Saturday, November 30, 2013

It Is Like A Brand New Blog, and A Brand New Me...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay.   I am going to take the Hopester for a run in a bit.  it is sunny, and 36 degrees, which this time of year is perfect running conditions.  One of the things in the Winter is you don't have to get your runs in early, because of the heat later.  Actually it may be better to wait.  So that is good. 

Work went pretty well last night.   I had to make some "executive" decisions.   We were a person short, on a night where we could have used 5 and not 3.   A big promo change weekend, so a truck just threw up in the back room.  So I brought out what we I thought the 3 of us could do, and still reasonably get the store looking good for Saturday.   It actually went pretty smooth.   We finished just a little after 7:00, which is when we are scheduled til.  It seems the people there assume we are always just going to stay til 8:00 even though we are scheduled til 7:00.   Most of the employees don't appreciate it.   Schedule says 7:00 we should try to stick to that as much as possible.

On a truck night when we get slammed none of us mind staying late to the get the job done, but if we are just doing stupid crap work  just because, then that seems dumb.  

Anyway, so we did okay.   The back room looks like crap, but it always does when the end caps and "the wall" switch on the same weekend.  The store looked good, and we did what we could.   How did that get received??  Well, first guy in wanted to breathe fire down my throat.   "There was a grocery load", he said.   I was like "yeah we were down a man so I kept a couple skids of paper product, and the bulk stuff in back."   Bulk stuff stays back anyway.   He understood right away.  I guess I am supposed to do something with cigarettes when they come in, and some other thing that nobody ever bothered telling me. 

What happened then??  Oh just some mean girl who works there went off on me.   You are supposed to do this and that and this and that.   No one told me.   So she says, "And you are in charge??"   Well I didn't take to her bitchiness to well.   I don't like mean people, and I already didn't like her, so she is in the shit house.  

Let's see what it means I am in charge.   I give the manager days off.   I get paid zero cents extra for doing it.   Yeah, I do it for a favor, and I am only as good as I am trained.  I cannot do what no one ever told me before.   FFS.   So I have to put up with that shit, all for a measly  zero incentive, and zero money.   Now you know how crazy of a MF'er I am.  

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.   I also saw tonight we only have two people on, so that sucks ass.  I guess I am just getting the shaft this weekend, and dealing with mean people to boot.  yay. 

This is a new blog, and it is a new me in a way.   All the things you may have seen before you probably won't.  At least that is how I feel now.  It doesn't matter, nothing means nothing anyway.   I can't get that through people's minds.  You want to hold onto this World, and your life, because...   well not sure.   I don't really care.   I have a blog, and a job to do, and I continue to do it.   Everything matters in life, and many of you have lived a life, and you want to forget about your past, because of past mistakes and what not.   Everything is alive, and viewed, and seen, and you cannot run away from you.  

Good thing about my blog and my life is the very very very little I can do.   Just going to do my thing, and we will see if people come with or not.  

At any given moment, I can make any given life turn.   I don't hold on.   Been that way since forever, and it wasn't me who made me this way.  

Oh well.   have fun, and we'll see you later.  

Friday, November 29, 2013

What I Did On My Thanksgiving Break...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay I guess.   I know my title sounds like I did all these great things, but I didn't do crap.  Yesterday was just the icing on the cake.   I woke up early, and decided to go back to bed.  I slept til like 8:00 or so.   I was planning on running, but didn't.   I sat on my ass and didn't do a damn thing the whole day.   I was playing stupid games on my phone to be honest. 

That isn't really anything different than most Thanksgivings.   Lisa and I typically are pretty lazy.  We had a turkey and stuff, and stuffing, and dressing, and even more stuff, but I didn't eat it all.   Hailey made everything. 

I had to work last night at midnight, so I wanted to nap, and I was so lazy I couldn't even do that.   I was tired when I got home today. 

Anyway it is Thanksgiving here, and a start of a new year for me.   I find life to be tremendously boring at times, so don't expect me to be all excited about all the wonderful  stupid opportunities of great things there are to do in this World.   I have looked at the World.  I have seen what it has to offer, and people keep searching for meaning here.   There isn't any.   This life and this World is one of the silliest things ever.  We still try to wrap it up in a nice package huh??  Put on our pretty wrapping, and a nice ribbon, and bow, and say hey lookeeeee  here.   See my life??    Didn't I do everything right??  


So what is in store for this year??  I have absolutely no idea. What was last year about??   Did people even do anything??   Anyone get stronger?? Anyone get wiser???   Anyone get more courage???  Most people just got another year older.  One more step closer to the grave.  

What do you expect out of life??   You have been living it long enough I think, how is it going to get better??   How are you going to fill your day with shit that matters?? 

I don't know about this blog.   Last year we stressed strength and trust, and this year we didn't accomplish one damn thing.   More me, me, me.  

So this year we will be starting the 5th year of the blog.   Wonder what this year has in store??   I looked, and I will not hit 300 blog entries this year, and won't hit 290.  I may hit 280.   So many missed blogging days.   :)

LOL.    well anyway, I am just getting something down.  

Have fun, and be good, and I looked at my schedule, and after my 3 days off I am scheduled 6 days in a row.   YIKES.   Tonight will be a hard night, and tomorrow.   Sunday will not be a piece.... ehhhh,  all the work days are pretty hard kinda.  

That is fine though.   Lisa and I are doing fine.   Living the life we have been living forever.  Nothing too stressful.  Lisa's brother Brian will be coming to visit for a few months this summer.   He'll be visiting with us and Greg, and stuff.   That should be fun. 

Other than that not much going on.  

Laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   :)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Taking Stock

Good Morning All.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good. I was just kinda thinking this morning about me, and my life.  What is a life worth??  What have I done that is significant in any way?? 

I really haven't done anything have I??  What is it we base our worth on??

Let's see some of the things I have done.   I got married, I had jobs,  I have completed 5 marathons, and trained for at least 5 more only to be injured.  I have had blogs where my story was told.  It isn't anything really. 

There is nothing about me I would call of the redeeming nature.  There is nothing I can lay claim to that says I am worth something, because I have done this.  There are no points in this World is there?? 

What is it you base your worth on as a person??  What activities have you done that make your life worthwhile??  You see we as people lay claim to points where there are none.   Life in this World is not very significant is it??  We don't really do anything of lasting significance. 

I am 47 years old.  I have a realistic outlook of life.  I don't have any weights really holding me down.  I don't place value on things that have no value.  When you get to the bottom of the truth of life it is a weird vision. 

You can see our life really is worth just one coin.   We don't offer anything more.  We are not smart enough, strong enough, or good enough. 

Even though my life has gone on a crazy crazy ride, it still means nothing.   I learned my place in this World, and I learned what a person like me is really worth.   A realistic view of who I am, and also a realistic view of others too. 

I wish I could tell you all how this thing turns out, but I have a feeling it leads to a hard time.  A realistic view of our life, and our worth is totally different than anything we have been taught. 

Taking stock of my life, I am really not worth much.  I can do no deeds on my own that our worth anything. 

How do I feel about it??  I am cool with it.  So much of how I am is not because of me.   So much, and maybe all is about how my heart is, and that totally is in another ones hands. 

What can I do to help you along on your personal journey of truth, and wisdom, and knowledge, etc...?? 

Not much can I?? 

I can take stock of my life, have a realistic view of it, and just be happy I am the way I am. 

I offer you not very much at all do I??   I do nothing at all for anyone really do I?? 

A person who has lived a life, and grabbed the truth by the horns, and let it take me where it leads.   My life is not mine anymore really is it??  All these things I do are totally how I am made.   If you would have told me back in the early 90's I would be writing these blogs, and trying to help people on their way,  I am not sure what I would think about it.  

My life's goals were all changed with a turn I guess.   I have become someone who I could not become on my own.  

I am not even done yet.   Just one more little thing to do, and I have no idea how it will be.   I know it won't be pleasant, and I know I will suffer.   It makes sense understanding has to come in that direction huh??   Then I will know the people's end, because I will have been there. 

My journey is one where I had to overcome things, but I could not overcome them on my own.  I was given strength and courage when needed, and I will definitely need it for my last one, because although I know what I must do, I will be judged, and I will be doomed, and from previous experiences that is in no way a pleasant thing.  

I still do it.   I am not afraid, and that is just because my heart is totally who I am.   Not any deeds, or sacrifices, or anything.  

You know my life though.   It ain't no thang.    :)

Have fun all.   :)

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Well Today Looks Good.

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going?? Me, I am doing fine.   I am up early.  I have a cup of coffee.  I am sitting on the couch with the Hopester.   Hope knows she will be going for a run.  She will follow me around until we go.  She is a slut like that. 

So, what is going on with me??  Not much at all.   A day off.   I have a lot to do actually.   Clean up the house, and go shopping.   I am going to buy a turkey, and stuff for tacos tonight.  It isn't a ton ton of stuff to do, but it will keep me busy til like noon or so.  Then I am afraid it is sit on my ass time, and read, watch movies, or tv shows.   Eventually I will open up the Brandy, and have a couple of drinks. 

So the best part of my "blogging" self is all but dead.   Remember years back when I used to have a goal if I read a blog I'd comment.   Well, those days are long gone huh??   Is there any kind of lesson in that?? 

Perhaps.   What is one of the things we make our decisions on??   Consistency.  Life goes on pretty much the same forever right??  What was true one day is true the next right??  It is where we put our faith.   How silly is that thinking??   Ask those who invested in coins from the Holy Roman Empire.   Ask those who invested  in coins in the Weimar Republic.  

It always comes back to this one thing huh??   What can you trust that actually stays the same today and forever??   You??   No.  Your interests change.   Return on investment??   Enron employees will tell you a different story.  

Hard work pays off??   The slaves in the labor camps work harder than anyone.   They work til they die.  I don't see the pay off.  

The decency of people??   Really??   I hope you are far enough along in your life to realize people are not all that. 

You cannot count on anything.   You cannot even count on yourself to think the right things.   To do the right things.  

I tell you some things you can count on in life.   Life has some hard stuff to it.   You will not be happy.   Your existence will be okay sometimes, and shitty other times.   You will try to show people you have made all the right decisions, and have done all the right things, although you know in your heart you should be better. 

People will disappoint you.  It is in their nature.  Why??  well for one thing we believe in the fairy tales.   Happily every after.   There is our perfect match out there.  White picket fence.   Unconditional love.   Who came up with that one??  Where is that even written??  anywhere?? 

Words like faithful mean stuff, but it means things like obedience.   Believing when spoken to, and not hardening your heart to pretend it isn't real.   There was a condition for me.   Outside the garbage room of Bromenn Healthcare.   My whole being depended on obedience.   That was the fork in the road for me.   rebel, or do what was asked.   I had every reason to rebel, because I suffered more than anyone in the World.   Things you cannot even fathom.   Only to find myself as far away as anybody.  

The words are all tested though, and that was my life-giving reproof.   What words are tested there??  "He who listens to the life giving reproof will get understanding."   Did you see how that works??  I could have rebelled, but all words are tested right.   My heart was going to be made to do the right thing.   I listened, and in my heart I figured I should do the right thing.  

That was a life giving reproof.   So my outcome was determined, although I did not feel that too much during my Summer of Discontent, and I didn't feel it very much during my first two blogs, before the wait.   Many days during my first two blogs were hard.  Very little support, and you always wonder what if people thought this or that??  The way I was back then I got judged a lot.   Internal judgements from the bad stuff inside me.   Every day was seemingly a sword fight, and I just had my little utility knife to go up against those who were more skilled with the sword.  

Then comes the wait, and a lot is easy.   Not all things.   All that is true and honest makes things sooooo much easier.   All things hidden, and all things done in the dark, make things harder.   The light and honesty scares us, because well, we know us pretty well.   We surely don't want others to know some of the stuff about us.  

Life is courage.   Life is accepting truth, and life is making the correct decisions when you have been given good information.  

Put your faith in the truth.   Try and not fear your shortcomings, because they will not harm you.   All that we hide is what harms us.   It makes us worse people than we need to be, and it makes us not very healthy.   You cannot out exercise your demons, and you cannot out read your demons.   There is only one way to victory, and it isn't you.   Your demons overpower you.   You are not strong enough.  

Sooooo anyway, on any given day I can do any given thing. 

Today, I will say good bye.  :)


Monday, November 25, 2013

Guess I Will Wing This One...

Hello, how's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  Nothing major going on with me.  I do have the next 3 days off again though, so that is cool. I have no idea what I will do.  Not a lot to do actually, so we will see.   My last 3 days off in a row, I ran 3 days in a row, so that will be the plan.

So, I really don't have much to blog about today, so I guess I will look inside myself, and see if there is anything in there.   One thing I think is people do not have a real good vision into themselves.  Hard to differentiate maybe who we really want to be, and really what is happening inside us.   Two different things.  The Socially acceptable version of us is totally different than who we really are.  Maybe that is what I did all those years ago.   I was alone in the World.  I owed no one anything, and it was my life to do as I choose.  I had a College degree so the sky was the limit.  

After going through the personal deaths and break ups etc..., and a real look at the World and all that was out there, I think the one thing I wanted to be was a good person.   I wanted to make me the best person ever.  I meet people like Lora, and I go on my honesty kick.   That was the truth I grabbed a hold of.   That was my crutch.  No matter what honesty has to be good right?? 

Remember when I had a party, and Katrina walked into my room, and I was with that really good looking blonde.  YIKES!!   That sucked.   Took a bit of courage to look at how I hurt Katrina there.   Anyway as you may know at work there was a good looking blonde girl, and man would I have loved to look fabulous in her eyes.  I grabbed my crutch of truth, and told her I cheated on my last girl friend, or was about to.  So really I threw any hope for any gain of fabulous, and told this cute blonde what a guy pig I am.  That is something you can hold onto though huh??  The truth.  It will never steer you wrong, and it always always turns out for good. 

Truth is so hard, because we all have our demons, and we all want to look fabulous, but if we let people know what we think, well they can judge.

So in this big old World where there is nothing really good, that is one good thing.  To get to the truth of you. 

Life isn't always what it is cracked up to be.  People surely disappoint.  It is in our nature.  We aren't perfect, we are selfish people, and our own interests have always been the most important thing about us. 

Let's face it too how many of us really want to look good in other people's eyes??    What are some of the things you do to make that happen??   There really are two sides to us huh??  The World side, which is of this World, and the other one we kinda keep locked in our closet.   We don't want people to see that person.  The person locked in the closet is probably the best part of us.   That is the person who will win the race of life.  The other is caught up in the World rat race, and the other us is looking at things, and wondering. 

Anyway there is a lot to life.   I have this terrible job of blogging and explaining stuff.   Turning people's World upside down, because we always thought our Worldly self was pretty good.   That person isn't.  That person is of this World, and enslaved to all the chains this World has created.   You have to beat that person.   They have a pretty good control of you too.

Guess that is it.   Probably see you early tomorrow.


Sunday, November 24, 2013

So What's In Store For Today???

That is a pretty good question, as I am not sure.  I just checked, and I don't get the Bears game, of course I am assuming they aren't playing tonight or Monday night.  I should shovel, as we got a few inches of snow.  I have to work tonight too.   I think I will either watch a movie or read a book.  I never did finish the 3rd book of the Hunger games, because I breezed through the first two, and then got bored with it.  I still have that Poland book sitting on my table too.

There isn't much to this life is there??  There isn't much to any given day either is there??  I mean we really don't do much of anything that is significant at all do we??  We aren't going to change the World.  You won't make it a better place, and the kicker is we cannot even make ourselves better people.

Life is hard.  Life is complicated.   A lot of stuff to it, and none of it is really important.   We always want to believe in something good.   There has to be something here we can sink our teeth in, that says this is good.   What I am doing here is good.   I will hold onto this, and let it take me.  I have been saying to let everything go.  I know that is scary, because you have been holding on for so long.   You believed such and such for so long, and I am here telling you there is another who is here to teach.  Show you the ways you need to go, and for this you need trust, because to do this you stand alone.   No crutch to hold onto.   Nothing you have done to this point will help you on this path.

Who wants to throw away all they believe in??  No one.  You can see where it leads though right??   I mean life surely doesn't get any better, and we sure as heck aren't all of a sudden doing something important.   I know it is a sad state of affairs to wake up one morning and realize, hmmmm,   this life is dumb.

I know some people want to pretend they have the answers, or they have found a way to a happy life, and what not, but mostly people are angry.   Shouldn't this shit mean more??   All the avenues of thought seemingly point the blame for this life elsewhere.   All lives are the same everywhere.   People are unhappy everywhere.   We want answers too, and there are answers, but you have to look in the right places. 

There are ways to go, and we have a lot to do, but you have to deny yourself, and take the right way.   Even if you won't do it for you.   Every life here is a branch, and when one branch withers so does all the corresponding branches that grew off that branch.  It is a tree you see, and it needs to be healthy, and the branches need to grow.   They need  rain as well as sun.

So all along we live this life thinking it is all about us huh??   Nope,  for everything we do we affect others.   Maybe that is a good thing, because sometimes when we are down wouldn't it be nice to know we are here to help others along the way.   Not just us, and we don't know these ways or these paths, and that is why everything has to be done for us. 

hmmmmm,   I think I got all the bad stuff out.   Doesn't mean your interesting though.   :)

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I made some homemade pizza the other day, and I think I will have it for lunch.   I almost ate a whole jar of pickles for my break at work last night.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

I Don't Know About You, I Do Know About Me...

Hello.  Well one of the things about me I noticed is if I am angry, or unhappy about something it finds a way out.  That is different than how I once was, because I used to internalize things.  Many times just ignore things, and ignore people who I don't like etc...   That is kinda what I feel like doing with this blog.   Ignore it, and ignore people.   There is a whole full story of my past, and I can throw the old quid pro quo down, you not interested in what I have to say, then I am not interested in what you have to say, but really there is more than that.   I am only interested in so many things in this World, and us as people really deep down are not that fascinating are we??   I mean if I don't think Society is worth a crap, and people are trying to improve a Society that will not be improved.   Really people seemingly want to do everything, but the steps that would make them a better person.  

Enslaved to jobs, and income, etc...   Yeah, all that is known.   You see how weak people are??   They only put their faith in money, and income, and being able to buy stuff.   Your heart is a part of this World, and it is what you believe.   The man made ideas about coins etc... that have never ever ever lasted.   That is where we put our faith, and hopes, and dreams etc...   How will that lead to contentment??  How will that lead to happiness?  

All that you were ever taught you believed, because people wear the right clothes, or have  a lot of money, or have the right certificates hanging wherever.  The whole World is made up of man made ideas, and that is where your faith is.   You put your faith in man and society, and coins, and this World, and a whole slew of other things. 

The worst thing is you try passing that along as knowledge and wisdom.   Who wants to hear that crap??  You spent a life time of living, and this is all you got.   You are not going to improve on the same 'ole same 'ole.   You will stagnate.   Hate will deepen, and anger, and resentment, and why is that??   You believe in this World.   This World is rigged.   the powers that be, which usually coincide with those who hold the most coins, have their own interests at heart.   Their however many houses they own are the important things, because I guess it makes them look good, and masks how unhappy, unfulfilled, and how pathetic their lives really are, and how pathetic they really are as people.  

Many people grab hold of some type of propaganda of some sort, and hold that to be their only truth.   It is the only thing they want to hold onto.   It is their only truth.   Everything is a crutch.   The whole World is wrong, and you are unwilling to let it go.   See how weak we are as people.   See who our true Gods are??   See how wrong you are.  

Sometimes I really want to ignore this blog, but after writing this, I actually feel better.  


That is that.  

Friday, November 22, 2013

What Do You Think??

Well that was weird.   Anyway, good morning.  I'd say how's it going, but I don't really care how anyone is doing.   I am getting bored.  

This thing here has got to be boring, because I do it so often, and I know I am not very interested in what other people are doing, especially if you get the feeling they think what they do is important, or actually even matters. 

People really are scared little beings huh??  Afraid to be open about ourselves.  Afraid to take a real hard and honest look at our lives, and the significance, or actually lack of significance in what we do.  People must know their shortcomings, because instead of dealing with that shit they would rather just go out and change the World.   I am like, who do you think even finds you that interesting, or your ideas that great that anyone even cares??? 

The World is a very big place, and Society has a lot of pull, and you are just one little person in this World, and like me nothing what we do is really all that significant.  

People are always trying to make some kind of self perceived giant step, instead of one small one.   Always looking to improve by looking outward instead of inward.  Is it scary to look inward??   Are you afraid to show what you see, or are you afraid to even look?? 

I don't know these days there is only a few things that are interesting, and very few people.   Why does no one want to look into the mirror of their soul??  Too scary??  Afraid to look at your demons eye to eye??   Afraid of what really it is that overpowers you?? 

Well there is a lot that overpowers you.   You are a weak and silly human being living in this shitty World where there is nothing of any significance at all.   You want to find your place in this World, and there is nothing here.   This place is a shit hole filled with nothing. 

So there is nothing here of any significance, no matter how hard you pretend.   You have your demons that overpower you on a daily basis.   What are you going to do??

What is to be done?? 

A lot needs to be done, but people seemingly turn a blind eye, because if it is less scary living a fabulous life than isn't that better??  

Your decision, and your choice I guess. 


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Before I Start This I Am Going To Get My Coffee

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I hazzz a blog so I guess I will write.  Ahhhh, nothing like strong coffee.  

Anyway, what is on my mind??  Typically it can be anything at any one time.  This World is a crazy place for sure.   We are definitely enslaved in being politically correct beings.  Wear the right clothes, say the right things, and don't ever ever stray from the "norm".   Things like that, but I have been saying there is no norm. 

A life trying to succumb to the whimsy of Society is a life that leads to depression, anger, resentment.  All the things you don't want to feel, yet that is where this life leads.  Phrases like smile and say hi.  Show you care.  etc... 

What do we really care about in this World??  Well, let's look at me.   What do I care about in this World??

Do I care much about this life??   nope. 

Do I care anymore whatever my legacy is??   nope.

Do I care really anything about this World??  nope. 

It is a silly place where people do silly things.   All wrapped up in our facade in life is that any of this is actually important.   That what we do is important.   It isn't.  Our life is silly silly silly.   We spend a lifetime doing the stupid shit we do, and then one day we are 6' under, and it is all gone.  Nothing we have done, and nothing we have collected matters.   You wrack up a ton of debt.  That is all gone. 

All the shit of life is gone.   No more bills to pay.   No more people you have to fake smile to.   All the fake nice things you have to do disappear.  Your clothes don't matter anymore, and the multitudes who have walked the Earth didn't do anything of any significance.  

A pointless life that means nothing.

That is what I didn't want.   So I have grown up in my walk.   I am different today than years ago, and this is I am sure how it is supposed to be.   People are afraid to step out of the security of Society, because well we have to eat right.   The World holds us down with its chains.  Our whole being is slavery.   A slave to our shortcomings.   A slave to the World.   A slave to society.  

There was a type of him who was to come who was asked to lead a people out of slavery.  The people lacked strength, and were a very weak people in faith, and things like that, but he did what was asked of him. 

That is the story too here.   A way out of the slavery of life.  The slavery of us.  All the things that weigh us down there is a way out.  Also a new us too.   A way for us to be better people than the weak and hopeless creatures we are now.  

There is a lot to overcome, and it will all be done for you, but you have to overcome yourself.   You are weak in strength, and weak in faith, just like those people who were led out of slavery all those years ago.   You would rather stay in the comforts of this horrible Society we live.  

Don't you see how gross this life is??  Don't you see how fake and unreal everything is??   There is a way to a better you, but you don't want to take it.  

I know my life.   It is as boring as anything.  The only thing that makes me who I am is really what was taken from me when I gave up those several summers ago. 

There is a way to the good part of me and a way to the bad.   Strength is a way to the good.   Strength is just honesty, and showing all the things that hold us down, and doubts, and fears, and weaknesses about us that drive us crazy.   The way to the bad is all and everything that is fabulous.   All the things we try to show that make us acceptable to society.   Trying to be accepted by society is just a way to say hey look at me.   I am weak.   Right??

This blog goes in any number of directions, and I am free to do as I choose with it, and today I will just say good by.


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

You Never Know What Will Come Up On This Thing..

Hello all.   How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.   I didn't sleep enough, but I have the next 3 days off.   I don't go back to work til Saturday night, so who cares.   It was a pretty tough stretch the last 6 days or so, but when I got home this morning I didn't care.   I have 3 days off in a row.   I thought about making myself a cocktail to celebrate this morning, but opted for bed.  

I have no idea what I will do today, probably nothing, but tomorrow I guess I will probably wake up early, take the Hopester, and get some stuff done around the house.   I like those kinds of days.   I might think of something for dinner too, but right now I am so unhungry it is the furthest thing from my mind.  

Anyhoooo I can throw a lot of doozies on this thing.   It seems like such a waste of time though, because, well, for many reasons. 

  • People don't believe
  • People don't read  
  • People don't comprehend??  

I don't know, but it is a waste.   I was thinking yesterday too, What??? Why????    Help!!!

You see this is the craziest story in the World.   Whoever I am still kinda is with me, but I write this thing with whatever comes in my mind.   This here is my final battle, and it really isn't my battle.   It is your battle with yourself, and you are losing.   I cannot do anything.   I am as powerless as can be, but I have been writing just this blog alone for a long time, and it hasn't done a damn thing.  

Everybody still doing what they are doing.   Keeping a blind eye, because this shit here is scary.  

If you read this, I am asking you to turn your whole World around.   Your whole understanding of everything should be thrown out.

 We are not good people, we are bad.   We are not strong when it comes to things like honesty, because the World judges.   We do not want to show people who we really are, and that can be for a couple reasons.   We are fucked up as people, and maybe we are not even looking.

Oh well Kind of disappointing.   Truth is a Bitch, and no one wants to deal with it.  

So as I look inside myself today what am I thinking??  

Not much.   It is just another day.

There really are two ways to live.   In the dark where we hide things, and in the light where we show our strength.   You are gonna need help to do what needs to be done, but you only trust yourself.   You don't want to take the hard path, because I dunno, afraid??  

You should be afraid, because to overcome the World and everything you will need help.  There is only one who overcame the World, but you want nothing to do with that strength.   You would rather believe the easier stories that have been falsely teached.

Oh well.  


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

When You Look Inside, Do You See Anything??

Good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing ehhhh, so so.   I slept more this morning so that is good.   I have one more night to work, and then I have 3 days off.   I have worked 6 days in a row I think so I am getting tired, and can use a day off.  Last night we all helped inventory the back room, and I was counting and sorting things in my sleep this morning.   It was like a 12 hour block of playing Tetris dreams.   Also you keep thinking, wait,  did I count this already or no??  Horrible. 

It is done though, and to be honest there is A LOT of room for human error inventorying the back room.  Especially when Thanksgiving is coming up, and it isn't exactly empty back there.   I was glad to see Jim the manager let the two other guys help with the Inventorying.   Seems like they enjoyed it.  Being a part of the work.   Always trust your people, and always let them be in on all the activities of the job.   More shit gets done.   Employees feel they are part of the "Help" instead of just labor. 

Trust goes a long way in many areas, and you find good workers, it is best to trust them to do good work.   My hat's off to the guys last night.  

Anyway, not a lot going on with me.   I am going to cook a roast tonight, and baked potatoes.   I'll start in like an hour or so.   Been a while since we have done a roast.   Roast beef rules too.  

I woke up kinda in a bad mood, and didn't want to blog.   I already feel better though, because I dunno, I am sharing my life??   I think people don't want to share the big parts of life, and really just like sharing the day to day.   Day to day is normal, and the real us inside is scary to show.   Maybe we aren't even looking too.  I don't know. 

Nothing in this World is really all that important.  It is all kinda silly really.  The one thing of life too is none of us have a redeeming quality.   There is nothing about us that is worth more than what I have been saying.   I think we know it deep down, and that is why we judge ourselves against the Hitlers and what not.  

We all were born imperfect in this World, and how do we feel like we are worth something??   We bury our heads, and live day to day our silly little lives.   Going after bucket lists and whatnot.   If only I could show you how I am.   If only you could have seen me going through my life, and to know what really makes me how I am.  

Ahhhh,  that is understanding huh??   To know people inside and out.  

Your vision into yourself is only so good.  You want better vision, and more strength etc...   The other quid pro quo.   Here take my life, I am worthless and I have nothing to offer etc...   Please take my coin.   Why thank you, let me show you the life I can return to you.   It is beyond your wildest dreams.  :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!     :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   I don't even know if my title makes sense to what I wrote.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D  

Monday, November 18, 2013

Well This Thing Keeps Happening...

Hello, and good morning all...  oops.  Afternoon all.   I did not sleep enough yet, so definitely need to get a nap in before work tonight.  Weather is pretty crappy out here in our neck of the woods.  Howling winds and stuff. 

What is going on with me??  Well, believe it or not, I actually feel like getting some stuff done today.  Clean the kitchen, and I am thinking of shopping to make home made pizza.  It is kinda what I feel like.   I may make homemade Mac and Cheese though too.  We'll see.   I may do the Mac and cheese thing.   I have been wanting to try that, and have never done it before. 

I am just kinda thinking here about life, and this blog and stuff.   This is my life, and this is my blog.   That is a story too huh??  I have been telling you people to follow my path, and what have I done??

Isn't there a saying about "those who try to hold onto their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake find it."

Remember that one??  It works.

I don't really understand people all too well.  

We are strange creatures doing strange and silly things while we are alive huh??  

Do you ever step back, and take a close look at you and your life??   I mean really, this shit is pretty dumb isn't it?? 

What are you accomplishing?? 

What great and lasting deeds do we do??

Silly huh??  

I think so too. 

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!     :)

p.s.  It is kinda nice that at my age, all days are the same really.   Sun-Sat there is no difference in any of 'em.  Some people wait for the weekend, and for me every day is just another one. 

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Taking Time Out Of My Day...

Hello, and good morning.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I worked a few hours last night to help out, and came home, and went to bed, but did not get enough sleep.   Oh well.  I'll go to bed after dinner, and get some hours before work.   Lisa and I are going out to lunch today.  :)   yay.  That is like my favorite thing to do. 

I'd have to say I have boiled my life down to the simplest things.  Work, eat, run when I can, Do some stuff around the house sometimes.  Mostly on my days off.   I have Wed, Thurs, and Fri. off this week.   pretty sweet huh??  

So this blog goes in a certain direction.  To me it seems like it is tearing people down, so another can help build you up.  This time the correct way.   People must be torn too, because you have a life, and you want to do things, and you know what I have been saying.  That is why trust was so important huh??   Can you trust that nothing in your life is really important??  All the energy you use in whatever pursuits means nothing to the one who really matters?? 

There are some things he wants to show you, but you refuse to listen, and you really are saying no aren't you??  Trust is important, because there is joy, and happiness outside of whatever you can comprehend.   Strength is important, because you may end up being humbled.  

See strength is holding on.  Strength is letting people see the not so fabulous us.  Strength is accepting things that don't seem very good to accept right now, and that is where trust comes in.   Do you trust there is a better plan than whatever the best things you can think of are??  If you trust that are you willing to go that route??  

You know the only reason you would not be willing right??    me, me, me.  

I cannot help people all too much, because it is your battle.   Your silent voice inside you wants to do what is right, and your boisterous, arrogant, and selfish side that wants everything to be about you overpowers you.   There is a little chasm it seems.   To get to the other side to see what is out there you have to be willing.   If you are not willing, than it is closed off to you.  You will never go any farther.   Your life stagnates at that point.

I know it is a struggle, and our inner demons are powerful, but before you could even trust, one put his trust in you that you can overcome.   He is patient, and he is forgiving, but to be forgiven you have to have a heart that feels remorse.   That is what will be given you.   You see on something as small as that we are unable to do.   Your hearts are hard, and he will need to soften them, but you have to be willing to go on this route.  

You see it has always been the repentance that is important, but your hearts need to be fixed.   That is outside of your control, and outside of your power, and it is something you cannot do for yourself.  

It seems so easy from what the false teachers have been saying for Centuries huh??   While they wear their robes, and suits and stuff, and teach only the best things that men and women can think of.  Everything has always been hidden, and it was up to us to find it.

Here you stand at a crossroads.   You have everything you need, and are able to go on an incredible journey of your own, but that damn World out there.   Kinda want to see what you can do huh??   Trust me,   it isn't worth it.   Won't lead to happiness or contentment either.

That is it for today!!!     :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!     :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   I get the Bears game today.   WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D    

Saturday, November 16, 2013

What Do You Want People To See???

Good afternoon all.   How's it going??   Me, I am doing okay I guess.  I really don't have much to blog about, but I guess I have a few things on my mind.   I'll get to them in a sec. 

I ran yesterday morning after work.   I met up with Jerry and Jim.  I figured anywhere from 6-8 miles was fine, but my knee was kinda bugging me at our first stopping point at 2.33 miles, so I turned back around and ran back.  It wasn't horrible, but in November the difference between running 4.6, and 6.6 miles or something is nothing, and since I wasn't 100% pain free, I thought I'd play it smart or wimp out... whichever way you look at it.   :)

There is a whole part of your life, and a whole part of you that scares you??   What will people think if they knew all your secrets??  These are the things we hide though huh??  We hide them behind medals we get from races, or the activities we do day to day, or something about us which somehow someway has to have a redeeming value.  

We are good, and we are tough, and we have done epic things in the World, and our life matters.   It has to right?? 

Such a long long way to go, and it seems people are trying their damndest to hold onto something.   There has to be something about us that makes us better than others right??  Oh, I know many can do things that may look good in other people's eyes, but I am talking about more piercing eyes.   The ones who see your whole life. 

I know you want to matter, and have a purpose, and all that stuff, but you are going about it the wrong way.   You are trying to think of the best things you can think of, and you are not going to make this World a great place.   This is an evil place, with people doing evil things, and we are all enslaved in varying degrees to all kinds of things, least of those being our own shortcomings.  

People are all kinda alike in that they try looking for salvation in other people's eyes.   Look, I am good, because I do this and that.   I put effort in here, and others don't.  

There is another set of eyes that sees everything.  Knows everything, and wasn't it always about coming to terms with us??   Getting to the point where we, like Adam before the fall, let all of us be seen.   No shell of protection, and no nothing.   Our whole being naked before the one who knows everything anyway.  

There is a way back to Eden, and I don't care what the best things you can think of, they don't lead you there.   The Garden of Eden is surrounded by 4 great swords, and the sword is really only helpful for those with understanding.  So your trust and faith should be in the one who has understanding, and it isn't me...   yet.  

See??  I knew understanding was my ultimate goal, but look how much I can do without it, and how little really.   I can stand naked and in the light to be seen, and to be known.   I can feel good about it too, and I have so many other blessings too, like this heart that was given me.  

A strange and long story, and you have your own to go through.   Will You??  

It all seemed so easy huh??    When we are not the ones with the plan, and we are not the ones with the knowledge, and we are not the ones in charge, yeah it is hard.   You need trust, and faith, and you have to be strong, because we are really at his mercy.

There is a right path, and you actually have to take it.   That is the crux of this whole tale.   Your choice.   I know you want the best of both worlds, but like I said before, you are either all in, or all out.  

There is no middle ground.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   Going into work for a few hours tonight.   Should be fun.   :)

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Friday, November 15, 2013

I Am Who I Am, and That Is All Who I Yam.

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   What was I thinking about today??  Oh many things.   You know the norm.  I picked up some hours Saturday at work.  I was scheduled off, but The Manager has to do inventory of the back room by Tuesday sometime, so I figured I'd come in and do the end caps for him, so he can focus on that.  No biggie to me.   I don't do anything exciting.   Weekend Shmeekend.   Might as well work.   I gather from some employees I work with they don't like their job too much.  I like it mostly.  You stay busy, there is plenty to do, and it actually is pretty hard work.   I think that is the part they don't like.   I don't do anything, so like I say, I might as well work. 

Anyhooooo  not a lot going on with me.   I just wake up feeling like this a lot.  So many things about me I cannot explain to you, because you kind of have to be on my side of the line here, and well, you are not.  I have gone and lived my life.   Learned all the secrets I needed to learn.   I suffered through a bunch of hidden stuff that I cannot even explain.   All kinda leading to this area here, but my life goes on, and I still have another thing to do.   It never is really too too far from my mind, and the way I am now I can think of many many people at any one time.   Many people can be on my mind, and I can think of them.  

It is always good to be up front, and honest.   Hiding was the first worst thing that was done huh??  Hiding in the shadows, and hiding in the dark.   The Fall.   The whole story was a story from darkness to light.   One avenue, one way.  The Way, the truth, the light.   The World is full of darkness and deceit, and lies, etc...   Not an easy path for us, but easily done for us.   To learn our true value though as people.   Who wants to look at that?? 

For me having suffered through so much stuff, the only thing I wanted was to do the right thing.   Listen, believe, and be obedient.  

That is a different place though.   I have seen things, and have known things none of you can comprehend.   You are me in the early 90's.  Looking at life, and everything, and I hope you can be honest with yourself.   I hope you can look with a good set of eyes.  

In the end nothing really matters, but really one thing I guess.   Did you do what you were supposed to.   Did you find your way???   Did you overcome??   Did you take the path less traveled, or did the World entice you too much?? 

I think you are probably lacking trust and strength to do what is right.   You only had to overcome yourself.   Weak little old you.   You have too much going for you though huh??   Too much stuff to accomplish??  


That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   Now what am I going to do the rest of the day???

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Start Of A Good Day...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going?  Me, I am doing pretty good.  It is the start of a new day.  Seems like it should be a good one.   I got a lot done yesterday.  Leaves mostly done, laundry, cooked dinner.   Went on a little run.   I was going on my 4 mile route, but cut it to 3, cause I could feel my knee a bit.   I can run again today too.

I have absolutely nothing going on today.   A little bit of work around the house, and I will probably read my Poland book, and watch a movie or so.   I work tonight, so I will nap after dinner.   I am up early enough I should be tired enough to nap.

I look at things different than you people.   Everyone wants to "fix" themselves.   Do the things that make us better people.   Do the things that make us more happy.   Do the things that make life more exciting.   Do the things that make us feel good.

You can search all you want.   Look under every nook and cranny.  Work your way to oblivion, you can do whatever, but I found the answer.   I found everything you are looking for, but you don't believe me.   You know in some way somehow you have got to be able to make you the perfect person right.   Somehow you will put in more effort than anyone, and have the most well rounded, satisfying life ever right??   Somehow someway you will out do everyone who walked the earth, and make you the best ever.

Well there is work that needs to be done, and it isn't you the one doing the work.   The miles and miles you need to travel are on a path not made by you.  It is a path of learning as I have said before, and it is different than you think.

You see we live in this fabulous World, and all the teachings say we are fabulous, because that is politically correct.   Our path leads us to the truth, where contrary to the teachings of the World we are not fabulous.   We are pitiful, miserable, weak, and silly human creatures who live in this great big Spider Web of a World called Earth.   Completely tangled in our life.   There only ever was one way out.   It was a story that started long long ago.  Ages ago.

Look at how the World works.  Can you name me in one area where something isn't dressed up to portray a kind of fabulousness??   Clothes, makeup, advertising, packaging.  Anything???

The World is a pretty fake place.  As I have been doing this long enough, can you name me one thing in this World that is actually worth anything??  All the learning, and all the activities, and all the things we do matter not one bit when we are 6' under.   You will never escape death, and all the things you collect you will not take with.   You were born with one coin.   There only was one way to actually improve your lot with that coin, and you don't want to do it.   My coin my coin.   I want I want I want.

You see???    You are all just little kids still.   I want I want I want.

tsk tsk...

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  time to finish my coffee, and check the weather, and take the Hopester to get the run part of the day done.   A start to a good day.   You ain't got what I got.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Love/Hate, Love/Hate, Love/Hate... That Is How My Blog Is.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I am having one of my love hate things with my blog.  Sometimes I like it and sometimes I don't.   Mostly I like doing it, but then people let me know they don't read it, and I am like well whatever. 

I am kinda over people's blogs.  Everyone is better than you, more important than you.   We have all the answers.  We know what the heck we are doing, and you don't know crap.   yeah yeah yeah.   I know.  I get it.   You are the best.   No one has ever walked the Earth who is as good as you.  I know I know I know.  

Except, when people are like that I could give two fucks about them.  cya wouldn't want to be you is easy for me to say.   To me you have two choices.   You can be important in my eyes, or nothing.   With me you are either all in, or all out.   Your choice, and I don't really care what choice you make. 

My life goes on.  I go on.   This blog even goes on, because there is no one in my life who is really all that important.   I fly solo.  No one has any pull on me, and there are no strings attached to me.  I owe no one anything. 

Now that is freedom.   Freedom you cannot even dream of, because life is a tangled mess.   The more you live the more you are tangled.   I have been saying it a while.  Life is a trap, and there is only one way out.   You would think the decision is easy, but dammit if point A ain't the bomb. 

Look how fricken great I am.   I am the best ever.   I am the smartest, no one has nailed life like me.   Yeah yeah yeah.   I have heard it all.  

Do you people ever ever look in the mirror??   Do you see yourselves??   As far as I can tell there is only one blogger who I read who does.  She is pretty honest, and pretty tough.   Pretty insecure, and pretty unsure, and great things like that.   The rest of you are too fucking fabulous to be that vulnerable.  You hide in your shell.  You think it makes you tough, but it means you are scared, and weak, and afraid, and all the things you don't want to be.  

It is an upside down world, and most of you are upside down in your thinking.  

To do or not to do.  There is no luke warm timid shit as far as this blog goes.   You are either all in or all out.   Try not and underestimate me.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   I hope the person who I was talking about in this blog knows who she is.   She should.   If she reads this that is, and that is no gimme either.  

Love You All   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D   

Monday, November 11, 2013

Some Things About Me...

Hello and good afternoon all.   How's it going?   Me, I am doing okay.  I don't really know people all that well I guess.  Maybe I do, and I am just a fool, who knows??   I do know if I didn't wake up feeling like doing this I wouldn't.  If I didn't know this serves some type of purpose, I wouldn't do it.  I do this thing here.  I blog.   While like only 5 people still blog anymore I still do. 

Why don't others??   I have no idea.  Maybe it is boring to do.  That is the whole thing, I just don't know people. 

I was listening to the radio this morning on the way home from work, and they were talking about some reddit  site, or something like that.  Some lady was saying you can anonymously put yourself out there, so people don't know it is you. 

Anonymously put yourself out there.   Maybe that is something there.   People are afraid to put themselves out there, because of what will happen, so they do it anonymously.  Blogging is kinda hard, because this isn't anonymous.   People know who is writing... for the most part. 

The World is like that huh??   Put your best foot forward, because if not someone will bite your head off.   Heck, I lost a job for saying shit on FB.   True stuff said in a mean way.  No one likes the truth do they??  Life is better off hiding behind a smile.  Do and say the Politically correct stuff.  Jobs and incomes may depend on it. 

Then I think of the History of the World, and there were always powers greater than the individual that tried to shape the individual.  In life we were always supposed to do some certain things.   Live within some type of confines.  Secret Police to instill fear in people.  Killing many if needed to make sure the multitudes stayed under control.  Do what we say, because we know what is right. 

No one was ever free in this World, although that word has been used to death.   We are all enslaved to so many things.  That is a good thing for the multitudes on some levels, because Anarchy would be worse yet. 

There is a freedom out there though that makes you feel better.  This freedom has a strength tied to it, because it is a strength given.   It isn't a strength worked for by doing whatever, but it is a strength given as a part of a Spiritual Journey that takes you from point A to point B.  A battle from point A, I wanna see how great I can make myself, to point B where I am nothing.   I can do so very little.   My life doesn't mean anything really, BUT I feel mostly good about it.   You see it was always the truth that sets you free, and Point A is very far from point B.   Point A is us fabulous but enslaved.   At some point life breaks you down, and you yearn for point B.   Life is powerful like gravity.   It never stops pulling us.  

Now my journey will take me to a point C, and that is always what I yearned for most.  Why??  For all the wrong reasons really.  I wanted strength and security, and I thought I needed all the things I would get from point C would give me the strength and security I need.   I was wrong.   I get all those things from point B.  C is just a gift so I can know the whole story.   I would get understanding, and then I can actually really help.  

Who knew this story was so long.   I knew what I was doing in the early 90's was important.   I know this thing serves a purpose. 

Oh well.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Aweseome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  Everyone knows all the important sub: 3:00  hour marathons happen in Boston.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D  

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Who Blogs During A Football Game??

I know I know, the Bears are playing the Lions, and I am blogging??  What is my deal??  I just turned the volume down.  

So what is going on with me??  Not much.  I am blogging late today, can you tell I worked last night??  I was kinda thinking work last night was going to be challenging, because there were just 2 people scheduled.  Me and another, and the other ended up being in Detroit with his sick mother.   She is like 90 years old or something.  I flew solo, and was able to get everything done a measly 45 minutes after my shift ended.   I ended up not taking any breaks, because I knew it was going to be that type of night. 

You ever think of your past.  Where did you start and where are you now??   I am not really talking about me so much, because well everything about me is on here.  Have I not done my past to death already??  Time just moves along, and changes us huh??  We are different today than we were say 5 years or so ago. 

You know what we'll say??  We'll say our lives are better.   We are doing great.  I cannot be happier etc...    How are things though??   Life just goes on  and on huh?   What are we really doing, and what really is important??   I know I say not a lot is real important, because it isn't.  I don't know all the reasons why life is how it is.   Why we have to be here doing this crazy thing.   I know it isn't our design, and we don't understand the whys of it.  I mean we grow up, and try our best kinda.   We want to have fun, and smile a lot, and be good and do right.  A lot to life though isn't there??  All these distractions. 

The truth of the matter is we can be made a better way.   Not by working or sacrificing, but really the other stuff I talk about.  How does all this make sense with kids and stuff??  Not sure, but you have to hop on this train and take it.   There is no watching from the sidelines.  To find our place in this World is to find we ourselves our really not all that.   There is no group of people who are all that.   There is no higher purpose in this World we should sacrifice for, because this life is all about you.   People are imperfect and so are all groups.   There was only one path to take, and we want to believe in some path we can see here on Earth.   We need to follow someone. 

I have been leading you in a different direction, because why forfeit your soul, because of what some other person says.   Do they really know what they are talking about??   No. 

Do, I know what I am talking about??  Yes.   I know I can not help you very much.   I know it is a solo journey for you.  You coming to terms with you and making sense of your life. 

We really just have to get to the better parts of you, and well my better and your better may mean different things.   :)   If you catch my drift.

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   Now I can watch the Bears with the volume up.   Good game so far.   :)

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D  

Have a good one.   :)    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo   MWAH!!!!     :)

Saturday, November 9, 2013

It Is Like Old Times... well kinda.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing pretty good.   Remember yesterday I didn't sleep so well when I got home from work??  Yeah, well I didn't stay up too late.   I did my shopping thing, and cooked dinner, had a couple drinks, ate dinner, and fell asleep.   So now I am up at 1:00 AM. 

Let's look at the positives today shall we??   I am going to run long today.   I figure a 3 miler with Hope, and then I am meeting up with Jerry and Jim, and running whatever they run.   Typically this time of year they run 6 miles, but we'll see.  I should be at 9 miles at least for today.   Miles before the miles and all.  :)

My knee isn't perfect, but I don't have to run every day.   We are going to see a movie today.  I am going to read my Poland book for a few hours before I run, and work should be challenging tonight as there is only 2 of us, so should be fun. 

I also have a couple crock pot meals for the next two nights.  

So anyway I was thinking of my post yesterday, and what it means.   Life is this thing that goes on.   The World has been around a long time.   Millions and millions of years before there were humans and stuff.  Beasts of the field eating each other, and surviving.   Pretty much what people have been doing once they got here,  surviving.   None of this messy stuff of life means anything.   Place no importance on any of it.   Your life is made up of two parts.   The crap we do day to day, that doesn't mean a damn thing.   Then the personal stuff.   Our thoughts, and failures, and things we keep to ourselves.  Our pride we have, and anger, and jealousies, and envy, and greed, and all the things that make us less than perfect.  

You see what we do??   We hide all that shit, so no one sees, and try to portray some sort of fabulous view within the World, and that will make us look good, and people will not see our rotten insides.   They will not see our less than perfect self, with all our shortcomings.  This is the stuff that is seen though, and all this is known, and to live in the light, you have to not be ashamed of it.   It is a walk of courage, because you are not right.   You are not good. 

Hitler did this and this doesn't mean anything about you.   You are not judged compared to what others do, you are judged as to how you are.  So this important part of you is the one you have to get to know.   It is the one you have to come to terms with, and it is your fear of this person that holds you back.  It is the fear of showing this person that holds you back. 

Life is full of justifications.   Typically by showing something of self perceived worth in this stupid World that doesn't matter.   The most important part of you is you.   Not whatever you are doing in the World.   Capisce?? 

So this journey is a journey of strength.  Also trust, and I know trust is hard to give, because... well because why??   Because of us right??  We don't trust, because we don't have faith.   It is through trials and tribulations though right??   Am I not living proof of that??

A long way to go.   Don't confuse yourself with what we are trying to do, and really there are no points in the World at all.   So yeah you are living a life, but keep an eye on what is important.   Not very much at all.  

We are living a life of failure, and the only way out was always forgiveness.   It never was sacrifice or work.   There is a time where faith and right meet.   I will have to suffer to get there, and the path has been laid.   It is a path I had to follow, and have been willing to follow since the early 90's.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  So, I'd have to say this is the start of a good day.  

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras for Doreen, because why not.   :)    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya   :D     :D   

Friday, November 8, 2013

A First For Everything...

Good Afternoon all.  It is a bit late for me to be blogging, and main reason is I couldn't fall asleep when I got home from work.  That is a first, I can usually fall asleep right away.   I felt great at work, so maybe I got too much sleep yesterday.

I have tonight off, and work the next 3 days.   Tomorrow Lisa and I are going to see the new Thor movie coming out.  It is a matinee.  So that is my weekend.  I will watch some football in between. 

I have nothing to really write about today, so I have no idea where this is going to go.   I have to go pick up something to cook for dinner soon.  I have no idea what I am going to make.  We will see. 

So anything new and exciting going on with me??  Nope, just living this life here.  It is what people do who are living.   Try to live a life.   There is more to life though than just the day to day, and it is these things we hide.  We don't want people to know us, because we are failures at life.  No matter what we do day after day we fail. 

So we dress up this failure in the best things we can think of.   You know life kinda wasn't even like that before.   In the 1200s you may have never traveled more than 10 miles from where you lived.  You were enslaved to some feudal lord or something.   Life has been like that for generations and generations. 

Now we are enslaved to the feudal lord of money.   Need money for this and that.   Health Insurance, Kid's college.   We are supposed to have some great plan for our retirement years.  Rush, rush, rush, rush.   It never ends.  The rat race of life you will not win.   You will lose.   There isn't enough money in the World to make you happy and secure.   As a matter of fact the more you go on, the more you need to feel secure. 

If you do have all the money in the World it still doesn't matter.   I was walking Hope the other day.   By us is some huge ginormous house on Lake Macatawa.   The dude who tried to buy his way into being the Michigan Governor owns it.   One of his parents was part owner of Amway, and he married some mean Bitch whose parents owned some factory around here.   It isn't even their first home.  It has like 1000 rooms or something.   The way I felt, being outside on a nice Fall day, I thought it felt good to be outside.  I thought of my humble house, which is plenty plenty big enough for us, and I thought what would someone do with all the extra rooms??   I mean I guess you could invite sycophant friends over, because trust me that bore of a man that is all the types of friends he has.  

It is stupid.   A house of that magnitude for no reason at all.  Life is everything how we feel on the inside, and we try to fill that up with stupid shit.  There is only one way of being content.   Only one way of living a life that matters.   There are no shortcuts, and there is no other way. 

I know you are smart, and you are a human, and you can reason, and you can figure everything out.   We can't though.  

I have gone on and on and on though.  I guess you do too.  

Oh well.   Gotta run.  I have to go get something to cook for dinner.   You know what??  That is always the highlight of my day.   I don't chase after the wind you know??  I don't chase after things that don't really matter.  

I chased for a life that matters, and I didn't have to travel anywhere.   It had everything to do with me, and nothing really at all about the stupid shit we pass the time with doing what we do in this World. 

I am with me.  

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  ehhh,  I got nothing for a p.s.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D    :D  

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Window To My Soul.

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, been better been worse.   I went on a little run this morning.   It was tweener weather for shorts.  It was like 39 degrees.   I was thinking about shorts, but at 3:30 AM being warm is nice too.  I ended up wearing shorts, and it was fine.  It was windy too.  Nothing on the run.   A little less than 3 miles.  Just playing it safe, til my knee feels better.   9:30 pace or so. 

I was thinking about me the past couple days.   The words "I am a dick" were said from my wife directed toward me.  It was just a joke, but actually we did have an argument that night, and mostly from poor communication on her part.   She was afraid to communicate to me, because she was probably afraid of what I would think.   Communication is like that.   I, a lot of times, am afraid to look at the balance of my checking account.  Why??  I don't want to know in case it is bad news.  That kinda stuff is probably human nature. 

I thought though who cares what my balance is.   I won't be able to change whatever it tells me I have.  So I always say I am strong, but I am afraid of shit too.   I went in to an Automotive place the other day to apply for a job, and I was nervous about that.   Applying for new jobs, you kinda feel like a shmuck.  At least I do.  I also applied for another position at another place.   Just some more part time stuff to supplement the income.  I am typically only working 32 hours at my other job, and I have way too much free time.   Why not get some more money right??  Learn a new company and a new business.   Who knows what kind of opportunities will come up. We shall see. 

I sometimes have to re-read my blog, like this morning.   A lot of times I figure people just think I am a dick, and hate me.  Then I think my blog must be the worst thing in the World.  Then I re-read a bit, and it isn't horrible.  

My blog isn't the only part of me though, and I show all kinds of sides to me.  Whether it be anger, or happiness, or whatever I show it.   I think other people want to show what they want to show.  Hide everything else, and that is the whole thing we are doing.   Getting to a place where we are not afraid to hide stuff.   Why would we hide stuff??  Cuz we are ashamed of parts of us.  We are ashamed of things we have done perhaps, and we definitely are afraid of being judged, but we judge anyway.   I typically judge the judgers.   I figure they deserve it.  

There was a question on one of my application things.  It said are you ashamed of anything you have ever done??   My answer is no. 

I can wear my shoes.   I have dealt with me and everything about me.   I don't hide it or bury it to another part of my brain.   I have told you things I once was ashamed of, but when you deal with you, you accept that.   I accept me, and my journey was long and hard, but I also am accepted.   I had to go up against the judges to get there though.   I had to be willing to go to the place I deserved.   A place none of you think you are going.   It is a step you have to take.  You have to picture yourself to the place where you deserve to go.   Blocked right now, because of your hard hearts, and bad information.   Propaganda if you will.  

Sooooo.  When do we get to the real you?? 

Anytime soon????

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!    :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.  I am reading a book on Poland.  History is correct, but the characters are Fictional.  It is good.  James Michener is the author.   Gives me something to read.  I go through spurts. 

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya    :D     :D  

Monday, November 4, 2013

Hide In Your Shell

I like that song by Supertramp, so I thought I'd use it as my title.  So what is going on with me??   Not much.   My knee isn't acting so great, so I actually didn't run yesterday, and only ran a 2 miler this morning after work.   I liked the run this morning, although my knee didn't feel great.  It was light out, and I don't know I think I just felt great after work.

Did I think about things this morning??  I sure did.  Not so much on my run, because there was nothing really on my mind at that time, but before I went to sleep. 

One of the things I thought about is how this blog is.   I can wear my shoes.   Not a big deal, but not sure if I would want to wear yours.   One of the things I wanted was to have someone like me who would help, but I never ever really did.   I just had the voices in my head, and a lot of times those are the wrong voices.  That may sound crazy to you, but everyone has them.  The stupid shit you say to yourself you know?? 

People seem lost.   They seem blind to their life and this World.   Can't see two steps in front of you, because of why??  Fear??   Are you afraid of the truth of life, and of this World??   Do you want to go to a safer place where blankets are warm, and sleep is allowed, and the World doesn't have you by the balls?? 

I ask myself right here right now, what do I want out of life??   Nothing really.   It offers me nothing.  There is no bucket list, because my eyes and my heart know the worth of things, and the bucket ain't worth shit.  Also you know my life isn't worth shit either.   I don't mean that in a negative way, because I accept it.  I know it, and I believe it, but I have other things that keep me happy.  A heart that is mostly upbeat, as long as people don't act stupid. 

I see life for all it is worth and all that it offers, and you people don't.   Can you see your life??   Is your vision so bad??  The things we do to pass the time are pretty crazy.   The jobs we do are pretty dumb.   The best things in life are if your heart is mostly happy.   The worst things in life are false visions.   False visions of life.  False visions of our importance.  False visions of our worth.   All that is false is bad, and everything in this World is false. 

The truth is a good thing, but it isn't always a feel good thing.   How better is it to try and endure life when you know your on the right path.   How horrible is to have to hide, because you are afraid??   The path of hiding never has an end.   The path of truth just has acceptance.   The ability to accept life for what it is, and move on.   People can handle that, but they are afraid.   Your whole failures in life to this point are because you are afraid.   Is that how you want to be known?? 

I do like courage, and like strength, and people lack that.   Why I wonder??   I think maybe they are afraid to accept the truth. 

Too bad.   Oh well, I am out.   laterzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sunday, November 3, 2013

I Get A Lot Of Things On My Mind In The Wee Hours...

Hello, and good morning all.   How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.  Been better and been worse.  You know.  I was thinking about a lot of things this morning before I got up.  Things I don't want to blurt out and say, but things I know are true, and things that would make your life look a lot different right here and right now. 

I guess the best gift I have is having overcome the 2nd time I can do no wrong.  All the things you worry about, or at least I did in the past I don't stress over.  I mean really the best promise I could have gotten was all for good.  That is such a good promise, because the one thing none of us can do or be is all good.   A promise like that says work will be done on my behalf if need be. 

How do you get something like that??   Well I tell you I sure haven't lived it my whole life.  I went through the things in the early 90's that were pretty horrible.   Sometimes you wonder the reasons, but maybe sometimes the reasons are just the story of Job. 

So I think a lot about people and I think a lot about life, and life is a really strange thing, because in the end life is a game of points, and there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING you can do on your own to get points.   It doesn't matter if you think well if I do this and this etc... but there is a higher truth, and a higher wisdom that is beyond our grasp.   Points are not within your grasp.  

You may think why I am such a jerk sometimes, but actually we all are.   Some try and hide it, but we are all mean at times.  You may think if I have this great information then why don't I do the most with it?   I don't have great information really do I?   I mean if I did wouldn't I be able to help people on their way??  Maybe I do in ways, but I sure don't feel it.  

I did look at a lot of lives up to this point.   All you have done, and all you do, and all you continue to do = means nothing.  All our lives up to this point have been us just wasting time, doing what we think is the best for us.  Living our own selfish ways. 

Society has dressed people up, and dressed this World up to make it "appear" some things are good, but this life isn't good.   This life is messy, and ugly, and people are selfish, and depressed, and really not very strong at all.  

People probably think of their futures, but with how this blog goes, and how they act, they haven't really thought too hard and too long, because there was good information to be had, but you were allured by some fairy tale of some sort.   At least some of you.   That is a shame, but powerful things can be done to help people on their way, and people lack a lot. 

People are not very strong.  People have very little trust in things besides their own shallow, and false understanding of life.  I know that makes us all sound like a bunch of idiots, but we are.  The wisdom we'd like is not ours to grab.   It is something given.  So much trust we put in ourselves and such shallow things we look for in life. 

This blog has gone on a while, and sometimes I think of people, and they just don't get it.  I like strength in people, and I think people should seek things like that.   That is a good thing. 

Anyway, I am going to run in a bit.   I ran a little yesterday when I thought I couldn't.  I was limping after work, but when I woke up my knee felt better.   I think it will be okay today too. 


Friday, November 1, 2013

I Haven't Done A List In A While...

Good mor, ahh crap.   Afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I thought I woke up in a bad mood, but I guess I am not.  It helps I don't have a fucking thing to do all day until I go to work tonight.  A lazy lazy day.   I was going to run again today, but my knee isn't really feeling all that hot, so I'll take the day off.   I could run, but I'd rather just sit here and be lazy. 

So How about a list,  been a while:  
  • No Offense,  well maybe a little offense.   I hate the term Type A.  Who can box their whole personality in something like that??  I know you want to cuz it makes things easy, but you are just lying to yourself.  
  • Well this is already a shitty list, because I have nothing really on my mind.   
  • No wonder I haven't done a list in a while.  
  • So as I am starting to get in shape a bit, and it is fricken November, you want to know my goals??
  • I don't have any I don't thing.  Stay, healthy and keep plugging along, and see where things look in January.  
  • That is two months away. 
  • What will next year look like??
  • I have a feeling you know what I will be about, and the things I will do.   I don't keep it hidden. 
  • What will your year look like??  
  • A lot can happen in a year.   This year is different than last year, but I still pull.  
  • One thing I notice is None of us really look all that fabulous anymore do we??
  • We have all let the fabulous layers come off huh??  
  • Nothing we really did, but kinda how we are being led huh??  
  • Do you notice it??  or is it just me??  
  • Nothing we really do is all that impressive is it??  
  • I think that is pretty neat.   Too bad not everyone wants to come on this ride, because really as slow and steady as this shit is moving it is pretty fascinating.   
  • I read a blog the other day, and she said something to the effect, "to my long time readers"  That term kinda threw me, because I am a long time reader.  I didn't comment, because who knows what the Hell she is thinking half the time anyway, but I was that.  A long time reader.   hmmmm.
  • That is the curse of blogging too, because half the time we feel we are the only one who reads us.   
  • That is my gift.   I am the energizer fucking bunny, because I keep blogging anyway.   :)   Been doing it a while.  
So that is my list.   It ain't anything great, but nothing I have ever ever done has been really.   You either.   Can you accept that??  Can you accept nothing you will do will really ever be that great??   Truth, that mother fucking Bitch.   :)

That is it for today!!!    :)

Thanks for reading!!!    :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!    :)

Love You All!!!    :)

p.s.   You know really it is a brand new time for me.  New job.  Not enslaved to the same ole same ole anymore.  I still have a house that ties us down, and stuff like that, but let's face it.   I was never going to do anything all that exciting anyway.   I like the freedom though of having a low paying job.   A layer of slavery removed.

Love You All  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ya'All are the best  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Extras of these  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Extras of these  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I don't give a ton of extras, but I think Kim Sheridan can use them.  Cole is a Senior this year, and the youngest is a Freshman.   She is a Mom, and just last year both were just little kids in her mind.  She is good people.  :)    xoxoxoxoxoxo

Now for really really cya cya cya     :D     :D