Friday, August 29, 2014

This May Be More About Nothing Than Usual...

Hello, and good morning all, ah shit.  Afternoon all.  How's it going??  I am doing okay.  I have absolutely nothing on my mind right now, and I am even shocked I am going to try and blog at all.  It is times like this where I realize why people don't blog too much.  I never have nothing on my mind, but I bet this is probably more common in people than not. 

Anyway I am going to get a coffee real quick.  I gotta make it and everything. 

Soooo what is going on with me??  Not much.  I know I used to run a lot, and I haven't even tried in a while.  I was thinking about starting earlier in the week, but the night before I felt knee pain when bending at work, so I knew where that would end.  As out of shape as I am I cannot imagine how hard it will be when I start back up. 

You would think I may be gaining a ton of weight, but nah that ain't the case either.  I just don't eat a ton.  I am not that hungry.  I only go by the eye test/clothes test, and I may even be losing weight.  I should step on a scale, but that is like work, and that will give me feedback and information I really don't give a shit about. 

So I think sometimes about my blog, and what I have written about, and the life I have lived.  It is a crazy story, and what seems so perfectly natural to me is impossible for you to understand.  Also I explain things as I am now.  I have been through a lot of things to make me the way I am.   Been through umteen thousands of things not seen by the naked eye, which helped me on the way, (although some stuff was brutally hard and horrible) 

That I do this explain this stuff, when you and I are so different is incomprehensible.  The one thing I have going for me is I know a lot of how you are on the inside.  It is probably stuff that makes life hard for you.  You are supposed to be x way, but a lot of times you feel y way.   You don't want people to know about the y way, so you show some sort of x way.  Human nature.  Easy to do. 

Life is tied up in so much stuff too.   Busy busy busy wherever you go.   You should be doing this  and that.   A good person (throw whatever title you want)  Dad, mom, wife, husband, laborer etc... does these types of things, and really I want to do this type of thing. 

No Wonder no one gets out alive.  Who the fuck would want to??   :) 

The secret to me is the things I have been given.  A blessing way back when, which in many ways as far as I was concerned totally useless to me.  Probably during the dead years I knew I had it, and thought good stuff will come my way.  I really didn't know what it meant to be honest.  It is probably the best thing one can ask for.  I ain't talking about collecting  a lot of coins that stand the test of time, but more than anything the strength needed to do anything.   My path is paved, and it leads in a good way.   I have a maker of my path, and no matter what I do this is going to happen.   The path I go on is me walking carelessly, and freely, and without worry.   I ain't perfect, but all I do can be worked with.  There was always the one unforgivable sin, and I found how that is overcome.   To go where the other will not.   I follow along in the way that was set out for me.   I was given courage to overcome, and I have a feeling the last one will be easy, although it leads to great suffering. 

My story has been a long time in the making.   Even way back when, I thought I had everything I tried explaining things, but it still didn't matter.   Those days with Lora when I thought nothing bad ever can happen in life were different days.   I never knew my heart could be one way one day, and different later on.  The way our heart is, is the way we feel on the inside.  My heart is pure.  It is open and clean, and easily viewed.  Just another thing about me.   I am like Adam before the fall.   Open and free, and not ashamed of anything about me. 

My story is about a billion million things.   Your story has really not even yet begun.   You have a billion and million things to do, and you haven't even done one little thing yet.  A simple journey starts with one step, but YOU have to be willing.  

Good vision of a hopeless and horrible World helps you along that path.  When you look around and everything seems bad, and corrupt, and not perfect, and dirty, and all these things, then you are seeing things correctly.   You got the right glasses on.  

Anyway, I guess I'll finish my coffee, and then cut the grass.   :) 

Have fun.   :)))

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    MWAH!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

There Goes Another Bad Stretch...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.   I just made my 2nd cup of coffee so I guess I will get it.   I slept really good today, all the way til 2:30.   I wish I could bottle that up.   Sometimes I sleep til like 11:00 AM.   Not good when I am looking at working 11 hours or so in the overnight hours.   It is Wed. though, and it is a night I have to get a lot done.  

So anyway here I am sitting smack dab in the middle of life right here.  I have a story which has been told.   There is a purpose as to what I do, although I cannot see 2' in front of me.   In all honesty there was a really really really simple way this could have gone, but that has been thrown out the window, because this is how it has always been.  People are a certain way, and have been that way since forever. 

I think as time goes on maybe people generation after generation get even worse and worse.   The World grabs more and more control over people.  There is more colors, and more decorations.   More fairy tales have been told.  People always want their heroes too. 

The truth of life and the truth of us.  Living this life in this great big World.   Seems there should be some type of purpose to us huh??  I mean if you take a premise you want to make a difference, what is a good thing for a person to do?? 

I mean how can you make the World better if you cannot make a person a better person??  How can you change the World if you cannot make your heart better??  Look at the attributes of you.   Your inside.  How would you make that better??  Your first inclination when you look at people is to judge them, how would you stop that?? 

Our lives are so much filled with what is the appearance on the outside, and it is what is on the inside that matters most.   This is the stuff we don't like to show.   We like to show platitudes, and say the right type of things.  Lip service in all the things we do. 

Smile and say hi, even though we feel rotten inside.   How much of all of life is a fake nice??  Everywhere you go right??  Just you too.  You ain't no different, everyone is a fake nice, and if they aren't they are judged the assholes. 

This World will not be changed.   It isn't in the cards.   The World travels a path of fabulous.   Hides everything, because that is what it wants to do.  Taking a hard look at the truth of religion what about those 12+1.  None were married, none had kids.  The 12 made a hard turn at the drop of a hat.  

Why is that??   Something new came right??   A new way.   The 10 commandments were to be written in the hearts of people right??   The simplest answer and the most impossible thing for us to love your neighbor as yourself.   What does that even mean??  Doesn't also say to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your soul. 

No greater love than one lays down his life for his friends.  The Hospital was a type of that huh??   I could save myself, but at the expense of others.   "God's Will"

2nd time there was really nothing.   This wasn't for earthly friends it was just "If it is God's will I'll do it." 

To be the worst of the worst if that is God's will.   That truly is the story of the cross huh??  He was willing to go where there is no hope.   Judged dead, and judged to go to Hell.   Remember he said if this can pass please let it, but not my will?? 

The Lord's prayer is what??  Thy will right??  

What is your life??   ME ME ME. 

We think somehow someway we can make our hearts good.   Make it all caring, and things like that.   We work for the path of right, and the path of right is not you doing the work.   It isn't you in control.  If you believed all was possible, than you would see those idiotic 12 were no better than you and me, but they later were turned into better people huh?? 

So you sit there in your own little shell of who you are.   You know you aren't perfect, and you know as far as people go this cannot be the best a person can be.  What is one to do??  Hide behind activities.  As far as the people judge you can look okay right, but what is on the inside??  

I have lived a life with turns.   What was asked of me I have done.   I have shown people the way in which they should go, and the people believe in themselves.  The hide behind lip service, and appearances, and all we wanted was the truth.  

The first step in correcting any wrong is to accept the fact you have a problem.  You are not perfect.   You are not a caring person.  You are selfish, and you don't have what it takes to make you better.  

You need help.  

The World overpowers you, and you do not have the strength to stand up to it.  

It is a story of strength which you need, and trust too.   I need money, and stuff to eat, and all these kindsa things right??  We feel secure with the coin that will not stand the test of time.   Currencies fail all the time.  What are we to do??  Who can we trust??  What you need is known right??  So is the web you are in.  Our lives are nothing, but a web after web after web we get ourselves caught in. 

You need a lot of help right?? 

I have not steered you in a bad direction.   You walk blindly and things get explained to you as you go.   Gotta trust the one whose vision is way way way better than yours.   You may be asked to do some tough stuff, but gotta trust right??   Gotta believe the strength needed will be given to you. 

Oh well.   Guess that is it.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Then It Hit Me...

Hello.  I wasn't going to blog, because I was thinking blogging was stupid.  In my mind I wanted to retire from blogs I have no interest in, but I stay.  I was going to retire my rhs too, because It is dumb, but I guess I'll keep it, and update it. 

What I was thinking about this blog is it is about nothing.  It is stupid, and it doesn't do anything.  Then I thought of other blogs, and realized duhhhh!!  They are the same thing.   A blog about nothing.   Take a walk down the past of people you may have read for however long.   What is their life about?? 

Pretty much nothing right??   Some people even less than others.  That is your personal story.   You have a life.  You are living it.  You spend time doing whatever, and at the end of the day it is about nothing. 

You spend all kinds of time doing all kinds of things, and there you have it.   You are about nothing, and your life is about nothing.   Something we all have in common. 

Oh we kid ourselves thinking if we put effort here or there, then that looks good to whoever, but at the end of the day your life is about you. 

Look at your life in the perspective of the thief on the cross.  A quick look back, and he sees the writing on the wall.   His life is over.   He will be dead soon.   Nothing in his life mattered.  Truth looked at him square in the face, and he didn't justify anything.   He didn't bring a notebook showing all his deeds he "thought" gave him points.   He didn't blame his upbringing, or society, or an unfair World.  He said, sheesh.   My life equates to nothing.   I come with zero points, and I know what I deserve. 

How about you??   I know how most if not all of you think.   In your mind you have your notebook right??  I did this and this.   Others were doing this and that.   Hitler did that, and look at me?? 

The notebook you can throw out, because you ain't taking it with you.   It is worth zero points anyway.   Your life is worth zero points.   Your activities are worth zero points, and not to mention you are nowhere near as good of a person as you can be. 

You will be judged based on how you are, and to become a better person steps need to be made.  Steps you don't want to make, because of why??   Selfish reasons huh??  What if I am asked to give up everything?? 

What will people think??   How foolish will I look?? 

A lot of things to worry about huh??  

You may have kids and whatnot, but that shit has been done since forever, and that = zero points.   Your kids will end up just as imperfect as you are now.   They will have to deal with the same life shit you deal with.  

Peer pressure, which I realize people never outgrow is always around.  I am amazed at how "Politically Correct" people have to be. 

So don't ever use the word freedom.   That is a term for Joseph Goebbels.   It is the truth that sets you free, and the World has no use for the truth.   The World is about painting nice pictures, so it can hide everything from you.  The truth is hidden, and lies are all around us.  

So like I said it hit me.   This blog is about nothing, and I realize in its own way it probably is important.   My life is about as much nothing as yours, except for who I am and what I do.  

The little I can do is support, but ya gotta give of yourself, and people are too selfish.  Too enslaved to being Politically Correct.   You don't have the courage to do the tough stuff.   You don't have what it takes.  

Strength and courage are things that need to be given for these types of things, because no one is so strong to be able to stand up to the World.   No one is so strong to take a hard look like the thief. 

You have so so far to go, and you haven't even made one step.  You want to stand for something good, and do something good, but not at the expense of your "important" life huh?? 

Fair??   Seemingly no, but like Job's tale.   Who knew God's mind that one should instruct him??

Job's tale is pretty silly huh??   A good life, turned bad due to a wager, and he remained faithful, and his life returned better.  It is a tall tale seemingly, but what if your life was that??   Due to things outside of your control your life is a certain way.   The Spiritual powers that be defining how your life looks. 

I guess the turn is that huh??  Giving up control of the path you pave for yourself with your great vision you have of the future.   No one is as smart as you, and no one is as good as you huh?? 

That is how you think.   You are selfish, because that is our nature.   To be selfish. 

Oh well, I guess that is it for today.   To say I am disappointed in some people is probably an understatement.  I have done this so long, and still the vision in some is poor. 

Oh well. 


Thursday, August 21, 2014

It Is A Tough World Out There...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I ain't horrible.  We fucked up our checking account, and accidentally bounced a billion things.   Snowball effect type shit.   Sooo that sucks.  We will be poorer than normal for a bit, but that is life.  Maybe for more people than you suspect too. 

The value and worth of me is very very very little as the World judges these types of things, and I am totally cool with that. 

I am blogging today as a total take it or leave it thing, because I don't really give a crap if I do or don't, but no one else probably will, and I find that odd, but then people really don't have too too much to say do they?? 

Especially when judged against this here blog.  I say things like very very little of what happens in life is worth anything.   I mean just yesterday I said Hitler was not beyond forgiveness, and if that is the case who can we judge?? If we cannot judge, (the thing we do best) than what the fuck can we do?? 

Judging is a tale of two viewpoints.   Said similar things to what will follow several times and over several years.   If you use the mirror on your self it is healthy, but hard, and sad, and all those types of things, because you realize you are alone with your personal demons who overpower you and make you less of a person than who you want to be.   If you turn the mirror it brings about hate and anger, and all those types of things.   Our natural tendency is to totally turn the mirror, but obviously that shit is wrong. 

You should be getting some type of view of this life and this World, and if in your heart you think this shit may be stupid.   Well, maybe your heart is right. 

Maybe what you do doesn't matter, and maybe no one does give a fuck.  I find very little in this World important, and very little of this life, and people want to try and hold onto this one thing that is worthwhile.  This one thing here gives me points.  Points are not yours to give.   Points are things you cannot work for. 

People think money is going to change the World, but it won't.  Money corrupts so if you are raising money for some kind of fucked up issue where does the money go??   You should assume bad places until proven otherwise. 

You have people sitting in cubicles who are hung over getting paid by the money donated for such and such cause.   They hate their fucking job, cause they live in a fucking cubicle, but hey.  That shit helps us sleep at night right?  Better than looking at the shit that overpowers us huh??

This blog here is for the strong.   If you can't hack it you shouldn't be reading.  If you cannot hack me, then by all means throw me to the curb.   You will see I will still go on.   There is no one in this World who is so important my life won't go on without them.  

That is the old underestimate/overestimate thing. 

This World is hard, and so is your life.   Especially if you have kids, because you still have a lot of shit to do, and you have kids and stuff, and a billion other things to worry about. 

Like I said before your web you are trapped in is known.  Nothing is impossible.  Gotta do some tough shit though, and I am not talking about races and other things like this.   I am talking real life tough shit.   You know what happens when everyone comes to realize you are not as fabulous as the pictures you painted??

I don't know, but we all are guilty of that.   Painting false pictures to elevate our self worth.   We all belong to that fucking club.

Anyway, I guess that is it for today!!   :))


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

So Now What??

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going?? Me, I guess I am doing okay.  I don't have a terrible lot on my mind right now, but what the Heck, I can try and throw something down I guess. 

One of the things I thought about this morning is what if back in the day, I had someone like me writing what I do??  How would I be??

I have no idea.   My path was totally solo.  There was no support.  I was just thrown off the deep end in order to suffer.  Why you may ask??  Sheesh, I really don't know.  I learned soooo many things sooooo long ago, and I held onto them.   I knew the truth of life.  I knew the truth of my life, and what I was asked to do, but I surely did not know how the days would look. 

Funny I went through all these things in my earlier years, and even some other things the last several years, and to find out none of it really matters all that much.  I was happy though, because I was done.  My work is done, and I am accepted.  All things are out of my hands, and that is where I come from. 

Twice I was asked to give everything up, and twice I was given the strength to not hold onto anything.  I let it all go, and to my own doom.  Crazy huh??   Me being led in the paths I have been led.  Still traveling along my route to where faith and right meet.  Following along in the steps of the one who went before me, and others too. 

SHEESH, you would think I am some kind of an important person huh??  Nope.  The closer the view I get of me, I wonder what the heck I would be if I didn't take the necessary steps I took.  I cannot imagine actually, and I don't really care. 

People really are kind of messed up, because of how hard this is.  There must be some redeeming quality in us right??  I mean we aren't Hitler.  I've said before too that Hitler was not beyond forgiveness.  See our life, and our mistakes have nothing to do with the judgement of people.  Our whole life goes up against the one who knows all. 

We hide all this stuff.  Bury it so we don't look at it, because we know we aren't perfect.  We know we probably hurt people in our life.  We know we were probably better than some people so we ignored them. 

Some people are probably "better" at some things than other people, but it doesn't make them good people.   You really just need to look inside your heart to know that about yourself. 

Look at all the virtues out there, and look at all the virtues you lack.  One important thing I wrote yesterday is I am no better than the thief on the cross, and guess what??  Either are you.  That was your whole path as I've said all along, but still we try to seek out our redeeming qualities right?? 

You try and show people your redeeming qualities, but the judgement of people matters not one bit.  You have your whole life that has been going on a long time.   Everything about you is known.  It is what you must look at too.  

You need to come to terms with  your life.   Throw out any of the garbage that you think what you do is important, because it isn't.  There is only one important thing in your life, and it sure isn't what you fill the hours of the day with. 

That being said we do need to fill the hours of our day with stuff, so go ahead.  You know the steps I told you are the important ones.   I don't know what will be asked of you, but you are a disobedient bunch, so maybe a test proving your obedience.   You better hope for fear, because without fear you will probably fail.   Or at the right time like me a feeling in my heart to do the right thing.   I was taken to a place of no looking back.   Outside the Garbage room of Bromenn Healthcare.  That was the ultimate fork, and if I chose wrongly I was doomed.  I knew I did right right away.  Felt good for like 2 seconds, and then started my Summer of Discontent. 

My life has been a long journey of me finding my way, and also learning my place in the order of things.   I am one of the many pebbles of sand on the beach.   No more important than anyone else.   I've just been given some stuff to do some important stuff.   Not of my own will, and not of my own choosing. 

I am cool with it too, because Happiness and contentment are not things you find on your own.   A fulfilled life is living a life that matters.   It just so happens that nothing in this World matters.   The World is the great lie that clouds your vision. 

Anyhoooooodles, I guess that is all for today.   :)


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A Few Things On My Mind I Guess...

Hello, and good morning.   How's it going??  Me, I ain't horrible.   I do have a few things on my mind, and as dumb as this blog is, you would think I'd just leave it to myself.  This blog did have a message at one time, but that totally fell on deaf ears. 

It answered questions as the answers came to me.  I am a vessel to be used.  I can go on and on and on and on, and if something needs to be done I can be taken over.   If the people get too wrapped up in themselves.   Start thinking they are too important, and have life so mastered.  Mistakes are things they never make etc... this thing can get ugly. 

Seemingly this thing is pretty ugly frequently, because most of you do have life mastered.  You found all the answers, and you know you are above reproach.  Do you have any idea how ugly that is??  That kind of thinking, and stuff??

I can support, but those with all the answers don't need support.  They made a nice little niche for their life, and on they go.   On and on and on and on living a life that matters not one bit.   Doing activities that matter not one bit.   You wonder why you are unhappy, it is because you are meant to be unhappy. 

You wonder why you cannot find that one thing that makes you feel good, it is because it isn't here.  You look for some platitude or something to make a hero out of someone, and there are no heroes.   People still hold out as heroes those who gave their coin to Caesar.   Ummm, every country does that shit, and that = zero points.  

There only is one way, and it sure as fuck isn't the way of country.  You may yell UNFAIR.  People are trapped, and there is no way out.

NO SHIT!!   Life is one big fucking trap, and you are in the middle of it.   You cannot run away from your life, you can not go all "into the Wild" to find your answers, you CANNOT run away. 

The web you are in is known.  There still is a way out from your doomed life, but that is up to you.   Choice is this World, which many, most, perhaps all have chosen, or accepting the futility of your coin, and making the turn. 

Give it to who it was meant to be given. It is only then you will have the strength to do what needs to be done, because the strength has to be given.   For you to have a better coin than what you have now, you need to make the step. 

Ehhh, what the heck though.   Who cares?   That World is so fantasticful.  Sooo many things to accomplish.  Soooo many important things to do.   Do people still buy that shit??   Still??? 

That there is something worthwhile here??   That your actions actually mean something??   Your life actually means something??   You are that one special person huh??   That one where you are better than the World that enslaves you??

I don't see it, and the more you pretend the uglier you get.  

I know the inside of people.   I know what they are made of.   It is why I hate fabulous.   I know the complete worth of you, and you don't.   I once said don't underestimate me, and on the other side of the coin don't overestimate you.   Pretty sure most if not all do that.  

Still somehow someway believe you have a redeeming quality huh??

Yeah, I guess that is one of those lessons I learned a while ago.  

I am no better than the thief on the cross.  Nothing in my life that says, "yeah but, I did this and this and this".

Nope, my worth comes from, well,   I guess that is the story huh??  Where does my worth come from?  Surely not this fucker who grew up as a kid, that is for fuck sure.  

You cannot see clearly if you overestimate yourself.   You seek acceptance from people, and that doesn't mean shit.   Your inside is rotten while you peddle some coloring book picture of your life that doesn't mean shit.

So, I guess I did have some stuff on my mind.

Anyway, I guess that is it.

Big week this week.  It is Doreen's birfday someday this week.  I forget.   Last year I think I gave her flowers on my blog.   Should I do that again, or give her flowers on her wall??

SHEESH!!  Life is full of tough decisions.

LATERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz   xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo    MWAH!!!   

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

What A Long Long Long Trip This Has Been...

Hello, and good afternoon all.   How's it going??  Me, I  guess I am doing okay.  There were a lot of things on my mind this morning, so maybe I'll go through some of it witch you.   :) 

So anyway in the news undoubtedly you heard of Robin Williams hanging himself.   Guess he had his demons he battled throughout his life.  You may question why someone who seemingly had everything would be so troubled. 

I am afraid that is life.   As people we are depressed.   Life should be so much more shouldn't it??  Shouldn't we always be happy, and always be smiling.  Shouldn't our jobs always be interesting, and shouldn't we strive for something?? 

The truth of life is a hard thing.   It doesn't mean anything.  All the time you spend on this Earth there is no purpose for it.   You search high and low for some kind of meaning and some kind of purpose, but there is none.  So you better darn well be depressed about stuff.  It means you are HEALTHY!!  Also you have a HEALTHY outlook. 

All that is painted in colors, and all the tales of happily ever after have blinded us since forever.   Let's take a look at your kids.  Are they happy???  What do they think of life??  When will they start experimenting with stuff??  Kids aren't perfect.  They are angry, and they are totally about I want I want I want.   Some never really grow up out of that stage either. 

So where have we come from and where are we going??  Well, this used to be a running blog, but the wait was always about other stuff huh??  I've been through everything, and I FINALLY realize and UNDERSTAND what Solomon was saying  It all is folly.   The 2nd time of me overcoming meant I see the totality of what my life means.   All my suffering, and all my searching, and all the things I have done still don't matter, because all the things I want are not up to me. 

The truths I hold are for the strong.   They are not shallow truths that mean nothing.   The things I have done were  for a purpose.   Learn life's hard lessons for a purpose.   Learn what life really is about. 

Life is about failure.  Life is about sadness.   Life is about being angry, and life is about us coming to terms with our dark side.   Our less than perfect self, and the stuff we really want to hide is the stuff that needs to come out. 

When I say you have to overcome your demons you better believe I mean exactly that.  There only is one way to do that too.  It is a process, and steps need to be made, as I have been saying all along.   You have to accept you are not perfect, and throw away any inclination you have to try and show people you are perfect.  It is garbage you peddle, and it is that kind of crap that makes the World a shittier place. 

How can I help you with how I am, as compared to how you are??  I HAVE NO IDEA!!  

This blog doesn't have an agenda though does it??  It is a fluid living thing.   The Wait started out one day after my 2nd time, and I had no idea I would be using the terms pull, turn,coin. This thing is a living said like I said, and I know not the direction my heart will take this thing. 

This year has been a bumpy ride for us all on this thing.   Probably because you must be seeing the true side of yourself.   The side that leads to sadness.   You don't mean anything.   Your life doesn't mean anything, and there is no purpose to your existence.  

Yeah, we have to drink the Kool-Aid.   If you are sad and disappointed in life, congratulations.   You are starting to get good vision.  

I know I know I know this is tough stuff, but this journey was always about getting strong right??  Remember how many times I said the truth will be the hardest thing you do, because the truth is such a bitter pill.   It leads to a good place though.  It leads to wisdom, and strength, and assurance, and to the point where you see the coin for what it really is.  

What else would anyone want??   Well, besides all you who hold out for some type of meaning to the activities done here on Earth.  Those I cannot help at all.   You are unwilling to drink the Kool-Aid. 

Anyways I guess that is enough for today. 

Sorry for the tough message, but trust me I lived it.  I survived it, and you don't even know what my summer of discontent was like. 

A lot of my learning came out of the blue.   Like a thief in the night so to speak.   Without any warning I was thrown to the wolves not knowing my direction, and no seeing any path.  The only things in my head were thoughts of the foolish.  

The secret to who I am is many things, but I'd say two very important things.   The blessing received right prior to going into the hospital.   It helped turn my one coin into 5, and than many more I am guessing.   Also the night I gave up, and I couldn't do it anymore my heart was taken and placed in better hands than my own. 

With a promise of all for good comes a strength, and confidence no one else could muster.   You couldn't do it in a million years, also so many other things that need to be done you cannot do in a million years either.  

Sooooo, what is your next step???

Okay for realzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz now, I am going to go.   Gonna make some coffee.  I work both jobs tonight.   Have fun.   :)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo   Especially for Doreeeens.   Cuz I wike her a lot.   :))

MWAH!!!!     :)

Monday, August 11, 2014

I Guess I Can Post A Blog Entry...

Hello, and good morning (barely).  How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.  I don't have anything of much importance on my mind, but I guess I can always throw down a blog entry for the heck of it. 

What do I think of things??  I am bored frequently.  Unimpressed always.  What can a person do to impress another??  Geesh, I sure don't know.  My guess is there is only one thing a person can do to get strength.  It doesn't lie within you, and there is nothing for you to grab here to make you stronger.   It is a turn, and that is the only thing that matters. 

I have no idea how people look at things.  I'll give you a hint.  You are not right.   You are not perfect.   You don't have a good heart, and as a matter of fact it is bad.  The things in life that make you not as good as you would like overpower you.  That little person inside you that wants to be a good person is overpowered by your bad nature to make you a less than honest, weak, mean, vengeful, jealous, and angry person.  ( among other things)

On goes life and people suffer a great deal, and many times you see people sitting on the sidelines trying to paint pretty pictures in their coloring books, or suiting up in their football uniforms to look tough.  Where are you going with your life??  What are you accomplishing.  We already know when it comes to those 12 you do not stand up.  Your life is too "rich" to hang with them.  You are the rich guy who wanted to hold onto everything. 

Don't you see it??  The answer to your life is in the final words of a dieing man.  When you get better what will you do?? 

"I want to do good". 

Here is the story.  It is not in your power to do good, and as a matter of fact you don't even know what good is.  Your view of good is built by this Earth and Society and all the things that don't stand the test of time. 

The truth is so fucking hard, because it tells us we don't matter.   We are just a person in this World who is going to die, and like all of us before, no one cares.  We don't matter.

So when you ask the question what is one to do, I hope you don't believe what you are doing or what you have done actually matter in the deeper questions of life.  They don't. 

At some point your coin is not all the things I want, but all the things you want to be worth.   A life that matters.   Your view and the one that matters are different.  You are WRONG!!  Plain and simple. 

I  cannot help you at all, and the more you hang on the less I even want to.  You have a choice, and many have already made it.   I can only but let them walk.  I have a direction and a purpose, and to be honest it is totally at odds with how you are now.  Most of you. 

I try to help you see, but you are stubborn, scared, and weak.  When the question came you answered, "I'll keep my life thanks". 

You deny it too, because many of you are just sitting in your corner oblivious to everything, because you are too busy coloring in your coloring book. 



I know I know this blog can get like this, but I am not against throwing a few xoxoxoxoxo's to Doreen.   :))   See, I am not allllll bad and mean.   :)

Have a good one.   

Thursday, August 7, 2014

A Blog Before Work??

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  Me, I guess I am doing okay.  I have been pretty blah since I woke up, but now I feel pretty okay.  I do have to admit though that may be my normal.  Working 3rd shifts it seems to take me a while to get going when I wake up. 

I am not sure if I have ever really discussed working 3rds before.  Do I like it??  You know it really isn't too bad.  The only thing I worry about is being tired.   Do I get enough sleep etc...  I don't have a sit down job.  I am always on my feet, always moving, so I don't really worry about being tired when working, but I worry about it before going to work.   That may be a normal thing. 

Anyway I do some thinking throughout the day as is usual.  I realize I think about things quite a bit differently than most.   I stress things of importance very very different from all.  The gap between me and other people is vast.  After all these years of blogging, nothing really has happened.   You have gotten to know me, but if others have changed it hasn't really been for the better.   People have gotten older, and they close themselves up more.   The World is watching ready to judge??  I don't know.  It seems like the more life goes on the less and less you know people. 

You know what I think one of the worst things in the World is??  Spin.  I was reading this morning about the Bears and their suspended tight end.   My God people say the fakest most horsecrappiest stuff ever. 

When did people start making heroes out of other Humans??  Has it always been that way??  My God people are so flawed, and they spin shit to hide it. 

Truth is the best thing out there, and the one thing no one wants to show.  The best intelligence the people can muster is let's try to make the "appearance" of us look good.  Say the right things, and appear to be nice, and we'll go make fun of all the stupid ignorant people under our breath. 

There was bombings and stuff going on in Israel.  You hear the crap from both sides, and I think the best thing a person can do is picture themselves being born in the Country of whose side you dislike.  What information is at your disposal??  If you are in Gaza on the Hamas side, what info were you brought up on.   All these people were kids once.   Running, and hoping to have fun doing whatever kids do.   Same as in Israel.   The people got all growed up though.  Starting hiding more and more stuff.   Started seeking out the "appearance" of stuff instead of the actual truth.   Life is a never ending journey of people getting worse and worse.  Someday they wake up and realize they are old, and what the Hell happened??  Whatever happened to the good old days, when all we worried about were hippies smoking pot, and The Powers that be starting wars because of the Truman doctrine. 

The Hipsters came after WWII, because they saw the World is crazy, and the people are murderers.   Truman Doctrine kept wars alive along with the Crazy Uncle Joe. 

Now everyone hates everyone else.   There are not enough people to kill, but hey the NFL is starting, and these guys are what life is all about right??  The NFL is just around so you can throw your phone at the TV, and kick your dog.   :)   HA!!   Kidding about the dog thing.  Those guys aren't Saints, and either is anyone else.  

You would thing people might question that about themselves.  Why aren't you a Saint??   What the HELL is wrong with you?? 

Oh well.   I am going to go. 


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Life Is Pretty Strange...

Hello, and good morning all.  How's it going??  Me, I am doing okay.  I have been thinking about a lot of stuff this morning.  I thought about just tweeting some shit, but figured I'd write stuff here. 

Life is strange like I said.  I have been up a while.  Laundry is done, folded, and put away.  Last batch in the dryer.  Dishes are clean.  I went grocery shopping, and dinner is cooking in the crock pot.  That has been done a while ago.   I don't have shit to do the rest of the day.  I work in 14 hours. 

Anyway it comes down to a dang bunny again.  Not like the cute Milo, but his shitty son.  Not a great personality, and never was much of a family pet really, but he is 10.  His neck is bent, and Lisa told me that is a thing, so his last day is today.   10 years with this shit head.  I fed him once in a while, but no personality, so he never wanted to be petted or anything.  That little fucker dying today makes me sad. 

I thought about life a lot.   Our hearts are weird huh??  I feel bad for this shitty rabbit, but I still haven't talked to my Dad, and my Uncle will be dying some time from Lou Gehrig's disease.  I don't have many thoughts about that, but as I write it now I think about it. 

I think that is pretty fucked up in a way.  A suffering rabbit.  Why do I give a shit more about that in my heart than other shit??  Are all people like this??  With people many times we don't give a fuck?? 

So much of our life is centered around money.  Also I was thinking last night of the biggest financial hustle in the World.   Anti-Depressants.  I am sure that is a billion dollar industry.   If you aren't depressed and lonely some of the time you are probably fooling yourself.   Hiding from your sadness, and your lonely existence. 

You can live a life just on the surface, but it is empty.  How many people hide behind fake smiles, and fake be nices, and stuff like that??  I mean if we could wear our hearts on our sleeve and be totally honest how would we look?? 

For Most all of us we'd look like crap.  It is why the truth is so hard.   Cuz deep down we are just a bunch of shit heads.  If there are virtues out there they are out of our grasp. 

Life is a crazy crazy thing.  

You know what??  For whatever reason it helps me to write this shit.  To let you know about me.   Seems strange way back when I didn't want people to read this shit or see this shit.   I have come a long way though huh?? 

I could give you the reasons as to why I can do this the way I do it, but I already have.  I am a crazy story.  My life is a crazy story, and I am pretty blind if it seems bizarre most times, because I see things different.  I am not blinded by the crazy hangups the World places around our necks.   Overcame that shit a while ago I guess.

Anyway, that is my update, and I am sticking with it.  :)  xoxo

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Life, The Thing With All These Avenues That All Lead To A Dead End...

Hello, and good afternoon all.  How's it going??  How's life going for you??  Everything you thought it would be??  Have you nailed it??  Gone down all the right paths, and just enjoying the rest of your self actualization??  Nothing to accomplish, nothing to work on, and just enjoying your happily ever after??

Yeah, that is what I thought. 

Somewhere in our hearts is this gap from the truth, and what we think.  We think we can do stuff to make things better.   Work at this, work at that./  Make a sacrifice here, and a sacrifice there.   Maybe kill these people, that should make us feel better.  What the Hell is wrong with us??

For one we are humans.  We are so fucking fabulous we don't realize how pathetic we really are.   We scream from the top of our lungs words like freedom, but it is nowhere near.  Life is a hard thing.  It is full of failure, and we are the reason for a lot of it.  Cannot understand it though.  As fucking fabulous as we are it seems we should be able to nail something.

The greatest and most successful lie in the World is the one we tell ourselves daily.   I am good.   I can accomplish this thing here, which totally is a redeeming type thing to accomplish.   Yeah, I suck at this, but look at this redeeming thing here.

Well what if all the redeeming stuff we do only looks good in the eyes of those as imperfect as us??  What if there is one with vision much better than ours, and sees all the shit "real" people don't see.  Then what??

Is that for other people to worry about, because you don't have to look at it?? In our eyes the worth of us is Grand.   The reality of life is our worth is one coin.   Now there are different types of coins.   If the tax man comes you can give Caesar that coin.  It is probably made of gold or silver.   Those should be rendered unto Caesar.  The other one.   The one I speak of should be rendered elsewhere just as it is written.   It isn't yours.  It was never yours to keep.  A test of life that the multitudes have failed.

What the Fuck else you doing with it??

Sooo why everyone else was notching out some type of life of failure and misery I listened to my calling.  I took the right steps,  and went in the direction set out for me.   I learned the ways of the World, and I found the one true path.   A path that is not mine, and my "job" is to teach this stuff.   Me??  Who the Heck am I to be able to do this stuff??  No one.   I am a nobody destined for nothing great.  That is my life, and that is what I am worth.  It was how it was always going to be.   I was just set aside for something different than the direction my life would have otherwise taken.

It just so happens I was set aside to yell out from the Wilderness these things that no one would listen to, and no one would believe, because that is and always will be the way of the World.   If one would take a true look at themselves, and a true look at their life, they may just read this blog and relate.

Can you throw the crap out inside you that makes you think you are all that??

It is where the truth leads.

Anyways I gotta go.  I am going to finish my coffee, and then I have to work job #1.  I got all the extra stuff done yesterday, so it shouldn't be too bad.  The best thing about my life I guess is I never feel like I am missing out.  There is nothing I need to accomplish, and I am just living out the rest of my self actualization filled days.   :)

xoxoxoxoxo.    :)))