A Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday I finished listening to "The Stand"  a 48 hour audible book. I did the first 24 hours, put it down for a month or so, and just finished the last 24 hours. It's not as good as I remember when I was a kid. Maybe cuz you remembered how things would happen. I didn't remember the ending. I read "It" for the 2nd time like 25 years ago, and had the same disappointment. The new movie came out 1-1/2 years ago,  so I started reading it for a 3rd time. I put it down for a bit with half to go. The 2nd part of the movie comes out sometime next year. That's where I am in the book. When they are grownups.

I got most of my shit done yesterday before work,  so a day off is a day off. I am going to make bread with my sour sponge I made by scratch. I think l fucked  up todays bread, so I am remaking another for tomorrow just in case.

That's about it. Today is a day,  and I'll live it. The scales are removed from my eyes. I have no illusions of how a life is supposed to be. I don't feel one side is right and one is wrong, but all are wrong. You won't make right within this World. You are a part of this World though so what else is there? 

I know when my time came I searched for life. I didn't see any really worth anything, so I made the turn. To do whatever I am here to do, cuz all else seemed pointless. All avenues did not lead anywhere of any great value.

In the end I had one coin. One life,  and I gave it up for a better one, cuz I didn't see any other worthwhile thing. Now I didn't have a manual, but life pulled, and I turned. This many years later, seems like quite a story. I had no idea what I was doing mind you. I knew I wasn't any great person. The kind of person I wanted to be was out of reach. All that stuff was placed in my heart,  cuz like I said I wasn't following any manual. I just waited for whatever I was supposed to do.

I wasn't scared when things started up so much a few decades ago, and then I was placed in scary ordeals. Seen by no one but me. A solo journey, cuz I couldn't tell anyone. The Spiritual World was opened up to me, and I had a pretty good idea no one else I knew have seen this. I suspected no one else living either, but I didn't want to think about that.

I knew I stumbled onto the real hidden life, and I couldn't tell or show anyone. There was a short time I thought I could,  cuz I felt at the time I was as good as a person can be.  I was full, and secure. I went in the wilderness being pretty empty. No security.

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud. This World means nothing, and any life doing things in this World means nothing. There is a different truth out there for those who seek for a higher meaning.

It was easy for me, cuz my life was broken, and I would have liked to be a Saint, but it was out of my power. I didn't grade on a curve,  but I graded on my own curve. Who I wanted to be compared to who I was.

The World is noisy, so everyone grades themselves uselessly on the curve of the World. They find their purpose by following someone or some group.

Thinking they are making points all the while being shut out in the game of life. There is more to life than what you have experienced,  and there is more to life than what you can comprehend.

I am living proof, but you cannot see inside me, except I guess a little by what I write here.

A strange thing being me. To be in a way different section of life than you, and you and I being incapable of bringing you here.  Strange indeed.

Anyway,  I guess that's good.

Sorry so long.  (Not sorry)   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)

Bye.    :)))