A Trail Day.

Hope,  and I ran the trail yesterday after work. I remember in the morning I said I was looking forward to it, but as work dragged on I was getting nervous. It just isn't easy. Can't say it's getting easier either,  even though I've done it several times. I did 4 loops. It was easy to mentally prepare for 4 loops. It was what I was going to do.

The loop on that trail is hard. Is it possible I can get in better shape,  and this thing not be such a bear?  I am close to my limit when I climb the first hill, and I have plenty of climbing to do. Even after my 3rd climb, although I have a flat to recover after the 3rd climb. I'd say 8 minutes of my 30 minute workout is easy. When I start each loop. 22 I am at my limit. So it's basically speed work. Speed work done at 11:30 pace. That's how hard that sucker is. I am kind of floored how challenging that thing is. So long I have mostly ignored this little gem.

Anyway, I definitely am hoping for improvement in my running. It's something that takes a while. It is work to get in shape. How many people go their whole life without giving it a try?  I bet the percentage is high. To me I think it is a good thing to try for. Nothing negative about it, except the time it takes away from other stuff. The time working out, and the time you are out of energy after to do anything useful. The busier the life the more that matters. Then I guess the word sacrifice comes into play.

For me to do it there is no real sacrifice, cuz my life isn't busy in that way. I sacrifice yard work, and maybe a couple things like that.

Outside of that not much going on. Just plugging off these days one at a time. Today is a day. The weather will be nice. It should be fine. I have to work out, and maybe a couple more things. I am not running today. I am thinking of running Sunday,  maybe Monday morning. Tuesday, Thursday,  and Friday. 2 days off each week, and maybe 3. Monday is optional. A plan is coming into place. Tuesday or Thursday will eventually be done on the track.

Last night I ate like a champ too. It's been a while where I ate a lot, because my body craved it. I definitely needed food. 

So, anyway. Like I said life goes on. It's a pretty simple thing I do here. I have a routine,  and I like it. I slept like a champ last night too. Guess I am ready to do another day.

Laterzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeee.       :)))

The Little Things Make A Difference.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. I was tired after work,  so I blew off my workout again.  I am fine with it though. I'll just go Wednesday,  and Friday. Give myself a little break. I ran yesterday morning. Pretty much the same paces. Work was busier than I thought it would be. Not everyone is the same speed. As much as possible I just want to get my shit done,  and get out of there.

This week will be busy. I'll have to make two doughs one day. The race to Labor Day. I did get my vehicles  renewed, and that was nice. Before August. 2 cars we don't drive are still in our name, so we'll get paid back for that. I have to still renew my licence,  which I hope to do this week or early next week. Gotta get my passport too, but that only takes 5 minutes. We can get ours done at City Hall. They take our photo, and everything. We made an easy dinner, and I was out.

Life is busy, and my life is simple. I don't have kids, and pretty much no responsibilities. I have to work, and after I am free to do as I choose. I can't imagine how people with busy lives do shit. I have few bills.  Little to no financial stress. I don't have to worry about kids with tantrums. I don't have too many hobbies so I don't drown out my time that way.

I can pretty much do what I want and when. Of course mostly I am interested in eating a meal,  and falling asleep. I am busy and active from ~4:00-4:00 give or take. Sometimes later than 4:00.

What do I want out of life?  I guess what I have. An easy life with little stress. I don't have to drown out stress in any way, it simply isn't there for the most part. There is no magic formula to keep stress at bay. You just need help with your internals. Something I have.

Anyway, life is busy. I am going to finish my coffee,  and walk Hope. We run the trails tonight. I am looking forward to it.

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeee.     :)))

A Night Of Strange Dreams.

I definitely dreamt last night,  a lot. I'd wake up, and start dreaming again right away. I also felt I was sleeping hard a lot. I guess I feel fine. My resting heart rate is starting to drop back down.

Yesterday I had my run. It was okay. It wasn't hard. I used the pause button on my watch to gauge my speed. Usually I let Hope walk a foresty area about halfway through to smell. I never used to pause my watch. Just learned how to, not that it would have been important to me. My running pace varied. 1st mile was like 10:45. My legs take a good 4 or 5 minutes to get going. I had a 10:07, 10:15, and 10:25, too I think. I felt good at the end. Like I could get in a comfortable running zone going a bit faster. I guess I'll keep track from now on,  so I can see how fast I run slow. My watch has a ton more info I never knew about in the running feature.

I got all my Sunday stuff done yesterday, besides folding one load of socks,  and whites. I got some grocery shopping done. We also picked up a few things for Lisa's brother,  and brought it to him. He's staying at his house to recover. We actually went to Saugatuck after too. Had a rum runner,  and then we grabbed a bite. A late lunch = no dinner. I came home, and watched the first Harry Potter movie, since I finished listening to the 1st book. The Day wasn't exciting, but I am fine with it. No regrets. I went to bed early, but struggled to fall asleep right away.

There you have it. Nothing too exciting,  but a day was had. It was good enough. I am awake today with no guilt letting a day slip away. Even though I did nothing important.

I don't think today will be a hard work day. What do we have like 4-5 weeks til Labor Day. The end of summer approaches for school type people. Summer ends for me when the temps get colder. That could take til November. I am enjoying this Summer. I embraced the heat, and kept running. It will be interesting to see how my running ends up.

Anyway, obviously I am thinking out loud. Not a lot on my mind. I ain't doing anything important here. My blog probably serves no purpose,  but I don't want to stop. It's a part of me now. Maybe it's even good for me to do it, you know?  I get my thoughts on paper,  and I have a good idea how I am that day.

What is important to me?  What makes me mad?  What are my hopes etc...  I don't know what it does,  but I do it.

I guess nothing to see here.

Laterzzzzzzzz.   :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.     :)))

A Day Off Today.

Good morning. Today is my day off so I can sleep in, and I didn't really. I think it's okay I slept as much as I want. I just watered my orchid. I've been forgetting to. Friday I did not run, and I did not work out. I was tired. I was sore too, my shoulder. I know I could have powered through,  but since I've been a bit sick,  and a current uptick in strenuous activity,  I just took it off. I am glad I did.

Yesterday I worked , and saw a movie. Once upon a time in Hollywood. I don't think it's his best work. Tarantino. I'll let you decide. After that I didn't do much. Watched the great hack on Netflix. It was interesting.

I am not an imoortant person in the least. I have a digital life if you will, but it is uninteresting. I am not a newsie guy. I read maybe 1% of my emails if that. I don't shop online much, and I don't shop offline much. As a target for Political purposes I am untouchable.

I don't feel I make many political statements at all, unless it is to stress for people to keep that shit to themselves. There should be political chat rooms where people can voice their opinions to people who give a shit. I find politics turns people's minds hard. No longer a sponge that can gather information. Nothing can penetrate the hard surface when you are too far gone. How can one escape that predicament?  Nothing I can do to help.

My life goes on. It is pretty predictable. I work 6 days per week, and honestly I like the money coming in. I don't make a ton of money, but I make a ton for my lifestyle. I drink coffee at home. One cup usually. I try to eat at home a lot. Like eat out once or twice per week. One being an order pizza night. I bring my lunch to work a lot,  or just make a sandwich at work. I don't eat much fast food. Fast food is good though.   :)  maybe not for you.

I have this blog,  which I update quite a bit. This year I feel it is pretty much about nothing. I guess just my day to day.

I feel pretty good inside. Things are fine. I am going to take like 4-5 days off in Sept. I decided we are going to Traverse City, MI. For either 4 or 5 nights. Check out the town,  go up to Mackinaw City for a day, and just sightsee,  and hang out. Easy stress free little getaway. No planes to catch or anything. I think it will be relaxing.

Outside of that not much. Just plugging along with my predictable life. Only new thing to me is trying to get good at running. (For me)  That does make slight changes to my life. Just in runs have a purpose. Also, I have to do the hard stuff. The shit that actually helps you get good at running. Outside of that everything is the same.

For my Saturday jobs I started listening to the Harry Potter novels. I only read the first 3, and I got tired of them,  so now I can cruise through them.

As I sit here now I do realize I was getting really tired last week. Like the little cough grabbed some of my energy. I did end up with 78 miles last week of steps. 77 the week before. Maybe this week will be an upswing.

Today I have a day. There will be a long run in a bit. It should be fun. Still only 4 miles. I may do 5 next week. I have a couple things to do today,  but not much.

It should be a pretty good day. Hopefully the week too.

Laterzzzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

2 Days Over 8 Hours.

Sandwiched between my midnighters were 2 days of over 8 hours of sleep. Ideally today was a good sleep in day, and I did. 2:30-4:00 AM was a blur,  so I slept even if I didn't want to, but I am glad I did. Mostly so I wouldn't be stupid and run this morning. I may go for a short one after I work out. That would be perfect.

I ran 3 loops of the trail yesterday. It was hard. I caught a bit of a cold I think. My resting heart rate has been ticking higher, and I have a bit of a cough. Nothing crazy, but something to keep an eye on.

My loops are just over 2/3 of a mile. Really about .72. I actually turned on my running thing on my watch to calculate it. Also it really is just 3 climbs on the back half. The first 2 is just one climb separated by maybe 5 steps. I'm gonna say that one is the hardest. You get a tiny reprieve, and climb 2. Another tiny reprieve,  and climb 3. I run a loop, and give myself like 10 seconds to rest. After my 2nd one I felt fully recovered, and I suspected I may be able to eventually just keep running those. The climbs still tax my leg muscles. After 3 my legs were burning from climbing. It was hot,  I was tired so I called it after 3. 7 loops this week.

I haven't timed a run in forever. I assume I am always out there running at 10:00 pace, but really I have no idea. It's probably been a year or 2 since I've timed any runs. Eventually I'll have to hit the track for some 800s. Probably in a couple weeks or so. Just 6 too. Maybe 2 with a 400, and another 2 with a 400. Nothing crazy.

To get in really good shape takes a lot of work. I think a lot of mental -want to- too.   I am not sure if I ever really had it to the max degree. I could do work,  but did I ever really have the desire to see what I could do? Not really sure. All I know is I was beat when I got home yesterday. Also I currently am a lot slower than I have been at my previous best. I don't even know if I can get to my previous best, but secretly I think I can get faster. Not sure how it will play out, but I'll find out. I'll get a gauge on Thanksgiving. Either a 5 or 8K. I hope to run at 7:00 mile pace or below. I am nowhere near that. If I can get back there it might take me til next Spring too. I have no idea.

Eventually these legs will have to turn over. Also I have just the normal wear and tear of a normal work week. My day to day is busy regardless. I am just going to use it to my advantage. A positive thing. Not something that keeps me from being my best, but something that helps.

In a World full of negativity it would be nice if people stopped bitching for once, and found the positives. How can the state of things in my life be used as a positive? 

Why be mad all the time? If you watch the news or read stuff that makes you mad, you are the created person of a person who is mad. You are an entity created out of someone else's anger. You are not you anymore. You are the product unwillingly of someone's propaganda. In your mind you are a supremely intelligent being,  but in actuality you are the lowest of the low. Your internals are not your own creation.

Your life is what you make it, not spouting out newsy things for whatever purpose. You help no one, and you don't help yourself.

Life is short. Good to do it in good humor. With a good disposition.

Today I'll have a day. I think it will be pretty normal. Main goal is to feel rested tomorrow before work.

I spose. 

Laterzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

The Midnight Train.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. For some reason I woke up around midnight the last two nights. Usually that's fine, I'll fall asleep right away, but not the last two nights. Today, I did eventually fall asleep,  woke myself up from a dream just before my early alarm. Yesterday I was tired. I ran the night before,  and also the next morning. My legs were fatigued. I remember leaning down at work, and I almost moaned. Legs are toast,  I'll never pick myself up in a million years, I am going to sleep.

Then a funny thing happened. I rode my bike to work out, and my legs recovered kinda. I don't know if biking is a cure for tired legs or what. Seemed to be yesterday. Today I guess I am doing a double. Warning signs are already in my mind, so I'll do a really slow run this morning. I have no idea about Friday. It would be good to get something in, cuz Saturday is an off day. I don't know if I want to run the morning after the night. Ideally I'd just sleep in, but that doesn't,  well I rarely do that.

I feel I have a lot of stuff to do again. Life just continues to be busy huh?  You cannot really slow it down. I wonder how people cope with that. I think I need to make a list. Just start getting little things done here and there. There always is normal day to day shit too. Just that is easy to get behind. I think i will make a list. Just do a little bit day after day. Life can get crazy. Especially since M-F after work my shit is not done.

One thing I noticed about running is before I'd get miles,  but it was just running it seems. I don't know if I ever pushed myself mentally. You know you can do work,  and see where it ends. I know I've been in pretty good shape before,  but maybe not as good as I could get. It just seems in the past I'd zone out, and just get miles. I know I'd do speed work, and the hard stuff,  but the majority of miles were zone out miles. Maybe that is what long distance needs. A lot of zone out miles. I am gearing for short though. Less miles more meaning behind the miles. Also I have to remember to cut back some. Let my body recover,  cuz I've just started running with a purpose. My body is probably in shock. Maybe not too,  cuz I've been regularly hitting 80 miles of steps each week. I don't know. Just thinking aloud.

Anyway life keeps moving. It sometimes is hard to keep up. The best you can hope for is to not be tired after work. Especially if I have to run the trails. I can always lay down for 5-10 minutes before.

Today will just be a busy day. Yesterday when I was tired I kept thinking I just have to work out today,  so no biggie. The trail is much harder. Still kinda fun though I guess.

Anyway on my mind today is how busy I am, and how I continually have shit pop up that puts me behind. I guess we all lose the race of life.  Too busy perhaps.

Anyway, I guess I'll finish my coffee and get a slow run in.

Laterzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

Just Like That.

So, I kinda found out what I boxed myself into. Tuesday was a trail day, so by the time I got back from my trail run it was 4:45. Also every day after work I have something to do, before just chilling out, or doing projects. Your heart has to be in it.

I finally did get my 4 loops in. I don't feel it was easy at all, but I was better than previous times on the trail. I analyzed my loop I guess you can say. The hardest part is the 4 climbs on the back half. They are steep climbs in rapid succession. There isn't enough time to recover between climbs, and the 4th is probably the hardest. When you are done with the 4th climb there still are two more climbs you have to deal with, before you reach the start again. It isn't a long loop, but it is hard.

The reward is getting in shape. The price is running the trail after a full day on my feet. Also the reward is my early morning runs will have a purpose. Also I will have long runs on Sunday. For what I want, I don't see me running more than 8-10 miles. No need.

Getting home at 4:45 means not really any time to do shit around the house. The cost,  or my sacrifice. I don't have to be anything for anyone though you know?  Dinner will be eaten, and maybe some tv. My expense comes with no guilt. I am not relied upon by anyone to be whatever. Easy life right?  I mean that baggage wise. To live my life one needs energy, and luckily I have that. That is a good thing to have.

Outside of that not much. My Dad's sister just died, so us Pejchl's are slowly exiting this Earth. Good thing too, cuz the spelling of our last name is pretty stupid. I don't remember her too much. Probably saw her last 40 years ago.

Today is a workout day, we are going to get our passports today too. Lisa is going to Honduras or something in February to help out some aborigines or something with a friend(s) 

I have no idea what city I'll check out. I'll have to do some research I guess. I am not even sure which direction I want to go. I am thinking East,  or South. I feel time moves pretty quick. The years start piling on. I will be 53 pretty soon. I'll be in pretty good shape for 53. Improving too barring injury. I guess when I turned 40 that was a big deal. 53 doesn't seem old to me.

You see my life too. Not a lot to worry about. I don't feel I concern myself with too much. Day after day of my little life.

When I was at the Doctor I got asked questions trying to see if I was depressed or something. I guess they do that now. On a scale of 1-5 let's say, 1 being bad 5 being good,  I feel 5 almost always. I am not sad about stuff. I don't worry about stuff. I sleep generally pretty good. I have no problem waking up,  and really I have just about the least stress one can have. What is there to worry about? 

Of course I guess stress is one of those internals, and my internals are good. Internals we don't totally control,  so I gather everyone has stuff to worry about. Be angry, be mad about stuff. With everyones internals not being so hot,  I spose news type stuff can whip anyone into a frenzy. You are ripe for the plucking.

Why? Cuz your internals aren't always good,  and there must be someone to blame. Change yourself before you change the World. You'll find failure in either endeavor. With help you can help you. The World I wouldn't worry about. That ain't worth saving,  even if you had any kind of power to. You don't though, so maybe just throw that nonsense away.

Gotta run.

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeee.     :)))

It's Monday.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday I did get my run in. It was fine. It wasn't horribly hot,  but it was really humid. My shirt was drenched. Of course I had to make a pit stop to poo at the end. I thought I had everything out before my run. It's harder to find a spot when it is light out. Most of my runs are done ~4:00 AM.

Got a call from my BIL.  He was at a friend's house for a wedding. He fell out of the  2nd story of a barn. Smashed a vertebrae and a wrist. Back surgery this morning, wrist surgery sometime after. Not only that,  but his short term life's plans got shattered too.  Doubt he'll be driving to the West Coast one week from now to move back to Hawaii.

That sucks. You don't wish that shit on anyone. Not even your enemies if one had any. I did my typical Sunday thing. Laundry, and dishes. I also went grocery shopping. Normal Sunday stuff. My Dad bitched at Lisa cuz someone must have gone through his room, and took his $400 camera. For one no one goes in his room. Everyone has phones which are better than any camera. My Dad doesn't know how to use a phone,  tv, or camera. I've never in a million years seen him take a photo. I called him on it. Also told him if you don't feel like your stuff is safe move somewhere else. So dumb. I swear he isn't happy unless he's bitching about something. Only problem is he has nothing to bitch about. His life should be easy. He should just enjoy himself. He doesn't read books. He watches tv. He does go out to eat a lot. Old people do that shit. Men especially I guess. They don't know how to cook anything. That dude instead of enjoying his final days just bitches at nonsense. We are not that highly evolved. Go to an old people's home.

My life goes on I guess. I have work today,  workout,  and shit to do outside. I should cut the grass after our rain. I'll be busy. I think that's good. I feel pretty good. I think our Monday might be pretty easy. I don't think I have a lot of mixing to do. Maybe get out early. Of course the work days fill themself up pretty regularly this time of year. Regardless,  I'll still workout,  and cut the grass. I'll run this morning too.

I think time wise it would be smart to run the trails on Tuesday,  and Thursday. My non workout days. I should buy new running shoes. Mine are a couple years old. I figured if I ran 250 times it's only ~500 miles. How times have changed.  

So today I'll have a day. I feel bad for my BIL.  Marvel at how crazy weird my Dad is. It isn't exactly old age either. The more I think about it, he always had that paranoid thing. An angry dude with no filter. No clue about decency. Remember that stupid bike he wanted. He bought it for whatever he said maybe $600 35 years ago. He wanted it cuz it was still worth $600 in his own mind. Just like the mysterious $400 camera must be worth $400. A camera no one would want. Does anyone even buy cameras anymore? 

Last fucking thing I'd buy.

Anyway, my life = same old. I'll get a run in, and read some,  and get ready for work.

Laterzzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeee.      :)))

Some Things.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine, thanks for asking.   ;)  Yesterday was a normal Saturday, I worked,  saw a movie. Had a couple drinks. We watched more movies too, as our cable AND internet were out. Still out. Today Hope and I are planning to run long.  4 miles long.   :)  my runs are mostly 1-1/2- 2 miles,  so that is long for me. I did run the trails after work on Friday.  I even took Hope too, cuz it didn't seem worse than the previous hot day we went. I was able to recover on the 2nd loop easier. So progress. I think it helps I remember the loop now, so I know what is coming up,  and what I have to endure. Even the climb of 120 whatever steps seems easier. I have to climb the steps just to get to the running part.

3rd loop was hard. I probably would have done the 4th loop, but Hope was pooping out. He has full fur, so we kinda go by him. (Her actually)  there was definite progress. I feel the ability to recover during a run is a gauge one is actually starting to get in shape. It's all kinda new to me again. I haven't run to get in shape for years. I've run during those years, but for the heck of it. It is different in the mind too. I think I am older and smarter about these things. Meaning, I'll do little things to make me stay healthy.

If I don't it's not the end of the World.  It's just something I'll currently do... for fun. On another fun note, after Labor Day we are going to visit another city for like 4 nights. I have no idea which one. I'd like to visit the East Coast,  but maybe not during Hurricane season. So, I am not really sure. I almost could go to San Antonio again, cuz we did love it there,  but we won't do that. A work in progress I guess. Maybe we'll just go North in Michigan. I really have no clue. I am thinking city more than Northern Michigan though. Just not sure which one. We'll see.

Really not much besides that. Still holding to my 2 drink a day limit. I wasn't going to limit myself yesterday, but I did, cuz I didn't want another drink. If I felt like drinking I would have. Saturday will be my day to indulge I guess. It's not really a good idea though,  as Sunday is my long day. I'll never indulge so much to get hungover though. Indulging is 3-4 drinks. I'll be asleep after that.

At my age there isn't anything exciting to keep me up. Sleep is exciting. Kinda. A good night sleep. Running for a purpose is exciting, cuz it's different,  and new. I don't feel I ever got to my best either.

That is good news for a 50+ person, cuz a 50 year old is smarter about stuff than 20-40. 20-40 can still be sidetracked by things like partying late,  and such stuff. At least in my experience.  At 50 things like that don't sidetrack us. Think about my life. I have no responsibilities really. If I prioritize running, it is not at the expense of much else,  except less yard work,  and housework...maybe.

My life is simple like that. I carry no guilt. I have no sacrifices I make. I owe no one anything so there is no sacrifice toward anything I must make. I can just live, and be. I don't have to act a Saint. If I don't give a fuck about something I don't care. Even if it seems I should. I don't have to pretend to be a Saint. I don't have to pretend to care. I can just be. I am strong,  and confident on my own.

That's a whole story though. I did go back, and get a glimpse of my past. Like when I first started blogging. My heart did care about stuff. People mostly. Things mattered to me,  and I was different then. Now I am not afraid of anything. Also I see people as they are kinda. Not saints. Not perfect. I don't grade on the curve. I really only give people a failing grade I guess. Cuz that's our truth. I've gone on that Journey. I've faced that truth. Twice accepted what I deserve if that is the plan.

Outside of those two times I wanted to be on the right side of right. Lived in a lot of fear. Now I currently stand accepted before perfection. Didn't know that was the way. I wanted the scary final thing, because I wanted security. I have security. I think I'll have to give it up, but I am not scared. Cuz I have help. The path isn't mine. I've overcome twice not cuz of me,  but cuz my help did it for me. The 3rd won't be any different. I'll be scared I assume. If not scared, I'll definitely suffer.

The new me will no longer have a comic book understanding. I'll see life as it really is. That is understanding.  All make believe is thrown away. I'll have the best set of eyes. I'll be stronger than I am now. Now I am strong without any protection. I am secure, although still poor in Spirit. A thing I didn't know possible.

Anyway, I think it stopped raining. I guess I can get my run in, and get this Sunday going.

Laterzzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.     :)))

Tired...That One Thing.

So yesterday was okay. Everything was pretty normal,  except I came home tired. I wasn't sure what to do for dinner. We got a bit of rain, so I didn't have to water. I read my book. It's really good,  and I was getting toward the end. I finished It, and started the 2nd in the trilogy. We went out to dinner. Still couldn't think of anything I wanted to make. Tacos would have been okay. We went out for Mexican food.

Go go go is a great way to wake up, it's just when you actually hit tired that things fall apart. Even today I would have liked to try to run a bit longer this morning, but I needed sleep. Part of the problem is I woke up at midnight, and couldn't fall asleep for a bit. I kinda have this wake up at 2:30 with the alarm,  and doze til 3:00. This morning I dozed til 4:00 when my middle alarm went off.

The heat today probably means a day off. It ain't a horrible idea, as tomorrow is off,  and Sunday I have to start long runs. Kinda gotta get a plan going. Not right away, but I definitely have to start adding miles. Each run has a purpose kinda thing, where before I just ran. Maybe I ran, cuz you never know if you'll get a goal again. Best have your legs used to running. I like running anyway,  even with no goals. Kinda fun with a goal of getting in shape. Kinda thinking I may try and get that 22:00 minute 5k a go.

I could stand to lose 10 lbs, although I am not too far off from marathon PR weight. I've been working out for over a year, so my upper body is stronger, and core more muscley. I feel that helps my overall health. I am not interested in bulk, but I am interested in getting fast for me again. Overall I am in a better place. Like maybe I have more time to do little stuff like stretch. I think that would help me stay injury free. Also I am not training for a marathon this Fall, so miles don't have to get crazy.

Marathon training for me is brutal. I finished 5, and maybe started training for like another 10 or so, but never made it to the starting line healthy. I currently have no marathon goals. If I did try again, like everything goes good, up until Turkey day, I'd want to find a training partner I think.

It's easy to find a drinking buddy, I spose it  wouldn't be too hard to find a running buddy. Winter marathon training is fun. I am not going that far down the road though. I don't even know if I can stay healthy getting in good short race running shape. The idea of every run having a purpose intrigues me. I have hundreds and hundreds of short runs for the heck of it. Nothing wrong with those either.

One disappointing thing I found out yesterday is everything has a price. If I prioritize running it will be at the expense of something else. Being tired is a thing. We need x amount of sleep. Variable per each person. We have work, and house work. Projects. I find we cannot do it all. That's another thing about marathons. The mileage leads to a lot of tiredness.

Every priority leads to a sacrifice somewhere else. We cannot be it all. Me (re)learning that yesterday helps me understand more how flawed our heroes are.

There is pressure to look and behave in such and such way. The World has no use,  except in pretending,  and make believe. Those who cannot abide in these make like your nice, rules will be judged.  If your life ain't story book like, then you failed.  We all failed though. Our hearts aren't perfect. Even the least of us people will find a way to judge another.

I see it. Maybe all elevate themselves over another,  but why?  It's just hate really. I am not sure if I do it, or if I just find it disgusting in people who do it.

I tend to judge the judgers.  They probably live a life of insecurity.  Meekness outweighs pretend acts of greatness any day of the week.

Niceness works. Petty arguments of ones  superiority not so much.

Anyway today is a day. I may take Hope for a walk, and then run the trail. Maybe trail, and then walk. It's supposed to be hotter than fuck today. Hope = no run. I have to work out today too, but with a purpose.

My cup of coffee worked miracles.

Excited for today already.  Excited for the future.

It's good to be me.

Laterzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.      :)))

I Did Do A Double Dip.

So I did run twice yesterday. Neither long at all, but it was all about hitting the trails. Speed work for me. I did see progress on the first loop. It was very doable,  and I was recovering nicely. My goal was to do 4 loops. The 2nd loop was much harder. I couldn't recover, and the hills were tough. I was just going to survive the 3rd loop. We did. 3rd loop was brutal too. Hope even had to walk up a hill in either the 2nd or 3rd loop. I have no idea why the difficulty increased so much after the 1st loop. It was like 87° or something,  but 60% humidity. It was hot, but I feel ready for that heat. A work in progress. Where is it all leading?  Maybe a Turkey day race that has me in shape.

I've been running short for a while. Not getting in shape really, but taking Hope, and getting steps. Regardless it kept me running however many times/week. After the trails yesterday my legs were fatigued. I do think of getting in shape. It seems like it would be fun. I found my legs were still in okay running form even though I had 13 miles on them from work, and the earlier run. Plus I already worked out, but I only do upper body, cuz I figure I work my legs enough.

I do sense a change in me though. My internals are motivated I'd say. Can I bottle that up?  I think so. Everyday is groundhogs Day for me seemingly. My internals will be the same tomorrow as today. Today I don't know what I'll do after work. It's going to be miserable. 94° or something. I won't take Hope out in that shit. Can you imagine running in that shit with full fur on?  #yikes.

I am not sure about my drinking one day per week either. I've been having a couple cocktails at the end of my day. For the heck of it. I buy a half pint, and have two stiff drinks. I don't know why. For the heck of it. It still is a 50% cut from my norm. I can't say I enjoy it a ton, but it is somewhat relaxing. Who knows?  2 drinks a day ain't horrible. I don't know what I think of that yet. Actually I don't think of it. I just wanted to put it here. I don't feel bad or guilty. If I do have drinks I like the idea of only having two, and calling it a day. Also after I get a good amount of what I want to get done. Meaning my day revolves around labor, running, house projects, and stuff. It doesn't revolve around a pint shortly after work. I never would have done the double dip last month probably. It seems a switch has been hit in me.

So what else?  I will take Hope again this morning. Shooting caution to the wind as I am running several days in a row. Not much else going on with me. Just a little life that keeps me busy. Not a ton of stress. Very little actually. I kinda do my own thing. I am glad I don't have to work out today. Work will be busier than fuck. Thursday is our worst day, and my list is loaded... already.

After work we will see. I am thinking of getting on the water.

Not much else going on with me. As you can see a pretty simple life. One that keeps me busy,  and one where my internals feel pretty good. I guess people don't always have that.

I have no desire to make a name for myself. I think I am succeeding in that. I guess eventually I will have a name, but that ain't my story. I don't stress about things like that,  cuz fear is gone. I am accepted so, what's there to worry about? 

Anyway, I spose.

Laterzzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeee.      :)))

Summer Days Are Busy.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. The weather didn't look so hot after work, so I didn't do any outside stuff. I had a lot of inside stuff to do. I got rid of winter sweatshirts to make room for my Summer stuff. It's just easier not having that shit around. I did dishes, and some laundry. Folded everything, and put it away. I washed my work shoes too which were disgusting. My shoes were topped with caked on flour,  and caked on frosting.  They look good now. I don't see other shoes get as trashed as mine. I don't know if it is cuz I am messy,  or predominately I mix, maybe my shoes just show the collection more. I figure I'll just wash my shoes every week or two.

I am at that stage in Summer where I am tired of all food.  I couldn't think of one thing I wanted to eat. I made breakfast for dinner. That's an easy one.

Other than that not much. My days are busy. I have plenty to do. Yesterday I got a lot of inside stuff done, but I still have more to do. Outside stuff anyway. Never an end. I don't know why I thought I'd have so much time this Summer. Summer is busy period. I have enough to keep me busy today outside of work. Watering, weeding, I should run the trail today. I have time to run in the morning, so I'll double dip with two runs. I have to work out today too. Who knows about dinner. It's supposed to get pretty hot soon too. My poor Electric bill.    :)

My gas bill in the Winter ain't nothing. Like $70-80 on a cold month. Summer living is becoming more expensive due to A.C.   I do my fair share in I probably use a combustible engine less than 95% or more than most working people. Maybe even less than non working people.

It is lucky I live where I do. I can bike almost anywhere. I remember big city living where you had to drive everywhere. Too many people, too many roads, too much traffic. We don't suffer traffic jams in Holland, unless you get stuck waiting for a train. My life is busy, but I am not spending a lot of time in a car. A lot of days I don't even get in one. I don't pay attention to that ratio though. Maybe I should.

I think my life is fine. My outlook is pretty good. I stay active. I have more to do than can get done in one day. Part is I want to run, and stuff outside. Today i have to run the trails.  I'd like to take the paddle board out, my book is ridiculously not put downable, my garden and lawn need watering,  and yadda yadda yadda. My plan in the morning for each day is typically oversized. I don't get everything done. My cut in drinking probably helps me get more done.

I think every day I wake up like go go go, but at some point fatigue turns up, and the go go part lessens. I am fine with me though. I don't wake up with guilt. I carry no baggage. I ain't flawless,  but I dealt with my truth. I don't need to act a Saint, cuz I am not. I can no longer be judged by people,  cuz I don't even care. I am accepted,  and that strength is more powerful than people's judgement. You just are not that important. I am good on my own. It is a strength, and confidence you have no idea.

I am accepted in my own group.  It's a pretty exclusive group,  of me, and my help.  At the age of 53 almost I think it did me well to always work jobs where I am on my feet. My legs get tired, and fatigued, but I use them for 70-80 miles, and I still want more. I should stretch I know, cuz sometimes I lean down,  and wonder how I can get back up.   :)

I keep active. I'd say pretty close to max. 

Anyhoo, I spose. 

Laterzzzzzz.    :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeee.     :)))

A Monday In The Books.

Yesterday was just one of those days I found interesting just from the internals. Work was busy, and I got my workout in. I wasn't sure what I'd be coming home to, in what the plans for the evening were. We are going to get some body work done to our truck. Rust repair stuff. Lisa has a friend she worked with who works at a body shop. Anyway we went through that. I watered the garden, and read my book. We got pizza for dinner, and we watched Batman Begins. I never saw it before. Who knew? 

Anyway the disconnect was how did I come home on a Monday before and feel like drinking?  It was an easy day off from no alcohol consumption. I just thought it strange. How can the shift just happen so quick?  One thing I noticed is i still was tired. It was hard keeping my eyes open during the movie. Granted I was up early to do this, and run Hope. Sleep was normal. I slept good. Has my body totally become normal in a swift change in lifestyle?  I think so. I don't know of other people. I don't know their struggles. In my life,  and my path I am protected from a thing called alcoholism, if there is such a thing. I had ample opportunity to visit that state, but it never took route. If there is such a thing. I am not convinced.

I don't know another's battles though. Heroin sure from what I understand.  Cigarettes too. All opioids. To me I never really experienced alcohol having that type of power. I was never one who couldn't stop drinking at a decent time if I worked early.  I think alcohol is a drug of the bored. Can't think of anything better to do.  I found that to be the case with me. Now, I am not so bored. Also yesterday there was no such craving to have a drink.

Just looking at life through my experiences. Making judgements along the way.

What else?  Not much. I do find it interesting, I am just as tired early evening, as if I was drinking for a couple hours. My days are full, and I seemingly get everything out of myself most days. Not too much though that I cannot sleep good. If that's a thing.

The days are busy,  but in an easy way. I have a good book to read, and I have outside stuff to do. It's a good Summer. I am acclimated to it too now. The heat doesn't bug me. I noticed on my ride home yesterday. Actually I was wrapped in a blanket watching tv. We have our air on. Lisa wanted to kill me, cuz her thermostat is whack. She's always warm. Heat flashes and whatnot.

So, today is a day. I think I'll do some outside stuff.

Things are easy. No baggage in me. Today is a new day, and I'll live it accordingly. I'll have a day. I don't really have a concern in anything at all.

Laterzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

A Day Not Planned.

I didn't do anywhere near what I planned yesterday. I took Hope for a longer run than planned. I also bought a paddle board. I took my paddle board out on a little pond by my house. I've ridden my bike past it before,  and I ran by it before. Never been on it, so I took a cruise around it. It's just something there I've never seen, except the little window you can between the trees. I got some more areas to check out.  Lisa told me they are tearing down a house by a boat launch on Lake Macatawa, which is the inlet lake that connects to the big Lake. They are going to build a park,  and they will have an area you can keep your paddle board locked up for the season.

As far as I can tell it's not really exercise, it's kind of a sight seeing thing. Rough waters it may be more exercise,  not sure. I'll take it out again today. Actually Lisa wants to try it.

I did get some other stuff done,  but really not a lot. I did finish the 2nd, and final season of twin peaks. It started out ok, then it got weird,  then I could handle the weirdness.  I can't say I'd recommend it, but I am not disappointed I watched it. There were a lot of characters in it.

Other than that not much. I guess yesterday was kinda a lazier day than I planned,  but it's okay. I am fine with it. I am ready I guess to start my day. I have no baggage or guilt, and I am awake and ready. It's Summer time so there is no such thing as Monday. It's just another sunny warm day.

Geesh did I think of anything yesterday?  Not really. I put my property tax bill in the mail. My house payment for the year.  :) I have a day today that will be busy. Work,  workout,  paddle board, and run before work. There will be a meal,  and a lot of steps.  I can read some or I started '24' at dinner last night. You know the Kiefer Sutherland show.

Life goes on. Day after day. It's pretty easy. I don't have anything of much importance to write about I guess. I never know. I just have a busy day before me. I like those. It might be a big week of steps. 

Laterzzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeee.    :)

Almost 10 Hours.

That's what I slept last night. I had a couple drinks last night too. I wanted to. I worked,  and saw a movie. Afterwards I went shopping to make a dinner,  so I had a couple cocktails while I made dinner. I don't feel guilty like I failed myself or anything. I am not all of a sudden going down some epic drinking journey.  :) I had a couple cocktails,  and it was fine.

Today I have a pretty big day planned. A lot to do, and we may see the Spider Man movie. Outside of that not much going on. I am in the process of closing out my chase account. Just wait til my next paycheck from my 2nd job. It should get deposited in my credit union account,  and I can get rid of Chase. My Federal taxes have been paid, and it's been cashed.   Still haven't received my State bill.  I do have my property tax bill though., so I'll pay that soon. I guess I can put it in the mail today.

I thought about maybe buying a kayak, just to fuck around in. We have some little lakes I can check out by my house. I guess I can maybe look at paddle boards too. Just to get out on the water you know. I have time in the afternoons. Even if I take Hope after work. Plus like today I have a day off. You figure drinking consumed a good part of my life. I guess I can kinda blame drinking, but I don't really feel my internals were interested in doing much else. Now I listen to books, and read.  Remember it wasn't too too long ago I was working 7 days/week. It's hard to tell what I wanted. It seemed fine to work 7 days per week. I was busy every day, and previously on days off I could be really lazy, and I'd never feel good after a day off.

Things are different now. I don't know what that means. I guess I am not tied down to any routine in my down time. I am not sure what it means. I did think of drinking one day per week. A schedule if you will. Get rid of the drinking demons one day, and your regular life after. I did that once before to good results. I probably will do that.  Saturdays I guess will be my drinking day. It won't be the whole day obviously. Typically I work,  and see a movie, and I'll chill after that. Rest of the week I'll do other stuff.

There are trails to run,  and kayak or paddle boarding. Whichever I choose. Not sure yet. Maybe I should seek out something like volleyball or something too. Who knows?  The World is wide open you know?  I feel good. I feel positive about things. I have a day off today with stuff to do.

I can make my life busy. My miles last week were 80 miles. You know, I may be able to hit 100 in the next month. A new lifestyle will help me with that. Busy days outside of work.

So, I guess I'll finish my coffee, and take Hope. I am excited for today. I got my drinking demons exercised, so I got shit to do. It should be fun.

Laterzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.     :)))

Trails.

I just checked my sleep. It was pretty normal. 6 hours and 18 minutes. Better than the 5 hours the night before. I was kinda tired I thought after work,  and I had to take Hope. I wanted to run,  cuz that's what I'd do in the morning. So I ran these trails by my house. I haven't run them in a couple years,  and they are as hard as I remember. Maybe moreso,  cuz I am not in the running shape I was in when I ran them. It may be 5+years since I've run them. It's not a long loop. Maybe 1/2 mile to 2/3 of a mile. I ran 3 loops, or run walk rather. The back half climbs. There are a couple flat spots, but not long enough to recover from previous climb. You basically climb, and in front of you is the longest climb. This climb is done on soft sand. You know, feet move, but you go nowhere.   :)  each time my legs were sore at the end of that hill,  and I'd stop and walk. Hope was even tired during the 3rd loop. Back in the day I would run 6 loops, with no walking. I want to hit this trail once or twice/ week. That back half max effort would definitely help me get in better running shape.

It was fun, and hard, and challenging.  All the things I used to like about running.

For being tired I did get quite a bit done after my run. I did an early load of laundry,  dishes,  ran the robot,  and watered the front grass, and the garden out back.  A pretty good day.

I still can do stuff, and ponder how I might have done things in the past. Really though my days start out the same. I wake up,  and a day is in the making. I could say, I am not drinking so I am not hung over, but I never was. I could say I feel better rested, but I don't feel that is the case. Really the biggest change is just what I do during the drinking hours. It may be just more tv, and I don't mind that to be honest. It ain't a horrible thing to get lost in a show. I do not get the drunken lazy tired thing though. You know you drink, and at some point you become lazy.

I wouldn't have folded the load of laundry,  or put the dishes away. I did have an inkling to drink yesterday, but a glass of water took that little craving away. Don't ask me how that works. Ice water will help ease a drinking crave somehow. A smoker eats a celery stalk, a drinker drinks water. It may be that.

There always is that feeling of one upping your old self. Not going down the drinking path opens up different avenues. Drinking opens up no avenues. It only goes to one place. Buzzed, and then tired. You won't be awake long. I find I don't eat any more at dinner either. So for some reason those 1000 calories are not being replenished. I might weigh myself late next week. See what that comes to.

Today is  Friday.  On tap is another non drinking day. I may run the trails again. Maybe go see a movie. Not sure.

Life goes on as do I. I am like just in the middle of my life doing the day to day. The stuff I must do at a later stage is far from my mind. I don't find it strange really. I've been down this road long enough to know it can change pretty quickly. I am not worried how I feel on the inside. My insides will be in the right place as the time approaches. I don't control those.  If I did i probably would be more of whatever the ideal person in my mind is.  That is an avenue of falsehood. You cannot be an ideal person. It's not in your power. Your heart is made up of different stuff than you'd like.

We really cannot boast of our greatness in the least. None of us are made up of that stuff. I may be the only one who knows it though. I don't know you, so I couldn't really tell.

Gotta run.

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.      :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

A Clean Bill Of Health.

Good morning. How's it going? Me, I am fine. I had my annual Doctor's appointment, and everything looks fine. My blood pressure ran high,  138/66. The 138 was a bit high, but it usually reads lower. I bet if they tried it again right after the 1st time it would have been lower. The 66 is stupid. I never read that low. I have a blood pressure reader at home. I check it once on a while. My lungs were clear, which was surprising to me, cuz of my cough. This morning it seems like it is mostly gone.

I'll get labs done in early August. I expect those to come out good. For one it will be like a month of little to no drinking, and also I've been working out for a year. I think that helps. Yesterday I slept like 8 hours and 44 minutes or something. I had a ton of energy. I took Hope at 5:00 PM. A drinking me wouldn't have done that. I had my Doctor's appointment got my workout in, and ran a couple errands. I felt really good on my walk. Better than an alcohol fueled euphoria.

That is actually good news, and I am pretty pumped about it. Outside of that not much. Getting used to the new me. I stayed up past 9:00 PM last night so getting up at my early alarm was not gonna happen. I can even maybe switch it too. Off my schedule is the afternoon drinking time, so I can take Hope after work. Drinking had an important part of my life. I even made my schedule to accomadate it.   :)  on paper it wasn't an easy schedule. 2:30 AM alarms are not always people's favorites, but I made it work. Some days I may not have taken Hope,  but all days I did drink.    :)

I don't feel I wasted a good part of my life living like this. I am 52. Making a change to an even healthier me. I suspect drinkers have a good amount of years to do that stuff. As you get older hopefully it becomes less important like it has for me. I always suspected that would be the case for me. I just didn't know when. It took a cough, and a couple nights not drinking, because of the cough to make the change. I didn't want to make the change. It wasn't in my heart too, but when I saw how easy it was to not drink I figured what the heck.

Know what was oddly neat and strange?  Last night it was 5:00 PM, and I was walking Hope. I had no desire to have a drink, and I was in my prime drinking zone. It was different in a good way. Life led me to this point, and my internals felt it was good.

You know the feeling you get when you can be lazy, or productive, and you choose productive?  It's a good feeling, and that's how it feels. One way is better than another. My internals helped me choose the better way. I don't control my internals,  so I am glad they helped me along. I didn't sacrifice, my body just helped me. My internals helped me on this path.

So anyway what else. I am wondering how my weight will look in a month or two. I figured I consumed at least 1000 dead calories of booze each night. I find I don't eat more at dinner either. 1000 dead calories taken out of the diet not filled with anything else. I don't know what that does. I'm at a good weight with the dead calories. My guess is I'll have to eat more during the day. I'm too active not to.

A change in me is like a new look to life. Kinda like the change in seasons. Pretty exciting stuff. Today I don't have to work out either. Should be okay.

I guess I'll read my book. I'll take Hope after work as I have a few extra hours with nothing planned.   ;)

Laterzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.       :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

Looking At The Two Me's.

Good morning. How's it going?  Me, I am fine. I had a long work day yesterday, so that sorta fucks up the day. I don't know exactly how the old me would have handled it. It was a work out day, so the new me went and worked out. I had things I wanted to do after work, but I lost too much time.

I came home tired. The old me might have worked out, not sure. The old me would have made a cocktail once home. The new me had no desire for a cocktail. I wanted to water the grass, and garden, but didn't feel like it. I read my book. That's what I wanted to do. I thought I'd probably be staying up later,  but I went to bed at 7:00. I didn't have the energy to do the home part of my workout either. My resting heart rate keeps plummeting too.

Outside of that I didn't think of much yesterday I don't think. I know I went to bed, and internally I felt pretty good. Relaxed, and content. Only complaint yesterday was not getting everything done I wanted. I did go to bed having expended most/all my energy. I did figure out how nondrinkers drink coffee late. It doesn't appeal to me in the least,  but we all want energy.

I know myself well enough I guess. I expended all my energy yesterday. It's time to sleep,  not time to caffeinate. I am overcoming a cough too, so my sleep does get interrupted,  meaning I may not be getting as many zzzzs,  as normal.

How does life look like now?  Looking from the outside I can ponder a drinking lifestyle. There are different types. Heavy, on down to casual. I drank for a buzz. I can't imagine why you wouldn't. My day's plan had cocktails in the mix. Regardless I'd still have a lot of steps before I started drinking,  unless it was a day off. Also the benefit of knowing I wouldn't get a hangover, and I wouldn't get a headache. If I drank a full pint I'd know it. Less energy. 

Once you jump off that path you split your personality kinda. The 2 sides to you. For the record, I didn't plan on quitting drinking. I got sick. I knew it was going to be a tough one. A Cough, so I figured I better take a night off drinking. That was easy, so I took two. I thought to myself what would life be like if I didn't drink?  Let's check it out, and here we are.

Quitting drinking is like quitting smoking I guess. I smoked for one year in my life. I quit, and the thought of cigarettes didn't appeal to me. I could drink now,  but like yesterday I wouldn't have read my book if I was.I could get that euphoric feeling, but my internals felt at peace as I went to bed. It ain't no thing I guess is what I am saying.

Drinking decreases outside work production. I can do more and be more without it. Also, and maybe that is why it ain't no thing. I still feel good.

If there are people out there whose internals aren't so great, and a buzz helps them feel better,  I guess that's a different story. I wonder if people are even in touch with their internals.  If you don't know how it is to feel good just by living, what is there to compare? 

If life looks boring without drinking or geting a buzz what are you to do? 

We aren't made to feel content in things. So we seek things that make us feel good.

I think people mostly find things that make them mad. You are the center of your universe. People who don't think like you are wrong.

I dunno, the new me is just looking at things.  Trying to see how people are.

Anyway, I gotta run. Today should be okay. 

Laterzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.     :)

xxoo.     :)

Byeeeeeee.     :)))

A Busy Day Off.

Good morning. How's it going?  I am fine. Yesterday was a day off, and I was pretty busy. I did my normal Sunday stuff, got my back yard mulch,  edger project done, weeded the garden. Holy crap so many weeds. I ran the robot. I had a lot of energy. That's not uncommon, but I could still do more. There was to be no afternoon drinking of cocktails.

Wanna know how I felt about that?  I was fine with it. This is different. My internals sometimes pulled, saying wouldn't it be nice to sit, and have some cocktails. It would have been, but at a price. I would lose productivity all at once. Also I feel pretty darn good being sober. You think of other things that can be done. I was at almost 20,000 steps on my day off. That internal pull of how nice it would be to have a cocktail is where people probably lose the battle. If your internals don't feel typically pretty good,  I bet that's a hard battle.

In life we want to feel good. There are a lot of different ways to go about it. Alcohol makes you feel good to a point. You get tired. Some get headaches and hangovers. I kinda had a little joke,  if I could drink,  and not get headaches or hangovers,  I'd be a fool not to right?   :)

My natural energy gets zapped a bit by drinking. I am less,  and do less than is possible. Also my internals usually feel pretty good, so I don't need enhancements. Also I know a sober me looking at a buzzed me would find me foolish. I spose I'll have that internal pull to have a cocktail for a bit, but it isn't a heavy pull. Mostly I think of the silliness of drinking.

A work in progress I guess. So many more avenues open up without drinking. I can stay up later with no worries. The end of my day doesn't necessarily mean I need a couple hours of downtime. Last night I fell asleep on the couch watching twin peaks. (Twin peaks gets really silly in season 2)  I went to bed at 7:00. I was tired I guess from my day's labor.

Today I will have labor. I'll work out, have a meal,  and maybe do some more stuff. Like I said my avenues are wide open. No longer on my day's plan are the couple hours of downtime. I may have downtime,  but it will be different.

Wanna know what I thought about during my regular drinking time yesterday?   I thought I could go for a bike ride and look at shit.

Things sure are different. Better different.

Gotta run.

Laterzzzzz.      :)

xoxo.      :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeee.       :)))

Things Are Different.

It's not anything I really thought about much, but since I decided to stop drinking for a while (forever)? I thought I'd take a look at alcohol.

I could make argument I was a moderate drinker, but I was basically a heavy drinker, maybe bordering on moderate. I don't feel i ever had a problem drinking. I never missed work,  got a headache,  or got a hangover . I didn't drink more on weekends or days off. I just had a regular. It wasn't before or during work. The max I would drink is a pint, and the goal was always one or two drinks less than a pint.

So, that's me. The end of the day I would have drinks. I wondered why people like alcohol, and it is the endorphins. It makes us feel better than our norm. For some it may make them feel more confident, and whatever.  We are after that feeling though, and alcohol always gives it.

I most of my life didn't believe in alcoholism.  The rule of thumb is you gotta get up for work, and work. I read genetically some people may release more of the endorphins so may drink more.  I could see that I guess. I am not a good partyer,  cuz as someone who liked alcohol I like sleep too. I could drink to a point, and fall asleep. Done it that way forever.

If people wake up, and feel like they need a drink that's a problem. One I've never dealt with. I also don't wake up wanting a cigarette, or a toke. I barely wake up wanting a cup of coffee.

So far I like the sober feeling of 3 days. It's different. I ran to the store yesterday to pick up a couple things for tacos,  and I imagined what people were doing. It was Saturday night in the Summer. I was going home to watch twin peaks. Alcohol makes you feel good, but knowing you will not partake helps you feel good too. Especially if you are like me. You've experienced everything alcohol has to offer. I won't experience anything new by drinking. I may by being sober. Life looks different.

I always like the edge too of knowing I am not going down that buzzed road. By not drinking my resting heart rate plummeted 5 bpm.  Also my blood pressure will probably improve, although it isn't bad due to medication. My blood pressure was probably an inflated high due to daily consumption of alcohol.

Today I have a day off. I think i normally start every day with a good amount of endorphins.  My internals always feel pretty good. 

I think I'll take Hope for a walk. I'll start running again tomorrow I think. Just that cough thing you know?

Laterzzzzz.        :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeee.       :)))

I Picked Up A Cough For The 4th.

Good morning. How's it going? Me. I am fine except a doozy of a cough. On Wednesday I was fine. I woke up, and ran, and did my thing. On the way to work I noticed a slight irritant or something in my lungs. Like I swallowed a bug or got a crumb of food in there. I didn't think anything of it too much. Sometime around dinner time I knew it was to be a cough.

I was planning to run some trails on Thursday,  but around 4:00 AM give or take I realized I better not, so I shot off a text saying I am not going.

So, I ate soup,  and stuff yesterday. Everybody in the house has a version of the bug. Lisa's brother spent 3 days in the hospital with pneumonia.  He has asthma,  and a bad respiratory system in general,  but I take it serious.

So I finished season 2 of Stranger Things.   Episode 5- the end. Season 3 came out yesterday, and I watched all of season 3. We did take a break to shower,  and clean the kitchen, but not much besides that. I tell you what, those Stranger Things seasons are pretty good. I enjoyed it. I would not have been happy if I couldn't finish the whole season.

That's how I spent my 4th. I am okay with it. No biggie. Not how I planned my extra day off, but whatever. No cook outs, no alcohol, just a day watching tv. I don't feel like my cough drains my energy. I never got a sore throat,  or headache or fever. Just a pretty decent cough. I can feel it.

Today I will work, unless they don't want me there. My real thought about yesterday was, I was sick. I took it serious enough to relax mostly. Give myself a little rest. Usually my days end with a couple drinks at the end, but I wasn't going to drink yesterday. What if I took some time off from those drinks?  What would life be like then?  How would my nights,  and mornings be different?  I don't really know. Would it be boring?  Would I find stuff to do?  Would it even be fun to cook?  It might be worth giving it a shot.  It's not like drinking is the best thing for you. Either is boredom.  :)

Something I thought of. I think I'll take Hope for a walk,  and read after I finish my coffee. Night time is always the worst for coughs, but I felt I got at least a little sleep. I don't feel bad that way.  Just a cough.

I'm kinda excited about a new day. Things look different when you know you got a bug. So much I wanted to get done outside,  and just like that to the back burner. Being healthy trumps all.

So, today is a day.  Shouldn't be horrible. 

Laterzzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.        :)))

Kinda On Pace... Sorta.

It is July,  the halfway point. I looked at my blog total for the year. 132. My schedule is different though meaning I can blog more in the 2nd half. 300 is not out of reach.  Too bad I have nothing but rubbish to blog about.   :)  At least it gives my zero readers something to read if they wish.   Actually I read my blog, so there are more than zero readers. Usually after work. I'll come home, chill, and see what the heck I wrote earlier. Did it that way forever.

Yesterday was busy. 10 hour work day busy. I never ran any errands. I got home around 4:30, Lisa gets home around 5:30, and she's usually hungry. I watered the back, and started dinner. My Federal bill of $5600 came in the mail, so I sent that payment off. My taxes will be a breeze from here on out. I just have to put $6 or $7,000 In an IRA before the end of the year. I am going to close one of my bank accounts soon. The Chase one. I think they gave me $550 or something for jumping through some hoops. My mandatory time for keeping account open has passed,  so time to simplify. I'll probably use money from that account to do the IRA business,  and put the rest in another active checking account.

What else?  I have tomorrow off from work. Today might be busy again, but hopefully I can get my supplies. I have some outdoor stuff to do. I feel well rested today. I woke up at 10:30 on the couch. I felt like I had been sleeping for 8 hours or something. I slept pretty deep, and slept good after too when I went to bed.

The best laid plans. Yesterday did not turn out in any way planned. It still was okay. I can turn in a day, as I turned in life.  Not a biggie.  I like my life simple.  I don't like paying bills,  so I have them paid automatically.  Except Electric.  They don't offer that yet. I just like to go out, and do what I wanna.

These days I typically don't wanna go out to a bar.  These days I don't like driving much if I don't have to. I typically have a couple drinks each night. I offset my vices with positive stuff I guess. I suspect some people are just all vices.  It doesn't excuse me in the least.  What the Hell else am I gonna do? 

You think about people with kids.  What an impossible job. You didn't make yourself perfect,  and guess what?  The little fuckers or grown fuckers aren't going to turn out any different. What a time trap. 

I know we all are supposed to get married and have kids, but really how did you think that was going to play out?  I know some shit is accident, but that is a tough life. The child rearing thing. All work and no guiltless play.  Parenting is a lot of pretending I guess.  Yes son or daughter, I am really interested in the stupid shit you are interested in. I really give a fuck how your day at school went.

Does parenting create people who are even more fake than normal?   I've never seen a post about what a piece of shit my offspring can be.  I only see kids who somehow miraculously are a Saint already in their young age.   Obviously reflecting good on the Sainthood the parents have already attained. 

Hmmmm...   that puts stuff in a different light.  Never really thought about it that way before.

Guess I'll go out, and have a day.  Probably with quite a lot less to worry about than a lot.  Definitely nothing I need to escape from. Life I can handle straight on. I just choose to do it with a vice.  I'm cool with me. 

Laterzzzzzz.     :)

xoxo.         :)

xxoo.        :)

Byeeeeeeeeee.       :)))

So, I Have A New Book.

IIt seems like I always have too much to do, so I never read. Then I noticed I always have time before work. I finished IT by reading a little in the morning before work. So now I started reading the golden compass trilogy. Lisa said they were good,  and all 3 were staring at me wanting to be read.

I was riding my bike to my workout place yesterday. I felt for my wallet,  it wasn't there. So I rode my bike home, and just skipped it. My card is in the wallet. I basically called it a day. Lisa didn't pick up any mulch, so my outside project I'll just start today. I slept in today too. I decided not to run.

Yesterday was just a day. Putting time in you know?  I didn't feel really pumped up about yesterday. Today, I think I'll work out,  and go get mulch myself. I want to get it done. Life is busy,  but I find it better this way. Better busy than not. 

I wonder if we all have our internals ebb and flow. Like sometimes we border on manic, and sometimes plunge a bit the other way. Like you just don't always stay on. I feel myself plunging away from the manic side, but I think if I start my back yard project I can quickly reverse it. I don't know if that is true about us, but it definitely seems plausible. 

I think the goal today after my workout is to at least buy the  mulch, edger, and soil.  I'll have some watering stuff to do, but at least have everything ready. If I don't start today,  I can tomorrow.   Then I have a plan for my day. It seems good.

What else?  Not much really. Everything else seems to be going good. Good enough anyway. I can't say I am disappointed with anything in my life. I work, stay active. I got shit to do. I see movies, listen to books, read books etc...  I am outside a lot,  so I am getting tan as I usually do. I have plenty of money. I could buy any gadget I want, but I don't want any. I am happy just saving. I am not really into toys.

I know I planned on being more of a tourist this Summer, but I have enough to keep me busy. I did like that trail run though. I may do more of that.

As you can see not much going on with me. Just busy doing my thing. Not doing anything important in the grand scheme,  but what I do is good for me. Good for my disposition. I am okay with me.  Others who knows?  Not my responsibility.  I can afford to be selfish now.

Anyway, I gotta go. 

Laterzzzzzzzz.       :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeee.      :)))

So I Ran Some Trails.

So a guy I work with wanted to run some trails on Sunday morning. I was like sure. Why not? It was fun. I take Hope for short runs. Nothing crazy. These trails had hills, and I forgot hills are fun and hard. We didn't run long, but I enjoyed being reconnected with my heart rate getting up there,  and recovering on the downhill.  It's been a while.

I also finished IT. I saw the MIB movie, bought some shorts for work, and some groceries. It was a pretty good day off I guess. I watered my garden, and grass, but that was about it. I didn't really have much else to do. I did laundry and dishes like I do every Sunday.

Work will be crazy cuz of the Holiday. Have to build up for Wednesday on Tuesday. Build up for Friday on Wednesday,  and build up for Saturday on Friday. Those are 3 very busy days,  and I say Summer is here.

Not much else going on with me. My Dad is bonkers we will leave it at that. Old people don't die with dignity in some cases. They outlive their usefulness.  He has some problems with his outlook.  More issues than I can even go into. His worst problem is he cannot accept his life  was pointless and stupid. I kinda had to tell him no 35 year old bartender is going to give a fuck about an 84 year old man.  Not kinda I did tell him that. The police called me telling me my Dad was acting like an ass. Giving people at this upscale restaurant bar area problems. He was calling the 35 year old bartender too.

So I told him I work two jobs 6 days each week. I want to relax,  and have fun after.  I don't want to deal with this horseshit ever. Quit being an ass, and don't be stupid.  He's spent s lifetime being an asshole to wait staff. I personally do not like angry people who are assholes. 

That's just shit I have to deal with. Luckily for me i already know and accept my life is dumb.  You won't catch me putting anyone on a pedestal. Those days are done. Life is not filled with saints.  There are none, although I am the only one who knows it. Seemingly. 

Anyway the good the bad and the ugly. The run was fun. My day was pretty easy. Today is work,  workout,  and let's see what else. 

Laterzzzzzzz.   :)

xoxo.        :)

xxoo.       :)

Byeeeeeeeeeee.     :)))