Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Final One Of The Year...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am the same as yesterday.  Bored I'd say.  Maybe the final outcome of us all.   We eventually are just boring people.  Bringing nothing new.   Doing nothing very fascinating, and the worst of it all is we don't know it??  We don't know how boring we are as people?? 

Fuck, this thing here is stupid.  My life is pretty stupid.  Been that way since forever, but I know it.   I don't play it up, and dress it up with garland and sprinklies and all that stuff.   People don't impress me, because we are not that fricken great. 

Maybe that is my problem.   You people don't know how unfabulous we all are yet.  You still hold onto some shred of something instead of just accepting our true fate.   We are not that great.  We don't do anything significant. 

Yep,  I think I am the only one who has figured that out.  

I surely don't want to read a juiced up version of anything.  

So what am I going to do today??   I am going to do some laundry.   Lisa and I have a little project to do, and work both jobs. 

I know the value of my life, and I know the value of me.   Maybe this year you all can climb aboard and find the value of your life and the value of you??

One coin.


laterzzzzzzzzzzzz

btw, that makes 280.  small little victories that don't mean shit.  

Monday, December 30, 2013

Happy Monday!!

Good Afternoon.  How's it going?? Me??  I am in an interesting mood.   Seems like it started yesterday.  I don't know if this is something that will go on, or just one of those things.   I know most people do social networking of some sort, and that is the weird thing about me right now.   I don't want to open them up.  I don't want to see what anyone is doing, and very very disinterested in it now. 

Now that is strange.   You know how I can think of any number of people at any one time??   I am not interested.   I don't care too too much what people are doing.  I don't want to know, so I don't open anything up. 

Why is that??  I have no idea. 

Anyway, I am not really even that interested in blogging, but I think I need to blog today and tomorrow to hit 280 for the year, so there.  :)

cya


Saturday, December 28, 2013

What Do I Have Inside Me???

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good I'd say.  I went to bed at like midnight, which I can do now that my schedule is different than in years past.  I still woke up way too early, but I work tonight, so I will be able to nap for several hours before work probably. 

I finished week #2 at the bank yesterday, and all is going pretty good there.   We are approaching January, and I am pretty much over Winter already.  That is probably because I am not running.   Being active outside in the Winter makes it bearable, and fun.   I still have a 2 weeks of not running to make my knee all better.   If all goes okay, I have no idea what my running schedule will look like.
 Anyhoodles I guess I'd have to say I don't really have any goals for the New Year.  I was listening to the Goo Goo Dolls version of "Give A Little Bit" at the bank last night, and I was thinking about some of the lyrics.



Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my love to you
See the man with the lonely eyes
Take his hand, you'll be suprised

So i'll give a little bit
I'll give a lttle bit of my life for you
So give a little bit
Give a little bit of your time to me
Now's the time that we need to share
So send a smile, we're on our way back home


Isn't that what this blog is about??  I have given everything of my life.  There is nothing you don't know about me, besides the things you cannot understand.   Words like give and share.

What are the things of your life you are not willing to give people.   What are your secrets??   What are the things you are afraid to share??  Some people are pretty good at that stuff, and some people give nothing.  

People have so much stuff bottled up inside, and you know it isn't good for you up.  Those are some of the things you will be able to look at too.   It really is a miracle to be able to step out of the World and look at your life.   Your past, and your hurts, and the things that make you up.  If we weren't able to look at this stuff, then we'd just be riding that slippery slope of life that just keeps going on quicker and quicker, and eventually you realize you aren't 20-something anymore. 

We all get older and older and life is passing you by.  Busy doing this and busy doing that. 

We have such a really really long way to go.  For as long as I have been doing this we sure haven't gone too far yet have we?? 

That makes me wonder about this year.   I think we probably will start going places.   So many people are scattered all over the place.   Many have lost trust, and many need to find their way back I guess.  I am not lost.   I am here, and have been here for a long time.   People come and people go as far as thing goes, but I still remain doing this thing. 

This thing is really really about support, but the people have to give a little bit of their life to me.   You know???  All the stuff we'd like to hide.   We all are made up of a lot of wrongs, and imperfections, and things we have done wrong to others.   To be good and perfect people is not in our power, so like Adam we hide all the things we are ashamed of.   I live in the light though, and all I am is seen.   I know it is not something you can comprehend, because I am different.   I had to go through a lot of stuff to learn who I am, and my place, and what I am supposed to do.  

Do you know what you are supposed to do??  Do you know what this is about??   So much to do, and so much courage needed, and strength and things you don't possess.  Why??  All this stuff has to be given to you.  

Anyway,  just jotting down some stuff. 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  I am going to check to see if there are any movies out today we haven't seen yet.   We kinda want to see a movie. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

So What's Inside Me Today??

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I don't think I have a ton of stuff on my mind today, but you never know.  I should probably shovel after I am done with this thing.   We have a good amount of snow in the driveway. 

I am kinda curious as to what lies in store for next year.   This year was sorta the anti-blog year.  People blogged quite a bit less than in years past it seems.  Many people disappeared altogether.  What do I think about it?   Not really sure.  I don't know what makes a person stop blogging.  Not enough stuff to write about??  

Is that really the case??  People don't have much on their minds at all??   A whole life you are living, and what does it come down to?   Are you only what you read, and what you do??   Never a thought about life, and stuff??  

I would hope people are confused.  I hope people are wondering what the heck is this life about anyway??  Everyone is growing older, and life goes on and on.  People do school stuff, and work stuff, and all the stuff we are supposed to.   How do you feel about it??  Is life everything you think it should be??  

What happens if you go down the road of life, and all of a sudden you suddenly realize there really isn't much here.   Maybe that is a hard vision, but you know sometimes it is the hard things that help make us see clearer.   The thief on the cross didn't think about the same things he did on the cross as he did during other parts of his life. 

You know we are out living a life.   Many of us trying to do good, and to matter, and to make a difference, and I have been down every road, and looked down every path, and found answers as I have been saying quite a while.  It isn't what you think either.   I have been stressing strength, and honesty, and trust, and things like that.   Who knew these were probably the hardest things in the World.  

When the future is not in our hands, and our own destiny is not in our hands, what is one to do??   Seek out answers I would hope.   We are born and raised pretty much having all the answers, and hopefully you all soon turn into young 20-somethings where you eventually realize you don't have the answers.   You never even asked the right questions.   Everything you believe is based on false teachings, because true teaching is not so easy.   You don't get it from Public Schools, and you surely don't get it from other ones either.   You are here to live a life, and hopefully learn from it.  

I mean yeah everyone can just go and hide, and not blog and stuff, but what is that getting you??  Who cares if you don't have the answers and you don't know what the fuck you are doing.   You finally are on board with every other person in the World.  

But we were always supposed to show other stuff huh??   Well Sparta lost the War, but the men held on.  Why??   Because men are fucking dumb.   :)

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has  Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   Want to know one of the things I was thinking at work yesterday??   My life is pretty simple, and I am pretty happy how things are.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

The Things We Are Supposed To Do, and The Things We Are Supposed To Feel...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  Today is totally one of those days we are supposed to be a certain way, and feel a certain way every year, year after year when this day pops up huh??

How really do you feel about this day though, and season??  I know I know people will say the right things all over the place etc...  For me it is a day off.   Lisa and I typically don't do anything.  She will wake up eventually, and we'll watch tv all day. 

Life really is pretty simple if you can just get to the bottom of it huh??  Life is busy, and noisy, and a lot of bells and whistles and we are supposed to live up to all the things we are supposed to feel, and live up to all the things we are supposed to do. 

This time of year families get together probably, and maybe that is the best part of the whole thing.  A day out of the life where we really are free to do as we choose.   There will be much partying I bet, and kids will get a bunch of crap they will be excited about for like 2 days.  Of course if they got the new xbox that was $500 they might be excited for more than a few days.   When did those things get so expensive??  HOLY CRAP. 

All our being is tied up in many ways.   So much garbage information out there, and so much of it is embedded in us.   We all are made up of a bunch of crap info really.   It is the way of the World.   Been that way since forever.  Can't help but think we really are just a bunch of ants doing our thing day after day, God save the Queen huh??

Oh the crap the ants do are important to them.  I bet they feel they have purpose and stuff, and well they are ants.   They are not us humans, but we do the same type of crap.   Busy busy busy, doing this and doing that, and well we have a pretty big mind.   I guess eventually we all wake up one day and ask, what the fuck am I doing??   What is this all about, and why am I here??    Our lives have all been full of doing ant type of things.   Important'ish in our own eyes, but just 10 feet away is another ant hill, and there are like a million in that one too, and they think what they are doing is important, and it isn't any different.   I don't know the significance of ants, but I don't kill them.  I figure they do something right??

Well we are not too different, because the significance of us isn't too much more.   Our lives go on and on, and we are eventually 6' under and that is kinda the lesson of the day huh??   What significant thing did the Birthday boy and the 12 do in their life??  I know they added nothing to Society, and as a matter of fact battled against Society, and all the fake robes, and empty prayers in public, and defended the less than fortunate, and condemned the powerful, and helped the weak.  

The powerful are those smack dab in the hands of Society, and the weak were the less than fortunate ones looking for answers.   The meek found the answers, and those who already had the answers will get a bit of a surprise.   Paul was the most powerful of them all huh??   Killing those freaks probably, but then he was taken aside, and look at his life??   Once in the hands of Society, and then becoming the best writer of the bunch??

Life as we know it via upbringing and Society is not really life as it is.  

So anyway, I hope you all have a fun day.  

Cheers.   :)

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I totally am going to hit 280+ posts this year.   I wonder what next year will look like.   One never knows.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Aren't You Sometimes Surprised By People??

I know I am.   Part of who I am is me.   I am me.  I count on no one as part of the things I do.  I look up to no one to say I should be more like them.  I consider things people say, and don't accept it as gospel just because a person is wearing a suit, has some kind of piece of paper that says the are accredited with the proper acceptance via Society to do this and that.  To be an expert in whatever. 

I have the proper certification to discuss the things I do, but it has nothing to do with the best of the things men and women can think up that have been passed down generation to generation.  My certification comes from elsewhere.   What I have been through you cannot read in a book.  The things I have learned no one could have taught me.   My learning comes from my life.   It comes from my suffering.  It comes from really an unexpected journey. 

Ohhhh, I know in my darkest days I wanted someone to see.   I needed someone who could give me some information.  Someone who could tell me the things I should do, because I did have to suffer.   I was the only person on this lonely ride of mine.  There was no help.  Oh, I am sure there were people wearing suits spouting off some kind of info they perceived to be important.   I knew better.   The walls of society are filled with papers hanging from them saying people  are accredited to do this and that.   An expert if you will. 

You see us people will follow anyone in a suit if he or she is a smooth talker,  has the acceptance of society etc...   There really are only two paths.   The one of society and where that ends, and the path less chosen.   One leads to a good place, and the other to misery.  Welcome to the World and life 101.   You have graduated 101, and now we should be hitting the 200 and 300 level classes, but you want to remain a Freshman huh??  Free beer as you rush all the frats.   Late night drinking fun. 

You don't want to move on do you.   This is good enough for you??   Everyone is wearing the right clothes, and have the proper uniforms.   Their smiles seem genuine sorta. 

One path is the truth.   Many parts of the truth are brutal.   One is a path of lies and deception, and fake, and all the things we should strive not to be.   It should be an easy choice, and I hope this World looks ugly to you by now.   I hope you can look in the mirror, and say I want more from me.   I want to be better.   I am sick of how fake I am, and how Society makes me want to be.  

The truth is a beautiful thing with all its flaws.   Deception is an ugly thing in all the things it tries to hide.   The journey as always is one of strength and one of trust.   Hard things to do to help make you strong.   Hard things to do to help you trust.   One path leads to the light.   Where everything is exposed.  One path would rather you keep everything in the dark.   To go into the light you will need help, because you are not strong enough to go into the light.   The light scares you, because...  well because I would hope you know yourself well enough.  

Tough things to do, and you actually have to do them.  There is no waiting on the sidelines.   This is not driving from the passenger seat.   This is no Monday Morning Quarterbacking, this is you.   This is your life, and these are your decisions, and the things you must do.  

Why???   Because I had to become the worst of the worst, and that was part of the plan, because that is the story.   Not mine, but I went a certain direction. I was being pulled, and it led me to here.   It led me to this blog, and to you people.  As it so happens I was to help open your eyes.   To deeper truths, and important paths. 

I have been accredited with the proper certification for this game of life.   I wear no suit to impress you with, and as far as Society goes I am low on the hierarchy.   Pretty sure that is part of the plan too.   Why???   We trust the wrong stuff.   We put our faith in the wrong things, because we are weak.   Strength comes from a different source, and from a different avenue.   You want to grow in wisdom and strength, and things like that right?? 

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I wonder how weird this blog is from just regular people looking in.   LOL  It has got to be a trip I bet.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Monday, December 23, 2013

A Nice Little Surprise...

Hello, and good afternoon all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing okay.  I slept really good this morning, like til 1:00 or so, which is awesome.   Plus right before I left work I was asked to switch my day off from Wed. to Mon.  Ummm okay, so now I get the next two days off.   How fucking great is that??  WOO  HOO.   Wednesday is really Wednesday night at midnight which technically is Thursday.   That is perfect.  I love it, so I have to do the bank thing tonight, and that is it, and then the bank thing tomorrow sometime after 1:00, and Wednesday I don't work til midnight.   I digsss it.   :)

Anyhoodle, what else is going on with me??  Not too too much.  Our house is a bit of a mess, so I can clean it tomorrow.  I am really psyched to be able to have today and tomorrow off though.  I really don't have too too much on my mind to be honest.

I am in a good mood.  Today should be a good day.   I paid the bills and stuff already, and now I am drinking coffee, and waiting to go to work.  

Some days this thing gets pretty heavy, and today is not one of those days. 

Oh well.   :)   Thank you to the two Jen's yesterday.   :) 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I don't even have nothing for a p.s.   Toll you nothing on my mind.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

So Many Things To Think About...

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I had yesterday off, so was just a complete lazy butt the whole day.  I am coming off a week where I am switching my sleeping habits, so it will take a while.   This week is easy, because it is a Holiday week, and I actually have all of Wednesday off, and only have to work the 2-1/2 hour job on Tuesday, and I can do that after 1:00. 

Want to know what I do at the 2-1/2 hour job??   Probably not, but I will tell you anyway.   I clean a bank.   I go in after close, and clean it.   Glamorous no, but I go in, I rush to do my job good.  I try to finish in 2-1/2 hours or before, and do special cleaning projects if time.   This time of year is pretty tough, because of all the salt tracked in.  I'll probably have a ton of time in the non-snowy months.

It is a very clean bank.  There are 3 stories, and I guess before the bust there were probably like 60+ employees, and now there are probably 20+  It isn't like your typical bank either.  It isn't a National bank, it is a local one, and probably more of like a local investment bank.  Probably not a ton of regular accounts, but who knows.

I started that job last Friday, and the lady who cleaned it the last several years trained me, and the owner came in on Monday to walk me around.  Last I've seen or heard from them.   How about that for trust.   :)  I did text the owner's supervisor one of the days I went in later, just to tell her I am going in later than normal.   I can clean the bank anytime I want.   I go in at 5:30, but I can go in at midnight and clean if I want.   No worries.   :)  Pretty cool huh??  

I used to do that stuff way back in the day, so I thought why not.  It is like riding a bike too, it isn't a skill you forget to do...   well maybe I kinda forget how to do that kinda crap at home sometimes.   ;)

So any lessons from this??   Well there are a couple.  One is from your perspective, and one is from mine.   My life, and all I am worth, and all the things I am about are about other things than work.   As a person who is living this life here on Earth and realizing the World owes me nothing, and will give me nothing I am not too proud to do anything.   As to the hierarchy of society, I am not up high on that list, and you know what??   I don't have too far to fall.   You wonder about that rich guy when asking what he needed to do?   Give up all you own, and come follow me, and he couldn't.   How much was the money, and how much was the shame for giving up the high level of acceptance he had acquired via Society??   One wonders huh??

That was the turn in a nutshell too huh??   I want this and this and this and that and that and that, but Here is my life, do with it what you will.  The step no one can make.   Actually it is the step most people would like to pretend they never saw, because of what it means.  

I am so over all this stuff though.   Been there, and done that soooo long ago, and Life came at me full speed.  I listened, and I accepted the things taught me.   I endured the barriers that made my walk impossibly hard.   With steadfastness I kept walking even when I could see nothing in front of me.  With perseverance when all seemed lost my feet still went forward.   With patience I waited from the early 90's to the start of heimleblog, and with patience this seemingly never-ending blog goes on.

I have no fabulousness about me to impress you with.   I have no great achievements I can put on a plaque to impress you with.  I have a life, and a blog, and most of all I guess a purpose.  The purpose seems pretty silly to me, because of my lack of understanding, and what I have to do and any who choose to come with is what Solomon saw.   A grievous task.

Mine was the worst too.  Who knows why??   I learned many things though.   I learned the worth of a life.  not much.   I learned the worth of me.   not much.   I learned what I can accomplish on my own.  Nothing.   I learned the true value of me, and the true value of things, and it is like I said one coin.   No more and no less, and how is one to turn one coin into 5 like the parables say??  

With us it is impossible, but with help all things are possible.

You see if on the last day you only still have one coin, well that is not good is it??   So like the old lady who gave up her only coin (for us life) then and only then can it be increased.   It is like giving your coin to  a bank where there are no shoddy investments in fake paper investment tools that have risk attached.  Risk no one knows the full value of, because who can read the future??   What is true today in the World may not be tomorrow.   Paper money is what people put their most faith in though.  It is the thing that keeps us alive huh??

So on we go doing are silly little jobs, so we can live.   Better not be yourself though, because society has all kind of built in rules you must try and follow.   Fake smiles, and fake nices for everyone around.   :)

LOL.   It is a crazy World and a crazy life, and you are smack dab in the middle of your life and this World, and you can see no way out.  

I've gone on and on and on and on.  I have the answers and I know the truth.  I lived a very long time finding out about these things.   You only believe in what you see, and what you have learned from Society.  tsk tsk.  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I sometimes wonder what really is in people's heads, and hearts.   What do you see, and what do you really feel??   I really wonder.

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D     

Friday, December 20, 2013

Since When Did Coffee Give Me A Jolt??

Good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  Yesterday I felt I didn't get enough sleep, and couldn't nap, so I stressed about it.  I was thinking this morning why stress??  Well, because I don't wake up and go to work.   I usually wait 12 hours to go to work or something like that, and I worry I'll be tired.   I should have been tired last night, but wasn't horrible.   I napped on our lunch break, and was pretty tired at the end, but really not horrible.   So why worry right??  Oh, and before I went into my first job I had coffee, and it seemed to give me some pep.   Been a while for that.   I typically have a cup in the mornings off, just to have a cup.   Maybe coffee, and me will become close friends again.  I work both jobs tonight, and I have a cup of coffee with me right now. 

So what else is going on with me??  Not too too much.  I have this weird blog, and I write on it frequently.   Sometimes heavy stuff comes out of it, and well maybe mostly that is what comes out of it.   I tell of my view of life.   A view that has come after many many experiences.   Stuff you cannot see, and stuff you cannot know.   How strange I have to be how I am, and you are like you are, and I try to explain this stuff to you. 

I have put down many warnings of how hard this stuff is, and it seems people's lives just go on.  Doing the same old things day after day.   Thinking the same old things day after day.  Can you see how you are??  You cannot hide it.  It finds its way out. 

I think part of this little journey is we are led to another view.   Where life doesn't seem to be all that great, and you don't trust this view, because it isn't what you have been taught, but it is the real vision.  You are being shown the truth, but you cannot, and don't want to handle it.  You want to go back to a simpler World where everything seemed easy.  Was life better way back then???  Nah, life has always been pretty much the same, and people have been living the same types of lives forever. 

Now it may even be worse, because life just keeps getting busier and busier.   We look for progress in learning new things in all the facets out there, and you know I found some answers.   I have gone on a long and hard journey to the truth of life.   Suffered some stuff along the way, but found what I was looking for.  

I know if you look in your heart you are searching too.   Searching for meaning and acceptance, and something that says I matter.   Life is a hard thing, and we look to people who may have the right answers.   We look into our brain, because we think answers must come from us, but answers are in your life.   Answers are in your heart.   It is the things you feel, and stuff like that.   Life isn't about getting mad at the dumb duck dynasty dude.  He has no bearing on anything at all.   That is all part of the stupidity of life.  We have no problem jumping on one side of some stupid argument, when there is so much more inside us. 

What is it that makes you tick??   What is it that makes you selfish??   What is it that makes you get angry at the drop of a hat over something stupid.   I know what makes us angry a lot.   Bad information.   The World is full of it.  You will see it in the newspapers, and in the tee veees, and news, etc...   Everyone has an answer, and none of these people ever asked the right questions to actually learn something important.  

Oh well, off on a tangent I go.   Just jotting something down. 

I have my coffee, and I work tonight, and I have tomorrow off, and that ain't too shabby.  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  I didn't really feel like blogging when I got up, so I procrastinated, but I feel better after I do.  Course it could just be the coffee.  :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Lens We Look At Life Through...

Good Morning All.  How's it going??  Me, I felt better.  I only worked my one job yesterday, because I could not sleep for the life of me.  I did not want to go into work as a Zombie.   That is like my biggest fear.   Being overtired.   I cannot think of anything worse.  I am tired right now too, and will need to nap. 

I have a lot of things on my mind, and one is me, and this life, and then I think of others and their life.  I have been pulling on this thing so long, and you have been holding on to your life so long.   Believing in the importance of it I guess.   The importance in the things you do.   Life has a beginning, and it has an end, and it is the end that one should look to find significance in something.   What is significant about us, and our life??  What do we do that is significant??  Lasting???  Of Importance?? 

The sad and true answer is nothing.  We grow up being weak people as far as truth is concerned.   We are supposed to live in the ever-changing confines of what is right or wrong, and who knows??   Laws broken by poor people are followed to the "T".   Laws broken by rich people are ignored many times.   Laws broken by corporations are ignored.   Even ones like antitrust which make more people poor than it does make people rich.   Things that affect Society negatively are ignored. 

So what are we to do??  Well, we fill our lives doing things.   Hopefully things we like, but I ask you don't overestimate the importance of you, and what you do.   Don't think it is of any significance, but just realize what it is.   Something you spend your time doing, and something you enjoy.  It isn't anything more.   You are not making the World some great place, because that is not in your power.   You are not helping people along, unless you are being true to you, and true to what life really is. 

My post a couple days ago made me think.  I have a message, and I do write what is in me, and that is the kicker huh??  This is the stuff that is in me.   This is the truth of the World and this life, and I know deep down you know it is true, but it is scary going down this path huh??   Will it hurt??   I want to be happy, and I don't want to hurt.   Well I am here to tell you both will be part of this journey.   There is no greater reward in life to know you are on the right path.   No greater reward to know you are doing something very very very few have.   In that way you will be elite, and the best of the best.   Only this way though.  

I just want you to see everything clearly, and have the right outlook of what is important and what is significant.  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  oh yeah almost forgot.   I am taking roughly 3-1/2 weeks off of running to try and get my knee healthy.   Why 3-1/2 weeks??  No reason, but I want to have a plan, and that is it.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Digging Deep...

Hello, and Good Afternoon.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay, now that I got some coffee in me.   I worked both jobs last night, and I was tired after the 2nd.  I still got a lot done, but I slept this good this morning, so that is good.   I only work the one job tonight, and it is the 2-1/2 hour job. 

Soooo, what is going on with me??  Not much at all.   Living the life thing, and every bit of it is probably boring on the outside.   From those looking in, but I do okay.  What makes up a life??   What are the fun parts of life?? 

I don't know your answer, but my life is all about how I feel inside, and I cannot explain to you.   An avenue that is blocked from your sight.  Actually a lot of just how I am is totally blocked from your sight.   You cannot comprehend me, or understand me, or even really know me too too well. 

I am known though, and I am seen.  All who I am is always viewed.  Inside me is a light you cannot see, but just another one of those things you cannot comprehend. 

Who are you??   Do you know you??  Do you know why you are not able to be as good of a person as you'd like??   Do you know why silly little things overpower you??   Do you know why if you sacrifice so much not to be a certain way, why you are mad at those who don't?? 

What are the things you think the most important for a person to do in this World??   What is the significance of it??

Name one thing you want to hang your hat on, and say this here is what I am about.   What is the significance of it?? 

Of all the things you have done, how many are you ashamed to tell people about??  Why would you be ashamed??   A view of you you try to portray is more important than the real you, and your real life?? 

The path of us lowly human creatures is such a lost cause.   We are all fucked up in so many ways.   We try to show our glittery accepted by Society self, and that makes us feel better, but there is so much more inside you, and you don't even know it.   You have no idea what makes you tick, and what makes you as imperfect as you would like. 

If you had one goal in life, would it be??   A shiny trophy of some sort, or to be a better person??   Guess what??   You cannot have both.   Both belong on different paths.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   Just searching inside me for what is there, and this was it today.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, December 16, 2013

A Little Of This, And A Little Of That...

Good Afternoon all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.  Been better been worse I guess.   I work both jobs today, and I probably didn't sleep enough, and now I'll have to get into a new pattern.   Hopefully sleep more when I get home is what I would hope, but sometimes I just wake up, and I am up.  I have a lot I want to get done tonight at work though, so I should be okay. 

Anyhoodles, what is going on with me??  Not too much.  After this I will either take Hope for a run or a walk.   Knee surely isn't 100%, but whatcha gonna do?? 

In some ways it kinda sucks having a blog huh??   Airing out our dirty laundry for all the World to see, and I guess airing out some clean laundry too.  I have a message with my blog, and it is an important one, and you know it sure isn't a fun message to give.   My path sure wasn't an easy one, and yet still on I go with this.  

I don't really understand people all too well, but maybe you have to go your own route.   Go out and conquer the World.  I know where it leads, but you kinda have to find out on your own huh??   It will always lead back to here, and this blog, and you will yearn for the acceptance and gifts that can come from another direction.

You all are still kids though huh??   You need to experiment, and you need to learn your own lessons, and make your own mistakes.   You will learn your lessons, and life is full of mistakes, and I know where your journey leads, but you want to find out yourself.  

So where will I be??  I will be right here, while you go tackle the World.   Show everyone you are the best of the best.  I have no idea what I will blog about, or what next year holds in store, but one thing is for certain.

You know me.  You know what I am about, and you know where to find me.  

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   I checked out my tally, and I think 280 should be very doable for blog entries this year.   Such a slacker I am.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Look Out!! Looks Like I Get The Bears Game Today...

Well, I will be getting the Bears game on TV today, so that is always good for a little excitement.   They also play Cleveland so I will be able to get like my 12th Cleveland game this year so far, and that is always very exciting.  ;)

Anyway, what is going on with me??  Not much.  Just living this life thing.  Not doing anything too too important.  I have a blog though, and I write stuff.  Unfortunately I have a message, and it isn't really things you want to hear.   The truth of my life, and this life is really a tough message, especially where you sit now. 

The message I have been writing on here, you haven't believed.   Why??   It is a hard message.  It goes against everything you have ever been taught.   We grow up thinking this World is a special place, and we are special people, and I come along and tell you what I have known all along.   We are not special.  This World is not that great, and this life surely isn't either. 

You have never gone through a Summer of Discontent, and you never want to.   To see this World and this life in it's ugly truth is not very pleasant.  I see this stuff, and I know this stuff, and it ain't no big deal to me.   I have accepted all.   All the truth I have seen about this life, I have accepted.   I am strong that way, because that is how I am now.  

There is not a road map for me.   To be how I am, and to try and lead you people in the right way with the way you are, is not an easy thing.   That is why I needed the blessing, and the promise from long ago.  I also needed to give up that one time, so my heart could be placed in another's hands.   My strength does not come from me, and I just have to trust this process I use.   I look inside my heart for whatever is in there, and write it on here, and somehow it must help. 

You have to look at stuff though, and you have to be prepared to look at it with eyes wide open.   I know you want to hold onto everything you have ever believed in, but that shows a lack of trust.  It sure doesn't show faith.  

Your whole faith has been created via false leaven.  It is the way of the World, and the stuff that needs to be done is hard.   You have to go down a different path then the one Society is always shoving in your face.  

It is a path of truth, and a path of trust.   Truth comes from one source, and all that is false and a lie comes from another.   The best one, and the best route is hard to find.   The other has been done to death.   Whose side do you want to be on??   We are born into this World on the wrong side.   It was up to us to find the correct way.   You think it should be easy huh??  Well, it isn't, and I've given some reasons for it.  

One is people don't have faith.  They don't believe when a good message is given them.   Been that way forever.   You are as guilty as all the others who have walked the earth.  

I have a message, and I have given it, and have continued to give it.   You just have to get over yourself.   You should know that you are not as good as you would want or hope, and wouldn't you want to be??   Wouldn't you want to be the best person you can be?? 

So far your answer is no, because you trust you too much.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  So this week starts my new work week.   I work two jobs, and will work at least one of them every M-F.   I will get one total day off every other Saturday.   I don't mind that stuff.   Think of how productive I will have to be from now on!!   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I Slept In...

Hey good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   I slept in this morning.  I didn't go into the grocer to work last night.   I went to my new job, and was tired.   I didn't sleep enough yesterday, so I stayed home, listened to music, and had a couple of drinks.   I am thinking of running in the snow today, but my knee is a bit off, so maybe I'll just take the hopester for a walk.   I may try to run, oh crap look at the time.  

Never mind.   I will be going to see the Hobbit in a while.  Crap,  I will have to rush this.  

Soooo, what is going on with me??   Not much at all.   What is on my mind??  As usual I can at anytime think of anything or anyone.  In that way I take it I am a bit different.   You hear of people who never have much on their mind a lot of the time, and I always have stuff I can think about.   It doesn't mean it is exciting or anything, but you know I always wonder.  

I know the way life goes, and I know the way life is, and I am waiting to see if anyone else will see it.   I know forever is in our hearts, and we trust the way things are.   We trust our Country, and we trust the people in power.   I mean yeah Enron happened, but that was to other people.   Yeah with a quick decision $700 Billion went to the banksters.   Yeah airline companies buy out other airline companies even though that is blatantly against the law.   At least we still put black people in jail for smoking a joint, so I guess all is good in the World.  

Life goes on though, and a lot of it is hard, and finding the truth about you and your life seems like it should be easier huh??  

If you could write down 10 things you know to be true, what would they be??  Also why do you think they are true??   You'd be surprised that much of it might just be propaganda.

Do the oil companies hire researchers to say global warming is a hoax, or do the tree huggers have an agenda??   Also wouldn't their be huge $$$ for grants to develop green technology.   $$$$ is the root to much of people's agendas, and you know that ain't always a good thing. 

I can give you something I know to be true.  Perhaps a list. 

  1. My life and my journey is real
  2. I had to suffer much as part of my journey, because that was my path.
  3. I still have to suffer some.
  4. I am different than anyone right now.
  5. Life as you know it is not life as it really is.   Much remains hidden.
  6. The best a person can be is not who you are. 
  7. The best a person can be is not who I am. 
  8. I will be the best a person can be, but that is after #3
  9. The stuff I went through in the early 90's was important. 
  10. the stuff I started way back during heimleblog was important.
That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   I really need to cut my toenails.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D   

Friday, December 13, 2013

Fight Or Flight??

You never really know unless something happens huh??   Well I will tell you about me.   If A guy comes in the local grocer, and steals a couple knives off the shelf, and rips them open, and starts carrying them around threatening people, and slashing stuff, and throwing 12 pack bottles of bud in the air so they come crashing to the ground...   I am more of a flight kinda guy.   :)  It happened last night.  I am no hero when it comes to that crap.    Thursday is always a hard night anyway.   Don't ask me what his deal was.   Hopped up on some kind of drug that obviously didn't make him happy.   Manager called 9-1-1, sheriff showed up pretty quickly.  He told us to all get out.   Reinforcements came pretty quick too, and that was all she wrote.   They didn't have to shoot the guy, but we were wondering.   He was not really ready to give up the weapons.  

One of those things you worry about working 3rd shift.   The crazies come out.   Had me kind of worrying too, but Jim who has been doing this 20 years or something said it was the first time something like that happened.   That makes me feel better.  Actually a lot better.  

I have a plan though of how to deal with people.   Say hi to everyone, and be nice, cuz I figure if you are nice to the people chances are they wont want to stab you in the chest.   That's my thinking anyway.   So an eventful night.   Needless to say we didn't get out til late, as we had to dick around with that crap for like an hour.  

I picked up another part time job too.  It is a M-F thingy for like 2-1/2 hours each night.   Like 5:30-8:00.  That is pretty perfect actually, although I won't be hitting any happy hours, but I typically don't anyway. 

I ran yesterday for a little 3 miler.  It went okay.  Not perfect, but what are you going to do??  Take what you can get. 

Other than that not much going on.  I think I threw another doozey up yesterday huh?   You never know when those come.   What do I think about some of these heavier posts??   I think it is hard for people to understand maybe, or maybe they don't want to believe.  If what I say is true, then that means what I have been saying is true huh??    All that we have come to believe about our life and our place in this World is wrong.   The avenues we take lead nowhere.   The message all those centuries ago is a lot harder, and a lot more to it than what we have been led to believe. 

I know.   What can I do??   Not much.  This thing goes on though in a way, and we'll see how it goes.  

Anyway want to know something about my little jobs here??   They keep me busy.   I am not enslaved to a certain career, or income, or job.   A lot of freedom has been granted to me, and isn't that what it is all about??  I like to work, and I like to put forth a good effort, so this is good for me.

Life is full of traps, and being ensnared in various things.  You think of people and their careers and jobs, and no one can really walk away can they??   Really all chained up huh??  Living for the days off, and stuff.   Now you kinda know what those 12 did huh??  Imagine giving up your career as a fisherman or whatever some of them did, and leaving it all behind.   Holding onto nothing in this life, as if it was theirs.   Just following the one true calling, and the only good path.  Not knowing the story or how it would end.   Blessed with strong and faithful hearts they were huh??   Even Peter denied 3 times though right??   That means something to me.   The Ultimate negative comment huh??

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.  I have an opportunity to work tonight at the grocery store although I am not scheduled.   Haven't totally made up my mind yet.   We'll see.  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D      :D    

Thursday, December 12, 2013

So Much Is Not Seen, and So Much Is Not Known...

That is one thing I learned a long time ago.   Communication in life is way less than perfect that is for sure.   How what we do affects others many times is not known.   We don't know the hurt and heartaches we cause.   People many times internalize things. 

I know one time, and this was wayyyy long ago, I caught a glimpse of my life up to that point.   It went through me like a blur, and you know what I saw??   I didn't see any great accomplishments, or milestones, or any of the good stuff  I may have done.   I saw how I hurt people.  I saw how some of my actions may have caused some people to become worse people than if I was better to them, and a better person.   It is that type of stuff that is looked at.   It is that type of stuff we have absolutely no idea about. 

That is the sword that judges too.   Our past actions.   All the stuff that is hidden from our view, and all the stuff we had no idea.   We are imperfect people with imperfect hearts.   We are not nice to all people, and we are not always supportive, and always giving, and not able to always be a comfort to those in pain.  

Life has a lot of stuff to it, and much of it is not good, and no matter how hard we try, we just cannot make ourselves good people.   We are too weak.  Our hearts don't care. 

These are some of the things you will have to look at.   All our deeds are open, and within view, but not to us.  We don't see all these things, although they are seen.   We don't remember all the things we may have done, although they are remembered. 

You are born on this Earth and there is no escaping it.  You have lived a life, and it is  far from perfect.   I give you a way to be on the right path.  There is only one way to get to the good stuff, and that is the path.   Do you want the World, and all the glory you "feel" you may achieve, or do you want to go the true, and right way, that teaches you about life, and you, and the World, and your place in it?? 

You were always given free will to choose your direction.  You just didn't know you might have to do stuff seemingly as tough as those 12 did you??   You didn't know you would have to deny yourself and take up the cross did you?    Isn't that what it says?? 

The path is a path of forgiveness.   To look at our whole life, and feel remorse for how imperfect we are, and how we have hurt others.   It is a path to show us our weakness, because when we get in tune with our weakness it is only then we can become strong.  

It is an upside down World, and I have been going on.   It is your life and your choice, but you know all that is at stake.  

I know I know I bring a tough message.   I have known these things for a long time, and you may think my final thing I knew I had to do I want to do for noble reasons, but it was for selfish reasons.   I wanted it all.   Twice though I had to lay down my life with no hope.  I did not have the strength for that, but my heart was strengthened at the right time to do what needed to be done.   It surely wasn't me.   Once again I will have to go up against the judges.   I will be judged, and doomed, and go where there is no hope. 

That is my path, and that is my journey, and that is always always what I have been about since the early 90's. 

We will see who will come with.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  I think I may try to run today with the Hopester.   I didn't feel any knee pain when I got out of bed. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D      :D  

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Being Me...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  So, anyway I threw up a quick post yesterday, and it still had a bit of stuff in it.   This is the stuff I have inside me, and stuff I know to be true, and stuff I never ever tell you, or at least try not to. 

The future is not pleasant.  The future is not bright.  The World is not a good place, and there, I said it. 

That is not something we want to hear though, and that is not something we want to deal with, because when it comes to this World, and the Society we live in, we are "ALL IN". 

So it is me and this blog vs. the World.   I pull one way, and the World pulls another.   The fork in the road is me, and whichever way you choose.   I know I know that sounds like I am some important person with an important message, and I guess I am in a way.   Isn't my message though coming from elsewhere??   Are not my steps taken for me, and haven't I let someone else light my steps. 

From the shy kid growing up, to the long haired soccer player, to the fun having young man finding my way, to the suffering of various trials and tribulations is a person I did not make.   I didn't plan, and I didn't manipulate events to make me who I am. 

Life pulled.  I listened, and I made the correct steps, although I really didn't have any idea what I was doing, and the significance of it, etc... 

So you have this information, and yeah it is hard stuff.   Scary stuff, but I have been saying to brace yourself for the truth, because it isn't easy stuff.   Whose life is easy??   Who is completely happy, and fulfilled, and stuff like that??  

There is a feeling of fulfillment, and self actualization if you will, but it isn't the way of the World.   You won't find it there, no matter what "personal and selfish" goals you have.  

We all are selfish people too, because well we are pretty important to us, and our life is pretty important.  I steer you in another direction though.  I know it doesn't seem like a fabulous direction, but it is all you can ask for.   You will want  for nothing else.   The way of the World is always seeking.   Always being disappointed.   Always second guessing.   Always chasing after the wind.  

So,  that is that.   I had a job interview for a part time gig, and it appears there is an opportunity for a full time gig too.   I will know this week either way.   I think it went well. 

Want to know two things about my resume that is pretty okay??

I took a $20,000/year pay cut at my previous job when I was unhappy with the position.   I think training for and completing five marathons is pretty good too, because it shows I am willing to work.  

Anyway, I guess that is all she wrote.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   I have a lot to do today.  Laundry and cleaning, etc...   I will take the Hopester for a walk too.   I hope to start running again soon too. 

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Rushing One Up...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.   I really have to rush one up, because I have an interview for a part time gig in 45 minutes. 

Sooooo, what would you like to know about me??  Not much you don't know about me I bet, but how can you understand and comprehend how I am??   You can't really, because we are different people, and I am even different than all people anyway. 

I would like to get to know people more, but we really aren't easy people to get to know are we??   So much stuff going on in the World, and so much stuff going on in our lives.  Busy busy busy.   We kinda get poisoned in our reasoning always thinking things will always continue to keep going on as they are.  

If there are changes they will always be for the better in the World huh??   Do you think maybe it would be a good idea to brace yourself, that maybe everything in the World may be going the opposite direction??   Things get worse??  Life gets worse.   It isn't going to get easier, and maybe the things that fill our day today, will not even be around in the near future. 

What then??  Can you handle that??  Do you have the strength for that type of stuff??  

I have been going on and on about being strong, and trust, and things like that, but really you will need a strength you do not possess now. 

There are a lot of things you need, and really you don't have any of them right now.   I don't know how this story really plays out in its totality, but there is a story.   You will want to be a part of it, and you will want to be on the right side of being right. 

So anyway, like I said I am just getting something down.   We have our new internet hooked up, so that is cool.   I think I will get ready for my interview, and go and do that.   How does that sound??

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I have the next 2 days off in a row.   :)  yay.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, December 9, 2013

A Lot To Do Today, and That Is A Good Thing...

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.   I haven't got enough sleep for the day, and I work tonight, so I will have to nap before work, but that is okay.   I have a lot to do, and actually I am pretty excited.   Just some more resume stuff, and job applying etc...   I really want to get another job to supplement my current job.  That would be best, but will look for higher paying ones too.   Also I have an idea for a job I might like, so I am thinking of checking out companies directly.   I don't think it would be a job you would find via advertising, it is probably ones the companies go to Universities and recruit.  We'll see.

Anyway that stuff I am kinda excited about, although never before in my life has that whole process ever excited me.  You know though, new jobs, meeting new people, and doing new things.   Nothing wrong with that.

I am also thinking of taking myself out to lunch too.   I feel like some soup of some type.   We'll see. 

Anyhoooodles,  anything else going on with me??   Nah,  you know the same old thing.   Not much really changes too too much with me.

It is nice to wake up excited about life and the possibilities huh??   I know one of the crazy parts of this blog, is it must sound like a downer, but many times I sure am not down at all am I??

My life is one crazy adventure huh??   Guess what too??  Your life will be one crazy adventure too, and you haven't even started yet.   Aren't you excited???   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I think I will take myself out to lunch.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D  

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Well I Am Up...

 Good Morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I was just about to write a blog about something, but I cannot really find the right words, so I guess I will start over. 

One thing people all have in common is we are all tied up into our lives.  Pulled in many different directions.   Some from the people in our life, and some from ourselves.   It is how life is.   Busy busy, hustle hustle, and many times people really just want a little time to themselves. 

Then we are on this Earth, and we only have one life, and shouldn't we make the most of it??   So what are the best things people can do with their life??  What are some of the things you can accomplish that have meaning??  What is the best thing you can do with your life??

Tough questions huh??  What is one to do?? 

Many of the people I know via blogging or friends or whatever want to work hard at something.   Put in a good effort toward something.   It helps us feel good about ourselves and whatnot.  I like putting in good effort when I am at work.   At home sometimes, and sometimes not. 

I think as I look inside me I see a person who life has broke down.   There is not much to me anymore.   Surely nothing fabulous about me, and that is okay, because This really is the end of all of us right??   No more jobs, and no more uniforms, and no hierarchical standing in society.   We leave as we came.   Empty of all our accomplishments, and titles, and everything.   None of that will be looked at.   What is looked at is how did we treat our neighbor??   How did we treat the people closest to us??   I'll tell you how.   We were not that good.   We need to have a look back, because without it we surely all would perish. 

The path of us is not a good one, because we are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough to be who we really really deep down want to be.   We all long for something to hold onto, and grab onto that has lasting significance, and we yearn for it, but the World still pulls.  

So many things throughout the day to worry about isn't there??  I know. 

The path I talk about is a path that cleans us out.   Helps get rid of all the garbage that ties us down, and clouds our vision.   A path that will totally make you a completely different person than who you are today.   I know you cannot see it, and understand it, and that makes it hard, or actually impossible to comprehend. 

You see faith is much harder than works, because if it is works, we'd all work our ass off to make us the best person ever.   Faith runs on time, and we have no control over time.   That is why words like patience, and perseverance, and, diligence, and steadfastness, and endurance are important words.  Those are the building blocks, and isn't that what this blog is about??   among many other things.  

Anyway, I was thinking of running today, but when I got out of bed I could feel my knee.   I don't really know what to do with it, so I think I will just take the Hopester for a walk.   Want to know one of the worst things about not running??  The lack of appetite.   Food gets boring as the ravenous hunger just isn't there.  boooooo. 

I could ride my trainer, but really when I exercise I love being outside.   Maybe I will bundle up, and take my bike out for a little ride.   That I can do.   I think I will.  

Not sure what else is in store for today, but that is all I gots for today. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.   I really should get some shit done around the house today. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

With Limited Vision...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am a bit tired, because I didn't sleep too well after work, or at all.   We have a guy hooking up Direct TV for us.   We are switching from cable.   It is a long story, but let's just say this.  They upgraded our area with better fibre optics, so our internet will improve, so I had to get a new modem, and along with it comes a good deal from Direct TV.   We save a little money, and the guy has to hook up our Direct TV out in 20 degree weather.   Win Win.   :)  

Anyhooooodles, I run with this thing with limited vision.   From where I stand I always know where point B is.   I've been waiting for 20 some odd years for it, but I don't know how it looks getting to point B.  I always seemingly have a pretty good view inside myself to let you know what is going on with me, but I don't always have a good look inside you, and quite honestly I doubt you do either.  

One thing I notice in some people is a different day a different seeming person.   Not uncommon with us all.   Some days our personality takes on a free spirit fun person, and some days we turn into a little more introspective person, and sometimes we are not happy and stuff like that.  It is enough to drive us batty, and probably one of the reasons our personalities cannot be boxed in. 

Some people call themselves a type A personality, but that is probably, because it is easier to box yourself into one little person, instead of trying to deal with the total us.  I do say that with a bit of distaste in my mouth, because I really don't like it when people try to box themselves in.   It is a shortcut that leads nowhere. 

So with this limited vision I have, and this blog I have I need a lot of trust huh??    Trust my heart will be steered in the right direction, and if things get messy, it is easy for me to grab onto my crutch of me being pretty worthless, and me being able to do very very little. 

With my limited vision though I still know a little bit about you that you don't.   I know the things that make you not all you wish.   I know what overpowers you, and I know the things that drown out your little voice.   The World is a big and loud, and boisterous place.   It really is hard to get to the little old us. 

I don't know the timing of all things for me, but don't you want to get to your little voice??  The one that no matter what is really all alone in this World.   The one who is a big part of your life, but who the World drowns out?? 

It is a pretty good person.   Not a perfect person, but really still a child.   The older we get the worse we get, because more and more stuff drowns us out.

Deep down your heart is sad, because it is a big World.   You were once a little kid, and where is the teaching of truth, and the reality of life??   Nowhere to be found.   We really had to go out on our own, and learn about this cruel World.

We feel secure within the confines of Society, but Society is like the pied piper.   Driving everyone nowhere good.   To their death really, and there was another voice out there.   Teaching of different ways, and different avenues.   It was a quiet voice, and the World still could not drown it out.   People like the truth, even though it has some hard stuff.   It really is what we seek, although we can be enticed easily from all the bells and whistles the World throws at us.  

 Anyway, like I said my vision is not all that great, but I know a great deal.   Some of this stuff is pretty ugly.   The ugly truth kinda thing, and I keep it from you sorta, although I have hinted about it. 

The truth of you is nothing you can fathom.  I think some things have to happen before you can handle the really hard and bad stuff, but if I am any kind of witness, it is a good path.   It leads to a good place.  

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)))

p.s.   Why????   cuz I just kinda like it.   :)))


Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Friday, December 6, 2013

Well Today Is Starting Out Pretty Strange.

Good Morning All.  How's it going??  Me, I am surprisingly doing pretty well.  My sleep is way jacked, and that is why today is strange.   I woke up wide awake at midnight, and watched 3 movies, so I thought I would be sleeping now, but I cannot sleep.   Also I feel really good for some reason.  So that is good.  

Anyhoo, what is going on with me??   Not much.   I think of many things, and I let you in on a lot.   Some is pretty strange I bet, and I think one of the strange things about me is the way I am different.   The way I have been different for a long time, and part of the reason is it is invisible.   You can not see inside yourself like I can see inside me I bet, and you can not feel what I feel.   The inner part of you is hard to get to I bet, and that may be for many reasons.  There is the way we want to appear to others.   There are the things we think about, that we think we probably shouldn't.  There are things inside us we probably wish wasn't there like anger, and hate, and maybe jealousy, and things like that. 

If you could just empty yourself of all the noise and garbage that pollutes us, what would be inside you??   What would you feel??   What things are you ashamed of??   Who broke your heart??  What things about your life are disappointing??   You know??  What parts of the happily ever after are not really there?? 

I know I put tough things on this blog, and here is something about me.   I have no agenda with this blog.   It isn't mine really you know??  I wake up and tell you what is on my mind.  A lot of times what is on my mind is my life.   My past, and the things that shaped me.  What really shaped me though is the thing I have been saying forever.  I could never have made me who I am now.  I am not ashamed of me, and I am not afraid of me.   I am not afraid to show my anger if I am mad, and I never really feel ashamed of anything I do.  

I have been given a confidence and a strength that is not my own.  I am a different person today than who I would be if I did not do the things I do. 

I am very very very lucky, and I guess in my heart is to help lead you in the right ways.   To take you along on this unforgettable, and fulfilling journey, that is worth everything you could ever want. 

Why is it hard??  Cuz you cannot see what I see, and you cannot feel what I feel.  That which we see, and that which we know is seemingly safer than that which we don't see. 

A blind step of faith I guess is what people are supposed to do, and it is totally the path less traveled.  It is the only correct path, and you know what??   I am really surprised I feel this good today. 

Anyway it is Friday.  I work tonight, and I tell you what I had a very productive 6 day work stretch before my last two days off.   I feel good about that too.   :)

Anyway,   I guess that is it.   Have a good one all.   :)   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   MWAH!!!    :))

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Blurry Past...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I am surprised I am blogging, as I am kinda getting bored with it, but what the heck.   There is another memory I had, and I cannot remember if I ever told the story or not.   I mentioned some stuff recently, and so as you not think I am nothing but a total creep, I guess I'll explain. 

The more I think about this the more I am not sure the age of me.   I had to be over 21, because beer was readily available.   I was home for the Summer from College, so that has me thinking 21, soon to be 22.  Reason I say that is I didn't go home from College.  I stayed the Summers for the most part, so not sure what was going on.   I wonder if this was my in between year.   I had a bad semester and dropped all my classes.  Who knows??   The old this 19 year old kid is on his own for the first time, and wants to have fun.   So I was bound to fuck up, and I did, so there was this whole story of me learning to work, and catching myself from being a complete fuck my whole life.  

Anyway I worked at a drug store for several years.   It was owned by an Indian man named Nalin Shah.  A few years before that a young asian girl would come in with her boyfriend.  One of those girls you could tell was going to be attractive when she got older.   As it happened on this summer of me being 21 we became friends, because we worked at the hot dog place next to the drug store.   I would work at the hot dog place, and then the drug store after.  A black guy worked with us too, and I cannot recall his name, but we became friends too.   I think he took the train from Chicago to work there for the crap money we made.   Strange.   I later found out he basically lived at a crack house.  Always made it to work though.  

Anyway like I said the asian girl and I became friends, and once we actually hooked up, after I went with Clarence I think to the crack house to smoke crack.   I thought we were going to the clubs, but nope.  We free-based crack.   I was the only white guy, and I was wearing khakis.  Needless to say I was nervous.  I took a few hits from the crack pipe, and I was no longer nervous.   These people were all of a sudden my best friends.   Holy Euphoria.   You can see why people got hooked on that stuff.  It was the only time I did that, and I snorted cocaine one time earlier, but never again.   Not enough to get me high I don't think.   I smoked pot for the first time that night too.  Rebelling against the World and against God for the High School break up. 

Anyway I remember me and the asian girl being at a park.   I was drunk, which was not uncommon.  We were just sitting there, and I think she started giving me a back massage.   One thing led to another, and we ended up having a brief affair.  I was 21 and she was 16.  It wasn't really my intention, but those things happen.  I visited her house once, and saw her room, and you can tell she was still wanting to be a little girl kinda, but she also wanted to be grown up, and a woman.   Probably things women deal with as they grow up.  I hope they don't think older men have all the answers, because we try and find our way through our own crap too.  No one has answers, and ain't that the story of my blog.  

So yeah, I have lived a life.   I fucked up, and had to find my way.  I made it too.   I grew up, and I learned the balance between work and play.   I finished college, and the World was at my feet.   I got the studying thing down, so I contemplated going on to Law School, or something.   Then life pulled, and I listened, and I was asked to do other stuff.   Stuff that was not my plan, and stuff I didn't know. 

Why you think??   Even though I found my way, and I could discipline myself, I still was not a very good person.   I hurt Katrina, and you know that story too right??   I know you know most of it, but my logic is I was not a jealous person.   Katrina was at our party wearing really tight pants or shorts, and flirting with guys.   I was cool with that.  Not a biggie.   Now I realize she liked the attention.   Some cute, and hot blonde was paying attention to me, and she was wearing a mini skirt.   I didn't think Katrina would be jealous, because I am not sure if I would have been if the tables turned.   Well, I was wrong, and that sucked. 

So eventually after our break up, and a couple deaths, and whatnot I decided I just wanted to be a good person.   I worked, and came home and read the Bible every night, only to see myself as not that great of a person.   I was going to work to make me the best person, and I guess I found out that is not within my power.   So as was my calling I was to suffer many things.  None of which were my doing.   Delivered up to the judges twice, and really just waiting for the 3rd time. 

I know people seek meaning in their life, and I wish I could give you a good answer, but there are none.   Whatever your ideas to do with your life are meaningless and pointless.   Our lives are stupid, and we are trapped in Society.  Enslaved to so many things, and afraid to show our true selves, because I think we all are pretty weak.   We all have fantasies and whatnot.   

Oh well, just getting something down from my life.   You people are all very far away, and going down the wrong paths.   The path of you lead to where??  Anyone anyone??  

You have been given good information, but you trust your self I guess.  

Okay, I am going to go.   I have a lot to do today.   laundry and stuff.  I am going to drink a cup of coffee, and take the Hopester for a walk.   I am not running now, because my knee isn't all that great.  No biggie.   My life goes on.  

cya. 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It Is Like A Brand New Blog, and A Brand New Me...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.   I am going to take the Hopester for a run in a bit.  it is sunny, and 36 degrees, which this time of year is perfect running conditions.  One of the things in the Winter is you don't have to get your runs in early, because of the heat later.  Actually it may be better to wait.  So that is good. 

Work went pretty well last night.   I had to make some "executive" decisions.   We were a person short, on a night where we could have used 5 and not 3.   A big promo change weekend, so a truck just threw up in the back room.  So I brought out what we I thought the 3 of us could do, and still reasonably get the store looking good for Saturday.   It actually went pretty smooth.   We finished just a little after 7:00, which is when we are scheduled til.  It seems the people there assume we are always just going to stay til 8:00 even though we are scheduled til 7:00.   Most of the employees don't appreciate it.   Schedule says 7:00 we should try to stick to that as much as possible.

On a truck night when we get slammed none of us mind staying late to the get the job done, but if we are just doing stupid crap work  just because, then that seems dumb.  

Anyway, so we did okay.   The back room looks like crap, but it always does when the end caps and "the wall" switch on the same weekend.  The store looked good, and we did what we could.   How did that get received??  Well, first guy in wanted to breathe fire down my throat.   "There was a grocery load", he said.   I was like "yeah we were down a man so I kept a couple skids of paper product, and the bulk stuff in back."   Bulk stuff stays back anyway.   He understood right away.  I guess I am supposed to do something with cigarettes when they come in, and some other thing that nobody ever bothered telling me. 

What happened then??  Oh just some mean girl who works there went off on me.   You are supposed to do this and that and this and that.   No one told me.   So she says, "And you are in charge??"   Well I didn't take to her bitchiness to well.   I don't like mean people, and I already didn't like her, so she is in the shit house.  

Let's see what it means I am in charge.   I give the manager days off.   I get paid zero cents extra for doing it.   Yeah, I do it for a favor, and I am only as good as I am trained.  I cannot do what no one ever told me before.   FFS.   So I have to put up with that shit, all for a measly  zero incentive, and zero money.   Now you know how crazy of a MF'er I am.  

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.   I also saw tonight we only have two people on, so that sucks ass.  I guess I am just getting the shaft this weekend, and dealing with mean people to boot.  yay. 

This is a new blog, and it is a new me in a way.   All the things you may have seen before you probably won't.  At least that is how I feel now.  It doesn't matter, nothing means nothing anyway.   I can't get that through people's minds.  You want to hold onto this World, and your life, because...   well not sure.   I don't really care.   I have a blog, and a job to do, and I continue to do it.   Everything matters in life, and many of you have lived a life, and you want to forget about your past, because of past mistakes and what not.   Everything is alive, and viewed, and seen, and you cannot run away from you.  

Good thing about my blog and my life is the very very very little I can do.   Just going to do my thing, and we will see if people come with or not.  

At any given moment, I can make any given life turn.   I don't hold on.   Been that way since forever, and it wasn't me who made me this way.  

Oh well.   have fun, and we'll see you later.  

Friday, November 29, 2013

What I Did On My Thanksgiving Break...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.   I know my title sounds like I did all these great things, but I didn't do crap.  Yesterday was just the icing on the cake.   I woke up early, and decided to go back to bed.  I slept til like 8:00 or so.   I was planning on running, but didn't.   I sat on my ass and didn't do a damn thing the whole day.   I was playing stupid games on my phone to be honest. 

That isn't really anything different than most Thanksgivings.   Lisa and I typically are pretty lazy.  We had a turkey and stuff, and stuffing, and dressing, and even more stuff, but I didn't eat it all.   Hailey made everything. 

I had to work last night at midnight, so I wanted to nap, and I was so lazy I couldn't even do that.   I was tired when I got home today. 

Anyway it is Thanksgiving here, and a start of a new year for me.   I find life to be tremendously boring at times, so don't expect me to be all excited about all the wonderful  stupid opportunities of great things there are to do in this World.   I have looked at the World.  I have seen what it has to offer, and people keep searching for meaning here.   There isn't any.   This life and this World is one of the silliest things ever.  We still try to wrap it up in a nice package huh??  Put on our pretty wrapping, and a nice ribbon, and bow, and say hey lookeeeee  here.   See my life??    Didn't I do everything right??  

HAHAHAHA  

So what is in store for this year??  I have absolutely no idea. What was last year about??   Did people even do anything??   Anyone get stronger?? Anyone get wiser???   Anyone get more courage???  Most people just got another year older.  One more step closer to the grave.  

What do you expect out of life??   You have been living it long enough I think, how is it going to get better??   How are you going to fill your day with shit that matters?? 

I don't know about this blog.   Last year we stressed strength and trust, and this year we didn't accomplish one damn thing.   More me, me, me.  

So this year we will be starting the 5th year of the blog.   Wonder what this year has in store??   I looked, and I will not hit 300 blog entries this year, and won't hit 290.  I may hit 280.   So many missed blogging days.   :)

LOL.    well anyway, I am just getting something down.  

Have fun, and be good, and I looked at my schedule, and after my 3 days off I am scheduled 6 days in a row.   YIKES.   Tonight will be a hard night, and tomorrow.   Sunday will not be a piece.... ehhhh,  all the work days are pretty hard kinda.  

That is fine though.   Lisa and I are doing fine.   Living the life we have been living forever.  Nothing too stressful.  Lisa's brother Brian will be coming to visit for a few months this summer.   He'll be visiting with us and Greg, and stuff.   That should be fun. 

Other than that not much going on.  

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   :)