Sunday, December 30, 2018

Back To Real Life.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I think I'll make a 2nd cup of coffee.  Yesterday went pretty okay. Work was fine. Got a whole 8+hours in. It's sometimes hard to know how much time I'll work on Saturday. My normal stuff takes at least 8 hours. I can't always get in my normal areas, due to people working,  so I do other projects. Anyways, I did other stuff yesterday, and it took me 8 hours.

I was supposed to go to a friend's house to watch football,  but as I was walking inside a guy called,  and said he had time to stop by, and check on my icemaker. So he fixed that about a week earlier than scheduled. Brand new icemaker, and solenoid for the pump I think. It works. Yay.  :)

Then I cleaned up misc. crap on the floor,  put some short pieces of 2x6s to raise my bed up a bit, and got my robot to clean the floors. I have a lot of pets,  so a lot of hair. That thing is amazing. Our floors have never been so clean. If you have the means, I suggest you get one.

Today I work,  which I am glad for. I like working Sundays. If given the choice I'd rather have Monday off than Sunday. This week I have Monday, and Tuesday off. So basically everything is back to normal.

Not much else. I have my typical Sunday stuff to do. Dishes,  laundry, and run. That's it. I feel really good about my normal. I woke up this morning just glad to have this life I guess. It's so easy. It is the New Year almost. I don't think I have any major plans of being a better version of myself. My vacuum robot does one thing for us already. I have been working out for a while. Maybe 6 months. I guess that's good already. One good thing about my workout is even if I am tired, I can bike after work to get it in. So I am pretty consistent. M,W,F are my days.

I could run more maybe, that could be a thing. I may try,  but no promises. Not confident I'll hold up. So maybe nothing new this year, but I made improvements last year.

There isn't a lot for me to worry about. Nothing too stressful in my horizon. Just a simple guy who likes his routine, and has a content heart.

Now I think I'll start my day.  Obviously not a lot going on with me. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

Friday, December 28, 2018

I Made The Stupidest Meal.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was back to normal. I got a little run in before work, my steps were between 25, and 30K. I ate a meal, and it was stupid. Kraft Mac and cheese, kielbasa, pork n beans, croissants,  and a salad. I didn't eat the beans or the salad. It was such a stupid meal to make, and I don't know why that is about the only thing that sounded good to me. I am at the point I am tired of everything we eat. I can't think of anything new.

I'll tell you what though, I felt great. I guess those stupid days are my favorite. I went to bed happy.

Other than that not much. We will have unseasonably warm weather today. Like 50° I think. I'm all for it.  I really got nothing today I guess. I did buy a reeces peanut butter chocolate coffee creamer.  :) I love flavored creamers. At most I'll have one cup of coffee in the morning, so that bottle will last a while.

This is a pretty dumb update. I guess I thought something would pop up, but I really really got nothing.

Yesterday was just your typical dumb day,  and I loved it.

Normally I'd delete this entry, but sometimes I like making you read this stupid stuff.   :)

Enjoy.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.   :)))

Thursday, December 27, 2018

I Was Not All I Could Be.

2 days off in a row is the worst.  There just is not enough stuff to do. You want to enjoy yourself,  but I don't really enjoy a lot of down time. The World doesn't really impress me, so there is no epic deed that needs to be done.

I am ready to get back to work. I did do a few things yesterday, but not a ton. Took Hope,  got a 4-set workout in. I had lunch,  went shopping. I came home, and the icemaker leaked water in the freezer and fridge, so I cleaned that up, and threw a bunch of shit away.

If you think what fills up your day to day it is pretty boring huh?  part of my problem is I don't really like t.v.  I like movies, but typically after I work on Saturday. I like listening to books, but mostly when I work on Saturday. I am not very good at just sitting down and reading books either.

I am not good at filling up my time, so I guess I'd rather work. Now if that's all we are doing is filling up time, doesn't that seem dumb?  making money, filling up time. Probably a good amount of stuff we do to fill our time makes us feel guilty. There are better things we could be doing.

I am past feeling guilty about stuff. I wake up every morning typically fine. Not worried about yesterday, and not really concerned about today. I'll do my thing,  eat a meal. And fill up my few hours of free time doing something unproductive probably. At least I could do more than I do, but I never really live up to my potential. It doesn't bug me though.

So really I have a life. It is mine to live. I have a purpose, but I am not the director of that plot. Just a vessel being used in a story. I have a pretty big part I spose,  but I am not special in any way. I am not smarter, or brighter, or more creative in anything. I am just your middle of the road creature. I just have a part to play, but the Director decides when that should be.

Not my concern,  so I just do my day to day. When I go do my final part here it will make all my day to day activities to that point not mean anything. Nothing I can do to change that either. So I work,  eat,  sleep, and my heart is fine with it. My heart also places the proper value in my day to day.

None.    :)

Lol

Anyhoo,  I spose.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Day #2

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I've been up for a while for some reason. Done sleeping I guess. Today I have day #2 off in a row. I have a few things to get done, but nothing crazy. Already I kinda got a craving for my day off burger and beer for lunch.  :)  I do have to work out at some point. Yesterday was okay as far as days go. Sooo much food.  Just a relaxing day basically.

Today shouldn't be too crazy either. I don't think I thought of anything too significant yesterday. I have absolutely no clue what to blog about today. Maybe nothing.  :)

I sometimes am just chilling, without a worry in the World. I think that is the most natural thing, but I guess really it isn't. People do have stuff to worry about. I have absolutely no stress at all about my future. No anxiety at all. I don't worry about tomorrow,  and I don't worry about today. At some point there will be a better version of me, but I have no say in when that happens. It's basically a waiting game. I guess I do have inside information in this World does not have a good future. I suspect the times won't be pleasant. I don't know how those days will look like however. I remember being told not to be in a rush for these days,  cuz they won't be good. That was a long time ago.

I don't even know what tomorrow will be like, I just know I wake up typically okay. Life is strange in a way, cuz it seems like all avenues lead to a tougher more stressful life. You can't escape it, cuz we make our own avenues,  and our vision is bad. I went a path not of my making, and it helped me become free. I can just be, and not really worry about it.

In our mind is all the things we can see. All the possible avenues. They'll lead you to a difficult,  and uncontent life. There will always be stuff to worry about. I went a way with no vision of the future. No idea what I'd be asked to do. Suffer is what I did. I learned a lot too. I am happy to be who I am, and happy to live my simple life. It is good to be me for sure.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time.

I am up early today so I predict an early bedtime,  and early wake up time tomorrow. 

Anyhoo.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

Sunday, December 23, 2018

A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am doing good. I feel remarkably relaxed. I have the full day off, and nothing real pressing to do. Not sure what I'll do. I can do anything.

Inside my mind I imagine there potentially should be things to worry about, but my mind is clear of all that. If there are things to worry about it never really enters my heart. I guess part of me is the way it is, cuz I am not looking toward better days. There are no future events which must take place to put my heart easier to rest. This is as easy as it gets.

I feel my new year starts now. Christmas is over, so I can start anew I guess. I don't really know what that means for me, so I guess I'll continue as I do now. I think my daily steps can easily fall from ~30,000 to ~20,000. I think I'd like to keep it nearer 30,000. You deal with Summer,  then Fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas,  and then all avenues seem open.

Anyway, a day off seems pretty nice. I work tomorrow,  and have the next two off too.   #wha????   I know right.  I don't know what I'll do. I'll do laundry today. I may seek out a recipe to make something  new. That could be fun.

Anyway, I am just  thinking out loud. Not a lot going on with me. Just living this life, and I guess I never knew it could be like this. In your mind you kinda always want to be on, and I am. You want the assurance that all your actions will end in a good route. That I do have. Received that right prior to going into the hospital, and it finally took route after overcoming the 2nd time, and that is when this blog "The Wait" started. The assurance that I am in a good spot.

Money does not lead one to a quiet and content heart. Fame does not leave one feeling better about themselves as I do me. The secret to life is hidden. Our thoughts are hidden, but I've been open,  and able to be seen for decades.  Moving in the light is living open, and that does not happen til one goes through the eye of the needle.  Even that isn't the end. At least as far as my story goes.

We all fall short, so we all must at some time become the thief. The truth will set you free, but not if you don't face it. The truth is scary. I told you years ago it is the hardest thing you'll ever do.

The World is enticing, and our hearts really are of this World, so we think, and wish according to things of this World.  I suspect people also crave for a quieter easier life. The battle within you. Your silent voice is the one who must win. The little person in you that isn't arrogant, strong, etc...   Just the little kid who finds themself in this World for some strange reason.

There is no true manual to life,  although you've been brought up on some type of one from the World. I found a different way. One in which I followed blindly, and one that led me to great suffering. I will have to suffer one more time too,  at some point. Maybe it approaches, cuz it seems this blog is picking up steam again. Last time you couldn't hang,  but I suspect we picked up others,  so as the promise went, all for good. 

Anyhoo,  I guess that's good. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Byeee.     :)))

Saturday, December 22, 2018

It Sure Don't Seem Like Saturday.

I usually work every Saturday, but not at the bakery so my Saturday already seems strange. I feel better rested than usual for a Saturday, and I slept just over 5 hours. Yesterday's 8 hour sleep~a~thon was rare. At least for a week day. Yesterday I got most of my work out in. I have an ab machine I like to use, but someone was using it, so I bolted. I worked 10 hours so I thought I'd scrap all my plans. In my mind however I remember I feel good after working out. You feel your muscles being stronger.

That was the day. Work,  workout,  buy Christmas presents chill, eat, sleep.   :)  it's kinda strange thinking about what I may have wanted from life in my younger years. I got it though. I just wanted to feel good. Feel secure in who I am. Happy and ready to start any day I guess.  I think all people want that,  but we cannot create it.

If we could control our insides we'd always feel good. We don't control our insides, and you may wonder why.

Trust me too, I learned very clearly the insides we don't control. Currently I assume you believe you are the master of your thoughts,  but there are internal powers inside you that overpower you. Due to unwritten rules, and maybe even written ones you cannot just be you. If people know how you really thought 24/7 what would they think?  What do you think certain times about your family even?  I assume Instagram is all about the smiles and perfect lives you created, but I know what it's like to be human.

Our hearts aren't that great. The World is built upon lies. Our whole being is built on lying every day. The written and unwritten rules have us acting a certain way, and our insides have us thinking something else.

Our existence is not really very important in the grand scheme, although I suspect we feel our lives are important. 

It is sorta strange I guess writing about what I think, cuz so much of who I am is not cuz of me. So much is just cuz I was willing to go the path I did. Not perfect,  and not a Saint yet, but unbeknownst to me I could still do good labor,  even if I wasn't what I really wished for way back when.

I know a person's shortcomings so in that  way no one can fool me. I know every person falls short of Sainthood even if you want your Instagram accounts to show something different.

It is kinda strange blogging on a Saturday, but today I work an hour later than usual.

Anyways, I guess til next time.

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Byeee.     :)))

Friday, December 21, 2018

7 Hours and 59 Minutes.

That's how much I slept last night. The night before was 5 hours and 29 minutes. My early alarm went off today, and I was like no thanks.   :)  It's been a busy week. Every day is approaching 30,000 steps. Only 2 more days. For those who don't know. I work at a bakery as my full time job. A bakery during Christmas time is ridiculously busy. There are 2 locations this year too.

That being said I still wake up feeling pretty refreshed. I got up before my middle alarm, and I am good to go. As busy as I am I figure people can do a good amount every day, but not if you don't sleep well. Lucky for me I typically sleep pretty good.

Today is a work out day, but I planned on driving today anyway. Good chances of rain, and I am going to get my Christmas shopping done. I just get Lisa gift cards from 3 stores she likes. Book store, her favorite clothes store,  and another one I am not sure of yet. I can always do like Hobby Lobby or Pier 21, but then I end up with a bunch more useless shit in the house. We will see.

Other than that not much.  Just doing this simple thing called life. Work,  eat, sleep etc...  I cannot even predict what next year will be like. As the New Year approaches you kinda feel like you can start over kinda. Change things around a bit maybe in a positive way. At least for a week or two til you get back to your normal again. 

I don't know if I'll do any such thing. I assume I'll wake up every day as I do now.  Refreshed, and ready to start my day.  Work won't be busy for a couple months in a bit. January,  and February typically slow down a bit, so I'll have extra time. I think I'll plan on doing inside shit I want to get to.

Kinda strange people do not have the same outlook on life as me. Day to days don't always start out worry free like mine. I surely wasn't always this way, but it is a gift for me. Life is simple simple for me. It is what everyone wants, but there are no correct manuals in how to go about it. Our inconsistent insides always let us down.

I don't have that problem. In my younger years I always played the consistent part. Always in a good mood,  and always ready for fun,  but it was acting. I wasn't always in a good mood, and sometimes I didn't do stuff that would be good for me.

Now I am pretty consistent,  and I generally feel pretty good about me. How I am now is not in my power to create for myself.

Anyways. I guess I am just getting stuff down.  Ready to start another day. Almost 8 hours of sleep too.  Yikes.  Look out.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeee.    :)))

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Waking Up To An Empty Head.

So, I pretty much have nothing on my mind. I checked sports scores.  You wanna know one of the things I enjoy?  When a team just implodes. The Bulls made trades, got young, etc...  They were supposed to show promise, and they are on their 2nd coach this year while sporting the worst record in the NBA. They have had injuries, but one of their best players last night had 6 shots in 30+ minutes of play. It's not like he was dishing assists either. He had 2.  What on Earth is going on there?  Oh, and the new coach benched their 2nd leading scorer for some reason. $30 million down the drain. Since the Bulls are playing so bad I guess I pay attention to the NBA more than once every 1-2 weeks like normal.   Yay NBA.   :)

Yesterday wasn't so bad. I got my workout in, and it wasn't bad.  It was sunny and 45°-- ish. I came home, chilled for an hour, and did dishes. Got my Dad signed up for another 6 months of insurance. We had Chinese takeout for dinner. I cannot even imagine the amount of prep work needed for a Chinese takeout place. Rice, vegetables,  meat, egg rolls etc...  it seemed like a high paced place to work. It was only Wednesday night too.

I then went to bed. Just your typical boring day my heart is happy to live. I did receive my free $200 from my new Savings account. Yay free money.  I am happy to make 2% on my money instead of .1% or whatever. It's not a lot, but it's something. 

You see?  I usually have little simple stuff that crawls through my mind.  I am bad at watching tv, meaning I just don't do it a lot. I am pretty content just living in my own head. When I get home I love chilling, and maybe having a mixed drink.  I think about all kindsa nothing,  and I am happy. Like last night after an hour I did dishes, and checked on car insurance for my Dad, and then we picked up Chinese. I don't think anything real important popped into my mind at all. Everything is just easy. Don't worry about anything I know of.

So this is a silly update,  but my life is pretty simple like this, and I really have no worries about anything. 

Anyways, til next time.   :)

Laterzzz.    :) 

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

MWAH.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :))) 

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Am I Pregnant?

I woke up this morning with a weird craving. Sauerkraut. I knew I had a can, and I wanted wanted wanted. I ate half the can, and drank a good amount of juice. Now that is a craving. Not sure if I want a boy or girl. I have to be pregnant. Who else would crave, of all things, Sauerkraut? 

Other than that not much going on. I am kinda dreading today since it is a work out day. We are busy at work, I'll be tired when I get out, and I'll still have to work out. Not looking forward to that feeling. After this week everything chills out a bit. We will have survived the busy Summer, and Christmas.

Our New Year will be upon us in no time. I have absolutely no resolutions at all. This year has been pretty good. I cannot even believe what we got done with the house this year. I don't know what I'll do to keep myself busy this year. It typically will be work, eat, sleep,  but I have free hours to get other shit done. I really don't know what this year will look like.

Typically I feel pretty okay inside. I am fine with me. I am happy to live the days alotted to me. Not really anything to worry about. The World goes on, and it doesn't really concern me. The pressures of life seemingly don't really bother me. People have things to stress about, but my biggest concern is how I will feel as I bike farther away from my house after work to work out. I have no clue what to do for dinner either.

I kinda liked yesterday's blog. Not cuz it was some great update or anything, but I tried to picture in my mind people who I sorta once knew, and what they are doing. Lol who the Hell knows. If they were so inclined they could always see what I am up to. Not much. Just a neat exercise I spose.

So we have the holidays. A new year. I have no clue what this blog was about this year. No major theme I can remember. I know we were in the wilderness so all deeds do not matter.

Oh one thing I thought about earlier. The person I am now  is nowhere near who I would have been, had I not made the turn in the early 90s. I would have been more like you on the inside. What a tangled mess that existence is huh?  Going through the eye of the needle actually also took the log out of my eye. The Spiritual eye is the one that can see in its head. I can see clearly,  but really it is my heart that controls my thoughts. That changed for good once I gave up, and couldn't go on. I learned I am in no way in control of how I feel on the inside. My wilderness years taught me that.  I literally learned I am in no better position than cattle.

You currently have the proverbial log in your mind's eye. Ya kinda are born with it. Ya can't on your own take it out either. I can't help you with that either. After I did this too, or it was done for me rather I was led into some terrifying ordeals. To learn about my path,  and obstacles,  and the order of things. What once was a desire to be good eventually turned into a desire to be saved, and accepting condemnation if that is the will. My heart was nowhere near strong enough to overcome, but I was helped with everything while overcoming.

Anyway my story was a Spiritual one, and I am mostly spirit. On the inside though. Just a regular human on the outside. The sword is written spiritually,  but it looks like human speak. One's eyes have to be opened to see the sword as it is. One has to learn too the sword does not save.

It was always about understanding, and that comes after number 3. Then all tools will be at my disposal. Currently I am pretty powerless toward anything. Kinda just a small voice in the wilderness.

I spose. Might as well get a run in to totally demolish myself today.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

xxoo.    :)

MWAH.   :)

Bye.     :)))

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Sometimes You Remember Back.

I swear the last couple days I started thinking about people I sorta got acquainted with doing this thing. As with all things not much stands the test of time. As I am above 50 years old, I am a homebody. I don't really socialize a lot,  but I live in a pretty full house.

People Come,  and people go, and I guess that is part of life. This blog of all things stands the test of time, at least for me. I still do this.  Why?  I still feel like doing it if I wake up on time.

As to people who I once sorta got acquainted with what do I think?  Ehhh, not much really. I have no clue what goes on in people's lives, and I don't really care I spose. I think when I first started this thing I thought people were bigger than life. They have an online personality, and people know them. I do this though, I can't say I have a big online personality,  but if I do this, for a lot of years than none of us are bigger than life. I sure as Hell ain't.

I did think of that a bit the last couple days. I suspect I played the fool at times or whatever,  but I was free to do as will. I still do this though if fool I am, then so be it. I still am, and I still am free to do as I choose. I have no heroes before me. No one I would rather be. I suspect many people struggle through things in life,  and it is in those things people once shared. Now everyone does Instagram I suppose, and I don't.

In life I miss out on nothing. I don't have to share hardships cuz there are none really. I could stand guilty cuz I am not a Saint, but I have no remorse,  cuz I am accepted. I have been judged twice, and you know my story... what it was all about?  Perfection is out of my reach, and impossible without help. As to being a Saint we all fall short. I was willing to go the route of learning,  and I was willing to play the fool too I guess.

I was accepted after overcoming the 2nd time, not cuz I was perfect,  but I endured my lot, and was willing to do what would not be my will if that was the plan.

My heart would be like I want, I want, I want, but I took the other route. Your will, and that made the difference. My coin, I want, I want, I want. Instead take my coin, do with it as you will.

That I did in the early 90s. I didn't know what 2018 would look like. I had plans for 1996. My 5 year plan was awesome.   :)   hahaha.

Anyway all others just run in place. It isn't easy overcoming one self, and I was coming as someone who wanted to be good,  but I really wasn't always successful in that. I am so free to be as I am, and in 1991 I would try to manipulate myself (unsuccessfully) to make me into the person I'd like to be.

I am content in who I am, but my story still isn't over.

Anyhoo,  I spose.

Til next time.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Friday, December 14, 2018

Same Old Story

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I am in a bit of a panic. I don't know where my fitbit thing is. I don't take it off at night, and I woke up with it not on my wrist. It realistically could have fallen off anywhere I guess. We went out to dinner too.   :)  I obviously enjoy keeping track of my steps.  If I lost it I'd buy a new one probably.

I got my birth certificates in the mail yesterday, so I am all official like as a person. That too was a thing I was a bit worried about I spose. As far as I know I've never been to Minnesota,  except for some odd reason I was born there.

After calling a random hospital I found out you get MN certificates through the State or something. Fill out a form, and they'll send you one. It's in my fireproof safe. I feel pretty good about getting that done for some strange reason.

Yesterday was okay as days go. We went shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond. I wanted a good set of knives. I was going to spend a good chunk on them too. In the end we realized all we needed was a good bread knife. I do have other good knives, so I saved money there,  and spent a lot on other shit that wasn't even on our radar of things we needed.   ;)

I opened up a savings account. The Discover credit card company is also a bank, and they pay 2%  I put a good chunk there. Also they'll give me $200 free for the amount I deposited three. Free money??  Yes please. My other savings accounts don't pay shit. I have too many banks. It's pretty ridiculous. Chase gave me $500 for jumping through some easy steps, that's why I have that. Discover actually pays interest, so that sold me. Eventually I'll get rid of of a couple. I have 2 more that were my original banks. One took care of the mortgage, which is no more, and one took care of other bills.

So that's that. Not much really going on. I have the next two Sundays off, and I work Monday morning. That is fine. It will be a nice change. 

Not much else on my mind. I pretty much decided I like not having my name tied down. There was some question of would we need to cosign a loan to help Haileys daughter get a house, or actually us taking out the mortgage for them. I realize I like being free of that stuff. We can help with a down payment, but that's it. Their house their signature. Her husband's credit had some dings, but it's been cleared up, and the banker thinks January his numbers should be good. I just don't want to have stuff to worry about you know?  Me being mortgage free is a pretty big deal. My Uncle passing a little over a year ago changed all that for me. He was just living a pretty simple life doing nothing really,  while sitting on A sizeable chunk of assets. John and I did okay in that.

I don't know how much otherwise it changed my life. Financially I am different,  but I don't feel my life is much different. I still work. 2 jobs instead of 3, but that was mostly so I could take one day off/week. Remember last year I had holidays only off. I do enjoy my day off too. I got pretty good raises this year too from both jobs so I make more than last year anyway.

I do like working. For one thing you always have money coming in. Also it helps with a schedule. It works for me, and my heart likes to labor. I feel free at the end of the day to do as I want I spose.

I dunno.

I think I'll take Hope for a little run.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeee.    :)))

Thursday, December 13, 2018

I Guess Life Keeps Moving.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I guess before I blogged I was thinking of significant and important things going on in my life.  Oops, there isn't anything. I've been sleeping in this week. Just been tired. Monday I stayed up and watched football.

Not really a lot going on besides that. I still just am busy during the week. Yesterday you figure you get up around 4:30AM. After work, I had to work out bike home,  take Hope. I didn't relax til after 4:00 PM. That's 12 hours straight on my feet. I remember leaning down around 8 hours in or so to grab something, and I felt that was a cruel thing to have to do. Lean down when you've been on your feet all day. Sleep is the great equalizer. Today my legs feel refreshed.

One thing that happened yesterday while working. I was just in the flow trying to get shit done, and I realized after work, I don't have a thing to worry about. Nothing to stress about. I will end my work day with an untroubled heart. That is a good,  and relaxing feeling.

I know people have stress in life,  and mine has really been taken away. I have no wishes for glory,  or popularity, or anything really. My day to day is fine. Simple simple. As a matter of fact, I'll probably take a trip somewhere warm this February. To escape the cold for a bit, but this December has been pleasantly mild. November was cold, but mild winter weather is easy.

Things just look good. Life seems easy to me. I don't suspect I was looking for the easy way of life,  but unsuspecting it found me. The key is my heart, and that I don't control. My burdens have all been lifted so to speak. I know you are not in this spot.

Anyway, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Byeeeee.      :)))

Monday, December 10, 2018

A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday I finished listening to "The Stand"  a 48 hour audible book. I did the first 24 hours, put it down for a month or so, and just finished the last 24 hours. It's not as good as I remember when I was a kid. Maybe cuz you remembered how things would happen. I didn't remember the ending. I read "It" for the 2nd time like 25 years ago, and had the same disappointment. The new movie came out 1-1/2 years ago,  so I started reading it for a 3rd time. I put it down for a bit with half to go. The 2nd part of the movie comes out sometime next year. That's where I am in the book. When they are grownups.

I got most of my shit done yesterday before work,  so a day off is a day off. I am going to make bread with my sour sponge I made by scratch. I think l fucked  up todays bread, so I am remaking another for tomorrow just in case.

That's about it. Today is a day,  and I'll live it. The scales are removed from my eyes. I have no illusions of how a life is supposed to be. I don't feel one side is right and one is wrong, but all are wrong. You won't make right within this World. You are a part of this World though so what else is there? 

I know when my time came I searched for life. I didn't see any really worth anything, so I made the turn. To do whatever I am here to do, cuz all else seemed pointless. All avenues did not lead anywhere of any great value.

In the end I had one coin. One life,  and I gave it up for a better one, cuz I didn't see any other worthwhile thing. Now I didn't have a manual, but life pulled, and I turned. This many years later, seems like quite a story. I had no idea what I was doing mind you. I knew I wasn't any great person. The kind of person I wanted to be was out of reach. All that stuff was placed in my heart,  cuz like I said I wasn't following any manual. I just waited for whatever I was supposed to do.

I wasn't scared when things started up so much a few decades ago, and then I was placed in scary ordeals. Seen by no one but me. A solo journey, cuz I couldn't tell anyone. The Spiritual World was opened up to me, and I had a pretty good idea no one else I knew have seen this. I suspected no one else living either, but I didn't want to think about that.

I knew I stumbled onto the real hidden life, and I couldn't tell or show anyone. There was a short time I thought I could,  cuz I felt at the time I was as good as a person can be.  I was full, and secure. I went in the wilderness being pretty empty. No security.

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud. This World means nothing, and any life doing things in this World means nothing. There is a different truth out there for those who seek for a higher meaning.

It was easy for me, cuz my life was broken, and I would have liked to be a Saint, but it was out of my power. I didn't grade on a curve,  but I graded on my own curve. Who I wanted to be compared to who I was.

The World is noisy, so everyone grades themselves uselessly on the curve of the World. They find their purpose by following someone or some group.

Thinking they are making points all the while being shut out in the game of life. There is more to life than what you have experienced,  and there is more to life than what you can comprehend.

I am living proof, but you cannot see inside me, except I guess a little by what I write here.

A strange thing being me. To be in a way different section of life than you, and you and I being incapable of bringing you here.  Strange indeed.

Anyway,  I guess that's good.

Sorry so long.  (Not sorry)   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.    :)))

Friday, December 7, 2018

The Daily Struggle.

Just kidding. I don't really have a daily struggle. Yesterday I guess was a struggle getting up early. The day  before was pretty busy. A run, work, bike, workout, bike home, etc...  The one thing that stuck out was I wanted to drive to work yesterday. I did not want to bike. Sometimes I think it would be convenient to drive so I can do errands after work,  but I'd still ride my bike, cuz I'd rather do that. Yesterday I wanted to drive, and I was glad it wasn't a workout day. I ran 3 of the last 4 days prior, so I was not going to run either. I guess that means I was tired. The day still ended up being a 28,000 step day.

Today I feel well rested. I'll run, and bike, and workout.  I slept only 5 hours too. It's all I needed. I am done sleeping too, if I went back to bed I wouldn't sleep. I think in my norm it is a rare occasion I'll sleep 8 hours.  I never hit snooze either. If I don't feel like getting up at my early alarm, I have another going off in 1-1/2 hours. If I don't feel like getting up then, there is one more 45 minutes later. Today I felt like getting up. Yesterday I think I got up at the 4:00 AM one.

Really this life is pretty simple.  Not a lot for me to worry about. I am under no strain to be a certain way to others.  I am free to be as I am. I don't really have to be fake or anything. Typically I am in a pretty good mood I feel, so that is a good thing.   The worries of the World have passed me by I guess.

I guess I am grateful for waking up this way. A day I have to live,  and the days are simple. In life I am missing out on nothing,  and I don't really need anything. A meal to finish off my day, and a good night sleep.

I know the World is noisy, and life is busy, but mine isn't. Everything is in slow motion kinda. Nothing for me to get worried about. Work will be stupid busy the next couple weeks,  but that's about it. Then the New Year hits.

So, as you can see I pretty much got nothing. My heart is easy though.

Guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.   :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Keeping Track Of Stuff.

I was looking at my sleep. My silly watch keeps track of it. I didn't sleep great on Sunday,  and Monday. I went to bed at 7:00PM last night. I felt I got a good night sleep. It was under 6 hours, but I feel pretty well rested. I don't know if this is the typical/optimal sleep ratios,  but I was 3.5 hours light sleep, 1 hour + deep sleep, and 1 hour plus REM. The way I feel today I feel that ratio is pretty optimal for me. Most of my sleep seems to be like that.

I can sleep through a tornado, so I think my light sleep is still pretty deep'ish perhaps.

I was so looking forward to getting my gas bill. I think they said our November was one of the coldest in recent history. Maybe in all of History. I finally got it. It was only $40-something  dollars. The highest I paid last winter was one month a bit over $80. We added a shit ton of insulation last Spring if you remember,  so I am curious how this Winter will go. All windows we didn't replace yet either we got replaced.

I got an update on my November running. I didn't run much in November. I felt my increased mileage days the past week were kinda a workout considering increased mileage was not any great mileage at all. I was falling a bit as to having running legs.  Yesterday's run I felt I was getting back on track. It wasn't so much of a workout as the previous run.  A good sleep, and curiosity has me pretty interested in how my run this morning will go. So, I guess I do keep track of stuff,  and some of this stuff is info just recently made available, like how our sleep is.

Sleep is very important to our overall well being. If people struggle with sleep that has to be tough.

Other than that life goes on.  I wake up,  and do this a lot. I haven't looked at my totals this year, but it is closer to 200 than 100 is my guess. Nowhere near 300, which used to be my norm years ago.

I don't know the significance of things I do here, and how they play out, but I gather in this busy World I am kinda the guy in the wilderness singing a different tune.  The World was busy with challenges and stresses way back too. The guy in the wilderness would only appeal to those looking for a better life than the World seemingly has to offer. An easier, less stressful life.

One lesson of my story is the day my energy returned. I was held in a pretty low place for about a year or so after the Hospital. For those who don't know, after overcoming the first time I was placed in Psychiatric Intensive Care for 6 days. Crazy as a person can be as far as this World was concerned.

I knew I was fine, cuz I knew my story, but the worst of the worst had his way with me. My path has taken me the farthest distance I could go I spose. Remember I asked why did you let me get so far away?  The answer was to save more lives, but I am a vessel. I do none of that stuff. Out of my power.

As low as I could feel, it still was possible to have my energy restored. Also remember when I gave up that one day. I was taken once again to the wilderness, and pre hospital horrible days. That night my heart was taken,  and now the wilderness has no effect on me. The only problem is the World holds no interest to me, so Worldly accomplishments mean nothing to me. You toil in vain, and that is the story of the Wilderness. The futility of it all. In the wilderness I do sing a different song this World does not know and understand.

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Til next time. 

Have fun.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The Days Just Keep Coming.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I did get some shit done I've been waiting to do. I had to get an application for my birth certificate notarized,  and also set up an IRA. Did that at the same bank. I'll eventually need my birth certificate to upgrade my licence for travel. I had Electric Bills from 1998, no birth certificate though. I unloaded all my assinine paper work I held onto for years, but couldn't find my birth certificate. So stupid shit like that. For the record I was born in Winona, MN for some reason.

I got my workout in. 4 sets for each exercise. I felt pretty strong yesterday. Last week I traveled 74 miles through walking, and running. Monday I don't move near as much as other days, so basically 70 miles in 6 days let's say.

Not much else besides that. Today will be work,  eat, sleep. I'll run after work. My sleep was weird last night so I stayed in bed for a bit.

My life is pretty easy. Been this way quite a while. Even when I had bills it was pretty easy. I don't remember there being a lot of stress.

I know of some things that make life harder, but people continue down that path. I don't know what a normal person's wishes are. I am pretty far removed from being a "normal" person, so I don't really know anyone too well.

Life's highlights really aren't you know?  There are no points for all the things we toil with. People don't buy it though,  even though it's the truth. People think they are important as well as their life.

So many things we believe that aren't true. Happily ever after. There is someone for everyone. A perfect partner if you will. I suspect people live their lives assuming they are Saints. Better than Hitler counts for something right? 

Hitler was not too far gone he couldn't repent. I am not saying in the end he had a repentant heart, but he could have. The unrepentant heart is currently your downfall. Your hearts are hard, cuz when someone told you the truth, you didn't believe. It's been that way forever.  You aren't better than people in the past. You chose the World over the truth, and now you cannot find your way back. I cannot help you either.

So, what do I think of you. I am who I am. I have my life,  and my story.  I know how my story will go for the most part, but I don't really know how the days will look. I know tomorrow I'll wake up to another easy day probably,  and eventually this story goes on. When I don't know, and I am not concerned.

For the record I did receive a repentant heart after the turn. Who I wanted to be was out of my power, and I saw that person's end. The repentant heart we do not make. Our hearts we don't control. It takes a lot for a person to see the truth,  and courage to accept it. I've been lucky enough to be able to do both, and that pretty much started my journey I guess.

I just wanted to be a good person,  but the story of that went way farther than I ever imagined it would.

I've seen things you don't even know is possible. I've endured things you wouldn't even believe. I've endured though, and now my days are easy.

How you fit into all of this I have no clue really.

I have a day today though. 

Have fun.  :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Blogging On A Sunday??

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Sunday I do try, and blog once in a while, but it is dumb so I delete a lot. This weekend was fine. I worked yesterday, and I work today. I saw a movie after work yesterday, and I made an easy meal. Not much besides that. I already have laundry started,  cuz I like to get my shit done before Monday off. I am also having a 2nd cup of coffee, which I never do. First one tasted really good with toffee creamer.   :)  I'll have the jitters for a while I suppose.

Outside of that not much. I'll do the dishes and clean the kitchen after this. I am going to take Hope for a run too. It should be a pretty okay day.

See, this is how my Sunday blogging is. I get to this point,  and I figure how dumb, so I delete.

It is nice waking up though, starting my day, and having nothing to worry about. I really like working Sunday, cuz I figure I'd probably just drink, and watch football otherwise. Remember how I didn't like days off so much, cuz I just get lazy. I now only have Monday off. I sleep til I wake up,  and Monday is a work out day. I am free after that so I can do whatever. Monday is pretty free that way, and I like it.

I don't really know what other people do with their lives. I am not too concerned either. I know life typically is hard. A lot of noise kinda that makes decisions hard. Should I do this and that?  I kinda want to do this. Maybe you try and go in some type of direction,  but your heart pulls you in more fun less productive ways.

Consistency is good in ways, but it can be boring.  Why can't our hearts just always feel like we are having fun?  Mine kinda does I suppose. My life is fine. Nothing really to worry about. The noise of life is cancelled out for me.

The truth of life is we are unable to make our best life. A care free worry free life we cannot make. Perfection is out of reach too. There is guilt, and anger, and judging etc...  no one did this thing perfect you know. We all struggle with stuff. I wanted perfection,  cuz I wanted security, and to be a good person.

I found perfection is possible, but you don't get it right away. Security is possible too, but there is a lot to endure, and a lot to learn before you get that. At least in my story.  Your story I do not know. It won't be mine. I had to go a long way, but it was for good.

So, what's it mean?  I don't know. It isn't my story,  and I am not concerned with it. I just live out my days til I go, and do the final thing the current version of me has to do. Whenever that is. I suspect it is more conditional on others, and not me.

Not something I need to worry about.

Anyways,  I guess that's good.

Laterzzz.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.   :)))

Friday, November 30, 2018

How To Do This.

I don't really have anything to write about, but I'll give it a whirl. Yesterday was a pretty normal day, and by normal I mean it was a good day. I don't really have a ton of stuff to do around the house being it's winter and all, so I went for a run after work. It made me think of getting in running shape, but I break down, so I hold no hopes,  but I can give it another try I guess. Even if a long run only turns into 6 or 8 miles.  It might be all this body can handle.

Other than that not much. I made a very easy meal, and went to bed shortly after dinner.  It's my normal. Bed early hopefully = waking up early. Tuesday through Saturday I work early, so I try to wake up a few hours before work,  except for Saturday. I work at 5:00 AM on Saturday, so I get up get ready, and go.

Sooooo what else?  Not much I guess. I guess life is easy, and I am at peace. Not a lot for me to worry about, and not a lot of stress.

I just live out my days really.  I seek out nothing in this life. I just am, and just live. I know a life is typically filled with a good amount of stress,  and a good amount of striving, but that is removed from me. This heart has not much to be concerned with. What does this blog do?  Maybe nothing,  I don't even know. Maybe people like to read another person's thoughts about life,  and stuff. I don't know.  Maybe not either. It could just be a total waste of time too, but I am not concerned.

I've been doing this a while, so it ain't no thing usually to write some shit.  I guess life in the end can be boring. We aren't doing anything special. We aren't collecting any points for deeds we assume to be good.

We are born here having the World always always always trying to elevate our worth, and the truth goes in the opposite direction. We are numbered like the blades of grass. We dont go around looking at what the prettiest blades are.  :)  most of you anyway.  

The truth tells us of our sad existence I guess, but I hold the trump card.  A heart that is fine with my lot in life.

If you try to make your blade shine the prettiest green, and be the healthiest blade, you battle against the truth, and your labor is in vain. 

The truth is pretty brutal when looked at directly. It's why it will be the toughest thing you do. Those who are willing anyway. I suspect many/most will continue to shine their blade, cuz they want to be perceived as special,  and unique.

I guess in the end I will be, but it won't be by any unique special gifts I created. It will be cuz I was willing to go this path. 

Anyways, I guess that's good. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

A Day.

So yesterday I slept as late as I could. It was the right call too, cuz I ended up having a ton of energy. I came home, and took Hope for a walk. I then went to Best Buy to pick up one of my Cyber Monday purchases. I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things... $120   later.   ;)

I came home, listened to music,  we ate a meal,  and I crashed. It's nice ending the day with no worries at all. It's also kinda nice knowing tomorrow will be about the same.  I'll have a day. There will be some labor,  and a meal to finish it off. Then there will be sleep.

I can't really make sense of the World. I don't know anything about it really. I had a strange thing happen. I don't know if people keep track of their credit ratings at all. Mine was over 700 forever, and it dropped like 80 points a week or so ago. I think other numbers too have been dropping in my credit rating. I don't really care so much cuz I ain't taking out loans, but it seemed strange. I have absolutely no debt, except I use Discover sometimes,  an Amazon card, and Best Buy. They automatically pay the balance from my checking the day they are due. I use them for rewards, and cash back etc... 

I don't know if it is cuz I don't have a mortgage, or any installment loans of any kind, so basically not using any credit. It seemed strange to me though. Strange like when we got our house appraised before the housing bust. We added a bedroom, and bathroom, and our house appraised for what we originally bought it for a decade earlier. It doesn't pass the smell test you know?  Like maybe something is up, but I don't know what.

It's not really something I have to worry about though. Money coming in greatly exceeds money going out. I live pretty simply. I don't even eat out a lot, we typically make our own meals. Our cars are new'ish,  and paid for, and we don't put a lot of miles on them.

I don't have any financial strain I guess, and I like working the jobs I work. I am content in who I am. I am definitely secure in my own skin. I like my life I guess. It's nice knowing I'll wake up tomorrow pretty much the same as today.

Anyhoo, just getting some stuff down. Guess I got time to take Hope.

Til next time.

Laterzzz.    :)

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.   :)))

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Hello There.

Haven't done this in a while. No reason really. Weird work schedule, staying up to watch the Bears on Sunday Night, getting sick, shit like that. I don't really recall if I ever had the flu before,  but I got it. I felt fine. I woke up 11:00 one night. Felt pretty good, and I could sleep for a few more hours. I had a drink of tomato juice, and my stomach started turning. After I puked the 2nd time I called into work. Lisa had it the day before,  and it wasn't pretty. I ended up puking, and ass pissing around 7 times each. I was good enough after that one day.  That was a new experience.

I watched football yesterday. My team didn't win. I looked at my life,  and stuff. My team losing does not affect my life in any way. It is just entertainment. No significance other than that. Sportsing in the end is basically not important at all. Just fun to play,  and fun to watch.

On any given day I can see anger in people for whatever reason. I thought about that some. I see some/a lot of anger being misplaced. Probably very very little/no people are out to make your life worse. Mostly people are out just trying to make their way. All probably cling to some stupid ideology created by people not smarter than you. Lines are drawn, and fights occur. Our team vs. Your team, and it's a goddamn football game mentality.

In the end you really want answers to life. Why life? What's the point of this?  All really are a product of your upbringing and society. People have been doing this and this since forever,  so I guess I better too.

I don't even know if people question anything. I know they don't question themselves. Just following your life wherever it may go.

I decided to try to not be angry and stuff. Just yesterday I found out the OSU coach has some type of cyst in his head, so he gets a lot of headaches and stuff. As his team was clobbering my team, I felt bad for him living like that. I've gone years since I've had a headache,  but I can't imagine it would be fun to probably always having a headache. All the money in the World won't make that life better.

As it goes on, my life still is simple. Better when I get plenty of sleep. Better also if I don't get the flu.

Still it's okay. Not a lot for me to worry about. Money goes out, but money is coming in too. Yesterday for fun I watched football. I didn't spend any money really, except for some Coors Light. I don't usually drink that, but since I drank during the game that started at noon, I didn't want to get all fucked up by 3:00PM. It worked. Coors Light is just shitty enough beer, you can only drink like 6 or 7. You pee around 1000 times, and you cannot stomach drinking another.   :)

Pretty funny. 

Anyway, I spose. 

Have fun.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Plop Plop Fizz Fizz.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I drove to work, cuz I had errands. I napped in my car for like 15 minutes, before working out too. I think when I ride my bike it wakes me if I am tired. It was a 3 set day too. I also watched There's Something About Mary. That movie had some really funny parts. I also got a haircut.

There wasn't much on my mind yesterday, and there isn't much on my mind today. I am going to see a concert tonight. Tonia Tucker. I googled her to see if she was dead yet, and found out she was very much alive,  and performing at a near venue by us. A place I haven't been to in forever. I typically don't do concerts. Lisa does, but not me. Too damn expensive for one thing.

That's about it. Nothing to see here you know?  The weather seems to have changed for good. I am not doing any outside stuff really. So, what will I do this winter?  I got nothing really. I have a few things to do, but not much. Last year I toyed with getting one of those game things to play video games. I doubt I do that,  cuz I know I get bored with that.

I could try, and get in great shape,  but I think I'd just get injured. In this great big World with me being able to do just about anything I feel I don't want to do much. There is no value in the wilderness,  so no points in anything.  Just doing stuff.

In a life where something must mean something the truth = it doesn't. All your clubs,  and hobbies,  and things you do to fill time doesn't really mean anything.

I wonder what people think about that?  One is maybe they don't believe it, but your heart will eventually see this to be true. I suspect you've hardened your heart a lot when reading stuff that may show up here. The truth is hard to accept I guess. The truth is bitter and brutal actually.  That probably is what I wonder most. When do people actually decide to take the way of the truth over the way of the World? 

You can't do both. One or the other. The truth leads in the best way,  but you lose all control. In your infinite wisdom, and omniscient eyesight you kid yourself of having in the World, you lose it all. You become a lone person with no security. One leads to being content, and one leads you always lacking something.  Something to strive for always.  Disappointment will always be your companion,  and anger overcomes you.

I.know seemingly all are unwilling to go with the truth, cuz you feel secure in the World. How do you really feel about stuff though? 

Anyway, winter approaches. Not sure what I'll do to fill my time.  We'll see I guess. 

Guess I better go. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

No Clue Where This Goes.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I was just checking the calendar. I always thought Thanksgiving was the last Thursday in November. It isn't this year, so I have no idea why Thanksgiving is on some random Thursday in November.  I just checked the calendar. It must be the 4th Thursday in November.

Now I remember Christopher Columbus's diary. "On this 4th Thursday of November we broke bread with the local Indians, and then we killed them."   Just kidding.

So yesterday was a day. Pretty typical. It was cold. Mostly due to the wind I believe. I was cold on my bike. I wondered if it was not being used to the temps, but me, and my neighbor agreed it was just cold. I took Hope for a walk, and she was fine.

Other than that not much. I forgot to put my watch on after my shower,  so I don't know how many steps. I worked late though, so I assume between 25,000-30,000. I never had that information before, but I am glad I have it now for whatever reason.

This has been a good year for leaves in most of ours are down, and I stayed on top of it, so I have very little left. A tree in our back yard typically doesn't fall til after Christmas, but it is mostly down, and to the front for the City to pick up. A lot of times we have to wait for those leaves in Spring,  cuz of snow, and stuff, and this tree has huge leaves,  and covers our whole back yard.

Today is a work out day, and I like doing that. Basically I do my circuit of 7 machines I think. I do either 3 sets or 4 of 10. The weights I use are getting a bit easier, but still a good work out. Nothing crazy hard core,  but using muscles I might not otherwise use.

There are just these simple little things to my life. There really isn't much challenging here. I work,  I eat, and I sleep. Not a ton of stress here for me. I have more money coming in than out. No huge expenses in the foreseeable future. I am healthy so that helps.

Unknown to me in this area of my life everything becomes pretty simple. My heart is at peace. I am sorta disinterested in stuff perhaps,  but it is pretty sweet waking up like this, and having the majority of my day planned. I never look over my shoulder like should I do this or that.

My heart is fine with my little life, and that makes all the difference. In this way I do not know you. I don't really know the stress of this World, but I do know people want little stress. A care free life really, and I gotta tell you it is the best thing one can get.

For me it was a long time coming, and it wasn't what I really wanted. I wanted to suffer. Do my final thing so I could be the best a person can be, and be secure. Well, I got security before being the best a person can be. Who knew that was possible?  Surely not I. I seeked suffering so I could get security. Suffering I still will do, but my heart I guess is courageous enough. I am willing to do my final thing, cuz this always was about understanding anyway. With understanding all tools will be at my disposal. Course I have no idea what these days will look like. Probably not very good days as far as this World goes. I don't know what they will look like though.

Still, I am not concerned. The weight of the World is not on me. The burdens of the World do not affect me. That too is a pretty excellent thing.

The life I now lead is simple pimple. Not a thing to worry about really.

Pretty crazy. 

Anyhoo, I guess that's good.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.   :)))

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Life Goes On.

Good morning. I had one of those mornings where I thought I'd get up, and I thought maybe I would sleep. I met halfway. I got up early, but not that early. I thought about stuff though.

I thought of things I know to be true,  but no one really went down that path with me, so no one else really knows this stuff. For me to even go on that path life had to be a struggle. I had to look at the World. It was ugly. I had to look at myself. No Saint here, although I would have liked to be. I thought of things I thought were true, and why do I believe this stuff. I thought of my life, and what's the purpose? 

It turns out everything about me was wrong. I believed shit this World taught for no good reason at all. Then I went on my little journey which ended in me overcoming the first time. During this time I learned the bitter truth of the World.

A Saint I was not, and security I didn't have. I did live a little life during the dead years. I was free to do as I chose, cuz I knew I had more to do, but I couldn't make it happen.  Time was not in my hands. When things started up again, I did live in fear again. I did not have security. What I wanted most. Living in fear is hard. Maybe my type of fear too hard, unless you've been through the eye of the needle. I suspect that to be true.

Overcoming the 2nd time I do have security. Still I am not a Saint, and I didn't know you could have one without the other.

Anyway this morning I thought of other people. There is no way you can know what I learned prior to overcoming the first time. It was my time in the wilderness. The bitter truth was taught to me.

I am no good. I am undeserving of anything good. As to my ability to make myself a Saint, that is impossible. As for good deeds I can do there are none of any value.

Me overcoming the first time was me accepting what I deserved even though I didn't want it. I could save myself at the expense of others,  and that was a lie. I accepted my lot, and was saved by this. In so doing i helped others. I thought I was on my way to death, and then the worst end. I was very very shocked I woke up the next day.

I was broken. I haven't told you this in a while, but I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  I knew this not to be true, but what could I tell the people in charge? 

I stopped taking meds right away. They put you on animal tranquilizers or some shit. Horrible stuff. I lived for about a year with no energy. Life is horrible that way.  I didn't know why I had to be like that, but I remembered saying during this time if I am destined for Hell let me accept it as that which I deserve.

When I overcome the 3rd time it is where I will go. My heart has to be right, and that is why I was empty for a year. To make sure when the time comes my heart will be right. I didn't even know I didn't overcome the 2nd time at this point. I had no clue what my journey would look like. I knew the final thing I must do though. Knew that even before overcoming the first time.

What's it mean for you?   I don't know. I know my job, and what I am doing. I just see no success in the job I am doing. That is fine. I have no agenda you see. I just write my early morning stuff. How you fit in, and how it changes your life I have no clue.

The job I am doing I have no clue how it works. Eventually I suspect it will cuz it is not my story, and not my work. I guess even still I continue to see how insignificant I am.

It is fine with me. I am secure, and content with my life. There isn't much to it.

Anyhoo, I hoped you enjoyed reading it. 

Have fun. 

Til next time.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Luv Ya's.   :)

Bye.    :)))

Thursday, November 8, 2018

So, I Paid Attention For A Day.

Good morning.  How's it going?  Me, I am fine. So I stayed up late watching election results the other day. I actually voted too, which I don't always do. Maybe 4 or 5 times in my life. Personally I was never going to vote, but I didn't like W. I read some books and stuff too, and my natural right leaning ways went hard left. A lot about this Country and it's History I didn't know I guess.

Anyway, so I am a left leaning mostly uninterested citizen. I think I mostly voted the other day, cuz I didn't want an old white guy for our Governor. The girl clobbered him.

Maybe that is cuz of Trump. Maybe cuz of weed too, I don't know. Weed is legal,  and I don't know how popular it is really.

For me, I don't really smoke it ever. Just not my thing, but like most people I could give one fuck what people do. It's fine by me.

I watched a little t.v. yesterday,  and I am over it. Sessions was fired, and yadda yadda yadda. What you need to know is Michigan has a Democratic Governor for the first time in 12 years, and she won it handily. Trump won in Michigan just two years ago. Doubt that stays the same.

White people who like angry people will still vote for him is my guess,  but I guess that isn't a majority makeup of Michigan's electoral. I'd like to think the right has a majority of angry people,  but I guess both sides have their anger issues.

Politics is very adversarial these days. Maybe it's always been this way, or maybe Fox news changed the landscape, I don't know. If you turn politics into a football game atmosphere, I guess people will get interested. If people get interested, and turnout then the right will be a minority party. Educated people side with the left,  women side with the left, and any non white people probably side with the left. The slow moving way of people's thinking is more progressive.

It's why women can vote now, and you don't have to own land, and blacks are considered equal under the law. 40 hour work weeks and stuff. Of course change typically doesn't come without the shedding of blood. Humans are, and always have been some of the worst people around.    :)

What's it mean to me?  Nothing. People are not to be held in high esteem. More a product of the World really. The World is wrong, people deep down look for scapegoats I guess, cuz shouldn't we all be happier?  Shouldn't this one life, just be the best thing ever? 

The truth of the matter is life is one of the stupidest things ever. It is very hard, or really impossible I guess to no longer be a product of the World. I think people deep down want to not be a part of the World.   Wouldn't it be nice if none of this stupid crap held any importance? 

I cannot imagine the typical day to day stress people live with. I have my work,  eat, sleep to worry about, and I don't.   :)

Anyhoo,  I spose. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh.

So anyway yesterday was just one of those days. We switched from satellite to cable a few months ago. Maybe longer. We kept getting a credit bill basically saying Direct TV owed us like $150. I swear I was just thinking about it yesterday or the day before. Also I had a statement from some retirement account from the grocery store. I think they automatically put some money from my paycheck, and maybe matched. I remember sorta getting letters, and me sorta ignoring them like I do most mail. Anyway, even though I basically worked 1-2 days/week. Usually less than 10 hours/week, I still had some $500 + in the account.  They took out taxes, and sent me a check. I was wondering when that would happen. I got that letter a few months ago.  They both came yesterday. Direct TV sent me a gift card. Basically a visa. I could transfer it to cash in my account, but what fun is that?  After dinner instead of sleeping we went to Lowe's. I just bought some tools, my 20 amp gfi I needed, a bag to put all my electrical tools in, so they stay together.  Stupid shit like that.

That was pretty fun. Getting an extra $500 for no real reason is kinda fun too, but I'll just cash that for having cash at the house.

We used to struggle a bit financially, and to have stupid money pop up out of nowhere just seems funny.

That was the highlight of my day.  I did help my bil put in a tongue and groove ceiling. Maybe 4 hours worth give or take.  Climbing up and down the scaffolding. My watch said only 4000 steps. Basically nothing compared to my work day. I found that interesting. I did stuff  yesterday, but I didn't move anywhere near what I usually do during a work day.

Basically another day in the life. Today is vote day. I think it's kinda a referendum on our current President.  I hope he gets wholloped. He's such an angry dude it would be funny. Why are old white guys always seemingly angry about shit? 

Personally I am not a fan of angry people.  I have my stupid life to live, and I don't have time for them. 

That's about it for today. 

Laterzzz.     :)

Have fun.      :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Bye.     :)))

Friday, November 2, 2018

Still With The Title.

Well once again I have no clue about the title, so I probably have nothing to write about. Yesterday was pretty normal. I did sleep in pretty late. Almost as late as I could. No reason, just figured I'd sleep.

I had a lot I wanted to do after work, and didn't feel like doing any of it. I sat, and chilled. Listened to my Juice Newton Pandora. All of a sudden I am obsessed with her.   :)  I think just her voice or something. She isn't attractive really. Not unattractive, but somewhere in between. Still it is weird I guess I find myself interested in this person I really know nothing about, except I like a lot of her songs. Definitely not her awkward late 70s early 80s quasi Country look.

Anyway, so after a bit I thought I'd do one little thing. Just put a round electrical cover on a box we no longer have power to. That took two minutes. I decided to switch out a kitchen gfi I've been meaning to do forever. I had a 15 amp outlet, and I found out it was on a 20 amp breaker. I did have a spare new 20 amp gfi from somewhere. I finally got that to work. Most of the electricity in our house does not have a ground wire. I thought our kitchen did, but it doesn't. It's right next to a switch so I switched that out too,  and put in a brand new white cover plate. A little annoying thing done I've been procrastinating with forever.

I have one more switch, and one more gfi to replace,  and the kitchen electrical is done. Oh yeah 2 of the wires to the gfi, and one to the switch was stranded wire. Just stuff that's harder to work with.

That was my day. Glad to get the little done I did. I am not sure what I'll do today. I have to work out after work, and I think that's it.

So what else?  Not much. Getting ready for winter I guess. My furnace so far never turns on. The house stays too warm. I even turned the heat way up,  and the furnace turned on. Just wanted to make sure it did that. I think the insulation they added last Spring is really going to help. It's like r60 now.  :)

I don't think I thought of anything particularly interesting yesterday. I took Hope for a walk after work,  which I enjoyed. Another day, and 25,000 steps. I basically move close to a half marathon every day I work. Something significantly less on the days I don't. One of the things I pleasantly learned this year.

Goals I have = none. I run a little. Bike a bit to work and back. I am glad I started working out. I like using muscles in ways I might not normally. It may seem weird to have no goals,  but goals are for accomplishing something in the hopes it makes you feel good. I already feel good, so I skip the middle man.

I have plenty of time to waste, which I am very good at. These days I work  around 45-50 hours/week.

I guess it's obvious.  Everything is fine and boring here. I have days that are uneventful. I guess I am active just cuz. I sometimes do stuff after work too.

I hope you didn't have to read this whole update.  How dumb it is. 

Anyhoo

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.      :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

My Day Starts Early.

My day definitely starts early, or I like it to anyway.  I guess it's a habit. I like this early time. I am up a couple hours typically before work.

Yesterday was okay as far as days go. We worked a little late, and I stopped on my way home. So basically I didn't do anything after work, but chill, and then made chicken enchiladas. That stuff is so ridiculously good,  and easy to make. It totally hit the spot. The day before I made ribs that fell off the bone with double baked potatoes. That doesn't really mean anything except you can eat pretty good meals pretty cheaply. How much would you spend going out, and buying for yourself, or 5 people?  A lot.

My life is simple like that. Work,  and eat something for dinner. My house is comfortable. I love the extra room we added by putting the vent free fireplace in the breezeway. It's so comfortable. Our house i feel is insulated ridiculously. I never hear our furnace go on. Granted it's usually around 40- 50 degrees out, but I swear I never hear it.

I don't feel I am anxious about anything. I am in no hurry for the future. The days change. Pretty regularly too. Like every 24 hours or so.   ;)  Today is as good as any other.  I guess one thing about me is I am not looking toward better days. Today is fine,  I don't need anything to be any better. There is no gold at the end of the rainbow. I am here. It's fine, I don't need gold.

I don't really know what makes a person think money is the key to happiness.  Happiness comes from our heart. It's one thing we have no control over.

Me knowing you a little better than you do is kinda trippy I guess. I don't really dwell on it. I live my day to day, and go with the flow. I just know others are missing out on stuff,  but they don't know it.

There is social media stuff,  but what do you want to show people. There isn't much to share is there?  We all have our lives. Our day to day that goes on, and nothing really means anything.

Without a content heart I would think life would be challenging. Always yearning. Always striving. For what?  Money?  Recognition?  You strive for a content heart. You go in any number of directions, and it is something you cannot create for yourself. A person born of this World is trapped inside. You want a care free heart, but no ways of the World will help you. It's out of your power. No matter what you didn't create for yourself some really special and excellent life. You just did what others did. Follow different winds at different times to where it lead.

My path I was totally blind to. No clue what I was doing. I was obedient though, for I knew the ramifications. My job was not to be perfect,  although I wanted it for security. My job is to overcome 3 times. Mostly live it, and experience it, because my heart is given strength to overcome. I cannot do any of it on my own. My heart is just strengthened to do what it must. I cannot even imagine the 3rd time. That may be scary. I'll be given courage though, cuz this vessel will have to be created new. As I am now I cannot be filled with perfection. I guess my new vessel will be created by fire.

Lol. You have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. 

Anyhoo,  I spose. 

Have a good one.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

OMG, I Have So Much To Tell You.

J/k.   ;)

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. Yesterday was pretty good as far as days go. I slept til 7:44 AM. I woke up thinking it was 4:00 AM, but it was almost 8:00 AM. That was good. I got most of my shit done on Sunday before work, so I pretty much had the whole day. I worked out, ran a couple errands, then basically chilled,  made a meal, and that was it.

I seriously have nothing too pressing going on right now. No more major projects til Spring,  and we really only have one. The driveway.

Really all we have to do is organize, and some finish work stuff. Nothing hard at all. So I guess I can relax. More than I normally do anyway. It's a good time for me I guess.

Other than that not much going on. Work, eat, sleep with a Monday off.  I am at peace I guess. Nothing really significant about me or my life. No great projects to tackle. No momentous whatever in my future. Life I guess is easy for me, and I suppose that means it must not be for you.

I know this, cuz I did not create my easy life. How I would be now if I didn't do what I did before I have no clue. The new me knows not the old me.  The new me wakes up like this most mornings.

I have nothing to prove. I need not any trophies. Accolades I have no use for. Life is just simple, and that stems from how my heart is. In our effort to create the perfect life we will fail. Our hearts go astray on any number of occasions. What will drive you nuts is we cannot keep ourselves in a box. We cannot get rid of the noisy World. There is always shit to worry about.

A content life is a most impossible thing to create,  yet I live one. Not because I created it, but rather my heart is made to feel that way.   I see no other person I'd rather be than me. No other life I'd rather live than mine.

I'd call it something like the meaning of success or whatever, but I did not create me. I am a product of the turn made decades ago. I did not create this person I am now,  and where I am you cannot stand. There is a chasm between us, and I cannot close the gap between you and I. It will be closed at some time. Maybe after the third and final thing I must do. Not sure, but if that is the case that means this blog is of no use. It doesn't do anything. It probably does, but I am not sure what. I just do as my heart feels, so...

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.   :)))

Friday, October 26, 2018

A Title Is Becoming The Hardest Thing.

These days it seems I sit thinking about a title forever. Writing this isn't hard. I don't know if I ever really know what I'll write. I just start, and see what comes up.

I don't know how I did it,  but I finished everything this week I wanted. I had some outside stuff to finish up before the weather turns. It's all done,  and Halloween isn't here yet.

I guess I don't really have much to write about. Life goes on. I guess I had a thought last night while supper was cooking. A thought I have not a thing to worry about. I am healthy,  active,  doing fine financially. I work, and bring money in. Work to me is mostly entertaining and fun. It's work,  so you have to work, but one job is mostly fun, and the other I listen to books while I work.

I know I am lucky,  and it is quite unique to be in my position. You cannot create that feeling I had last night. It is that little disconnect that makes me wonder of others. The struggles people deal with in life. I have a feeling people are always trying to measure up. Be as good as some ideal. Be as good as some other person, and how you perceive them.

No one should be looked up to. You are looking at a lot of imperfection wherever you look. No one lives up to any kind of ideal person. In the end we believe lies. Our eyes don't really see the truth, or comprehend it. We seek for Saints, and there are none.

So now what?  Life is supposed to be this grand thing, and it isn't. People are supposed to be remarkabke creatures, and they aren't. This World is supposed to be amazing, and it isn't.

We were born in a place where bad information is everywhere. Taught to believe things that aren't true. We put our faith in lies. Life sure is disappointing, because we grow up with false expectations. I guess we all suppress shit we aren't supposed to think. Sacrifice in areas, so as to improve our self worth.

Life is pretty ridiculous, and kinda filled with ridiculous people. I don't know how others skate through, when I know they will not feel how I do. At this point I cannot even help you in the slightest. You were given a coin,  but you chose the World. Nothing about this place brings happiness. Just look around. Everyone seems mad about something.

Anyways, it is good to be me. So many years have passed since I started on my journey. I still am not done,  but really has anything been really that hard for me since overcoming the 2nd time? We did have the draught years, so doing this thing was hard. These days a title isn't always easy to come up with. Other than that though.

Being assured of being on the right side of being right is a good feeling. Everyone I guess thinks they are in that same position. They are wrong though. Their foundation is built in the sand. Built on lies.  False teachers are plentiful, and unknowingly they lead many astray.

We are born thinking we are right, and it took me a lot to learn I couldn't be more wrong. So I went on my path of learning. It will once again lead me to great suffering,  but I am willing. Have been for a long time.

Anyhoo. 

Gotta run.   :)

Have fun.     :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

It Was Just A Week Ago Or So.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. It seems like it was just a week ago I was wondering how my to do list got so large. Here I sit with most things done. We expanded our driveway with a lot of gravel. Vent free heater is installed in the breezeway. Insulated up top. Circular tiles above the garage is done.  Electrical is done in the breezeway,  except for finish work. I even pulled my tomato plants out, and put them in the yard bin. Cut the grass for the last time too, except for bagging up leaves. That means I'll have to run the lawnmower like 5 more times still.

I have taken a week off from working out. Not really intentional,  but I think I jacked up my back while I was in the airplane. Nothing crazy, but just a little sore.  I am fine now. I can go today after work, cuz my little project today shouldn't take much time.

This is a pretty good time of year I guess. I am acclimating to the change in temps.  Really it's just good to get a bunch of shit done.

I guess it's time to think of Spring projects for next year, and it won't be so stupid busy like this year. We got most of our shit done. We have some things,  but hopefully we'll have everything organized.

Pretty soon the Holidays will be here. There will be a window of being stupid crazy busy at work,  and before you know it the year will turn over into a new one.  I guess this year has been quite a year.

Other than that not much. Yesterday was quite productive after work. It probably helped I slept in as late as I could.

Today will be a day. It shouldn't be too crazy. My days typically are pretty okay. I may even have a 2nd cup of coffee before my run.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Bye.    :)))

Friday, October 19, 2018

Unexpected.

So a strange for me thing happened yesterday. I went to bed early Wednesday night. I didn't wake up to any of my early alarms. Basically slept as long as I could. I thought I'd be bouncing off the walls with energy, but I was tired still yesterday. Like maybe I was battling a cold or something. Today I am fine, so I guess all is good.  

Also we had in total 4 yards of rock delivered the last two days. The area at the end of our yard has now got fabric and gravel down for parking. It's what we use the area for anyway. My dad did 90% of the work too. I did very little. It came out good.

So basically life goes on. Obviously nothing too important going on with me.  Even this update seems dumb to me. It seems dumb cuz it is.

Who gives a fuck about my boring life?  It is pretty simple I guess. I do the work thing, and the rest of the day is mine. I don't really have to stress about much. My life isn't special,  or unique really. I guess it has been unique, but right now it is just plain easy. I see people for how we are. Not gifted or creative really. Not special you know? 

We aren't smarter than others.  Our life really doesn't matter. There are no people of virtue who surround us. Every person you look at is not virtuous.  They may try to fake it though. There are no heroes. No one to look up to. No one we should try to emulate,  cuz all have their own struggles.

I think the main struggle with life is people think it is more than it is. Like this is supposed to be special or something. It isn't. You haven't carved some special niche out if life,  and you never will. On your own you won't become content. You will not become a saint. Destined to fail you are, and you cannot fake your way out of it.

Something has been bugging me since yesterday. I saw a customer at work. She looked familiar kinda, but I can't place it. Where have I seen her before?  I got caught staring at her trying to figure it out.    :)  I should have just asked her where she works or something. I cannot place her. One of those weird things. 

Anyway, I guess I am back to my normal self. Doing the life thing as it comes. Wake up without much to worry about, and the day will progress the same. Work,  eat, sleep.

Right now, I gotta run. 

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)

Bye.   :)))

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

I Could Sit Here All Day.

I definitely would have sit here all day trying to come up with a title. I got none. Yesterday was an okay day. My biggest annoyance was a knot I have in my butt. I don't know how I got it. Also I was sore from my Monday workout. So basically if I moved yesterday it hurt.  I worked so I moved a lot. My butt feels like I accidentally sat on a tennis ball for like 20 hours. No clue where that came from.

We got our vent free stove put in. If you've been around these parts you'll remember Jerry who I used to run with a lot. He's a plumber, and he fit time in his schedule to hook me up. He cut in to our natural gas supply outside and ran cssx tube to our breezeway. Natural gas instead of propane will save us money. Our breezeway will be heated,  and we have a big area for our house plants. I am sitting out here now.

Other than that not much. I feel if my sleep was a bit out of whack I caught up last night. I had a couple cocktails,  ate dinner, and crashed. Putting the work, eat, sleep motto to good use. I have to move a bunch of rock today. We are getting a yard shipped. I am going to put gravel down where people park at the end of our yard. I'll probably just come straight home today instead of working out. Just to get it done. My dad said he'd help too, with what he can.

So life goes on. I am out of coffee which sucks.  One of the days I would really like a cup. I am not sure about running this morning, cuz of my butt. I guess I might as well. I ran yesterday, and it felt pretty good. I don't know if it will aggravate my butt or not. I can always use the foam roller after I guess. Maybe find a tennis ball.

So, I got my routine. I will work today,  I got shit to do after. There will be a meal too. It's all one could ask for. I wonder what my outlook would be like now if I were just the person who was born here.  Would work be a grind?  Would I feel like a better life is somewhere else? People sometimes say they want to live their best life. I found that avenue.  It isn't anything like lifestyles of the rich and famous.

I don't know how you'd explain it. It comes from a different heart I guess. One not of this World. It comes from a life you didn't create.  It's not one you can really see either. As a person born in this World you see wealth as a source of happiness,  and contentment perhaps. It's the best the World can offer. It's all a heart of this World can see. The turning point for any person is being able to see their life is only one coin. Nothing more. Only then can you overpower the World.  As I write this now I see why we went in the wilderness. So you can get good vision.

Remember I said I wouldn't have taken you in the wilderness cuz it is brutal. After a year or so I see why we went. To help you.

It figures.  See how I do stuff, and I have no clue why, and then it hits me why we did it.

Pretty cool.

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Have fun.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.     :)

Bye.    :)))

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Just Like That Fall Is Here.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Life is back to normal. I worked Saturday and Sunday. Yesterday, I had off, and well, today I work.  somehow my to do list got a million miles long. I have no idea how that happened. Fall is here too, so leaves will be falling.

There really isn't much on my mind. Life goes on, until it doesn't. I find it kinda strange where people think in life there is nothing you can't accomplish if you work hard, and yadda yadda yadda. Well, you will die,  and I don't care what lengths you go to, you won't change it. People will tell you they see the big picture, but obviously they don't.

In just a couple years after you pass most of your life will be forgotten. Loved ones may think of  you once in a while, but less and less as time goes on.

I don't find that sad at all, just the reality of it all. I mean at my moment of searching I guess I wanted to live a life that mattered, but it really won't. I mean, yeah I have a story not of my making. Not of my planning either. One I kinda got thrown in, and really there ended up being a lot of downtime in this story. Never really knowing the timing of things,  I guess I always thought things would be done sooner rather than later.

Time is something people worry about, because one day you are young, and two weeks later you are 50.  Rocks aren't concerned with time. Things not bound by time aren't either.

I'd say your time is short so don't be mad about stuff, but people don't control their outlook. Every day almost I see angry people. Yikes.

When I was in S.A. I saw a lot of people in the service industry. I don't know where they lived, but people seemed okay. I can't imagine a ton were making a lot of money. They seemed to have mostly a decent disposition. I couldn't think of any reason for it, but I guess I like it. Good for them you know? 

So anyway, I got a lot to do. How that happens I don't really know, but it does.

I'll keep plugging along. I'll be back in my routine today, and I don't want to go on vacation for a long time.  :)  I like my routine better I guess. Work, eat, sleep.

My disposition is pretty okay too I guess. Mostly just cuz my heart is fine with my lot in life.  In the end I will have done good.  I guess that is more important than really mattering. I'm fine with that too. This heart doesn't need much, and I am grateful for that. 

Anyhoo, guess I better go. 

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.     :)

Bye.    :)))