Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Who Even Knows??

Do you ever sit back, and wonder what people think of you??  I mean really it takes like 2 seconds and are we all like who even knows??  That is how I am I think. I don't really have a clue.

Anyways that is that, and who really cares. Anyway yesterday at work something funny happened. Crazy Jacob funny. He was talking to some young kid who was going to start working for them. The conversation was over, and on a whim he asks what school do you go to??  The kid says West Ottawa I think. Jacob goes, "oh I hate that school."  Hahaha. That was the end of the conversation.  Lol. I couldn't stop laughing. Welcome to the new job kid.   :)

I told Lisa about it later, and she chuckled. She knows Jacob pretty well.

Anyhoodles nothing much going on with me. Same old same old. Work, chill, eat, sleep. You can throw a little run, and a little bike in, but it don't mean anything. Kinda strange yesterday how I had a picture of my whole life from Carolynn to The move to Holland. I had a lot of dick moments. I had many more earlier too just as a kid trying to grow up, and dealing with puberty. Who even knows the pain we have caused people??

I've gone through it all though. The journey of me has been done. Every little bit of my life has been seen, and the light has shined in every corner of my life. I am accepted as a gift. Not cuz I am deserving, but cuz the truth says I am not, and that is what I faced. I faced the truth like the thief did. He knew what he deserved.

You know what also??  Society didn't mean anything. It is a tale of humbling failure, and a tale of forgiveness. All the judging and hate, and cruelty, and vengeance, and jealousy and stuff that is in our hearts can be changed. It isn't in your power, but it is possible.  It kinda has to be more important in your goals than whatever it is your goals are.

The journey of life is simple. Truth, thief, forgiveness. The miracle part is you have to take the correct steps to stand as the thief.  I can't imagine why you wouldn't.

Hiding is like the worst thing to do. What does it accomplish??

Silly right??   I think so too.

Anyways, I guess that is it.

Luv ya's.  :)


MWAH!!!    :)))

Extras for Julia just in case she needs 'em. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Laterzzzzzzzz.   :)

Monday, June 29, 2015


Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a ton of stuff I was thinking about before getting up. I went to bed really early.

Anyway it started off me having a dream of my step mom who passed away a long time ago. I always figured her end probably was not a good one knowing my life, and all the things I have had to do. Her death was important to me, and an important part of my life. The dream made me realize she just had to become the thief on the cross, and everything was in place for that. So who knows??  I don't dwell on the dead, cuz there is nothing I can do for them. I don't dwell too much on the living either, cuz once again there isn't much I can do for them either.

I remember one year after her death I cried for her, and Harry Truman of all people, and Jesus too. I am pretty sure it is the only time I saw Jesus clearly. Anyway I cried for their hard life they had. Crazy how high I thought of Truman for a while huh??

The timing is all a little nutty here. Mom dies, 8 months later Katrina and I break up on my birthday, and a few days after that my grandpa dies. I was wondering if I had already been through the eye of the needle. I think maybe, but don't think I did those bad 6 days yet. I have no idea. I would guess those 6 days were the following Spring, and my Summer after. Things really moved quick.

I also thought about a lot of the girls I was with from the time carolynn and I broke up after hs til the time I moved to holland. Besides Katrina, and to a certain extent Natalie I had several brief affairs. Some as short as 1 night   ;)

A life lived. A life of imperfection, and a person deserving of nothing. People always end up taking a wrong path, and eventually think they are deserving of stuff. We all are the thief though. With the proper steps your heart can be made right. Life is a blur. One day you'll wake up old, and your life has passed you by.

My life I realize does not matter much. I have a good name, and I guess that is okay. There isn't much to this life at all. None of it really matters. It is fine by me too, cuz my eyes see me clearly. I know my worth, and without help I am absolutely nothing.

Anyway my life is a crazy trip, and this morning was pretty crazy too remembering all this stuff.

Truman???   Sheesh.  :)


MWAH!!!   :)))

Luv ya's!!!   :)


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Saturday Is My Sleep In Day.

Hello and good morning all. How's it going??  Me, I am doing good. I slept in today, and actually I am going to bed after this too.  :)  why not??  I have to work for a few hours sometime today.

I thought about yesterday's post a bit when I got home. Actually I don't always remember what I write so I have to reread it. I don't spend a ton of time blogging. Get up. Jot something down, and take the hopester typically is my morning routine. Ftr yesterday I didn't run,  because I go short distances, and do not take many days off. I felt a little pain in my knee, so I talked myself into sleeping more. It wasn't hard.  ;)

What I thought about though is where you stand. The journey you must go on is not possible. There is no way. It is the eye in the needle thing all over. It is more difficult for a rich person to get into heaven than a camel to go through the eye of the needle. With people little to nothing is possible, but with God all is possible.

That is where we stand too. People on their own tryna do good via some Worldly route. On their own. Trying to find that one shred of something that says I am right. There is a lot of stuff in the World,  and most of it is horseshit.

I've been called to go on an impossible journey. I learned the truth if life. And I see the full problems facing all the people. I've known this for decades. That summer decades ago I kept having a recurring dream. There were nothing, but bad fish in the water. They were like piranha type looking fish. So when I survived that summer my life hit the dead years. They were my dead years though. I was to become a fisher of people, but I had to have the right fish. It just so happens my time to do just that started a little before or maybe just that Sunday while reading the running blogs. Whatever, I knew at some point things were happening again.

So there you have it. My impossible tale is now your impossible tale.

Everything else we do is dumb.  :)

Okay, I think I'll try to sleep more


Luv ya's!!!   :)


MWAH!!!    :)))

Friday, June 26, 2015

Another Day Gone By...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. Another day if my life just passed by. There wasn't much to it. I ran, and pooped twice. Once outside at the halfway mark of my run, and once when I got home. I didn't run 15 miles either so it was two poops shortly after one another.

I worked, ran a couple errands. Lisa and I had dinner, and that was about it. I then went to bed early, because I like to.

So there you have it. Another day of my life gone. Another day older. Today is starting like many before it. I am up. I am not drinking coffee.  It seems I hardly drink coffee anymore, and I am not really sure why. Part of the reason I guess is I won't finish the cup, and I won't feel any different so why bother.

When I am at work I usually drink water with a bit of lemonade in it for flavor, or sometimes just water. I do drink a lot of fluids.

There you have it. Some stupid shit about my life. I wake up like this with my heart happy, and I cannot imagine how you are. I've been this way for quite a long time, and how I am you don't even know is possible. You are as you always have been. I don't really totally remember how that is.

There is very little to me. I am open, and able to be viewed, and one thing I do remember about how you are is how dark it is inside, and hard to see.

I know what the light is, and it is a spiritual term, and one you have to be mostly spirit to get.  Just like the sword. You cannot see the sword for how it is in your state.

I know a lot of things, and really the most important part of me is who has my heart. It seems from my heart everything goes. My heart bleeds, and I can feel it. I can see so much stuff.

Life is a wonder really. A crazy crazy thing, and in my state I get to view it. It has been decades since I viewed it through your eyes. You have never seen the World through my eyes as I am now.

Everything is out of your reach. It will take a miracle for you to be changed, and that is what the whole story is all about.

To go from point a to point b is nowhere near possible, and that is the journey you must go on. :)

I really can't say much else about it either, because I have a feeling today is going to be another day in my life, and you won't be any nearer your destination.

I have no idea what it is you people do.

Not a clue.

Okay, I guess that is it. If ever you see a luv ya's on my blog it is for Julia. I like her.

Time for a little run. :)

Luv ya's.  :)


MWAH!!!   :)))

The triple smile means I read the entry, but didn't really have a comment. :)


Thursday, June 25, 2015

Time Marches On...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay. I slept pretty good last night, and it seems like I always do anyway. I do pretty good at the 1st shift thing. Anyway we were pretty busy yesterday. On Wednesdays we make a shit ton of pigs in the blanket, so it is our big day for sure. I am not very good yet at squeezing the sausage out of the bag. I think my hands are not that strong. Jacob is a beast with that thing, and Alex is good too. I suck. :)   I am actually thinking of getting one of those hand exerciser things. Bet it would help.

Other than that not much going on with me. I may not have much to write about today, but we'll see. My title is time marches on, and it does. We were talking about when people graduated hs yesterday, and it occurs to me people who I've known for close to 20 years are getting old. I still stay young.  ;)  j/k. I am one of the olds. I stay away from the news pretty much, as I just assume the news makes people mad and more stupid. Everything is biased, and maybe people have always been good at getting people riled up.

As time marches on though I realize people still continue on with their lives. My life is over, save the day to day. It is all I have left, and that isn't horrible to be honest. It is my gift for my trials. I get the day to day.

I know you people don't have that now, because your life is still your own, and if you have kids that makes everything harder. (As it is written). There is nothing easy really about life, until you make it to where I am. Where am I?? Like I said my life is over, except the day to day. I have nothing left to see, and nothing left to do.

My heart is pretty good in it enjoys labor mostly. I am healthy, and I am active. Typically every day I spend outside, or am looking outside if it is shitty weather.

I am who I am today, because when I did all society asked of me, I decided to throw all my years, and all my learning away. When people graduated college they went on to entry level jobs, and career building  I dealt with death, and just my regular shit, and that is where you and I decided to take different paths.

For me to do this blog so long, and with such little success is crazy. The wait is approaching 1400 entries. Much of the pulling variety too I suspect.

As time marches on I know we approach a destination. What does your life look like from now til then??  Who knows??

I guess I'll be doing my day to day.

Anyways I guess that is it.  :)


Luv ya's!!!   :)

MWAH!!!   :)

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Some Days You Just Gotta Be Silly.

Hello, and good morning all. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay. I had a pretty good day yesterday. It was basically the same as many before it. I did ride my bike, and totally forgot to wear my helmet. That never happens. I forgot to bring my reading glasses to work. And unfortunately that does happen.

Yesterday was just a stupid crazy nice day out, so hope and I hung outside for a few hours til it came time to cook dinner. Lisa usually gets home around 5:30 so I try and have dinner ready then. Today is supposed to be nice too, but I may have to cut the grass.

Omg is my life boring.  :)   Who the heck wants to read about that??  Our lives are filled with a bunch of stuff that takes up time huh?? What is the point??

You know what??

I got nothing.

I'll cya.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The 4th Week

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am okay. I started my 4th week at my new job, and week #4 is significant, because it is why I took the job in the first place. They needed help. The first 3 weeks I never really felt like I was part of the help, but kinda a nuisance in ways. The patriarch of the company is off work now. He is having surgery today for prostate cancer, so this week we are short a person at the table. The brothers are filling in where they can, but actually their normal routine is a pretty busy routine anyway.  It turns out they did need help, and I am pretty dependable so that is good.

As to the surgery and it's importance the Dad is scared, and I am not sure if Jacob has ever seen his dad scared. Probably threw him a curve ball.

Anyways that is real life stuff huh??  Seems like my blog, and life is filled with this shit. It is probably a way in which I am different than you probably. I see real life every day. You people need real lifetime zingers to see real life. It isn't because I am better than you that  I see real life every day. It is because I am further along. When life threw its force at me decades ago I listened. I heard what life was saying, and I took the proper steps.

As you remember I learned from Lora honesty. I grabbed the truth, and held it, because of all the things in the World that has to be a good thing. Only one is the Father of Lies, and he is supposed to be bad, so

So life pulled me, and I followed that direction. It has taken me many places. Not that I am some great World traveler, but I have lived with the Father of lies inside me for 6 days shooting his fiery arrows of condemnation at me. I've dealt with the judges. I've seen the World through God's eyes for a few hours. That was during the bad Summer. The father of lies was with me that whole Summer too. Every second of every day condemning me.  That Summer was no joke.

Even to this day he still is with me, but I have the best help. It took me decades to stand as I do now, but now is good. My journey was horribly hard. A life singled out to suffer, and I've done that.

That is how life is too huh???  We don't see what goes on in a person's life, because the majority of the important stuff is inside. Out of view. My blog lets you know me though. I show you all the hidden stuff you would have no idea of.

I have been given some secrets of people too. I've shared some of their burdens, and I know some of the dark secrets. Why I don't know, but maybe I need them to know the people better.

Anyways I guess I am just jotting some things down.

Funny how we live life in a blind coma-like state. At some point we realize we aren't completely happy. We must be missing something, and then life pulls. We need our eyes and ears at this time, because we are being taught during this time. The teacher of life works here.

Okay I'll cya.  :)


MWAH!!!   :)

Monday, June 22, 2015

Last One Standing...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay. I woke up thinking I could sleep more, but I know I won't feel any different. I also know if I drink a cup of coffee I won't feel any different so I won't. When I wake up I wake up.

Anyway this blog has come a long way huh??  I cannot even imagine what it is like. I know in life we try and seek out the Saints and there are none around. Yesterday I stopped over by Lisa's dad's house. He is dying. He is nowhere near a Saint and never was, but I don't think I ever really had a problem with him. I told his wife on Saturday he was probably an asshole when he was 40, but he seemed okay to me the final years. It is an interesting perspective talking to a person who knows they are dying. It would be interesting to know what they think. You know they are really a thief on the cross at that point. I also talked to my dad too, and once again he isn't a Saint either, and chances are at 40 he was an asshole too. :). People of that generation grew up angry it seems. Have no problem yelling for no fucking reason at all.  Maybe post WWII bullshit. Their country would have no problem taking their lives for dubious reasons at best.  Who knows??

Anyway it appears I am the last blogger standing. Things could be so much different, but people think they are being asked to sacrifice , when in actuality they are being asked to exchange something for something better. They are being asked to take a gift, and they are fine on their own I guess.

So on they charge with their life of... Whatever your life is.

Funny thing your downfall is trust. You are blind and don't know it. You are not a saint, and I guess you don't know it.  You are wrong, and don't know it. You sit on the losing side, and you don't know it.

What can I do??  Nothing. This isn't my story, and that is comforting. If I am to play the fool, then who you calling a fool??

I know the answer to that, as I've been through a lot. I exchanged my coin for another better coin, and a story has been made if it. So far you seek your own story, and quite frankly you just are not good enough to make one on your own.

Do you want to have a special coin that does what the plan asks for, or just the same coin that is no different than the trillions that came before it.

As you stand now you are just a run of the mill nothing special coin.

I have a better coin, but still I am nothing special. Maybe that is the change. You are out to prove you are special by showing off a plain coin. I am out to prove nothing even though I know I've been given a good coin.

You people are pretty messed up. You may not even know it.

Time to take the hopester I guess.


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Have Time To Blog, and I Have a Time To Jog

I've already been to work and back. I didn't do anything as they were stripping and waxing both of the aisles I will be working in. I thought I'd come home, and try to sleep more, but I am done sleeping, so I guess I'll do my normal morning routine. Hope will be excited.  :)

Anyhoodles what is going on with me??  Not much. What do we as people have to offer??  Nothing really huh??  We aren't doing anything of any importance, we are just living our silly lives. All the activities we do don't really do anything. We are just hanging out in our bodies living our little lives as imperfect people with weird crap inside us. There is a pull to fill our ledgers with positive things so we can pass the people test. Funny thing though is you cannot even pass the you test. The ideal good and decent person is far from us. It is probably why we fill our ledgers with various stuff.

I think if someone were to look at my life they would think it is kinda boring, and it is. I am just lucky to have an upbeat heart, and I don't care. On the flip side I think most of the shit people show is boring too.

You ever just peruse through a timeline via one of the social networks and be like who gives a shit, who gives a shit, who gives a shit. :)   Haha, I always do it seems if I am even looking.  Most of the shit of our lives is boring, self-serving, or stuff like that.

I have my thoughts on this. One avenue you can take will help you get to the good stuff. The avenue you are on is from this World, and there is nothing of value there. I always thought many people would take the correct route, and now I wonder if I am the only one. I know the plan is for more than me, but none are willing.

You are missing out on so much.

Oh well, guess we'll see what happens.


Saturday, June 20, 2015

Someone Has To...

Hello, and good morning. Since no one blogs anymore I guess I will. Today looks like it will be a gorgeous day out, so that is good. I will have to work for maybe 4 hours today, so that is good too. :) Then we will chill out and eat dinner. I'll have to go in Sunday morning for another 4 hours or so as early as I can wake up. Usually that is pretty early. :)

Anyway, I probably had a couple zingers this week. This blog seems to be turning. I seem to be turning. The same old same old doesn't seem to be good enough anymore. I am guessing this is where I start to be losing more and more people. People always seem to have something to prove don't they??  I am good because I do this and I do that. Not all some though.

The struggle is in this blog though huh. The struggle is trust. You want to see all the things you can do and accomplish. If you read this then you know what it says, and hearts typically want to go the right way, but your Worldly desires get in the way huh??  Hey, it was a struggle for me, cuz when I overcame just me, it wasn't easy. I had hopes and desires of a pretty decent life. I was set to make good money, and that "seemed" like my Life was on the way up. I was really struggling with me though. Definitely not as good of a person as I wanted, so I was able to lay it all down, and say "your will"

That story has been told before, but I was asked to take my name out of the running for the promotion. My only prayer was letting me have enough courage to be obedient in the morning.  I walked in nervous, because I was to look the fool. I knew it, but I was obedient, and have been ever since. Whether it was outside the garbage room at Bromenn Healthcare, or the night I walked around the track and received the 5 building blocks, to something as little as don't watch tv for a while, because I needed to have one thing write with my heart. So decades ago I stopped watching tv until the prayer if I am destined for Hell let me accept it as that which I deserve. I am destined to go there for a stretch, and I need that heart, because it will be then I may blaspheme if I am not right. Come to think of it that little part of my journey was for me a lot. It helps give me trust, and courage, and definitely the unforgivable sin which was my biggest fear is taken care of.

So yeah, there is a lot to my story, and on many occasion I was to play the fool. Still to this day too probably for all I know, but I have help with all things, and I have courage to stand as I do.

Not perfect obviously, but on that road.

So I started out with no eyesight at all to my destination. I've been given good eyesight to my journey.  I am not over, but as you can see my life means something. Most of my stuff you cannot see, unless you read this.

I guess that is it. I may not blog tomorrow, cuz I'll probably go straight into work when I wake up. So I guess til the next time I blog, since I am the only one who does.

Laterzzzz.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thursday, June 18, 2015


I think my life is pretty slow. I am not rushing out to do this, and do that. There was a time when I wanted to learn all the things. You spend a lot of time trying to get good at different stuff. Most of this stuff wasn't about me making money, but maybe more about me making a name. I had the gift of energy, so I knew I could do a lot. I knew I was singled out for something, and I knew a lot of the things that people don't even know is real or possible.

There was a time where I learned a valuable lesson. The day I gave up. The day I couldn't go on anymore, the day I lost.   Also that day during one of my long'ish Monday runs when I knew my heart was wrong. This was one of the many hard days back then, but my heart was made right, when I said, "my life is worth so little do with it as you will."

It was a pretty big mistake I made.  This isn't about me being special, and it surely isn't about me being deserving. So many mistakes of understanding me.

Maybe the best thing about me now is I know my worth. This guy who once was a little boy is nothing special. Of all the things I will do, it won't be because of my greatness, that is for sure.  Here we have a disconnect. Not with all but some. There really are only two roads, and from your view they look totally different. One looks all sparkly and bubbly and fun and exciting, and one surely looks different than that. Maybe scary.

One promises the World, and the other promises nothing.

One will surely disappoint, and the other is worth everything if you can make it the whole way. One is all about you, and the other will help you learn all about you. One is the truth, and the other is anything but.

The one that is sparkly and bubbly and based on lies, propaganda, and advertising will disappoint. There is no end to that game.

The other there is an end. A time when you are done, and you won.

Everyone always takes the sparkly road, but decades ago I took the other route. I didn't know what it meant really, but now that I am decades into this thing I can confirm to you it made all the difference. I've learned so much, and I've seen things you cannot even fathom. I learned all about me, and actually in so doing I learned much about you.

I still am not done really. I still haven't gotten what I wanted, but being in this holding pattern isn't horrible. It is a good thing to know my place, and to know my worth, and I cannot even imagine what I will be like when this is over. I have no idea.

So yeah this lowly person who once was a little boy sits in a pretty good spot. I am lucky to be me.

Anyways I guess that is it.



Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I Am Up.

Hello, and good morning. I am up. I woke up before my alarm. I contemplated stating in bed, but I am not really tired. The main reason for me to get up is to do this, but I have nothing to write about. That doesn't always stop me though, so we'll see what pops up.

Life is very much about failure isn't it??  We applaud those who win championships, and stuff, but we don't see their lives do we?? Some we do in accident sorta. The truth gets leaked against all efforts to keep people in the dark. We can look at any number of individuals, and everyone has the same story. You have people who are not perfect Mom, and Dads.  People who are not perfect husbands and wives, people who as far as being right fail. That is something we should think about right??  If there was a way to a better you, and a better life that is worth something right???

One should read their motives. Why do you do the things you do??  What difference does it make to anyone??

One of the things we fool ourself on is thinking we put value where we really don't. If it isn't in our power to make us better people on the inside, then the same can be said of us being able to improve others.

The most important part of us is what is on the inside. What makes you think the things you do??  Why aren't virtues just flowing from your heart. Why anger?? Vengeance??  Lust??  Selfishness??

If you look at your ideal good and decent person, why are they so far away??  Out of our reach. Why can't I make the inside of me a better version of myself??

It is amazing how weak we are to make real significant changes to us huh??  I remember in one of my dark periods way back when, during that bad summer, I remembered I was always willing to believe every bad thing about me. I held onto that. It helped me go on, because it was the truth. I know I am not great, and I know I am far from who I want to be. That whole summer ended with a blessing, and overcoming for the first time.

I was delivered up to the judges, and made to look the fool. When it came time to save myself there was only one avenue available. The judges play God you see. I was offered being able to save myself, but at the expense of my friends. I knew the 5 who they were talking about. My heart said God's will be done. The judges had control of my heart so I knew my death was tonight, and I knew my ending after. I was chained up to a bed, and my brother Jim saw my death eyes. My last request was to unstrap me please.

As I was wheeled up for my final night of being alive a weird thing happened. I fell asleep, and woke up the next day. My friends came and visited me, and I cried.

I cried, because I was broken, and my brother Jim had a dream, and it helped clarify what happened. I still had more to go through, but my summer was over. Next up the physical depression, and the night the energy returned. All was free, and all was good then. Free to live as I choose. I knew I had more to do, but that didn't really start til probably a bit before the running blog days.

Now I only run short distances. I have no goals, and I am cool with it.

In my journey I found what matters, and it isn't much in this place. We are just people living silly lives. I however had to endure some real stuff. Real condemnation. That isn't just twice either. The judges are harsh, but so were many many more of my days.

After overcoming the 2nd time everything is so much easier, but one thing of my life I guess is I never really know if I have to take a part of someone's burden. The hard part of their life they cannot really handle.

I still had the iz night after the 2nd time, and others too.

Alrighty I guess that is good.



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

As Far As Mondays Go...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. It is now Tues morning, but as my title suggests Monday was not horrible. I did my typical morning routine of shirt run, and bike to work. I came home, and hung outside for a bit. The humidity broke, and it actually started to get cool. I came in and watched MI 3. Those movies are good. I ate dinner, and went to bed at 7:00 PM.

There you have it. My life in a nutshell. I did think about some things before I got up. Many times for no reason at all I will remember how I am different than you. I'll think back to my life, and how hard it was for me to get where I am at now. You have no idea the things I've seen. No idea what I've had to endure. I cannot really say exactly, well you know what??  At some point in time decades ago my life as I knew it was over. Never to be the same.

Between the 6 days of being tormented 24/7, and the Summer of my discontent I saw with 100% clarity the brutal truth of life. I've endured days during my two previous blogs where it seemed every day my heart was troubled.

Then I had a big change. When I overcame the 2nd time with 100% help I was basically done. My work was over, and I guess now it was my time to help others along. This has been years in the making too.

It is odd knowing sorta how you are on the inside. It has to be real struggle too, because where you are now as a person is hard, and pretty horrible in ways. I've used the word trust before, and as I have said we all walk as people who currently are not as good as a person can be, but also either is your life. Your heart dictates your thoughts, and you and I differ there.

My heart is clear, and so are my thoughts, but seems at this stage people are striving for that which is impossible to attain.  The better life, and the better you are not in your power. On your own there is very little you can do. The things that are possible are probably infinite with help, but in this story you are to be changed. Your heart will be content with meek goals. You will have no need to make a great name for yourself.  With help you will accept life for what it is, and you will have a thankful heart, because you will be made into what you are meant to.

So you know I had absolutely no vision of how my life would look these days. The only thing I knew was I had to overcome 3 times, and I know what the 3rd meant. Heck I figured I must have already overcome twice, at least for decades. Overcoming = hitting the serpent on the head. To be honest I didn't even know what overcome was really.  It is what was done centuries ago. With a strong heart not holding onto your life, but giving everything up.

To give it up with no hope, but in enduring you see hope and your heart becomes courageous. In trials we strengthen trust.

Where you are now is nowhere. One of the trillions of pebbles of sand on the beach. That isn't the plan.

Better things are in store for you. You have to give up you though. Willingly give up your coin even though as far as you can see it is worth more than anything else.

Trust trust trust. What makes it hard is you are given no vision of what it looks like after. You have me though telling you it is worth it. That is it. You get no more. :)

Alrighty I gotta get going. Too long for me to proofread.  :)


Monday, June 15, 2015

It Is Strange, and Unfair...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I had a pretty good Sunday. It had work, a movie, hang out time, food, and sleep. I did not change the World, and I did nothing of any significance.

My title is me as I am now, and knowing how you are now. My message is a pretty tough one in ways, because it tells you how insignificant we are. You are on the other side though, and inside you there must be a pull that says you are, or can be significant.

Life has an end, and that is significant. Life has a lot if imperfection, which people look past. Your life has imperfection, and you have to deal with it. You cannot cover anything up with flags, and pageantry, and whatever else there is.

You are dark inside, and have a dark past with imperfection. It needs to be dealt with, because that is an important part of life.

What also is unfair is I am so much further along in my life's journey. I've made the tough steps. I've endured harsh trials and tribulations, and I believe you people still have a false view of your worth.

You believe false teachers. (Any church). You believe in good enough. You believe in he or she does this, and I do this. You believe in everything and anything but the truth.

The truth is you are not good enough. The truth is you don't believe. The truth is everything you don't want to believe.

The truth is for the strong, and the strong will have to deal with the low spots of our existence.

We don't matter.

Really a simple test for you is a quick look inside yourself. Is that REALLY the best a person can be??  What step would you make to improve that person in the mirror??  There are no exercises to make a better heart, but there is one step.

That is it, one step. No more, and no less. You found the answer, because my whole life is for this.

Anyhooodles I guess that us it.

You people are pretty silly huh???   :)

Yeah I think so too. :)


Alrighty I'll cya.   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

MWAH!!!   :)))

Saturday, June 13, 2015

The Deleted Entry

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I was able to sleep in til 6:00 am, so that is good. I don't want to always be talking about sleep, cuz this isn't supposed to be a sleeping blog. ;)

As I say that though I bet sleep is a pretty important part of us. We spend a good portion of our life doing it, so I guess that means something. It is one of the things I typically am pretty good at. Getting my sleep.

Anyway what is going on with me??  Not much. Lisa and I went to Bob Evans last night for dinner, so I guess I am officially old. It was pretty good though so I think I may make myself some eggs this morning. I work today for a few hours or so.

Oh crap, I am totally at the part of my blog where I delete it, cuz I have nothing

On 2nd thought I'll just show you a blog entry I typically will delete.

Here it is...

Friday, June 12, 2015


Now last night I slept great. I can always tell a good night sleep when I wake up before the alarm feeling refreshed. It is such a luxury to be able to just lay there and relax. I know I know what you are thinking. You work at 6:00 am why use an alarm. It's been a while since I did the early morning routine, so to be safe. I never hit snooze though, I typically get up. One day I didn't, cuz it was supposed to rain, I was tired, and I was going to drive to work, so I stayed in bed past 5:00.

Fascinating huh??   Yeah my life is filled with all kinds of stuff like this.

Geesh, I don't really have anything to blog about, and nothing really is on my mind. I do kinda wonder what people are doing sorta. I have this blog, and it does stuff, but then again it seems like it does nothing. As I go on though I find lives are strange in a way.  People place importance in things I place almost none in. My life is boring as you can tell by reading this, but I am cool with the shear simplicity of it.

I am work, hangout, eat sleep. These days I typically run before work a short run, and bike to work and back, but that means nothing. Why do people many times try to fill their lives with more and more stuff. Are they afraid of a boring life??  Afraid you will miss out on something??  Need some type of pat on the back of some sort??

I think I am pretty lucky having a content heart, and if people try and fill their lives with more and more stuff I couldn't care less. As my post yesterday suggests, and as Solomon saw everything we do is pointless anyway.

There was a person who came with a message of repentance, and as I have told you your heart is unable. You are powerless in all things without a turn, unless you want to live a life of anger, and vengeance, and all the shortcomings we all are born with.

As for me, I am content. I lack nothing, and my heart is cool. I've had sooooi much help though in me being who I am. You are just a person trying to make you into some type of version of a person you want to be.

Too bad you got all that other crap inside you huh??  All the crap that makes us imperfect and horrible people. Yep, if only there was a way to get rid of that.

Guess what??  That is another thing you are powerless against.

Funny how the World threw us that zinger that we were all that huh??  Yeah, the World is good like that.

Happiness is knowing your true worth and having a heart that is totally content with it.

You?????   Yikes.

Okay, I don't think it is thundering so guess I can take the hopester.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Not A Perfect Night Sleep

First off as you can tell by my title there are many many many major things that happen to me on any given day. Today the first thing on my mind is I didn't get a perfect night sleep. Probably from napping during the movie we "watched".  You may ask why not sleep in, and it is cuz I was done sleeping.

Other than that not much going on with me. Doing this life thing. Lisa did tell me something that hit me though. She told me today was the longest she has ever gone without talking to her mom. I was like WOAH!!  You forget about that shit. That is real life right there. Life changing shit. Having some experience in this stuff I told her one year is how long this stuff takes. She also said something to the effect many times she'll think of something she wants to tell her mom during the day.

So there is a little picture of life. All the stupid shit we waste our time on doing stupid World stuff vs. you are going to die.

Decisions and thoughts should stem from the only important thing in that equation. The World is stupid, and so are the things we do. You are going to die is important on many levels. All your awards and bullshit you collect you do not take with.

Sheets of paper saying you are accredited or a graduate of such and such means nothing. You have to live life, so yeah you will collect these things, but it is about time you start placing the correct importance to things. One need not look far or long to see we all put on a charade. Seeking the acceptance from people and society, while hiding the true us.

There is a lot of work to do, and pretty much none have done any. You have a choice to make, and it involves you currently being on the wrong side. It also involves every little thing you do in the World doesn't mean shit in things that are important.

That my friends is me just keeping it real, and speaking the truth. The truth is a Bitch, and one needs to be strong to deal with it.

You people should go the better, and correct way. I for one know the true value of your life, and all your deeds.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Put Another Notch On The Wall

I did it. I lived another day in my life. It had much of the same things as previous days. My life doesn't change too too much. There was a big decision that needed to be made though. Cut the grass or no??  In the end I opted not to cut the grass, and just sat outside after work. Lisa was off, so we just chilled. I then went in to make dinner.

A little after dinner I was able to go to bed, and Lisa was able to tinker making her fairy garden. She was excited about making some furniture out of cork. :)   She made a fire pit and other stuff. I'll have to check it out after work today.

So I continue to tally the days. One after another. Some things I know is for some people your life probably will never be the same. You may try to battle you, but there is a truth, and at first it may seem harsh, and then there is everything else you "think" you want life to be. The World is a great lure, and it fishes for more and more people. Quite successfully too. Then there was this one fisherman, who was successful in his own right.  He fished, and taught others how to fish. This fisherman is who taught me how to fish. It is the reason I was allowed way back when to be taken so far away. To save more lives.

The Lure the World uses is basically candy coated lies. Temptations perhaps. The one who battles these fairy tale poisons is armed with the truth. The World is no match for the truth, because that which is based on lies cannot stand against the truth.

That is your choice too. Do you want to stand with the World, and lies, or would you dare stand with the greatest fisherman of all. Right now you are on the side of the World, and it is impossible to stand on both sides.

So yeah, in the end no matter what you are not all that. Either am I. I've been made into a better version of myself already, but not the best version of myself I can be. You are still what you always were.

Okay. I'll cya. I got a run date with the hopester.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Common Theme??

Hello, and good morning. Guess what I did yesterday???  I lived another day of my life. It had work, and food, and doing dishes, petting my dumb cat instead of running since she was plopped right on me.  I had a couple drinks, and some sleep. It was like another day in the life.

Couple things about me. I typically don't place value to things that have none, and that is because my heart is pretty true. If you could place the percentage of me that is me, and the percentage that is created from this weird poor in Spirit existence I have now I couldn't tell you. I'd say the important stuff about me is mostly from help, and the silly and stupid part of me is just the silly dude who continues to linger around.

So that is something. I am not who I would be if I hadn't done the things I have done. What does that mean for you??  Even though it has been decades I realize how dark an existence one (you) live without going through the eye of the needle. I can't remember what my days were like, but I definitely could not see myself as I can now.

What was I lacking in life to make me question things??  I was alone, and I wanted to be.  I just wanted to be a decent person whatever that means. At this point in my life I was living a real simple life, and still I was not able to make me into the kind of person I wanted.  As time went on, and I wasn't improving, but really seeing more clearly the true nature of me, I saw my end as I stood now.

The rest is history really. I don't know the timing of the turn compared to the time of repentance.  I have no idea.

It is what people lack right now. A meek view of yourself that sees the true picture of you. One has to look at the pointless nature of their life, and swallow that bitter pill.
You have to do some tough stuff (look at the truth) if you want to get to the good stuff.

You don't have the good stuff, and I have help, but I don't have the ultimate good stuff either.

Hard to tell people who love the World that life is dumb. It takes a lot of life to make turns, and a lot if unhappiness unfortunately. A lot of questioning too.

Probably not everyone gets pulled either so many will continue on their own merry way into an existence like the trillions of people who lived empty pointless lives full of hate and death, and whatever else it is people do these days.

Those who choose the World I have no use for. Those who choose the better way I can help. As far as I can tell I am not much help. I can't help people who choose the World as their home. It isn't why I am here.

Anyways, today will be another day in the life. I look at it with as clear of vision as my heart and help let me.

For you it is another day in your life with a very dark inside that is hard, but for one to see.  In the end there are no secrets, and a life lived is filled with secrets.

Okay, I am out.


Sunday, June 7, 2015

Running Out Of Ideas...

I am not sure if that is true or not, but my life is pretty boring. I don't know why people would want to read about it so much. Anyways yesterday after work I sat outside, it was a perfect day. I had a soft rock~y pandora station on. Bread I believe. I left it on, as actually way back when I loved soft rock tunes. I heard a Karen Carpenter song, and I just pictured every person who walked the Earth.

Imperfect, and lacking something inside to make us feel really great about ourselves. Maybe we all walk with a fear of rejection. Maybe we'll do some things to compensate for what we feel our shortcomings are.  To me that seems highly likely.

Probably the best part about us is our weak dark side that we are afraid of. It is probably the most interesting part about us, and typically when we hit the age of wanting to deal with that stuff society has already taken hold of us. Instead of dealing with this part of us we live in anger. Maybe we hide everything by making sure we are busy 24/7.

All I know is this powerful dark part of us needs to be dealt with. You need help to do it, because you do not have enough light to be able to see these things.

I've told you that before. I dealt with what I thought all my stuff was back in the 90s and that was for me. That is when my big changes happened. I also dealt with stuff that was purposefully left out in the journey. The end of the journey was the end of 2 of 3. That was probably for you.

Life is this important stuff, and the rest is just silly really.

There really is no need to paint pretty pictures of life, cuz it isn't. Life is cruel, and unfair, as people are. None of us are perfect, but we do judge as if we were.

Like I said before no one is so far away they cannot become the thief. It takes a lot of life for people to make that drastic of a change, and the ability to know we are not all that. That is just being honest with ourselves.

In the end our existence doesn't mean anything. Lucky, and unlucky really maybe is you have me.  I am doing what was asked of me, and you know the way. You have a choice. The World or the truth.

One is worth everything, and one is worth nothing. Your hearts have those valued in completely the wrong way.

You aren't strong enough to change your heart, and either am I. I am who I am today, because I overcame with 100% help for the 2nd time.

It is good to know how weak and insignificant I am to make even minor changes to me. It is good for me to be accepted, and good to have been given the promises I have.

Anywayzzzz, I guess that is it.

I am going to take the hopester for a little run, and then work.

Then we'll see. Lisa has the next two days off, and two vacation days after that. A nice little break for her. It will be good for her.

Okay, I'll cya. :)


Saturday, June 6, 2015

Catchin' Up On Sleep...

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I was able to catch up on sleep last night so that is good. I was tireddddd.  :)   I am not going to run this morning I don't think, but I ran all 5 days this week, so not a biggie.  I don't even ride my bike to the grocery store even though it is less than two miles away, mostly cuz I have to wear dress slacks, plus typically I pick up groceries after work, so.

Not to brag, but I am working with the cleaning people tomorrow too, so if you are counting correctly that is 3 jobs I have now. #ftw. Yesterday at work went pretty well. I pretty much made everything I will be in charge of. I learned a lot this week, and am confident everything will run smooth. We lose an important helper (owner) who goes in for surgery in a couple weeks. It is a busy place, and a lot to that business.

A busy restaurant, which is hard enough I realize. Then wholesale, which is bread and stuff delivered to restaurants, and retail, which is people popping in for "goodies" or others picking up some stuff after their meal. As with all businesses you need good labor. Seems they do okay, but there were some call ins and stuff this week, so young kids may like their warm summer days. :)

So that is that. Not a terribly busy weekend for me, but working Saturday morning will be great after a full sleep, and not working overnight.  :)

I am making taco salad for dinner tonight. It is Lisa's fave meal in the World, and she is craving it. Lisa went out to dinner at a restaurant near us with a guy from work, and hailey and her boyfriend and maybe some other people too. I know they were checking out a restaurant near us under new mgmt.  they just reopened, and thumbs up is the verdict.  I think they went to check out a car show or something in holland. Not my thing.  :)

So that is that. Another day in the life. :)  not too shabby huh?  Dumb really, but I izzz cool with it.

Alrighty, I gotta run.

Laterzzzzz.  :)


Friday, June 5, 2015

Just Another Day In The Life...

That is what it was too. A little run, a bike to work, work, bike home, and cook something on the grill. One needs a good heart to do this life thing well.

I have a good heart, and I am pretty cool with most things in my little silly life. There isn't much to me is there??  I am learning a new trade, which I haven't done in forever. Any job I did over the last couple decades or so I had experience. Now not at all. It is a whole different ball game. Didn't realize how dumb I'd be. :)

I made a good meal on the grill. Chicken, dark with bone, and breast without. Zucchini, and baked potatoes. That is 4 things that cook at 4 different time lengths.  Don't ask me how I did it, but they all came out perfect.

What do you say of that??  I say who gives a shit!!  Our lives are not filled with anything of significance, and if your life is filled with all kindsa crap 24/7 you made a horribly wrong turn.

If you aren't happy getting up each day why??  I know the answer.  The answer is our lives are filled with a bunch of nothing.  We toil in vain if we fill it with more and more nothing. The key to happiness, and living a fulfilled life is in things you can not do on your own.

You want understanding??  You cannot walk the Earth to find it.  You cannot sacrifice anything to get it.  You cannot build a stairway to heaven with a bundle of sticks on your back to get it.

Nope, it isn't yours to take, and it is nowhere for you to find.  The garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and the sword you cannot overcome.

The answer to life is not in your power. You are powerless 100% to get the most important things out of life.

Everyone makes turns in life, and they aren't really wrong, cuz you cannot turn and be so far away. There only is one right turn, so your turns aren't exactly right either. You just run in place basically, until you make the right one.

The one turn that seems like a lot, but is so little. You ain't doing anything anyway.

Life is a hard thing, because we start off with a wrong premise. We are powerless, but we think we are powerful.

Hard to get anywhere when you believe a lie.

Anyways,  congrats if you read the whole thing.  I almost deleted it halfway through. I think it ends better than it starts.

Gotta run.


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Titles For Algernon

Hello and good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am doing pretty good. I got a lot of sleep last night. I was beat. My new job has given me such sore muscles from pinning dough, it is crazy. My shoulders feel like death. Can't wait til those muscles get used to it.

Nothing really going on with me. We are having great weather this week, so I am already tan from being outside. I forget how much 1st shift suits me. Have to tinker a bit to get my schedule down, but it should come quick.

As to goals in life I guess I used to have some running ones, and these days not really so much. I do find myself getting in better running shape, and really no knee problems at all. I like no, I LOVE my short runs, so not sure about upping my mileage much. Since most of my runs are with hope, I'd probably have to figure out a run to work type thingy to add miles. Not sure if that is in the books or not. Not a big deal. The switch is not turned on for me to run the big miles really.

As to other goals it has been for so long just understanding. I knew that was the best thing, and it just so happens with understanding comes everything else. It will be the final stop for the current version of me, and the beginning of the new version. The best a person can be.

Such a weird story. Mine. Hidden so long as I walked during the dead years. I knew I had some future stuff to do, but I had no idea when. Well I guess we know it is now. It has been going on for years. Really it isn't as I expected at all. For one thing it takes so long.  How many times have I just been frustrated ?  How many times did I lose trust in some of you. I have steered people in the correct ways, but most don't listen that great.

This is really a picture if life. In life we all fail. None of us can stand up to the highest ideals, and the World is a trap we are enslaved to. There only is one way out from this dilemma, but even that is a battle, because many times people think way higher of themselves than they should. Many times what they deem to be important isn't.  All the things we waste our time on are really a waste.  There is very little value for the activities done under the sun, and we all toil in vain.

Points come from different things than what we think.  A human really isn't all that, but typically we think we are.

A life is a silly and foolish thing. The answer to life I found, and it is worth everything.

Simple really, but people. Who can teach them anything???   :)   LOL

Anyhooodles I guess I should get going.

You know I have been blogging a while, and typically not a lot changes, but one has jumped up super duper high in importance in my eyes. That is surprising to me.

I like courage, and strength though, and she does have that.

Anyway I gotsta go.



MWAH!!!   :)

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

When Did This Start ?

I remember reading running blogs one day, and I started a blog the next day. It was maybe much if the same as mine is today, but maybe different. I was strong every morning, but not sure if I wanted people to read or not. Let's just say from day 1 through the journey til now I have gained a ton of confidence.

One thing I don't understand really is how was it to know me before as compared to now.  I have no idea. How could so much if me be hidden for so long, and then finally come out. Why did those running blogs make me blog?   Lol

We may never know, but it all just seemed right. There were tough days during the first two blogs.  Some very hard. Some stuff I knew for a long time, and that stuff came into play. The bad hidden stuff that some don't even know exists.  It is the bad stuff inside us that overpowers us. I dealt with much of that part of people.

When they came to me they were not able to overcome me, cuz I had help. I didn't have the security of a full spirit to battle the enemies, and they were way craftier with the sword than me. My help is hidden, and those hard days helped build trust in me.

My little knowledge of these types of things is as those things left people to come to me, I believe they returned, but with more bad stuff than what actually was started with.

I didn't do this with all people, but some.  Those who have a tougher road this is probably why. A lot has been given to some, and a lot is expected. I've been given a lot, and I have given all. What I've been given is free, and really a gift, and I give it away freely.

All avenues of life start with one step, and it is a first step that must be taken. To be who deep down you want to be is not even close to possible on your own. To be able to see through all the dark corners of your life is not possible unless you have someone shine the light inside. That too is not remotely possible on your own.

You are a slave to who you are now. Impossible to make any significant improvements to the things that are important. The first step should come from a desire for you to just want to be a better person. To deal with all the dark parts of your life so you can get to know you, and not be ashamed of anything.

You never know a persons path really. You never really know why Hitler was as he was. The story of Hitler as a person is a single person standing on his own.  Not so far away to become the thief on the cross.  People need to be pulled in order to stand like the thief. Remember how I was pulled way back when. I saw death, and my own shortcomings, and I wanted me to matter.  I wanted this existence to mean something.

In the end my existence doesn't really mean much. Sure I help, and I have an important job, but anyone else can do it.

I am nothing special, and never was. I am just someone who has been singled out to do a job. I do it, because I have been made to want to.

That is pretty much it.  :)

Okie dokie, today is the same as yesterday. Run, ride work.

Adding Jacob and his brothers and their wives.

I am sure I was always going to anyway.



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Coffee... Man or Myth??

Sometimes when you wake up early you must ponder the tougher questions in life. As my title suggests I am pondering one of the toughest if not the toughest question of all.

Anyway, I'll leave that for later. I went to bed early last night. Like maybe 6:00 or 7:00 PM early. I slept pretty much all the way through. It feels good to go to bed tired doesn't it??  Lisa and I had a couple of errands to do after work, and I made some brats.

Work went good. I learned a lot, and forgot almost as much as I learned.  ;). I did practice my muffin filling technique though, and I think I got it down. I have small hands though so that kinda sucks. It was fun though learning all new things. I made cookies, and coffee cakes, and breakfast thingies, and muffins, and other stuff. I'll do this 5 times/ week, and I am pretty positive I'll love it. I just have to put in my time so everything comes 2nd nature.

Really today will be the same as yesterday. Hope and I will get a run in, and I'll bike to work. Other than that not much going on.

I don't even have anything I am really thinking about.

I guess I could always dig deep. There is a difference between me and you. You think you are the master of your universe. If you can't do it than you can practice or something.  I know I am NOT the master of my universe, and I found a way to get everything done I want. You may ask then why not have it done??  Being not the master = everything is not done on my time. If it were up to me this would have happened decades ago. My blog the wait does just that. Helps pave the way to bring people along.

That is what we are doing too. Doesn't always seem to be going the way I think it should, but as I learn the difficulties I also trust the author. He sorta knows what he is doing. We don't.  :)

Anyhoodles it is time for me to get going.

Laterzzzzzzz.  :)


MWAH!!!    :)

Monday, June 1, 2015

Up At 3:00 With Time To Pee

Hello, and good morning. How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. Sometimes when you get up and blog it is very IMPORTANT to rhyme your title.  I am sure you already know this, but just saying.

So today is my first day learning the baking trade. I am super duper excited. I have a lot to learn, and that is also very exciting.

Yesterday we did Jackie's thing, and it went very good. I cannot believe how much Lisa's work helped us pull it off. Seriously Lisa had a lot of support this week, and that is what it is all about. I saw Melgert's brother whose wife died like 10 months ago. I don't do a lot of Kossen things, but when I did I always saw him.  Decent enough fellow. We have a bigger thing planned for an end of summer party type thing. We decided yesterday to do it.

These things are good to put life in perspective. I didn't really see eye to eye with Jackie, and that seems now to be my shortcoming. She wasn't awful, and I probably have a lot of awful in me. I know this, and I know how it will be fixed.

Me vs. you = I know what I can do, and I know what has to be done. My path is a waiting game, and maybe we all need a heart that can wait.

I once ran a perfect 5K. Steady fast pace, and at 2 miles start increasing past threshold.  My blog, and my journey is 2/3 of the way done, and I think that is what it must be doing. Increasing the pace past threshold. Why??  We are in this race to win it. I already won my race, and it wasn't by my own power. I've been given stuff to help people, and I have a message. It isn't anything you will learn anywhere else.

So anyways, I am up before work.  Temps this week are going to be great, so I will take hopester for a little run, and then bike to work.

For me that is what it is all about. :)

Yay.  :)

Alrighties, I gotta go.


MWAH!!!   :)