Okay, I am a Pejchl, I kind of find humor in any situation. For my brother Jim it probably was his biggest asset. He had a great sense of humor, and he made everyone laugh. His sense of humor isn't the type to share with everyone. In many ways it was a sick sense of humor, and as sad as we felt at my step-mom's funeral, we also laughed our asses off. I mean if there was a life to have the Joseph Heller laugh zany-ness, it was his. He didn't do too well with the Howard Zinn side. One of my disappointments in him.
He was there for a lot of my life, and even some of my struggles. One story about him is in Normal, Illinois. He was living there with Hal, and me. Others too, but it really was the story of Hal and I. Hal and I were Joseph Heller, Joseph Heller, Joseph Heller. All Joseph Heller leads to sadness. We cannot always be zany, because life has serious stuff. Hal and I both learned how to look at the Howard Zinn stuff. The serious stuff. We learned how to be honest about stuff, and we knew we expected better of ourself. Hal and I both hit low spots in our life, but found our way back up. Jim was witness to both of us, but never caught our mojo. I always think people will get that, but you know they don't always.
As to his story though, I guess he was able to process through his life at the end like the thief centuries ago. I also know why that Iz song took me soooooo low. Jim, was also a big guy who died early. He carried a lot of baggage in his life. Why I didn't see who I was taking is anyone's guess. I have my ideas. I think he could have helped me corroborate my story, but decided to anti-comment me. Doesn't matter there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and I assume that is the path he took.
I shared some tears, and I assume I will have more, as memories come forward. I was comforted while listening to music yesterday. I don't remember it being really all that great of a day out, but as I looked out one brief moment the sky was full of sun. Although my heart feels sadness at times, at others it is still upbeat. This show goes on. More to do.
You can kinda see how important total honesty is though huh?? We all have shit in our life. No one's life is perfect, and no one is totally 100% pure happy. We all are a little of each. Have to look at the bad, and you know that is hard. It isn't easy, but it makes you strong. Dealing with the bad helps you enjoy the good days that much better.
Jim had some secrets he carried with him to the end. Remember my story with Carolynn and the dog??? Jim took the dog to the vet to get cremated. I was afraid to touch it. Jim was with me in the hospital when I thought I was going to die. He saw my eyes. Who knows what kind of a night that was for him. Katrina, Lora, Jim, Hal, and Darren all came in my room the next morning, and I cried, cried, cried. I think I saw Khien cry too. Who wants to see their friends sooooo broken as I was?? No one, that is who.
Jim, and I shared that baseball game. That league he started is still going strong. Must be like 30 years or something, with many of the originals still playing. His life had many good moments and many laughs. He never was able to deal with all the other stuff that comes his way. His job is over though. I guess what he came to do he came to do. Life is full of the day to day, and it is a shame not many share the quiet alone thoughts that also really make up our lives too.
So we deal with another young death. We have been doing that for a while, whether it be a Steve R. or Melanie, and Steph's brother who died tragically last year. I know they have another sister, but I forget which one it is. Those dang Chihaks are all women, and they all have different last names now. :) Can't tell where any of them come from, but we all come from Grandma Chihak, and some of us come from Don Pejchl. I am honored to be part of both. :)
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)
p.s. oh, I know, Joseph Heller wrote Catch-22-- funniest book I ever read. Howard Zinn wrote History of U.S. 1492-Present. An honest look at America's true history. More from the eyes of the exploited. Both gentleman I believe were involved in blindly throwing bombs on Dresden during WWII. Both in their own way coming to terms with blindly following orders to kill innocent civilians. Hitler and Germany were bad, but you know we really are only held accountable to what we do, unless we process everything like the thief on the cross. Life can go quickly as you all know.
Love You All!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
You all are the best!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Doreen and Jules xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :) I wike dem.
Jen Gray!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
p.p.s. You know what else??? I always kinda felt a connection to Beth Rose Mickel after Steve R's thing. Now I think I know why. We both felt frustration with our brother, and tried everything to help, and maybe our biggest help to them was letting them go. I think Steve was able to process through stuff too before his end. I told Gina that a long time ago. He kept battling and battling, and eventually must have come to the conclusion. I try I try I try. I cannot do it. I need help. :)
More for the rest of you. especially the Chihak relatives who have so many fricken last names. :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thanks Hal, Cory, Jeff Stark, and Charity too. :) xoxoxoxo. weird xo'ing guys. :) Most of those are for Charity. :) lol
Now for really really cya cya cya!!!! :D :D
Oh yeah, my brother Jim was found yesterday dead. An apparent heart attack I guess I would say. My older brother. 47??? I think.