  I dealt with loss for the first time. 2nd if you count my dog Toby way back.

Life was a thing, but I didn't see anything out there.

Anyway I am over a couple decades removed from that person. I've been through the eye of the needle,  which opened up a lot. I still had a story though. You would think it was easy, but it was hard. There was a lot of fear, because condemnation was in my back pocket for much of it.

Here we stand now. You no different than I was 20 some odd years ago. Today you and I are not the same.  You cannot walk in my shoes in the least.

Your life goes on. It is very important is my guess,  but the truth of it all is our lives aren't. Just one among many who have done it.

One among many whose end will come. Many cling to the pageantry your Country has propped up,  but in the end your Country does not follow you. Your life is just you. Your deeds. You get no points for pretending to be the perfect Citizen.

All my labor here has seemingly done nothing, but I bet it has. How it can be kept hidden from my eyes I am not sure. It probably has to be, cuz words like steadfast,  perseverance, endurance, patience, and diligence are all part of the answer really.

I can't take you through the eye of the needle so all you can see is life like I did before the turn.

At that time life really wasn't all that great. I finally looked at the sum of all the things I can do. There wasn't much.
From where you stand now you have no points.  Your direction suggests that is where you'll end. I guess I am leading you out in the wilderness,  because there was one in the wilderness long ago.

His message wasn't Country,  labor, Citizenship,  whatever. His message was repentance. I realize now it was done in the wilderness, because that is where the World loses. There is no pageantry in the wilderness. The thoughts of men seem foolish here.

Anyways.  That is good for today.

Cya.  Stay angry, and keep hating.  :)  I'll try to too.   :)


Friday, November 11, 2016

Just Getting Something Down.

Good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was another day. I got my run in, and I forgot how fun that was. Finding your hard pace. Finding the red line. Listening to your breathing.

I learned a lot. My 5K pace is around :15 seconds slower than my marathon pace a few years back.  :)  I am sure that should come back quickly, but it was fun.

Other than that not much going on. Geesh, really nothing at all.

There was an Election this week. Unexpected results, but I already don't care. Much of the direction of the World is out of our control. What can you do about it?? 

Nothing to really get mad at in my book,  but I am a white male,  so. If the other side won can you imagine all the Hillary bashing you would have to delete from your timelines, and whatnot. Election season would never have ended.

Some things that really seem kinda funny to me is, is America really going to build a wall? 

In 2017?  People haven't progressed any have they?  We make better weapons. Killing has always been farther along than healing. Look at how brutal the Civil War was. Saws were the tools for surgery.

People's tools they use the most is division. My side is right type thing. Really there is no hope for us people. A safety net is good in theory,  but people will take advantage. There never is enough money, so monopolistic behavior tends to be the direction of people with that kind of pull.

Competition falls by the way side when anti trust isn't enforced. You aren't gonna change the World. There will always need to be a scapegoat cuz people will always be mad.

They are mad, cuz the fairy tales are all Bullshit. You are not born happy, and some things about your heart you don't know yet.

I really was asked to go down a very very dark path to see the truth of life. I saw the very little power of anything I have. I was asked to, cuz I could have rebelled outside the garbage room of Bromenn  Healthcare, but I didn't. I figured why be dumb, even though I am mad.

Anyway a couple decades later here we are. If you remember I was taken back to the wilderness again, and I gave up. I couldn't do it. My heart was taken that night, and now I am the way I am completely from my help.

I was not strong enough to do what it is I have done,  and what I must do to finish where I started.

On with life I go, and really I am not sure what others are doing.

My life goes on,  and actually who knows??  Maybe I will get a good year of running in.

Anyway that is that. 

Cya.  :)

Thursday, November 10, 2016

First Hard Run In A While.

After this I am going to get my first hard run in a while. A 1.25 mile warm up followed by 3-1.25 mile runs hard. I am kinda excited about it.

That is that. Not too much else on my mind. Yesterday I did nothing out of the ordinary. We had tacos for dinner.

Wanna know something of me??  I am confident,  and assured. If there is a way I am supposed to be I don't know know it. If there is a diplomatic way I am supposed to *act* I don't know it. I try to insulate myself from shit I don't need to see like cable news and what not, and I do pretty good. Lisa asked me yesterday if she could watch cnn for a while.  :)

I saw yesterday that Obama care helped people with pre-existing conditions. Payment ceilings and what not. This is shit I didn't know. I see it is a big concern for many. I see your Country is built of systems, and the systems ultimately are out to fuck you.

So people are mad, and they want change of some sort,  but you don't know how to go about it.

Some fuel their anger by watching Fox news,  and whatnot. I don't need to see it.

I am a person without a Country, cuz my life is about me. I've lived a life to get to this point, and much has been documented.

I am not interested in much,  cuz mostly people in all their wisdom still lack much. You cannot see what I see though, cuz I've seen too much, and I know too much.

So, today will be another day starting with a hard run.

I may see you here tomorrow, if I don't sleep in.

Cya.  :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

That Is Surprising.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I stayed up later than normal watching election results. Woke up pretty surprised.

What's it all mean??  Since I pay zero attention to the news and politics I don't know. I feel white males who run multiple Organizations bankrupt typically don't make good Presidents,  but we'll see.

Hillary had a lot of baggage. Can't believe how much hate was against her, so that will be one good thing. We won't have to hear about her, and how much she and that black man Fucked everything up.

So what will I do??  I am gonna do something epic. I'm gonna get involved in the news, study about politics. I'm gonna get involved in securing the next election.  :) 

Just kidding. I have a day of work, eat sleep planned. I should get a challenging run in, but I can wait til tomorrow since I stayed up last night. Although bringing my 1.25 mile repeats  back in my repertoire sounds like fun right now. I just may be too tired after work. We will see.

One thing I am hopeful for is not getting fined for not having Health Insurance. That would be sweet. The US is all Republican'ish so maybe that could be a thing.

My life goes on today. Whatever happens in the World is not my fault. I don't go out killing people. I don't cling to information that says that is okay.

The propaganda all Countries are made of have no bearing with me. My life is above what mostly male thought has passed down through Generations.

I've gone through all the complexities of life and can boil it down to work eat sleep.  If I can stay healthy maybe I can have a good running year ahead of me.

One day I'll die,  and I am cool with that. I don't know how yesterday changed the World,  I know it didn't change me.

It's life. One day ours will all end. If you can't see that,  then maybe it would be good to look. We all are headed down that path.

So, I'll remain happy,  cuz I've taken the right steps.

That is my update today.  :)

Have fun.  :)


xxoo.   :)

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

It's Gotta Mean Something Right?

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was another day really. On Mondays I typically like to get a solid run in following a long run Saturday. All that is relative as my long runs now aren't long, but you gotta start somewhere. I went for 52 minutes. My plan was 45 minutes, but I only have a 40 minute route. I didn't want to add to that,  so I did another route. It ended up being longer than 45 minutes. 

If it was March I'd probably run today, but it is November so I won't.

That is about it as far as my day went. Day here, and day gone. I will take Hope for a walk this morning.

Anyway our lives are going on. Day after day after day. You end up kinda getting stuck in your life. You can't just up and leave your current life in search of another. So, I hope it's a good one. It isn't perfect I know, and no matter what you are surrounded by people who aren't perfect. You aren't either. There is nothing in your power to change that either.

So we seek out shit that means something. A way to elevate ourselves, but you aren't. You are still born in an imperfect vessel. Tied to this World that is for what??

In a World you want to show people you made the right life. You nailed life,  and you are the top of the top. Second to none so to speak,  we all just are not that great.

You wanna be the hardest worker. The smartest person. Whatever, you still can't overcome the shortcomings we all are born with.

In a World where we want to show everyone how great we are, we aren't.

Somethings gotta mean something right??

The answer will surprise you. If you were looking at your last moments of being alive you'll realize your existence was pretty sad, cuz your days are coming to an end.

I've traveled many many miles in my journey. Many of them hard. It's good to know where people stand, and what life is about.

Guess I'll take Hope now.

Cya maybe tomorrow.

Monday, November 7, 2016

OMG What An Amazing Day.

Ha!!  Just kidding. My blog is going downhill pretty quick. I am running out of things to put on here. Not much happens to me day after day. Work, eat, sleep basically. It seems during football season I watch tee vee on the weekends. I don't know what I'll do when that is over.

That is a good question. I don't know what I'll do. I don't remember what I did last January and February.  Once it gets warm I know I hang outside.

Life??  Where does it go?  What is life for??  Why are we here doing our silly little lives?  What's the purpose??  Is there one?? 

If we look deep down we are insignificant. You ain't changing the World. We aren't making it better. We don't walk this area with perfect footsteps.

I didn't. Oh I tried though. That was my goal at one time. With a lot of fear I was led into the wilderness. For me judgement and condemnation walked with me side by side. There was no good to be seen, and I knew I wasn't. I accepted my shortcomings,  cuz I knew it is possible for there to be a better me. I eventually found the path I must take,  I just didn't know how to get there.

That was a long time ago. Now I know the timing isn't up to me. If it was I would have done it 25 + years ago. I am not really in a hurry anymore, cuz I am secure. Security was nowhere near me in the wilderness.  When judgement and condemnation are your partners life pretty much sucks. Not that it is some great thing anyway.

Our lives are pretty silly. We dress our life up cuz that is what people do. Get married and have kids cuz that is the way it always has been done. It's gotta be right, right?? 

You were born in a World where you accepted a lot of stuff just cuz. The one hard question you never thought to ask is what if it is all wrong?? 

What then?   It's a good question to ask cuz the World is wrong. Your truth is flawed.  Your foundation is made of sand. Your future as you stand now is not good.

Welcome to the wilderness. The strong will walk through this horrible place even though it sucks. The weak will not. They'll pretend it isn't here and accept a foundation of sand.

The weak I have no use for. I don't play make believe.

That is my update today.