Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Very Little Matters.

What will be will be. You ever get the feeling the World is going along. In whatever direction who knows. Some people think they will make some type of difference, but they won't. It seems we should be important in some way right?  We aren't. Really we all are just living out our days. We tend to figure there must be something important and significant tied to that right?  What if you faced the truth and realized there isn't?  What then?   Many would probably be able to throw out a bunch of garbage they cling to.

Holidays would be a good time to throw out garbage too I bet. What if you don't want to do all the shit you have to do??  You'll do it anyway, cuz it's always been done that way. It's what you do.

Anyway, we will eventually have a new President. He'll be different than anyone else. What will be will be. I have no clue what it will be.

I think just the fact he will be the President says something about people. I am not sure what, but something. It's hard to generalize people cuz everyone is different. Everyone has a story,  but I don't even know if people know their own story. I bet not.

Anyway, I guess I am thinking out loud. Making no conclusions either. Yesterday I got my "Monday" run in. My legs never really loosened up. I just went for 6 miles,  and it felt like it was on tired legs,  so I guess that is what I wanted. Running is way better when your legs aren't tired though.  :)

Today will be another day. I plan on nothing really significant happening again. There will be work. There will be a meal. There will also be sleep.

That's about it. 

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program.

Talk about having a Monday. Sunday I went to bed early. I like to get my sleep. I slept good too for a few hours , and then I was up. Hour after hour. I had some broken sleep eventually,  but I stayed in bed til the last minute. I still was tired yesterday, and feeling every bit of Monday.

Last night I slept good,  and long. I have a coffee, so this will be a pretty good day. Other than that not much going on. I've been having weird dreams the last two nights. Nothing significant. Just weird.

I run 3 times per week. One of them I can do after two days off. I decided early yesterday to turn my Monday run into a Tuesday run. Mostly cuz my Saturday run accomplished what my Monday run is supposed to. A long run on tired legs. So I thought I better grab my extra day now. It also helps it is supposed to be like 56° today,  and yesterday was rainy and gross.

Another day in the life. Another day where I really am not accomplishing anything. Work,  eat, sleep. Today I'll do it with good rest.

I suppose that is about it. I really should delete this  cuz holy dumb and boring.

I haven't been doing that though.


Sunday, November 27, 2016

This Is An Unfortunate Time.

I have today off. I did not really plan on waking up at 2:00 AM, sit in bed for an hour,  and then get up. If I was working that would be perfect. I am not working though.

Anyway yesterday I had a day. It started with a run. The run was not easy. I ran hard at the turkey trot for 4.97 miles,  and my legs were sore.  I planned on just running 8 miles for my step down week. My quads were not too happy. Of course I had to poo around 4 miles in. I wiped with dry leaves,  which gave me a nice diaper rash feeling all the way home. I stopped running at 7.6 miles,  cuz my legs were wanting to run less and less. The quads were toast. It was a challenging run. I came home showered off my diaper rash which hurt like Hell. Running is very glamorous.

I worked. They didn't get a frozen load I don't think on Thanksgiving so I couldn't change much on the  endcaps. I worked as much overstock as I could.

I watched sportsing,  and made lasagna. Sportsing is pretty dumb. I don't even know why I watch. The game I watched the losing coach was a sore loser,  and the winning coach danced on the field like a 5 year old girl. Pretty dumb.

Things coaches and players don't know is there are no points for these activities. There are no points for me running. There are no points for all the activities done under the sun. It all is filed under shit people do.

There are no points for TV watching,  no points for whatever career you decide to do. Even if your career is collecting money on Sundays to make people think they are washing their sins away. As a matter of fact there are negative points in that career choice, cuz those people are false teachers.

I've said all that before. The path I took actually there are points attached to it. None really you can see here and now,  but my points are collected elsewhere. Held in safe keeping where no one can take them.

I've done this thing here to try and lead people along. Very unsuccessfully too. A failure really,  but that is how it was going to be. I didn't know that.

As this has gone on though I owe people less and less. In the wilderness nothing really matters. My deeds have been accepted,  and I am free to do as I choose.

Many are at the mercy of my heart I guess, and my heart is in the wilderness. You'll have to be strong to remain on this path,  but I feel most/all have fallen away already.

That is fine too,  cuz what people do has no bearing on me.

I am just a person whose life went in a different direction than just the normal day to day.  The search for truth helped me find there are no Saints. That is probably what people can't accept. There is a gap between who we are now, and what is possible. The best a person can be. You'll never bridge that gap if you think you already achieved it. You'll never bridge that gap if you think your life is important. You'll never bridge that gap if you believe fairy tales happen in life.

People don't want the truth.  They hide from it.  You'll have to be strong to remain in this game, cuz I am done with the BS.

Anyway today I'll take Hope,  do the leaves,  see a movie and have dinner.

Cya later.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Today Is Different.

So today I work for like maybe 5 hours, and then I have tomorrow off. I just had two days off too. Pretty sweet. I'll be pretty busy til Christmas, and some days off, and New Years, and some days off. After that there won't be many days off, but things will be slow til Spring.

Today will just be a run, work, and dinner. Pretty simple. Yesterday we just went out to supper. That also was pretty simple.

Other than that anything on my mind??  Nope,  not really. I feel I am in a pretty good mood. I don't have a terribly long-run planned today, since it is a step down week. I'll miss the MI game, but that's fine. It is just sportsing. No predictions about that game. Both teams can look good,  and both average. OSU is at home so maybe the edge to them.

More importantly what to make for dinner. I can always go with Lasagna. You can never go wrong there. I have plenty of stuff for meals the rest of the week.

I think tomorrow I'll do another round of leaves. They still haven't done the 2nd round of pick ups by our house,  so that is lucky. That is my weekend planned.

As to other people  I really don't know them. We are just living this life. A lot of questions about life if you think about it. In my story during a time of being pulled I went a different direction. What I learned along the way is everyone and everything is wrong. There is safety in following the multitudes. Many have done it. There isn't much safety going solo really, cuz it is just you. Yeah people get tied up in life.  That is normal. It doesn't mean you still don't have to find your way. Why is life so hard, and the answers so difficult?   I don't know. They are though. There is security in clinging to the World,  but it doesn't last.

From where we are now to where we have to go, I have no idea how that will happen. Seems pretty impossible at this late stage.

There will be more holidays in the future, and more pictures. None really have changed any really. None surely have gotten any better.

Anyway I jot some things down cuz that is what I do.

I have a run to do, and work. Then I have a dinner to make.

Cya later.   :)

xoxo.  :)

Friday, November 25, 2016

So I Turkey Trotted.

It's been a while since I made it to a starting line. This wasn't particularly important to me. I stayed warm in my car til about 5 minutes to start. Went to the back middle of the crowd,  stretched a little,  and got ready.

This was a speed work day. Instead of multiple intervals it was just one interval. My one speed work prior to this race that might tell how fast I would run put me at ~8:30/mile. My chip time was 8:26. Mile 4 approached 8:50, and mile 5 was under 8:00. I didn't shut off my app right away when I hit the finish line. I fumbled with my phone.

There was a hill on mile 4 that blew me up. I knew I had to recover or it was suffer fest to the end. A slow suffer fest. It worked. The girl who passed me on the hill I passed later on. She caught up to me again at the final turn, but there was only 150M give or take, and I had plenty of kick left.

So there. I got work to do. For one I am not particularly fast for me at all. Not horrible,  but not fast. Also I should never blow up on hills. That *should* be a strength  of mine. Speed work done.  Mission accomplished.

The rest of the day I had effort induced fatigue. I watched football,  and we ate a turkey dinner. A pretty good day.

Today I work, I have long run Saturday tomorrow,  and I am off on Sunday. We are going to see a movie on Sunday. So it looks like today will be another day. It looks like it is shaping up to be two more after that too.  :)

Fun fun.  :)

I really got nothing,  so I'll end it there.

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.  :)

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Why Not??

Decisions get made in weird ways. If I did my speed work really early yesterday, like 2:00 AM, there probably wouldn't be any rain. I slept later, and there was rain. I really didn't feel like running in 35° rain. Pretty much decided to do my speed work on Thursday. Then I thought turkey trot. I looked around, and found an 8K one just the town over. So I'll do that in a while. No clue my time.  It won't be very fast for me at all, but it will count as speed work so.

Other than that yesterday I had another day. Got everything done I wanted, which was a surprise. Days off are kinda nice for things like that. I went to bed early cuz I wanted to get up early,  but also I was annoyed. My wife has been working retail too much or something. Sometimes she gets kinda short,  which I don't deal with very well. I made a little mess and she blew up. Fine I was in the wrong,  but nothing to get crazy about.

I folded all her fucking laundry,  and did her a favor by running an errand for her like an hour before. I don't deal with Bullshit anger very well, so I went to bed.

I woke up today early. I'll take Hope. I am having a coffee, so hopefully I'll get all the poo out of me too before I run.

We are gonna have a turkey, and other stuff. I might rent a movie or two after my race if they are open. I don't think I wanna watch football. I really don't care who wins either game.

That is about it I guess. Not a lot to life is there?   Hearts cannot be controlled,  and I wonder what people feel inside. We are in the wilderness of life. Nothing really matters, and no matter what, we are just filling up time. It doesn't matter how important you *think* anything is.

There are no points in the wilderness, and everything is just folly really. Does that make you sad, mad,  scared??

I don't really know. You are not the best a person can be. Either am I. I know my path though. Your path is of this World. It leads to the grave. That matters. Does it to you?? 

None of your deeds matter. As important as you think your life is it hasn't been. Either has anything you've accomplished. You hurt people, and treated people unfairly. We all have. You judged people,  and you only judge yourself comparing to others.

In your personal journey you still haven't done anything. It is why we are in the wilderness of life. To help you. Even though it sucks.

Later all.  :)

xoxo.   :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Woah Nellie

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing good. I slept a lot last night. I woke up around 1:00 AM, and I thought I was up. I was planning my day. I have my speed work day. I got some stuff to do around the house. I figured that may be tough to do at like 3:00 AM. There actually is a lot I want to do today. More than I'll probably have time for. Anyway my eyes got heavy surprisingly,  and I slept til 6:30. That is pretty shocking.

Last night we went out for a nice dinner. It's been a while. We saw some people we knew. It was fun.

That was about it for yesterday. This update seems to be going down the I should just delete this update,  but I haven't been deleting.

So what else??  Have you seen people getting some kinda US medal for something or another?  Famous people. Most people consider that significant. Medals don't travel with you when you are dead. There are no lasting treasures you will receive in this place. You have a life. Your life is filled with days, and all people die. Even famous ones.

The World is silly like that. You look at the people with medals, and we all think neat. Heroes for us to look at. These people aren't perfect. Their deeds fall short just like yours. It doesn't even matter what kinda clothes they wear.

In the wilderness there is no glamor worth anything. It is just us with our lives.

I am cool with it. I am cool being in the wilderness too, cuz my heart is different than if this life was just me solo.

You cannot be like I am, and you cannot know how. My story cannot be seen with your eyes. My story was in private. I kinda know how you are. Your vision into life is short,  and the vision into you is not really all that good. In your World there are heroes I suspect.

This story is about you. You vs. You. No points come from how you think you stack up against others.

This life is hard, and this journey is not even remotely possible. You are helpless and you probably don't know it. Where you are now is not good enough.

How do you propose to go from point A to point B?  Especially as you stand now,  that isn't even possible.

Anyway, That is good for today.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Things You Do When You Wake Up Early

Good morning. I am up early, and not sure why. I went to bed at my normal time.

Yesterday was kinda a strange day. I stayed up later on Sunday. I thought I'd sleep in, but I didn't. I wasn't exactly tired yesterday, but I wasn't really looking forward to running after work. I just ran a 4 mile run after work,  which helps give me a step down week. I've been wanting one anyway.

We ordered a pizza. Lisa went to a movie,  and I listened to an audio book I checked out from our library. I decided to listen to those while I work 8 hours on  Sundays.

There was my day. Today I work,  and then I have 2 days off in a row. I also have Sunday off. It is like a vacation for me,  as my last day off was Labor day.

No big plans for my 2 days off.  They will be two more days in my life. Just ones I won't be working on.

There you have it. A run down of what is going on with me.

Tryna think if there is anything else on my mind.  Hmmm...  nope.   :)

I know I know I should delete this rubbish,  but who cares?  

Not me.   :)

Cya next time.   :)

Monday, November 21, 2016

My Mind Is Empty.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. Yesterday went okay. Another typical day. Not much to report. I worked, watched football,  ate dinner, stayed up later than normal, and slept.

My life isn't particularly interesting, but it's mine. I do as I choose, cuz I am able.

Nothing real significant happens in my day to day, cuz it is just life. One day I'll die, and that will probably be significant,  but I am not afraid of that day. It will happen, and I am cool with it.

Here in the wilderness there isn't much that is important. I can take or leave anything. Maybe in the wilderness I am selfish. People can do what people do, and I don't care.

Maybe I am both selfish and uncaring. I live my days pretty simply,  cuz there really isn't much to life. I am impressed by nothing, cuz in the wilderness nothing matters.

So there is life. I am cool with mine. There isn't anything to it. All the falseness of life is nowhere near me. Just living out my days.  It just so happens currently we are in the wilderness. I suspect the reason is so you can see the truth of life, cuz you've lived yours with the poison of false promises and stories.

This ain't no great thing we are doing here, and there are no points in Worldly accolades.

So I think I'll rest a whole before I get ready for work. 


Sunday, November 20, 2016

A Day Dreams Are Made Of.

Just kidding.  :)

How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday I got a run in. Runs are filled with stuff. Most of it not important, but I'll tell you about mine. I woke up really early, and I think maybe cuz I am running with purpose. Not sure though. I checked the weather, and it appears I had the best window for running. Higher winds, but probably less precipitation.

Driving to work I am not so sure. Winds were high all day, and the amount of precipitation I got seemed to be the most we got all day.

Anyway in my mind I had a 10 mile run mapped out even though it was only a 9 mile route. Really strange. My first 4 miles out were against a stiff wind. 25 MPH sustained. Gusts, who knows?   I remember thinking I was putting in a higher effort just to keep up a pace my legs wanted to run.  

I had to go a block down 66th to add to my run. 1 block = 1/2 mile out,  and eventually you add another 1/2 Mile coming back. There are several roads to choose.

Anyway for some reason I thought I was adding 2 miles,  but was only adding 1 mile. It took me about 10 minutes of math doing to figure out my mistake. I was like what in the world?   Why does this not add up,  and then I figured it out. There was always an opportunity to add. The run was challenging  though. I assume my 4 miles out. At mile 9 I had to poop though. So, decision made.  :) 

I brought toilet paper with me, cuz I know I probably would have to poop. Didn't think it would be at the end of my route.

So there. A lot of words about my run.

My runs are interesting to me,  so I write about it. 

Rest of the day was nap a bit. I was done ridiculously early with my run. I then worked,  watched football,  and cooked a meal. Then I slept.

Day done,  and today starts another. I am going in to work at 5:00 AM.
That's that.   :)

Have fun.  

Laterzzzzzz.  :)


Saturday, November 19, 2016

Assume Nothing.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  I am doing good. Today is my long run, and I am up early. A good start. I don't remember why I wanted to maybe step down this week, but I am not. I am going to go up to 10 miles on my long run. I may step down one week coming up, but I need to get up to the 12-14 mile range in December.   The weeks start flying by, so I want to be prepared.

I was thinking before I got up who is my audience with this thing?  Everybody,  and no one. Things are tough in the wilderness, so I just write. People can see or not. It don't matter.

I do what I do, and that's about it.

Anyways yesterday was just a pretty plain day. I got outside to enjoy the remaining nice weather. It probably will stay below 60° from here on out.

I don't really have anything to say I guess. Nothing on my mind.

In my new who gives a crap attutude, instead of deleting this gibberish,  I'll publish.  :)

Haha. Such a dumb update.


Friday, November 18, 2016

A Day Was Had.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I am up early,  well rested, and I feel good. It is Friday,  so tomorrow I can sleep in. Of course I am up 2 hours before I need to be today.

Yesterday I had one goal. Get the leaves from the back yard out to the road. This year's epic battle of man vs. leaves started later than normal due to the mild weather. Yesterday in case you are wondering...  man won.  :)  yay.

That was about it. We went out to a local place for dinner. So I had a meal, and I slept. Day started. Day completed. Today starts another one.

Sorta a weird position we are in now. You must be at a point where you think you are right. The decisions you made about life have put you on the right path. Perhaps you think none of it matters.  I don't know.

It doesn't really matter. People are people. Doing what they do. I am along for the ride doing my day to day.

This update is dumb. This is where I delete it.

That doesn't even matter.

Who cares??

Delete,  publish. It is just words, and really above all who even cares??

Not me.

The end.

Til next time.


Thursday, November 17, 2016

Oh Boy.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing good. I got a good night sleep, and I am up early. I have a coffee, and time so I thought I'd do this. I have absolutely nothing on on my mind though.

I had my hard run yesterday. I didn't worry about paces just effort. My paces were all jumbled with the warm up,  hard runs, and recovery. My hard paces were hard, and that's what I want. I kept thinking this process just beats the slow out of you. It is pretty ideal for me to do my hard run on Wednesday. I have Thursday and Friday off before my long run. Then I have another day off before my long'ish run on Monday.

Other than that not much. Lisa met some friends for dinner, and I ate spaghetti. A day in the life.

Soooo that is about it for me. Not much else.

I could delete this,  but it doesn't matter. What matters to me is I woke up in a good mood. I'll take Hope,  and today will be another day.

So, I guess I'll have one.

Cya next time.   :)


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

An Ideal Start

Hello, and good morning. Either Wednesday or Thursday I have to do my hard run of the week. I'd really like to do it on fresh legs before work. I am up early today,  so I guess I can do that today. I don't know how often I'll wake up before 3:00 AM though, so I probably can't always count on it.

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I am the type of person who has all these ideas of what I am going to do after work,  and when I get home after work I don't feel like doing it. I kinda had that feeling yesterday,  but I wanted to get shit done too, and I did. Mostly outside shit, but I had to pick up a few groceries too. So that's good.

Other than that not much. I have changed kinda in how I look at things. Nothing matters really. I work, I eat, and I sleep. I don't have a lot of outside pressure on me. Maybe none. I don't look over my shoulder. Am I doing this right or that. Part of my whole story is the weight of the World is practically lifted from me.

I know how I am now,  I am a unique individual. Even so, that Summer way back when, I was unique too. I know I was singled out, and made different. I've seen things endured things, and felt things I am positive was way different than anyone I knew.

That Summer I learned I wasn't special. I learned the humbling fact of our existence. I learned that lesson another time like 7 years back too.

It is pretty ridiculous too, because in some way our lives have to be important right??  Life is just this thing that goes on. In the end it doesn't really matter.

I don't know how to express myself really except life is pretty ridiculous,  and people think it is significant in some way. In the wilderness nothing is significant. In the wilderness we are not smart. In the wilderness we aren't even above the apes really,  except for what is at stake.

I think I knew a while ago we were coming here. I didn't want to, but now I know the necessity of it. It is why I don't lead my path. I wouldn't have done any of it if it was up to me. How would I even know anything??  How could I lead myself?? 

Anyway, I am up early. I can get my hard run in. It basically will be a warm up. 4 hard ups ~a half mile, and 4 recover downs.

It is nice being at the beginning of training. Easier hard days.  :)


Til next time.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Wasn't My Plan To Do This Today.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  I was kinda planning on sleeping in today,  but I am done sleeping so I guess I'll do this.

Warning:  I have absolutely nothing on my mind.

Yesterday was pretty good. We got all the dishes done, and most of the laundry. Outside of work productivity = Yay. I watched a little football. We got the Packers game, and not the Bears, so I really didn't give a crap about football. The Bears are horrible. I may listen to the score today (Chicago Sportsing radio)  there is a guy on the station who is so arrogant and annoying I may not though. I can't stomach him, but I love to hear the angry callers. Dilemma.

Hope,  and I have to get a run in today. I am kinda sticking to running 3 days/week. I think it helps me stay healthy. Later on I'll see if I can add a day or two.

That's really about it. A look inside my boring life.  :)  oooh,  we're doing steak fajitas tonight too.

I got nothing real significant going on in my life. It kinda is how life is. I wake up pretty excited each day. More so now since I am thinking about my next run a lot. Busy doing what I do, which isn't much. My day ends with a good dinner, typically a pretty happy heart, and a good night sleep.

The next day I wake up, and start out a pretty similar day from the one before.

I could tell you how I am the way I am, but you cannot feel like I do. I have no idea how you feel. Too many years removed.

All I know is I have a day that is about to start. Already has I guess, and I feel pretty good about it.

Dumb update I know, but what are you gonna do at 3:40 AM while drinking coffee? 

Guess that's it.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

This Is Silly.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. I stayed up later than normal,  but I am up early anyway.

No biggie. I feel fine, and I just gotta work today. Yesterday was just a normal day. What new?  I got a pretty good run in. I didn't quite make it to 80 minutes, cuz if I didn't start walking home at 76:34 I would have pooped my pants. I felt fine though,  and it is pretty crazy how you can flip the switch from running to running to get better. I don't even remember why that happened.

Anyway I worked,  and cooked a meal. I kinda like doing this thing this way.

Yesterday I thought was a pretty good update,  and today is pretty dumb so far.  :)

I really don't have anything, but I can tell you how I feel. I feel good. I am at peace with myself,  and life. I am free really cuz these days I owe no one anything. Just living my life,  and people really have no bearing on it really.

Whatever happens on any given day I still wake up the next, and pretty much don't care about the previous. I guess I am not too worried about the day coming up either, cuz it will be much like the one before it.

I've done this thing a while,  and now I pretty much am solo with it. I used to read some blogs,  but I don't think anyone does it too much anymore. Some here and there maybe, but I still plug along doing what I do. I am the only one who writes this, and quite frankly the only one who reads it too maybe. :)

That is fine too,  cuz it don't matter. My life goes on. Day after day. It's all good in my book.

People are probably a lot like me today. Got nothing to say.  :)

Welp, I gotta get ready for work.

Til next time.


Saturday, November 12, 2016

Making Enemies. As One Does...

Just kidding. That title is such Bullshit, cuz it suggests what I do has any bearing on anything at all. Obviously I don't.

It doesn't matter really. People are out doing what people do. Mostly pretending their lives matter in some fashion. It is pretty weird standing where I do.  Life in the end equals death.

Where I stand now I battle people no different than me when I was just a young College grad. I was an imperfect person. I wanted to have fun. I didn't want to hurt people,  but I did.  I dealt with loss for the first time. 2nd if you count my dog Toby way back.

Life was a thing, but I didn't see anything out there.

Anyway I am over a couple decades removed from that person. I've been through the eye of the needle,  which opened up a lot. I still had a story though. You would think it was easy, but it was hard. There was a lot of fear, because condemnation was in my back pocket for much of it.

Here we stand now. You no different than I was 20 some odd years ago. Today you and I are not the same.  You cannot walk in my shoes in the least.

Your life goes on. It is very important is my guess,  but the truth of it all is our lives aren't. Just one among many who have done it.

One among many whose end will come. Many cling to the pageantry your Country has propped up,  but in the end your Country does not follow you. Your life is just you. Your deeds. You get no points for pretending to be the perfect Citizen.

All my labor here has seemingly done nothing, but I bet it has. How it can be kept hidden from my eyes I am not sure. It probably has to be, cuz words like steadfast,  perseverance, endurance, patience, and diligence are all part of the answer really.

I can't take you through the eye of the needle so all you can see is life like I did before the turn.

At that time life really wasn't all that great. I finally looked at the sum of all the things I can do. There wasn't much.
From where you stand now you have no points.  Your direction suggests that is where you'll end. I guess I am leading you out in the wilderness,  because there was one in the wilderness long ago.

His message wasn't Country,  labor, Citizenship,  whatever. His message was repentance. I realize now it was done in the wilderness, because that is where the World loses. There is no pageantry in the wilderness. The thoughts of men seem foolish here.

Anyways.  That is good for today.

Cya.  Stay angry, and keep hating.  :)  I'll try to too.   :)


Friday, November 11, 2016

Just Getting Something Down.

Good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was another day. I got my run in, and I forgot how fun that was. Finding your hard pace. Finding the red line. Listening to your breathing.

I learned a lot. My 5K pace is around :15 seconds slower than my marathon pace a few years back.  :)  I am sure that should come back quickly, but it was fun.

Other than that not much going on. Geesh, really nothing at all.

There was an Election this week. Unexpected results, but I already don't care. Much of the direction of the World is out of our control. What can you do about it?? 

Nothing to really get mad at in my book,  but I am a white male,  so. If the other side won can you imagine all the Hillary bashing you would have to delete from your timelines, and whatnot. Election season would never have ended.

Some things that really seem kinda funny to me is, is America really going to build a wall? 

In 2017?  People haven't progressed any have they?  We make better weapons. Killing has always been farther along than healing. Look at how brutal the Civil War was. Saws were the tools for surgery.

People's tools they use the most is division. My side is right type thing. Really there is no hope for us people. A safety net is good in theory,  but people will take advantage. There never is enough money, so monopolistic behavior tends to be the direction of people with that kind of pull.

Competition falls by the way side when anti trust isn't enforced. You aren't gonna change the World. There will always need to be a scapegoat cuz people will always be mad.

They are mad, cuz the fairy tales are all Bullshit. You are not born happy, and some things about your heart you don't know yet.

I really was asked to go down a very very dark path to see the truth of life. I saw the very little power of anything I have. I was asked to, cuz I could have rebelled outside the garbage room of Bromenn  Healthcare, but I didn't. I figured why be dumb, even though I am mad.

Anyway a couple decades later here we are. If you remember I was taken back to the wilderness again, and I gave up. I couldn't do it. My heart was taken that night, and now I am the way I am completely from my help.

I was not strong enough to do what it is I have done,  and what I must do to finish where I started.

On with life I go, and really I am not sure what others are doing.

My life goes on,  and actually who knows??  Maybe I will get a good year of running in.

Anyway that is that. 

Cya.  :)

Thursday, November 10, 2016

First Hard Run In A While.

After this I am going to get my first hard run in a while. A 1.25 mile warm up followed by 3-1.25 mile runs hard. I am kinda excited about it.

That is that. Not too much else on my mind. Yesterday I did nothing out of the ordinary. We had tacos for dinner.

Wanna know something of me??  I am confident,  and assured. If there is a way I am supposed to be I don't know know it. If there is a diplomatic way I am supposed to *act* I don't know it. I try to insulate myself from shit I don't need to see like cable news and what not, and I do pretty good. Lisa asked me yesterday if she could watch cnn for a while.  :)

I saw yesterday that Obama care helped people with pre-existing conditions. Payment ceilings and what not. This is shit I didn't know. I see it is a big concern for many. I see your Country is built of systems, and the systems ultimately are out to fuck you.

So people are mad, and they want change of some sort,  but you don't know how to go about it.

Some fuel their anger by watching Fox news,  and whatnot. I don't need to see it.

I am a person without a Country, cuz my life is about me. I've lived a life to get to this point, and much has been documented.

I am not interested in much,  cuz mostly people in all their wisdom still lack much. You cannot see what I see though, cuz I've seen too much, and I know too much.

So, today will be another day starting with a hard run.

I may see you here tomorrow, if I don't sleep in.

Cya.  :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

That Is Surprising.

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I stayed up later than normal watching election results. Woke up pretty surprised.

What's it all mean??  Since I pay zero attention to the news and politics I don't know. I feel white males who run multiple Organizations bankrupt typically don't make good Presidents,  but we'll see.

Hillary had a lot of baggage. Can't believe how much hate was against her, so that will be one good thing. We won't have to hear about her, and how much she and that black man Fucked everything up.

So what will I do??  I am gonna do something epic. I'm gonna get involved in the news, study about politics. I'm gonna get involved in securing the next election.  :) 

Just kidding. I have a day of work, eat sleep planned. I should get a challenging run in, but I can wait til tomorrow since I stayed up last night. Although bringing my 1.25 mile repeats  back in my repertoire sounds like fun right now. I just may be too tired after work. We will see.

One thing I am hopeful for is not getting fined for not having Health Insurance. That would be sweet. The US is all Republican'ish so maybe that could be a thing.

My life goes on today. Whatever happens in the World is not my fault. I don't go out killing people. I don't cling to information that says that is okay.

The propaganda all Countries are made of have no bearing with me. My life is above what mostly male thought has passed down through Generations.

I've gone through all the complexities of life and can boil it down to work eat sleep.  If I can stay healthy maybe I can have a good running year ahead of me.

One day I'll die,  and I am cool with that. I don't know how yesterday changed the World,  I know it didn't change me.

It's life. One day ours will all end. If you can't see that,  then maybe it would be good to look. We all are headed down that path.

So, I'll remain happy,  cuz I've taken the right steps.

That is my update today.  :)

Have fun.  :)


xxoo.   :)

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

It's Gotta Mean Something Right?

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was another day really. On Mondays I typically like to get a solid run in following a long run Saturday. All that is relative as my long runs now aren't long, but you gotta start somewhere. I went for 52 minutes. My plan was 45 minutes, but I only have a 40 minute route. I didn't want to add to that,  so I did another route. It ended up being longer than 45 minutes. 

If it was March I'd probably run today, but it is November so I won't.

That is about it as far as my day went. Day here, and day gone. I will take Hope for a walk this morning.

Anyway our lives are going on. Day after day after day. You end up kinda getting stuck in your life. You can't just up and leave your current life in search of another. So, I hope it's a good one. It isn't perfect I know, and no matter what you are surrounded by people who aren't perfect. You aren't either. There is nothing in your power to change that either.

So we seek out shit that means something. A way to elevate ourselves, but you aren't. You are still born in an imperfect vessel. Tied to this World that is for what??

In a World you want to show people you made the right life. You nailed life,  and you are the top of the top. Second to none so to speak,  we all just are not that great.

You wanna be the hardest worker. The smartest person. Whatever, you still can't overcome the shortcomings we all are born with.

In a World where we want to show everyone how great we are, we aren't.

Somethings gotta mean something right??

The answer will surprise you. If you were looking at your last moments of being alive you'll realize your existence was pretty sad, cuz your days are coming to an end.

I've traveled many many miles in my journey. Many of them hard. It's good to know where people stand, and what life is about.

Guess I'll take Hope now.

Cya maybe tomorrow.

Monday, November 7, 2016

OMG What An Amazing Day.

Ha!!  Just kidding. My blog is going downhill pretty quick. I am running out of things to put on here. Not much happens to me day after day. Work, eat, sleep basically. It seems during football season I watch tee vee on the weekends. I don't know what I'll do when that is over.

That is a good question. I don't know what I'll do. I don't remember what I did last January and February.  Once it gets warm I know I hang outside.

Life??  Where does it go?  What is life for??  Why are we here doing our silly little lives?  What's the purpose??  Is there one?? 

If we look deep down we are insignificant. You ain't changing the World. We aren't making it better. We don't walk this area with perfect footsteps.

I didn't. Oh I tried though. That was my goal at one time. With a lot of fear I was led into the wilderness. For me judgement and condemnation walked with me side by side. There was no good to be seen, and I knew I wasn't. I accepted my shortcomings,  cuz I knew it is possible for there to be a better me. I eventually found the path I must take,  I just didn't know how to get there.

That was a long time ago. Now I know the timing isn't up to me. If it was I would have done it 25 + years ago. I am not really in a hurry anymore, cuz I am secure. Security was nowhere near me in the wilderness.  When judgement and condemnation are your partners life pretty much sucks. Not that it is some great thing anyway.

Our lives are pretty silly. We dress our life up cuz that is what people do. Get married and have kids cuz that is the way it always has been done. It's gotta be right, right?? 

You were born in a World where you accepted a lot of stuff just cuz. The one hard question you never thought to ask is what if it is all wrong?? 

What then?   It's a good question to ask cuz the World is wrong. Your truth is flawed.  Your foundation is made of sand. Your future as you stand now is not good.

Welcome to the wilderness. The strong will walk through this horrible place even though it sucks. The weak will not. They'll pretend it isn't here and accept a foundation of sand.

The weak I have no use for. I don't play make believe.

That is my update today. 


Sunday, November 6, 2016

Turnups, And Summer Squash

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I used my extra hour to my advantage. I woke up at midnight surprisingly not tired,  but I fell asleep, and dreamed. Woke up at 2-something which miraculously was 1-something, and slept and dreamt on and off til 4:00. That is definitely a win.

Other than that not much going on. Had a good run yesterday. Nice and slow,  like barely under a 10:00 pace. It felt good. Running temps were good,  and I knew I was adding at 40 minutes. I was going to go for an hour,  but I kept running past that turn. I had an idea a place where it might be a 70 minute run, but it was 68:00 minutes I think. That was about it. I had to work,  and there was a lot to do. Everything changed on the frozen end caps.

I came home and watched football,  and then cooked dinner. Today I work, I'll watch football,  and do dinner again.

Pretty boring. This update is pretty boring, but I don't care. I am not bored. I do as I choose,  and this is what I choose. If I could do anything different would I??

No. I'll tell you why. My path was made by someone who knew me better than me. I guess I hit a point where I am not sure what life was anymore. The fairy tales were all bull shit. We will all have a pretty crappy ending of some sort. Outside of following some selfish pursuit of some sort what is worth doing? 

The wilderness suggests nothing really. Our life is worth very little. Our hearts and minds suggest otherwise. Who is right??  The wilderness or you? 

I know the answer to that.

Today is another day for me.  It will be much like the ones before.


Saturday, November 5, 2016

Definitely Different.

Now I know my feed thingy isn't there anymore so that's cool. I don't know why. It's not like I'll be any different. I usually just write whatever, and the feed would automatically do its thing. Now I'll just write whatever only no feed. I never thought about it much, but it is different now.

This morning I thought why even do this. It is dumb kinda, and I guess my reason is I feel like doing it if I wake up early.  Today I have nothing on my mind either.

My heart is in a good mood. Energized as normal, so I guess that's why. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. Lisa went to her Dad's old boss's visitation. Some horrible accident. Closed casket. She said it was sad. The guy basically gifted Marge enough money to pay for Melgert's funeral. From what we gather that is how he was. Lisa said the guys family did not look good. I bet.

Other than that we ate a meal. We were lazy so we ordered out. Eventually I went to bed. Today I'll cook a meal, cuz I shop after work every Saturday. Not sure what I'll make.

So there.  Notch another day in the books. Nothing terribly exciting happened again. Just doing this life thing. Writing a blog I am coming close to deleting,  cuz it's dumb.  :)

Then again this isn't getting posted anywhere except here. I have no reason to suspect anyone will read it so who cares how dumb and boring it is.  I don't know if that will mean anything down the line.

Like all things this blog doesn't matter. It is just a silly little thing I do. This no feed thingy is really different. I like it. I don't know why.

I am not gonna go through all the other stuff. It is kinda silly.

Just gonna publish this to the interwebs for fun.

Hope and I are going to get a good run in with perfect running temps.


Thursday, November 3, 2016

More Invisible Than Last Time?

Hello, and good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I am up before my early alarm so that's good. I can get a good run in before work.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I kinda got tired, and then bored. Got angry at stupid shit for like 10 minutes.  I was just sitting on the couch. I didn't want to watch tv, and I didn't want to read.

I was bored I guess. Sometimes I have nothing to fill my time with. Weird.

Anyway today is another day. I see game 7 must have been a crazy game. I'll have to stay away from FB for fear of being attacked by flying W's and whatnot.

Today I don't have anything real important. Weather should be good. I don't have a lot around the house to do. I can find stuff. We'll see. Not sure what to do for dinner. I guess it will be a day like many others.

Now is the time I probably would delete this,  cuz it is dumb. I am not saying anything important.

What in life is important? Sportsing events? Walter Payton has been dead for several years. He was good at Sportsing. Ty Cobb is dead too. I don't think back ever to the Sportsing games they played. I don't think back to them at all.

Family??  I have people in my family who are dead. I don't think about them much. Less and less as the years go by.

Life is for the living that is for sure. Cubs fans will be excited for a bit, they will reminisce, but the Sportsing that happened last night won't stand the test of time. If it did they would still think of the '85 Bears.

Nothing really stands the test of time does it??  What is important today in our minds and hearts can shift suddenly for whatever reason.

Some days I bet parents wish they didn't have to be parents. Jobs??  Do we always want to work?  

What is the meaning of all this??  Do we get enough sleep to be sharp all the time? 

One good thing is energy. It's a good thing to have. I have a lot typically first thing. I get tired toward the end of the day as dinner approaches, but it is a good thing to have.

The darkness of boredom rarely visits me. Think of blogs?  Why should we even read them?? 

Other people's lives aren't any great thing. People have responsibilities,  and goals and whatnot. Is their life important? 

Our lives aren't really important cuz once you are gone people will think of you less and less. Even if you were good at Sportsing.

Are you a good writer??  Robert Ludlum has probably written more books dead than when he was alive. Zombie Robert Ludlum I guess. Who cares?? 

All the activities we do under the sun will not stand the test of time. I bet it would be good to place the proper importance in them.

Once you do you'll probably see how little and small our lives are.

Anyway. Just getting something down.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. time to get a run in before work.

Love you All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's. :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D      :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz.  :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo.  :)

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

I Think This Thing Is Invisible Now.

Sweeeet. :)

Not that it is a big deal or anything, but it is different. I did use my feed thingy for whatever I wrote. It didn't matter. People could see it if they wanted, or not.

These days it doesn't even matter. Blogging has changed over the years. Mostly as in people don't do it. Those who don't do it I really have no idea what goes on with them, unless I am friends via social networking then I may know a little.

That doesn't matter either,  cuz as I am now I am strong on my own.  I am bullet proof pretty much, cuz what anyone else does doesn't affect me.

So life has gone on. It's gone on for years really as long as I've just done this. I am older. I am a homebody. I don't go out very often. My life has gotten simpler and simpler I think. I think it keeps just getting better too. I am 50 now, and all I really gotta do is work eat  sleep. I am trying to get my running back a bit, and so far so good. No injuries.

I work every day, and that may sound like it sucks,  but our finances sure look good,  and I am out of work usually by 2:00 PM at the latest. It ain't shabby, and I look forward to dinner and sleep. I also look forward to waking up like this every day.

I told you much of my life is because of the turn I made way back when. I didn't know what I was doing or what it meant. Now I know it was everything.

I found fear, as I learned the truth. The truth of us all is we are the thief. Unable to be perfect. The truth also is that means something.

We are born wrong cuz we grow up thinking we are right. Without the proper steps that won't change. Your hearts need to be changed to see the truth, cuz there is so much out of our control. You have no idea.

So I faced judgement,  and condemnation in the worst way imaginable. If it were up to me I never would have spoken another word again.

My time came though. I started blogging when I really wasn't all that confident. Can you imagine??  I want people to read this, but maybe not. By the time I started this 3rd blog I was totally confident. Totally assured of my ways. I could stand secure without being perfect. I didn't know that was possible during the Journey,  and even Heimleblog.

Overcoming the 2nd time is a pretty big deal.

As to you people. Your life has gone on. Many people who I used to sorta know are invisible.

Many don't blog for whatever reason.

I don't know. I suspect in a blog our lives have to look good,  cuz people may read this shit. We have to be shown in a good light. Truth is none of our lives are perfect. Our hearts aren't perfect, and that matters.

A blog is the kiss of death I guess. Eventually everyone finds out you aren't perfect. None of our lives are, and it is out of your power to make it so.

So you settle for less and call it good. Use words like inspire, and hard work, and lead a good example, but you still fall short.

That matters.

Life is a hard thing, and you have some hard steps. I have become what I least wanted back in my days of fear, but I am right. Not perfect yet, but right.

Security when poor in Spirit comes before perfection. I didn't know that.

That is one of the things this blog is about. It really is just the truth. People aren't perfect. The False teachers will have you settle, and say it is okay.

I tell you it matters. You have to go the whole way, and deal with you. Your job is impossible if you are unwilling. Your security blanket is the World though.

Anyhooodles,  I got time for a run.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I see the Bears won to ruin a perfectly crappy season. :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxo

Luv Ya's.  :)

MWAH.  :)))

xxoo.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya      :D      :D

Laterzzzzzz Gaterzzzzzzz. :)

Aloha.  :)

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oooooooooo. :)