Friday, August 10, 2012

What Happens During A Bad Week??

A bad week, can only be a couple bad days, but those two days sure make it seem like a bad week.  Actually I don't even think I was really in all that bad of a mood tbh.  I know the Olympic coverage proved to be a sugar coating of life, and that just threw me over the edge.  I had a unmotivated run on Wednesday that I cut very short.  I decided early Thursday to not run, and get a book, and read when I got home from work.  I did that. 

Thoughts that went through my mind?? 
  1. Marathons are dumb
  2. Why would I even want to train for one??  I have no finishing goals, or time goals. 
  3. I hate 20 mile runs.  
  4. Time at work is going slow.
  5. I wonder if I will see any bunnies or babies I can kick today.   :)    j/k  
  6. Do horses really eat hay??  and why??
  7. Of course the usual... Can this blog be over????    please????
I guess the dumb ole thing goes on.  I did  not wake up on time yesterday, and I did today, although I slept like shit.  I was kinda into the book I am reading.  So much so, I am thinking of reading tonight too.  Actually planning on just reading tonight.

Hopefully I can get a couple good runs in this weekend, and get back on track.  Not that I really care either way.  There is no guarantee I even show up on Marathon day.  That stuff is not really important to me.  It isn't me being weird.  It is me being different.  Some people like to have their whole life about training for a race, and that seems weird to me, but maybe you are just different.

Also really in life there are only so many important things.  The way things are going maybe it will just be one of those things where a big dose of reality gets thrown at us.  One of those things that kind of forces our eyes open.

Me on the outside looking in I see people want to show their worth somehow.  I did that too, during my bad summer way back when.  I accepted everything already.  i am bad.  I am horrible, and the worst person etc...  I guess I even trusted my energy that made me walk and walk and walk.  I don't know why the physical depression I ever had to suffer through it.  I hated it though folks.  I mean really hated it.  I was extremely pissed, and I picked a fight with God.  I knew it was dumb, but I was pissed.  Maybe that is what happened the day A few summers ago I cursed God.  He brought me back to that place for a few days, and I couldn't do it anymore.  I am done.  That night he took my heart.

Really isn't that what the story is all about.  Not trusting myself.  Not one thing of myself.  Yes, I think it was.  What a long and strange journey it has been, but the author knows what he is doing.  He used time, and was writing a story the whole time, while my own pathetic little understanding had the story all finished a long time ago.

Oh well.  I don't really have a signature line today, so I will just say farewell.

Later all.  :)

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