Replacement Level

The highlight of yesterday was the tacos. I made tacos last night, and it hit the spot. I ate a perfect amount that sent me into a food coma. In between sleeping  I thought of some things. One being in the end my value as a person is replacement level. If I died today whatever I do someone can be picked up off the street and replace me.

That shit is always kinda tough on family for a bit, but the years heal that wound.   I think it was a lesson I was to learn long ago. I suffered much at a point. Things I knew no one had gone through currently living. I learned things that were hidden from all eyes. I still was to be obedient,  cuz even as far as those things go I was not anymore than replacement level.

I think in the end it is a lesson I had to learn many times. It seems anyway. I am fine with this knowledge. It's cool, and it is always good for me to know my true worth. One coin really. I've turned one coin into 5 +5, as that was the job I unknowingly accepted to take. It was a job necessary. One that started with me wanting a purpose,  and one that ended up being done cuz of fear perhaps terror.

A lot of stuff was done long ago,  but heimleblog, and journey had some stuff too. It wasn't until after the journey I got what I really wanted all along. Acceptance and security. Even still I have not done anything special. Til this day I am replacement level. I am not someone special at all. I've blogged for a number of years, and there probably is some important stuff here,  but I've had help all along. One thing I've had that you lack is clear vision. The log has been out of me for a long time, so I don't walk blindly as to what is inside me.

I cannot take you on the journey that made me the way I am. I think I've led you in that direction,  but what I have to say falls on deaf ears. I think one lesson I tried teaching was the one coin lesson. We all are replacement level, but we don't know it. We think we are far too important than we are. That is the way of human existence. That won't change just by following the World,  and my path I did not do that.

I am today a product of obedience,  and the turn. I am not what I would be without that.

The World promises security in our hearts and minds, and as time goes on, and we get older that gets harder to overcome. I overcame a long time ago. I was broken, and not near as good a person as I wanted to be. That was out of my power.

To be the best a person can be was my goal,  but I had to learn the lesson that no matter what that is a gift. I am no more than replacement level. In that regard obedience was my brother,  cuz without that I would have lost long ago.

So I willingly played the fool. Not with courage mind you, but with fear. Not with strength either,  but as a little boy afraid. In the end I played my cards right, but I still am just replacement level. 

Anyway, I guess I'll cya next time.   :)

xxoo.   :)

xoxo.   :)

Laterzzz.    :)