Thursday, May 25, 2017

To Blog Or Read My Book?

I don't have anything to blog about, so I should just read my book, but I guess I'll try. The most important thing yesterday is I got my garden in. I may throw in some carrots, and more beans, but it is pretty much done. I thought it was going to rain more last night and today,  but the weather changed. I'll have to water it the next couple days.

I find myself needing less sleep. I am staying up later yet still able to get up early. I got stuff for meals for the rest of the weekend,  and really for all of next week too. I have a day off Monday too.

All in all not too shabby. Our last big expense is done too. I saved, and upgraded my dental package. That was an extra $1000, but saved is the operative word. No financing. June is 5 weeks, and Lisa gets paid 3 times,  so we'll be able to save pretty quickly again.

Pretty good when the day to day goes pretty good.

Other than that not much going on. I don't have much to say. Outside of here I think I remain pretty quiet. Maybe I am just not interested in much. I see myself reading more. That might say something. That is more interesting than anything else?  

I got a show on Netflix I like a lot. We watch an episode or two or three. It is why I stay up late I think. Let's watch just one more, and one more after that. I still find myself getting up before my alarm. I think with stiff drinks you need more sleep. Who knew?     ;)

Well this update is dumb. It happens. Now off to my book. 

Cya.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Direction From Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am okay. I slept good last night. I slept in a bit today kinda. Still up early enough to go to work if I had to, so not really sleeping in crazy. I was going to blog,  then not. Grabbed a 2nd cup of coffee, so I decided why not.

So where do we go from here?  I don't know. I am just going to do my thing. I don't place too much importance in me, cuz I am just one person living a life. Like you all really. We are different though. I know what my life is about,  and I know the importance of it,  or lack there of.

I don't really have anything to prove to you. Unlike you I have no need to strive after wind. All our sacrifices = $0. You can't know that or understand it, cuz you have to travel down far along my path to get there. You seek for points,  and they aren't yours to take. You falsely tally up your points too, because unknown to you zero is the amount you have collected.

No amount of sacrifice will help you. The truth will help you,  but the truth comes with fear. If you have no fear, than your heart is really bad.

The World goes on. You don't make sense of it, cuz it just isn't that great. The World is divided cuz it will always be. People kill as a way to falsely think they collect points.

People falsely teach in weird outfits, and nice suits. They have great make up people to make them look flawless on the outside. They make you feel secure saying they have the answer and the way. Many are under their power. It takes a lot to overcome all the bad leaven you've collected over the years. Everyone is a false teacher too, cuz it is impossible for you not to be. You yourself unknowingly try to lead many astray.

The path of you is a very bad route. You have no idea. It keeps the truth away. Your 10.0 instagram fantabulous Olympic score doesn't mean anything.

In the end we don't mean anything. Somewhere along the way you have to deal with you. Instagram won't help. Make up won't help. Clothes, costumes, and uniforms won't help. You have no idea how lost we are just being born here.

A tough message. I know that. I lived it. Accepted,  and kept moving on. I did not go astray even though my future looked bleak. I was smart to be obedient,  even though I was mad.

Anyhoo. Today I have a day off. I have a split appointment. 9:00 for an impression, and the afternoon to get my final thing. Pretty exciting.

Cya.  :)

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Another Post.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I am up way earlier than need be, but I feel I am done sleeping so.

Not much happened this past weekend. I read some books and listened to some books. I worked,  and stayed up later than normal. I tried blogging yesterday,  but it was dumb. I was tired yesterday too,  cuz I stayed up too late. Today,  I am up way earlier than I need to be.

Other than that not much going on. There is a holiday this weekend so I'll get a day off. I have a day off tomorrow,  but for an appointment.

If you want news of my drinking one day a week, that ain't happening. Instead of 3-4 stiff drinks though, I may have 3-4 coors lights. That makes a difference. It is basically like drinking water. You don't really get buzzed, and you don't want to drink much more of that. It gives you the relaxing feeling without the stiff drink stupidity. You don't end up stupid.

Other than that I read a lot. I have a meal, and I've been watching a show on Netflix. We do some cleaning and whatnot and we have some projects.

A boring life for sure, but aren't they all. Everybody in their mind is doing so much important stuff, but you aren't. There isn't anything really lasting and significant to do. You don't know that,  cuz you are a creature of this place. You can't see past uniforms,  and suits,  and clothes. You look on the outside,  and all the important stuff is inside.

Your World is pictures, and the most interesting thing about people is what's on the inside. What is in your inside isn't perfect. Even if you score a 10.0 in your instagram fantabulous Olympic score.

The thing I know about all people is you didn't do it all right. You carved out some little niche in life. It isn't totally what you expected, cuz you today are different than you yesterday. 5 and 10 year plans got jumbled,  cuz you thought you would always be the same. Maybe you are in the same life, but things sure look different than you thought they would.

Wanna know why. Your heart deceives you. It doesn't stay the same. You may try to force it to act in such a way... to keep a high score in your instagram Olympic score, but you don't control it.

You don't control you. Your mind has thoughts you'd like to block out. Things that may be inappropriate if others knew.

We can dress ourselves in acceptable clothes, but what can you do about the inside you? 

Why do you not have any control over you?  I know why.

Hint:  it is a pretty dark secret. The truth is pretty ugly. Some things I cannot really teach you while you are still a creature of this World.

End note:  I just used Instagram as an example. Do NOT follow me on instagram. I don't use it. I once had an account, but I don't use it anymore. I am not the type of person who really cares about pictures. Obviously.

Anyhoo. I guess that's good. 

Have a good one.  :)

Friday, May 19, 2017

The Nameless People.

So anyway I live pretty close to the Heinz factory. Many days you can tell it must be pickle day, cuz you smell the vinegar. I pass it regularly as I bike to work. I probably pass it around 5:20 AM give or take. I often see people walking up to enter the building and start their shift. These are the nameless people. What is their life about?  Many of these people are Hispanic. I wonder what they do for dinner? 

Another Heinz employee is a neighbor of mine. I know this, cuz when I was driving to work on a Sunday around 5:30 AM a whole ago, he was driving too. He parked at the Heinz factory. Yesterday I saw him walking his 2 dogs. He had the blank stare on his face of a nameless person.

I took Hope to the park yesterday. I shot the basketball, and threw a ball for Hope. I think she enjoyed sprinting after it. I came home and relaxed out front. I had a few beers. No one was outside. It was probably the nicest days we had, and no one was outside. What do people do? 

I thought of that this morning before I got up I guess. I had another wake up early day. During and after dinner last night we watched a couple more "How to get away with murder" shows.

A day happened yesterday. I didn't do anything real significant. It was such a nice day out I knew I was going to the park. It's always empty. I knew I wanted to make burgers, cuz we haven't done 'em in forever.

I woke up early today, once again to the surprise of my wife. Where has she been all these years?   Whenever I am a first shifter I typically wake up early.

Today is before me, and I have no idea what little pointless things will make it up. I need to buy tomato plants. It is kinda a pain,  cuz I bike to work. I could always drive, but I hate that. Biking is what I'd rather do. It's just fun in the morning. Driving is a chore. Biking is just fun. A good start I guess.

Anyway, enough of this dumb blog.

Til tomorrow probably.

Have fun.   :)

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Most Significant Thing Yesterday.

Good morning. How's it going?   Me, I am good. I got a good night sleep last night. I think I stayed up later than normal the night before,  cuz I was tired after work.

I remember thinking of sleeping in, and I did. Then I thought maybe I'd over sleep. I worried about that. Instead of sleeping for an extra 3 hours like I thought I just did,  I slept an extra half hour. :)  then I was up.

Anyway yesterday when I was up I kinda just sat there and thought of how I felt I guess. I had a feeling of peace inside. I had nothing to worry about at all. I had the same thought later too. Just doing my thing at work. The work day will end, and my life is filled with very little to no 'have to' 

Hard to explain I guess just very little stress I guess cuz that is how my days are. I think of how other people are, and I know people very little. It is hard for me to step in your shoes cuz all people take your route except me. I went a different way. Everyone starts on the same route. Me too. It is a route of society,  and propaganda. Family pressures to do this and that. Societal pressures to be an upstanding citizen. Perhaps religious pressures. We all at one time are a slave to something.

People strive, join a group. Our group is right. I put forth effort in this. I am a Saint cuz I worked harder than such and such. I'm a Saint cuz I fought for a Country. I'm a Saint cuz I killed for God. Everyone knows the story of Noah. In that regard people who kill for God are dumb. He doesn't need help in that area.

Anyway people are born to be one of the multitudes. To seek a different way you have to throw everything out. Upbringing, society,  religion,  lack of religion. Reason being is it all may be wrong. Why should you be a product of anything else?  You are alone in this World. Accountable for your actions. In the end you'll find nothing was really that important. The important thing is the truth, but the World hides the truth. It is hidden behind centuries and centuries of a bad History. The World colors history in pretty colors.

The World and life is ugly. Our insides are kinda dark. Perfection is not near us. Perfection is the thing most people gloss over. It's not possible so why worry?

Who says it's not possible?   Just cuz you can't do it then it can't be done?

Are you sure?   You gonna bet everything on that,  cuz that is the path you are on. Like everyone else,  except me.

Anyway the most significant thing for me yesterday was I had nothing to worry about. It is a gift from my labor that started somewhere in the early '90s. Probably '90 or '91.

The story isn't done, but my labor is kinda. I know my story,  and these days I have no clue of yours. I don't know what part you play,  and I accept maybe none.

Accepting stuff is easy for me, cuz I had to accept a lot of stuff. Harsh stuff. Faith is perfected through trials and tribulations, and those just made me strong. Not perfect yet, just strong.

Strong enough to stand on my own. I will be weak again when I do my final thing, cuz after that this person will be no more. I will be different. The stuff inside me now that makes perfection impossible has to leave me,  and I have to have the perfect stuff come inside me.

Only one way that happens,  and that story has been hidden for a long time.

Anyway. It is raining, so I'll make another coffee,  and read my book.

Later.   :)

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I Didn't Get Tired.

So yesterday went pretty well. Work was fine. I got my next 2 books at the library. I came home,  and cut the grass. I also got my 15-17 year old gas powered trimmer running. Last week I couldn't. I switched out the gas,  and let it idle for a while. It worked like a charm. That thing makes trimming very easy. I also got my garden ready to go.

Being active and getting things done gives you hope that just maybe we can get all the things done. I cooked some chops on the grill, and that was the day pretty much. I finished book 6 in my series, and went to bed. I also have an idea of what I'll be doing today. A project in mind outside. Maybe the change of seasons gives you another look, and more energy.

That is about it for me. Not much else going on. Not much real significant going on with me. Staying active. A 50 year old just living life. At the age of 50 you figure your days are about  2/3 done.

The thing about my life is my memories are all washed away. I had a story,  and I lived it. None of it even seems important anymore. I guess when you eventually process your life that is what happens. It no longer is of real consequence.

I stand on my own 2 feet too. Secure in my route, and who I am. I know there is another thing to do, but I don't know when. In previous times I think I had an idea how this blog was supposed to go, and others too. As to mine it just goes on. As to others I have no idea the significance, if any.

I think in some way I was supposed to get to know people. These days I don't think you really do. If people were courageous before of letting others in, I don't see it so much anymore.

People have a view of how their life is "supposed" to be. It's your life. You call the shots. You are the master of your 5 and 10 year plans. You will manipulate all events to make your plans come true. 

You've been in that spot for years now. Not much has changed really. People are just older,  and life has moved on. If possible people know you less.

What does that mean?  I am not really sure. I think I just thought this was supposed to go some place. Many have disappeared. So now I have no clue.

It doesn't matter though,  cuz my heart is content. This story is not mine to worry about. I am not calling the shots. I am just waiting for the thing I know I must do. The hidden answer. I have no clue anymore about you really.

I do know today I have work. I got stuff I want to get done today after. I can start book 7 now in my series. I guess in a life full of 'have to' I have very little of that. That is a weight many would probably like to lose.

Here is a hint about that. Lack of 'have to' has to do with a heart lacking that. Content and happy as far as those things go. I wonder how you struggle with that?   Without help much of life is a grind. A lot to do, and only so much time.

Anyway. Off I go to my book.

Cya.   :)

Monday, May 15, 2017

The Weekend Just Flew By.

It is already Monday. Nothing major happened this weekend. I worked a bit. I walked in a parade. I listened to a book, and read some of my other. I sat outside,  cuz it was sunny. I cooked on Saturday, and grilled on Sunday. Today I have to work,  and cut the grass. I probably should go to the library too to get a couple more books in my series. I am flying through them. Also we started watching 'How to get away with murder'

So life goes on. I think we will be close to 80° a lot this week. I have a lot of stuff to do I will never accomplish. Life comes at you at many angles. Should I read or clean?   Should I have two cups of coffee?     What should I have for dinner?  

Life is pretty crazy and pretty busy. I think it is good to have stuff to do though. I never really have a weekend so Monday never really feels like Monday. I get out at 2:00 PM at the latest anyway so I have time. Like today I was up before 3:00 AM so I don't just wake up and go to work.

I guess I just live my life. Nothing really important going on, and not much to stress about. I guess we all wish money would come in faster, and the bills slower,  but whatever.

Omg this update is so dumb. I guess I got nothing today.

If I cared more I'd probably delete this entry,  but I don't really give a fuck how dumb this is.

Anyway, I think I'll get my 2nd cup of coffee and read.

Cya.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

You Never Know.

So my first week of drinking one time/week was not perfect. My sleeping is different,  and my eating too. I did have a couple cheat drinks on Tuesday and Wednesday. Friday was my drink day, and I might not have used it, but I was tired. Tired mostly cuz I was woken up at 11:00 PM from loud talking,  and had problems falling back asleep.

A WIP.  Other than that I stay busy. Work is busy, I have more stuff to do than I can finish probably. I think 50 is a good year. You don't have to stay up with the latest  fashions, of course I may have been like that for deades. You probably have little to no debt, cuz you don't need things. Kids if you had any are grown up, and doing their own life thing.

My life I had no kids. Lisa had one from a previous marriage. Kids are a lot of work,  and kids aren't perfect. They back talk, and get in trouble. They don't clean,  and they make a mess. They probably don't want to go to bed on time, and all that.

I thought about a lot of things this week. I meant to blog,  but I slept or read my book instead. I am on book #6 in my series.

I know things in life. I know where this all leads. I know the route all take,  and many try to think they are taking a different route than they are.

There are only 2 routes. A perfect route,  and the thief's route. Many/all think they are on the perfect route, when all actually should be on the other route. It takes a lot of life,  and good eyesight to see where you are. The busyness of life clouds your vision,  as does the true nature of you. We weren't born with good eyesight as to where we stand.

Life is a story about you.  It isn't about heroes,  and sportsing people or suit wearers, or people in other uniforms. Throw the decorations and fashion out,  and it is just you and your life.

Family doesn't mean anything. No points for having one cuz everyone does. The 12 walked away from everything, and you are not strong enough for that.

If you were asked you couldn't. False teachers teach the wrong stuff. You have no idea what you were born into here. It isn't what you think.

There is a better spot outside the wilderness,  but you won't find much good while in it. It's kinda an endure thing, but I really don't even know what people are even thinking anyway.

You and I are different,  and I know the path I chose. I know about this life here. I know people's imperfection,  cuz I know mine.

I also am not afraid to be the thief, cuz I have help, and the truth no longer scares me.

Anyway. Today should be a day.

Cya.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

All In A Day.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am doing good. I got something in the mail the other day. A special car event. Heavily advertised. $2100 off the price of the used car + no matter what it looks like I get $75 just for showing up. I would want a truck. The trucks were way too nice for someone who drives 3000 miles or less each year. We looked and did a test drive. I don't want a car payment,  but would be willing to get into a $100-150 car payment. That was not going to happen. Instead of $75 I got  $5 for showing up.

Lisa still likes modes of transportation, and I could give a fuck. They advertised to the poor. $59 down,  and this is your monthly payment. You never knew what the price of the car was til way later. The car payments were ridiculous seeming to me. Do people still make $300-400 payments?

I drive less than 3000 miles per year, so that is not the norm.  As far as car salesman go, I am the worst guy. I wasn't in the market for a vehicle,  but I checked it out for what I thought would be $75. I got  $5.

I looked at the job of those traveling car salespeople. I think they travel around the country for liquidation events.  Advertise heavily,  set up tents, and do their spiel.

Everything out of their mouth was total BS I bet. Kinda like the BS phone solicitors peddle.

Anyway, we picked up some groceries,  and made an easy meal. I watched a movie,  and read a bit of my book.

I don't know what I'll do today after work.

I'll tell you something of me. I did drink alcohol frequently. Pretty much every day. Not a crazy amount. I never got hung over, and I never got a headache. If you could drink alcohol without any of the physical consequences why not do it?  1 drink always turns into 3 or 4 though. I'd get a good buzz and fall asleep. You never know what kinda stupid shit you think of with a pretty good buzz. So finally I got talked into tuning it down.

For me personally I don't believe in alcoholism. A made up word in my view. You got shit to do then do it. At the end of the day do what you want. You still gotta get up the next day though. You still gotta work. I never woke up wanting a vodka drink first thing in the morning. Is that real?  I never once in my life drank a fifth of something in one day.

Anyway. I do like the alcohol buzz. I decided to do it one day /week now. Seems easy, and it is mostly. On my way home or after work though my heart kinda gets excited thinking of having a drink. Pretty weird. Don't know where that comes from. Maybe bodies crave sugar, and that is the sugar I consumed most of my years.

Who knows?   I did drink cuz why not. In life I have already won,  and really there are no consequences for me. I still eventually will do my final thing. Regardless of anything. That being said my turn helps me look at things different.

I like it. Life still is crazy busy, and there is not enough time to get all the things done. I just gotta plug along I guess.

Anyhoo.

Another day older,  and I doubt we ever get wiser. We just live out our days.

I do like a good turn, and I think this is a good one for me.

Okee dokee.  Cya.   :)

Monday, May 8, 2017

Some Different Things.

Yesterday I did some different things. Nothing crazy. I did work 8 hours,  and listened to my book. When I got home I took Hope for a long walk. I forget you see things when you walk. Normally I walk Hope in the wee hours,  cuz she is such an ass, but I am going to walk her more during the day.

I walked past a cemetery I've run past a million times. I looked at the gravestones.   There was a couple both born in 1924. They were married for 71 years. Guy is still alive, and the lady died a year or two back. I wonder what their life was like. Got married during WWII. Lived through the post war boom. Probably bought a house. He worked, she took care of the house. It doesn't say if they had kids. Living in Holland they probably spent most Sundays in some type of Church.

The milk man delivered milk. They were my age in 1974. The guy is in his 90's. I doubt he takes dogs for a walk. Probably hasn't worked in forever. Who knows if he is mentally all there. I don't have many thoughts about their life. They probably thought it was important at some time, but like you I see them as just some old people with no story. I made up their story,  and there isn't much to it.

I also saw a lot of people born in the 1800s, and many lived long lives. Like 80 years. That surprised me. I also looked at houses and stuff. I always look at roofs. Ours just got redone,  and I am actually pretty surprised how many people have nice roofs. Like mine.  :)

Some yards were nice, and some not. I feel I have a lot of work to do with mine. I noticed trees coming into bloom. Different colors of leaves. It wasn't a waste of time really.

I did have a couple drinks after, cuz I had some stuff sitting there for a couple days.

As far as days go I guess it was okay. Those people who were married for 71 years, their lives mean nothing. Being married for 71 years means nothing. It is just life. We live out our years with no story,  and no significance.

We spent time on this Earth, and these days a good percentage of people never had milk delivered to their house. You didn't miss out on anything terribly exciting. Well, the moms may have.  ;)

So you walk on a chilly sunny day. A good wind. You see the short story of nameless people. You see roofs, and trees, and lawns,  and flowers.

My days will come to an end. I don't know why people have to kill each other. I don't know why people pay attention to politics. You are in the middle of your short story. You end up a nameless person. The memory of us does not live forever in this place.

Hopefully you die before you get dumb and feeble. Hopefully you die before all you do is watch tv.

Anyway. That is what was different yesterday.

Cya.   :)

Oh, doing different shit today too.

Laterzzzzzz.   :)

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Starting Another Day.

I am starting Another day. Yesterday was a bit different cuz usually I pick up a bottle of wine after work on Saturdays. It's the night I drink wine. Not anymore as Saturday will not be a drink night. Thursday or Friday will be my drink night.

Last night I cooked dinner, and got a good start in book 5 of my series. I also watched the movie one for the money, which was made from the first book in the series. I seem to be getting more and more hooked. Getting into the characters more and more. Also today I finally have the last of my Pendergast novels to listen to. I was on a wait list, but no more.

Having been down this road before I am pretty excited to be back on it. I save money, and I have more productive time. We will definitely get our house painted once the weather fully cooperates.

In a life full of turns I just made another. My whole routine thrown away to find a different one. Check it out. Kinda like the change in seasons, you don't want to look at the same shit all the time.

I don't know where it will lead me. Probably more distant. In life I suspect most of you want to matter,  and most want to be important.

The truth suggests you and I are in the same boat. We aren't. You aren't special,  and you are not some remarkable human being. Just one of the multitudes. All our stories are different though. Most/all are hidden though,  cuz no one wants the World to see the real them. Too scary. You are too flawed. Too imperfect. Who wants to show themselves if they can't wear Saint's clothes?   Too many judges and we aren't perfect.

You think that doesn't matter, but I KNOW it does.

Whatever. I am me doing my life thing. One man in a World on his own. Comfortable with me,  and not really concerned about much.

I'll finish my coffee, and get ready for work.

Cya.   :)

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Been A While.

I haven't been updating much lately,  and it feels pretty good. This may be my new norm. I don't really have anything important to blog about. Nothing particularly important happening in my life.

I am thinking of not drinking mostly. Maybe one day a week like I did before. It would be really easy, except when the day winds down I do think a drink would be nice. I mostly would plan to do housework,  and yard work. Probably read more too. I am going through the books where Stephanie Plum is the main character. A normal girl from Jersey turned bounty hunter.

Her character is a good one. Flawed like everyone. It's a girl though,  and the author is female. Mostly I'd read books where guys are the main character. You kinda get a females perspective.

I haven't been running, and currently I have no running shoes. I already turned my running shoes into work shoes. I will go to the running store soon, and walk for them to get a good pair for me.

I am in no hurry,  cuz I don't expect my knee to hold up to any crazy training. If I don't run or spend a crazy amount of time in some hobby I wonder what else I'll do? 

Nothing really comes to mind, but I will continue to do the house stuff and reading. I still have 16 more Stephanie Plum books to read, and then I'll start something else. I do have my jobs too, so I have stuff every day.

My whole life from before I've gone through. Every part of us has to be dealt with. All our failures and hurts and shit. Probably the most important thing in your life to do. I already did that shit. It is behind me and no longer of any consequence.

This blog is of no consequence. Me, and my life either. I am way cool with that. I don't care.

So til next time. There is always a possibility there will be no next time. Maybe tomorrow I'll have one or 3 weeks from now. I don't know.

Blogging is probably dumb. I don't know. My life is.   :)

Haha. 

Cya.  Have a good one.