I don't know if I ever know if I am tired, but when I got home yesterday I knew I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. I probably dozed a bit, but never really napped. Really the only casualty was dinner. I didn't feel like cooking so we just ate leftovers. That is fine too, cuz we tend to waste a lot of food. I am the best leftover eater, and I only bring lunch on Sundays job. Typically I'll have a bowl of soup at work. I may snack on something else or have an occasional tuna fish sandwich. Sometimes I eat breakfast, and sometimes not. It's like coffee. You never know if I'll want a cup or not.
Anyway, I caught up on sleep last night. I love my regular sleep. I suspect everyone does. Yesterday was just another day. Nothing too crazy. Nothing out of the ordinary. I suspect today will be the same. I am going to try something new to cook though. Not sure what, I'll just go through the cookbooks. That is pretty fun for me.
Today is a day that will start the rest of my life. I am happy, and content to live each day as I do. I don't need to reinvent myself. I don't really need to do anything different. It doesn't mean I won't. I am just a new pair of running shoes away from running. I can do that if I wish. It would seem to be a good time to try. It isn't February yet, but I think the harsh part of Winter may be over. Maybe not too, but the 10 day looks good. That being said, I have nothing I need to accomplish.
I will for sure never bike the big miles. I don't think. Unless maybe I listen to a book while going for a casual stroll. I should look into getting a good bike for just getting out there. I mostly am a point A to point B guy.
Of course that doesn't even matter. No points come from any of that stuff. In life we all toil in vain. Out trying to prove ourselves. In the end we all fail. Mostly cuz our hearts do not act in accordance with how our minds think it should.
Does that battle ever confuse you? Why am I thinking this way when I know it's wrong? Anger pops up for no reason. Surely we don't give a fuck as much as we think we should. We speak what we think we "should" say, but our hearts feel different.
Yesterday I saw some HS girls eating breakfast I think before school. One girl was buying maybe a pastry or something. They were saying good bye and stuff. The girl doing the purchase said "luv ya" with a smile, and the smile was long gone even before her head turned back. I kinda wondered at that time what is going through her mind.
These kids aren't perfect. They have a lot to learn, and young people look like they are growing up, but they don't know shit.
In good news they will stay as fake in the future as they are now. They aren't changing in that regard. They may care less what people think perhaps, but their Instagram accounts won't show anything, except what they want people to see.
We all are born pretty fucked, and we don't have the tools to make ourselves better. A long bike ride does not change who we are.
You is what you have to deal with. I know some things about you that you don't, cuz I know why I am not perfect. I know why I couldn't make myself that way. I know what inside me over powered me.
Cuz at an early age, I made the turn. The World was before me, and I saw there was nothing here for me.
So here on Earth there was this one person who came to a fork in the road, and actually did take the road less traveled. It didn't make me perfect, but it helped me learn. I had much help through much suffering, but that is no concern now.
What that means for you, I have no clue. I don't even know people. Outside of what they want the World to see anyway.
Maybe that is a problem too. At the end of the day no one knows you, and you don't even know you. I am known, cuz I am open and can be seen. I am unashamed of being imperfect, although perfection is the end of the current version of me.
I think the cause for sadness, at least one part, is not being known. With people we haven't even scratched the surface. There is a lot that cuts off the vision to us. We all are blind really, and part of the story is to help you see. Most choose the path most traveled though, and the World just isn't a good teacher.
Anyway, I bet this is long.
Sorry, not sorry. :)
Laterzzz. :)
xoxo. :)
xxoo. :)
Byeee. :)
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