Holy crap have I been sleeping the last couple days. I mean like clockwork you can plan on when I am up, I am up. Game over, time to start the day. Yesterday I was up, and went back to bed twice. Once til 8:00 AM. I then had to run an errand, and went back to bed til like 1:00 PM. Last night I slept a bit. Went out to get ice cream and slept/stayed in bed til 9:00 this morning. That never happens, and I feel like still laying in bed.
I don't know what that is about. It isn't like I am depressed or anything like that. Just tired I guess. I have a shit load to do today. We are having an exterminator come in our house and gas the Hell out of it to get rid of fleas, and we also have some roaches too. You might think we are slobs here, and we aren't the neatest, but the roaches came from an outside source. I think the bad part of the fleas are from people who used to live here. The bad part is downstairs where they used to live. Lisa had to clean up after they left, and she said it was gross. Sometimes you have no idea about people. You try to help people out and they are slobs??
Whatever. I am about through with helping people out. People typically don't deserve it. Grow up on someone else's dime right?? So I have to vacuum the Hell out of the house today, and take everything out of the kitchen cabinets. Fun fun.
Anything else going on?? Nope. Have I changed?? Am I different?? Nope.
Well here is something about me. Maybe I said it before and maybe I haven't. I have no agenda. I go as I feel. I do not manipulate events to a certain outcome, because I cannot. There is a plan out there. It isn't mine, and it will be done, and it isn't because of me. I cannot do anything to help people. This is your life, your decisions, and you live with your own consequences. You will probably have help by being pulled this way or that way, but it won't be because of me.
So, I have a lot going for me. My whole life is where my strength comes from. I know a lot about people, and I leave it for them to figure out. I learned many things in a hard difficult fashion, and I expect others will too.
So with me not able to do much of anything, and a plan being done in which I have no say, I can sit on the sidelines and watch a bit huh?? If there is tough stuff that needs to be done, then we'll see from which direction it comes from. I have done a lot over the past couple years, and to not much avail. I tried to make things easier for people, but I wasn't important enough, and who has time to pay attention??
I am not mad about anything, I am just stating fact. At least to how I see it. I haven't been perfect by any stretch, because that is not within my ability. I don't sacrifice my life for a minimal gain in something here or there. I've done enough really.
I have given people some answers. Good answers I found out going through a lot of hard hard times, but they don't listen, or don't pay attention, or don't have time to read this. I don't know.
Maybe you trust yourself too much. Maybe you cannot see your inner voice. Who knows?? A lot has to be done, and we have yet to even start though. This has been going on for years too. Crazy huh??
You think I am patient. HA!!! You don't know patience, but when you are not bound by time I guess you can be that way huh??
Oh well, a lot to do, a lot to do.