Hello, and good afternoon all...errrr morning I mean. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. I slept in pretty good today. I woke up around midnight, and went in to clean the bank. I came home and went to bed too. Feels good to be tired enough to come back and sleep. Today should be a pretty good day, because I work tonight, but then I have tomorrow off again. So that is good.
Maybe you want to know some of the simpler things running through my mind. After all once upon a time this used to be a running blog. Life always gets thrown in to what I write, because life is a real thing. Life is something that happens. Life is what goes on after we have dotted all our I's and crossed all our T's. Anyhoo, I haven't given up on running, I just don't do it now. Let's face it though the weather sucks. I mean I used to be as hard core as anyone when it came to running in the Winter, and this year not so much. It probably helps I crouch down a lot at work, and when I wake up from a sleep my knee hurts. I am crouching much better now, and the pain is wayyyyy less than it used to be. I have a feeling everything will start becoming good again when the temps hit 30 or so a few months down the road. ;)
So work is going well. I like what I do in a fucked up kinda way. Fucked up in a lot of people might not like what I do, but I enjoy it. 4 of the 5 nights I work are truck nights, and the other one typically Saturday I have plenty to do. I like to work fast, so as to get everything done. I am not one of those people who likes to milk hours. I like to work fast in hopes I can get out early. If there is a lot to do, I have no problem staying late.
I work most weekend nights. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I don't mind it at all. I don't do anything on the weekends, and I pretty much just stay at home. The highlights of my days are meals I guess. It is hard being me at times, because of how I am, compared to how other people are. We probably think each other is pretty fucked up. :)
I am not though. I am good. My feet are planted squarely on the ground. I know all about me. I know what I have been through, although not all the reasons. I know my direction. My path is lighted, so I don't have to worry about things. The World is a crazy place. You can turn in any direction, and see it is wrong. There really is no right way, and no right thing to do. We are masters of justification though. If I do this it helps people or the World in this way or that. It doesn't though, and you don't help. The thing about our life is we cannot even help ourselves to be better people. We cannot make us into the perfect person. We still fuck up shit, and probably every day. These things many people like to hide though, because it is in our nature to wanna show the good and shiny side to our existence. Maybe it helps keep the judgers away, but it is always the truth that was the good stuff, but the truth of all of us really isn't all that great is it??
Like I said before we don't have any redeeming qualities really. Probably the most important vision of me I had was way back when. I saw who I wanted to be, and I saw who I really was. Now I tried very very hard to make myself into who I wanted to be. I was willing to be a hermit if need be, but nothing worked. I was not able to make myself who I really really wanted to be. A better person than who I was. I saw what that meant, and I saw what I deserved for being who I was. The crazy story of life. There is a way a life is supposed to go. It has everything to do about the truth. The ugly truth. The ugly truth of us, the ugly truth of life, the ugly truth of this World, the ugly truth of our existence. There is a path available that helps us through all these hard things, and funny we have to take such a tiny step. (It seems huge I know), and everything will be done for us. Perhaps the scariest thing of all is we are not in charge of us really. We cannot control the smallest details of how we feel on any given day.
That this stuff goes on so long I think is crazy. Whatever though. I feel pretty good. I am confident in who I am, and I am assured of my steps. Maybe at this stage that is the best gift I could have hoped for. To be content in who I am. Soooo anyway. Just thought I'd get something down like in the old days. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)
p.s. One of the guys I work with plays candy crush on his phone. I played for a while way back when. I thought I'd give it another try, so I added it back to my phone. Fun Fun. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya :D :D