Hello, and good morning. How's it going?? Me, I am doing fine. I am up early. I have a cup of coffee. I am sitting on the couch with the Hopester. Hope knows she will be going for a run. She will follow me around until we go. She is a slut like that.
So, what is going on with me?? Not much at all. A day off. I have a lot to do actually. Clean up the house, and go shopping. I am going to buy a turkey, and stuff for tacos tonight. It isn't a ton ton of stuff to do, but it will keep me busy til like noon or so. Then I am afraid it is sit on my ass time, and read, watch movies, or tv shows. Eventually I will open up the Brandy, and have a couple of drinks.
So the best part of my "blogging" self is all but dead. Remember years back when I used to have a goal if I read a blog I'd comment. Well, those days are long gone huh?? Is there any kind of lesson in that??
Perhaps. What is one of the things we make our decisions on?? Consistency. Life goes on pretty much the same forever right?? What was true one day is true the next right?? It is where we put our faith. How silly is that thinking?? Ask those who invested in coins from the Holy Roman Empire. Ask those who invested in coins in the Weimar Republic.
It always comes back to this one thing huh?? What can you trust that actually stays the same today and forever?? You?? No. Your interests change. Return on investment?? Enron employees will tell you a different story.
Hard work pays off?? The slaves in the labor camps work harder than anyone. They work til they die. I don't see the pay off.
The decency of people?? Really?? I hope you are far enough along in your life to realize people are not all that.
You cannot count on anything. You cannot even count on yourself to think the right things. To do the right things.
I tell you some things you can count on in life. Life has some hard stuff to it. You will not be happy. Your existence will be okay sometimes, and shitty other times. You will try to show people you have made all the right decisions, and have done all the right things, although you know in your heart you should be better.
People will disappoint you. It is in their nature. Why?? well for one thing we believe in the fairy tales. Happily every after. There is our perfect match out there. White picket fence. Unconditional love. Who came up with that one?? Where is that even written?? anywhere??
Words like faithful mean stuff, but it means things like obedience. Believing when spoken to, and not hardening your heart to pretend it isn't real. There was a condition for me. Outside the garbage room of Bromenn Healthcare. My whole being depended on obedience. That was the fork in the road for me. rebel, or do what was asked. I had every reason to rebel, because I suffered more than anyone in the World. Things you cannot even fathom. Only to find myself as far away as anybody.
The words are all tested though, and that was my life-giving reproof. What words are tested there?? "He who listens to the life giving reproof will get understanding." Did you see how that works?? I could have rebelled, but all words are tested right. My heart was going to be made to do the right thing. I listened, and in my heart I figured I should do the right thing.
That was a life giving reproof. So my outcome was determined, although I did not feel that too much during my Summer of Discontent, and I didn't feel it very much during my first two blogs, before the wait. Many days during my first two blogs were hard. Very little support, and you always wonder what if people thought this or that?? The way I was back then I got judged a lot. Internal judgements from the bad stuff inside me. Every day was seemingly a sword fight, and I just had my little utility knife to go up against those who were more skilled with the sword.
Then comes the wait, and a lot is easy. Not all things. All that is true and honest makes things sooooo much easier. All things hidden, and all things done in the dark, make things harder. The light and honesty scares us, because well, we know us pretty well. We surely don't want others to know some of the stuff about us.
Life is courage. Life is accepting truth, and life is making the correct decisions when you have been given good information.
Put your faith in the truth. Try and not fear your shortcomings, because they will not harm you. All that we hide is what harms us. It makes us worse people than we need to be, and it makes us not very healthy. You cannot out exercise your demons, and you cannot out read your demons. There is only one way to victory, and it isn't you. Your demons overpower you. You are not strong enough.
Sooooo anyway, on any given day I can do any given thing.
Today, I will say good bye. :)