Thursday, January 27, 2011

That Ends That

100% comment rate is over.  I have had several updates the last two days, and I believe no comments.  As a matter of fact yesterday I didn't even blog.  I woke up at my normal time, and could not stomach going into work.  So I no-called no-showed.  I think I didn't call just due to how stupid the policy is.  If you get stuck by a train on the way to work, and are 6 minutes late you get disciplined the same as if I did what I did yesterday.  No call No show.  Pretty smart huh?  Glad they teach them kids good things in college.  I think I have said I pretty much disowned my Business degree.  You learn some of the most useless bullshit.  My education is with life.  I'd say that is where I learn most of my stuff. 

I was in the worst mood yesterday, and I don't think today is much better.  I have come to the realization I do not have to do anything.  I don't even have to run if I don't want to.  I don't have to do the running group.  I don't have to run a marathon if I don't want to.  I don't have to swim, and I don't have to bike.  I can just do as I do with my wife, and live our happy life. 

I made a choice a long time ago though didn't I?   As I dealt with grief, and emptyness, and a failed relationship, and questions of LIFE,  I was led in a way.  A way which was to make me suffer.  Things you don't even know, or perhaps you do.  I was NOT going to make my own life story, I gave up all rights, and said you make it. 

I almost wrote a blog yesterday, and would have wielded my sword.  Then I thought why me??  There is someone who can take care of that stuff on his own.  The lyrics from the Goo Goo Dolls song- the end of fear is where we begin...

So I said if you are afraid of something how do you overcome??  I think there are two ways.  Face it, or be afraid of something more.  If Pandora's box needs to be opened, then I said open.  So you may have some pleasant dreams, and whatnot.  Perhaps there is another way, and maybe that can happen, I don't know.  I'll see how it works out.  I really wanted to hide the scary stuff, because there are scarier things than me, trust me. 

A couple stories.  I went out with Jacob on Tuesday.  He stopped into the store, and asked to go out.  I don't get to hang out with Jacob too often, so I took up the offer.  I have a feeling he knew I was a bit down.  So anyway I start talking to a couple.  We were sitting at a bar that made great bloody marys.  A couple came and sat next to us.  A pretty attractive lady, and a bug-eyed dude.  The lady said she never drinks gin, because it makes her sad.  She drank some just recently AGAIN, and was sad, and took everything wrong.  That sounded preposterous to me. I asked her don't you think inside everyone wants to view their sadness, and that is why you drank the gin.  That really deep down we all want to look at it, but are kind of afraid of it.  I asked both them that question.  Their answer was they have not had enough to drink yet to talk about that.  :) 

I asked my wife yesterday if to go to heaven you had to deal with all your sadness would you??  She said yeah I guess so.  I said well guess what?  You do!!! 

I do not wield my sword yet.  I have a pretty frightening series that is very exclusive so to speak. 

Okay I did one comment. 

That is it for today!!!   :)

Thanks for reading!!!   :)

Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!!   :)

xo's!!!   :)

Love You All!!!   :)

p.s. @WorkHouseJo's new name is @EmployedJo.  Woooooo!!!   Kelly Stark is upgrading from a 5K to a 10K the day of Riverbank.  Woooooo!!!  Also some girl named Kaley Fann, who I don't know started tweeting again.  She tweets such simple stuff, and I like it for some reason.  GoBigGreen is the update I commented on too.  I don't know why.  She seems to take things in good humor.  The good and the bad.  A good outlook. 


I am sorry I get mad sometimes, but our future is entwined, so you must have been able to do more.  I sense these things inside.  When enough is not done I suffer.  Like Mondays update.  Perhaps some were sugar coating???  Is that the problem??  A little leaven leavens the whole.  Leaven = teaching, or in this case your writing.  If you sugar coat your life, then perhaps I get a sugar buzz, and crash heavily.  Be real!! 

I throw extra of these for my Welsh friends.  xxxxxxxxxxx.  :)

Now For really really cya cya cya!!!   :)

1 comment:

Nancy said...

Everyone is entitled to be angry, sad, and even scared. That is what living is all about. It is not just the experiences that we have, but the emotions we tie to those experiences. FYI... I look for your blog every day. There are just some times I really do not know what to say. I am not a runner, but I try to relate. I really would not want to say that I always understand everything. That is what makes me different. It does not make me indifferent. Great blog today, Steve. Sorry you have had a rough go of things lately.

P.S.: Regarding fears and facing them: You helped me just by blogging about it.

XOXOXOXO friend :)