What Would You Do If I Showed You My Dark Side??

That was my post yesterday.  When I show my not so fabulous side, I tend to have a quiet existence on line.  It is scary to me, and I think everyone thinks me a jerk.  Add in all the self doubts, internal persecutions I get every day, and it is hard for me.  I have help letting my stuff out, and it makes it easy, but the after effects aren't.  So I seem like I brim with confidence when I let my stuff out, but pretty much feel like shit the rest of the day.  :)  That is an FYI.

The books suck, so I am returning them, maybe watch movies today??  perhaps.  We will see.

Yesterday at the track we did 4-12:00s.  That is definitely the hardest track workout we do.  We get 2 minutes rest in between.  Last night I would say it was probably 15 degrees or so hotter than it will be when I run 13.1 on Saturday.  That made it a bit tougher perhaps, but to be honest that is 15 or so degrees lower than what we have been running in.

My Mile splits were 7:21, 7:27.7:28, 7:30.  Some notes, that sucker was hard.  On the first one Amanda and shoot forgot the other girls name took off after the mile and finished a good deal ahead of me.  I knew we were doing 4.  As it would happen we all stayed together for all 4 pretty much.  Jerry too.  Those 12's are so dang hard.  I don't remember the 2nd one as being anything going on except it was hard.  The 3rd one we let Jerry pull the train, and on the 5th and 6th laps we let the train go.  I thought, well maybe Jerry is just doing 3, and kicking in the final one.  BTW Jerry isn't training for anything, but to just run me in at mile 20 for the marathon.  He may be too fast there.  :)  He is one of those tough runners.  Holy cow.

Here is how I run.  On the 4th one we started out a bit slow, but man 2 minutes is nothing after you finish your 3rd, and I held on to the Jerry train for a long time on the 3rd, and thought how am I going to get the 4th?  So anyway Amanda takes off, I let her go, if she is that strong you go.  Jerry stopped after the 3rd lap, but realize this is Jerry's busy season (plumber) he is only getting 1-2 runs in each week.  Like I said he is a tough one.  So I find my pace, and then it happens.  A little help from above I think, because you know I am going to blog about it.  I find a pace.  My breathing is normal, and I find my form.  Amanda who was probably 100M ahead of me at one time is 1-2 seconds ahead of me at the mile.  I figure I'd use her to pace for a bit.  I catch her at the turn, and I am going too fast, so just pass.  My final 2 laps after the mile were my fastest of any of the 12:00's, and I went just as far or farther past the 6th lap as I did on my first.  So there, I feel I am strong, we shall see if I am fast ... for me... This Saturday.

It was a good effort for me.  Alan gave me a fist shake after the 4th, and Amanda said good job.  BTW Amanda ran 8:15s on Saturday for her 20 miler.  I knew she was flying.  A little IT band issue now, hope it fixes itself.  She is a pretty darn tough runner, and she is going for like 3:50 in the marathon.  It is her qualifying time.  She is so going to beat that.

So I guess I would put that down as a good track workout.  Feel good about finishing up my 4th 12:00 strong.  I think I am never going to work again.  Makes for better running.  :)

That is it for today!!!  :)

Thanks for reading!!!  :)

Hope Everyone Has a Great and Awesome Day!!!  :)

xo's!!!  :)

Love You All!!!  :)


p.s. I am such a bad blogger, I meant yesterday Lisa's ex-husband and the reason for the divorce.  It wasn't a choice between him and her mom.  Lisa just didn't feel like sharing her husband with the girl he got pregnant.  Hailey never knew that.  I am still having problems dealing with the "I hate your fucking guts" blow up too.  I don't particularly talk to people too much when they say that with no apologies.  I told her and her boyfriend don't be lazy, and when they were here they were lazy, and still are.  I don't deal with that very good.  Enough of that shit around here, and I know where it ends.  Like on my 4th 12:00 I let them go.  I didn't know if I would catch Amanda, but I knew it was the right thing to do.  So Hailey is on her own.  It doesn't matter if she talks to me or not, hell she doesn't even talk to her real Dad.  I don't really have much to say to Jackie, Kevin, or Hailey to be honest.  I am honest with myself, and don't feel like it.  Kevin I can talk with the most, because at least he works, and for all his faults, he knows he has to work.  The others live in some fantasy land of doing nothing.  For the record Jackie's body has shut down.  She is toast.  Even if she wanted to do something, which she doesn't, never has, she couldn't.


Long PS.  cya for real now.  :)