Thursday, February 27, 2014

Can I Really Blog Right Now??

Hello, and good evening/early morning all.   How's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good.   I am done with the bank, and am sitting up having a cocktail.  Typically if I write something I publish, not sure if this will be published or not.   Not because I have any great hidden thing I want to show you.   Obviously that shit is all out.   I just don't think I have anything important to say. 

I do think of running, and putting in effort.  My knee is really doing great I'd say, but I have a weird thing with my ankle.   Picture a pinched nerve in your neck.  Shit comes out of nowhere and lasts a day or two.   I did something before work to my ankle last night, and was limping ever since.   It feels much better now. 

So what was my day made up of yesterday??   LASAGNA.  I made lasagna for dinner.  Probably my best one ever.  It was so fricken good, and is there anything better in life than putting in a little effort to make a nice meal??  It is little things like that which are fun to me. 

What does my life consist of??  Not much really.  Simple things.   A simple saying says the truth sets you free, and isn't the truth a trip??? 

I have an area where I disconnect with people.   How I feel on the inside.   I know how you all want to feel.   Important, like you matter, like you have the right answers.   You all are missing something huh?  Life doesn't feel totally complete does it??   So you look out there and try and grab the best thing you can think of. 

If we have no redeeming qualities and we don't really matter, then what are we?? 

I think I know you kinda see this, and it is making your life hard.   Does it help to know this is good stuff??  Life is full of a bunch of hard shit we don't wanna do.  I am not talking about stupid jobs and shit, I am talking about taking the hard look at us.  These are the areas where I really like you.  

Anyway, I am up late, just fucking around really.  It is our anniversary today, and the bank had the date on their counter thingy.   I would have totally forgot AGAIN.   I don't think Lisa has a clue.   :) 

LOL we are unconventional.  

Later all.   MWAH!!   :))   xoxo

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Seems Like Old Times...

Hello, and good afternoon all...errrr morning I mean.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I slept in pretty good today.  I woke up around midnight, and went in to clean the bank.  I came home and went to bed too.   Feels good to be tired enough to come back and sleep.  Today should be a pretty good day, because I work tonight, but then I have tomorrow off again.  So that is good. 

Maybe you want to know some of the simpler things running through my mind.  After all once upon a time this used to be a running blog.  Life always gets thrown in to what I write, because life is a real thing.   Life is something that happens.  Life is what goes on after we have dotted all our I's and crossed all our T's.  Anyhoo, I haven't given up on running, I just don't do it now.   Let's face it though the weather sucks.   I mean I used to be as hard core as anyone when it came to running in the Winter, and this year not so much.   It probably helps I crouch down a lot at work, and when I wake up from a sleep my knee hurts.   I am crouching much better now, and the pain is wayyyyy less than it used to be.   I have a feeling everything will start becoming good again when the temps hit 30 or so a few months down the road.  ;) 

So work is going well.   I like what I do in a fucked up kinda way.   Fucked up in a lot of people might not like what I do, but I enjoy it.   4 of the 5 nights I work are truck nights, and the other one typically Saturday I have plenty to do.  I like to work fast, so as to get everything done.   I am not one of those people who likes to milk hours.   I like to work fast in hopes I can get out early.  If there is a lot to do, I have no problem staying late. 

I work most weekend nights.  Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.   I don't mind it at all.   I don't do anything on the weekends, and I pretty much just stay at home.   The highlights of my days are meals I guess. It is hard being me at times, because of how I am, compared to how other people are.   We probably think each other is pretty fucked up.   :) 

I am not though.  I am good.  My feet are planted squarely on the ground.   I know all about me.   I know what I have been through, although not all the reasons.   I know my direction.   My path is lighted, so I don't have to worry about things.  The World is a crazy place.   You can turn in any direction, and see it is wrong.   There really is no right way, and no right thing to do.  We are masters of justification though.  If I do this it helps people or the World in this way or that.   It doesn't though, and you don't help.  The thing about our life is we cannot even help ourselves to be better people.   We cannot make us into the perfect person.  We still fuck up shit, and probably every day.   These things many people like to hide though, because it is in our nature to wanna show the good and shiny side to our existence.   Maybe it helps keep the judgers away, but it is always the truth that was the good stuff, but the truth of all of us really isn't all that great is it?? 

Like I said before we don't have any redeeming qualities really.   Probably the most important vision of me I had was way back when.  I saw who I wanted to be, and I saw who I really was.   Now I tried very very hard to make myself into who I wanted to be.   I was willing to be a hermit if need be, but nothing worked.   I was not able to make myself who I really really wanted to be.  A better person than who I was.   I saw what that meant, and I saw what I deserved for being who I was.   The crazy story of life.   There is a way a life is supposed to go.   It has everything to do about the truth.   The ugly truth.   The ugly truth of us, the ugly truth of life, the ugly truth of this World, the ugly truth of our existence.   There is a path available that helps us through all these hard things, and funny we have to take such a tiny step.  (It seems huge I know), and everything will be done for us.   Perhaps the scariest thing of all is we are not in charge of us really.   We cannot control the smallest details of how we feel on any given day. 

That this stuff goes on so long I think is crazy.   Whatever though.   I feel pretty good.   I am confident in who I am, and I am assured of my steps.  Maybe at this stage that is the best gift I could have hoped for.   To be content in who I am.  Soooo anyway.   Just thought I'd get something down like in the old days.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  One of the guys I work with plays candy crush on his phone.   I played for a while way back when.  I thought I'd give it another try, so I added it back to my phone.   Fun Fun.   :) 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Monday, February 24, 2014

From Where I Stand...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   Obviously I don't blog much this year, and actually it coincides with me not opening my computer much either.   I open my phone, and see stuff, but you see quite a bit less than on the computer, for whatever reason. 

Anyhooo, I did get a little glimpse of me.   I mean really I walk this Earth, and sometimes I am so puzzled by people.   What are you striving for??  What are you trying to achieve??  Why???   What is the point??  Then I think why am I the way I am, and people are going on and on..

Well let me tell you, I am the way I am because this is how I am supposed to be.   I have been through all the things I need to go through, (less one) and I know the meaning of me.   I know the meaning of my life.   I  know the meaning of all things, and all lives.   We are on two different planes so to speak.   My life is over.   It is done.  It is completed basically, and I just wait for one thing.   Who I am now is nothing really.  It isn't who I will be.   Who I will be is totally my final destination.   the thing I have been waiting since the early 90's.   It is the someone you don't think is possible.   I will be the best a person can be.   An achievable thing with really all help.  I cannot strive for it, and I cannot rush my way into it.   I cannot make the time for it, or even do anything to really make this thing happen.  

So you see where we are different??   My life is no longer.   A pointless blip on the screen of life.   Your life you hold onto, because it is all you know.   It is all you have ever seen, and it is all you can understand.   Well, I went a different way.  I went a way where I did not know where my steps were taking me.   I went a path that surely was not fun.  It was scary.   All the bad things that are out in the World tried to make my walk harder.   I was asked to go solo.  Find my way, and I had a heart that was not very comfortable.   A doomed person walking the streets looking for my way.   Now many of you remember I spent that one summer where I had maybe one good moment the whole Summer.   A night of playing basketball where I could forget about everything for like an hour or so.  I saw many things.   I was shown the World through God's eyes.   All the hidden things he sees.   All the things we do in the dark, and in the shadows, and keep hidden from all eyes but one.   I was shown the glory of God too on this same night.   That was good too, because I thought why would he show me this if I am destined to be doomed?? 

That summer ended up with a blessing.   I was in the reception area of the Old People's part of Bromenn Healthcare.   I could feel the blessing being placed on my head, but I did not care.   I was seeking other stuff, and I was being judged heavily.   There was no hope, and my heart knew nothing but fear.   Then I went into the hospital.   Why did I have to go into the Hospital??   I was overtaken.   By one stronger than me.   I was told I can save myself, but at the expense of my friends.   There was no way out.   In my heart was placed the strength to say "God's Will be done".  I knew it meant my life though.   My days were done, and eternity waited.   On this night my brother Jim was with me, as many of you know,  I was chained up to a bed waiting for my suffering to happen.   In my heart I knew the others were saved, and I was doomed.   Jim said I had "Mom's death eyes".   Surely I was on my way.   My final moments were here.  I just asked Jim if they could take off the chains.  I didn't want to be tied up. 

As I awaited my horrible death to happen, I fell asleep.  To my complete fricken surprise, I woke up the next day.   God's will was done, and it surely wasn't what I thought.   I made many mistakes along the path, I guess, but there was no road map.   I wasn't walking by sight at all.  I was lead on this path of life to find answers, and find the truth.  I suffered much along the way, and many moments over the past several years had some hard spots too.   Things you cannot see, and things you may not even think are out there.   I've gone up against evil spirits who are definitely more crafty with the sword than I am.  I didn't win that is for sure, but I didn't lose, because it isn't the plan.   What I have to do now is Go where there is no hope, and Understand the thing that was done centuries ago.   Follow in the footsteps I was asked to.   I will be forsaken, and the light with which I now live my life will be gone, but one will remain.   To be with me on my walk of suffering.   The final thing I knew I must do.  It is my path to salvation.   What I was asked to do. 

So forgive me if I know what life is about.   Forgive me if I know the outcome of all endeavors, and the significance of all endeavors.   I know the meaning of most things, and I know the worth of most things.   All avenues lead to death, but one.  

No escaping that. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   I am fricken sore from stripping floors yesterday.   The edges, the edges.   Scrub, scrub, scrub, scrape, scrape, scrape.   Zoiks.  I am way too old to be using muscles that haven't been used in a while.  :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Realistic Expectations... A Realistic Outlook...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I woke up this morning, and my first thought was blog???  blah.   Then I got up, and made some coffee, and now I guess I can do this.

This blog has made a turn this year.  A significant one.   I am pulling away, and I don't know the reasons why.   As patient as I have been in years past, this is probably the final shot.  I am going in the direction I go.   Whatever my heart tells me to do.   If others come with or not, I do not care.  I am cool solo.   There is no one here I consider to be so important I would stop being me. I have no one I need to impress, and no one who has a claim on me.   I am free and solo as a person.  Not tangled up in the day to day life.  The appearance of who I am I could care less.   I just am.   Enough strength to be me.  

Part of this is people for some reason or another think they are special.   Their uniqueness is something that gives them some kind of redeeming quality.  There are no redeeming qualities.   There are words like forgiveness and repentance.  There are no rules like I will eat vegetables for my salvation.   I will work out such and such for my salvation.   I will do this and that, blah blah blah.    Nope none of those things matter.  No points in anything you put your mind too.  Our lives are a tangled web of selfish endeavors that matter not one bit.

It is not said there is no greater love than when one tries to hold onto their life to make some great name in this meaningless World.  The saying is something quite a bit different.   An ultimate turn if you will.   I have been through many things, and twice I laid down my life.  The one here, and the one after.  It wasn't with a strength I possessed.  I was helped out to overcome twice.

Those things were worth points.  We all seek for importance and meaning to our lives.  Can you accept the truth??  Your life means very little.  You do not have what it takes to get points.   All your plans mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, and you are not really that important in the grand scheme of things.   You can be important, but it sure won't be from what you do.

I ask you to accept harsh truths.  I don't ask you to hold onto some form of fabulousness in this World.  I know you want to be the builder of your destiny.   You want to show the World what your worth, but can't you trust another to help you along those paths??  One who knows more than you, and sees more than you??

I know the truth seems harsh, because you have so many plans.   So many things you want to accomplish.  Are you strong enough to accept your plans and your ideas don't mean squat??   Do you have what it takes??  Are you one of the many, or one of the few??

The path of the many seems so enticing for the weak, and the path of the few very little want to take.

Serious questions, serious decisions, and serious consequences.  Ahh, we lie to ourselves though, because we don't believe these things are serious.   You'll have to trust me on this, they are.

Anyway guess that is it for today. 

til next time.  

Monday, February 17, 2014

So I Have A Day Off...

Hello, and good morning (barely).  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I have the day off today, and it is a banking Holiday so I don't have to go in later to clean the bank.  They are closed.   I still have to clean up from Friday, but I can go in after this and do it.  I have to shop for something for dinner, and cook dinner. That is it.   I don't get many days like this.  M-F I typically have to do the bank, and I work most weekends.   I am cool working weekends though, because I don't do anything, and don't have anything I want to do. 

I have written sooooo many things on this blog, and people really haven't listened.   You haven't believed.  People keep going on doing their life thing.  Never looking back.  Never seeking answers.  Never asking why.   A lot of the things I have put on here are important.  This is your life though, and it is your things you have to deal with.   Your decisions to be made, and the consequences of your actions are yours to take.  Do you want what you deserve??  Can you handle that consequence??  Are you cool with it?? 

Weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Not for a weekend, or for the work week, but forever.   I once had a taste of what it would be like.  It was a fairy tale version of it.   It is what clothed me for just a very short time way back when.  I suffered a lot.  I had those 6 days, and this was the time Lora and I became friends.   I was doomed.   Walking the streets with no hope.   Knowing full well what my future would be like.   No hope on Earth, and a shitty eternity to deal with.   The only thing I wanted was salvation, and that door was closed.  

Then I saw the birds in the trees, and I saw my eyes were opened to be able to read the word, and grasp its meaning.   The cartoon version of Hell I went through, and all of a sudden I was full.   I was on the right side of being right, and man,  I was going to be the best person ever.   Then it was taken all away.   There are many layers to the word, and understanding the word is out of our grasp.   Knowledge, wisdom, and understanding huh??   The 3 layers.   I always wanted that last one.   I knew what it would mean.   It would mean I would have everything I ever needed.   What a long and hard, and strange journey for me to get what I wanted most.  

Soooo, anyway I go through all this.  I lived this life, and suffered much.  I blog about it for years and years on end.   What do you do??   Ignore it. 

WTH???   Now you see how fricken pissed off I get at you people.   You have all the answers.  You are the builder of your own path of righteousness.  You know all the turns to make, and you have all the directions in your mind of what you need to do. 

I am like, ummmm,  know you don't.   You don't know shit.  You haven't done shit, and you are being pretty fucking dumb.  

So all this is happening, and you will get to understand the power of forgiveness, because you will need it.   These days I would just forget about all you.   You all are pretty worthless, and that is why you need help.   Someone much better than me, and someone who can turn a blind eye to the truly horrible people you are.  

There is only one way, and the way is not my idea, and it isn't my plan, and I tell you what.  It sure isn't from your plans either.  Your plans are short-sighted, and ignorant, and if you could see the World through my eyes, and then see what you all continue to do.  You would be flabergasted. 

In other words, I think you people are, and have been acting really fucking dumb a long time.

I spent a life suffering to find answers.   Willing to go wherever I need to.  A hidden journey from everyone's eyes.  My journey is known by me, and the maker of my path.   I have been made to be able to help, but I can help very very little, and you all need a lot of help.  I mean a lot.   You are really fucked up, and the thing that gets me, is you think your life is something important and something special.  

We are one of the many who walked this earth.  Our numbers are as the sand of the sea, but you are that one important person??


Later.   :)

Have a good one.   :)

xoxoxoxoxo    :)

MWAH!!!     :)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A Long Lost Friend...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing pretty good.  I have today off, and just have to work at the bank.   On my days off I have been going in at like 1:00 AM or 2:00 AM.   I cook dinner, and hang with Lisa.  I fall asleep early, and wake up early.   I think I like it that way.

Anyway, as to my title, do you out of the blue just hear from someone and think ohhh cool.   Nice to know what they are up to, and what is going on.   That happened to me today.  Out of the blue.

Anyway I think of how this thing is, and there totally is a disconnect in what I like about people.  How I accept them, and why I like them.   People are a striving bunch.   We have to show our worth.  Somehow someway we are important and valuable, and the World is going to know who we are, because??

In this blog there are no rules.   It is a go with the flow kinda blog, and one day you might see something, and the next it may be something else.  I like people for different reasons than they are accustomed to.   It isn't because you do this and that.  It isn't because you are good at this or good at that.   What I like about people is strength.   Strength more than anything is honesty, and honesty in all of us can be and is some pretty shitty stuff.   The non-strong people you can tell.   They got their SHIT together all the time.   They have nailed life, and they have the answers, and the World is their King.   It is superficial Bullshit.  Easily seen through, and really a revolting character in people.

I have been going on and on about that though.   The hardest thing to understand about me is you have done nothing special.   You are not special, and you don't have a  redeemable trait that makes you better than others.  If I accept you it is just because.   My heart is the way it is, and not of my own doing.

All our lives we thought we were special, and we had these great traits that made us stand out.   We are worth this and that because of???

 We still are only worth one coin in the most important eyes.   As special as any penny you find on the ground.   We are not better than others.   Our flaws may be different, but they still are flaws.   The eyes that look in the Garden of Eden look at other things than what we look at.   We look skin deep, and the other looks inside.   I am the way I am, because I can accept how you are on the inside.   If you are a jerk, a bitch, an ass, I like to see that stuff, and I can accept.   When you sugar coat something, well let me just say I haven't liked any of that crap in years.  

We all are pretty sick on the inside.  Messed up in ways.   We want to be such and such a person, but our demons overpower us.   We want to be the best we can be, but the best we can be is not in our power to make.  As strong, and dependent as we want to feel, we surely are too weak to make much of a difference in how we are as a person.

In a life that is bound to be hard, and frustrating, and not perfect, we all stand weak, and helpless.   God we want to be strong, and man do we want to show everyone what we are worth.   Our deeds will not go unnoticed, because I am SUPER(wo)man.

Who we have inside us is the superhero, and the old lady who only had one coin.   The Superhero is false, and the old lady with the coin is who you really are.   How can an old lady beat Superman??   Well you know where the Kryptonite comes from huh??   A turn for the ages.


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  Looks like by the end of next week some of this shit will start thawing finally.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D  

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

I Don't Know Why...

Well for someone who has spent the better part of the last several years blogging almost every day, I sure don't do it much anymore.   I don't know why.   I think what I have to say is pretty boring probably.  I don't have anything new or interesting to say.  I sometimes think about me, and how I feel, and I realize how lucky, and what a good position I am in.  How I feel on the inside is usually pretty good.

You people don't understand me, and you don't know how I am how I am.   I understand a lot of you, and I know many of you are full of crap.  What is it with us that makes us want others think we got it down??  We know our direction, and we are the pushers and pullers of our own destiny??  What makes anyone think their life will be anything different than Anne Frank's??

What part of this Earth and this life do you have control of??   What part of your ending do you have control of??

I know youth and vigor and all that stuff.   We have energy, and we can do things.   What part of anything you do matters??   Who are you impressing??  Who cares about you??  One thing I learned about doing this blog is people don't give a fuck about other people.   Our lives are all about us.  It is not in your heart to give two fucks about anyone else.   Just you.

Do you see the problem??  Do you see you??  Do you want to be better, or would you rather collect some stupid trophy that sits on some stupid shelf that no one cares about??

Many of you have no understanding of life.   You got things mixed up, and your hearts are a mess.   I have been telling you about this for a while, but you are hard headed and you will not listen.

I want better things for you, and you want to show this meaningless World you are worthy of it.  That you matter to this World.

Well the only important thing about this World are the people, but the people are too enamored with the World to give a fuck about the important lessons that have been taught.

See how all y'all are fucked up??

Oh well.

til next time.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Not Much On My Mind, but I'll Give This A Whirl...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I worked at the new grocery store two nights now, and both nights went really well.   I dare say there is a good crew there.   The people all seem nice, hard working, and they like their jobs. 

I will tell you some things they do different than what happens at the other store.   Frozen, and Dairy get done 3rd shift.   That is two extra workers to help out.  Dairy is his own person, but frozen gets done by the night crew.   If they did that at the old store things would run a lot smoother I bet.   More synergy.  We got a crap load done on Tuesday night.  It was a truck night, and we went through overstock of frozen, and everything got done, and we left before 7:00 AM.   Unheard of at the old store.  Plus there are go to guys who know a lot, and can do a lot, and can take charge in any situation.   I am pretty happy with the way things are going there.  

Other than that not much going on with me.   I have absolutely no running goals, and actually I am not running right now.   Only place I could run is downtown Holland.  They have the snowmelt sidewalks.   We have had a ton of snow, and it hasn't been above freezing in like a month.   The snow just sits there.   Our usually pretty good sidewalks are crap for running now.  I don't care though. 

In a life full of turns, I can and have been able to make many turns at many points in life.   Something none of you can do.   You are boxed into your life.   You cannot escape.  Who knew one of the best things in life and strongest things you can do is make a turn.   My life is the way it is because of turns.   I am the way I am because of a very important turn.   I learned soooooo much from this turn.  

What did I want out of life before the turns??   Get married, get a good job, have kids I spose.  You know, what we grew up believing we were supposed to do.  I look back at that time now, and I realize how shallow and unmeaningful that type of life would have been.   That is why people are probably miserable.  Trapped in their life.  Trapped in Society, and really we want the freedom to be us.  

I cannot tell you the story of your life.   I cannot tell you how it will go.  I can tell you there is more to life than what you are experiencing now.  More to life than the avenues you think are the most important now. 

Just can't get it through some of your thick skulls.   :)   LOL

Anyhooooo, I am just touching base.  

Have a fab one all.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxo

MWAH!!!   :)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Blogging A Chore For Me??

I don't know if blogging is really a chore for me, but lately opening up my computer is.  :)  I mean I open my phone and stuff, but not so much my computer these days.  I am not sure why.  I don't know if I am bored with blogging. 

I can tell you some things about blogging and me...  Perhaps a list.   This isn't warnings or anything, just some stuff about me. 

  • I don't have to blog.   It is something I do, but I don't have to.
  • My life is pretty stupid, but we do okay.  You know??  
  • I am pretty anti-social these days.   Just me my life and work.   
  • Maybe I just don't have anything in common with people.  
  • Lisa and I work, eat, and sleep.  Then other things.  

Anyway I started working at the local grocery store that is closer to my house.   The first night went pretty well.  We worked hard, got stuff done in a timely fashion.   It is a newer store, and has bright lights so not so depressing.  I never realized how depressing the older store was.  Lights do make a difference.  Who knew??

I was offered a full time position from the owner of the cleaning company who has me clean the bank.   I probably would have done stuff I used to do in College and right after.   You know the Khien Pham thing and all.   I was totally going to take that job, and as I was cleaning the bank on Sunday I decided to do the grocery store, even though I will make less money.  Why??   I like doing what I do at the grocery store.   I like that other people are in charge and have the weight of everything on them.  I am able to handle things like that, but sometimes it ain't so bad to just be a laborer.  So that is that.   After working at the bank I see a lot of desks, and cubicles and offices.   That is a lot of sit down time.   From what I gather it probably is a lot of snacking on crap time, and eating fast food time too.

This is just life though.   The thing we are here doing.   I spend a lot of time thinking about different things.   This morning I was thinking about Philip Seymour Hoffman.   What is a life like that like??   He has achieved every level of success his career affords.   He has a girl friend and 3 kids.   I don't know the ages.   He has all the money he will ever need.   What to do with the spare time??  Our lives are full of striving a lot of times huh??   Many times perhaps we think the deck is stacked against us so we become bitter.   If we feel things are possible then life ain't horrible, but I come along and tell you none of it matters anyway.

Through blogs, and social networking I gather people don't believe me.  You believe in yourself, and your life, and society, and all the things you can see.   Our jobs do matter.   This cubicle I sit in is important, because I am doing important stuff.   :)   LOL.  

Life is a journey, and it is a journey of you.   Who are you??  What are you made of??   Why are you not perfect??   Why can you not make yourself perfect??   Why do we think the sacrifices we make matter??   Why do we think that after we stop eating  sugar for like 30 days we won't crave it anymore??   Why do people do heroin when they already kicked the habit??  Why anything??  Why do we think we matter??   Why is our life set up in such a way, that getting to the truth is so hard, and all we can do is put up a facade of our life.

Life is such a sad and depressing thing.   Nothing to it really, and Solomon saw this a long time ago.  You will never accomplish more than him, and look where it all led.  It only led to the truth of life.   The ants have created a busy busy thing with their societies, and rules, and regulations, and wars, and stuff.   All meaning nothing.   We are one of the ants too kinda.   We are part of that World.   The other World out there you don't see, and you don't feel.  I don't know if any of you even will.   I don't have a lot of trust or faith in you to do the right thing.  

Oh well.   That is it for today.   I'll see you next time I decide to open up my computer probably.