A Pretty Strange Existence.

It definitely is strange being me kinda. I never really feel it, but like before I woke up today I realized the difference between you and I. Not that I am better mind you, but definitely different, and much further along. I don't know your story in the least. There is definitely a step you won't have to make, but what it is I don't know. I am given a title, which I think might have already happened way at the beginning of blogging, but in hidden. At some point nothing is hidden anymore, and that will be the end of the current version of me. What this was all about these past 27 years or whatever. Once I knew how this played out.

Until then however I live out my days. Somehow I pretty much wake up like this all the time. Another day with a content heart, gonna have my day, and excited about it. Not cuz I do anything great or anything, but my heart is just okay with my lot.

How you feel on any given day I don't know. I suspect inconsistent. I remember in my college years I always wanted to be in a good mood. Always happy, and always ready to have fun. That's a lot of pressure for one person to carry, and an untenable position.  So many things I didn't know back then. Now I typically feel in a pretty good mood to start the day. I do find when I run early in the morning I am tired after work. Also at some point in the morning I will be famished. I will need food.

Just a little life here. One I am happy to live. I guess in the whole World I've been given one of the best lives to live in History. It wasn't without suffering,  and without great fear, but where I stand now all is fine. The wilderness days are long gone, and the security I seeked I have. Even before my final act, which if you remember I didn't know possible.

The final act will not be pleasant,  and there will be great suffering. I will have walked in the shoes of who I was to get to know anyway. He was my help, and as the story goes dropping everything to follow was the easiest of all things. Overcoming myself was the challenge.

I was thinking of ways this can go wrong, but I remember how I overcame twice so far. It wasn't from the strength and courage of my own heart,  but a strength and courage I was given to overcome. It isn't me doing the work, I was just present when the judges had their way with me.

Remember my promise I received. I will be rescued out of whatever I get myself into. That was cuz I overcame myself. I went the farthest route possible,  cuz in this way more good is done,  although I lived in great fear for a long time. Endured the wilderness, and trust me I could see clearly there was no redeeming quality in me whatsoever.

To this day there still isn't, but my path is fine. It's just good to be me I guess. Not because I am special,  cuz I am not. I just was willing to go this path, and I know my life didn't matter. It's just a small insignificant thing.

Anyhoo, gotta run.

Have fun.   :)

xoxo.    :)

xxoo.    :)

Laterzzz.    :)