Saturday, April 30, 2011

This Time Last Year

Hold on,  I have to get some coffee.  I promise to be right back.  I think this entry is going to be pretty good too.  :)

Well today is the day the running group runs the practice 25K.   You know when they do the whole course as a practice run.  The Holland group, and the Grand Rapids Group all help out with this.  Remember this time last year???  I p.r.'d a training run.  2 weeks later I pr'd the real race.  Knocked 9 minutes off my 9 minute p.r. from the year prior.  I had a pretty good run huh???  I mean I really improved.  I knocked off 18 minutes in 2 years time.  This year I am injured.  Want to know what I think??  Not really too concerned about it.  What a lot of memories though huh??

I am different, and it is hard for me to understand you, because you think and act different than me.  I think and act different from you.  I think I let you know a lot about me.  What would normally be a quiet time of personal thoughts for people a lot of times I put on this blog and show you.  Like all some of my stuff is nice, and good and all that, and some of it isn't.  I have had a lot of compliments in my past respecting my honesty.  I trust we all are honest when we do this, but perhaps I am open.  I let you see it all, and perhaps that what is intended.  I don't have an editors marker/pen if you will.  When it is out, it is out.  :)

Anyway, my heart is pretty good right now.  I have a lot to give, but we shall see when.  Want to know why I added Charisa back???  I missed her.  She was one of the sites I checked out, and I didn't add her back, but a couple days later I did.  I really missed her.  Nothing I had control of.  It just came to me.  That is how it goes, I add back when my heart tells me to.  It is a timing thing, one where I am not holding the clock.  I want to add a new person, but I forget her name.  If I find it i will add her, but that is neither here nor there.  You want to know why I don't add all back right now???  That is strange too huh??  Sometimes... most of the time... I hope there aren't a lot of updates.  Remember how I used to want a ton of updates???  Now I don't really want a ton.  Reason why I have been late to Jen H's updates.  Not cause I don't love her tons, just wasn't in the mood to read.  Also another thing where the one in charge of the clock is blocking me for the better good I guess you could say.  I still think about some though.

So anyway, what we are doing is a big deal here.  It means a lot.  Obviously part of a bigger plan, that we are not sure what it is.  From a previous post I see where this all leads.  I guess we just be patient, and we'll see what happens.

A little biking, some push ups, and some pull ups.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I think it is supposed to be warm outside today.  :)  I may bike long after work today.  I am working a few hours.  :)

Love You All!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'all are the best.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these.   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules.  I  love Jules,  hope her recovery is going good.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jen Gray and Gina  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jennifer Mandala, Cathrine Yogacat Boskovic, and Christina Wolak.  They are fun, and my wife thought they were great.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

For Christie, cause her year isn't going as good as she would like training wise.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Boston Kim who is having a good year, but dealing with so much more than most people  booooooo.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Boston Kim cause she takes everything pretty well, and a lot of times still has a smile on her face.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

Iron Min because Christi and I give her a lot of attention, and she barely knows us.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Faith, because she deals with a lot.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Beth Shutt, not sure if she reads this or not, but she still is great.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  I'll add her back sometime I am sure.

I think that is about it.  I'll give some more for the rest of you toooooooooooo.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!!!    :)

A couple extra for Olga  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Some for Beth Rose Mickel too, cause I love her tooooo.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Shoot I forgot, my cousin Stephanie is running a 8K today.  Hope it goes well. :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Friday, April 29, 2011

Yipppppsy Yipppppsy Yooooooo!!!! :)

Ahahahahahaahahahaaaaa!!!   In case you were wondering, this is most definitely a title first, and go from there kind of entry.  :)

Hold on, lemme go get some coffee.  Important part of my morning doncha know!!   :)

Okay I am back, let me start with the workout.  I got another 3.13 miler in, and really only a couple notes.  My left leg is weak right now.  Probably from all the limping I have been doing the last several weeks.  So my hamstring is sore,  I have a sore muscle on the top of my foot, and also the muscle on my hip is sore.  All a good sore.  A sore muscle sore, so that is o.k.  I am riding my bike to work today too, so I will take a day off of running, and enjoy my time on the bike.  I am at that phase where I want to do more and more and more and more, and I know I should build slowly.  Luckily I can do some strength stuff, and some biking, and stuff like that so I can remain pretty active, even on days I cannot run.  

Other than that really not much to report to be honest.  I worked, did my ran, went over to Beau's house, hung there for a bit.  I then went to a pizza place to have a beer, order a pizza, and then have another beer.  I saw @jefStark and @tandumrider there too.  I haven't seen @tandumrider in like 100 years.  I got @jefStark in trouble telling where he got his lunch.  :)  McDonalds.   oooooppppppsssssssssyyyyyyyyy!!!   :)

That is it just this boring ole, update!!!  I really got nothing else.  :)

I am in a good mood though.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I think I'll bring my camera to work, and take pictures on my way home.  Oh, and I think you all are bonkers too.  :)   lol

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jen Gray and Doreen, cause they gots charisma  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Boston Kim, cause she deserves them.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for me, cause I deserve them.  :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Extras for Lori "Sujack" Smith.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Christina Wolak  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Gina, cause she'd kill me if I didn't   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

lessssseeeeeeeee   anyone else????  That is a lot for one day, so maybe not. 

Extras for Mindee Elam and Christie too,  why not.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D   :D

Thursday, April 28, 2011


I am going to put this out here.  If you read this blog, and you didn't say anything to me when my brother passed, I think that is fucked up.  I think that is freaking weird of you.  So there.   See what I mean???  Shit gets weird on here doesn't it?  This shit is fucking hard enough to do anyway... well not really, but to try and understand this shit is something.   (new readers I understand)

I know I left some people, and some people left me, and that makes it hard.  Want to know something???  I think I leave some people when they have family stuff to deal with.  Also, I think I had to leave some people before my brother left, because it was really hard to even keep up with the blogs I continued to read.  I give as much as I can, and I only had so much stuff with my brother passing you know.  So, I am going to start adding back.  Charisa I am adding today, and I will have to add Kim Kim Kim back too, because she stuck with me even when I left, so I will add her back too in the next couple of days.  I have dealt with the stuff, and now I am stronger.  Yayyyy.  :)

Now since I have been doing this shit a while, it is pretty normal for me.  I guess we have to outgrow the desire to have our appearance of our lives all glam and fabulous and all that shit, and say hey,  shit comes our way.  We hafta deal with that shit.  Don't you see trying to make everything appear all o.k. is a lie.  A freaking lie.  The one thing our poor asses have the power to do is be honest.  It takes a deep set of eyes to look at our lives, and look at everything.   We have the ability.  Do you have the courage??  It ain't freakin easy.  Fuck no, this shit is hard.

So, like Jen H. says call a spade a spade.  If everything is perfect, than you are a liar.  The one thing you should strive to never ever do.  So let's face it, ya got some shit.  We all do, but you know what???  You ain't got anything worse than Anne Frank now do you??

With that note, I will say, I did get a run in yesterday.  A 3.13 miler @ 9:17 pace.  I think it went pretty good.  I am out of shape, but no lingering pain.  So I am happy with that.  I also did some push ups and pull ups.  It was the 2nd day after my start, so I was sore as hell.  I used it as an active recovery though.

It is good news for me to be exercising again.  I have no races I am training for really, but we will see.  I did toy with doing the Riverbank 25K again.  I thought piece of cake.  What is 15.63 miles??  A walk in the park.  Ummmm,  I guess not when you have been off for a while.  Rebuilding from scratch.  :)

That is it for today!!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!  :)

p.s.  I also plan on adding back before a certain Pittsburgh marathon too.  :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Sugarleg as she is rehashing some of her past.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for the rest of you toooooooooooo.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Well That Was Just A Fricken Good Day!!

You know the routine, going to get my coffee.  First off Alili is on my list too, so I forgot to mention that on my last blogger post.  :)  I do those blogger posts once in a while.  :)

So anyway, I am back.  Here we go.  I did not do any workouts yesterday, I was getting more and more sore as the day went on, so I skipped it.  I went and filled up my growler.  :)   Beau and I went together, and had a pretty good talk.  I got to see Katy too, so you know that was a highlight.  She is so so nice.  I have a harmless crush on her.  :)   lol.   Don't tell my wife I said that.  :)   j/k.  Anyway when guys get together we have good talks.  You know how when girls get together you'd rather be a fly on shit than a fly on  the wall, because girls talk about some stupid shit??  Yeah well us guys are different.  We talk about interesting shit.  :)   Ha Ha Ha!!!  j/k.

So anyway, I guess it was good, because I really was able to look at the past, and see opportunities ahead.  I get to start running again.  I think I might run today.  Like maybe a 3 miler or so.  I am not 100%, but I remember post back surgery, nerve pain lingers even when things are healthy.  So I think I am o.k. although sometimes in the morning I still feel a bit.  I'll give it a try, and see where it goes.  Will I do a full marathon, or train for a half?  I never trained for a half marathon before, and full marathon training really sucks when the 20 milers add up.  We'll see, I don't have to make any decisions really, but I have opportunities ahead, and I am excited about it.  I get to start riding my bike again too, so that will be fun.

You know those were some pretty dang gray days I had huh??  Injury, death of my brother, etc...  Good when the sun comes out to play again in our lives huh??  We endure the gray days, but boy when the sun comes back it sure is nice.  :)  That is how I feel.  I feel work is going pretty good,  I get to start working out again, and really those are just positive things for me.

I am still going to do this blog, and I will bring the hammer if I need to.  Ha!!  If only you knew what I knew.  :)  I give you a lot of crazy shit to think about, and you don't even know the half of it.  I don't want you to think I am totally zonkers though.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  well I don't really have one I don't think.  You want to know how to make it on this blog???   I have no idea, it just comes to me.  Probably nothing you can do.  Easier if you are a girl though.  :)   lol.   :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!   xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for those of you who are new to running, and new to bootcamp.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for the rest of you toooooooooo!!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh one other thing too, after yesterday I see where this leads.  Yesterday was a pretty good post.  It gave me pretty good vision.  :)

cya tomorrow probably.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now For really really cya cya cya!!!   :D   :D  

Olga is back running again btw.  She is happy like me.  :)  I'll give her a few more xoxoxoxo's  too.  :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

This Will Start Off Different

Yesterday I woke up, and the pain in my leg is really down from what it once was.  I mean when I ruptured my disc in the back there was constant sciatic pain.  Aspirin every 4 hours while I was on my feet.  There was no improvement, just the same day in day out.  I have improvement so I think I just pinched my nerve pretty good.  So with that news I realize I will run again, and hopefully train for a fall marathon.  We will see.  I haven't started running yet, but I hope to maybe later this week or next week depending on how all feels.  With that news I start off this entry with a workout.  Nothing major just 3-sets of 15 push ups, and 3 sets of 5 pull ups.  I didn't do more, because I wasn't sure how sore I'd be, and I am not sore at all, so I guess I can do more. 

As I was getting my coffee just now I realized something.  I realized communication is the key.  How in the world will people know what you think if you don't tell them??  You know if you don't tell people anything all we can do is read the tea leaves, and that is subject to misinterpretation.  None of us can read tea leaves.  We will all fuck that up.  None of us will know who you are unless you tell us.  You know we cannot pretend life is all fun and games, because it isn't.  Lesson here, you all are going to die sometime.  Easier to think about when you see one pass, than when you are young.  If we don't deal with shit, than we kinda become like Sugarleg's ex.  We are more worried about the car than the person we said I do too.  Lesson #2 here ya ain't perfect anymore than I am.  Our story is the thief on the cross.  There is only one who did not deserve the cross, so we must follow the thief's path.  Church ain't going to take you that way.  They have no idea what the hell they are doing.  We don't know what happened to those who left us already, I only know of the two Jim, and Steve R.  Steve R. because I realized when I heard some of the struggles he had, was during probably a similar issue I was dealing with heimleblog.  I think I took some of his shit at times, so he can see a bit clearer, come to terms. 

So what we do is important, and what we say is important.  If you want something you really should stop making people read tea leaves.  We suck at that.   I cannot read between the lines.  I do honesty pretty well.  We all do.  I know it is hard, and takes courage, but really what else is there?? 

Lisa found my wedding ring, it was in the bed.  :)   I did wear a rubberband yesterday though.  Ring is on my finger now.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I knew about the church thing and the U.S. thing way before I even went in the hospital.  When we had to do the stupid whatever pre-marriage thing with the pastor I hated it.  One more church lesson for all.  We kill in the name of country and righteousness???  What is the story of Noah???  He probably don't need that help does he??  Not much we can do for him, that he cannot do for himself.  Noah had other lessons, and well, I will leave it at that. 


Monday, April 25, 2011

Some Changes

Hold on, lemme get some coffee first. 

I reduced the number of blogs I read a bit more.  I creeped around a bit to some of my old familiar haunts, but really didn't feel like adding.  It doesn't really matter.  One thing I realized over the last couple of weeks is I get my ideas from life.  I used to get my ideas from blogs, and stuff, and I don't really do that anymore. 

I laid in bed this morning, and was thinking of things, and ya know I felt kinda at peace.  I had some thoughts about my brother Jim, and actually of Steve Rose too.  I felt peace for them.  Life was really hard for them, and I know Steve R. struggled a lot his last couple years.  I know he was kinda losing it, but I think he had those moments where he was able to do all he needed to do.  Jim too.  I know Jim, because of the Iz night.  There is so much hidden from what we can see.  Yesterday was Easter, and all that.  We know that story.  Everyone knows it.  You want hidden stuff I'd like to know??  I'd like to know what the thief on the other cross thought about before asking forgiveness.  I guess from when his sentencing was done to cross time.   I would have to say he thought about his life.  You know kinda how I wanted to know what Abraham did from the time of the promise, til the fulfilling of the promise.  No record of that is there?? 

So, anyhoo this morning I wake up, and I feel better.  I think I survived the last week or so, and am in a better place.  I am sure there will be still some reflection, but perhaps all the really really hard stuff is done. 

Anyway, I think my blog is getting boring.  :)  I like reading about people and their life.  I swear I think some people all they do is eat sleep and drink training.  It is just a way of shutting people out I guess.  Afraid to let people see the real you. 

I don't know how much of me is left.  How much do you not know of me??  Isn't it kinda strange people wanted me to tell their running story even though my brother died??  Don't you think that is pretty important??  This blog is strange, I know, but it is what I do. 

I want to thank publicly here Jen Gray, and Mindee Elam, and Jen Harrison for letting people in.  Letting us see you.  You have a way of letting people view the world through your eyes.  It is why I think you are great. 

I want to thank both the O'Tooles too, because they are so fricken honest.  I think we kinda know each other too.  They trust me not to be a pedophile.  :)   lol.  

Christie has her moments too.  I know she has stuff she wants to get out, but is having problems doing it.  Her training is going great, I can tell there is something in her, she wants to get out, but is having problems.  Good luck with that.  You'll be fine, and I'll be here.  :)

Sugarleg is great too.  Very honest, and just let's stuff out.  Leigh hasn't blogged in like 5 years, but she is very honest, and very strong, and her blog is about Liliana and her, and Chris and family, and she is losing that time.  When you write about stuff that is important to you, don't you know real stuff about you comes out? 

Panders is great, she is honest and tough, and all that stuff.  I think she is a year younger than the O'Tooles.  She has been on my list forever.  How's about that????

Also Boston Kim, she cracks me up.  She is funny, and all that stuff, and I have a feeling we are a lot alike.  Like to go out have fun, but still deal with the other shit life is made up of in a healthy way.  Head on.  We don't use our hobby to hide from all we are.  We use it as a hobby.  That is what I think. 

Julia too, I think she is very gifted, but you almost get a picture of the little girl inside her trying to get out.  Everything in her life is great, but you can kinda sense a bit of sadness in it. 

Well, whatever.  I am weird, and I try to lift people up with this thing I guess you could say.  Even when I am down and holding onto the ladder of life with all my strength, I still try and lift up.  Just how I am now.  What a turn this blog has made.  Hmmm.

I guess that is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Blackhawks push it to a game 7 Yayyyy!!  White Sox suck.  Go Cubs!!!   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'all are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for the bloggers named above   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Beth Rose Mickel, Tia, and Kim Sheridan  3 girls I respect a ton.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh guess what???  I lost my fricken wedding ring.  fell off my finger sometime.  I never take it off either, so who knows where it is.  I guess I'll use a rubberband.  Our anniversary is the year of rubber anyway.  :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D   :D 

I swear sometimes I don't want to add the extra xo's, because it seems so strange to me, but I still do.  lol.  :)

cyaz later.   :)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

To Blog Or Not to Blog...

 Taking the day off.  :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Sometimes when I blog I think why am I so weird???  Yes sometimes even this blog is weird to me.  This is what I do though, and I wake up early to do it, and however I feel, is however it goes.  So yesterday was a pretty bad day.  I think my blog post was pretty low, and I think that is how I felt too.  When I got home I lost it.  I almost thought about making a nice gesture by being a Cubs fan this year.  They lost yesterday like 145- (-3)  So I haven't gone overboard.  FUCK THE CUBS!!!!    :)

So this is how I deal.  I make a record of it too, and I am not sure why.  Maybe it is good for people to see.  Maybe it helps them reflect as I reflect. 

Anyway little shit helps me.  Little shit like this.  I see Tia speak of hope, and Gina say don't let those you love slip by.  Little shit like that which says I pay attention.  I see a lot, and don't comment on everything, but I see it.  So in things pertaining to life and death very little is important, and I guess it is a natural thing to look at that stuff.  Memory is so vibrant early on, and I guess it is an important time.  Especially on a surprise.  I guess if you know the time is coming you start then.  That is what I remember.  The sudden ones take you through a quick tour I guess. 

So this week, I have been a bit off.  Remember I was training for a marthon, which keeps you going.  Always focused on something you know??  That helps a lot with life.  Your eye on something.  Right now my eye isn't on much.  So that kinda sucks too, but like I said it helps when I see people reflect.

Oh well I am not sure what I am writing.  You can kinda see my problem though huh??  Music and beer was a reward for hard work I guess, and now I am rewarding myself for nothing, so it doesn't have the same lustre I guess.  Today Lisa and I are going to a movie, and maybe a dinner.  Early movie, and dinner.  Either cook, or go out.  We'll see.  We are going to cancel cable, and do netflix only too.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I see Olga is in the midst of some type of decision, and I guess it is stressful for her.  I see that though, and think about it, and know good will come your way.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'all are the best.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx    :))

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

here is the weird part...  why do I do this???  not sure, sometimes it seems strange to me.   I like doing it tho!!   :))

Doreen and Jules   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Jen Gray  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   and xo's    :)

Olga too   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :D    :D

Hey Happy Birthday to my brother John, and Jim Joll.   I hope Jim Joll has a good birthday.   :)   lol  

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!    :D    :D  

Friday, April 22, 2011

Thursday =Friday=Fail

Now here is a growler fill up day.  Go to New Holland have a couple beers, and fill up my growler, and have some more, listen to music, and have a good night.  Well, that didn't happen.  When I got home and poured my first beer, it didn't taste very good.  I poured the 80%  that was left in the glass down the drain, and went to bed at 4:30 pm.  The music wasn't clicking, and the beer wasn't clicking.  The pot roast tasted good though.  Things tasted bland, and my outlook was bland, but hey I'll take the meal tasting good.  My pot roast I make is easy.  Meat, and 1000 lbs. of veggies and potatoes.  We use a seasoning too I put in.  I don't know the name of it, but you can purchase things of that nature at your local lumberyard.   :)

So it seems this is a daily progression of my life.  I was thinking it was going to be a good day to take pictures of the flowers out front, which are blooming.  The sun was out, and that never materialized.  I saw a dude, while I was sitting in the bar, and he reminded me of Jim a bit from a previous year.  Not so big, but a weird haircut, and dressed how I pictured him dressed while going to an interview.  The sun was out, and it was downtown Holland, and it seemed like a nice day.  It was cold, but it is April, and the promise of brighter warmer days were still there.  The month of hope??  maybe.  Those days are done.  I wondered when was the last time he enjoyed a day in the month of hope??  I don't think he could have enjoyed himself his last few years too much.  I wouldn't think so anyway.  I remember Bob saying on one of his last days he could hear Jim listening to a Cubs game on the radio.  That would be time enjoyed by him.  Sometimes it is just the simple things huh??  I guess as I write this out I am glad for a good time at the end like this. 

You know some things cannot be taken away, and will not be taken away.  Jim took my dog Toby to the vet after he died.  We shared baseball, and Normal, Illinois, and he visited us in Michigan a couple times.  It seems when the baseball game left me we didn't see much of each other.  I still have memories, and I am a guy, and we sometimes do things different, but still. 

What a bummer the beer and music left me.  Guess I'll go back to my book today. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. about fricken time for the Hawks, Bulls, and White Sox  win.  SHEESH!!!

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'all are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx   mostly for Beverley Smith aka @bunky1110

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox   :)))

Jen Gray  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya  :D   :D

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I Am Lucky!!

I don't really have much to write about today, so I will start with my workout and go from there.  :)   j/k. 

The title though is I am lucky.  I am too, because you know I have friends who in a time of need help pick me up.  Sometimes not knowing they help, and sometimes maybe sensing things may be a bit down for me.  Yesterday was that day.  I was off anyway to start the day.  I was kinda dreading coming home.  The weather still sucked, and I didn't know what I wanted to do to spend my time.  I sat in the chair, turned on the music, and was hitting a pretty low spot I'd say.  I get a little cyber hug from Gina, a like by Jen Gray, and my old friend Greg was chatting with me via gmail.  I am not a chatter, my chat thing is never on, but Greg chats with me on gmail every once in a great while.  He was asking about Jim and stuff.  Jim got me in that baseball league, and I got Greg in it.  He is still in it too.  After that I stopped over to Beau's house, and had a drink, and watched a bit of basketball.  So I am lucky.  In a time of dread my friends helped pick me up. 

I was just thinking I am up really early for not having much to write, but I guess I can prep a pot roast in the slow cooker.  I have time for that.  So I guess that is what I will do. 

One of my dilemmas is putting people's names on here.  I mean it as a positive thing though.  I like you, and you are important, and I think of you and all that.  So please take it that way.  My signature line helps with that, but I add more too.  So ya know.  :)

You know Doreen opened up to me about some stuff, and I prodded back, and she didn't respond, and I am not sure why.  Maybe because it is hard to open up to people.  You know it seems hard to read this thing too, or was hard to say when people read it.  You all are invited to read this.  I want you to.  That being said when I thought no one was reading, I thought what is the point??  Jen Gray said she read, and I was like WOAH!!  Well that is good.  Here is something I thought about yesterday.  I like strong girls, and Doreen, and Jen Harrison, and Jen Gray, and Gina all fit the bill, and so does my wife Lisa, and Beau's wife Charity etc...  They are kinda like how Lora was.  Show the shit, ya know.  Jen Gray eats fricken spaghettios for crying out loud, and we all have our things that make us different in a cute way.   That is the cool shit.  imho.  :)

So, I am sensing Doreen is off maybe, for opening up???  I don't know.  Anyway these are for her.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   no one ever had a title I love Doreen before.  :)  Jules too.  Maybe Doreen doesn't know how great she is, or is scared that I won't think as much of her if she opened up.  If she told me her story I would not sell it to "Rolling Stone"  I would not send her packing.   I would take her home.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Jen Gray  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    and xo's 

Jen H.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  

Oh, yeah btw,  That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Feeling a bit better, and my leg sure didn't hurt as much today getting up.  Maybe there is still hope.  We shall see. 

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya' All are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these.   xxxxxxxx

Extras of these.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Beth Rose Mickel too, because I like her.  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :D   :D

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness...

It seems to me a contract had been made to you courtesy of the founding fathers huh??  Now this is not your constitutional right to be free to your pursuit of happiness within the law.  Your founding Fathers were not going to let England tell them what they could or could not do though.  No taxation without representation and all that stuff right.  So let's not get into a legal argument, but does the bailing out of banks help promote the general welfare???  We are to assume a depression would be caused right?  O.K. perhaps, but if we look at the true problem don't you think laws on the books SHOULD HAVE TO BE ENFORCED???  Why are anti-trust laws not enforced??  Who said bigger is better to promote the general welfare and DECREASE competition??  So in the time of plenty perhaps it is fitting to ask what can I do for my country.  In the time of not so plenty I think it is fair to ask what your country is doing for you??  Is Teddy Roosevelt the last Pres. who had any balls to bust the trusts???   Even Eisenhower foresaw a problem.  Is your hard-earned tax money best off to bankers and wars, and let's face it, if things would pan out that way, which I know won't, but let's just have a little fun.  It isn't your tax money it would be your children's children, children children tax money they are playing with. 

What is the answer??  The answer is we are on a slippery slope.  The slippery slope argument in most law cases, or in my opinion amendment arguments is stoooooooooooopid.   I believe we have peaked as a nation, and on our way down.  This rollercoaster is picking up speed too.  So forgive me, if I don't give a shit about the banks, and capitalism, and all that other stuff, because if gas prices keep going up it don't matter.  You see we are all enslaved to the combustion engine.  For better or worse, and I guess in hindsight it is worse. 

I picked up a Scott Turow book at the library yesterday, saw the pursuit of happiness thing, and it got me to thinking.  Life is like that though huh??  We can get all caught up in parades and pageantry, but sometimes that shields us from the true stuff huh??  Sometimes you just have to assume everything is wrong.  Step out of all you believe, and look at stuff objectively.  You know within us is a wisdom to see things with a good pair of eyes.  Now I think that might not even be a gift, but is how we are made up.  It is being honest with ourself.  Looking at the good and bad within ourself, our upbringing, what society tells us.  To step on our own two feet, so to speak.  I trust all to be able to do that. 

Other than that, yesterday was a pretty shitty day.  I left work early, because I wasn't feeling it.  I told Lisa, a lot has happened.  I guess maybe when a lot happens life can taste bland.  I made Shake and Bake chicken for myself.  Dark meat.  Lisa likes white meat, so she did a different thing.  That tasted pretty good though.  I ate dinner, and went to bed at 6:30 pm I think.  I didn't do a good job of reading my book either.  I wasn't really into it.  I laid in bed before cooking dinner, and just thought of stuff.  I wondered what my blog post would be like.  I thought it would be more like this paragraph, not the anti-establishment one.   Whatevs though.  I let you see my stuff.  You can use it as you will, because every morning I wake up strong, and you know what???  That I def have help with. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!  :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I love the way JPH thinks outside the box.  weather got you down, and you want a pick me up, battling injuries and stuff.  She looked at the book and said Fuck You book.  I am going to Arizona and climb me a fucking mountain with a bike.  Everyone would be better off if they followed her example.  Fuck you world. I am doing it my way.  I am not enslaved to your narrow minded thoughts.  I have my own life, and the people around me are going to be strong, because I am not afraid to do it my way.  

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  to her.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D   :D 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Things I Notice

Some things I am thinking about now is this.  I am not overcome with grief or anything like that.  It was my brother Jim, and you know I wasn't seeing a lot of him year over year.  Part is my personality.  I would commute to work in the snow, ya know.  When I first started at Menards in Normal, IL, I didn't have a a car.  I walked to work and back... well to work, to bar, and then home.  I'd have a couple beers with other regulars at the bar I frequented.  We will say 2 miles or so each way.   Whatever comes my way, I figure I'll overcome some way, but I have help with that ya know??  Always believe the positive especially now. 

Jim lived with me during this time I believe, and was getting his groove.  Got a good job I believe, and was getting his shit in order.  I don't know what happened.  He switched girlfriends, one he was engaged to, and things changed.  I don't know why he moved back to Chicago, I thought that was dumb.  Anyway with the exploding internet, we remained pretty close with the baseball stuff, and fantasy sports stuff.  I read every important book I could on baseball, and annual publication.  Shoved myself with every players pertinent stats.  Major League, and upcoming stars still in the minors. 

I constantly re-invent myself so it seems.  I took up biking and running, and stepped down from my Management position after my first trip to Hawaii.  Why bust my balls more and more for less and less.  Stupid right??  I can do a good enough job of not getting ahead in a non-management position.  I thrive on this shit, trust me!!!   lol    :)

To see Jim gain weight I didn't understand so much.  I don't think he shared much stuff, at least with me.  Anyway I wanted to share some things about me right now.  How I am feeling and stuff.  I typically am positive about things.  Now I have two major things going on right now.  The death of my brother, and a long time runner not running anymore, due to injury.  Sciatic is death to a runner.  So, my eating had to take a hit.  You switch from a big eater to a little eater.  It takes a while for your appetite to adjust to your activity level.  Here is something that is a bit concerning.  Food tastes blah.  Even an alcohol buzz is kinda blah.  I used to like to get a bit of a buzz and listen to music, and it has lost some of its luster.  I am just going to put that down as a normal thing.  Who can tell how much is from one, and how much is from the other??   Day by day we will see how this shit goes. 

So if I am not at my best please forgive me.  :) 

Here is one more thing I want to say or tell really.  With Steve R's thing I got to know people better.  Whether it be Doreen, and Gina, Jen Gray, and the Millers.  How about them Millers though huh??  I didn't tell you I don't think, but John Miller's mom recited a poem at Jim's thing.  WOW huh??  What a great lady huh?  I forgot Jim and Laura were pretty close.  Laura shared with my brother John and I yesterday how her and Jim would stay in touch every couple of years.  Jim had some life long friends.  Everyone remembers his laugh and his sense of humor. 

So, anyway I do want to say I am not overcome with grief, but you know my body is sensing change.  I think I am losing weight even though I am not running.  I can always tell when my wedding ring slips off my finger.  I am going to say that is just a normal thing.  Once again day by day. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I think I am going to need to get a book at the library todayyyyyy.  I feel like reading, I think.  :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules    (why???  cause I like Doreen, and whoever is important in her life)    :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray   (why???  she is a blogger and she helped pick me up, and she is rockstar famous in my eyes)   :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   (she is the xoxoxoxoxo  girl anyway)    :)

Gina  (why???  we shared a lot of stuff after Steve R's thing....  a lot, and her sense of humor is as wicked as mine, and she can be a bitch, which I love that shit.   Cracks me up. )   She is the xo's girl too.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

More for the rest of you tooooooooo!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!!  :D   :D    btw the double D is for Olga, and she only reads this like every couple weeks if that.   :)   lol.   

Have a great day today.   I love you all!!!   :)  

Monday, April 18, 2011


This may take a couple days so be patient.  I know people are racing marathons, and stuff this weekend, and to be honest this takes priority over all that.  To those running Boston you have put in a lot of time so do your best.  What else is there, but to try your best.  I know it is important to some people, and so for that I say good luck.  I don't really have a bucket list per se so this is what I do.

I'd like to tell you of the final days.  I got Steve R's history and final days from Russ Beaupre, and a bit from John Miller.  You never know a person's struggles.  Now I think I have let you know Jim's struggles.  They were with dealing really.  He wanted the stress free life, and you know there is no such thing.  The healthy thing to do is look at your stuff if given the opportunity.  When you try to hide from the stress that is very unhealthy.  I don't care how much you exercise if you don't deal with the stress, and look at the shit you will not be healthy.  Life is more than exercise, and eating whatever.  The most important part of life is dealing, and Jim wasn't all that great at that, but I see at the end he probably was trying.  The day we got a couple feet of snow in 8 minutes, Chicago did too.  Jim got the snowblower out at Bob's house, and had it all plowed.  Probably the first time he did anything with the snow, and he lived with Bob for several years.  I am not sure what his goals and stuff were for the final days.  I know he was going through jobs, even though his friend Graham was more than willing to give Jim a job.  Maybe he never just wanted to share with people the stuff that made him less than happy.  Maybe he wanted to shield people or protect people he cared about, but you know what?  People help with this shit.  We can relate with that stuff.  Guess what???  Our lives ain't fucking perfect either.  If we share all this shit, we all can heal a bit, and become healthier and better people I would think.  Perhaps that takes courage, I don't know.  I have been doing this a while.

How do you make sense of things like this???  Sometimes more can be done with a person's death than with their life.  It is a centuries old story, but through death is when we reflect on life the most.

Some more observations are it was neat seeing my real Dad and Mom together.  My Dad is a dealer, he'll deal with shit.  He isn't afraid to be an asshole.   :)   I don't know about Madonna.  I think when a mom loses a son it cannot be easy, so I imagine the quiet times can be tough times.  Chihak's are strong people though if Grandma Chihak is any indication.  Grandma Chihak, and several of the sisters gave cards with money to Lisa and I.  Our gas was basically free.  :)  Or maybe the beer Friday night was free.  One of the two.   :)   Thanks that was really nice.  :)

So the Chihak's and Pejchl's finally come together.  It has been a long trip, but as you see, time heals all wounds.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. back today to the vital local lumberyard work I do.  :)

Special thanks to Beth Rose Mickel for the kind wishes.  I know it has been a tough year for her, and I respect her soooooo much.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.   :)

Tia too.  I do have to clarify something.  The sister who died is Mary Rae.  Tammy is still alive.  #oops.  ;)

Also it was kinda neat to meet Laura Koterboski.  She is a childhood friend's daughter.  Ya feel like you know a person, and it is neat to meet them.

"New" blogger Nancy showed up at the post get together too.  Have to catch up on her blogs.  :)

H.S. German teacher Herr Schmidt showed up too.  He dealt with us weirdos pretty well.  :)   lol

Also, I may not have cried at Jim's thingy, but John's son Brandon cried at the end.  What a dick.  :)  j/k.  Brandon and Marilynn are good people.  :)

Also neighbors showed up too.  The Privett's who lived next door to us with their son Todd.  The Theriaults, Al and Sharon.  Scott Pfister soccer player.  Sam Shyamani, (sp???)  other U of I guys.  Friend Anita North. Fran and Gwen old time friends of my step mom.

 Love You all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

More for the rest of you toooooooooo!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D    :D

p.p.s.  I think that puts closure on this thing.  John spoke, and my Uncle spoke, they even did a bit of a military thing.  Not really my cup of tea, but Jim did get himself in shape while in the military.  Other than that I think he thought it was boring.  He was not the type to take orders from intellectually inferior people  Maybe the lesson there is seek honor in wisdom, you will be more fulfilled.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

no internet

I have no internet, so update will be later tomorrow. Thanks again all for the well wishes to me and my family members.

Special thanks to john Miller, and his Mom. Graham Giarth, Bill Martin, Faith, jake Kuffel+dad and the other ICBL'ers. Doug Kasner too who spent the day with me. A reason we have been friends since 7th grade. I am forgetting some, sorry, but wanted to get something down for those who don't read this!! :)

That is it for today!!! :)

Thanks for reading!! :)

Hope Everyone has a great and awesome day!! :)

Xo's :)

Love you all!!! :)

p.s. I am starting to think some of you are the strange ones not me!!! Lol :)

Love you all!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!! xxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules!!! :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina Pagano!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Christie and Boston Kim too!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Happy Birthday Christie. I can't comment on your blog with my phone. The blog isn't set up for that!!! Booooo. :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!! :D. :D

Friday, April 15, 2011


Yesterday was a great day.  I had some weird dreams, and well, they are even too weird for me to tell you about.  You might think I was.... how do you say.... "DIFFERENT" .   Can't have that.  I woke up in the middle of the night Wednesday night.  By middle of the night I mean 10:30 pm.  So when my normal wake up time came, I snoozed er off.  I slept til 4:00 am, and that was that.  No blog, and stuff, obviously.  I was well rested tho, and in a good mood the whole day.

Hold on, going to get some coffee, and take a shit.  be back in a bit.....   I'll take a picture.  :)   j/k

Okay back.  Sorry to keep you waiting.  :)

There were moments yesterday though.  I was looking out the window at work, and you get that feeling.  You think when life was so very much different.  When we were kids.  Geez everything seems so different then huh?  Now that we are grown up, we all fall away from each other.  You know us Fremd people really haven't done that.  Maybe you all are like that too, where FB brings people together.  I am better friends now with so many people than I was in H.S.  Gina and I said hi here and there, but now we know each other's lives.  Kathleen Anderson Paslaski I learned more about her last year than I ever knew.  All our moments help shape us, but you know we can always re-invent ourself.  Put on a different color so to speak.  Sometimes we get tied down into the World trap.  I need money for this, and that, and blah blah blah.  Life is more that one thing huh, and you know it is such a gift to be able to look at your past, and view your life, and reflect.

I guess sometimes a death helps us along with that.   Anyway that is how I am dealing.  Things are pretty normal most of the time so far, and you know I have moments of reflection, and that is that.  I looked inside myself this morning for fear maybe I was not looking at things, but all was clear.  I am taking things as they come, and will look at them.

As to my injury, I don't think it is good.  I believe my disc is probably ruptured.  It feels the same way it did before, not as bad though.  I will have to re-invent myself again perhaps for a while.  You know what though???  This here is the important part of me.  This is what I do, and this is who I am.  You don't get a real true picture of me, except through here.

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Goin to Chicago today.  Thanks Marco, you are a good guy.  :)  Borrowing his car, it is more reliable than ours.  :)   lol

Wanna know one thing I like about this???   Before Steve R's thing, I didn't really know Doreen too well, and Jules at alll.   They still make this thing every day.  :)

Love You all!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I would like to give a big ole shout out to Boston Kim who will be running Boston, what is it Monday or something.  It is a big deal to her, and I hope she does great.  Positive thoughts your way.  :)   xoxoxoxo

More for the rest of you tooooooooooooo.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :D   :D

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I am going to try and get everyone on here, but I may forget some, run out of time, or whatever.  Just so you know I want to thank you all for the kind comments, and thoughts.  I know loss is so personal, and it is really hard to know what a person feels.  I tell you though there were more than a couple times when I was checking my phone at work... [off the clock].  ;)  and lost it.  I thought for a moment, oh geez, maybe I shouldn't have come to work.  I would walk away and collect myself.  Everything went pretty normal at home.  I replied to most of the messages I believe, and I am thankful for them all.  I stopped over by Beau's house, and we had a few beers, and talked about life, and stuff.   When I got home is when I lost it big time.  I put on the Supertramp Pandora station.  Supertramp was one of Jim's fave groups, and it hit me, I will never see him again.  His life is over, and I realized all his life entailed.  Madonna my real mom called, and I called her back.  She and my Dad talked yesterday.  First time in 1000 years maybe, and I think they are both doing o.k.  She said remember the good times, and I cried those are the ones that hurt the most.  I told her Jim made us all laugh.  :)  Fuck that shit hurts.

Here are a couple thoughts I had.  This is mine.  This is my sadness, and no one elses.  That made me feel good, because it seemed more clean.  I knew me crying and unloading I was not going to be taken down a bad road.  This sadness was healing for me.  I told Lisa we only get a little at a time, but I realized we get a pretty big dose first off.  I was thankful to be able to feel a bit of what Jen Gray is going through.  It has been a long while since I have mourned a death, and time heals, and you lose that understanding.  So, I can more empathize with those who have lost recently.

So once again thanks to all the kind comments.  You know when I think of Steve R's thing I always think of John Miller and Beth Rose Mickel as the leaders of that thing.  You know like John was his best friend, and Beth was his sister.  I didn't know Steve near as well as a lot of people, but we all got to know him on that day.  It really was a great service, and I will always remember it.  Beth, John, and Steve's dad all spoke, and it was great.

I like putting names on this thing, and I'd like to put a couple that don't make it a lot.  Nino Mandile, and Tim Lindquist thanks for the comments.  I played soccer with Nino, and his brother Vince a million years ago.  His dad was our coach for a couple teams I think.  We even went up to Canada when I was like 15 maybe, or something like that.  I was able to score a winning goal HUNG OVER AS HELL.   I stopped puking enough to play a game.  Who knew a 130 pound guy can't drink a qt. of gin in an hour???  lesson learned.  :)  Tim is a good guy if for no other reason than he likes the Sox, and the Blackhawks.  :)

Thank you Dave Prins, and Sue White.  Sue I have worked with forever, and she has the same sense of humor as I.  Dave has been a friend of mine since I moved here, and he has had a real SHITTY year, probably several years.  Thanks for taking time out.  It is appreciated.

Thanks Gene Carr, Nancy Close, Maureen Miller, Carol Booth, and Jenny Raby.  You guys rock.  :)  ALL the Chihak's.  I'd mention you all, but you have way too many last names.  Melanie, and Steph, I know the best, and always have good thoughts of them.  They lost their brother recently too.

Thanks Christie as always.  :)  xoxo

Nikkie VandenHeuvel.  I don't know how to spell that shit, but whatevs.  She cracks me up, and she is funny as hell.  I worked with her husband, and my wife had a crush on him.  :)   lol.  thanks.

Lori "Sujack" Smith my best friend summer before my Junior year.  She is always wonna my favs.  :)

Kim Sheridan of course I think the world of her.  I respect her as much as anyone, and her and Tia are on the top of my pedestal list.  :)  She has a heart that is huge, and she cares a ton.

I told Tia yesterday her story made my other two blogs.  The ones that no one read.  :)  She lost her sister Tammy Rae to a 9/11 plane thing.  On her way to take a new job coaching Gymnastics, so Tia knows the loss of a sibling as well as anyone, and I think she can tell you all you never forget, but with time brings healing.

If I forgot anyone I am sorry.  Oh, childhood friends,  Michele Theriault and Joe Moravec.  They knew him as well as anyone, because we all lived by each other, and we all played at some point in time.  Our lives always go on different paths, but we all come together at times like this.  I feel bad for the ICBL'ers, the baseball league guys, because I know that shit hits hard.  You don't expect to lose one of your own.  Some fucking funny guys in that league.  Trust me, if you don't have a wicked sense of humor you don't want to show up for geek weekend.  Where the games are played head to head.  a lot of beer, a lot of farting, some wiffle ball, a lot of laughing,  and even a bit of sleep here and there.  :)

Nate too who has lost a lot.  His wife.  

I feel bad for my Dad, and my Mom.  No matter what that shit still is hard.  To lose your own.  Yikes, I feel for them.  I feel for my Uncle Bob too, because he helped Jim out so much, and he is such a patient man.  I tell you he has helped us Pejchls out more than we have helped him.

Gina, Doreen, and Jules.  You girls always make it, but you know I love you TONNNNSSSSSS!!!

MWAHHHH!!!!   to you all!!!   :)

John I guess will deal with this loss personally too.  All loss really is personal, and it is just ours really.  Jim's life well, it is no more here.  I still feel him though inside me, and that is good.  When we die only the good remains.  That is a gift I guess.  :)  When we die God takes all the bad away, and leaves us with good.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I am taking a break from reading blogs.  I'll catch up later.

Love you All!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gina, Kim S. and Tia.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Beth Rose Mickel, because she put xo's on my wall.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

sorry guys too weird xo'ing guys.   xoxoxoxoxoxo  anyway.   lol

More for the rest of you.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    :)

Now for really really cya cya cya.   :D   :D

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I Have Something To Write About Today!!! :)

Okay, I am a Pejchl, I kind of find humor in any situation.  For my brother Jim it probably was his biggest asset.  He had a great sense of humor, and he made everyone laugh.  His sense of humor isn't the type to share with everyone.  In many ways it was a sick sense of humor, and as sad as we felt at my step-mom's funeral, we also laughed our asses off.  I mean if there was a life to have the Joseph Heller laugh zany-ness, it was his.  He didn't do too well with the Howard Zinn side.  One of my disappointments in him.

He was there for a lot of my life, and even some of my struggles.  One story about him is in Normal, Illinois.  He was living there with Hal, and me.  Others too, but it really was the story of Hal and I.  Hal and I were Joseph Heller, Joseph Heller, Joseph Heller.  All Joseph Heller leads to sadness.  We cannot always be zany, because life has serious stuff.  Hal and I both learned how to look at the Howard Zinn stuff.  The serious stuff.  We learned how to be honest about stuff, and we knew we expected better of ourself.  Hal and I both hit low spots in our life, but found our way back up.  Jim was witness to both of us, but never caught our mojo.  I always think people will get that, but you know they don't always. 

As to his story though, I guess he was able to process through his life at the end like the thief centuries ago.  I also know why that Iz song took me soooooo low.  Jim, was also a big guy who died early.  He carried a lot of baggage in his life.  Why I didn't see who I was taking is anyone's guess.  I have my ideas.  I think he could have helped me corroborate my story, but decided to anti-comment me.  Doesn't matter there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and I assume that is the path he took. 

I shared some tears, and I assume I will have more, as memories come forward.  I was comforted while listening to music yesterday.  I don't remember it being really all that great of a day out, but as I looked out one brief moment the sky was full of sun.  Although my heart feels sadness at times, at others it is still upbeat.  This show goes on.  More to do. 

You can kinda see how important total honesty is though huh??  We all have shit in our life.  No one's life is perfect, and no one is totally 100% pure happy.  We all are a little of each.  Have to look at the bad, and you know that is hard.  It isn't easy, but it makes you strong.  Dealing with the bad helps you enjoy the good days that much better. 

Jim had some secrets he carried with him to the end.  Remember my story with Carolynn and the dog???  Jim took the dog to the vet to get cremated.  I was afraid to touch it.  Jim was with me in the hospital when I thought I was going to die.  He saw my eyes.  Who knows what kind of a night that was for him.  Katrina, Lora, Jim, Hal, and Darren all came in my room the next morning, and I cried, cried, cried.  I think I saw Khien cry too.  Who wants to see their friends sooooo broken as I was??  No one, that is who. 

Jim, and I shared that baseball game.  That league he started is still going strong.  Must be like 30 years or something, with many of the originals still playing.  His life had many good moments and many laughs.  He never was able to deal with all the other stuff that comes his way.  His job is over though.  I guess what he came to do he came to do.  Life is full of the day to day, and it is a shame not many share the quiet alone thoughts that also really make up our lives too. 

So we deal with another young death.  We have been doing that for a while, whether it be a Steve R. or Melanie, and Steph's brother who died tragically last year.  I know they have another sister, but I forget which one it is.  Those dang Chihaks are all women, and they all have different last names now.  :)  Can't tell where any of them come from, but we all come from Grandma Chihak, and some of us come from Don Pejchl.  I am honored to be part of both.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. oh, I know,  Joseph Heller wrote Catch-22-- funniest book I ever read.  Howard Zinn wrote History of U.S. 1492-Present.  An honest look at America's true history.  More from the eyes of the exploited.  Both gentleman I believe were involved in blindly throwing bombs on Dresden during WWII.  Both in their own way coming to terms with blindly following orders to kill innocent civilians.  Hitler and Germany were bad, but you know we really are only held accountable to what we do, unless we process everything like the thief on the cross.   Life can go quickly as you all know. 

Love You All!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)   I wike dem. 

Jen Gray!!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

p.p.s.  You know what else???  I always kinda felt a connection to Beth Rose Mickel after Steve R's thing.  Now I think I know why.  We both felt frustration with our brother, and tried everything to help, and maybe our biggest help to them was letting them go.  I think Steve was able to process through stuff too before his end.  I told Gina that a long time ago.  He kept battling and battling, and eventually must have come to the conclusion.  I try I try I try.  I cannot do it.  I need help.  :)

More for the rest of you.  especially the Chihak relatives who have so many fricken last names.  :)  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks Hal, Cory, Jeff Stark, and Charity too.  :)   xoxoxoxo.  weird xo'ing guys.   :)   Most of those are for Charity.   :)   lol

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!!  :D   :D

Oh yeah, my brother Jim was found yesterday dead.  An apparent heart attack I guess I would say.  My older brother.  47???  I think. 

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Turn

Unknowingly we made a turn.  This isn't my plan, although a plan is being worked out.  Did you notice the direction of interest was races and races and goals, and now the interest is in life??  What we all must have is a vision of our life.  Remember how nostalgia is always touched with a bit of sorrow for some reason??  I imagine you all have a view of things in your quiet times.  Quiet times a lot of times are discussions while hanging with friends drinking beers, and stuff.  Some of the best conversations are during those times, at least for me.  Others are times when we cannot sleep, etc... 

I would say don't rush it don't push it, because you have help.  You see you will get visions of these things when they are put in your head.  Can you tell yourself to have a quiet time of thoughtfulness, and do it??  No, they just pop up.  When a person is given only so long of a time to live, who knows what they work out.  You remember the thief on the cross on that day centuries ago right??  He worked out a whole lot in just  a little bit of time huh??   Who you going to judge???  No one right???

Speaking of beers, I sure haven't been  my typical self the last two nights.  I was in good have a few beers listen to music zone the last two days, and it ended up with one Coors Light on Friday, and switch to TV, and movies.  Yesterday I was sitting outside, and had two, and switched to watch the Sox game, and watched a movie or two.  Weird huh??  Kinda like if I am not running a billion miles I don't want to drink a trillion beers.  :)   lol.  Of all the things we don't have control of at least honesty we do.  Do you realize how easy it is to lie about little shit??   Honesty is fricken funny, because we get to see how pathetic we all really are.  You think guys aren't checking out every single hot girl who walks by???   if pre-disposed to think in that direction??   We are the worst creepers ever.   :)   lol.  Lisa and I are pretty open about that.  We tell when a girl is pretty, and stuff.  Why not right??  She can trust me, and does though,  what the fuck am I doing right??   She has been around enough even when the I love you kissing bandit has come out.  :)   hee hee. 

There are so many things we all get addicted to, whether it be mindless shopping, or eating chips, the alcohol buzz, tv shows,  you name it.  They all are addictions, but really what else is there better to do??  What important things are there to do??  When I am buried in the ground you think anyone is going to remember how excellent of a job I did at what I do??  So if you look through your lens, and see what is there to do, you would think the direction I took many years ago probably is the best huh??  I have not lived a "glamorous" life per se, but I have seen a lot.  I guess that is something you work out on your own though.  To be honest though, I have seen things you cannot see no matter where you travel in the world.  I still am free to do whatever I want, because I hide nothing.  My blog is the wait too, so I do this blog thing to help, but really I am waiting for the final thing, and I guess that really involves when you all are ready.  Whenever that is. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. my chronic sciatic thing gives me an appreciation of what Faith and Laura P. struggle with every day.  I feel you girls.  Also the miles Kathleen and I traveled during her difficult year, are also part of the story.  Kathleen asked for help the same night the girl Summer acknowledged her sadness.  That happened at Beau and Charity's house a while ago.  None of this stuff is forgotten.  :)   I don't know if any of you remember, but Kathleen made the Journey toward the end.  I used her anonymously.  Very open, very honest, and very courageous.  :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!!!   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and Jules!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray... couldn't help myself.    :)    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Christi!!!   great comment.   Love YAAAAAAA!!!!     xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    :)

More for the rest o' yas!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    :))

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!!    :D   :D

Saturday, April 9, 2011


I thought it was 3:00 when I got up, not 1:00.  That is a little early... even for me.  :)  Oh well I'll have to hash out this blog in the next 4 hours.  Wish me luck!!   :)   I really want to clarify something about me.  I have sciatic pain, and I am willing to accept whatever that means to me.  If it is a ruptured disc it is permanent, unless I can get it fixed... not likely.  Meaning sucking an aspirin here and there.  If it untangles itself I will obviously get a bit more active.  I ruptured a disc before in my back, and it hurt to walk without taking a couple aspirin every 4 hours.  Sciatic pain is death.  #booooooo.   I am not sad about it, I am just willing to accept it for whatever it is.  All for good, so I don't worry about it.  It does mean I get to pick up Saturday hours here and there to help out departments, which also helps me out with my job, and helps out the paycheck.  Always a golden lining even if we cannot see it.  I sometimes have a bit of vision for the golden lining, or at least has a heartto believe the golden lining is there. 

I will tell you one thing of blogging like this here.  If people open their heart, and show you stuff it is a nice gesture if you are there reading to give them a kind word or so.  It is hard enough going through life not always feeling the best about yourself, and if you couple it with feeling others thinking weird things about you that makes it hard too. 

I don't really have much other than that.  I added Christie, and Alili back on my rhs.  I was following them, and added them back.  I am also going to add Jen Gray's friend too.  I am not entering in on a comment though like I like to do.  She comments on Jen Gray's posts with xoxoxoxoxoxo.... enough for me.  :)  I am easy to please.  :)

Do You wonder why sometimes I get rid of blogs???  A lot of times just internal attacks.  Maybe it is writing not from the heart.  Writing of what you think people want to hear is never good.  All this stuff affects me in ways, I cannot even explain.  I know this is kinda weird, but who cries over a guy he doesn't know??  It is a sad story, but still.  Normally you would just say I am a guy.  Have a bad feeling for the dude, and move on, but something else is being done.  :)  Especially the Jackie thing.  I had to swallow her poison for her, and I don't particularly like her.  If she was dealing with sciatic pain in her leg though, I can see how that would limit her.  Lisa said she did.  That shit is painful.  The Sciatic is like the funny bone of the leg, although it is a nerve.  It hurts down your leg, and you get numbness in your feet too.  It sucks.  :) 

That Iz song, wth??  Why would I get to my breaking point, without thinking of anything except feeling bad for Iz's life.  Being really big, and dieing early.  Not to mention other days, and nights from other people.  A lot were friends though, so that is understandable, but here is one thing.  When I take sadness, and get taken pretty far down that road, I don't always come back a nice guy.  All the niceness is washed away with my tears, and I have to get back up.  After the Journey there was no sadness, just fear for a sec or two, and then the realization there was another victory.  Then I knew what I had.  I knew my help had arrived.  Then we had the summer of Gina, me knowing there was a race, and Steve R's thing.  I sent Kim Sheridan a copy of the CD.  I never listened to it.  :)  

You want to know what I think about this blog???   I think people like to know I think about them.  Easier for a girl to get on here than a guy, because girls are open.  I told Nate's story on here though, it just happened to be a while ago.  A lot of stories were on here, and now it seems the stories are life stories that show up. 

So I do sometimes think of you folks.  I think of Kim Sheridan and her kids.  I told of Cole's race here before.  I wonder what the heck happened to Lois???  My blog??  Even the bloggers I don't read right now, I sometimes wonder what they are up to.  Just not so excited about races and all that stuff.  Want to know about people's lives.  I am also excited to add Jen Gray's Thea friend, and maybe I will get to know her a bit.  Together this stuff is easier.  Life isn't easy, because we always are up against tough stuff.  Continue on.  Have fun, do what you do, but pay attention to big stuff, little stuff, and all in between.  :)  Enjoy the gas prices.  I know I am.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s. A H.S. friend of ours just got married Kim Doran.  Congrats Congrats Congrats!!!   :))

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You All are the best!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules!!!!    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray is away from the internet, and she is the xoxoxoxo so probably won't mention her name for these, but gonna give her one more day specialized.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Christie too!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.   I told you you were great.   :) 

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!!   :D   :D

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Whole New World

Kinda how I feel.  I spent so much time with bloggers, and you know they were mostly geared toward some type of training.  Exercise etc...  I really am not doing that, although I think I may start doing pull ups and push ups.  As this blog went on here it may seem I was mad.  I did get mad a couple times, now I am not really mad.  Just at one person, and I don't read that blog anymore.  It isn't one of the original 5 at all.  I don't know what the heck was going on, but I felt arrogance, and I don't take kindly to that.  Fine you think you are all that, but I don't.  You don't impress me.  Your actions are actions of a weak person, not a strong person.  Perhaps you'd like to think of that.  Still in the signature line though. 

That being said none of the original 5 are on my list.  Very few are on my list.  I have a couple I follow that show up here.  To be honest I am not interested in training blogs that have zero life in them.  So I am seeking out life blogs.  I was going to check out another blog, and I did, but just not any updates really.  Hold on going to get coffee.  It was Jen Gray's friend Thea.  I thought yesterday Jen reads a lot of blogs, and I would trust her with anything.  You know Jen Gray gets xoxoxo--she is a blogger on my rhs-- and she was at Steve R's thing.  That is a lot huh??  I mean I cannot give much, but I can give on this blog and do.  :)

I have no idea how many blog updates I missed since my break.  I am not creeping around.  I'll let you know if I read you.  Speaking of my break... the day I posted that Izzy song, and lost it.  I needed support, and got none.  I texted Gina, I needed a strong woman.  Btw I don't text very much.  That Izzy night was a weird one like I said, because I took sadness from who knows where.  I went to my breaking point.  You know no blog, to Twitter, and no FB.  Some stuff survived.  As I was slowly getting back on my feet Jen Gray was instrumental in getting me back up.  You know Beth and Lorraine helped pick me up after heimleblog.  Lorraine I don't read anymore, but that will be remembered.  Even though we went our different paths that still is a part of the story never to be taken away.

You may ask where was my wife during this, and I wouldn't worry about her.  She doesn't really get this part of me too much for whatever reason.  I mean I blog every day, almost and she doesn't read it.  Wanna know why???  It isn't in her heart to read it.  If it was part of the plan than it would be in her heart to read it right??

I think you can listen to your heart.  Be honest with it.  Look in it and see.  You know what sin is???  All that we hide.  Remember when Adam hid from God.  He wants us to stand naked in front of him to show all.  Not be afraid of our inequities.  It is a journey to get there.  It is a journey you are not the director of.  It is not your righteousness that saves you, but your faith.  Remember during the Journey I was soooooooo scared.  I wanted to be right, and he wanted me to be faithful.  Why the story is like this I don't know, but it is.  Like the answer to Job were you around when I made all this??  We don't know his mind, and realize his thoughts and wisdoms, and understandings go way above ours.  Our wisdoms and understandings are truly just a comic book story compared to his.  We cannot fathom.  It  is like imagining a billion dollars.  Who can do such a thing?

You have to trust this though.   He knows what you are up against, and he will help, and deliver you.  It is his job, and he likes to do it, and he wants to do it.  Oh yeah one other thing.  Wear fear as a badge of honor.  In the words of Solomon it will go well with those who fear the Lord.  :)   If you are scared realize you are in the minority.  Not many have, and that is a gift too.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!  :)

xo's!!!   :)   Gina and Alyssia Garcia.   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. Bulls, Blackhawks, White Sox!!!   WOOT!!!   :)

Love You All!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these!!!    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these!!!!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jen Gray!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Even more for the rest of you!!!!   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D  :D

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I Am So PHAT!!!!

Well I am hobbled no doubt about that.  Sciatic nerve pain, so that means there is something pinching.  Like I said Ouchies.   :)  My friend Beau had surgery yesterday for a ruptured Achilles.  It was frayed I guess on both sides.  Like a horse tail.  :)  So I have gone from a minimum 25 mile runner, and actually was inching up to 35 miles per week runner, to nothing.  :)  Beau works out almost every day, and now he is nothing for two weeks, and the cast can come off, but still not much.  PHAT PHAT PHAT!!!  Thanks for all the concern shown me through this.  :)   j/k.   I guess I know when a blog is weird a blog is weird huh??  I actually had someone tell me I drink too much, and I am crazy before.  Who drinks too much and blogs at 3:00 am anyway?  BTW, you don't even know the crazy stuff.  I could tell you all kinds of things that happened on my summer where you would know I was nuts.  I was being shown stuff though. 

I kept having dreams that Normal, IL at the time was full of bad fish.  That it was dangerous.  Whatever that meant.  You know how it says come follow me, and I will teach you to be fishers of men??  I assume you could just say people.  I didn't know what the heck I was doing anyway.  Fighting for my life really, not this one, but the other.  Despair despair despair every day.  Mind you this was after 6 days of persecution where I prayed make it so I was never born.  If I am evil let me die, and I prayed like Job and Solomon... well Job prayed he would be better off if he were never born, and Solomon stated better off are those who have never been born to never see all the evil that is done under the sun.  I always liked Solomon.  He was probably my favorite.  I wanted to reach his heights of wisdom.  I was afraid of the better off part.  Does all wisdom lead to sadness??  No, because there is one who came, and overcame all, and brought a message of hope, and peace, and joy.  It is a message delivered through the heart, but it isn't overnight.  It is a journey as I said, and the direction is laid by one who has the best eyes.  He guides in such a way as to teach you stuff.  Not stuff you can learn in a book, but stuff you can learn in life. 

Remember when I said Khien although just a housekeeper did a great job.  He was diligent, and thorough, and all.  He was a POW, who escaped by drugging the guards, and made it to America.  A simple job... perhaps, but even simple jobs can be done good.  Khien had the learning of life, and that Doctor had the learning of books.  The puller of the strings of life is the better teacher for those who have eyes, and those who have ears.  We all have them we just have to use them.  Keep eyes and ears open.  You will see stuff.  Remember how I said teach the blind to see and the deaf to hear.  That is what this is.  This is a spiritual journey, and the law is spiritual.  He who lives by the sword sure don't make sense any other way does it???   No, because the one who saves is living, and can do things every day for you on earth.  He will never give you more than you can handle. 

Don't shove away what he teaches... accept it.  Some lessons are hard o.k.???  Trust him though he knows what he is doing.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.   We got this = courage and honesty.  Courage to look at what is shown us.  :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

extras of these!!   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jen Gray because she lost her Mom this year.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Doreen and Jules too  :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!!   :D   :D  

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Better-- Hey I used that title before. :)

It  has been a bad week or so???  Something like that.  I trust you all, and I plan on adding back.  You know I have been through some stuff.  Stuff I wouldn't wish on my own enemy.  I shared a lot with a lot of you.  A lot of the differences we had are for whatever, but so you know I trust you.  I think you get me now too.  I can be the nicest guy in the world... with help.... of course, and I can be the biggest dick.

Maybe some took things for granted, that I will always be here, but I think most have learned their lesson.  Internally I am strong every morning.  I do this blog thing, and the truth comes out.  I like to have it come out in a nice way, but sometimes that is subject to others.  I'd just as well leave that nasty sword at home inside, but I will use it when need be.  To keep us on course.  Not that I have any idea what the heck that is, but obviously that shit is done through me.

I have been a bad blogger as far as reading blogs.  I don't know why.  Some voices quiet me, Panders is one, and you know more and more and more I'd like to hear about your life.  That shit fascinates me.  See there are times when you do what you do that you think about things.  Your head is quiet, and thoughts come to you.  Whether it is memories, or ponderings of how you relate in this crazy little world.  Where you have been where you are going.  That shit is interesting to all.

I want to put this link up.  It popped up on my screen the other day, and I read it.  It is a pretty good post.

Anyway so you all know we will get this shit straightened out.  When bad things happen to me, especially if the mirror gets turned on me, the sword comes out.  You don't want to look at that shit believe me.  Know this, I am not perfect.  I don't pretend to be, and what is perfect anyway right??  I mean I was probably as perfect as anything during my summer of discontent.  I ate once every two days probably.  I never watched t.v.  Every waking moment was spent outside, when not at work.  I worked at my humble job very diligently, and I never really had anything mean to say to anyone.  A man of few words.  BUT I FELT LIKE SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON.  So dirty.  The end of that summer was #1.  A victory that led me into PICU for 6 days.  That led to the physical depression, and then the energy was restored.  I know when the energy was restored.  I knew it at the exact second it happened.  I was like really???  WOAH!!   I then became a Joseph Heller zany nut.  Fun was mine to be had, because I was free.  There was nothing I could do about anything, but believe that days would be coming where I would do other things.  Did I know those days would be 19 years or whatever later?  Did I know it would last this long??  no.  Did I know the people involved?? no, only 5.

All work I do is done through me.  I am just something being used for a purpose.  I go a little zany, and I am a nut.  I don't take much on this earth as particularly important.  In things pertaining to life and death it all is pretty silly.  I mean when we are two steps from death what will we think about??  Our bank accounts??  Did we make the mortgage payments???  Do we have a top notch credit score??  Nah, we will think about friends and family, and that we are done.

Hell I know this is long, but I want to tell you a little story.  My step-mom went like Jen Gray's mom.  Cancer, and only so much time to live.  I didn't like women too much at this time.  After Carolynn broke up with me I lost trust.  I lost trust in God, and women, and all.  I smoked pot for the first time, had sex for the first time, even tried cocaine for the first of 2 times.  What the hell did any of that shit get me??  My mom was in pain for quite a while.  I looked at it as a sign of weakness.  I didn't trust it.  I know real dickish of me.  I didn't want to go to my college graduation, because I didn't think it was a big deal.  I was not that impressed with myself, because I was searching, and I had no answers.  My mom and dad made me go to it, because they were coming to see it.  I guess they were proud.  Weird, because I never really was proud of myself.  I am glad they did, because shortly after we got news my step-mom was going to die.  It was like a boulder crushed my soul.  This person who at this point I liked kinda, but whatever, I really wasn't into family too much at the time, was going to die.  WOAH!!!    That shit really happens huh??  Something for me to look at.  A little part of my journey.  Seeing her casket face on Christmas the day before she died, was....eeeeek!!!.  Seeing her ballooned up with water weight, cause of some incompetent doctor to add to her suffering.  Ways to look at life.  Seeing life as this ugly thing.  Rose colored glasses off, real ones on.  You know where my journey ended after the "Journey"??   My rose colored glasses came back on.  All is good in my world, because with a blessing that where it leads.  You have to see necessary things.  Don't worry about things, just keep your eyes open.  Yeah there are some shitty things, but you know when eventually you all get out of your cocoon, you will have a pure heart.  One of the beatitudes right???   :)

We got this!!!!   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. I am fucked as far as running is for the time being.  It hurts like a bitch when I wake up in the morning just to walk.  Ouchies!!!   :)   I don't really give a shit, except for the pain part.  That really sucks.  :)  It loosens up eventually as I walk though so I can still work.  :)

Love You All!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You all are the best!!!!   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

extras for those great people overseas   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Doreen and whoever she would ever want to give them too.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :)

The rest of you's too.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

MWAH  MWAH   MWAH!!!!!    :)

Now for really really cya cya cya!!!   :D  :D