Can You tell?? I can. I wasn't even going to blog today. I woke up early, but really didn't feel like blogging. A lot happened yesterday, and most of it past 8:00 pm. Lisa went out to meet up with some friends, as a type of girls night out. She came back, I was in bed already, I guess she was going to go out to pick up Hailey as she had a piece of chicken stuck in her throat. Hailey being the scaredy cat of everything didn't want to go to the Hospital. They eventually went. BTW I had no idea what was going on. Lisa didn't get back til 8:30 am. Bad storms etc... phones don't work in the hospital?? Can't get service?? Stupid!! Eventually they had to call in endo people to get it out. She has scarring from acid re-flux, and an esophagus that narrows, and 3 little ulcers. They had to put her under and everything, and got the two inch piece of chicken out.
The long and short of it is she is a bit scared??? possibly, says Lisa. She is obese, and the Doctor said lose some weight, and chew your food. She lives an unhealthy life outwardly... what she eats etc... exercise and stuff, and perhaps more importantly inwardly. She keeps everything inside. She thought up until like maybe a year ago that Lisa had to choose between Her Mom and her husband. Umm no!! She talks to no one about deep stuff, the stuff that really matters. Like Anne Frank this stuff is easier to do on paper than with words. There are other mediums Van Gogh used painting, and Mozart used music. BTW I am reading books on both of these guys now. :) Can't keep the stuff buried, because it is unhealthy. That is what my Journey was about, although I thought I did that pre-hospital, I did all, but a little bit as you may recall. It was a weird night for sure. I came upstairs about 2:00 am, and Hailey's back pack was here, and the little bastard dog was wreaking havoc. Little fucker!!! :) I guess Lisa went to get her, they came back here, and then they eventually went to the hospital. So on a day where Jackie has finally completely lost all sense of reality. She is fucked in the head. :) Lisa and Kevin both say so, she even had the nerve to talk to me yesterday.... Um call Brian or something.... FUCK!!! :) Hailey realizes her life is a short one at this rate. She is learning some of life's hard lessons.
I am pretty sure you are being asked to do something.... right? I don't know to be honest. I have no understanding and there is very little input. I can't read minds, but I think about things all the time. I sometimes think the best of myself, and sometimes the worst. I wonder what people hold in. Holding it in is hiding it from God, bringing it out is bringing it to light. You are the light of the world if you open up for all to see, the good and the bad. Easy??? Hell no. It has a bit of inertia though, as once you get started it just goes. You know when I first started "The Journey" after Lisa, and her whole side of the family thought I was nuts I was scared to show anyone my shit again. I showed them heimleblog, but I came out again in "The Journey" I had some help, some people who helped me with confidence. Lorraine and Beth helped me a lot... others too. It was pretty scary for me to do after I just went through a tough time.
If you are less than honest we go backwards. If you are honest we go forwards. If you keep buried we go nowhere. It is as easy as that, although it isn't easy. Trust... I have done it and came out fine. You are going to do it anyway, because it is your job. The sooner you do it the less rainy days. Trust, because it may seem you are in a tight spot, but the one holding the reins knows what he is doing. I have been through it like I said, I knew no one on Earth who has been through it, and I was on my own, not knowing what I was doing at all. I lived in fear every day. Every day. Terrified. I figured as long as I am alive, I might as well keep going.
I don't know if that helps. I hope so. :)
Recovery run yesterday 3.13 @ 8:58. I was going to do the 4.25 mile route, but it was freaking hot. At a temp. thing on a sign it said 87 in the sunlight. Yuck!! :) Love running in that stuff. Supposed to be 50 for my 13.1 though, so that will be good.
Track Tonight!! :) I am relaxing and reading my Mozart book.
That is it for today!!! :)
Thanks for reading!!! :)
Hope Everyone has a Great and Awesome Day!!! :)
Love lives in the light!!! :)
p.s. yeah Hailey's little douschebag boyfriend is here with her, but they are outta here tonight!! :)
Why??? because I am a dick!!! :)
now for real cya!!! :)