Good Morning all. How's it going?? Me, I am doing pretty good. Just doing this thing I do, and you want to know what I was thinking about before getting up??
How much of a disappointment am I?? I mean I have been given plenty of tools to be able to do things, but they don't work. I have gone on month after month with plenty of patience, but it falters. I have given my whole life for a purpose. I have been obedient to the things asked of me, and I have been given enough perseverance to survive the things that just showed up inside me to have some hard days.
I have endured people's burdens when they were not able. It is the burdens you have to endure too, because you cannot leave it in.
So I have been given a lot to be able to do a lot. Not much has really worked so great. Many reasons, but you don't trust. Your vision is not so great. Why?? You hold onto your life. The step in trust you were supposed to make you cannot. Do you see how weak you are?? Do you see the things you hold onto??
And for what?? Why do you hold onto things??
I don't see happiness in you. I don't see contentment. If you were given a path that is the right path, and it leads to a better you, and a happier you why wouldn't you take it??
Although this blog is sometimes about you, I guess it is about me too. You know what I was thinking early this morning what kind of disappointment am I? The answer I feel surprisingly is I am not.
"Those who love me are those who do as I say" Maybe that is why. Also the promise I was given soooo sooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooooooooo long ago. "I will save you from anything you get yourself into."
I thought why??? Because of this that or the other??
Nope. You know the surprising answer I got?? It was because I was able to make the turn. I was able to overcome myself. Have I told you about that before?? I forgot about it. I was surprised about the answer.
It was an important time in my life. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, did I want want want. I denied myself, and actually was asked to do something else too. I was asked to go into an interview and take my name out of consideration for the promotion. It would have set me up in my mind.
So yeah, I was asked to do some seemingly crazy stuff. I was to look the fool. The night before I was supposed to go in, I just asked for the courage to go through and do it.
I cannot tell you the timing of all things. Mom died, me almost cheating on Katrina with the blonde, me confessing to the cute blonde at work my shameful deeds. Meeting Lora, eye of the needle. All this stuff, I don't remember the timing, but I do recall now how important the turn is. It was no walk in the park I guess, but it is important.
If you read this you know about it, and you have choices. Go on with your lives the way they are heading. Where you don't feel contentment. Where there is no smile in your voice/writing. Where you know in your heart what you do means very little. I can read it in you. You cannot hide from your inner voice. I know you try to hide it behind this and that, but I see it. You cannot fool me.
I have been through too much, and I know too much, and do you see how sad you are?? Do you see how life really is??? Can you see your voice like I do???
In a game of trust many of you lack, but I sense some of you don't.
I guess that is about it for today. :)
xoxoxoxoxoxo all. :))