Am I Pregnant?

I woke up this morning with a weird craving. Sauerkraut. I knew I had a can, and I wanted wanted wanted. I ate half the can, and drank a good amount of juice. Now that is a craving. Not sure if I want a boy or girl. I have to be pregnant. Who else would crave, of all things, Sauerkraut? 

Other than that not much going on. I am kinda dreading today since it is a work out day. We are busy at work, I'll be tired when I get out, and I'll still have to work out. Not looking forward to that feeling. After this week everything chills out a bit. We will have survived the busy Summer, and Christmas.

Our New Year will be upon us in no time. I have absolutely no resolutions at all. This year has been pretty good. I cannot even believe what we got done with the house this year. I don't know what I'll do to keep myself busy this year. It typically will be work, eat, sleep,  but I have free hours to get other shit done. I really don't know what this year will look like.

Typically I feel pretty okay inside. I am fine with me. I am happy to live the days alotted to me. Not really anything to worry about. The World goes on, and it doesn't really concern me. The pressures of life seemingly don't really bother me. People have things to stress about, but my biggest concern is how I will feel as I bike farther away from my house after work to work out. I have no clue what to do for dinner either.

I kinda liked yesterday's blog. Not cuz it was some great update or anything, but I tried to picture in my mind people who I sorta once knew, and what they are doing. Lol who the Hell knows. If they were so inclined they could always see what I am up to. Not much. Just a neat exercise I spose.

So we have the holidays. A new year. I have no clue what this blog was about this year. No major theme I can remember. I know we were in the wilderness so all deeds do not matter.

Oh one thing I thought about earlier. The person I am now  is nowhere near who I would have been, had I not made the turn in the early 90s. I would have been more like you on the inside. What a tangled mess that existence is huh?  Going through the eye of the needle actually also took the log out of my eye. The Spiritual eye is the one that can see in its head. I can see clearly,  but really it is my heart that controls my thoughts. That changed for good once I gave up, and couldn't go on. I learned I am in no way in control of how I feel on the inside. My wilderness years taught me that.  I literally learned I am in no better position than cattle.

You currently have the proverbial log in your mind's eye. Ya kinda are born with it. Ya can't on your own take it out either. I can't help you with that either. After I did this too, or it was done for me rather I was led into some terrifying ordeals. To learn about my path,  and obstacles,  and the order of things. What once was a desire to be good eventually turned into a desire to be saved, and accepting condemnation if that is the will. My heart was nowhere near strong enough to overcome, but I was helped with everything while overcoming.

Anyway my story was a Spiritual one, and I am mostly spirit. On the inside though. Just a regular human on the outside. The sword is written spiritually,  but it looks like human speak. One's eyes have to be opened to see the sword as it is. One has to learn too the sword does not save.

It was always about understanding, and that comes after number 3. Then all tools will be at my disposal. Currently I am pretty powerless toward anything. Kinda just a small voice in the wilderness.

I spose. Might as well get a run in to totally demolish myself today.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.    :)

Luv Ya's.    :)

xxoo.    :)

MWAH.   :)

Bye.     :)))