Saturday, July 26, 2014

Words Do Matter...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I  had a pretty fun night last night,  I slept good, and I have to work today and tonight, but I switched things around.   Usually I would do job #1 early, and be done, but I am doing it later today.  Like 3:00 or 4:00 or so. 

If I didn't do it that way today I would finish at like 1:00 PM, and probably have a few drinks and nap before work.  None of that is really important, and like everything else in my life it isn't really important. 

I used the title for this update, because I said something I thought a lot about the last couple days.  I put on one of my last updates, "I am not really friends with her, but I commented on her blog a few times." 

Friends.  That is a word, and does it really mean anything??  What is a friend??  Go through your FB list.  Who the Hell are those people??   Worse yet, how about Twitter??  Who the Hell are those folks??

I started thinking about who my friends are, and you know what??  I know very little about people.   I start thinking about this blog and people's blogs I may have commented on in the past, and you know what??  I am an imposter.  I don't know who the Hell these people are, and these days I may be as interested in what they are doing as they are interested in what I am doing. 

So yeah words do matter, and I don't have any clue what the Heck a friend is, and for the little I know people I would say I have zero friends beside my wife.  We live a lonely existence though, because no one knows you, and I dare say you don't know you. 

My mind goes back to the Summer of way long ago, where I was asked to go out on my own.   I kept having a recurring dream.  All the fish in the sea here are dangerous.  I don't know what it really meant even to this day, although the things that needed to be done could not be done then, and maybe not at that place too. 

I was dumb and stupid though, kinda like I am still to this day, I didn't worry about that stuff.  I had answers to find, and crap to go through.   People could still see the outside of me during this time, but they had no idea what was going on inside.  Those 6 days I was to suffer before that Summer = the same thing.   People could see the outside of me, but had no idea what was going on inside. 

The inside is the stuff that is looked at.   It is the stuff that is deemed important.   We all are fucked up in a major way, because we spend sooooo much time trying to make sure the things "appear" to be good on the outside, and there is absolutely zero importance placed upon the shit you place the most importance on. 

I find myself with the tables being turned.   There was a time where the people whose blogs I read were so important to me.   Some were even rockstars in my eyes for a while, and it is one thing I am over.   I don't care how your life appears to be on the outside. 

I am a lone man in this World.   Sent to overcome so I could have the heart of a lion.   The strength to be able to stand on my own with no fear. 

The strength to walk away from anything.   The chains we all were born in were taken off as I overcame my obstacles.  

So that is a good day for me.   As always I live in the light, because all about me is seen, and I am not afraid of it.  

I have no use to try and look good for so and so, because Being strong = holding on to nothing.   The important things in my life are the things that happen inside, and maybe that is what I show you little by little.  

Who I am. 

Anyways that is what I was thinking this morning, and the past few days.


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