Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I Am Up.

Hello, and good morning. I am up. I woke up before my alarm. I contemplated stating in bed, but I am not really tired. The main reason for me to get up is to do this, but I have nothing to write about. That doesn't always stop me though, so we'll see what pops up.

Life is very much about failure isn't it??  We applaud those who win championships, and stuff, but we don't see their lives do we?? Some we do in accident sorta. The truth gets leaked against all efforts to keep people in the dark. We can look at any number of individuals, and everyone has the same story. You have people who are not perfect Mom, and Dads.  People who are not perfect husbands and wives, people who as far as being right fail. That is something we should think about right??  If there was a way to a better you, and a better life that is worth something right???

One should read their motives. Why do you do the things you do??  What difference does it make to anyone??

One of the things we fool ourself on is thinking we put value where we really don't. If it isn't in our power to make us better people on the inside, then the same can be said of us being able to improve others.

The most important part of us is what is on the inside. What makes you think the things you do??  Why aren't virtues just flowing from your heart. Why anger?? Vengeance??  Lust??  Selfishness??

If you look at your ideal good and decent person, why are they so far away??  Out of our reach. Why can't I make the inside of me a better version of myself??

It is amazing how weak we are to make real significant changes to us huh??  I remember in one of my dark periods way back when, during that bad summer, I remembered I was always willing to believe every bad thing about me. I held onto that. It helped me go on, because it was the truth. I know I am not great, and I know I am far from who I want to be. That whole summer ended with a blessing, and overcoming for the first time.

I was delivered up to the judges, and made to look the fool. When it came time to save myself there was only one avenue available. The judges play God you see. I was offered being able to save myself, but at the expense of my friends. I knew the 5 who they were talking about. My heart said God's will be done. The judges had control of my heart so I knew my death was tonight, and I knew my ending after. I was chained up to a bed, and my brother Jim saw my death eyes. My last request was to unstrap me please.

As I was wheeled up for my final night of being alive a weird thing happened. I fell asleep, and woke up the next day. My friends came and visited me, and I cried.

I cried, because I was broken, and my brother Jim had a dream, and it helped clarify what happened. I still had more to go through, but my summer was over. Next up the physical depression, and the night the energy returned. All was free, and all was good then. Free to live as I choose. I knew I had more to do, but that didn't really start til probably a bit before the running blog days.

Now I only run short distances. I have no goals, and I am cool with it.

In my journey I found what matters, and it isn't much in this place. We are just people living silly lives. I however had to endure some real stuff. Real condemnation. That isn't just twice either. The judges are harsh, but so were many many more of my days.

After overcoming the 2nd time everything is so much easier, but one thing of my life I guess is I never really know if I have to take a part of someone's burden. The hard part of their life they cannot really handle.

I still had the iz night after the 2nd time, and others too.

Alrighty I guess that is good.



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