Looking Inside.

So starting last year I started going to the Doctor once/year. They look at blood pressure, and blood, check your breathing etc...  I haven't been to a Doctor for a couple decades before that. My blood pressure runs high, but I think I have that taken care of. They took my blood yesterday, and I think my cholesterol will be fine. Somewhere over the past several years they stopped sticking fingers up your butt. For that reason I don't really feel I get my money's worth going to the Doc,  but whatever. 

Anyways I think for my age I am relatively healthy. I may even try and be healthier. At my age I tend to look at people,  and think about how their lifestyle looks, and what kind of health concerns they may have. 

Nothing too significant in those thoughts though. I get nervous when I go to the Doc,  cuz I know my blood pressure will have a high reading.

This is kinda a dumb update so far. I don't really have much on my mind. I definitely can feel on my inside how different I am from you. I have a tingling that goes from the bottom of my feet through the top of my head. I've had that since going through the eye of the needle. For a short while I was full. Complete security. Since than I've been poor in spirit. Pretty empty. Being persecuted by the worst of the worst while being empty makes empty scary. In the wilderness I didn't particularly feel I was on the right side of being right. As a matter of fact I was scared of my end, cuz I knew where I stood. As far away as possible from being on the right side of being right.

Really me overcoming was accepting that end. Not what I want. God's will. Most of this stuff you cannot understand. You are nowhere near my shoes. You don't know full, and you don't know empty.  Happiness is not achieved in the fake glamour of society. You cannot be happy there cuz it isn't real. Our lives are all fake.

I know all toil in some endeavors, and I know it cannot fulfill you. No matter how hard you try to think to the contrary. You are born into a lie. This World. It is your job to find your way out of the lie, and the odds are against you. The numbers are actually pretty horrible in that regard. Society looked at closely will only show you the stupidity of it all.

I am not a product of upbringing,  schooling, society, or anything. I am a product of a turn. I walked in blindly, and really very very ignorant toward what comes next.

I am here now. Secure. Assured of my ways. Also of no help to you either. You are a product of society,  upbringing etc...  You don't know fear,  and you cannot know our scary truth. I cannot bridge that gap for you.

Your life is built on a lie. The World has you believing in fairy tales, and such stuff. Just cuz people you are associated with think such and such is right doesn't make it so. The question you must ask is what if everything is wrong? 

The scariest answer to that question is the correct one. Everything is wrong. This place is fake, and full of lies. What now?

I made that walk. Here I am now too. Tested, and I overcame. I am secure in a way I did not know possible, and you still are in the middle of society and this World.

You need help to escape, and I cannot help with that.

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Laterzzz.    :)

xoxo.   :)

xxoo.   :)