Well, I am running out of things to blog about, or that is how I feel this morning. Maybe because I have gone on and on and on and on. I've lived a life. Listened when spoken. Looked around for answers, and traveled the road set out for me. I found some answers, and went through a number of things to get where I am now.
I was led down a path where I was to learn many things. I was to get to a point where I would be able to help. The one thing I knew I never ever wanted to be is the thing I "sorta" have become. A teacher is judged to a higher standard, and I DID NOT WANT THAT!! I have lived through judgment. The real shit. The one where there is not an end. There is no hope, and You are fucked. Why the FUCK would I want to get myself into more shit than is already possible. Well I did that even more so.
So much I did not want to do. I never wanted to speak another word in my life, because that is how we are judged. I was scared of life. I was scared of the SHIT that happens after. I didn't want to be judged anymore.
So here I am. I have gone through more judgements, and been through a couple spiritual trials. I have gone up against the worst from people, and they were tougher than me, and what is inside them is stuff they need to overcome. I have nothing about me that makes me this great person, or worthwhile in anyway. My whole worth is the turn I made. The life I gave, and the plan laid before me. My whole worth is me being obedient when asked to do something. Me given the strength to hold onto nothing in this life.
When all I knew was fear, I was given a path. I lived in the Wilderness that Summer of Discontent. There was nothing good in it at all. Nothing in this World of value, and I saw the lie that life really is. I remember somehow being arrogant, when saying I overcame. I didn't overcome, but was given the correct things to say at the correct time, and given the strength needed in my heart to do what was right.
Even now, even though I have become what I once did not want to be, it really isn't me. I don't think these things through. All this stuff is given me. You may ask, why me?? No reason. I am nothing of anything at all. I am of no value. I am no great thing at all, just like other people.
My story is told. I have done what I have done, and now we wait. We wait to see you people get real about your life. Start thinking things through a bit. Start dealing with the you that is in you. Not what you want to show, but who you really are.
All these things you need to do. Trust me, life means nothing. You get no points. It doesn't matter what costume you wear, the important costume is the one hidden inside you. Your thoughts etc... Is that the best out there??? Have you worked on YOU only to find you maybe getting worse as a person??
There is a way, and the way is not the way of YOU.
I blog in vain though. BECAUSE we have just this one thing to do right?? Wait til everyone sees me do this thing right?? I'll show everyone how great I am. I will be the best ever. My ideas are the best???