yeah this is a total coffee update, meaning I have no idea what I am going to write about, so I am going to get some coffee, and I will brb...
As this blog goes on perhaps you get an idea it is more about life. It isn't about races, or training so much, but really everything else. I was thinking earlier about life there are no mulligans. You can not wipe away a mistake and say let me start over. Everything we have done we have done. I have let you in on a lot of my mistakes. A lot of my less than perfections. Our life is us. It is stuff we have done, and stuff we do.
I laid down a path to take, and it is necessary. I think back to my time when I was finally alone. I was going to read the Bible every day when I got home from work, because there was a certain type of person I wanted to be. I was a College graduate working in a hospital cleaning floors. Khien Pham was my Supervisor, and I was more than happy trying to be the best in the World at my humble little job. I remember going to a wedding one weekend. I was going back to Chicago, and I told a friend my plan. You know in my mind and on my own it sounded neat. When I went back to Chicago the land of $$$ = Success, I guess I felt embarrassed. Here I am telling a respected H.S. friend Chris Waltman I think his name was I wanted to be the best in the world at what I was doing. Stripping and waxing floors. I have no idea what he did, I think he was working in the C.B.O.T. at the time. He said something Diplomatic, but who knows what he meant. Maybe he thought later too, maybe there is more to life than the jobs we do. Who knows?? I felt pretty embarrassed like I said, but when I got back to my home, and my life, I felt more than comfortable.
For the record too, I never ever wanted to go back to Chicago to live. I was always a bit surprised the percentage of people who went back there. When I started at the local lumberyard, I walked to work, because I didn't have a car, but I could do that. I can do that today too. I like that about my life. I also like I have a crappy old truck that I have had for 10 years or so. It is 17 years old, and just went over 100,000 miles.
Anyway what I noticed on my time alone, where I was going to make me the best person ever. As a floor cleaner too remember I already made the turn. I was waiting though... figured something would pop up. I was not getting better as a person I don't think. As a matter of fact I was seeing myself with better and better vision, and not liking what I saw. I guess I stopped looking at my filtered self, and was looking at the real me. Remember being friends with honest Lora and all that stuff. A lot of stuff went on during this time, and I find it funny I remember. All this led up remember to some hard times and hard days. Can you imagine??? I knew something would happen in the future after my suffering. I never knew when. I knew pretty much when it started up, that day of reading blogs in the winter. As with the Summer of my Discontent I was searching for my final thing I must do. Now remember I thought the last two Thanksgivings were the time. Now I have no idea. There is so much that needs to be done, and I don't know the time, although I am guessing I will know pretty close to when it happens. All I know is what I have to do, and what I have been willing to do since the early 90's. This ain't my story, this is just a story being made.
What you do, and what you have to do is your story, and how your life goes. Our path is not one of success. Our path is one of failure. It is Jim Pejchl's story, and it is Steve Rose's story. When you stand naked and alone in all your failures is there someone who would still accept you??
The answer is yes. Your path is not one of arrogance, and not one of I am better than Sandusky. The path is of you. The unfiltered you. The part of you perhaps you want no one to know, but deep down you really do want people to know. The picture of you is not done with a camera, because the picture of you is what is inside. Your thoughts and who you are.
A lot to life. Be open to it. Life gets pretty busy.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
Love You All!!! :)))
p.s. I can really get a little nutty on this thing. :)
Love You All xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Ya'All are the best xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Extras of these xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Extras of these xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Now for really really cya cya cya xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo :D :D
Yes, it is all about trust, and honesty, and strength. This shit ain't easy. I have been pretty faithful though with this blog. Been pretty honest too I think. :) xoxoxoxo
Laterzzzz Gaterzzzzzz. :)