Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Blurry Past...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I am surprised I am blogging, as I am kinda getting bored with it, but what the heck.   There is another memory I had, and I cannot remember if I ever told the story or not.   I mentioned some stuff recently, and so as you not think I am nothing but a total creep, I guess I'll explain. 

The more I think about this the more I am not sure the age of me.   I had to be over 21, because beer was readily available.   I was home for the Summer from College, so that has me thinking 21, soon to be 22.  Reason I say that is I didn't go home from College.  I stayed the Summers for the most part, so not sure what was going on.   I wonder if this was my in between year.   I had a bad semester and dropped all my classes.  Who knows??   The old this 19 year old kid is on his own for the first time, and wants to have fun.   So I was bound to fuck up, and I did, so there was this whole story of me learning to work, and catching myself from being a complete fuck my whole life.  

Anyway I worked at a drug store for several years.   It was owned by an Indian man named Nalin Shah.  A few years before that a young asian girl would come in with her boyfriend.  One of those girls you could tell was going to be attractive when she got older.   As it happened on this summer of me being 21 we became friends, because we worked at the hot dog place next to the drug store.   I would work at the hot dog place, and then the drug store after.  A black guy worked with us too, and I cannot recall his name, but we became friends too.   I think he took the train from Chicago to work there for the crap money we made.   Strange.   I later found out he basically lived at a crack house.  Always made it to work though.  

Anyway like I said the asian girl and I became friends, and once we actually hooked up, after I went with Clarence I think to the crack house to smoke crack.   I thought we were going to the clubs, but nope.  We free-based crack.   I was the only white guy, and I was wearing khakis.  Needless to say I was nervous.  I took a few hits from the crack pipe, and I was no longer nervous.   These people were all of a sudden my best friends.   Holy Euphoria.   You can see why people got hooked on that stuff.  It was the only time I did that, and I snorted cocaine one time earlier, but never again.   Not enough to get me high I don't think.   I smoked pot for the first time that night too.  Rebelling against the World and against God for the High School break up. 

Anyway I remember me and the asian girl being at a park.   I was drunk, which was not uncommon.  We were just sitting there, and I think she started giving me a back massage.   One thing led to another, and we ended up having a brief affair.  I was 21 and she was 16.  It wasn't really my intention, but those things happen.  I visited her house once, and saw her room, and you can tell she was still wanting to be a little girl kinda, but she also wanted to be grown up, and a woman.   Probably things women deal with as they grow up.  I hope they don't think older men have all the answers, because we try and find our way through our own crap too.  No one has answers, and ain't that the story of my blog.  

So yeah, I have lived a life.   I fucked up, and had to find my way.  I made it too.   I grew up, and I learned the balance between work and play.   I finished college, and the World was at my feet.   I got the studying thing down, so I contemplated going on to Law School, or something.   Then life pulled, and I listened, and I was asked to do other stuff.   Stuff that was not my plan, and stuff I didn't know. 

Why you think??   Even though I found my way, and I could discipline myself, I still was not a very good person.   I hurt Katrina, and you know that story too right??   I know you know most of it, but my logic is I was not a jealous person.   Katrina was at our party wearing really tight pants or shorts, and flirting with guys.   I was cool with that.  Not a biggie.   Now I realize she liked the attention.   Some cute, and hot blonde was paying attention to me, and she was wearing a mini skirt.   I didn't think Katrina would be jealous, because I am not sure if I would have been if the tables turned.   Well, I was wrong, and that sucked. 

So eventually after our break up, and a couple deaths, and whatnot I decided I just wanted to be a good person.   I worked, and came home and read the Bible every night, only to see myself as not that great of a person.   I was going to work to make me the best person, and I guess I found out that is not within my power.   So as was my calling I was to suffer many things.  None of which were my doing.   Delivered up to the judges twice, and really just waiting for the 3rd time. 

I know people seek meaning in their life, and I wish I could give you a good answer, but there are none.   Whatever your ideas to do with your life are meaningless and pointless.   Our lives are stupid, and we are trapped in Society.  Enslaved to so many things, and afraid to show our true selves, because I think we all are pretty weak.   We all have fantasies and whatnot.   

Oh well, just getting something down from my life.   You people are all very far away, and going down the wrong paths.   The path of you lead to where??  Anyone anyone??  

You have been given good information, but you trust your self I guess.  

Okay, I am going to go.   I have a lot to do today.   laundry and stuff.  I am going to drink a cup of coffee, and take the Hopester for a walk.   I am not running now, because my knee isn't all that great.  No biggie.   My life goes on.  


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