Growing Up Means Never Having To!!

So I had this great comment yesterday:

Letting go of what you think you're supposed to be and being who you are takes a lot of courage. It's the best way to live. :)

That is the truth, and maybe that is what I have been saying all alone.  All our lives we tried to do this and do that.  There is a flawed and imperfect society that would have you try to live up to its worthless standings, and you'll fail on that front, because... well there are too many Sociology majors, and worse off Business majors.  Too many people who think they are pretty dang good people, because they pluck their eye brows, and nose hairs, and wear the most "in" suits of the day.  So you are being pulled from society, and deep down there is this other person.  It is you.  This person has nothing to do with society, he/she is someone else.  This person is spiritual, and artistic, and can see s sunset or sunrise and marvel.  This person can be in nature and appreciate it.  It is a battle though, because there is that part of us that society pulls, and makes us not see that stuff, because we have to pay the fucking Electric Bill, and some Doctor bill just came in the mail.  Gas is $4/gallon and I have a commute.  I haven't had a raise in forever, and cost of living sure as hell ain't going down.  It takes a lot of courage like Chris says, because the free and imperfect person we are has no rules, but the one his/her heart follows.  


We do the shit that interests us, and follow our own voice, and sometimes when we reach 40 we still can do the stupid shit we did when we were 18, because nothing in this world really fucking matters anyway.  None of the shit you strive for within the confines of society will you give a fuck about when you are 6' under.  


It also takes courage too, because we want our heroes.  We want to put a face on someone, and say let me be like them.  That ain't the way though, because on this little journey of life we all do we are led to stand on our own two feet.  We become strong on our own, and lean on no one.  Remember those people at the bar a long time ago too.  The ones who were afraid to look at their sadness, because they didn't have enough alcohol in them.  That shit takes courage too, and support is needed there, because it is at these times where people can break.  If you open up your heart to people, and there is no support, then the #1 thing the person will think is you hate them, because they just showed your their dark side, and you left them hanging.  When a person opens up, and shows you who they are they do so with no shell of protection.  That too takes fucking courage.  


Thank you for the comments yesterday, and the likes, cuz I like that shit too.  :) 


Later!!!   :)

"Growing Up" is just a figment of your imagination.  Hopefully as you grow older you realize it is okay to still be a fucking kid.  Let your hair down go a little crazy, cuz most of the shit we do is really fucking stupid!!!   :)   HA HA

Have a good one.  

A Sunny Day...

Well, I had a pretty good day yesterday.  I learned a lot about people, and I think many times that is what blogging is about, or being open.  When people do that you learn about them, and as you learn about them perhaps you learn a little about yourself.  You learn people internalize things a lot.  A lot of little wrongs that don't mean a lot, but when you add them together they might explode in some other trivial thing that on its own doesn't matter, but you hit your breaking point. 

People sometimes blame themselves for things they have no control of.  A person can hit a dark spot in their life, where they blame themselves for things they have no control of.  I think there is a difference in telling people what you feel, and what you think from your heart, and from your head.  When you speak  write from your heart you let us know of you.  When you write from your head you let us know who you want us to think you are.  I think from your heart gives you the strength to let people know your vulnerable side.  The one that says you can get hurt, and have been hurt, and sometimes in life you don't have the answers, and sometimes life is hard for you too.  You know what I mean??

I think in life we all want those happy sunny days where everything seems awesome, but all of us have had things happen in our lives where the sun wasn't really there, and we may not be 100%  all that.  All this stuff we have in us is not good to keep to ourselves.  It is stuff that makes us feel better when we share it.  It seems like it is unloading a burden, and it is a burden we all can relate too, because we live life too.  We share in its ups and downs.  Down days are brutal, and it takes endurance, and probably patience, and a belief, and a hope that better days are just ahead. 

Oh well, like I said some good shit yesterday.  :)

I gotta run, going to try and get a run to work and back, which btw will put me just under 15 miles for the week.  :)  Not a lost week yet.   WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!   :)

Oh, and if she gets around to checking this out sometime soon,  I love Doreen.   :)    LOL


That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  AL Central sucks.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

The Week...

I don't know what it is about this week, but I have been out of it.  I am not sure why.  I coming into Friday have a whopping 3.5 miles of running in.  A lost week, and not much I can do about it.  Just stomach it and go on.  Next week is another week.  This week ain't over either, so I can still get a couple runs in.  Don't you hate those??  The personal rainy days that come for no reason, and with no explanation.  You feel like crap, and you are pretty sure everyone in the World hates you etc...

These are times when bad decisions are made too.  Since everyone in the world hates you anyway, you tend to make mistakes.  Misread intentions etc...  I don't think we see things clearly on these days.  I just noticed yesterday too, I love doing this when I am in a good mood etc..  I am not good at telling people when I am in a bad mood.  Maybe just on here, but you know things are looking good for me.  It is true I was a bit thrown off being injured for my last 3 marathons I trained for, but my checking account is happy, as I am working more, and running less.  A negative turned into a positive.  One thing people don't understand too, is not everything for runners is about a race.  Sometimes it is just running.  I remember running into an older lady who used to run her dog.  Never saw her at any races, and she usually didn't run races, except the New Years Eve one.  She just ran. 

Even I for a couple year stretch was a ABIT.  Always be in training type of person, but other things come up.  Other things become more important, and one thing I remember is a person in training cannot understand just the runner.  Why aren't you training for your next race.  The runner is just running.  Exercise, being outside, the hipster of the running scene if you will.  That is how I am now, because I don't have any race I want to kill.  Like I said I like to be 20-25 miles, because you never know if that will come back, and when it does, I want to be ready to amp it up.  This week is a failure, but who is going to rock their own world when they have a string of internal rainy days you know??  I can always get back at it.  If I get 15 miles give or take this week, it ain't going to take much away from my fitness. 

I think I am pretty flexible in life, and it helps me adapt to most situations.  Today is Friday, and you know I already feel better.  Weather is supposed to get nice after this weekend too, so that helps.  :)

Hope you all have a fab day.  :)))

That is it for today!!!   :)  

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  I love a morning like this when everything is awesome.  :D   xoxo

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D    xoxo

Morning All...

Hey, how's it going??  I have been in a funk all week.  I haven't been sleeping good, and was thinking of sleeping in today, but decided to get up.  I was in a bad mood yesterday, and tired, and decided not to run.  I got a haircut, and stopped off at the bar where the girl who wasn't pregnant, but was works.  I knew she was working on Tuesday, so sat down and had a couple beers.  I really just wanted to stop in and say hi.  I didn't do shit the rest of the day.  :)  So last week on Wednesday morning, I was at 13.6 miles, and this week I am at zero.  :)  I will do the double 3.5 today, and get myself up to 7 for the week, and have to not be a stupidy face the rest of the week, and get some runs in.  I will brb, I am going to get coffee...

I do want to clarify something of my post yesterday.  I don't want to make it sound like we are all smartsy with our money, because we aren't.  I am sure our credit rating is pretty bad, because we ran into a problem with Washington Mutual.  We had a card we didn't open with them, but there are no anti-trust laws, so they bought out the bank we did open up the card with, and had a pretty high balance on the card.  $13,000 maybe, and one time our balance via accrued interest went over by like .16 cents and they raised our interest rate from like 10-29%, or something like that.  This was the same time Lisa got dropped to part time, and I mean we hit a financial shit hole.  So to make a long story short we eventually defaulted on that card.  We couldn't take the $1000/month damage to our budget, and still make house payments.  I still had two cards open.  I don't think I was really using them, but cancelled them after the bailouts.  I also stopped making payments on them too, because I didn't give a shit.  One only had a $400 balance, and I eventually settled.  The other one I think Lisa settled.  That was Capital One, and that had a balance of like $3000 or something.  So I am dumb, my credit is probably horrible, but I decided to never ever take another loan out anyway, so who cares??    I know some people know that story, but for new readers if there are new ones, I don't want you to think we totally got our shit together.  We do in we have no non-house debt, and no car payments, but we kinda just slid into that you know?? 

For those who have debt concerns etc...  I feel you.  That adds a lot of stress to life, especially as the C.E.O. of Wells Fargo was just given a $20 million payout for the fine stuff that they manufacture.  Oh wait, Banksters don't make shit.  :)

When all is said and done your credit don't matter.  It doesn't really make your life any better, because anytime you take out a loan you probably made your life worse.  When you are 6 feet under your credit don't mean shit, and you don't owe anyone anything.  Not able to take anything with you when ur done ya know?? 

In your life what lasts???   When your dead it don't matter if you ate 12 Big Macs each day, or just seaweed.  Neither profits you anything really.  Food is food.  If you want to eat healthy, I'd stay away from McDonald's for the most part, but sometimes that shit tastes good though too.  Go ahead and eat it once in a while.  Doesn't make you a worse person.  Realize our human weakness though.  If you are overweight, and you go in for a couple Whoppers, people may judge. 

Maybe that is one of the tough lessons of life.  The good and decent person what do they do??  It isn't how fast you run, or how much you ace Society.  Those who work hard at being good at society, tend to judge those who don't do society very good.  The best thing a person can be is honest, and honesty a lot of times means we are mean.  We aren't perfect, and we have issues all of us, but if we can be honest with ourselves, and others than that is a good thing.  Fake honest isn't nice, because it isn't real.  Accept your dark side.  It is a part of you, and realize honesty trumps darkness.  Honesty is light really, and it overcomes, but you have to be willing to accept our less than good side.  Can't pretend it isn't there, because that is a lie.  It is the truth that gives you the answers, not lies.

 That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  It is hard to comment on a post when everything is seemingly so good, because I don't think life is ever really ever like that.  It isn't something we ace.   Don't matter though, because I can do this anytime I want...   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    :D   

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

This Is My Title...

Okay, so I seriously have nothing today.  I decided to take yesterday off, because I realized I ran a lot of days in a row.  It was nice having 13.6 miles in by Tuesday last week, but realized that wasn't going to be the case this week.  So a nice day off yesterday, and I will be plenty rested for our Tuesday night run tonight.  I'll have to pick up some miles here or there to get up to 27 again this week, but we'll see how the week works out.  I am not training for anything.  I am doing nothing fast, although I probably am not that slow for me right now.  I probably ain't real fast though either.  As you know this blog is not strictly about running, and training, but really about my life, and some weird things come out, but you don't even know half the weird stuff. 

I guess all our lives we feel we are good people.  We do good things, and we judge ourselves against the Hitlers and stuff like that, but really along comes this mirror, and maybe we just try and judge ourselves against us.  Everybody is like that btw.  A mirror turned toward another brings anger, and resentment, and all kindsa other things.  Why I don't know??  I think in us is anger toward people who don't try at stuff as much as we do.  Human tendency.  When we keep the mirror on us, then hopefully it is humbling.  Hopefully it helps us keep a blinder eye toward others, although our hearts will not be perfect with that. 

What good in the world is out there??  We have wars, poverty, people starving, The Advanced economies just try squeezing pennies everywhere they can.  Whether it is bank fees, or usurious interest rates with credit cards.  I haven't owned a credit card in a while, since they tried raising interest rates, after the bailouts, but aren't those things horrendous now??  A dieing industry??  Imagine if that was your career.  A bankster.   Wear your suit at Church on Sunday, and put it back on Monday for your work.  :)  

I know this is the worst blog entry ever.  I really really have not much to say.  I guess when we look at ourselves realize locker room talk is a part of us.  What good is it to talk like that in front of your friends in a way, and pretend in public you don't do that??  You know what I mean??  Who we are is who we are, and there is no point in pretending in public we are not that person.  Life is kinda humbling if you think about it.  I mean we want to wear these nice suits, and on the outside look nice, because that is what people look at, but our eyes should definitely be constantly on our inside, because that is who we really are.  Clothes ain't shit.  Our thoughts, and stuff really are who we are.  You know?? 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  White Sox with another complete game shutout.  WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!   :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D  

Wowzers!!! :)

I have a feeling I threw up a couple doozies, or maybe no one reads this stupid thing.  I'd be the last to know.  :)   Anyway, how you all doing??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am going to fill up my coffee real quick, and gotta rush a bit to be honest.  Today is a day I wanna try and run to and from work.  Running home from work ain't no big deal, but getting everything for the run to work is the big deal.  We will see.  All kindsa other issues too, like running too many days in a row, and stuff like that.  So hold on, I will brb.  oopsie.  I may have to make poo poo too, so the wait may be longer than you expect.   ;)

Life is a bitch.  Remember all those times throughout your life when life was really fricken hard??  High School, puberty, being a kid.  That is us.  That is our true self.  The one who is confused, and unsure, insecure in ways.  Girls wanting to be skinny, because that they saw was the best a girl could be.  Guys wanting to be strong, and stoic, but being something else entirely.  Everyone wants to grab onto something, because we want to feel good someway.  So we have this life, and much is boring, because like I said life is pretty stupid.  We are enslaved in so many ways.  Enslaved to our jobs, to ourself, and our less than perfect ways.  We are enslaved to our hatreds etc...  We are jerks.  We don't like all people the same.  We have our favs, and our non-favs.  I think in our view we have an ideal person of who we'd like to be, and we will always strive for that... maybe, but will never attain on our own.  So when you look at yourself, trust and believe in your doubts, and fears, and insecurities, and all the stuff that makes you feel not strong, because it is in our weakness where we find strength.  When we look at others and their stupid lives, realize that doesn't really bring anything to the table, although they still are stupid, and so are their lives.  :)  Some people are just the worst.  You have that???  Some people you don't even like looking at??   Ahhhhhh, welcome to the jerk side.  :)  One of the things we all share in common.  We are mean fricken people.  Life is hard on everybody, but there is only one who is able to see through our flaws.  Our eyes go surface deep.  We look on the outside, and one looks on the inside, and he has given you a view of your inside, and trust me, one thing we all have in common, it ain't that fucking great.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  got nothing there.  Can't be spending all day thinking of a p.s.   :)   xoxoxo

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   :D   :D 

A Quickie...

Hey all.  I have a couple things to say I guess.  One is I am not perfect, like everyone else here on Earth.  As I told you we all have flaws.  In our life we all our lost, because we want to find something we can put all our effort in to be better people.  We want to look for the good in people to say let me be like them.  That person is not here, and that is what makes life and faith so hard.  You won't find it in the woe warned Priests in Priests clothing either. 

Even our hearts are not perfect either, meaning we are filled with love of some, but we sure hate a lot of people too.  Whatever flaws they have on the outside we judge them, and the lazy we judge, and etc...  We judge the ones with a lot of money as being good in some way, but money is not security, there are warnings of striving after wind.  You never have enough. 

People suck in how bad we are, but having the courage to show this, acknowledge it, and let others see is no easy task.  Not easy to open yourself up to judgment is it??  That is our biggest flaw too we judge.  The more we look at our thoughts it is hard to escape the Black and White Nature of us.  We cannot help it.  To have a good heart that can look past flaws really only one can do, and only he can make us be like that

Truth and Honesty will be the hardest fucking thing you do, because truth and honesty is shielded by the stuff inside us that keeps things in the shadows.  We have a little voice inside us, and it battles against our darker tendencies, and it is this little person inside us that needs to win.  Trust him/her.  He is better and stronger than you know.  The strength of this person is his/her vulnerability.  It is their fear, and their really wishing not to be trapped in the darker parts we all find ourself enslaved to.

The journey is to get to this little kid, and you have help with that, but it really ain't easy.  You have to accept fear and all kindsa other things.

Good Luck.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  going to work for a few hours, and supposed to hang out with Jacob for a bit.  We made plans a couple days ago though, so we'll see.  We both are bad at making plans in advance.  I'll get a little run in too, to end over 27 miles.  WOOOO!!!   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

The Things We Don't Know...

Hello all.  Good morning, hope you all are doing good.  :)   I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :))

Within us all is unleavened, and leavened bread, meaning stuff we have been taught, and stuff within us we don't even know is there.  It is inside us this unleavened stuff, and it is our good stuff.  Our light so to speak.  Like that one Supertramp song "even in the quietest moments"  that is where you find that stuff, and that stuff is golden.  If you try and be all smartsy fartsy about stuff who cares???  Anyone can read a fricken book and spout off shit that don't matter.  Anne Frank was not telling us what she knew, she was telling us who she was.  You know what I mean?? 

This thing has been going on a while, and I guess what I said yesterday is your lives are pointless except for the part where you get to know yourself.  It is a ride pleasure/pain wise, but an important one.  Trust me too when you are dead no one is going to give a shit what you wasted your time doing here on Earth.  Life is like the stupidest invention ever.  :) 

Have fun doing the stupid things you do whatever it is, but you have one job, and it is to get to know you.  It isn't to get to know .00000006% of some other asshole so you can judge 'em.  It is to get to know YOU!!  :)

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Working today, and Saturday is my favorite work day.  :))

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Friday Friday. Woop Woop!! :D

Morning all, how's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I had a pretty good day yesterday.  I worked 9 hours, and got a bit of a run in.  I went shorter than planned, because I took Hope so only went on my 4+ mile route.  I then took Lisa out to dinner, because she closed the last two nights and ate horse shit.  We have a new place by our house, and it sucks.  :)   We won't be going there anymore. 

Hold on, I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :)

I have nothing really on my mind, but you know the routine, I'll throw a little sometin down.  :)  Nothing really major on my mind I guess.  I have this little blog here, and it goes on and on and on.  I see some of the best people I know going through hard times.  Gina with a debilitating stomach issue, Doreen with buyout worries in her job, which in no way pass the smell test as far as antitrust is concerned, but laws on the books no one pays attention to, unless it is throwing a black man in jail for smoking a joint.  Financial concerns for Damie.  Life has a lot of crap in it.  Man make society- society not perfect- man try improve society- man just adds fine print, and life is too fucking hard.  At the end of the day everyone wonders why??  Why is this shit so hard, what can we do to fix it??  What do we do??  We get angry.  We need to blame someone as to why we feel so misearble.  Wars are started, people try to get ahead the Enron way, or Ponzi scheme way.   There is a way out from all the madness. 

Inside you all is a person.  It is a little boy and a little girl.  It is a person you don't know, because we are not meant to know this person, but we have been given a gift.  A gift to look at our life, and look at our self, and get to know us.  It is a sad little boy, and a sad little girl, because our life from day one was not perfect, because our parents are the same people.  We lived a life, and we wanted confidence, and we wanted security, but none of these things really exist in the world.  That stuff too really is a gift, because  well you know Anne Frank. 

You all dress in your clothes, and your work uniforms, and you are a grown up, many of you, but the journey is to find the little kid still inside you who is vulnerable, and doesn't have all the answers, and doesn't know how to find his/her way in the world.  That is the Journey.  The other stuff you do just passes time.  :)))

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  I have time to get a quick little 3-miler in before work.  We'll call it #3amclub   ;)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Ceri, and Penny Nash.   two of my favorites.   :))   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo- xxxxxxxxx

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Need Coffee...

Morning All, how's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I had a fun day yesterday.  I was tired all day, cuz I slept like shit, but we had one day where it was going to be really nice weather, and yesterday was it.  I came home, drank some wine, sat outside, listened to music, and cooked myself a steak on the grill.  Lisa was jealous, as she had to work.  :) 

I really don't have anything to be honest, but thought I'd throw a little something down.  I most of the time think my blog updates are different than what they are, and I went back and read a few, and I sometimes get a clear view of the updates and realize there is more to them than I think. 

What do you people try and accomplish with your blog??  I mean I think it really should be a way of letting people get to know you right?? Also you getting to know yourself.   Don't you sometimes just start writing stuff down, and things pop into your mind, and your like WOAH!! --or is that just me?? 

I think we are on this little journey of getting to know ourselves, and showing people, and I have a feeling it is a pleasure/pain thing.  One where you go in nervous, cause you know it is going to hurt, but you will be amazed how good you feel about it. 

So get that damn tennis ball, roll your ass on it and get to town.   :)

HA HA HA.   :)))

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  think today will be a relax day, and run 6.6.  That will put me over 20 miles on Thursday.  WOOOP!!!   :D

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

Parrot Shit Seasoned With Garlic Salt Is Something I Don't Plan on Trying...

Yeah I know I know sometimes the title just rolls off.  I have an idea of what I am going to write about, and the title smoothly falls into place...  like today.   :) 

So anyway I made a little change in my little bloggy, and I let the person know.  She is a perfect person too, because she is tough as hell, and really wants to hold onto the toughness.  She wants to have all the answers, and show the tough side.  We all have the other side though, the one we got to get too.  It ain't easy either, because that is our vulnerable side.  The one where we can get hurt.  The one where people will know the truth about us.  We don't have all the answers, our lives are not perfect.  We try our best, and we do some stuff good, but we fuck a lot of stuff up too.  That shit ain't easy is it??  Especially if you are planning on letting everyone see. 

Where does a person get the courage to do such a thing??   Yep, it is for this we need help.  Here is where you need trust.  Trust in all sides, trust that those of us who read you will understand.  We do understand too, because we all have the same soft side.  We all are imperfect, and we all fuck shit up. 

I learned yesterday too another quid pro quo too, is we have to forgive others their wrongs, if we want our wrongs forgiven, and that is part of the Journey too, because there is only one who is that good to take you to that place.  Within us is not the power to make us better people.  You are definitely more than your workouts and what you eat, although perhaps you hold onto that as some sort of good, but there is better stuff out there, and wouldn't you want to get your hands on that??? 

I have a feeling you people all know the score, and fear is the thing holding you back.  I gotcha, and yes I understand, the shit ain't easy, especially when others can see. 

Good luck, and best of luck, which basically means I know this shit is hard, but I am here, even if you pretend I am not.   :)   HA HA. 

Jerry, Ken, and I ran 6.6 miles last night, and Jerry added another 1.5 miles.  I have 13.6 miles in going into Wednesday, and I am not training for anything.   :)  Takes a special kind of fucked up to be like me.   :)))

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,  Sox and Hawks.    >: /

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D 

A Monday That Didn't Blow... Yay. :)

First off like I said yesterday waking up and being rested, and running to work is definitely a good way to start out the week.  Sometimes I am just beat on a Monday, and it sucks, and it is Monday, but yesterday was definitely a good one.  :)))

I mowed the grass after my run home, and I know some people have busy lifestyles where they are always doing something.  I always always always have time to do nothing.  :)   I wouldn't say I am lazy, but I definitely love me some relax time.  :)   I had a couple cocktails too, as part of the unwind day.  Monday is usually like that for me anyway.  Tuesday is a run night, so my relax time pre-run is probably napping or reading.  I still have to finish the 3rd book of the Hunger Game series.  :)

Hold on I am going to get some coffee.  brb.   :)

Sheesh, I really got nothing to be honest.  Maybe we are just touching the surface.  Maybe our lives are more than the day to day, and our lives really more are our quiet times.  What are we thinking then.  What is our past??  You know we do this and do that, and fill the day with this, and fill the day with that, but there is more to us.  Is that stuff you think about??  Is it stuff that is hard to let people know?? 

This blog is strange at times I bet, and last week was a quiet one for me, and I am not sure why.  I do as I feel, and that was what I felt.  Then of course I come out slugging, but sometimes you gotta get the crap out of you. 

 Yep, I have a feeling people are holding back.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  gots nothing there.  :)  xoxo

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Some Mondays Seem O.K.

Waking up early on a Monday and feeling well rested is really a great day to start off a Monday.  :)  Running to work is also a great way to start off a Monday, and that is what I will be doing.  :)  I have absolutely nothing to write about today, and I already have my coffee, so we will see where this goes.  

This is a wing it kinda entry, and I am getting the feeling this blog is getting boring.  Maybe I am just getting tired of blogging, and of reading blogs.  I don't know.  Maybe everyone goes through that.  Yesterday my legs felt surprisingly good, and I thought I'd run when I got home, but I did dishes, and Lisa and I went to lunch, and I had beer, and I didn't run.  :)  I ended the week with 21 miles, and that is where I want to be right now.  20-25 keep a base type mileage.  No races on the horizon, and nothing that has really peaked my interest.  Is it just a phase, or a been there done that type of thing??  Not sure.  My goals in life are to enjoy it, and I am not a one thing type of guy.  We are hitting a good time of year where yard work, and grilling, and being outside is part of my routine.  I like that stuff too. 

I have the best job in the world where I am out by 1 or 2 in the afternoon every day.  So when the weather is nice, I will take advantage.  That is what I will do.  :)

GAWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!   I have nothing.   :)

Laterzzzzzz


That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  I love this time of year.   :)))

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Felt Like I Could Sleep Forever Today!!

Ever have one of those mornings??  You wake up, and hmmm still tired,  sleep, and wake up.... hmmm still tired.  I did that on and off again til just before 7:00 am.  Crazy huh??

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I enjoyed it, I was in a good mood most of the day, and had a few beers, we made dinner, and just chilled.  I got a couple runs in, and worked. 

There really is nothing on my mind.  I mean really to the point where I am not even going to blog today.  That being said I will get some coffee, and see where this leads. 

Some days I wake up, and feel this blog is dumb.  It has been a strange journey this blog.  So much of it has been a spiritual journey where things were hidden.  Stuff you wouldn't know, and understand, and stuff I didn't know and understand.  Some things I even wonder why??  What is the purpose of some of the weird parts of my life, but I guess I have a handle on a lot of it.  I have no idea what last week was about.  Really if I don't wake up to blog then I don't wake up to blog.  I don't alarm myself to do it, I just wake up and do it. 

I didn't really mean your lives are boring yesterday, I was just kidding around.  I mean when I am in a good mood early morning, I will say whatever, and crack myself up.  I am a jerk like that.  Life is to have fun, and you know deep down all of us are rude and crude, and mean and stuff.  Just cause we don't say it doesn't mean we don't think it.  If we thought it then it is a part of us.  Can you picture all your thoughts being wide open for one to see.  Those things you cannot hide, and maybe that is scary, because our thoughts sure aren't ever perfect. 

Oh well, that is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  Good day for Chicago Sport fans yesterday, and Boston Marathon runners are in for a nice hot one tomorrow.  :)  The spectators will be wearing shorts and t-shirts, and we all know that means a hard day for marathon running.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D

The Simple Things...

Hey all, How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb.  :)))

Well let me tell you a little somethin somethin.  Yesterday's post was a doozy, and I don't always feel great about those, but when all you see day in day out are people always trying to show their good side, it drives me bonkers.  I mean come on.  You know your thoughts aren't always the best, and maybe even your actions, so showing only your self-perceived good side is annoying.  The post wasn't directed toward anyone, but maybe everyone too.  I don't know.  You have one life, why hide in the shadows??  Make a name for yourself.  Let your hair down, go a little crazy.  Whatever, but don't deny, or lie to yourself about what lies in your shadows.  That shit is real, that is you, and we all are fucked up in ways.  We all hate people for some reason or another. 

Special thanks again to Jen Gray again for bringing out the stuff she was less than happy about in herself.  That is good shit.  Special thanks to Christi for commenting on yesterday's post.  Wasn't expecting it, as I unleashed on everyone.  :)  

Anyway yesterday was just about the simple things.  It was Friday so I worked, and did a project, I had no intention of doing going in.  I bought a grill, and built it, and made a steak, and veggies, and potatoes for dinner on the grill.  I drank a little wine, and watched via the phone internet the White Sox beat the Tigers.  I went to bed early, and now I plan on running to and back from work, and we are grilling out again tonight too.  :)))

Life is about the simple things, and I like my life right now, and your lives bore me.  :)   HA HA   :)

As always it is good to be me.  :)))

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)))

p.s.  If the Sox starting 5 can stay healthy, and Sale pitches close to his potential... look out.  It isn't a bad team. 

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

WOAH!!!

Hey all, how's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.  I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb. 

Well, I took quite a bit of time off blogging for me, and it was totally unexpected. I planned on taking a couple days off, and they were Hell, but not a week.  Wanna know why I took so much time off??  There are a few reasons, and even yesterday I was thinking maybe this blog is done.  Wouldn't that be something?? 

1.  I was not waking up in time to blog... or I'd wake up, and would rather sleep.
2.  The signature line was broken.  Wasn't feeling it. 
3.  I think those are the only reasons...

So today I am up, and ready to explain myself a bit.  I just did that.  I'll give you some stuff about me.  I am not the nicest guy in the World.  People irritate the Hell out of me a lot.  I guess fake people irritate the Hell out of me.  There are a lot of those.  I mean FUCK none of us are perfect.  I swear a lot, I have for as long as I remember, who knows why?? , but you don't unswear your way into Heaven.  You really unlie your way to Heaven. 

None of us are perfect, and we all judge people.  All of us do, and some people piss us off.  We are flawed.  There really is only one person who did not have a judgemental heart, the rest of us fall short.  Maybe that is why we need support, because if we throw our shit out there we will feel judged.  I know I did, and several times had horrible days over it. 

I can help support, but forgive me if I don't give a Fuck how fabulous you are.  I haven't walked in your shoes, but you haven't walked in mine.  Seems some of you are hiding, and that is not a sign of strength.  Some of you can run a race, and hit the finish line puking, but when it comes to life, you are weak. 

Show me someone strong in life, and I'll show you someone I'll hang with.  This weekend, I will work and hang with my wife.   FUCKERS!!!   :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  White Sox Tigers today.   WOOOOOOOO!!!   I hate the Fucking Tigers!!!  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Jen Gray, because she had one of those days where she wished she was a better person.  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Morning All!! :D

Hiya, how's it going??  Me??  I am doing good.  I don't think I have anything at all today, but you know the routine.  I will get some coffee, and see where this leads.  :) 

First off, I guess I'll tell you what I am kinda deciding.  I am treating my now time as Winter running.  Just keeping a base of 20-25 miles, and running 3-4 times/week.  There really is nothing on the horizon, and a base of 20/25 mile/ week is a good base, that I can amp up training easily.  So we will call it Tuesday, Thursday 13.2 miles, and stuff on the weekend.  I know this time of year I should be training for something, but I am just not into it for whatever reason.  Good to keep a base though. 

Today I have to work, and not sure.  I have a lot of stuff to do around the house, but Lisa and I are going out to lunch.  :)   That may mean beer.  :)  If I don't do the beer, I will probably just read my 2nd book.  We'll call that a game time decision. 

I really got nothing, and I doubt I have anything the next couple days, so may take a couple days off.  The reason is really weird, so I'll just leave it at that.  :) 

Laterzzzzzz

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  got nothing there too.  :)    xoxo

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D    MWAH!!   xoxo

Thursday = Not My Typical Friday...

So anyway normally on a Thursday I woop it up a bit with some cocktails, and music, and chill.  Been doing it a long time, and well I ran with Jerry last night.  It was good to relax for a few hours, and read my book.  I am at the end.  I have like 10-15 pages left.  I had to put it down at like 9:30.  I didn't want to be too tired today.  I know who won though, and now just have to read the post games interview. 

Not really much on my mind today, but that doesn't always mean anything.  :)  Getting involved in a book = a quiet me.  I love getting lost in a good book as much as anyone.  When I was post hospital, and riding the bike and getting involved with Natalie I started reading a lot.  I read a lot of History.  After a while, I wanted to know everything about History, and I wanted to read every book in the World.  Reach for the Stars right??   ;)   Why, I don't know, and you don't even know the point.  Then all of a sudden I get into a discussion about the Civil War with Natalie's Dad, and you realize, crap,  I know a lot about that stuff.  That is one of those weird things.  You read and read on a subject, and you think nothing of it, and then all of a sudden your are in a conversation about said subject, and you blurt out all kindsa crap you didn't even think about.  Ever get one of those a-ha moments where your like Damn.  I guess I do know a bit about that crap?? 

The last few years I don't read as much.  I am not into mountain climbing books like I used to be, I have read all the cycling books in the library, and running books, and went through some Biography, and some History, but I am not always into it, and have started many books I haven't finished. 

What does it all mean??  Probably nothing, but I guess I change.  I am not always the same person year after year.  I mean I am me, I like to have fun, and have my cocktails, and I like a good dinner, and I like to eat good and healthy, and I sometimes like to eat crap.  :)   I feel like a surfer maybe on a wave.  Just riding this wave of life seeing where it leads.  I am not looking for perfection in my little box, because I know it isn't there.  I am not looking for perfection outside my box either, because I know it isn't there.  I am open and flexible.  I'd say most days it serves me pretty well. 

A point???  nah.  Just throwing something down.  I am at my favorite part of the week.  I have an idea of what I want to get done at work today.  A project.  :)   Tomorrow, I plan on working, and maybe even Sunday.  Yep, we are open all day.  :) 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)  xo

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All :)))

p.s.  not really confident in the Sox this year, but we'll see.   :)  ehhh.   The White ones.  :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D    xoxo   :)

I Have Wasted A Lot Of TIme Thinking of A Stupid Title

Sheesh.  Very rarely do I ever have problems coming up with some kind of title, and today is like the worst.  I hope you like what I was able to come up with.  :)  I am pretty sure I have absolutely nothing on my mind, but I will get some coffee, and we will see where this leads.  :) 

So anyway I guess this thing is weird, and sometimes invisible... not sure what to make of that.  Without communication relationships suffer, and they do a lot.  Guys hold things in, and girls are better at that stuff, and girls are better people typically.  The more you hold in, the worse of a person you end up being.  I sometimes wonder what people think, and maybe they think things are kinda nutty on this thing, or maybe what I think is the truth.  The closed minded ones are missing out on the other 99.99999999% of life.  You grow up with basic parameters of how life "should" be, and you do your best.  Whatever that means to you.  I threw away my book of  "should" and went a different way... and wasn't it Robert Frost who said, and that made all the difference... 

I see people trying to hold onto this or that, and everything in this world is garbage.  There is really nothing worthwhile here.  Stupid jobs, the striving after the Holy Roman Empire Coin... wait.  Shit.  What do we use for money these days??  I forget what man came up with, but it is still the same shit.  I went to the Grocer to buy some food, and they wouldn't take my Weimar Republic money.  DAMMIT!!!   :)   I had a wheel barrel full of it too.  :)

The world gets harder and harder.  Life gets harder and harder, and we stress about all kindsa things, and many times we lose moments of real life stuff.  Society pulls us into doing this and doing that, and we forget the most important things.  Life is pretty fucking dumb if you think about it.  :)  I say that with a smile in my heart too, because it is good to be me.  :) 

Yesterday I got side-tracked into a project, and I like doing that.  When I left I decided to treat myself to lunch, and a beer or two.  :)  I was tired, so I relaxed the rest of the day.  Today I am running, doing the same route as Tuesday.  Probably finish book 1.  Yay.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)))

p.s.  SHIT,  I got nothing there too.  :)   xoxo

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

I Am Going To Give All My Secrets Away...

Well, I didn't mean to get all crazy yesterday, and as a matter of fact, I'd like to keep some stuff to myself.  A clarification when I say take, it obviously isn't me doing the taking.  I just have to deal with people's shit sometime, and I guess it helps them get a clearer view of themselves.  I didn't know about Steve R's thing, except him going in and out of being semi-bananas, and I know Heimleblog got a little weird at the end.  Especially when I confronted the cops in New York.  There were around 20 of them beating up a Black dude and his son.  One of the cops told me I got the crazy eyes.  I put 2 + 2 together, although at this time I had no idea what the hell was going on.  Mind you this was after the mourning of the Father, and when everyone thought I was nuts.  While everyone thought I was nuts, I went and P.R.'d a marathon by like 25 minutes or something stupid like that.  I didn't blog about it, because the blog was done. 

All these weird things I did not plan, but you know there is a plan out there, not of my doing.  There is shit inside us that is more than what decomposes when we die.  This is who you need to get to know.  Who you have to come to terms with.  I have known what was inside people for a long time.  I knew what was in me, and I told no one, and this stuff I knew back in the early 1990's.  That there would be these things I had to do, I had no idea.  Not a clue.  It is through trials and tribulations, and you know even these seemingly pointless things to go through do serve a greater good anyway.  As we go on our way, and our journey, we also help others too with some of their obstacles.  So I guess in a way I help people as I tried to find my way, and many times don't even know it.   If I've done good, many times I guess I wouldn't even know it.  Even the bad can be used as good too, and that is a pretty nice promise.  Can you imagine having a life without the 2nd thoughts, because, well I guess I overcame after the Journey.  Not that I'd be courageous enough to do what I did, but I did that right prior to going in the hospital, and also at the end of the journey.  Said I'd be willing to go where there is no hope, and I had no thoughts or hope of ever getting out.  The little preview told me too the worst of the worst is unwilling to go where the one who overcame was willing to go. 

That will not be a fun time for me for sure.  :) 

Anyhoo, sorry to get a little weird, and boy oh boy this blog has been throwing up some doozies lately.  :)   I can always tell.  :)... well sometimes I can tell. 

Well, whatever you all are on your own little personal journey to finding out who you are.  I assume it will be quite a fascinating ride, and I think of how much needs to get done, I doubt it will end this year, but ya never know.  We gots a lot of shit to get through. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All  :)))

p.s.  Jerry and I ran our 6.6 miler yesterday, and I have to cancel my Thursday = Friday, because Ken is getting carpet in his house.  Jerry has support on the Long Saturday and Hard Wednesday, but I still can help him on supplementary runs.  WOO HOO!!!   :)  He is doing good too.  :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D    :D 

Morning Folks. :)))

I love the triple smile.  Best thing I have ever seen.  :)))   HA HA!!   So how's it going everyone??  Me pretty good.  I had intentions of doing a lot yesterday, and did most I guess.  I really wanted to read the Hunger Game Book, but the weather was so fricken nice out.  After I cut the grass, I just sat outside,  read a little, had a drink or two, while Lisa putzed with the flower garden.  Do you ever get that feeling of cutting the grass for the first time, and just love being outside.  I saw a lot of robins, which is awesome, and the trees are coming alive, so there is just so many greens to see.  If that ain't what life is about I don't know what is. 

I looked back at my FB update last night, and I saw I said what we do, and who we are is not important.  I remember this one time a long time ago. I was on one of my Monday long runs after work.  Probably a 13 miler or so.  I tried doubling up Saturday long runs, with a Monday long'ish run for Marathon training.  I felt something was not right with me.  This was during heimleblog time too.  Something was off, and mind you I woke up every morning strong, but was terrified throughout the day.  Heimleblog days had a lot of bad days.  Although I offered support to 4 bloggers, I had to suffer through a bunch of shit.  Hidden shit, that no one knew about.  Some days were really fucking bad though.  Anyway, I remember running back home on my long'ish run, and the feeling finally hit me.  "My life is worth so very little, do with it as you will."  I remember thinking man our lives are so huge to us, but in reality we are such a small and insignificant thing in the grand scheme of things. 

I can get really weird on this thing, and I guess I will again.  I remember talking to Russ Beaupre at Steve R's thingy, and some of Steve's struggles.  He drank a lot, and could never control it.  It controlled him you know??  I always thought that was impossible, but I never really got addicted to anything.  I chewed tobacco for a bit after H.S.  and quit like that.  I smoked ciggarettes for like a year and quit like that.  I drink, and choose to do it, but It isn't like I don't wake up early without my alarm clock anyway.  I also am not one of those drink til 3:00 am types.  Well, I won't get into the really weird thing about Steve, because it is really weird.  I told Gina a long time ago.  I had to take some of his craziness, so he could process through his life.  I guess I did tell you.  He was having struggles with being paranoid and stuff like that.  I took that from him, because that shit don't overpower me.  Not because I am strong on my own per se, but I am well looked after in a way. 

I remember saying when I heard about Steve that we'll use it for the greater good, whatever that meant.  Steve's death has been put to good use on this thing though huh??  A lot of people added, and some I don't even know.  :)  

Anyway I guess what I am saying is our life is really small, but our false view is how big it is.  One of the many things we have to overcome I guess.  Isn't that what Solomon was pointing out to anyway in Ecclesiastes??  He was shown what was to be done, and he knew it was a grievous task.  A lot of hard days I guess, and I know it, and the beauty of all the struggles since I started blogging is I wake up every morning ready to go. 

Goals???  nah, not really.  I guess I just want to enjoy my life.  Luckily I like running, and I love my job most of the time, and all kindsa things.  Why???  Because it is in my heart to be that way.  How much of how we feel, and how we act do we have control of??  Can you make yourself be very happy every second of the day??  Can you make yourself a nice person every second of every day??  Wouldn't you want to be the best person ever?? 

Yesterday was strange in ways.  I don't do strange well. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Planning on running tonight, so I will be able to get a lotta reading done.  :)))

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I am going to try and add a triple smile every day if I remember.  Just another way of me to add Damie.   :)))  She wonna the best.   :)))

Laterzzzzz  all.   :)))


Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D 

Monday Monday...

You know the score.  :)  I am pretty sure I have nothing.  There really isn't much on my mind, and I think I threw a doozy down yesterday.  Why Saturday had to get so nutty, I know why.  Ticks me off I have to go through shit like that.  Inside us all is ugly stuff, and this doesn't have to be so hard, if people would just let go of stuff.  Our life is full of all kindsa dogma of some sort.  Whether we are Jewish, Muslim, whatever.  I tell you throw it all away, so you can be taught by one who knows more.  Trust he'll steer you in a good direction.  Do what you do, but be open to the World and life around you.  Accept you don't have all the answers, and no one else here does either.  We stand alone in our ignorance so to speak. 

Looking for just good in life you will not find.  Brace yourself for bad stuff that happens.  It does happen, and you have no control over it.  None of us are perfect either, so we will screw up relationships all the time.  I remember a long time ago when I was given a view of my past.  I saw me throwing away childhood friends to be with the cooler crowd in H.S.  Life is full of that type of shit.  When I got a view of that, I thought that is not who I want to be. 

Do you have a view of who you want to be, and who you really are??  2 different people isn't it.  So we are led on a journey to finding out about us.  Not all lessons are easy.  Why it has to be like that??  I don't know, but it is.  What I have been saying for a while is trust.  Trust me, and trust this thing we are doing here.  I have enough of a track record here. 

That being said it is Monday today, and I have a lot to do.  I also bought the Hunger Game books, so I want to start reading those too.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!  :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  Never good to start off Monday being tired.  :)

Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D  

No Workie For Me Today...

Okay, I am taking today off from work.  I was going to work for a few hours, but decided against it.  I haven't had a day off in a while, so why not.  Obviously I like what I do at work on the weekends or I wouldn't go in.  You know having said that, I may still go in.  We'll see. 

Now some of you know my story, and it is an ongoing story, and I surely am not the author of it am I???  I am not making my own plans am I??  It isn't just about that old dude that day I hung around with Jacob is it??  Remember mourning Barbara's DAD twice???  Once at work, where I thought I could die I was so sad.  I did not plan that.  I am not that caring of an individual  on my own.  Shortly after that everyone threw me under the bus.  I p.r.'d the marathon, and didn't blog about it right??  Then I had the 5K the day after the Jacob dude's thing.  I don't remember how much time lapsed from  Heimleblog to the Journey.  Marathon is in October though, and ahhh,  Nov, 1, 2009.  A few weeks passed from Heimleblog to Journey.  The Wait started up right away.  Like next day. 

I went through a lot with very little support, but yet I stand.  I remember some real low points, I mean wishing I was dead low, because well people are just fucking horrible really.  It is really our flaws that make us great, and the ability to be real about them.  Fake nice and fake whatever is fake.  I love real people.  Being real and being honest is the only way things work.  You know how it says love your neighbor as yourself??  Well remember the one thing I said is our deepest desire is to know ourself.  To get to know us.  There is that one Goo Goo Dolls song "Iris" that says:

And I don't want the World to see me, cuz I don't think that they'd understand....

The trap we have for our self is we cannot love our neighbor as our self. Why is that??  Because we judge.  We always judge the lazy, the fat, etc...  I mean I don't like Lisa's Mom one bit.  I hate that fucking lifestyle, and I hate her life, but I even had her time when I looked out her window.  Why that obese woman is still alive is beyond me.  You see I ain't no righteous dude, because we are not made that way.  I made a turn, and I take some stuff from people, when they are too weak to do it on their own.  I think, and I hope I don't have to do it anymore, because I don't really like doing it.  There were several more that I have taken too, and I haven't told you. 

If you have lost a parent recently, I may have taken some stuff from you.  A lot of times it isn't because people are not strong enough, but really life is too busy. 

Our common ground is none of us are righteous, and none of us are perfect, but in my tent are believers, and non believers, gay people, divorced people, drinkers, mean fuckers, dickheads all kindsa people.  In my tent I don't judge you for your less than perfections, because in that way I have a pretty good heart.  I think it is in good hands too.  :)  I suffered for it though, and still have one more thing to do.  Not my plan, but when I found the way I said I was willing.  Brave, or afraid of the consequences really huh??  Now I am not afraid to go where there is no hope, because my help overcame centuries ago, and he is the one who makes it work.  :)

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s.  I can be a dick sure, but we all can be assholes. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D   :D