Thursday, July 31, 2014

Since, I Am On A Roll...

For this year blogging twice in 2 days is me being on a good roll.   Last Several years me not posting 2 days straight is me on a bad roll.  Things have changed as far as that goes.   Anyway, since I am on a roll I guess I'll try and throw something down.  I don't really have much on my mind though.   A lot of times I can go down any avenue, and chances are it may not be what you want to hear. 

That is my life, and that is who I am.  I have seen what life has to offer, and I know the outcome of all avenues.  Seems strange huh??  This Whole World, and us people.  Seems like there should be something good for us to do huh?? Something worthwhile?? 

One only look at the History of the World to know the people have lived quiet lives of desperation.  People try to grab onto some faction to help give their life meaning.  The factions have all failed you.  Whether it be Religion, or Country or whatever.   The factions are all flawed.  Made up by the frailty of human minds.   It doesn't take but a real hard look to know that is true, but that is the point, who has the courage to take "the real hard look"?? 

What if it takes us down a path where we see this shit is all wrong.   Dammit, we want a life, and we want it to matter, and I don't want to just be one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach.   Well there is a life that matters, and it is what I have been saying all along.   I know you know it is true, but how do you get there??

You need the strength to be able to look at the truth.   Accept the lessons it teaches, even if it goes against the current of your whole being.  Even if it says everything to this point doesn't mean anything.   You have one destination, and it is 6' under.   You will not escape it, and why is that even??  Why on Earth are we here being all way more fabulous than the dust and earth we turn into?? 

So this shit is scary.   Somehow someway we have to be worth something right?  Somehow we are special??  Solomon probably lived the most fullest life of anyone, and he was the wisest in all the land.   He saw the end.   He saw the worth of his whole life, and I don't know why you think you will be any different.   I would hold that to be a truth, and make decisions based off that.  

You can strive for wind all you want, but know the end of it.  

Can you imagine me walking the streets in the early 90's.  Wondering what is my life to be??  What is one to do??  Well I found myself alone, so I was going to make me the best person I could.   Work my way toward that.  Little detours helped change my direction.   Meeting honest Lora steered me down the path of truth.   I grabbed it and realized the truth has to be one of the best things.   I let it take me to where it went.   I had no idea it would take me down this path.

It is the only path though that is worthwhile.  The only way to your happiness, and the only way for you to be fulfilled.  That much I know.  

What you think you know is a whole different story.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A Blessing And A Curse...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am fine.  A lot on my mind already this morning, and a lot of it is me.  I know I know how crazy huh??  So, I know a lot of things.   Some of it is pretty bad, and some of it I would just like to keep to myself.   Not things about me, but things about people.   Human nature.  The things that make us less than who we'd want. 

I think of how I am, and how you are, and we are different.  I was made different a long time ago, and you can never in a million years stand in my shoes, until you are also made like me.  I know my standing, and I know my path. 

Perhaps another parable.  Remember the wineskins??  Yeah, my final thing the wineskin that makes up me will have to be destroyed, and a new one given.   The final rebirth if you will.  There will be a new me.   It will be a better me, and it will be the best a person can be.   This thing I will do will not be fun, and it will be much suffering, but from what I gather I should not be afraid.  I will have the strength of the one who overcame helping me.  It is all written that this is how it happens, but very few have gotten to that point, and in the numbers game, well you know. 

So why me??  No reason at all.   I am not special, and I am not some great person.   I just followed the path of faith, and like everyone else I started out on the the path of right.   The path of right is you trying to work your way, and the path of faith is where everything is out of your control.   How hard is that to give up??  Control??

Why is it so hard??  We are humans.  We are born with an elevated view of ourselves.   Human nature.   We think we should be able to figure everything out.   We can send a man on the moon, but it says nowhere we are the ones who open our own eyes to be able to see the writing for as it is.  

I see the sword for how it is, but the best way to view the sword is with understanding, and isn't that what it has always been about anyway??  To get to that point. 

My actions and me are selfish'ish in a way, although I guess this blog isn't.   My life is very very much about me, but for me to overcome I needed strength to give up my life, and that would help others.   At least the first time.  The 2nd time was just Here is your option.  You are the worst of the worst, and there is nothing you can do about it.   What do you say of that??  No hope, and no nothing.   "I will do whatever is God's will". 

So, I put everything in the hands of one more powerful than me.  It is always that little step huh??  Not my will, but yours.   Isn't that the final turn too.  

Don't think it was really easy for me, and I even had to do some foolish stuff to follow up.   I was made to look silly and stuff. 

Geesh all this was so long ago though.   So there is this whole story here.   It goes against everything you want to believe, and it goes against all your hopes, and everything YOU want.  A blind step of selflessness, and you have all these other things YOU want to accomplish.  

Tough things to do, and you haven't even done one thing yet.   You haven't lived one part of the life that is out there for you, because you still are born of this World.   It is your home, and the only thing you believe in. 

I've steered you in a good direction.  Yes I spose it is difficult, because you already have these flawed beliefs, and they are from teachers who told you to stop, even though you haven't even started.   They told you, you are good now.  Go out and do your best.  I had to live a life to find the answers, and I am here to tell you all your teachers were wrong.  They told you the wrong things.  How hard is that to step away from??  

Especially coming from a person like me???  It is why my story has taken place for over 25 years.   My story stands the test of time, and isn't that what you want for your life??   To grab onto the stuff that stands the test of time??

Truth does.  Grab it, even though it is crazy scary. 

Fear is a good thing, because it keeps us in our place.   Arrogance is a bad thing, because it makes us think we are all that. 

So yeah, a lot to do.

You have yet to make the correct step.  The battle between what you know is right, and what you want.   Selfish, or selfless.  Who wins?? 

That is your story, and we will see how it plays out. 

Well, I gotta run.  Not really, but a figure of speech.  I have been sleeping real good these days.   I have a two day stretch now where I work both jobs.  Tonight is a short night though.  I want Wednesday to be a long night, because it is when I clean, and sort, and organize my whole area.   Time to straighten up from the week, and stuff.   It can be a short night eventually, but stuff has to get organized first, and they don't give me enough time.  

Maybe next week.  

Laterzzzz alll.   :)))   xoxoxo and xxxxxx and all that other stuff.   :)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Tale Of Two Mornings...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am 1000 times different now then when I originally woke up.  I woke up, and thought about my blog.   I was like this thing is broken.  I got nothing, and there is nothing really on my mind.

A switch was flipped on, and then all of a sudden a lot was on my mind.  My life, and this blog, and this journey it leads us on.  

Some of the things on my mind were about this blog.  Where it came from to where it has gone to where it is going.   This blog was once upon a time a running blog, and before anything I had a sbr blog believe it or not.  Due to whatever reasons my swimming could no longer be.   A chronic ache that to this day still remains if I make the swimming motion. 

So then it was a running blog kinda, and last week I ran 3 times in 3 days.  2 miles each time, and my knees were achey again.   So, is this even a running blog??  Am I chronic knee guy??  I don't know.  I will probably buy another new pair of shoes once funds are there.   You would think as much as I work the funds would be limitless, but this week starts the new schedule money machine.  I get paid every week at my night time job.   Every two weeks at my other job, and my wife gets paid every two weeks.   This week will be my first time of getting paid for two full weeks at my increased hours at the 2nd job, and it also coincides with the paycheck I still get paid every week, and also Lisa just so happens to get paid this week too.  So every other week we get a lot of money coming in.    So that is that.   :)

Anyway none of that is really important, but I was thinking of my analogy of coin, and life I use.   It just so happens I thought of that this morning.   I thought of the parable of the 5 coins, and I know who my first 5 were.   They were 5 people from the Summer of my discontent.   I have no idea what some of them are even doing.  Katrina, Lora??  No idea.   Jim my brother is dead.   I know who the 2nd 5 were too.   They happen to come along some 20 years later or whatever.   I sorta know what 3 of them are up to.  So that is some of the crazy stuff of my life.   That it took me so long to couple the old lady giving up her coin to what I already knew to be the 5+5 is kinda crazy.  Actually though this whole paragraph is crazy sounding although very real.  It is very true, and 100% correct. 

I thought this morning of people whose blogs I read.   I looked inside myself, and I could see the person I am.   I can see the little person inside me who is stronger than he ever would have been if I hadn't done the things I have done, and if I wasn't helped in all the ways I have been helped, and continue to be helped every day.   Who knew this heart, which is not in my hands could be what it is.  All my courage and all my strength comes from my help.   I am in no way the person I would be without it. 

I then thought about the blogs I read, and I see very little of the people who do the writing.   I cannot see them from what they write.  They show so very little, and I realized they cannot see themselves either.   You are blind to who you are, and I am afraid it will remain that way, as long as you continue on your same path.  The choice is you, or wisdom, and knowledge, and strength, and things like that.  There is no other way. 

I also thought about what has happened throughout the years.   How many deaths have come across my plate here.   So many people have lost brothers, and Dads, and Moms and such.  It is a tale of two lives too that so much has been done with Steve R's death, and very little from my brother Jim.   Definitely not my plan. 

I think it is unfair of me, and I don't think the best outcome, but I really am not in charge of the things done am I??  I don't have a plan with this thing, and I don't really have a purpose.   I just write the things that are in my heart. 

So it is a tale of two people here also.  Me and you.   I know who I am.  I know the story of my life, and I know the direction I go.   I know the outcome of my life, and I know the gifts I will eventually receive after I do my last thing.  I thought about that this morning too.  I hit the alligator on the head 3 times, and then Katrina and I can hug.  That happened a long time ago, and I thought how many have I done??  Those 6 days, the hospital.  An unfortunate acid trip where I talked to Satan for 6 hours.  (My only time for that.  I free-based coke or crack once too.) 

Ends up Once was the Hospital, and once was at a time when I was working.  The end of the Journey.  Both times were me overcoming.   Not the simple coin you are asked, but when it came to saving my life or going to Hell, I said "Your will" even if it is Hell.   I was given the strength to hold onto nothing.   I was blinded when the judges took me over, and could not see anything.   Blind to everything except to what they wanted me to see.  Much how your demons blind you now to who you are.   You are overpowered by things inside you which you don't even know about.  For me to overcome I needed help.  At the right time and the right place I had to say the write things, and it was not in my power to do what needed to be done. 

Hospital I thought myself doomed, and for me to wake up the next day was probably the biggest shock in my life.   The 2nd time I knew good was done right away, and you know it was then and  there the blessing I received right prior to going in the hospital actually took hold. 

So much has been done for me, and My strength comes from this whole story, and all this stuff.

It is a tale of two mornings I found something to write, and it is a tale of two people that you know so much about me, and I know so very little about you.  

I know the direction you must go, but you want that dang coin of yours huh?? 

I get it, and I know the difficult things you are asked to do, and I know it is a blind step, and I have no idea what things will look like for you.  This thing was a blog of trust and strength, and how important is trust??  Not easy.   Heck even I was not trusting enough til after the Journey to know my outcome was good.  Part of the plan too, because Faith is perfected through trials and tribulations, and my path is where faith and right meet.   The Earth cannot stand where these two meet, and it just so happens to meet at the same place where understanding takes place.   Where Heaven and Earth meet. 

Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.   The day I dreamed of the race I won.  I went where no one can go, but I was not happy, because there was no one with me.   I led you through the final turn, but you could not hang.  So on we went, and I am sure we picked up some more people, but the things asked of you still need to be done.   A battle between you and your inner demons.  

Anyway, that is it for today.  :)


Have a good one. 

Love You All!!!   :)))'

xoxoxoxo   and xxxxxxx

MWAH!!    :)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Words Do Matter...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I  had a pretty fun night last night,  I slept good, and I have to work today and tonight, but I switched things around.   Usually I would do job #1 early, and be done, but I am doing it later today.  Like 3:00 or 4:00 or so. 

If I didn't do it that way today I would finish at like 1:00 PM, and probably have a few drinks and nap before work.  None of that is really important, and like everything else in my life it isn't really important. 

I used the title for this update, because I said something I thought a lot about the last couple days.  I put on one of my last updates, "I am not really friends with her, but I commented on her blog a few times." 

Friends.  That is a word, and does it really mean anything??  What is a friend??  Go through your FB list.  Who the Hell are those people??   Worse yet, how about Twitter??  Who the Hell are those folks??

I started thinking about who my friends are, and you know what??  I know very little about people.   I start thinking about this blog and people's blogs I may have commented on in the past, and you know what??  I am an imposter.  I don't know who the Hell these people are, and these days I may be as interested in what they are doing as they are interested in what I am doing. 

So yeah words do matter, and I don't have any clue what the Heck a friend is, and for the little I know people I would say I have zero friends beside my wife.  We live a lonely existence though, because no one knows you, and I dare say you don't know you. 

My mind goes back to the Summer of way long ago, where I was asked to go out on my own.   I kept having a recurring dream.  All the fish in the sea here are dangerous.  I don't know what it really meant even to this day, although the things that needed to be done could not be done then, and maybe not at that place too. 

I was dumb and stupid though, kinda like I am still to this day, I didn't worry about that stuff.  I had answers to find, and crap to go through.   People could still see the outside of me during this time, but they had no idea what was going on inside.  Those 6 days I was to suffer before that Summer = the same thing.   People could see the outside of me, but had no idea what was going on inside. 

The inside is the stuff that is looked at.   It is the stuff that is deemed important.   We all are fucked up in a major way, because we spend sooooo much time trying to make sure the things "appear" to be good on the outside, and there is absolutely zero importance placed upon the shit you place the most importance on. 

I find myself with the tables being turned.   There was a time where the people whose blogs I read were so important to me.   Some were even rockstars in my eyes for a while, and it is one thing I am over.   I don't care how your life appears to be on the outside. 

I am a lone man in this World.   Sent to overcome so I could have the heart of a lion.   The strength to be able to stand on my own with no fear. 

The strength to walk away from anything.   The chains we all were born in were taken off as I overcame my obstacles.  

So that is a good day for me.   As always I live in the light, because all about me is seen, and I am not afraid of it.  

I have no use to try and look good for so and so, because Being strong = holding on to nothing.   The important things in my life are the things that happen inside, and maybe that is what I show you little by little.  

Who I am. 

Anyways that is what I was thinking this morning, and the past few days.


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

To Know Your Place In The World.

Soooo, anyway I wasn't really going to blog today, but as I was sitting drinking my coffee it hit me.  One of the things I have that you don't is I know my place in the World.   I know what I am about.   The search for the mysteries of life are done.  I am not looking to make my mark in any way. 

I know my place.  I know what my life is about, and I know why the heck I am here.   The search for happiness, and meaning, and respect, and all the things one would crave I am not seeking.  I have a real grasp of life.  

Others seek meaning via various avenues.  Whether it is in the Political arena, or their jobs, or trying to be the best person Society wants us to be.  I get in the Political arena once in a while just because people put way tooooooo much faith in it.   Believe things that aren't true.   Put faith in things one shouldn't be putting faith in.   Trying to be what Society wants you to be??  Welcome to failure.  Jobs are just jobs.   The World's way to keep you enslaved, and to make you busier and busier so you don't ponder the things you should ponder. 

Life is a mess, and people try to make the most of theirs I guess in any way.   Try and find some meaning, although they go about it in the wrong way. 

I don't know I guess it is a good feeling for knowing my place.   I have no unreal expectations of life, and no unreal expectations of me.   I don't seek honor in shallow places, and I don't seek for truths in things that don't stand the test of time.  

The all knowing, and arrogant already have all the answers, and don't ever have to question anything.   That is a big log in the eye.  I am not all knowing, but when it comes to my life, and the reasons why I am here I am.   These are things I sought out.  Answers I searched for.   I didn't grab, Society, or Country, or Career to find my answers, and as a matter of fact I threw everything away just in case.   Just in case the Whole World is wrong.   Turns out it is, and yet people find some nook or cranny of the World to hold onto. 

Why??  What else is there??  

Indeed, indeed.  

Oh well.  That is what I was thinking about this morning.  


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

This Ain't No Thang...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am about the same.  I am not horrible, but I ain't as good as I can be either.  I ran a little two miler this morning.  I was thinking whilst working this weekend my back sure feels a heck-u-va lot better than last weekend.   Last weekend was pretty brutal working with my jacked back, but those things usually only take  a week give or take to get better.   I am almost 100%.  I still feel a little tightness here and there, but definitely not horrible. 

What are some of the things on my mind??  What am I asked to do with this thing here??  Well, really I am not asked to do anything with this.  If it is in my heart to blog I blog, and if it isn't I don't.   I am in between right now.   Luke warm so to speak.   I don't really feel like blogging, but it ain't no thang for me to blog either. 

You want to know one of the things I thought about this morning??  A blog I read yesterday.  Her name is Molly, and her story took a huge turn in the last year.   We aren't really friends or anything, but I know who she is, and I have commented on her blog in the past.   I was thinking she went from an Ironman type person, where that was everything.   She quit her job she hated in the last year, then moved from San Fran I think or somewhere out there to Colorado to go back to school.   Her tri year is over now, and she is going to taste some different things in life. 

You want to know what I thought about this morning??  If life went South like it did for Anne Frank, she would be able to adapt.  She hasn't held onto any part of her life with a death grip, like if it was gone she would die.   I get the feeling many of the people I read would die if the most important part of their life left them.  

The proof is in the pudding too.   People will give you lip service that their spouses, and family, and whatever are the most important things in their life, but it isn't.   Some people call personality a type A, but type A = selfish.   Selfish to me is weak, because if you are so focused on one thing, then when that disappears you are like a fish out of water.   To be strong like an alligator you have to be able to live in any surrounding right?? 

What parts of your life are just lip service??  Saying the right things so the ever unimportant "what people think" looks good.   You will be accepted by the ever judgmental eye of the people who will eventually be 6' under like you.   Their judgement does not stand the test of time, because they don't stand the test of time.  

Still though you need help to overcome little crap like that. 

I like strong people.   Selfish = not strong.  Selfish is a form of weakness that makes you really blind.   It makes you think you are all that, but that is because your focus has made your eyesight really poor.

I find myself these days caring less and less about stuff.   It is my path.   With better vision of life, comes a better understanding of what is important.   It just so happens very little is important.   I tell you what too, my heart is in the right hands, because how can someone with my vision still be relatively pretty good??

Quite the miracle huh??  Yet I play my flute of sad songs with this blog, and whatever it accomplishes. Whatever it is worth I surely don't know.   It must do something.  

At least serve some purpose however minor it is.  

Oh well,   I ain't gots much today, but thought I'd throw something down. 

Today should be a pretty good day.   I have very little to do, so I can relax, and not do a damn thing the rest of the day.   I have a good schedule this week too.   Scheduled only til 5:00 AM every day.   That is pretty sweet.  :)

Have a good one all.   :)))

xoxoxoxo   xxxxxxxx    :)

Saturday, July 19, 2014

What Does It All Mean??

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am so so.  I would say I am disappointed in people mostly. 

Still believing there is something important to do in this World and this life.  It has to mean something right??  I mean why bother??  There is a big picture of life painted in your head.   It says everything and anything means something here. 

Within our own power we can achieve something, and we will feel good.  Sadly if you ever do achieve anything it will feel good for like 2 days, and the achievement no matter how much you kid yourself means nothing. 

While everyone was growing up, and perhaps notching out some type of life for themselves I went a different path.  One where I learned the truth about me, and my life, and what I am capable of.   In things that stand the test of time, I am capable of nothing.   My life here on Earth means absolutely nothing.   I can count on zero fingers the things here that are of value. 

I found the truth of life, and it is not what you expect.   Damn, seems like such a shame too??  We have this Brain, and there is this big World, and seems we should be worth something right??  This life should mean something??  We should be capable of great things?? 

Yeah, it wasn't what I expected, and my path was the worst thing possible.   Many of the things I have been through you could not handle as you are right now.   No matter what type of effort you put in.  I was made different to be able to handle some things, and to be taught some things. 

I had to be humbled to learn my place, and I did this under the prying eyes of only one.   There was no one I could tell of the things I've been through.  It is a crazy story, and that was the chain that kept things a secret.  

It is a great deceit being played with your soul that your life is of some significance.   You are of more value than the coin I have told you.   You would rather listen to what is not true, because it probably makes you feel better.  

Sure truth is hard, and yeah there is tough stuff to do, but isn't that what you want??  Worth??   The gift that makes everything you are about, and your life stand for something??  Something besides whatever propaganda you hold to be your truth?? 

Our lives are filled with the leavened teachings of some form of propaganda.  The truth stands on its own.   It needs no superficial banners and flags to clothe itself with.  It stands for something, because it is better than everything else. 

Don't you want what is good??  Don't you want to do the best thing in your life you can??   Well deny yourself and the fabulous paths you can think up.  They don't mean anything.   There is only one life that means anything, and it is one where you are not the author, manipulator of events, etc...  

Why do you want to keep control of basically nothing with your bad vision of the future??  

What part of anything you do matters when viewed from 6' under?? 

You ain't making this World a better place, it isn't in your power.  It isn't in your power to make you a better person, so why the arrogance that you are all that?? 

The best a person can be is not within your power.   It don't matter what type of sacrifices you try to make.  

Throw out the crap, and grab onto what is true.  Sure it takes courage, and yeah it means everything up to this point means nothing, but everything about your life can be used to help you, so really it isn't pointless.  Your life to this point.   If you hold on though to this World, and grab that as your friend, than yeah your life is headed down a bad direction, and your demons have won, and you will end up a worse person for it.  

So yeah, I have lived a life, and found the truth.  My purpose was for this, and for some reason I was supposed to do the last thing I would ever want to do.  Teach people these lessons. 

How could I do these types of things??  Well, confidence comes from being assured.   Overcoming twice, and putting everything in hands that are not my own.   Assurance that my blessing will make everything I do come out to good.   You see the great divide between two things??   Being right, and being faithful.   They don't meet at the same place.   You are not supposed to be right, because it is not in your power.  You are supposed to be faithful which is believing, and being obedient.   Surely that is about trust and strength huh?? 

Those who hold onto their life and this World are lacking both.   You believe in yourself and your own "greatness" to its own foolish end. 

I have told you many many things.   I have not steered you in the wrong direction, because of my help.   I ain't nothing special, and that some idiot like me can be used for a purpose is really a crazy thing.  

I am sure your weakness is also something I was supposed to learn too.   The people used to do the work before were not believed.   God had a message then he sent his few people out, and everyone always believed the scribes, and pharisees, and hypocrites who clothed themselves in the right way, and perched themselves high upon a pedestal. 

No one wants the truth, because we would rather believe in anything but.   Truth is hard, and as tough as you think you are, you really aren't are you??  You would be so much different now if you listened. 

I am just one man though.   Did what I was asked, and followed the path set before me to where it led.  

I don't ask for any accolades, because someone like me is not worth any of that.   I am done, but I ain't done you know??   The one thing I wanted for 25 years or so still waits. 

Yet you hold on.  

To me that is crazy.  

Oh well, I guess I better go. 

I have to work today both jobs.   I am going to go in an hour to the one.   I'll be home around 1:00 or so.  Gives me time to enjoy the day a bit, before I go to the other job tonight.   Both are going pretty well.   I guess going into work feeling challenged, and like you want to get stuff done is half the battle huh?? 

Oh well.   Later.  

Thursday, July 17, 2014

My Biggest Frustration...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I have been better.  I ain't horrible, just been better.   The great divide, and the great disconnect.   The thing that separates you from me.  I am different.   I see things different.  My whole life has led me this way, and perhaps it is my greatest frustration. 

I have blogged on and on and on and on.  Mostly what I say falls on deaf ears, or ones which don't believe what I say.  The great divide is I cannot see the World through your eyes.  I am way too different than you.   You cannot see the World through my eyes, because, well that is impossible.   I am way too different than ways you can fathom.  I helped try bring you along to my path, and that has been a big failure. 

It isn't like I have some great big agenda.   This thing here is fluid as heck.   Remember back in my early blogging days??  Sheesh, I was scared at times people would read my shit.  

Heimleblog got a little weird.  The Journey was a little too personal, but nothing mattered really.   Those of you who were along for the ride knew every day *mostly* I would wake up strong, and be ready to go. 

Yeah yeah yeah, I have a ton of confidence.   I am not scared of me.   If I get a little whacky and crazy I don't double guess it.  There is no need, because the impossible has been done.   My path has been laid with golden bricks.   A blessing does that.  You see we are unable to accomplish perfection, so our path will be beset with all kinds of inequities and imperfections.   You will not escape it.  I had to do many many many things to learn my place, but also to get to a point where I am accepted for me. 

Not for my perfection, and my willingness to work, really because like the thief on the cross I was able to throw away the safe, and grab onto the truth.  

In that regard he is much stronger.  He is am much more wiserer and smarterest than you.   I told you truth will be the hardest thing you do, because that shit ain't no fun and games.   Ya gotta throw out all the fairy tales, because the greatest gift is the fairy tale yet to be made for you.  Your life.  

It is a crazy journey, and chances are you will be made to look foolish.   Don't worry though.   You won't look any more foolish than I think you are already.   ;) 


Anyway people are still looking for the Saints here, and they aren't here.   You are not one, and either are anyone else.   Accept your journey.   We all are the thief on the cross, unless somehow someway you are the one who is perfect?? Was that you??  If so, I apologize.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  As you know I have been doing different things with my jobs.   Yesterday I had a ton of stuff I wanted to get done with both.   Mostly successful too.   I wanted to get one little more thing done last night, but ran out of time.   I will have plenty of time to get it done tonight though.   Doing new stuff is stressful.   Especially when you demand a lot of yourself, but are not experienced enough to know how much time it all takes.   Pretty happy with my work yesterday.

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 Extras of these   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D   

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Back In The Day I Had A Blog...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I slept a lot last night.  I tweaked my back last week, so I have been walking like an old older man than I already am.  ;)  Working through it was difficult at times, especially since all I do is physical.  Always on my feet, always moving, and always lifting.  I managed to survive the hardest days, so I guess I'll be okay.   I haven't had my back go out on me for a few years.  Haven't had much problem since my back surgery a million years ago. 

I had a family member die.  I wasn't close with her.   I didn't know her really.   I know very little of her life, and really little of her family.  It is my real mom's side, and they are a pretty close knit group from what I gather, but that is a story for a different time, and perhaps a different blog.   ;) 

From where this thing started to where it is going is quite a trip.  Goes to show you how you think things are going to go, to how they really will go is way different than you can imagine.  

Remember when this blog here started up, and I was 2/3s done??   The rest will be done for me, because I will have the help of the one who overcame, so all is assured.   My path is set.   It isn't going how I expected.   The third and final thing I thought I would have done a long time ago.   My blog is the wait though, so it is a blog of patience.  

Tough things need to be done.   People have to accept the truth, make the right steps, overcome yourself.  Give up your coin for a better coin. 

People are too too busy though.  Wait, I just have this one thing to do.   Let me just do this.   Oh man look at all this that needs to be done. 

I know I know, you are all too busy to give any time to who you should.   Your life, and you are way too important.   I get it.   I get selfish, and all the virtues you lack. 

BUT HEY, at least you are eating gluten free, and you have life nailed.   You know what it is all about, and the way your path is going.   BECAUSE your vision is better than all others.   You are smarter than all others, and you are the master of your own destiny. 

Now since you are the master of your own destiny just like Anne Frank, and every other person who walked this Earth.   How will you escape death??  

The stuff inside you right now that makes you smarter than the ashes and dust you turn into.  What happens to that??   Is that all just organic chemistry?? 

Logic- dust and ashes is what makes who you are today?? 

So much to do, and any great journey starts with one step.   As it so happens for you it is a blind step.  One in which you are not strong, because in this World, and this Journey, you have absolutely no idea what happens.  

You are not the master of your own domain here.   It is a choice.   One in which you don't want to make, because you have so many things here to accomplish on Earth.  

Not to mention who wants to be humbled??

Oh well. 


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Coffee And A Blog...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am up this morning, and I took a good look around.  I realize I got a crap load to do today.  YIKES!!  Grass needs to be cut, dishes need to be done, laundry needs to be done.   I have to get a little run in with the Hopester.   YIKES.   I work tonight too. 

Anyway I don't have a lot on my mind right now.  Yesterday was a good fun day.   I slept til 3PM which is a record I believe.   I went shopping for the dinner I wanted to make.  Listened to music.  I got a message from job #2 for some more work coming my way if I want it.   I want.   I switched positions at the grocery store which will cut down some of my hours there, so picking up more hours at job #2 = perfect.  I get paid more at job #2 too, so win win really. 

Hold on, I am going to get me some coffee, and I will brb. 

Okay I got me some coffee.  So what are you guys up to.  How is life going for you??  Expectations vs. reality is quite a thing huh??  Inside us all are many many many many expectations.   Expectations differ quite a bit from reality. 

Inside us are things like soul mate, and unconditional love, and happily ever after.  Things like that.   Those things are not real.  People are not perfect so to seek out the perfect life is really silly.   A lot of that crap has fucked people up forever.   Promises of Nationalism, and Capitalism, and any other ism being the end all philosophy also limits us to the truth too. 

We were born into this World destined to be messed up.   All our learning probably messed us up more.   All we have to read, and all we have to look at is less than perfect.  All avenues lead to some more imperfect stuff.   There is only one avenue which leads to the perfect, but the promise of all false avenues still entice people. 

Why??  Because how can we trust what we cannot see??  We cannot see the future, and all we know is the way of Society.  The way of the imperfect.   It is all we have the courage to trust too. 

I get it.  I get how this blog is too, because I once very long ago was just like you.   To get me to open my eyes took A LOT.   I forget how me being different makes so much so easy. 

The thing that probably scared me the most in my life is probably the thing that currently makes me the strongest.  I am open.  I am seen, and what I thought I needed way back when I didn't.   Do you have any idea how blind and ignorant I was throughout my whole journey??  Eventually that one Summer I saw the end game, but how to get there I had no idea.   I was willing to work for it, and more than anything it is a waiting game. 

Remember that one lady who "warned" me, you must have the patience of Job.  Well, that crap is easy to me now, because I am on the other side of Job's ordeals.   The tough stuff has been done.   The suffering has been done, and things are good for me. 

It is your time now to go through the tough stuff.   Ya gotta be willing.   The tough stuff is what I have been saying all along.   Just the truth.   The truth of you, and your life, and all those typsa things.  

A personal journey of yours that has almost nothing to do with your day to day, and your Worldly goals.   Those are just some of the silly things in your mind you feel are important. 

So anyway, I don't really have much today.   I have a lot to do though.  

I don't know how this goes from here to be honest.   I watch, and wait though.  I help when I can, but the superficial crap I hope you believe me when I say I couldn't care less.   I am unimpressed, and don't give a crap.   I had my own life to deal with, and I did it successfully.   It is your turn.  

Keep it real.  Stay strong.   Don't presume anything you do is of any importance.   It isn't. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  What to make for dinner tonight???  Hmmmnm...

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D  

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

It Is Morning Here in the Hamptons.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is morning, I am up, I will drink some coffee, and go for a run in a bit. 

So what have I been doing, and what have I been up to?  Not much at all.  I run a bit.  If I had a spark of something I felt like accomplishing I would run more, but that spark isn't there.  It isn't far away, I would just need to turn on the switch.  Will I??  I don't know. 

It doesn't make me any more or any less of a person.   My life will go in any direction.  It does not matter.  I labor for you, but really I don't do any labor, because it is all done for me.  Yesterday was a perfect case in point.   I woke up from my sleep, and I had nothing on my mind.   I tried to blog, but just deleted it, because it was just garbage.   More than the typical garbage you may find on here.   :) 

The day went along, and things happened.   No plan of mine, and still shit got done.   What we are doing is looking at the World from different angles.  Everyone grows up being a part of this World, and really ya gotta step out to look at it.   In our hearts, and in our minds are fairy tales.  We wanna live 'em, and we wanna have 'em.  Sadly the truth of life is so much different than that. 

We all want our heroes, and they aren't here.   We want someone to look up to, and they are not here.   We want to accomplish something, but there is nothing to accomplish.   Haven't I said all this before. 

Let's take a good hard and honest look at your life.   What are you doing??   What are you accomplishing??   How does that make this World, this life, and others better?? 

It doesn't.   We are born into this World, and there is nothing we will do of any significance.  I know you lie to yourself saying you are important.   What you do is important etc... 

What is your motivation??   Why do you do the things you do??  Who are you impressing??  What major things are being done by you?? 

So many questions in life.   Why are you not a better person??  How would you go about being a better person??   Why in our hearts is there so much "don't give a shit".   What would make us give a shit??

I have lived a horrible, and yet tremendous life.  I've learned many things, and seen many things you would never ever believe.  It was a horrible path, but I guess I had to learn how to live naked like Adam without fear.  How does one go about doing that??  In my case I had to go through a large number of ordeals.   Hidden shit no one saw, and no one knew.   A solo journey, and a solo life I could tell no one.   Maybe at times before that bugged me, but my path gave me courage.   It gave me strength, and it gave me trust.  

Those are good things, and can you imagine living in a World where you don't ever 2nd guess??  Only reason one would 2nd guess stuff is if they were the manipulator of their own personal story here on Earth.   Well, I will tell you what, we don't have very good vision.   Your 5 and 10 year plans are silly.   Your reading the tea leaves of how the future will unfold is silly.

What is it that makes us so arrogant as to be "all that"??

Inside us all is a boisterous voice.  It knows shit.  Knows things, and knows the way to damn near everything.   It is a voice of lies.   That little voice inside you is the one you should listen to, but you don't like it.

You are too fabulous to want to listen to that one.   It speaks the truth, but we grew up away from the truth.   We were enslaved to this World to believe other things.  Anything, but the simple truth which is inside us.   Takes a lot of string pulling to get to the little voice inside us.   Why??   The World overpowers us.   Our Demons overpower us.  

Dammit we wanna feel fabulous, and we wanna be all that, but it is a different path than what you expect to get there.  

I know I blog in vain, because you all want to hold onto your life, but this shit will get done somehow someway.   It won't be because of me, but I am a vessel used to help in ways.  

Not my plan, and not my doing.   I am too stupid, and blind to be able to do anything.   You all need stuff, and I help in ways, but I don't know how, and I am just a blind idiot as to how things are working.

Yesterday was a good day of me learning about me and my place.  

That makes me happy.   Even I need a little bit of that I guess, because this shit is taking way longer than I ever expected.   Why??   Time is a question for all of us.   Something we don't really understand, and there is only one who can transcend time.   That is good vision.  That is the best vision, but you don't trust him.   You only trust yourself... still.

I know I know you are nuts.   :)

That is all I got for today.

Time for a bit of a run.

Have a good one.   :)   xoxoxo